INTERNATIONAL MENS DAY AND THE PORTRAYAL OF MEN IN THE MEDIA - By

A poignant conversation was discussed during Utuvilu’s Thursday Conversations, where a mix of men and women conveyed the importance of celebrating men on International Men’s Day (IMD) This coincides with our Gender Based Violence month. On November 19th 1999, International Mens Day was founded by Dr Jerome Teelucksingh a history lecturer at the University of the West Indies in Trinidad & Tobago.

There have been persistent international calls for the creation of IMD, calls in the form of rhetorical questions about gender equality, this day does not take away from the importance of International Women’s Day and it is to be reminded that men’s contributions and concerns deserve a day of recognition in their own right.

Men face many health challenges that need to be addressed for our communities to function at their fullest potential, and whether or not they feel comfortable being vulnerable and confiding in peers and/or professionals is entirely up to the individual. However, men have faced far more ridicule for portraying their emotions as upset as opposed to anger so, it is important to be patient and understanding of men’s struggles.

Potentially there is pressure for men to listen to men without feeling the need to find a solution, just to listen and make their friend feel comfortable and safe to open up. Perhaps the practical mind of a man overrides the catharsis of just talking for the sake of getting things off their chest and managing the emotional baggage, with less seeking for a practical answer. Similar to experiencing the catharsis of being present with sadness and allowing that process of emotions to relieve them.

Growing up it’s common for boys to be celebrated for masking sadness with anger, reacting physically to issues they face. Culturally pressured to physically protect themselves and others and to be strong with machismo and to be perceived as the alpha of the group. When talking with a therapist, simply talking with a professional and exploring emotions safely can make you more present with your sadness.

If you’ve experienced anything traumatic or detrimental when you were young and didn’t have the emotional tools to cope with it, it can lead you to mask your emotions with anger. Tears have been heavily stigmatised especially when experiencing a crisis, tears may feel unproductive and selfish. You

Chloe Jones

may replace tears with anger, as anger feels like action and motivation. Using anger in replacement of another emotion is only a short-term solution and as an autonomous adult, you may use self-directed anger to motivate yourself.

But this takes you further away from yourself. Learning to sit, feel and observe the feeling of sadness will help you feel less distracted and more present. The process of crying allows you to connect with yourself and the experience of sadness is an authentic emotional expression with no defence mechanisms in place.

Another challenge men face in this era is media intensifying collective alarm, especially against black men, Asian men or men with mental illness. The media generates fear offering opportunities to vilify men, which in turn may lead to feelings of indignation and embitterment, a self-perpetuating cycle. The spread of moral and media panic manipulates public opinion, exacerbating racism, classism and misandry. Media especially plays a significant role in amplifying and constructing fear and discrimination against men with mental health.

Speaking with men who say they feel uncomfortable and judged primarily when spending time with children before they can enjoy the innocence and purity of the experience, my fear being national and international news potentially incites more discrimination against men than is fair.

Ways in which you can celebrate and help men is by donating to charities raising money for prostate cancer, encouraging men to talk to professionals, help diminish the stigma around men crying by creating safe and open spaces for this to happen. Using personal healing tools to process your emotions is important, as do things like journalling, exercising, talking and drawing.