Young Mens Forum Newsletter Volume 1 issue 2

YOUNG

FORUM

NEWSLETTER

VOLUME 1, ISSUE 1

Teen father

This newsletter was put together by learners from 10 selected schools that form part of the Molo Songololo YOUNG MEN’S FORUM. The content reflects their views, experiences and thoughts about their peers, schools and communities.

has never seen his child Teen father...Mabuto Bobo “I have never seen my child. My girlfriend’s parents told me that I can not have contact with her or our child”; explains grade 12 learner and teen father Mabuti Bobo who become a dad at age 16.

Stigma, shame, disappointment, abandonment, evictions, dropping out of school. This is what many teen girls experience when they discover and reveal that they are pregnant.

Who are the fathers and what happens to them? It is common knowledge that it takes two to tango. But in many cases the fathers remain faceless. Molo Songololo spoke to teen fathers to gain insight into the challenges boys and young men face.

‘I just turned 16-years old when my girlfriend first told me that I would be a father. I did not believe her” says 18-year old Mabuti Bobo.

He went into a state of shock and was confused for a few days.

29 Stabbings between January & March at Western Cape Schools

Picture: NMakae

This appears to be the most common response of most boys and men. Denial!

It appears that they don’t realize that sex without protection equals babies.

Mabuti soon realised that it is not a dream and that he is actually going to be a father when his girlfriend started showing. ‘What now? What am I going to do? What is she going to do?’ these are that questions that kept him awake at night.

Despite this, Mabuti continued to go to school. His girlfriend dropped out and told her parents and his mother. Her family organized a family meeting.

He became more anxious when he realised that ‘I was in trouble because it started to involve the elderly people’.

Growing up is not easy. Teens face many challenges and take many risks. Some have life long consequences.

We provide you with the guys’ perspectives…

Remember you have the power to change and act against abuse, crime and violence!

I NSIDE THIS ISSUE : BRAIN TEASERS

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CAREER PERSUITS 2

At the family meeting his girlfriend’s father asked many questions; ‘How will you support the baby? What are your plans for my daughter? What responsibility are you going to take? These were difficult questions for Mabuti. He did not know how to answer.

SAFETY @ SCHOOLS

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6

‘Being a father at a young age is a very hard thing. It’s been more than two years since my baby was born and I still haven’t seen my child’ says Mabuti in a low sad voice. “I think of the child now and then, especially when I am alone.’

SEX, DRUGS & HIV/AIDS KNOW THE CHEMICALS INSIDE

Mabuti is determined to work hard and finish his matric because he ‘wants to be able to support and take care of my child and to be in my son’s life’.

V OL 1, ISSUE 1, Y OUNG MENS FORUM NEWSLETTER

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because we wanted to climb to the next grade!

Take the letters ERGRO. Put three letters in front of it, and the same three behind to form a common English word

_ _ _ ergro_ _ _

Answer: Because we wanted

Why did Keenan go with a ladder to school?

Answer:

to be street wise 2!

P AGE 2

Soduku

Can you find the nine hidden people?

If you can find 6, you have ordinary powers of observation. Find 7, you have above average powers of observation.

Find 8, you are very observant! Congratulate yourself Find 9, you are extremely observant, very intuitive, and creative.

You can rival the observant powers on Sherlock Holmes!

car e er pursuits Joue beroepskuise!

Ininqweno yakho

Wat is jou belangstellings? Is dit kuns, kultuur, sport, reis, dans, sing, teater, musiek, visuale kunste, dramatiese kunste, fotographie, natuur, kook, nommers, sywers, sake, handel bestuur, tale, boeke, skryf, mense, diere, wiskunde, wetenskap, ontwerp, toerisme, sociale dienste?

Ziziphi iziznto ezikunika umdla? Ingaba zezobugica, Inkcubeko, z e z e mi d l a l o , kukuzungeza i lizw e, ukudanisa,ukucula,ukuvuma,umdlalo weqonga, umculo, bubuchisa bomashini, ubugcisa eqongeni,intatheli, kwezendalo, ekuphekweni,ekubaleni,kwesoshishino,kwezolawulo, kwincwadi, ekubhaleni, kubantu, kwizilwanyana, ekufundeni ngezibalo, kwezenzululwazi, ekuzobeni kwezokukhanketha nezentlala-kantle.

Did is belangrik dat jy jou skool klaar maak en metriek slaag.

Did sal jou a beter kans gee om jou beroep en roeping te beryk.

Education for a better future Name: Kyle Jefta

Age: 17,

Kubalulekile ukuba ugqibe ukufunda, uphumelele ibanga leshumi, Lonto izakukuvulela amathuba okuzalisekisa iminqweno yakho.

After I pass matric I want to become a mechanical engineer. I attended a career expo organized by my church in 2008. representative from the University of Stellenbosch explained the different faculties and minimum requirements needed to be accepted. I discovered that there are many different engineering fields of study. I want to study motor mechanical engineering. I also got information about accommodation and bursaries. applied to Golden Arrow Bus Services for a bursary. Now I wait for the answer.

Name: Viwe Siman Sikisi, Age: 17. Grade 11 I have to work hard to ensure that I meet the requirements of getting into university. I won a bursary and opportunity to study Physical Science at CPUT. The subjects I need to pass well are Science and Mathematics. I am very appreciative that I was given this opportunity and given a bursary.

It is encouraging. I urge other students to take their schooling seriously for a better future.

P AGE 3

V OL 1, ISSUE 1, Y OUNG MENS FORUM NEWSLETTER

Unwanted babies According to 16-year old learner form New Eisleben Secondary School ‘there are many teen-dads in my school and community. I had a friend who became a father at the age of 17-years. He had to trop-out of school to help the mother and child and take responsibility. He is very unhappy to be a teen father. He now advises teenage boys to use condoms, have safe sex and prevent unwanted and unplanned for babies’.

He further explains that his friend went to a party where they drank alcohol and some took drugs. His friend then had sex with a girl he met for the first time. At first he denied that he was the father.

He and the girl had DNA test done which confirm that he was the father. It was difficult for him to accept that he was to become a father.

The baby makers!

Dangerous sex games

There are some boys who go out of their way to make girls pregnant. This is according a 15-year old learner from Mountview High School. He said that boys be-friend girls, have sex with them to make them pregnant. Once they have achieved this, they then target the next girl.

‘You must break your virginity. You must break the virginity of a girl. You must have a person older than you. You must have as many girls as possible.’ This is what a 15-year old learner from Mountview high told Molo Songololo. He was referring to a group at school to which he belongs.

He also says that ‘when the girls tell the boys that they are pregnant, the boys tell them to get rid of the babies’. If the girl doesn’t, the boys run away and don’t want to have anything to do with the mother or the child. He says that these boys are organized in a group. Their goal is to have sex with as many girls as possible and to make the girls pregnant.

He explain that there are many such groups or gangs at his school and at other schools. The gang does not fight. The aim of the gang members is to see who can have as many girls as possible. The one who achieves highest score is respected and praised.

Another learner from Lavender Hill High school confirms that there are similar groups of boys at his school ‘we target the girls and have sex with them’ he explains. He also states that the boys use condoms but ‘if they will have sex without it, they will’ Sometimes they take pictures on their cell-phones as proof.

Rights and responsibilities of teen fathers Like any parent, teen fathers also have rights. You have a right to establish if you are the father of the child. This can be done by a DNA test. When asking for a DNA test, you are not calling the mother’s sexual conduct into question. You are simply making sure that you are the father. You also have a right to have contact with your child.

Being a father is not something to be taken lightly. It is a life long commitment. You have responsibilities to the mother and the child. Children need their fathers as good role-models.

You must contribute to your child’s care and upbringing.

You must make financial and other contributions and spend quality time with your child. You must be actively involved in your child’s life, schooling and development.

British teeenfather, one of the youngest dads in the world

Help for teen fathers

Child pornography is a crime

Parentline 0800 121 100 (1pm-9pm) Weekdays (12pm-5pm) weekends

Taking picture of your penis or of you having sex with someone or taking pictures of other persons or children having sex is a criminal offence. It is illegal to take pictures or videos of any person who is under 18-years of age. It is illegal to possess or distribute it. It is a crime to have such images on you cell-phone or to send it to someone’s cell-phone.

Thethajunction Youth Line 0800 121 900 Safe schools project 0800 45 46 47 Human Rights Advice Line 0860 120 120 Childline 0800 055 555

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P AGE 4

Gone are the days when learners went to school without threat or fear for their safety, when parents knew that their children are in a safe place learning and developing their intellectual, social and cultural skills.

These days our schools are fenced with electric wires, fitted with CCTV cameras, patrolled by security guards and where random searchers for weapons and drugs are carried out and learners are tested for drugs.

29 stabbing have been reported between January and March this year in the Western Cape Province. Several of these have been fatal involving learners stabbing fellow learners, educators, gang members, and parents.

A learner from Lavender Hill High believes that most of the violence at his school is a result of substance abuse by learners, he explains that there are drugs everywhere.

Learners use it in the school grounds and toilets. The drug-lords sell to learners. You can get anything, TIK, dagga, heroin and cocaine.

He says that girls from 13 to 18 years are on drugs. They hang out with drug dealers and even have ‘happy hours’ (selling their bodies) with them for alcohol and drugs. All this is happening under the noses of the prefects, educators and principals and the community.

A grade 8 learner from Cathkin High School feels that his school is not safe. ‘There are many things happening during breaks and nobody is looking after us. ‘Black and Coloured learners are fighting and ganging up against each other’ he says. Reporting incidents to the principal or police does not help. ‘Everyday we are chased by Coloured boys after school. They are in the same classes as us’.

At Sinethemba there is a learner who sells cigarettes and dagga at school. He says ‘it’s no problem selling the stuff at school. If I get caught there will be no major punishment. I will just be suspended for a week or two. No teacher will tell me nothing, because even some of them were my clients’ he boasts.

Security guards at Luhlaza High Schools access point Our schools have become playgrounds for illegal substances, dangerous weapons and dangerous people.

Some carry guns to school, placing the lives of learners and teachers at high risk everyday. Teachers also fear for their safety and often do not intervene A grade 9 learner from New Eisleben said that it’s easy to get into his school. There are open fences or people just jump over it. He explains that there was a gang who entered the school grounds looking for a learner. They were carrying guns, knives and axes. They went into a classroom. When they could not find the learner, they beat up the teacher.

Bullying is another big problem. Learners fight with each other for no cause at all. The older ones gang up on the younger ones. When we asked a bully why he beats up on his fellow learners and does he feel safe, he had this to say; ‘Because I can. No one can touch me. I feel safe at school’.

Asked how he would feel if someone bullies him, he had nothing to say and just walked away.

At Mountview High School there are fights almost every day.

Learners fight over silly things according to grade 9 learner.

There are also fights between the ‘jokers’ and the ‘stifflers’.

‘They hit you with planks, through you with bricks and stab you with long knives. Sometimes they fight over drugs. They also fight with the teachers’ he explains.

What can be done to m Establish a safety committee of learners and educators

Make safety part of the schools vision and daily programme

Establish and m learner and ed code of condu

P AGE 5

V OL 1, ISSUE 1, Y OUNG MENS FORUM NEWSLETTER

Are you and your classmates tired of all the abuse, crime and violence at your school?

You can make a difference and make your school a safer place.

Joint the Molo Songololo SHOW VIOLENCE THE RED CARD campaign to prevent abuse, crime and violence in your schools. To make it successful, you and your classmates have to pledge not to commit an act of abuse, crime or violence in your classroom and school.

You will declare your classroom, playground, toilets and every space at your school a violence free zone. You can request posters from Molo Songololo that you can put up in your violence free zones.

Molo Songololo will also give you red cards.

This you will use and issue it to someone in your class and school when you have witnessed that he or she has committed an act of abuse. crime or violence.

For more information contact Dalla Abass at Young men show violence the regard card in Simunye High School, Delft Molo Songololo on Tel: 021 4485421 Fax: 021 448 2021 email: dabass@molo.org.za

New Eisleben High Learners handing out patrolling schedules

make our schools safe?

maintain a ducator uct

No cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, dangerous weapons, firearms, bullying, fighting and crime at school

Maintain and secure school fencing, gates, lights and alarm, etc

Control access of parents, public, organisatioins and business

Picture: NMakae

V OL 1, ISSUE 1, YOUNG MENS FORUM NEWSLETTER

P AGE 6

What your mama and papa won’t tell you!

Why does my penis curve upwards?

Normally the penis hangs down when it is not erect. But when it is erect it fills with blood and that's why it points upwards. Erect penises come in all shapes and sizes, some slant to the left, others to the right.

Do I have the right size? Is it too small?

Penises come in all shapes and sizes and are all very different. The average length when not erected is around 7 or 10 centimeters. When it is fully erected it is around 10 to 17 centimeters. Your size can depend on the many different things; like the weather, your body shape, pubic hair of ethnicity.

Your penis don’t stop growing until you reach 18 to 21-years

Your mother and father called it by many different names; such as bridie, willy, tollie, pekker, or privates. Now that you are older, you might still call it such, or perhaps you call it poker, cock, dick, tool, hammer, bazooka, love handle or even baby maker.

Here is what you mother and father did not tell you about your penis!

Circumcision is when the foreskin is removed. This is often done for religious reasons and about half of all boys and men are circumcised. Being circumcised will not make any difference at all.

What is a penis?

Wet dreams

The penis is made of a shaft, the glans (head / helmet) and the prepuce (forskin). You pee through the urethra. This is a tube that passes through the penis and carries both urine from the bladder and semen from the testicles.

This happened when you are asleep and become sexually aroused and ejaculate (come) in your sleep. When you wake up in the morning you will find you bed clothes and sheets wet. Most teenage boys have wet dreams.

It becomes less as you get older.

What are ‘balls’?

This is the sack or scrotum that hangs below your penis and contains two testicles. The testicles are part of the internal male reproductive system. They produce cells called sperm as well as male hormones.

What is a penis used for?

The penis has two different jobs. One is urinating (peeing) and the other is sex. There is a muscle that closes the bladder when the penis is erect.

When will I get pubic hair?

Pubic hair grows at different times for different people. For some people it starts very early and for others later. Some people also get hair on their chest as well.

I am circumcised, does it matter?

Why do I get erections at strange times?

When a boy begins puberty he will often get erections at all sorts of stramge times and in all sorts of strange places.

This tends to stop happening as much as you grow older.

Try and think about something else like your favourite food and it should hopefully go away.

What is the yellowy substance that collects around the head of the penis?

It is called smegma and is completely normal. It does need to be washed regularly so that it does not begin to smell.

Remember, your penis is not a tool. It is part of you, respect it and take good care of it. Do not abuse it and don’t use it to hurt others. Forcing anyone to touch it or to have sex is illegal and a serious crime!

So much fuzz about illegal drugs! What about cigarettes and alcohol What you should know about cigarettes!

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Most smokers started to experiment with ‘paper cigarettes’ between the age of 8 and 12-years

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There are more than one thousand toxic and addictive substances in one cigarette

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40 of these toxic and addictive substances can causes cancer

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Long-term smoking causes cancer of the lungs, tongue, throat, lips or skin

What you should know about Alcohol!

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Alcohol is a depressant. It slows the body’s vital functions and impairs judgment

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Short-term effects: feeling ill in the stomach, not speaking properly, head spinning, not walking properly, making poor judgment or choices, headache (hang-over)

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Long-term effects: puffy eyes, leathery skin, liver or kidney problems, heart disease, brain damage

P AGE 7

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It is not often that boys talk openly about how they feel about love, sex, alcohol, drugs and HIV/AIDS. Molo Songololo asked a few boys about what is happening at their schools. This is what they had to say; A grade 10 learner from Luhlaza High School feels that adults are not good role-models for boys.

He said that male teachers have sex with learners and with fellow teachers at his school.

‘Many of us use the word ‘love’ to get into girls pants.’ That is what a grade 10 learner from Elsies River High had to say.

He explained that ‘boys rape girls at parties; you give them alcohol or drugs and then they are yours!’

Teenage pregnancies at Proteus High school are increasing.

This is what a grade 12 learner from the school said. He feels that ‘there is too much sex and boys don’t know how to put on a condom’. He feels that boys must have education about safe sex.

Another grade 12 learner from Luthlaza states that many boys are having sex with each other. He said that ‘some boys openly ask other boys to have sex with them’. His friend stated that ‘you don’t use a condom with a beautiful girl’.

‘Love, sex, alcohol and drugs are dangerous. It can kill you!! That is what another Sinthemba learner said. He said ‘boys fall into the trap of having sex when they drunk with no protection’. The result he explains is unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted disease and HIV infections.

‘When you abuse alcohol and drugs at an early age, you then will become a dealer’ according to another grade 12 learners from New Eisleben. He further stated that those who are drunk at school are abusive and fight, ‘they force girls and have sex at school’ Proteus learner feels that love, sex, alcohol and drugs are mainly amongst young people. ‘Last year a boy and girl had sex. The girl fell pregnant and dropped out of school’ he explains. He also feel that most learner who are sexual active don’t know their HIV status.

Boys need to take more responsibility for the consequences of their sexual activity. They are hurting girls and boys by having indiscriminate and unprotected sex says a grade 11 learner from Lavender Hill High.

At there Valentine’s Day party a learner from Cathkin High got drunk had sex with a fellow learner and then fell pregnant.

She dropped out of school. A grade 11 learners says that he feels sad about this because the girl and her baby-girl became infected with HIV. A New Eisleben High’s grade 12 learner feels that it is not right that learners use drugs and alcohol at school or come to school drunk and high. It is not fair to other learners. he said ‘some students are afraid of coming to school, because they fight and abuse others.

A grade 9 learner from the same school says that ‘sex is the main course of HIV because young people don’t use condoms’. He states that learners at his school do not control themselves. They are careless. However he feels that, ‘we can fight HIV’ by working together and educating ourselves.

Boys from Simunye High talking about sexual health, sexual conduct and responsibilities

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Forcing a girl or boy to have sex with you is illegal. It is rape.

Getting a girl or boy drunk or drugged and then have sex with them is illegal. It is rape!

It is illegal for older learners and teachers to have sex with children under 16-years. It is called statutory rape!

It is illegal for teachers or older learners to sexually exploit any person under 18-years.

Taking a picture or filming yourselves or other children with a cell-phone or video camera having sex is illegal.

It is child pornography!

It is illegal for teacher to have love relations or sex with learners. This must be reported to the principle and police.

Adults should not have sexual relationships with learners. It is wrong!

Young Men’s Forum (YMF) is a project facilitated by Molo Songololo and supported by Afrika Kontakt and Operation a Day’s Work from Denmark for male learners at 10 selected schools to prevent abuse, crime and violence.

Young men’s forum members joined the police on National Police Day, 7 Feb 2009

The project includes rights and responsibility education, life-skills and leadership development; as well as encouraging positive life-styles, attitudes and behaviour amongst guys.

Danish Operation A Day’s work students visit New Eisleben High School

Learners at YMF Camp in workshop discussion on abuse, violence and crime at school

Shadwin Papier, YMF facilitator doing an icebreaker with learners from Simunye High

CATHKIN SECONDARY SCHOOL

SINETHEMBA SECONDARY

Physcial Address: Fifth Street, HEIDEVELD, 7764

Physcial Address: Sagwityi Street, Brown’s Farm, PHILLIPPI, 7745

Telephone: 021-637 5366

Telephone: 021-374 2937

Challenges: Drugs Low levels of literacy Lack of facilities at school

Challenges: Security Smoke and drinking of learners Lack of teachers

LUHLAZA SECONDARY SCHOOL

CEDAR SECONDARY SCHOOL

Physcial Address: Makabeni Road, KHAYELITSHA, 7764

Physcial Address: C/o Welterveden & Spine Roads, Rocklands, MITCHELL’S PLAIN, 7785

Telephone: 021– 361 3424

Telephone: 021-392 5737

Challenges: Substance abuse Overcrowded classes Vision of learners - social economic background

ELSIESRIVIER SEK. SKOOL Physcial Address: Haltweg, Elsiesrivier, 7490 Telephone: 021-932 5085

Challenges: Family Structure Parental involvement poor Lack of exposé to role models

Challenges: Substance abuse Learners don't have a clear understanding of their career Parents unemployed– learner’s not proper nutrition LAVENDER HILL SECONDARY SCHOOL Physcial Address: Despsition Crescent, Lavender Hill, 7945 Telephone: 021– 701 9000

MOUNTVIEW SECONDARY Physcial Address: Athwood, HANOVER PARK, 7780 Telephone: 021-692 1359

Challenges: Need full time social worker Overcrowded classes– safety at schools Learners with reading problem

Challenges: Teenage pregnancy Drugs General commitment from learners to education– high drop-out of schools

NEW EISLEBEN

PROTIUS SEK

SIMUNYE SECONDARY SCHOOL

Physcial Address: Topcor Training Centre, CROSSROADS, 7760

Physcial Address: Reygerdalrylaan, Protea Park, ATLANTIS, 7349

Physcial Address: Main Road, DELFT, 7102

Telephone: 021-386 7771

Telephone: 021-572 6277

Challenges: Lack of teachers Learning space poor Need Laboratories

Challenges: Drugs Safety of learners and teachers Lack of teachers

Telephone: 021-955 2056

Challenges: Late coming of learners Safety at schools Broken windows-winter time can’t have classes because of rain

Molo Songololo Physical Address: 46 Trill Road, Observatory, 7925 Telephone: 021-4485421