Contributions by Hannah Howe
I visited the National Portrait Gallery recently and was astonished to see that they had a portrait of me. Then I realised it was a mirror.
I’ve tried all the fashionable diets, but they didn’t do a thing for me. So now I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? I’m not saying my marriages have been a disaster, but when I meet a guy the first question I ask myself is...is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
I went on a coconut and banana diet. I didn’t lose any weight, but suddenly I discovered that I could climb trees.
I went to see my psychologist again last week. He said, “What would happen if I cut off your left ear?” I thought for a minute then replied, “I wouldn’t be able to hear.” Then my psychologist asked, “And what would happen if I cut off your right ear?” I thought for a minute then replied, “I wouldn’t be able to see.” My psychologist frowned then asked, “Why do you say that?” “Because it’s obvious,” I replied, “my hat would fall over my eyes.”
Words of wisdom: if at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. - 20 -
