MORGAN COY
MONOFONUS
Days Uv Bloat Morgan Coy
MONOFONUS
MONOFONUS
MONOFONUS MONOFONUS
MONOFONUS
MONOFONUS
MONOFONUS
MONOFONUS
MONOFONUS PRESS
Š 2007 Monofonus Press All rights reserved.
Illustrations by Colleen Matzke. Design by ufotop.
Printed in Canada.
Thank you to all uv my friends who have helped me to pull this book together. Especially Colleen for her illustrations. Rebecca for very excellent and valuable writing suggestions. Diana for looking for mistakes among these extremely messy words. Rosie for reading and supporting and many more things that are hard to count. Gary at the Dabbs Hotel for having such a great room for me to write in. Matt for making this all fit inside a small book and looking so good.There are many other people who also helped me in many other ways. Thank you.
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o yu no, I think my reel famly’s ded, an bout that I’m not sory. I ran out uv tha hows wen I wuz just 4teen an my step dady bin fuckin me for a yeer or mor. I no other girls had it lyk me, lyk jeananna for won, but that dozint fix anythin that hapined to anybody allredy. Meetin her helpd me allot tho. An her takin me into her home wen I had no plays to go an wuz 100s of myls from where I lefd, that probly sayvd me from a nytmare wors than what I ran away from, but that kynd of thing yu can never no for shur. Jeananna fownd me in tha bus stayshun bathroom aftr I slept there for a nyt, an riteaway she treatd me lyk I wuz her lil sister. She bawt me a numbr 3 meel deel an told me evrythin wuz gonna be o k. She took my hand in hers, an r fingrs wove togethr wen we walkd out on tha street. My hed felt weerd an I wuz confyuzd bout where I wuz, but all
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so hapy to hav fownd such a pritty an nyc frend. She sed that she wuz gonna help me out so I followd her. I gess I wuz nervus but jeananna told me not to be. I culd feel in my hart that she wuz a good person, an she felt tha saym way with me. She sed that she dint no what kynd uv speshal thing there wuz bout me, but she culd tell that we wer ment to be frends, an yu dont do meen things to frends, so I culd trust her. She wuz taykin me to Big D, who wuz her pimp. She sed that Big D wuz a good man an he culd be like a new dady to me, but beter, not like tha one I’d allreddy had. We wer walkin an I wuz tyerd an lost in that new plays, but bein with jeananna mayd me feel relaxd lyk wen yu no somewons wachin out for yu. I felt almost lyk I wuzint walkin at all, but mor lyk floating down tha street, an that wuz eezy.
We got to tha motel room that jeananna an Big D wuz stayin at and Big D lookd at me an he axd me how old I wuz. I told him I wuz 6teen allmost 7teen cuz thats what jeananna told me to say. I told him how I had run away an wuz reel far from my old home an I wuzint goin back. He axd me if I new how to fuck. I sed that I gessd I did. He axd if I wuld do it to strangrs, but befor I sed anything, jeananna jumpd in an sed that she wuld tayk cayr uv me an show me how to work so he dint hav to wory bout it. So then Big D sed that wuz o k with him an I culd stay with them if I wantd. Jeananna hugd me. Then we all sat arownd in tha motel room an wachd tha TV.
That nyt jeananna an me wer nex to eechuthr in bed an she curld into my body so we fit together lyk we wer
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won big person. Big D wuz snorin in the othr bed nex to us an we laffd bout how lowd he wuz. Then jeananna told me how tha nex day I wuz gonna hav to fuck a cupla guys to show Big D that I should liv with them. She told me that it wuld be straynge at ferst, maybe bad to, but also it dint hav to be no big deel if I dint let it be. Heers 2 things that yu shuld do, she sed. If tha guys ugly, yu look him ryt in tha eyes reel deep, so his eyes r all yu can see, cuz eyes r mostly prity evin on ugly guys. An 2, what we gotta do wen weer fukin is mayk tha guy feel lyk hees doin us so good that we lost control wich is eezy to fayk. Aftr a few minits, cloz yur eyes an say OH qwietly and then say it lowder and then say OH yeah, Oh god, Oh jezus, almos lyk yur prayin in church. This mayks allotta guys feel lyk theyr tha king an then they finish up qwik. Yu shuld also try to grab the guys ass if yu
can reech it, or just wrap your legs around him. Yull figur it out fast, she sed. I told her that I new that I wood. An I did figur it out prity fast, but that dont meen that I lykd tha work, just that most uv tha tym it wuzint hard to do.
I startd workin an lyf with Big D an jeananna wuz prity reguler an relaxd. Jeananna an me wer together most uv tha tym an she tawt me bout how to do lots uv stuf an be smart. She showd me how to do makeup an nails, an she toll me how not to get pregnant, an bout wen it wuz ok to do sum drugz an wen yu nevr shuld, cuz sum mens hav sick wants insyd them an theyll hurt yu if yu dont wach out. Lotta what she toll me’s still reel tru, but allso allots changd sins most uv tha world fell apart an dyd.
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Not evrything bout my new lyf went smooth an perfect. Lyk wen I wuz 6teen for reel, an bin livin in differnt motels with Big D an jeananna for a few yeers, Big D got a job for me with a sicko but it wuzint Ds fallt I dont think, cuz tha guy wuz sneeky bout tha hayt he had hydin insyd him. He caym to tha motel an him an Big D talkd tha bizness an then I got in tha guys car an we drov to his lil hows that seemd reel normal. It wuz lyt yelow an it had nice green grass out frunt that smelld like it wuz just mowed, an a maylbox paintid spotty like a cow. He had a garaj. He pressd a white button on a lil whyt box that he pulld out uv his pocket an tha garaj door opend an he drov us insyd. Then tha door closd behyn us.
Wen tha door wuz closing it made alotta creekin noyz an maybee that wuz how I new I wuz in trubbil, but I tryed not to show it, cuz jeananna sed that yu shuld nevr show yur scayrd unless yur with sumone yu trust. I got out uv tha car an lookd at him an he smyld at me, but I saw he wuzint lookin at me lyk allota mens do wen theys thinkin on sex. He wuz lookin at me lyk I wuz a lil animal that he had cornerd an wuz gonna hert. He sed, lets go insyd, an he pointd to tha door that went into tha hows. I went in frunt uv him an my hart wuz beetin hard in my chest. Insyd his hows he had picturs of jezus on sum uv tha walls an jezus lookd meen an scary. I wuz tryin to think bout a way to get out uv tha plays qwik, wen tha sicko jumpd up on my back an drug me down to tha floor an held my arms behynd me. He took owt
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a nyf an showd it to me reel neer my face, an he told me that I wuz gonna dy, but not ryt away. Then he did sick things to me. I dont need to xplain evry detayl uv that mans evil, but one thing he did aftr he tyd me up an beet me bluddy an hertin prity bad wuz tayk sum plyers and tug out 2 uv my top teeth. I don no why he did that or why he didn just kill me lyk he sed he wuz gonna, but I remembr wishin an wishin that he wuld do it so I dint hav to be with him anymor, an then I blackd out. I gess I thot I wuz dead, but I wuzint cuz I wok up lyin neer tha dumpstr bak at tha motel parkin lot with blud all in my hair an hurtin thru evrythin in me. I pickd my body up, an then slowly slow I walkd up to r room. It wuz reel early an tha sky wuz just gettin gray with lyt. I culdnt nock on tha door hard
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cuz my hand hert an I wuz week, but jeananna opend tha door qwik cuz she wuz weryin an waitin on me an she hugd me an brawt me insyd an startd takin cayr uv me lyk she wuz a nurs.
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I felt so ugly an mad cuz uv what that sicko man did to me. I dint no why any uv it hapend, but jeananna loved me back out uv all that hayt an anger. She got Big D to sell won uv his gold an dymond rings that he wuz always prowd uv an with tha money they got me 2 new teeth that wer gold an pritty an made me look good agin. Thoz weeks wen I wuz all bruzy blue and blak an I culdnt werk wer strayinj but nys cuz jeananna an me wuld ly nex to each othr on tha bed an wach T V an talk bout how good
it wuz to be sistrs an how weed nevr leev each othr cuz of love an that wuz wen we both new we wer a reel famly. Wen I wuz all beter, Big D startd callin me tha golden chyld, cuz uv my new teeth, but allso cuz he sed I wuz lyk a miracal, tha way I caym back so strong lyk I did. Other people, they just calld me goldy tho.
Tha ferst person I saw get tha bloat sickness wuz tha meen ol bich from tha drugz store who I sumtyms bawt rubbers from. She wuz a skiny oldr lady an she haytid me nasty ryt from tha ferst tym she saw me. I wuz buyin a box uv rubbers for me and jeananna to split. Tha lady at tha drugz stor sees lil pritty me with my golden teeth an tha dick rubbers an she tells me how I’m a durty sinnr. I dont say
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nothing back, jus push her tha dollers. I dont evin wayt for her to giv me tha lef ovr monee, I just leev tha stor all mad insyd. Then tha next time I’m there she duz it agin, callin me a hor, an so I cuss her out serius. Wonz sumthin lyk that starts, it only gets wurss with people lyk her. I’m not a vilence bich, but she startid it, pushin me with her meeness, an I dint giv her no reezon to. With that old lady, I culd tell if I kept havin to see her at tha stor, things wood get bad to where I’d want to hit her, so I told jeananna that she had to by tha rubbers tha nex time. Then tha bich wuz nasty to jeananna to! An jeananna dint want to go to that stor at all, but it wuz tha one we culd walk to, an it wuz open 24 howrs an tha bich wuzint there all tha tym, so we culd sumtyms miss her, an so we still went to tha stor, but weed try to look thru tha window an make shur she wuzn workin wen
weed havta by sumthin. Then one day it wuz my tern to get tha rubbers so I lookd in there an a big lady wuz workin, but I dint see tha skinny bich, so I went insyd. I lookd down at tha plastik pattern on tha flor an lissend to tha borin musik comin from tha seelin as I walkd to tha shelvez where all tha rubbers wer. I got tha big green box, thats tha kind jeananna an me lyk cuz its got xtra jelly, an then I walkd to tha cash register. Wen I got there I wuz reel suprizd cuz tha big fat lady who wuz workin tha cash masheen wuz reely tha skinny bich all puffy uppd with tha bloat. Evry thin on her wuz swolen out fat an pink purpully lyk itd bin punchd hard an then rubbd with sandpapr. I wuz so amazd that I allmost yelld out, What happend to yu bich!? but I dint say nothin. I just put tha box uv rubbers onto tha cowntr and tryd not to stayr, but I
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no I did. An then tha meen lady smyld all hapy, evin in her eyes, an that wuz tha weerdist cuz I dint think a person lyk her evr smyld an espeshly not wen she lookd so sick an fat. R yu havin a nice day? she axd lyk she lykd me. I culd only nod an I held out tha 25 dollers to her. She took tha monee with fingrs lyk burstin purple hotdogs an I saw that her nails wer bluddy an bleedin on tha bills I’d givin her. I lookd at her smylin eyes an saw how tha whyts wer pink with blud. I lookd at her nek an
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face, an I culd see that her blud wuz allmost pushin thru her skin. Yu culd tell she wuz fixin to burst bleedin all ovr herself. But she wuz smylin. Now sins I seen it so many tyms, I no that she probly dyd that nyt or tha nex mornin an she wuz screemin, not smylin wen she dyd. But I dint no that then. I lef tha stor feelin weerd cuz evin tho I hayted that lady, seein her lyk that twisstd my stumic up rong. Jeananna wuz waytin outsyd an I told her bout tha skiny bich an so she hadda go insyd an see for herself, cuz she dint beeleev me. Wen she caym back out, jeananna wuz just lyk me, haf laffin an allmost bout to puke frum what we saw. We walkd back to tha motel feelin good but feelin bad, all mixed up lyk that. When we got back in r motel room, we still felt funny so jeananna sed we shuld smok
sum weed, an we did. Then things were mor funny an we jokd arownd an puffed out our cheeks makin fun uv tha drugz stor bich.
Me an Big D an jeananna all went out to brekfast tha nex mornin. I lykd that plays we went to cuz wen anybody walkd in tha door tha people who workd there sed hello pritty frendly no matter who they wer talkin to. I allwayz got tha pecan waffils an jeananna got tha waffils with strawberrys. We sat there an I dont remembr much uv what we talkd bout, just regular stuf, but I think that we must hav told Big D bout tha lady at tha drugz stor. It wuz a reel nys morning tho.
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On tha way back to the motel, I wuz sittin in tha back seet uv Big D’s car, just lookin out tha window, an not reely payin much mynd uv tha world cuz I wuz still wakin up. Then we stopd at a red lyt an a car pulld up next to us. Insyd it wuz a famly all dryvin together. Evry won uv them wuz fat an puffy weerd lookin. There wuz a boy in tha back seet allot yunger than me an he lookd ovr an smyld an waved his swelled up hand. We wer so close to eechuther I culd hav reechd out an tuchd him if my window wuzint clozed. Tha kid sed sumthing that I culdnt heer an then the hol famly lookd ovr at me an smyld. Tha lyt must hav turnd green cuz Big D startid driving agin. The fat famly dint moov tho, they just stayd at tha lyt smylin. I axd jeananna if she saw tha famly, but she sed that she dint. I told her how weerd they lookd, an she
sed that we both new there were allot uv weerdos in the city. I sed that she wuz ryt bout that an we laffd.
Big D droppd us off at tha motel an then he went off sumwhere els to do sum bizness, wich ment he wuz probably byin or sellin a lil weed. Jeananna an me went up to r room an hung out wachin TV an talkin for a few howrs, an then both uv us took a lil nap. Jeananna wuz suppozd to meet a regular dayt roun 3 an I had one a lil laytr, but all uv a suden Big D busts in tha room an scayrs us out uv bed. He lookd freekd out lyk sumthing awful wuz hapinin an I new that maybe tha cops wer ryt behynd him an we wer gonna get arestid. But no cops caym at tha door. Big D dint sit down an he dint say
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nothing until jeananna yelld at him cuz weed nevr seen him lyk he wuz aktin. Then he told us that heed seen 4 people dy screemin an bleedin all ovr tha street wen he wuz comin back to tha motel. He sed they wer bleedin all ovr tha plays an it wuzint lyk sumthin heed evr seen befor. He went ovr to tha TV an turnd it on an there wuz tha newz, evin tho it wuz early an all tha talk shows shuld hav bin on with the people hoo r allways fytin. Tha man on tha newz sed that alotta people wer gettin sick an dyin all ovr tha city, an that people shuld not leev theyr howses cuz it wuzint sayf. I’d nevr herd tha newz say anythin lyk that befor an it dint seem ryt, but yu culd tell the newz guy wuz serius cuz he held his face reel tyte. Jeananna an me got reel nervus an then jeananna startd to cry. Big D toll us to shut up an then he sed that we shuld stay in tha room an lock tha door and he wuld go get us stuf so that we culd all stay there for a lil whyl.
Both me an jeananna axd him not to leev us, but he sed that we dint hav any food or nuthin to liv on if we had to stay insyd for any tym. He left reel qwik an I lockd tha door behin him lyk he sed an then I went ovr to jeananna an huggd her cuz we wer both scayrd now. It wuz a long tym that jeananna an me waytid in tha room. Tha TV kept sayin tha saym things ovr an ovr an ovr an I wantd to tern it off or chayng tha chanil an then I did pik up tha remot an chang it but tha saym thing wuz on evry stayshin, so I had to tern it off. I sat nex to jeananna an ran my hand threw her hair. She lookd at me an sed, what if Big D dont cum back? an I sed, yu no heel cum back. She sed, but what if he dont? an I sed, lets smoke a cigaret, becuz Big D had been gon so long an I dint no what we wuld do if he left us lyk that, but I dint want to think bout it.
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Jeananna took out her pack uv cigarets an we shayrd one cuz I dont lyk to smok a hol one by myself an just wen we wer almoss dun, Big D noks on tha door an I mayk shur its him an I let him in. Jeananna an me r so hapy hees back we laff an cry a lil. Hees hapy to see us to, an he brawt with him sum big jugs uv water. He sed that there wuz allot mor food down in tha car so we all went down there an got it out as fast as we culd. There wer a bunch uv cans all ovr tha car an I strechd out my shirt in front uv me an jeananna loded a bunch uv cans on me so I culd cary mor than I culd with just my hands. Sum of tha food wuz reel funny, lyk pumkin pie fillin an cannd cabij. I wuld hav sed sumthing bout it, but Big D wuz aktin so nervus an weerd that I dint think he wuld see how it wuz funy.
Wen we wer all dun with bringin tha food up from tha car, Big D lockd tha door an turnd on tha TV agin an sat down on tha bed in frunt uv it. I axd him what wuz goin on and he sed that allot uv people wuz dyin out there an it seemd lyk evrybody els wuz sick. He sed that he had went down to tha super market an lots uv people wer there but it wuzint crazy lootin lyk he thot it wood be. Tha people at tha stor wer all sick allredy but they wer aktin hapy lyk evrything wuz just fyn an normal. Evrybody wuz swollen an bloaty. In tha back uv tha stor there wuz a old woman who wuz screemin an bleedin on tha floor an all tha people just walkd ryt past her lyk she wuz nuthin. Big D had filld up a shopping cart with bred an water an lots uv cans uv chili an food. He sed that he tryd not to breeth an he mayd shur that he dint tuch
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anybody. Then he got out uv there as qwik as he culd. He walkd past all tha swelled up people waytin in lyn at tha chek out an most uv them wuz smylin lyk it wuz a grayt day. Big D just walked ryt out uv tha stor with his shoppin cart full. Wen he wuz at his car he herd sumwon comin aftr him joggin, so he turnd around. Tha super market security gard wuz standing there, reely puffy an bleedin threw his fat cheeks. Tha gard kaym closr an closr an Big D wuz afrayd that tha gard wuz goin to tuch him an mayk him sick to, so he yelld at tha gard to back off. The gard stoppd an he lookd at Big D. He axd Big D in a frendly voys if he had payd for tha stuf that he had in his cart. Big D sed yes. Tha gard axd him if he wuz shur an Big D told him that he wuz shur. Then tha gard sed that he wuz sory for tha mistayk. Big D sed yeah, no problem, o k. Then tha
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gard wanted to help Big D put tha food in tha car, but Big D told him to leev him tha fuck alone, so then tha gard sed hav a nys day an walkd back to tha stor. Big D got all tha food in tha car an then caym ryt back to us. Big D got up from tha bed an walkd to tha door an I thot that he wuz gonna go outsyd, but then he ternd back around an walkd back to tha bed an sat down agin. Then he got up. Jeananna axd him what we wuz gonna do. He sed that he dint no. Tha TV told us that we shuld stay at insyd, but Big D sed he dint no if we shud get up an go cuz allot uv tyms tha govrnment lys thru tha TV an yu shud do what they tell yu not to do, but with this he wuzint shur. I sed that I dint no what we shuld do, but I felt sayf with him an jeananna cuz we wuz a famly an we took cayr uv eechuthr. He sed that he felt tha saym.
Then jeananna sed that she dint want to leev just yet cuz where wuld we go? Wich wuz tru. So we desydid to wayt for a whyl an wach tha tv an eet sum uv tha food that Big D had gon out an got. We wached an waytd for tha TV to tell us sumthin that we dint allredy no but that dint hapen an so it turnd into nyt an we tryd to hav sum kynd uv fun to tayk r mynds off uv beein in tha motel room an not beein abel to leev. I got jeananna to do sum arobiks with me for a few minuts an I allmost got Big D to do sum to, but then he wuldnt. At leest I got him to smyle a lil. We did sum othr stuff lyk organize all tha food an stuf that we had, but tha TV wuz allwayz on an there wer no comershills wich wuz weerd. Aftr a long tym I got tyrd an I fell asleep on one uv tha beds. I wok up erly in tha mornin an I lookd ovr at tha othr bed an saw that jeananna an Big D wuz havin sex
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reel qwhyit an slow an lookin into eechuthrs eyes lyk they reely loved eechuthr an that wuz nys to see. I clozd my eyes agin an lissend to tha lil sownd that tha sheets mayd as tha 2 uv them movd an I went bak to sleep.
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Latr in tha day tha TV toll us a lil of how bad it wuz outsyd r room. Tha newz dint no what tha deezees wuz but they did no that it wuz allmost evrywher in America, an if a person got it they dyd. They sed that probably tha deezeez wuz in tha air, but they dint no that for shur. They sed that there wuz probably sumbody to blaym, but they dint no who. They sed that in most playsis there wuzint goin to be electrikcity soon an water myt not be sayf to drink. They dint say it this way, but what they ment wuz that evrything
wuz fallin to shit an we shuld just try to hang on. It wuz tha worst newz but then they sed that tha prezadint wuz gonna cum on tha TV soon an he wuld tell us what his plan wuz. Tha people on tha newz lookd nervus evin tho yu culd tell they wer tryin not to. I wundrd where they wer, cuz they dint seem reel, not lyk normal TV people usuly wer. Big D sed that they wer undr tha grownd sumwher, sumwher sayf, not lyk tha rest uv us. I sed that they dint seem vary hapy beein sayf, an it wuz sort uv lyk they wer ded an buryd allredy if what he sed wuz tru. Then tha american flag caym on tha screen, all red whyt an blu an blowin in tha wind an tha american anthim playd, an tha prezidint caym on. He lookd lyk a old plastik person. He sed somthin lyk, Felo Americans, I no thees r tha darkist uv days. We must pray to tha lord god for help mursee an gydens. I want yu all to no that I undrstand how paynfull it is to
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see so many americans dyin, an I want yu to no that I az tha prezidint uv this grayt cuntry am doin evrythin in my powr to stop tha deezeez. It is tru that tha deezeez is hurtin america, but it will not destroy r honor spirit or freedum. I strongly beleev this. I no this to be tru. Tha deezeez will pass an America will rebilld an ryz agin, an we will punish hoo evr it is that did this evil thing to us. I promis yu, they wil get what they hav cumin to them. But for now, we must all pray to god an trust in his will. He bowd his hed an wuz kwyit lyk he wuz prayin for mor than a minit. Then he lookd up an sed Amen an noddid an smyld a lil. Then tha muzik an flag caym on agin an he wuz gon. Big D sed that tha prezdint wuz full uv shit an that there wuzint gonna be any help for us. Heez leevin us all to dy, Big D sed.
I sed that we dint need him an we wernt gonna dy. Big D an jeananna both lookd at me in my eyes an I saw how sad an scard they wer, but I felt sumthin so strong burnin insyd me. I felt lyk there wuz burnin red fyr cumin out uv my eyes an swirlin all rownd us 3, an that sumhow I wuz gonna protekt us. I think that they saw a lil of that fyr to, an they new that I wuzint gonna let anyone or any sickness brayk us apart. Nun uv us is gonna dy, I sed. They dint say anything, but I no they felt beter.
One day aftr tha prezydint wuz on tha tv, tha power went off lyk tha news told us it wood, an that mayd lyf hardr an mor paynfull. It wuz tha beginin uv sumer an
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tha sun wuz strong an there wernt no clowds so it wuz lyk we wer stuck in a hot box. Usually weed hav tha AC on to cool tha room down. But without tha power tha heet filld up tha room an we culd not opin tha windows cuz if we did then it wuld hav bin tha saym as us goin outsyd. Big D sed that he wishd that we had sum tin foyl to put up on tha windows to help push tha sun out beter than tha shayds, but we dint so we just swet. We all hardly wor any cloze. Tha heet an beein stuk insyd tha room an not havin any tv or musik mayd us all kinda crazy. We tryd to do things together as a famly lyk sit down at tha lil taybl to eet r meels. Me or jeananna wuld spend sum tym settin tha taybl an opinin a can uv chili or veena sawsijis an a bag uv chips. Then we wuld all sit there an eet. Sumtyms we wuld say grays.
We did sum othr things togethr as a famly to, lyk reed. There wer only two books in tha motel room, a penthouse magazeen an tha bible, but that wuz beter than nothing. Big D wuld sit on tha bed an reed to us from eethr book, but usually I dint undrstand what wuz hapinin in tha bible an I dont think that jeananna or Big D did eethr. We wuld also smoke weed to mayk tha tym pass or allso if we startd to feel freekd out. One tym I wuz so hot an trapped feelin I startd to breeth reel fast an I culdnt stop or slow down, an jeananna caym ovr to me an pattid my arm an mayd me tayk a deep breth an then smoke part uv a joynt an that chilld me out. We all tryd to help eechothr lyk that, but there wer sum things that we culdnt do nuthin bout. I think it wuz bout tha therd day insyd tha room wen we herd a reel weerd sound cumin threw tha
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wall. It took a few minits to no what we wer heerin, but then we got tha idea that it wuz sumone a few rooms down from us dyin from tha bloat an she wuz skreemin an chokin as she went. I culdnt tell for shur who it wuz, but I think it wuz tha old woman who I dint see arownd much cuz she stayd in her room allmost allwayz. She screemd for only a few howrs I think, but it felt lyk forevr an evr. Jeananna yelld at her threw tha wall to shut up but that dint mayk no diffrens. Jeananna wuz cryin an yu culd see that heerin that lady dyin wuz maykin her go crazy, but there wuz nuthin that any uv us culd do bout it. I lay down on tha bed an put a pillow ovr my hed an sang a song to try not to heer. That helpd sum. But evin aftr that lady stoppd screemin an dyd, I culd still heer her.
By tha fifth day I think, tha motel room smelld bad from tha empty food cans an us allso cuz we culdn’t wash r selfs sins tha water wuz dangerus, an tha toylet only sort uv workd. Jeananna an me desydid that we needid to opin tha door for a minit to throw tha trash outsyd. Big D sed that we shuldint, but we sed that we wuld get sick anywayz if we livd in r own trash lyk pigs. He saw how we wuz ryt an so we opind tha door an tha fresh air felt so good that it wuz lyk goin bak to hell to hav to cloz tha door agin. I sed to Big D how it wuz so kwyit an nys outsyd an he sed that a deezeez dozent mayk any noiz. Then I axd how long we wuz gonna hav to stay insyd for, an he sed
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we had to stay until we wer almoss out uv food. I wuz mad an wantid to yell at him, but I sed o k. But tha outsyd air had smelld so good that I culdnt stop thinkin bout it, an that nyt, befor it wuz totaly dark, we ayt diner an I axd agin bout wen we culd leev tha room. Jeananna wuz xcitd bout leevin to an she got up an went ovr to tha food that we had organizd on tha taybil an she did sum kynd uv cowntin an then sed that we probly only had enuf food for three mor days an that maybe we shuld leev tha nex day so we culd find mor. Big D sed that we had mor food than that, an jeananna sed that we did if we wantid to eet only cand cabij. Then she sed that she thot that we wer survivers, an that we wernt gonna get tha bloat lyk othr people. Big D axd why she thot that, an jeananna sed becuz all 3 uv us had been close to people with tha
bloat an we wuld hav alredy got tha deezeez if we wer gonna get it. I sed that jeananna wuz ryt bout that. Big D sed that he hopd that she wuz ryt but that he wantd to wayt one mor day just to be sayf. Jeananna an me wer so hapy bout tha idea uv leevin that we culdnt keep sitin down an I got up an did a lil dans. It wuz stupid but I wuz xcytd an I dint cayr bout what I lookd lyk.
I culdnt sleep that nyt an nobody els culd eethr. I dont no what tym it wuz wen Big D lit up his lytr an serchd arownd tha room in tha dark for tha bottil uv Hennessey that he kept for speshil times. He sed that he wuz sick uv not sleepin. Jeananna an me agreed,
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an so Big D passd arownd tha bottil in tha dark an we startd to talk bout what we thot we wuld do in tha new world with so many people ded. It wuz hard to imagin what tha city wuz gonna be lyk, but it did seem lyk we culd hav anythin that we wantd. Big D sed that he wuz gonna find a Hummer for us to dryv arownd in. An then jeananna sed that we shuld mov into a reely nys hows in tha rich part uv town. An I sed how wundrful it wuz gonna be for us, how we wuz fynully gonna liv a good lyf. Then I sed, an I dont no why I wuz thinkin it, that jeananna an me shuld start havin babys so that we culd mayk a bigr famly. Be frewtfull an multyply, jeananna sed, an I clapd my hands an sed yes. I gess we wer all pritty drunk, an Big D sed, why dont we start maykin babys now.
Jeananna laffd an then I culd feel her clos to me evin tho it wuz so dark an I culdnt see nothin. She sed sofly in my eer that she wishd that she culd mayk a baby with me, an I sed I felt tha saym. Then we wer all lyin together on tha bed an kissin an tuchin an stuf an it wuz nys but then I movd away an let jeananna an Big D hav sum spays becuz it wuz reel hot an plus, I dont cayr what people say, its hard to hav three people havin sex, speshally wen yu cant see. After they wer dun, jeananna kaym ovr an lay with me on tha othr bed an wisperd bout how good it wuz gonna be wen we got out uv tha motel room an startd r new lyf. I axd her if she thot she wuz pregnant frum Big D. She sed that she dint no yet, but she hoped so. I sed I hoped so to. Then we kissed an went to sleep.
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We all wok up tha nex mornin with hed ayks, but they went away aftr a lil whyl an then jeananna an me started cleenin up an pakin all r stuf. Big D sed that we dint need to bring evrythin we had cuz we wer gonna get new beter stuf. But tha paking an cleenin wuz sumthing for jeananna an me to do, so we did it anywayz. Still, that day wuz so long an hot an boring, an all I culd do wuz think bout goin outsyd. Arownd lunch, jeananna startd tawkin bout babys agin an she toll Big D that sins he got her pregnant tha nyt befor, he shuld get me pregnant to. Jeananna lookd at me an sed that we culd be mothers together. I sed o k an I lookd at Big D an I culd tell that he felt a lil funny bout it for a second but then I saw sumthin clik in his hed, an he took off his cloze an kaym over to me.
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It wuz weerd havin sex with him cuz evin tho he wuz my pimp for mor than 2 yeers, we had nevr had reel sex, just lyk blowjobs an stuf at partys, but then there we wer tryin to hav a baby together. It workd out allrite. He wuz dun pritty qwik an then jeananna wuz nex to me agin lyk tha nyt befor an she axd me if I thot I wuz pregnant. I sed I thot so. An she sed that she had a reel good feelin that both uv us wer gonna hav babys. Later we all ayt chili for diner and an then we went to sleep an sumhow I slept deep.
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Tha nex day we wer up erly. We stood by tha door with r bags pakd an then we opind tha door an it wuz a reel prity day outsyd. We all stood there feelin good
an free to be out uv tha motel room. Tha sky wuz blue an there wer a few clowds an all yu culd heer wuz tha birds singin an tha wind blowin threw tha leevs uv tha lil trees that wer growin heer an there. It felt so good an cleen for a second, but then jeananna tuchd my arm an she sed, look ovr there, an she poyntd down to tha street an there wer ded people lyin in puddls uv dark blud. We went down to tha car with r bags an tha food that we still had an Big D startd tha car up. We drov arownd tha city pritty slow an we saw ded people evrywayr. There wer bad rottin smells that caym to us on tha breez, tha kynd uv stink that mayd my stumuk skweez up an I allmost puked a few tyms, but then I got ustd to it an dint notiss it much. We dint see one person who wuz livin an that wuz tha werst part.
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I axd if Big D an jeananna thot that evrybody wuz ded. Jeananna sed that it culdnt be so. Big D sed that most people who wer servivors wer probly still hydin lyk we had bin. So we kept ridin arownd lissenin to a CD on tha stereo. Tha muzic sownded so good aftr all thoze days uv qwiet in tha motel. It felt lyk it had been yeers sins I had herd sumthin sound so good. We wer drivin lyk that wen jeananna told Big D to stop tha car. He did an then she turnd down tha musik an we all herd it then, tha sownd uv sum othr musik cumin from sumwher neer. Jeananna got out uv tha car an stood in tha street lissenin an then she got bak in an sed that tha musik wuz cumin frum that way, an she poynted. Big D startd dryvin to where jeananna had poyntd an tha muzik got lowdr until we stopd in front uv an old beet up church
that had its doors opin an yu culd see that there wer people insyd dansin. Big D turnd off tha car an we all sat there for a minit befor we got out. We dint talk bout it, but we had to go insyd tha church cuz all uv us needid to see othr people who wernt ded. I gess we wer all nervis that tha people in tha church wuldnt lyk us, cuz that had hapind befor, but wen we got to tha opin door sumone insyd must uv seen us cuz sudinly evrybody in tha church wuz lookin at us an sum uv them showtid prayz tha lord! an stuf lyk that. Then tha preechr kaym walkin down to us with his hands up. He sed, Welcum, an, I m so glad that yu fownd us. We all nodid. Then he sed, Do yu need food or water? I wuz smylin an I lookd at jeananna an Big D an they wer smylin to cuz we culd feel how evryone in
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tha church wuz glad to be livin an seein othr people who wer livin to, an not sick with tha deezeez. It wuz weerd that we culd all be hapy wen tha hol world an most uv tha people we evr new wer ded, but we wer in a plays with other livin people, so it mayd sens.
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Tha people in tha church had allot uv food an they had a gasoleen engin in a back room that mayd electrikcity wen they wantid it. That wuz how they had tha muzic playin, an then wen tha sun went down an it got dark, they had lyts that they culd tern on to. Tha preechr an tha othr people in tha church axd if we wuld stay with them evin tho we wer planin on goin an fydin us a nys hows to liv in. We had that plan bout tha
new lyf we wer gonna start, an Big D wuz gonna find us a Hummer, an we wer gonna live in a big old rich hows with evry nyc thing, an that wuz fun to think bout, but I dont think that any uv us culd hav left tha church aftr we met evrybody an prayd with them an sang songs and ayt sum of theyr food. It wuz tha start uv a new biger beginin, lyk tha preecher kept sayin, we had all cum there together for sum speshal reezon, we wer chozen, he sed, an that wuz eazy to see. That nyt with tha lyts on I stayd up layt with evrybody elss talkin bout hoo we wer an how we got there. Jeananna an me dint tell them what we did for monee, but I dont think they wood hav cayrd. Jeananna told tha preecher tha she wuz pregnant an so wuz I. He sed it wuz a blessing, an maybee a miracal. There wuz singin an all that, but then I got tyrd an had to go
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to sleep evin tho I wuz reel hapy. Jeananna an Big D stayd up an I gess they carryd on tha hol nyt lyk it wuz a party, cuz wen I woke up in tha mornin they wer all still goin at it. That wuz wen I startd to see tha bloat in people an I new that tha deezeez wuz ryt there with us. I saw it in tha preecher an sum uv tha othrs that we had met. They wer swellin up an gettin purpilly an they had big smyls on there faysis. They still talkd tha saym an wer hapy an prazin god an tha new beginin uv tha human rays, but I dint feel hapy any mor lissenin to them talk, cuz evin if they dint no it, they wer lyin. Jeananna kaym ovr to me wen she saw I wuz awayk, an she wuz so hapy bout tha church an tha babys that tha two uv us had growin in r bodys. She dint see what wuz hapinin with tha people arownd us. I tryd to tell her but
she wuldnt lissen an neether wuld Big D. I startd to cry an say that we needid to leev, but they culdnt undrstand what I wuz cryin bout, an she patted me on my hed an sed we r gonna be o k, thees r good people an this is a good plays. I cryd whyl tha muzic playd an evrybody wuz prayin an singin. Then I culdnt cry anymor an I got up an I went out to tha car an I rolld a joynt an smokd tha hol thing whyl I sat on tha grownd. Tym slowd down mor than it evr had befor an I sat in tha sun an I mayd my deth an lyf choys. I desydid to let tha deezeez tayk me an kill me lyk it wuz gonna kill evrybody. I dint cayr anymor bout livin. It wuz a big desishun but it kaym so simpl. I got up an went back into tha church an I tryd to be frendly an clos to tha deezeez so it wuld cum insyd
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my body. I went ovr to tha preechr who wuz pritty fat an bludy alredy an I held his hand an I felt tha blud on my fingers. Jeananna kaym ovr to me an she wuz startin to swell up herself. She smyld all her teeth an sed, thats tha spirit, an then she huggd me an told me she loved me. I told her I loved her to an we huggd a long tym an I kissd her on her swolen lips an tastid her blud in my mowth. She axd if I culd feel r babys growin insyd uv us an I sed I did feel them, but reely I wuz tryin to feel tha deezeez growin in me an I thot I culd feel it gettin biger lyk a lil person in there without a fays. It wuz hard work tryin to keep up tha deth hapyness, but I just threw myself into it an dansed to tha muzic an sang reel lowd, an if I startd to feel sad I wuld get down on my nees an pray. Beein high helpd a
lil, but I wishd I had sumthin to drink to, cuz I culd get sort uv wyld an forget myself if I wuz drinkin, but evin with just the singin an prayin I felt wayvs uv joy swell up in me, an all uv suddin I wuz hapy cuz I new tha bloat must be insyd me if I culd be hapy wen jeananna an Big D wer getin fat an dark purply. After a whyl, sum uv tha people startd to go into tha bad paynful end uv tha bloat. There wer still people who wer hapy lyk jeananna an Big D, but 5 people or so fell down on tha floor an screemd an cryd an jerkd arouwn as tha blud leekd threw theyer skin an onto tha floor. That mayd it reel hard to keep hapy an I startd to feel lyk I wuz gonna throw up, but I kept beeleevin that I wuz sick to, I just needid to wayt a lil longr. So I went ovr to tha stereo that playd tha muzik an I turnd it up lowdr an that mayd
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tha people who wer still in tha hapy part uv tha bloat hapyr. Then I clozd my eyes an tryd hard to not heer tha people who wer screemin an cryin. I did heer them tho, but I culdnt help them, an anyway all I wantd to do wuz to get sick an dy, but I wuzint sick. Evin tho jeananna an Big D an evry fuckin body in tha church wuz, I wuzint. I kept waytin an prayin for it to get me, but it dint, an then evenchully evry body, an most important, jeananna wuz in tha bad bad paynful bleedin an screemin part of tha bloat an I culdnt pretend anymor, so I turnd off tha muzik an sat down next to jeananna as she wuz dyin. That wuz tha sadist tym uv my lyf sitin there with her as she dyd in so much payn. It took a few howrs for her to leev me all by myself, but it wuzint lyk she wuz all there with me eethr. Her thots wer messd up
by tha payn an bleedin, an it wuz reely a fuckd up an unfayr way to say goodby to her. I dont no if she culd evin heer me threw her tha deezeez, but I toll her ovr an ovr how I loved her an how she culdnt leev me there, how she had to get better, how we wer gonna hav r babys together, how we wer sisters. I held her hand. I got her water. I got her a blankit. I did evry thing I culd, but it wuzint nothin. She wuzint evin haf with me. Her eyes got all bludy an she dint look anything lyk herself, but I stayd with her until all tha screemin wuz ovr an her blud wuz poold arownd her an me an she wuz reely gon, an I pulld tha blankit ovr her fays. Big D wuz ded to. I no it sownds meen, but wen jeananna lay down an startd dyin, I culdnt see anybody elss but her, an there wuzint anything I culd hav dun for him
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anywayz. He had bin pritty good to me an I wishd that he wer still livin, but he wuz gon. Evrybody wuz gon.
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It wuz nyt tym then dark except for a few lyts that had bin on all day. There were fat ded people on tha floor all arownd me an I thot bout killin myself. I hadnt thot bout that for a long tym, not sins wen I wuz a lil girl an my step dady startd to cum in my room at nyt an fuck me. My momma wuz a nurs at a hospital that wuz bout an howr away, an allot uv tyms she workd tha nyt shift so it wuz only me an step dady in tha hows, but it wuzint lyk my momma dint no what he did to me. I told her a few tyms, an I wuz reel fuckd up by him an anybody culd see that. I aktd crazy at scool an tha teechrs axd me
what my lyf wuz lyk at home. I dint tell them nothin bout it, but I think they new, an they dint lyk me for it. One tym I saw my momma cum to my bedroom door wen step dady wuz doing it to me. She stood there for a lil whyl an I culd see her body blockin tha lyt from tha hall. Then she just walkd away. Back then I thot bout cutin my throwt or rists. I thot bout drinkin tha bleech undr tha sink. I thot bout lyin undr tha tyrs uv my moms car wen she went to work at nyt. I did allot uv thinkin but I nevr did nuthin to hurt myself, an I dont no why, but now I wuz thinkin agin, wishin for deth, but I culdnt move. I sat there on tha floor nex to jeananna waytin for sumthin to hapin. I had blud on my pants an hands an it felt thick an nasty, but I culdnt stand up. Jeananna wuz dead an I still lovd her anywayz an I culdnt leev her. I wuz
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messd up an confuzd cuz a ded person cant luv yu back tha saym as wen they r livin, but I still needid her, an I wuz stuk. It took a long tym, but I startid to talk to her agen. I sed, jeananna? What do I do now? She dint say anythin. She wuz coverd with tha blanket, so she dint evin look at me eether. I leened down close to her, but I dint tayk tha blanket off uv her fays cuz I dint want to look at her all bloaty lyk she wuz. I sed, jeananna, I cant get out uv here without yu. Remember how yu allwayz sed weed be together, but now yu left me evin tho I loved yu, so yu gotta help me get out uv this plays evin tho yur ded, an I wont ax yu for nothin agin but this. She dint say nothin. Sum people myt hav got mad an startid yellin at her then, but I wuz qwiet an I wayted. I culd wayt for evr. I axd her agin an then waytid sum mor. I new she
wuz ignorin me, but I dint get mad cuz that woodnt be fayr of me, an I dint want to mayk her mad, or she woodnt say nothing. I wayted and wayted. Then reel qwik I herd her voys whisper in my eer lyk she did sumtyms. She spoke so fast an qwiet, that maybee I woodnt hav herd her if I wuzint lissenin so hard, but all she sed wuz, get up baby. Reel nys an qwiet, just a warm whisper, that wuz all. I got up lyk jeananna had sed, an I lookd arownd at all tha ded people lyin on tha floor uv tha church in theyr own blud. I walkd around slowly sort uv sayin goodby to evrybody, but not gettin to clos so I dint step in all tha stuff that caym out uv them. They lookd so fat an horribal from tha bloat, it wuz hard to remembr that they dint alwayz look that way. I wantid them to go away. I wantid all tha mess to be cleend up.
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I walkd bak into tha church to tha room that had tha engin in it an fownd a big can uv gas. It wuz hevy but it got lyter wons I startid porin it on tha ded people an all over evrythin til tha can wuz empty. Tha smell uv tha gas all ovr tha plays made my hed feel lyt an funny. I saw lil exploshuns happenin all arownd me lyk fyrworks on tha 4th uv July an that wuz fun, but then my hed startd to spin an I allmost fell down. I went ovr to tha door an opend it and breethed in sum fresh air, an that cleerd my hed a lil. I gess I had bin there all nyt, cuz tha sun wuz comin up. I turnd back into tha church an lookd at it all for a second befor I took tha lyter out uv my pocket an neeled down to tha grownd an lit it. There wuz a lowd whoosh sownd, an just lyk that, fyr wuz evrywhere, jumpin all ovr evrything. It wuz so
hot that sum uv my hayr got burnd up so fast I dint evin notiss it hapen, until I smelld it. I had to run to Big Ds car to get away, but then I sat down an wachd tha black smoke an flayms dans rownd insyd uv tha church. Tha flayms caym outsyd on tha street an tha wind pushed them in diferent direckshuns an tha fyr spred to tha othr bildings. It moved fast all ovr tha plays an there wuzint anyone arownd who wuz gonna stop it.
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