ISSU E â„– 01
NORTH BY RON PA R K LA N DS
Friday, 22nd July, 2016
16 years SINCE WE LEFT YOU
T H E DA I LY SPLEN DOU R: Fr iday, 22 July, 2016
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By Alistair Klinkenberg
T H E DA I LY SPLEN DOU R: Fr iday, 22 July, 2016
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THE AVALANCHES By Alistair Klinkenberg
WHEN YOU GET CARRIED AWAY BY THE RAMPANT CURRENT OF POPULAR CULTURE, IT’S HARD TO DECIPHER THE MEANINGFUL FROM THE TRIVIAL—The Avalanches dropped a pretty hefty shell on the music industry in 2000 with their debut album Since I Left You, but being 23 at the time, the magnitude of what they’d achieved didn’t really register. Skip past the 16 year sabbatical to the sophomore album Wildflower, and the ever-fluid collective of Melbournites are negotiating the hype-beast with a heightened consciousness. “When you’re 23, it’s a whirlwind,” says founding Avalanches member Robbie Chater. “You’re living day-to-day, and I never really stopped to appreciate the wonderful opportunity that we’d been given to connect with all of these people through music. It’s been really nice this time around to appreciate how lucky we are.” Robbie’s epiphany, of sorts, as to the significance of The Avalanches’ first album came five years after its release. “In about 2005, my partner at the time said, ‘You do know that Since I left You is still hanging around and that it means a lot to people.’ And that was the first time that I really stopped and thought about it.” To say that there’s been a bit of a fuss made about The Avalanches return to the spotlight is an understatement, but existing— as we do—in an Oz-centric media, it’s hard to really sense whether the rest of the world is as excited about the return as we are. The Australian musically-minded public are extremely cynical, but fiercely loyal. Once you’re in, you’re in. The Avalanches have long been a national treasure, and the group are passionate about their native fans. “I think we’ve got so many fond memories from home of playing our first shows that we can’t help but to have a special affection for our Australian fans,” explains Robbie. “When we were coming up we felt so embraced, and that was even before we put a record out. That’s what gave us the momentum to keep going really.” I ask whether Robbie thinks that the rest of the world knows that The Avalanches are Australian. It seems obvious, but nationality is paramount to the identity of some bands, and incidental to others. “I think so,” he replies. “I remember when Since I left You came out that it was a big deal in England that we were from Australia. I think that the music is quite joyous and summery and that people find it really easy to make that connection between what the music sounds like and what they imagine Australia to be like.” Growing up in the UK, despite being ten at the time, I remember the amount of airplay that Since I Left You got. Traditionally, circulation in the UK or the States was the hallmark of a successful overseas conquest for an Australian band, and signalled a rapturous homecoming. But Since I Left You’s success on British shores was due in part to some fortunate timing. The album was gaining momentum, and it was warm and loose when the fickle English summer hit. “It was funny, it was about eight months after the record came out here in Australia that the momentum really started building, and it just happened that it hit the UK in
the summer. It was one of those things that you couldn’t really plan, and it just ended up taking on a world of its own,” says Robbie. In 2016, Robbie acknowledges that the legitimacy of native Australian artists shouldn’t rely on overseas validation. You release your offering online, and within seconds it’s available to the whole world. “Good records resonate no matter where
and why Wildflower has taken ten years to kick out of the door. “The first time that we sent the record to the label and our management was in 2011 or 2012,” he explains. “It was kind of a record, but it was a mess. Everyone said that they were pretty sure that there was a record in there somewhere, but they were just worried that we’d lost the plot.”
you’re from,” he says, recognising the huge digital shift in the music biz since their debut. But what of the hiatus? The Avalanches’ press offerings have been sparse and selective since the release of Wildflower on July 1, and you can’t help but think it’s because they’re preemptively sick of talking about the break; explaining why you’ve missed 5,840 consecutive roll calls is no small feat. However, Robbie couldn’t be more open to talking about their absence,
Talking to Robbie about the process of putting Wildflower together, a number of things become obvious. He’s rapt at the reception of the record, and the prospect of being The Avalanches again, but also that he and Tony were so close to the writing, recording, and production of the record that coming to conclusions was a painful process. Output in any capacity is laborious, and studios designed to harbour creativity can fast become tombs. Robbie speaks with the vitality of a man who’s recently been freed
from the shackles of sitting in the dark with his face illuminated by a monitor. “Along the way we definitely had tough moments when we were like, ‘What are we doing? Is this any good?’” he says. “And when it comes to selecting songs and making a cohesive record, you tend to hold onto the music you love for way too long, regardless of whether it’s going to fit on the record. So that took a long time, to get to grips with the music we loved and work out what to let go.” When you’re not in the habit of writing and recording for a living, the fact that the songs you create have to exist as a single entity doesn’t really come into it. But an album made up of great singles isn’t a great album. And, when you haven’t released a record for 16 years, you’d better believe that your record has to dazzle from start to finish.” The Avalanches reportedly have another album’s worth of songs recorded that didn’t make the cut for Wildflower, and I ask Robbie whether you have to take emotion out of the selection criteria, and resort to a formulaic approach; a sprinkle of melancholy here, a dash of summer anthem here… He chuckles, and explains that this is the antithesis to the way The Avalanches do things. “There’s just no formula, and that’s why records end up being unique,” he explains. “You need to discover the record’s personality, and once you’ve found it, it becomes easier and easier to work out what’s going to fit on the record. We actually ended up leaving a lot of the up-tempo songs off,” he continues. “We just tried to be confident, especially on the second half of the record, to just let it trip out and be itself, because that’s what we felt like it wanted to do. We just had to let it be.” The subtlety of the sampling on Wildflower is a triumph. The second half of the record especially, kneads and orally teases with melancholy that you often can’t quite pin down. To the (relatively) uneducated ear, just to sit and listen is to travel to a multitude of places that you’d forgotten that you’d been. As an end result, the record just…works. But, if you’re prone to overthinking, and have a plethora of degrees pinned to your chest, I can see the temptation to dive into the ether of meaning. It’s a music academic’s wet dream. “The record operates on a number of different levels,” says Robbie, “but for us it’s more about the feeling that the record brings, and how it makes you feel on that day when you’re listening to it. Sometimes it’s a little frustrating because people want to talk about all of the ingredients that go into the record, rather than the end result. But I understand that it’s fascinating,” Robbie sympathises. “I love sample-based music and I’m always super interested to find out what the original source material was and to find out what went into the original sampling.” The samples that Robbie and Tony have used on Wildflower are vast. Like, Moog Scientist Mort Garson to The Beatles vast. And that’s one of the reasons that we fell in love with The Avalanches in the first place. It’s flowery, deep, melancholic, and it’s wacky as all hell. “A lot of the crazier old, homemade recordings that we used, a lot of those records hold meaning for me and I do think about what was going on in that person’s life at the time, and why they had to make
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The Avalanches. Images by Steve Gullick
this crazy record and get it out there,” says Robbie. “Every sample already has its own meaning and its own history, and then it comes into our world and there’s all of these other people involved and then this process of getting it out—I love thinking about that, and really we’re just such a small cog in the musical journey that this piece of music has had, and it’ll float out again on the radio and someone else will hear it, and there’ll be something else happening in their day, and then it enters into their life and continues on. It’s just a flow of energy, without wanting to sound too cosmic,” he laughs. If you’ve ever tried to get anyone to do anything for you, then you understand how time consuming and frustrating it can be relying on others. Getting MF Doom, Warren Ellis, Father John Misty, Toro Y Moi, Biz Markie, and so many more to collaborate on your record, and negotiating all of the steps that lead up to the first vocal lick being recorded is downright impressive. Visions of Robbie and Tony sitting in the
studio going, “You know what? I reckon Warren Ellis would be perfect for this one…you got his number?” “Yeah I’ll hit him a text,” are romantic, but not miles from the truth. “A lot of it is personal relationships,” says Robbie. “Glen, our A&R guy from Modular days, has been a part of this record since the beginning, and I can’t even describe how amazing he’s been. It’s nothing to do with his job, it’s almost like he’s part of the band. He’d talk to management and then we’d go direct to the artist. And keeping tabs on where we’re at. That’s been one of the big things, it’s been a whirlwind since the album was ‘finished’, just going back and re-contacting someone who might’ve done a vocal four or five years ago and figuring out how to split the publishing and getting it all approved again.” All of this comes before the clearing of samples, which I got Robbie to break down into layman’s terms in order to wrap my mind around it, and to explain to those of
a previous generation who seem to believe that using music that’s come before is somehow ‘cheating’. To clear samples, first off you need to get your hands on the master, which is usually in the hands of the record company with which it was recorded. Then, once you’ve selected the riff, vocal, drum track, etc. that you’d like, you have to go to whoever owns the track and clear (see also: pay) them. That’s why you’ll see Yoko Ono’s name in the Wildflower credits. Robbie jokes that being a household name helped The Avalanches get their hands on the samples that they really wanted to use this time, but that it was a lot cheaper in 1999 when they were an unknown band from Melbourne. This all brings us to Splendour in the Grass and the home soil live return of The Avalanches. Tony and Robbie played a DJ set at Splendour in 2005, and their existing memory of the festival is a “fantastic day” where they played lots of heavy metal, and a little Bon Jovi. 2016 will see the group perform in a completely different context,
with more hype and emphasis put on their performance. You’d think that this would result in pressure, but Robbie just sounds thrilled to be out of the studio and in the open. “When you’ve been sitting in front of a computer for ten years making a record, it’s super exciting to be in a room full of crazy people playing instruments,” he laughs. “I’ve got to play guitar though, which is a little scary as I’ve barely played in almost 20 years, but we’ve tracked down a lot of the original samples that we used on this record. And there’s keys, live drums, live vocals. The Splendour show’s going to be a blast, we can’t wait.” One thing’s for sure, if The Avalanches’ flash-rip that’s been engulfing the music industry results in an accordingly special Splendour in the Grass performance, then we’re all in for one hell of a night. See The Avalanches on the Amphitheatre Stage on Friday night at 9:00pm ₴
T H E DA I LY SPLEN DOU R: Fr iday, 22 July, 2016
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WELCOME TO THE DAILY SPLENDOUR
Image by Lincoln Jubb
By Alistair Klinkenberg
FOR MONSTER CHILDREN, PUTTING TOGETHER THE DAILY SPLENDOUR JUST FELT RIGHT—It seemed fitting that we should don our newspaper hats and lock ourselves in a shipping container backstage so that you—the beloved Splendour unwashed—would have something arousing to accompany your coffee, Panadol, and bacon in the morning. Here at MC we all have much personally invested in Splendour, memories and experiences not long forgotten, that doing some service to the festival is a great honour. Splendour in the Grass holds a special place in the cultural landscape of Australia.
And in a country that’s threatened with being suffocated by the red tape legislation that increasingly creeps into our lives, any time where large groups of young people are free to come together and share good times, ideas, music, food, laughter, and experiences is something that’s crucial to revel in. The Daily Splendour is our respectful tip of the hat to the Rolling Stone Magazine of old. When the magazine, which was more newspaper at the time, first hit the shelves in November 1967, it was printed upstairs in a factory in San Francisco and was the all-encompassing love labour of 21-year-old Harvard drop out Jann Wenner. Every two
weeks, Rolling Stone’s newsprint continued to redefine rock ’n’ roll and youth culture. While we wouldn’t dream of including ourselves in the same league as the great Wenner, Gleeson, Thompson, and co, we do hope that our daily offerings will stimulate conversation and evoke laughter as you set off on your own journey over the next few days. We implore you to explore the site and immerse yourself in everything that the festival has to offer. After all, Splendour in the Grass, like Rolling Stone Magazine at the time of its conception, is about much more than just music. You’ve bought the ticket, now take the ride. Until tomorrow, toodle-pip. ₴
THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY By Josh Rakic MUSIC, IT’S LITERALLY WHY YOU’RE HERE—But was the stuff that came before today’s sounds any good? And do we even care? The answer to both is a resounding yes. Thus, we delve back into the archives to uncover some of the biggest happenings in music on this very day, many moons ago. JULY 22, 2007—Ja Rule ft. A Shotgun. Never one to go solo without some sort of assistance—usually a J-Lo or Ashanti—Ja Rule found a new partner in literal crime in Lil Wayne after a New York City concert. They left separately so no one would get suss but each got pulled over by the police anyway. Jaja got done for speeding and then on closer inspection, carrying unlicensed firearms. Not to be outdone, Lil Wayne got busted for smoking some reefer and, of course, carrying a pistol in his car. Michael Buble was also arrested for having a licensed Michael Buble album in his car. JULY 22, 2005—An Outkast listen a day will keep the doctor away. At least that was the claim by a car insurance firm that researched the effects of different music genres on driving. Music psychologist, it’s a thing, Nicola Dibben decreed that singing while driving stimulates the mind and went on to recommend “Hey Ya” as the ideal song for positive driving manner. She said The Prodigy’s “Firestarter” increased the likelihood of aggression. While she pointed to Australian hip hop as being the number one cause of vehicular suicide. *We lied about the last bit. JULY 22, 1971—John Lennon begins filming his promo video for “Imagine”, including the famed scene of the chorus on his white piano. Yoko prank calls George and Ringo. JULY 22, 1967—Mick Jagger and two other Rolling Stones members face court after being charged with pissing up against a wall of a fuel station. Apparently the bathroom was occupied by Keith who was in the throes of a battle with a horse. Keith got off scot free. And Mick and the lads each copped a $5 fine. JULY 22, 1947—The Eagles drummer and vocalist Don Henley was born. Responsible for five US No.1 albums and songs like “Hotel California” and “Desperado”, The Eagles’ Best Of album remains the second highest selling album of all time behind only Michael Jackson’s Thriller. ₴
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MONSTER CHILDREN ROADMAP TO DAY 01 By Dale Robinson
OK, Day one. There’s going to be a lot of running around here, some half-sets, some full-sets. But it’s all in the name of seeing live music, it’s why we’re here, duh. Kick Day One off with a little vibe out with Sampa the Great in the Mix Up tent, followed by a double dose of psych rock acts in the GW McLennan tent with Methyl Ethyl and Fat White Family. Then we’re going to spend a bit of time in the Amphitheatre, get a drink, relieve yourself, you have 30 mins before The Stone Roses’ love children, DMA’s hit the big stage followed by The Kills. We’ve been pretty rock steady so far, time to dance, so grab a vodka soda and head to the Mix Up tent to see Hayden James. If you stayed for the end of The Kills you’ll miss 20 mins, choice is yours. Stay in the Mix Up tent and kick those heels, or, move over to GW McLennan for Peter, Bjorn & John (insert “Young Folks” whistle). Now we have a big decision. The fury of Violent Soho (amazing live) or half-
and-half with soul master Leon Bridges. We’ll then clearly be ending the night in the Amphitheater for the The Avalanches first Australian show in, well, a while. After that, break for 20 and get ready for Mr. Julian Casablancas and The Strokes in their only Australian show. Phew, what a day. ₴
MC PICKS : DAY 1
Image by Lincoln Jubb
FRIDAY 22ND JULY FULL LINE-UP A M PH I T H E AT R E TIME 10.30-12.00
ACT
TIME
ACT
TIME
ACT
THE STROKES
10.00 - 11.15
HERMITUDE
9.30 - 10.30
BAND OF HORSES
10:00 - 11:00
MOTEZ
9.30 - 10.00
HUMAN MOVEMENT
8.30 - 9.30
ILLY
8.00 - 9.00
LEON BRIDGES
9:00 9:55
LUCY CLICHÉ
8.00 - 8.30
HUMAN MOVEMENT
7.00 - 8.00
YEARS AND YEARS
6.30 - 7.30
PETER BJORN & JOHN
8:00 - 9:00
ROLAND TINGS
6.30 - 7.00
SWICK
5.30 - 6.30
HAYDEN JAMES
5.10 - 6.00
EMMA LOUISE
7:00 - 8:00
DRO CAREY
5:00 - 5:30
SWICK
4:00 - 5:00
JACK GARRETT
3.55 - 4.40
ROBERT FORSTER
5:55 - 7:00
MALL GRAB
3:30 - 4:00
SWICK 2.40 - 3.25
FAT WHITE FAMILY
5:00 - 5:50
KLLO
1.35 - 2.20
METHYL ETHEL
4:00 - 4:50
WORLD CHAMPION
12:30 - 1:15
THE WILD FEATHERS
3:00 -3:50
NICOLE MILLAR
THE 1975
6.00-7.00
THE KILLS
4.30-5.30
T I N Y DA N C E R
TIME
VIOLENT SOHO
7.30-8.30
GW McLEN NA N
ACT
THE AVALANCHES
9.00-10.00
MIX UP
3.15-4.00
DMA’S
2:45 - 3:30
KACY HILL
3.00-3.15
WELCOME TO COUNTRY
2:15 - 2:45
RIBONGIA
2:00 - 2:45
NOTHING BUT THEIVES
1:30 - 2:15
TOTAL GIOVANNI
1:00 - 1:30
RIBONGIA
12:50 - 1:30
HIGH TENSION
12:15 - 1:00
SAMPA THE GREAT
12:00 - 12:30
ALEX LAHEY
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T H E DA I LY SPLEN DOU R: Fr iday, 22 July, 2016
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Image by Jeremy Donohoe
HALF-ASSED GUIDE TO THE NORTHERN RIVERS By Josh Rakic FROM THE CLARENCE TO THE TWEED, FROM YAMBA TO KINGSCLIFF, THE NORTHERN RIVERS REGION OF NSW KNOWS NO PEER—The water’s warm, the fishing’s good, and the waves are even better.Hell, greater Byron Bay alone is Australia’s undisputed heavyweight champion of coastal towns, the last glimmering ref lection of the bohemian counterculture of the free-lovin’ 1960s when weed was king and STDs rampant. The latter as true now as it was then. But that’s why you’re here, barefooted and wearing op shop threads like you imagine your parents used to as they traversed the east coast, f lowers in their hair, in a hemp-burning Kombi—or more likely, a beat Toyota Ace. Funnily enough, while the Byron area is considered the fourth best destination in the world for vegans and socialists behind only Austin, Portland, and San Francisco—and before it was home to 108 Hemsworths and Jack Johnson—its roots lay firmly in the whaling and meat industries. Up until 1962, the Byron Bay Whaling Company operated at Main Beach for the best part of a decade, right beside JW Anderson’s abattoir—the area’s biggest exports. If you thought the sharks were bad now, spare a thought for the longboarders of the day because so dense was the great white and tiger shark population that shark shooting was a lucrative business, punters were hired by the abattoir—which was pumping offal into the ocean—to sit on the wharf and shoot sharks with a rif le. For safety reasons, of course. In fact, before music festivals existed, the biggest way to gather a crowd in the area was to haul in one of 88 allowed humpback catches per season. So while Byron’s famous nowadays for being the most easterly point of Australia and home to an iconic lighthouse, perhaps
it’s best considered a modern example of cultural progression and the change we want to see in all of us. Or at the very least, one helluva good time. But don’t kid yourselves—the traffic is fucked, it’s more expensive than Double Bay, and ain’t nobody got time to sit in traffic for 40 minutes off the Pac Highway just to pay $22 for an acai bowl. So given you’re already well on the outskirts of town, here are a few other towns and attractions to hit for a day trip on the Far North Coast during your stay.
NIMBIN MARKETS Nimbin, it’s where the hippy subculture is alive and well, albeit its campaigners barely moving. Hell, it’s sister city is Woodstock, USA, so where better to enjoy a hazy brunch and reminisce of your life last lived on this magnificent weekend of peace, love, and music? The streets are painted in colour, the parks plastered in history (among other things), and the Hemp Embassy, Hemp Museum, and Hemp Bar are almost always open. Just understand the “back in 5
minutes” sign means come back tomorrow. It’s been a hotbed of social issues and movements—think environmentalists, feminists, and just about anything ending in “ist”—since the 1970s and plays home to the annual Mardigrass Festival and Hemp Olympics, making Nimbin a town of deadset innovators. And this Sunday you can see old Nimbin town in all its glory with the Nimbin Markets—for all your rasta and glass-blown needs. How far? 1 hour. FLOAT DOWN CUDGERA CREEK There’s a Disney animated short from the 1950s named The Little House that details the brutal effects of big city progress on regional communities. And Hastings Point is a real life version of it, a tiny coastal settlement with a crystal clear creek running through it that is the last bastion of opposition to city-fication on the coast; locals still battling to save it from becoming the eyesore that is Cabarita. A historic caravan park laden with retro vans and plenty of space for camping, it’s a throwback to the 1950s and somehow feels completely isolated despite being just minutes from Kingscliff. The current runs clear and strong from the beach through the waist-deep creek, making for an epic lazy f loat—enjoyed best with a Calipo from the milk bar across the street. And the water temp is 21 degrees this week. How far? 20 minutes north east. YAMBA PUB CRAWL If ever there was a town capable of challenging Byron Bay for best east coast destination, it’s Yamba. With five beaches, the Clarence River, Angourie, and home to the Australian prawn industry, it’s a salt dog’s paradise (think Billabong founder Gordon Merchant and 1966 world champ Nat Young). The Pacific Hotel sits pride of place above Main Beach for the best aspect of any pub in the country. And there are three more pubs you can access by boat. By boat, man! None better than Iluka’s
Sedge’s Reef, a 1970s Carlton ad come to life that hasn’t been updated since. BYO stubbie cooler and asbestos mask. And just down the road, Angourie is home to the infamous Blue Pool, a natural spring that unexpectedly filled the rock quarry used to build the break walls at the river mouth in the 1890s. It’s a helluva good jump rock starting from 2m to 5m, and if you’re game, you can take the 10m plunge in the green pool nearby. How far? 90 minutes south SKINNY DIP AT KILLEN FALLS There are countless waterfalls to check out in the area, but only few with watering holes deep enough to drown last night’s regrets— without enduring a 4km hike. So make the half hour drive north to Tintenbar. There’s some classic country road driving up there, complete with wooden bridges surrounded by the cane fields that have long fed the Northern Rivers. And with just a short hike to the basin of the falls, you’ll be skinny dipping that pale winter rig in no time. It’s surprisingly warm. No sharks either, but there have been sightings of white whales. How far? 35 minutes south west. BRUNCH IN BANGALOW Bangalow, west of Byron Bay. It’s an historic mill town turned organic haven, typically a shelter from the shitstorm of backpackers and tourists that can be Byron Bay. Steeped in history and with more self-proclaimed artisans per capita than Newtown in Sydney, its Sunday markets are thing of legend. It’s a combo produce and craft market all stocked with local organic fare and hand-crafted products. Better yet, there are waterfalls and rainforests nearby. So after you’ve enjoyed a $6 mini croissant and still haven’t shook the hangover, hike to the top of Minyon Falls. It’s worth it for the Insta shots of the panoramic coastal views, the 100m cascading waterfall, and the Pokemon. How far? 23 minutes south. ₴
LOOK FAMILIAR? We’ve all been there. It’s a known fact that FESTIVALS AND FOOTWEAR DON’T MIX. The good news is HYPE DC IS HERE TO HELP. Simply post a picture on instagram of your cooked footwear with the hashtag #COOKEDFOOTWEAR OVER THE SPLENDOUR WEEKEND and we’ll choose the worst 20 to replace, BRAND NEW (value of $150). THE MORE COOKED THE BETTER!
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T H E DA I LY SPLEN DOU R: Fr iday, 22 July, 2016
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By Alistair Klinkenberg
IF NIMBIN IN THE NORTHERN RIVERS REGION OF NEW SOUTH WALES IS A GALAXY, AND MANY WOULD SUGGEST THAT IT IS—then the Aquarius festival in 1973 was its big bang. The early seventies was a vibrant and exciting time to be a young person in Australia. The Whitlam Labor government came to power in 1972, bringing hope to young people after 23 years of conservative rule. Hair was long, and times were radical, in every sense of the word. Johnny Allen was the director of the iconic Aquarius movement, and remembers the backdrop of the Aquarius movement fondly. “Whitlam came to power in ’72 and Aquarius was in ’73,” says Johnny. “So it very much came off the back of the optimistic and revolutionary thinking of the time. That, including long term opposition to the Vietnam War; very much a background of student politics, and the student worker movement.” I asked Johnny whether he felt disconnected from his parents’ generation. He chuckled and replied, “Yes I suppose I did, with the naivety of youth. I think it’s natural to think that you always know better when you’re young, but as I get older I realise that things tend to go in circles.” The series of events that led Johnny to his role as the Director of Aquarius, were suitably organic. He’d been working in Sydney running the alternative music venue, The Arts Factory, and remembers fondly the
he remembers. “And then Col James (the architect) and I got lost on our way to Lismore Airport one day and we wandered into Nimbin at sunset. There was a dog asleep in the middle of the main road, and an old timer on a rocking chair outside the only shop. Col and I looked up at one another and had a sort of, ‘Aha, eureka!’ moment.” Nimbin was a dairy town in decline. Due to a slip in soil fertility, among other factors,
weekends that they used to shut the venue and invite the regulars to open farm festivals, where they spent the weekend listening to local bands and having a ball. “Every couple of months we would go up to the farm and everyone was welcome,” Johnny tells me. “Two hundred to 300 people would show up, and there was no programme or anything like that, no charge, at the end of the festival I’d just walk around with my hat and people would throw in a couple of shillings so we could pay for the truck and the sound system. And then we’d do it all again.” Unlike the current climate in Australia, where you get fined for picking your nose and can barely walk out your front door for tripping over red tape, Johnny’s generation was free to explore new ways of doing things. And it was this thirst for something fresh that led him to Aquarius. Johnny applied for the job of Cultural Director that was being advertised by the AUS (Australian Union of Students) and ended up sitting at a desk in their office in Melbourne opposite Graeme Dunstan, who would be his partner in organising the Aquarius festival. “Graeme Dunstan and I both knew each other from Sydney,” remembers Johnny. “But we didn’t know that we’d applied for the same job at the AUS. I ended up being named director of Aquarius which was the cultural arm of the organisation, and Graeme ended up as festival director. We basically got the jobs, got told that we needed to put on a festival, and then went, ‘Well what the hell
Nimbin’s core industry was slumping, and the fact that the village was off the traditional tourist routes meant that it was really in a bad state financially. It had been featured on ABC program Four Corners earlier in the year as an example of a rural town in decline, unbeknownst to the Aquarius organisers. When the Aquarius movement chose Nimbin as its spiritual home, the fabric of the sleepy village changed forever. But not before Johnny and Graeme organised a meeting with the local population to get their blessing. “The population of Nimbin was around 300, and there were 310 people at the meeting,” laughs Johnny. “So it was really every man and his dog. I don’t know whether they had dollar signs flashing in their eyes or what, but the meeting voted unanimously to host the festival, and we went on from there. It was very much a story of a conservative and sleepy country town meeting up with radical students from the cities, and back in those days there was very much an ‘us and them’ mentality. But, there was also some really lovely interactions and meetings between us and the Nimbin locals.” Graeme aptly summed up the Aquarius stance on the smattering of negative press relating to the “us and them” model (the usual “unwashed hippy” rhetoric)—that they received in the lead up to the festival. “I’m worried for the people who write these things and about what they fear from the festival, and why they feel that they have to put it down,” he told the ABC in 1973.
AQUARIUS do we do now?’“ he laughs. Both Johnny and Graeme knew that they didn’t want Aquarius to be another Adelaide or Sydney festival, and went on a nationwide tour encouraging interesting and progressive characters to attend the festival that they were planning. “We’d have a dialogue in each city,” explains Johnny. “I’d quite often be in Perth on Monday, Adelaide on Tuesday, and back to Sydney by Friday. Graeme would join me, and anyone doing anything differently, whether it was music, art, food or politics, or whatever, we’d invite to dinner—we’d throw these big dinners for 20 or 30—and we’d tell them that we’re going to have this festival, and there’s no programme. You are the festival. And we slowly accumulated several hundred people who liked the idea and were
tuned into it and committed and they helped us put on the festival, it sort of went from there.” Finding somewhere to house Johnny and Graeme’s vision proved to be difficult. A fledgling version of the festival had previously been held in 1971 at the ANU in Canberra, but it was more traditional in its form; music, theatre, film screenings. Johnny and Graeme knew that they needed to head north to warmer pastures to pull off their great heist (but not so far as to cross the border to the notoriously conservative Queensland). But, for almost a year the perfect location alluded them. Until eventually, some poor map reading led Johnny to the honey pot. “We were almost ready to give up and resort to going back to a university campus,”
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Aquarius Festival. All images by Harry Watson Smith
The Aquarius festival started on May 12 1973 and went for ten days. The core value, ethos if you will, of the festival was that it rejected the traditional forms of performance, art, and music that were commonplace at festivals at the time (although Aquarius certainly had all of those things). This wasn’t a rock festival like Woodstock—comparisons are tempting— no, Aquarius was about exploring different ways to live. The idea that your life was your greatest work of art, and that there’s plenty of different ways to live it, is what Aquarius was all about. Graeme Dunstan explained just prior to the festival that, “Rock festivals have been killed by the entrepreneurs, and then we thought that we should run a free form festival where people can come along and make it the sort of festival that they want.” Johnny remembers fondly the ten days that was the result of a year’s worth of work. “Nothing was programmed,” he tells me. “Part of the message was that you are the programme. No one ever said, ‘Such
and such will be on at two o’clock.’ It didn’t work like that. It was just whoever felt like taking to the stage did. Which meant that there were dull patches, but also that there were some really unexpected jam sessions with 40 or 50 people on the one stage. So it was very much radical in its form, as well as its ideals. We encouraged people to come as small, tribal groups, and to be self-sufficient, but also to contribute to the festival in terms of entertainment.” The real significance of the festival, both in the Northern Rivers region and the cultural landscape of Australia, came in the fallout. Prior to the festival, Johnny and Graeme had put deposits on the land that they were leasing to hold the festival, the idea being that attendees could then purchase the land and set up communal living places afterwards, which they did. Communes like the Tuntable Falls community, are still there today. “There had been a movement of younger people moving to the northern NSW coastal towns,” explains Johnny Allen. “Aquarius
didn’t cause it, but it accentuated it. That’s continued and it’s one part of the Australian coast now that I think is quite unique. It’s had an impact on the politics of the region. There’s been so-called ‘hippies’ on the local council, integrating with the infrastructure.” The fact that a large number of the Aquarius attendees never left has undeniably had a profound effect on what is now known as the Rainbow Region. Activism remains strong in the area. And events like the successful protest at the Bentley Blockade in 2013 that resulted in the revoking of Metgasco’s gas exploration licence, can certainly be seen as product of the Aquarius fallout. I ask Johnny Allen whether pulling off the Aquarius festival in 1973 ranks as one of his greatest achievements. He chuckles, and replies that it inescapably is. “I’ve had a bit of a mixed bag career wise,” he tells me, “and there’s lots of things that I’ve done since then. I was the event manager for Darling Harbour for seven years, and then of Tourism NSW that eventually
became Destination NSW and Vivid. But it’s interesting that of all the things I’ve been involved in over the years, the one thing that still pops up, quite regularly, and still survives in many ways, is Nimbin. Just because it was very much a product of the times. It rang a bell for how people were perceiving the world, in a particular way that occasionally happens, but is fairly rare.” Call them lefty, or green, but the protagonists of the Aquarius movement started something in May of 1973 in Nimbin, and it’s something that we would do well to take heed of today. With upwards of 90% of the Barrier Reef bleached and effectively destroyed, and the councils of New South Wales being involuntarily merged in order to eradicate elected resistance to Coal Seam Gas drilling, perhaps we need the Aquarius movement more than ever. Johnny Allen concludes our chat by saying that if there’s one thing that we can learn from Aquarius, it’s that the environment needs us to “protect it and go with it.” Tread lightly. ₴
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Image by Harry Watson Smith
SEVEN WAYS TO BE A GOOD CAMPER By Jason Crombie CAMPING AT A FESTIVAL CAN GO ONE OF TWO WAYS—fantastic, or really, really not fantastic. And it all depends how you and your fellow campers behave. If you conduct yourselves like dicks, everyone is going to have a bad time. If you’re courteous and thoughtful, chances are you’ll have a fun time; and who knows, you might even make some life-long friends. Here are some handy tips on how to be a good neighbour. BE FRIENDLY AND POLITE Hello, how are you? I’m fine thanks, how are you? Good, thank you very much for asking. Are you excited to see The Cure? Yes I am. Are you? Yes. Please have a nice day. That’s an example of a polite exchange between campers. Here’s an example of an impolite Exchange: Watch where you are walking! You are not the boss of me! I know you are, so what am I? I do not like you. I do not like you either. No one wants that. Foster a good vibe by being friendly and polite at all times. And don’t be insecure weirdo freaks who are too cool to say hello to their neighbours. That’s weak. SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP AFTER MIDNIGHT. It’s a festival and everyone’s there to party,
KHAL OF THE GREAT GRASS SEA By Monique Penning LIKE A SCHOOL CAMPING TRIP ON STEROIDS, WITH A WHOLE LOT MORE BAG SEARCHES AND RULE BREAKING—Welcome to Splendour in the Grass campgrounds, where one brave man, year after year, is in charge of looking after 17,500 of you rascals. Meet Campground Manager Jeremy, whose job responsibilities contain more slashes than your average Instagram Model/ Influencer/Personal Trainer/Nutritionist. Jeremy describes himself as the “older man with a strange beard”, but he’s much more than that. While you’re all planning how you’re going to erect your crappy tents, Jeremy plans your survival. A shoulder to cry on at three in the morning, motor home parker, mediator, bad cop, good cop, you name it, he does it. “It works well because I’ve got four kids
goes like this: Hitler, Bin Laden, Donald Trump, and then the inconsiderate dicks who keep everyone awake at a festival. Turn your fucking lights out and shut the fuck up.
DON’T WALK THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE’S CAMPSITES. Taking a shortcut through someone else’s campsite is like jumping your neighbour’s fence to get to the shops quicker. Don’t do that. That’s shitty. No one wants you and your rowdy troupe of knob-ends trudging through their yard, go the fuck around. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT LITTERING. Duh. Are you a three-year-old? Put your shit in the bin, knucklehead. And if there’s no bin nearby, put it in your pocket until you see one. There’s nothing worse than people who think that it’s not a big deal to drop trash on the ground because “people are paid to pick it up”. Just put it in the bin, you entitled little shit-heel. And don’t drop cigarette butts everywhere either. And don’t smoke, for Christsake, it’s gross. DON’T PLAY THE SAME RECORD/ SONG OVER AND OVER. When you’re chilling at the campsite, try to avoid playing that one song or album over and over again. Sure, you could listen to your favourite jam on repeat for days, but believe it or not, your neighbours might not want to hear “Downtown” by Macklefucking-more 30 times in a goddamn row. Be thoughtful with your tunes.
DON’T BE AN UPTIGHT DOUCHEBAG. You’re not staying at the Four Seasons; you’re camping at a festival, so don’t get all bent out of shape if you hear ‘Downtown’ by Mackle-fucking-more thirty times in a goddamn row. DON’T PISS EVERYWHERE. Use the toilets, you fucking ape. No one wants to see you shooting a hot stream of piss out of your cock-hole, so go use the toilets. If there’s a line, and you absolutely can’t wait, jog off into the bush or something, but make sure you’re hidden, because no one wants to see you wringing out your dusty little slug. And don’t piss where people can smell it, either. Don’t be a bogan, dude. Same goes for you, ladies. LOOK OUT FOR YOUR FELLOW CAMPERS. If for whatever reason you fear for a fellow camper’s safety, don’t turn a blind eye–help out. Go check if everything’s cool, or holler at a security guard or camping marshal. It’s a festival, and sometimes festivals get a bit crazy, so if you see someone who looks like they’re having a bumming time, do something or say something to ensure they’re able to resume having a good time. Have a good time! ₴
of my own of a variety of ages, so I’ve had a fair bit of practice. Admittedly, my children aren’t drunk, unlike some of the campground people when I have to talk to them.” But he loves it all the same. “Campgrounds are such a unique part of music festivals and so much cool stuff happens there. I’m here about 25 days before campers arrive and then we’ll meet a week after the show finishes to start talking about next year’s show. I enjoy it from the minute that we start building.” And he’s enjoyed Splendour every year, since it first started in 2001. “I distinctly remember my partner and I had a child on each of our shoulders during Magic Dirt, because the girls were right into the song “Dirty Jeans”. These days, my boys who are much younger come out during the build, to see the buggies, forklifts, tractors and the trucks. They just love it.” When asked how he actually came to be a camping manager, Jeremy said, “To quote the Celibate Rifles, ‘by a process of osmosis.’” From directing traffic for a few thousand people at Belongil, Jeremy moved to managing festivals like Laneway, Listen Out, and Festival of the Sun. With one car coming in every 40 seconds, for 15 hours, that’s a shit ton of people to fit in. So, how does Jeremy deal with it? A lot
of planning, a touch of self-doubt and a few choice words. “Thursday afternoon I go, ‘How the fuck are we going to fit all these people in?’ Then very, very late on Thursday night I go, ‘How the fuck are we going to fit all these people in?’ And then on Friday I’ll be saying to myself ‘How the FUCK are we going to fit all these people in?’ On Saturday when we’ve got everyone fit in I go, ‘Wow! We fit everyone in!’” Needless to say, in terms of festival antics Jeremy has seen it all, including some pretty superior attempts at BYO drinks. I’ll bet my yet to exist first born child that most of you tried smuggling in alcohol this year. Yes, believe it or not, some very, very naughty boys and girls try to do it and Jeremy has seen all the prohibition era-esque tactics over the years. So, for your enjoyment, here’s the crème de la crème of trickery. THE GREAT BREAD LOAF CRACKDOWN OF ’15 “The first time that we saw someone with an unsliced loaf of bread, with the top cut off and the middle hollowed out, a 750 mL bottle of booze in there, with the lid held back on with toothpicks, it was pretty exciting. Unfortunately, they posted their successful smuggling on Facebook and so every other loaf of bread that came in afterwards was searched.”
THE PALE ALE PLOY/ALMOST SWINDLING HALL OF FAMER “We saw a guy that had a camper trailer and the entire floor was modified, so that when the floor lifted up it was filled with Coopers Pale Ale. So you can imagine an 8ft. by 5ft. metre trailer that’s filled with Coopers, there must have been 300 bottles in there. Once again the guy big noted himself on Facebook and we caught wind of it. We all went down as a group and applauded him and then took his booze away.” PIMP MY VB “The most ridiculous thing we’ve ever seen was someone had customised a 9L gas cylinder. They’d cut it in half before they got here, filled it with 24 cans of VB, of all things, and welded it back up. The only reason we caught wind of it was one of our security guards was walking past and saw someone in the campground with a hacksaw cutting into a gas cylinder, which sent massive panic through the emergency services because that’s an explosion.” So here’s to Jeremy, First of His Name, Khal of the Great Grass Sea and Rightful Camp King to the Throne of Splenderos. A behind the scenes legend, and one of the many unsung heroes that keep you grooving your way through Splendour. ₴
but when the clock strikes 12, turn your music off and shut up. If you keep making a racket after midnight, guess what? You’re a turd sub and you need to grow the fuck up. People who keep making a ton of noise after the reasonable curfew of midnight are right at the top of the asshole pyramid, which
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MUST SEE POSTHUMOUS TRIBUTE: IN LOVING MEMORY OF SZYMON
“MEXICAN FOOD DESERVES RESPECT” SAYS HIGH TENSION By Erin Bromhead IF YOU’VE HEARD MELBOURNE’S HIGH TENSION BEFORE—then you’ll stop at nothing to catch their set. If you haven’t heard Melbourne’s High Tension before, I envy you. You’re about to fall in love. I don’t mean the mushy, innocent, no-you-hang-upfirst kind, I mean the “Ok, I’ll hang up first, but only because the ambulance is here to reattach my eardrum,” kind. Real love. The metal band has been through some line-up changes recently, but their bassist Matt Weston says they are ready to get rip roaring on a new record to follow up their 2015 full-length release, Bully. “Damn straight! We’re a few songs deep already and it’s working better than ever. Mike Deslandes has been in the band for almost a year now, and Lauren Hammel isn’t far behind that, so it doesn’t feel new anymore.” Through all the changes, vocalist Karina Utomo (previously of Young and Restless) has stayed, guiding each track with a voice
that would scare a gremlin. And I mean that as a huge compliment. Utomo is a force to be reckoned with, and the one to blame when the paramedics arrive to treat your amputated
“MAKE SURE YOU SMASH A BURRITO FOR EVERY SIX BEERS,” eardrum. Luckily, the food lines at Splendour are speedier than Gonzales himself, or Matt may never have agreed to play here in the first place. “I’ll wait in a line for five minutes tops, 15 for burritos,” he says. “Mexican
food deserves that kind of respect. But if the Mexican is dodge, you then may be faced with the toilet queue.” Words to live by. While it may sound like patience doesn’t come easy for the guy, he once wagged school to wait a third of the day for a signature. “I’m really not great with lines. I did wag school when I was 13 and lined up for eight hours to get an autograph from Pantera, but those days are long gone.” The days that are in front of him are full of music, beers, and burritos. In fact, he’s got the future all figured out—for himself and the rest of us. His life hacks? “Make sure you smash a burrito for every six beers,” he says. “Or potato cake—not potato scallop—every four to help you go the distance.” So there you have it. If you want to hear more of Matt’s wise words, be sure to catch High Tension on day one of the Splendour weekend. It will be the beginning of a long, glorious, surgically painful love story. ₴
SLUM SOCIABLE TO SET OFF BIGGEST PYROTECHNICS DISPLAY AT SPLENDOUR By Erin Bromhead MELBOURNE EXPERIMENTAL PSYCH/ JAZZ/LO-FI DUO SLUM SOCIABLE HAVE CONFIRMED THAT FOR THEIR SPLENDOUR PERFORMANCE THEY WANT TO GO “BIGGER AND BETTER THAN RAMMSTEIN.”— The band, consisting of friends Edward Quinn and Miller Upchurch, told us that if someone at Splendour HQ could arrange it, they’d be more than happy to share the stage with some bottle rockets. “I’d love to get some fireworks or flame throwers for each of the band members, maybe even coming out the end of our guitars,” said Ed, before setting his stage prop sights even higher. “If money were no object, I’d also like a giant light projection of our bassist, Dylan. I’d want it only situated behind him, completely taking up all of his attention on stage. I think he’d be really pissed off with that.” Don’t feel bad for Dylan, though. We’re assured he “gives it as much as he gets”. Ed’s pyro persuasion may actually be
genetic, tracing as far back as his father’s childhood. “When my dad and his brother were young, they bought all these fireworks illegally and set them up around their primary school oval. But one of them was lit prematurely and set all of them off, so they
“BIGGER & BETTER THAN RAMMSTEIN.” had to run and hide underneath their jackets, so essentially they spent all their money on a fireworks display that they couldn’t even witness.” Hopefully the gods of Splendour (i.e. the finance department) will hear their plea and the same fate will not befall Ed and Miller. But fear not—if Splendour’s fire ban sticks, Slum’s jazz infused, sample heavy
psych-electronica pulsing from the speakers will illuminate your dark winter’s heart brighter than a Roman candle in the black Byron sky. The band will also be debuting new music that is both unreleased and never-beforeperformed. “Because we only have an EP out and we write a lot of music, we like to keep our live set pretty fresh, so there will definitely be new tracks that have never been played live before either.” So, that’s your Saturday sorted. After that, Ed has a few pearls of Splendour wisdom to impart to ensure the rest of your weekend is as stupefying as humanly possible. “Don’t get so inebriated on the last night that you’re vomiting all through the plane ride the next day, because that’s what the majority of our camp site did last time I was at Splendour. So drink water and stay hydrated, but also have a shitload of fun. And really, don’t worry about the next day—I take that back. You only get one Splendour 2016.” ₴
By Erin Bromhead SZYMON BORZESTOWSKI WAS A GIFTED MUSICIAN WHO TOOK HIS OWN LIFE IN 2012 WHEN HE WAS JUST 23-YEARS-OLD—Szymon began recording an album when he was 18, but the project was put on hold due to his mental health. After his death, his loving family worked tirelessly to ensure his music would still be heard, and his debut album, Tigersapp, was released in 2015. Now, his siblings and friends are joining together for one night only to perform the album live at Splendour in the Grass as a posthumous tribute to their brother and friend. “I hope the crowd at Splendour will just love the intricate nature of his music and honestly just enjoy it,” says Szymon’s sister, Eva. Speaking with Szymon’s siblings Dom and Eva, the love and pride they feel for their brother is overwhelming. Of course, there is grief and loss, too, but when they first heard the finished version of Tigersapp, they were over the moon. “I’d obviously heard all of the songs before in bits and pieces, but it was a whole other amazing experience being able to listen to the entire album completely finished from top to bottom. I’m pretty sure I had a few tears. It made me feel so proud of my brother and what he created,” says Dom. The posthumous tribute band came together after Mark Holland at EMI reached out and told Szymon’s siblings of an opportunity to re-create his music in a live setting at Splendour. Once confirmed, they first decided to perform it together as a family. “Initially we thought it was going to just be the four of us—my older sister Eva, my brotherin-law Josh, my older brother Kubush, and myself. When I started dissecting the tracks, I realised that for the amount of different parts there were, we definitely needed a few extra hands to help play it live.” So, they looked to their community of friends who were close to Szymon. “We wanted friends that knew Szymon personally, who were also talented musicians. Luke O’Dea and Andy Burgess were our obvious choices as they are incredibly talented and passionate in doing whatever it takes to make Szymon’s music come to life,” says Eva. Understandably, such an opportunity must feel incredibly bittersweet. “Obviously we would love Szymon to still be here and for him to experience this process with us all,” says Dom. “It’s a huge deal and we’re feeling the pressure of being able to pull it off and create the musical experience that he would have wanted. We want to represent his music as true to form as possible. It really helps having all three siblings singing together as we blend really well and actually sound quite close to Szymon’s vocal tones. We’re going to do our best and put everything into making this performance something truly special that reflects our love for our brother and how proud we are of him and the incredible music he created,” says Eva. ₴
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DMA’s. Image by Shaun Profeta
DMA’S DRUMMER TO ENTER SPLENDOUR STAGE ON A TRAPEZE By Erin Bromhead
SYDNEY’S FINEST LADS—the DMA’s, are surely one of the most hyped acts to grace this year’s Splendour in the Grass lineup. The brit-pop inspired trio dropped their highly anticipated debut album, Hills End, earlier this year, and the record was met with widespread acclaim. To live up to the puff, they’re ensuring their performance on Friday leaves nothing to be desired. “Our drummer, Liam, is going to enter the stage via a trapeze with angel wings attached to his back,” revealed DMA’s vocalist Tommy O’Dell. “He’s also going to play with a revolving drum kit that spins mid-air.” It sounds like a set not to be missed. And after recently catching the band live in
Sydney, I can personally attest that missing them would be a catastrophic mistake. Even worse than forgetting your hat when
“FUCK SHOELACES ANYWAY” packing for the festival—a sin much worse than forgetting your shoelaces, according to O’Dell. “The hat mate, for sure,” he says. “Fuck shoelaces anyway!”
One thing I noticed during their Sydney show was how loud their fans’ larynxes are. “It’s cool seeing people enjoy and relate to the music you write,” says O’Dell. So, Splendourous spectators; sing your hearts out, because even if the band wished you’d shut up, they’re too polite to ask. “Asking the crowd to be quieter is etch!” Regularly mistaken for Brits themselves, the band toured the UK during the disastrous EU referendum, commonly known as Brexit. “It’s hard for me to fully understand the implications of things, as I don’t live there and don’t spend a great deal of time just in the UK. But to leave one of the most financially stable, compassionate, and strongest legally-structured mix of
harmonious people; the world has never seen such a mistake.” Now it looks like they’ll never get to live there. Instead, they are back here in Byron Bay, teasing us with the prospect of Jagwar Ma’s Gabby Winterfield joining them as a surprise guest during their set—O’Dell’s top pick to share a stage with. “We are great mates and he is an amazing musician. We grew up together, so it would be a nice moment. Also Courtney Barnett, because she rocks!” So there you have it. Trapezes, angel wings, Gabby Winterfield, and Courtney Barnett. You read it here first. But are any of these rumours true? You’ll just have to watch to find out. ₴
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SPLENDOUR IN THE CRAFT By Monique Penning WELCOME TO SPLENDOUR IN THE CRAFT—The self-titled Monaco of Splendour, a small country that provides an oasis from the moist, sweaty, mosh pits of outside. I can actually see your face when I used the word craft just then. Well if you think that glitter as far as the eye can see, hot glue guns, bedazzling machines, blue cappuccinos, screen printing, a makeup and face painting bus, and the Martha Stewart of Australian craft sounds boring, then we’re going to build a wall. A wall made of pom poms and it’s going to keep you out. Did we mention that everything is free too? Here’s just some of this year’s activities. (Please note Craft Singles is no longer in operation, sources say you frisky little glitter bugs treated it like Tinder on steroids, tsk tsk). APOMOGY I’m sorry I told you I hated you in my sleep. I’m sorry for eating all the cheese and bananas. I’m sorry about my weak bladder and having to stop the car every hour so I can wee. Do you have something to apomogise for? Yes, apomogise. This class lets you say sorry with a pom pom. And if you think you’ve got nothing to apologise for, let’s reconvene in three days, y’devil. MEND IT LIKE BECKHAM Great name. Great cause. Ripped your sleeping bag being an epileptic worm in your sleep? Kick punched the zipper into oblivion? Shit happens. Get it fixed here. Did you fist pump so hard that you’re bulging bicep ripped your sleeve? Get anything mended here, for FREE. It’s like bringing your nan to Splendour without having to pay for her ticket and sherry. Genius. MONKEY MONKEY SHAKE SHAKE The Avalanches? The Strokes? Pfff, take a seat because Monkey Monkey Shake Shake, Splendour’s first ever Crafters in Residence, are here. It’s like a Korean style, H.R. Pufnstuf, felt animal dance party whose intended audience is grown-ups, kids, goats, and cows. Got it? MMSS is made up of two kooky characters. Sem Han who, “…has been trying to be bassist, percussion player and tambourine but failed at all so is taking choreography, fashion coordination, video
and rap.” Band member number two is Sheldon Lieberman who can, “Sing, speak, play: guitar, harmonica, percussion, write/ compose/produce, and dance.” He had a hernia few years ago though, so he can’t lift. Apart from that… They’ll be making costumes during the day in their dedicated space, with a 15 minute performance at 12:45 each day, where you can join in, wear costumes, dance and, “not take life too seriously.” CRAFT MAFIA EXPRESS BUS We don’t want to tell you that your face is boring, but it kinda is. With a boring face, how will your friends find you in the crowd? They won’t. And, they’ll leave together on Monday, munching bacon and egg rolls while you remain behind, whispering, “A girl has a name.” Luckily, Splendour organisers thought about this problem, and now you can go to the Craft Mafia Express Bus and get a jazzy face! Trippy makeup, face-paint, glitter, stickers, whatever, volunteers are there to make you look special. The fact that this is free gives me happy shivers. TOTES TOTES Everyone totes loves totes. Four artists come up with a design, which you can then screen print onto a tote bag, that’s being provided gratuit just for you. Then, you can use it at the festival to carry around your Daily Splendour, Dragon Ball Z cards, and jellybabies. FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT (YOURSELF) Patience Hodgson from The Grates will be helping you upcycle anything and everything: t-shirts, shorts, hats, anything. And if you don’t have anything, you’ll get some sunnies to work with. The Grates will also have their Southside Tea Room for your enjoyment, a weird and happy café serving all things weird and happy. Blue cappuccinos, redskin cookies, brownies, and American food. Go loco. BUT BOYS DON’T CRAFT! Exhibit A: “I never knew I was this crafty.” Male at Splendour in the Craft, 2015. Not crafty like has three girls on the go without their knowledge, crafty like can knit like a mf. Craft is sexy. Get crafty. ₴
YOUR STARS WITH BERTRAND STARMAN WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY? Will you see some bands? Maybe. Will you be bitten by a snake? It’s possible. Will all your teeth fall out? Yes! But maybe not. Who can say? Me, I can. I’m Bertrand Starman. CANCER JUN 22 – JUL 23 On your way to catch The Kills, you will trip over and shit your pants. The event will be caught on video and become an instant viral hit. Henceforth, even your own mother will call you “Big Chief Shitty-Mud-Butt”. LEO JUL 24 – AUG 23 At 2pm, Jake Bugg will ride past you on a BMX and say, ‘Hey.’ VIRGO AUG 24 – SEP 23 You will be brutally disappointed when you discover that The Fat White Family are actually quite thin, and only a couple of them are related. LIBRA SEP 24 – OCT 23 You will spill Fanta on yourself and be tormented by bees for several hours. Then you will accidentally bite your own tongue. Then some of your hair will get burnt and your nose will bleed for no reason. Leon Bridges will be good though. SCORPIO OCT 24 – NOV 22 While lining up for gözleme, Jake Bugg will appear next to you and ask to borrow $20. Don’t give it to him. Never lend money to Jake Bugg. SAGITTARIUS NOV 23 – DEC 21 Your fellow concertgoers will glare at the back of your head and think hateful thoughts
as you push past them to get closer to The Strokes. But shag them–it’s The Strokes! CAPRICORN DEC 22 – JAN 20 You will have the time of your life at the The Avalanches’ show, but when you return to your tent and discover that a duck has done its business in your sleeping bag, you will become disenchanted with both camping and waterfowl. AQUARIUS JAN 21 – FEB 19 Jake Bugg will approach you with a business plan that outlines an idea for a café called Jake Bugg’s Quiche Cave. Ignore him. PISCES FEB 20 – MAR 20 When you finally make it to the front of the stage to see The Strokes, you will instantly become claustrophobic and have to make your way back through the crowd, repeating, “Gain way, I’m a diabetic.” ARIES MAR 21 – APR 20 Peter, Bjorn and John will play that extraordinarily catchy song of theirs (“Young Folks”) and you won’t be able to get it out of your head for the rest of the festival. You will wish syphilis on Peter, Bjorn and John, not realising that they already have it. TAURUS APR 21 – MAY 21 Go see DMA’s. GEMINI MAY 22 – JUN 21 Although they lied to you about their weight and relationship to one another, you will forgive the Fat White Family when their show blows your eyebrows off your head. ₴
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Anonymous couple at Splendour 2015. Editor ’s Note: We really hope that they’re still together and haven’t broken up and brought new partners to SITG 2016. Image by Lincoln Jubb
FESTIVAL LOVE STORY PART 01: THEY MET BETWEEN STAGES By Vaughan Deadly SHE WAS WEARING A HARD-ONS TEE and boots that looked like they’d been taken from the body of a first World War soldier who probably wasn’t old enough to be over there fighting in that God forsaken hell hole but who had gone anyway only to wind up copping a blast of hot shrapnel to the chest and who was now heading home in a pine box without his boots because a girl in a Hard-Ons tee just happened to walk past and think they’d be the perfect footwear for Splendour. And of course she was right. He was nothing special to look at but he had a warm smile, which he gave to her by accident when she caught him staring at her boots. She couldn’t place his age though she figured he was slightly older—not that it mattered because it didn’t—but she liked
that he’d noticed her boots because they were her favourites. Tough and waterproof, they
were the perfect boots for this gig. Every one remembers the naked guy from last year but
nobody remembers that her feet were as dry as desert dust and that her toes stayed toasty and warm during the entire Blur set on the main stage. Fucken ay. He didn’t know her but he knew a couple of the crew she was with. Jed was an old mate from Mullumbimby High School who’d moved to the NSW South Coast after year 10 and China (real name Pete) was a part time DJ who refused to play anything but Dragon’s Rain and Total Eclipse of the Heart on loop after 3am because he reckoned nobody cared what they listened to at that hour so why not light that shit up with a couple of sure fire fucking winners? He also knew Jed and China’s girlfriends so that meant there was a good chance this girl with the boots was single. He looked up from the boots to find she was smiling at him. Busted. Jackass. She
stood up and walked over. “Rollie?” she asked. “Sure.” “Nah, I mean have you got any?” “Oh… nah, don’t smoke.” She giggled. “Seen anyone good yet?” “Nah, I just been drinking beers but I’ll probably go see King Gizzard in a bit.” A buzz went through her like a small bee in her blood. If he’d said Flume she would have been ok with that but he said King Gizzard and she fucking loved King Gizzard. “Dusty,” she said. “Winfield,” he replied. “Hopefully catch you over there” He hoped she meant it. Part two continued tomorrow. ₴
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T H E DA I LY SPLEN DOU R: Fr iday, 22 July, 2016
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Classifieds by Jason Crombie
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STYROFOAM Large block of styrofoam found blowing down Erskinville Road, July 20. Mint condition. If not claimed within three-months it will be used to make cat boat. LOST FRIEND Hi. I would appreciate if anyone out there knows the current whereabouts of a lady by the name of Gail, formerly of Blacktown NSW. Any info would be greatly appreciated. I would love to know how life has treated her since 1996. LEATHER JACKET To the person who found my leather jacket. I’ve actually been going through some pretty tough times lately so please just give it back. Do the right thing and return my jacket. Please give me back my jacket. It’s a leather jacket. HUGE CASH REWARD! Cash reward for information. If you know of or have heard any details please contact me immediately. I am offering a HUGE CASH REWARD to anyone who comes forward and provides information. Anonymity guaranteed. HAVE YOU SEEN MY PUBES? Thieves stole my pubes as I slept last night and I desperately want them back. Description: pin-straight and orange. They were once described as a ‘“ginger cat pelt”. I’m having surgery next week and I need those pubes back ASAP.
MISSED CONNECTIONS I SAW YOU AT DAN MURPHY’S M4W You looked tired and you were trembling. Your shopping trolley was overf lowing with liquor and beer. I asked if you were having a party and you said, “No, breakfast,” and then you burped up some sick. I love you. Call me. FRANCIS? THIS IS CARLOS M4M I was your BOY-TOY. You were my SUGAR DADDY. Looking to meet up for regular mutually beneficial times again. I miss meeting at the McDonalds on the corner of High and Kendall St in Penrith for regular mutually beneficial times. Get at me if you’d like to resume regular mutually beneficial times. GAL IN THE WHITE TARAGO M4W You almost ran me over in the Mt Hutton Coles car park. I told you not to drive so fast. You told me to go home and pleasure myself orally. I said you were very rude. You threatened to kill me, then said I wasn’t worth it and sped away. I miss you. Let’s find the magic again. STUD ON THE CUMBERLAND LINE W4M You got on at Cabrammatta Station. We exchanged smiles. You said your name was Steve. I told you about my sores. You got off at the next station.
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T H E DA I LY SPLEN DOU R: Fr iday, 22 July, 2016
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