Ask Flora WRITTEN BY FLORA MCCORMICK
In this column, you can ask your questions about parenting kids from ages 2 to 10 to Flora McCormick, Licensed Counselor & Parenting Coach.
Q: “We are having our first baby and I’m
just overwhelmed with the thought of becoming a parent. I mean people say it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do, and I want to do it well.”
A:
When you are a new parent, there is advice everywhere and my top suggestion is to remember that your gut instincts will be your best guide in this whole process. If you are unsure, reach out for a real person who can hold your hand, give you a local resource or offer to connect you with an expert. With the endless resources on the Internet, you don’t have to go it alone. That aside, here are my other top three suggestions for you and your partner to help you step into parenthood successfully.
1. LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS This may seem like a strange place to start, but I guarantee it’s the foundation for those who are happier in the first year of parenthood. Take a moment right now to close your eyes and picture what you imagine this year ahead will look like. If you are picturing that woman on Instagram with her hair perfectly curled, a body that “bounced back” in two days, making homemade sourdough while the baby is calmly sleeping as her partner gently sneaks up for a kiss… you may be setting yourself up for some disappointment. If instead you are thinking there may be challenges with sleep, nursing, feeding, communication with your partner, your sex life, self-confidence, connection to friends and more… you are on a more realistic track. I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer, I’m just trying to say that research has shown time and time again that if we have high expectations, we can set ourselves up to be very disappointed. 36
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We may even end up thinking that we are failing, or somehow inept as a parent, when very common challenges occur. And we know that one in five parents experience some form of perinatal depression or anxiety. It’s more common than you think…to not feel normal. So, take a pause in your visualization of the year ahead and consider adding space for self-talk like, “If we have challenges along the way, I know that is common, and I will seek support without criticizing myself.” (P.S. I want to gently promote the Roots Resource Guide that is included in this publication. It offers a wide range of professionals and organizations that can support you in everything from mental health to lactation or physical therapy).
