Keeping it Real

WRITTEN BY BLAIR FJESETH

This winter, I’ve found myself taking on a more prominent parenting role among my son’s friends due to the recent formation of a neighborhood boy group. Our days have been filled with car rides, sleepovers and spontaneous adventures, placing me in the front-row seat of tween dynamics.

To clarify, I expect members of our “circle” to guide and hold accountable not only my kids but also their own. Implementing this ideal, however, can be tricky. Just because I feel responsible doesn’t mean other parents necessarily want me to act similarly with their children.

It’s a delicate balance—a dance I often feel like I’m stumbling through. How can I help shape our community of children while respecting boundaries and acknowledging my role as just another parent deeply involved with a group of kids?

Take this week, for instance. I pulled up to school, pressed that trusty sliding minivan door button, and watched as six boisterous boys piled in—barely containing their energy, testing the van’s limits.

As any parent knows, you learn a lot more about kids’ lives when you listen than when you ask direct questions. During the drive, one of the boys (let’s call him Will) made a comment about a girl at school to another boy (let’s call him Nate). It wasn’t outright cruel, but it definitely wasn’t kind either. It reminded me of how children can unintentionally say hurtful things.

Will and the others are good kids, yet I found myself pondering: How can parents intervene without overstepping? In my mind, I imagined delivering a wise lecture that the boys absorbed with gratitude. In reality, they continued joking, unaware of the impact of their words.

When we arrived, I took Will and Nate aside and discussed the importance of respect, emphasizing that in our home, we expect young adults to treat others with kindness. I stumbled through, explaining that Nate’s friends’ teasing stemmed from admiration and that as a leader among them, he sets a tone.

Later, I spoke with my son, reminding him of our family values and his role as a leader among his friends. Whether my words sank in remains uncertain, but one thing’s for sure—parenting through these stages is a journey with its fair share of surprises and challenges.

Blair Fjeseth is a working professional and proud Montana mom. You can reach her at blairparker.inc@gmail.com.