Keeping it Real

WRITTEN BY BLAIR FJESETH |
PHOTOS SVEN AND BLAIR THROUGHOUT THEIR DECADE TOGETHER

This month marks a decade of parenting for me. I’m unsure if I’ll shed a tear from being old or be joyful that I’ve made it this long.

Our oldest son, Sven, turns 10 on October 15, which coincidentally is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. On the day of his birth, I considered this a sign, having had two pregnancy losses before him. The moment they placed him in my arms, I knew it was all worth it. And because I was a young mom, I thought my worry would disappear now that he was born ... I will pause for the collective laugh on that one.

I’ve learned a lot about myself during these 10 years: what I am capable of, what I lack and that my belly is hilarious when I laugh because it jiggles even after I stop laughing. Kids have a funny way of teaching those things before they can walk, let alone form complete sentences filled with a degree of back talk, sass and humor.

Mostly, though, I’ve learned I know that I don’t know, ya’ know? I may have failed him; there will be things he will grow to complain to his spouse or therapist about. I don’t know what he will remember; those moments I tried so hard to make into core memories for him may or may not stand the test of time. I don’t know the depth of my ability to love; with him, it seems limitless.

I’ve learned to accept that two/three/four things can be true simultaneously. In his moments of pure happiness, I feel more joy than I have ever felt, but I also feel that sting of pain knowing he is growing. And if I’m being honest, I feel a hint of worry about the world this bright soul is entering. In my new decade of wisdom, I’ve come to not feel guilt about “feeling” all the things at once.

I’ve watched him break bones, score goals and catch a bull trout on the Blackfoot River with his fly rod; his smile is captured forever in my memory. I’ve watched him learn to navigate early social situations. I’ve watched him grow into a kid who looks people in the eye, shakes hands and can hold a conversation. He has become a brother, a leader of our pack. I’ve also watched as the world was just too much and caused him to crumple like one of his drawings that didn’t turn out how he wanted.

A decade of parenting signals that I am halfway through until he leaves the nest we’ve meticulously built to nurture and challenge him. From a ball of goo to a tween, all in 10 years, is pretty unfathomable. Yet, as parents, I’m not sure we genuinely sit with how much weight a decade holds.

As for me, I’ve grown from a young girl to a capable woman in 10 years. I am not sure who did more teaching vs. learning, but what I do know is that the boy who made me a mom is also the person who has taught me more about life’s wonder, weight and the prioritization of it all.

God willing, we will have many, many more decades of parenting ahead of us, different chapters, challenges and triumphs, but this one – this is one worth celebrating.

Blair Fjeseth is a working professional and proud Montana mom. You can reach her at blairparker.inc@gmail.com. Follow her Instagram @blair_mt for more adventures.