Ask Flora

WRITTEN BY FLORA MCCORMICK

Q: I have two girls that are 5 and 3. It is so hard for me to be playful and fun when the meltdowns start. How do you help parents get in a playful mindset?~Amanda

A: Great question, Amanda. First, the goal of using playfulness is to hopefully prevent meltdowns. So, these strategies will NOT be as effective if the child is already hitting, harming or screaming. However, if you want more creative and playful ways to encourage cooperation, and prevent a meltdown, I got you. Here are five ways to add playfulness into trying to get your child to start or stop doing something.

1. Say, “No” with a “Yes.”

This is one I use often and have used with my kids since they were 2 years old (they are 7 and 9 now). Saying no with a yes is where you take what they’re asking, knowing that you’re going to say no, but be creative and say it with a yes.

For example: We were driving by a sledding hill in town right after we had had our first snowstorm and my daughter said, “Oh, I really want to go sledding right now!” It was 5:30 p.m. and I wanted to get home to make dinner. So instead of saying, “No, we can’t do that,” I said, “Absolutely. Let’s make sure that’s on our list for this weekend.”

Or, when my daughter requested a cookie at 8:30 a.m. I said, “We can absolutely have cookies… after dinner tonight. Let’s set them right here (on the counter) so they’re ready to be our dessert tonight.”

2. The “Clown Trick.”

If my kids aren’t getting dressed or bussing their dishes off the table, I could launch into a lecture like, “You guys, come on. Why is this stuff still here?!?” But that doesn’t usually go very well.

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Instead, I play like a clown—like the ones at the county fair. Maybe you have seen them walk around with something stuck to their shoe, and while they look for the item the kids yell out from the audience, “It’s on your SHOE!”

So, when the kids aren’t doing what you have asked, play dumb in that clown kind of way.

In the case of your child not getting dressed, try: “I was wanting to wear this shirt today thank you for letting me wear it.”

(While trying to put the child’s shirt over your head.)

When your child leaves their dishes out: “I can’t even remember, where does this plate go again? Do these plates go on our beds? Do the plates go in the car? I forget. Where do the plates go when we’re done with dinner?

3. “This way or that way?”

If your child hates to take a bath: “Hey, do we want to go to bath time right side up or upside down?”

If your child doesn’t like dad putting her in the crib: “Should we get into the crib like popcorn or a rocket ship tonight?”

(Popcorn goes pop-pop and then pops into the crib. Rocket ship… you get the picture.)

When getting out of the house is a challenge: “Do you want to skip holding hands or race me to the car?”

4. Let’s get it done with fun. If you child hates cleaning their room, turn on a fun kids’ story podcast they can listen to while they clean. Or, turn on silly songs while clearing the table and clean up dinner as a family while you dance.

5. Give them “One Last Thing.” Often when kids don’t want to leave the park or a play date, a simple time limit isn’t enough to make the transition go better. To make it easier, I use a “One last thing” reminder. For example, “We are leaving in two minutes, so show me the last thing you want to do to say goodbye to the park.” There is a great Daniel Tiger episode that can help this strategy work. Search for the “Almost Time to Stop” episode on PBS Kids.

I hope these playful ways can help you redirect challenging moments in a way that is smarter (not harder), so that parenting can finally feel sustainable.

To get more sanity-saving strategies for parenting young kids, join Flora’s Free Facebook Group: Sustainable Parenting. Questions for the next issue or wins/questions from this issue can be submitted to contactflora@gmail.com. A special thank you to those who submit monthly questions.