Calm Down: Mindfulness for your Family

A friend shared a thought recently — that perhaps we aren’t meant to rush through the darkness, but to learn how to see within it. As we fumble in the dark, I find that even taking it “one day at a time” can be too much. So I go smaller. I am narrowing my focus to what is immediately around me—observing my thoughts and feelings with compassion and claiming moments of peace and presence.

With mental health challenges on the rise and no end to the pandemic in sight, mindfulness can be a powerful way to reclaim our sense of calm within the storm. It can decrease stress, help facilitate post-traumatic growth, support our overall health, and improve mental clarity. Mindfulness makes it easier to experience health and happiness, even in the darkest of times.

Annuka Harris - an author who teaches mindfulness to children - writes that, “For children, mindfulness can offer relief from whatever difficulties they may be encountering in life. It also gives them the beauty of being in the present moment.” And like so many lessons, the best way for kids to learn mindfulness is by seeing it modeled by parents and caregivers.

Here are a few ways to support mindfulness at home as a family.

OBSERVE Take a moment to point out your surroundings, sensations, and feelings with your kids. You may say something like, “The breeze feels so nice on my face,” or “what can we hear if we listen carefully?” or “my legs feel a little sore from playing — my muscles must be growing stronger.” These observations help to bring us into the moment and create a sense of appreciation for everyday beauty and sensations. Taking note of these details can also help to create more vivid memories.

ARTICULATE HOW YOU’RE FEELING Articulate your feelings, even the scary ones. Explain how you move through scary feelings. We cannot protect our kids from intense emotions and the fear that accompanies living in a chaotic world, but we can equip them with tools to work through their feelings. A good start is describing feelings as something that we experience in a moment, rather than viewing them as who we are. When one of my four-year-old sons starts to get upset at a sibling, I might say, “Wow, it looks like the feeling you have right now is ANGRY.” And he will say, “Yes, it is!!” And we can talk about how that feeling came to be and how he can manage it in a healthy way. After enough practice, he will resist hitting or screaming when he’s upset, and will instead tell us, “The feeling I have is ANGRY,” knowing that we will work together to help him feel better.

BACK TO THE PRESENT MOMENT Use everyday mindfulness to support your mental health. The benefits of mindfulness come into play anytime we are present and fully engaged in what we’re doing, whether making art, eating, or digging up weeds in the garden. If you find yourself up in your head and spinning out over the day’s latest calamity, take a deep breath and observe your surroundings. What can you see, smell, hear, feel? Are you, in this very moment, safe and well? Is it possible, in this moment, to experience peace and joy? Permit yourself to feel present and happy when you can. Those moments do not deny the existence of serious problems; they equip us with the strength and perspective to keep fighting.

CREATE CALM Create a calm carpet or calm corner. The idea is to fill a space with items and textures that naturally engage your child’s senses and allow them to work through big feelings in a supportive and safe environment. You can order flashcards and posters that provide emotional intelligence-building tools. Still, any quiet space with your child’s favorite comfort objects can be a “calm corner” if it facilitates conversations around feelings.

VISUALIZE Guide your kids through a bedtime visualization. If your family is interested in exploring meditation, guided bedtime visualizations are a great way to start. Your kids are already lying down and in a semi-restful state of mind, and if they’re anything like my kids, they’ll be eager to do anything that prolongs their bedtime routine! Visualizations can be as simple or elaborate as you want, but my go-to is describing the view from a forest floor. I ask the kids to close their eyes and imagine looking up at a canopy of trees with a gentle breeze blowing the branches, the warm sun on their faces, and birds chirping. If they’re still wound up and having trouble relaxing, I’ll describe how verrrrrry heavy their arms and legs are, and how their bodies are feeling warm and snuggly on the forest floor. Beyond helping to calm their bodies and breath, I hope that visualizing something beautiful as they fall asleep encourages happy dreams.

Katie Raquel is the founder of Katie’s Coldpress, a Realtor with Over the Moon Realty and the author of SQUEEZED: The Raw Truth About Work- Life Balance. She lives with her family in Monterey County.