16 minute read
Local People 13Health & Wellbeing
Grief Without Guilt
Rhiannon Spurgeon’s conversational approach to her first book ‘Grief Without Guilt’, makes it hugely readable, as she guides people through grieving the loss of a loved one in the aftermath of a difficult relationship.
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With courageous honesty, Rhiannon reveals the story of her life with and without Oliver, exposing emotional turmoil and challenges with demons, interwoven with touches of humour and practical advice on rebuilding your life step by step. This is the book she wishes she could have read to help her through the process, but whether you relate to the whole experience or elements of it, it offers a compelling insight into dealing with grief and might even prompt a re-examination of your existing relationships. As you can tell from the title, Rhiannon and Oliver’s life together wasn’t a traditional fairy tale or even a crossed-wires romcom with a happy ending. Nobody sets out to have a complicated relationship, but when one partner dies and the other is left with a 10-day-old baby, everyday life becomes challenging in the extreme. Rhiannon started drafting Grief Without Guilt three years ago, putting it aside during the hands-on requirements of pandemic home-schooling. When
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she later revisited some of the earlier chapters, she realised how cathartic and hugely beneficial writing had been, allowing her to fully process feelings she thought were resolved. Rhiannon’s father served in the Royal Australian Air Force and met her mother on his tour of Europe, when she was in the RAF. Her mother moved out to Australia and Rhiannon was ten by the time the family relocated to England. Following university, Rhiannon based her career in London and her last job in the capital was at The Prince’s Trust, where she spent three years helping young people, some of whom had escaped gangs or war zones. Giving people the tools they needed to make a fresh start in life was a role she could really believe in and found incredibly fulfilling. She now works as a coach and mentor.
When Rhiannon first met Oliver in 2004, they experienced such strong feelings of mutual attraction, they were impossible to ignore. Despite the fact they both had issues – or perhaps because of that – they clicked instantly at the strangest job interview she had ever attended. Oliver had been through rehab at 18, and struggled with dyslexia and poor mental health, but he was what her mother calls a ‘cheeky monkey’ with a sense of humour to match. Although their seven-year relationship was on-off and both saw other people in the off times, they felt inextricably linked ‘to the death’ – she writes in her book ‘Nothing about our set-up was ideal. But it was ours’. 1st November 2021 will be the tenth anniversary of Oliver’s death, which happened ten days after their daughter Tilly was born. By then Oliver was in chronic pain and living on a cocktail of painkillers; they had also been living apart for three months, since Rhiannon’s ultimatum refusing to return until he took his health seriously and adhered to medical advice.
In addition to losing the man she loved and caring for a new-born baby, becoming a widow in these circumstances left Rhiannon with the unanswered ‘what if’ scenario, as well as a situation that didn’t fit conventional expectations. Unsurprisingly it has taken a long time, the support of family and friends, and a vast amount of inner strength to climb out of the black pit that followed. Grief without Guilt is the story of how she achieved it, and both the journey and the resulting book are incredible achievements.
Rhiannon moved to Tavistock in 2011 to be near her parents and it has become the hometown where she has put down roots and raised her daughter. In 2014 she took over management of Tavistock Enterprise Hub and in 2015 she set up the Totally Awesome Women’s Network (TAWN). As a single mum, breakfast and evening networking groups were impossible to attend. Describing it as her ‘Field of Dreams’ moment, the inspiration came to her for a daytime group for female business owners, providing an opportunity to talk and support each other. A Facebook post inviting women to join her for a lunch meeting produced a concept-proving response. TAWN has become well established over subsequent years and continued to develop to meet the spiritual and business needs of women, even during the pandemic. Another recent venture Rhiannon instigated, is the transformation of the former Old Folks’ Rest Room, which closed in 2009. Previous funding for enterprise hubs has only focused on new hubs and never on future-proofing current buildings, so when more flexible funding became available, she was quick to put the project forward, saving the building from further dereliction and creating four brand-new offices. Rhiannon is all the proof you need that ‘It gets better if you let it’.
Rosemary Best
Grief Without Guilt can be purchased from most online retailers and at Book Stop, Tavistock. For a signed copy and more details visit griefwithoutguilt.com
A nurse and talented artist
On meeting Alli Cragg you’re struck by her nervous smile and totally unassuming nature. These personal attributes are baffling when you learn about her artistic talents and the contribution she makes to society through her work.
Alli, 50, qualified as a nurse in 1999 and worked in a cardiac department for 13 years before moving to be a senior sister in discharge planning. She currently works at Mount Gould Hospital as an Infection Control Team Leader for Livewell Southwest, but was redeployed to front line duties when the pandemic hit the UK in March last year. She doesn’t class her other nursing duties as ‘front line’ and is in awe and admiration of her fellow nurses who work on wards day in, day out. “During the pandemic people called nurses heroes, but nurses do this job every day. They’ve never not worked hard, and in my eyes, they have always been heroes,” said Alli. She found spending time with patients, while their loved ones and family members had to stay away, truly humbling. You could see the pain in her eyes when she talked about taking on a surrogate family member role, alongside that of her nursing duties. “I know I could never truly fill the role of someone’s daughter, or sister, but I could see how important it was to sit and hold a patient’s hand and read to them, while they were suffering from the awful effects of Covid.” Alli lives with her husband and two kittens in Plympton, just ten doors down from her parents and the home she grew up in. It’s here where she admits to filling her time by making a mess! As well as being a nurse, Alli is an accomplished artist – although this is something she will never admit. Her iconic seascapes are as mighty as their creator is modest. She said: “I started painting in 2015 when my daughter left home. I was bereft and needed to do something to fill the void. I wanted to make a mess and have some fun, so I started playing with spray paints in my garage. Then one day I was in a gallery in Tavistock and saw some paintings by Rozanne Bell. I loved them and wanted
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to know what she had used, so I got in touch with her. This is where it all began. I bought a starter pack of resin and went back into my garage to play. I then took my first abstract creation, which I called ‘skinny dip’, back to the Tavistock Gallery to ask the owner, Rik, what he thought. To my surprise, he took it off my hands and asked me to paint seven more pictures for him to sell at an exhibition. This was truly terrifying as I couldn’t believe people would want my work! However, I did my first exhibition in July 2019, and as days go, it was one of the best days of my life. I felt super special. For me that day wasn’t about my paintings, it was about how other people made me feel.” For Alli, painting is both a challenge and a release. She describes skies and seas as her nemesis, saying: “If it was easy, I wouldn’t paint them, but I like to prove I won’t be beaten and can often lose a whole day, or sometimes a weekend, on a single painting. I think I create my best art when I have had a tough week at work. It’s almost a mental release for me. My husband Kevin, plays a really important role in my art, as well as my life. I have made my fair share of mud, as I call it, and he puts up with my painting paraphernalia being strewn all over the kitchen. Not every painting works out at the first attempt, and the skill is in knowing when to stop for the day and when to go back and try again. Kevin is great at telling me when to step away and leave something I am battling with. He also grounds me when I’m getting cocky, so he’s perfect really.”
This year Alli is hoping to finish her home studio, delayed as a result of the pandemic and a couple of building hiccups and explains: “I’m looking forward to having a dedicated mess-making space, away from the mischievous glances of my two kittens. I really want to create more pieces this year and maybe have another exhibition at the Tavistock Gallery, so I have the chance to feel super special again.”
Emma Taynton-Young
For more of Alli’s work see tavistockgalleries.com
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Health self-resources
Tavyside doctors have put together some online resources to help patients. After chatting with my 98-year-old grandmother I was struck by the fact that, although our day-to-day needs remain the same, the way we as a society meet those needs, changes, and we need to change too, if we can, to work with what the current society has to offer. For her, an online shopping delivery arranged by her relatives, and online banking and bill payment has kept her safe and supported in her home during the pandemic - the way she has adapted through her life has amazed her. General practice has changed hugely over the years, particularly since the internet came to dominate our lives, and again with the huge event of the pandemic. There is so much information out there for patients that many consultations involve directing people to resources they can access themselves to improve understanding and manage common health complaints. I thought it would be helpful to share some of our top recommended sites that can either answer questions or help you manage your health without needing to contact your GP, or allow you to have a much more informed and useful conversation during a consultation. I really hope you find some of these sites useful. General health
For NHS patient information leaflets on just about anything go to patient.info Covid
20% of us will have some symptoms some weeks after having Covid-19 infection. Yourcovidrecovery.nhs.uk is a useful site that discusses what to expect after infection and how to manage ongoing symptoms. Physiotherapy
You can self-refer for physiotherapy at Tavistock Hospital if you feel you might benefit from the services without waiting to discuss with a GP, at plymouthhospitals.nhs.uk/ physio-self-referral-form-tavistock The Versus Arthritis website has a lot of great information about arthritis and some wonderful exercise leaflets. Benign positional vertigo is very common and can cause recurrent symptoms. The university of Southampton has a balance retraining program that you can take part in at balance.lifeguidehealth.org/ For NHS information leaflets on ALL physiotherapy topics from Achilles tendon issues to bladder retraining, go to the Oxford University Hospital site ouh.nhs.uk/services/departments/ therapies/therapy-rehabilitation/leaflets Mental Health
There are lots of online resources available but these are some of the sites Tavyside doctors recommend: For self-help guides to read or listen to, go to ntw.nhs.uk/selfhelp and get the free app Moodgym is an online CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) course NHS Scotland has a wonderful site with some great self-help guides: nhsinform. scot/self-help-guides Mind has a lot of self-help resources, links and advice Buddhify.com and headspace focus on meditation and mindfulness. There is a small charge for these sites. Accidents and emergencies
For any falls, injuries, wounds, bites, stings etc the NHS choices app allows you to see what services are available close to you and the waiting time for each location.
Child health
HANDi app paediatric has lots of guidance about the six most common childhood illnesses: diarrhoea, chesty child, chesty baby, high temperature, abdominal pain, common newborn problems - invaluable for first-time parents! What 0-18 has lots of information and resources from pregnancy to age 18, including child mental health and maternal health links: what0-18.nhs.uk Happy Maps is a wonderful site if you are worried about your child’s mental health and pools all the resources available in one site: happymaps.co.uk Maternity health
Bumps lets you search for any medication, prescribed or shop bought, and check how safe it is in pregnancy: medicinesinpregnancy.org HANDi app maternity has lots of links to guidance on lots of different pregnancy topics Women’s health
A few incredible sites have sprung up recently to do with all things menopause and I really encourage you to look at these before speaking to your GP, so you’re aware of all your options, enabling a useful and detailed discussion. menopausematters. co.uk, menopausedoctor.co.uk, rockmymenopause.com Sexual health
For sexual health, contraceptive and abortion services you do not need contact with your GP as they are selfreferral services and can be accessed via the following sites: Sexual Health in Plymouth - yourship.uk British Pregnancy Advisory Service - bpas.org
Heal Your Pain
Postural alignment uses specific posture-focused exercises to strengthen muscles, and stretch out supporting connective tissue, which in turn helps to re-align the body to be more symmetrical and therefore function better. Caroline Clarke lives in Tavistock with her husband Richard, and was previously a competitive horse rider. She trained as a postural alignment specialist after discovering The Egoscue Method, when her husband was suffering from debilitating knee and hip pain. “When a body is straightened, repositioned into its correct ‘neutral’ state it can function effectively and therefore eliminate many physical pains – such as back ache, hip pain, neck ache etc,” says Caroline. “The exercises are not designed to build up big muscle groups like traditional exercise, but work on the smaller often forgotten muscles that help to keep our skeletons aligned. It is common for even really fit people to neglect these smaller areas which if unworked do not help support our frame and in turn cause unbalance, injury and pain.” Caroline’s aptly named company ‘Heal your Pain’ offers one-to-one assessments, group classes, online videos and she has also written a new book helping people of all ages and levels of fitness to straighten up and free themselves of pain. The book sets out key exercises that work on the most common pain areas such as the neck, shoulders, elbows, back, hips, knees, ankles. Simply select your area of pain and then flip to the corresponding chapter for the best exercises to help re-align and strengthen that particular area. Doing the exercises regularly will keep you out of pain. The book retails for £15.00 +P&P for the UK. For more details about Heal Your Pain, Caroline’s Zoom classes and specific exercises visit: carolinejclarke.com; facebook. com/posturalalignmentbycarolinejclarke; youtube.com videos or contact Caroline at caroline@carolinejclarke.com or 07875 537527.
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