Young Indigenous Women's Utopia E-Book by Participatory Cultures Lab

ôma masinahikan osci kahkiyaw oskinîkiskwêwak êkwa oskinîkowak kâ wanihihcik nitaskînâhk. This book is dedicated to all the young women and young men who have gone missing from home.

Young Indigenous Woman’s Utopia represents our stories and our vision for a world where women and girls can be liberated and living our best life, whatever we choose to be. Our utopia welcomes boys, men, two-spirited, transgender, and queer folk.

A CELEBRATION OF RESISTANCE This book is a celebration of resistance. Resistance to the violence that young girls and women in Treaty Six and Traditional Metis Territory face every day. The violence that happens against our land and bodies. The violence that happens to our elders, our boys and men, to the ones we love. When we started recruiting girls three years ago, never did we imagine that our work together would grow to this magnitude. We started with a seed of hope to connect with young women and empower them to share their voice, to believe in themselves, to know that they have a place in this world. Where they belong, where they can feel free to make choices, to be safe, to liberate from colonial constructs and empower Indigenous consciousness!

of 17 girls is still very much alive. This book is for each one of you who was there in the beginning. Each one of you girls are strong, sacred, brave, and your stories matter. You matter, your families matter, our history as Indigenous women matter. This book is your celebration, that you are still here! Our existence will continue to reclaim our traditions and cultural teachings. You have everything you need to continue to resist the violence that is projected on our people. Never give up! Rest if you need and always remember that your mind is beautiful and your spirit is exactly how Creator intended you to be.

It is a great honour to walk together in this work. Each session we have had together we have watched you girls transform into confident, loving, thoughtful community members. Our group 5

SELF-LOVE, EMPOWERMENT, CULTURAL PRIDE Self-love embodies the strength and resilience that we have within us, it demonstrates our innate ability to overcome, heal and recharge. Self-love is a large part of the learning journey for all of us as we become more conscious and aware of what is truly happening around us; in our society, communities, neighbourhoods and in our homes. To unconditionally love ourselves we must step out of society’s expectations of who we are subliminally and directly told we need to look like, act like and become. These expectations can drive toxic roots inside of the garden of our beings, tainting and drawing out the essence of life from the beauty that is individually us. The Young Indigenous Utopia, Treaty Six and Traditional Metis Territory, girls group, have been given the tools and awareness in the activities that they have been a part of, to use and harness the power of self-love. Love is believed by many to be the most revered force, as it is the force of our Creator, God and the Universe. So in arming the girls with skills and knowledge to practice self-love on their own and at all times; We have been able to arm them with the greatest power of all. Participating in the different activities and projects in collaboration allowed the girls to experience and learn what self-love looks and feels like. The short films and pieces of art from our workshops together portray gender-based violence that Indigenous girls and women face in Saskatoon. Andy explained the approach to the film where “it’s just like, gender-based, like, it was just how girls are treated and some of them were how girls were treated, some of them were bullies, some was about self6

love. So, there’s just kind of . . . mine was about self-love”. Self-love is an important aspect of discussions around gender-based violence, because from the systems to micro-aggressions, the outside world does not encourage young Indigenous women to be proud of themselves, their culture, and to see themselves as strong, intelligent, beautiful, and valued. Dez spoke to the tension that she has in trying to foster self-love. She learned that it is important to have self-love, but she is “working on it”. The interviewer asks “You’re working on it? Why is that hard for you?” She responds with “cause I have issues. (laughs)”. Having love for oneself is a practice and can be facilitated in creating intentional spaces to explore why it is difficult to have self-love, practices that can begin to develop the seeds, and doing the work surrounded with a supportive community. Tyra shared that making the YIWU cellphilm was an important tool to explore self-esteem: “It’s like, first you kind of felt down and then like, and then you call yourself beautiful and you’re worth something. It’s about self-esteem and like it kind of made me feel like, better about myself, too”. Many of the girls spoke to their feel-

ings of empowerment when they participated in cultural traditions, such as making the ribbon skirts and participating in the full moon ceremony. Andy said that when she wore her ribbon skirt it “gives you this bit of empowerment. […] I feel like royalty. I just, I don’t know, I love being in it”. The act of reclaiming identity and gaining knowledge is a connection to our ancestors and the knowledge that was lost through residential schools and the colonial force to assimilate. By weaving Indigenous knowledge keepers into our workshops we are taking action to build a new and appropriate community of resistance and celebration. Wearing the ribbon skirts that were made in memory of missing and murdered Indigenous women, and wearing them proudly, is an expression of memory and existence. Gabriel shared that she learned “That my culture is… my culture is beautiful, I guess. My heritage is beautiful. That I am a strong person”. Learning about the histories and resilience that Indigenous communities have is important for young girls to reconnect with the strength and wisdom that their cultures, families have. Reconnecting with their culture also allows them to see 7

where they come from and the value that exists within them. Self-love is just one discovery that comes with reconnecting and relearning one’s culture that can be a force of transformation. Cindy said that she learned that she “can do more than I think”— and that realization is one that cannot be taken away. Loving the self is like a rainbow; with many colours, shades and dynamics that allow for the rainbow to shine brightly with natural beauty and confidence. Much like self-love, it is a strong universal reminder of the beauty that can come from the dark times and stormy places. Like a beacon of strength within us, we are able to pull these metaphorical rainbows out of ourselves in times of need. Self-love is how we are able to stand tall, with pride, confidence and resilience. Self-love is our resistance to the violence. SELF-LOVE is how we take our POWER back.

SELF LOVE IS HOW WE TAKE OUR POWER BACK 9

SISTERS RISING YOUTH-LEAD FORUM Victoria, BC - By YIWU

Resistance to the hate The hate we face on the streets The hate we face on the news The hate we face from racism Resistance to the abuse

For the women that get hit The children that witness And society that ignores it. Resistance to the injustices That us Indigenous People face In our communities Against our sacred land For Colton For Tina For Ashley For All the children who

never came home For all the women who have gone missing… We miss you……. We love you…….. Our families are strong We are still here Fighting Surviving Loving Rising

We are the Young Indigenous Women’s Utopia and Self Love is our Resistance

ANDRAYA DANIELS women, family, sports, not shy, friendly, loving, strong, outgoing, confident, witty, unique

My name is Andraya Skye Daniels, but people call me Andie or Raj. I’m 13 years of age and I was born in Yorkton, Saskatchewan. I am from Mistawasis, but I live in Martensville and go to Venture Heights Elementary. I am the 2nd youngest of 7 kids with my brothers, Jordan, Austin, Terran, Jason, and my sisters Noelle and Tarra-leigh. I only really grew up with Jason and Tarra-Leigh. I have two loving parents Jolene Finlay and Gary Daniels. One of the struggles I have to overcome is my mom’s battle with alcoholism my whole life, so I don’t get to see her often. Alcoholism is very common in my family. I was even told that I would become an alcoholic just because of who my family is. I also don’t get to see my brothers, as they live far away and the other is in jail. As a kid, I was the one who would get picked on and I was always beat up by my siblings. Along my path, I feel 12

like I stumbled and made a lot of bad decisions trying to be like my older siblings, yet I know I’m a strong woman and can get back on the right path. I look at all the stuff that happened to me as a kid and I realize that they make me who I am as a person today. I struggle with a lot but I can still keep a smile on my face and enjoy things. Another one of my biggest struggle is my weight, because no matter where I go, I get called big, fat, heavy, and it really affects my everyday life. I used to have a hard time sharing how I felt with my dad, but this is something I continue to work on. School is a hard place for me. I had a lot of trouble with bullying and conflicts with my peers. Going to school and getting my homework done was hard for me, but the hardest part of my school life was the social media. It took over my life and my classmate’s as well. It caused so much pain and

trouble, as the principal got new complaints every day about something that had happened over Snapchat or messaging. It got to the point where everyday guys were calling me and telling me terrible things about my appearance and it really affected me because I let social media take over. I got in a lot of trouble and now I have to do monthly check-ins with parents, and my principal. I now also have rules for my phone, and have to go to group therapy with girls who don’t like me. Girls group is one the best things that happened to me. I feel so much stronger as a woman. I can be myself and I can share my struggles without being judged. For example, I almost lost my best friend this year, to suicide. They are someone I love so much. I was in so much pain. I had so much anger and sadness, and I went down a road I really wish I hadn’t. Having girls group and having a group of women made me feel like I was going to be okay. We never really talked about suicide but this is something a lot of young people are dealing with. Knowing I had girls to talk to who might have known what I was going through really helped me. I had more resources than ever 14

this whole year and I felt like I had support. Girls group helped me a lot this year. An amazing experience I had was making the ribbon skirts. It was hard and I struggled, but I never grew up really traditional so it was a good teaching for me. My ribbon skirt makes me feel strong and powerful. Makes me feel like more than a woman. It was fun to watch each other struggle and help each other out. Making these ribbon skirts I learned how much work it takes and how hard it is. If I could give my skirt to anyone of the women in my life, it would be my great grandmother Edna, because as a kid she was the one who taught me the way of life. I’m so happy that I know I have these skills in my life. Before this I didn’t know how to sew, but now that I’ve learned it, it can be a skill forever. I didn’t know about a lot of the things Tala (she helped us make the skirts) talked about, but now I know a lot. It’s so nice to know that you can have your deceased family members be with you at all-times, and that they can help you through anything. They are always with you, just by saying a little prayer.

One of the things we were asked to do in girls group was to think about a woman that we looked up too. A woman I look up to is definitely my mother. Why? Well my mother has gone through so many setbacks and wrong turns in life and she has always pulled through. Even though her children didn’t show they

loved her at some points in life, she always made sure that we knew she loved us. My mother is such a strong and empowering women, not only is she my mother, she’s my best friend and she’s always being the only one there for me. That’s why I look up to my mother.

We heard a lot of stories from women in the community that overcame sexual violence, domestic violence, physical and emotional violence, colonial violence. Kendra’s story really stuck with me and made me think of when I was little and my brother had hit his girlfriend and they called the cops because he hit my mom too and I was only 6 at the time and hearing my brother cry not to leave and my mom be on the floor crying always affected me growing up. 15

MY SURVIVOR STORY by Andraya Daniels When I think about the word survivor, I think of strong. When I think of strength, I think of my mother. So I have decided to tell my mother’s story. She is a survivor. My mom was in a lot of really bad relationships. I witnessed men call her names. She was abused physically and emotionally, and for most of my mother’s life she suffered from sexual abuse. On her 4th birthday she was molested by her mom’s friend’s husband. When she was 8 years old, she moved away from her grandparents to live with her mom and husband, who were alcoholics in a vicious cycle of abuse and abusing. She was also being sexually abused by her mother’s husband. My mom was beaten by a man and she didn’t tell anyone because she loved him and trusted him, so she went back and ended up getting beat again by a man who her children trusted. She went through 16

a lot of depression, and lost family and friends. As a child I watched my mom be haunted by her past, and although I only know about this now, I witnessed my mother get emotionally/verbally abused by her boyfriends. I saw her in pain. This really affects me, because I know how strong my mother is, and how much she’s been through. I have witnessed my mother in very toxic relationships and going through abuse. I witnessed leaving, fighting, and drinking. But I also witnessed a strong and empowering woman, a loving mother, and a best friend. She once told me “women need to understand that love is not being cheated on, lied to, giving and not receiving, being called down, told how to dress, being shut out, wondering why you’re not good enough.” She is my survivor, and I know I can be strong like her. I wish my mother knew what I know now, and maybe I can break

the cycle so my children don’t have to witness this. When we went to Montreal in July 2018 we had the opportunity to be a part of writing a “Girlfesto” This document is important because it’s an actual vision of what women and girls want to happen in our lives. It’s important because we need equity and justice, and we’re showing what we want to happen. It’s an important document because we need to end gender based violence. People need to read this, I feel, to really understand.

“We want freedom, not just safety” It’s saying we don’t wanna just be safe from GBV but we wanna feel free and have freedom. Our Girlfesto needs to be presented to everyone in the world because we are all born equal, but we aren’t treated equal.

DATING VIOLENCE - WHAT IS IT? by Andraya Daniels Dating violence comes in many forms: emotional, physical, and verbal. Most of the time people cannot realize there in an abusive relationship. You can fall so deeply in love with someone and not be able to find the bad person in them. It’s like being controlled and not knowing and it affects us so deeply… you start to lose everything such as family and friends. You could also be scared to leave that he/she might do something or maybe no one believes you, it also affects your mental health a lot as my mother once said, “The bruises and bumps heal but the heart and pain doesn’t”

As a kid I witness my mother’s boyfriend yell at her and call her out and leave her but it was like she needed him but didn’t know how to leave him and because of him she ended up finding herself depressed most of the relationship and drifting apart from her family and children. As a child I didn’t understand that was wrong until I was able to talk about it in girls group and have the resources to understand, it could also help me in the future so I won’t end up going through that…Thank you so much for listening Hiy hiy

GABBY DANIELS happy, hopeful, loving, friendly, confused, weird, caring, funny, beautiful, equal, stressed, strong

What’s up everyone, my name is Gabrielle “Gabby” Tara-Kai Daniels. I am a member of the Mistawasis Nehiyawak First Nation. I am 15 years old and I currently live in Saskatoon with my family of 7. I have my mom Verna, my dad Kurt, my older brother Preston Miller, 24, my sister Bella, 14, my little sister Nicoletta, 10, and my little brother Victor who is 7. I also have the cutest nephew ever, Preston Jr, he is 11 months old. I was born on the glorious day of May 19th, 2003 in Las Vegas, Nevada. I lived on my Moms Reserve until I was 2, which is half an hour north of Vegas. Her reserve is Moapa Band of Pauites. Currently, I am attending St. Joseph High School here in Saskatoon. My 3 best friends’ names are Natalea, Zoe, and Lauren. My personal thoughts on school are “eh”. I really think learning is fun but I wish we would learn stuff we are gonna learn in the future like taxes and things we talk about in Girls 20

Group. Currently the most important things in my life are school and my family. I don’t always get to see my mom’s side of the family, but I make sure to talk to them once in a while and check up on them. My dad’s side of the family, I see all the time so we are a very close family. I have gone through a lot in my life, but I’ve realized these struggles are making me a stronger woman. In my free time I like to hang out with my sisters and friends. In my opinion, I WAS SO EXCITED to be a part of YIWU because we got to travel to Montreal with the girls and we get to WRITE this BOOK. To be a part of this group makes me feel extremely happy. The reason I decided to come to group is because I had my story of my own to tell.

We have been talking about Gender based violence a lot. Gender based violence are experiences that affects a person emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally based on their gender (sexuality, race, religion or pronoun). A lot of Indigenous women experience GBV. For me, my first experience with Gender Based violence was when I was called “bison girl” My first experience with racism only had happened this year, all through my schooling I was the only “Brown Kid” or “First Nations” student in my class. I was called “bison” girl and “peace treaty”. The first time I was a victim of racism was when I was in Grade 9. It was my second day of Social Studies and this boy in the class knew I was First Nations, so when he wanted to ask me a question he said “Hey bison girl” at that moment I knew he was talking about me. How he made me feel, wasn’t okay. No one should ever be called names because of their race, gender, age, or faith. It made me personally feel sad, weak, and scared. What more people would say about me? What I realize know is that these people are only making me stronger with these harsh words towards my culture. I want people reading this to imagine how those words would make you feel, if you heard a person who you knew, call you names relating to your culture.

With Kendra’s story I think about how many other girls/ women have to go through this and how many of them don’t leave a toxic relationship like this. The reason she kept going back (what I think) is because she might have thought he would eventually change. Tala’s story was amazing, I got to learn about her personal story and how she experienced sexual violence and trauma and why us women wear the ribbon skirts. When she was telling us about how the ribbon skirt works and why we wear them made me want it more. I have always wanted to feel more connected to my indigenous roots and this made me feel closer. It also made me want to be more encouraged in praying/smudging, to round dance, to get involved in sweats, and to go to a feast when I am invited. When I think about our ancestors being here for us I think about how I need my great grandpa and great grandma here for me. I think about how I need to thank the creator and my ancestors more for giving me the life that I have. When I get my ribbon skirt, I will make sure to wear it proud for my ancestors. What I learned from making my ribbon skirt is that I’m proud that I am a Cree/Nuwu woman that I would make it myself and that it takes patience. If I could give my skirt to anyone it would be to my mom because she is a stronger woman. I know I am not alone.

MY SURVIVOR STORY by Gabby Daniels In my experience, I knew of people that experienced sexual violence. It makes me sad that they went thru that at a young age. The best thing you can do for that person is continue to love and support them. When a person goes through this, they feel sad, scared, hurt, and alone, guilt and shame. It is never their fault, but others will make it seem like it is. As girls, we must all continue to support each other through love. No one should have to experience this type of violence. This violence impacts me; my story impacts me. I think the Girlfesto we wrote with all the other girls/women is super

important. In this day and age girls and women are not safe, it doesn’t matter on your race, we aren’t safe. No girl should have to through abuse from random guy/boyfriends. With all the other girls we met in Montebello, they told us the things that they, family, and others have gone through, where they live. In Canada, Indigenous women are more likely to go missing, in Africa, the girls cannot walk around campus without being attacked, and such more things from all the other girl’s groups. In my family, my aunties, uncles, and cousins have gone through sexual violence. Whether it was from some-

“I decided to take a picture of the train tracks. A lot of bad things can happen there to girls and boys, anybody pretty much. Rape, drugs. I decided to take a picture of the train tracks. Gender based violence can happen anywhere, even the train tracks. Girls and boys can experience violence here like rape at late times, getting attacked. Having to hide because of who they are.”

body, residential schools, or other things. I think it’s important that we keep discussing these problems. There are so many girls and boys hurting from this problem. I personally want to keep fighting for everyone’s rights. When we talk about “I am a survivor”, there are so many ways a girl can experience sexual violence. It can be mentally, physically, emotional, etc. I experienced it mentally. When I first joined wrestling, I was the only girl on the team, there were 2 of us but the other girl got accepted to the U of S team so then she dropped out of the school club. I felt personally attacked because all the boys on the team were big, strong and buff, then there was me, a girl just doing this for fun. I remember not feeling welcomed because I was just “a wimpy girl”. It made me sad that they couldn’t accept a girl on the team. Then I eventually accepted it and worked harder and stronger, more and more girls joined the team and it felt good to know that other girls weren’t going to let the boys trash us. I feel like that was my sexual violence moment. So if I was picked to go with you guys and another girl, I would make sure to represent the other girls proudly and good. I would make sure to get involved, talk loud and proud, and get involved in the discussions. Also if you want to know how I’m doing in school, I’m good, I’ve been going hard and showing up, I feel happy and proud of myself.

“The girlfesto is super important because us woman are saying and telling what we want to happen. We need more safety. I think this should be presented because it’s important, we are all equal and worth it.”

The photo is me with a picture I painted for our trip to Victoria. My theme for my picture was: “Do not cat call!”. I decided to paint words or things we get asked when we walk down the street, especially on 20th street. I experienced this when we were making our Cellphilm back in 2017. I think it’s disgusting on how girls that are just trying to get to their house, work, family, school, get asked things like this on the daily. A girl should not have to be worried about getting catcalled by boys and older men. If we address this more and call it out, then it can happen less. In Saskatoon, there are still too many girls that are kidnapped due to their lives being viewed as less than. I want this type of violence towards girls to STAWWWP!

KALAN KAKUM-MCKAY anxiety, tired, low, loving, kind, you are your own kind of beautiful!

My name is Kalan Kakum-McKay. I’m from Kahkewistahaw First Nation. I’m 14 years old in Grade 9, I attend Mount Royal Collegiate. My mom’s name is Tegan McKay. She’s 35 years old and from Kahkewistahaw and has two brothers and two sisters, she just recently lost her dad which was really hard on our family. My Father’s name is Everett Kakum he is 44 years old and from Little Pine First Nation and has two sisters, five brothers, and for myself I have six sisters and six brothers, also six nieces and two nephews. My family is very important to me. In girls group, we have been talking and learning about how self-love is our resistance to emotional and physical abuse! Pimatsowin: Living in a good way; in order to keep ourselves safe we go to ceremonies.

To live a good life we must learn to to pray, smudge wahkotawin/kinship To cry relationship To eat ceremony To dance land To sew animals To sing creator To Feast To Sweat To acknowledge our blood memory

In group I learned a lot of great teachings but the one that stood out to me the most was no matter how hard life gets just take a deep breath and calm yourself down and that everything will be ok. I keep coming back to girls group because I enjoy spending time with all the girls and learning new things. I’ve grown a lot because I am no longer scared to talk and

express my feelings and ask for help. I just feel very comfortable around all the girls it’s like they’re family. I like girls group because they make me feel like I belong and I like how we do everything together like travel, eat, laugh, learn new stuff, I actually like everything about the group. It’s an amazing group to be in. In the beginning I knew nothing about GBV, like absolutely nothing about it but after all the session I know now how to have healthy relationships. I understand how colonial violence continues to hurt indigenous people especially young women and girls, I can see it now. We have spent time learning and talking about Gender Based violence and we have also heard stories from women and girls in our community that have experienced violence in different ways. Hearing stories from girls like Tala Tootoosis, Kendra Weenie, Janelle Pawasokonios, Tynelle Campbell, Kari and Jenn shows us girls that even through the bad we’ll get through it. One of my favourite workshops was when I made my first ever Ribbon Skirt. It was hard, there were times where I wanted to give up but I didn’t because ribbon skirts mean a lot to me. I want to thank Tala for teaching me what they really mean, I’ve always just thought they were something to wear to round dances and feasts but they are not only for that, they are for representing our Indigenous culture. One teaching that is really important to me is humility. Humility is like leadership but like quiet leadership you know? Being a true leader is to be humble, you put others before you, you don’t take it for granted and you don’t brag. You also don’t take from the people to better yourself. To be humble is to use your power wisely. A strong woman I look up to is one of my older sister’s Shanise because she’s a single mother of 3 kids named Nevaeh, Kaylee, Brandon JR. I’m just amazed and proud of her because there were times where she wanted to give up on everything but she got through that herself and kept going. She’s only 24 years old. My sister, mother of 3, single, strong and caring. Alcohol and drugs drove their dad out of their life but love keeps her fighting for them to have a good life. Working towards Miyo pimatsiwin (The good life).

I experienced GBV when we were walking downtown in Montreal, we stopped to take a group picture in an alley that had some cool artwork in it. These two older white men came out of a bar and while we were getting ready for our picture, they said “Smile girls” Smile like you’re having sex” or something like that. This left me feeling yucky, gross, none of us wanted to smile after that. I felt emotionally and mentally hurt. This is why it is so important to have a safe plan when we are walking in the streets. We are not safe. It is important to resist this type of behaviour but it still hurts us. We didn’t yell/chase, we immediately stopped smiling, we tried to ignore it and brush it off but we never forget how easy it is for a man to say something like this to us. We had to comfort each other and we went for ice cream. Violence, both physical and verbal happens to Indigenous girls and women all the time. Another experience I have had was when someone told me I couldn’t play football because I was a girl, which made me lose a lot of confidence in myself, but at the same time it made me want to play even more to prove them wrong. After that I pushed myself towards my goal with a little help from my mom who told

me “Don’t mind the negative people my girl, do what makes you happy” so I played football for 3 years straight plus I joined ice hockey, recently I’ve made the FSIN girls hockey league of 2019 representing my reserve Kahkewistahaw. In Girls group we have learned about Hetero/Eurocentric normative that we have to grow up in. Our society is very structured and based on religious and colonial structure. We are learning that we need to create space for women and girls, and boys too! We are taught girls need to wear pink dresses and be quiet, boys wear blue and can act however they want. If a kid is born trans, gay, lesbian, this makes them feel excluded. We need to keep resisting these powers that tell us who we are supposed to be.

THE STORY OF THE

JINGLE DRESS by Kalan Kakum Dancing has always been a big part of my life, it gave me strength when I felt like everything was falling apart, it just made me feel like me! That’s why I chose to keep dancing. The jingle dress dance is a healing dance. There’s a story that goes along with it. Long ago there was a grandmother who had a very sick granddaughter and every night she’d pray that she’d heal, one night she had some kind of vision that if she puts together some kind of dress and some shells, (because back in the day we didn’t have jingle cones) and made her granddaughter dance around in circles to get better. So she made the dress with shells, put it on her granddaughter and made her dance in circles. Every day got a little better and that’s why it’s called a healing dance.

DEZERAY human, struggle, issues, depressed, sad, dead I’m Dezeray. I’m 15 years old, I grew up in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, between when I was 7-9 years old I stayed in Pelican Lake/Chitek Lake. Which is my Reserve. Back when I was 8 in Grade 3, My class and I went for a protest for IDLE NO MORE in Prince Albert it was pretty scary, people were getting arrested and us little 3rd grade students were getting trampled by these older people backing up because they were getting scared from the cops. Anyways, this introduction of myself is gonna be longer but here goes. About 2 days ago my mother got out of jail, she was in the cells for 3 years but for now she is on the run from the police. This one time I was supposed to with her to Big River, I got in the car and practically got booted outta it so I kinda just got upset because this wasn’t the first time she bailed on me. I haven’t heard from her since. This makes me feel really upset and it’s hard to share but it is 38

part of my story. This is just one of my struggles that I am dealing with on a daily basis. About a year ago my dad got mad at me over money. Anyways he shut me out of his life but we are trying to work on our relationships again. I feel like I can’t depend on him as much as my street mom. He abused me as a child, he overworked me and put me in situations that I shouldn’t have been in as a kid. I can’t remember one time that I haven’t seen the bottle to his lips, yea I feel like I am gonna be in the system till I am 21. I have been in foster care most of my childhood. Can’t forget my siblings I barely see them, we’ve been in the system for a year and 2 months now, girls in my group home come and go so I try not to get attached but somehow I still do. This is where I met my street mom; she’s been a great impact on me. Without her I wouldn’t be who I am today. She taught me plenty of stuff

like never forget someone’s dirty actions, forgive them, but don’t forget. Not because they deserve a 2nd chance but because they might have something to offer ahead in life. She’s great, once I think about it I never really needed blood “family”, I feel like my hood family helped me more than my actual family, if you know what I’m saying. Currently, I am in a Safe House, I am working on getting back into my group home. I have been having a hard time at school. Everything is hard right now. I am slowly bouncing back but I don’t really want to get into other topics right now for the book. I have been absent from girls group since we went to Montreal but I am working hard on getting myself back in a good way so I can come back and participate. I am excited that we are going to publish our book. Montreal was a really exciting and life changing educational opportunity for me. Writing the Girlfesto was a great experience, it’s been an educational experience, I’ve learned quite a lot about my culture and what other girls go through in our world. If I could heal every woman/girl who’s been through these unfortunate experiences I would. We gotta help our sisters heal, feel confident, live life freely without worrying about sexual violence, sexual harassment, abuse from their significant other, and gender based violence. We’ve got to protect our women at all cost by helping them bring their self-esteem up, just complementing our women on their appearance can help them feel less self-conscious about themselves. The little things matter even if it doesn’t mean much to you it may mean the world to them. I hope you enjoyed reading my part of the book. Hiy Hiy!

“As young, Indigenous girls, we have to face violence everyday. Literal violence, family violence, colonial violence. We witness it all.” 40

MY RED RIBBON SKIRT by Dezeray Our Red Ribbon Skirts, connects us together. They give us an identity as Indigenous women. They connect us to the land. In order to be safe you have to go back to ceremonies and in ceremonies we learn many things. We’ve learned that making our skirts is ceremony and ceremonies can be difficult. While we were creating our skirts, it brought us closer together and also took a lot of patience, but it was fun watching all of us struggle and be resilient of the mistakes we made. Most importantly we chose the colour red for our skirts to honor the missing and murdered women in Canada. As an Indigenous girl, it is more likely for me to experience violence, go missing, or be murdered. We want the world to know that our women and girls are sacred. The colour red gives us power to do this work so we can end the cycles of violence in our families, communities, and around the world. I thought it was fun to make my skirt but it was hard and it took a lot of patience. If I were to gift this skirt, I would gift it to my kohkom because she taught me more about my culture than anyone ever did. Although women used to be slaved around by Indigenous men (young and old) in the olden days, she taught me that women shouldn’t be overpowered by men, or even another person and to stand up for myself.

I KNOW A SURVIVOR by Dezeray I haven’t been through sexual violence but I have a friend who’s been through rape and I’m gonna be sharing her story with her permission. Being raped is something that can happen to anyone. Everyone was getting drunk at her house and she had siblings to put to bed so she was in the room and after her siblings went to bed she also went to bed. Around 2 or 3 am she heard her door open and next thing she knew he was on top of her, she tried to scream but she was too in shock that she couldn’t move. She could feel him slipping his hands down her body and everything happened to fast. After he left her on the bed naked and in shock she couldn’t eat, sleep or go out and have a good time. It took her a long time to heal from this. She is still healing in her own way, but now she’s finally dating again, going out more and feeling more confident in herself.

JESSICA MCNAB caring, fighter, shy at first, friendly, proud, strong

My name is Jessica McNab but I go by Jess. I’m 15 years old and in Grade 10 at Royal short for Mount Royal Collegiate. I live in Saskatoon and I am from George Gordon First Nations. I love to write and draw, its helped me think a lot. The way the pencil hits the paper and allows you to write or draw whatever you’re thinking, it’s an amazing feeling to me. Every time I was sad or mad I would write about how I felt in that moment, or I’d write a story. Writing for me was, and still is, a huge outlet for me. I’d say a pencil and paper has helped through way more than a person did or really ever could. Growing up was tough for me, as a lot of things happened. I spent a lot of my childhood sad or angry, and felt broken for a long time. I hated everyone and everything for what happened to me. I had depression and it is still there. I don’t think stuff 46

like that really ever goes away, you might think it’s gone, and for a while, feel fine and better, but then it creeps up on you. Seven years ago we moved to Saskatoon and I had very bad anxiety. I had no friends until I went to school, which was at St. Mary’s, I met a lot of people, even some of the girls that are in group (Young Indigenous Women’s Utopia).

Something that is really important to me is dancing, and my mom. I dance Traditional and jingle, but I guess I prefer Traditional. I used to dance jingle with my sister Kiyari, now I guess she’s the one who dances jingle, my sister Crystal used to dance fancy. Now that I’m older, I only dance traditional, mainly because there was only one Traditional dancer in my family, which was my Aunt Loretta. Since she quit dancing, I’ve sort of taken her place. I plan to keep dancing, and in time make my own regalia. I plan to teach

I AM PROUD TO BE A FIRST NATION WOMAN 48

my nieces how to dance and possibly when I’m older teach my kids. I’ve been dancing for 8-9 years. When I lived in Little Pine First Nation, I danced jingle. I lived there for a couple years. When I dance it gives me courage, its feels like an escape, like I’m escaping all the negativity and everything that just isn’t going right for me. When I dance, I feel safe. When I’m dancing, it’s like everything disappears. for that moment I feel like myself, like I am where I am supposed to be. I learned how to dance Jingle and traditional from watching all the beautiful women dance at Powwows. I am Proud to be a First Nation Woman. For me HONESTY IS KEY. I think lying is one of my pet peeves because to me, honesty is very important. Especially when it comes to yourself. Being honest with yourself is so very very important in my opinion. Honesty is key. There are so few situations where you should have to lie. Lying just leads to more lies, and when you build your life around lies, you’re not being you. Someone had once told me to “always be honest with people around you, and to yourself. If you’re not honest with yourself then what’s the point?” Some struggles I am dealing with right now, are things at home. I feel like sometimes I have no home. I could be inside laying on my bed and it wouldn’t feel like my home. My house used to be filled with alcoholics and drug users, and I feel like they left all their negativity all over the place. It’s still very frustrating and it was even more frustrating when I would leave my things there unwatched, or when I wouldn’t hide my clothes, jewelry or shoes, and they would always go missing. My things always get taken when people are over. It is very stressful at home. I struggle with trying to handle it. I’m the youngest in my family and I shouldn’t be feeling like that. No one should feel like that. I’m struggling with writing this. I’m struggling with money and being able to feed myself, but I’m not saying my mother doesn’t feed me. It’s just when everybody comes over all the time, they eat everything, and being a family with low income, it’s hard to save money for groceries. I feel like I’m struggling with everything.

Through all of this, I have to remember to be strong, just like my mom. My mom is an incredibly strong woman, and I look up to her so much. It amazes me how many things she can take on and still be okay. She is amazing considering all that she’s been through growing up. Some of her family members have been to residential school, and her mom (my Kohkom) wasn’t really there, so my mom lived with her Kohkom growing up. My mom has been abused, put in the hospital by the man who was supposed to take care of and love her. My mom is my superhero. I want to be as strong, brave, patient, and outgoing like my mom. She is the strongest woman I have ever seen! She’s wise and humble, and I really do look up to her. She’s the best person ever in my eyes, in my mind, and one of the most beautiful women ever. She’s amazing! <3 and gorgeous and my everything. The best mom ever! <3 To me, girls group is a safe place, with people I care about, and people that care about me. I always learn something new, whether it’s about the girls, Kari/Jenn or about me. I love seeing the girls grow (as people) each day we are together. Through these past three years, I’m more confident, I learned how to say what’s on my mind, and do what I want without thinking people are judging me. This group has been good for me and my mental health. It’s kept me out of trouble, a lot of trouble. This group has made me closer to my family and culture. I’m so happy Jenn and Kari gave me this opportunity. This group has made me a better person.

What is gender based violence? A violent experience that affects a person emotionally, physically spiritually and mentally based on their gender (sexuality, race, religion, or pronoun) 50

The Girlfesto is important because it allows others to see from a woman’s perspective and educates others on what it will take and how we can put a stop to gender-based violence. It’s important because it brings people who are like-minded together from all over the world to speak up about a powerful and hard topic. The Girlfesto is important because it supports women living safe lives, free from violence and allows us to feel free! Women experience higher levels of violence and the Girlfesto supports, encourages and respects both women and men to speak up about that matter to help put a stop to gender based violence. We have to speak now so our future generations don’t go through the same thing. Without the Girlfesto or our girls group, I wouldn’t know or speak about the importance of gender-based violence. I’m glad I am able to be a part of it and have the opportunity to be as educated as I am on this topic. We are now a step closer to equality and putting an end to gender-based violence. 51

20TH STREET by Jessica McNab

I AM A SURVIVOR I KNOW A SURVIVOR by Jessica McNab I know multiple survivors of sexual assault, residential schools, and suicide. I am a survivor. My mother, my uncle, and 4 out of 6 of my sisters are survivors. We lived in the Little Pine First Nation when we were very young. Our childhood was great until my step dad asked my mom to marry him. After that, a lot of things changed. He acted different and weirdly toward us, but my mom loved him and told us to ignore it. He started doing stuff at night, followed us to our friend’s house, and pushed us around, but my mom never believed us. We didn’t understand what he did to us, nor why he did it. Why would anyone do something like this? Especially to their “loved ones”. We were in foster care for maybe a year, or more, because of him. Sexual violence took away two of my sisters voices. They’re still scared to talk about him or what he did. I see why my mom didn’t do 54

anything right away. In the past, she was abused by my deadbeat dad. I don’t even call him dad; he isn’t a dad. He’s just… not important. His name isn’t even important. I’ve never met him and I never ever want to. Before any of us were even born, my mom’s brother (my uncle) was taken to Residential school. It impacted her a lot. My mom lived with her Kohkom because her mom (my Kohkom) was into alcohol. My mom grew up alone in a way. I’ve only seen 14 years of her struggle and just thinking about what she’s gone through before me and my siblings weren’t born.. I hate it, I hate the thought of it. I won’t get into detail, just because I personally don’t feel comfortable to share it. Everything can impact everyone. What happened to my mom affected her kids, and now what my sisters have gone through impacts their kids (my nieces). What I’ve

gone through impacts my school, work, and life in general. Sexual assault, foster care, bullies, isolation, poverty, drug/alcohol abuse, and a lot more, f*cked me up mentally, emotionally, and physically. I’ve gone through a lot in my 15 years of life. I shouldn’t be this way, but all these events forced me to grow up too fast.

I learned a lot about myself and my skirt. I learned that it means a lot to have it. It’s, in a way, a symbol for missing and murdered Indigenous women. The things that Tala told us, shared with us, were amazing. All the stories she told us. I actually passed on one of the stories she shared with us (it was the story about the women in the white). If I were to give my Ribbon skirt to someone, it would be my mom or (if I ever had kids) my first born. My mom because she and my Kohkom taught me about my culture and who I am. My (if I had kids) first born because I’d teach her hopefully everything about her culture and who she is. I’d teach her how to make one and I’ll most likely show my mom too. 55

CINDY MOCCASIN friends, family, caring, loving, hopeful

Hi, my name is Cindy Moccasin. I was born and raised in Saskatoon but I am from Saulteaux First Nation. I plan on transferring to Kawacatoose First Nation with my mom because I don’t speak to my dad much. I’m sixteen years old and in Grade 10. I go to Mount Royal Collegiate. I have three sisters and two brothers, I’m the youngest out of them all. when I was a newborn, I sometimes stayed with my Aunties because my mom struggled to keep/take care of me and my five other siblings, after I was about two or three years old, I went back with my Mom and I have been with her ever since. Last year I struggled with going to school because I sometimes felt too anxious and other times I would have no ride. I always tried to avoid my report card because I felt like if I saw that it was bad, it would only make me wanna give up and do worse than I already was. I have gotten so much better this year. I know that I have a 56

lot of support from my family, teachers and my girls group. I learned to not care about what others think of me and to focus more on myself. Currently, I go to school every day, I am passing all of my classes and I am working on getting my driver’s license. Girls Group has had a huge impact on my life. It empowers me by reminding me to love myself and that I am strong along with every other woman in our group. It helps me to do good things and to be in a good way. We open up to each other and put our trust and effort into it. We have been learning about Gender Based Violence and Colonial Violence and how it impacts Young Indigenous girls lives. Girls group is a place where we can share our stories and work towards creating a better world for women and girls. In Girls group, we had workshops and learned from other women in our community. They shared their

stories and their experiences. What stood out about Kendra Weenies story to me is how so much happened in such a short period of time for her in her abusive relationship. When we are in unhealthy relationships I think it is hard to get out of them because we don’t think we deserve better. For Kendra, I think she kept going back for the sake of the baby so she wouldn’t grow up without a dad and because she loved him and thought he would change. What we can learn from Kendra’s story is you don’t need a man to feel whole and it can help other women who are going through the same situation. I know someone who is in an abusive relationship and sometimes I worry about if I’ll see her tomorrow. I pray for her every night, I pray that Creator watches over her and protects her. I hope one day she can find the courage and enough self-love to be on her own. One of the teachings we have talked about in group is Pimatsiwin, which means living in a good way. We have acknowledged that our ancestors prayed for us to be here together each day we got together with girls group. Some of the ways that we as Indigenous girls use self-love 58

to resist colonial violence is to remember to go back to ceremony. Our strength is in our prayers and with Creator. In order to be safe in this world, we go back to ceremonies. To pray/smudge To cry To eat To dance To sew To sing To Feast It is in our blood memory to live Pimatosowin, this way of life is already in you.

These teachings were affirmed when we made our ribbon skirts and Tala Tootoosis came and shared her story about being a survivor of sexual abuse and addiction. What I learned from Tala is that being a woman is so much more than what society tells us to be. I shouldn’t be afraid to show or be who I am. Myself, and everyone else around me are the same. We are all equal, yet it doesn’t feel this way. Girls group and Tala’s teachings reminds that the creator and ceremony are always here for me to turn to, I have every right to feel and be protected. I am strong and resilient, when I wear my

ribbon skirt. I remember that my ribbon skirt protects me. I’ve always had my skirts made for me so this was my very first time creating one for myself (from scratch). My skirt is important to me because I created it and everything I went through while I was creating it (sweating/stress/frustration/wanting to give up). We chose the colour red for our ribbon skirts to honour the missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls around the world. This is a huge issue in our community and making these skirts is to pay respect to them and their families. We also had the opportunity to go to a Full Moon Ceremony, what I learned from that is that I am worth more than I think I am. The elder leading the ceremony reminded me that women are powerful and although we women don’t get treated as equal with men, we make an impact on the world around us. I hope we get the opportunity to go to another ceremony like this. Our Young Indigenous Women’s Utopia represents envisioning a world without violence whether it be gendered-sexual-dating-lateral or historical violence. I know that with each presentation we do, each community we visit, each story we share, we are healing ourselves and each other and this is important to remember.

She’ll love and care for herself just as much as she would for others. She’ll pick herself up and put herself back together again. Her presence is uplifting, she’ll spread positivity and make others happy like it’s her job. She knows she is strong, independent and capable of all things. She is powerful, she is victorious, she is my sister.

SHE IS STRONG, INDEPENDENT, AND CAPABLE OF ALL THINGS.

SURVIORS OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE by Cindy Moccasin I know a survivor who is very close to me. I know a survivor who is not close to me. One in three women and one in seven men experience sexual violence in their lifetime. There are estimated over eleven million women and girls trafficked worldwide, more Indigenous women than those who are not Indigenous experience sexual violence and go missing. I am a young Indigenous women and because of that I automatically have to be more careful of my surroundings. I know a survivor of sexual violence. We need to speak up so the

future generations don’t have to be afraid. We are all stronger together. I am afraid to go out anywhere alone because of all the abductions that are happening to the girls in my community and the police doing nothing about it. I will not go to the school unless I’m given a ride by someone I trust because I’m afraid to walk and wait at the bus stop. I think it’s sad being so young and having to worry about being raped or followed. I know several other girls who have the same fear or have experienced sexual violence.

OCEAN SANDERSON intelligent, kind, caring, funny, motivated, confident, respectful

My name is Ocean Rae Sanderson. I’m 16 years old and I’m from Fort-A-La-Corne also known as James Smith Cree Nation. I moved to Saskatoon when I was young, I don’t exactly remember when but I was happy for a change, a new beginning for my family and I. I live with my amazing and caring parents, Audrey and George and 3 siblings, Serenity, Montana and Login. They mean the world to me and I am very grateful to have them in my life. I wouldn’t say my life is perfect, some of my struggles are school, even though it’s only my second year in high school, it’s been weird and I have faced a lot of challenges. I’ve also met so many different people and made two good friends. I’m happy with just two friends. Besides friendships, the school work is killing me, I feel like I just can’t handle all this work and homework, one pile after the other. I’m happy I got my learners at least. I’m making 64

my mom and dad proud and that’s all I care about, putting a smile on their faces and accomplishing my goals in life which are to graduate with a high school diploma, attend university, get my own place, and from there on just go with the flow and see where life takes me. Being a part of The Young Indigenous Women’s Utopia girls group means so much to me and has taught me so many new things, like what GBV is, how it feels to be a part of something, and how to speak up for what I believe in. I’m glad to be a part of this group and to meet and get to know every single one of these beautiful, strong women. Girls group has definitely had an impact on my life, it has made me stronger and I now realize so many things like how important it is to have a support group to help us work through some of the violent things we have to face on a daily basis.

Girls group makes me feel safe and cared about. I made friends and gained relationships with everyone and I am thankful for that. I’m not going to lie, I use to only come for the food and money, but as I started to listen, learn, and take part I realized girls group is so much more than just the material thing. We are a family. I’m truly grateful to have this opportunity and to experience and learn so many new things. It took me a while, but I now understand why we do what we do at girls group. It’s to prove and to help us realize that girls and women have rights and are stronger than we may appear. We have had the opportunity to rise up and speak back against things like, racism, sexual violence, emotional and domestic abuse, and the issues of our girls and boys going missing and murdered. The two strongest women I know next to my mother and grandma are Kari and Jenn. They go out of their way to come to girls group, to provide for us, to care for us, to help us learn and to have a better understanding of what gender based violence is. I’m glad they chose me to be a part of this group and their lives. We have had the opportunity to do workshops with

women from the community. Two of the stories that impacted me are Kendra’s Story and Tala’s Story. Kendra was in an abusive relationship, both physical and emotional. She loved her partner so much, she couldn’t see the bad in him until her baby was born. That was her main concern as to why she left him. What stood out was that he never wanted to talk about his past or why his “ex baby mama” left. What we could learn about her story is how we have to love ourselves the most, we got to take care of our bodies & ourselves. Her sharing her story is something very brave, it takes a lot of courage to open yourself like that to someone and it could damage you. Ribbon skirt making was an empowering experience. I finished my Ribbon skirt in 1 day, it’s not my best and nor does it look like the best but it’s my second try making a ribbon skirt. Having a ribbon skirt is powerful. Making a ribbon skirt is a big honor and I am thankful that we can make beautiful things that represent ourselves in design, color and courage. A red ribbon skirt is sacred and should never be disrespected. The colour red is for the MMIW, it shows up quite often so maybe one day 67

our missing and murdered women can find their way home. Red is brave, having the honor and great pleasure to make a red ribbon skirt is truly amazing. Of course it took time, patience and effort but in the end it was all worth it.

“My mom is strong, intelligent, beautiful, kind, nice & the best mother ever!”

HOW SELF-LOVE IS MY RESISTANCE! by Ocean Sanderson Dancing powwow is what I care about. I’ve been dancing since I was young, I stopped for 2 years because I outgrew my dress but I’m wanting to start working on a new one and I’m really hoping to be done by summer 2019. I’m done my hair pieces; it was my first time finishing beaded pieces in 2 days. My grandma taught me everything I know, beading, skirt making, sewing, and how to have self-love. Denise is my grandma who is also a very strong woman. She is not, and never afraid to let

herself be known as a person, where she truly comes from. She inspires me to take more interest in my culture and she made me realize how much I love to spend time with her going to powwows, round dances, beading, making outfits, shopping. Honestly we could just be watching a movie, I could be sleeping over at her place or help her with her errands and we just enjoy each other’s company and presence. I love her so with all my heart.

MY GRANDMOTHER’S

SURVIVOR STORY by Ocean Sanderson For my Survivor Story, I chose to sit down and talk to my Grandma Denise B. This is what she had to share: Hi, my name is Denise B, I was asked to talk about sexual abuse and lateral violence. If I have experienced it and how it affected me. First of all, yes, I have been sexually abused. I was molested at the age of 8 years old by a family member. I will not mention any names because I have learned in my life to forgive. This changed my life and I had a lot of trust issues with family and men. I became angry, I abused drugs and alcohol, I became violent towards others, fighting, stealing and a lot of the time I ended up in jail until I was 26. Who suffered the most was myself and my children. I

come from three generations of students of the residential school system. Residential Schools Affected most of my family, parents, brothers, and sisters. Anger became a way of coping, a way we learned to solve our problems. It also kept people away and we hurt the ones closest to us. At the age of 26, this is when I decided to seek help and try to change my ways and understand myself. I decided to seek help and heal. I began my healing journey at 26 and today I am clean and sober for over 10 years. I now live a healthy lifestyle. I practice my culture and traditional ways. I dance Traditional and with years of practice I have learned to forgive. Once I forgave myself, it was easy to forgive others. Forgiveness takes one day at a time. Hiy Hiy.

LOVE LETTERS by sohki iskwew One of the teachings that we carry as Indigenous women is that mentorship is essential to the success of our girls and women. Each of the girls have strong role models in their lives. Their sisters, their mothers, their aunties, and kohkoms. Our women are resilient, strong, and loving. With each workshop we had, we knew inviting women from our community to share their

stories and survivor stories would empower the girls and build relationships that would carry forward into their futures. These are the stories and words of our role models, our mentors, our elders, our aunties;

our sohki iskwew

DEAR YIWU Dear YIWU, You are medicine. You are stronger than you think, but remember you don’t always have to be strong. Each one of you are the reason I get up and out of bed someday’s. Our time together has been such a gift and there is more to come. This journey we are on together is so much more then I/We could have ever imagined. I wish every young person could have an experience like ours. To learn, speak back, travel, write, produce, to CHANGE the script. Our existence, our stories, our love is showing the world that WE ARE INDIGENOUS GIRLS … And we are woke, powerful, resistant, smart, loving and kind.

I hope you continue to see your strength within. Be proud of your identity. Be proud of your flaws. Rise … Rest … Reclaim ... But most importantly … Love.

Thank you for being Aunties to Lennie! I love you, I see you, I hear you …. You are imprinted on my heart forever! Jenn 75

DEAR YIWU Dear YIWU, I never would have known that bringing a group of young, fierce and loveable group of girls together would mean so much to my own healing. You probably don’t know the impact of what it meant to see you grow, connect and share with one another over the last couple of years. But it has meant the world to witness a time where you are young and just beginning to learn about the environments you live in and survived. Each of you have become a part of my own story and everyone one of you has taught me new lesson about resilience and my heart is happy to have met you and walk alongside you in this journey. A couple things that I have learned from group, is that growing up is hard and being a young Indigenous women in Saskatoon can make it even harder. Sometimes those means stares or judgemental tones can take a toll on our self-love, some days it might feel hard to push through the hard times, but you can and I’m here to remind you of all the things that make you amazing. tapwe,ekosi. Kari

Greetings from Toronto!

It is a snowy February evening here and the chill has set in for the night. I just tucked my kids into bed and have sat down to write this letter. I have been meaning to write this note for quite some time. As I reflect on all the beautiful work that you have done over the last two years, I feel both deeply humbled and intensely proud of you. You are an amazing group of young, strong, talented and inspiring Indigenous women. I am humbled by your collective strength and tenacity. When Kari and I were first dreaming up the idea of a girls group in Saskatoon years ago – we had no idea what to expect. We knew we wanted to bring young women together to challenge gender-based violence. We knew we wanted to use art and culture to have conversations and share teachings. We knew that we wanted to create a safe space for girls to flourish and resist the many forms of violence that you encounter. What we did not yet know – but soon came to learn – was the amazing ways that you would surpass all our expectations. The love and commitment you have shown to yourselves, each other and this project has led to its tremendous success. You created an award winning cellphilm that demonstrates all the ways that you are already resisting violence. You sewed beautiful ribbon skirts to honor and reclaim women’s teachings. You have taken stunning photographs and written beautiful essays to share your lives and perspectives with others. As a group you have traveled, marched, protested, danced, sung and 78

engaged in ceremony. And all the while, you have been growing as leaders and role models. Together, you are actively working to build the utopic vision that you set out the imagine 2 years ago in your film. Watching you grow and flourish over the last two years has been nothing short of inspirational. I know that I am not there with you when you gather regularly. But please know that I am with you in spirit. As I scuttle around in my office trying to support Jenn and Kari – so that they can support you – I always do so with a full heart. I am so proud of your accomplishments and delight in your success. I am honored to be affiliated with such a fabulous group of young women. I cherish my ribbon skirt and all your many teachings. I love the time that we do get to spend together and I look forward to watching you shine at your book launch this spring. Thank you for allowing me to join your journey – and especially for leading the way. Warmly, Sarah Flicker aka The York University professor who cheers you on from the sidelines. PS Please come visit me in Toronto anytime! We would love to welcome you to York. 79

You are a Star! Just remember. Everything you feel, do, embody and dream is enough. Your dreams and actions are Sacred. There is nothing you can do to diminish your Sacred Lineage. You may not remember, but your Ancestors know who you are. I am your holy misfit birthing elements of creation in the cosmic dance of Justice Making. Bits of promise dust into Us. Keeping us engaged with the Mystery of the Ancient Ones in this Stardust soup we are in. Ancient. Current. Future Matter. Blended in Time wrinkles. Bending Light. Creating waves. Rising from the Black Hole of colonial rule. Dancing away in the stuckness remembered and then forgotten... I have learned to how to make small stitches back and forth. Back and forth. Until the holes in my heart are mended. A patchwork heart darned in the dark. Lit by the Stars. Twinkle twinkle little Star.

That is really who you are. We are stardust. Made to navigate the Lightways To create beyond our reach. Into revolution. I wish I may. I wish I might. Yes. Now. The Winds of Change push us to turn this world around. Connect the dots. Tune In. The Ancestors are Live Streaming all the time. Future memories merging with predictions of the past. All we need to know is written in the stars. Listen for Star Song humming. Choose consciousness over denial. Passion over apathy. Truth over betrayal. Now is the time. Our Blue Mother needs us. Catch a Falling Star! Take these words in: You are enough. You are MORE than enough. Speak your truth. Take your place.

by Marjorie Beaucage

TO OUR YOUNG WOMEN Love, Janelle Pewapsconias You are energy. You’ve witnessed your strength without knowing you were strong, you were brave when you didn’t know it was called brave; you were everything you needed without knowing your body was a vessel full of your resilience. So, our grandmothers of our grandmothers made prayer for us this day. She knew that beyond ideas of linear time and space of human experience, her energy is

carried to you. Laws of physics know her energy cannot be destroyed. It is unseen, cloaking you as we walk, cascading you as you run, curing you in your pains; and even when sometimes it felt like pain was too much to bare, you bared it. I am grateful you get to read this today. See, when she blessed you she knew she could hear your laughter in her bones, and you bless her with your

laughter as she walks with you. In moments of quiet you will hear her. In moments of darkness protects you with her light. Your existence surpasses impossibility. You are a blessing. You are the energy of our matriarchs made into form of a beautiful human being created from a line of women who have lived and loved and carried strength. It courses through you. It flows from you. Her energy cannot be destroyed. The Law of Universal Gravitation states that “an object attracts another object in direct proportion to their combined mass and inversely related to the square of the distance between them.” So when you feel the world is getting you down, know you have the power behind you in direct inverse proportion lifting you up. It will not be destroyed. The Law of Motion is the relationship to acceleration and the forces acting upon it. We remain at rest until forces act up on us. Be it energy of our motivation or prayer of ancestor, know that when we push forward we will meet force in equal in opposite reaction, but we will meet them anyway! Life has been full of challenges, but can always be overcome if our energy inside of ourselves changes us to 84

move us forward. Because we need to move forward to get where we want to be in our lives. Our power is our choice. Being a woman in this time is hard. External forces try to keep us down and motionless. Do not let it. Choose when you move forward and choose when you rest, but always remember she will always be with you. Her energy cannot be destroyed.

See, You are energy my girl. Care for it. Love it. Share it. Protect it. Pass it on.

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INDIGENOUS WOMEN’S WORTH by Tala Tootoosis It is important to always remember that we as Indigenous women are born into a history that doesn’t acknowledge the worth of our bodies, minds, spirits or existence. Since Colonization loudly marched into the shores of our sacred waters and lands, our women have been affected and they’re suffering to this day with systemic and institutional racism, through the policies that have been developed to support the patriarchal system and society that we are surrounded by. We as Indigenous women are not born with an understanding and an awareness of what power we hold, the knowledge is within us, waiting to be awakened. As a child I was able to witness watching my mother tirelessly get up every day, get us ready for school, cook meals, bead, read, sew, work, clean, pray, smudge, build ceremony lodges, have relationships of her own and still find a way to take care of us, her children. The one thing I never understood, that I now understand is that she was dealing with her own childhood trauma, while trying to heal from it, and not let it affect us, trying her best to show us a healthy home, filled with love and ceremony prayer. My mom is a recovering alcoholic, but I never seen her drink, I never seen her do drugs, I never was hit by her, I was never apprehended by social services and we always had our own rooms, and our own beds to sleep in. There were so many unhealthy cycles that colonization, residential schools, foster care and assimilation tried to implement on my family line but my mom put a stop to all of these cycles by making sure she stayed sober, she walked on the red road and she tried her best to find a way to make our home a safe place. As a woman now, I always wanted to grow up to be just like my mom, I have wondered how I can make sure my children, 86

my daughters and my son all know their worth. It was throughout my mom’s struggle to be sober, that when I decided to sober up and walk the red road that I finally realized how hard my mom worked to be a good mother, to raise us in a ceremony home, to teach us traditional teachings, to make ceremony normal, regardless of how she was raised or what she went through. I have taught my children about smudging, the sacred power of medicines, the beauty of song and dance in ceremony, the sacred existence of spiritual beings, the beautiful connection of ancestors and their ability to pray for themselves. In the constant every day of going to work, being a helper in my community and being a mother, I am now grateful to be a mother who is learning to be present to my children more and not to my trauma and triggers, unless I am in a healing session, ceremony or therapy. I too have had to find ways to break the cycles that slipped through the cracks from my mom down to me and now I understand my worth as an Indigenous woman. The worth of an Indigenous woman falls in the tears she cries when she is healing from intergenerational trauma. Our worth sits in the smiles we give when we knows we are still here even after acknowledging that every day we could be raped, beaten, kidnapped, murdered and our death not taken seriously by the Canadian government law. The awareness that every day we are in danger, yet we still wake up and get our kids ready for school, battle our addictions, our childhood violent trauma, being sexually objectified by society. We still go to work, publish books, become social workers, become lawyers, become lodge keepers, make ribbon skirts, learn the old art of quilling again, learn our languages again and so much more. The worth of an Indigenous woman exists in the very wisdom that she rises, she sings, she dances, she wears her traditional skirts, she looks very here because we are here and we are not giving up who we are, we are not giving into the fear mentality and we are going to fight back for the legacy of land and water for our children, because our worth exists, in our fire.

MY STORY by Kendra Weenie My name is Kendra Weenie and I am a Cree woman from Sweetgrass First Nation. This past spring I had the honour of speaking to a group of young Indigenous women about my personal story of surviving an abusive relationship. I grew up single parented by my mother, along with my three other siblings. Having an absent father contributed to my low self esteem and need for a relationship. My involvement in sports and culture helped to get me through my lowest times, but I still always felt there was something missing. From the age of fourteen to twenty four I bounced in and out of relationships. I was desperately searching for the love that I was missing from my father and thought having a boyfriend would help me feel complete. Upon completing my bachelor of education degree, I met a man who I thought was my Prince Charming. We began dating and slowly he began to show signs of abuse. At first it was financial abuse, then emotional, spiritual, and at the very end the severe physical began. I had just given birth to our daughter. She was eight days old when I finally decided I was going to leave him. He came home drunk, high, and very angry. He picked up our tiny newborn and began to yell at me, curse me for trying to leave him, and then beat me uncontrollably. It was so bad that I thought my life was going to end that night. It was the first time I’d ever completely given up on life. By some miracle I managed to escape and call for help. After that horrific night I decided that I needed to take better care of myself. I began counselling once my body healed. I played sports again, which was a huge confidence booster. I began praying everyday for guidance on my healing journey and to give thanks for living to see another day. I made a promise to 88

myself that I would treat myself better, be kinder and try to find ways to be happy being alone because being in a relationship wasn’t the answer. I am thankful I get to share my story to groups of youth like the Treaty 6 Young Indigenous Girls Group. My goal is

to create hope for those who feel alone in whatever it is they are going through and to create awareness of domestic abuse. Always remember that you are worthy of being shown healthy love, but you need to show yourself some love first.

“Always remember that you are worthy of being shown healthy love, but you need to show yourself some love first.”

WHAT DOES SEXUAL VIOLENCE LOOK LIKE IN SASKATOON?

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE OR WITNESS VIOLENCE 92

Andraya’s Advice

Talk to someone you trust about the situation. Sit down and listen to your favourite music. Look in the mirror and tell myself I’m beautiful. Prove them wrong. Try and stay happy and strong.

Kalan’s Advice

I listen to music and forget about it. Get out of an abusive relationship as quick as you can! You need to love yourself before you can love someone else! Together we are stronger. Support girls, women, boys and men. Pray to your ancestors! Ignore them and try to think about the positive.

Dezeray’s Advice

It’s hard not to just let it happen. A lot of times we are too scared to stick up for ourselves and others around us. I try to talk myself out of negative situations. One day I won’t be scared.

Cindy’s Advice

Take some time for yourself. Talk to someone you trust. Use positive self-talk.

Jessica’s Advice

I talk to one of my caring sisters, I have a smoke (I’m not saying YOU should have a smoke.. I mean if you smoke go right ahead..) and block everything out and calm down and just draw or write. I do something that relaxes me and makes me feel beautiful. Well when I witness it, I get involved even when I shouldn’t. I try to make that person feel good I just try to help as much as I can. I know to some people that sound really really stupid. But I can’t help it, I don’t like when people fight around me. I know that it “isn’t any of my business” but what do people expect me to do? Just sit there and watch. Lol no. Afterwards I’ll probably cry but I never let it affect how I do things or how I think. Well I try to at least. I don’t know, it’s hard.

Gabby’s Advice

Talk to someone about it, surround yourself with people you love. Don’t watch it happen. I let it roll it off me. When people are trying to knock me down, I make sure to stick up for myself. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. I have always followed that quote. I always let myself know I’m worth it.

RESIST WITH SELF-LOVE SELF-LOVE IS OUR RESISTANCE

RESOURCES AND SUPPORT FOR THOSE EXPERIENCING GENDER-BASED, SEXUAL OR COLONIAL VIOLENCE CONSENT NEEDS TO BE CLEAR You always need to say yes to engage in sex. We want our community to know that there is support for survivors of recent sexual assault, past sexual assault, sexual harassment and childhood sexual abuse. Contact us if you ever feel alone, we will always believe you. Young Indigenous Women’s Utopia – YIWUtopia@gmail.com We acknowledge that Emergency and Medical Services are very invasive and triggering to our traumas. We stand with you and beside you when you need to report any type of violence. You are never alone. Saskatoon Sexual Assault & Information Centre:

24 HOUR CRISIS LINE 306-244-2224 Call 9-1-1 in Emergency! Professional Health Advice and Mental Health Support

Call 8-1-1 (Province-wide)

SSAIC provides information, referrals, and support to anyone dealing with issues related to sexual assault, child sexual abuse, and memories of childhood sexual abuse.

Sexual Harrasement

Catcalling - Personal and seeing it happen to others (everywhere, school, walking around with our friends, mall, older men telling us they want to have sex with us when we were in Montreal in July 2018) Sexual harassment (not identified) 5/7 (including jenn and Kari have been stopped) Online with Strangers

Rape & Abduction

A lot of attempted rape and abduction around Pleasant Hill and the Inner City of Saskatoon (which tells us we are not safe and need to protect ourselves) – Voicing this has brought it to people’s attention (big brother/big sister) working with the police is so frustrating feels like nothing ever gets done – our people are not believed. Being afraid to get raped. Fear of being passed out or at parties – being assaulted by acquaintances, friends, and family Older men downtown/alleys persuading little girls and boys to get into the car Feeling uncomfortable to wear certain types of clothing in fear of being assaulted or perused

Domestic Assault

I can hear women crying next door Men getting abusive cause you want to leave – you feel trapped Single mothers – being left to raise their babies alone

Sex Work

Women try to wave us down because of the vehicle – there is an assumption that we want to buy sex Sex workers (Indigenous Women in Saskatoon) have become a high commodities within our community. Young girls and women and boys and men on the streets – sell their bodies for sex to get money, food, drugs, alcohol, shoes, cellphones, money, clothes, drugs, ipads, needles, struggle (two-spirited clientele being persuade) – get into car, house, apartments, alleys, porta potties, bushes where there are lots of trees, dumpsters. For many women prostitution leads to suicide (because of the shame and embarrassment)

MEDICAL SERVICES

Forensic Examinations are only conducted at two of the Saskatoon hospitals 9:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m. at City Hospital Emergency

306-655-8230

7:00 p.m. – 9:00 a.m. at Royal University Hospital (RUH)

306-655-1362

St. Paul’s Hospital (Emergency only – no rape kits/forensics or Plan B)

306-655-5113

Community Clinic (24-hour)

306-652-0300

Sexually Transmitted Infection Clinic

306-655-4642

LEGAL SERVICES

COUNSELLING SERVICES Saskatoon Mental Health – Adult

306-655-8877

Saskatoon Mental Health-Youth

306-655-7800

Youth Resource Centre

306-655-7950

Sexual Health Centre

306-244-7989

Family Service Saskatoon (all domestic violence programs)

306-244-0127

Catholic Family Services

306-244-7773 or 866-250-1529 Indian & Metis Friendship Centre Domestic Violence Program

306-244-0174

Saskatoon Prosecution Unit

306-933-5149

Police Based Victim Services

306-975-8400

Victim/Witness Coordinator (Court)

306-933-5173

Victims Compensation Plan

306-787-3500

Human Rights Commission

306-933-5952

CLASSIC (legal information)

306-657-6100 Legal Aid

306-933-7820

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The Hope for Wellness Help Line offers immediate help to all Indigenous peoples across Canada. It is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to offer: counselling and/or crisis intervention Call the toll-free Help Line at 1-855-242-3310 or connect to the online chat at hopeforwellness. ca. On request, telephone counselling is also available in: Cree, Ojibway, Inuktitut

OTHER SUPPORT SERVICES

Prince Albert Mobile Crisis Unit - Sexual Assault Line – 24/7 Hours

Canadians for Choice Want to talk to someone about sexual and reproductive health issues?

Regina Sexual Assault Centre – Sexual Assault Line – 24/7 Hours

306-764-1039

1-844-952-0434

1-888-642-2725 24-hour toll-free information and referral line national · confidential · pro-choice · LGBTTQI positive

Saskatoon Tribal Council (STC) Health Centre

306-956-0340 AIDS Saskatoon

306-244-5005 OUTSaskatoon (for the LGBTQ community)

1 - 800-358-1833

(Saskatchewan) Saskatoon Interval House – Women’s Abuse Crisis Line – 24/7

1-888-338-0880

(Saskatoon) Family Service Saskatoon Mon - Fri 9 am - 5 pm

306-244-0127

(Canada) Kids Help Phone – 24/7

1-800-668-6868

Battlefords & Area Sexual Assault Centre Phone:

1-306-445-0055

Photography by Breanna Garr-Doucette, Amy Briley, and Tenielle Campbell Stock Photography supplied by unsplash.com Edited by Dynelle Wolfe and Kari Wuttunee

Email: basacsasktel.net (Central Saskatchewan) West Central Crisis and Family Support Centre - Victim Assistance & Support Team – 24/7 Hours

306-463-1860

Lloydminster Sexual Assault and Information Centre – 24/7 Hours

306-825-8255

(North Saskatchewan) Northeast Crisis Line – 24/7 Hours

1-800-611-6349

Book Design by Encore Graphics www.encoregraphicdesign.com

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