ASSEMBLAGE
about ASSEMBLAGE:
WELCOME TO "ASSEMBLAGE." THIS IS A INSTAGRAM ZINE* I'VE BEEN WORKING ON AS PART OF A 6-MONTH (AND ONGOING) STUDY I'VE BEEN DOING ON INTERACTIVE ART EXPERIENCES ONLINE. A "ZINE" IS ONE OF SEVERAL MEDIUMS I'VE BEEN STUDYING.
I m calling this an Instagram Zine" because "Zine," originating from "magazine" has a rich culture. And for me, the additional context matters. And even though I didn't have the resources to make my own back in the day, I think "Instagram Zine" describes what it actually is. :)
TRADITIONALLY, A ZINE IS A SMALLCIRCULATION SELF-CREATED WORK. I MADE MY OWN ZINES IN COLLEGE, BUT DIDN'T HAVE THE RESOURCES TO CIRCULATE THEM BACK THEN. AND EVEN THOUGH I'VE MADE ART IN "OFFICIAL" MEDIUMS LIKE BOOKS, I'M STILL EXPLORING OTHER MEDIUMS AS A WAY OF FINDING NEW WAYS TO COMMUNICATE THROUGH ART.
HOWEVER, THIS STUDY ISN'T JUST ABOUT ART - IT'S ABOUT COMMUNICATION. IN A WORLD OVERLOADED WITH INFORMATION, CONTEXT OFTEN GETS LOST, MAKING IT DIFFICULT FOR US TO GATHER, SHARE, AND ENGAGE WITH INFORMATION (INCLUDING ART) IN INTENTIONAL WAYS.
SECONDLY, BEING AN AUTISTIC/ADHD-ER WHO DEALS WITH COMMUNICATION CHALLENGES EVERY DAY, IT'S BECOME A NECESSITY TO FIGURE OUT NEW WAYS OF BRINGING THE PIECES TOGETHER.
WHEN I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM, ADHD, AND SENSORY PROCESSING DISORDER A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, AT AGE 31, EVERYTHING CHANGED FOR ME. IN MANY WAYS, IT WAS A HUGE EXHALE BECAUSE I FINALLY HAD SOME LANGUAGE FOR WHAT I HAD BEEN GOING THROU
ONE EXAMPLE OF MANY: EVEN THOUGH I AM VERBAL, IT IS NO WITHOUT SIGNIFICANT EFFORT. BEFORE THE REALIZATION THAT I AUTISTIC, I THOUGHT EVERYONE HAD TO PRACTICE A SET OF SOUNDS, TONES, AND PHRASES BEFORE ENGAGING WITH PEOPLE.* I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HAVING CONVERSATIONS CAME MORE NATURALLY TO OTHERS. I HAD ASSUMED EVERYONE PREPARED, PRIVATELY, AS I DID.
I NOW KNOW ABOUT NEURODIVERGENCE AND I AM LEARNING MORE AND MORE ALL THE TIME. I AM GRATEFUL THAT I NOW HAVE THIS KNOWLEDGE, AND YET, THERE ARE NEW MOUNTAINS TO CLIMB, AND THE MAIN WAY I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FIND A WAY FORWARD IS BY LEARNING TO ASSEMBLE THE THE PIECES OF MY STORY IN A NEW WAY SO THAT I CAN MAKE SENSE OF THIS JOURNEY.
*Everyone's experience on the spectrum is different.
"Assemblage," in art, is, in many ways, a three-dimensionalversion of collage.
source: spacesarchive.org
of the many examples i could give of the art form, i have to share this photo one of my favorite assemblage artist: lV Hull (1924-2008). She assembled many objects such as painted hubcaps and signs in her home and garden.
I discovered LV HUll and other black assemblage and self-taught artists from the american south around the time i received my diagnosis. historically, many of these artists' work have been overlooked or viewed as less- than.
however, these artists, who are from the same part of the world I'm from, have given me courage to bring forth the assemblage and collage in my work... as more than only a creative expression, but a way of practicing being a little more free...
TO ME, ART IS A FORM OF COMMUNICATION.
I made this in 2017, around the time my doctor told me there was no way i could be autistic. sadly, i took his word and proceeded to struggle silently for years.
I started assembling these "books" and adding found objects to them.
TRADITIONAL LINE BY LINE, PAGE-BOUND WRITING DIDN'T CAPTURE HOW IT FELT TO ALWAYS FEEL LIKE YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG.
NOT BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE LIKE OTHER PEOPLE IMPACTS EVERY FACET OF YOUR LIFE.
BEING AUTISTIC/ND IS NOT JUST ABOUT BEING A little "quirky."
if you can't COMMUNICATE according to established social standards, it can impact relationships, lead to unEMPLOYMENT, JEOPARDIZE YOUR SAFETY, AND OTHER ISSUES.*
Art was the only place where i felt free and safe to break the rules. yes, I was "being creative," but it was also a legitimate form of communication. i wasn't just creating art... i was creating room to breathe.
this explanat though the fl is buzzing so having to pra facial express before the me voice won't be so even befor trying to ada needed to, in interaction o
*Communication challenges and differences is one part of the autistic experience, and just to reiterate, everyone's experience on the spectrum varies.
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i was struggling with what felt like a billion little things:
making sure I nod my head a lot so the bank teller knows I'm actively trying to listen to this explanation about the late fees even though the fluorescent light above our heads is buzzing so loud I can't tune it out.
having to practice my tone of voice and facial expressions in the bathroom stall before the meeting, so my natural monotone voice won't be mistaken for rudeness
so even before my diagnosis, i was constantly trying to adapt to fit into whatever box i needed to, in order to make it through every interaction okay.
MESSAGES
The struggle:
now
It often feels impossible to say what i mean in places like complete sentences, comment sections, and text message boxes
for me, making things is about assembling pieces to create new combinations because the established boxes WEAR DOWN ON THE MIND, THE BODY, THE HEART...SOME CALL THIS PROCESS MAKING ART.
I HAVE WORKED OVERTIME EVERY DAY O MY LIFE TO MAKE SURE I CAN COMMUNICATE IN THE "RIGHT WAY" TO BEST OF MY ABILITY.
I HAVE STUDIED THE ARCHITECTURE AND HISTORY OF THOUSANDS OF WORDS JU TO TRY AND MAKE IT EASIER FOR MYSE
I HAVE a tab in my spreadsheet on computer just to keep up with new idioms.
In 33 YEARS, the "easy" part has yet come. HOWEVER, ONE THING THAT HAS CHANGED IS THAT I FEEL LESS ALONE. t assemblage and collage work of B AMERICANS REMINDS ME THAT THERE IS ROOM TO BE ME. THEIR WORK HAS. AW OF SINGING TO ME:
YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
OF TO THE AND JUST SELF.
n my ewer yet to HAS . the f BLACK E IS AWAY
HOWEVER, EVEN THOUGH MY WORK HAS CONTAINED MIXED MEDIA AND FOUND OBJECTS, I NEVER USED THE TERM "COLLAGE" OR "ASSEMBLAGE" TO DEFINE MY WORK...UNTIL I HAD TO.
the intensity and stress of the present moment is felt by many of us, in many ways, but,
...is especially true if you struggle with communication.
what are the seemingly "normal" rules we need to break in order to be able to communicate and connect in meaningful ways?
this is not a question i have an easy answer for but with my work, it is something that i know i must explore...breaking the rules and assembling something new, in a million little ways...
