Motley Issue 4 2012

Duke Special Interview with the folk musician

2012

Dubious headlines, the year that was, and the top 12 fashion moments.

The Hobbit

A preview of the upcoming film.

uccmotley.ie

current affairs entertainments features fashion

‘Careful the tale you tell – that is the spell.’

Before we were mid-way through November, shops had adorned their windows with Christmas decorations and the excitement of children was visible as they dragged their parents through the aisles wanting this and that.

And it’s these kids who make Christmas special in many homes. They can remember every item on their list to Mr Claus, their knowledge is unmatched when it comes to the TV listings, and they have much experience with singing Christmas songs. Repeatedly. The tale that has been woven into their lives adds the magic to the holiday, but for those of us who are -a bit older and wiser (in theory), Christmas is a different experience. We take more enjoyment from hot chocolate on cold nights and being around friends and family, and, though the Scrooges may disagree, there’s a certain pleasure from giving gifts and hearing ‘Fairytale of New York’ back on the airwaves.

And, of course, we reminisce. Every December, once the temptation to remove all the little chocolates from the Advent calendar has passed and the talentless yet enthusiastic group of Carol singers have ‘fa la la la la la la la’-ed off, I look back on the year I’ve had and think. What defined it? Who are the people who made it worthwhile? Do they know how much I appreciate them? Did I change? How much tea did I drink? Important questions worthy of reflection.

But we can’t just relive our memories, be they of childhood or otherwise; we have to create our own spell, our own tale that will add the magic to our holiday. And so, this issue of Motley comes with a simple message: Have fun. Be nostalgic. Make it a Christmas to remember.

The Team Editor — editor@motley.ie John Murphy Current Affairs — currentaffairs@motley.ie Alan Conway (Editor) Orla Hubbard (Deputy Editor) Cathal Larkin (Deputy Editor) Entertainments — entertainments@motley.ie Emma Mc Carthy (Editor) Eimear Hurley (Deputy Editor) Tamara Malone (Deputy Editor) Features — features@motley.ie Mae McSweeney (Editor) Senita Appiakorang (Deputy Editor) Peter Neville (Deputy Editor)

John Murphy

The Writers Daniel Boland Nicole Clinton Eoghan Dalton Cian De Paor Colm Pádraig Duffy Sinead Dwyer Luke Field Sarah Glascott Chris Heinhold Martha Hegarty Gearoid Holland Brian Houlihan Shell Leonard Gavin Lynch-Frahill

Fashion — fashion@motley.ie Aisling Fitzpatrick (Editor) Emma Oliver (Deputy Editor) Designer — design@motley.ie Richard Sheehy PR/Marketing — pr@motley.ie Louise Maher Photographer Egle Laukyte Advertising — comms@uccsu.ie James O’Doherty

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Eoghan Lyng Sorcha Nagle Laura O’ Donovan Daithí Ó Sé Donal O’Sullivan Terry O’Sullivan Roy Sheehan Tommy Tobin Tan Yan Yu Abigail Woods

Orla Hubbard examines the relationship between David Cameron and Angela Merkel.

Emma Oliver examines the ten most controversial fashion campaigns.

Tan Yan Yu explains the Mozart effect

Emma Mc Carthy takes a look at the upcoming adaptation of the musical Les Misérables.

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currentaffairs@motley.ie

current affairs

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2012: The Year in Headlines.

By Cathal Larkin

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Voter (non-) Turnout at the Children’s Referendum

Chris Heinhold asks if it is true that we are a lazy electorate.

Our Taoiseach is disappointed in us; he and his government are feeling let down. It appears to them that we, the voting population, just do not care about the children. We did not even bother to get up off our couches and go out to vote ‘yes’ to their referendum on the rights of the child. What could be wrong with us?

Could the low turnout be down to the choice of day on which the referendum was held? This was only the second referendum to ever be held on a Saturday. Perhaps, as one Tweeter pointed out, people were too busy taking their kids to the park/zoo/football/ballet to go and vote the rights of those same kids into our constitution. Tánaiste Eamon Gilmore quickly blamed the low turnout on people’s busy weekend schedules and concluded that the decision to hold ballots on a Saturday may have to be looked at again. However, this idea does not really hold up too much scrutiny. The only previous referendum to be held on a Saturday was the second Nice Treaty vote in October 2002; this resulted in a 15% increase in voter turnout compared with the first Nice vote which had been held on a Thursday. So, Saturday voting cannot be blamed for low turnout.

Could the low turnout be blamed on voter apathy? Do we just not care as much as our political betters about anything outside of weekly X Factor and Homeland? A cursory glance at the facts shows that this is not the case either. On the same Saturday that the referendum on the rights of the child was being held, 12,000 people took to the streets of Waterford to protest about the scaling back of their local hospital services.

This protest had been organised by the group ‘save Waterford’ – a group formed just two weeks before the march on Saturday November 10th.

Our government spent €1.1 million on ‘educating’ us about the referendum, and only 1,066,239 people actually voted; in other words, it works out at about €1 per vote cast. This massive spending on a poorly run campaign comes at the same time that ministers are talking about further cuts to education and increases in classroom size. In two weeks and with virtually no funds, the group in Waterford brought 12,000 people onto the streets. These are people that care. The voters of Ireland have not lost interest in the issues which affect them, but they may have lost trust in the political establishment which is charged with presenting these issues. Voter apathy should not be made the scapegoat of this low turnout.

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What about the general confusion of the population? Were people just feeling too boggled by the campaigning to make up their minds? Again, the government’s expenditure of €1.1 million (of our) Euro should really have made the issues clear and plain in an unbiased manner – this is the theory. Instead we received an information booklet heavily slanted towards a ‘yes’ outcome. Two days before the referendum, the Supreme Court ruled that the Government had not conformed to the 1995 judgement on the McKenna case which required a referendum to be explained to the public impartially. Not only had an insane amount of our money been spent on education around this referendum, it had been misspent in such a way as to provide possible grounds for an appeal to either side. Such an appeal has now been lodged jointly by a No campaigner and a woman who claims to have voted ‘yes’ in the referendum. The voters did not receive the balanced information which we were entitled to. The population may have been confused, but the confusion was a direct result of political mismanagement and downright foul play. How could we trust an information booklet which our Supreme Court ruled had broken the law?

There is only one reason for the low voter turnout in the referendum on the rights of the child, and one spot to place the blame. The Government of Ireland, Fine Gael and Labour both, failed to put forward a case which a child could have made for themselves. This referendum was incompetently put together, incompetently explained and incompetently publicised.

To lay my cards on the table, I voted, and I voted ‘yes’. I did this because I agree that the rights of children need to be written into the constitution of our country. A child should no longer be seen as an extension of its mother, with the possible, but somewhat obscured influence of a father (and only if mother and father are married). Family life has changed dramatically, as any viewer of Modern Family will attest to, and this referendum should have been about attempting to match up our creaky constitution with modern realities. It did not go far enough, and there are of course problems, but the basic principle was a positive one.

The low turnout in this most recent referendum must be seen as a failure of Government. We must not allow the Government to paint it as a failure of the people.

Images: Journal.ie, namawinelake.wordpress.com.

An Argument in Favour of Life?

Cathal Larkin examines the rationale behind the pro-life position.

Steven Poole defines ‘Unspeak’, in his book of the same title, as a word or phrase that implicitly contains an argument. ‘Tax burden’ is one example. ‘Burden’ implies something unjust that needs to be relieved – which leads its Unspeak partner, ‘tax relief ’. A more empirically accurate alternative would be to speak of our ‘tax contribution’ since, despite the bank bailouts and advances of neoliberalism, taxes do still contribute to social goods like hospitals, schools, universities and roads. In contrast, ‘tax burden’ and ‘tax relief ’ are both normatively loaded with right-wing economic arguments.

Along with their dubious theological conception of life, the antiabortion lobby constructs a dichotomy between this life and the woman it is inside. One would think from pro-life arguments that a fertilised egg autonomously grows into a baby with the mother being barely inconvenienced. In contrast, when pro-choice activists say ‘my body, my choice’ they are more accurately reflecting reality, as the woman’s body is what makes a fertilised egg into a human being able to live and breathe in the outside world. But for the pro-life lobby to recognise this would make the misogynist premises on which they build their arguments even more visible.

Since the tragic death of Savita Halappanavar, ‘pro-life’ looks more like a dubious piece of Unspeak than ever. However in the mainstream media, criticism around the issue has mostly only gone as far as pointing out the obvious fact that, contrary to the pro-life lobby’s assertions, abortions are sometimes necessary to save the life of a woman, so we should legislate for the X Case. But this would still leave Ireland with more restrictive abortion laws than all of Europe, most of Asia, and good portion of Africa. Consequently, it is imperative that the argument keeping us in such an anomalous position is interrogated thoroughly.

I’m not being hyperbolic; misogyny is all we are left with when prolife arguments are stripped of their Unspeak and disingenuously constructed arguments. For if the sincere motivation of the prolife lobby were to make less abortions happen, then they would be arguing for legal abortions and widely available contraception. The somewhat counter-intuitive fact that abortions happen least in the countries where it is legal was demonstrated in a 2007 study by the world renowned scientific journal, The Lancet. Illegal abortion not only means more ‘unborn babies’ dying, but more women dying too: 20 million unsafe abortions happen every year, with 67,000 women dying as a result, mostly in countries where it is illegal.

Central to the pro-life argument is an appeal to the rights of ‘the unborn child’, as if it’s perfectly normal to refer to things by what they have not yet become. It’s a linguistic practice that would have us speaking of people as undead corpses, cows as soon-to-be steaks, and acorns as not yet grown oak trees. During the summer, this logic was used to envisage what Doc from Back to the Future would call a timeline tangent, a situation where every ‘unborn child’ was born and grew up – Youth Defence called it their ‘Lost Generation’ campaign. The ‘millions lost to abortion’ were represented by pictures of attractive twenty something year olds with captions such as ‘she would have liked Facebook’. Articles on the website continued the parallel universe metaphysics with the group’s members discussing how they could have been friends with baby X – one even lamented that she could have married him! It’s almost beyond Monty Python’s Every Sperm is Sacred satire.

We see, therefore, that the pro-life argument is anything but pro-life; rather it is a classic piece of Unspeak, a phrase loaded with a dubious argument in order to mask the reasoning behind it. As the Marie Stopes clinic brings the right to safe legal abortion to Northern Ireland with widespread public support, and vigils and demonstrations are held across the country to protest the unnecessary death of Savita Halappanavar, and in UCC the Students’ Council votes in favour of campaigning for full reproductive rights, it seems evident that many people see through anti-abortion arguments. The Republic of Ireland’s time as the last bastion of pro-life resistance in the Western world could very soon be over.

The obfuscation is necessary because ‘the rights of the zygotes, foetuses and embryos’ doesn’t really work as a rallying cry, and begs questions about whether we want to give zygotes, foetuses and embryos similar rights as humans. I say give because rights are not some ahistorical, acultural phenomena, rather something human communities constantly adapt and contest. Who has what rights and how to balance conflicting ones are the everyday questions of social existence. Take animal rights for example. Vegans argue that because animals are sentient beings (i.e. they can feel pain), we shouldn’t kill them, use them for food, or inflict discomfort on them in any way. But not even the most dogmatic vegan would argue we shouldn’t build houses, despite the thousands of small animals that die every time we do. Humans’ right to housing thus overrides the slugs’ and insects’ right to life.

No such balancing of rights or priorities happens in the pro-life movement who claim that the moment a sperm touches an egg, their God endows it with a soul, therefore it is worthy of the same rights as humans (and even more rights than women – or so it seems when tragedies like the death of Savita occur). Of course the sperm and the egg by themselves are just as much forms of life as they are combined, and the assertion that a supernatural power zaps eternal spirituality into certain biological formations at some arbitrary point is hardly a basis on which to construct law in the 21st century. And that identical twins are the product of the fertilised egg splitting usually more than two days after conception, leaves one wondering if their God then notices this and zaps in another soul, or if identical twins have half a soul each.

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Images: Irish Times.

Procrastination is a Killer Following Savita Halappanavar’s death, Orla Hubbard explores Ireland’s stunted responses to the X and ABC cases.

The legal status of abortion in Ireland remains chaotically unclear despite three referenda being passed since 1983. Savita Halappanavar died amid the confusion of medical professionals as to whether they were allowed to save her life by performing an abortion. Following the X Case, and more recently the ABC cases, the Irish courts have tried to navigate through our muddled constitutional provisions on abortion. Thousands of Irish people have taken to the streets over the last few weeks to demand legislation on X and reform of our constitutional position on abortion. But how can we reform the law when our own government can’t say for sure what it is?

The legislature’s feeble attempts to reconcile a growing pro-choice movement with the staunch pro-life lobby began in 1983. Following a referendum, Article 40.3.3 of the Constitution was inserted to read: ‘The State acknowledges the right to life of the unborn and, with due regard to the equal right to life of the mother, guarantees in its laws to respect, and, as far as practicable, by its laws to defend and vindicate that right.’ This amendment is fundamentally ridiculous. It guarantees equal rights to both mother and foetus, so that if those rights were ever to come into conflict, as happened in Savita’s case, there is no way to legally reconcile which right takes precedence. This constitutional stalemate is what ultimately led to Savita’s death.

So what’s the solution to this stalemate? The State has two main options. First, it could hold a referendum to either outlaw abortion in all circumstances, which would only exacerbate the problem, or to extend the availability of abortion. Given their past procrastination, such a referendum would have to be accompanied by implementing legislation, lest we end up back at square one.

The second option is to leave the constitution as is, and pass legislation to fill the gap identified by the ECtHR. This would be the more conservative and half-baked approach – something Fine Gael might be prepared to get on board with. James Reilly has said that legislation may not even be necessary; a simple ministerial directive could clarify when a doctor can carry out an abortion.

In 1992, the X Case turned the abortion debate in Ireland on its head.

A 14 year old girl, known as X, was pregnant as a result of rape, and was deemed to be suicidal. The Supreme Court ruled that a woman had a right to an abortion under Article 40.3.3 if there was ‘a real and substantial risk’ to her life, which included the risk of suicide.

But a ministerial directive or stop-gap legislation is not worth the paper it’s written on when our murky constitutional provisions might prove to contradict them. No doctor can carry out an abortion based on a ministerial directive, basically a piece of notepaper, when our constitution holds that the foetus in question has the same rights as the woman they’re trying to save.

The X Case led to a second referendum on abortion in 1992, in which two amendments were passed establishing the right to travel outside the State for an abortion, and the right to information on abortion services outside the State. A proposal to roll back the X Case judgement in order to remove suicide as a ground for abortion in Ireland was rejected in the referendum.

It is clear that in order to resolve this lethal deadlock, nothing short of a referendum will suffice. The question must be put to the people, in order to give the government a clear mandate to enact reforming legislation.

In December 2010, the European Court of Human Rights (ECtHR) delivered its judgment in the case ABC v Ireland. The ECtHR ruled that the law forcing women to travel breached the rights of C, a cancer patient. She was unable to find a doctor in Ireland willing to perform an abortion on the grounds that her life was at risk if she carried the pregnancy to term. The Grand Chamber ruled unanimously that Ireland’s failure to implement the existing constitutional right to an abortion when a woman’s life is at risk violates Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR).

The death of Savita Halappanavar has catapulted the issue of abortion back into the public domain. Government after government have wrung their hands and refused to grab the bull by the horns out of cowardice. The moral culpability of this government, and every government since the X Case, is undeniable. Fine Gael and Labour must legislate for X, so that a doctor can never again stand in an Irish hospital and tell a dying woman that they’re not allowed to save her life.

Here’s where it gets complicated. The rulings of the ECtHR are binding in international law, and Ireland has agreed to comply with them.

But they are only persuasive in Irish domestic law. This means that the judgment puts pressure on the Irish government to clarify the legal position on abortion, or face harsh consequences from the EU, but we cannot be forced to legislate.

The Fianna Fáil-led government ignored the judgment, but Fine Gael/ Labour managed to establish an expert group in January 2012, which submitted its report to James Reilly shortly after Savita’s death.

Six governments have failed to legislate for the X Case so far, and it’s looking like this coalition could be the seventh. We were promised legislation when the Labour Party conference voted for abortion on demand in April, and again when Clare Daly’s X Case bill was voted down several days later.

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Image: broadsheet.ie.

Why it is Important to Have a Male Voice in Feminism Gavin Lynch-Frahill discusses men’s involvement in the Feminist movement. her recent article. Secondly, a film screening of Made in Dagenham, a nice light-hearted film addressing the big issue of women’s equality in the workplace. These two events were nicely attended and as a man I did not feel one bit intimidated or attacked by the discussion involved in them. We as a people can’t change the events of the past, but we can influence the events of the future.

Where to now for Feminism? In the future I would hope that the concept of Feminism would not be needed, that as a society we can build a system which is fair and equal for all members of society that would remove the need for equality organisations. Though unlikely in our lifetime, it is a cause that surely we should all strive for, both women and men.

Laughter is what I am met by when I tell my friends that I am on the committee of UCC Feminist Society. Some even go so far as to suggest that I only did it to get the shift. This is part of the problem that the society is trying to solve. Equality is a concept that no person can disagree with, but in practice most people fail to follow through, especially in our Irish culture of ‘the piss take’. It can be a very big joke until someone gets offended. That is how many people view feminists – as people who get offended easily and take everything as an attack on their rights. From my experience, nothing can be further from the truth.

Like the Feminist Society’s banner quote of Margaret Mead, ‘every time you liberate a woman you liberate a man’, I find that by promoting the ideals of gender equality and engaging with the debate as a man I can find both a personal liberation of thought and a greater appreciation of the joint role we, as men and women, play in society.

Although it can be said that men and women’s position in society differs as a result of historical and physical circumstances, I feel that we are moving closer to an equal society; from the availability of contraception in the 1980s to divorce in 1990s and the recent Children’s Referendum, we are striving to meet the demands of all of our citizens.

Although a lot has been achieved since the Catholic Conservative state of De Valera in the 1940s and 50s, we still have more work to do, such as legislating for the X case and marriage equality.

In a recent interview to a German journalist I gave regarding my role in a female organisation, I questioned why he called it a female organisation. Although the definitions of feminism are varied and often debated, the principle I hold for it is simple: equal and unbiased rights for men and women to live their lives the way they envisage. I don’t feel this is a feminist only principle, but one that most of the most influential campaigners in history have striven for – from Martin Luther King to John Hume. To men who would look at the Feminist Society and not wish to join, I would say that this issue is the modern equivalent of the Civil Rights issues of the 1960s. As a male Feminist I would also like to highlight that Feminism is not just for women who are discriminated against, but it is also wary of the rights of men, such as the supporting of fathers’ rights groups.

Many of the events which the Feminist Society run are not an in-yourface propaganda that many people may perceive them to be; interviewing one girl on what her opinions of feminism were she told me, ‘I’d like to be part of the feminist group if they weren’t so in your face about it.’ To these people I would point your views to the previous two events we held. Firstly, a collaboration with the Historical Society where Dr Mary McAuliffe spoke about the response from female members of the Oireachtas to the gender discriminating legislation of the 1930s, which the Auditor Sian Cowman made reference to in

Ireland has a long history of male involvement in the Feminist movement, from Frances Sheehy-Skeffington, murdered during the 1916 Rising (though he was not a particpant), to our current President, Michael D. Higgins.

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Irish Aid Funding Oppression?

Colm Pádraig Duffy discusses whether or not international aid can be justified when it’s presence can exacerbate military actions

In recent times it has come to light that the Irish Government, through Irish Aid, has seen Overseas Development Aid (ODA) to Uganda, which is transferred directly to the Ugandan Government, go missing – €4 million, which was intended to support education, policing and the tackling HIV and Aids in the poorest regions, to be exact. Though it is hoped that some of the money will be recovered, much has been siphoned off into the bank accounts of corrupt officials.

UN accused Ugandan commanders of plundering the DRC’s mineral wealth, and in 2005 the International Court of Justice ordered Uganda to pay reparations. Despite Uganda’s claim of innocence there is a clear need for investigation.

The real question here, however, is: should Irish taxpayer money be used to aid developmental programs in a state that is accused of supporting, supplying and partaking in the rape, murder and pillaging of innocents?

Tánaiste Eamon Gilmore has said that Irish Aid was due to pledge €17 million to the east African state, but will now withhold the €16 million still due pending an inquiry. But should Ireland be financing a state that is accused of conducting an illegal war in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) in the first place?

Aid money is fungible and is often used for purposes that it was not intended. If €4 million of Irish ODA can end up in private bank accounts of corrupt officials, then it is not beyond the realms of possibility that some ODA (not just Irish ODA) may have been used to finance illegal terror activities.

Paul Collier, Director for the Centre for the Study of African Economies at The University of Oxford, tells us that up to 40% of ODA to the continent is spent by the military.

A recent United Nations (UN) report has alleged that both Rwanda and Uganda have been arming and supporting the rebel group, M23 for over six months. ‘UPDF (Ugandan army) commanders sent troops and weapons to reinforce specific M23 operations and assisted in M23’s recruitment and weapons procurement efforts in Uganda’ the report said. It is also alleged that Uganda and Rwanda have participated directly in the conflict with experts saying that units of the Ugandan and Rwandan armies ‘jointly supported M23 in a series of attacks in July 2012 to take over the major towns in Rutshuru Territory, and the (Congolese army) base of Rumangabo.’ During these attacks, the rebels killed a UN peacekeeper and fired on a UN peacekeeping base at Kiwanja.

An argument that is often put forward is that ODA is for specific development programs which are aimed at enhancing the lives of the innocent. This is most assuredly true; however, there is a moral dilemma. While Irish taxpayer money may not be used to finance any conflict directly, it does enable the Ugandan Government to divert its resources toward an illegal war in the DRC. By financing the developmental programs in Uganda we may in fact be unintentionally contributing to the destruction of innocents across the border in the DRC.

This conflict has resulted in nearly half a million people being displaced. The UN Report identifies Bosco Ntaganda, a former Congolese general, who is wanted by the International Criminal Court for alleged war crimes, as controlling the rebellion on the ground. This rebel commander has also begun to use boys on the frontlines as cover for advancing units, often after a week of training. Others act as porters, intelligence operatives and bodyguards.

The rebels use young girls as cooks and as commanders’ wives.

The big story here is not that €4 million has ended up in the bank accounts of the corrupt. The real issue is that Uganda has been accused of supporting a rebel army of murders and thugs across the border in the DRC for six months and the Irish taxpayer may be making it easier for them to do so.

If Irish ODA contributes to the creation of even one child soldier in a region, is that ODA having a sustainable, positive impact on development in that region?

The UN experts said that the South African Development Community (SADC), European, Ugandan, and Burundian intelligence agents also confirmed the findings. The Ugandan Government has denied the claims made in the report, calling them ‘hogwash’.

But Uganda has interfered in the DRC before. Between 1998 and 2003, Uganda became embroiled in the DRC’s second war. The

Does Irish Aid not have a moral obligation to ensure none of its ODA could enhance the suffering of innocents, even if it is indirectly?

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Image: Reuters

It’s Not Me, It’s You Orla Hubbard tells a tale of no love lost between the fickle Cameron and the mighty Merkel.

Britain has always been unique in that while other countries clamber to join the EU community, it has consistently looked upon the European project with disdain, distrust and more than a little petulance.

Britain officially joined the EEC with Ireland in 1973, but they have failed to embrace Europe in the same way that Ireland has. The question has been raised recently whether Britain is moving away from the EU, but how can they when they were never really in it to begin with?

The UK has always been reluctant to embrace a European identity, and it has made no secret of its horror at European integration and the single currency. The Tories opposed the Lisbon Treaty (twice) and the EU constitution, and in 2009 they pulled out of the centreright European People’s Party (EPP) because of its federalist ambitions.

A growing right-wing Eurosceptic branch of the Tory party could be just the push the Britain needs to leave an organisation that it never wanted to be part of in the first place. Being honest, Britain and wider Europe have almost nothing in common, and didn’t even like each other that much to begin with.

Eurobarometer polls consistently rank British opinions of EU membership and of trust in EU institutions as among the lowest in Europe. A poll taken last month shows that 56% of British voters would vote to leave the EU in a referendum. This public antipathy is reflected and encouraged by the Eurosceptic British media, many of whom do not even bother to keep a staff correspondent in Brussels.

Britain’s main headache right now is that a majority of EU heads of government, including Angela Merkel, belong to the EPP. Merkel was infuriated when Cameron walked out of the group, but the owngoal was that Britain further isolated themselves from discussions on EU summits and policies.

Britain continues to test the boundaries of its on-off relationship with Europe, taking what it can and giving only what it must.

But Britain’s real issue with European integration is not political, it’s simply petty. The EU functions through elaborate compromises and careful coalition-building, both of which seem outlandish to British politicians. After centuries of being the bully in the schoolyard through campaigns of occupation and colonisation, Britain can’t handle being part of a democratic organisation where they only get about 10% of the vote. Essentially, the traditionally aristocratic and haughty powers that be in Britain can’t handle not being the biggest boy in the playground, and losing out to the indomitable Dr Merkel.

Merkel seems to have a very different vision of Europe’s future to Cameron, and she doesn’t mind showing it. Merkel argues that Europe needs a political union first and foremost, and that individual countries must ‘cede responsibilities to Europe step-by-step.’

But Merkel’s patience with Britain’s foddering seems to be finally running out. In the past, Germany needed Britain in Europe to balance the Mediterranean bloc, but nowadays its Germany’s chequebook that does all the talking.

Another source of tension between the two is the fact that Britain will never join the Euro. It’s similar to moving in with your girlfriend but still keeping the keys to your old place; they want to be seen to be on board with the relationship, but in reality they’ll never give up their escape route.

Merkel has always encouraged London to make more of an effort to engage with the EU, but the childish approach of David Cameron’s Tory administration has made that impossible. He cannot expect Merkel to sit by and graciously accept his fickleness any longer. She has a few more important things to be doing.

David Cameron loves to talk gleefully about tightening up the belts of Eurozone countries while reminding us all that the UK will not be taking part. His catchphrase would be ‘it’s not our currency – it’s not our problem.’ Britain, pushing for spending cuts, has already threatened to veto the EU budget, boldly declaring that they ‘will not approve any more money for the EU.’

If Westminster would only think in the long term, they would follow Merkel for the same reasons that they resent her. Forbes named her the world’s No. 1 Most Powerful Woman for the second year running, and her recent public approval ratings soared to near 70%. She is the lead player in the eurozone and continues to stand at the helm, holding the reigns of the EU – a job that David Cameron would never dream of accepting. Merkel recently launched a YouTube channel, ‘Die Bundesregierung’, where she directly answers citizens’ questions.

If Mr Cameron were to take a similar initiative in Britain, his electorate might end up being a little better informed.

Tensions came to the surface in an amusing way last summer when German magazine Der Spiegel compared Britain to Statler and Waldorf, the two old codgers on The Muppet Show whose only contribution was to criticise and heckle those doing their best on the stage.

Angela Merkel’s government is steamrolling towards a new, more deeply integrated Europe, with The Euro Group at its core. Britain has huffed and puffed its way to the very fringes of the union, and it is unlikely that Merkel with keep the latch off the door for the sake of a few Euro.

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Images: spectator.co.uk, huffingtonpost.co.uk.

‘Thus far thou shalt go, and no further’ With Independence movements gaining momentum across the European Union, Alan Conway questions the rights of National Leaders to place limits on communities’ aspirations.

Recent developments across Europe have seen National communities vying for Independence come to the forefront of international news. All across the continent, national liberation struggles have advanced at a rapid pace. While wars were waged in the last century ‘that small nations might be free’, many smaller communities still sought in vain to shelve the shackles of servitude that bound them; it appears now, however, that momentum has turned in the favour of some of the independence minded communities across Europe. While no doubt, as communities lose faith in their overly bureaucratic central governments, the financial crisis has played its role in this, popular aspirations have moved far beyond fiscal autonomy.

In the last week the Catalunyan elections have resulted in a 53% majority for the separatist parties. Given that the results of the elections were an increase in radical separatist seats and a gain for separatists overall, there can be little doubt that the new administration will pursue the avenue of a referendum on the subject – the very basis for calling the elections early having been a mandate to propose a referendum. The realities of this have been dismissed by critics in Spain, who cite the Spanish Constitution which that states that Spain is ‘indissoluble’.

Meanwhile, in the Basque Country, recent moves by ETA to engage in talks that it is widely believed would result in their dissolution and the turning in of arms have been categorically rejected by Interior Minister Jorge Fernandez Diaz. It is believed that the aims of ETA in the proffered talks are in the vein that Volunteers of the organisation imprisoned be transferred to prisons closer to their homes (in response to the long standing Spanish governmental policy of dispersing political prisoners as far and thinly spread as possibly). In looking for a peaceful solution to the Basque situation, the precedent set in the North of Ireland surely demonstrates that the assimilation of former Volunteers back into communities is the most efficient way of easing tensions, and ensuring that the peace created can last.

In Scotland, the campaign has only just begun in what is certain to be one of the most important votes ever put to the Scottish people. But in the build-up to the vote, Prime Minister David Cameron politicked relentlessly with the aspirations of a sovereign people by not allowing a second question on the ballot, as First Minister Alex Salmond preferred.

In refusing to do so, a sector of the Scottish people which may have

Recent Mass Rally for Catalunyan Independence

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ETA Declare Permanent Ceasefire - 2011

preferred further devolution to Independence, or indeed the status quo, have been entirely disenfranchised. It is also likely that the failure of the straight Yes/No referendum would result in it being highly unlikely that a devo max vote would be put the people again for some time.

A question that keeps emerging, but has received little clear answer, is the situation of what would happen with regards the EU membership of these fledgling states. It has been suggested by some high-ranking EU officials that they would have to begin the process of application for membership as any new state would. However, this would go against the ethos of the Union, an expansionist force. To not grant automatic membership would be to promote instability in the continent. Furthermore, the EU was founded on the basis of Nations working together in harmony. To suggest that new nations might not receive automatic membership is farcical.Especially so when it is considered that their likely legal systems would largely be carried over from the states from which they separate. Further, when one considers that in showing their interest in remaining part of the Union, they themselves are adopting the policy of showing fraternité amongst nations that the Union so espouses.

All of this considered, certain things are apparent. Communities across Europe are seeking self-determination. It’s the right of neither the British, Spanish nor any other state or institution to declare that such moves are beyond consideration. Should referendum in any case fall, the people of those communities retain the right to cast their ballots again at a future date – if Nice and Lisbon have taught us a single lesson. The EU, public opinion of which has shrunk significantly according to recent Eurobarometer polls, has a great opportunity to make itself relevant to people across the length of Union by making its stance clear, and adhering to its own ethos of self determination.

The statue of Charles Stuart Parnell on O’Connell Street in Dublin is emblazoned with a quote of his spoken during a speech in this very city in 1885 that accurately represents the rights of man, as well as the limits of states that in most cases won territory and peoples through armed conquest. It is put by him far more eloquently than I could ever hope to achieve, and so I direct you to his words.

Images: BelleNews.Com, WesternEye.Net,, Greg Ware

Pillar of Defence, Foundations of Sand

Luke Field examines the reasons and repercussions of Operation Pillar of Defence in Gaza.

The dust may now be beginning to settle in Gaza, but to those of us who have watched this conflict for years, this doesn’t look like a real ending.

Eight days of violence, resulting in the death of 150 Palestinians and 5 Israeli citizens, was ended with the signing of a ceasefire on the 21st of November. Both sides, of course, claimed that the ceasefire represented a ‘victory’ for their people: Hamas’ Khaled Meshaal saw the mere survival of Gaza’s Palestinian population as a win over their more powerful oppressor, while Israel’s leadership crowed that this would be an end to attacks stemming from Gaza.

Of course, neither of these two claims was in any way correct. Meshaal, at least, could point to remarks by Israeli Interior Minister – and Deputy Prime Minister – Eli Yishai, who called for the Israel Defence Forces ‘to send Gaza back to the Middle Ages’. If we were to take these remarks as literal, rather than just indicative of the general chest-beating that has become so fashionable amongst Israel’s hawk lobby (see the IDF’s official Twitter and Facebook accounts for more of this), then Meshaal would be absolutely correct in his assertion that the mere survival of the Palestinian population represents a failure of Operation Pillar of Defence. But Yishai’s remarks don’t seem to gel with the reality of Israel’s motives for this latest attack on Gaza.

The general feeling amongst Palestinian sympathisers is that Israel is attempting genocide down on the Strip. But frankly, such is the relative power of Israel’s military compared to the militia fighters of Hamas; if the real aim of Israel was to wipe out the Palestinians in Gaza then they could have already done so. After all, Israel has already shown that it has no qualms about asymmetrical warfare and disproportionate responses; during the opening day of Pillar of Defence, 11 Palestinian civilians and an apartment block were written off by IDF officials as ‘collateral damage’ in a single attack intended to kill one Hamas official.

Moreover, given the extent of US support for Israel’s campaign against the Palestinians – never dipping below a level where the US expresses ‘regret’ at an Israeli action – it is somewhat unlikely that a sufficient international response could be brought to prevent the escalation of violence necessary to wipe out Palestinians on the Strip. Yet Israel hasn’t taken that route.

So then, we look at the arguments put forward by the supporters of Israeli aggression. Israel does not intend genocide, we are told; the IDF’s actions are merely necessary and intended to pacify Hamas’ rocket brigades and end attacks on Israeli areas. Nonsense – nothing could be further from the truth. This shouldn’t be taken to mean that Israel doesn’t care about its civilians being subject to rocket attacks, but the fact is that IDF incursions do absolutely nothing to reduce these attacks. The militia-type structure of Hamas’ rocket brigades make it difficult to determine the levels of civilian casualties in these attacks, but even IDF statistics indicate that more civilians are killed than militants.

This inevitably has the effect of further polarising Palestinians away from Israel and towards militant action.

No, to understand attacks such as Operation Pillar of Defence, we must look at the internal politics of both Palestine and Israel. The fact is, the two groups who benefit most from sustained but indecisive violence between the IDF and the militant groups in Gaza are those currently enjoying the most political influence. Compare, for example, the difference in support amongst the Palestinians in Gaza for militarists like Hamas versus their counterparts in the West Bank. Palestinians in the West Bank suffer oppression too, of course, but violence is far less frequent and extensive; thus, the Palestinians there are far more likely to embrace a moderate pro-diplomacy party like Fatah. It’s not difficult to see how Gazans might struggle to see the sense in such an approach, given how much more Israeli violence they endure; the result is more support for Hamas, more militancy, and more attacks.

A Haaretz editorial was published on the 20th of November that was strongly critical of Yishai; Yishai is a frequent target of the publication due to his discrimination against gay people and ethnic minorities in Israel, but it was his approach to Palestine that Haaretz focused upon in this instance. Recognising that Israeli aggression has already crippled Gaza, and that it has the effect of militarising the population, the article said ‘Destroying Gaza’s already meager civil infrastructure isn’t only inhuman and a war crime, it doesn’t do Israel any good. […] Israel should seek the complete opposite: Gaza’s prosperity’. It’s a good suggestion, and would likely have the impact of reshaping Palestine’s internal politics to be less violent and more open to diplomacy.

Unfortunately, this wouldn’t deliver the intended goals of Israel’s campaign with regard to her own internal politics. It cannot be a coincidence that Operation Pillar of Defence was launched just a few months ahead of Israel’s elections; after all, Operation Cast Lead was carried out with similar proximity to the elections. Pro-war right-wingers in Israel, such as current Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, have a habit of invading Gaza shortly before elections in order to shore up their own support. The populace is stoked into patriotic fever in support of the IDF, while the resulting rockets from Gaza scare the populace into voting for hardliners.

Division and violence doesn’t do any good for ordinary Palestinian and Israeli civilians, but it benefits hawks like Netanyahu. This is why he has consistently ignored advice from former heads of Mossad – hardly an organisation known for its pacifism – to actually talk to Hamas rather than simply exchange ordinance. It’s also why Israel has a habit of assassinating more moderate, pro-diplomacy voices within Hamas; Israel crowed over the assassination of Ahmed Ja’abari shortly before Pillar of Defence was begun, and it is true that he was responsible for a number of attacks on Israeli areas, but he was also open to diplomacy and was the key figure in the negotiations leading to the eventual repatriation of Gilad Shalit. This openness to diplomacy resulted in him being killed and, presumably, eventually being replaced with a far more hardline official.

Guardian contributor Jonathan Freedman argued recently that Israel’s current mistake is that it has forgotten the essential truth of seeking peace: you must seek peace with your enemies, not your friends. He’s correct in his understanding of peace, but perhaps wrong in identifying the problem.

Israel’s hawk lobby, and the Palestinian militarists, all understand what is needed in order to seek peace; the problem is that the pursuit of war and violence secures their own power and influence internally.

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Images: 2space.net, Palwatch, aronclymerforum.org

Obama Wins the Future Daithí Ó Sé contemplates Obama’s ascent to victory, and his extraordinary legacy. years with the economy being weak, Obama’s coalition held together and gave him another four years as President. This coalition that Obama has created can be harnessed by the Democrats in future elections to maintain hold on the White House. Unless the Republican Party returns to the centre and rejects the ultra-right Tea Party philosophy, they might not win the White House for a long time. As strategist Dick Morris put it, ‘this is the new America, this isn’t your father’s America.’

Following Obama’s dreadful performance in the Denver debate, his polling took a nose dive with support flocking to Romney. According to Nate Silver’s 538 blog, in 10 days Obama went from having a 87% chance of winning to 61%, with Romney’s support skyrocketing to having a 1/3 chance of winning the Presidency.

To stop the bleeding, Obama altered his strategy. He went on the offensive the day after the debate and attacked Romney’s record and ideas. He deployed Joe Biden in the VP debate where he sustained Paul Ryan’s jabs, almost laughing on several occasions and countering with the administration’s record. It worked and his prospects began to improve, allowing him to capitalise at the second Presidential debate. A town hall format, Obama was much more relaxed moving around the hall answering questions from the audience and putting pressure on Romney who seemed backed into a corner. Obama was back. A third debate followed the week after, and while speaking about military reductions, Obama dropped a bombshell by responding to a Romney comment with, ‘we have fewer ships than in 1916. Well, Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets’!

Soon after, President Obama came on stage in Chicago for his victory speech. While not as soaring as his 2008 victory speech, it was still one of his finest. In the speech, he acknowledged the contentious nature of the election: ‘Whether I earned your vote or not, I have listened to you.

I have learned from you. And you’ve made me a better president’. He outlined his vision and where the country needed to look: ‘That’s where we need to go – forward.’ With a new mandate and replenished political capital, he would be ready to get back to work: ‘I return to the White House more determined and more inspired than ever about the work there is to do and the future that lies ahead’.

He reminded America just what he meant when he crusaded on hope in 2008: ‘I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting’, i.e. ‘yes we can.’ And lastly, he touched on old brilliance from his speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention: ‘I believe we can seize this future together because we are not as divided as our politics suggests. We’re not as cynical as the pundits believe. We are greater than the sum of our individual ambitions and we remain more than a collection of red states and blue states but the United States of America’.

Debate season concluded with Obama recovering from the first debate and on course to victory. What sealed the deal, however, was something no one saw coming. Hurricane Sandy struck the east coast of the United States a week before the election. Obama saw the danger both to the nation and to his campaign, with memories still persisting of the poor response from the Bush administration to Hurricane Katrina in 2006. Obama cancelled his campaign events, returned to the Oval Office and co-ordinated the recovery effort effectively. Romney was paralysed. Unable to campaign while the Hurricane devastated the east coast, all he could do was sit and watch while Obama did his job and acted presidential with Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey, a top Romney campaigner. In a rare move, Christie commended the President for his rapid and effective response for the people of New Jersey, a move that drew much condemnation from fellow Republicans.

Obama returns to the White House with a larger caucus in the House and a bigger majority in the Senate. It grants Obama a mandate to press his policies in the second term. Immigration Reform, Transitioning out of Afghanistan, Implementation of his first term signature achievement, Obamacare, Tax Reform, Vacancies on the Supreme Court, and facing continued instability in the Middle East being a few. Already, the President is meeting with Congressional leaders to resolve the looming ‘fiscal cliff.’ A blend of tax increases and automatic spending cuts will happen on January 1st unless both sides can grind out a deal. I hope Obama will stick to his guns in this second round with Speaker John Boehner, particularly on tax increases on the wealthy and protecting vital programmes like Social Security and Medicare. We will have to see.

The so-called ‘Romney Momentum’, which Republicans and FOX preached through October since the first debate, said that the race was 50/50. In reality, Obama ahead by 3 or 4 points in almost all the battleground states while Virginia, Ohio and Florida were neck and neck. This indicated a comfortable win in the Electoral College and a win in the popular vote. Nate Silver was vindicated. On Election Day, the GOP 50/50 view of the election never materialised as Obama seemed ahead early on in the night. In the end, Obama won with 332 electoral votes while Romney carried only safe or lean Republican states and ended with 206. Republicans were astonished at Romney’s loss, climaxing in an everlasting segment on FOX News with Karl Rove’s meltdown on the Ohio result.

Victory! Obama has won re-election, but more significantly has won his legacy. His place in history was already guaranteed as the first Afri­ can American President. His legacy when he leaves office in January 2017 will be what he makes of the next four years.

All this considered, the most important thing in this campaign was the demographics – the same demographics that elected Barack Obama in 2008. The coalition consists of Unions, LGBT voters, black voters, female votes and Hispanics. Despite a difficult four

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Images: guardian.co.uk, salon.com.

Sprayed Cannabis Relief Brian Houlihan, Vice-Auditor of the Drug Awareness and Reform Society & host of ‘The Soapbox’ on UCC 98.3FM cautiously welcomes the imminent arrival of Sativex.

In my last Motley article I briefly mentioned Sativex and that it would soon be available here. Sativex is a mouth spray made from cannabis which is available in a number of countries such as the UK, Denmark and Canada, used by MS patients and others to alleviate their symptoms.

Shortly after writing that article, there was an update with confirmation that the medicine would be available once the relevant legislation was enacted.

The Department of Health have said they are reluctant to change current laws around cannabis, but that there is sufficient evidence to allow the use of Sativex. The clinical advice is that Sativex ‘is a valid treatment option.’

The Department has said its officials have been engaging with experts on how to legally prescribe cannabis-based products while maintaining the current laws. Cannabis is currently a Schedule One controlled substance, considered to have no medicinal or scientific value.

Sativex was first tested in Ireland in 2004 with research carried out in a Cork Hospice and Waterford Regional Hospital. The research looked at the pain relief cancer patients got from Sativex.

For campaigners such as Paddy Doyle, the fight for access to medical cannabis has been on-going for nearly two decades. Recently he was on RTÉ News to tell his story. The author and disability campaigner began seeking cannabis to alleviate the symptoms of his Dystonia in the mid-nineties.

Dystonia is a neurological movement disorder and Paddy, like others, has found cannabis beneficial.

For people like Noel McCullagh, the situation is not quite as clear. Noel, originally from Donegal and now living in the Netherlands, was diagnosed with MS a number of years ago and is on prescribed Bedrocan.

Bedrocan is medicinal cannabis in its herbal form provided by the Dutch state and dispensed by pharmacists. Noel McCullagh’s case has gained some media attention in the past years with him speaking on national broadcasters, having his case raised in the EU Parliament, as well as even running for MEP.

Noel has been unable to return to Ireland while in possession of his prescription without fear of arrest. The relaxed laws around Sativex may help him going forward by changing the government’s attitudes towards cannabis medicines. MS Ireland itself wrote to health ministers and publicly stated their support for cannabis-based medicines.

They described the recent announcement that Sativex would be available here as fantastic news.

In the past few years I have met many who get genuine medical benefit from cannabis, be they sufferers of degenerative diseases such as MS or Motor Neuron Disease or people alleviating pain from illnesses. The man behind the annual Mad Pride event, local campaigner John McCarthy, spoke in 2011 about the benefits he obtained from cannabis biscuits, and how it helped with his day to day living. John suffered with Motor Neuron Disease and he wrote superb articles in the Cork Independent on the matter.

Finally, the medical usage of cannabis is a different situation to recreational usage. I have seen how it has helped some people’s standard of living and the thought of them being criminalised is disheartening and, going forward, the state may need to separate the two, and even if legal recreational use is a far off pipedream, medical users should no longer be criminalised.

However, it must be borne in mind that a situation could arise whereby pharmaceutical companies side-line attempts to make the plant itself available as a viable treatment option. While smoking is not healthy, with new technologies such as vaporisers or with the ability to make edible products, the plant material itself can be ingested more safely. The plant in its purest form is, in many experts’ view, more viable than the products derived from it.

The collective dispensary models shown in some parts of the world – where patients maintain their own plants and work together – also needs to be accessed, not just because there is nothing more cannabis based than cannabis itself, but because these environments offer a more social setting and scenarios where healing and/or dealing with your illness is more than just visiting a pharmacist and going home.

In America, Colorado and Washington recently voted to legalise cannabis, though how the federal government will react remains to be seen. Global reaction has been mixed, but some believe it may be the beginning of the end of cannabis prohibition in the US. Luke ‘Ming’ Flanagan, the Roscommon TD who’s Ireland’s best known cannabis activist, is to put a private members bill to the Dáil in April. The bill will look to legalise the use of cannabis for all purposes. While the bill is unlikely to pass, it will offer the chance of debate within the Dáil. As Flanagan has put it himself, it will be interesting to see the hypocrisy of some of the arguments against cannabis regulation.

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Images: ms-reporter.de, clarkfrench.wordpress.com.

Why there should be a ‘U’ in POLITICS Gearoid Holland takes a candid look at the noblest of careers.

‘Our ethics are to get in here [the Dáil] and stay in here’ – attributed to Bertie Ahern by Enda Kenny during an interview on TV3’s Ireland AM on January 2010. It is a difficult economic climate out there, and the job interview process is not easy, but the principle behind it is that the best candidate should get the job.

on-campus). Eleven are named by the Taoiseach (already politically allied). The other 43 (one for each constituency) are chosen by panels consisting of councillors and TDs (again politically allied) and representative bodies (who lobby TDs on a regular basis and often ‘build up a rapport’ in case they have ‘concerns’).

The CAO points system for entry to third-level education places significant pressure to Leaving Certificate students, but it is ostensibly transparent; those with the most points are accepted.

Seats in the Seanad were filled in February 2011, just a few weeks after TDs were elected. Unsurprisingly, a number of Senators just happened to be TDs who only a few weeks earlier had lost ‘their’ seats.

To become a councillor, all you have to do is be a member of the same political party as an existing councillor who is quitting. You don’t have to knock on a single door, hand out a single election pamphlet, or appear on a single ballot paper. In short, you can become an elected representative without ever actually standing for election.

It is not about what you can do, it is about what you know about who you know.

Votes? Where we’re going, we don’t need votes.

In most occupations, if you decide to quit, you can’t choose your replacement. When a councillor quits, it specifically states, in the Local Government Act (2001) no less, that the successor ‘shall’, as opposed to ‘may’, be chosen by the predecesssor’s political party. That sounds democratic! This includes a vacancy arising from the death of a councillor; presumably selling one’s soul to a political party isn’t enough to confer an inheritance entitlement to the seat itself so they had to include it explicitly in legislation.

The next time that a campaigner knocks at your door seeking votes for a council seat, ask them how many years experience the candidate has.

Then ask how many of those years occurred after being democratically elected.

National stage, local audience.

It was widely reported in September 2012 that councillors who became national representatives (TDs) received a lump sum to ‘compensate’ them for resigning their local authority seat. Why compensate somebody for taking a payrise to go work in another division of the same organisation? Surely that is a promotion, not a resignation?

Perhaps the burden of national decision-making is too difficult compared to the peaceful tranquillity of listening to constituents whinge about local problems. But, oddly enough, councillors who constitute local government (and get ‘representational payments’) do not do that - TDs do! It makes even less sense when the lump sums (averaging at €34,300) are paid out of the local authorities’ already overstretched budgets, which will be stretched further by the salary of the replacement councillor. Councils are being threatened with budget cuts, depending on whether enough homeowners have paid the household charge... It would make one wonder why a measly €100 is being taken so seriously!

Being benched looked so cushy.

never

TDs sit in the Lower House, the Dáil. The Upper House, the Seanad, has sixty members. Six are elected by Irish universities (but only certain universities; the main political parties coincidentally have youth wings Images: CedarLounge.wordpress.com,breakingnews.ie.

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Unfortunately, Senators do not get to play ‘Where’s Waldo’ as often as the TDs do, among a forest of faces forming a background scenery for the occasional press conference. However, both TDs and senators get lifetime access to free on-site parking and the subsidised Members Bar, a combination that has caused problems before.

The elderly J1.

The Irish public elects members of the European Parliament, but they are not asked to choose Ireland’s European Commissioner. Although Commissioners are supposed to be impartial and act for the good of the Union, politicians have gone between their EU duties and national politics as and when it suited them. The irony is that while Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael ‘alumni’ have benefited most from this arrangement, both were happy to let it go under the Nice 1 referendum.

The ‘Gay Byrne’ retirement plan.

Politicians may appear to retire from public life, but that doesn’t mean that they retire from politics itself. Communications consultants, lobbying organisations – they all thrive on developing a good relationship with the current minister and his/her department officials. It can take many years to understand the complicated intricacies of the department; which officials are the most approachable and who schedules the entries in the ministerial diary – in short, how best to get some facetime with the minister and how best to present one’s proposals in a way that the department will be receptive to.

And the person who best understands how it all works is somebody who used to work there. Former ministers, and their mobile phones which contain the direct dial numbers of the key department officials, are an invaluable tool to any organisation. When Gay Byrne quit The Late Late Show, he hinted that he ‘might return in some other form’. Equally, ministers who retire from politics can still put their knowledge to use behind the corporate veil.

For those who decide to steer away from politics, non-executive directorships on private companies are an option. You don’t have to be a former finance minister to get appointed to the board of a bank, but it helps to have some background experience in the company’s sector. While the hours are few and the possibilities are endless, but presumably the number of zeros on the cheque have to end eventually.

So, I’d encourage everybody to join a political party. It’s a career for life.

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I Dreamed A Dream Emma Mc Carthy speculates on the new adaption of Les Misérables.

Next month sees the release of yet another adaptation. It seems Hollywood has no original ideas anymore but unlike previous adaptations like Twilight, this time Hollywood has decided to adapt something that’s actually good. Hollywood took a break from adapting books and old television shows and decided to look to Broadway for inspiration and found Les Misérables, one of the biggest Broadway shows ever. Even if you’re not a musical theatre fan, you’ve at least heard of Les Misérables (Les Mis). The story has been done before with Liam Neeson and Geoffrey Rush, but this will be its the first musical film adaptation. Hearing about the production, I was both nervous and excited. Do it well and it would be beyond amazing, do it badly and it would completely sabotage a work of art.

But as the cast, director and news of production became more available, my trepidation vanished and left me only with bubbling anticipation. Now, having seen the trailer, I am willing to even skip Christmas just to get a front row seat at the movie theatre when this film comes out.

Directed by Tom Hooper, who helmed The King’s Speech, Les Misérables will feature the actors singing during their take on-set, allowing them to sing in the moment and create little nuisances in the songs. Not even the actors will know which version, the quiet sadness or the belting, will make it into the final cut. It’s a bold move and could be a bad one, but looking at the featurettes on YouTube, it seems the cast have taken this decision very seriously. The cast itself could be seen as a risk in some parts, casting Broadway and West End veterans next to actors who haven’t really sung before, but I trust in Hooper, whose decisions in the past have earned him an Oscar for The King’s Speech and rightly so.

The Cast Hugh Jackman – Jean Valjean Jackman will take the lead as an escaped convict on parole who builds himself up in a pre-Revolution France. Better known as Wolverine, Jackman is quite an adept musical theatre performer. I don’t think anyone can begrudge his casting as he takes his musical theatre career just as seriously as his film career, and seeing the two mesh will no doubt put him in his element. He has hosted the Tony Awards three times, and won two including The Special Award for Extraordinary Contribution to the Theatre Community, and he’s also hosted the Oscars, dancing and singing his way through every gig.

Russell Crowe – Javert Playing the policeman who searches for years for Valjean is Russell Crowe. Crowe hasn’t had much of a musical theatre background but he is quite musical, releasing music before getting into acting. His first song was ‘I Want To Be Like Marlon Brando’, which, if you think how both have become known for their surly behaviour but still great acting, kind of came true. Despite the lack of musical theatre experience, Crowe does have the intensity to pull off Javert, the man bent by anger and a sense of revenge.

were cries of joy in the musical theatre forums when she was cast in the film version as her West End role. There had been talks previously of Taylor Swift taking the role (more shudders than have ever been shuddered) or Lea Michele from Glee, who played Eponine in the Hollywood Bowl production of Les Mis. I would have been happy to see Michele get the role (YouTube her performance of ‘On My Own’ at the Hollywood Bowl to see that she can do much more than just Lady Gaga covers), but I am ecstatic with Barks’ casting and I hope she makes more of a name for herself out of it.

Eddie Redmayne – Marius Starring in My Week With Marilyn and BBC’s Birdsong, the up-and-coming Redmayne seems to be everywhere lately. Redmayne has played a young man in love and played a soldier – both things Marius goes on to be. He’s worked in theatre before, earning himself an Olivier award and a Tony (though not for a musical production) and is credited as a singer, so the live singing and the progression of this production from stage to film should work in his favour. He’s a good actor and has sung in the past, though not in a film or on a musical stage, but until we see him in action, it’s hard to know how he’ll play the role or how good at it he’ll be.

Anne Hathaway – Fantine I’ve always liked Anne Hathaway, but I can understand why people get upset when she’s cast in roles such as Catwoman or Fantine. She does seem like a goofy actress who smiles a lot and does great pratfalls, and maybe people identify her as Princess Mia too much. I always get excited when I hear of her in these roles because I think she has the chops to pull them off. I was a little worried about her singing as Fantine though. True, she does have a good voice which she’s used in the past – but not in a full blown musical. My problem is that her voice is light and high, a soprano, while Fantine is usually a mezzo-soprano. Played in the past by Ruthie Henshall and Lea Salonga (who has been dubbed ‘The Real Disney Princess’ after voicing the singing of Jasmine and Mulan), Hathaway is throwing her hat in with some musical theatre heavyweights. I’m sure her acting will be phenomenal; she brought more people round to her acting as Selena Kyle than she alienated, but after seeing the trailer and her quiet version of ‘I Dreamed A Dream’, I’m still on the fence. Yes, the song is supposed to be sad, a woman at the end of her rope, but it’s also supposed to convey anger at her situation; her predecessors pulled it off amazingly, but I’m not sure Anne can.

Samantha Barks – Eponine If you’re like me and love cheesy talent shows, you’ll remember Samantha Barks from the BBC show I’ll Do Anything, in which Andrew Lloyd Webber sat on this Goblin King throne and tried to choose a Nancy for the West End production of Oliver! Barks didn’t win the show, but she did get cast in the West End production of Les Mis soon after. She has excelled since then and there

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Amanda Seyfried – Cosette When you watched Mean Girls, did you ever expect that it’d be Karen’s career that’d excel while Cady’s would be reduced to a cheesy, over-the-top, madefor-television production about Elizabeth Taylor?

Amanda Seyfried has made quite a name for herself in Hollywood and seems the right choice for the angelic, blonde, little lamb that Cosette is. A soprano, Cosette always sings as if she’s about to break out into a full-blown opera, so, of course, there was a little trepidation when Seyfried was cast as she doesn’t have much singing experience besides Mamma Mia! Having heard her sing alongside Neil Patrick Harris (glorified musical theatre performer and Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother), even for just a minute, I think Seyfried has the talent to pull it off. But, like Eddie Redmayne, not much has been released about her performance so we’ll have to wait and see.

I, for one, cannot wait!

Les Misérables will be released in Ireland on the 11th of January, 2013.

Images: Universal Pictures.

Even a small man can cast a very large shadow…

Tamara Malone anticipates the upcoming prequel to the Tolkien masterpiece.

‘All that is gold does not glitter/ Not all those who wander are lost,’ writes Tolkien about Aragorn, the hero of The Lord of the Rings. This film came out in 2003, nearly ten years ago now, the first and second having been released in 2001 and 2002 respectively. Memories abound of going to see the films on New Year’s Eve of every year and the feelings of utter awe and wonderment experienced by this writer each and every time. The films were phenomenal; people who had never had a love for the fantasy genre before became die-hard fans and, most importantly perhaps, people who had read and loved Tolkien for years thoroughly enjoyed and adored the films. It has been said by many that these are the best literary screen adaptations to ever have been created, and they indeed paved new ground.

One gets a sense, when reading the novels, of grandeur and a scope which goes beyond what the visual imagination can conceive, and yet Peter Jackson and company achieved it, bringing forth into the world films which, although not 100% loyal to the books, were a stunning creation, capturing perhaps perfectly what was in the mind’s eye of JRR Tolkien when he wrote them. Because of The Lord of the Rings films, spectators who read can have a greater trust than ever before in filmmakers.

On the 13th of December of this year, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey will be released in Irish theatres. Plans to make this film go as far back as 1995, with many changes in personnel and presentation of the film occurring. Originally meant to be the first part of The Lord of the Rings film trilogy, disputes between New Line Cinema and Peter Jackson occurred. Two The Hobbit films were later decided on, to be directed by Guillermo del Toro (who is still involved as a writer). Eventually, Peter Jackson himself was hired to direct what would now be three films, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Desolation of Smaug and There and Back Again.

There have been some areas of controversy around recent developments, such as the use of HFR 3D (48 frames per second, rather than the normal 24). The use of 3D in any case tends to displease viewers, and might dampen the colour of what must surely be a visually stunning film. However, it is possible that 48 frames will add more detail, and possibly even alleviate this worry, and is described as bringing ‘hugely enhanced clarity and smoothness’. Another aspect of the film fans are wary of, and quite deservedly so, is that many of the characters and actors of The Lord of the Rings will be returning, despite the fact that they do not appear in the novels (such as Galadriel and Legolas, played by Cate Blanchett and Orlando Bloom). This may seem like a ploy to wheedle back fans of the LOTR films who have not read Tolkien, but it is to be hoped that Jackson will find a suitable way to integrate the characters into this wholly different tale

(for example, the travelling party of dwarves, along with protagonist Bilbo Baggins, visit the forest from which Legolas is reared). On a somewhat re­ lated note, a brand new character in the form of Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly) will make an appearance, perhaps due to possible concern at the lack of female characters (a valid concern, in an even more extreme way than LOTR). A quick search reveals that Tauriel is ‘proficient in a variety of weapons, but mainly wields a bow and two daggers’. It is unfortu­nate that the author of the same article felt the need to state that she and Legolas would not be ‘romantically linked’!

The fact that a relatively small novel will be transformed into a trilogy has also been a matter of contention for fans. Appearing as a shameless ploy for money, it must be borne in mind that a great deal of thought and care has gone into how this book will be presented on screen with the aim of holding on to the legacy LOTR left behind.

Additional material will include what is taken from the appendices to The Lord of the Rings books, detailing many fascinating extra and background stories to the main narrative, though Jackson stated, when this announcement was made in July 2012, that the main reason was that too much footage had been filmed to fill only two films.

The Hobbit is a vastly different tale from The Lord of the Rings, the novel being aimed at a different audience and exploring different themes. Viewers should not expect the same dark psychological voyage in which a perfectly ordinary person becomes both physically and emotionally scarred, as was the calamity of Frodo. Bilbo, the Hobbit of the title, journeys and develops to an enormous and admirable extent as a character, though not with the darkness which pervades Frodo’s journey as the purposes of the two voyages are entirely different. Even though I hadn’t watched The Office or Sherlock, after watching the two-minute commercial for the film released some months back, I fell in love with Martin Freeman as an actor.

His plea to Gandalf as to whether or not he will return from his voyage with the dwarves is filled with the seriousness and fear, yet courage and the good-humoured nature that makes Bilbo who he is. According to Peter Jackson, ‘there has only ever been one Bilbo Baggins for us. There are few times in your career when you come across an actor who you know was born to play a role.’ This estimation of Freeman is not difficult to accept.

With only a few days now ’til the release of what will surely be a defining moment in the history of high-fantasy film, all we can do is wait; maybe attend a showing on New Year’s Eve and walk home feeling that our lives have somehow changed, that this is one of those things, a film or a book, that will come to define us.

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Images: New Line Cinema.

Films, Fun, and a Festival – The Corona Cork Film Festival Tommy Tobin indulges in the annual festival.

For over 55 years, the Cork Film Festival has been lighting up the city with a week of world-class cinema. This year was no exception, as thousands of directors, judges, volunteers, and movie-goers descended upon the city. From free kids’ screenings and a full-legged educational programme to films for Tweeters and an LGBT showcase, there was never a shortage of things to explore at the festival! Beating back the hordes to score a seat at some of the festival’s top films, your intrepid reporter will be bringing you inside the cinema for a romp through selected films – all that’s missing is the popcorn.

The Wallet: Belgium, 10 minutes.

Shorts

As we learn in this film, small choices can make a big difference in your path through life. In fact, they can mean the difference between life and death. Each scenario is sketched scene-by-scene in this animated short, making this film not just one narrative but a multitude of simultaneous stories all differentiated by color and action. All roads lead our man back to his favorite chair. While he comes back and gets fed in a few contingencies, the chair is the last thing he ever sees when He’s shot dead in that chair after making one small, wrong decision.

The Cork Film Festival is particularly known for its short film programs, as it features top local filmmakers along with classic shorts and the best of international shorts. This year’s programme even included an entire set of Belgian short films! Sure, Belgian shorts aren’t usually on my cinematic diet, but I ate up and was treated to some true delights.

After You: Ireland, 7 minutes.

Full-Length Films

This animated film followed a lowly Dublin doorman over his 60 year career. At first, the doorman is joined by his pal, the elevator guy, around the hotel. As technology progresses, the doors of opportunity begin to close for our protagonist and his friends. Emotive, playful music serves to elevate the action.

Don’t let the Cork Film Festival’s reputation for its world-class shorts lead you to believe that the festival’s array of full-length films was anything less than stellar. With features and documentaries from across the globe, the festival challenged audiences to act while also allowing them to escape into the adventures on screen. Between the Irish premiere of Colin Farrell’s new film Seven Psychopaths and the Lord Mayor’s free screening of a 3D Disney film, the festival had its fair share of big-time films alongside its usual fare of small-scale cinematic operations.

Las Palmas: Sweden, 13 minutes.

If there was a film on how not to act on vacation, Las Palmas is it! Let’s set the scene: a beachside restaurant, complete with drinks, food, music, and guests. Add to this a one-year-old girl pretending to be a middleaged woman on a real bender. Oh, and everyone else is a marionette puppet. Ingenious in its execution, the film takes on a holiday to remember.

Step Up to the Plate: France, 90 minutes.

This film’s Irish premiere was also a celebration of Slow Food Ireland.

The audience was treated to a glass of wine and some delectable small bites. Appropriately, the film was slow-going, meticulously telling the story of the transfer of power from the renowned French chef Michel Bras to his son Sebastian. While it is certainly a story of ‘gastronomic transmission’ featuring the ‘intimate intricacies’ of the Bras’ family ties, the real star of the show are the breath-taking sights and scenery throughout which emphasizes the freshness of all the food featured.

Uisce Beatha: Cork, 8 minutes.

Winning best film in the Made in Cork competition, this live-action short elegantly tells the story of a young man who sets off from his family’s land to Queenstown (modern-day Cobh) to set sail aboard the Titanic. In Queenstown, this country Irishman finds himself a pub and a good time. In the end, the audience is treated to a story of redemption, all told within the visual splendour of County Cork.

Comic Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope: USA, 88 minutes.

In awarding Uisce Beatha with its category’s top prize, the judges noted: ‘this is a film that showed panache, poise and sharpness that had the freshness we were looking for, and a lightness of touch and sparseness, with no padding whatsoever. It also had a genuine warmth and engagement, and a subtle, gradual release of the information it was revealing.

In short, it was a film, we felt, that could have been clichéd or clumsy in lesser hands. We are very happy to choose it and recommend it.’

Directed by Super-Size Me’s Morgan Spurlock, the film tells the story of fans who gather at San Diego’s comic convention. These fans range from comic book dealers to toy collectors, to star-crossed lovers, to aspiring costume designers and comic book artists. Interspersed throughout the vignettes are opportunities for the superstars of the nerd world to tell the history of Comic Con. This enjoyable film is a good watch if you’re in the mood for a light documentary about an American cultural phenomenon.

Small Time: Ireland, 12 minutes.

What would you do if you invented time travel? What if someone stole your invention? Could you rise above a rivalry to change the timeline or would you be stuck in a cycle of small time petty pranks? After a college student’s invention is stolen by his professor, the inventor chooses revenge over those closest to him. Messing with the time-space continuum can have consequences, such as when the student messes with the professor’s mother.

Trashed: USA, 100 minutes Narrated by the actor Jeremy Irons, Trashed tells us the scale and consequences of our world’s waste. Funny at times, yet muddled at others, the film takes viewers from Iceland to Indonesia on a search for answers for anyone who’s ever asked: ‘where does our trash go?’

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Images: shaunoconnor.com, screenslam.com

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Sarah Glascott divulges some of her festive favourites!

Christmas is quickly approaching and there’s no point trying to slow it down. Shops and houses are flamboyantly decorated and though the weather is colder, don’t hold your breath for snow. To help get the scrooges of the world into the Christmas spirit, here is a selection of classic movies to watch during this festive season. However, this list doesn’t include Titanic and The Sound of Music, which I think everybody loves to watch at Christmastime!

Miracle On 34th Street

A Christmas Carol

This is by far my favourite Christmas movie of all time!

The adorable cuteness of Susan Walker (Mara Wilson, 1994, and Natalie Wood, 1947), the little girl who doesn’t believe in Santa Claus seriously melts my heart!

It is definitely the movie that makes you want to be a young child again and believe in Santa Claus. The lie told to all children to bring them the joy and magic of Christmas is central to this film. Santa Claus is put on trial, much to the dismay of children everywhere. Of course, the film has a happy ending but this question is nevertheless put to the audience: ‘which is worse – a lie that draws a smile, or a truth that draws a tear?’

Based on the 1843 classic tale by Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol is the most well known and most adapted Christmas story. It is the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, a greedy man who hates Christmas but is transformed into a kind, caring person through the visitations of three ghosts. It’s too hard to choose one version that I watch continuously because there are so many great ones, from classics to musicals, to animation and even the Muppets! Released in 2009, the most recent film version was a performance capture movie, starring Jim Carrey as Ebenezer Scrooge. Eerily creepy in parts, this film is one of my favourites.

The Grinch The Grinch is based on the classic tale by rhyming genius Dr Seuss. Set in the tiny town of Whoville, Whos everywhere are obsessed with Christmas, all, of course, except the Grinch who lives in the mountains above Whoville. The Grinch is determined to destroy Christmas, but he has a change of heart when sweet little Cindy Lou shows her good spirit and cheer. She convinces the Grinch and Whoville of the true meaning of Christmas. The joyful singing at the end is great and I love the fact that the Grinch’s heart grows three sizes.

And of course, everyone lives happily ever after!

Home Alone This is the Christmas movie to ‘out cheese’ every other Christmas movie.

The classic family film we all grew up with comes packed with typical family arguments at holiday-time. In the rush and panic to catch that plane, little Kevin (Macaulay Culkin) is forgotten about – an honest mistake, I’m sure! To top it all off, the sinister, yet idiotic thieves, Harry (Joe Pesci) and Marv (Daniel Stern) are determined to break into the McAlister household. Luckily for Kevin, he is quite resourceful and consequently, the burglars are doomed to fail. Hilariously funny, Home Alone 1 and 2 are great movies for Christmas, though beware of dodgy sequels!

Recommended Watch

The Santa Clause Every kid’s dream would be to travel with daddy dearest to the North Pole and see all the toys in Santa’s Workshop. In order for this to happen, one would first need to kill Santa Claus. The moral aspects of murdering Santa Claus, however, are not overly dwelled on in the film. Scott Calvin’s (Tim Allen) transition into Santa Claus is quite hilarious; he gains an astronomical amount of weight, his hair whitens and he grows a large beard that immediately regrows when shaven. Adorable Charlie (Eric Lloyd) and head elf Bernard (David Krumholtz) are the highlights of the film. There are two sequels in the franchise which are charming, but not as good as the original. Still, I would recommend them for some sweet Christmas cheese!

Apparently, we’re getting a white Christmas! If the snowflakes manage to make through all the rain, it should be a lovely sight to see. It always looks so much nicer in the movies. One direc­ tor who always takes advantage of the winter wonderland is Tim Burton, who you might not always associate with Christmas, but watching , the Ice Dance in Edward Scissorhands or Jack discovering Christmas Town in Nightmare Before Christmas seems much more Christmassy than any of the recent hogwash to come out during the holidays.

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Images: Twentieth Century Fox, Walt Disney Pictures, Universal Pictures.

music

Eimear Hurley sits down with the singer-songwriter.

‘I am perfect, I am broken I am adored, I’m unspoken I am lonely, I am contented I am sane, I’m half demented’ So Duke Special describes himself in ‘Condition’, a song from his new album Oh Pioneer. He may be familiar to the masses because of hits like ‘Freewheel’ and ‘Last Night I Nearly Died’, but this song is just one of the more darkly humorous and evocative gems from his extensive back catalogue.

It’s been ten years since Duke (aka Peter Wilson) released his first solo EP, Lucky Me, and Oh Pioneer is his first straight solo album since 2008’s I Never Thought This Day Would Come. In the interim, he’s been busy with various projects: composing music for Bertolt Brecht’s play Mother Courage and Her Children (in which UCC’s own Mel Mercier was also involved), writing an album called Under The Dark Cloth, (inspired by the photography of Paul Strand, Alfred Stieglitz and Edward Steichen), and recording and touring the songs of successful Irish singer Ruby Murray, to name just a few.

After all that exploration of other artists’ lives and works, Duke felt this return to the traditional album-writing process was timely: ‘I needed to come back with a new record of my own songs which weren’t so specific, or about a particular thing. I thought, “okay, I’m kind of writing songs about myself, but this time I’m looking at other stories to use as vehicles for that.” [With] the project [albums], I was writing songs about other people, but my own experiences came through. I guess it’s like any writer, even though they’re put­ ting words in a character’s mouth, those words have an origin some­ where within the writer, so it was almost like the reverse side of that.

This album is full of beautiful melodies and intriguing lyrics all deliciously coated in the unique kind of production and instrumentation with which Duke Special has become synonymous. In another track from the album, ‘My Lazy Saviour’, Duke talks about needing ‘new songs to sing’ and that he’s ‘no longer what he used to be.’ So is this record an attempt to break away from the hits that he’s become known for? ‘This is my twelfth release now. You never want to just regurgitate what you’ve done before; you’re always trying to find something new to say, or to say something in a different way, or dress it in different clothes.’ It’s a personal record, and Duke’s intentions for it were clear from the outset: ‘For every record I do, I sit down with the producer and we talk about the identity of the record, and what the parameters are because there are endless possibilities, particularly as a solo artist. We talk about the instrumentation, the feel of the record, the atmosphere of the record, [and] then we actually do the recording. [His producer] encouraged me not to get hung up on writing hits, just to try and write songs as beautiful or as potent as you can, and then you’ve done your job…

I deliberately didn’t set out to write songs that would work on the radio, but I succeeded! […] It’s not really an album full of singles, but I feel like it’s an album that will reward a lot of listeners.’

were saying “that sounds like it’s from a musical, or almost like music hall”, and I started reading about that and listening to stuff from that time.’ However, he doesn’t consider himself defined by the genre: ‘it was an influence, for sure, early on, and it’s something I’m aware of, but it’s not something I feel I have to stick to, or I’m tied into.’ After all, elements of folk and soul can be heard in Duke’s music, along with a healthy dollop of pop.

Although he decided that going solo was the best option for him, the sense of identity that’s attached to a band fascinated Duke, hence the stage name. ‘I wanted the name that I operated under to project something about my intent, or for it to have a sense of mystery or intrigue about it, and Peter Wilson doesn’t really do that! So it became a vehicle for what I was trying to create.’ And where does the name come from? ‘Oh, I couldn’t possibly divulge.’

Duke’s style has been described as akin to Vaudeville or music-hall.

This wasn’t something that he set out to emulate, though. Having been in bands in the early stages of his musical career, he was interested in finding ways to could create something interesting and different as a solo artist. ‘When I was demoing my first EP, people

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During his upcoming tour, Duke will be playing in various small venues in Ireland, and finishing up in London’s 2000-seater Shepherd’s Bush Empire. The combination of intimate gigs and playing to huge crowds is most appealing to him. ‘With both scenarios, it’s about the connection with the audience; you just have to use different tools to achieve that.’

He’s doing the Irish tour solo, and is bringing some friends along for the London gig. ‘I think the bigger venue warrants pulling out the stops!’ he tells me. Duke Special, after all, has a lot of friends, and collaboration is a big part of his life as a musician. ‘It’s a really inspiring thing, especially as a solo artist… I find it really invigorating and inspiring to work with other artists and to see what comes out of that.’

Ten years is a long time in showbiz, and I was curious to know some of the highlights of Duke’s career to date. ‘Performing on Jools Holland would be one; it was like a dream to do that. The first time I headlined the Ulster Hall in Belfast. Seeing my records stacked on a shelf in HMV, my first full-length album, just seeing that alongside other releases and thinking “wow, I’m doing it!”’ Duke is very gracious and thankful for the success he has enjoyed, and is delighted to be able to continue doing what he loves. ‘There have been so many ups and downs…even now it’s a challenge to continue doing what I’m doing, but I love writing and I love performing more than anything else, so I’m really pleased to be able to still do it.’

Growing up in the North, Duke would listen to Van Morrison, the Undertones and Stiff Little Fingers. ‘These were iconic names, but just ahead of me were bands like Ash, The Divine Comedy, and Snow Patrol, and that kind of gave me hope. I thought “people from here can reach a bigger audience than just friends and family.” I played for a number of years with a guy from Belfast called Brian Houston, I kind of apprenticed with him, playing piano and keyboards in his band. And he was out doing it: creating an audience and playing live. It was a bit of an epiphany for me, that whole time.’

Duke even has some words of advice for any aspiring musicians: ‘I think the lesser known things, like composing for film or for television or theatre, are not really talked about that often, but are actually really hugely satisfying. There are so many roads that you can go down, but I think probably the most important thing I would say is that as an artist – a writer, a composer – you find your voice, you be original in what you’re

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doing. Like any kind of art, whether it’s writing music, writing literature, painting, sculpting, whatever it is, you learn what’s good and what’s not good, and then you replicate that, [then] do it your own way and tweak the rules. The most important thing is not being famous, it’s not making a fortune or anything like that, it’s realising that you’re an artist, and you have something to say.’

Tickets for Duke Special’s performance at The Cork Opera House are available from €15 to €22. His new album, Oh Pioneer, is on out now.

Images: dukespecia.com

Bon Iver: a night that will last forever.

Cian De Paor bids a fond farewell to the departing band.

Bon Iver played to over 10,000 fans at the O2 Dublin on Monday the 12th of November, the last concert on their world tour – an emotional and unforgettable experience to all who attended. The gig itself was relaxing, awe inspiring and really unexpected. Bon Iver, who are most affiliated with the song ‘Skinny Love’ (yes, they wrote it, not Birdy!), gave an experience that I will not likely forget.

The band, which has always had a huge fan base here in Ireland, have really become famous throughout the world with the release of their most recent self-titled album. The fact that the band won Best New Artist and Best Alternative Music Album for their album proves this point. The international love for their most famous song ‘Skinny Love’ has had bands cover them and even had Kanye West want to do a duet with the band. Their songs such as ‘Re-Stacks’ and ‘Holocene’ have been placed in many TV shows, most recently Misfits.

The support act, The Staves really laid the foundation to an unreal night. The Staves are from Watford in England and compose of three sisters Emily, Jessica, and Camilla Staveley-Taylor – three harmonic voices accompanied with acoustic guitar and the casual ukulele. The act created a positive mood within the O2 and prepped us for what was to be a memorable night. The Staves have gone from strength to strength in recent months with the recent release of their new album, Dead & Born & Grown. Their performance was a great mood-setter for the main act, which was important in my opinion. Secondly, the vibe within the arena was just magical; the collective feeling of anticipation mixed with anxiety which filled the building created a buzz around the area that cannot be described. The severe lack of mosh pits and ruckus at the concert, which suited me down to the ground, provided security in the gig, provided a good vibe and made people conscious that they would not be pushed around and distracted from the music.

But there are also other factors that made this night incredible. Throughout the gig, emotions were high due to many reasons, one of which being Bon Iver won’t be touring again for some time. With Justin saying that he found a ‘new path’ and that ‘time changes people’, people knew that this may be the last time Bon Iver will play live. Three standing ovations and yells that lasted ten minutes after the band left was evidence enough to hold my claim that it was probably the best concert I went to, and most memorable by far.

Bon Iver’s last concert for the unforeseeable future was amazing and it has altered my love for their music. The concert was so good and the music was far superior to the record/cd. I just love when a band does their album and songs justice when performing live, and my respect for the band is massive now. The perfect alignment and management of incorporating the sounds of the instruments showed that they knew what they were doing and that they wanted to impress – and rightfully so!

Images: boniver.org.

Recommended Listen Christmas music can be hard love. The problem? Artists keep trying to make Christmas cool. Stop it. It’s not cool. Christmas music needs Bing Crosby at a piano or Judy Garland hanging decorations. This month, we are recommending Kristin Chenoweth’s album, A Lovely Way To Spend Christmas. The great thing about this album is that it doesn’t try to make Christmas poppy; it’s unashamedly cheerful and spiritual without trying to be anything other than an album you put on when cosying up to the fire with hot chocolate, or when putting up the tree.

Thirdly, the most important reason, the band was unreal. The nine piece band composing of all instruments under the sun molested my ears and I loved it! The combining of bass saxophone, violins, piano, guitar, beatbox, trumpet, drums and many more instrucments created a sound unlike anything I have heard before. It was amazing. Bon Iver, who is fronted by the famous Justin Vernon, known for his emotional and distinct voice, really impressed the crowd and provided electricity and energy to re-enforce the impact of the songs they performed. With their huge set list which included hits such as ‘Towers’, ‘Holocene’ and a reconstruction of ’ Blood Bank’ (my favourite song of the night by far!), they did not fail to impress. The set list, which had the crowd left in a trance of musical nirvana, lasted a almost two hours. Along with that, there were three encores! They finished the concert with a cover

by Bjork’s ‘Who Is It’, which is currently the most played song on my iPod.

Image: Sony.

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Christmas, Charities and A Whole Load of Cheese!

Daniel Boland runs through all the Christmas classics.

‘It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas’: with the recent arctic conditions of Cork, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Christmas is almost upon us so I have decided to give a run-down of the songs you should be playing to death over the festive period while you have the chance.

I couldn’t begin this list without a childhood classic in the form of ‘Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer’. If you cannot name all of the reindeer at the beginning of this song, you need to take a long look at the Grinch within you.

Wizzard really hit the nail on the head when they released ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday’ in 1973. This timeless classic puts everything we wish for at Christmas into an upbeat tune which will be around for years to come. It’s hard to imagine someone who wouldn’t want it to be Christmas every day, especially when I thought it would make me play the saxophone growing up like the children in the music video.

Bob Geldof set himself a rather modest goal of £70,000 for charity from the Christmas hit ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’ The single went on to make millions of pounds and become the biggest selling single in UK chart history. The good this song did for the people of Ethiopia was tremendous and propelled the Band Aid creation to the top of everyone’s Christmas playlist ever since.

Many of the Irish population can relate to Bing Cosby dreaming of a white Christmas as we long for even a day of snow during the festive period. ‘White Christmas’ is a song featured in the hugely popular 1954 musical film of the same name, but has become a festive hit in its own right – some may even say surpassing the motion picture.

If this song isn’t part of your collection for this time of year, you must have been living under a rock and you are sorely missing out.

So far my choices have been songs that everyone would recognise immediately, but what about the event Christmas is celebrating. For a more peaceful Christmas many turn to the gentle tone of ‘Silent Night.’

This song has been done numerous times and, even though some may say she is a little ‘off ’, it is Sinéad O Connor who delivers a haunting version of this classic. ‘Silent Night’ isn’t about cashing in at Christmas, but the real meaning behind this time of year.

There is no complete Christmas song list without the festive triumph that is ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ by Mariah Carey. The jingle at the beginning of the song is enough for most people to recognise this hit. The music video for this song shows Mariah Carey spending Christmas snowboarding and rolling around in the snow bringing out the jealousy in most people. Her over the top reaction to everything in the video doesn’t detract from the upbeat tune that is essential in every household come December.

There are so many Christmas hits that could have been added to this list but my article would have been endless. If you never heard another festive song these six classics are enough to get you through the daunting of putting up the Christmas tree and all the decorations, but hang in there and the Christmas dinner will be worth the wait!

Images: Harvest Records, Phonogram, Decca

We’re Alive: A ‘Zombie’ Story of Survival

Roy Sheehan discusses the new format to tackle the zombie pandemic.

The last decade has brought about a large volume of zombie related media, with more than half of all zombie films ever made being produced after September 11, 2001. While the concept of the zombie has existed for hundreds of years, the modern zombie that can be found in television shows like The Walking Dead has evolved from George A. Romero’s 1968 Night of the Living Dead. The zombie virus has infected our cinemas, TV sets, gaming consoles and bookstores and now the contagion has spread to our iPods as the experience becomes an audio adventure.

We’re Alive is an audio drama available for free as a podcast download on iTunes. Currently in its third season, it follows the story of three soldiers, Michael Cross, Saul Tink and Angel Tunudo, fighting to keep a small group of survivors alive while the rest of society crumbles under the pressure of a zombie outbreak. An episode is released with three parts, with one part being released every Monday, and each podcast lasts for 40-45 minutes.

The key ingredients for any zombie project include fast-paced, high-octane action scenes, intense, blood-curdling horror and engaging moral dilemmas. We’re Alive delivers on all three of these. Zombie related media is known for its gore and We’re Alive is no different. The experience is not limited even though it is reduced to aural descriptions; because we are so used to seeing zombies eating people or people slaying zombies in gruesome ways, only hearing the action is even scarier. I strongly recommend that a quality pair of headphones be used to listen to these podcasts.

The Walking Dead and We’re Alive are both remarkably similar. Both feature law enforcement figures leading a handful of mix matched survivors. The Woodbury settlement of The Walking Dead is strikingly similar to the Colony of We’re Alive, and a prison plays a significant role in both syndications as well.

While the series is more than satisfying in many areas, it disappoints in other aspects. The plot of the project isn’t great, but no one involves themselves in a zombie project for the plot, as most are the same: following a group of people as they try to survive a zombie apocalypse. As well as the plot being uninspiring, the characters are very predictable. In the three years that the shows have been broadcast, there has been little or no character development. That said, the plot is interesting enough to keep people tuning in every week and the characters are strong enough to stand a couple of seasons without needing to grow too much before being stale.

The podcast has developed a cult following, and their website, zombiepodcast.com, offers a forum for fans to post fan fiction and interact with each other on varying discussion boards and threads.

There is also a secondary podcast, We’re Not Dead, which provides cast and crew interviews, plot analysis, theory discussions, etc. In addition, there are several behind the scenes videos available online which allow viewers to see how production teams are able to make the sounds necessary for convincing gun shots or knife slashes.

Effectively, the show is The Walking Dead for radio. It is similar in many regards, such as character and plot, but it brings a new element to the zombie genre as it focuses entirely on being an aural experience. The audience are reduced to just their listening capacities as they are brought further into the world of the undead. The project is overall very satisfying and will suit lovers of the genre down to the ground.

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Image: zombiepodcast.com, whatculture.com.

tv

Original British Drama – Autumn 2012 Sorcha Nagle takes a look at the BBC’s recent original dramas. *Contains spoilers* I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the BBC is fantastic for their original dramas. They spend a fair bit of change on their programmes, and this autumn they do not disappoint. The BBC is pretty much the only thing I’ll turn on the television to watch, mainly because they have no ads, which I just love (yes, I know you can record and skip through them, but it’s not the same!).

the first night they spend there. The caretaker Percy Judd comes over to introduce himself, and at first he seems to be just a friendly old gentleman, but we soon learn that there is a reason that Percy could never leave Devil’s Cleave.

This autumn they’ve come up with some new drama series that are being presented slowly over the course of two months. These include: Hunted (starring Melissa George), Good Cop (starring Warren Brown and Stephen Graham), Accused (starring Sean Bean, John Bishop, Robert Sheehan, Sheridan Smith, Anne-Marie Duff, Olivia Colman and Joe Dempsey), Shetland (starring Douglas Henshall) and The Secret of Crickley Hall (starring Suranne Jones, Tom Ellis and Donald Sumpter).

I haven’t watched Hunted yet, but I’m really intrigued by it; it aired in October, and is a spy drama where an espionage operative life’s is jeopardized by members of her own team. She has no idea who to trust and then realises everything is connected to a horrific event in her childhood. In a similar light, Shetland is a two-part Scottish crime drama set on the Shetland Isles, obviously. Soon after, human remains are found and a tragic accident is recorded, greed, envy and bitterness divide the community. There’s also the four-part drama Good Cop, which I wasn’t that impressed by. It centres on Warren Brown as a Liverpool policeman who calls his moral decisions into question after his friend and colleague is beaten to death by thugs in a crack-den.

At a time when Sky Atlantic seems to dominating industry headlines with their fancy new home-grown productions as well as broadcasting HBO’s hard hitting dramas, it’s nice for the BBC to remind people they haven’t been written off.

I’ve been doing pretty well in sitting down and watching them, but my favourite so far is definitely Accused. The programme itself focuses on, as the title suggests, a person accused of a crime. The first instalment featured one of my favourite actors, Sean Bean, as a transvestite accused of murder, and the story then backtracks to how, why and who got the accused into their current predicament. One of our own exports, Robert Sheehan of Misfits and Love/Hate, is in the last two instalments of this series, driven to murder by the death of his mother. John Bishop plays the fantastic role of Stephen’s (Sheehan) father who finds love with the nurse who cared for Stephen’s mother. Stephen then develops a mental illness and is overcome with hallucinations, including that Charlotte is trying to poison his whole family, that she killed his beloved pet dog and that she is going to kill his father. This plays itself out in a series of flashbacks, some of which you’re not sure are real or not until the end of the episode. The final episode of this series centres on a prison guard, Tina, who happens to be working in the gaol that Stephen is in. The whole story does rap itself up quite nicely, and it is definitely worth watching instead of studying.

The Secret of Crickley Hall is based on a novel of the same name by James Herbert (once dubbed Britain’s answer to Stephen King, a comparison he’s never quite lived up to). To be completely honest with you, this programme and novel freaks the shit out of me. I’ve never been one for supernatural dramas, I couldn’t even watch The X-Files, and there was once a Criminal Minds episode involving ghosts that I watched from behind a pillow. Getting back to the matter at hand, the storyline focuses on Eve, Gabe and their children, Loren, Cam and Cally, who live in London. Eve and Cam have a special connection to one another, and can hear each other no matter how far apart they are. Unfortunately, Eve falls asleep while at the playground with Cam, who goes missing. The scenes flash to almost a year later when Gabe (Tom Ellis) decides to take a job in Devil’s Cleave in Devonshire, a village that is overshadowed by the infamous Crickley Hall.

Of course, Eve and Gabe know nothing of this, but they do wonder why it hasn’t been rented in a long time, which, as we all know, is never a good sign. Even the family dog knows that things aren’t right and goes batshit

Images: BBC.

24

Who needs Jack Bauer?

Terry O’Sullivan reviews the new CIA drama.

Finally, a new show has filled the gap left by Lost, 24 and Prison Break. Mixing Lost’s penchant for twists, Prison Break’s love of cliff hanger endings and 24’s high octane action, Homeland is must-see see TV. Based on an Israeli show called Hatufim (which translates to ‘Prisoner of War’), the series began in October 2011 and has just been renewed for a third season.

This success shouldn’t be that surprising as the show’s creators, Howard Gordon and Alex Gansa, were also the brains behind the much-praised 24.

Though based on the Israeli series Hatufim, the plot differs significantly and shows the ingenuity of the writing staff to create something so original. While most shows have their episodes scripted weeks, or even months, in advance, Damian Lewis has revealed in interviews that significant changes are made up to hours before shooting. This gives the audience the feeling that the show can veer in any direction on a moment’s notice, allowing for a more exciting viewing experience.

The plot revolves around CIA intelligence officer Carrie Mathison (played by Claire Danes of Romeo + Juliet fame) who discovers that an Al-Qaeda commander has turned an American POW into a rogue jihadist terrorist. When Marine Sergeant Nicholas Brody, played by Damien Lewis (Band of Brothers), is released from eight years of captivity, Mathison is immediately suspicious. Brody’s difficulty adjusting to freedom adds to her suspicions, as his behaviour is quite erratic. Complicating matters is the fact that Brody is treated as a war hero by the public and the establishment alike, meaning that Mathison has to resort to less than legal means to keep him under surveillance.

Apart from base entertainment value, this show highlights some very interesting views about the War on Terror and the psychology of a post 9/11 world. On top of that, the themes of loss, separation, patriotism and family are explored from a totally fresh perspective. Tune in for season 2 on Channel 4 or RTÉ 2, or you will be sorry for missing out.

The show has received great critical acclaim, gaining a Golden Globe and an Emmy, while both Danes and Lewis have gotten Emmys for their nuanced performances. The critics also praised the intelligence in which the show deals with difficult issues, and it even has presidential approval from Barack Obama, who has said he enjoys it. Lewis especially has been singled out for his versatility; many times he has to go from a broken, confused war veteran navigating a difficult home life in a country that has changed much in his absence, to a highly trained and aggressive soldier trying to protect his secrets in a single scene. But this does not diminish Danes’ contributions. She has moved far from the Hollywood sweetheart playing Shakespeare’s Juliet. Her character is a ruthless, psychologically damaged intelligence officer forced to choose between national security and her own physical and mental welfare.

The reluctant cat and mouse between Mathison and Brody has the audience on tenterhooks, as we discover that Brody has not been completely honest on his return. Most episodes end with a revelation leaving you cursing your luck that you have to wait another week to find out what happens.

Recommended Watch

Images: Showtime.

Shows have been doing Christmas specials and episodes ever since there’s been television, so understandably the whole thing seems a bit stale. Well, there’s one show that’s brought the heart, the warmth and laughter back into television specials: Community. Season one gave us a more-than-needed ‘stop-judging-other-people’s-religion’ theme with a healthy dose of Florence + The Machine, while season two gave us a Claymation wonder in the form of a mental breakdown. Season three mocked the shit out of the cheeriness of Glee, and I’m hoping season four will still give us a Christmas episode despite, being held until February. Maybe an episode where the gang get visited by the ghosts of past, present and future, but is really just Dean Pelton in his sister’s outfits.

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Image: NBC.

books Ernest Hemingway: On His Own Terms Donal O’Sullivan pays homage to a literary hero.

Ernest Hemingway is and always will be one of the great American writers – one who revolutionised the ways in which a story can be written.

In a time where long, descriptive passages were the norm and good writing seemed to be synonymous with the amount of words used in a sentence, Ernest Hemingway wrote short simple sentences, which cut straight to the point and exposed the raw nerve of his subject – the essence laid bare in a few words, no space wasted on the unnecessary.

His lifestyle and literary style led many to dismiss him, and I’m sure there are those who still do, as a misogynist and a macho writer, good for nothing but hunting and drinking, but I would ask any doubters to set those notions aside and read The Old Man and the Sea – perhaps Hemingway’s most famous work, for which he was awarded a long deserved Pulitzer prize. The simple striking beauty of this examination of life and resilience should be sufficient to quell any who would dismiss his work as that of anything other than one of the great American writers, or his right to stand in the pantheon of greats such as Elliot, Joyce and his friend F. Scott Fitzgerald. He was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1954 ‘for his mastery of the art of narrative and for the influence that he has exerted on contemporary style’.

Born in 1899 in Oak park, Illinois, he made his start in the publishing world writing articles for the school paper. After finishing high school, he then moved on to work for the Kansas City Star rather than attending college. Here, Hemingway stated that he was ‘forced to learn to write a simple declarative sentence’, a process which would influence his writing for the rest of his life.

This stripped-down prose style is perhaps what he is most famous for in the literary world, but what we must also remember is that, although his prose was to the point, his real life experiences were as detailed and varied as his writing was short and simple. This is the writer who hunted lions in Africa, who fished for marlin in Key West, was awarded the Italian Silver Medal of Bravery for his services as an ambulance driver during WWI and served as war correspondent during the Spanish civil war. He was not one to shy away from a challenge and these experiences would influence some of his greatest works, For Whom the Bell Tolls and The Sun Also Rises.

While it is admirable that his list of hobbies be this long, this admiration may not extend to the list of women whom he married. It seemed that Hemingway had a habit of falling for another, younger woman as soon as he settled with one. His marriages and experiences with love would mirror his writing style throughout his life: short and to the point.

Unfortunately, at the height of his literary career, the body and mind which he had pushed to its limits during life began to betray him. His life did not end in a manner befitting the man who had lived it. In later years, Hemingway drank in excess and suffered from a severe depression which led to him becoming less of a functioning alcoholic and to the decline of his work.

This was the author who told the world to ‘write drunk, edit sober’. His demons caught up with him eventually, as they have with so many of the great minds and talents which have existed over the years. Once he had lost those things which meant the most to him, his self control and his ability to write, he had lost his purpose. He believed that his existence was driven by his ability and duty to write. On July 2, 1961 he committed suicide and left the world in the same manner in which he had lived in it: on his own terms.

Images: Arrow.

Recommended Read Could we really recommend anything other than The Night Before Christmas (or its official title, A Visit From Saint Nicholas) for this month? It just makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside and, believe it or not, there are more lines after ‘ ’Twas the night before Christmas…’ Besides that, there’s always The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Yes, we know you’re in college and we know you’re oh so cool and grown up but, come on, who cares? We all love Doctor Seuss, and taking a shot whenever the word ‘Who’ is read is quite a good festive drinking game! You’ll be paralytic by page two, we guarantee it.

Image: Harper Collins.

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2012: The Year That Was

Features

Alas, 2012, we hardly knew ye. For those of goldfish-like attention spans, Mae McSweeney has taken the time to compile a wistful gambol down Memory Lane. Prepare to go ‘Oh, yeah, remember that!’ a few times over the course of this run-down.

The Whole ‘50 Shades’ Thing of war-torn African youths, the backing of the United States military, and millions of dollars. However, what was even more amazing than the rapid spread of KONY across YouTube, Facebook and Twitter, was the instant backlash. The initial passion for Third World activism that seemed to seize us all, the conviction that this was a great campaign with noble intentions, was quelled within hours. The more dubious among us checked the facts, and commented beneath vehemently supportive Facebook statuses with sources which exposed the more worrying nature of the policies and connections of the ‘Invisible Children’ organization. The moral of the story: don’t trust every well-executed viral activist campaign you come across. And definitely read up on the group behind it before bellowing your support all over the internet, or you may end up looking like a doofus.

Although it was first published in 2011, E.L. James’ now infamous series of erotic fiction really started to fly off the shelves this year.

You can thank this misogynistic, poorly-written, bastardized Twilight fan fiction spin-off for the prevalence of middle-aged women seen unashamedly thumbing (no pun intended) through well-worn paperbacks of soft-core BDSM on buses, trains, and aeroplanes.

Personally, I have no opposition to erotica, however I do object slightly to its public consumption. I’d rather not know that the respectable middle-aged lady, who’s chosen to sit beside me on the 215 bus, is currently engaged in a paragraph detailing Anastasia Steele’s encounter with a ‘Christian Grey -flavoured popsicle’ (I’m not making that up). If someone was reading a copy of MASSIVE TITS WEEKLY I doubt she’d be happy.

The London Olympics

I’d rather not get into an essay about what the massive surge in popularity for this kind of literature says about how sexually repressed and secretly kinky we all must be - that would be soooo April 2012 of me. I would, however, like to remind you that the CD, Fifty Shades of Grey: The Classical Album is available now in all Tesco outlets: for those of you who can’t get your rocks off without a little Rachmaninoff!

I’ll be the first to admit that before summer, I was stoically antiOlympics. I was slightly irked by the growing sense of British smugness – sorry, I mean pride. I was embittered by Ireland’s pathetic performance in the UEFA championship, and I resigned myself to the likelihood that we would probably be crap in the Olympics too.

I objected to every advertisement on TV getting Olympified – why were Cadbury and McDonalds even allowed to sponsor a major world sporting event?

‘Kim-Ye’ happened

But, from the moment I watched that opening ceremony, I was hooked. The Queen jumping out of a helicopter! The Arctic Monkeys encircled by dozens of LED-lit bicyclists! Mr Bean! It had it all. Idiosyncratically British in the best possible way, the opening ceremony set the tone for an amazing few weeks of sportsmanship (and sportswoman-ship!), lively commentary and really, really good television.

Perhaps the most disgustingly ideal celebrity coupling to ever emerge since the dawn of Twitter, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s romance has encaptivated the current Zeitgeist for everything vacuous, trashy, and stupid. A public which was simultaneously grossed out by and mesmerised by these two as individuals, now struggles to look away as they carry on their ridiculous lives as a couple. It’s like when Mussolini and Hitler signed the Pact of Steel, except they’re making out at the VMAs, and tweeting each other, and Hitler is buying Mussolini a $750,000 Lambourghini for his birthday.

For Irish fans, it was our most successful Olympic performance since 1956, with Irish athletes winning a total of 5 medals: 1 gold, 1 silver and 3 bronze. Katie Taylor won us our first Olympic gold medal in 16 years. In Paralympics, Ireland performed exceptionally well – 49 athletes participated and brought home a staggering total of 42 medals: 13 gold, 11 silver and 18 bronze.

Kimye seems to have no end in sight, and is predicted to at least outlive Kim’s doomed 72 day marriage to Chris Humphries. To weather out these dark days, may I suggest avoiding both of their Twitter accounts, E! News, Perez Hilton, and all the usual hotbeds of Kimye-mania, for the sake of your health.

Famous Deaths Many beloved entertainers passed away in 2012. They included Adam Yauch (MCA), member of The Beastie Boys, Michael Clarke Duncan, who played John Coffey in The Green Mile, Nora Ephron, the influential screenwriter behind You’ve Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle, singer Whitney Houston and legendary drummer with The Band, Levon Helm.

Kony Ah ha! Bet you thought I was going to let that one slip by, didn’t ya? Sorry buddy, we all have to stand up and be accountable for how thoroughly gullible we were back in March, when some eager friend sent you a link to that ‘KONY 2012’ YouTube video, and you swallowed it wholesale – we all did. I was totally considering ordering that luxury ‘Cover the Night’ poster pack, so I could plaster the streets of Cork with images of Joseph Kony’s face, to spread awareness worldwide, make sure everyone knew what a bad guy he was, and SAVE AFRICA! It’s amazing what you can accomplish with manipulative footage

So there you have it – 2012 A.D., you were great. Providing we all survive the Mesoamerican Rapture on December 21st, here’s hoping for an equally memorable 2013!

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Images: EMI Classics, Invisible Children, Wikishareideas.com.

by Ciara Kenny

What of the Day after Tomorrow?

Sceptical of the current craze for all things clairvoyant, Senita Appiakorang thinks we should all just enjoy ourselves – before it’s too late.

I’ve always been inclined towards sourcing out the ‘goss’ ahead of the posse.

If there’s going to be a hot fashion trend coming soon, you better believe I’m going to want to know it, wear it and work it before Topshop does. If there’s a new band out with something fresh and infectious to offer, I want to be listening to it on the hour of release, and flaunt my familiarity with this happening tune in front of all my friends, when they try to tell me about it a month later. Call me a hipster, I’m indifferent!

I just want to know my shit and I want to know it first – that’s why I almost always read the second last page of any book that’s enticed me before I’ve looked at the first. I’m bound by a curiosity to know immediately what happens next. Surprisingly though, this curiosity does not extend to the clairvoyant insights that I could supposedly gain from tarot cards and ancient runes.

Well, let me re-evaluate that statement. I’m vaguely interested in my future in that I hope I won’t be a complete bum for the rest of my adult life, and I occasionally fantasize about the beautiful babies Ryan Gosling will someday bestow upon me… naturally! However, I have never felt the need to stay up until 1:53 a.m. watching crap TV in order to ask the dear and most obliging Flathan to confirm my assumptions. And this is Flathan Huerter we’re talking about, dahlink! He’s only the twenty-first century’s modern, misunderstood and most miscellaneously dressed beacon of light and clarity, and you can find him any given weeknight presenting TV3’s muchmaligned late night psychic show, dazzling us all with his world acclaimed psychic resume, and rhinestoneencrusted shell suits.

Jokes aside, I’ve always been dubious about anyone who relied on a crystal ball and a lady behind it, heavily clad in eye liner, sprouting ambiguous waffle about a certain loved one who’s recently passed to the other side (‘his or her name might

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be John… or, eh, Mary?’). I can’t deny that certain individuals have an uncanny intuition, but I’ve never seen the point in trying to predict future events in your life. Surely, whether or not you ‘know’ your destiny, the results will be just as fixed or changeable as if you hadn’t known? For example: say Flathan tells you that in two months time, you will choke on a walnut, and die. The solution? Avoid walnuts for two months, and voila, you have changed the course of your own destiny!

The mind boggles. December 21st is fast approaching, the date which many have interpreted as signalling the end of the world (according to an ancient Mayan calendar which nobody ever cared about before). Should a sense of apocalyptic anxiety take over, you may ask yourself that terrifying question: ‘are you ready to die?’

To be honest, I’m not too bothered at the prospect of the apocalypse; be it the end of the year or several millennia away, the world for me could end any day, as it could for all mortal beings. My approach is to just get on with the present, and forget about the future (pardon the paradox!). For now, I’m quite content to find the best cinnamon cake recipe amongst my friends, and make some merry times with them before heading home to share the aforementioned cake with my family, surrounded by presents and laughter and festive cheer. And if the world did end tomorrow, there wouldn’t be a lot we could do about it. So let’s just raise our glasses, and toast to a Merry Christmas and (hopefully) a happy 2012!

Images: TV3, thebeausejourpulpit.wordpress.com.

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Erasmus students Loui and Jenni In Ireland, the normal Christmas dinner is turkey. What is your tradition?

Christmas in Cork: An Erasmus Perspective

Peter Neville chats with some international students who won’t be driving home this Christmas.

That time of year is upon us again – the lights are out and shining brightly, the Advent calendars are a joy for fans of both chocolate and counting, and we all hope that Cork won’t flood yet again. I wonder: does this annual routine seem to hold a little bit less magic with every year that passes? In my opinion, it is because we have one set combination of celebrating – Christmas trees, turkey, selection boxes and ‘Fairytale of New York’. It is a tried and tested method, no doubt.

However, imagine if you were new to all this, and for the first time ever, you were going to spend Christmas in a different country – away from all your family and friends. How would you feel? For some of the thousand Erasmus students at UCC, this may be the case. Christmas in Cork – seems a terrifying prospect, doesn’t it?

Imagine if you had only been living in the city for less than three months, were still adapting to Irish life, and had no idea what mince pies or Christmas crackers were.

To introduce a whole international side to Christmas, I decided to interview two Erasmus students who will be spending Christmas amongst the Irish, God bless ’em. Loui is a third year Food Engineering student from Portugal, and Jenni is a second year Civil Engineering student originally from the Ukraine but has been living in Rome for the last ten years.

Can you tell me a bit about Christmas in your home country?

Loui: In Portugal, we get together on two dates – the 24th and the 25th. Before that, people usually go into the cities with their friends to see the Christmas illuminations, and to buy presents. However, on the two dates I mentioned already, we spend that time with our families. Most families live in different cities, so it is a big celebration to bring everyone to the same place.

Jenni: In Ukraine, we celebrate Orthodox Christmas on January 7th, but it is not as popular as New Year. I think New Year is more similar to a western Christmas, as we have a tree and presents. In Rome, it is a very popular festival, and religion is very important.

So, do you think that family is the most important part of Christmas?

Loui: My family is huge, so, yes, I get to see them all. As my parents are separated, I normally split my time between the two houses. On the 24th I spend the day with my mother, and on the 25th I spend it with my father and my half-sister. The party normally goes on until at least 3am!

Jenni: No, I don’t think so. I’ve never been part of this tradition.

Sure, I miss them but I’m looking forward to having a new experience of spending Christmas in Cork.

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Loui: It depends on each family, but a lot of people eat bacalhau (codfish) because it is expensive. But Christmas dinner in Portugal is different to here – even the day we eat on. We normally have the dinner on the 24th, so I usually eat it with my mother.

Jenni: We eat on Christmas Eve in Ukraine, and bring a dish called kutia to our relatives. This is a type of pudding. In Rome, we eat fish on the 24th, and meat on the 25th, with our families.

What is your experience of Cork so far, and what are you looking forward to in the winter?

Loui: I love it! Before I arrived, I was worried that I might not like it, but, actually, I love the city and the freedom. And the country is so beautiful – I’m glad I chose Ireland… And I’m hoping for a white Christmas, although I know it doesn’t snow here. Actually, a cold Christmas would be a new experience for me, so I am looking forward to experiencing how Irish people spend their holidays.

Jenni: Absolutely love it! It’s a very nice city – not too big and lots to do. And the best thing is that it is so different to what I am use to. I hope it will snow because I want a postcard Christmas. But either way, I’m looking forward to spending time with my friends and boyfriend. It will be fun – everything in Cork is fun!

What is the weather like at home for Christmas?

Loui: Its mild – similar to autumn in Ireland, and it rarely gets very cold.

Jenni: In Rome, it is rainy and cold, and there is no real Christmas atmosphere. In Ukraine, it is snowy and there are many snow fights!

What is your best Christmas memory?

Loui: Well, when I was a kid I wanted a pair of woollen slippers, and when we were opening the presents I got them! I was delighted and kept thanking my parents; but because there were so many people around, they couldn’t hear me.

Jenni: A few years ago, my mother surprised me by taking me to Paris as a joint Christmas and birthday present. That was great!

Final question: what is on your wish list this Christmas?

Loui: Manga! It’s always on it, although it’s hard to think of a series that I haven’t completed reading already. Maybe Ouran High School Host Club!

Jenni: I think books and concert tickets are the best gifts!

It is always a difficult thing to spend a major occasion away from your family, but these Erasmus students are tougher than they seem.

They come over to a completely new country for an extended period of time and throw themselves in the deep end – all because of a desire to learn the culture and language of this country. And so, I’m sure they’ll get used to the Irish winter very quickly, and if it floods, well, they probably own a swimsuit!

Images: Peter Neville

‘Do They Know It’s Christmas Time At All?’ Eoghan Dalton hops upon his journalistic sled, travelling the world to bring us back some of the most curious Christmas traditions around.

Different Dates

That delightful time of year is upon us again, when we’re bombarded with food, presents and Coca-Cola ads. While most of us will be performing the same, staid traditions as ever (presents, Mass, presents, dinner, presents), have any of you faithful Motley readers ever pondered how other nations handled the Yuletide delirium? I bet you haven’t, have you? Well, read on to learn how to welcome the baby Jesus into your heart, global shtyle.

There isn’t too much variation regarding dates that people actually celebrate Christmas. While us folk on this side of the world stay with the traditional 25th of December, the French possess several different dates for celebration. In eastern and northern France, festivities begin on the 6th of December, whereas those from Lyon get cracking on the 8th. On Christmas Eve, Christians are supposed to attend La Messe de Minuit, although their numbers have decreased quite a lot in recent times. In spite of this fact, many still go ahead with the midnight feast known as La Revéillon (which refers to an awakening for Christ’s birth).

The food mongers close out Christmas with a final feast on the 6th of January.

Santa All Over The World The depiction of St. Nick has naturally changed over time and from culture to culture. Our own version of the big red guy is of a man who spends the year in seclusion with his wife and servants, only venturing out once a year to deliver presents to his admirers.

It’s well known that the idea of Santa is based on actual historical figures from the last two thousand years; St Nicholas of Myra is the primary inspiration for Mr Claus, being both generous to the poor, and adequately beardy.

Ethiopians celebrate the season relatively late, on the 7th January. This is because the Ethiopian year is based on the ancient Julian calendar. In many parts of Asia, Christmas is not recognised as a legal holiday or event. An exception to this is India, where British colonists imparted plenty of their own traditions, many of which are still in practice today.

Germany and Austria have contributed a surprising amount to the legend of Big Red. For instance, the terms ‘Kris Kringle’ and ‘Father Christmas’ can both be traced back to the Protestant Reformation. Martin Luther decided to rid Christmas of its Catholic elements, so he introduced das Christkindl, which was essentially a Christ-like child. This figure’s function was to reduce St Nicholas’ influence and the usual gift giving. However, Christkindl later evolved into der Weihnachtsmann, also known as Father Christmas.

Celebrations Even though many Asian regions refrain from acknowledging Christmas and providing a public holiday (maybe due to a lack of Christians, or, you know, Communism), the commercial opportunities have not been wasted. Hong Kong in particular decks its buildings in typical Christmas decoration, such as holly and Christmas trees. On the more spiritual side of things, Christians can still observe the event privately, and can even attend Mass, which would have been unheard of in China not so long ago.

The idea of an elderly bearded man was spread to the rest of continental Europe, with Holland and Scandinavia getting their own versions around the 19th century. There are subtle and surprising differences with their interpretations; for example, Sinterklass riding a greyish horse while delivering gifts over a three week period.

This may have also been taken from German folklore as a white horse replaces the reindeer as mounts for Klaus. There is little mention of a variation of St Nicholas outside Europe and in nonEnglish speaking regions; this is likely the result of immigrants and colonial settlers bringing their own traditions with them abroad.

However, the Chinese do have Dun Che Lao Ren (Christmas Old Man) or even Lan Khoong-Khoong (Nice Old Father).

Germany and Austria have led the way with celebrating for a long time now; many of their traditions have impacted on our own view of Christmas. The open markets in Nuremburg and Vienna are stocked with decorations and chocolates, no doubt leading to innumerable cases of gum disease and cavities since the 18th century. Another tradition is adults dressing up and providing children with sweets and chocolates early in December. The figure of Santa is accompanied by Krampus, who is meant to be a Yuletide demon, dressed in rags and chains; the purpose, one can guess, is to scare the children – and maybe leave a sort of horrible psychological trauma, for the craic.

Religious Ceremonies How different nations usher in Christmas are heavily influenced by their respective cultures. In the third world, ceremonies tend towards the religious. For instance, Ethiopians celebrate ‘Genna’.

The day before Genna they must fast, and they rise for 4am Mass on Genna itself. After garnering themselves in toga-like clothing called shammas, they begin the service. Due to most Ethiopian churches being designed in three concentric circles, there are three separate sections for the attendees. The choir are placed at the outer circle, the congregation in the middle and clerics at the centre.

Ethiopians also play a game called karsa, which is very similar to hurling. The men also play yeferas guks, which consists of them riding on horseback and flinging lances at each other; thereby showing their respect for the blessed baby Jesus. Although, maybe it isn’t that much weirder than gathering your whole family around the TV to watch The Late Late Toy Show (no children in attendance) while joylessly tipping the contents of a USA biscuit tin into your gob.

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Image: chinarhyming.com, fangraphs.com, GAA.ie.

Laura O’ Donovan gets crafty this Christmas, and suggests that you should too! reach the top curly bit.

6. Repeat steps 2-5 for the other side of the tree. Make sure that both pieces end up looking similar enough.

I have always been rather too enthusiastic for my own good.

Enthusiasm is one of those things which is wonderful in moderation.

However, a little too much of it can be slightly destructive. For this reason, I will always remember my brother’s Service of Light ceremony as part of his Confirmation. Never trust a girl bouncing at the side of her seat to blow out a candle during a quiet service. She will get wax everywhere. Unfortunately, everywhere included the arm of my father, causing him to leap up in the middle of this religious ceremony screaming ‘Jesus Christ’. I suppose we can safely say that Dad was the most interactive parent that night, much to my brother’s embarrassment.

It seems that a high level of enthusiasm is almost expected when it comes to Christmas, but this doesn’t mean that you have to go around in a Santa suit, buying diamond-encrusted phones for your loved ones. You can be enthusiastic and cheap!

There are loads of ways to cut down on Christmas shopping costs.

Example: to rival that fancy wrapping paper which is just a bit too dear, buy a large roll of brown paper from Dealz or Tesco (it’s usually in the postage section), get a pack of doilies and some twine, and you’ve got yourself a pretty package.

The internet is full of craft ideas for Christmas, so plan out your gifts before you head into the shops. Otherwise you’ll panic and just grab the most convenient thing, which is generally the most expensive and impractical. The only way I can function at Christmas is to sit down and write out a list of all of the people that I need gifts for. I then try to associate a few words with them. If they like astronomy, then I’d write down ‘astronomy’, for example. At least then, you have something to work with when you venture to the shops. Christmas gifts shouldn’t break the bank, they should just be tokens, little personal thing that reminds your friends and family of how you know and love them.

7. Now it’s time to make the lower branches/curls of the tree.

Repeat steps 2- 5 with the two remaining strips. However, this time, don’t roll them up as much (about 2-3 inches) so that the folded strip is longer.

8.At this point you should have four folded pieces, each with two curls/branches. Take one longer one and one shorter one and this will make up one side. The other longer and shorter one will make up the other side.

9. Put the shorter one on top of the longer one so that the 4 branches/curls are distributed evenly as in the picture and glue this down. Do the same with the other side.

10. When the two sides are finished, glue them together from the top until just under the second last branch.

11. Poke a hole in the top and tie it to a piece of twine as shown in the picture.

The Can Tab Star/Snowflake 1. Collect 5 identical can tabs.

2. Lay them out in the shape of a star, making sure to overlap the tabs slightly and glue them together with Superglue.

3. When that side is dry, turn it around and glue the other side where the tabs meet, for extra support.

4. When the star/snowflake is dry, attach a piece of twine or ribbon to it.

I decided to make a few decorations below from paper, twine and can tabs. They’re the cheapest decorations that I could think of, but they really brighten up a dull and cold college flat! These are only here to inspire you. Let your imagination run a bit crazy. It’s that time of year.

The Recycled Paper Christmas Tree 1. Cut out 4 strips of paper about an inch in width and about 12 inches in length. You can use any paper that you want, old newspapers, magazines, or flyers (I used an old issue of Motley that I happened to have several copies of). You can also vary the size as well, if you want bigger or smaller trees.

2. Start rolling up one side of the strip (about 3-4 inches ).

3.Turn the strip upside down and start rolling the other end that hasn’t been previously rolled (about 2-3 inches).

The Christmas Garland You can make a garland by attaching them all to a piece of twine/ribbon. It will look something like the following picture. Mess around with different colours, sizes and shapes. Remember, my ideas are only stepping stones. It’s much better to take an idea and experiment with it to make it your own – go wild and enjoy yourself!

4. Fold the strip so that the two curly bits/branches are on the same side with one of them about an inch above the other, as in the picture.

5. Glue the two sides of the strip together until you

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Images: Laura O’Donovan, diyshopaholic.blogspot.com.

Why Santa Claus Is A Bit Scary!

Eoghan Lyng urges to take another look at that jolly old elf we know so well – is he all he claims to be?

I know what you are thinking after reading the headline. This writer is daft, sad or both. It seems odd that a person would leave it until they made to university to complain about the jolly, white bearded man who, lest we forget, not only makes Christmases special, but also increases advertising possibilities for various retailers, and inspires a collection of third rate Tim Allen movies. Clearly, I seem to have a problem.

But, at the end of the day, somebody needs to make a stand against this cad!

His tactics are odd, his presence is abrasive, and the less said about his style of clothing, the better. But before you throw this article down in disgust, or send an upset letter to the North Pole, it would be beneficial to read on.

Who knows? It might change your perception forever!

Here are five things that prove that Santa Claus is, well, a little bit odd, to say the least.

1. He sees you when you`re sleeping.

but when you factor in the sleigh and a huge sack full of presents, they must be exhausted. Those poor, poor creatures! Plus, it’s not nice to make such a big deal out of Rudolph’s unfortunate deformity.

How is that not really creepy? If a politician were to spy on you while in the safe haven of your own bedroom, you’d be raging against Big Brother and a government that invades the personal lives of its citizens. If any ordinary person watched you while you slept, they would be considered a sexual pervert. Yet no parent seems to be bothered by the idea of an old man monitoring innocent children as they slumber? Come on!

4. He judges people.

2. He lives with a bunch of elves.

5. He was ostensibly created by Coca-Cola!

That is just weird. He isolates himself from the rest of the world, with a bunch of mythical creatures. Usually, if an individual cordons himself off from society, he’s looked upon as a hermit and a weirdo. But, it is much creepier that this guy lives with creatures that exist only in stories! Let us not forget that these beings are known for kidnapping children, and living invisibly in forests. Then, there are the reindeer…

3. He enslaves them.

World Wildlife Federation – where are you? Santa Claus insists that these poor animals pull him from place to place. It would be taxing enough to expect the reindeer to carry a relatively obese person such as Mr Claus,

Remember, he knows when you have been bad or good. Therefore, he makes judgemental decisions about everyone, based on his own personal definition of morality. What a prick!

That popular image of the man in a hideous red coat with white lacing, and clunky black boots comes from popular Coca-Cola adverts of the forties and fifties. That would make him a merchandisable commodity, controlled and manipulated by corporate enterprises! And let us not forget where Coca-Cola allegedly got their inspiration from…

Therefore, I conclude that Father Christmas is not the merry old sod that Western culture would have you think, but maybe a disturbed, voyeuristic vagrant, who lives in a land inhabited by snow creatures. I hope you have learned something from this article. I know I have – this has been my one way pass onto the naughty list!

Image: tumblr.com.

Advent Adverts

Martha Hegarty recounts some festive adverts which have gone from mere marketing gimmicks to iconic symbols of Yuletide spirit.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Well, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, and what could be more symbolic of the oncoming season? Advent calendars? Present lists? Santa’s empire of weary slaves preparing for the weeks of hard labour ahead? Of course not – it’s Christmas adverts! They cheekily pop up on your local TV or newspaper screen, heralding the break from the recession, and the onset of the session.

Marks & Spencer are masters at enhancing the Christmas mood, with their series of annual adverts, and I’m not talking about the stupid X Factor one from last year. I’m talking about the classic old ones, with Stephen Fry, and Wallace & Gromit, an espionage-style Shirley Bassey number, and film noir parody with Andy Williams. More bite-sized Bond films than advertising ploys, their arrival stylishly signalled the start of the shopping season. Maybe Christmas is all about looking to the past, particularly the 50s, which seemed to define the quintessentially twee, cosy, chocolate-box-lid Christmas. Though this year’s rendition feels less like the cinematic atmosphere of previous M&S ads, and more like that lingerie-department episode of Father Ted, it’s the already established holiday spirit that makes it special regardless.

The Black Stuff A single car rushing past, the ding-dong of midnight bells, the stomp of a man’s footstep, the neighbour’s showy display of decorative outdoor lights, Molly Malone, and a lonely horse – all framed by the first promising drift of snow and soaring choral harmonies. The makers of the black stuff bring us a comparatively subdued, but no less atmospheric take on the Christmas spirit – one that evokes that intimately special sense of expectation and wonder. The Guinness ad is one that you want to wrap yourself up in before an open fire on Christmas Eve, and it reminds us that this season is as much a time for homely snuggling, as excitement and gifts.

Holidays Are Coming!

It wouldn’t be Christmas without that incandescent Coca-Cola truck. In the same way that the season hasn’t officially begun until you hear wonderfully jagged tones of ‘Fairytale of New York’ on the radio, Coca-Cola cemented themselves as the harbingers of glee when they first aired the vision of their spangled tourbuses ploughing on through the snowy wooded landscape way back in 1995. Having been lucky enough to witness one of the Christmas trucks in real life, I can safely say they really are as magical as they are on TV – like a mobile version of Brown Thomas window.

Budweiser That’s right, even more alcohol. Though it’s now as rare as finding a carton of milk with that special Christmas packaging, the very memory of the Budweiser horses can’t help by induce a shudder of festive joy. You have to embrace the slow dissolving shots and fuzzy sound quality in order to be transported to a happier place – leading a carthorse-driven sled, bringing pine trees from the countryside to the suburbs, powdery snow swirling all around.

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Images: Westfordcomp.com, Dreamworks, Coca-Cola.

Bloody Useless!

Sinead Dwyer sinks her teeth into some questionable Twilight merchandise.

The expression ‘end of an era’ seems to be thrown around a lot between fans of the Twilight Saga (or ‘Twihards’, if you are up on the lingo). For me, many things qualify as the end of an era: Biddy and Miley’s break-up, the tragic cancelling of Bosco, or even finishing a really good sandwich.

However, I just can’t bring myself to acknowledge the final death of the Stephanie Meyer’s vampiric brain-fart as rightfully resting among these great events.

Now that the final instalment of the franchise has hit cinemas, fans seem to have lost any grip on reality they may have had, in a last ditch attempt to cling onto the ‘greatest love story since Romeo and Juliet’ (someone has definitely said this at some point).

5. Underwear From trawling the seedy underbelly of Twilight merchandise sites, I have discovered that themed underwear is a stable amidst true fans. If you consider yourself to be afflicted with ‘Twi-tardation’, maybe you won’t be as perturbed as I am by the horrifying crotch-mouth of this cotton Edward Cullen.

So whether you are having trouble letting go, or just want to buy some ridiculously inappropriate presents for your nearest and dearest this Christmas, then look no further.

6. ?

Behold, an artistic representation of Bella Swan’s womb – in felt. HER WOMB. FELT. I just can’t!

The monstrosities below are listed on a scale of sorts, from ‘this is a little creepy’ to ‘I am worried about the mental health of this seller’, to ‘I don’t want to live in this world anymore’, at the more extreme end of this sick, sad spectrum. Read on, brave mortals

Honourable mentions

1. Body Pillow What’s even better to snuggle up to on a long winter’s night than a real-life boyfriend? Why, a pillow of a fictional, moody, one hundred and eight year old, headwrecking vampire, of course!

Is that even R-Patz’ face?

2. Wall Hanging

Actually, I don’t know what is honourable about the following items.

But, although not technically on commercial sale, their mere existence is shocking enough to warrant some kind of mention.

Yes, I’m afraid you were right in what you were thinking – this is exactly what it looks like. This is an art project entitled, ‘Why Edward Really Stayed with Bella Twilight Vampire Teabag Cup ADULT Mature Blood Tampon.’ The title is pretty self explanatory, but there is no explanation as to why the creator chose this as their art project. The mind boggles. Tea, anyone?

For those of a nervous disposition, here is the end to your anxieties. Who better to make you feel safe as you sleep than a silhouette of a strange man who has broken into your house to watch you in the dark, and think about drinking your blood? Especially fun when you wake up hung-over in The Horrors, and forgot that you’ve hung that up yourself.

3. Shower Curtin Following in the theme of creepy things staring at you, let’s turn it up a notch and have this giant head watch you while you shower. I’m sure your housemates will all love this one too!

I think it’s every Twilight fan’s desire to own a pillow with ‘REAL SEX TEARS’, so that’s why some clever fellow behind the scenes of the film’s production decided to sell this gem on eBay. At a mere $2999.99, how could you say no! Real sex tears! This pillow has been torn during real vampire sex! Gosh.

And finally, just because, I give you this.

4. Jeans

Edward Cullen as a Cat.

I know this really should be in the fashion section, but all I can think is ‘snazzy’!

Meow

Image: io9.com

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Kids Say The Darndest Things: Happy Baby Jesus’ Birthday I often consider myself lucky because Christmas in my house still has a little bit of magic to it. Helping my parents set up toys for my sisters and brother while watching the Father Ted special has become a hallmark of my Christmas Eve. I get really jealous of their happy little faces on Christmas morning, with their mountains of presents, while I sit there regretting the practical, grown-up presents I asked for. I have no one to blame but myself for this; I killed Christmas when I starting snooping for presents circa 2000, and found all of my Santa presents hidden in the same place. All of this happened the week before I went to Santa’s Kingdom (remember that place, guys?). Thanks to the extraordinary timing of this momentous discovery, a grumpy and disillusioned little girl was dragged around what should have been a magical, jovial, seasonal wonderland – but I knew it was all one big lie! Although my outlook on life from then on has been irreparably tarnished, and I knew Christmas would never be the same again, but at least I have my younger siblings, who have managed to make each Christmas more hilariously memorable than the last.

At Abigail Woods’ house, the magic of Christmas is still alive and well - as is the memory of one family member’s encounter with a slippery footpath...

booked out. The words ‘I hate you’ were shouted so many times from the back of the car that they no longer made sense, and of course, he refused point blank to enjoy his dining experience at the Carvery (a woeful substitute). He didn’t even acknowledge the waitress, and usually he’s all about the waitresses!

The next question I asked them was their fondest Christmas memory. All three of them gave the same answer. ‘Last year when you slipped on the Ice outside of mass and everyone in our family laughed’. It’s good to know that I still bring some sort of positive contribution to my family at Christmas time. However, this embarrassing incident has still put me as the forerunner in the category of ‘Best Original Fall’ in the third annual Woodsy Awards (It’s kind of like the Oscars, but it’s for embarrassing things that happen to my family). If I win it this year, that will make it three years running for me!

In a nutshell, Christmas time for children is a magical time: they get time off of school, receive mountains of presents, and go out for fancy meals! On top of all this, it’s a time to make memories and immortalize your sister slipping on ice for the rest of eternity.

Happy Christmas everyone!

I asked my three siblings for their own takes on Christmas, and the results are indeed comical. Firstly, I asked my eight year old sister, the middle child. Her opinion of the whole thing is that Christmas is a time to celebrate presents with your family and a holiday from school. It’s also a time when ‘poor people go home and get presents from their families what they would never be able to buy’. I honestly don’t know if that’s a genuine belief of hers, or if this ‘poor person’ she speaks of is me. Next I asked my eldest younger sister, who is eleven. She was well aware of the holiness of the holiday using the choice term of ‘Baby Jesus’ Birthday’. Well, she’s not wrong...

The youngest, my seven year old brother, didn’t actually understand the question. He did ask me when I would be home because ‘mom booked the Chinese restaurant for Christmas eve’. This has become a family tradition ever since my brother’s ‘Great Tantrum of ’09’, when every Chinese restaurant we went to in the city was

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Images: Hat Trick Productions, designdazzle. blogspot.com, Oscars.org.

‘Are Ya Well?’ – The Mozart effect

Heading to the library? Don’t forget you earphones! Tan Yan Yu explains why.

‘Listening to classical music helps improve memory work while studying.’

Sound familiar? It’s called the Mozart effect and was popularised in 1994 by The New York Times. It was mistakenly reported to help people become smarter, based on a study that investigated the effects of Mozart on spatial-temporal reasoning. Spatial-temporal reasoning is the ability to visualize spatial patterns, and manipulate them mentally over an ordered sequence of manipulations. It enables us to remember thought processes in generating solutions, and is most helpful in solving problems in areas such as mathematics, science, art and so on.

The theory behind the Mozart effect is this: the part of our brain involved in learning and memory is called the hippocampus. It does not just help to convert short-term memory into long-term memory – it is also the emotional part of the brain. The two functions are closely linked – this then leads us to conclude that since most music elicits emotional response, it seems only right that memories associated with emotions are thus easier to remember. It does not, unfortunately, raise your IQ, but merely improves your performance and concentration.

But, why specifically Mozart? Is there anything special about his sonatas that enable us to remember better? Why not other genres?

According to some enthusiasts, music played at a constant beat that closely mirrors our own cyclic brainwaves just loud enough to just touch the edge of consciousness is best, like white noise to calm you down enough to get vicious on those lecture notes.

In a techy generation of iPods and Dr Dre Headphones, music plays a big part in daily life.

Horizons of genres are all for the pick. The point of listening to music while studying is to help create associations (even if you are most unlikely aware of it) with your huge stack of information in the hope (and we’re praying really hard!) that your hippocampus agrees to encode it in long-term memory.

Of course, this set of specifications do not just mean Mozart or classical music; essentially, any music that enables you to concentrate without head-banging, air-guitaring or getting too absorbed in the song should work. ‘8tracks’ is a music website that has been steadily gaining popularity with students cramming for essays and exams, with exceedingly long study playlists available for genres ranging from alternative to instrumental soundtracks to post-rock to metal.

For those who don’t already listen to music while studying, perhaps you should give it a go and see if the Tony Stark in you can be brought out with a little of your own AC/DC. Lyrics may interfere with remembering key words if you’re constantly distracted, and you probably might not want to encode Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’ to remembering how the auditory system works. However, if the leaps of strange associations help you remember, we won’t judge. Just be sure not to giggle too badly in the examination hall.

Images: dougfields.com

Web positions available at Motley!

We are looking for people to join our website team for all aspects of our new website, including design, maintenance and uploading of content. Only requirement is some experience with Wordpress! Please email editor@motley.ie for further information.

Be sure to check out our website and social media pages for details on our upcoming competitions!

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Shell’s Kitchen

Christmas Dinner Special Indulge in a hearty, yet affordable and doable Christmas dinner with your room mates, before you all head home for the real deal! Shell Leonard shows us how.

As the year draws to a close, I implore you all to take part in the great tradition of college Christmas dinners! This is a great time for bonding over dinner disasters. I hope this fool proof guide will help you through the day, or else you can use them to impress your family when you get home!

Starters

Prawn Cocktail Chicken and Mushroom Vol Au Vents

Ingredients:

*King-Prawns cooked and peeled. *Ketchup. *Mayonnaise. *A dash of Tabasco Sauce. *Salad leaves.

Ingredients:

* Jus Roll Vol au Vent cases. * 2 eggs, beaten. * 1 tin of Erin condensed Mushroom Soup. * Milk.

Process:

Optional: * Cooked Chicken.

Mix ketchup, mayo and tabasco together until pale pink.

Mix prawns in the sauce and place in a bed of leaves.

Process:

Preheat the oven to 180°C. Brush the cases with egg and be sure to get the edges (this ensures the case will rise). Place it on a sheet of baking paper on a baking tray and cook for 12 minutes.

Place the entire tin on soup in the saucepan. Fill milk halfway up the tin and add to the soup. Stir until combined.

Mains

Add chicken to sauce until it bubbles.

Potato Stuffing Ingredients:

This is where most people falter, which is why I’ve tried to make this as easy as possible for you guys. Instead of having to check the big bird every few minutes for clear running juices, I would suggest going for boned and rolled. You can get frozen boned and rolled birds, from chicken, to turkey, to four-bird roasts in Aldi for €3.99. This also cuts out the hassle of making stuffing. Just place it in the oven and enjoy the day. Add roast potatoes, vegetables and gravy to complete the Christmas spread.

Gravy

Ingredients:

Process:

*1 Onion *1 Chicken Knorr Stock Pot *3 tbsp Bisto

*Potatoes. *Goose Fat. *Salt and Pepper.

Process:

Boil potatoes and mash with butter. Leave to cool down and add onions.

Roll into balls and stuff the bird with it.

Mushroom Wellingtons

A veggie option that’s just as good as the real thing which can be enjoyed with all the same trimmings.

Ingredients:

Half fill a saucepan with boiling water. Add onions and stock pot and boil for 6-8 minutes.

Add Bisto to thicken, continuously stir until it comes to a boil.

*500g Puff pastry. *130g cheese of your liking. *1 egg, beaten. *A handful of fresh thyme leaves. *400g Spinach. *1 clove of garlic, chopped. *4 Breakfast mushrooms or large field mushrooms.

Roast Potatoes Ingredients:

*5 Potatoes. *100g butter. *2 white onions chopped.

Process:

Preheat oven to 180°C. Parboil potatoes for half an hour.

Coat the potatoes in goose fat and season to your liking.

Bake until golden brown.

Tip! If you do choose to bake your own chicken/turkey, pinprick the skin all over. Stuff with potato stuffing and sew him up (yes! with a needle and thread). Place in a baking dish and use Safefood’s calculator to ensure safe cooking (safefood.eu/ christmas/turkey.html).

Process:

Fry the mushrooms until golden and cooked through. Place on kitchen paper to drain the oil.

Fry the garlic and spinach in the same oil for 2-3 minutes and season tip all into a metal sieve to drain off oil.

Flour the surface, scatter thyme leaves and roll out the pastry to about an inch thick. Cut the pastry to fit around the mushrooms.

Place the bottom of the pastry case on a baking tray and assemble spinach, cheese, mushroom, more cheese and top pastry.

Brush pastry with egg and press down edges with a fork.

Bake for 40 minutes.

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Dessert Pavlova

Apple Crumble

Ingredients:

*4 Egg whites. *225g Golden caster sugar. *1tsp Corn flour. *1 tsp White wine vinegar.

You can use any fruit in this. Good combinations are berries and apples, apples and rhubarb or blackberry and pear. However, if there are some really traditional types in your midst, a simple apple is best!

Process:

Ingredients:

Preheat the oven to 180°C. Use an electric whisk to beat the egg whites until they form stiff peaks. Add the sugar a tablespoon at a time and continue whisking.

*240g Plain flour. *120g Caster sugar *120g butter, cut into cubes. *4 Cooking apples. * 75g extra Caster sugar.

Whisk until white solid peaks appear. Add corn flour and vinegar to stabilize.

Spoon it on to baking paper on the baking tray. Place in the oven and turn down to 120 degrees.

Cook for 1.5 hours (90mins).

Process:

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Optional, for serving:

*Double cream whisked with vanilla and lemon zest. *Berries. *Grapes. *Apples.

Slice apples roughly into a Pyrex (or glass) casserole dish. Keep chunky to stop the apple liquefying. Cover it with roughly 75g sugar or until there is a fine coat of sugar over the apples.

Place flour, sugar and butter into a bowl. Rub together until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs. Continue rubbing until you are certain all the elements are combined.

Top the apples with the crumble. Place in the oven for roughly 25mins or until the crumb is golden brown and the apples have a bubbling clear liquid around them.

Beverages

Those with a sweet tooth should see last month’s hot chocolate recipe! For anyone else, this fool-proof mulled wine is great for washing it all down with.

Optional, to serve:

Mulled Wine Ingredients:

*700ml Red wine (preferably Shiraz). *85g Demerara sugar. *1 Orange. *15 Cloves. *1 tsp Ground ginger. *1/2 tsp Ground Nutmeg. *1 Cinnamon stick. *300ml water.

Process:

Stud the orange with cloves.

Place all together in a pot and simmer for 5 minutes.

Yum Yum, Dim Sum Address: 17 Princes Street, Cork City.

Hours:

*Custard *Cinnamon (added at the crumble topping stage). *Raisins (added to the apple mix) *Nuts (crumble stage) *Vanilla ice cream. *Cream.

Images: Shell Leonard

Tommy Tobin checks out those delightful little parcels of Oriental goodness at Yuan Ming Yuan.

Lunch: Mon-Sat: 12:30pm-4pm; Sunday: 1pm-4pm.

Dinner: Mon-Sat: 4pm-11:30pm; Sunday: 4pm-11pm.

Contact: www.ymy.ie; 021-425-4969.

Seeking culinary adventures can be especially hard for students seeking cheap, hearty eats. All too often, small dishes mean big prices. Fortunately, a dim sum meal offers bite-size flavors and a new cultural experience without breaking your budget. Dim sum dishes are Chinese small-plates, packing big tastes into manageable pieces. Ranging from sweet to savory, dim sum can be traditional Chinese cuisine at its finest: delicate, elegant, and delicious. If you’re looking for a cultural, culinary adventure that’s relatively inexpensive, look no further than your nearest dim sum place.

The closest dim sum available to UCC is found at Yuan Ming Yuan (pronounced ‘Yen Ming Yen’) at 17 Princes Street. Located right off Oliver Plunkett Street, this wonderfully decorated eatery is an eminently decent introduction to the dim sum style. Starting from €3.90 per plate, you and your dining companion should be able to get filled up with about 4-5 dishes. For about €16-€25 for an exotic date, this choice could be your ticket to a good, affordable meal.

Each dim sum order comes with several pieces served in a steamer. While you could just as easily wolf the bites down, the proper ritual is to take the food from the common steamer tray to your personal dish. Trying this with chopsticks can heighten the fun. Dim sum is often served at your table as wheeled trays crisscross the dining floor.

I would have liked to have seen this at Yuan Ming Yuan, especially as I was dining near brunch-time. Eating amongst the flurry of activity is a cultural experience in itself that ordering a la carte simply cannot recreate. Even so, Yuan Ming Yuan have provided diners with a great service by providing dim sum in Cork City.

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Steamed buns are a great choice: pork buns for your savory side and red bean for your sweeter sensibilities. For the steamed buns, look for a soft, fluffy texture on the outside and a diverse set of flavors inside. The pork was tender, rendered well with the BBQ seasonings. Biting into one can be a messy affair so dainty bites are better suited here.

Remember, these dishes are to be savored rather than scoffed. As for the red bean buns, they work well as a dessert. Their sweetness is properly balanced within its paste filling, which is appropriately sating. Siew Mai is also recommended. These steamed, plump dumplings present your palate with prawn and pork. They are properly done here at Yuan Ming Yuan: rich, filling, and juicy. This traditional dish is definitely worth trying, and is a mainstay within dim sum cuisine.

When dim sum dining, there’s often a fear of ordering too many or too few dishes. Remember you can always order more, and the small plates don’t take that long to prepare.

Ask your server to gauge whether you’ve ordered enough (or too much). Depending on your level of adventure, your dim sum journey could include egg tarts or chicken claws. Do remember that you’re not just limited to the dim sum menu when you go.

You can complement your meal with these small dishes, or order a few and make them your meal.

Lunch or takeaway menus seem like the most economical choices as dinner prices may fall outside some student ranges – in fact, there are lunch specials that start from €7.50 per person. Pairing your dim sum with a soup can be a good idea. The Hot & Sour Soup is flavorful and filling, surprisingly so for its size, and justifies its €3.80 price tag.

Overall, Yuan Ming Yuan is a decent introduction to what dim sum has to offer diners: small, exotic bites at a reasonable price. For students, dim sum offers a culinary expedition that’s off the beaten path. Try it, you just might like it!

Christmas Cheer, not Christmas Sneer

For the Scrooge in all of us, Gearoid Holland has devised a fool-proof method to stop you hating everything and everyone this holiday season. Fa la la la la la la la la!

OK, we probably won’t get a white Christmas, and if you consider the amount of paper used on Christmas cards that ends up in the bin within a few weeks, it won’t be a ‘green’ Christmas either! But there are some good things to look forward to.

1. It’s better to give than to receive This is not an empty platitude that can be thrown out to avoid the hustle and bustle of Christmas shipping. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Christmas shopping is like all other contact sports – give as good as you get, but only when nobody’s looking! Ireland doesn’t have a worldclass ice hockey team and not everybody can be Brian O’Driscoll bashing through numerous tackles while scoring multiple tries in a single game. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take out a year’s worth of frustrations on random people and get away with it. You can always make up for it with a donation at the local crib and a New Year’s resolution in a few weeks.

3. Cheesy Christmas songs There are few situations where the key ingredients of a sexual harassment lawsuit are immortalised in song. Christmas not only brought us ‘mistletoe and wine’, but also such classics as ‘exes roasting on an open fire’ and ‘wreck the halls with drunken folly’.

A word of warning to non-Corkonians: since 1995, the Cork ladies GAA team have won either a championship or league title in either football or hurling every year. Such prolific success in competing for the ball had to be honed somewhere, so I’d stay clear of the January sales if I were you (unless you’re looking to claim off your health insurance).

Sure, you could get angry at the invasion of national airwaves by the dulcet tones of yet another all-too-familiar Christmas ditty, or the X Factor’s latest instalment of its stomach-churning auditory torture.

But that’s what mp3 players (and certain contact sports) are for. But before you get your earplugs, remember that there’s actually a health benefit. Because Christmas songs are so cheesy, you’re guaranteed to get your three portions of dairy a day throughout the holiday season.

On a more general note, when selecting a present remember the golden rule: it’s not the thought that counts, it’s the receipt!

4. Christmas traditions The same Christmas specials on TV, yet another rerun of The Great Escape (not so much ironic as sarcastic) and It’s a Wonderful Life (which seems to revel in its inherent inappropriateness).

2. Party season So many parties, so few nights to rest in between. Bright sequins, sparkling jewellery and dazzling smiles will all cause problems for even the most sophisticated ‘smart camera’ trying in vain to adjust for the bright reflected lights and the faded expressions in the tired eyes of the party guests at their fourteenth consecutive night out / morning after.

Looking for an alternative? What better time to fully appreciate the artistic merits of videoclips of cats and dogs produced by zoo-tubers?

Especially those sporting novelty Christmas wear.

Or become a 21st century Victor Meldrew and go on Twitter where everybody has a voice but nobody has to listen. Just remember: one of the rules of Twitter is that total vocabulary range (the total words known) must be directly proportional to word count, i.e. 140 or less.

If you haven’t anything interesting to say (you’ll probably feel right at home in Twitter and be trending within days) a simple Google search for ‘sarcasm Twitter’ will toss up far too many already who are more than willing to give us a piece of their mind (which is quite generous of them in this festive season considering their limited means in that department already).

Tip for the ladies: there is such a thing as too much fake tan. The Oompa Loompa pumpkin look that you still have from Halloween might make you luminous enough to ensure that oncoming traffic avoids your stumbling across the road, but you could also be mistaken for the Christmas star and have several not so wise men follow you home!

Tip for the lads: if your Christmas party is being held in an apartment complex, don’t go into the bathroom and take off your shoes. As soon as you do, some German-speaking terrorists will burst in and take everybody hostage, and you’ll have to jump off the roof tied to a fire hose in order to save them. It’s a lot harder than it looks – and by ‘it’, I mean the glass patio sliding door. If you can’t avoid this situation, just make sure to upload the action shots to your photo album to give yourself that extra-special status update or a personalised Christmas card!

5. Quality Time with the family For Christmas Day, you’re faced with cabin fever; trapped in the same building as people that you normally wouldn’t spend time with if you had any choice in the matter. It’s enough to drive anybody to drink. At least on Good Friday, you can use the ‘train trip from Cork to Derry’ loophole to get around the fact that you’re too lazy to go to the offlicence the day before and stock up.

The solution? You mean you’re NOT drunk on the ‘spirit’ of the Christmas season? I can’t imagine why!

Images: roamireland.com, silverdisc.com.

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The Raven

The Importance of Being Ernest’s Brother

by Eoghan Lyng

London, 1890 ‘Feel free to drink some wine’ said the auspiciously dressed Mr Darcy.

‘There is nothing more alluring than a gourmand, whose nose for drink is a both his attribute and his hobby’.

But the story had only half started.

Cornelius fumbled and mumbled before thinking of an appropriated response. ‘It is not the drinking that defines a man but the company in which he drinks it in!’

‘That is a question that can neither be hindered nor answered’, sighed Cornelius. ‘He wishes to leave us to set up a market of emulsifying fragrances. The aesthetics of which no man has seen!’

Darcy laughed, his cheeks blushing a sumptuous pink. It was a fine life to be a dandy!

Darcy held himself from attributing that aesthetics were not seen, but decided to appropriate this for another time (his Oxford education may not have sharpened his wit, but it did give him an idea of common assimilatory conceits!)

‘Tell me, Cornelius, about the riches and standings of your family?’

Cornelius looked bemused.

His thoughts turned to ones of lies and conceit. Mr Darcy was a fifty year old man with a belly full of ham and rum. Darcy was supposed to be a liberal man, but his questions and queries made him seem a little passé.

Darcy had also been subject to the misfortunes of the excesses and successes of his wife Jane‘s writing. Cornelius knew little of exuberant standings. He was a boy merely out of Eton, a place that stamped out any nonsensical tomfoolery (of which Cornelius, sadly, was subject to verbally, but not physically!)

‘I wish not to speak of my family!’ cried Cornelius. ‘It is an affair of great boredom for me!’

‘If it offends you, my dear boy, then I offer my condolences. But it is not the pupil who learns, but the teacher!’

‘That as much may be, but the pupil reflects the teachings of his mentor as a kind gesture, not as an assertion of his or her affection. As I sense that you truly are apologetic, then I shall tell you my woeful tale.’

‘But why would he leave his utopian upbringing?’

‘That is honestly astounding’ cried Darcy. ‘My stomach has not felt as ill as it does since my tenure with my malaised dog!’

‘It has astounded each of us family members individually, both spiritually and physically’, quipped Cornelius. ‘Poor Ernest.’

Darcy poured a French scotch for himself, before enabling himself to sit down in his finely furnished armchair. His mouth was speechless, his body motionless. This cad had the audacity to violate the harmonious comforts of Cornelius`s family.

But that scallywag would cease to be Cornelius`s brother in Darcy`s eyes. But were that bounder ever to walk into his house, his masculine entitlements would be abbreviated.

Following this treacherous terrain of thought, Darcy reasserted himself fully.

Cornelius`s eyes were puzzled and tired. The aspirations to retire were upon him and Darcy felt it in his nature to accommodate his lonely guest!

‘A woeful one!’ gasped Darcy. ‘My lad, a tale of woe is that of a supreme interest to the learned man. A tale of happiness is a blessing for the simple, ignorant fool. If your story is as dolorous as you say, then it would pain me not to hear it!’

Cornelius gulped his last sup of Chardonnay. His expensive schooling had left him with the appetite for exquisite drink.

‘My father and mother are both well’ he started. ‘They keep their money in their wallets and their wallets in their pockets.’

‘A mighty festitude if ever I heard’ cried Darcy.

‘Quite’ paused Cornelius. ‘But is my brother, well, it is he who appears to be the problematic one. It is his insistence that he become lost to us!’

‘Oh my dear fellow, a lost brother is as grievous as a man whose night of fornicating is quashed by his mothers alarming and enlarging presence!’

‘Well put’ corroborated Cornelius. ‘Your speech is simple but it emulates well. My brother, for some ungodly reason, has decided to ship up his belongings and leave for elsewhere. A devious chap, his Anglophobic ideals may ruin us!’

Stranger than Fiction!

All the gifts in the Twelve Days of Christmas would equal 364 gifts.

US scientists calculated that Santa would have to visit 822 homes a second to deliver all the world’s presents on Christmas Eve, travelling at 650 miles a second.

Astronomers believe the star that guided the wise men to Jesus was in fact the planet Uranus.

Darcy`s mouth exulted surprise, but his soul-revealing eyes betrayed his inner excitement. A scandalous relation! Darcy ignored his bastard childhood, subdued by this compelling revelation.

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Images: 4.bp.blogspot.com, wallpaperswide.com

fashion

Jumper: Turquoise Flamingo, €28.

Metallic Shirt: Miss Daisy Blue, €45.

Leather Shorts: Turquoise Flamingo €26.

Boots: River Island, €107.

Bowler Hat: Topshop, €38.

Tights: Penneys, €3.

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Jumper: Mayo Clothing (stocked in Miss Daisy Blue), €32.

Printed Jeans: Motel Rocks, Stylist’s own.

Tights worn under jeans: Penneys, €3.

Leopard Heels: Model’s own.

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Zip-up Jacket: Mercury Goes Retrograde, €48.

Bralet: Topshop, €33.

Green Denim Skirt: Mercury Goes Retrograde, €25.

Bracelets: Model’s own.

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Sequin Jacket, Cotton Face Vintage, Stylist’s own Shirt, Turquoise Flamingo, €18 T-shirt, Poison Moon, Stylist’s own Levi Jeans, Miss Daisy Blue, €95 Boots, River Island €107

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Denim Jacket: Topman, €68.

Jumper: Miss Daisy Blue, €25.

Dress: Miss Daisy Blue, €70.

Tights: Penneys, €3.

Shoes: Model’s own.

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Sequin Blazer: Miss Daisy Blue, €69.

Boob tube: Turquoise Flamingo, €14.

High Waist Jeans: Topshop, €61.

Blower Hat: Topshop, €38.

Faux Fur Stole: Mercury Goes Retrograde, Stylist’s own.

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Metallic Top: Mercury Goes Retrograde, €25.

Dungarees: Topshop, €84.

Printed Boots: River Island, €65 Bracelets: Model’s own

Shoot Credits

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Photography: Egle Laukyte (White Cat Studio).

Direction: Sarah Commane and Egle Laukyte.

Fashion: Sarah Commane (theurgetocreate.com).

Fashion Assistant: Sarah Corcoran.

Model: Orla Myersini.

Make-Up: Laurence Keating MUA. Hair: Patrice at Origins Hair Academy.

Shot on location with thanks to the Bodega .

‘Tis the Season to be Pretty....

Nicole Clinton sets out a step-by-step guide on how to achieve a few yule-tide inspired make-up looks that will have you looking your best for the party season.

The festive season is upon us once again, which means that glitz, sparkles and shimmering shades are to be found around every corner, from fairy-lights to party dresses. If you’re perplexed on how to add a touch of Christmas spirit to your make-up looks this December, this guide on how to wear deep purples, smoky, glimmering eyes and the classic red lip will have you rocking around the Christmas tree in no time (be warned, that is not the only ridiculous Christmas cliché in this article)!

Santa’s Smouldering Chimney Eye This look is all about drama and intensity. Luckily, you can’t really mess it up as it’s meant to be smudged and sexy. You can always find stars such as Kate Moss and Mila Kunis wearing the smoky eye on the red-carpet or in a photo-shoot.

1.

Grab a creamy textured black pencil and trace all around the top and bottom lashes, blurring it up with a brush.

2.

Swipe a navy or pale grey powder shadow from the lids to just above the crease and under eyes.

3.

Apply a darker grey shadow along the crease of the eye to contour and define.

4.

Dip your ring finger in a silver shimmering cream-shadow and pat it over the middle of your top lid, just under brows and on the inner corners of the eye.

5.

Just add a touch of clear gloss to the lips as the dramatic eyes are enough of a statement.

Purple Partridge in a Pear Tree Purple is the catwalk colour to covet this season and is a favourite of songstresses Rihanna and Katy Perry. Purple’s regal and classy reputation makes it the perfect beauty choice for any Christmas night out!

1.

Use a bright purple shadow first all over the lid as a base.

2.

Next, use a deeper purple or grape shade with a blending brush to create a deep socket line, buffing and blending into the outer corner of the lid also.

3.

Use a black eye pencil all around the eye, close to the lashes and smudge well. For more intensity, use the pencil in the inner rim of the eye, top and bottom.

4.

Smudge the brighter purple or grape eye shadow along the lower lash line with an eyeliner brush.

5.

Concentrating mainly on the roots of the lashes, work through lots of black mascara.

6.

Apply a pale, natural pink blush to the cheekbones.

7.

For those who are daring, emulate the gothic catwalk look of Gucci and Givenchy this season by using a plum matte lipstick on the lips. Otherwise, a pale pink gloss would also compliment the look.

The Red-Lipped Reindeer The definitive Christmas colour is best saved for the lips this festive period.

This is perhaps the easiest look to achieve and is a classic style that we can all master.

1.

Sweep a very light cream/brown shadow all over the eyelid as a base and then use a mid-brown shade to define the socket line, blending well.

2.

Load black mascara on both the top and bottom lashes.

3.

Gently buff a pale pink-based blusher onto the cheeks to create a healthy dose of colour.

4.

Finally, choose a vibrant red lipstick with a velvet finish, concentrating on the centre of the lip to add volume.

Images: fashion156.com, ladyfabuloux.blogspot.com, style.com, WENN.com, InStyle, Vogue, Getty Images

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fashion@motley.ie

TOP 12

facebook.com/MotleyMagazine Aisling Fitzpatrick counts down the top 12 fashion moments of 2012.

1. Dior Debut Raf Simons’ presentation for Dior at Paris Couture Week was undeniably one of the most talked about debuts in fashion history. Famed for his refined and minimal aesthetic, many fashion critics admitted that they weren’t sure if Simons would be able to align his own visuals with the feminine shapes that have dominated Dior in the past. His first show silenced any doubts however as the designer referenced the original Dior values to create a stunning and innovative collection. Alber Elbaz praised Simons’ posting calling it ‘the perfect marriage between a designer and a house.’

2. Designer Departures The fashion world was aghast in November with the news that Nicholas Ghesquiere had parted ways with Balenciaga after 15 years at helm of the brand. The news marks the end of an era for the fashion house, with Ghesquiere frequently credited with reviving the ailing brand. Vogue editor Alexandra Shulman praised the designer for his work, stating that he turned Balenciaga into a brand ‘both admired by the fashion industry and which has made a real impact on the clothes we wear.’ At the moment, a number of designers are in the frame to take over the eponymous role, but a successor is yet to be announced.

3. Controversial Campaigns Not since Tom Ford’s hairy ad for Gucci in 2008 has the fashion world been subjected to such controversial ad campaigns. From Harvey Nichols’ summer sale campaign to Marc Jacobs’ more recent sunglasses campaign, 2012 has been a year of shock tactics.

Emma Oliver discusses more of these controversies in the next article of the Fashion section.

4. Fashion Week Fights It’s a well-known fact that the heady mix of journalists, celebs and PR teams all jostling for front row status at a show can be a recipe for fashion disaster. Zac Posen’s Spring/Summer ’13 show found its place on the 2012 wall of fame thanks to an unfortunate seating kerfuffle, ending in a slap you’d only expect to see at Essex Fashion Week. Lynn Tesoro, a member of Posen’s PR team, found herself on the receiving end of a slap from Jalouse editor Jennifer Eymere after allegedly insulting the editor’s mother, Jose Susskind-Jalou. Confused? I bet. Eymere is now on the receiving end of a not-so-stylish $1 million lawsuit, with Tesoro claiming assault, battery and emotional distress. Awks.

5. The Hedi Headache Poor Hedi Slimane is probably seething with jealousy watching Raf Simons’ seemingly effortless debut at Dior. In stark contrast, his own inauguration at Yves Saint Laurent has been surrounded by controversy.

From seating issues (unfortunately no physical fights this time) to a war of words with Cathy Horyn of The New York Times, Slimane has certainly had a bumpy ride. The biggest controversy of 2012 so far, however, has been the fashion house’s numerous name changes. From Saint Laurent Paris to Saint Laurent by Slimane, the brand has been plagued with criticism over the changes. It’s clear that 2013 will be a big year for YSL and, indeed, Slimane will face much pressure to live up to public expectations.

6. Designer Collaborations Designer collaborations with high street stores have become increasingly popular over the last decade. This year however, the collaborations were even more covetable. We can thank Kate Phelan for the J.W Anderson and Mary Katrantzou collections at Topshop, but ultimately H&M dominated the designer collab scene. First there was Versace, a collection which harked back to the OTT glamour of Gianni Versace’s days. Anna Dello Russo sent fashion fanatics all over the blogosphere into frenzy with her collection of kitschy and cool accessories for the high street brand. More recently Maison Martin Margiela signed up to collaborate with H&M. The result was a master class in structured silhouettes and luxurious fabrics. Some of the key pieces are still available in the Dublin flagship store, and if you buy one Christmas item this year, the leather jacket from this collection is a winner.

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7. The Onesie 2012 unfortunately saw the rise and rise of the Onesie, a garment dividing opinion more than Rylan Clark. Typically associated with the TOWIE gang, the Onesie has gained increased popularity this year, with Kate Moss, Peaches Geldof and Robbie Williams all emerging in, well, what is essentially a baby-gro. Chic

8. Racism Rows 2011 was, of course, dominated by Galliano and the anti-Semitic slurs that led to his historic fall from grace, and this year had no shortage of racism controversies either. This time Dolce and Gabbana found themselves surrounded by heated debate. Their SS13 show saw an allwhite selection of models take to the runway wearing earrings featuring the face of a black woman. The earrings, which referenced Blackamoor artwork, were accused of romanticising slavery, and caused huge discomfort within the industry. Azealia Banks quickly voiced her outrage announcing her boycott of the brand. Of course damage control was swiftly issued, with representatives for the house claiming the show was inspired by their Sicilian roots. Not that anyone bought that excuse.

9.Angelina at the Oscars The Oscars, once renowned as the fashion event in any calendar, majorly missed the mark this year. Besides a Tom Ford clad Gwyneth Paltrow, the award season lacked any major sartorial coup this year. The only notable story for 2012 was Angelina Jolie’s ridiculous leg show. Emerging from the heavy swatches of black velvet Versace, Angie’s limb quickly became the source of some hilarious spoofs. Darth Vader and the Statue of Liberty were just some of the unsuspecting victims of Angelina’s leg-bombing.

10. London Fashion Week It’s no secret that LFW has a reputation for being the least important of the four major fashion weeks. New York, with its controversially celeb packed front rows (yes I’m looking at you Zac Posen), and Paris, widely known as the mecca for any reputable designer, have dominated the schedule for years. Milan, boasting fashion houses Versace and Fendi among its roster, has undoubtedly strong credentials. Often regarded as the younger sibling of the fashion weeks, the London schedule emerged as a serious fashion player this year. Designers such as Burberry and Stella McCartney dominated the shows season, and ensured that London established itself as a reputable fixture on the fashion scene.

11. The Twilight Saga The sound of Twihard hearts breaking could be heard all over the world in July when news of Kristen Stewart’s affair with Rupert Sanders emerged. As the gossip mill went into overdrive, all eyes were on Stewart and her nemesis Liberty Ross. Fashion mavericks cast a steely eye on both ladies post scandal appearances; Stewart, for the large part, showed little sartorial prowess, instead choosing to wear Pattinson’s clothing at every given opportunity. Subtle. Seasoned model Liberty Ross won this fashion face off hands down, perfecting the look of a lady scorned, and oozing raw sex appeal on every public outing. Of course, the affair has actually served Ross quite well as she was welcomed back to the runway this autumn by Alexander Wang.

12. Olympics Fashion London 2012 most definitely earned its title of most stylish Olympic Games. You’d be forgiven for thinking that not much of a link exists between sports and fashion, but the closing ceremony gave London yet another opportunity to display its serious fashion credentials. Britain’s leading designers teamed up with a catalogue of the country’s very best models to present a fashion show that was fleetingly fabulous. Critics may have argued that after a fortnight of watching Olympian athletic feats the fashion show was a little vacuous, but that’s what made it even more extraordinary. To the strains of David Bowie’s fashion, each supermodel stalked the runway looking moody, thin, and sporting the very best of British fashion. The prefect representation of the fashion industry, that image of nine fashion icons shimmering in gold, is undeniably an unforgettable moment of 2012.

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Images: telegraph.co.uk, fashion156.com, Women’s Wear Daily, Style.com.

Top Ten Fashion Campaign Fails Emma Oliver discusses fashion’s top ten most controversial campaigns.

Fashion is to controversy just as The X Factor finalists are to fame. Both are shamelessly desperate for a bit of the latter. So it comes as no surprise that the notorious Marc Jacobs has thrown his brand once again into the controversial spotlight. Taking a leaf out of Cork’s very own Neil Prendeville’s book, Jacobs’ new sunglasses campaign depicts one of his models masturbating in public. However, Marc Jacobs is not the only designer leading the way in controversial ad campaigning. The last few years have seen some very creative fashion campaigns dealing with themes such as rape, drug use and the sexuality of children. Although most campaigns were pulled, some of the biggest fashion houses miraculously saw an increase in sales after the adverts were banned. While some of these adverts are quite entertaining, others are just down right shocking-and not in a good way. One would question the integrity of these creative PR teams (what were they on!?). And so I present to you, in no particular order, the top ten most controversial campaigns of the last decade.

1. Marc Jacobs: Jack of all Shades I’m all for forward-thinking campaigns, but this 39 second video clip (YouTube ‘Jack of all Shades’) is just down right tacky. While this lad humour concept was certainly going to raise a few perfectly plucked eyebrows, the extent at which it does is quite frankly unnecessary. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure (pun fully intended) of seeing this ad, it consists of a young man in a public park, shown from the back and appearing to be ‘attending to himself ’. A couple of nervous glances across his shoulder and then back to the, ahem, job at hand. When the camera finally swings around to his front it turns out that all he is innocently doing is cleaning his Marc Jacobs sunglasses. New lows in advertising standards. Normally I love Marc’s campaigns; they’re always creative and a little bit quirky. But where should the line be drawn? Oh Marc, what would your mother say?

2. Sisley: Fashion Junkie No guesses here as to why this advert sparked controversy in 2007. The only thing I think when I see this campaign is ‘my god, Sisley! What were you thinking!’ There is nothing even remotely subtle about this campaign with its obvious glamorisation of drug taking. However, the models look anything but glamorous with their painfully thin frames and coked up eyes. As if it wasn’t made clear enough that the white dress was supposed to be a class A drug, they have also planted a credit card on the right with a powdered substance, just in case the consumer didn’t understand the activity taking place. After a campaign like this the only lines Sisley were racking up were those into the Board of Complaints.

3. Tom Ford: For Men

4. American Apparel: Tights

Tom Ford: another American designer who never seems to be far away from a bit of controversy. Infamous for his time as creative director at Gucci where he brought out an ad showing Carmen Klass’ pubic hair shaped in the G from the Gucci logo. This ad, while racy, is really just a bit of fun. Ford uses risqué and sexually charged campaigns to the best effect, and with his brand making an estimated $200 million worth of sales worldwide, he shows us that sex really does sell.

Blatant soft porn. Enough said.

5. Calvin Klein.

Fashion and gang rape are not two words that are usually synonymous with one another.

Calvin Klein appeared to change that in his 2011 Calvin Klein jeans advert starring to beautiful Lara Stone. This ad was banned in Australia based on it being highly sexual in content and depicted Stone as being a ‘play thing’ of these men. As far as controversial ads go, this definitely is not the worst.

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6.Marc Jacobs: Oh Lola!

Oh Lola! Dakota Fanning was surrounded in controversy after critics slammed this ad, believing it was promoting the sexuality of children. Fanning, aged 17 at the time, was thought to have been made look younger than her years in this shot, prompting critics to claim that the advert glorifies the fictional Lolita character who, at the age of 12, engages in a sexual relationship with a man who becomes her step-father. The ad was banned in the UK, Jacobs commenting on the ban as being ‘unfortunate’.

7. United Colours of Benetton: Unhate Uh oh Obama. That’s not Michelle. Definitely one of United Colours of Benetton’s more risqué campaigns. The advert depicts the President of the United States in a very compromising position with the Chinese Prime Minister Hu Jintao. The White House was quick to issue statements condemning the campaign, saying that they were against the using of Obama’s likeness for commercial uses. But the President wasn’t the only high profiler brought into the Unhate campaign. The Pope was also dragged in and can be seen kissing Egyptian Ahmed Mohamed el-Tayeb. The Vatican called it ‘totally unacceptable’ and, surprisingly, I agree. As a Politics student, I enjoy the odd political satire; they’re usually intelligent and witty, but I don’t feel like there’s anything quick witted or humorous about this campaign. If anything, it makes me a little uncomfortable.

No one wants to see Sarkozy and Merkel puckering up, do they?

8. Dolce and Gabbana High fashion. Gang rape. Maybe the words are becoming synonymous with one another. This time it’s Dolce and Gabbana who are making the headlines. Their 2007 campaign turned more than few heads and was subsequently banned. Once you look past the gorgeous greased up men and the amazing legs, the image itself is a little too disturbing, as the woman looks like she’s being physically restrained. Not too difficult to see why this ad was banned.

9. French Vogue: Child Models Thylane Blondeau, aged ten years, graced the inside of Vogue’s 2011 January issue.

Guest edited by Tom Ford, the highly sexualised images of Blondeau were widely criticized for being highly inappropriate. A series of images showed the ten year old in heavy makeup and poses far too grown up for a child. Comparisons were made between Blondeau and Brigitte Bardot, and some even went as far as commenting that the images were ‘physically disturbing.’

10. Harvey Nichols: Summer Sale Fashion giant Harvey Nichols is not normally known for creating a bit of controversy.

Until this summer. In an attempt to advertise the exciting news that the summer sale 2012 was nearly upon us, they brought out a series of ads where their models looked literally unable to contain themselves in the wait for the summer sale. It is a little, how shall I put it, icky for my taste. For an upmarket store one would expect a higher calibre of advertising, a far cry from the toilet humour used here.

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Motley Magazine, 2012 - 2013