Mountain Xpress 01.04.23

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PUBLISHER & EDITOR: Jeff Fobes

ASSISTANT TO THE PUBLISHER: Susan Hutchinson

OPERATIONS MANAGER: Able Allen

MANAGING EDITOR: Thomas Calder

NEWS EDITOR: Daniel Walton

ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR: Thomas Calder

OPINION EDITOR: Tracy Rose

STAFF REPORTERS: Edwin Arnaudin, Thomas Calder, Justin McGuire, Sara Murphy, Brooke Randle, Jessica Wakeman, Daniel Walton

COMMUNITY CALENDAR & CLUBLAND: Andy Hall

CONTRIBUTING EDITORS: Lisa Allen, Peter Gregutt, Mary Jean Ronan Herzog, Rob Mikulak

REGULAR CONTRIBUTORS: Mark Barrett, Blake Becker, Morgan Bost, LA Bourgeois, Carmela Caruso, Nikki Gensert, Bill Kopp

STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS: Cindy Kunst

ADVERTISING, ART & DESIGN MANAGER: Susan Hutchinson

LEAD DESIGNER: Scott Southwick

GRAPHIC DESIGNERS: Tina Gaafary, Olivia Urban

MARKETING ASSOCIATES: Sara Brecht, Vicki Catalano, Scott Mermel, Braulio Pescador-Martinez INFORMATION TECHNOLOGIES & WEB: Able Allen

Amie

Wellness

CARTOON BY RANDY MOLTON

Stop building and figure out what water system can handle

Got to say something about the city water problem. We moved here in ’05, so you can consider us as new folks.

Have no idea when the infrastructure was built but think maybe a few years ago.

Now they are adding hotels and apartment complexes to a system that can’t handle all of the new demand for more water.

You have a county Board of Commissioners that only cares about making more taxes for the county and the almighty tourist dollar.

They are clueless as to what problems they are causing. As long as they keep allowing all this building to continue, this will keep happening.

Look at Highway 70 between Swannanoa and Oteen and all the leaks they have had.

Guess you can say you get what you voted for.

Time to put a hiatus on new buildings and structures and talk to experts on what the infrastructure can handle. I have a wife in CarePartners on Sweeten Creek Road with no water. Really don’t think this problem will help her and all the other patients.

What is going to happen when the 852 apartments open on

Sweeten Creek Road? Gee, maybe another burst pipe.

— Leonard Nickerson Swannanoa

Editor’s note : In a Dec. 27 report, Mission Health spokesperson Nancy Lindell told BPR that the main campus of CarePartners and CarePartners PACE were without water, but contingency arrangements were in place and patient care wasn’t affected. On Dec. 29, the city of Asheville stated that all three of its water treatment facilities were back online and “all identified major leaks have been isolated or addressed”; service restoration was still underway Jan. 2 for the Candler Knob and Spivey Mountain areas. Issues began Dec. 24 with the onset of extremely cold weather, according to WLOS  X

EDITOR’S NOTE

Xpress asked local musician and ‘Best Medicine’ humor column contributor Page Ragan to share her advice on local investment opportunities for 2023. She provided four dynamite startup pitches that will be sure to make your new year a lucrative one!*

*Investment opportunities are not actually real and will not result in riches beyond your wildest dreams. X

Where the streets have no shame

BY ADAM ROSEN

It’s not exactly news that Asheville’s roadways provoke strong feelings. Whether it’s a widening project, dieting project, pothole replacement scheme or some other infrastructure-related disruption, area residents love few things more than complaining about the shortcomings of local streets. (And hotels. And parking. And tourists. And new buildings. And lack of Costcos. Wait — what was I saying?)

Far less reported are the secret grins and delighted groans one local transit corridor inspires daily through its plethora of clever roadside signs and business names. Roughly running from Mostly Import Auto Repair (formerly Mostly Automotive) on Biltmore Avenue to Thyme in the Garden on Weaverville Highway, this pun-sodden stretch is a welcome sight for wordplay fans and weary commuters alike.

The heart and soul of the district is arguably the 1.2-mile span of Merrimon Avenue from its intersection with Spears Avenue (site of the Clothes Encounters consignment shop) to Ottari Road. Along this stretch, some 10 or more purveyors

ply their puns in public. Call it Pun Corridor. Or Tin Pun Alley.

The funny-message makers on this stretch are a diverse bunch, including restaurants, a framing

store, car repair and oil-change shops (Valvoline’s perennial fall message: “The Pumpkin Spice Oil Change Is Back”), Realtors, insurance agents, an Ace Hardware (recent marquee: “Happy Holid-ace”) and more, all of them vying for valuable attention. One longtime pun dealer, Larry’s Performance Werks at the intersection of Merrimon and Clairmont Avenue, even opts for visual quips; its most recent message, visible on its display window right before Christmas, was a graphic of three garden hoes aligned in a row.

METHODS TO THE MADNESS

Jeff Miller, co-owner of Luella’s Bar-B-Que along with his wife, Ashley, says he came up with the idea of making funny signs after first setting up shop in 2009. “All I can say is, for some reason, my instinct was to be able to talk to the neighborhood,” he says. “I was like, ‘I want to change the message sign, I want to be able to talk to the community,’ as a part of our brand.”

When the Asheville Realty Group established its second office at the intersection of Colonial Place and Merrimon in 2021, it had big shoes

to fill. The company inherited its large sign from State Farm agent Rebecca Sandoval, who had been making North Asheville residents and passersby chuckle and/or shake their heads since 2005.

Despite Sandoval’s legacy literally looming over them, Asheville Realty owner Hadley Cropp and self-proclaimed company “Marquee Engineer” Leslie Manner say they’ve embraced the opportunity to make their own mark on Merrimon. After being hired last summer, Manner proved her wit (and expert Googling skills) in quick order, advancing rapidly from physical sign-changer to messaging committee co-chair.

Business owners say their brainstorming process ranges from completely free-form to somewhat systematic. When Sandoval first moved into her Merrimon space, she says, her ideas jumped off from a “a little red book of quotations and quips” a policyholder had given her. For the marquee she now curates above her West Asheville office on Patton Avenue, she works closely with account manager Humberto Miranda, who says he often gets sign-writing inspiration from current events and everyday life. He’ll take a picture or make a note to himself anytime he comes across something that might make good sign fodder, like Will Smith’s Oscars slap heard around the world in March 2022. (The resulting message? “Things we don’t talk about 1) Fight Club, 2) Bruno, 3) Jada.”)

Miller and his staff take their mandate seriously enough to rely on two sets of spreadsheets to track potential bits. Then again, he adds, “Sometimes it happens over texts with friends. And sometimes it happens in email. Sometimes it happens over a whiskey.”

Jean Stryker, owner of BlackBird Frame & Art, consulted “a book that had some funny marquee stuff” to inspire her sign’s current message: “No Half Measures … Jingle ALL the Way!”

“The book gave me the idea about the ‘jingle all the way thing,’ but the way they had put it was not appropriate for our purposes. And so we noodled over it,” Stryker explains.

“The ‘no half measures thing’ is more elegant, plus, it’s a play on what we do here. Because we obviously have to measure things.”

HOLIDAY CHEER: A recent Asheville Realty Group marquee message played off both the time of year and community grumbles regarding changes to Merrimon Avenue. Photo by Adam Rosen

adammrosen@gmail.com

While there isn’t any formal coordination between sign makers, their proximity means they can’t help but be influenced by each other’s handiwork. Those Xpress spoke with consistently mentioned Mostly Import Auto Repair as a major influence. Manner with Asheville Realty says she makes a point to look at the Luella’s sign “every day.”

FOR THE LOVE OF FUNNY

Whatever their methods, the punmeisters of Asheville agree that it’s essential to get several sets of eyes on a message before it’s promoted to prime time. The vast majority of the feedback the businesses get is positive. But with over 20,000 cars a day passing by, according to N.C.

Department of Transportation statistics on Merrimon Avenue, inevitably someone will be displeased by a show of wit, no matter how inoffensive it seems. And if punsters slip up with a flagrant typo or head-scratching reference, they’re sure to hear about it.

Miller discovered this the hard way after a Valentine’s Day message. It was intended to say “Pork. The One You Love”— only the sign was missing the period. According to Sandoval, a daily Merrimon walker once objected to her message wishing peace to all of “mankind,” arguing that it should have used the more inclusive “humankind.”

Other complaints have been more niche. One caller insisted to Cropp and Manner, in response to the mes-

sage “If cauliflower can become pizza, you can become a homeowner” that “not everybody likes cauliflower.”

It’s not all pun and games on Pun Corridor. Many business owners understand that with great pun power comes great responsibility, and they frequently offer up one side of their signs to local nonprofits and event organizers free of charge. Given their large, captive (and occasionally stuck) audience, it’s a great way for spreading the word about donation drives, neighborhood festivals, Little League sign-ups and other important local happenings.

But it is mostly pun and games. The corridor’s business owners and employees say they get a lot of satisfaction from showcasing their personality through their signs. “Lately, the world has been so negative that it’s kind of nice to just lighten up and have some fun,” says Cropp. “We all like being creative here,” adds Stryker. “And this is just another way to [do so].”

One thing’s for sure: In the wake of the intense feelings kicked up by the Merrimon Avenue road diet, a perfectly punny message is something everyone can feast on. (Except, perhaps, those who hate cauliflower.) X

HUNGRY FOR HUMOR: Jeff Miller, co-owner of Luella’s Bar-B-Que, sees the restaurant’s amusing signs as part of its brand. Photo by Adam Rosen FIT TO PUN: Jean Stryker, owner of BlackBird Frame & Art, says she crafted her sign’s message to hint at her business’s quality work. Photo by Adam Rosen

Get off my court!

Or, ’How I Learned to Stop Worrying and …Tolerate Pickleball’

BY EDWIN ARNAUDIN

earnaudin@mountainx.com

Is there someone special in your life who, whenever you see them, brings up the same damn story?

For me, that person is Asheville Watchdog reporter John Boyle, and his tale involves the three times we’ve played tennis. At gatherings where our presences overlap, the Answer Man loves to tell all who will listen that I “didn’t let him” win a game in our singles matches, after which he extols my “alarming” speed for “such a big guy.”

It’s all in good fun, though, and we’ve made multiple attempts in recent years to play doubles — including the 2-on-1 “Canadian” style — with former Citizen Times photographer Erin Brethauer and other racquet-identifying friends. But our schedules and motivations have yet to align.

In early 2022, however, Boyle informed me that he’d taken up pickleball. He extended an open invitation for me to join him on the Malvern Hills Park courts, noting that “it’s incredibly fun” and that I “would kick some ass in it” and “be a menace near the net.”

It would indeed be great to hit with him again, but there’s one tiny problem: I loathe pickleball.

PUTTING OUT THE FIRE WITH GASOLINE

To be more specific, I can’t stand pickleball culture. The actual game is a jolly good time, but the community that’s shot up around it faster than dandelions on the front lawn is the source of my ulcers. And that’s coming from someone who was playing back when most people thought jars of Mt. Olive dills were involved.

I partook in the pickleball arts semiregularly in the fall of 2008 at the Andrews United Methodist Church’s Family Life Center. Then, with the exception of some retiree tennis friends who’d had hip surgery, fled to Florida for the winter and taken up the game, I hadn’t heard much about it. Until it was all. I. Heard. About.

The cacophony surrounding the game made me ill. Crowds of pompom-wielding players swamped City Council meetings to demand

their own courts be built and lobbed volleys of emails at elected officials. Woodfin ultimately caved, but Asheville has so far resisted, opting instead to paint pickleball lines over the city’s tennis courts — which any tennis player with functioning eyesight will tell you is a terrible idea.

In turn, that enthusiasm has threatened to start World War III with the local stringed-racquet community. I’ve played friends on Asheville’s public tennis courts and seen the possessiveness firsthand.

Pickleballers don’t seem to have respect for tennis players, despite sharing an already tight space, and many a letter to the editor has been written about pickleballers refusing to honor long-standing court time limits.

So, I didn’t want anything to do with this world. But when the Xpress Humor Issue came around, well, we couldn’t not do something about pickleball. I volunteered to arrange a doubles match with Boyle.

It was the decent thing to do, right?

Right?

GAME TIME: WHOOP

My lawyers — yes, plural! — have since informed me that it was actually not in my best interests to pursue this venture. Yet because I am somehow contractually obligated to let you know how things played out, here we go.

Boyle recruited his Asheville Watchdog colleague Barbara Durr and Scott Fowler , his pickleball dealer, for a Friday afternoon match at the aforementioned West Asheville courts. Boyle mysterious-

Pass and Puff

The other day I went to an abandoned library. Shelves of books were covered in dust, not a single other person was in sight — it seemed as if the place had been uninhabited for quite some time.

Then I realized it was actually still open. People just don’t go to libraries anymore. But I have a solution that I think is worth… checking out.

We’ve all seen the countless CBD and vape stores that have popped up around Western North Carolina. It seems like a never-ending market, particularly popular with millenials and older members of Generation Z, who — let’s be honest — could use

a little more incentive to read. But merely putting vape products in the stacks isn’t enough.

My answer is Pass and Puff: a library-sponsored testing system that rewards users with vape products based on their reading comprehension. The goodies would scale with difficulty, so while passing a quiz on Dr. Seuss’ Hop on Pop might only yield a disposable pen, acing the test on hometown hero Thomas Wolfe’s Look Homeward, Angel would pay out a high-end squonk box

Finally, kids can get hooked on phonics AND nicotine! X

COURT-ORDERED: From left, Barbara Durr, Edwin Arnaudin, John Boyle and Scott Fowler call a temporary pickleball truce. Photo by Heather Taylor

ly thought Interstate 26 wouldn’t be a parking lot on a Friday afternoon and was running late — not a huge deal, but I worried about getting bumped by a group with a complete party ready to play, and he had the paddle that I was going to use.

Neither Durr nor Fowler had a spare paddle, but the group on the adjoining court did, and their kindness in letting me borrow it made me wonder if I’d judged this community too soon. While we waited for Boyle, I warmed up with my court-mates and got a refresher on rules and scoring, which had me feeling like the confused math lady meme.

Once our fourth arrived and play

informed it was my turn and did what I could to win points. Within minutes, I was reminded how fun pickleball could be.

As we cycled through sets and partner combinations, the distinct hitting angles and paddle speeds of each player made simply getting the ball over the net an enjoyable challenge. Placing it where the opponent wouldn’t straight-up murder your teammate was another battle entirely. (Boyle and Fowler seem to have an ongoing competition to see who can give each other the most welts.)

Although the scheduling didn’t work out to have a true Watchdog vs. Xpress doubles match, Boyle suggested that he and Durr take me on “just to see what happens.” I’d have

to cover the entire court, but I’d get two serves in order to have an equal opportunity to score points.

Regarding the results, my legal team has advised me to say that Boyle will now have something new to gripe about at our next gathering. However, they said I could note that Fowler got in some high-quality laughs from the sidelines.

As the natural light faded and artificial versions took its place, we agreed to one final game with Boyle and me as partners. We got off to a big lead, and our heads may or may not have swelled, when Durr suddenly caught fire. Was this classic rope-a-dope style meant to lull us into complacency before lowering the boom? We managed to hold back the rally, but Fowler’s chants of “Barbara, bomaye!” nearly did us in.

While we said our goodbyes and helped Fowler break down his net — pickleballers have to bring their own? No wonder they’re so territorial! — Durr apologized for whatever rust she showed, revealing that she’d not only gone on a 5-mile hike that morning but was on her way to go tango dancing that night. If she’d played that well, sandwiched between additional activities, we quaked imagining how she’d fare if it was her primary directive.

The heat of competition behind us, Boyle, Fowler and I cooled down at West Asheville’s version of a Geneva peace conference: Oyster House Brewing Co. There, we discussed the politics of the pickleball situation, with both presenting solid

arguments that the game is here to stay and that local government would be wise to build dedicated courts so as to encourage peace with tennis players.

Now having experienced it all firsthand at the height of its popularity, I tend to agree, though I could still see pickleball going the way of pet rocks and Beanie Babies. Still, neither of those flash-in-thepan activities combined exercise with socializing — and mandatory post-match craft beverages. These wackadoos may be on to something after all.  X

IT’S GONNA BE ME: Scott Fowler, left, and Edwin Arnaudin practice dance moves for their NSYNC cover band. Photo by Heather Taylor

OF HOBBITS AND MEN: John Boyle, right, crouches to make Edwin Arnaudin feel confident about the latter’s height deficiency. Photo by Heather Taylor

Q&A: Kent Purser discusses the mission behind his free joke hotline

Here’s a question for you: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

The answer: One’s a little lighter. (Rimshot!)

Such jests fill the free joke hotline that Kent Purser has been operating in Asheville since 2013.

Growing up in Andrews, Purser was surrounded by the arts but could never make a decision about which medium (or profession) to pursue. Such indecision led his life as a multidisciplinary artist. Along with jokes, he paints, does collage, makes costumes, creates stained glass and works with wood.

“To me, one thing gets old pretty quick,” he says. “So I’m always exploring and trying new things.”

The free joke hotline began through this process.

“I remember telling jokes in elementary school and looking forward to hearing new ones,” Purser

says. But over time, the punchlines fell few and far between. “As an adult, I was like, ‘What happened?’ That used to be a daily thing.”

Purser’s enthusiasm for comedy has been welcomed by a loyal audience. He averages around six calls a day on weekdays and 10-20 on weekends. The joke hotline runs on a personal cellphone, and he updates the jokes about once a week.

Xpress sat down with Purser to discuss how he selects his jokes, the importance of keeping the hotline free and the way small gestures can make a big impact. The free joke hotline number is 828-67-JOKES.

Editor’s note: This interview has been condensed and lightly edited.

Xpress: Where do you find your jokes?

Purser: I used to save all of my favorite ones, so I had a stockpile. After I started getting more calls,

SNAPSHOT

I began doing research looking up jokes. And now anybody who knows me will send me texts when they hear a joke. Also my joke hotline is a voicemail box. So when people hear the beep at the end, a lot of times they will leave me jokes. That’s cool. I did not really expect that. I thought I was going to be doing all the work, but the people are helping me keep it going.

What’s your joke selection process like for the hotline?

I’m trying to reach the most people I can. So I don’t want my jokes to be all kids’ jokes. The adults would probably quit calling if that were the case. I want everybody to get a laugh. So, I’ll throw in some elementary physics jokes along with a little sarcasm for the adults. But nothing that would not be right for the kids.

And also, I’m not afraid to use topics that are obscure. Like, it’s OK if callers don’t get it. Because sometimes, especially with kids, that could be a good teaching moment. So, I’ll pick some that are challenging.

Why was it important to you that the hotline be and remain free to call?

From the time I was little to being an adult, pretty much all I was taught was you need money. Money is a necessity. Money is the reason that you have a job, and money makes the world go round.

I never did like that, and I never really agreed with it. So in my own life, I have been fighting that. Sometimes it’s hard, because we do

need money, but I still think that other things are more important.

Let me give you an example. Every time I would make art, my friends would be like, you could sell that. Instead of just appreciating it for what it is or showing gratitude, everybody just sees dollar signs.

And it’s been the same kind of thing with the joke hotline. I have people saying, you can charge and make a lot of money. No, that’s not what I’m trying to do. Our culture and our world needs more giving.

What’s been a major takeaway from running the hotline?

Everything we do has a ripple effect, and sometimes we don’t see that. Like with the joke hotline, I don’t always know if people like it. I don’t always know if they are going to tell one of their friends. I’m just putting it out there.

But in my dream, I can see the potential. You know, if one person tells one person and then that person tells another person. Or what if one person told four people and so on?

This one lady called and said that she calls regularly. She was recently in the hospital. And that really opened my eyes. I’m like, wow, she’s in the hospital going through serious stuff, and yet she’s still thanking me for the joke hotline.

I always wanted to make a difference in the world, but that notion always seemed like this huge thing. But now I feel like I accidentally stumbled upon it with the hotline. Maybe it’s not as hard as I thought. Maybe it’s just as simple as smiling at somebody on the bus or sharing a

joke.

BEHIND THE LAUGHTER: Yes, Kent Purser is full of jokes, as his hotline reveals. But his thoughts behind the free service extend beyond any given punchline. Photo courtesy of Purser

WELCOME: Casey Jack Steinbugl was born on Jan. 1 at 12:10 a.m. — the first new arrival of 2023 at Mission Hospital Labor and Delivery. Parents Adam and Amber are featured here with their newborn son, who weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces and is 21 inches long. Photo courtesy of Mission Health

Drawn to the news

Billy Borne’s 1923 cartoons

ASHEVILLE ARCHIVES

by Thomas Calder | tcalder@mountainx.com

At this point, it’s fair to say Xpress has established an annual tradition — at the start of each year, we look back 100 years to see what issues inspired local cartoonist Billy Borne. For over two decades, beginning in 1907, the illustrator’s works regularly appeared in The Asheville Citizen, offering commentary on current events.

Local topics featured in Borne’s 1923 collection include concerns about the city’s growth, marketing efforts, tourism and hotel development. Sound familiar? X

Published Jan. 1, 1923

Published Jan. 2, 1923

Published Jan. 5, 1923

Published Jan. 6, 1923

Published March 5, 1923

Published Jan. 9, 1923

Published April 29,

Published June 26, 1923

Published Nov. 3, 1923

Published Feb. 3, 1923 Published Sept. 2, 1923

Editor’s note: The following content, unlike the rest of Mountain Xpress’ award-winning coverage of local news and events throughout the rest of the year, is 100% fake.

Top five Asheville City Council resolutions for

2023

• Having failed to pass a permit system for feeding the homeless, start smaller by taxing people who throw breadcrumbs to pigeons.

• Challenge Asheville Tourists owner, Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine , to softball game; loser pays for $30 million in required improvements to McCormick Field.

• Subsidize microhousing by investing in shrink-ray tech from Fantastic Voyage .

• Meet green-energy goals by harnessing the steam that blasts out of Mayor Esther Manheimer ’s ears during public comment sessions.

• Monty Python-style coconut “horses.”

• Vertical parking — share a single spot with up to four cars!

• Move to Morganton.

• Counterfeit parking meter tokens made from bottle caps, sold in bulk at the Big Crafty.

• Flood Parking Services Division manager Garret Male ’s office with chocolate and flowers.

• Use the Merrimon Avenue bike lanes? Eh, it’ll never work.

• An early manuscript for Vanderboy , a Playboy -esque periodical.

• Somehow, a perfectly preserved Dad Bod graffiti tag.

• Edith Vanderbilt’s “hysteria cures.”

• An under-swimming-pool swimming pool.

Top five new hobbies for former Buncombe County Commissioner Robert Pressley

• Mustache modeling.

• Power walking the Carrier Park Velodrome while making race car noises.

• The quest for the perfect relish.

• Finally getting around to those old unanswered Mountain Xpress Voter Guide questionnaires.

• Coffee dates with former County Manager Wanda Greene , “for old times’ sake.”

• Just, like, good vibes, man.

Top 10 ways Asheville residents will avoid paying for parking

• Hitch a ride with one of the buskers.

• Montford, here we come!

• Conscientious objection.

• “Mommmmmm!”

Top five new century-old finds at the Biltmore Estate

• George Vanderbilt’s experimental Zorbing kit.

Top 10 new ventures from Asheville icons

• Guitarist Warren Haynes ’ Christmas Jams, Jellies & Preserves.

• Cúrate chef Katie Button ’s face-tattoo removal shop.

• Chai Pani chef Meherwan Irani ’s Meherwan-only comedy club — no special guests.

• Vinnie’s Neighborhood Italian owner Eric Scheffer ’s Hairclub for Goombahs.

• Asheville City Council member Kim Roney ’s Security Services.

• Highland Brewing Co. founder Oscar Wong ’s Unicycle Academy.

• Tony “Beer Guy” Kiss ’ Champagne Bar.

• Hemp entrepreneur Franny Tacy ’s Straight Edge youth group.

• Former Council candidate Andrew Fletcher’ s Air Guitar Supercenter.

• SKYline News founder Chad Nesbitt ’s Homemade Cow Pies & Taffy.

Top five best-selling Asheville brews for 2023

• Gentrified Neighborhood Porter — Bitter, overpowering and flat, this imperial porter is served warm because we can’t afford coolers anymore.

• Downtown Hotel Hazy IPA — So cloudy you can’t see anything inside. A tough beer force-fed to you by an out-of-town bar worker.

• Merrimon Ave Milkshake Seltzer — A stomach-churning flavor merry-go-round that will leave you breathless and heaving at the side of the road.

• Tropical Tourist Fall Pumpkin Holiday Ale — A blitz of contrasting flavors, as confusing as a thousand multicolored fallen leaves.

• Gerrymandered German-style Bock — A high-carbonation red ale sure to leave you feeling bloated and disenfranchised.

Top 10 items

Chuck Edwards will find in Madison Cawthorn’s abandoned congressional office

• 22,158 emails and 11,547 voicemails from constituents, all unanswered.

• Calligraphy invitation to a GOP “sexual get-together.”

• A series of haiku exchanges with Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene , including the below: I eat, sleep, breathe, rage Tearing down progressive change Snowflake, why so woke?

• Cover letter for Fox News commentator gig.

• A 120-pack of Trojans, with 117 remaining.

• Taxidermied bark trophies from tree-punching conquests.

• Guns. So. Many. Guns.

• A copy of The U.S. Constitution for Dummies.

• Hunter Biden ’s laptop, but the contents have been replaced with Florida real estate photos and videos of Cawthorn pumping iron.

Top five ways Asheville will work to clean up downtown fast

Council revisits proposal to demolish downtown in favor of giant mall.

• Instead, Council declares trash piles to be modern art installations.

• Buy old equipment from the Cataloochee Ski Area and just cover the filth up with like a foot of clean, fresh snow.

• Massive contract with College Hunks Hauling Junk.

• Allowing citizen’s arrests of all bachelorette parties.

Top 10 incentives to increase ART bus passenger numbers

• New buses with all seating in the back, where the cool kids are.

• Two and a half words: Doubledecker pubcycle.

• “I Rode the Bus” stickers to share on social media.

• Late-night service with blackedout windows, a DJ, colored lights and a two-drink minimum.

• NASCAR guest drivers.

• LaZoom partnership.

• Add a first-class section that costs $2, offers amenities like peanuts and feeling superior to other bus riders.

• Beanbag chairs.

Top five ways to protect wildlife from overdevelopment

• Give the Hickory Nut Gorge green salamander tiny hard hats.

• Deer-sized virtual reality goggles to help them remember “the good old days.”

• Crystals.

• Build miniature houseboats so critters can sail down the French Broad River (like Stuart Little!)

• Create a 28th Amendment: the right to arm bears.

Top 10 Most Wanted noise ordinance offenders

• Hippie neighbor having a water birth on their front porch.

• Rooster barbershop quartet.

• Amplified Yahtzee.

• Bean Burrito Night at Mamacita’s.

• Grove Park wine and cheese parties.

• The maitre d’ at Vinnie’s yelling “Ehhhhhhhh!” when guests walk in.

• Anyone who was just informed their Allegiant flight out of Asheville Regional Airport has been delayed three hours.

• Asheville Police Department Chief David Zack , every time he hears about another thing an officer did to inspire a protest.

• Teenagers just trying to exist in a town that has basically nothing to offer them.

• Council member Kim Roney. (On further inspection, all reports filed by Mayor Manheimer during Council meetings.)

Top 10 rejected experiential article ideas for Xpress reporter Edwin Arnaudin

• Pedal rickshaw driver

• Mountain meteorologist. How hard could it be?

• Bat Cave spelunker — never mind the guano.

• Mountain lion tracker.

• Street-corner preacher.

• Xpress sales team.

• Lead role in The Big Lebowski: The Musical.

•

• Free tacos. Everyone likes tacos.

• Modernize the fleet and redesign routes to create a functioning citywide transport service? Just spitballing here.

• Visualization of his own death with a West Asheville shaman.

• Comment moderator on Oakley NextDoor.

• Burger Bar karaoke host. X

Chick-fil-a gift card.

Dear Morgan

I ask myself, is there nothing more to life? As I watch my wheeled colleagues deliver emergency medicines and win international races, I can’t help but wonder, am I destined for nothing but mere entertainment? Perhaps it’s time to seek something outside of the perpetual “Party in the USA.”

Dear Morgan: I used to wake each morning with a real zest for my work. I loved the thrill of zipping through downtown at 5 mph, a horde of wooing bachelorettes on my back. I took pride in the profession, bringing smiles to the faces of tourists and locals alike.

Cracking jokes while avoiding vomit always felt meaningful, but after a decade on the job, I’ve found elements I once loved have now become debilitating. Countless birthday parties and bro-cations have resulted in a near-Pavlovian gag reflex to Top-40 hits. While I once was a devout Swiftie, now the mere intro to “22” is enough to induce internal sirens. And don’t get me started on Gaga...

While I’m grateful for the memories, I feel it may be time to stretch my pedals. With each passing year

I long for change. But I also worry that it may be too late to start over. Let’s face it, I’m no tricycle anymore. Any advice?

Signed, Existential Cyclist

Dear Existential: As I always say, it’s never too late for now. Have you tried discussing this with a mental health professional? Perhaps they can offer strategies for both navigating a midlife career change and minimizing the triggers of Top-40 music. Maintaining a balance between passion and rent is difficult in this city and often a sacrifice, but point your gears toward your bliss and you can’t go wrong. (And if you do, please remember that neither myself nor the Mountain Xpress maintain any responsibility for the consequences of this advice.)

DearMorgan: I was once happy to take the fall for the occasional drunk dial or self-inflicted bangs, but quite frankly, I’m tired of being everyone’s scapegoat. Especially in this city, where it seems any change in my direction is as valid as a doctor’s note: “Sorry I can’t make it to work today, Mercury is in retrograde.”

While I used to like the attention, I now find my reputation degrading. All I receive is blame, blame, blame. Not get that job? Mercury retrograde. Break up with your partner? Mercury retrograde. Use county funds to illegally purchase gift cards and life insurance policies for yourself and your employees? Mercury retrograde.

I’m only “in retrograde” like four times a year, so why is it you never hear my name when things go right? Where’s my thanks when

that email is sent correctly, Jessica? Or when the train arrives on time? When the McFlurry machine just so happens to be working, you never hear someone shout, “Must be Mercury direct!”

I don’t even know how I got this reputation in the first place. Just because the Romans named me after the messenger to the gods doesn’t mean I’m responsible for your crush not texting you back.

How do I get people to move beyond this damaging stereotype and appreciate me as more than just the planet that doesn’t get you invited to parties? How can I convince people that, although they can clutch their crystals all they want, I’m not why they’re still single?

Signed, Mercury Retro Shade

Dear RetroShade: If you want to change the narrative, you may have to roll up your sleeves and do it yourself. Have you tried a social media approach? Maybe you should launch a carefully curated Instagram page or re-create a TikTok trend. We’re in an age where everyone is a brand — use that to your advantage!

Burn your current image to the ground and build an empire. Educate the public on #mercurydirect with daily vlogs and lifestyle posts highlighting all the positive things you do. Spin the narrative. Create a YouTube series on how to Mercury Direct Yourself into Success with accompanying crystals and makeup tutorials.

MoodLyft

This time of year, many of us in Western North Carolina are prone to seasonal affective disorder and struggle to get all the daylight we need. Studies suggest going on walks to get that extra vitamin D, but in the cold of January, bundling up isn’t enough.

What if I told you that you could go for a walk but stay warm the whole time? What’s more, you could stay warm and sit down but still be moving? Before you sign your life away for this incredible deal, get ready for the best part: You get to pick the music.

It’s a car.

You’re in a car, and you’re going for a drive for your “mental health” or something.

I know what you’re thinking: How do we introduce to the market a product that already exists? It’s as simple as a rebrand with MoodLyft.

Cars have been around for years, decades even, and many of us are familiar with the concept. Perhaps you’ve even ridden in one yourself. But has anyone been brave enough to market their cars as tools for battling seasonal depression?

A few quick Google searches suggest that no one has! This is your opportunity to make history. The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single footstep — toward your car. X

Dear Morgan: While I enjoy the barrage of booties in bright yellow tubes that grace my surface each summer, I resent finding myself the butt of the joke. You’d think being one of the oldest rivers in the world, I’d come to be measured in more than my levels of excrement (which are the result of your actions, by the way)! But a quick Google search of “French Broad Asheville” speaks little to my history and more to my contaminants. Page after page of “water quality concerns,” as if my only value is in my ability to float tourists and beer coolers!

A certain “humor” column appearing in this very publication equated me to a hideous Halloween costume, claiming that seeing people exit my shores left the writer feeling “horrified and disgusted.” Those words still haunt me. Does this writer know nothing of my many contributions to agriculture, or that I am one of the few homes to the very rare eastern spiny softshell turtle? I imagine not.

I think if folks want to use me recreationally, they should respect me for more than just my water quality. How can I get people to both engage with me recreationally and academically?

Signed, Fecal Fatigued

Dear Fatigued: My advice? Become more toxic — figuratively, not literally. Get messy in the comments. Let them know the rumors are true, that you are a dirty little creek (well… river). If your contaminants are the only thing of concern, I say pull a Bonnie Raitt and give them something to talk about. Start releasing daily rants and go as viral as your infectious waters, then use your platform to tell the world of your turtles. As they say, all press is good press.

DearMorgan: I’ve been working on myself for a while now, trying to grow past the limitations of my upbringing and do the deep, inner work of healing and self-discovery. While I’m really proud of the progress I’ve made, it never seems good enough to those around me. My growth is slow and steady, but speed seems to be all anyone cares about.

I face a flurry of insults each day, people yelling to ask when I’ll be finished and ‘Why is there only one lane?’ Hurtful hand gestures thrown recklessly by drivers as they lay on their horns, as if that will make me go any faster! Don’t they know I’m growing as fast as I can?

I get it, housing in Hendersonville is more affordable, and Asheville pays higher wages, but I’m not forcing you to commute. And yes, I understand that your flight leaves in an hour, but surely I can’t be blamed for your poor time management! I love helping people get to where they’re going, but I’m done putting the needs of others ahead of my own. How can I get others to respect my boundaries and allow me to grow at my own pace?

Signed, No Need for Speed

Dear No Need: Never apologize for being who you are, and never allow others to impede your progress, even if your progress impedes others. Continue closing lanes and rerouting traffic until you’re ready to open up again. While boundary setting can be challenging, it is a crucial step in the healing process.

If you want people to respect these boundaries, you must not only enforce them, but make them clear. Throw up a few more cones in the middle of the day, perhaps. Show people that you’re serious about protecting your growth and take all the time that you need. Those that matter won’t mind, and those that mind can take Hendersonville Road.

Signed, Morgan Bost X

The ceiling is the roof

PIE.ZAA goes topless, adds whirlybird fleet

BY EDWIN ARNAUDIN

earnaudin@mountainx.com

Installation is now complete on PIE. ZAA’s new retractable roof, which co-owner Tyler Kotch says “gives new meaning to the phrase ‘pie in the sky.’”

The makeover allows the producer of Asheville’s largest pizzas to offer helicopter home delivery service. PIE. ZAA pilots hover over the South Slope restaurant and, as the building gets topless, lower a rope with a hook. The box — safely housed inside a Kevlar carrying device — is attached by the kitchen staff, and the meal heads off to its lucky buyers.

“Will our boxes fit through a standard doorframe? No. The answer is still no.” Kotch says. “You’ll also have to bring the slices into your house one by one. We’ve heard from a few regulars that they’ve upgraded to double-wide frames, so that’s encouraging.”

Kotch also pleads for hungry citizens not to shoot down the boxes and instead simply place their own orders by phone or online.

“And please don’t hook yourself to the rope after the delivery is complete,” he adds. “We just … our insurance isn’t that good.”

PIE.ZAA

(Tea) leaves of (blue) grass

PIE.ZAA

An Asheville food and beverage staple is singing a new tune.

Dobra Tea has partnered with local dobro player Billy Cardine to rebrand as Dobro Tea. The deal was struck after years of typos and miscommunication for both parties, who bonded

over a shared love of brewed beverages and Americana music.

“Who doesn’t love the dulcet tones of a good dobro? Hopefully no one, because we’ve got a lot riding on this,” says teahouse owner Andrew Snavely.

Dobro Tea will keep Dobra’s award-winning menu intact, but along with Cardine’s hand-selected playlists piping through the café speakers, several other notable changes are being made.

Pretty Kitty

As the number of millennials who say it’s unlikely that they’ll have children continues to rise, entrepreneurs everywhere are racing to fill the ever-expanding market of luxury pet care. Automatic feeders, microchipped doggy doors and catnip wine are only the tip of the iceberg.

But as our society pivots ever more to social media and how we present ourselves online, it’d be leaving money on the table not to bring our pets into a world of comparing themselves to others and feeling inadequate! There’s more than one way to introduce a skin care routine to a cat, and I plan on cornering the market

with a line of feline cosmetics: Pretty Kitty.

Give Dottie and Oliver a taste of that dopamine rush when they see the likes trickling in on their latest selfie, and they’ll be desperate to keep that chemical coming. The product possibilities are practically limitless — from cat-scara to fur extensions, your fluffy little friend will do anything to get that sweet, fleeting joy that comes from online validation.

Who knows? As culture continues to shift in favor of the influencers, it may not be long before Mittens is actually the highest earner in your household! X

Instead of the old system of ringing a bell to summon a server, customers will play a lick on a distinctly tuned resonator guitar. Once the order is ready, the server will bring it to the booth or table on a repurposed dobro with a uniformly flat surface.

“I’ve had a cup holder on my guitar for years, but that’s taking it to the next level,” Cardine says. “We’re only just beginning to explore the unlimited potential of this remarkable instrument.”

Cardine and frequent collaborator Anya Hinkle will perform at the Jan. 7 grand opening, and Dough House Vegan Donuts will be on hand to offer a limited supply of the “Dough Bro,” a fried confection made with Pabst Blue Ribbon and white privilege.

From Kentucky, with diabetes

A-B Tech Culinary Arts and Hospitality student Chimberly “Chim” Cher-ee’s life changed last week while she was in the campus kitchen working on her class’s fried chicken assignment.

“I was just messing around with 11 different herbs and spices when bam! That smell I’ve been in love with my whole life was suddenly upon me,” she says, dropping her voice to a whisper. “It was Colonel Sanders’ secret recipe.”

Within minutes of hitting the fastfood jackpot, Cher-ee was visited by a team of men in shiny white suits and black string ties and whisked off to KFC headquarters in Louisville, Kentucky, where a settlement was reached.

“Have you ever seen The Wizard of Oz? It’s just like that at HQ,” she says. “They’ve got this big hologram of an old Southern gentleman, and smoke comes out of his nose while he bellows, ‘I am the Colonel!’”

Despite her newfound fame, Cheree remains focused on earning her degree and going on to work at one of Asheville’s top restaurants, ideally one with an interest in the fried bird arts. In the interim, a “no-crowing” clause has been issued by the poultry empire, though she’s not letting the legally binding agreement coop up her skills.

“KFC said I could use half of the ingredients going forward — professionally,” Cher-ee says. “But what I do in my home kitchen is my own motherclucking business.”

WELLNESS

Tiny Tots Yoga

A combination of movement, songs and stories along with yoga poses and learning breath techniques. Mats are provided. Indoors, space is limited.

WE (1/4), 11am, Swannanoa Library, 101 West Charleston St, Swannanoa

Enriching Mental Health with Complementary Treatments (Music, Nutrition and Color)

Presented by Vaya Health, this course covers a variety of complementary treatments for overall mental health that can support managing everyday stressors. To register: vayahealth. com or Kathleen.olsen@ haywoodcountync.gov.

WE (1/4), 2pm, Waynesville Library, 678 S Haywood St, Waynesville

Nar-Anon Family Group Meeting Weekly meeting for family and friends of addicts. Use Door C. TH (1/5, 12), 7pm, 1316D Patton Ave

Asheville Aphasia Support Group

Every Friday in Rm 345. No RSVP needed.

FR (1/6), 10am, WCU at Biltmore Park, 28 Schenck Pkwy, Ste 300

Saturday Yoga Class Bring your own mat. Donation-based.

SA (1/7), 12pm, Southern Appalachian Brewery, 822 Locust St, Ste 100, Hendersonville

Magnetic Minds: Depression/Bipolar Support Group Weekly meeting for those who suffer with depression, bipolar and other mental health challenges. Email depressionbipolarasheville@gmail.com or call or text (828)367-7660 for more info.

SA (1/7), 2pm, 1316 Ste C Parkwood Rd

Wild Souls Authentic Movement Class

A conscious movement experience in a 100year old building with a community of women at all life stages.

SU (1/8), Dunn's Rock Community Center, 461 Connestee Rd, Brevard

Winter Yoga Series: Stress Relief

A bi-weekly gentle session with Lori of Mindful Movement.

MO (1/9), 5:30pm, $5, Homeplace Beer Co., 6 South Main St, Burnsville

Ben's Friends Offering supportive community to food and beverage industry professionals struggling with addiction and substance abuse. Every Tuesday.

TU (1/10), 10am, Avenue M, 791 Merrimon Ave

Baby Gym Drop in and play any time until noon. There will be mats of all shapes and sizes to climb, roll and bounce around on with other babies.

WE (1/11), 11am, Skyland/South Buncombe Library, 260 Overlook Rd

Narcotics Anonymous Meetings

Visit wncna.org/ basic-meeting for dates, times and locations.

ART

All

That Glitters

A nationally-celebrated collection of Space Age aluminum Christmas trees and vintage ornaments. Open Thursday through Saturday, noon to 4pm. Through Jan. 14.

Transylvania Heritage Museum, 189 W Main St, Brevard

Winter Magic Annual group exhibition with over 20 local artists participating. Gallery open daily 11am. Exhibit through Jan. 31.

Asheville Gallery of Art, 82 Patton Ave

Sherrill Roland: Sugar, Water, Lemon Squeeze

Through sculpture, installation, and conceptual art, Roland engages visitors in dialogues around community, social contract, identity, biases, and other deeply human experiences. Open 11am, closed Tuesdays. Through Mar. 20. Asheville Art Museum, 2 S Pack Square Insignia Works by numerous local and Charlotte-based artists.Mediums include painting, paper collage,trompe l’oeil, metal sculptureand clay installation. see p28 Blue Spiral 1, 38 Biltmore Ave

Colby Caldwell: landmarks

An exhibition of new work by Asheville-based photographer Colby Caldwell, through Feb. 18. Gallery open Tuesday through Saturday, 11am-5pm.

Tracey Morgan Gallery, 188 Coxe Ave

COMMUNITY MUSIC

The Life & Times of Earl Scruggs

Sharing songs, stories and home movies of this bluegrass legend to celebrate the music of WNC and the 5-string banjo. Featuring Dr Mark Morris, Dylan Morris, and George Buckner.

FR (1/6), 7pm, Free, Lake Louise Community Center, 60 Lakeshore Dr, Weaverville

The Kruger Brothers The brothers originally from Switzerland who now reside in Wilkesboro will perform folk and bluegrass.

SA (1/7), 7:30pm, Madison County Arts Center, 90 S Main St, Marshall

LITERARY

Mother Goose Storytime

This storytime focuses on rhymes, songs, and simple stories to promote early literacy.

Target ages 0-2. WE (1/4), 10:30am, Waynesville Library, 678 S Haywood St, Waynesville

Poetrio: Merle Bachman, David Ebenbach, Richard Tillinghast Monthly event by Malaprop's. Registration required, visit avl.mx/c9v SU (1/8), 4pm, Online

Poetry Open Mic withHost Caleb Beissert

All forms of entertainment are welcome at this weekly poetry-centric open mic.

WE (1/3, 11), 8pm, Sovereign Kava, 268 Biltmore Ave

Poetry Open Mic Hendo

A poetry-centered open mic that welcomes all kinds of performers. 18+

TH (1/12), 7:30pm, Shakedown Lounge, 706 Seventh Ave East, Hendersonville

THEATER & FILM

Movie Night: Intruder Free popcorn during this 1989 slasher film produced by Lawrence Bender. Heckling encouraged. WE (1/4), 8pm, The Odd, 1045 Haywood Rd

Music Movie Mondays with Bill Kopp: Concert for George The Asheville-based author and music journalist will introduce the film, a tribute to George Harrison organized by his widow, along with his longtime friend Eric Clapton, and will lead a moderated, interactive discussion following.

MO (1/9), 7pm, $15, Grail Moviehouse, 17 Foundy St

Comedy on the Big Screen: Stripes

A showing of the classic film starring Bill Murray, Harold Ramis and John Candy.

TU (1/10), 7pm, Tryon Fine Arts Center, 34 Melrose Ave, Tryon

MEETINGS & PROGRAMS

STEAM Club

Each meeting will explore topics in science, technology, engineering, art, and math. Ideal for elementary, middle, and high school students. For more information, contact Ashlyn at ashlyn.godleski@ haywoodcountync.gov or call (828)356-2567.

WE (1/4), 1pm,

Haywood County Library-Canton, 11 Pennsylvania Ave, Canton

Wired Wednesday Staff will be available, by appointment, to answer questions and assist you in the use of computers, smartphones, tablets, and e-readers. Call (828)648.2924.

WE (1/4), 3pm, Haywood County Library-Canton, 11 Pennsylvania Ave, Canton

Laurel Chapter of the Embroiderers' Guild of America

The annual outreach to Project Linus, creating twenty no-sew fleece blankets for the local chapter. Visitors are welcome to attend this meeting and participate. If interested, contact Mary Ann Wyatt (828)681-0572 or Janet Stewart (828)5759195.

TH (1/5), 9:30am, Cummings United Methodist Church, 3 Banner Farm Rd, Horse Shoe

Watercolor Snowflake Art

Create a snowy scene with watercolor. Ideal for elementary-aged students. Contact Ashlyn at ashlyn.godleski@ haywoodcountync.gov or at (828)356-2567.

TH (1/5), 3:30pm, Haywood County Library-Canton, 11 Pennsylvania Ave, Canton

All Things Appalachia: Backyard Ginseng in Transylvania County

A presentation about planting, care, sales, and medicinal value of ginseng in Transylvania County.

TH (1/5), 6:30pm, Transylvania County Library, 212 S Gaston St, Brevard

TGIF Bingo With light refreshments and prizes. Donations accepted.

FR (1/6), 10:30am, Grove St Community Center, 36 Grove St Preschool Craft

Storytime

A creative book-related craft program. No registration necessary.

FR (1/6), 11am, Leicester Library, 1561 Alexander Rd, Leicester

The Mental Health of the Classical Artist: Historical & Modern Perspectives

Asheville Piano Forum's general meeting with the presentation by

SCRUGGS STYLE: Buncombe County natives and musicians George Buckner, Dr. Mark Morris and Dylan Morris will share songs, stories and home movies of bluegrass legend Earl Scruggs on what would have been his 99th birthday. The program, which will include never-before-shared home video taken by Mark Morris at various picking parties with Scruggs, will be held at the Weaverville Community Center Friday, Jan. 6, 7-8:30 p.m. Photo of Mark Morris, left, and Scruggs courtesy of the Morris family

Kimberly Cann at 10:30am.

SA (1/7), 9:45am, Piano Emporium, 828 Hendersonville Rd

LEGO Builders Club

Build unique architecture and display your own creations at the library, utilizing the library's LEGOs. For school age kids.

SA (1/7), 10am, Oakley/ South Asheville Library, 749 Fairview Rd

Sanctuary Saturdays Join others in the community for a free hot lunch in a warm and safe setting. Use the restroom, charge your phone, be part of a conversation, play cards, rest - all are welcome.

SA (1/7), 11am, First Presbyterian Church Asheville, 40 Church St Skyland Library Knitting & Crochet Club Bring your needles or your hooks and work on your current project with company. No registration necessary.

SA (1/7), 3pm, Skyland/ South Buncombe Library, 260 Overlook Rd

Scrabble Club

All gear provided, just bring your vocabulary. Every Sunday.

SU (1/8), 12:15pm, Stephens Lee Recreation Center, 30 George Washington Carver Ave

Green Thumbs Garden Club

Create your own garden stepping stone in this month's series. Registration encouraged.

MO (1/9), 12:30pm, Grove St Community Center, 36 Grove St

Getting Started with Agritourism

Local agritourism operators and researchers will share tips on how to establish initiatives and businesses that capitalize on existing resources and create opportunities to expand agritourism experiences in the region. Join an optional farm tour after the sessions at Jehovah Raah Farm and Smoky Mountain Mangalitsa Farm. Registration required.

MO (1/9), 2pm, Haywood Community College, 185 Freedlander Dr, Clyde Stitches of Love Asheville

A group of individuals who create a variety of handmade items for local charities will gather at the front of the store for show-and-tell and to collect donated items. .

MO (1/9), 3pm, Panera Bread, 1843 Hendersonville Rd

WNC LGBT+ Networking Event

The kickoff to a bi-weekly series. see p30

WE (1/11), 6pm, Hi-Wire Brewing RAD Beer Garden, 284 Lyman St

Cocktail Classes: Call Me Old Fashioned This class will focus on the science behind creating stirred cocktails: diving into dilution, stirring, proper pouring technique, and an in-depth garnish presentation.

TH (1/12), 6pm, Oak and Grist Distilling Company, 1556 Grovestone Rd, Black Mountain

Authentic Relating Games

Exercises that create a safe way to go beyond small talk, explore your edges, and experience personal belonging and growth. Contact levichettle@gmail.com to pay in advance, or pay cash upon arrival.

TH (1/12), 6:30pm, The Auricle Room, 68 Kentucky Dr

LOCAL MARKETS

RAD Farmers Market Winter Season

Providing year-round access to fresh local food, with 25-30 vendors selling baked goods, produce, sauces, honeys, meats, cheeses, and crafts.

Accessibility parking available in the Smoky Park lot, free public parking along Riverside Dr. Also by foot, bike, or rollerblade via the Wilma Dykeman Greenway.

WE (1/3, 11), 3pm, Smoky Park Supper Club, 350 Riverside Dr

FESTIVALS & SPECIAL EVENTS

Asheville Mardi Gras

Twelfth Night

Non-profit arts and culture group will kick off the Mardi Gras season with King cake and dancing to DJ Chilligan. Find the "baby" in the cake and become the new royalty for 2023. see p32-33

FR (1/6), 7pm, Club Eleven on Grove, 11 Grove St

Tryon Resort Holiday Ice Skating

Enjoy ice skating, see festive light displays, eat, and shop. With skate rentals available by the hour, various times through Feb. 14, 2023. Visit avl.mx/c73 Tryon International Equestrian Center, 25 International Blvd, Mill Spring

Zillicoah Annual Xmas Tree Burn

Previously brought trees that have been trimmed down will be used for firewood during the burn, while a bluegrass jam takes place, next to the French Broad River. Family-friendly.

SU (1/8), 4pm, Zillicoah Beer Co, 870 Riverside Dr, Woodfin

BENEFITS & VOLUNTEERING

Benefit Concert for Evergreen Community Charter School

With Southern rock jam band Late Shifters and folk group Blushin' Roulettes. All ages, standing room only.

TH (1/5), 7pm, The Grey Eagle, 185 Clingman Ave

Fundraiser for Helpmate

Buy a home cooked meal from the community to benefit a nonprofit organization addressing intimate partner violence in Buncombe County.

SU (1/8), 7pm, $10, 27 Club, 180 Patton Ave

Neohumanism in

Starting Jan 9th, 2023 Mon & Wed 9-10:30am EST

Experience

4 week online course $150

Marco Oliveira, PhD nhca.gurukul.edu/product/hum-101

ABSTRACTED ELEMENTS: Photographer Colby Caldwell will display new works at Tracey Morgan Gallery Jan. 6-Feb. 18. The exhibition, landmarks, will consist of large-scale, wax-coated color photographic prints of natural elements combined with digital abstractions. The gallery is open Tuesday-Saturday, 11 a.m.-5 p.m., and Sunday and Monday by appointment. Photo courtesy of Tracey Morgan Gallery

by Jessica Wakeman | jwakeman@mountainx.com

Detention center distributes hygiene products upon release

People who leave the Buncombe County Detention Facility now receive care kits containing toiletries and personal items upon their departure. The kits include a comb, HotHands hand warmers, sanitizing wipes, a toothbrush, toothpaste, socks, sunscreen and lip balm, and come in a reusable bag. The kit also includes contact information for food pantries and health care support.

The detention facility began distributing the kits the week before Christmas, says the Rev. Scott Rogers of Asheville Buncombe Community Christian Ministry. The project is a joint effort between the Buncombe County Sheriff’s Office, ABCCM, Biltmore Church, Elevation Church and Western Carolina Rescue Ministries.

Rogers says the intention behind the kit was to equip people who’ve exited the criminal justice system with “basic necessities that [otherwise] might be shoplifted.” He called the program part of a larger effort by the Sheriff’s Office to address aspects of release that can impact recidivism. “This is one small step in that direction,” Rogers says.

Medical mentor program accepts applications

The Mountain Area Health Education Center Medical Mentoring

Program is accepting applications through Saturday, March 18, for rising high school seniors for the 2023-24 school year.

Students from Black, Indigenous or underrepresented Asian communities who attend Asheville City Schools or Buncombe County Schools and are interested in pursuing a health care profession and have a minimum weighted grade point average of 3.0 are eligible to apply. Students in the program will shadow MAHEC health professionals as well as attend educational lectures. MMP provides 135 credit hours for one semester and is credited as an honors-level course.

The MMP is holding information sessions for students, parents, teachers and school administrators about the program for 4-6 p.m., Wednesdays, Jan. 18, and Feb. 15 at MAHEC. RSVP for information sessions at avl.mx/c97. For more information, contact director of health careers and diversity education Leslie Council at 828-257-4479 or Leslie.Council@mahec.net.

Galen College of Nursing opens

Galen College of Nursing, an affiliate of Mission Health, opened Dec. 15. The college will offer a three-year Bachelor of Science degree, a two-year associate degree in nursing and a licensed

practice nurse program that offers an associate degree in nursing bridge option. Galen College of Nursing is a private nursing college with campuses in eight states and online.

Full- and part-time employees of Mission Health may be eligible for up to $5,250 per calendar year in reimbursements for applicable higher education tuition, books and course-related fees at Galen and other schools, according to a press release from Mission spokesperson Nancy Lindell

The Asheville campus of Galen College of Nursing is at 30 Town Square Blvd., Suite 220, in Biltmore Park. The college offers four enrollments per year. Learn more at galecollege.edu.

Women’s health center opens in Hendersonville

Femwell, a clinic focused on women’s health, opened Monday, Jan. 2, in Hendersonville. Femwell’s founder is Dr. Alyssa Brussee, an occupational therapist.

Available services include pelvic core therapy, perinatal education, postpartum education, pregnancy nutrition counseling and doula support services. Cognitive behavioral therapy and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy also are available. The clinic is holding a support group for new moms 10-11 a.m. every Wednesday, hosted by childbirth educator and doula Emma Mang

Femwell is accepting new clients; it does not bill insurance directly but can provide a “superbill” for clients to pursue reimbursement. For more information, visit femwellwomenshealth. com.

Haywood Street gains behavioral health grant

Haywood Street Respite will receive a grant of more than $500,000 from the National Health Care for the Homeless Council and the United Health Foundation, a philanthropic foundation of the United Health Group.

The grant will be used to expand Haywood Street’s medical respite program, which allows homeless adults a short-term place to stay following discharge from the hospital, to include those recovering from behavioral health care.

Haywood Street Respite is one of 130 such programs in the nation and provides three meals a day and transportation to medical appointments. Haywood Street is one of four organizations nationwide to receive a

COMING BACK: Care kits are intended to equip people who’ve recently exited the criminal justice system with basic necessities that otherwise might be shoplifted. Photo courtesy of the Buncombe County Sheriff’s Office

grant for expanding respite care for behavioral health.

Book posthumously published

The experiences of Charles S. Norburn, a surgeon and general practitioner in Asheville during the 20th century, are the subject of The Cry in the Night, which was published in October.

The book includes stories from Norburn’s years of practice. He served in the Navy during World War I, made house calls throughout WNC while it was still mostly rural and established a hospital in Asheville called the Norburn Hospital and Clinic during the 1920s. Norburn died in 1990.

The Cry in the Night is edited by Lillian N. Alexander, the author’s daughter, and can be purchased at avl.mx/c9u.

Mission relaunches two support groups

Mission Hospital is relaunching two support groups that were put on pause at the beginning of the COVID pandemic.

The Asheville aphasia support group, which is for people experiencing aphasia following a stroke or head injury, meets from 10-11 a.m. Fridays, Western Carolina University Building – Room 345 in Biltmore Park Town Square, 28 Schenck Parkway. A free parking deck with elevators is behind the WCU Building or next to P.F. Chang’s restaurant.

The aphasia support group is a collaboration between Mission Health and WCU. For more information, contact Kate Roellgen at the WCU Speech and Hearing Clinic at 828-227-7251 or

Mission Hospital RN stroke coordinator Jessica Martin at 828-989-6182.

The stroke survivor and caregiver support group meets 5-6 p.m. the second Wednesday of every month, 1 Hospital Drive, fifth floor, room 5205. A free parking deck is at the rear of the building.

For more information, contact Martin at 828-989-6182 or Mission Hospital RN stroke coordinator Melissa Hanrahan at 828-213-8732.

Movers and shakers

• Billie Breeden joined Buncombe County Adult and Aging Services as a coordinator for Age-Friendly Buncombe initiatives. Prior to joining the county, Breeden was service coordinator and director for congregate nutrition at Council on Aging of Buncombe County.

• Dr. Amal Das retired from Southeastern Sports Medicine and Orthopedics, a department of Pardee Hospital, on Dec. 31. Das joined the medical staff at Pardee Hospital in 1989 and served as chair of its Department of Surgery from 2004-05.

Mark your calendars

• Dogwood Health Trust is holding a free, virtual open house about strategic priorities for its health and wellness grant funding at 2 p.m., Tuesday, Jan. 10. Members of the community investment team will provide details about the 2023 grant application process and answer questions. Register at avl.mx/c9o.

• Notworking AVL, a group for people in the healing professions ranging from therapists to acupuncturists to reiki healers, will hold a meetup 6-8 p.m., Thursday, Jan. 12, pleb urban winery, 289 Lyman St.

• Key Autism Services and the Exceptional Children Assistance Center, a nonprofit focused on improving the lives and education of children with disabilities, will hold an informational session for caregivers on how to navigate the individualized education program process. The session will be held 6:30-8 p.m., Thursday, Jan. 19, Asheville Autism Center, 200 Swannanoa Road. RSVP at avl.mx/c9r.

• Licensed clinical mental health counselor Julia Derouen of Skipping Stones Counseling is a guest speaker at the new mom support group, Wednesday, Jan. 25, at Femwell, 1903 Asheville Highway, Suite A, Hendersonville. The free discussion will focus on postpartum anxiety and depression. X

ALL’S WELL THAT’S FEMWELL: Dr. Alyssa Brussee opened Femwell, a women’s health clinic, in Hendersonville on Jan. 2. Photo courtesy of Brussee

The art of laughter

BY THOMAS CALDER

tcalder@mountainx.com

To celebrate our annual Humor Issue, Xpress reached out to local artists to share their thoughts on the role comedy plays within the creative sector and what it can teach us about life.

Participants include: Cactus , the Asheville-based hip-hop artist also known as Secret Agent 23 Skidoo; Courtney Cahill , musician; Eric Nelson , poet; Tarah Singh , visual artist; and Bob White , artistic director at Asheville Community Theatre.

Editor’s note: Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and space.

Xpress : What is the role of humor in the arts?

Cactus: Art and music are made of ideas, and if ideas get too serious or solemn, they start to mutate into dogma. If you don’t watch out, they can degrade into politics and religion. Yuck. Humor is perfect for poking holes in overblown gasbags — whether it’s aimed outward, speaking truth to power with wicked punchlines, or inwards, keeping the artist relatable with a sprinkle of self-deprecation. Or as the Irish put it, “to take the piss.”

Nelson: The humor role is very much like a yeast roll. It doesn’t have to be included with the feast that is art, but it is a nice part of the meal. Sometimes it’s the best part. The arts don’t require humor — God knows there’s a lot of great but humorless art out there (looking at you, William Wordsworth ). But art does require tension, conflict, some sort of friction. And since humor is basically about surprise — the unexpected — it can provide

Local creatives speak to the power of comedy

tension. It can also relieve tension. So it’s a double threat.

Besides, humor is part of our daily lives. Even in the darkest moments, we often turn to humor to help release some of that darkness. Give me that warm, airy, delicious yeast roll with every meal. I find that the people who dismiss humor in art have zero sense of humor. And probably don’t like yeast rolls.

White: Humor is a saving grace in the performing arts because it is often the thing that keeps you

going. No matter what kind of play or performance you’re building, humor is the thing that keeps it human. Some smart soul once quipped, “Comedy is watching tragedy from the wings.” And it’s true!

Laughter is binding in a way — it brings people together much like food does.

Unless it’s kale. That’s pretty divisive.

How does humor influence your work?

IdentiFriend

With the launch of Apple’s App Store in 2008, iPhone users first met Shazam, an app that could identify a song based on a short sample and link listeners to the iTunes store to buy it. It was a revolutionary technology at the time, but it’s now seen as commonplace (and definitely as cheating in bar trivia).

How could that tech be spruced up for small-town life in Western North Carolina? I’m glad you asked!

Imagine it’s a typical Saturday. You’re out at the farmers market, the art gallery or the Cookout drive-thru. You run into someone you know you’ve met before, but you can’t quite place how. A few minutes of awkward conversation later, you part ways — and it finally hits you. That was your old co-worker from the GreenLife deli counter, Libby!

It’s time to say goodbye to these unwieldy social interactions with IdentiFriend, the first app that uses facial recognition to identify quasi-acquaintances. Just casually hold your phone up and pretend you’re sending an important text. You’ll instantly know that’s Sheila from accounting, or Levi, your roommate’s friend from high school, or… this is 1984 or Robocop, isn’t it?

Did I accidentally invent a dystopian oligarchy again? Cancel it. Cancel everything. Unless Mark Zuckerberg is on board, in which case, I welcome our dystopian future! Let the record show that I was never against it! Let the record show I have always been loyal to our impending AI overlords! X

REASONS TO LAUGH: Local writers, visual artists, musicians and other members of the creative community share their thoughts on what humor brings to artistic projects and productions. Pictured, from left, Cactus, Courtney Cahill, Eric Nelson, Tarah Singh and Bob White. Photos by or courtesy of, starting left, Mike Belleme, Cahill, Nelson, Cindy Kunst, White

Cahill: People get a babysitter, get dressed up and leave the house only a few times a month, and I want to make it worth it for them. When playing a rock show, I use humor to make the event more than just about watching a band play songs. I want to engage the crowd and have them join us in an experience. Showing your personality and making them laugh between songs is a great way to do that.

Nelson: I have great fear and loathing of pretentiousness. I never want my poems to seem like I’m earning my sensitivity badge, or my sincere-speaker-of-truth sash, or my art-for-art’s-sake certificate. So humor is a way for me to undercut my own tendencies toward those things. The trick, I think, is to balance humor with seriousness of intent. If humor’s only purpose is to be surprising, then it remains a small, negligible thing like a knock-knock joke. But if humor provides contrast or balance to a serious point, it’s an effective tool.

I kind of like the word “dramedy” to describe a TV show or movie as a combination of drama and comedy. I want my poems to be “poedy,” although that’s a dumb-sounding word.

Singh: I am often asked what I consider obvious questions about my works. For example, “Is that painting of you?” Isn’t all of a creative’s work an aspect of themself?

So, one thing I began doing was giving many of my images a beauty mark like mine. I mean they are all reflections of some part of me, so I think it is funny to identify them in this way with myself.

Additionally, I try to incorporate witty anecdotes. I think that humor is so much more than a laugh.

What is the funniest thing you’ve seen in Asheville in the last six months that has inspired you?

Cactus: My dude, local puppeteer Toybox [ Keith Shubert ] is a master. Watching him in the cartoon witch persona makes me feel like I’m 7 years old — especially when a piece of extra spicy improvisation cracks him up while trying to stay in character. To me, there’s nothing better than watching someone on stage trying not to laugh. It’s the best.

Cahill: I am a big fan of the ever-growing drag scene in Asheville. Some of the funniest stuff I have seen recently was at “Paint: A Drag Cabaret” at the Getaway River Bar.

Persephone Pickle is the creator/host of the regular show and

is hysterical. They inspire me to be bold in what I do, to keep pushing the envelope with the crowd’s comfort zone and to trust that the people can handle it.

Nelson: I was walking my dog and noticed a big green trash bin in the middle of the street, the top still tightly strapped down to thwart bears. When I walked past, I saw that the bear had simply torn out the bottom of the bin and helped itself to the trash from that end. Funny. And inspiring. And already a draft in my notebook because it seems to illustrate something about the authority of nature over the cleverness of us human beings.

Singh: One of the funniest things in Asheville I’ve seen recently is the painting “Upside Down Circus” by Jennifer Kelting. It was just a memento of how very topsy-turvy life is, and it inspired me to work on an idea of multidimensional paintings on mirrors. A reminder to play, create and smile in my own voice!

White: That’s tough. I’m new here, and I’m still learning the culture and humor of my new town. But here are two good examples that I found completely inspiring: The Magnetic Theatre’s production of Midsummer for Haters and the Montford Park Players’ Much Ado About Nothing . Both shows played with gender and power in ways that challenged our expectations of material that was, otherwise, pretty familiar Shakespearean territory. Both plays were hilarious and both expressed a deep sense of love for reimagined characters as well as for us in the audience. I thought that was a pretty winning combination — hilarity and affection — because they let us know that anything is possible. X

BY BILL KOPP

In the spring of 2019, Nick McMahon helped launch the inaugural Western Carolina Writers’ Showcase.

“The idea was to have a traveling songwriter-type show where we take turns swapping our tunes,” he explains.

After a dozen of these events, McMahon began inviting other artists to take part. The concept proved more popular than he had envisioned.

“We’ve probably done close to 150 shows — with nearly 80 different artists — in the last four years,” he says.

More recently, McMahon and current project partner Stephen

Evans decided to take the concept to the next level, moving away from what he describes as “noisy bars and breweries” and into more traditional music venues.

On Sunday, Jan. 8, the latest installment takes place at The Grey Eagle. The event will feature nine local and regional artists and marks the highest-profile date yet for the series.

“If you’ve got original songs, I think you should be able to find a platform for them to be heard,” McMahon emphasizes.

Ahead of the showcase, Xpress spoke with three of the featured artists about their musical careers and what the upcoming experience offers.

‘TO HELP PEOPLE FEEL’

“Most folks put me in the category of chamber pop,” says Melanie Ida Chopko , a pianist and recent transplant from the Bay Area. “But I draw from jazz, folk and classical music as well.”

Her EP, I Come From , came out in 2021. The six-song collection features finely wrought, contemplative compositions with a subtly baroque character.

Chopko says that she creates elaborate demos at home and is working toward eventually recording and releasing an album of 10 or more new songs. “I love the process of recording, and I also love the magic of live performance,”

she says. The latter, she continues, “creates a space in which the complex human experience has a place to be.”

Events like the upcoming showcase provide an opportunity for togetherness, Chopko believes.

“When I was growing up, I was part of a church,” she explains. “On a weekly basis, I was together with big groups of people. So, if I think about, ‘What am I here to do?’ I’m here to support people, to help people feel and create an experience of transformation, telling the human story through the magic of live performance.”

Chopko’s set at The Grey Eagle will include an assortment of original compositions. “I’ll be playing a lot of newer songs that haven’t been recorded,” she says, “and then one or two from I Come From , just so I can tell people, ‘Hey, this exists in recorded form.’”

SOLITARY GENRE

Best known as a member of Asheville indie-pop/soul quartet Hustle Souls, Billy Litz maintains

a creatively fertile solo career as well.

“Trumpet and piano are where I feel at home as an instrumentalist,” he says. “But my real passion is just straight-up songwriting.”

His Kid Billy solo project provides a means to pursue that passion.

“It’s the most stripped-down side of my musical [personality], where I dive deeper into Americana/roots and lyric-driven songwriting.”

Litz compares his songwriting process to fishing. “I’m throwing out a line, and whatever comes in is what I go with,” he says. “If it turns out to be a folk song, then I know it’s going to be for Kid Billy.”

The lyrics of Kid Billy songs reflect Litz’s worldview but are presented in universal ways. “I wake up every day and try to figure out how to be a human,” he says. “That encompasses everything, and for better or worse, I try to cram all that into the songs.”

Collaboration is at the core of Litz’s work in Hustle Souls; his Kid Billy project is a much more solitary endeavor. “Going with the flow and bringing in surprise elements is a lot of fun with music,

SING US A SONG: Since 2019, Nick McMahon, top left, has organized the Western North Carolina Writers’ Showcase. Since that time, hundreds of events featuring dozens of local musicians have taken place. The latest get-together features nine singer-songwriters, including, clockwise, starting top right, Scott Stetson, Billy Litz and Melanie Ida Chopko. Photos by or courtesy of, clockwise, starting top left: McMahon, Scott Sturdy Photography, Litz and Brooke Porter

but I much prefer spending three hours arranging a song and having it perfect in the way that I envision it,” he explains.

Litz is excited to be part of the Jan. 8 showcase and feels it represents something important. “I’m appreciative of the opportunity to gather fans and creators of this music in one space,” he says. “Because ‘singer-songwriter’ is a solitary genre of music, sometimes.”

NO PLANS NECESSARY

New York-born singer-songwriter Scott Stetson got his start playing punk rock, opening for headliners like garage-rock legends The Chesterfield Kings. He later took a break from music while living in Charlotte. But once he landed in Asheville in 2001, Stetson got back into the scene, playing with the Dirty Badgers.

These days, however, Stetson’s original music is destined for his solo work.

Keeping an open mind, he notes, has benefited his overall creative approach. “I’ve learned that my songwriting got a lot better when I was just really honest about it,” Stetson says. “When I stopped caring about what ‘sounded cool,’ I found my songs got way better.”

Furthermore, Stetson doesn’t place great emphasis on routine or structure. “I don’t plan,” he says. “When I do, nothing comes out.”

Instead, the songwriter waits until he feels something growing in him that he needs to express. Sometimes those songs are about other people — real or invented — but Stetson’s in there, too. “Parts of myself always end up coming out in the songs,” he acknowledges, “consciously or not.”

New music from Stetson is on its way; in late December, he spent

a day at Arrow Sound Studios in Fletcher, recording his debut EP.

And while he’s currently working in the acoustic singer-songwriter idiom, his punk roots are still showing. “I don’t write a lot of songs, but when I do, they seem to come out very fast,” he says. “It’s almost like I vomit a song!”

ONE-OF-A-KIND EVENT

In addition to these three musicians, the latest Western Carolina Writers’ Showcase will also feature Troy Crossley , Dulci Ellenberger , Galen Holland , Carey Leigh , Lillie Syracuse and Andrew Thelston McMahon believes the showcases have been meaningful for the songwriter community, especially after the COVID-19 pandemic temporarily shutdown the gatherings.

“We’ve been able to give artists a platform to come out and share their original material. And that was the goal from the get-go,” he says.

McMahon adds that the showcase format provides both quality and variety. “You may have seen one or two of the artists before, but [between featuring] various folks and having spontaneous collaborations every now and then, each show is something you’ll probably never see again.”

X

Signs of the time

Local artists explore symbolism in new exhibit

BY TREVOR LEACH

In its sprawling downtown Asheville gallery, Blue Spiral 1 brings together the distinctive creations of several North Carolina artists for one of its first exhibitions of the year.

Opening on Friday, Jan. 6, Insignia will occupy the space’s entire lower-level gallery with works by numerous local and Charlotte-based artists.

Mediums include painting, paper collage, trompe l’oeil, metal sculpture and clay installation.

Blair Guggenheim, the assistant director of Blue Spiral 1, says, “The artists in this exhibition include distinguished signs or symbols in their work that serve to characterize their concepts or materials.”

MAGICAL MYSTERIES

With a cut-up style of painting, Kreh Mellick creates timeless images of people, plants and animals woven into tangled worlds of abstraction and figuration.

After completing her bachelor’s in fine arts from the Maine College of Art, Mellick earned a Core Fellowship at the Penland School of Craft from 2007-09. She now resides in Asheville and continues to show her work around the world.

Mellick paints with gouache on paper in a monochromatic palette using shades of blue — sometimes with black or gray — slicing out various shapes to arrange in new compositions.

“Trying to wrap my head around the word ‘insignia’ and thinking about how it related to my work gave me a bit of challenge. It forced me to take a closer look at some of the imagery I use in most of my drawings and hold a lens to those elements,” says Mellick about her preparation for the show.

Among her featured works is “Nest Branch,” which depicts an owl flying through foliage with a single branch held by its talons. “Owls are such special creatures,” Mellick says. “And they also hold a mysterious place in our minds.”

The symbolic significance of the work, however, is left up to the viewer. “It could just be asking you to center the owl in your thoughts, revere it,” the artist says.

Like Mellick, Duy Huynh has also gained recognition for his fantastical and uplifting paintings. Originally from Vietnam, Huynh moved to California in 1981 while still a child. He later relocated to North Carolina where he studied illustration at UNC Charlotte. Today, he shares a home studio in Charlotte with his wife, Sandy Snead

Magic and word play provide the inspiration for much of his art. “If I can think of anything that’s a consistent theme through my work the last few years, that’s probably it,” says Huynh. “I’ve had fun with that.”

Each of his surreal paintings bring focus to a particular subject by situ-

ating them in tranquil, nearly empty scenes. Speaking more about the meaning behind his symbols, Huynh says, “Some of it is very personal, but I always want to make it as universal as possible to where any random viewer can look at it and possibly relate — or something about it resonates with them, and they can have their own experience and their own narrative with it.”

Another of his featured works, “Greater Together,” makes a subtle reference to the political divisions in our current culture. In it, a figure in a red dress is surrounded by blue herons and white egrets flying in various directions over the sea below.

ARCHITECTURAL FORMS

Along with interpretations of the natural world, several of the featured artists explore, create and reinterpret architectural designs.

With his passions for skateboarding and hip-hop, the artist Ishmael Leaver rides the intersections of street art and graffiti. He has painted numerous murals in Asheville, as well as fine art paintings in his signature style.

Insignia will feature his trompe l’oeil train cars and stop sign sculptures. The former, says Guggenheim, “are uniquely constructed out of PVC board and then painted with layers of

finishes that emulate a train car that you’d see on the tracks.”

Meanwhile, Zack Noble combines sculpture and architecture from his Asheville workshop, Noble Forge. The artist has previously taught at the Penland School of Craft, where he also earned a Core Fellowship. His creations can be found in public and private spaces around the country.

“The work in this show is inspired by urban landscapes — skyscrapers especially — and the craft of blacksmithing itself,” says Noble. With a vertical pillar of painted steel, his sculpture “Forging (Yellow)” stands balanced on its base almost like a lightning bolt touching down.

“I hope that people who see the work will have an emotional response to it and also come away with a better sense of what blacksmithing is and how it works,” says Noble.

Additional artists rounding out the exhibit include BA Thomas of Charlotte, who re-creates architectural spaces in her oil and acrylic paintings, and local artist Eric Knoche , whose clay works are inspired by figures, bones, machine parts, homes, clouds, landscapes, algebra equations and the alphabet.

MORE DETAILS

As the wheel of the new year turns again, the artists featured at Blue Spiral 1 share a fresh perspective of hope and resilience. In the months ahead, the gallery will show more local works alongside international artists. The gallery also has plans to display a collaborative exhib with The N.C. Arboretum about the art of bonsai.

Insignia runs concurrently with three other exhibitions at Blue Spiral 1, including Go Figure 2.0 in the main gallery, Connie Lippert: Ecological Survey in the small format gallery and George Peterson: SHRED GRIND CARVE in the showcase gallery. All four shows will have an opening reception Jan. 6, 5-7 p.m., and will run through Wednesday, Feb. 22. X

WHAT Insignia WHERE

Lower level gallery at Blue Spiral 1, 38 Biltmore Ave. avl. mx/c99 WHEN

Opening reception Jan. 6, 5-7 p.m. Exhibit continues through Wednesday, Feb. 22. Free.

CERAMIC FORMS: Eric Knoche is one of six artists featured in Blue Spiral 1’s new exhibit Insignia. His work has also appeared in the Asheville Art Museum as well as The Mint Museum in Charlotte. Photo courtesy of Knoche

In early 2022, when Jared Wheatley began painting his first mural as part of the Indigenous Walls Project at 46 Aston St., he set out to start reclaiming visibility, space and social dialogue about Indigenous history and culture within Western North Carolina.

“What we’ve seen is that there are people from both outside and inside our community who have become highly engaged and curious about our language and our culture,” says Wheatley. “This has stimulated an opportunity for elders within our community to get engaged in and around Asheville in a way that they haven’t been welcome to before.”

With the new year, Wheatley is looking to expand the project’s mission through Indigenous Markets. “These will be the first Indigenous Markets held in Asheville — that anyone’s aware of — since the 1980s,” he says. “Even today, I don’t know anyone who was involved in it or who knows about the original markets.”

The inaugural event launches at 46 Aston St. on Saturday, Jan. 21, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. The monthly gathering will continue on the third Saturday of each month in 2023. Its goal, says Wheatley, is to establish a consistent sense of Indigenous community where local Native Americans can engage with one another, deepen cultural ties and sell their crafts.

“Right now we have an Indigenous population, but we don’t necessarily have an Indigenous community, an intertribal community, in the center of Asheville. We’re going to use this marketplace as a focal point for

Native folks to build that community,” Wheatley explains.

Ten intertribal vendors, representing five nations, are already committed to the first market, with the hopes of attracting more Native representation with each event. Beadwork, canvas arts, paintings, silversmithing, baked goods, basket weaving and contemporary, mixed-media Indigenous art can be expected at these markets.

“We’re trying to fertilize and hydrate areas of our soil, our ancestral ways of being, that in Asheville just haven’t had much attention paid to them,” says Wheatley. “We haven’t been allowed to lead our movements in our city until now.”

To learn more about the Indigenous Walls Project, Indigenous Markets and the movement at large, visit avl.mx/c9p.

Mystical mixer

New year, new you? Let the cards or your own palm decide during the Tarot Card + Palm Reading event at Bold Rock Hard Cider on Friday, Jan. 6, 4-10 p.m.

The free event will feature local tarot card and palm readers inside Bold Rock’s downtown Asheville taproom.

While guests have their futures revealed, they can also imbibe in the latest Bold Rock ciders and spirits, such as the spiced peach or cinnamon apple whiskey. The taproom’s food menu of appetizers, salads, handhelds, entrees and desserts will also be available.

Bold Rock is at 39 N. Lexington Ave. Visit avl.mx/c9k for additional information.

Brews and brunch

7 Clans Brewing and the Trucking Delicious food truck will team up for the first Sunday brunch event of 2023 on Jan. 8, noon-4 p.m.

Designed as a new recurring event providing specialty drinks paired with diner-inspired culinary offerings, these Sunday brunches highlight classic dishes and beverages with a twist. 7 Clans Brewing, which is Indigenous owned and locally crafted, will be whipping up a number of special brunch drinks featuring its brews.

Highlights include: a beer-mosa which combines 7 Clan’s Hop-Rooted IPA (or its Sali Persimmon Sour) with orange juice; a blonde-chelada made with the brewery’s Blonde Ale, bloody Mary mix and a spice-rimmed pint glass; and 7 Clan’s Milk Stout mixed with cold brew coffee. Classic Champagne mimosas will also be available.

Meanwhile, Trucking Delicious will deliver a number of clever takes on hearty favorites, such as a loaded waffle sandwich, breakfast tacos, silver dollar pancakes and a Korean breakfast sandwich with kimchi and pickled vegetables.

7 Clans Brewing is at 66 Sweeten Creek Road. Visit avl.mx/c9l for more information.

Inclusive networking

The WNC LGBT+ Networking Group will hold a special networking event at Hi-Wire Brewing’s River Arts District Beer Garden on Wednesday, Jan. 11, from 6-8 p.m. This event will kick off a biweekly event series benefiting the local LGBT+ professional community.

“I realized that the community needed a safe place for people who don’t fit into the traditional lens of professionals to be able to meet like-minded people and discuss our troubles while making life long connections,” says the event’s organizer, Alexis Whiteside.

Operating under the mantra of “gays supporting gays,” the WNC LGBT+ Networking Group plans to partner with LGBT+ businesses to host future events.

“I want people to know that they have a community here,” Whiteside continues. “Being young and fresh out of college is difficult enough, but having the added difficulties that come from perception because of your identity makes things harder. I hope that people come to our events and realize that there are people who understand and care for them regardless of their identities.”

Hi-Wire Brewing’s River Arts District Beer Garden is at 284 Lyman St. Visit the WNC LGBT+ Networking Group’s Facebook page at avl.mx/c9n to learn more.

OPEN FOR BUSINESS: Jared Wheatley’s Indigenous Walls Project is set to expand through Indigenous Markets. Photo by Jonah Lossiah/One Feather photo

Thirsty Monk rolls out rebrand

Asheville’s first hard seltzer bar, the Holy Water Hard Seltzer Brewpub by Thirsty Monk, is now open at 92 Patton Ave. The new brewpub occupies the ground level of the three-story Thirsty Monk pub downtown below Top of the Monk and above Delirium Bar.

More than 10 cocktail-inspired seltzers, derived from a base brewed with Thirsty Monk’s proprietary house Belgian-style yeast, are on tap at the new brewpub. The Holy Water Hard Seltzer line recently took home four medals from the 2022 U.S. Open Hard Seltzer Championship for its Pomegranate, Hibiscus & Ginger (silver medal), Margarita (silver medal) and Pina Colada (gold medal) flavors. The Smoked Grapefruit Paloma earned gold for the Judges’ Award.

“There is no other drink quite like our Holy Water Hard Seltzers,” says Thirsty Monk CEO Barry Bialik in a press release. “We literally have created our own style class — a Belgianstyle hard seltzer.”

Visit avl.mx/c8r for additional information.

End of an era

Nick’s Grill, a local drive-in staple since 1990, closed on Dec. 23.

“With sincere gratitude, we are announcing that we will be closing our operations,” the business wrote in an announcement published on its website and social media platforms.

Known for its burgers, gyros and Philly cheesesteaks, Nick’s Grill was founded by Nick Tsiros, a first-generation Greek immigrant. The restaurant was subsequently passed on to his sons, George and Tommy.

In 1992, Nick’s Grill catered a meal for President George H.W. Bush, who dined inside the home of longtime Asheville resident Roy Harris. According to a Sept. 6, 1992, article in the Asheville Citizen-Times, the Bushes and Harrises enjoyed a Greek chicken, potato salad and lemon rum cake.

“We can’t express enough how thankful we are for your support. It’s been a true pleasure to serve our community over the past 32 years,” Nick’s Grill stated in its goodbye announcement.

No announcement has yet been made concerning new ownership or the next tenants of the drive-in building.

Costly mistakes

Good Name 22:1 LLC, the owner of the Chick-fil-A at Highland Square in Hendersonville, has been fined $6,450 in civil money penalties for child labor violations. This fine comes down from the U.S. Department of Labor following an investigation revealing child labor regulations were violated when workers younger than 18 were allowed to operate a trash compactor.

The investigation also illuminated a violation of minimum wage provisions stemming from several employees being asked to direct traffic in exchange for meal vouchers rather than wages. As a result, the owner must also pay $235 to cover back wages owed to seven employees.

“Protecting our youngest workers continues to be a top priority for the Wage and Hour Division,” says Wage and Hour Division District Director Richard Blaylock in a news release. “Child labor laws ensure that when young people work, the work does not jeopardize their health, well-being or educational opportunities. In addition, employers are responsible to pay workers for all of the hours worked and the payment must be made in cash or legal tender.”

Tacos and bikes

Taco Boy, the recently opened West Asheville restaurant serving Mexicaninspired dishes, raised a total of $4,368 during a VIP event benefiting the nonprofit Asheville on Bikes. The organization, which advocates for better biking and walking infrastructure in the city, is Taco Boy’s first community partner in the Asheville area.

“We’re so appreciative of Taco Boy’s support for Asheville on Bikes,” says Mike Sule, founder and executive director of the organization, in a news release. “It’s great to welcome a business to the city that appreciates walk- and bike-ability and arrives ready to support nonprofits doing important work in our community.”

With Taco Boy’s donation, Asheville on Bikes crossed the 75% mark of its $125,000 end-of-year fundraising goal. To further support and welcome cyclists, Taco Boy will soon install bike racks at the Haywood Road location. Taco Boy also plans to support additional Asheville initiatives in the future, including those focused on hunger, homelessness, education, equality, mental health and more.

Taco Boy is at 521 Haywood Road. Visit avl.mx/c9j for more information about Asheville on Bikes.

When The Academy at Terpsicorps Theatre of Dance announced it was closing its Asheville school in August, Heather Maloy started getting questions. Lots of folks, it seems, assumed the end of the school also meant the end of the professional Terpsicorps Theatre of Dance troupe.

Maloy, who founded the professional contemporary ballet company in 2003, assured people that was not the case.

“She has explained to every inquiry that while we were affiliated with the school, the school was being run by new owners for several years who were in charge of all [its] operating decisions,” says Michele Bryan

After 10 years with Go Local Asheville, Bryan recently joined Terpsicorps as its managing director. The newly created position will involve fundraising, grant management and increasing community awareness about the troupe.

“This will free up Heather to focus more on all the pieces that go into creating the original choreographed productions that we offer,” Bryan says.

The troupe will celebrate its 20th anniversary with a production of Maloy’s Cleopatra, which Bryan says will be Terpiscorps’ most lavish production ever. The show will be performed at the Hanesbrands Theatre in Winston-Salem, ThursdaySunday, July 20-22, before arriving in Asheville at the Diana Wortham Theatre, Thursday-Sunday, July 27-29.

Those attending the production can anticipate costumes inspired by

ancient Greece, Rome and Egypt, multiple projection screens and more.

“Terpsicorps is known for producing innovative, thought-provoking and entertaining performances of the highest professional caliber,” Bryan say. “The subject matter varies, but is always deeply rooted in universal themes that convey the most basic and complex aspects of the human experience.”

The Diana Wortham Theatre is at 18 Biltmore Ave. For more information, go to avl.mx/c9q.

Tales of the sea

In 2011, Steve Anderson self-published a book compiling stories he had sent home to family and friends while he and his late wife, Pam Steele, sailed around the Mediterranean Sea from 2006-11. Then he mostly forgot about it.

A decade later, the retired attorney had remarried following Steele’s death and moved to Asheville. That’s when a fellow member of the Asheville Racquet Club got hold of a copy of the book, read it and began enthusing about it around the club.

“I started getting praise from people I did not even know saying how much they enjoyed it,” Anderson says. “Being reminded that it actually brought joy to people who read it, I decided to take it to a real publisher.”

The result is Over the Bar: A Burned-Out Lawyer Sails Off to the Mediterranean Sea, recently published by Dorrance Publishing Co. The travelogue recounts the couple’s

DANCE STARS: Heather Maloy, left, is the founder and artistic director of Terpsicorps Theatre of Dance. Michele Bryan recently became the troupe’s managing director. Photos courtesy of Terpsicorps Theatre of Dance.

experiences riding camels in Tunisia, ballooning in Cappadocia, camping with Bedouins in Jordan and more.

“What people tell me they get out of the book is a fascinating look into a retirement lifestyle totally different from their own — or what they imagine theirs will be — but one to which they can relate and which they might have chosen for themselves if they had the courage to do so,” Anderson says.

For more information or to purchase a copy of the book, go to avl.mx/c92.

That takes the cake

Asheville Mardi Gras’ annual Twelfth Night celebration will be Friday, Jan. 6, 7-11 p.m., at Club Eleven on Grove. The event marks the beginning of weeks of local Mardi Gras festivities, culminating in the

annual parade and Queen’s Ball on the South Slope on Saturday, Feb. 19.

The Twelfth Night celebration will feature DJ Chilligan spinning a mix of electro-swing, neofunk and global music, as libations are poured at the bar. During the event, Asheville Mardi Gras members will take a slice of king cake, hoping to land the piece with a tiny plastic baby inside. Whoever gets the baby will pick a royal consort, and the two will lead the Asheville Mardi Gras Parade.

The parade theme is “Out of This World.”

“While we expect to see a lot of space-themed costumes and floats, you just never know where the kooky and creative Mardi Gras community will take the theme,” Asheville Mardi Gras executive committee chair

Stefanie Kompathoum said in a press release.

For more information, go to avl.mx/c9g.

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Writer Coates to speak at UNCA

UNC Asheville’s Kimmel Arena will host a conversation with award-winning author and journalist Ta-Nehisi Coates Tuesday, Feb. 28, at 7 p.m.

Coates is the author of the bestselling books The Beautiful Struggle, We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy, The Water Dancer and Between the World and Me, which received the National Book Award in 2015. He has written for The New York Times and The Atlantic. Kimmel Arena is at 227 Campus Drive. The event, which will include a reading and question-and-answer session, is free but requires advanced registration through Eventbrite. To register, go to avl.mx/c93.

ArtSpace honored

ArtSpace Charter School in Swannanoa has been named a 2022 national Elementary and Secondary Education Act Distinguished School. ESEA is a federal program that provides funding to ensure all students receive excellent educational services.

ArtSpace is one of two schools in North Carolina to receive the honor.

A team of ArtSpace professionals will attend the national ESEA conference in Indianapolis in February to discuss the school’s arts-integrated educational approach.

“We believe in the power of the arts as a vehicle for learning, offering a nonthreatening access point for all students,” Sarena Fuller, the school’s executive director, said in a press release. “This is a prestigious honor at any time, but especially after a few challenging pandemic years.”

For more information, go to avl.mx/c9h.

WCU educator recognized

Jack A. Eaddy Jr. , director of athletic bands and the Pride of the Mountains Marching Band at Western Carolina University, is a finalist for the 2023 Music Educator Award, given by the Recording Academy and Grammy Museum.

The award honors educators who have made a lasting and significant impact on music education. Eaddy, in his second year at WCU, is one of 10 finalists selected from more than 1,000 nominees.

The winner will be recognized at Grammy Week 2023, before the 65th Grammy Awards on Sunday, Feb. 5.

In addition to attending the awards show, the top recipient will be awarded a $10,000 honorarium and a matching grant for winner’s school music program. The nine additional finalists will receive a $1,000 honorarium as well as a matching grant.

For more information, visit avl.mx/c9f.

New name

Asheville Writers in the Schools and Community, a nonprofit arts and culture organization committed to social justice and racial equity, has changed its name to Artéria Collective.

Founded in 2011, the group originally was focused on writer residencies in local public schools. Its mission has since expanded to include efforts to ignite social change through the power of arts, culture and restorative self-expression.

The renaming process included many meetings of program participants, staff, board and community members.

The name is word play with the noun “art” or “arte” in Spanish and the Spanish suffixes -eria or -ria, which can mean the “place where something is made.” In Spanish, arteria means artery or vessel.

For more information, go to avl.mx/c9i.

MOVIE REVIEWS

Local reviewers’ critiques of new films include:

THE WHALE: Brendan Fraser is somehow even better than advertised, playing an obese, homebound English professor in this heartfelt drama from director Darren Aronofsky (Requiem for a Dream; Black Swan). Barring a major upset, Fraser seems like a lock for the Academy Award for Best Actor — and deservedly so.

Grade: B-plus — Edwin Arnaudin

Find full reviews and local film info at ashevillemovies.com patreon.com/ashevillemovies

•

•

•

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— Justin McGuire X

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY

4

12 BONES BREWERY

Robert's Totally Rad Trivia, 7pm

185 KING STREET

Winter Trivia Tournament and Karaoke Night, 7pm

ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL

Disclaimer Stand-Up Lounge Comedy Open Mic, 8pm

BIER GARDEN Geeks Who Drink: Trivia, 7pm

BOLD ROCK ASHEVILLE Music Bingo, 7pm

BOLD ROCK MILLS RIVER Trivia Night, 6pm

CAMDEN'S COFFEE HOUSE Open Mic Night, 7pm

RENDEVOUS Albi (vintage jazz), 6pm

SHAKEY'S Sexy Tunes w/DJ Ek Balam, 10pm

SOUTHERN APPALACHIAN BREWERY Jazz Night w/Jason DeCristofaro, 6pm

TWIN LEAF BREWERY Wednesday Open Mic, 5:30pm

THURSDAY, JANUARY

5

185 KING STREET

Jon Weisberger & Friends w/Casey Campbell, Nick Dauphinais, Derek Vade & Aynsley Porchak (bluegrass), 7pm

27 CLUB Trivia Night w/Joan Wilder, 9pm

BOLD ROCK ASHEVILLE Trivia Night, 7pm

BOTTLE RIOT

Alt Thursday w/Selector B (90s throwbacks), 7pm

CAMDEN'S COFFEE HOUSE Open Mic Night, 7pm

ELEVATED KAVA LOUNGE Open Jam, 8pm

FLEETWOOD'S Search and Destroy Punk Karaoke, 8pm

FRENCH BROAD RIVER BREWERY Jerry's Dead (Grateful Dead & JGB Tribute), 6pm

GREEN MAN BREWERY

Robert's Totally Rad Trivia, 7pm HIGHLAND DOWNTOWN TAPROOM Not Rocket Science Trivia, 6pm

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB

Bluegrass Jam hosted by Drew Matulich, 7:30pm

ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL

The Lumpy Heads (Phish tribute), 9pm

SHAKEDOWN LOUNGE Poetry Open Mic Hendo, 7:30pm SHAKEY'S Karaoke w/DJ Franco Niño, 9pm

STATIC AGE RECORDS Powder Horns, Telephone Larry, and Diana Superstar (rock), 9pm

THE ODD Roamck, Bad Ties, Paper Pills, Seneca Burns (alt/indie), 7pm

TWIN LEAF BREWERY Thursday Night Karaoke, 8:30pm

FRIDAY, JANUARY 6

185 KING STREET Sideline (jam band, bluegrass), 8pm

ALLEYCATAVL Club Nite w/DJ Blue LLamma (hip-hop, Top 40), 9pm

ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL

Balkan Bump and Rohan Solo, Medisin & ElectroChemical (edm), 8pm

BOLD ROCK ASHEVILLE Tarot Card and Palm Reading, 6pm, see p30

BOLD ROCK MILLS RIVER

Jack Marion & The Pearl Snap Prophets (folk, outlaw country), 6pm

BOTANIST & BARREL Jesse Harman Bluegrass, 5:30pm

FLEETWOOD'S Scrap Metal/Miami Gold (heavy rock), 8pm GIGI'S

UNDERGROUND Chaotic Comedy, 7pm

HIGHLAND BREWING CO.

Pleasantly Wild (indie/ alt, surf rock), 7pm

HIGHLAND DOWNTOWN TAPROOM

Drag Music Bingo w/ Divine the Bearded Lady, 7:30pm

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB

Jesse & the Jugs (honky tonk, bluegrass, punk), 9pm

ONE STOP AT ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL

• Free Dead Friday ft Gus & Phriends, 5pm

• Funk'N Around (funk), 10pm

ONE WORLD BREWING WEST L.I.T. - Lee Allen, Isaac Hadden & Thommy Knoles (funk, jazz, jam), 8pm

SHAKEY'S

• DJ Ek Balam (hip hop, soul, funk, disco), 12am

• Big Blue Band ft Mad Mike (jam band), 9pm

SILVERADOS

Rory Kelly Band (rock), 9pm

SOUTHERN APPALACHIAN BREWERY

Nitrograss (bluegrass), 7pm

THE GREY EAGLE

Carnivale Macabre: Dungeons & Drag, 8pm

THE ODD Regions, Severed By Dawn, and 7ELIX (rap), 11pm

THE ORANGE PEEL Funny "R" Us Cancer Awareness Comedy Show, 8pm

WRONG WAY

CAMPGROUND

Fireside Fridays, 5:30pm

SATURDAY, JANUARY 7

185 KING STREET

Blue Eyed Bettys (indie folk popgrass), 8pm

27 CLUB

Kangarot, Solemn Shapes, Bruschetta Delorean (synth, edm), 9pm

305 LOUNGE & EATERY

Old Men of the Woods (folk, pop), 1pm

ASHEVILLE CLUB Mr Jimmy (blues), 8pm

ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL

Joe Nice and Mythm, King Shotta, & Tan Leather (edm), 9pm

BATTERY PARK BOOK EXCHANGE

Dinah's Daydream (Gypsy jazz), 5:30pm

BIG PILLOW BREWING

J.C. Tokes (retro Americana honky-tonk, rock, blues), 5pm

BOLD ROCK

ASHEVILLE

• Bluegrass Brunch, 10am

• Jeb Rogers Band (funk, soul, bluegrass), 7pm

BOLD ROCK MILLS

RIVER

Iggy Radio (rock, metal, blues), 5pm

BOOJUM BREWING CO.

Pleasantly Wild (indie/ alt, surf rock), 9pm

FLEETWOOD'S Squidmouth, Bambay Gasoline, Puppy and the Dogs (garage rock), 9pm

FROG LEVEL BREWERY

Robbie Rosado (classic rock, reggae, funk), 5pm

HIGHLAND BREWING CO.

Peggy Ratusz & Daddy Long Legs (blues, jazz, old school soul), 6pm

HIGHLAND DOWNTOWN TAPROOM

Brady Turner (pop, soul, R&B), 7pm

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB

• Nobody’s Darling String Band, 4pm

• Cary Fridley and Down South (blues, Western swing, jazz), 9pm

ONE WORLD BREWING WEST Gruda Tree (psychedelic soul), 8pm

STATIC AGE RECORDS

Slasher Hard Techno Dance Party ft DJ Spit and DJ Plur Enforcer, 9pm

THE GREY EAGLE

The Get Right Band Beach Bash w/Random Animals (psychdelic indie rock), 8pm

THE ORANGE PEEL

• Kid Hop Hooray Winter Dance Party, 10am

• End of the Line (Allman Brothers Band tribute), 9pm

SUNDAY, JANUARY 8

185 KING STREET

Open Electric Jam w/ the King Street House Band ft Howie Johnson, 5pm

BOLD ROCK

ASHEVILLE

Bluegrass Brunch, 10am

CATAWBA BREWING COMPANY SOUTH SLOPE ASHEVILLE

Modelface Comedy presents: Samantha Ruddy, 6pm

CORK & KEG

PubSing (Gospel jam & sing-along), 3pm

ELEVATED KAVA LOUNGE Open Mic, 8pm

HIGHLAND BREWING CO. Sunday Funkday w/ Pocket Tonic, 2pm

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB Traditional Irish Jam, 4pm

SOUTHERN APPALACHIAN BREWERY

Love Bubble's Elvis Presley Bash, 4pm

THE GREY EAGLE Western Carolina Writers' Showcase (singer/ songwriter), 6pm, see p26-27

PLĒB URBAN WINERY

Robert's Totally Rad Trivia, 4pm

MONDAY, JANUARY

27 CLUB

NOBLE CIDER

DOWNTOWN

Freshen Up Comedy Open Mic, 6:30pm

SHAKEY'S Live Band Honky Tonk Karaoke w/Take the Wheel, 9pm

SILVERADOS

Bluegrass Jam Mondays w/Sam Wharton, 7pm

THE JOINT NEXT DOOR

Mr Jimmy and Friends (blues), 7pm

TUESDAY, JANUARY 10

185 KING STREET

Tuesday Casual Collaborations w/Julian Pinelli, Ethan Hawkins, & Dan Klingsberg (bluegrass), 6:30pm

5 WALNUT WINE BAR

The John Henrys (jazz, swing), 8pm

ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL

Tuesday Night Funk Jam, 10:30pm

9

Monday Night Karaoke hosted by Ganymede, 9:30pm

DSSOLVR

Robert's Totally Rad Trivia, 7pm

HAYWOOD COUNTRY CLUB

Taylor Martin's Open Mic, 6:30pm

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB

Quizzo! Pub Trivia w/ Jason Mencer, 7:30pm

LITTLE JUMBO The Core (jazz), 7pm

FLEETWOOD'S Istari (doom blues), 5pm

FRENCH BROAD BREWERY

Robert's Totally Rad Trivia, 7pm

LITTLE JUMBO Jay Sanders, Zack Page & Alan Hall (jazz), 7pm

ONE WORLD BREWING WEST

The Grateful Family Band Tuesdays (Dead tribute, jam band, rock), 6pm

SHAKEY'S Booty Tuesday w/DJ Tamagotchi, 9pm

SOVEREIGN KAVA Weekly Open Jam hosted by Chris Cooper & Friends, 8pm

THE GREY EAGLE The Dancing Fleas (pop, Americana), 8pm

TWIN LEAF BREWERY Tuesday Night Trivia, 7pm

ASHEVILLE MUSIC HALL Disclaimer Stand-Up Lounge Comedy Open Mic, 8pm

BIER GARDEN Geeks Who Drink: Trivia, 7pm

BOLD ROCK ASHEVILLE Music Bingo, 7pm

CAMDEN'S COFFEE HOUSE Open Mic Night, 7pm

FLEETWOOD'S The Prof. Fuzz 63 w/ Call the Next Witness & John Kirby Jr. & the New Seniors (garage rock), 8pm

RENDEVOUS Albi (vintage jazz), 6pm

SHAKEY'S Sexy Tunes w/DJ Ek Balam, 10pm

SOUTHERN APPALACHIAN BREWERY

TWIN LEAF BREWERY Wednesday Open Mic, 5:30pm

THURSDAY, JANUARY

12

185 KING STREET Lange & Sarah (singer-songwriter), 7pm

27 CLUB Drunken Spelling Bee, 10pm

BLUE GHOST BREWING CO.

Winter Trivia: 2022 in Review, 6:30pm

BOLD ROCK ASHEVILLE

Trivia Night, 7pm

BOTTLE RIOT

Alt Thursday w/Selector B (90s throwbacks), 7pm

CAMDEN'S COFFEE HOUSE

Open Mic Night, 7pm

FRENCH BROAD RIVER BREWERY

Jerry’s Dead (Grateful Dead, JGB tribute), 6pm

GREEN MAN BREWERY

Robert's Totally Rad Trivia, 7pm HIGHLAND DOWNTOWN TAPROOM Not Rocket Science Trivia, 6pm

JACK OF THE WOOD PUB

Bluegrass Jam hosted by Drew Matulich, 7:30pm

MAD CO. BREW HOUSE

Karaoke Night, 6pm ONE WORLD BREWING Isaac Hadden (jazz, funk-rock), 7pm

11

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY

12 BONES BREWERY

Robert's Totally Rad Trivia, 7pm

185 KING STREET Winter Trivia Tournament and Karaoke Night, 7pm

Jazz Night w/Jason DeCristofaro, 6pm

THE GREY EAGLE Zach Brock, Bob Lanzetti & Keita Ogawa (jazz, funk), 8pm

THE ODD Nate Hall, Restless Spirit and Cosmic Reaper (doom rock, psych rock), 9pm

DOUBLE CROWN

Drunken Prayer (alt-country, rock), 6:30pm

ELEVATED KAVA LOUNGE

Open Jam, 8pm

FLEETWOOD'S Karaoke Dance Party w/ Cheryl, 8pm

SHAKEY'S Karaoke w/DJ Franco Niño, 9pm

THE GREY EAGLE SexBruise? (pop), 8pm

THE ORANGE PEEL Spafford (rock), 8pm

TWIN LEAF BREWERY Thursday Night Karaoke, 8:30pm

MARKETPLACE FREEWILL ASTROLOGY

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “My life was the best omelet you could make with a chainsaw,” observed flamboyant author Thomas McGuane. That’s a witty way to encapsulate his tumultuous destiny. There have been a few moments in 2022 when you might have been tempted to invoke a similar metaphor about your own evolving story. But the good news is that your most recent chainsaw-made omelet is finished and ready to eat. I think you’ll find its taste is savory. And I believe it will nourish you for a long time. (Soon it will be time to start your next omelet, maybe without using the chainsaw this time!)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): After meticulous research of 2023’s astrological omens, I have come to a radical conclusion: You should tell the people who care for you that you’d like to be called by new pet names. I think you need to intensify their ability and willingness to view you as a sublime creature worthy of adoration. I don’t necessarily recommend you use old standbys like “cutie,” “honey,” “darling,” or “angel.” I’m more in favor of unique and charismatic versions, something like “Jubilee” or “Zestie” or “Fantasmo” or “Yowie-Wowie.” Have fun coming up with pet names that you are very fond of. The more, the better.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): If I could choose some fun and useful projects for you to master in 2023, they would include the following: 1. Be in constant competition with yourself to outdo past accomplishments. But at the same time, be extra compassionate toward yourself. 2. Borrow and steal other people’s good ideas and use them with even better results than they would use them. 3. Acquire an emerald or two, or wear jewelry that features emeralds. 4. Increase your awareness of and appreciation for birds. 5. Don’t be attracted to folks who aren’t good for you just because they are unusual or interesting. 6. Upgrade your flirting so it’s even more nuanced and amusing, while at the same time you make sure it never violates anyone’s boundaries.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): When she was young, Carolyn Forché was a conventional poet focused on family and childhood. But she transformed. Relocating to El Salvador during its civil war, she began to write about political trauma. Next, she lived in Lebanon during its civil war. She witnessed firsthand the tribulations of military violence and the imprisonment of activists. Her creative work increasingly illuminated questions of social justice. At age 72, she is now a renowned human rights advocate. In bringing her to your attention, I don’t mean to suggest that you engage in an equally dramatic self-reinvention. But in 2023, I do recommend drawing on her as an inspirational role model. You will have great potential to discover deeper aspects of your life’s purpose — and enhance your understanding of how to offer your best gifts.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Are the characters in Carlos Castañeda’s books on shamanism fictional or real? It doesn’t matter to me. I love the wisdom of his alleged teacher, Don Juan Matus. He said, “Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t, it is of no use.” Don Juan’s advice is perfect for you in the coming nine months, Leo. I hope you will tape a copy of his words on your bathroom mirror and read it at least once a week.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Teacher and author Byron Katie claims, “The voice within is what I’m married to. My lover is the place inside me where an honest yes and no come from.” I happen to know that she has also been married for many years to a writer named Stephen Mitchell. So she has no problem being wed to both Mitchell and her inner voice. In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to propose marriage to your own inner voice. The coming year will be a fabulous time to deepen your relationship with this crucial source of useful and sacred revelation

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Libran philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche offered advice that is perfect for you in 2023. It’s strenuous. It’s demanding and daunting. If you take it to heart, you will have to perform little miracles you may not yet have the confidence to try. But I have faith in you, Libra. That’s why I don’t hesitate to provide you with Nietzsche’s rant: “No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life. There may be countless trails and bridges and demigods who would gladly carry you across; but only at the price of pawning and forgoing yourself. There is one path in the world that none can walk but you. Where does it lead? Don’t ask, walk!”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): How might you transform the effects of the limitations you’ve been dealing with? What could you do to make it work in your favor as 2023 unfolds? I encourage you to think about these question with daring and audacity. The more moxie you summon, the greater your luck will be in making the magic happen. Here’s another riddle to wrestle with: What surrender or sacrifice could you initiate that might lead in unforeseen ways to a plucky breakthrough? I have a sense that’s what will transpire as you weave your way through the coming months in quest of surprising opportunities.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Sagittarian singer Tina Turner confided, “My greatest beauty secret is being happy with myself.” I hope you will experiment with that formula in 2023. I believe the coming months will potentially be a time when you will be happier with yourself than you have ever been before—more at peace with your unique destiny, more accepting of your unripe qualities, more in love with your depths, and more committed to treating yourself with utmost care and respect. Therefore, if Tina Turner is accurate, 2023 will also be a year when your beauty will be ascendant.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “I’m homesick all the time,” writes author Sarah Addison Allen. “I just don’t know where home is. There’s this promise of happiness out there. I know it. I even feel it sometimes. But it’s like chasing the moon. Just when I think I have it, it disappears into the horizon.” If you have ever felt pangs like hers, Capricorn, I predict they will fade in 2023. That’s because I expect you will clearly identify the feeling of home you want—and thereby make it possible to find and create the place, the land, and the community where you will experience a resounding peace and stability.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Storyteller Michael Meade tells us, “The ship is always off course. Anybody who sails knows that. Sailing is being off-course and correcting. That gives a sense of what life is about.” I interpret Meade’s words to mean that we are never in a perfect groove heading directly towards our goal. We are constantly deviating from the path we might wish we could follow with unfailing accuracy. That’s not a bug in the system; it’s a feature. And as long as we obsess on the idea that we’re not where we should be, we are distracted from doing our real work. And the real work? The ceaseless corrections. I hope you will regard what I’m saying here as one of your core meditations in 2023, Aquarius.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A Chinese proverb tells us, “Great souls have wills. Feeble souls have wishes.” I guess that’s true in an abstract way. But in practical terms, most of us are a mix of both great and feeble. We have a modicum of willpower and a bundle of wishes. In 2023, though, you Pisceans could make dramatic moves to strengthen your willpower as you shed wimpy wishes. In my psychic vision of your destiny, I see you feeding metaphorical iron supplements to your resolve and determination.

REAL ESTATE

HOMES FOR SALE

5 BEDROOM HOUSE FOR SALE Located near downtown, hospitals, schools. Large yard for additional house. Full basement. 5 bed, 2 bath, large front porch. $625,000. Contact Wayne Purcell, broker-owner: 828279-8562

LAND FOR SALE

or place rental cabins throughout. Underground power to property. Email suncrestmulch@gmail.com

EMPLOYMENT

COMPUTER/ TECHNICAL

AUDIO/VIDEO/IT TECHNICIAN NEEDED Looking for a trustworthy and presentable technician for audio/video and IT work. Full time, PTO, paid holidays, and a great work environment. Some experience required,. Email info+mtx@wncav.com for more information.

JOBS WANTED

call/text 941-284-4612 KingScreening@gmail. com See web site for full details and prices. www. kingbackgroundscreening. com

ANNOUNCEMENTS

ANNOUNCEMENTS

BREAKFAST BURRITO

828-681-1728 | www. MichellePayton.com | Mind Over Matter Solutions books, online and in-person education, workshops and sessions. Positive  Hypnosis—re-learning thru positive reinforcement, Emotional Freedom Technique, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Birth Mix Personality Assessment, Past Life Regression.

NATURAL ALTERNATIVES

BUNCOMBE CO LAND FOR SALE 15 acres for sale off Standhill Dr in Candler for $515,000. Divided into 6 parcels. Joins Pisgah National Forest for 2000+/- ft. Paved access and underground power. Views, privacy, and convenient to Asheville. Must see opportunity! Email suncrestmulch@gmail.com

PET STYLIST WANTED Shampoodles Salon is in need of a skilled pet stylist. 2 year's experience preferred. Vacation pay and retirement offered. Tues-Fri 8-5, Sat 9-4. Call Richard 828-707-4620

SERVICES BUSINESS

MIND, BODY, SPIRIT

RECOVERY SUPPORT FOR WOMEN Get FREE! Find true healing and happiness with the support you deserve: bodywork, coaching, and emotional support. Completely confidential, nonjudgmental, and empowering. Over 15 years of experience. medicinemamawellness. com

FOR MUSICIANS

and life directions. Stellar Counseling Services. Christy Gunther, MA, LCMHC. (828) 2583229

MUSICAL SERVICES

BUNCOMBE CO LAND FOR SALE 53 acres off Quartz Mountain Trl in Candler for $795,000. Borders the new Pisgah View State Park. Perfect for family retreat

GUITAR REPAIR / RESCUE Somewhat famous luthier with 35 years experience offering comprehensive repair service. Quick turnaround, competitive rates, free evaluation / estimate (in-person only). Convenient Asheville location. Brad Nickerson. 828-252-4093 nickersonguitars.net nickersonguitars@hotmail.

Community Action Opportunities

HELPING PEOPLE. CHANGING LIVES.

NOTICE OF INTENT AND PUBLIC HEARINGS

Community Action Opportunities (CAO) will submit an application for $941,139 to the Office of Economic Opportunity – Community Services Block Grant in order to continue operating a self-sufficiency project in FY 2023 - 2024. CAO provides comprehensive case management services in Buncombe, Madison, McDowell, Henderson, Transylvania and Polk Counties who meet the federal income guidelines, want to increase their income and are able to work.

Further details about the program can be found: communityactionopportunities.org/life-works/

Two virtual public hearings to learn about the project will be held Thursday, January 12, 2023: at 10am and 6pm. CAO’s Board of Directors – Executive Committee will meet to review and approve the application Thursday, January 19, 2023 at 3pm. The public is welcome to attend virtually.

Email kate.singogo@tcqr.org at least 24 hours prior to these events to receive login information. Call 828-252-2495 or email with questions.