Mountain Xpress, March 16 2011

CTS SITE GETS (ALMOST) SUPERFUNDED p.16

MONKEY TIME WITH AGENT 23 p.52

TOWN MOUNTAIN SIGNS TO PINECASTLE p.54

MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

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p. 10 Bean counting A few weeks ago, Senior News Reporter David Forbes examined the budget conundrum faced by the city of Asheville.

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news 14 Asheville city council Taking the LEED: Council approves development incentives

16 CTS site may be declared a superfund site EPA proposes adding the Mills Gap Road property to the National Priorities List

20 Green scene The annual Green Building Directory launches and more green-building news

arts&entertainment 52 simian sounds

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53 back to the stage

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54 laying it down live Town Mountain records a new album, promises shenanigans

55 zimmerman on zimmerman

Asheville’s bearded comedian asks the tough questions ... of himself

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MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

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letters

Good Clean Fun

Thank you Jerry Sternberg

Helpmate needs help

I would like to thank [frequent Mountain Xpress Commentary contributor] Jerry Sternberg for bringing the subject of domestic violence to the attention of Xpress readers by offering the proceeds from his book, The Gospel According to Jerry, to Helpmate, the local nonprofit agency providing shelter for [domestic-violence] victims and their children, a 24-hour hotline, counseling, court advocacy and education.

As a member of Helpmate’s board of directors, I continue to be surprised and aghast at the statistics surrounding domestic abuse and its prevalence in our society. Some of the things I have learned during my service include: One in every four women will experience some form of domestic violence in her lifetime; it is estimated that 1.3 million women in this country are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner every year; there are 16,800 homicides in this country each year due to intimate-partner violence; the cost of this violence to society exceeds $5.8 billion each year.

Here in Western North Carolina, in the first two months of this year, there have been at least three murders and one suicide related to domestic-violence disputes. It is a problem that will touch nearly everyone through family, friends, or coworkers sometime in their lives.

For more help or more information, visit www. helpmateonline.org.

Thanks again, Jerry, and keep writing.

— Ann Lewis Asheville

Thanks to Jerry Sternberg for donating the proceeds from his 80th birthday edition of The Gospel According to Jerry to Helpmate. It is with the support of a generous community that Helpmate has been able to provide services to victims and survivors of domestic violence in Buncombe County for over 30 years.

Helpmate provides emergency shelter, counseling, court advocacy, a 24/7 hotline and education. The demand for Helpmate’s services has grown significantly over the last two years, in part due to strains on the economy and continuing joblessness. Between Helpmate’s fiscal year ending 2009 and the year ending 2010, crisis calls increased 46 percent, individual crisis counseling expanded 30 percent and shelter average occupancy went up 38 percent. Total resident numbers have grown 22 percent; children’s numbers have increased 49 percent.

For more information about domestic violence, Helpmate services, or to donate, please visit www.helpmateonline.org or call 254-2968.

The hotline can be reached by calling 254-0516.

— Harli Palme Helpmate Board of Directors Asheville

Tell the truth about CTS! The document referenced in “Flu Who? State Health Assessment Finds Most CTS Neighbors Not at Risk” (March 2 Xpress) is a 146-page slap-in-the-face to area residents by Sandy Mort

Letters continue

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mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011

landofthisguy

MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

cartoon by Brent Brown

heyyou We want to hear from you.

Please send your letters to: Editor, Mountain Xpress, 2 Wall Street Asheville, NC 28801 or by email to letters@mountainx.com.

For other Molton cartoons, check out our Web page at www.mountainx.com/cartoons of North Carolina Health and Human Services.

People who live near the abandoned CTS site in Arden have dealt with life-threatening maladies for years from contaminants such as vinyl chloride and trichloroethylene (TCE) seeping from the site.

In her “health assessment,” Mort does indeed state, as Xpress reports, “groundwater contaminants, including the volatile organic compounds trichloroethylene and vinyl chloride, are not expected to harm people’s health.” Just for the record, these two chemicals do harm people’s health. Vinyl chloride, a known carcinogen, is No. 4 on the Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry‘s “Top 20 Hazardous Substances List,” followed only by arsenic, lead and mercury. TCE ranks No. 16 on the same list.

In her final report, Mort claims vinyl chloride has not been found offsite. However, in 2004, MACTEC Engineering and Consulting detected vinyl chloride at 15 parts per billion in a spring down-gradient from CTS; that’s seven times the legal limit of 2 ppb.

Mort likewise does not reveal the astronomical levels of TCE that have been detected in and around the CTS site, and she even states “[offsite] levels were lower than the levels expected to harm people’s health.” Yet, in 2007 a spring in Southside Village was sampled by Xpress reporter Rebecca Bowe. Pace Analytical Service analyzed the sample at 630 ppb (126 times the legal limit in drinking water), which topped out their measuring instrument. Pace stated “the actual amount of TCE present could be a good deal higher because the recorded level exceeded the range of their instruments (July 11, 2011 Xpress).”

Yet another finding Mort mysteriously neglects is one that actually appears in her January 2010 draft of the document. It reveals a well in The Oaks subdivision that, in 2007, tested at 57 ppb, 11 times the legal limit, for TCE.

The dangers of these chemicals are not debatable or open to conjecture. TCE and vinyl chloride are toxins that harm humans. As the mother of two children, both of whom have survived tumors (one a benign bone tumor, and the other a malignant thyroid cancer), I am disheartened that a representative of the N.C. Department of Public Health omits pertinent evidence of contamination and will not admit to the dangers in my community posed by the abandoned CTS facility.

The fact that some area residents have been put on municipal water supply does not alleviate the poisons that remain in, and flow through, the area. TCE has even been found as far away from the site as Cane Creek (Buncombe County Board of Commissioners’ Briefing, April 21, 2009). Children still play in nearby streams and creeks; dogs still drink the water. All in all people and animals are still exposed to noxious waste every day.

This is unconscionable. The mess needs to be cleaned-up, and CTS should foot the bill.

Mort is in a position to advocate for us; instead we have to fight against her as well as CTS, and in the meantime people continue to get sick.

For more information, visit “Clean Up CTS Asheville” on Facebook, or Twitter.com/ CTSAsheville.

— Lee Ann Smith Asheville

You may need annexation as much as it needs you North Carolina’s progressive annexation laws are constantly under attack and yet they are what have allowed our cities to stay at a healthy level not found in our neighboring states. Anyone driving on White Horse Road must think Greenville, S.C., one unattractive city, and yet, due to South Carolina’s archaic

laws, the city has no control over its outlying areas, with obvious consequences.

Atlanta is landlocked by other incorporated cities that have left it with only one-tenth of the metropolitan area’s 5.5 million residents and some of the worst traffic in the country, largely due to a lack of consensus among competing local governments.

No, we do not need a city of Swannanoa.

To get an idea of what our cities would look like without the ability to annex, check out the much-maligned Fayetteville. Cumberland County managed an exemption from the statute, resulting in years of unsightly, uncontrolled development. The exemption was eventually overturned, but the damage is grandfathered. For economic viability, it seems only fair that adjacent urbanized areas be part of the solution. Biltmore Lake, you do not live in some void or Madison County.

Your community would not exist without its proximity to the city you are fighting so hard not to be a part of.

— Steve Woolum Asheville

Drive, he said On March 7, I sent the following e-mail to each of the elected North Carolina Legislators.

Only one had the courtesy to respond and she still didn’t say anything. I believe there are 175 Legislators. Evidently they have forgotten November of 2010. Hopefully in 2012 more will be fired by the voters of this state: “I would hope that during your ride to Raleigh this morning that you were on a four-lane highway and that you encountered people in the left lane that refused to move over for you and were determined to stay in the left lane because they know there isn’t a damn thing that can be done to move them over.

“The NC Highway Patrol refuses to enforce the impeding traffic law on the books. This is the third year I’ve asked you to make a law like other states have, [wherein drivers] have to move over for faster traffic. These states also have signs up reminding you of this. Their Highway Patrol also enforces this.

I have asked Pat McElraft and Jean Preston to resolve this situation and all I get is that ‘studies have/are being done’!

You encounter this problem every time you go to Raleigh and return home. Your license plate does not impress those who refuse to move over. This one situation causes a lot of road rage.”

— Vernon Hill Morehead City

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commentary The woods are burning

N.C. needs to stop the destruction of World’s Edge

by Mark Morris

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The World’s Edge area of Henderson County recently endured the second massive forest fire in less than five years. These fires aren’t random or chance occurrences but the direct result of poor land management by the N.C. Division of Parks and Recreation.

I’ve lived and raised a family on World’s Edge for 30 years, and I’ve seen the dramatic changes since the Carolina Mountain Land Conservancy acquired the World’s Edge tract in 2005 and sold it to the state.

In the previous 25 years, there hadn’t been a single forest fire anywhere around this area.

Now, we once again had helicopters delivering brave men and women to fight a fire that was destroying some of the most beautiful, unspoiled mountain land in North Carolina.

If not for the heroic efforts of members of the Edneyville, Sunny View and Dana volunteer fire departments as well as the N.C. Division of Forest Resources and U.S. Forest Service, our house would have burned down.

Those of us who live up here know both these fires were started by people who had absolutely no right to be where they were.

In order to get to the World’s Edge overlook, they had to have illegally trespassed on private land. The general public seems to think all of this area is a state park; it is not.

However, even on land the state now owns, there are no gates prohibiting vehicular traffic, or signs indicating when this part of the park will be open.

In fact, in the four years since the Division of Parks assumed responsibility for this area, nothing whatsoever has been done, other than surveyors posting yellow Parks Division signs on trees. They’ve made no effort to restrict tourist visitation and have done absolutely nothing to minimize the environmental impact from the obvious increase in usage this

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Both these fires were started by people who had absolutely no right to be where they were. area has experienced. Most importantly, they did nothing to inform the general public this area is not ready for tourist visitation.

There was a tremendous amount of publicity when the Carolina Mountain Land Conservancy sold the World’s Edge tract to the state. This dramatically increased the number of vehicles going up to the overlook, not to mention the amount of roadside trash left behind. Unlike commercial areas such as Lake Lure and Chimney Rock, this property is surrounded by family farms. It’s not equipped to handle the big influx of people and their accompanying litter.

The announcement concerning the creation of Chimney Rock State Park also triggered a steady flood of out-of-state cars hauling trailers loaded with motorcycles, ATVs and horses — all of which are strictly prohibited within the park’s borders. A casual search of the phrase “World’s Edge� on Google, YouTube or Flickr yields numerous websites featuring organized trips by such groups, complete with driving instructions on how to get up here. This was doing irreparable damage to a delicate and fragile ecosystem — or so it was before the fire, anyway.

This area is home to the usual population of wild animals frequently found in North Carolina: fox, bear, deer, etc. But it’s perhaps the only area in the state that’s also home to the peregrine falcon and mountain lion: I’ve

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seen both of these magnificent animals from my house. I cannot help but wonder how they reacted as the fire roared up the mountain, enveloped the World’s Edge overlook and then cascaded down toward Pool Creek and Rumbling Bald.

What made this area so unique is that it was nature as it should be: in balance, unspoiled by human presence. The exceedingly remote location, home to some of the most beautiful, rugged mountain terrain in the entire United States, provided a glimpse into our past. That view is now gone forever, replaced by the charred remnants of once-living things.

Someone must stand up and take responsibility to protect what’s left of the World’s Edge and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

My neighbors and I have been told by senior Division of Parks officials that the main obstacles to restricting access to this area are right-of-way/property-valuation disputes with absentee, out-of-state owners — and the state’s severe budget difficulties, which prevent adequate staffing to enforce park regulations.

Is it more cost-effective for state and federal agencies to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to fight forest fires than for the Parks Division to put up a few gates and warning signs on land it already owns?

We need an immediate plan of action to protect the World’s Edge area. There’s no time for master plans, public hearings, focus groups or any of the other well-meaning but ineffective procedures that have taken place over the last five years.

In case you haven’t heard, we’re on fire up here. X Henderson County resident Mark Morris has lived in World’s Edge for 30 years. To learn more, visit protectworldsedge.org.

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news ANALYSIS BEAN COUNTING

With state cuts looming, Buncombe County ponders possible budget solutions

by David Forbes Home to nearly a quarter of a million people, Buncombe County ranks among the state’s most populous. Its Board of Commissioners and staff oversee a sizable school system, the Sheriff’s Office, the courts and extensive social services.

In a previous analysis, Xpress considered the city of Asheville’s fiscal challenges, assessing the likelihood of various options for balancing the budget (see “Hard Rocks, Few Places,” Feb. 16). We now turn a similar spotlight on the county’s financial challenges and potential paths out of the woods.

Last year, Buncombe County’s budget process was much lower-key than the city’s. The commissioners merely approved a staff-proposed plan to tap the county’s reserve funds to close the budget gap.

This year, however, the volatile state budget situation poses additional challenges, as nearly a quarter of Buncombe’s roughly $252 million budget relies on either direct state funding or things like sales-tax revenues that originate here but are subject to delayed payment or outright withholding by the state.

“It’s the worst time I’ve seen since I’ve been on the [Board of Commissioners],” board Chair David Gantt reports. “It’s going to be hard. There’s going to be some pain; people are going to tell that we are in bad financial shape. We just hope there’s an upturn in the economy and in property values, and things get back on track.”

The contrasting dynamics of the two local governments also play a role.

Asheville City Council meetings tend to be longer, with individual members (who often differ widely in their philosophies and approaches to budget challenges) repeatedly questioning staff or trying to modify proposals.

The Buncombe County commissioners, on the other hand, typically focus on setting budget priorities, keeping their questions concerning staff proposals short and mostly confining their comments to praise for staff’s work; budget votes are usually unanimous. It’s fair to say that Wanda Greene, the county manager since 1997, generally has to run the gantlet less than her counterpart, City Manager Gary Jackson. Greene’s budget recommendations almost always seem to end up becoming law.

The state of things

While the city is also facing budget curve balls from the state, due to the nature of the services the county is required to provide, it’s far more vulnerable to fiscal decisions in Raleigh. Fully 22 to 23 percent of the county’s revenue is parceled out by the state. State legislators, Greene reports, have said they “won’t balance the budget on the backs of local governments,” but the county is nonetheless bracing for significant fiscal impact, and the state may well end up shifting services to the counties while providing little compensation, she notes.

“We’re expecting some fallouts,” Greene reveals. Gantt sounds a similar note, mentioning that the some in Raleigh have even suggested shifting state-road road maintenance to counties.

The county also oversees a large social-services apparatus whose expenses have soared since the economic downturn hit. Food-stamp expenditures, Greene estimates, have roughly tripled since 2008, from $1 million to $3 million per month.

There are many expenses over which the county has little control. Even amid a budget crunch, the commissioners can’t decline to open a new school, for example, or provide food stamps to those who are eligible. Similarly, the courts must continue to operate (and they can even force the county to provide them with more space, if necessary).

“We have some new expenses we’ve got to absorb,” Greene explains. “We’re opening two intermediate schools in September. ... We have an increasing caseload in human services, and with health-care reform, we expect the number of Medicaid enrollees to increase by 60,000 to 70,000 people, and we have to determine eligibility. We have to take those new costs.”

So while Buncombe has more resources than the municipalities that sit within its borders, the county has less flexibility during tight times, due to the number of untouchable items falling under its budgetary umbrella and its greater vul-

10 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Fiscal health: The county faces an uncertain budget situation, and may privatize more services to deal with it. Its health clinic services were taken over by the nonprofit WNC Community Health Services in 2010. photos by Jonathan Welch

nerability to events in Raleigh.

“Some of us aren’t sleeping nights, waiting for what they’re going to do,” Greene reveals. “At least we’re hearing that they’re going to move fast. But as a county, we’re really an arm of the state. If they transfer 1 percent of a service cost to us, it doesn’t sound like a lot, but it can become hundreds of thousands of dollars really fast.”

Meanwhile, county revenues, like the city’s, remain flat, and Greene says she expects “very little new growth. Construction is still not growing; sales taxes are not rebounding.”

Spending cuts

“Our departments are bringing in a proposal for 10 percent cuts — and we have the full expectation we’ll implement that,” Greene reports. “The guiding principles that I’m using are that if we provide the same level of service, we have to do it at a lower cost.”

County salaries have been sharply criticized recently, starting with the commissioners’ own compensation. The newly retired Otto DeBruhl ranked among the highest-paid registers of deeds in the state, with one of the largest, highest-paid staffs. This fiscal year, notes

“Some of us aren’t sleeping nights, waiting for what [the state is] going to do.”

— County Manager Wanda Greene

Greene, a third-party assessment will compare Buncombe’s compensation levels with those in other N.C. counties, and reductions may follow if needed.

But the priority, she emphasizes, is on “overall reduction in work-force costs” rather than cutting salaries to the point where turnover becomes a serious concern. Avoiding layoffs is also a major priority, however, and Gantt says he doesn’t support reducing staff salaries, noting, “We don’t need to penalize people because the budget’s bad.”

He adds: “We don’t want to cut education; that’s been a priority from the [commissioners’] retreat on. But we’re kind of hostage to the state on matters like the sales tax and picking up additional services.”

Look for most cuts to hit vacant positions, overtime, training and what Greene dubs “nice things,” such as the annual fireworks display at Lake Julian (which costs the county $40,000 a year).

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How likely is it?

All but certain. Whenever Greene has asked county departments for cuts, they’ve been implemented. This remains one of the county’s favored ways to balance the budget.

Privatization

Greene has also highlighted privatizing some county services as “a way to increase our capacity at the existing cost.” In theory, however, the term can mean anything from hiring an outside contractor to selling public assets outright.

One possible model for county privatization is the 2009 turnover of Buncombe’s clinics to Western North Carolina Community Health Services, whose federal status gives it a better Medicare/Medicaid reimbursement rate, enabling the agency to see more patients for the same local cost. Last fiscal year, the county paid the nonprofit $2.3 million to provide clinic services, and most county health workers kept their jobs. “To the extent that we can, when we privatize something, we want the employees to move [over to the new agency],” Greene explains. “The idea is that you won’t see a change in services — just in who’s providing them.”

Gantt says, “Everything’s up for grabs” when it comes to privatization; contracts, he stresses, will ensure that current service levels are maintained.

Some forms of privatization also raise concerns about transparency and whether basic needs are being met. So far, the transfer to WNC Community Health Services has mostly escaped significant public backlash.

In January, Buncombe County began accepting proposals to privatize Mountain Mobility, whose 37 vans and five buses serve more than

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 11

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Going mobile: Mountain Mobility buses. The county is looking to privatize the service as part of cost-cutting measures to deal with a budget situation Chair David Gantt describes as “the worst I’ve seen since I’ve been on the board.”

500 mostly elderly and low-income passengers on an average day. Transit advocates fear the move could hamper efforts at regional coordination.

How likely is it?

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Almost a certainty, though the scale could vary considerably. The main challenge is finding private partners with the expertise and resources to run a countywide operation — particularly in the current economy.

But the commissioners and county staff alike have shown a fondness for public/private partnerships, beginning with the health-clinic transfer. Given that level of support, some privatization seems pretty likely.

Raising taxes

Another way the county could balance its budget is by boosting revenues. The commissioners have remained adamantly opposed to tax increases, but that doesn’t tell the whole story.

Technically, Buncombe County lowered its property-tax rate after the last revaluation, to 0.525 cents for every $100 of property value.

But that was in 2005, when the rising value of most homes meant the average homeowner still wound up paying more. And some critics said the county’s 2009 decision to postpone the scheduled property revaluation amounted to a de facto tax increase, since the current values had been set amid a real estate boom.

“No one on the board is advocating a tax increase,” says Gantt. “People just can’t afford it, and people can’t afford a revaluation, because, despite popular belief, I think a lot of people would find their properties have gone up slightly — just not to the extent that they had in the past.”

How likely is it?

Not very. The commissioners are known for their declared dislike of tax increases, and none of them has seriously broached the topic during their public deliberations. Greene, meanwhile, says the message to staff is “crystal clear”: balance the budget without a tax increase.

Rainy-day funds

Asheville began dipping into its reserve funds several years ago, and by last year, the fund balance was already lower than what both Council members and staff considered acceptable, so using that money to balance the budget wasn’t seen as a viable option — then or now.

The county, however, still has a significant cushion: $50.9 million (about 20 percent of the current total budget). Last year, the county apparently decided that times were rainy enough to justify using those funds to preserve current service levels. Such an option may prove equally appealing this year, particularly given the uncertain situation in Raleigh.

Although the projected deficit has shrunk, a multibillion-dollar shortfall remains, and the Republican-dominated General Assembly, committed to addressing it solely via spending cuts, is considering handing off an array of major expenses to local governments.

How likely is it?

Very likely, though the amount of the drawdown will depend on how things play out in Raleigh. “We will do that again,” Greene reports.

“We’re sitting here planning now for July or June: A lot can change in that time. We try not to have to spend any fund balance, but we’ll certainly appropriate some.”

Fallout

With the county’s path seemingly more set than the city’s, some combination of privatization, spending cuts and reserve funds is the probable solution to Buncombe’s budget troubles.

But each of those options may have far-reaching ramifications for the thousands of lives county services affect, from people in the outlying rural areas to those living in downtown Asheville. And as with the city, now is the time for county residents concerned about the best way to balance the budget to make their feelings known. X David Forbes can be reached at 251-1333, ext. 137, or at dforbes@mountainx.com.

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 13

news X asheville

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Taking the LEED

Council approves “transformation development” incentives In common: A city diagram of road closures (in yellow) required for the Montford Commons project.

Council delayed the road closure after a nearby property owner complained it would deny her access to her property. image courtesy of the city of Asheville

march 8 meeting a$1.2 million revenue shortfall projected aEarly voting sites on chopping block?

by Christopher George In the latest effort to encourage construction of high-density, environmentally sustainable, affordable rental housing, the Asheville City Council approved a new “transformation development” incentives policy March 8 on a 6-1 vote.

The policy implements a points system: 10 points exempts the developer from a year’s worth of property taxes and grants a 10 percent reduction in permit and fee charges. One way to score points is via Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design certification: LEED Bronze would be good for 10 points, each higher level would score an additional 10 points, with a maximum of 40 for Platinum. (The U.S. Green Building Council’s LEED program rates buildings based on specific performance criteria.)

Developers can also score 10 points for every 10 percent of a project’s units whose rents are considered affordable for someone earning up to 80 percent of the median household income for the area, with a maximum of 40 points for 40 percent affordable housing.

And creating work-force rental housing (affordable to someone earning up to 120 percent of the median household income) can be worth as much as 15 points (for a project featuring 75 percent work-force units).

Council members approved a similar policy back in November but delayed implementation while staff sought information from the Sustainability Advisory Committee on Energy and the Environment and presented the plan to the Council of Independent Business Owners, the Downtown Commission and the Coalition

14 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

of Asheville Neighborhoods and other groups.

According to staff, both CIBO and the Downtown Commission urged a less restrictive policy, while CAN wanted it to be more restrictive and more attuned to Council’s goal of promoting environmentally sustainable, affordable housing.

Making a motion to approve the measure, Vice Mayor Brownie Newman said it would clarify the kind of development Council members would like to see, calling the language in the November ordinance “pretty subjective and sort of hard to measure.”

Council member Bill Russell cast the lone opposing vote, declaring, “There is no transformational new aspect” to the policy. Council, he asserted, was simply responding to environmental interests. Council member Jan Davis voiced a similar concern, observing, “There’s some tail wagging the dog here.” Davis ultimately supported the motion, however, on the condition that Council revisit the policy in a year to assess its effectiveness.

Pawns in their game

Also on the agenda was an ordinance that would require pawnbrokers and other dealers in secondhand goods to electronically report all purchases from customers to local law enforcement within 48 hours of the transaction. Currently, pawnbrokers must submit such information daily, and law enforcement picks up the paper records each workday. The new ordinance would also apply to businesses such as antique stores and used-record shops. Garage sales, flea markets and nonprofit thrift stores that accept donations would not be affected.

Some local business owners expressed various concerns. Many said they don’t have a computer or Internet access, which would be required to submit the information electronically. A number of antique dealers said they rarely buy anything from people coming into the store, acquiring most

“There’s some tail wagging the dog here.”

— Council member Jan Davis on incentives policy

of their goods from estate and garage sales. Others wondered how consignments would be handled.

Several pawnbrokers spoke in favor of the measure, however, saying it would close a loophole that enables criminals to unload stolen property by selling it to secondhand stores, which the current ordinance doesn’t regulate.

Council members postponed a vote until April 26 to allow time for gathering more feedback from business owners and fine-tuning the ordinance.

Do the right-of-way thing

Council also delayed action (until its April 12 meeting) on a proposed right-of-way closure related to the Montford Commons development after Dana Parker expressed concern about losing access to her 0.15 acre parcel. The city can’t legally remove access to a property without ensuring that other access is available. Staff said there is another right of way, but several Council members worried that it might be inferior to the access Parker has now and, lacking more information, were reluctant to proceed.

No fiber for Asheville

In other business, City Council: • Approved a resolution opposing proposed state legislation that would prohibit local governments

from providing subsidies for broadband Internet access. The bill would rule out any public/private partnerships involving broadband — taking Asheville out of the running for the Google Fiber experimental broadband project. Cities nationwide are competing to be chosen as Google’s partner in bringing residents Internet access exceeding 1 gigabit per second — about 100 times faster than most Americans’ broadband connections.

• Postponed a decision on the number of early voting sites for this year’s city elections. A motion

by Russell to reduce the number of early voting sites from five to one was defeated 3-4, with Mayor Terry Bellamy and Davis joining Russell on the short end. Council will revisit the measure April 12 after determining the cost of such sites.

• Received its second-quarter budget update. The city’s tax base grew by only 0.7 percent, the slowest growth rate in a decade. For this fiscal year, revenues are projected to fall short by $1.2 million, due mostly to poor performance by the city’s investment portfolio.

• Heard an update from James Baudoin, executive director/project manager for the Asheville Area Center for the Performing Arts, on the facility proposed for The Block, the historically African-American business district adjacent to City/County Plaza. Tentative plans call for a 2,000-seat theater, a multipurpose rehearsal room and a 200-seat black-box theater. The target date for starting construction is sometime in 2013. X Freelance writer Christopher George lives in Spartanburg, S.C., where he reports local government news on his blog, FlyingOskar.com.

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news X buncombe

Taking the plunge

EPA proposes CTS property as Superfund site

by Susan Andrew

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Emotions ran high at a March 10 press conference and community meeting at the Skyland Fire Department concerning the former CTS of Asheville plant. As uniformed police officers wearing bulletproof vests kept watch, U.S. Environmental Protection Agency officials announced that the plant and adjacent Mills Gap Road property have been proposed for addition to the National Priorities List of hazardous-waste sites. Addition to the list would rank the property among the most contaminated sites in the nation, qualifying it for cleanup under the Superfund program.

Despite the evident tension, the discourse remained civil, though facilitator Dan Dozier’s assertion that “The federal government is pretty good at being transparent” prompted mocking laughter from the audience. Neighboring residents have long been frustrated by the extremely slow state and federal response to the documented problems in the area. Although testing by both the EPA and the state Department of Environment and Natural Resources dates back at least to the early 1990s, one resident’s well — which turned out to be severely contaminated — wasn’t tested until 2009.

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To the Superfund wire: In the last few months, EPA officials have been re-evaluating whether they should propose that the CTS property be placed on the National Priorities List; on March 10, they told local residents they’re proposing just that, but offered no clear timeline for the final determination. photo by Jonathan Welch

The latest announcement is no guarantee of federal action to clean up the site, however. An EPA press release last September announcing that the agency was considering the step it has now taken cautioned, “Consideration to propose the site to the NPL does not guarantee that the site will be proposed or that the site will be listed on the final NPL.” Nonetheless, officials addressing the crowd explained the potential investigation-and-remediation process as if it were already under way. Yet Remedial Project Manager Samantha UrquhartFoster told the assembled community members, congressional staffers and reporters, “We weren’t sure we were going to be here a week ago.”

EPA officials said the decision was based on ground-water studies conducted over the past three years, which have shown elevated — and, in some cases, extremely high — levels of chemicals such as trichloroethylene, a suspected human carcinogen. TCE was used to clean and/or degrease metal objects prior to electroplating at the plant; ingesting TCE or inhaling the vapors can cause health problems ranging from headaches to severe liver damage, according to the U.S. Agency for Toxic Substances & Disease Registry.

Some residents — particularly three families living within a mile of the Mills Gap Road site — drank from contaminated wells for a decade or more. Many have reported serious health problems, including cancer and immune disorders.

The Elkhart, Ind.-based CTS Corp. operated the plant from 1959 to 1986, then sold most of the property to Mills Gap Road Associates the following year. In 1997, the limited-liability company sold about 45 acres to the Biltmore Group for development as Southside Village, a residential community.

The remaining vacant and fenced off parcel — roughly 9 acres — is assumed to harbor “a mother lode” of contamination in its soils, noted resident Tate MacQueen of the Citizens Monitoring Council, an advocacy group. MacQueen has highlighted evidence of an illegal dumping system on the property, including a presumed effluent-drainage system and partially buried storage barrels. Video shown at the group’s meetings has featured former CTS employees describing procedures for dumping hazardous waste into this system while the plant was still in operation; state records tracking hazardous chemicals used at the facility show discrepancies between the toxic chemicals delivered to the plant and those trucked away for proper disposal.

The EPA recently stepped up its sampling of private wells within a one-mile radius of the site.

That effort, together with an analysis of wells now deemed at risk of becoming contaminated, pushed the site’s hazardous-ranking-system score above the threshold of 28.5, enabling it to qualify for consideration as a Superfund site.

Resident and activist Barry Durand drew applause when he asked that a 2002 emergencyresponse order issued by the EPA be allowed to proceed alongside the Superfund process because of the continuing threat of contaminants migrating off-site. “It’s comparable to a fuel tanker that’s been overturned,” Durand argued. “It needs to be contained and addressed right away. It’s a timecritical situation.”

For more information on this and other CTS issues, go to mountainx.com/topics/find/CTS+of+Asheville. X Susan Andrew can be reached at 251-1333, ext. 153, or at sandrew@mountainx.com.

ncmatters

Vintage Windows Painted to Create a Beautiful New View!

Weekly reports from the Statehouse

by Nelda Holder The countdown on the Health Care Freedom Act (HB 2) went down to the wire, but just before 2 p.m. on Saturday, March 5, Gov. Bev Perdue vetoed the controversial legislation, which would have pitted the state against the federal healthcare law.

“A state can’t pass a law that is out of obeyance with federal laws, and this House Bill 2 clearly is,” Perdue said in her press statement. She also cited two other reasons for the veto, her second of the session. Since 27 other states are already challenging the national law, she noted, such action is “extraneous to North Carolina.” And echoing Attorney General Roy Cooper’s arguments, Perdue said the legislation would have unintended negative financial consequences and would “dramatically affect our Medicaid program.”

Two weeks before, Perdue had vetoed the Balanced Budget Act of 2011 (SB 13) because she felt it would hinder the state’s efforts to attract businesses and create jobs. In response, a new bill was filed that would have the governor reduce expenditures by $537,740,799 in the remainder of the current fiscal year (which ends June 30) to reduce the projected shortfall for the 2011-12 fiscal year. The bill has passed its third reading in the Senate. (Republican Sen. Ralph Hise of Spruce Pine co-sponsored both bills.)

Perdue is only the second N.C. governor to have veto power. North Carolina was the last state in the country to grant its governor that authority, via a 1996 constitutional amendment.

Perdue’s predecessor, Mike Easley, executed

nine vetos in his two terms, and only one was overturned by the Legislature (a 2008 law exempting wider boats and trailers on state roads from a special permit).

Meanwhile, Democrats are lobbying Perdue to veto another bill as well — No Cap on Number of Charter Schools, which passed the Senate and is likely to pass the House (co-sponsors included Republican Sens. Hise and Tom Apodaca, whose district includes part of Buncombe County). But several House members from Western North Carolina, including Reps. Susan Fisher, Patsy Keever and Ray Rapp, have objected to provisions in SB 8 and are introducing an alternative bill (see March 4 Xpress blog post, “Charter School Legislation May Not Pass the Test”).

Several new bills joined a “repeal annexation” movement in the Legislature that now includes efforts to void annexations in municipalities such as Kinston, Lexington, Rocky Mount, Lewisville, Wilmington, Goldsboro, Fayetteville and Asheville’s Biltmore Lake area. An early bill calling for a moratorium on involuntary annexation was co-sponsored by Republican Reps.

David Guice of Brevard and Tim Moffitt — who doesn’t live in Asheville but whose district includes part of the city. The bill was referred to the House Judiciary Committee Jan. 27, where it remains. A similar bill co-sponsored by Apodaca was introduced in the Senate a week earlier and passed its second reading. X Follow our Statehouse news at www.mountainx. com/special/ncmatters. Contributing Editor Nelda Holder can be reached at nholder@gmail.com.

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Speaking to the Center: Indigenous Wisdom, Science & the Future of Humanity Saturday, March 19 10am - 5pm “THE GREAT REMEMBERING: A NEW REALITY AND A POSITIVE FUTURE” First Congregational Church, Oak Street, Asheville

Conversations with Oscar Miro-Quesada, Peter Kingsley, Grandmother Red Leaf, David McConville, Howard Hanger and others Featuring live music & Kirtan

Sunday, March 20 12:30 - 4pm “EMERGING FROM THE DARKNESS: A SPRING EQUINOX CEREMONY” Warren Wilson College, 701 Warren Wilson Road, Swannanoa NC

With Oscar Miro-Quesada, Grandmother Red Leaf, and sacred music artist Mz. Imani

For more information: www.hear tofthehealer.org mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 17

thebeat

around town

Cold rain and snow

A look at what’s been making headlines

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Last week was marked by record rainfall and what could possibly be the last snowfall of the season.

Asheville received 2.63 inches of rain March 5 and 6 — and another 1.44 inches of rain on March 9, which broke the precipitation record for that date set back in 1927, according to the Asheville Citizen-Times.

In “Record Rain in Asheville, but Flooding Woes Limited in WNC,” the daily paper reported that, after an unusually dry January and February, the wet week put the region only 0.08 of an inch below its normal rainfall for the year. The rain resulted in some minor flooding along the French Broad in Henderson and Transylvania counties, although no damage was reported.

In the higher elevations, some of that precipitation fell as snow, with Mount Mitchell receiving about 12 inches over the course of the week. And on Friday morning, March 11, Asheville residents woke up to find a dusting of white covering grassy areas. The fresh snow wasn’t enough to prolong the ski season for most area resorts, however, with all

Who hearts Huckabee? About 600 people greeted the former Arkansas governor, onetime Republican presidential candidate and current Fox News host at the Asheville Mall’s Barnes & Noble on March 8. but Sugar Mountain Resort and Appalachian Ski Mountain now closed.

The cold rain and snow also didn’t interfere with Mike Huckabee’s March 8 visit to the Asheville Mall’s Barnes & Noble. The former Arkansas governor, onetime Republican presidential candidate and current Fox News host came to town to sign copies of his new book, A Simple Government: Twelve Things We Really Need From Washington (and a Trillion That We Don’t!).

He was greeted by a big turnout of about 600 people, several of whom encouraged him to take on President Obama in 2012, according to “Mike Huckabee Book Signing in Asheville Draws Crowd” in the CitizenTimes. Huckabee reportedly said, “I am very seriously considering it, and my time frame is this summer to make the decision.”

A recent Gallup poll showed him to be in a statistical tie with other possible 2012 Republican hopefuls Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin.

In another big story of a very different sort, the Citizen-Times devoted several front-page articles to the passing of Bob Ingle, who founded Ingle’s Markets in 1965. Ingle went on to build the supermarket into a regional

18 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

powerhouse, with 203 stores in six states. He died of cancer on March 6, at the age of 77.

“At 1 a.m. on Sunday morning, he called for his beloved wife Laura to be by his side,” Ephraim Spielman said as he delivered his eulogy. “He remarked in his typical understated manner that they had done good and it had been a good ride, but now it was time for a new adventure — no more fighting.”

Robert Ingle II took over as chief executive officer after his father passed.

In another story, the Citizen-Times reported “Former Asheville Mayor Charlie Worley Recovering After Big Heart Scare.” Mayor from 2001 to 2005 and a six-year veteran of City Council before that, Worley is recovering from a quadruple heart-bypass surgery.

His blocked artery came as a surprise to the 65-year-old avid runner and soccer player, who has never smoked and had excellent cholesterol readings.

“Pay attention to the little things,” advised Worley, who went in for tests after noticing that he was having a difficult time catching his breath while running. “Don’t wait until they become big problems.”

— Jake Frankel

themap

weekly news bits

On March 6, grocery magnate and native son Bob Ingle died; the 77-year-old founded Ingles Markets in 1965.

City Council voted March 8 to use a $290,000 federal stimulus grant to buy 900 LED light fixtures that could reduce Asheville’s annual light bill by $ 8, 9 and its carbon footprint by 0.7 percent.

Asheville’s . inches of rain on March 9 broke the precipitation record set on that date in 1927.

Despite anecdotal accounts of sightings in the last few decades, the Eastern cougar is most likely extinct, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife reported on March 2. Anecdotal sightings, the agency asserts, may be of released pets or other species.

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greenscene

environmental news by Susan Andrew

Spring green

2011 Green Building Directory released

by Susan Andrew The seventh annual Green Building Directory, a joint project of the WNC Green Building Council and Mountain Xpress, hits the streets March 23. The handy guide is your key to local resources for environmental building. In that spirit, here’s a review of local sustainablebuilding news.

It’s alive!

If you’ve ever admired a living roof (see illustration) but figured it was just too risky or complicated to try building one yourself, think again. Local plant ecologist Emilio Ancaya has teamed up with the Asheville-based Wilson Architects to create plans enabling do-it-yourselfers to build a garden shed with a living roof.

Besides looking pretty, living roofs offer numerous advantages, such as reducing storm runoff and providing habitat for plants and pollinators. They also last far longer than most conventional roofs.

Although several local contractors can now install the underlying membrane that supports a living roof, Ancaya and his wife/business partner, landscape architect Kathryn Ancaya,

“were the first in the Southeast to specialize solely in green roofs” when they launched their business eight years ago, he told Xpress from a job site in Florence, S.C., where they were installing a living roof atop the federal courthouse.

Living roofs, he reports, can easily go 50 years without repairs, as the soil and plant material protect the roof from its greatest source of damage: solar radiation.

“We’ve had tons of calls asking, ‘How do I keep soil on the roof?’ ‘How does it drain?’ So we decided to produce these plans that walk you through the whole process.”

For more information, check “our services” at livingroofsinc.com.

A good fit

The Feb. 28 installment of the Blue Ridge Sustainability Institute’s Green Mondays forum explored the latest technologies for reducing buildings’ energy use. “Buildings, and the appliances in them, accounted for 42 percent of energy use nationwide in 2009,” reported Lenny Bernstein, a principal at the institute.

Most appliances are short-lived, and replacing old ones can yield energy savings. But build-

ecocalendar Calendar for March 16 - 24, 2011 Bird Song ID for Beginners • SA(3/19), 2-3:30pm - Learn tools and techniques that are helpful for identifying birds by ear.

Join Compleat Naturalist owners Laura and Hal Mahan for avisual and audio presentation to help identify common backyard bird songs. Registration required. Meets at The Compleat Naturalist, 2 Brook St. $10. Info: www.compleatnaturalist.com or 274-5430.

Health-Based Building vs. Energy Efficient Building • TH (3/17), 3-6pm - “Health-Based High Performance Building,” an introduction to the rising healthy building movement, its tools, materials and principles, will be held at Ashford Mortgage, 150 Hilliard Ave., Asheville, with healthy building pioneer Anthony Brenner. Info: 280-3019.

Non-Toxic Community Outreach Program • TH (3/17), 3-5pm - Community input on creating a non-toxic community in Kenilworth is needed.

The Community Outreach Program will focus on health-based and non-toxic living. Meet at 150 Hilliard Ave. Snacks and refreshements provided.

Info: semia@pushahead.com.

RiverLink Events RiverLink, WNC’s organization working to improve life along the French Broad, sponsors a variety of river-friendly events. Info: 252-8474 or www. riverlink.org.

• TH (3/17), 11:45am - RiverLink Bus Tour of the French Broad and Swannanoa Rivers. Meet at the Asheville Area Chamber of Commerce, 36 Montford Ave. $15. Info and reservations: 2528474, ext. 11.

WNC Alliance Members of the WNC Alliance and the public are invited to be agents of change for the environment.

Info: 258-8737 or www.wnca.org.

• FR (3/18), 9am-3pm - Help create a new trail on Bearwallow Mountain. Sponsored by WNC Alliance, Carolina Mountain Land Conservancy and Carolina Mountain Club. Held at Bearwallow Mountain. To carpool or for directions: 258-8737.

• TH (3/24), 10am-noon - Tour Asheville’s Wastewater Treatment Plant. Do you know what happens to water after it disappears down the drain? Find out what goes into processing wastewater for Buncombe County. $7. Info: lori@wnca. org.

MORE ECO EVENTS ONLINE

Check out the Eco Calendar online at www.mountainx.com/events for info on events happening after March 24.

CALENDAR DEADLINE

The deadline for free and paid listings is 5 p.m.

WEDNESDAY, one week prior to publication.

Questions? Call (828)251-1333, ext. 365

20 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

It’s alive! Creating a living roof — with live plants growing in soil — is within reach for the do-it-yourself builder, thanks to some off-the-shelf plans for simple garden sheds developed by an Asheville-based couple, Emilio and Katherine Ancaya, founders of Living Roofs, Inc. image courtesy of Shelter Green Roof Plans

ings may last a century or more, and improving their efficiency requires retrofitting.

A panel of experts offered a wealth of ideas for cost-effective green retrofits. Most U.S. homes waste 30 percent of the energy used, noted Carl Donovan of the Asheville-based Conservation Pros; the average homeowner could save $500 a year by reducing that figure.

“A reliable benchmark for our area is that if you heat with gas or electricity, during the coldest month of the year you should be spending about 10 cents per square foot to heat your house,” he said. “If you’re spending more, you could achieve significant savings by improving your home’s energy efficiency with [projects] identified by an energy audit.”

People often focus on replacing windows, added Donovan, but unless you have very poor quality windows, replacing them yields a much lower return on investment than things like sealing air leaks and ducts, and adding insulation.

Marcus Renner, a certified energy auditor, showed how an audit can identify what steps are needed and determine their relative cost-effectiveness. “Because we as homebuyers want low purchase price,” he pointed out, “most homes are built to minimum buildingcode standards, without considering what this means for heating-and-cooling cost or comfort.”

And once you’ve made those basic improvements, said Frank Marshall of the Asheville-

based FLS Energy, solar hot water — which has a five- to seven-year payback — is the most effective step you can take to boost your home’s energy efficiency.

Finally, Progress Energy staffer Kathleen Stahl described the utility’s Energy Efficiency for Business program, which offers nonresidential customers rebates for installing energy-efficient lighting, heating/cooling, refrigeration and high-efficiency electric motors, and for going “beyond code” in constructing new buildings.

Readers can learn more at http://bit.ly/eAgCKX.

Thomas headlines home show

The 36th annual Western Carolina Home Show (Friday through Sunday, March 18-20, at the Asheville Civic Center) will feature more than 250 exhibits staffed by some 1,500 consultants, artisans, designers and salespeople.

Keynote speaker Steve Thomas, best known for his 14 years as the eco-savvy host of the popular PBS series This Old House, is now seen on Renovation Nation, part of Discovery Channel’s Planet Green network. The program focuses on green home improvements, sustainability, energy efficiency and environmentalism.

Tickets ($6, kids 12 and under get in free) are available at wnchomeshow.com or at the door. X Send your environmental news to Susan Andrew (251-1333, ext. 153, or sandrew@mountainx.com).

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 21

greenthumb Now IN GH Flora Duo Nutrient Nextgen Digital Ballasts & more only Authorized Hydrofarm Dealer in wNC Competetive Prices & Advice You Can Trust!

www.newagegardens.com “Family Owned & Operated”

Located on 2 acres 5 miles from Asheville I-40 (exit 59) Call for details (828) 299-9989

CSA in the USA (and WNC)

Get your greens, support farmers and check out some livestock

Just what is a CSA farm share anyway?

It’s Community Supported Agriculture, the folks at the Appalachian Sustainable Agriculture Project explain. The basic idea: When you become a CSA farm share member, you pay the farmer in advance for “shares” of the season’s bounty. When the radishes, kale and more start growing (or eggs start hatching, depending on what your farmer offers), you get to enjoy a steady supply of fresh foods — from meats to veggies, straight from the farm every week.

This Saturday, March 26, interested residents get a chance to meet the farmers, learn more about how CSAs work and sign up for their share. The fair will be held at the Asheville Pizza and Brewing Company’s Coxe Avenue location.

The event is from 2 to 6 p.m. Farmers need to be there by 1 or 1:15 to set up, says one of the organizers, Nicole Delcogliano. “We suggest folks bring photos of their farm; flyers, postcards or brochures about their CSA program; and taste tests of their products, if applicable,” she says.

What should residents bring? Questions and your tastebuds.

For more information and CSA updates, visit ASAP’s website, asapconnections.org.

Head ‘em up

The Southeast Livestock Exchange will hold its first livestock sale of the season at the new Western North Carolina Regional Livestock Center (474 Stock Drive in Canton) on Monday, March 21, at noon.

“The WNC Regional Livestock Center is a grass-roots vision of area producers and family farmers that has come to fruition,” states L. T. Ward, vice president of WNC Communities, a regional nonprofit that helped create the new center. As a an economic development program for the livestock industry, the center focuses on providing a long-term, viable market to sell livestock (the new center replaces one that closed in 2004); a program to improve the quality of the herd; and a way for local producers to have access to buyers who are willing to pay top dollar for quality beef. The access to buyers will come through the relationship with Southeast Livestock Exchange, the entity selected to operate the market.

After the season opener, future sales will be conducted on subsequent Mondays. Cattle can be received at the WNC Regional Livestock Center on Sundays from 1 to 7 p.m. and Mondays beginning at 7 a.m.

All livestock traffic should use the industrial entrance to the new market: Freedom Drive to Beaverdam Road. The following are specific directions traveling from the east or west. From Interstate-40 West, take Exit 33 (Newfound Road); at the off-ramp, continue straight on

22 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Happy meals: Community Supported Agriculture gives both farmers and customers a boost each season (Alex Brown of Full Sun Farm pictured). photo courtesy ASAP

Freedom Drive. At the stop sign at the bottom of the hill, make a left on Beaverdam. Stock Drive is on the right. From I-40 East, take Exit 33 and turn left, driving over the interstate. Take a left on Freedom Drive, and follow the above directions.

The WNC Regional Livestock Center has been made possible through the generous support of over $3 million dollars in funding from the North Carolina Tobacco Trust Fund Commission, Golden LEAF Foundation, NC Rural Center, Appalachian Regional Commission, NC Agricultural Development Farmland Preservation Trust Fund, International Paper, along with critical local contributions from counties, businesses and producers. WNC Communities is the result of two longtime organizations merging — Western North Carolina Associated Communities and Western North Carolina Development Association. It’s “dedicated to providing a unique forum for leaders in the mountain region of North Carolina to convene, collaborate and carry out innovative programs to improve the quality of life for rural communities and enhance the economy of the agriculture sector.” (wnccommunities.org) For more information, contact the WNC Regional Livestock Center at (828) 646-3700.

Cold-weather gardening

by Winter Green

Here’s a tip on an upcoming event we saw posted at the Asheville Citizen-Times garden blog by Polly McDaniel: Local garden nonprofit Winter Green is partnering with Slow Food Asheville for a cold-weather gardening program on Saturday, March 27, from 1 to 3 p.m. at Community High School in Swannanoa. “We will showcase the vegetables we currently have growing in our hoop houses, high tunnels and low tunnels. We also will provide instruction and ideas on: how to grow produce in a hoop house; the benefits of winter growing; and the basic structure of hoop houses,” McDaniel quotes the Winter Green folks. “The event is limited to 20 participants with a $10 per person cost. Register by Friday, March 25, by e-mailing amagreen@gmail.com or calling 242-2578.”

For more information, visit winter-green.org. X Send your garden-and-farm news to news@ mountainx.com or call News Editor Margaret Williams at 251-1333, ext. 152.

gardeningcalendar Calendar for March 16 - 24, 2011 A Smart Gardening Seminar by Buncombe Master Gardeners (pd.) Learn best plants, techniques, edible landscaping, design ideas, for WNC gardens. • AB-Tech’s Ferguson Auditorium • Saturday, April 9. $12. Pre-registration required.(828) 255-5522 or http:// buncombemastergardener.org ECO Events The Environmental and Conservation Organization is dedicated to preserving the natural heritage of Henderson County and the mountain region as an effective voice of the environment. Located at 121 Third Ave. W., in Hendersonville. Info: 692-0385 or www.eco-wnc.org.

• SA (3/19), 10am-3pm - “Composting Bonanza.” Brian Rosa, composting specialist with the N.C. Department of Environment; Chandler Cummins, with Advanced Composting Technologies; Janice Sitton, of Good Green Graces; and Katie Breckheimer, will discuss “residential composting on a small scale to industrial and commercial composting on a large scale.” A vermicomposting workshop will be given in the afternoon, where participants will take home their own active worm bins. The cost for the presentations is $15/ $35 for the entire event. Register: 692-0385.

Ikenobo Ikebana Society The Blue Ridge Chapter of Ikenobo Ikebana Society (Japanese Flower Arranging) is a nonprofit organization that meets monthly at St. John’s in the Wilderness Parish House (Rt.#225 South & Rutledge Road.) in Flat Rock.

Yearly membership is available. Info: 696-4103.

• TH (3/17), 10am - Meeting. Socializing begins at 9:45am. The program will demonstrate how to use containers for different styles of arrangements, highlighting the “free-style moribana.” Guests are welcome.

Swannanoa Community Garden A garden in Swannanoa where community members can rent plots for individual or group use. Sponsored by the Swannanoa Pride Community Coalition, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting public events and services in Swannanoa. Plots are available for $15-$25 per season. Info: 581-4064 or http://on.fb.me/dSTgpk.

• Through SA (4/30) - Join the Swannanoa Community Garden.

MORE GARDENING EVENTS ONLINE

Check out the Gardening Calendar online at www.mountainx.com/events for info on events happening after March 24.

CALENDAR DEADLINE

The deadline for free and paid listings is 5 p.m. WEDNESDAY, one week prior to publication.

Questions? Call (828)251-1333, ext. 365

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 23

calendar

your guide to community events, classes, concerts & galleries

calendar categories community events & workshops / social & shared-interest groups / government & politics / seniors & retirees / animals / technology / business & careers / volunteering / health programs / support groups / helplines / sports groups & activities / kids / spirituality / arts / spoken & written word / festivals & gatherings / music / theater / comedy / film / dance / auditions & call to artists Calendar for March 16 - 24, 2011 Unless otherwise stated, events take place in Asheville, and phone numbers are in the 828 area code.

Day-by-day calendar is online Want to find out everything that’s happening today — or tomorrow, or any day of the week? Go to www.mountainx. com/events.

Weekday Abbreviations: SU = Sunday, MO = Monday, TU = Tuesday, WE = Wednesday, TH = Thursday, FR = Friday, SA = Saturday

Community Events & Workshops Dressed to Invest (pd.) Mar. 24, 2011, 5:30 pm - 7:00 pm. Seminar for women by Michelle Matson, VP of Matson Money and author of “Rich Chick: The 9 Must-Have Accessories Every

Girl Needs to Create Financial Confidence, Independence and Freedom”. Presented

by The Financial Coaching Center, LLC. Free. RSVP by 3/21/11. 828-779-4002. coachingcenter@att.net Western Carolina Home Show (pd.) Asheville Civic Center.

• March 18, 2011, 11am8pm. • March 19, 2011, 10am-8pm. • March 20, 2011, 11am-5pm. $6. Tickets in advance online or at the door, children 12 years old and under are free. Western Carolina’s premier Home Show since 1976. The Home Show features displays of the latest home construction techniques, materials and products. Home furnishings, home builders, lawn and garden equipment, landscaping, pools and spas, home financing, appliances, home security and entertainment, decorating ideas, decks and patios, sporting goods, heating and cooling equipment home

Calendar deadlines:

*FREE and PAID listings - Wednesday, 5 p.m.

(7 days prior to publication) Can’t find your group’s listing?

Due to the abundance of great things to do in our area, we only have the space in print to focus on timely events. Our print calendar now covers an eight-day range. For a complete directory of all Community Calendar groups and upcoming events, please visit www.mountainx.com/events..

Calendar Information In order to qualify for a free listing, an event must cost no more than $40 to attend and be sponsored by and/or benefit a nonprofit.

If an event benefits a business, it’s a paid listing.

If you wish to submit an event for Clubland (our free live music listings), please e-mail clubland@mountainx.com.

Free Listings To submit a free listing: * Online submission form (best): http://www.mountainx.com/ events/submission * E-mail (second best): calendar@mountainx.com * Fax (next best): (828) 251-1311, Attn: Free Calendar * Mail: Free Calendar, Mountain Xpress, P.O. Box 144, Asheville, NC 28802 * In person: Mountain Xpress, 2 Wall St. (the Miles Building), second floor, downtown Asheville.

Please limit your submission to 40 words or less.

Questions? Call (828) 251-1333, ext. 365.

Paid Listings Paid listings lead the calendar sections in which they are placed, and are marked (pd.).

To submit a paid listing, send it to our Classified Department by any of the following methods. Be sure to include your phone number, for billing purposes. * E-mail: marketplace@mountainx.com. * Fax: (828) 251-1311, Attn: Commercial Calendar * Mail: Commercial Calendar, Mountain Xpress, P.O. Box 144, Asheville, NC 28802 * In person: Classified Dept., Mountain Xpress, 2 Wall St. (the Miles Building), Ste. 214, downtown Asheville.

Questions? Call our Classified Department at (828) 251-1333, ext. 335.

repair and renovation, and much more. More information at http://www.wnchomeshow. com or call 828-255-2526.

Email: info@wnchomeshow. com AARP Tax-Aide Free tax preparation for seniors and low-and middleincome taxpayers. Electronic filing available. Call the individual location for details on what to bring. Info: www. aarp.org/taxaide. Questions and requests for homebound individuals: 277-8288.

• Through MO (4/18) - Free tax preparation available at Pack Library, 67 Haywood St., Mon. & Wed., 10am-4pm (628-3662); West Asheville Library, 942 Haywood Road, Tues., 9am-3pm (658-9718); Weaverville Library, 41 North Main St., Thurs., noon-5pm (713-9381); and Black Mountain Library, 105 N. Dougherty St., Tues., 10am4pm (505-4373).

Asheville Design Center An exhibit and meeting space at 8 College St., Asheville.

Info: www.ashevilledesigncenter.org.

• WE (3/16), 6pm - Dan Johnson, YMI interim director will give a presentation on “Bringing it Back to the Block.” All are welcome to attend and learn about the evolution of the YMI Cultural Center and ADC’s work in The Block. See website for details.

Ethical Society of Asheville A humanistic, religious and educational movement inspired by the ideal that the supreme aim of human life is working to create a more humane society. Meetings are held at the Botanical Garden’s visitors center, 151 W. T. Weaver Blvd. All are welcome.

Info: 687-7759 or www. aeu.org.

• SU (3/20), 2-3:30pm - In recognition of Women’s History Month, “Equality Delayed: 500 years of fighting for women’s rights,” will be presented by Bob Tinkler. This talk will cover efforts around the world to achieve women’s equality over a period of five centuries and is based on The Essential Feminist Reader, edited by Estelle Freedman.

Events at Historic Johnson Farm Located at 3346 Haywood Road in Hendersonville. There

24 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

are two nature trails (free), and guided tours are offered.

Info: 891-6585 or www. historicjohnsonfarm.org.

• WE (3/23), noon - Lunch and Learn: “21st Century Egypt Revealed,” with Pam Gaitskill. Hear stories from her recent trip to Egypt and see photos taken during the visit. Learn about the pyramids, camels and sights of everyday life in today’s Egypt.

Bring a lunch. Coffee, tea and water provided. Reservations recommended. $5.

Public Lectures & Events at UNCA Events are free unless otherwise noted.

• FR (3/18), 11:25am - Humanities Lecture: “WWI and the Russian Revolution,” with Ted Uldricks, UNCA professor of history, at Lipinsky Auditorium and “Film,” with Charles McKnight, UNCA associate professor of music, in the Humanities Lecture Hall.

• MO (3/21), 11:25am - Humanities Lecture: “Greek City-States and Tragedy,” with Sophie Mills, UNCA chair and professor of classics, at Lipinsky Auditorium and “Reformations,” with Gary Ettari, UNCA associate professor of literature, at the Humanities Lecture Hall.

• TH (3/24), 7pm - The 10th annual Parsons Lecture, “Monkeys, Mathematics and Mischief,” by award-winning math educator Ed Burger, will be held at Lipinsky Auditorium.

• Through TH (3/31) - Riverlink invites the community to share their thoughts on a potential outdoor arts festival of handmade goods, to be held in thefall of 2011 on Riverside Drive. The survey can be completed at http:// conta.cc/gAA2Xf. Speed Date With an Architect • FR (3/18) through SU (3/20) - Thinking about an addition to your house, remodeling your kitchen, or building your dream home? “Speed Date with an Architect” will give homeowners 20 to 30 minutes of free advice from an AIA Asheville architect during the Western Carolina Home Show.

Interested parties are encouraged to bring photos, drawings and questions about their project. Held at the Asheville Civic Center. Info: info@

weeklypicks Events are FREE unless otherwise noted.

wed

WNC Models of Sustainability in Craft Making, a panel discussion highlighting two WNC organizations – EnergyXchange of Burnsville and Jackson County Green Energy Park of Dillsboro – that use solar energy, methane gas captured from adjacent landfills, and other sustainable practices to fuel the studios of potters, glassblowers and blacksmiths, as well as greenhouses, will be held on Wednesday, March 16 at 7 p.m., in the third floor conference center at UNCA’s Owen Hall. Info: craftcreativitydesign.org or 890-2050.

thur

On Thursday, March 17 Transition Asheville hosts a forum on developing sustainable water resources from 7 to 9 p.m. at the West Asheville Library, 942 Haywood Road. Geologist Sherry Ingram and Brett Laverty, a N.C. hydrologist and a City of Asheville representative, will give a presentation. Info: 296-0064.

fri

The Classic World Cinema Foreign Film Series presents a screening of Close-Up by Abbas Kiarostami (1990 Iran), on Friday, March 18 at 7:45 p.m., in the upstairs library Phil Mechanic Studio, 109 Roberts St. Info: ashevillecourtyard.com or Cranky Hanke's special showing section.

sat

Dress up in green attire for downtown Hendersonville's March of the Leprechauns on Saturday, March 19 from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. This celebration of Irish heritage is a family-friendly affair and features entertainment and a costume contest. Info: 233-3216.

sun

The Ethical Society of Asheville hosts "Equality Delayed: 500 years of fighting for women's rights," a lecture

by Bob Tinkler. The talk, held at the Botanical Garden's visitors center, 151 W. T. Weaver Blvd., Asheville, on Sunday, March 20 from 2 to 3:30 p.m., is presented in conjunction with Women's History Month. Info: 687-7759 or aeu.org.

mon

Hole 'n' Da Wall, 44 Market St., in downtown Asheville, invites spoken word artists of all types to its weekly Cipher Circle Mondays, a "jazz-infused open mic" catered toward spoken word artists, freestylers, improv singers and rhyme artists of all natures. Held on Monday, March 21 at 10 p.m. Bass and drum accompaniment is provided. Donations encouraged. Info: PureSavageEnt@gmail.com.

tue

All are invited to a screening of the Academy Award-nominated film "Changing Our Minds: The Story of Evelyn Hooker," on Tuesday, March 22 from 7 to 9 p.m. The film recounts the life of the groundbreaking psychiatrist whose research led to the removal of homosexuality from the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental illnesses in 1973. Held at All Souls Cathedral, 9 Swan St., in Asheville. Info: 274-2681.

aiaasheville.org or visit www. aiaasheville.org.

Stecoah Valley Center Events Located at 121 Schoolhouse Road, Robbinsville. Info: 4793364 or www.stecoahvalleycenter.com.

• WE (3/16), 10:30am12:30pm - “Using Social Media to Promote Your Business.” Ronda Birtha’s six-week series begins with “Setting Up Facebook Pages for Your Business”.

Other topics to be covered include: “Best Practices for Attracting Visitors,” “Blogging and Tweeting,” “Your Web Presence and Your Dedication to Maintaining It” and more.

Participants must bring their own laptop. $20/Free to AWE members.

Transition Asheville Aims to bring the community together, develop practical solutions and improve the quality of life for everyone in light of peak oil, climate change and the ensuing economic tensions. Info: (423) 737-5162 or 296-0064.

• TH (3/17), 7-9pm - Forum: “Developing Sustainable

Water Resources.” Learn about the area’s water supply and ways to sustain water resources for the future, including the Urban Watershed Project, which creates neighborhood-scale watersheds as sub-basins.

Geologist Sherry Ingram and Brett Laverty, a N.C. hydrologist and a City of Asheville representative, will present.

Held at the West Asheville Library, 942 Haywood Road.

Social & SharedInterest Groups Alpha Phi Alumnae Meeting • WE (3/16), 6pm - The Asheville area alumnae of Alpha Phi sorority will meet at Stoney Knob Café, 337 Merrimon Ave. Info: Jrandolph919@aol.com or 230-8764.

Artistic Asheville Singles Group • WEEKLY - Meeting locations vary. For single people under 35. Info: coolspiritualartistic@gmail.com.

Asheville Front Runners Asheville Front Runners is a group of LGBTQ Ashevillans

and straight allies who strive for equality. Info: www.ashevillefrontrunners.com.

• SUNDAYS - Join us for a run or walk at Carrier Park’s picnic tables. Check website for time.

Buncombe Co. Parks, Greenways & Rec. Events Events are free and are held at 59 Woodfin Pl., unless otherwise noted. To register or for more info: 250-4265 or grace.young@buncombecounty.org.

• MO (3/21), 10am - “Discover Your Family History,” with Sasha Mitchell.

Learn to record information, interview relatives, cite sources, request records, explore online resources and preserve family history during this workshop. Register by March 17. $5.

Changing Our Minds • TU (3/22), 7-9pm Changing Our Minds: The Story of Evelyn Hooker, an Academy Award-nominated film about the psychiatrist who had the word “homosexuality” removed from the American Psychiatric Association’s list of mental

illnesses, will be screened.

Screenwriter James Harrison will introduces the film. Held at All Souls Cathedral, 9 Swan St., in Asheville. Info: 274-2681.

CLOSER Looking for gay folks in your age group? CLOSER is Asheville’s oldest LGBT social club serving all boomers and seniors. Providing entertainment, education and fellowship. Info: 776-0109.

• TUESDAYS, 7-9pm - Meets in the library at All Souls Cathedral on All Souls Crescent in Asheville.

Helios Warriors Health Care Program for Veterans A nonprofit alternative therapy program for veterans. Info: 299-0776, info@helioswarriors.org or www.helioswarriors.org.

• FRIDAYS & SUNDAYS - Offering complementary/ alternative therapies. Needed: professional licensed/insured practitioners willing to offer a minimum of three hours per month of their service.

Just Economics

A GUARANTEED GREAT NIGHT OUT. Whether it’s music, comedy or sports – the Smoky Mountains are rockin’!

SATURDAY, MARCH 19

FRIDAY, MARCH 25

SATURDAY, APRIL 16

FRIDAY, APRIL 22

FRIDAY, APRIL 29 SPECIAL GUEST MMA SUPERSTAR: WANDERLEI “THE AXE MURDERER” SILVA

THURSDAY, MAY 19

HUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS FRIDAY, APRIL 8

SATURDAY, APRIL 23

SATURDAY, JUNE 11 TICKETS ON SALE MARCH 18

Our Events Center is now open and is the ultimate place to see all-star entertainment with everything from music and comedy to sports and lifestyle events. With over 3,000 seats, it’s the premier regional entertainment venue where you’re guaranteed a great night out. So come in and check out all the new things we’ve got going on.

Visit Ticketmaster.com or call 1-800-745-3000 to purchase tickets.

Shows subject to change or cancellation. Must be 21 years of age or older to enter casino and to gamble. Know When To Stop Before You Start.® Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-522-4700.

An Enterprise of the Eastern Band of the Cherokee Nation. ©2011, Caesars License Company, LLC.

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 25

An Asheville-based nonprofit dedicated to working toward closing the gap between earning a minimum wage and a “living wage,” taking into consideration the cost of living in Asheville. Info: www. justeconomicswnc.org.

• Through (4/25) - Applications for “Just Brew It,” a homebrew beer festival and competition, will be accepted. Info: Markhebbard@justeconomicswnc.org.

Land-of-Sky Regional Council Info: 251-6622 or www. landofsky.org.

• WE (3/23), 1pm - Meeting at Land-Of-Sky Regional Council. Call for details.

Transylvania Genealogical Society The organizations’ Genealogy Room is located at the Transylvania Heritage Museum, 189 W. Main St., in Brevard. Info: 862-8228, heritage@citcom.net or www. transylvaniagenealogy.com.

• WEDNESDAYS & FRIDAYS - The Genealogy Research Room will be open to genealogists from 1-5pm on Wednesdays, and from 10am-5pm on Fridays.

Transylvania Heritage Museum Located at 189 W. Main Street, Brevard. Hours: Wed.Sat., 10am-5pm. Donation.

Info: 884-2347 or www. transylvaniaheritage.org.

• MO (3/21), 7pm - Julie Nowak, creative owner of Personal Genealogy Services, will present her approach to organizing genealogical data, use of the computer and various software packages. Info: heritage@comporium.net.

WNC Physicians for Social Responsibility • FR (3/18), noon - Lunch, followed by a short program and public meeting. Held at IRS office at 45 Riverview Drive. Info: patrie.wncpsr@ main.nc.us.

versary of the invasion of Iraq, will be held at the White Horse Black Mountain, 105C Montreat Road.

Government & Politics

Ready To Sell Or Buy A Restaurant In WNC? (pd.) We work exclusively with the food and beverage industry. • Contact National Restaurant Properties in Asheville: (828) 225-4801. jeffnra@bellsouth.net • www. restaurantstore.com A-B Tech Continuing Ed Classes Classes are free, unless otherwise noted. Info & registration: www.abtech. edu/ce/registration.

• TH (3/17), 6-8pm - “Effectively Market Your Natural Products.” Gain the tools and knowledge you need to get herbal, food and functional food products noticed. Topics include: how to be competitive; branding; store and trade show promotions; and old-fashioned and

The Green Tea Party Free and open to the public. Info: 582-5180 or ts.greenjobs@gmail.com.

• THURSDAYS, 6pm - You are invited to a brewing of home-grown ideas steeped in traditional values. Meeting at Dobra Tea Room, 78 N. Lexington Ave., Asheville.

Veterans for Peace The public is invited to the regular business meeting of the WNC Veterans for Peace Chapter 099. Info: 2581800 or vfpchapter099wnc. blogspot.com.

• SA (3/19) - A demonstration and civil disobedience exercise, to mark the anni-

Seniors & Retirees 60+ Exercise Smarter (pd.) Learn better ways to exercise. Make every movement lighter, freer, easier. Personal attention, two instructors. Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, noon1:15pm. $15 or 10 sessions for $130. 117 Furman, Asheville. RSVP: 225-3786. www.FormFitnessFunction. com Fitness at Battery Park Apartments • FRIDAYS, 10:40-11:40am - Interested in fun exercise?

Come get healthy! Chairs are available to accommodate all fitness levels. Located at 1 Battle Square, across from the Grove Arcade. Free. Info: 252-7397.

“Retirement Planning Today” • TH (3/17) & SA (3/19) - Learn how to plan for early retirement by attending”Retirement Planning Today,” a workshop at UNCA, 1 University Heights.

Info: 651-9617 or www. wallco.com/documents/ RPTMar11UNCA.pdf.

Animals Community Partnership for Pets This nonprofit’s primary goal is to provide affordable spay/neuter services to communities in/around Henderson County. Info: 693-5172 or www.communitypartnershipforpets.org.

• Through MO (2/28) - Spay/ neuter services will be offered at half price. $10 for cats/$15 for dogs.

Business

new-online social networking. $5. At A-B Tech, Enka.

• TH (3/24), 6-8pm - “Effectively Market Your Natural Products.” Gain the tools and knowledge you need to get herbal, food and functional food products noticed. $5. At A-B Tech, Madison.

A-B Tech’s Center for Business & Technology Incubation To register for seminars: 254-1921, ext. 5857 or http://abtech.edu/ce/registration/default.asp.

• Applications are currently being accepted for the Young Entrepreneurial Scholars Camp, a weeklong summer day camp for rising high school sophomores, juniors and seniors interested in business ownership. The program will take place June 13-17 from 9am-3pm at the school’s Enka campus. $25.

•A free Middle School Academy for sixth through eighth grade students will be held July 18 and 19 from 9am-2pm.

American Advertising Federation Asheville Info: 258-0316, programs@ aafasheville.org or www. aafasheville.org.

• MO (3/21), 11:30am-1pm - “A Recession-Friendly Guide to Guerilla Marketing,” with Stephen Childress, associate creative director of the bounce agency, at The Venue, 21 N. Market St. $15 for members/$25 guests.

Asheville SCORE Counselors to Small Business If your business could use some help, SCORE is the place to start. Free and confidential. To make an appointment: 271-4786.

Our offices are located in the Federal Building, 151 Patton Ave., room 259. Seminars are held at A-B Tech’s Small Business Center, room 2046.

Free for veterans. Info: www. ashevillescore.org.

• WE (3/16), 1-4pm - “Accounting for NonAccountants” —- 6-9pm - “Social Media Networking for Business.”

Creative Sector Summit • WE (3/16) & TH (3/17), 1:30pm - The first annual Creative Sector Summit will take place in Asheville, assembling creative professionals, leaders of community organizations and businesses, and key stakeholders for networking, education and collaboration. Held Wednesday at The Masonic Temple, 80 Broadway St., and Thursday at The Hilton in Biltmore Park.

Info: 712-3808 or graham@ ashevillearts.com.

Public Lectures & Events at UNCA

26 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Events are free unless otherwise noted.

• WE (3/23), 4pm - Career Interest Panel: “Women and Writing Careers,” at the Highsmith University Union, rooms 221-223. Free and open to the public. Info: www. unca.edu/career or 251-6515.

Technology Free Computer Classes Classes are held at Charlotte Street Computers, 252 Charlotte St. To register: classes@charlottestreetcomputers.com.

• MONDAYS, 12:15-1:15pm - Mac OSX Basics.

• TUESDAYS, 12:15-1:15pm - iPhoto Basics.

• WEDNESDAYS, 12:151:15pm - iMovie Basics.

• THURSDAYS, 12:151:15pm - iPad Basics.

• FRIDAYS, noon-1:30pm - Google docs —- 2-3:30pm - Windows 7 —- 4-6pm - Facebook/YouTube.

• SATURDAYS, Noon-1pm - Protecting your PC. • SUNDAYS, 12:15-1:15pm - GarageBand.

Volunteering Host Families Needed for Exchange Students (pd.) World Heritage Student Exchange seeks host families for exemplary students from over 30 countries in Europe, South America, and Asia. http://www.world-heritage. org/ or email your local area representative: cainovich@ gmail.com American Cancer Society Road to Recovery Program: Volunteers are needed to drive cancer patients to and from their treatments. Make a difference in the lives of cancer patients by becoming a volunteer driver. Info: 254-6931, 1-800-ACS-2345 or www. cancer.org.

• WE (3/23) - Training session: Learn to become a volunteer with the American Cancer Society and drive a cancer patient to treatment.

Call for more information.

Asheville Area Habitat for Humanity Seeks Volunteers Info: volunteer@ashevillehabitat.org or 210-9377.

• TUESDAYS or THURSDAYS, 5:30-8pm - Skip the gym and head to Habitat. Get your workout while volunteering in the home store warehouse.

ASSE International • Through WE (8/31) - ASSE International seeks local families to host male and female cultural exchange students between the ages of 15 and 18. Students have pocket money for personal expenses and full health, accident and

liability insurance. Families can choose students from a wide variety of backgrounds, countries and personal interests. Info: 301-0794 or (800)-473-0696.

Big Brothers Big Sisters of WNC Located at 50 S. French Broad Ave., room 213, in the United Way building.

The organization matches children from single-parent homes with adult mentors.

Info: www.bbbswnc.org or 253-1470.

• TU (3/22), Noon Information session for adults interested in going on outings twice a month with youth from single-parent homes.

Activities are free or low-cost and include playing sports or visiting local attractions.

Volunteers are also needed to mentor for an hour per week in school and during afterschool programs.

Blue Ridge Literacy Council Info: 696-3811 or www. litcouncil.org.

• TUESDAYS (3/22) & THURSDAYS (3/17 & 3/24), 6-9pm - Tutor training sessions for adult volunteers interested in teaching writing and reading skills. Location & info: 696-3811.

Hands On Asheville-Buncombe Choose the volunteer opportunity that works for you. Youth are welcome on many projects with adult supervision.

Info: www.handsonasheville. org or call 2-1-1. Visit the website to sign up for a project.

• TH (3/17), 3-5pm - Teachers Pet: Volunteers will create supplemental educational materials that will be used in-and-out of the classroom to help elementary students improve their reading skills. Make flashcards, games and more. Instruction and materials will be provided.

• SA (3/19), 10-11:30pm - Kids Care: Children ages 4-6 are invited to sort and pack food to be donated to agencies serving the hungry of WNC. • SA (3/19), 9am-noon - In the Garden: Help prepare the Emma Community Garden for planting and harvest. Much of the harvest will eventually be distributed to the community through their food pantry.

• TH (3/24), 5-7pm - Meals for Hope: Cook and serve a meal for 15-25 women and children who are part of New Choices, an empowerment program for displaced homemakers in need of counseling and assistance.

• TH (3/24), 4-6pm - FairTrade Stock-Up: Assist with unpacking and pricing merchandise for Ten Thousand Villages, a nonprofit, fair-

trade retail store that sells handcrafted items made by artisans in more than 30 developing countries.

Meals On Wheels Meals On Wheels delivers meals to more than 500 homebound elderly people each weekday through the help of a network of more than 300 volunteers. Info: 253-5286.

• Meals On Wheels of Asheville and Buncombe County urgently needs volunteer delivery drivers. Call to become a volunteer.

Montford Park Players Unless otherwise noted, performances are free and take place outdoors Fri.Sun. at 7:30 p.m. at Hazel Robinson Amphitheater in Montford. Bring folding chair and umbrella in case of rain.

Donations accepted. Info: 254-5146 or www.montfordparkplayers.org.

• SATURDAYS (through 4/30) - Volunteers are needed to help renovate the Hazel Robinson Amphitheatre, home to the Montford Park Players’ summer Shakespeare season.

Community efforts will “help bring the current performance space back to life, with new materials for safety, aesthetics and durability.” Call for details.

Introductory Wing Tsun (wing chun) Class • SATURDAYS, 1-1:45pm - An introductory Authentic WingTsun (Chinese Boxing) class will be held at Asheville Dance Revolution, 63 Brook St. The class involves selfdefense/fighting techniques and no experience is required.

Safe and friendly training environment. Sponsored by The Cultural Development Group, a local nonprofit. Donations encouraged. Info: 277-6777.

Sports at UNCA Unless otherwise noted, all events are free and open to the public. Info: 251-6459.

• SA (3/19), 9am-3pm - The 12th annual Science Olympiad Tournament, a competition involving numerous middle schools and high schools in WNC, will be held at various UNCA campus locations. N.C. representatives Patsy Keever and Susan Fisher will be part of the award ceremony.

Info: whitlock@unca.edu or jbeck@unca.edu.

Tai Chi for Seniors & Beginners • WEDNESDAYS, 10:30am - Held at Aston Park, in the tennis center, 336 Hilliard Ave. Info: 707-6907 or astonparkfit@gmail.com.

Sports Groups & Activities

Form/Strength Combo for Runners (pd.) Improve endurance.

Unique combination of Pilates and Alexander. • Two highly experienced instructors, marathon runners. • Personal attention. Thursdays, 9-10:30am. • $20 or 10 sessions for $175. 117 Furman, Asheville. • RSVP: 225-3786. www.FormFitnessFunction. com Runners’ Training Schedule Design (pd.) Individual package includes: Written training schedule to meet race goals.

• Ongoing once-a-week telephone consultations to review and adjust. $40 per training month. (828) 225-3786. www.FormFitnessFunction. com Appalachian Trail Hall of Fame Nominations • Hikers and hiking enthusiasts nationwide have until Thursday, March 31, to submit nominations for the first inductees into the Appalachian Trail Hall of Fame, established by the Appalachian Trail Museum Society to recognize those who have made a significant contribution toward establishing and maintaining the 2,181 mile footpath that passes through 14 states from Maine to Georgia. Info: www.atmuseum.org.

Asheville Track Club

Annual Western North Carolina Aquatic School (pd.) Held on April 29, 30 and May 1. The training will be held at the Zeugner Recreation Center indoor pool, South Asheville. The following courses will be taught: • Lifeguard Training teaches participants the knowledge and skills needed to respond to an aquatic emergency. Minimum age is 15. • Lifeguard Instructor Training teaches participants to instruct students in basic lifeguarding skills. Candidates for this training must have completed Lifeguard Training and be at least 17 years old.

• Water Safety Instructor Training teaches participants to instruct students in basic water safety. Minimum age is 16. The cost is $185 per participant. Upon successful completion of the three day course, participants will receive Red Cross Certification. Deadline to apply is April 22, 2011. The Zeugner Center is located at 90 Springside Drive, behind TC Roberson High School.

• For information call Teri Gentile at (828) 684-5072 or email her at teri.gentile@ buncombecounty.org

Outdoors

The club provides information, education, training, social and sporting events for runners and walkers of any age.

Please see the group Website for weekly events and news.

Info: www.ashevilletrackclub. org or 253-8781.

• SUNDAYS, 8:30am - Trail run for all paces. Meet at the N.C. Arboretum’s greenhouse parking area. Info: 648-9336.

Bikes and Beers • 1st & 3rd SUNDAYS, 4:30pm - Join the Asheville Pedal Punks on a social ride for all skill levels (beginners encouraged). Rides begin at the corner of Hillside Street and Mount Clare Avenue and conclude with a drink at The Bywater on Riverside Drive.

Info: www.ashevillepedalpunks.blogspot.com. Free.

Carolina Mountain Club CMC fosters the enjoyment of the mountains of WNC and adjoining regions and encourages the conservation of our natural resources through an extensive schedule of hikes and a program of trail building and maintenance. $20 per year, family memberships $30 per year. Newcomers must call the leader before the hike. Info: www.carolinamtnclub.org.

• WE (3/16), 8am Brown Gap to I-40 on the Appalachian Trail. Info: 2433630 or rhysko@yahoo.com.

• SU (3/20), 8am - Mackey Mountain and Sugar Cove Creek Trail. Info: 738-0751 or jimr57@yahoo.com —12:30pm - Rainbow Falls to Jones Gap. Info: 687-2547 or baiko70@aol.com.

• WE (3/23), 8:30am - Allen Gap to Tanyard Gap. Info: 380-1452 or desraylet@ aol.com.

Cold Water Paddling Clinic • SA (3/19), 1pm - David Whitmire, a river guide, will lead this course focusing on “avoiding potential risks, preparing fully for spring paddling adventures and what to do if you capsize.” Held at Headwaters Outfitters in Rosman. Free. Info: 877-3106 or www.headwatersoutfitters. com.

Events at Historic Johnson Farm Located at 3346 Haywood Road in Hendersonville. There are two nature trails (free), and guided tours are offered.

Info: 891-6585 or www. historicjohnsonfarm.org.

• TH (3/24), 7pm - “Gary Eblan’s Bucket List.” Eblan will share the items he is placing in his personal “bucket list” of things to do, places to go, and things to buy.

This session is offered to encourage listeners to gain a new perspective on the

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mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 27

wonders of the natural world.

Reservations required. $5.

Pisgah Center for Wildlife Located in Pisgah National Forest, 10 miles from Brevard off of US Hwy. 276 N. Programs are free, but registration is required. Info: 8774423 or www.ncwildlife.org.

• SA (3/19) & SU (3/20) - The Pisgah Fly Masters Fly-Fishing Tournament and benefit will be held. All proceeds from this event and the contributions from community sponsors will be used to fund Pisgah Center for Wildlife’s education programs. There will be competition in youth, fisherman and professional categories. $50 adults/$30 youth. Info: www.ncwildlife. org/PisgahFlymasters.

Interested in volunteering?

Contact: 77-4423 or melinda. patterson@ncwildlife.org.

• SA (3/20), 9am-noon - “Talkin’ Turkey,” a program on hunting wild turkeys, will focus on hunting methods and equipment, calling techniques, safety concerns and other helpful strategies and tips. Registration required.

Free.

Southern Appalachian Highlands Conservancy The mission of the SAHC is to protect the world’s oldest mountains for the benefit of present and future gen-

erations. Info: 253-0095 or www.appalachian.org. n Reservations required for SAHC hikes: claire@ appalachian.org or 253-0095, ext. 205.

• WE (3/16), 5pm - Drovers Road Preserve Sunset Hike.

Very difficult. John Ager, chairman of the Buncombe County Farmland Preservation Board, and Claire Hobbs, SAHC outreach member, will lead the hike, which heads up to Rocky Point on a very steep trail. Hikers will get great western views at sunset.

Descend at dark. Some bouldering will be involved. $10 nonmembers.

Kids Asheville Culture Project A cultural arts community center offering ongoing classes in Capoeira Angola and Samba percussion. Other instructors, groups and organizations are invited to share the space. Located at 257 Short Coxe Ave. Info: www. ashevillecultureproject.org.

• MONDAYS & WEDNESDAYS, 6-7pm - Kids capoeira classes with Centro Esportivo de Capoeira Angola Asheville. Children sing in Portuguese and play traditional, Afro-Brazilian

instruments. Open to children ages 7-11. $5.

Asheville Gymnastics Sports Expo • SU (3/20), noon-3pm - A sports expo will be held at Asheville Gymnastics, 50 Coxe Ave., in downtown Asheville, to help fund the Team Phoenix Booster Club.

The event will feature minidemos and workshops on gymnastics, parkour (stunt running), ninjitzu, hip-hop break dancing, aeriel acrobatics, belly dancing, hula hooping, bouldering and cheerleading. Booster club members will be on hand selling snacks. Free. Info: 490-1496.

At The Health Adventure Hours: Tues.-Sat., 10am5pm & Sun., 1-5pm. $8.50 adults/$7.50 students & seniors/$6 kids 2-11.

Program info or to RSVP: 254-6373, ext. 324. Info: www.thehealthadventure.org.

• Through SU (5/15) “Alice’s Wonderland: A Most Curious Adventure.”

Blue Ridge Books Located at 152 S. Main St., Waynesville. Info: www. brbooks-news.com or 4566000.

• TUESDAYS (through 4/26), 10am - Book Babies: Story time for children ages 3 and under.

Grow With Me Learning Cooperative Open House • FR (3/18), 10-11am - The Waldorf-inspired preschool and kindergarten for children ages 3-6 invites the public to enjoy an activity and learn more about its programs.

Held at the Groce Methodist Church, 954 Tunnel Road in Asheville. Info: www.growwithmelearningcoop.wordpress.com or 242-6531.

Hands On! This children’s museum is located at 318 North Main St., Hendersonville. Hours: Tues.Sat., 10am-5pm. Admission is $5, with discounts available on certain days. Info: 6978333 or www.handsonwnc. org.

• WE (3/16), 10-11:30pm - African drum class. Learn drum rhythms on djembe drums and make a musical instrument craft. Call to sign up.

• TH (3/17) - Children of all ages are invited to the St. Patrick’s Day treasure hunt.

Joyful Noise Theatre Playground • SATURDAYS - This weekly drama class uses theatre games to encourage creative play, while exploring artistic possibilities. Children ages 7-9 are welcome from 1011am, and children ages 10-13 are welcome from

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828-251-1333 advertise@mountainx.com 28 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

11am-noon. Held at First Presbyterian Church of Weaverville, 30 Alabama Ave. $10. Info: iamrebeccam@ gmail.com or 215-8738.

N.C. Arboretum Events for Kids Info: 665-2492, jmarchal@ ncarboretum.org or www. ncarboretum.org.

• TU (3/22), 10am & 1:30pm - Wee Naturalist: “Butterflies and Other Things That Flutter By.” Age-appropriate, naturebased activities for youngsters ages 2-5. $6.

Performances for Young People at Diana Wortham Info & tickets: 257-4544, ext.

307 or www.dwtheatre.com.

• TH & FR (3/17 & 18), 10am & Noon - School Show Series: My Heart in a Suitcase, a survivor’s story set during the Nazi Holocaust, which teaches children the importance of combating intolerance. $6-$11.

Spirituality Asheville Meditation Group (pd.) Practice meditation in a supportive group environment.

Guided meditations follow the Insight/Mindfulness/Vipassana practices. Insight meditation cultivates a happier, more peaceful and focused mind.

Our “sangha” (a community of cool people) provides added support and joy to one’s spiritual awakening process. All are invited. • By donation. • Tuesdays, 7pm8:30pm: Guided meditation and discussion. • Sundays, 10am-11:30am: Seated meditation and dharma talks.

• The Women’s Wellness Center, 24 Arlington Street, Asheville. • Info/directions: (828) 808-4444. • www. ashevillemeditation.com Astro-Counseling (pd.) Licensed counselor and accredited professional astrologer uses your chart when counseling for additional insight into yourself, your relationships and life directions. Readings also available.

Christy Gunther, MA, LPC. (828)258-3229.

Black Swan Counseling-New Ongoing Open Enrollment Groups (pd.) DECIPHERING INTUITIVE CLUES - THE SYMBOLIC LANGUAGE OF INTUITION: 2nd Thursday of each month 6:308:30pm. Begins March 10. AKASHIC FIELD TRIPS - LIVE CHANNELING: 4th Tuesday of each month 6:30-8:30pm. Begins March 22. —Claudia LeMarquand, MA, LPC Intuitive/Licensed Counselor 828.707.1185.

• SOUND OF THE SACRED WORD: 3rd Wednesday of each month 6:30-8:30pm.

Begins March 16. • SOOTHING THE STRESS OF GRIEF: 4th Wednesday of each month 6:30-8:00pm.

Begins March 23. John V. Berdy, MA Psychotherapist/ Grief Specialist/Musician 828.707.1184. See website for descriptions, fees, location: blackswancounseling. com Compassionate Communication (pd.) Learn ways to create understanding and clarity in your relationships, work, and community by practicing compassionate communication. Great for couples!

Group uses model developed

by Marshall Rosenberg in his book “Non-violent Communication, A Language of Life”. Free. Info: 299-0538 or www.ashevilleccc.com. • 2nd & 4th Thursdays, 5:006:15—Practice group for newcomers and experienced practitioners.

Do I Need Alexander Technique? (pd.) For 100 years AT has quietly embodied personal freedom and growth. • Why be an agent of your own misery? Pause. Lighten.

Choose. • Private/groups.

(828) 225-3786. www.

FormFitnessFunction.com

Missing Link To Manifestation With Author Alice McCall (pd.) $45. Saturday, March 19, 1pm-4pm Crystal Visions, Naples. • Explore how thoughts and emotions affect your ability to manifest an abundant life. (828) 5775623. www.healingpath.info Open Heart Meditation (pd.) Learn easy, wonderful practices that opens your life to the beauty within and connects you to your heart.

• Free. 7pm, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. 645-5950 or 296-0017. http://www.heartsanctuary.org St. Germain Aquarian Consciousness Fellowship (pd.) Sacred space using the St. Germain Violet Flame for ascension clearing. Live high frequency intuitive piano from classical composers on the other side. Wednesdays, 6:30pm. • Donation. (828) 658-3362.

The Work of Byron Katie Intensive (pd.) Saturday/Sunday, March 26/27. Recycle your thoughts!

Find the freedom, peace and joy just below thoughts about people or situations that cause grief or drive you nuts.

• Led by Certified Facilitators of The Work, Meg MacLeod and Maaike Hoijtink. At French Broad Food Coop, 90 Biltmore Avenue, 28801. • Earlybird: $200. • After March13: $230.

Please contact us if finances are a problem for you. •

Information/registration: (828) 254-6484 or megfrolic@ yahoo.com • http://tinyurl. com/TheWorkofByronKatieAville An Evening With Spirit • MONDAYS, 6-8pm - You are invited to an evening with Spirit. Theo Salvucci channels messages from the angelic realm at The White Horse, 105c Montreat Road, Black Mountain. Donations only.

Info: 713-2439.

• WEDNESDAYS, 7pm - An evening with Spirit at 68 Grove St., suite C2. The entrance is on Hilliard Street.

Ascended Master Guided Meditation • SA (3/19), 8-9pm - A free Mystic Heart Universe Meditation via teleconference call. Celebrate the mystical union of outer divine consciousness and inner mystical heart. To sign up: 338-0042 or www.LotusHeartBlessings. com.

Asheville Friends of Astrology • TU (3/22), 7pm - Meet in the community room at Earth Fare, Westgate Shopping Center. Gary Caton will be presenting “Rahu & Ketu: Transformation via the Cosmic Dragon.” Love donations encouraged. Info: 628-4007.

Asheville Jewish Meditation and Chanting Circle • ALT SUNDAYS - Cultivate an awareness of the Divine Presence through sitting and walking meditation, chanting and the study of Jewish and other texts. Email for location and times. Free. Info: asheJM@gmail.com.

Awakening Practices Study the works of Eckhart Tolle and put words into action through meditation and discussion. Info: Trey@ QueDox.com.

• 2nd & 4th WEDNESDAYS, 7-9pm - Meets at Insight Counseling, 25 Orange St. Buddhist Meditation and Discussion Meets in the space above the French Broad Food Co-op.

Suggested donation: $8/$4 students & seniors. Info: 7795502 or www.meditation-innorthcarolina.org.

• TH (3/24), 7:15pm - “How to solve our anger problem/ Why anger is a problem.”

Cloud Cottage Sangha This branch of the World Community of Mindful Living meets at 219 Old Toll Circle in Black Mountain, to practice seated meditation and mindfulness training. All events by donation. Info: 669-0920, cloudcottage@bellsouth.net or www.cloudcottage.org.

• 3rd MONDAYS, 7:30pm - Taize´ service with harpist Kathy Wallace.

Community Purim Party & Multi-Media Megillah Reading • SU (3/20), 10am-noon - Everyone’s invited to celebrate Purim (a Jewish holiday and festival) at the Doubletree-Biltmore Hotel, 115 Hendersonville Road.

There will be a festive Purim brunch, a smoothie bar for adults, a costume party, delicious hamantaschen, Jewish music, a multi-media slideshow, Megillah reading, a drum circle, dancing and hula hooping. $10/$18 per couple/ Free for children under 2. Info: Rabbi@ChabadAsheville.org, info@ChabadAsheville.org or Sulkiro@ChabadAsheville.org.

Community Worship Service With Fellowship Meal • SUNDAYS, 2-4pm - Join SOS Anglican Mission, 370 N. Louisiana Ave., Asheville, for a worship service, followed by an Agape Fellowship meal.

Compassionate Communication Practice Group Learn ways to create understanding and clarity in your relationships, work and community by practicing compassionate communication.

Group uses a model developed by Marshall Rosenberg in his book Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life. Free. Info: 252-0538 or www.ashevilleccc.com.

• 2nd & 4th THURSDAYS, 5-6:15pm - Practice group for newcomers and experienced practitioners.

Dhyan Meditation • WEDNESDAYS, 7pm - Seeking to deepen your meditation practice? One hour silent meditation and singing of spiritual songs with meditation instruction included. All are welcome. Classes held in Fairview. Free. Info and directions: 299-3246, 329-9022 or shivabalamahayogi.com.

Meditation for Beginners • TH (2/24), 7pm - New to meditation? Tried to meditate in the past but were unsuccessful? A free, introductory 12-week course will be taught by instructor Sarah Wood Vallely. Donations accepted.

Info: 242-0680 or www.sarahwood.com/circle.htm.

Mindfulness Meditation Class Explore the miracle of healing into life through deepened stillness and presence. With consciousness teacher and columnist Bill Walz. Info: 2583241 or www.billwalz.com.

• MONDAYS, 7-8pm Meditation class with lesson and discussions in contemporary Zen living. At the Asheville Friends Meeting House, 227 Edgewood Road (off Merrimon Ave.). Donation.

Mother Grove Info: 230-5069 or info@ mothergroveavl.org.

freewillastrology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Like Bob Dylan in his 1962 song “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall,” you’ve done a lot of rough and tumble living lately. You’ve “stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains.” You’ve “stepped in the middle of seven sad forests.”

You’ve “been out in front of a dozen dead oceans.” Maybe most wrenching of all, you’ve “seen a highway of diamonds with nobody on it.” The good news is that the hard rain will end soon. In these last days of the downpour, I suggest you trigger a catharsis for yourself. Consider doing something like what Dylan did: “I’ll think it and speak it and breathe it / And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it.”

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Mythologist Michael Meade says that the essential nature of every human soul is gifted, noble, and wounded. I agree. Cynics who exaggerate how messed-up we all are, ignoring our beauty, are just as unrealistic as naive optimists. But because the cynics have a disproportionately potent influence on the zeitgeist, they make it harder for us to evaluate our problems with a wise and balanced perspective. Many of us feel cursed by the apparent incurability of our wounds, while others, rebelling against the curse, underestimate how wounded they are. Mead says: “Those who think they are not wounded in ways that need conscious attention and careful healing are usually the most wounded of all.”

Your task in the next few weeks, Taurus, is to make a realistic appraisal of your wounds.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Metallica’s frontman James Hetfield brashly bragged to Revolver magazine that he was proud his music was used to torture prisoners at the U.S. military’s detention camp in Guantanamo Bay. I urge you to make a more careful and measured assessment of the influences that you personally put out into the world. It’s time to find out how closely your intentions match your actual impact -- and to correct any discrepancies.

How are people affected by the vibes you exude and the products you offer and the words you utter and the actions you undertake?

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

“In the absence of clearly-defined goals,” said Cancerian writer Robert Heinlein, “we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it.” If this description is even a partial match for the life you’re living, now is an excellent time to address the problem. You have far more power than usual to identify and define worthy goals -- both the short-term and long-term variety. If you take advantage of this opportunity, you will find a better use for the energy that’s currently locked up in your enslavement to daily trivia.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

As I was mulling over your astrological omens, I came across a short poem that aptly embodies the meaning of this moment for you. It’s by

Richard Wright, and goes like this: “Coming from the woods / A bull has a lilac sprig / Dangling from a horn.” Here’s one way to interpret this symbolic scene: Primal power is emerging into a clearing from out of the deep darkness.

It is bringing with it a touch of lithe and blithe beauty -- a happy accident.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

As I see it, you have one potential enemy in the coming weeks: a manic longing for perfection.

It’s OK to feel that longing as a mild ache. But if you allow it to grow into a burning obsession, you will probably undo yourself at every turn.

You may even sabotage some of the good work you’ve done. My recommendation, then, is to give yourself the luxury of welcoming partial success, limited results, and useful mistakes.

Paradoxically, cultivating that approach will give you the best chance at getting lots of things done. Here’s your motto for the week, courtesy of Theodore Roosevelt: “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

When I was nine years old, one of my favorite jokes went like this: “What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Give up?

Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.”

According to my reading of the astrological omens, Libra, that’s a good piece of information for you to keep in mind right now. If and when a serpent offers you an apple, I hope you will sink your teeth into it with cautious nibbles. I’m not saying you shouldn’t bite, just that you should proceed warily.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Normally we think of a garbage dump as a spot where we go to get rid of trash and outworn stuff we no longer need. It emits a stench that wafts a great distance, and it’s a not a place where you wear your finery. But there is a dump in northern Idaho that diverges slightly from that description. It has the usual acres of rubbish, but also features a bonus area that the locals call “The Mall.” This is where people dispose of junk that might not actually be junk. It has no use for them any more, but they recognize that others might find value in it. It was at The Mall where my friend Peter found a perfectly good chainsaw that had a minor glitch he easily fixed. I suspect that life may be like that dump for you in the coming week: a wasteland with perks.

homework What is the thing you’re so ignorant about that you barely know you’re ignorant about it? Testify at www.freewillastrology.com. © Copyright 2010, 2011 Rob Brezsny

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

According to Argentinian writer Jorge Luis Borges, time “is a tiger that devours me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire that consumes me, but I am the fire.” I believe he meant for that statement to be true for all of us. Luckily for you, though, you’ll soon be getting a temporary exemption. For a while, you’ll be more like the tiger than the one the tiger devours; you will have more in common with the fire than with the one consumed by the fire. In other words, Sagittarius, you will have more power than usual to outwit the tyrannies of time. Are you ready to take advantage? You’re primed to claim more slack, more wiggle room, more permission.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

San Francisco band Smash-Up Derby approaches their music-making with a spirit that might be useful for you to emulate in the coming week, Capricorn. Each of their songs is a blend of two famous tunes. Typically, the instrumentalists play a rock song while the singers do a pop hit with a similar chord progression.

Imagine hearing the guitars, bass, and drums play Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” while the lead vocalist croons Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” The crucial part of their ongoing experiment is that it works. The sound coming from the stage isn’t a confusing assault. You could pull off a challenge like that: combining disparate elements with raucous grace.

My hypnotherapy practice was founded on the conviction that we each carry unique solutions within our subconscious.

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• Sexual Abuse • Phobias/Fears • Weight Loss • Grief Counseling • Couples Therapy Stress Management • Sleep Disorders PTSD • The next chapter of your life

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Last August I wrote you a horoscope that spoke of opportunities you’d have to upgrade your close relationships. I said you’d be tested in ways that would push you to get more ingenious and tenacious about collaborating with people you cared about. Hoping to inspire you, I cited two people I know who have successfully re-imagined and reinvented their marriage for many years. In response, one reader complained. “Yuck!” his email began. “I thought I was getting a horoscope but instead I got a sentimental self-help blurb in the style of Reader’s Digest.” I took his words to heart.

As you Aquarians enter a new phase when you could do a lot to build your intimacy skills, I’ll try something more poetic: Succulent discipline and luminous persistence equals incandescent kismet.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

If I had to come up with a title for the next phase of your astrological cycle, it might be “Gathering Up.” The way I see it, you should focus on collecting any resources that are missing from your reserves. You should hone skills that are still too weak to get you where you want to go, and you should attract the committed support of allies who can help you carry out your dreams and schemes. Don’t be shy about assembling the necessities, Pisces.

Experiment with being slightly voracious.

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 29

• SA (3/19), 7pm - “Waking up Mama: A playful celebration of the Spring Equinox,” will be held in the Parish Hall of the Cathedral of All Souls in Biltmore Village. This family-friendly spring welcoming ritual is led by Byron Ballard and Teresa Cline and is open to the respectful public. A love offering will be accepted for Temple outreach projects.

And, Mother Grove continues to gather non-perishable food items for the Mother’s Cornucopia food pantry.

Mountain Mindfulness Sangha at Yoga South • SUNDAYS, 7-8pm - Sitting meditation followed by walking meditation. A brief reading and discussion of the practice of mindfulness in daily lives, and how being fully present in this moment can bring us more peace and joy. Donations optional. Info: www.YogaSouth-Asheville. com.

Power of Soul • WEDNESDAYS - Learn and practice self healing through the teachings of Dr. Zhi Gang Sha, given by one of his qualified teachers.

Held in West Asheville. Love offering. Info & directions: 258-9584.

Puja at Maha Shakti Mandir • SATURDAYS, 6-8pm - Gathering at Maha Shakti Mandir (Temple of the Great Goddess). Join Yogacharya Kalidas for Puja, chanting and spiritual discourse. Services offered on a donation basis.

Info: 774-1978.

Soka Gakkai International Buddhist Chanting • 1st SUNDAYS, 10am - Chanting at Holiday Inn Express off Brevard Road, World Peace Gongyo. Soka Gakkai International (SGIUSA) is based on teachings of Nichiren and promotes peace, culture and education through chanting. Info: SGI-USA.org.

• 3rd TUESDAYS, 7pm - Chanting and study at Friends Meeting House, 227 Edgewood, off Merrimon Ave., Asheville.

Unity Center Events Celebrate joyful, mindful living in a church with heart.

Contemporary music by Lytingale and The Unitic Band.

Located at 2041 Old Fanning Bridge Road, Mills River.

Info: 684-3798, 891-8700 or www.unitync.net.

• FR (3/18), 7pm - Unity’s annual auction and concert, featuring live music by the Unitic Band & Friends and a silent and live auction (including furniture, collectibles, art, gift certificate and much more).

• SU (3/20), 12:45pm - Friendship Potluck. Bring a dish to share.

30 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

• WE (3/23), 7pm - “Healer’s Intro,” with Pam Hurst. Love offering.

Unity Church of Asheville Looking for something different? Unity of Asheville explores the deeper spiritual meaning of the scriptures, combined with an upbeat contemporary music program, to create a joyous and sincere worship service.

Come join us this Sunday and try it for yourself. Located at 130 Shelburne Road, West Asheville. Info: 252-5010 or www.unityofasheville.com.

• SUNDAYS, 11am - Spiritual Celebration Service —12:15-1:30pm - A Course in Miracles with Rev. Gene Conner.

Winter Prayer Summit • FR (3/18), 7pm & SA (3/19), 9:30am - Speakers include Dr. John Polis, Rev. Keith Collins and Rev. Margaret Vis. Hosted by Faith Church International & Margaret Vis Ministries. Held at Faith Church International, 15 Airport Road in Arden.

Art Gallery Exhibits & Openings American Folk Art & Framing The gallery at 64 Biltmore Ave. is open daily, representing contemporary self-taught artists and regional pottery.

Info: 281-2134 or www. amerifolk.com.

• WE (2/23) through WE (3/23) - Everybody Polka...

Dot will be on display in the Oui-Oui Gallery.

Art at Jubilee!

The Jubilee! Community Building is located at 46 Wall St., enter on Patton Ave. Info: 252-5335.

• Through TH (3/31) - An installation of photography from past “Hand Me Down” performances, rehearsals and more will be on display. Free.

Art at UNCA Art exhibits and events at the university are free, unless otherwise noted. Info: www. unca.edu.

• Through TU (3/22) Stealing Stories, an exhibition of large-scale drawings by Patricia Bellan-Gillen will be on display in S. Tucker Cooke Gallery, Owen Hall.

• Through FR (4/1) - The annual Art Front Exhibit, featuring works in various media by members of UNCA’s student art organization, will be showcased at Highsmith Gallery, Highsmith University Union.

• Through SA (4/2) Intimacy and Contemplation, an exhibition of fiber art by Norma Bradley and Vicki

Essig, will be on display at Blowers Gallery, Ramsey Library.

Arts Council of Henderson County Located at 401 N. Main Street (entrance on Fourth Street), above Flight Restaurant in downtown Hendersonville.

Info: 693-8504 or www. acofhc.org.

• FR (3/18) through FR (4/1) - Art Teachers Create, an exhibition featuring the work of area teachers working with elementary and secondary school students. Free.

• FR (3/18), 5:30-7pm - An opening reception for Art Teachers Create will be held at First Citizens Bank, 539 N. Main St., in downtown Hendersonville. Entertainment will be provided by West Henderson High School’s drama department, who will perform excepts from its spring musical, Fame. Free.

Asheville Art Museum Located on Pack Square in downtown Asheville. Hours: Tues.-Sat., 10am-5pm and Sun., 1-5pm. Admission: $8/$7 students and seniors/ Free for kids under 4. Free first Wednesdays from 3-5pm. Info: 253-3227 or www.ashevilleart.org.

• Through SU (4/24) - The Olmsted Project.

• Through SU (6/26) - A Chosen Path: The Ceramic Art of Karen Karnes.

• FR (3/18) through SU (7/10) - An Inside View will be on display at the Holden Community Gallery. The exhibition examines the notion of interior environments as depicted by a number of artists throughout the 20th and 21st centuries.

• FR (3/18), 5-7pm - Opening reception for An Inside View. Free with museum membership or admission.

Black Mountain Center for the Arts Located in the renovated Old City Hall at 225 West State St., in Black Mountain.

Gallery Hours: Mon.-Wed. & Fri., 10am-5pm (closed Sat. during winter months).

Info: 669-0930 or www.

BlackMountainArts.org.

• Through SA (4/30) Emerging Artists.

Black Mountain College Museum + Arts Center The center is located at 56 Broadway, and preserves the legacy of the Black Mountain College through permanent collections, educational activities and public programs.

Info: 350-8484, bmcmac@ bellsouth.net or www.blackmountaincollege.org.

• Through SA (6/4) - In Site: Late Works by Irwin Kremen.

Blue Spiral 1

Located at 38 Biltmore Ave., downtown Asheville. Featuring Southeastern fine art and studio craft. Open Mon.-Sat., 10am-6pm, and Sun., Noon5pm.Info: 251-0202 or www. bluespiral1.com.

• Through SA (3/26) - New Times Three, work in a variety of media by eight artists new to the gallery —Margaret Couch Cogswell, mixed media works —Southeastern Emerging Clay, functional and sculptural work by eight regional ceramicists —- Dirck Cruser + Robert Winkler, paintings and sculpture.

Castell Photography A photo-based art gallery located at 2C Wilson Alley, off Eagle St., in downtown Asheville. Info: 255-1188 or www.castellphotography. com.

• Through SA (3/26) - Studies, an exhibition featuring the work of Asheville artist Honour Hiers and Wisconsin artist Wanrudee Buranakorn.

Center For Craft, Creativity and Design Located at the Kellogg Conference Center, 11 Broyles Road, in Hendersonville. Info: 8902050 or www.craftscreativitydesign.org.

• Through FR (4/22) - WNC Models of Sustainability in Craft Making, an exhibit featuring eight studio craft artists working in residence at EnergyXchange in Burnsville and Jackson County Green Energy Park in Sylva.

Constance Williams Gallery & Studios • Through FR (4/8) - MisCommunity-Caution: Dioramas of Discord, clay works by Greg Vineyard, will be on display at 9 Riverside Drive in Asheville’s River Arts District.

Events at the Turchin Center Appalachian State University’s Turchin Center for the Visual Arts is located at 423 West King St., in Boone. Info: 2623017 or www.tcva.org.

• Through SA (3/19) - The Hemlocks! The Hemlocks!: Grief and Celebration by Lowell Hayes in Gallery B and Mayer Gallery, West Wing —- In the Void, sculpture

by David Meyer in Gallery A, West Wing.

• Through SA (6/4) - The eighth annual Appalachian Mountain Photography Competition, featuring 46 selected images, will be on display at the Mezzanine Gallery. Info: 262-4954.

Grovewood Gallery Located at 111 Grovewood Road, Asheville. Info: 2537651 or www.grovewood. com.

• Through SU (4/10) - DNA of a Handcrafted Heirloom, an exhibit that explores the building blocks of handmade furniture and accessories created today, destined to be the heirlooms of tomorrow.

Haen Gallery Located at 52 Biltmore Ave., downtown Asheville. Hours: Mon.-Fri., 10am-6pm, Sat., 11am-6pm and Sun., noon5pm. Info: 254-8577 or www.thehaengallery.com.

• Through TH (3/31) - Winter’s Ebb, a group exhibition.

Hand In Hand Gallery Located at 2720 Greenville Hwy. (U.S. 25 South) in Flat Rock. Info: 697-7719 or www.handinhandgallery.com.

• WE (3/23) through SA (3/26) - Non-functional and sculptural pottery works by Barry Bernstein.

• FR (3/25), 5-7pm - “Meetthe-Artist” reception with Barry Bernstein. Wine, beverages and light refreshments will be served.

Haywood County Arts Council The HCAC sponsors a variety of art-related events in Waynesville and Haywood County. Unless otherwise noted, showings take place at HCAC’s Gallery 86 (86 North Main St.) in Waynesville.

Hours: Mon.-Sat., 10am-5pm.

Info: 452-0593 or www.haywoodarts.org.

• Through SA (3/26) Reflected Light: Scenes of Haywood County by Luke Allsbrook. This exhibition of oil paintings highlights landscapes with a common theme of water.

Odyssey Gallery Exhibits work by Odyssey Center for Ceramic Arts instructors and residents.

Located at 238 Clingman Ave. in Asheville’s River Arts District. Info: 285-0210 or www.highwaterclays.com.

• Through (4/17) - Spirited Vessels.

Penland School of Crafts A national center for craft education dedicated to helping people live creative lives.

Located at 67 Dora’s Trail, Penland, NC. Gallery hours: Tues.-Sat. 10am-5pm, Sun. Noon -5pm. Info: www.penland.org or 765-2359.

• TU (3/22) through SU (5/8) - Many Paths: A Legacy of Karen Karnes will be on display at the Penland Gallery.

The exhibit features the ceramic art of Karnes and 14 artists whose lives and work have been touched by her.

Push Skate Shop & Gallery Located at 25 Patton Ave., between Stella Blue and the Kress Building. Info: 2255509 or www.pushtoyproject. com.

• Through TU (4/5) Stalefish 3, a group show featuring photographs, drawings and robot-inspired works by Dwight Morgan, Jon Svendsen, Rob Sebrell and Layne Hutchison.

Seven Sisters Gallery This Black Mountain gallery is located at 117 Cherry St. Hours: Mon.-Sat., 10am-6pm and Sun., Noon-5pm. Info: 669-5107 or www.sevensistersgallery.com.

• Through MO (3/28) - Earth and Water, oil paintings by Martha Kelley.

Skyuka Fine Art Located at 133 N. Trade St., in Tryon. Info: 817-3783 or info@skyukafineart.com.

• Through WE (4/6) - An exhibition of landscape and figurative paintings by Richard Oversmith.

The Artery Community arts facility at 346 Depot St., River Arts District.

Info: www.ashevillearts.com.

• Through TH (3/31) - Falling Into the Sky, a solo exhibition of works by Mark Koven, a 2011 recipient of a North Carolina Regional Artist Project Grant. The exhibition will also feature the Mobile ART Lab, a collaborative project launched by the Asheville Area Arts Council and the City of Asheville Parks, Recreation and Cultural Arts Department.

Transylvania Community Arts Council Located at 349 S. Caldwell St., Brevard. Hours: Mon.-Fri., 10am-4pm. Info: 884-2787 or www.artsofbrevard.org.

• Through TH (3/31) Outdoor Adventure exhibit.

WCU Exhibits Unless otherwise noted, exhibits are held at the Fine Art Museum, Fine & Performing Arts Center on the campus of Western Carolina University. Hours: Mon.-Fri., 10am-4pm & Thurs. 10am7pm. Free, but donations welcome. Info: 227-3591 or www.fineartmuseum.wcu. edu.

• Through (4/11) - The Youth Art Month exhibit, an annual observance that emphasizes the value of art education for all children and encourages public support for quality school art programs, will be on display in the lobby of WCU’s Fine and Performing Arts Center.

• SU (4/10), 1-3pm - A reception for Youth Art Month will be held in the Star Lobby (just outside the Fine Art Museum), with an announcement of prize winners.

WCU Video Art Screening Series Co-curated by WCU Art History Professor Seth McCormick, this series

RONEY

runs throughout the spring semester, featuring a wide range of works on loan from the Electronic Arts Intermix in New York City. Screening are held at the Fine Art Museum of WCU. Open Mon., Tues., Wed. & Fri., 10 a.m.-4 p.m.; Thurs., 10 a.m.-7 p.m. Info: www.Fineartmuseum.wcu. edu or 227-3591.

• TH (3/17) through FR (4/1) - Joan Jonas’ Left Side Right Side and Dan Graham’s Performer/Audience/Mirror.

These works are part of a series from the late ‘60s and early ‘70s dealing with issues of synchronization and feedback between the live and the

recorded image, exploring the way it conditions the relationship between performer and audience.

More Art Exhibits & Openings Art at West Asheville Library • Through TH (3/31) - An exhibition by Victor Palomino.

Located at 942 Haywood Road. Info: 250-4750. or http://vaptart.weebly.com.

Carl Sandburg Home Carl Sandburg Home National Historic Site is located three miles south of Hendersonville off U.S. 25 on Little River Road. Info: 693-4178 or www.nps.gov/carl.

• Through TU (5/31) - Carl Sandburg’s Presidential Medal of Freedom will be on display in the bookstore. Sandburg was one of 30 citizens who received the award that year, a group that included Helen Keller, Walt Disney and John Steinbeck. It is recognized as the highest civilian award for service during peacetime.

Events at Montford Books & More The bookstore at 31 Montford Ave. hosts author readings and writing groups. Info: 285-8805.

• Through TH (3/31) - Frost & Flower, an exhibition by local artist Johnny Dean

McCurry. All paintings were inspired by two visually dramatic seasons experienced in the mountains of WNC and include winterscapes and spring floral landscapes.

Firestorm Cafe & Books Located at 48 Commerce St., Asheville. Info: 255-8115 or www.firestormcafe.com.

• TH (3/17), 6pm - An opening reception for Jerry Nelson/Asheville Homeless Network’s photography.

True Blue Art Supply • SA (3/19), 2-4pm - A reception for an exhibit of children’s book illustrations

by Bob Palmatier will be held

at 30 Haywood St., in downtown Asheville.

Classes, Meetings & Arts-Related Events Art Events at UNCA Events are free unless otherwise noted.

• WE (3/16), 7pm - “WNC Models of Sustainability in Craft Making,” a panel discussion highlighting two WNC organizations EnergyXchange of Burnsville, and Jackson County Green Energy Park of Dillsboro - that use methane gas captured from adjacent landfills, solar energy and other sustainable practices to fuel the studios

of potters, glassblowers and blacksmiths, as well as greenhouses. Held in the third floor conference center at Owen Hall. Info: craftcreativitydesign.org or 890-2050.

Arts2People Artist Resource Center Offering business management workshops for artists at 39 D S. Market St., in downtown Asheville. Classes, unless otherwise noted, are $35. Email info@arts2people. org to register. Info: www. arts2people.org.

• TH (3/18), 10am-1pm “Microsoft Office Basics.”

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 31

Vortex Tours • Holistic Retreats Star Seeded Initiations Atlantean Temple Work 1410 Pisgah Hwy. Candler, NC • 828-665-0411 www.stardoves.com

It’s In Our Hands

Earth Day Issue April 13th

828-251-1333

advertise@mountainx.com

• TH (3/24), 10am-1pm - “Do It Yourself Audio-Visual Portfolio.”

Asheville Art Museum Located on Pack Square in downtown Asheville. Hours: Tues.-Sat., 10am-5pm and Sun., 1-5pm. Admission: $8/$7 students and seniors/ Free for kids under 4. Free first Wednesdays from 3-5pm. Info: 253-3227 or www.ashevilleart.org.

• Through FR (4/1) - Applications for a 2011 summer internship program will be accepted. See website for details.

Asheville Gallery of Art A co-op gallery representing 29 regional artists, located at 16 College St. Hours: Mon.Sat., 10am-5:30pm. Info: 251-5796 or www.ashevillegallery-of-art.com.

• Through TH (3/31) - Personages, an exhibition featuring works by Hal Boyd.

Black Mountain College Museum + Arts Center The center is located at 56 Broadway, and preserves the legacy of the Black Mountain College through permanent collections, educational activities and public programs.

Info: 350-8484, bmcmac@ bellsouth.net or www.blackmountaincollege.org.

• SU (3/20), 3-4pm - Writing About Art: A panel discussion with Jerry Cullum, Ursula Gullow, Cinqué Hicks and Tom Patterson. Arnold Wengrow will moderate.

These writers will shed light on the issues they face the field of art journalism. With blogs and online media beginning to lay claim to a larger and larger audience, is there any hope for print journalism?

How does one find the balance between words, images, objects and ideas? $7/$5 members and students.

Craft Campus at UNCA Located at 1 University Heights, Asheville. Info: 2502392 or www.unca.edu/craftcampus.

• TH (3/17) - Meet the Maker: Ann Millett-Gallant, educator and author of The Disabled Body in Contemporary Art. A reception will be held at 6:30pm, and the lecture will begin at 7pm, at UNCA’s Owen Hall, room 302. Free. Info: 250-2392 or www2.unca.edu/craftcampus/ mtm.htm.

Events at the Turchin Center Appalachian State University’s Turchin Center for the Visual Arts is located at 423 West King St., in Boone. Info: 2623017 or www.tcva.org.

• WE (3/16), noon-1pm Lunch & Learn: “Appalachian Mountain Photography Competition,” a presentation

32 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

held at the Turchin Center Lecture Hall.

• TH (3/17), 7-8pm - Visiting artist lecture: “The Hemlocks!

The Hemlocks! Grief and Celebration Part 2,” with arborist Lear Powell, journalist Sam Calhoun and Lowell Hayes. Held at the Turchin Center Lecture Hall.

Phil Mechanic Studios Located at 109 Roberts St. on the corner of Clingman Ave. in the River Arts District. Houses Flood Gallery, Pump Gallery and Nook Gallery. Info: www. philmechanicstudios.com.

• Community members interested in photography are invited to sign up for open hours at the Phil Mechanic Studios’ public darkroom. Beginning this month, individualized instruction will also be available. The studio provides “a comfortable learning environment for whoever wishes to gain experience in traditional and digital photography.” $20 per month includes chemicals and equipment.

RiverLink Events RiverLink, WNC’s organization working to improve life along the French Broad, sponsors a variety of river-friendly events.

Info: 252-8474 or www. riverlink.org.

Swannanoa Valley Fine Arts League Classes are held at the studio, 999 W. Old Rt. 70, Black Mountain. Info: svfal.info@ gmail.com or www.svfal.org.

• THURSDAYS, noon-3pm - Try something new every week at the Experimental Art Group. Learn and share collage and water/mixed media techniques in a playful setting.

All levels welcome. $6 per session. Info: svfal.info@ gmail.com or 357-8129.

• FRIDAYS, 10am-1pm - A figure drawing/open studio session will be held with a live model in various poses. No instruction provided. “Working with a live model strengthens your drawing and painting abilities.” $10 fee for model.

Info: greenbergfrances@ yahoo.com.

The Conn-Artist Studios & Art Gallery Located at 611 Greenville Hwy., Hendersonville. Info: 329-2918.

• TUESDAYS, 10am-1pm - Hendersonville artist Ruth Goldsborough offers portrait classes with a live model for pastel, oil or charcoal artists.

Goldsborough demonstrates with a sketch portrait of the subject, then works with each student on color, composition, lighting and facial structure. $25. Info: 890-3929 or www.conn-artist.com.

The Fine Arts League of the Carolinas

Located at 362 Depot St., in the River Arts District. Info: 252-5050 or www.fineartsleague.org.

• WE (3/17), 7pm - “Art Crime,” with James A. Bond.

The lecture will focus on the global impact of art theft and trafficking. Refreshments will be served.

WNC Quilters Guild Info: www.westernncquilters. org or quiltshow@westernncquilters.org.

• SA (3/19), 10am-4pm - A celebration in recognition of National Quilting Day will be held at the Blue Ridge Mall, Four Seasons Boulevard in Hendersonville. The guild will present an exhibition of “challenge quilts” incorporating the theme “Home.” Viewers are invited to vote on a favorite quilt. Demonstrations will be held throughout the day.

Art/Craft Fairs FENCE Events The Foothills Equestrian Nature Center is located at 3381 Hunting Country Road in Tryon. Info: 859-9021 or www.fence.org.

• SA (3/19), 8am-1pm - The semi-annual garage sale will be held behind the main barns of the Equestrian Center.

Through FR (3/18) - Vendors are invited to rent a stall for a day of trading and selling. The rental fee for each stall will help support FENCE’s community service in nature education and outdoor recreation. $30. $10 will be returned after the sale, as long as the stall is clean. Info: www.fence.org or 859-9021.

Spoken & Written Word Finding the Stoyteller in You (pd.) Nationally acclaimed storyteller, Connie ReganBlake, offers her one-day workshop “Finding the Storyteller in You” on Sat. April 2. All levels welcomed.

Early bird discount. www. storywindow.com 828-2581113 Blue Ridge Books Located at 152 S. Main St., Waynesville. Info: www. brbooks-news.com or 4566000.

• TH (3/17), 6:30-8pm Poetry night.

• SU (3/20), 3pm - A slideshow of historic photos of Waynesville will be presented

by Michael Beadle and Peter Yurko, local historians and authors of the Images of America.

• TH (3/24), 6:30-8pm Game Night. All are welcome to attend.

Buncombe County Public Libraries

LIBRARY ABBREVIATIONS Each Library event is marked by the following location abbreviations: n BM = Black Mountain Library (105 N. Dougherty St., 250-4756) n FV = Fairview Library (1 Taylor Road, 250-6484) n NA = North Asheville Library (1030 Merrimon Avenue, 250-4752) n SS = Skyland/South Buncombe Library (260 Overlook Road, 250-6488) n SW = Swannanoa Library (101 West Charleston Street, 250-6486) n WV = Weaverville Library (41 N. Main Street, 2506482) n Library storyline: 250KIDS. • WE (3/16), 5-7pm - Library Knitters meet. A casual knitting and needlework group for all skill levels. SW. • TH (3/17), 2:30-3pm - Book Club: Tinkers by Paul Harding. SS —- 7pm - Library Knitters meet. BM —- 7pm - Book Club: A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving. FV. • FR (3/18), 4-5:30pm Teen Awesome Group. Come discuss the upcoming spring teen program series, “which just might involve books, acting, filming, editing and a walk down the red carpet.” WV. • TU (3/22), 4-6pm - Hula Hoop Jam. Hoopers of all ages on are invited to join this celebration in the Education Room. BM. Cipher Circle Mondays • MONDAYS, 10pm - Join emcee/producer CAMPAIGN for this jazz-infused open mic catered toward spoken-word artists, freestylers, improv singers and rhyme artists of all natures. Bass and drum accompaniment provided by the LikeMind Trio’s Mike Holstein and Justin Watt. Sitin musicians welcome. Held at Hole ‘n’ Da Wall, 44 Market St., in downtown Asheville.

Donations encouraged. Info: PureSavageEnt@gmail.com.

Events at City Lights City Lights Bookstore is at 3 E. Jackson St., in downtown Sylva. Info: 586-9499 or more@citylightsnc.com.

• TH (3/17), 10:30am “Coffee with the Poet.”

• SA (3/19), 1pm - The American Girls Club meets.

Events at First Baptist Church Located at 5 Oak St. (corner of Charlotte St. and I-240) in downtown Asheville. Info: www.fbca.net or 252-4781.

• SU (3/20), 4pm - Author Heather Newton will read from her new novel, Under the Mercy Trees.

Events at Malaprop’s

The bookstore and cafe at 55 Haywood St. hosts visiting authors for talks and book signings. Info: 254-6734 or www.malaprops.com.

• WE (3/16), 7pm - Frances Mayes, author of Under the Tuscan Sun, will read from and sign copies of her latest work, Every Day in Tuscany: Seasons of an Italian Life. $15 admission includes Tuscan reception by Laurey’s Catering and $5 off the novel.

• TH (3/17), 7pm - Women on Words, a women’s poetry circle, will meet to critique presented poems. New members welcome.

• TH (3/17), 7pm - C.A. Conrad will read and sign copies of his new and expanded edition of The Book of Frank.

• FR (3/18), 7pm - Raleighbased poets Dorianne Laux and Joseph Millar will read from their latest works.

• SA (3/19), 7pm - Jane Borden, staff editor at The New York Times, will read from and sign copies of I Totally Meant to Do That.

• SU (3/20), 3pm - Writers At Home: A monthly series featuring writers from UNCA’s Great Smokies Writers Program. Hosted by Tommy Hays.

• TH (3/24), 7pm - Bring a current project, settle down with a hot cup of tea and talk shop with fiber artist and “Urban GypZ,” Stacey BudgeKamison.

Events at Montford Books & More The bookstore at 31 Montford Ave. hosts author readings and writing groups. Info: 285-8805.

• SU (3/20), 3pm - Local photographer and poet Tracey Schmidt reads from her first book of poetry, I Have Fallen in Love with the World. She will be accompanied by hammered dulcimer player Mary Sparks.

Firestorm Cafe & Books Located at 48 Commerce St., Asheville. Info: 255-8115 or www.firestormcafe.com.

• TU (3/22), 7pm Storytelling/open mic night.

Fountainhead Bookstore Located at 408 N Main St., Hendersonville. Info: 6971870.

• TH (3/17), 4pm - Tracey Schmidt, aphotographer andpoet, will read from her new book of poetry. She will be accompanied by dulcimer player Mary Sparks.

Joyce Kilmer Memorial Forest Poetry Contest Open to children in grades K-12 and to adults and professional writers. Poems must be about trees or forests.

The contest commemorates the 75thanniversary of the

dedication of the Joyce Kilmer Memorial Forest. All poems will be received by Stecoah Valley Cultural Arts Center and are judged by a panel of teachers, writers and the general public.Info: www. stecoahvalleycenter.com.

• Through TU (5/31) Submissions will be received.

Literary Events at UNCA Events are free unless noted.

Tickets & info: 232-5000.

• TH (3/24), 12:30pm - Book talk with Laurel Taylor, UNCA classics lecturer and author of The 100 Roman Farms Project, in the special collections room at Ramsey Library.

Macon County Public Library Located at 149 Siler Farm Road in Franklin. Open Mon.Thurs., 9 a.m.-8 p.m.; Fri. & Sat. 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Info: www. fontanalib.org/franklin/ or 524-3600.

• TH (3/24), 6pm - James Costa, WCU biology professor and director of the Highlands Biological Station, will lead a discussion of The World Without Us by WCU Literary Festival author Alan Weisman.

The New York Times bestseller explores the fate of natural and manmade environments should humans suddenly disappear.

The WNC Historical Association (WNCHA) Operates out of the SmithMcDowell House Museum.

Info: 253-9231.

• SU (3/20), 2pm - Karl Campbell, author of Senator Sam Ervin, Last of the Founding Fathers, will speak at First Presbyterian Church in downtown Asheville.

Reservations recommended.

Parking available in the church lot. Free.

Xpress Yourself Submit a poem to the Mountain Xpress Poetry Contest. Winners will have their work published in print and will read their poem aloud on Friday, April 8 at the Masonic Temple in downtown Asheville, and at WordFest in early May. Info: www.mountainx.com/ae/poetry/submit.

• Through TH (3/17) Submissions will be accepted.

Festivals & Gatherings Hendersonville’s March of the Leprechauns • SA (3/19), 10am-7pm - The annual St. Patrick’s Day Festival, held on Main Street, is a celebration of Irish heritage featuring entertainment and a costume contest. Info: 233-3216.

Music Analog To Digital • Vinyl/Tape To CD • VHS To DVD (pd.) Convert classic vinyl and tape to digital or CD and old VHS to DVD. Great quality!

Very affordable. Call (828) 442-6211. www.vinylrecordstocd.com Asheville Chamber Music Series Concerts are held at the Unitarian Universalist Church on the corner of Charlotte Street and Edwin Place, unless otherwise noted.

Tickets at the door/Free for students. Info: 259-3626 or www.ashevillechambermusic. org.

• TH (3/17), 4:15pm - Asheville Chamber Music presents a “Pre-Concert Talk” at the Reuter Center, on the UNCA college campus. Free.

• TH (3/24), 4:15pm - Asheville Chamber Music presents a “Pre-Concert Talk” at the Reuter Center, on the UNCA college campus. Free.

Blue Ridge Concert Series • TU (3/22), 7:30pm - Pianist Falko Steinbach will perform at the Blue Ridge Community College’s Thomas Auditorium in Flat Rock. $10/$3 students.

Info: 694-1743.

Events at First United Methodist Church of Hendersonville Located at 204 6th Ave, in Hendersonville. Info: 6934275.

• SU (3/20), 4pm - Organist Steven William will perform in concert. Dr. Williams is a professor of music at Warren Wilson College and director of music and organist for the Warren Wilson Presbyterian Church. Info: 693-4275, ext. 112.

Hendersonville Chamber Music Concerts take place at First Congregational Church of Hendersonville. $17/Free for students. Info: 890-4411 or www.hendersonvillechambermusic.org.

• SU (3/20), 3pm - The EastWind Quintet will perform a Baroque to modern repertoire. Mary Ashley Barret, oboe; Anthony Taylor, clarinet; Steven Stusek, saxophone; Kelly Burke, bass clarinet; and Michael Burns, bassoon.

Hendersonville Community Band • SU (3/20), 3pm - The Hendersonville Community Band presents “Something Old, Something New” at the Blue Ridge Conference Hall in Flat Rock. $10/students free.

Info: 696-2118.

Hendersonville Symphony Orchestra Info: 697-5884 or www.hendersonvillesymphony.org.

• SA (3/19), 7:30pm - “Old Masters & Young Geniuses,”

will be performed at Blue Ridge Community College, in the Conference Hall, 180 West Campus Drive in Flat Rock. $25/$5 students.

Klezmer Concert & Dance in Burnsville • SA (3/19), 8pm - Bandana Klezmer performs for the annual Purim/St. Patrick’s Day concert at the Burnsville Town Center, 6 S. Main St. There will also be coffee and Jewish/Eastern European desserts for sale. $10. Info: 682-7209.

Music at UNCA Concerts are held in Lipinsky Auditorium, unless otherwise noted. Tickets & info: 2325000.

• TH (3/17), 7:30pm - Vocal and instrumental selections will be presented by various jazz combos under the direction of Matthew Richmond, Rich Willey and Tom Coppola. $5.

• SU (3/20), 4pm - UNCA Student Ensembles, including the Flute Choir, String Quartet and Brass Quintet, under the direction of Judi Lampert, Inez Redman and Casey Coppenbarger, will perform. $5.

• SU (3/20), 4pm - Chamber Music Concert. Student ensembles performing include the flute choir, string quartet and the brass quintet. $5.

Performances at Diana Wortham Theatre For ticket information or more details: 257-4530 or www. dwtheatre.com.

• FR (3/18), 8pm - Mountain Heart with Tony Rice.

Mountain Heart appeals to a wide variety of musical tastes.

Appearing with Mountain Heart is guitar legend Tony Rice, who spans the range of acoustic music. $30.

• TH (3/24), 8pm - Dervish.

At the forefront of Celtic music for over two decades, Dervish is one of the all-time great Irish traditional bands. $30.

Singer/Songwriters in the Round at Balsam Mountain Inn • SA (3/19), 6pm Songwriters Sarah Majors, Phillip Lammonds and Shannon Lawson will perform a concert of “NashGrass” tunes at this “bluegrass to Nashville country songwriter’s showcase.” $40 includes a buffet dinner and the showcase, (this discounted price is only available with a mention that you read this in the Xpress). Held at 68 Seven Springs Drive. Info: 456-9498.

Song O’ Sky Chorus (Sweet Adelines International) The chorus is always looking for women 18+ who want to learn how to sing barbershop harmony. Please visit a

yophoto

Queen of soul S h a r o n J o n e s an d t h e Da p K i n g s w o w e d t h e O r an g e P e e l c r o w d o n S u n d a y , M a r c h 1 3 . photos by rich orris

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 33

consciousparty

What: Bombs Away Cabaret presents Pirate Booty, a fundraiser for the Western North Carolina AIDS Project Where: Asheville Arts Center, 308 Merrimon Ave., Asheville When: Friday, March 18, and Saturday, March 19, at 8 p.m. ($12 at the door. Info: 337-7350 or myspace.com/bombsawaycabaret)

fun fundraisers

Why: Bombs Away Cabaret, a local cabaret and burlesque collaborative, presents an original production brimming with “naughty fun.” As the press release continues, “the girls are glamorous, the tease is tantalizing and the laughs are nonstop in another wild, witty show that brings satirical humor to the forefront of Asheville’s Burlesque scene.” Food, wine and beer will be offered throughout the show, for a donation.

It’s worth noting that Pirate Booty is for mature audiences only, so please leave the little ones at home.

What makes the booty even better? All proceeds raised at the performance will benefit Western North Carolina AIDS Project (WNCAP), a nonprofit based in Asheville, Hendersonville, Cleveland and Jackson County. WNCAP is “dedicated to providing HIV related services to the people of Western North Carolina through client support, prevention education and outreach activities in a collaborative and financially responsible manner,” as stated on wncap.org. Come on out for this seductive, scandalous and hilarious cabaret while supporting WNCAP’s invaluable community services.

benefitscalendar Calendar for March 16 - 24, 2011 Large Church Auction And Concert • Free Admission (pd.) Unity Center, 2041 Old Fanning Bridge Rd, Mills River, Friday, March 18. • Fun evening of music and great bargains!

Furniture, housewares, lawnmowers, vacuums, artwork, crafts, jewelry, golf clubs, spa treatments, weekend getaways, golf outings, and gift certificates. • Silent Auction and Concert: 7pm.

• Regular Auction: 8:30pm. (828) 684-3798; 891-8700. Visit www.unitync.net/Auction.html for an “up-to-date list” ECO Events The Environmental and Conservation Organization is dedicated to preserving the natural heritage of Henderson County and the mountain region as an effective voice of the environment.

Located at 121 Third Ave. W., in Hendersonville. Info: 692-0385 or www.eco-wnc.org.

• TH (3/17) - Diamond Brand Outdoors hosts “Diva Night,” an event to benefit ECO, featuring store-wide discounts, free gifts, raffles, live music and more. Held at 2623 Hendersonville Road in Arden.

Hall Fletcher Benefit Concert • FR (3/18), 6-8pm - Vince Junior will perform a kids show and The Professors will perform hits from the ‘60s at Hall Fletcher School, 60 Ridgelawn Road in West Asheville. $3. Dinner and raffle tickets will be sold at additional cost. Info: 350-6400.

Pardee Apple Festival 8k & Mini Moo Mile • SA (9/3), 8-10am - Early registration is currently open for both events, which will begin at Pardee Hospital, 800 North Justice St., in Hendersonville. Awards will be based on standard age groups and male/female overall. Proceeds will benefit the Hendersonville Chamber of Commerce’s programs to promote healthful workplaces and business support/workforce development. $28 before Aug. 30/ $35 day of/$10 for Mini-Moo Mile.

Info and registration: http://bit.ly/hx4Kdr. Passion for Fashion • WE (3/16), 11:30am - A fashion show and seated luncheon to benefit Flat Rock Playhouse will be held in the Charleston Room of Kenmure Country Club, 100 Clubhouse Drive, Flat Rock.

Passion for Fashion will feature spring styles for ladies and chil-

Joint NC State Engineering Programs at UNC Asheville

for a B.S. Engineering Degree

unca.edu/engineering • 828-251-6640

dren, with clothing provided by Chico’s of Biltmore Village and Chicken Little of Flat Rock. Plus, a fashionable raffle. $40 includes lunch. Info: 693-0731.

Polk County Chapter of the American Red Cross Located at 231 Ward St. Info: 894-2700 or www.redcrosswnc.org.

• SU (3/30), 5pm - Art to the Rescue at Tryon Estates, 617 Laurel Lake Drive, Columbus. An art auction to benefit the Polk County Chapter of the American Red Cross.

5pm - Preview and silent auction —- 6:30pm - Live auction and heavy hors d’oeuvres. $20 advance/$25 door.

Info: 894-2700.

“Princess For a Day” • SA (3/19), 11am-1pm - Intrigue Salon, located at 2686A Greenville Highway in Flat Rock, hosts a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society Relay For Life of Henderson County. “Bring your little princess to the salon in her favorite princess outfit” for special hair styling, nail painting and more. $10 minimum donation. Info: 697-0022.

Yoga to Make a Difference • SA (3/26), 1-3pm - An Iyengar yoga class, with all proceeds benefiting Asheville Green Works, will be held at One Center Yoga, 120 Coxe Ave., suite 3A in downtown Asheville. Asheville Green Works is a volunteer based organization working to enhance the environment and quality of life for the citizens of Asheville and Buncombe County. All skill levels are welcome. Love offering.

Register: 225-1904 or www.onecenteryoga.com.

MORE BENEFITS EVENTS ONLINE

ConCert • this Friday • super auCtion Help Unity Center Help Others! March 18 • 7pm Great Bargains on...

Weekend Getaways Jewelry • Spa Treatments

Furniture • Art Crafts and more!*

Free Admission • 2041 Old Fanning Bridge Rd., Mills River

Unity Center: 684-3798 • *For an updated list: www.unitync.net/Auction.html

34 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Check out the Benefits Calendar online at www.mountainx.com/events for info on events happening after March 24.

CALENDAR DEADLINE

The deadline for free and paid listings is 5 p.m.

WEDNESDAY, one week prior to publication.

Questions? Call (828)251-1333, ext. 365

rehearsal. Info: 1-866-8249547 or www.songosky.org.

• TUESDAYS,6:45pm Rehearsals in the Fellowship Hall at First Congregational Church, 20 Oak St. Sunday Jam • SUNDAYS, 5pm Musicians, no matter their skill level, instrument or style, are welcome to attend this community jam. Bring a dish to share for a potluck meal.

Details and weekly locations: 317-1861.

Voices in the Laurel Children’s Choir • TU (3/22), 4-7:15pm - Kids who love to sing and are in grades 1-12 are invited to this open rehearsal, hosted by the choristers of Voices in the Laurel. There will be singing, audition information and much more. Treble Makers (for grades 1-2), 4-4:45pm; Concert Choir (grades 3-5), 5-6pm; Chamber Choir (grades 6-12), 6:15-7:45pm.

Held at Long’s Chapel United Methodist Church in Waynesville. Info: 734-8413 or www.voicesinthelaurel.org.

Theater Events at 35below This black box theater is located underneath Asheville Community Theatre at 35 E. Walnut St. Info: 254-1320 or www.ashevilletheatre.org.

• TH (3/24), 7:30pm - From the Mouth of Madness: True Tales from the Edge of Insanity, a storytelling event hosted by Tom Chalmers. The performance will feature “true stories about mental health told by local comedians, actors and people just like you.” $10.

Flat Rock Playhouse The State Theater of North Carolina is on Highway 225, 3 miles south of Hendersonville.

Info: 693-0731 or www. flatrockplayhouse.org.

• Through SU (3/20) - The YouTheatre of Flat Rock Playhouse presents a musical adaptation of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, the rambunctious tale of a mischievous young boy growing up in a small town along the Mississippi River.

Hendersonville Little Theatre Located at the Barn on State St., between Kanuga and Willow Roads in Hendersonville. $14/$8 or $18/$10 for musicals. Info: 692-1082 or www.hendersonvillelittletheatre.org.

• FRIDAYS through SUNDAYS (until 3/27) - The Odd Couple, described as “a hilarious face-off between the neat-freak and the slob,” will be performed. Fri.-Sat., 8pm & Sun., 2pm. Opening night will feature a champagne

reception before the performance.

Synergy Story Slam Asheville’s community-based, open mic storytelling event at The Magnetic Field, 372 Depot St., River Arts District.

Search “Synergy Story Slam” on Facebook for more info. $5-10.

• MO (3/21), 7pm - Synergy Slam.

The Bombs Away Cabaret Asheville’s tantalizing cabaret and burlesque collaborative.

Info: www.myspace.com/ bombsawaycabaret.

• FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS (3/11 through 3/19), 8pm - “Pirate Booty,” a full-length show, will be performed at the Asheville Arts Center, 308 Merrimon Ave. “The girls are glamorous, the tease is tantalizing and the laughs are nonstop.” Food, beer and wine will be offered by donation. All profits benefit the Western North Carolina AIDS Project. $12. Info: 337-7350 or bombsawaycabaret@ yahoo.com.

The Magnetic Field A cafe, bar and performance house located at 372 Depot St., in the River Arts District.

Info: www.themagneticfield. com or 257-4003.

• THURSDAYS through SATURDAYS (until 3/19), 7:30pm - Ruth, written by John Crutchfield and directed

by Steven Samuels. Latenight performances will be held at 10pm on Fridays and Saturdays. $12-14.

• THURSDAYS (3/24) through SATURDAYS (4/2) - Songs of Robert, John Crutchfield’s “quirkily poetic” one-man show, will be performed. Performances begin at 7:30pm, with late-night performances held at 10pm on Friday and Saturday nights.

No late show April 1. Tickets $12-14.

Theater at WCU Unless otherwise noted, all performances take place at the Fine & Performing Arts Center. Tickets & info: 2272479 or http://fapac.wcu.edu.

• TH (3/24) through SU (3/27) - Kiss Me, Kate, written

by Cole Porter and directed

by Terrence Mann, is a playwithin-a-play that combines Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew with Porter’s iconic music and lyrics. $20/$15 seniors and WCU faculty/$5 students.

Comedy The Magnetic Field A cafe, bar and performance house located at 372 Depot St., in the River Arts District.

Info: www.themagneticfield. com or 257-4003.

• TU (3/22), 8pm - The Beards of Comedy, featuring Asheville comedian Joe Zimmerman, will perform. $10.

Film Classic World Cinema Foreign Film Series • FR (3/18), 7:45pm - Close-Up by Abbas Kiarostami (1990 Iran). Held at the Courtyard Gallery, in the upstairs library at the Phil Mechanic Studio, 109 Roberts St. Info: ashevillecourtyard.com or Cranky Hanke’s special showing section.

Firestorm Cafe & Books Located at 48 Commerce St., Asheville. Info: 255-8115 or www.firestormcafe.com.

• MO (3/21), 7:30pm Screening of Blair Mountain, the UMWA biography about “Out of the Darkness,” featuring footage from the historic battle of Blair Mountain.

Hendersonville Sister Cities Foreign Film Festival • FR (3/18), 7:30pm - The award-winning Italian film Bread and Tulips/Pane e Tulipani will be screened at Blue Ridge Community College, in the Patton Auditorium. Free. The film is in Italian with English subtitles.

A discussion will follow. Light refreshments provided. As a voice for cultural exchange and education, Hendersonville Sister Cities sponsors this monthly foreign-language film festival. Info: www.hendersonvillesistercities.org or 697-9557.

Seven Sisters Cinema A documentary film series presenting films by regional filmmakers and/or subjects of regional interest. Screens are held at the White Horse in Black Mountain, 105C Montreat Road. Info: www. sevensisterscinema.com or 686-3922.

• TH (3/24), 7pm - Awardwinning filmmaker Elizabeth Barret will introduce her 2000 documentary film Stranger With a Camera. In 1967 Canadian filmmaker Hugh O’Connor visited the mountains of Central Appalachia to document poverty. Barret uses O’Connor’s death as a lens to explore the complex relationship between those who make films to promote social change and the people whose lives are represented in such media productions.

The Groovy Movie Club (Waynesville) Discussion follows screenings of films at a private home near Lake Junaluska. Potluck dinner at 6:15pm (optional).

Bring a dish to share. For directions and to RSVP:

JohnBuckleyx@gmail.com or 454-5949.

• FR (3/18), 7pm - Screening of Secretariat. A mostlyorganic potluck dinner will precede the screening. Info: 926-3508.

Dance 7pm Wednesdays • InterPlay Asheville (pd.) Play with us, and tap into body wisdom, with movement, reflection, voice, and 1 minute stories. It’s easy and Fun, plus, you can’t do it wrong! (Really!) (now every Wednesday.) $5-$15. • Sacred Embodiment Center, 31 Carolina Lane, Asheville, NC • downtown Asheville!

Info: www.interplayasheville. org/ Studio Zahiya (pd.) • Tuesday: 9-10am: Hip Hop Fitness • 6-7pm: Beginner Bellydance • 8:10-9:10pm: Intermediate/ Advanced Bellydance • Thursday: 9-10am: All Levels Bellydance • 6-7pm: Bollywood and Bhangra • 8:10-9:10pm: Hip Hop. • Drop-in anytime. $12/class.

• Info: (828) 242-7595 or www.lisazahiya.com Asheville International Folk Dancers • TUESDAYS, 7-9:30pm - We do a variety of dances from all over the world, but mainly line dances from Eastern Europe, particularly the Balkans. At Harvest House, 205 Kenilworth Road, Asheville. No partner, no cost.

Info: 645-1543 or mmgoodman@frontier.com.

Asheville Movement Collective AMC hosts weekly dancewaves for personal and community transformation.

First wave is free. Info: www.

DanceAMC.org.

• FRIDAYS, 7-9pm - Meet at the Terpsicorps Studio of Dance above The Wedge in the River Arts District. $5.

• SUNDAYS, 8:30-10:30 am & 10:30am-12:30pm - Meet at Studio 11, 11 Richland St., in West Asheville. $5.

Carolina Shag Dancing • WEDNESDAYS, 7-11pm - Dance with a DJ. $5.

• SUNDAYS, 4-5pm - Free dance lesson. An open dance will follow until 7pm. Held at Bosco’s Sports Zone, 3210 Hendersonville Road. Info: 684-2646.

Creative Technology & Arts Center Located at Odyssey Community School, 90 Zillicoa St., Asheville. Info: www.ctacenter.org.

• MONDAYS (through 4/25), 5-6:30pm - A “Modern Dance & Expressive Movement” class will be taught by Claire Elizabeth Barratt. All adults

newsoftheweird Lead story

Science on the cutting edge

New York University arts professor Wafaa Bilal had his camera surgically removed in February.

Implanted in the back of his skull in November, it recorded, at 60-second intervals, the places he’d left behind (beamed to and archived by a museum in Qatar). The camera was braced by three titanium posts, but his body rejected one of them, so for now he merely ties the camera to the back of his neck (an unsatisfactory arrangement, he said, because it represents a less personal “commitment” to the art). In the future, he predicted, such communication devices will routinely be part of our bodies.

The entrepreneurial spirit

• New York City beverage company MeatWater creates flavored waters for upscale, hearty gourmets who prefer to get their daily salads, shellfish or goulash from a bottle instead of a plate. Among the flavors introduced in January, according to an AOL News report, were poached-salmon-salad water and a Caribbean-shrimp-salad water that doubles as a vodka mixer. Old standbys include Peking-duck water, tandoori-chicken water, bangers-’n’-mash water and German-sauerbraten water.

• Sell What You Know: In December, a company in eastern Ukraine (a country known for hard drinking) announced a “drinking buddy” service. For the equivalent of about $18, it will supply a barroom companion for the evening who’s “qualified” to discuss politics, sports, women, etc., and even offer psychological counseling, if appropriate.

• “Vulva Original,” from the German company VivaEros, is the “scent of a beautiful woman,” Harper’s Magazine reported in August 2010. A small roll-on container of the concentrated fragrance sells for the equivalent of about $35. (The promotional video shows a handsome male in a gym observing a beautiful female working out on a stationary bike; afterward, the male gently sniffs the seat.) “The female smell of intimacy,” promises VivaEros, “triggers sexual attraction and desire,” which men can address “more intensely during self-stimulation.”

• “You’re not going to like this,” NPR’s Robert Krulwich warned in February before reporting on visionary robotics developers James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau, whose carnivorous clock can supposedly run for 12 days on the carcasses of 12 dead houseflies (which the device traps with flypaper and then slices in two). The pair also displayed a prototype coffee table that lures mice up its legs with cheese into a hole in the center, where they’re guillotined. The inventors said their creations are merely extensions of TV programs showing animals hunting in the wild, but Krulwich fretted about the dangers inherent in “giving robots a taste for [meat].”

• Scientists have long observed male capuchin monkeys urinating on their hands and then rubbing down their bodies, but the purpose wasn’t clear. In a recent issue of the American Journal of Primatology. Dr. Kimberly Phillips and colleagues concluded that the practice helps clarify mating priorities. Males rub themselves down promptly after being solicited by females in heat, and based on MRI scans of capuchins’ brains, adults’ urine is the lone trigger for female mating activity.

The continuing crisis

In May 2008, classroom disrupter Alex Barton, 5, was finally made by his teacher at Morningside Elementary in St. Lucie County, Fla., to sit down and listen to the accumulated complaints of his classmates, who then voted on asking Alex to leave the class. (He lost, 14-2.) Shortly afterward, Alex was diagnosed with a form of autism, and his mother filed a federal disability-discrimination lawsuit, citing Alex’s “humiliation.” In February 2011, the school district agreed to pay Alex $350,000 (including legal expenses). “Money can’t take care of what [the school district] did to my family,” said Ms. Barton.

readdaily Read News of the Weird daily with Chuck Shepherd at www.weirduniverse. net. Send items to weirdnews@earthlink. net or PO Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679

Fine points of the law

Lawyer Terry Watkins admitted to a judge in Faribault, Minn., in February that his client, William Melchert-Dinkel, did things that were “abhorrent,” “sick” and “creepy,” but that doesn’t make him a criminal. Melchert-Dinkel has been charged with two felonies for counseling depressed people online on the techniques and virtues of suicide (for example, recommending positioning for a noose to a Briton who hanged himself three days later). A judge’s decision was pending at press time.

People with issues

Mental-health practitioners, writing in the January issue of Substance Abuse, described two patients who’d recently arrived at a clinic in Ranchi, India, after allowing themselves to be bitten by cobras to get high. The men, both longtime substance abusers favoring opiates, decided to try what they’d heard about on the street. The 44-year-old, bitten on the foot, experienced “a blackout associated with a sense of well-being, lethargy and sleepiness.” The other, 52, reported “dizziness and blurred vision followed by a heightened arousal and a sense of well-being,” and apparently was so impressed that he returned to the snake charmer two weeks later for a second bite.

Least-competent criminals

In February in Kansas City, Mo., an unidentified man tried to distract the clerk at a gun store by laying $40 on the counter to buy a box of bullets, then pulling a gun and demanding all the money. The clerk pulled his own gun (not surprisingly, since it was a gun store) and scared the robber off; the $40 remained on the counter.

Recurring theme

Atlanta grandmother Jazz Ison Sinkfield showed off her 20- to 24-inch-long nails, which skew and curl in seemingly random directions, to WXIA-TV in February. Admitting to some handicaps (no bowling, shoe-tying or computer work, and a five-hour, $250 salon session each month), she claimed to be unfazed if others find the sight of her nails repulsive, saying, “Some people are jealous.”

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edgymama

parenting from the edge by Anne Fitten Glenn

Eastern versus Western parenting: just laissez-faire it, y’all A recently published memoir by AsianAmerican Amy Chua about raising her kids in the traditional “Eastern” parenting style is sparking heated parental debate.

In my 13 years as a breeder, parents have cycled through a number of kid-raising trends: from attachment to helicopter to free-range. Now we’re all talking Eastern parenting, which, as far as I can tell, is quite similar to the mid-century Southern “speak-only-when-spoken-to-or-you’llget-switched” parenting (in case you don’t know, “switched” is a verb for getting whacked across the buttocks or backs of the legs with a very thin, supple stick).

All this advice has made me want to create my own school of parenting, which will henceforth be called the laissez-faire model.

Despite the fancy French name, laissez-faire parenting basically refers to those of us who sit around worrying about our kids while drinking beer.

Here’s how it’s different from those other kinds of parenting.

Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, explains how Eastern parenting promotes performance, perfectionism and respect for authority.

Laissez-faire moms don’t have the energy for the Eastern model (or the borderline personalities),

but we do have some envy when we see all those super-successful Asian kids running the world. As a Southerner who grew up in a household where rules weren’t supposed to be questioned, I wonder if I was raised, in part, with more of a Tiger model.

Though for some reason, I don’t seem to be running the world. What’s up with that?

Eastern parents are the extreme opposite of our adorable, if sometimes smelly, free-range parents, who put their kids on subways by themselves when they’re 3 and send them off to sail around the world at 8. Laissez-faire parents, on the other hand, teach their kids how to open beer bottles as soon as they can understand the beauty of the fulcrum (usually by 5).

Helicopter parents, who have proliferated in recent years, are those who hover protectively, flapping their wings manically, over their kids.

Ultimately, helicopters tend to crash and burn from sheer exhaustion. Laissez-faire parents may spend their extra energy worrying about their kids, but that’s not enough to get them off the couch.

The attachment parents are those of us who were told to nurse and sleep with their kids until it became kind of obscene. No wonder I often refer to my son as Oedipus Jr. While Eastern parents minimize individuality, Western parents often prize

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individuality to an extent that our kids turn out to be self-aggrandizing brats. Laissez-faire parents like to snuggle, but we’re not above kicking the kids to the floor when it’s time to stretch out for a nap.

Despite the debates, I think most parents run the gamut of styles. I’ve had one or two Tiger moments where I’ve yelled at my kids to pull themselves together, though, unlike Chua, I’ve never thrown handmade cards back in their faces and told them they could do better (I’ve saved boxes of those handmade cards). I’ve also had helicopter moments, where I’ve been overprotective when I probably should have let the kid learn from the experience of getting hurt. But mostly I’m just plain inconsistent, which seems to be the most consistent trait of parenting. I might rush to grab a toddler walking on a high wall one day, and the next day decide to wait and see what happens if she falls.

Laissez-faire parents, just like those crazy French Revolutionaries, do want change. We certainly don’t want to become our parents. Chua wanted to emulate her parents by making her girls practice the piano for eight hours a day instead of playing with other kids, but us laissez-faire types? No way.

“I don’t want to become my mom” is an exclamation I hear again and again. Not that our moms were bad parents. They weren’t. But who wants to wear polyester pants, head kerchiefs and chase kids around with a wooden spoon in one hand and a smoke in the other yelling, “Wait until your father gets home”?

Here’s the truth of the matter. No matter what style of parenting you choose, at some point, your kids are going to accuse you of screwing it up.

Parenting isn’t a game you play to win. There’s no winning, really, though there are a lot of ways to lose. Even Chua’s younger daughter rebelled, throwing a plate in a restaurant and yelling, “I hate you!” at her mom. Ask anyone, regardless of who they are and where they grew up: “How did your parents screw up?” If they don’t have an answer, it’s only because they’re too embarrassed to say.

So just give it up, accept your destiny, pop open a beer and let’s laissez-faire together. First one to get stomach ulcers loses. X Anne Fitten “Edgy Mama” Glenn writes about a number of subjects, including parenting, at www. edgymama.com.

parentingcalendar Calendar for March 16 - 24, 2011 Blue Ridge Books Located at 152 S. Main St., Waynesville. Info: www. brbooks-news.com or 456-6000.

• SA (3/19), 3-4:15pm - “The Thoroughly Modern Family,” a presentation by Dr. Lynne Barrett, a psychologist based in Waynesville; Dr. John Curtis, who will talk about his innovative approach to building a successful marriage; and Diane Stamey, the director of the Mountain Center for Pastoral Counseling.

Let’s Talk: Workshops for Parents and Teens Free classes provided by local agencies to offer parents information and methods for engaging with teens on a variety of difficult issues. No registration required. For parents and guardians only. At Randolph Learning Center, 90 Montford Ave. Free.

Info: anna@ourvoicenc.org.

• WE (3/23), 6-7:30pm - “Drugs and Alcohol.”

Mama-Time • WEDNESDAYS, 11am-1pm - A circle of postpartum moms meets weekly to share the highs and lows of life with a new baby. Plus, stress management skills and group discussions. Siblings/newborns welcome. $6-$10. Fees support 4th Trimester, a nonprofit organization dedicated to well-being during postpartum and parenthood. Meet at 65 Hill St. Info: 337-8630.

Meet the Doulas • SU (3/20), 6pm - Come meet birth and postpartum doulas at The Hop, 640 Merrimon Ave., suite 103. There will be lots of information on pregnancy, birth, parenting and doulas. Open to all local doulas and expecting/new parents. Hosted by the Doula

Association of the Mountain Area (DAMA). Info: www.wncdoulas.com.

Parenting Classes at Pardee Hospital All classes are held in the orientation classroom of Pardee Hospital, 800 N. Justice St., in Hendersonville. Free, but registration is required.

Info: (866)-790-WELL. • TH (3/17), 6:30-8pm - “The Art of Breastfeeding,” breastfeeding basics for new moms —- 6:30-8pm “Daddy Duty,” helpful ideas and tips for dads during the labor and birth process.

• TH (3/24), 6:30-8pm - Infant Care Class. The basics of infant care including newborn characteristics, feeding, bathing, cord care, diapering and swaddling.

Waynesville Parks and Recreation Info: 456-2030 or recprograms@townofwaynesville. org.

• FRIDAYS, 10-11:30am - “Moms and Tots,” a play and socialization program at the Old Armory Recreation Center. Guardians are encouraged to bring toys for children to use and share. $1 a day.

Info: 456-9207.

MORE PARENTING EVENTS ONLINE

Check out the Parenting Calendar online at www. mountainx.com/events for info on events happening after March 24.

CALENDAR DEADLINE

The deadline for free and paid listings is 5 p.m.

WEDNESDAY, one week prior to publication.

Questions? Call (828)251-1333, ext. 365

and teens are welcome. $10$20 sliding scale.

Hendersonville Ballroom Dance Club Meets in the ballroom of the Elks Lodge, 546 N. Justice St., Hendersonville. Yearly membership is $10. Couples and singles of all ages are welcome. Info: 692-8281.

• FRIDAYS, 7-7:30pm - Dance lessons —- 7:3010pm - Dance. DJ Fred Young provides a variety of dance tunes from waltz to tango. Refreshments will be served. $5 admission for members/$6 nonmembers.

• FR (3/18), 7:30pm Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day

at the Ballroom of the Elks Lodge, 546 N. Justice St. Wear something green! DJ Fred Young will play entertaining Irish tunes, along with rumba, cha-cha, waltz, tango, swing, fox-trot and polkas. $5 for members/$6 for nonmembers.

Hunab Kru’s B-Boy/B-Girl Classes Free breakdancing classes.

Learn how to B-boy/B-girl with the Hunab Kru. Info: bboyeducator@gmail.com.

• MONDAYS, 6:30-7:45pm - Learn and practice the art otherwise known as breakdancing at the Stephens-Lee recreation Center, 30 George

Washington Carver Ave. Children under 16 should be accompanied by an adult.

Sneakers required. Free.

Southern Lights SDC A nonprofit square-dance club. Square dancing is friendship set to music. Info: 694-1406 or 681-1731.

• SA (3/19), 6:30-9pm - An apparel sale will be held at the Whitmire Activity Building, 301 Lily Pond Road in Hendersonville. This is a great opportunity for new dancers to purchase square dance attire. An advanced dance begins at 6pm/Early rounds at 7pm, with alternating mainstream and plus squares at

7:30pm. Caller: Stan Russell.

Cuer: Lou and AlKrech.

Swing Asheville Info: www.swingasheville. com, 301-7629 or dance@ swingasheville.com.

• TUESDAYS, 6-7pm - Beginner swing dance lessons at Eleven on Grove, 11 Grove St., in downtown Asheville. $12 per week for a four-week workshop. No partner needed. Classes start first Tuesday of every month.

Swing dance from 8pm-11pm every Tuesday night.

Auditions & Call to Artists Artists Needed! (pd.) Stingy Jack’s Pumpkin Patch Fall Festival is looking for a few artists to help create carved art installations for our 2011 event. For details, call Jeannine at 400-2088. www. stingyjackspumpkinpatch. com Ripples of Hope • Through MO (3/28) Adults, teens and children are encouraged to paint, decorate, collage, write or otherwise creatively cover a blank “teardrop” for Ripples of Hope,

a local exhibit of expressive art pieces by those whose lives have been affected in some way by sexual assault.

Sponsored by the Daydreamz project, Earthworks Gallery, REACH of Haywood and other local agencies. Blank “teardrops” are available at Earthworks Gallery, 21 N Main St., Waynesville, and completed pieces can be submitted at the gallery.

Turchin Center’s Community Art School A variety of programs are offered through Appalachian State Universitys Turchin Center for the Visual Arts in Boone. To register or for more

info: 262-3017 or www.tcva. org/register.

• Through MO (3/28) Submissions will be accepted for the Halpert Biennial 2011, a national, juried, two-dimensional art competition and exhibition program designed to recognize new works by emerging and established artists. Info: halpert.tcva. appstate.edu.

Voices of the River • Through MO (4/6) Submissions for the fourth annual poetry and art contest will be accepted. This year’s contest is titled “It’s In Your Hands.” Send poetry, 2D and 3D art to RiverLink, a non-

profit organization dedicated to improving life along the French Broad, and visit www. riverlink.org/earthdaycontest. asp for guidelines. Local writers Glenis Redmon and Sebastian Matthews will judge this year’s contest. Info: 2528474 or www.riverlink.org.

CALENDAR DEADLINE The deadline for free and paid listings is 5 p.m.

WEDNESDAY, one week prior to publication.

Questions? Call (828)2511333, ext. 365

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 37

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A new study of the United Way’s 2-1-1 of WNC program “shows us what we already knew to be true: In tough times, needs are on the rise,” says Director Rachael Nygaard.

The information line aims to connect callers with available health and human services in Buncombe, Henderson, Madison and Transylvania counties. The service is free, confidential and available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. “That over a third of calls [last year] were in relation to basic needs speaks volumes about the kind of situations our neighbors are facing,” Nygaard explains. “People are struggling to make ends meet and people are calling to find out what places in the area can provide food. We inform people about food stamps and other resources as well.”

The annual report found that people with health questions or concerns tied for second on the call list, with 12 percent of all callers seeking health-related support. Trained referral specialists then put those callers in touch with the right kind of service to match their individual issue,

38 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

from cancer screenings to wound care.

In 2010, 54,605 calls were made to 2-1-1, a 49 percent increase in calls received two years earlier, and 35 percent of those calls were made by residents seeking help with basic needs such as food and housing, according to the report.

“We get a lot of calls where people are looking for some kind of community clinic,” Nygaard notes. “People may be uninsured or they may be on public insurance or in some kind of urgent care type setting.”

Since starting in 2001, the program has evolved to incorporate an e-mail service and a website that offers users a searchable database of more than 2,000 local public and non-profit programs.

But Nygaard maintains that the heart of the service is still in the person-to-person care of the phone conversations.

“The more that there are high-tech ways for people to get connected to services, we are reminded of the importance of that human interaction,” she explains. “When people dial 2-1-1, they get a referral specialist who can listen and provide guidance and support. Sometimes it means brainstorming or helping people prioritize

what their needs are. Sometimes it’s very straightforward and sometimes it’s more in-depth.”

It’s all part of the nonprofit’s holistic approach to wellness, Nygaard adds.

“United Way focuses on education, income and health,” she says. “We know that there’s a lot of back and forth between those three areas. We know that for someone to have good health, they may need the income or the education.”

To use the service, dial 2-1-1 on any cell phone or landline, e-mail your questions to 211info@unitedwayabc. org,, or visit nc211.org online.

— Jake Frankel

Best in dish

In a dash of wellness-meets-kids-meetsfood news, Asheville’s Ira B. Jones Elementary School may have a winning twist on legumes: The school’s “Tuscan smoked turkey and bean soup” concoction made the semifinals of the Recipes for Healthy Kids competition, U.S. Department of Agriculture officials announced on March 9.

Eating Right for Good Health presented by

Salmon and Veggies Make A Classic Dish

Ask and you shall receive: The 2-1-1 information line aims to connect callers with availble health and human services. image courtesy united way

The soup evolved as part of a collaborative effort with Grove Park Inn Executive Chef Denny Trantham, says Susan Bower, the school’s child nutrition manager. Last year, Trantham offered his services as part of the Chefs in Schools program (an offshoot of first lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move project). The partnership began with an “apple assembly” at Ira B. Jones, says Bower. “I actually dressed up as an apple,” she adds, laughing. With Trantham’s help, the goal was getting kids to try different varieties of apples and learn what makes them good for you.

But then Bower’s boss mentioned the recipe contest. Trantham and Bower created basic recipes for each category — Dry Beans and Peas, Whole Grains, and Dark Green and Orange Vegetables.

“The [bean soup] recipe is [Trantham’s], but we had to break it down,” says Bower. Bean soups are typically hearty, but making the recipe healthy and suitable for kids meant making a few changes, she explains. “Chefs like to cook with heavy cream and butter and wine ... all the things we can’t use in public schools,” says Bower, who admits a little weakness for rich ingredients herself. But with a little modification, the rich recipe transformed into a tasty

broth featuring such vegetables as kale. “The smoked turkey gives it that umph,” she asserts.

The proof will be in the next stages of the contest: Until May 15, the public gets to vote for their favorite recipe among a wide field of semifinalists from all over the country. Meanwhile, a judging panel (a USDA official, an American Culinary Federation chef and a school nutrition professional) will visit the school and taste the soup for themselves. “We’ll serve it on the line, and they’ll judge us for creativity and presentation,” Bower reports. The judges will also talk to the kids and get their critique.

At stake is a chance to take part in a national cook-off this summer with White House chefs.

Hopefully, Bower won’t have to dress up like an apple for that one.

Catherine Classen, LMT # 1943

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For more information (and to submit your vote by May 15) visit www.recipesforkidschallenge.com.

— Margaret Williams Send your health-and-wellness news to mxhealth@ mountainx.com or news@mountainx.com, or call News Editor Margaret Williams at 251-1333, ext. 152.

Leah McGrath, RD, LDN - Corporate Dietitian, Ingles Markets

Salmon Succotash Ingredients 1 salmon fillet - remove skin and cut into cubes 2 cups frozen yellow corn, thawed or fresh corn removed from cob 2 cups frozen edamame (shelled), thaw 2 TBSP oyster sauce 1 tsp chopped fresh ginger 1 clove garlic, mince 1/4 tsp hot pepper flakes 1 TBSP low sodium soy sauce Sesame or peanut oil - 2 tsp 1. Coat wok with oil and heat, add garlic, ginger and cook for about 1-2 minutes, careful not to burn. Add oyster sauce and soy sauce and then add salmon. Cook for about 2 minutes making sure that salmon is coated with sauce mixture and then add edamame and corn and red pepper flakes. Cook for about 5 more minutes until vegetables are heated through.

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Health Programs A Weekend of Awareness and Open House (pd.) Friday, April 1, 7pm-9pm and Saturday, April 2, 9:30am-4pm. • Public invited. • Free event. Hosted by Maitri Center for Women, 41 Clayton Street, Asheville. • Presentations to promote Mind/Body/Spirit Health. • Chair massage. Arrive early for seating. (828) 772-5315. See schedule www.MaitriCenterforWomen.org Aqua Fitness • Swimming and More! UNCA Instructional Recreation (pd.) Campus Recreation at UNCA will be offering Swim Lessons (Youth, Adult, Private), Aqua Fitness, African Drumming and Dance beginning March 2011. Please call (828) 232-5650 for more information and to register! Or visit http://recreation.unca.edu/instructional-recreation Aromatherapy Workshop (pd.) Gain new skills. • Aromatherapy Level I workshop with Dr. Joie Power. • Massage Therapy NCBTMB Approved Provider 15 CE hours • Next Asheville 2-day workshop: May 21-22. $345.00. (828) 835-2231. www.Aromatherapy-School.com Compassion Focused Therapy (pd.) This being “human” is difficult. We find ourselves being hard on ourselves, driven to perfection, pushing harder or giving up. We become wired for stress, depression, anxiety, codependency, alcohol and drug problems, overeating, etc. • Learn effective mindful self-compassion skills to respond differently to your suffering, feelings of inadequacies and self-judgments. Individual and group sessions. Denise Kelley, MA, LPC; Call 231-2107 or email: empowering.solutions@yahoo.com New! West Asheville Pilates Class (pd.) All ages/abilities welcome. Certified instructor, 15 years experience. Mondays, 5:30-6:30pm. $15, or 5 for $65. Francine Delaney New School for Children, 119 Brevard Road. RSVP: 225-3786. www.

FormFitnessFunction.com A Chronic Disease Self Management Program • TUESDAYS, 4-6:30pm - Sick and tired of being sick and tired? Take charge of your health during this six-week workshop for people with chronic health conditions.

Caregivers are also welcome. Held at CarePartners Health Services, 68 Sweeten Creek Road. Free. Registration required: 251-7438.

A-B Tech Continuing Ed Classes Classes are free, unless otherwise noted. Info & registration: www.abtech.edu/ce/registration.

• TU (3/22), 6-8pm - “Herbs for Women.” Common plants that grow wild in WNC have traditionally been used to maintain women’s health and for common reproductive health concerns. Learn about some of these medicinal herbs and their uses. $5. At A-B Tech, Madison.

Boot Camp Classes • SATURDAYS, 8:30am - Using high-intensity interval training, this program was created to burn fat, tone and shape muscles, increase metabolism and drop pounds.

Everyone participates at their own level. Free. At O3 Health and Fitness, 554-C Riverside Drive. Info: 258-1066 or keith@o3healthandfitness.com.

Events at Pardee Hospital All programs held at the Pardee Health Education Center in the Blue Ridge Mall in Hendersonville. Free, but registration and appointments required unless otherwise noted. Info and registration: www.pardeehospital.org or 692-4600.

• TH (3/17), 12:30-1:30pm - “Live, Laugh and Lose.”

Susan McKenney, RN, MSN, FNP-BC, BC-ADM, with Pardee’s Flat Rock Family Health Center and Hendersonville Family Health Center, will present general weight management strategies for getting in shape this spring.

• TH (3/17), 8:30-10am - “Ask a Dietitian,” a program designed to answer questions during 15-minute sessions about diet, nutrition, vitamins, minerals and more.

• FR (3/18), Noon-1pm - “Minimally Invasive Anterior Hip Replacement.” Brian Seng, D.O., with Hendersonville Orthopaedic Associates, will discuss this procedure for replacing a hip joint.

• MO (3/21), 2:30-4:30pm - “Managing Back Pain With Physical Therapy.” David Gerrer, PT, COMT, with Pardee Rehab & Wellness Center, will give a physical therapist’s perspective of spinal anatomy, normal and pathological conditions and will discuss the benefits of therapy intervention for back pain.

• TU (3/22), 1-4pm - “Health Insurance Guidance,” North Carolina Seniors’ Health Insurance Information Program (NC-SHIIP) counselors will help retirees with Medicare supplement options, health insurance and long term care policies.

Living Healthy with Diabetes • WEDNESDAYS - A six-week self-management diabetes program will be held at MAHEC, 501 Biltmore Ave. The workshop is for people living with diabetes. Caregivers welcome. Free. Registration required: 251-7438.

Red Cross Events & Classes Red Cross holds classes in CPR/First Aid for infants, children and adults; Babysitter Training; Pet First Aid; Bloodborne Pathogens; Swimming & Water Safety; and Lifeguarding. All classes held at chapter headquarters, 100 Edgewood Road. To register call 258-3888, ext. 221.

Info: www.redcrosswnc.org. : Bloodmobile Drive dates and locations are listed below.

Appointment and ID required.

• SU (3/20), 8:30am-1pm - First Presbyterian Church, 40 Church St. Info: 253-1431.

• TH (3/24), 2-6:30pm - North Asheville Christian School, 20 Reynolds Mountain Boulevard. Info: 645-8053 —- 1:30-6:30pm - Warren Wilson College, 701 Warren Wilson Road, Swannanoa. Info: 771-3065.

Sex, Heart and Spirit Free and open to all at Va Va Vooom, 36 Battery Park Ave., Asheville.

• TU (3/22), 7pm - Part Five: Sex, Heart and Spirit Panel Discussion. A Q&A with presenters from workshop series and other practitioners who focus on embodiment, intimacy, sexuality and health.

Spring Cleansing for New Growth • WE (3/16), 7:30-9:30pm - “Liver: Tree of Life,” a presentation with acupuncturist Liliane Papin at Lighten Up Yoga, 60 Biltmore Ave. Papin will discuss “tree (wood) energy and its effect on liver and gall bladder functions.” $10. Sponsored by the Asheville Macrobiotic Alliance.

Unplugged: Exploring Video Game, Internet and Social Networking Addictions • FR (3/18), 6-10pm - This program details the addictive elements of the internet, video games and social networking, along with the consequences of having a generation of children more technologically savvy than their parents.

Presented by Ryan G. Van Cleave, Ph.D. Email bill.barthel@mahec.net for details.

Support Groups Adult Children Of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families ACOA is an anonymous 12-step, “Twelve Tradition” program for women and men who grew up in alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional homes. Info:http://adultchildren. org.

• FRIDAYS, 7pm - “Inner Child” meets at Grace Episcopal Church, 871 Merrimon Ave., Asheville. Info: 989-8075.

• SUNDAYS, 3pm - “Living in the Solution” meets at The Servanthood House, 156 E. Chestnut St., Asheville.

Open big book study. Info: 989-8075.

Al-Anon Al-Anon is a support group for the family and friends of alcoholics. More than 33 groups are available in the WNC area. Info: 800-286-1326 or www.wnc-alanon.org.

• WEDNESDAYS, 5:45pm - Wednesday Women’s AlAnon meeting at Grace Covenant Presbyterian Church,

wellnesscontinued 798 Merrimon Ave. (at Gracelyn Road). Newcomers welcome.

Alcoholics Anonymous - N.C. Mountain Central Office • This service center for AA members and groups provides 24-hour phone support for AA meetings in WNC, recovery literature and more. Hours: Mon., Wed., Fri.: 10am-1pm; Tue. & Thur.: 1-4pm. 254-8539 within Buncombe Co. Info: www.ashevilleaa.org.

Attention Migraine Sufferers • WEEKLY - All are welcome to attend this new support group. Come learn about the latest treatments and research on migraines. For directions and details: 2776723.

Celebrate Recovery • MONDAYS, 7-9pm - A Christian-based recovery program, held at Eye Scream Parlour, 2064 Highway 70 in Swannanoa. Info: 301-3582.

Co-Dependents Anonymous A fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships.

• SATURDAYS, 11am - Meeting at First Congregational United Church of Christ, 20 Oak St., in Asheville. The Church entrance and parking is in back. Info: 779-2317 or 299-1666.

Crystal Meth Anonymous • MONDAYS, 8pm - This 12-step meeting welcomes anyone who has a desire to quit using crystal meth. The group meets at First Congregational Church, 20 Oak St. Info: 252-8729.

GriefShare GriefShare features nationally recognized experts in grief-and-recovery support and meets at Calvary Baptist Church, 531 Haywood Road in Asheville. Info: 253-7301 or michael.lee@calvaryasheville.com.

• SUNDAYS, 3pm - GriefShare group meeting.

I Can Cope The American Cancer Society, Cancer Centers of North Carolina and Carepartners host “I Can Cope,” a program that gives participants an opportunity to share concerns and ways to cope with the challenge of a cancer diagnosis. Patients, caregivers and family members are invited to attend. Meetings are held at Cancer Centers of North Carolina, located in Regional Medical Park, Asheville. Free.

Info: 271-6510.

• WE (3/16), 3-5pm - “Relieving Cancer Pain,” with Dr. Roger Holland.

• WE (3/23), 3-5pm - “Keeping Well in Mind and Body,” with a CarePartner physical therapist.

Journaling Group • THURSDAYS - Want to better know yourself? The single most essential instrument for nurturing your spirit is a personal journal. Sharing a journal with others can help clarify thoughts, emotions and reactions to certain people or situations. Info: 989-9811.

Overcomers Recovery Support Group A Christian-based, 12-step recovery program. Provides a spiritual plan of recovery for people struggling with lifecontrolling problems. Meetings are held at S.O.S. Anglican Mission, 370 N. Louisiana Ave., suite C-1. All are welcome. Info: rchovey@sos.spc-asheville.org or 575-2003.

• MONDAYS, 6:30pm - A support group for men will meet.

Overeaters Anonymous A fellowship of individuals who, through shared experience, strength and hope, are recovering from compulsive overeating. This 12-step program welcomes everyone who wants to stop eating compulsively. Meetings are one hour unless otherwise noted.

• THURSDAYS, 6:30 - Hendersonville O.A. Step Study group at the Cox House, 723 N. Grove St. Info: 329-1637.

• THURSDAYS, noon - Asheville: Biltmore United Methodist Church, 376 Hendersonville Road (S. 25 at Yorkshire). Info: 298-1899.

• SATURDAYS, 9:30am - Black Mountain: Carver Parks & Recreation Center, 101 Carver Ave., off Blue Ridge Road. Open relapse and recovery meeting. Info: 6690986.

• MONDAYS, 6pm - Asheville: First Congregational United Church of Christ, 20 Oak St. Info: 252-4828.

• MONDAYS, 6:30pm - Hendersonville: Balfour United Methodist Church, 2567 Asheville Highway. Info: (800)580-4761.

• TUESDAYS, 10:30am-noon - Asheville: Grace Episcopal Church, 871 Merrimon Ave., at Ottari. Info: 280-2213.

Resources at Home Instead Senior Care • The 50-50 Rule, a book and program that helps siblings overcome family conflict while caring for aging parents, will be available at Home Instead Senior Care, 1293 Hendersonville Road. Free. Info: 274-4406 or www.solvingfamilyconflict.com.

SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) • SATURDAYS, 10-11am - Do you want to stop living out a destructive pattern of sex and love addiction over which you are personally powerless? This 12-step-based recovery program meets at 20 Oak St., Asheville. Info: www. slaafws.org or ashevilleslaa@charter.net.

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Check out the Wellness Calendar online at www.mountainx.com/events for info on events happening after March 24.

CALENDAR DEADLINE

The deadline for free and paid listings is 5 p.m.

WEDNESDAY, one week prior to publication.

Questions? Call (828)251-1333, ext. 365

Blue Ridge School of Herbal Medicine 400-hour Herbalist Certification Program May 3 - October 26, Tuesday & Wednesday days Plant Walks • Physiology • Chinese Medicine Clinical Skills • And More!

Private consultations with CoreyPine are also available.

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CoreyPine Shane, RH Holistic Clinical Herbalist, Director

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 41

roundup

by Wade Inganamort

Thank your doctor on March 31 “The WNC/ Buncombe County Medical Society honors and thanks local physicians at a special “Doctor’s Day” event on Thursday, March 31 from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. in the lobby of Mission Hospital. Doctor’s Day is a joint project of WNC/BCMS, BCMS Alliance and Mission Hospital.

For more information about the WNC/Buncombe County Medical Society or Doctor’s Day contact Donna Wiedrich at 274-2267 X 313 or go online to www.bcmsonline.org. WNC/BCMS is located at 304 Summit St. in Asheville.” — [Buncombe County Medical Society]

Pre-existing medical conditions now covered through Inclusive Health program Inclusive Health “was created by the N.C. Legislature to provide an affordable option for individuals with pre-existing medical conditions who lack access to group coverage or other government programs like Medicare or Medicaid.” —[Asheville Citizen-Times]

Asheville area blood drives in March “The W.N.C. chapter of the American Red Cross asks the community to donate ‘the gift of life’ and sign up to give blood at an area blood drive. See the press release below for a list of Asheville-area events and upcoming classes sponsored by the American Red Cross.”

— [Mountain Xpress]

Pardee introduces Mom2Mom network “Pardee introduces Mom2Mom, a social network for nursing mothers, led by nationally certified lactation consultant Joyce Maybin, RN, IBCLC, of the Pardee Center for Women’s Health. Maybin is also nationally certified in in-patient obstetrics and is a member of the International Lactation Consultants Association. The group will meet monthly to discuss breastfeeding topics and techniques.” — [BlueRidgeNow.com]

Blue Cross denies ill intent on health reform “Consumer advocates are battling what they say is a blatant bid by North Carolina’s largest health insurer to undermine health reform in this state. The advocates claim that Blue Cross and Blue Shield of North Carolina didn’t like the direction that some state lawmakers were considering for establishing a health insurance exchange. So the insurer, which is known for its lobbying clout, orchestrated a friendlier bill in the General Assembly and is trying to rush it through the legislature.” — [NewsObserver.com]

Upcoming National Alliance on Mental Illness Western Regional Conference “Our Western Regional Conference will be held on the campus of Asheville-Buncombe Technical Community College on Victoria Road, the Rhododendron Building, on Saturday, March 26 from 9 a.m – 5 p.m.” — [NAMIWNC.org]

Study: Most plastics leach hormone-like chemicals “Most plastic products, from sippy cups to food wraps, can release chemicals that act like the sex hormone estrogen, according to a study in Environmental Health Perspectives. The study found these chemicals even in products that didn’t contain BPA, a compound in certain plastics that’s been widely criticized because it mimics estrogen.” — [NPR.org]

Opinion: Most health solutions aren’t medical, they’re social

Grow Your Business Connect With Regional Leaders Support Your Local Community Join Us Today!

Visit AshevilleChamber.org or Call 828-258-6114

“The companies that can find a business model around social solutions for the neediest, most costly patients, are the ones who will not only make a killing, but change the face of healthcare in the world.” — [thefuturewell.com]

3D-printed skin could revolutionize treatment for burn victims “Growing human skin may sound like science-fiction, but scientists from the Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine are working on a way to do just that. Inspired by conventional printers and their cartridges, the research team believe that they could soon ‘print’ human skin which would transform the lives of wounded soldiers and burn victims.”

— [Inhabitat.com]

Mr. K’s

Used Books, MUsic and More Asheville’s lArgest Used Bookstore

“We’re for Business” for more information on the Asheville Area Chamber of Commerce visit us:

ashevillechamber.org • 36 Montford Ave. Asheville info@ashevillechamber.org 42 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

New & USed: Books • CDs • Video Games Books on Tape • DVDs BUY • SeLL • TRAde

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mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 43

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(other)food

the main dish

IT TAKES GUTS Of rockfish roe, land oysters and fish sperm

by Mackensy Lunsford

“Bizarre Foods” with Xpress

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In the debut of this series, Xpress whetted your appetite for the stranger side of dining with talk of “secondary” cuts of meat like kidneys and heart. This week, we’re digging a little deeper to talk fish parts (and oysters that have nothing to do with the ocean) with chef Adam Bannasch of Zambra tapas restaurant in downtown Asheville.

While liver and tongue are familiar enough dishes that more open-minded diners can eventually warm to, what about fish sperm and roe sacks? Crickets and ants? They’re all eaten elsewhere in the world. While insects are an important part of the diet in places like Mexico and Africa, here in the states, such things are considered taboo.

And that discrimination against certain foodstuffs in our somewhat puritan culinary culture is just as pronounced when it comes to reproductive organs. Rocky Mountain “oysters” (a more acceptable name for cow testicles) are practically considered the stuff of rural legend — the deep South’s very own bizarre food.

He’s willing to try anything

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Bannasch enjoys toying with such interesting offerings as lamb “oysters” and duck gizzards that he confits. It keep things fresh and exciting for both the customers and the cooks alike, he says. While offal — a catch-all term for underutilized parts and pieces of the animal — has turned up on Bannasch’s ever-changing innovative menu for years now, the chef continues to expand his horizons. “I’m willing to try to cook anything,” he says.

NEED MORE? Want to view the video of the rockfish milt experience? Check out mountainx.com/dining to see Xpress writer Mackensy Lunsford’s new food-centric video series, DISH

44 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Roe, Adam, roe: Chef Adam Bannasch of Zambra panfries rockfish roe.

Photos by Jonathan Welch

With offal becoming ever more standard, Xpress couldn’t help but ask whether Bannasch would ever consider serving bugs for the sake of pushing the envelope, what with all of the other interesting fare he’s sending out of the kitchen.

If it tastes good, he says, why not?

In fact, Zambra sous chef Gary Bizzatchi is preparing to guest-chef for a wild-foods dinner series, hosted by local foraged foods expert Alan Muskat, called “No Taste Like Home.” Among other things, Bizzatchi is preparing “ants on a log” — using real ants.

For now, says Bannasch, Zambra’s menu focuses on comparatively tamer fare, for the most part. A recent multi-course tasting of “strange” foods, whipped up by the kitchen staff for the purposes of our research, included a blackened duck-heart taco with a beet creme frâiche, pineapple and slaw.

While the tiny duck hearts were surprisingly tame in flavor, the same could not be said for Bannasch’s offering of a butter-fried rockfishroe sack served over garlicky gnocchetti, guanciale and Brussels sprouts. While some at the table fawned over the deep-ocean flavor of the dish, some simply couldn’t get over the veiny appearance of the roe sack and its unique texture. The flavor of a rockfish-roe sack is both earth and sea at once, and likely an acquired taste — most certainly the texture takes some getting used to as well; think fish-egg sausage. There’s probably a reason why many fisherman use it as bait.

What kind of oysters?

Lamb oysters, breaded and fried, stick to the old cliché that, when it comes down to it, many things just taste like chicken. The flavor profile isn’t all that difficult for the servers to explain to curious customers. However, in talks with

the staff, Xpress discovered that particular menu items often require some delicate wording on the server’s part — especially when some diners don’t quite understand that a lamb oyster isn’t served on the half shell.

“The staff’s been in some precarious situations,” says Bannasch, who’s currently trying to figure out how to coach the servers to speak about fish sperm — and more about that later.

There was one occasion, says the chef, when a man accompanied by his 9-year-old daughter ordered the lamb oysters. “The server could tell that the man thought that they were, you know, oyster oysters by the way that he ordered them.”

Trying to politely set the man straight without providing an inadvertent anatomy lesson for the child was an interesting experience, to be sure (and involved a little gesturing out of the kid’s sight-line, says Bannasch).

The envelope, please ...

The award for causing the Most Awkward Server-Guest Relations must go to the rockfish “milt,” aka rockfish sperm sack. The stuff absolutely needs a prettier name, because the admittedly nasty-sounding fare deserves to be awarded a much higher position on the list of ocean delicacies.

First on some minds, of course, must be how fish sperm is harvested and how it’s cooked.

Rockfish milt looks very similar to rockfish roe — that is, it can be harvested from the fish in a sack, of sorts. It looks very much like an organ.

Our apologies if we lost or sickened a few readers on that last part.

And the texture? We’ll let the chef field that one: “Pig brain is what I can compare it to most,” says Bannasch. “That really soft consistency. It’s

really creamy, if you will. It’s something else, that’s for sure.”

If you’ve managed to read this far, you may be wondering how the milt tastes. Believe it or not, it’s delicious. “If the milt didn’t taste good, I probably wouldn’t mess with it any more,” says Bannasch, who ordered the product by request of some of his customers who happen to work in the seafood distribution business. When seafood industry insiders are requesting fish sperm, it might be time to take notice. The rockfish milt, in fact, turned out to be so delicious that Bannasch has decided to stock the stuff more often. “The fact that it kind of surprises everybody with how good it is attracted me to it. It’s something new for people to try.”

Battering the sperm sack

To cook the milt, Bannasch slices the sack into pieces about the size of a silver dollar, lightly

batters it in cornflower and pan-fries it in butter.

When he served it to our table, it was accompanied with cubes of lemon gelée, each one tossed in different flavors, including coconut thyme, za’atar (a middle Eastern spice) and smoked paprika. The offering was then finished with a brown-butter vinaigrette and olives. The caramelized flavor of the brown butter was a perfect complement to the the milt, best described as tasting something like a mild ocean flan.

“Flavor-wise it’s pretty subtle,” says Bannasch.

“It tastes like you were in the ocean hours ago, and then you lick your lips. It’s a little oceany, but it never tastes like fish. And, texture-wise, it’s the creamiest thing I’ve ever had.”

And how to sell such a thing to a general audience? It’s definitely a little tricky, as I found while trying to write this article. Bannasch doesn’t seem to have an answer, either. “I have

foodcalendar Calendar for March 16 - 24, 2011 Farm To Table Saturday Brunch * Grove Park Inn (pd.) Just $19.99. Join us 11:30am-2:30pm. Call 1800-438-5800 for reservations. www.groveparkinn. com Fountainhead Bookstore Located at 408 N Main St., Hendersonville. Info: 6971870.

• SA (3/19) - Johnnie Sue Myers will discuss recipes (think Bear roast, venison stew and sochani greens) from her cookbook The Gathering Place.

MORE FOOD EVENTS ONLINE

Check out the Food Calendar online at www.mountainx. com/events for info on events happening after March 24.

CALENDAR DEADLINE

The deadline for free and paid listings is 5 p.m.

WEDNESDAY, one week prior to publication.

Questions? Call (828)251-1333, ext. 365

If you would like to submit a food-related event for the Food Calendar, please use the online submission form found at: http://www.mountainx.com/events/submission. In order to qualify for a free listing, your event must cost no more than $40 to attend and be sponsored by and/or benefit a nonprofit. If an event benefits a business, or cost more than $40, you’ll need to submit a paid listing: 251-1333.

Send your food news to Mackensy Lunsford at food@mountainx.com.

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Go fish: Rockfish milt looks very similar to rockfish roe — that is, it can be harvested from the fish in a sack, of sorts.

more coming in and I just do not know how to word it,” he says. “The Japanese have some words for it, but I’m not putting Japanese words on our menu.”

Should you try it if you have the chance?

Absolutely, if you can quiet your mind and be brave about it, much like any other strange ocean product — like uni, for example.

And Bannasch seems to agree with the Zen approach to eating strange foods.

“I guess thinking outside the box is helpful,” he says. He also points out that the movement toward eating animals in their entirety is beneficial from both an economical and waste standpoint. The rockfish roe and sperm sacks, for example, can make up a rather surprisingly portion of the fish’s weight. If it’s edible and delicious enough, why toss it out? Bannasch agrees. “I hope that this isn’t a passing trend because I really like to do it,” he says. “It goes along with the sustainable movement as it gains steam. You’re eating the whole animal. I think that people are attracted to that part — connecting with their food a little more.”

Bannasch also says that it’s nice to be able to offer people something that they aren’t going to be able to get anywhere else. “It’s kind of a leap of faith, but if people want to walk away with a unique experience, this is probably a good start.” X

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More lunch deals, eat your words and a new Asheville cookbook

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Cupcakes for a cause: These coffee-stout cupcakes, from the French Broad Chocolate Lounge, were stars at last year’s Cupcakes for Cures.

Photo courtesy of Eric R. Howell

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87 Patton Ave. 828-255-TIKI 46 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Cupcakes for cures Eat cupcakes for a good cause? Yes, please!

Cupcakes for Cures returns to the Grove Park Inn on Saturday, March 26. It’s a cupcake lover’s dream — a frosting-scented ballroom stuffed to the gills with the tiny creations of professional bakers competing for prizes and recognition.

Amateurs and kids can get into the action as well, often to surprisingly good results. I know — last year as a judge I tried them all, and I will return as judge again this year.

The categories for this contest are just as fun as you would expect for a cupcake competition — there’s the best cocktail- or beer-inspired cupcake, best retro cupcake and best local-foods cupcake, to name a few.

All of the money raised by Cupcakes for Cures goes to support the American Cancer Society’s efforts to find cures for cancer.

Laurey Masterton, owner of Laurey’s Catering and a cancer survivor, also returns this year as a judge for the event. “Cupcakes for Cures is a fun way of tackling a serious subject,” says Masterton. “I am a survivor and am happy to celebrate that fact. And, as an ovarian-cancer survivor, I strongly advocate for more research money going to discovering an early warning

test for this often undiagnosed cancer. My best hope would be that we could make cupcakes just to eat them, but while cancer is still a challenge, making and eating them to support cancer prevention and survivorship is a fine thing.”

Event tickets can be reserved for a $25 suggested donation at cupcakesforcures.com, or by calling 337-5136.

Eat your words!

On Friday, April l, Asheville BookWorks invites you to eat your words. The Edible Book Festival is an annual world-wide event held in celebration of books and food. Participants in the event make edible books; past local entries include “The Book of Kale” and “Alice in Wonderbread.” Categories include “Most Pun-derful,” Young Edible Book Artist, Most Gorgeous and Best in Show.

Interested? Here’s how it works: create and bring a piece of edible art related to books to the festival. It can be a pun on a title, refer to a scene or character, look like a book (or paper, scroll, etc.), or just have something to do with books.

Whatever the inspiration, it must be edible. If you are interpreting a particular book, bring a copy of it to display alongside your masterpiece.

Southern alliance: Writer Elizabeth Sims and Tupelo Honey Chef Brian Sonoskus collaborated on Tupelo Honey’s new cookbook.

Photo provided by Elizabeth Sims

Appropriately enough, the edible book event takes place on the birthday of French gastronome Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (17551826), the author of Physiologie du GoĂťt (The Physiology of Taste).

To get involved, register before March 30 by e-mailing gallery@ashevillebookworks.com.

The Festival takes place at 5:30 until 8:30 p.m. at Asheville BookWorks at 28 1/2 Haywood Road.

For more information, call 282-255-8444. Please note, warn the organizers, that all books will be eaten at 7 p.m. Admission is free for those bringing entries and $5 for those without entries.

Sweet as Tupelo Honey

Tupelo Honey CafÊ, with the help of Elizabeth Sims, recently released its first cookbook: Tupelo Honey CafÊ: Spirited Recipes From Asheville’s New South Kitchen. The book is available at both locations of the restaurant: 12 College St. and 1829 Hendersonville Road. Pre-orders totaled more than 800 copies.

The book includes 125 recipes from the restaurant’s executive chef, Brian Sonoskus, as well as photographs of Asheville, past and present. Written by Elizabeth Sims, a longtime Asheville resident and a food writer and past president of the Southern Foodways Alliance, The cookbook benefits MANNA FoodBank as well as Appalachian Sustainable Agriculture Project when it is sold locally. “The book is something of a love letter to Asheville,� says Sims, “as well as a snapshot of Tupelo Honey and its staff. The restaurant in many ways is a microcosm of the city, synonymous with creativity, free-spiritedness and whimsy.�

Book signings — and tastings — will be held at Malaprop’s on Friday, April 8, at 7 p.m. and at Accent on Books at 6 p.m. April 10. The book will also be sold at the Asheville Convention and Visitors Bureau, where Sonoskus and his staff will be serving samples of Tupelo Honey fare each Friday and Saturday through October.

For more information, visit tupelohoneycafe. com.

Quick Bites

Bouchon Street Food has changed its name to CrĂŞperie Bouchon. It does make sense, considering that the crĂŞperie is not on the street.

Now that Cats and Dawgs has closed, we have to recommend the chien chaud as the best hot dog deal currently in town — a house-made dog in a baguette with Bouchon frÎtes for $5. Also, the tiny shop turns out a smoked ham and cheese crêpe for only $5.

On Wednesday, March 23, Crêperie Bouchon is featuring a four-course Mediterranean wine dinner utilizing some of the great offerings from local fishmonger Blue Water Seafood. Four courses and four wines costs $45 per person, gratuity not included. Dinner begins at 7 p.m.

CrĂŞperie Bouchon is located in the Lexington Avenue Courtyard next to Bouchon (access through the alley). Reservations are being taken at 350-3741. For more information, visit creperiebouchon.com.

Speaking of hot dogs, Hardcastle Handmade Hot Dogs, primarily only available late weekend nights at the Admiral in West Asheville (and more recently the Arcade bar, too) has applied for a downtown street vending permit.

If all goes well, Hardcastle’s hot dogs could be available on the sidewalk near the Grove Arcade as early as mid-March.

A self-serve yogurt shop called YoLo Frozen Yogurt Lounge is opening on Merrimon Avenue in the space that The Hop used to occupy. Who gets excited about yogurt? Well, if you’ve ever spent any time messing around with self-serve ice cream bars at places like Ryan’s Family Steakhouse as a kid, you know the joy.

YoLo is a similar concept, but slightly grown up. All of the yogurt is self-serve, with flavors like raspberry-pomegranate and lavender.

There’s also a full toppings bar, with add-ons like berries, kiwi, nuts and granola. Don’t want

to grow up? Have no fear, there will be sprinkles.

And finally, not only did the new Spanish tapas bar, CĂşrate, open to a great reception (the restaurant had to stop taking reservations on its first night open to the public), it opened with the help of world-renowned chef JosĂŠ AndrĂŠs, who had quite a bit of fun visiting with the locals, it appeared.

AndrĂŠs is widely credited with bringing the concept of tapas to the U.S., and it was more than a pleasure to watch the chef hand-carve slices of luscious jamĂłn ibĂŠrico de bellota, an acorn-fed ham imported from Spain. He also spent part of the invite-only soft opening trying to convince the gathered patrons to accept a swig from a porrĂłn, a traditional Catalonian pitcher that looks like a cross between a wine decanter and a watering can.

Menu items included gambas al ajillo, an assortment of Spanish cheese, imported olives, patatas bravas, pan con tomate and other classic tapas. The flavors are straightforward yet subtle, the atmosphere is fun and lively and the wine list is great. Also, don’t skip the cava sangria — it’s light, fruity and refreshing without being too sweet.

As an aside, AndrÊs visited 12 Bones for lunch while he was here. He told Xpress that he’ll be back to Asheville soon. For more information about Cúrate, visit curatetapasbar.com.

X Mackensy Lunsford can be reached at food@ mountainx.com or 251-1333, ext. 107.

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by Carla Baden Working behind the bar at Santé offers a grand opportunity to talk with folks about wine, and I make my very best effort not to dumb down the descriptions (or, on the other hand, not to sound pompous). It’s my job to make wine accessible and create an environment where people feel comfortable talking about it.

But I still see a lot of uncertainty in folks when it comes to the idea of describing wine. They get tongue-tied and apologetic, saying things like, “I’m sorry, I know what I like, I just don’t know how to tell you what I like.” They seem embarrassed about what they perceive as a lack of education.

I’m here to tell you that some of the mystique surrounding the “language of wine” is a lot of bunk.

Wine is subjective. I can’t tell you what you should smell or what you should taste — and especially whether or not you should like it. I’ve said it many times: “You smell what you smell, you taste what you taste, you like what you like.” This rap does seem to put most individuals at ease.

If you lift a glass of cabernet to your nose, take a whiff. If your first thought is “Grandpa’s Cadillac,” then Grandpa’s Cadillac it is. Of course you could take that idea a step further and ask yourself why it smells like Grandpa’s Cadillac. Did he smoke? Was the car equipped with leather seats? What kind of cologne did he wear? Maybe there’s tobacco and leather and spice on the nose of that wine — all very likely, as those are qualities you might find on the nose of a good cabernet sauvignon.

Then there’s the first sip. What happens on the palate? Do you taste spice, fruit and toasted oak? Perhaps you taste some of the same things you tasted this morning when you ate toast with butter and raspberry jam. All of those taste sensations could be present in a California zinfandel, aged in oak barrels.

To help you really experience what’s in the glass, here’s a quick lesson on really tasting wine (yes, there is a difference between tasting and drinking). When you taste, place the stem of the wine glass on a counter, table or bar, and swirl the wine around a bit. This step adds some oxygen to and opens up the wine.

Now, take the glass by the stem and bring it to your nose — really stick your beak deeply into the glass (this is part of the reason glasses are large

48 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Vino Vino: The beauty of wine is often in the eye of the beholder, says Carla Baden, owner of Santé wine bar. Glass not yet full: Baden says that wine glasses should be big enough to enable a deep whiff.

Photos courtesy of Santé Wine Bar

and the amount of wine in the glass by comparison looks skimpy). Close your eyes, inhale through your mouth and your nose when taking in the aroma. Does an image come to mind? A memory maybe? Break it down.

Now you’ve got your “nose” descriptors.

Next, take a sip and really chew the wine. Yes, it looks crazy, but chew it. Let the wine move into every nook and cranny of your mouth. Now, act like you’re going to whistle but suck in instead of blowing out. What happens when air hits the wine? Are there different sensations in different areas of the mouth? Whatever pops into your head is what you’re experiencing and no one, not even them most respected and skilled wine connoisseur, can tell you that it’s not your experience. Remember it’s subjective — you can’t make a mistake. It’s all just exploration. Own it.

Personally, I get a little nutty when I read a description of, say, a New Zealand sauvignon blanc from Marlbourgh (to be specific) that has references to gooseberries and gunflint. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen, smelled or tasted a gooseberry — so how could I possibly describe the wine like that? And as far as gunflint goes I’m happy to say I’ve never been close enough to a gun that’s been fired to know what that might smell like. I’m not sure I even know what that is. Either these folks are running around tasting some strange objects, or they’re making it up as they go along.

So, next time you’re in a situation where there’s an opportunity to talk about wine, just speak from your own knowledge base. You can’t mess up. I’ll say it again, you smell what you smell, you taste what you taste, you like what you like. Stay playful and relaxed. Have your experience.

And remember, it’s just wine. X Carla Baden owns Santé Wine Bar at the Grove Arcade. She can be reached at carla@santewinebar.com.

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brewsnews

by anne fitten glenn

Where to drink on St. Patty’s Day and how to be the Beer Master Asheville Beer Masters Tournament

Frank’s Roman Pizza

New York StYle Pizzeria Serving the Asheville Area Since 1977

$4 OFF ANY Size PizzA 35¢ Wings Every Tues.

— DiNe-iN ONlY — Dine in only. Can not be combined with any other offer. Exp. 3/30/11

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asheVille 298-5855

90 south tunnel rd. (Across from Walgreens)

west asheVille 667-0225 339 sardis rd. (Near Biltmore Lake)

Want to show off your beer knowledge? How would you like to be named Asheville Beer Master? Here’s your chance.

The Asheville Brewers Alliance is organizing the first Asheville Beer Masters Tournament. If you’re older than 21 and don’t work in the beer industry, you can enter the pre-qualifying round of beer-trivia questions, blind tastings and more.

There will be eight pre-qualifying rounds held at local restaurants and brewpubs before May 13, followed by two semifinal rounds for those who ace the pre-quals.

The final round is tentatively scheduled for June 2, so the winning Beer Master can be honored at the Beer City Festival on June 4 at Roger McGuire Green. To put your name in the hat or to sponsor a round, e-mail Mary Eliza McRae at avlbeermasters@gmail.com. Check out the tournament’s Facebook page for rules, restrictions and more info (search Asheville Beer Masters Tournament). Let’s see what you got, future beer masters.

Find your St. Patrick’s Day fun

If you’re looking for green beer on Thursday,

The next beery fest: Tickets for the second Beer City Festival went on sale last week at Barley’s Taproom. The first 200 tickets were sold in less than an hour. Tickets are still available at Barley’s and local breweries for $40. The event will take place June 4 at Roger McGuire Green at Pack Square Park.

March 17, don’t look here. If you’re looking for great local craft brews and fun St. Patrick’s Day celebrations, we’ve got more of those. This Irish feast day has become one of the leading times for alcohol consumption in the U.S., so here’s your guide to where to imbibe (responsibly, please).

Altamont Brewing: Asheville’s newest brewery will open as a taproom on St. Paddy’s Day at 7:30 p.m. While they don’t yet have their own brews, they’ll offer 10 taps of local beer. Music by The Freight Hoppers (old-time) at 9 p.m.

Asheville Brewing: Offering an infusor of Roland’s ESB with sweet potatoes and four-leaf clovers at the Coxe Avenue locale starting at 6 p.m.

Craggie Brewing: Offering their newly released Dry Irish Stout fermented with Irish-ale yeast.

Music will be Hello Hugo (experimental instrumental) from 6 to 8 p.m. and Doc Aquatic (folkrock) from 8 to 10 p.m.

French Broad Brewery: Offering $6 stout growler refills all week long.

Green Man Brewing: Tapping their last keg of Kill Devil Russian Imperial Stout (plus fun and surprises).

Highland Brewing: Releasing Tasgall Scotch Ale and tapping a cask of Tasgall that’s had Scotchinfused oak spirals added for flavor. Music will be Blind Boy Chocolate & The Milk Sheiks (oldtime).

Oyster House Brewing: Offering $2 pints of local beer all day, including Oyster House Ales, at The Lobster Trap restaurant.

Pack’s Tavern: Tapping cask-conditioned Bell’s Brewery Kalamazoo Stout. Music by Scott Raines and Jeff Anders.

Pisgah Brewing: All stouts and IPAs will be $1 off

50 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

all day and night. Music by Danny Barnes (serious banjo) kicks off around 9 p.m.

Thirsty Monk downtown: Tapping Green Man Irish Stout infused with cocoa nibs from French Broad Chocolate Lounge. Also tapping a rare keg of Porterhouse Brain Blasta Barleywine from Dublin.

Universal Joint: Tapping cask-conditioned Heavy Seas Loose Cannon IPA at 5 p.m.

Wedge Brewing: Making corned Beef and cabbage, and giving it away until it’s gone.

Who won the Highland Cup?

This year’s Highland Cup was held March 5 at Highland Brewing Company, and 222 homebrews were entered. The Best in Show winners: first place to Alex Buerckholtz of Asheville for his Black IPA 1, second to Adam Reinke of Arden for his Fifty Pounds of Pils, and third to Steve Morgan of Fletcher for his Summer Saison. Buerckholtz’s winning IPA will be brewed and bottled by Highland later this year. There are first, second and third place winners in 17 other flights as well.

For a list of all the yummy winners, visit maltsters. org.

Nantahala Brewing tasting room opens

NBC’s tasting room in Bryson City recently opened. The room will be open Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays in March from 4 until 10 p.m. and Sundays from 2 until 6 p.m. This brewery, built in a huge old Quonset hut next to the railroad tracks, is well worth a visit. X Send your Brews News to Anne Fitten Glenn at brewgasm@gmail.com.

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 51

arts&entertainment Simian sounds

The hip-hop evolution of Agent 23 culminates in grown-up album Monkeywrench

by Alli Marshall “At one point I couldn’t imagine myself as a 50-year-old rapper, but now I think, why not?” says local hip-hop artist Agent 23. “Tom Waits is killing it, and Tom Waits is essentially a storyteller with an old, grizzled personality.”

Of course, Waits isn’t a rapper. But 23 points out that hip-hop and its possibilities are growing, and he doesn’t consider himself a mainstream rapper, anyway. He describes what he does as rhythmic poetry; “I’m really into storytelling,” he says.

If storytime sounds like a kid’s activity, keep in mind that 23 is the adult music moniker of Secret Agent 23 Skidoo, who, since his debut children’s album Easy, has coined the term “kidhop” and turned out a collection of child-pleasing rhymes that doesn’t drive parents crazy.

Agent 23 has certainly found success in kids’ music. Along with an enthusiastic local following, Skidoo’s song “Mind Over Matter” — with daughter Saki (aka MC Fireworks) — hit No. 1 on the XM radio chart, and his Underground Playground was reviewed on NPR’s “All Things Considered.” But he isn’t ready to leave adult music behind. Sometimes billed as Cactus, he got his start in hip-hop collective GFE; his newest offering, Monkeywrench, is adult-oriented hip-hop that nods to both the heady rantrhymes of GFE and the affirmative anecdotes of Skidoo. But Monkeywrench is its own entity.

Agent 23 is calling his 15-track album “pangenerational, pan-experience, weird-psychedel-

info who:

Agent 23

what:

Release of Monkeywrench

where/when:

Pre-releases available at the Secret Agent 23 Skidoo kid-hop show at the Orange Peel on Saturday, March 19 (2 p.m., $8, theorangepeel. net).

Official release date is Wednesday, March 23 (Agent 23’s birthday!) with albums available at Harvest Records.

Live set from Monkeywrench performed with musicians from the album at Emerald Lounge on Saturday, March 26 (10 p.m., emeraldlounge.com/calendar. GFE set will follow).

ic-monkey-funk.” He says he can see in it the path of how he got here, from his early days emulating the rappers he loved, to the hippytinged freestyle of GFE, to the purity of kids’ music. “It just keeps molding to this new thing,” he says.

One thing he learned from writing kids’ music is that limits can inspire creativity (“The most limiting thing in the world is absolute freedom,” he says) so these were the parameters: “No cursing or overt sex and drug references ... when I took out the sex, drugs and battle raps, I was left with the big questions like, what creates the direction of a human’s life, how do we overcome addiction and repetition, what is God?” And also to not talk about himself much — something almost unheard of in the egodriven world of mainstream rap.

The end result: an album that adults and teens can relate to — and kids can still be in the room for. Its overarching themes are uplifting.

“Positive is a really funny word,” says 23. “A lot of people think positive means happy. I think it has more to do with your live evolving toward what you want it to be.”

On “Better Way,” he raps, “I’m loving the life I live, it’s nice in a crib with a wife and kid.

Think about what I mighta did, saw the wrong road, took a right instead.” It’s (as he puts it) “bald-faced” and spiked with reggae beats and Rasta creed, thanks to Jamaican dancehall artist Garro.

And there’s so much on the album that, positive or not, is just so slickly eloquent. “There’s no magic like being nomadic to kill the old habits and clear the soul static,” 23 raps on “Vagabond.” The lithe lyrics roll over a choppy funk melody that could have been culled from the original “Starsky & Hutch.”

While Monkeywrench might offer suggestions for righteous living, it’s far from dogmatic. Or corny. “Hip-hop lovers are like wine connoisseurs,” says 23. “They will be really mad about something that’s not in the right taste. You can experiment as much as you want, but you better be doing it right. Even if you have a good experiment, but it sounds wack, nobody’s going to give you the time of day.”

Figuring out how to make positive hip-hop in the right taste took some trial and error. The American public wants to be thrilled and it’s hard to make harmonious situations thrilling, says 23. A picnic by a waterfall with the family: “That could make a good indie-folk song,” he says. Hip-hop, not so much. “That’s been some of the challenge I’ve been dealing with — making something exciting that’s not degrading. I’m trying to promote harmony from my reality.”

One way he promotes harmony is by tapping a list of contributors that cross genres

52 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Taming the monkey mind: Agent 23 harnesses all aspects of his career, from GFE to kidhop, to make positive adult- and teen-friendly hip-hop that asks the big questions. and cultures. Members of the P-Funk Allstars, Blackalicious and Soulive, wordsmiths Breez Evahflowin and Gift of Gab and local musicians including Jonathan Scales, Matt Williams, Ben Hovey and others. (Even MC Fireworks makes an appearance.)

The P-Funk connection (vocalists Kendra Foster and Steve Boyd are featured on opening track “Contagious Cages”) dates back to the early days of GFE, when the hip-hop group was invited, through a mutual friend, to record at Boyd’s studio in Atlanta. Eric Krasno of Soulive went to the same college as GFE alum Josh Blake. “He’d given me a couple beats,” says 23.

“That dude just breathes funk.”

Gift of Gab is another story. He appears on the track “Storyteller.” Says 23, “This is our third song together, but in all that time it’s been over the computer or over the phone. We haven’t actually met yet.”

Breez Evahflowin (who can be heard on the nimble, brassy “Rusto Bombs”) serves not just

as collaborator but as inspiration. “When I first started writing, I loved wordy hip-hop,” says Agent 23. Now, “the more words you can take out when it’s done, the more funk you can put in there. I learned that a lot from Breez Evahflowin.

With hip-hop, you don’t need all the ands and the buts. You can just hit them with words that will form the image in their mind.” Efficiency is key: These days, 23 writes most of his songs in a single setting, in a single take.

“I’m a real big fan of focus,” he says. “I pretty much don’t write anything I don’t use at this point. If I really want to make everything happen, keep the albums popping out, keep the promo happening, keep riding bikes with my kid, keep paying the rent ...” Within the pressures of the limitation, he says, he’s learned to make it happen. X Alli Marshall can be reached at amarshall@ mountainx.com.

arts X music

Back to the stage

Braidstream celebrates spring renewal at rare public show

by Margaret Marchuk It’s been more than a decade since local band Braidstream has performed a concert in a public venue. The first time I saw them was during Asheville’s New Year’s Eve First Night celebration in 1999, where they played to and mesmerized a standing-room-only audience at the Basilica of Saint Lawrence. On March 20, the group is back to take the stage at the Masonic Temple in celebration of the spring equinox.

Braidstream’s backstory begins more than 25 years ago, when Rita Hayes, flutist, vocalist and hammered dulcimer player, performed some music at her brother’s wedding with Jeff Johnson, guitarist and sitar player.

As Hayes tells it, “Months later, after the wedding, we heard the music tape and agreed we sounded pretty good. We thought maybe we could play some gigs.” They formed a band, and have been playing ever since, everywhere from private parties to The Biltmore Estate to regional festivals.

The band’s name was actually conceived a decade before the group existed. A friend dubbed their sound “Braidstream” back in 1976, Hayes says. “I was being an Earth Mama living in a cabin off the grid on top of a mountain,” she says. “Jeff would come to visit and we would sit on the front porch and play duets. One day, a friend who was visiting left and could hear our music as he walked down the mountain along a stream.”

Lulled by the music of the flutes mixing and mingling with the sound of the flowing water, the word “braidstream” came to him. Hayes and Johnson liked the word. For them the term represented the confluence of musical energies, the mix of sound and the spirit.

That mix will be part of the musical repertoire for the spring equinox performance, Hayes says.

She describes the program as “World music — a bit of Celtic, Asian, some Middle Eastern.” Like the occasion it celebrates, Braidstream’s intention is to capture the essence of the return of light and warmth and bring it to the audience.

The current core formation of Braidstream

info who:

Braidstream

what:

Spring equinox performance

where:

Masonic Temple, 80 Broadway St. downtown Asheville

when:

Sunday, March 20 (3 p.m. $10 general admission. braidstream.com)

Inspired by the spring equinox: The group’s intention is to capture the essence of the return of light and bring it to the audience. consists of Hayes and Johnson, both classically trained with a jazz background, joined

by Paul GhostHorse on cello and harpist Judy Wolter-Bailey. Hayes, who has been playing in the Asheville Symphony Orchestra for nearly 20 years, met GhostHorse when he became an orchestra member. He joined Braidstream in 1998. Along with his classical pedigree, GhostHorse brings a confluence of Native American sounds and teachings, picked up through travels with his Native American elder father who lectured on the university circuit.

Bailey, an award-winning harpist who has been perfecting her talent since she was 9 years old, discovered Braidstream more than 15 years ago when she was touring the Biltmore House where the musicians were playing. She loved their sound, and thought it would be nice to play with them. When the opportunity arose six years ago, she joined. She also continues to perform as the principle harpist of the Hendersonville Symphony Orchestra and the Blue Ridge Harp Ensemble.

Well-known percussionist River Guerguerian, Canadian born (of Armenian-Egyptian extraction) often joins Braidstream on gigs. He will add his magical beat to the equinox performance.

Accomplished keyboardist Daniel Barber also joins Braidstream’s March concert. A percussionist as well, Barber is known for helping to facilitate the famous downtown Asheville

Friday night drum circle.

What advice would veteran musician Hayes offer to other local artists considering music as their life’s work?

“Do what you love to do,” she says. “Don’t worry about chasing public taste — who knows whatever that is. Stay with the integrity of what you want to bring forth; what satisfies your soul.

If you feel good about what you are doing, then the audience is going to respond.” X Margaret Marchuk can be reached at mmarchuk@ me.com.

Thurs / Mar 17: ST. PATTY’S DAY AT CRAGGIE

Hello Hugo 6-8pm AND Doc Aquatic 8-10pm Fri / Mar 18: Andy Burke & Friends 7-9pm Sat / Mar 19: David Earl 6-8pm AND Alarm Clock Conspiracy 8-10pm Fri / Mar 25: South French Broads 7-9pm Sat / Mar 26: Southern Exposure 6-8pm AND The Critters 8-10pm

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 53

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arts X music

Laying it down live

Town Mountain records a new album, promises shenanigans

by Stacy Claude

Nc License# 5283

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Local maverick-bluegrass outfit Town Mountain is getting ready to release a new album, Steady Operator, on Pinecastle Records.

The official release date is in May, but the band is throwing a pre-release party on March 19, so that their Asheville fans can get a copy of the new disc before anyone else.

Town Mountain is a five-piece, modern-traditional collaboration, meaning, standard bluegrass instrumentation — guitar, fiddle, banjo, bass, and mandolin — with a focus on writing original music, as well as finding obscure covers and doing them Town-Mountain style. I caught up with two of the founding members Jesse Langlais (banjo) and Robert Greer (guitar and vocals) at the Universal Joint in West Asheville to talk about the new CD, the recording process, the pre-release party and, really, all things Town Mountain.

What makes Steady Operator different from your previous releases?

Greer: We recorded this one live in the studio, we haven’t recorded another one that way.

Why did you want to record this album live?

Langlais: We all agreed that to set Town Mountain apart from other bluegrass bands, we needed to record what we’re all about, which is a live sound. A lot of the albums that are getting cut today in the bluegrass world are using the same formula: first you lay down your rhythm tracks, then you overdub everything and it starts sounding really homogenized. About 90 percent of our album is live.

Greer: There we are few spots that required some overdubs or some isolation, but the core of this album, the foundation of the songs, is recorded live.

Town Mountain had Grammy-winning bassist Mike Bub produce this album. Why did you want to work with Bub, and what was it like?

Greer: In his 13 years with the Del McCoury Band, Mike Bub recorded eight or nine albums live in the studio. When we knew we wanted to

info who:

Town Mountain

what:

CD pre-release for Steady Operator

where:

The Grey Eagle

when:

Saturday, March 19 (9 p.m. $8/$10. thegreyeagle.com)

54 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Live and thriving: Town Mountain recently signed to Pinecastle Records, and worked with Grammy winner Mike Bub on the latest release, Steady Operator. record that way, he was an obvious choice due to his experience. He was a pleasure to work with. He is so knowledgeable about country, bluegrass and old-time music, and he’s a great multi-instrumentalist.

Langlais: He’d grab your instrument and say, “Try something like this,” and play something amazing.

Greer: He had some tips and tricks about how to get things flowing for live recording. One of the biggest things he taught us was how to punch in as a band. You play the song the first time through as a band, with no click track. If you need to try something again, you can just play along with the song for a little bit before that place. Someone needs to replay his solo? Bam. You can do it as a band.

Langlais: As a producer Mike Bub has an exceptional grasp of the individual abilities of the players, the potential of the band, and is able to really bring out the best of what’s before him.

What is the songwriting/arranging process like for Town Mountain?

Langlais: Individuals tend to bring a song to the table, and then the band gives input on how the song will come together. Arrangements are very band oriented.

Greer: One thing that we think is a real strength of this group is that when new material comes along, we will try any idea at least once, to give it a whirl and see how it sounds.

Town Mountain and the Shannon Whitworth

band just swapped members, Jon Stickley for Barrett Smith on bass — want to say anything about that?

Greer: It makes sense that you say “swap,” because there is no replacing a guy like Barrett Smith. We’ve been doing this for six years this summer, and when you’re in a band, so much more happens than just music. We are very fortunate to be able to bring Jon Stickley into Town Mountain, not only for his musicianship, but one thing we don’t have to do now, is break in a new personality. We’ve known Jon for ten years or so. We just did like a sports-team trade, all very friendly, serendipitous.

What can people expect from the Grey Eagle show?

Langlais: You can bet there will be some jackassery shenanigans, a passing of the torch; there will be some pageantry involved. Also pyrotechnics, smoke machines, go-go dancers.

The Black Lillies will be coming from Knoxville to open up the show. Then we’re going to play the album, probably verbatim, with Barrett on the bass. After that we’ll have the ceremony, if you will, inducting Jon Stickley, and then he’ll play on a set of new songs we’ve been working up that no one has ever heard before. Kind of like, here’s what the new Town Mountain is all about. X Stacy Claude is a local musician, freelance writer, and author of Asheville Roots Music Review at avlrootsreview.blogspot.com.

arts X comedy

Zimmerman on Zimmerman

Asheville’s big, bad, bearded comedian asks the tough questions ... of himself

by Joe Zimmerman The Beards of Comedy will be coming to town, kicking off a two-week tour that will wind all the way to Omaha, Neb., wrapping up April 8 in Atlanta at the Laughing Skull Festival. The Beards have been described as a fiercely follicled foursome of hilarity to be reckoned with, and as a member of the Beards, I had a rare opportunity to interview myself. I learned a lot about myself that I didn’t know I knew.

Joe: What’s the most common question you’re asked about the Beards of Comedy?

Me: “What happens if one of you shaves?”

Joe: That’s a great question. What does happen if one of you shaves?

Me: Well, it’s a lame question, especially since I just gave it to you. But that person would be murdered twice and buried alive, which is why no one has shaved in two years.

That and because we’re in a tour called the Beards of Comedy.

Joe: What’s it like doing comedy in your hometown of Asheville for a bunch of hipFear the beards?: Asheville’s own Joe Zimmerman, second from left, may or may not win pies?

Me: They’re not all hippies; maybe 80 per- championships with his large beard — just like the Giants relief pitcher. cent. I get nervous they will see a joke they’ve heard me do before and think, “Hey, mean “me?”

Me: They’re not necessarily worn-out jokes I already heard that!” Plus, about 95 percent Me: I mean second person “you,” as in any- but yes, you could say I’m trying to be more of them are hippies, so they want everything one. like Brian Wilson for the Giants. He wouldn’t to be all healing and spiritual. Only one of try some new grip on a curve ball with the my jokes has real healing powers, so I’ll prob- Joe: So you’re saying any random person World Series on the line. ably close with that. can do new material at a Beards of Comedy show? That seems like a recipe for disaster.

Joe: So in this analogy, you want the audiJoe: You don’t do all new material? I thought Me: No. It’s just the Beards of Comedy per- ence to strike out and lose. everything a comedian did was spontaneous, forming, plus special guest Cary Goff [of Me: I want the audience to have a great like how Jon Stewart just riffs on The Daily Asheville Disclaimer and other fames]. There time.

Show. will be no random people off the street doing Me: Okay, well Jon Stewart has a staff of new material.

Joe: Then why not let them score some runs? writers, just like anyone on TV, and they It sounds like you want to beat the audience run through the entire show beforehand. But Joe: You said if you do new material, it with your jokes. the reason you can’t do all new material is means you have a lot more misses, what does Me: Maybe it’s more like a game of tennis, because you want to put on a good show, and that mean? where you want to keep a volley going as if you’re always doing new material, it means Me: Oh, like when you swing and miss. It’s a long as possible, and then you both win. you’ll have a lot of misses. baseball analogy for striking out.

Joe: That sounds terrible.

Joe: By “you” do you mean “you,” or do you Joe: Strikes aren’t good?

Me: Fine, don’t go.

Me: Not if you’re the batter.

Joe: Maybe I won’t.

info what:

Beards of Comedy

where:

Magnetic Field

when:

Tuesday, March 22 (8 p.m. $10. themagneticfield.com)

Joe: Wouldn’t you be the pitcher? Aren’t you metaphorically “pitching” your “jokes.”

Me: You don’t need to put “jokes” in quotation marks, it sounds like you’re mocking me.

It could also mean missing the strike zone. I don’t want to throw a lot of balls.

Joe: So by telling your old worn-out jokes, you’re like the relief pitcher for the Giants, with the big beard, who wins championships? The “Fear the Beard” guy.

Regardless of Joe’s presence, there will be at least three other Beards to carry the show, along with Asheville’s own Cary Goff. The Beards are four stand-up comedians who have combined forces to create a dynamic stand-up comedy show that implements elements of sketch, improv and even music. Clips, reviews, blog, calendar and video shorts at BeardsofComedy.com. X

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mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 55

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Local author Stephanie Perkins has got to have one of the most bubbly personalities in Asheville. On top of being adorably enthusiastic about blue-hair highlights, exclamation points in e-mails! and, of course, teen romance (her debut book, Anna and the French Kiss, was one of Malaprop’s best-selling Young Adult novels of 2010), Perkins is also pretty gaga over music.

Radiohead makes her swoon.

Chris Martin is her number-one celebrity crush. And her husband Jarrod is frontman for Gred and Forge, one of the top wizard-rock (aka Harry Potter-centric) bands around.

Check out her answers below.

And be sure to check out Perkins’ next book, Lola and the Boy Next Door, due out in September.

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Hey Stephanie Perkins, what’s your spin?

Listening to now: I only learned about The Clientele last year, and 2005’s Strange Geometry has been one I keep returning to. It’s a quiet album, but lovely. The sound is very mid-to-late ‘60s.

Most recent album/song bought: Oh, this’ll be so boring!

It was the soundtrack to the 1968 Romeo and Juliet, composed by Nino Rota and performed by The City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra. It was for research. (But it certainly is beautiful.) As far as something new-ish, Trans-Continental Hustle by Gogol Bordello.

First album ever bought: It was the cassette single for Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On.” I bought it at Target, and I played it in my pinkand-turquoise boombox from Toys R Us. Most recent concert attended: Last year was insanely busy for work, so, unfortunately, I didn’t leave my house much. The last concert I saw was Jónsi at Moogfest. I’d seen his show in Minneapolis, and I knew I couldn’t miss it here. Phenomenal.

56 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

First concert ever attended: Janet Jackson’s Janet tour. My dad took me. It was awesome.

Favorite local/regional act: My husband, of course! Jarrod plays in two bands — Lewis and a solo project called Gred and Forge.

Favorite artist/band of all time: I worship at the altar of Radiohead.

Marry me, Thom Yorke.

Guilty pleasures: I try not to think about anything pleasurable in terms of guilt, but, yes, there are plenty of embarrassing files in my iTunes. My first favorite band was The Monkees, and I remain devoted to them to this day. Coldplay is another favorite, and I get a lot of crap for that, but I can’t help it. I love them. And there’s no way I’d ever tell the truth about how many times I’ve listened to Lady Gaga’s “Telephone.”

theprofiler

by becky upham

Deciding which shows you should see, so you don’t have to The Suspect: The Karl Shiflett and Big Country Show

In 2001, Shiflett & Big Country Show was awarded “Emerging Artist of the Year” by the International Bluegrass Music Association. The band’s intention is not only to remind listeners of 1950s country music, but to evoke emotions as well. Shiflett says “There are so many people today who play millions of notes, but it doesn’t touch your heart.”

Can Be Found: White Horse Black Mountain, Saturday, March 19.

RIYD: The Del McCoury Band, Sons of Ralph.

You Should Go If: You host a weekly hayride at your house; you think that women over 50 are flattered when you call them “young lady;” you tried to order “sweet tea” at Dobra; it’s not officially spring until you … make your master list of which friends will get bags of your prize winning Cherokee Purple heirloom tomatoes.

The Suspect: Mike Gordon

Becky Upham posts a weekly workout playlist, as well as a featured song of the day, on her blog: beckyupham.com.

www.amerifolk.com 64 Biltmore Avenue • Downtown Asheville 828.281.2134 Open 7 Days a Week

“I serenade you with a thought balloon,” goes one very Gordon-like line from his third and latest solo effort, Moss. The bassist and vocalist for the jam band Phish is also skilled in playing banjo, piano, guitar and harmonica and he brings a four-man backing band (which includes guitarist Scott Murawski) with him on this 17-date tour.

Can Be Found: The Orange Peel, Sunday, March 20.

RIYD: Phish, Mike Doughty.

You Should Go If: You primarily use your lawnmower as a clothes-drying rack; you’re more of a dancing-bear person than a dancing-skeleton person; your life is full of uncanny parallels to Jack of Jack and the Beanstalk; it’s not officially spring until you … and Ted E. Tourist embrace along the third-base line.

The Suspect: James McMurtry

McMurtry’s skillful songwriting comes to him honestly — his father Larry wrote the Pulitzer Prize winning novel Lonesome Dove and won an Oscar for adapting Brokeback Mountain. Stephen King says “James McMurtry may be the truest, fiercest songwriter of his generation.” In 2006 he won the American Music Awards Album and Song of the Year.

Can Be Found: The Grey Eagle, Thursday, March 17.

RIYD (Recommended If You Dig): Robert Earl Keene, Todd Snider.

You Should Go If: Your soul mate would also spend five hours a day reading online news; your car has more than 200,000 miles on it; Glenn Beck and insinuations about your earring are the two fastest ways to piss you off; it’s not officially spring until you … write the IRS a letter explaining why you refuse to pay your taxes again this year.

The Suspect: DeVotchKa

Mix gypsy/caberet music with American folk, throw in a little punk, and you’ll have an idea of what DeVotchKa sounds like. The group just released its fifth album (not including their Grammy-nominated score for the movie Little Miss Sunshine), 100 Lovers on March 1. The L.A. Times raves “This sonically, musically and conceptually expansive album doesn’t need a release date so much as a big-screen premiere.”

Can Be Found: The Orange Peel, Monday, March 21.

RIYD: Gogol Bordello, Andrew Bird.

You Should Go If: You’ve seen every movie Cher’s ever made, even Burlesque; your Spring fashion secret, two words: scarf belt; you are/have been a Capoeira instructor; it’s not officially Spring until you … string your practice tightrope between the two biggest trees in your neighbor’s backyard.

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 57

smartbets St. Patrick’s Day at the White Horse

Must be the luck o’ the Irish — you get live music from The Wooly Jumpers (featuring members of the Red Wellies) as well as players from the Irish Session. Says the White Horse, “Food will be served and some of the beer may even be green! Dancing of jigs (or any kind of dancing, for that matter) is encouraged.” Thursday, March 17, 7 p.m. $8. whitehorseblackmountain.com.

Ruth at Magnetic Field

Breakin’ for free at Stephens-Lee

Local b-boy educator Joseph Adams leads free workshops on “the art otherwise known as breakdancing.” B-boys and bgirls of all ages and abilities can join the weekly open circles, instruction and guidance at the Stephens-Lee Center. Monday nights, 6:30-7:45 p.m. Wear sneakers and activewear, children under age 16 should be accompanied by a parent. Bring an ID.

Part myopic, Appalachian ballad, part soaring biblical psalm, John Crutchfield’s Ruth is a mesmerizing retelling of an Old Testament story. Widow Ruth has to navigate her way back into daily routine, though her bruised heart has little interest. An eccentric cast of characters guide her through her grief in a lyrical stage production. The show runs at the Magnetic Field Thursday, March 17-Saturday, March 19 at 7:30 p.m. with 10 p.m. late shows on Friday and Saturday. $12/$14. themagneticfield.com.

Night’s Bright Colors, Utah Green and James Richards

Three performers for three bucks — that’s what’s happening at BoBo Gallery on Thursday, March 17 at 8:30 p.m. Night’s Bright Colors is the indie-pop band of composer/performer Jason Smith who recorded most of the band’s catalog on his own (he’s joined on stage by a band, which includes James Richards). Richards is a local DJ and musician, performing in collaborations and solo. Folk singer/songwriter Utah Green most recently recorded the sparse, guitar-and-harmonica-drivin ForTune. bobogallery.com.

RuPaul’s Drag Race N.C. Invasion

Watch live with the stars: Mariah, Alexis Mateo, India Ferrah, Yara Sofia and N.C.’s own Stacy Layne Matthews, as they join you in a viewing of RuPaul’s Drag Race at Scandals Nightclub. But it gets better ... after the show, the stars perform live. Doors at 8 p.m., RuPaul’s Drag Race viewing at 10 p.m. and drag show at 11 p.m. Monday, March 21.$12/$15. Scandal’s Nightclub, 11 Grove St. scandalsnightclub.com or 505-1612.

Photo courtesy of WerQ ENTERTAINMENT

Fashion show at The Circle

Recently-opened West Asheville shop The Circle features “local art, heady glass and funky festival fashion.” The latter — all but local artists and specializing in upcycled wearables — will be well-represented at an in-store (426 Haywood Road) fashion show on Sunday, March 20 at 3 p.m. facebook.com/TheCircleAsheville.

58 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Club phone numbers are listed in Clubland in the (828) area code unless otherwise stated; more details at www. mountainx.com/clubland. Send your Smart Bet requests in to ae@mountainx.com for consideration by the Monday the week prior to publication.

"G>BB Wednesday, March 23 - Saturday, March 26 7:30pm at North Carolina Stage Company 15 Stage Lane Tickets $12 8 2 8 - 2 3 9 - 0 2 6 3 o r w w w. n c s t a g e . o r g

mountainx.com â&#x20AC;˘ MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 59

soundtrack Leigh Glass and the Hazards

local music reviews

Pat Benatar confidence with Joan Jett sensibility

by Stacy Claude On a Thursday night at the end of February, Leigh Glass and The Hazards took the stage at MoDaddy’s. Attendance was sparse, which is a shame since the band put on a really solid show. It was comforting to watch a band put such genuine energy into their performance to a smaller crowd, a true sign of professionals.

Leigh Glass is a powerhouse of a singer who exudes Pat Benatar confidence with Joan Jett sensibilities. Her band, The Hazards, usually consists of Bryan White on bass, Patrick Wells on drums and relatively new addition Corey Bullman on lead guitar and vocals.

Before launching into her set, Glass gave a lengthy disclaimer about being sick, and on shaky ground vocally. She warned the audience of the potential for some wild-pitch singing, and let everyone know her regular drummer was home with the flu, and that the stand-in — Jacob Baumann, of the Trainwreks — had never heard a note of her music.

None of this proved necessary, though. As they launched into the first song with Glass belting the line, “Started the day with my usual skepticism,” Baumann jumped right in, spot-on with the snare, and had no trouble keeping up a steady rock groove. The rest of the band turned around and beamed at him at the close of the song, and confirmed that they felt the same way.

Glass’ set was a mix of original songs and some well-chosen covers pulling from rock, folk and blues. She tended to introduce her original tunes and tell a bit about the plot line or inspiration behind them. One such story stood out as she talked about being “discovered” by a big-time, unnamed producer. She explained that he had won several Grammys, and listed some recognizable bands with which he had worked. When she went to Nashville to meet with him he said, “Your music is great, but if we’re going to work together, you’re going to have to

60 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Local musician Leigh Glass backs pithy songwriting and plenty of stage swagger with a stellar band. lose 20 pounds.” Glass’s response was a mountain girl’s defiant, “Well you can kiss my fat ass.” And she launched into an original song, “Hometown Superstar,” which told the story in a cheeky, sassy way. The intro story, and the “thanks-but-nothanks” chorus brought the audience right into Glass’ corner, despising the big-shot producer.

A little later into the set Glass stepped up to the mic and said, “If you don’t know what a nickel bag is, you need to ask somebody. They don’t exist anymore, but they used to… like my marriage. That’s why this song is called ‘A Nickel Bag of Love.” Her devil-may-care attitude combined with the passion she and her band brought to the stage made for an exceptionally engaging show. The band swelled and ebbed at the perfect times behind her vocals, which oscillated between soaring and growly blues.

As the show revved up and the night wore down, Glass jumped off the stage and danced with a women in the audience, leaving the band to tear up a funk-jam instrumental interlude. With a recent CD, The Drone, and a nice-looking regional calendar, Asheville will be hearing a lot more about Leigh Glass and the Hazards.

Learn more at leighglass.webs.com. X

clubland

where to find the clubs • what is playing • listings for venues throughout Western North Carolina Clubland rules •To qualify for a free listing, a venue must be predominately dedicated to the performing arts. Bookstores and cafés with regular open mics and musical events are also allowed.

•To limit confusion, events must be submitted by the venue owner or a representative of that venue.

•Events must be submitted in written form by e-mail (clubland@mountainx.com), fax, snail mail or hand-delivered to the Clubland Editor Dane Smith at 2 Wall St., Room 209, Asheville, NC 28801. Events submitted to other staff members are not assured of inclusion in Clubland.

•Clubs must hold at least TWO events per week to qualify for listing space. Any venue that is inactive in Clubland for one month will be removed.

•The Clubland Editor reserves the right to edit or exclude events or venues.

•Deadline is by noon on Monday for that Wednesday’s publication. This is a firm deadline.

Wed., March 16 5 Walnut Wine Bar

Live music, 8-10pm Athena’s Club

Disclaimer Stand-Up Lounge (comedy open mic), 9pm Blue Mountain Pizza Cafe

Open mic

Olive or Twist

Swing dancing w/ The Firecracker Jazz Band, 7:30pm

Blue Note Grille

Jazz jam

Orange Peel

BoBo Gallery

Lucinda Williams (folk, blues, rock) w/ Dylan LeBlanc

Wesley Hartley & the Traveling Trees (country, indie)

Red Stag Grill

Bosco’s Sports Zone

Robert Thomas (jazz standards, blues)

Live DJ & dance, 7pm

Rendezvous Restaurant & Bar

Elaine’s Dueling Piano Bar

Open mic w/ Brian Keith

Non-stop rock’n roll sing-a-long party show, 8pm-1am

TallGary’s Cantina

Open mic, 7:30pm

Fairview Tavern

The Get Down

Open mic & jam

Hot New Mexicans (punk, powerpop) w/ Black Rainbow & Common Visions

French Broad Chocolate Lounge

Dave Dribbon (folk, roots)

The Magnetic Field

Garage at Biltmore

Brian Claflin (singer-songwriter)

Treetop Sailors (blues, pop, rock)

Town Pump

Good Stuff

Open mic

Grove Park Inn Great Hall

Bob Zullo (jazz, pop guitar), 5:30-7:30pm Killer B’s (favorites by request), 8-11pm Handlebar

Peggy & the Swing Daddies (Western swing)

Wild Wing Cafe

Old-time jam, 6pm

Paleface (alt-folk)

Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill

Soul/jazz jam feat: Jason “Lefty” Williams

BoBo Gallery

Night’s Bright Colors (indie pop) w/ Utah Green & James Richards Boiler Room

Psychoholic Monthly feat: Psykoanarchy, Arun, Olof & Axis Mundi Craggie Brewing Company

Hello Hugo (indie, instrumental, rock), 6-8pm Doc Aquatic (indie, rock), 8-10pm Creatures Cafe

Open mic

Elaine’s Dueling Piano Bar

Eleven on Grove

Jammin’ w/ Max & Miles

Jack Of The Wood Pub

Big Block Dodge (jam, rock)

Tressa’s Downtown Jazz and Blues

Westville Pub

Lajos Pagony (piano), 6-10pm

Blue Note Grille

Non-stop rock’n roll sing-a-long party show, 8pm-1am

Steve Whiddon (piano, vocals)

Horizons at Grove Park Inn

Chad Mackey (acoustic)

Open mic w/ David Bryan

Vincenzo’s Bistro

Nashville Connection Shine Night

Blue Mountain Pizza Cafe

Thu., March 17

Zydeco dance lesson, 7:30pm Dance w/ DJ, 8:30pm Emerald Lounge

Blind Boy Chocolate & the Milk Sheiks (jugband, old-time) w/ Morgan O’Kane & The Elephant Clean Up Crew Fat Cat’s Billiards

DJ Twan

Fred’s Speakeasy

The Go Devils (psychobilly, punk)

French Broad Brewery Tasting Room

Paul Cataldo Trio (Americana, roots) Good Stuff

Gene Peyroux (rock, funk, soul) Grey Eagle Music Hall & Tavern

An evening w/ James McMurtry (rock, Americana) Grove Park Inn Great Hall

Bob Zullo (jazz, pop guitar), 5:30-7:30pm Killer B’s (favorites by request), 8-11pm Harrah’s Cherokee

St. Patty’s Day party w/ live music Heavenly Spirits Wine Bar

Leo Converse (jazz)

Highland Brewing Company

Blind Boy Chocolate & the Milk Sheiks (jugband, old-time) Horizons at Grove Park Inn

Lajos Pagony (piano), 6-10pm Jack Of The Wood Pub

The Woodies (Irish), 4-8pm Gypsy Dargle (traditional Irish), 8:3012:30pm Lexington Ave Brewery (LAB)

Back stage: Kings of Belmont (rock) w/ Dark Eyes & The Funk Messengers Lobster Trap

Hank Bones (“man of 1,000 songs”) Mellow Mushroom

Shane Pruitt Band (blues, jam, jazz)

2

WED. 3/16

JAMMIN’ W/ MAX & MILES Real New Orleans Po Boys $1 off all Whiskey

PIERCE EDENS & THE DIRTY WORK THUR. St. Patty’s Party 3/17

Irish Food & Drink Deals ALL DAY!

FRI. 3/18

TRIVIA NIGHT 9 pm • Prizes

Open 11am • $3.50 Gin & Tonics

NIKKI TALLEY BAND

Smokin’ Country & Charming Folk (nikkitalley.com)

$5 Robo Shots

SUN. 3/20

• All-You-Can-Eat Breakfast All Day! • $1 Off Bloody Mary’s & Mimosas

Appetizers - Buy One Get One ½ Off $4 Margaritas!

Wii™Bowling on 11 ft. Screen

TUES. 3/22

SAT. 3/19

MON. 3/21

TUESDAY OPEN BLUES JAM Shrimp ‘n Grits $1 off Rum Drinks

777 HAYWOOD ROAD • 225-WPUB (9782)

www.westvillepub.com

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 61

Mike’s Side Pocket

Open mic w/ Greg Terkelsen Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill

The Trainwreks (dirty tonk)

Pierce Edens and the Dirty Work (alt-country, blues, rock) White Horse

O’Malley’s On Main

The New Celtic Knot Band (Irish folk)

The Wooly Jumpers (feat: members of the Red Wellies) w/ White Horse Irish Session players

Olive or Twist

Wild Wing Cafe

Ballroom dancing w/ Heather Masterton & The Swing Station Band, 7:30pm

The Caribbean Cowboys (Southern rock) Late night w/ DJ Moto

Orange Peel

Fri., March 18

Justin Moore (country) w/ David Lynch Pack’s Tavern

Scott Raines & Jeff Anders (acoustic, rock) Pisgah Brewing Company

Danny Barnes (bluegrass, folk, country) Purple Onion Cafe

Mark Bumgarner (Americana, bluegrass, country) Red Room

Dance Lush w/ DJ Moto Red Stag Grill

Billy Sheeran (piano) Red Step Artworks

Open mic

Rendezvous Restaurant & Bar

Steve Whiddon (“the pianoman”) Root Bar No. 1

Kevin Scanlon (acoustic, folk)

Allstars Sports Bar and Grill

Hazelcreek Bluegrass Fred’s Speakeasy

John Dempsey

French Broad Chocolate Lounge

Listening party for new Secret B-Sides album, Flowers & Chocolate, 6-8pm Hannah Levin (folk) Garage at Biltmore

Local electronic showcase feat: Peripheral, Splynter, Robert Rice & Infinite Geometry Good Stuff

The Sharkadelics (pop, rock), 9:30pm

Don Lewis

Athena’s Club

Grey Eagle Music Hall & Tavern

Mark Appleford (singer-songwriter, harmonica, guitar), 8-10pm DJ, 10pm-2am Blue Mountain Pizza Cafe

Mark Bumgarner (Americana, bluegrass, country) Blue Note Grille

Anon Dixon Day (singer-songwriter) BoBo Gallery

In Plain Sight (dance, electronic) Boiler Room

Queen April ‘80s variety show Craggie Brewing Company

Andy Burke & friends (alt-country) Diana Wortham Theater

Southern Culture on the Skids (rock) w/ Mad Tea Party Grove Park Inn Great Hall

Donna Germano (hammered dulcimer), 2-4pm Bill Covington (piano classics and standards), 5:30-7:30pm The Broadcast (funk, rock, soul), 8-11pm Handlebar

Todd Snider (rock, folk, country) w/ Peter Cooper & Eric Brace Heavenly Spirits Wine Bar

Leo Converse (jazz)

Highland Brewing Company

Artimus Pyle Band (Southern rock) Holland’s Grille

Gypsy (classic rock)

Scandals Nightclub

Diego’s March Madness DJ Battle

Mountain Heart (acoustic, bluegrass) feat: Tony Rice

The Get Down

Elaine’s Dueling Piano Bar

Non-stop rock’n roll sing-a-long party show, 8pm-1am

Iron Horse Station

Town Pump

Eleven on Grove

Jack Of The Wood Pub

So It Goes (punk, metal) w/ Snuggle, Crackrbox, Blood Summer & Krucial Fiction Fox Hunt w/ Whiskey Bent Valley Boys Tressa’s Downtown Jazz and Blues

Peggy Ratusz & friends Vincenzo’s Bistro

Aaron LaFalce (piano)

62 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Westville Pub

Breaks & Bass feat: Acolyte, Morefiend, Ottomattix & Aloysius

Horizons at Grove Park Inn

Lajos Pagony (piano), 6-10pm

Nate McCoy (acoustic, country, rock) Heritage (reggae, funk)

Lexington Ave Brewery (LAB)

Emerald Lounge

Cutthroat Shamrock (bluegrass, Celtic, punk)

Back stage: E-S Guthrie (singer-songwriter, roots, folk) w/ Galen Kipar

Feed and Seed

Lobster Trap

Trevor Rocks Luella’s Bar-B-Que

Jenna Lindbo (Americana, folk), 8pm

Now Serving Cocktails!

Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill

Ten Cent Poetry (acoustic, folk) w/ Alex Krug Trio O’Malley’s On Main

Fri 3/18: SouTh French BroadS

Smoking Section (classic rock covers) Olive or Twist

experiMenTal crazy Fun - aSheville

Live jazz or swing

SaT 3/19: radialS

Pack’s Tavern

Micah Hanks Band (classic rock hits) PULP

Jeff Santiago (rock) w/ Los Gatos Negros Red Room

Dance party w/ DJ D-Day Red Stag Grill

Chris Rhodes (singer-songwriter) Root Bar No. 1

Linda Mitchell (blues, jazz)

3pm-2am everyday pinball, foosball, ping-pong & a kickass jukebox kitchen open until late 504 Haywood Rd. West Asheville • 828-255-1109 “It’s bigger than it looks!”

aMericana counTry rock - GreenSBoro, Sc wed: open Mic w/ david Bryan

new: daily drink SpecialS!

135 cherry ST. Black MounTain, nc

828.669.4808 • MySpace.coM/TownpuMpTavernllc

Scandals Nightclub

DJ dance party, 10pm Drag show, 1am Stella Blue

Deep Chatham (members of Baby Cowboy) w/ Mother Explosives Straightaway Cafe

Hobos & Lace

The Get Down

Forty Furies (rock) w/ Lamb Handler The Wine Cellar at Saluda Inn

Dale Rucker (Americana) Town Pump

South French Broads (rock) Tressa’s Downtown Jazz and Blues

Jim Arrendell & the Cheap Suits (dance) Vincenzo’s Bistro

Peggy Ratusz (1st & 3rd Fridays) Ginny McAfee (2nd & 4th Fridays) White Horse

The Swayback Sisters (acoustic, Americana, folk) w/ Viper’s Dream

Sat., March 19 Allstars Sports Bar and Grill

Twist of Fate (classic rock) Athena’s Club

Mark Appleford (singer-songwriter, harmonica, guitar), 8-10pm DJ, 10pm-2am Blue Mountain Pizza Cafe

Barrie Howard (one-man-band) Blue Note Grille

Letters to Abigail (Americana, country) BoBo Gallery

Red Hot Sugar Babies (hot jazz) Craggie Brewing Company

David Earl (blues, folk, Americana), 6-8pm Alarm Clock Conspiracy (acoustic, indie, folk), 8-10pm Elaine’s Dueling Piano Bar

Non-stop rock’n roll sing-a-long party show, 8pm-1am Eleven on Grove

Whitney Moore Band (jazz, swing) Emerald Lounge

Dub Cartel (reggae) w/ Super Collider Fat Cat’s Billiards

Sound Extreme DJ

Feed and Seed

Honey Holler (old-time, roots) w/ The Moore Brothers Firestorm Cafe and Books

Lee Whipple (acoustic, singer-songwriter) Fred’s Speakeasy

Spicy Moustache and the Flavor Saviors (“funk-hop,” soul, rock) French Broad Brewery Tasting Room

Ten Cent Poetry (acoustic, folk)

French Broad Chocolate Lounge

High Gravity Jazz Trio (jazz, soul) Garage at Biltmore

As Sick as Us (metal) w/ Ironside, From a Dig & Spine Extraction Good Stuff

Joe Hallock

Grey Eagle Music Hall & Tavern

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 63

Town Mountain CD release show (bluegrass) w/ The Black Lillies

Jason DeCristofaro (jazz)w/ Liberated State & Vincent’s Missing Ear

Bosco’s Sports Zone

Grove Park Inn Great Hall

Purple Onion Cafe

Fred’s Speakeasy

Barbed Wires

Punk rock Sundays, 6pm

Red Room

Grey Eagle Music Hall & Tavern

NC Thumbpickers, 2-5pm Bill Covington (piano classics and standards), 5:30-7:30pm The Business (Motown funk), 8-11pm Handlebar

Apocalyptica (“cello-metal”) w/ Carry Nation & The Speakeasy

Thur . ma r . 1 7 Kings Of BelmOnt

Harrah’s Cherokee

Live band, 7-10pm Live DJ, 10pm-2am

w/ DarK eyes anD the funK messengers

Heavenly Spirits Wine Bar

Fri. ma r . 1 8

Hotel Indigo

Paul Cataldo (acoustic, folk, roots) Jack Of The Wood Pub

The Hot Seats (old-time, ragtime)

Benefit fOr ymCa w/ Bear DOwn easy O n t h e f r O n t s ta g e TueSdayS

Jake Hollifield Piano | 9pm

Lajos Pagony (piano), 6-10pm

Iron Horse Station

SaT. m a r . 1 9

SundayS

Horizons at Grove Park Inn

Sunset Sessions w/ Ben Hovey (“sonic scientist”), 7-10pm

e-s guthrie & galen Kipar

Aaron Price 1pm | Piano

Leo Converse (jazz)

WedneSdayS

Woody Wood 9pm

Lexington Ave Brewery (LAB)

Lori McKenna & Sean McConnell (folk, singer/ songwriter)

Dance party w/ live DJ Red Stag Grill

Chris Rhodes (singer-songwriter) Root Bar No. 1

Dark Water Rising (soul, rock, blues, country) Scandals Nightclub

Jenna Lindbo

Tressa’s Downtown Jazz and Blues

The Nightcrawlers (blues, rock)

Jazz night w/ The Working Otet

Nikki Talley Band (indie, rock)

Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill

White Horse

Secret Agent 23 Skidoo (kid-hop) CD release show, 1pm Pack’s Tavern

Marc Keller

DJ dance party, 10pm Drag show, 12:30am

thursday

The Get Down

Cancun Mexican Grill / Chasers / Club Hairspray / Harrah’s Cherokee Fairview Tavern / Rock Bottom Sports Bar & Grill / Shovelhead Saloon / The Still

Albert Adams Band (dance rock) Vincenzo’s Bistro

Steve Whiddon (piano, vocals)

friday

The Karl Shiflett & Big Country Show (country, bluegrass)

Firestorm Cafe and Books

Sun., March 20

Movie night

Fairview Tavern / Fat Cat’s Billards Infusions / Mack Kell’s Midway Tavern / Shovelhead Saloon Stockade Brew House / The 170 La Cantinetta / Tallgary’s Cantina

GrandPappy & friends Blair Mountain film screening, 7:30pm Fred’s Speakeasy Handlebar

Barley’s Taproom

Like Mind Trio (jazz)

Blue Mountain Pizza Cafe

Sunshine Jones (electronic) w/ Tre & Josh

Cutthroat Shamrock (bluegrass, Celtic, punk) w/ Carry Nation & The Speakeasy Hole-N-Da-Wall

Cipher circle, 10pm

Lexington Ave Brewery (LAB)

club xcapades THANKS ASHEVILLE! ...FOR MAKING US THE

PREMIERE

ADULT CLUB IN WESTERN NC FOR THE PAST 14 YEARS

IN CELEBRATION:

$5 JAG-BOMBS, LIT’S, & BLUE MOTORCYCLES DOMESTICS START @ $2.50 $4 HOUSE LIQUORS ... AND NO COVER & FREE POOL EVERY NIGHT FROM 7PM - 9PM !

Mon. - Sat. 7pm - 2am • 21 to Enter 828-258-9652 • 99 New Leicester Hwy. (3miles west of Downtown -off Patton Ave.)

64 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Jus One More / Red Room

BoBo Gallery

BoBo Gallery

PULP

Mike Gordon (rock)

Mon., March 21

Paul Cataldo Trio (Americana, roots)

DJ Moto (pop, dance)

tuesday

Beacon Pub / Buffalo Wild Wings / Fred’s Speakeasy / The Hangar / Midway Tavern / O’Malleys on Main / Holland’s Grille

Scandals Nightclub

Radials (Americana, country, rock)

Tressa’s Downtown Jazz and Blues / Wild Wing Cafe

Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill

The Wine Cellar at Saluda Inn Town Pump

monday

wednesday

Orange Peel

Melissa Hyman (folk)

karaoke

Lobster Trap

“One-Man-Band Brawl” feat: Krekel, Pinche Gringo & Jay Brown

Westville Pub

Orange Peel

Lexington Ave Brewery (LAB)

Starving artists open mic

The Get Down

Lobster Trap

Jazz night w/ The 42nd Street Jazz Band

Sunset Sessions w/ Ben Hovey (“sonic scientist”), 7-10pm

Valorie Miller (Americana, folk)

Straightaway Cafe

Back stage: YMCA benefit feat: Bear Down Easy (bluegrass)

Olive or Twist

Hotel Indigo

Front stage: Aaron Price (piano)

DJ dance party, 10pm Drag show, 12:30am

Vincenzo’s Bistro

Kung Fu Dynamite (funk, rock)

Shag dance & lesson, 4pm

LOOKING FOR LICENSED ENTERTAINERS TO JOIN OUR GREAT TEAM – CONTACT US FOR MORE INFO: 828-779-9652

saturday The Hangar / Holland’s Grille Infusions / Jus One More / Midway Tavern / Rendezvous / Shovelhead Saloon / The Still

sunday Bosco’s Sports Zone / Cancun Mexican Grill / The Hangar / The Get Down Front stage: Mariachi band Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill

Moses Atwood Presents: Jenny Juice & Galen Kipar (singer-songwriter) Orange Peel

DeVotchKa (folk, punk, mariachi) w/ Kopecky Family Band Root Bar No. 1

Open jam session

Scandals Nightclub

RuPaul Drag Race viewing party w/ the stars, 10pm The Get Down

Koonda Holaa (“mystic psychedelia, noir”) w/ Headwar, John Makay, Shane Perlowin & Megahurtz Tressa’s Downtown Jazz and Blues

Vocal jazz session w/ Sharon LaMotte, 7:30pm Vincenzo’s Bistro

Marc Keller

Tue., March 22 5 Walnut Wine Bar

Live jazz, 8-10pm

Blue Mountain Pizza Cafe

Will Straughan (Americana) BoBo Gallery

Carrie Nation & the Speakeasy (“inebriated Americana showtunes”) Craggie Brewing Company

Vinyl Tuesday

Creatures Cafe

Live music

Eleven on Grove

clubdirectory 5 Walnut Wine Bar 253-2593 The 170 La Cantinetta 687-8170 All Stars Sports Bar & Grill 684-5116 Asheville Civic Center & Thomas Wolfe Auditorium 259-5544 Athena’s Club 252-2456 Avenue M 350-8181 Barley’s Tap Room 255-0504 Beacon Pub 686-5943 Blue Mountain Pizza 658-8777 Blue Note Grille 697-6828 Boiler Room 505-1612 BoBo Gallery 254-3426 Bosco’s Sports Zone 684-1024 Broadway’s 285-0400 Club Hairspray 258-2027 Craggie Brewing Company 254-0360 Creature’s Cafe 254-3636 Curras Nuevo 253-2111 Desoto Lounge 986-4828 Diana Wortham Theater 257-4530 Dirty South Lounge 251-1777 The Dripolator 398-0209 Ed Boudreaux’s Bayou BBQ 296-0100 Elaine’s Dueling Piano Bar 252-2711 Eleven on Grove 505-1612 Emerald Lounge 232- 4372

Fairview Tavern 505-7236 Feed & Seed + Jamas Acoustic 216-3492 Firestorm Cafe 255-8115 Frankie Bones 274-7111 Fred’s Speakeasy 281-0920 French Broad Brewery Tasting Room 277-0222 French Broad Chocolate Lounge 252-4181 The Garage 505-2663 The Get Down 505-8388 Good Stuff 649-9711 Grey Eagle Music Hall & Tavern 232-5800 Grove House Eleven on Grove 505-1612 The Grove Park Inn (Elaine’s Piano Bar/ Great Hall) 252-2711 The Handlebar (864) 233-6173 The Hangar 684-1213 Hannah Flanagans 252-1922 Harrah’s Cherokee 497-7777 Havana Restaurant 252-1611 Highland Brewing Company 299-3370 Holland’s Grille 298-8780 The Hop 254-2224 The Hop West 252-5155 Infusions 665-2161 Iron Horse Station 622-0022 Jack of the Wood 252-5445

clubland@mountainx.com

Jerusalem Garden 254-0255 Jus One More 253-8770 Laurey’s Catering 252-1500 Lexington Avenue Brewery 252-0212 The Lobster Trap 350-0505 Luella’s Bar-B-Que 505-RIBS Mack Kell’s Pub & Grill 253-8805 The Magnetic Field 257-4003 Midway Tavern 687-7530 Mela 225-8880 Mellow Mushroom 236-9800 Mike’s Side Pocket 281-3096 Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill 258-1550 Olive Or Twist 254-0555 O’Malley’s On Main 246-0898 The Orange Peel 225-5851 Pack’s Tavern 225-6944 Pineapple Jack’s 253-8860 Pisgah Brewing Co. 669-0190 Posana Cafe 505-3969 Pulp 225-5851 Purple Onion Cafe 749-1179 Rankin Vault 254-4993 Red Stag Grill at the Grand Bohemian Hotel 505-2949 Rendezvous 926-0201 Rock Bottom Sports Bar & Grill 622-0001

Root Bar No.1 299-7597 Scandals Nightclub 252-2838 Scully’s 251-8880 Skyland Performing Arts Center 693-0087 Stella Blue 236-2424 Stephanie’s Roadhouse Bistro 299-4127 The Still 683-5913 Straightaway Cafe 669-8856 Switzerland Cafe 765-5289 Tallgary’s 232-0809 Red Room 252-0775 Thirsty Monk South 505-4564 Tolliver’s Crossing Irish Pub 505-2129 Town Pump 669-4808 Tressa’s Downtown Jazz & Blues 254-7072 Vanuatu Kava 505-8118 Vincenzo’s Bistro 254-4698 The Warehouse Live 681-9696 Wedge Brewery 505 2792 Well Bred Bakery & Cafe 645-9300 Westville Pub 225-9782 White Horse 669-0816 Wild Wing Cafe 253-3066

THUR

AN EVENING wITH

3/17

JAMES MCMURTRy • 9PM

FRI

SOUTHERN CULTURE ON THE SKIDS w/

3/18 SAT

MAD TEA PARTy • 9PM

TOwN MOUNTAIN

3/19

CD RELEASE SHOw • 9PM

SUN

LORI MCKENNA & SEAN MCCONNELL • 9PM

TUES

SALLIE FORD & THE SOUND OUTSIDE AND EILEN JEwELL • 8:30PM

WED

wILD FLAG w/ TIMES NEw VIKING • 9PM

3/20 3/22 3/23

J Mascis | Darrell Scott | Joe Purdy Langhorne Slim | Growlers | Matt Costa

Come Yee, Come Yee...

St. PACKtrick’s Day Par-Tay & Bell’s FIRKIN Tappin’

live music Thurs St. Patrick’s Day

Scott Raines & Jeff Anders

Micah Hanks Band Sat 3/19

Fri 3/18

DJ Moto as always, no cover

Top Shelf CAR BOMBS...

shot o’ Irish Cream w/ Irish Whiskey plopped into a pint of Irish Brew…

Chug, Chug, Chug…KABOOM!

Beginner swing & tango lessons, 6-7pm Dance w/ Michael Gamble & His Rhythm Serenaders, 8pm

Lexington Ave Brewery (LAB)

Irish Sessions, 6:30pm Open mic, 8:30pm

Lobster Trap

Garage at Biltmore

Jay Brown (one-man-band)

Wed., March 23

Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill

5 Walnut Wine Bar

Phat Tuesdays w/ Selector Cleofus & guests Grey Eagle Music Hall & Tavern

Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside (roots, rock, blues, jazz) w/ Eilen Jewell Grove Park Inn Great Hall

Bob Zullo (jazz, pop guitar), 5:30-7:30pm Killer B’s (favorites by request), 8-11pm Handlebar

Tuesday swing dance, 7pm Gene Dillard Bluegrass Jam, 8:30pm Iron Horse Station

Open mic w/ Jesse James, 7-10pm Jack Of The Wood Pub

Singer-songwriter in the round feat: Valorie Miller, Joey K, Ryan Anderson & Laura Michaels

Front stage: Jake Hollifield (blues, ragtime)

Exact 17 (feat: Jay Sanders, Bill Cardine, Andy Pond & Ian Cunningham) Orange Peel

Trentemoller (electronic) The Get Down

Cough w/ Crook & Enoch (“psychedelic doom”) Town Pump

Spirit Family Reunion (old-time) Vincenzo’s Bistro

Live music, 8-10pm Athena’s Club

Disclaimer Stand-Up Lounge (comedy open mic), 9pm Blue Mountain Pizza Cafe

Open mic

Blue Note Grille

Jazz jam

BoBo Gallery

Marc Keller

Tiny Victories (electronic, pop, dance) w/ Action Team & Monogold

Westville Pub

Bosco’s Sports Zone

Blues jam

White Horse

Live DJ & dance, 7pm

Special St. PACKtrick’s Glasses

20 S. Spruce St. • 225.6944

PacksTavern.com

Off Biltmore Ave. in the new Pack Square Park.

outrageously fresh, local cuisine restaurant • tavern patio • sports room 110” projector / 10 big screens NCAA B-ball Headquarters over 30 brews on tap huge selection of WNC craft beers

Elaine’s Dueling Piano Bar

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 65

LIVE MUSIC! 11PM - 2AM, DOORS AT 10PM

Non-stop rock’n roll sing-a-long party show, 8pm-1am

Good Stuff

Fairview Tavern

Grey Eagle Music Hall & Tavern

Open mic & jam

French Broad Chocolate Lounge

Lauren LaPointe (indie, folk) Good Stuff

Open mic

Grey Eagle Music Hall & Tavern

Wild Flag (rock, indie) w/ Times New Viking Grove Park Inn Great Hall

Bob Zullo (jazz, pop guitar), 5:30-7:30pm Killer B’s (favorites by request), 8-11pm Handlebar

St. Patty’s Day Thurs., March 17 $5 at the door

The Shane Pruitt Band

feat. Roosevelt Collier (Lee Boys) The Shane Pruitt Band embarks on a very special week with their dear friend and colleague, Rosevelt Collier (pedal steel, The Lee Boys). Don’t miss this one of a kind show for a special St. Patty’s Day Throwdown in one of their favorite cities to play music, the one and only Ashevegas North Carolina!

THURSDAY • 4/14

YARN

Most Draft Beer in Asheville!

Over 70 Beers on Tap

Grove Park Inn Great Hall

Bob Zullo (jazz, pop guitar), 5:30-7:30pm Killer B’s (favorites by request), 8-11pm

Old-time jam, 6pm

Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill

South French Broads (experimental, fusion, rock) Elaine’s Dueling Piano Bar

Non-stop rock’n roll sing-a-long party show, 8pm-1am Eleven on Grove

Heavenly Spirits Wine Bar

Emerald Lounge

Leo Converse (jazz)

Horizons at Grove Park Inn

Lajos Pagony (piano), 6-10pm

Lexington Ave Brewery (LAB)

Jack Of The Wood Pub

Craggie Brewing Company

“Ultra Asheville” feat: In Plain Sight, Candace B, Nigel One, Disc-Oh! & Yorgo

Horizons at Grove Park Inn

Lajos Pagony (piano), 6-10pm

Just Die! (punk)

Raul Malo (roots, acoustic)

Handlebar

Jack Of The Wood Pub

Bluegrass jam, 7pm

The Broadcast (funk, rock, soul) Feed and Seed

Miriam Allen Band (fusion, roots) Firestorm Cafe and Books

Mo’ Betta Soul feat: Lyric Jones, Joshua Spiceland, Preach Jacobs & Juan Holladay

Back stage: Today the Moon, Tomorrow the Sun w/ The Critters (rock, psychedelic)

Fred’s Speakeasy

Lobster Trap

French Broad Brewery Tasting Room

Hank Bones (“man of 1,000 songs”)

Soul/jazz jam 1-year anniversary feat: Neil Fountain

Mike’s Side Pocket

Olive or Twist

Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill

Swing dancing w/ The Firecracker Jazz Band, 7:30pm

Grammer School (indie, rock) w/ Railbird & The Rex Complex

Orange Peel

Olive or Twist

Open mic w/ Greg Terkelsen

Chris Wilhelm (indie folk, rock) Dave Desmelik (Americana, folk, rock)

French Broad Chocolate Lounge

High Gravity Jazz Trio (jazz, soul) Garage at Biltmore

Psychotropic feat: Goadream, Kri, Medisin, Fuzz, Klaws, Kameleon Poimandres & Gregor Konstantin

Queens of the Stone Age (rock) w/ The Dough Rollers

Ballroom dancing w/ Heather Masterton & The Swing Station Band, 7:30pm

Good Stuff

Red Stag Grill

Orange Peel

Grey Eagle Music Hall & Tavern

Robert Thomas (jazz standards, blues) Rendezvous Restaurant & Bar

Open mic w/ Brian Keith TallGary’s Cantina

Open mic, 7:30pm The Get Down

The Judas Horse (folk, pop, post-punk) The Magnetic Field

Brian Claflin (singer-songwriter) Town Pump

Open mic w/ David Bryan Tressa’s Downtown Jazz and Blues

Jim Arrendell & the Cheap Suits (dance) Vincenzo’s Bistro

Steve Whiddon (piano, vocals) Westville Pub

Jammin’ w/ Max & Miles Wild Wing Cafe

Badfish (Sublime tribute) w/ Scotty Don’t & Spiritual Rez Pack’s Tavern

Aaron LaFalce (acoustic, rock)

Linda Mitchell (blues, jazz) Jonathan Coulton (singer/songwriter, humor) w/ Mike Gibbons Grove Park Inn Great Hall

Pisgah Brewing Company

Onward Soldiers (“moody rock”)

Donna Germano (hammered dulcimer), 2-4pm Bill Covington (piano classics and standards) Peggy Ratusz (blues, soul), 8-11pm

Purple Onion Cafe

Heavenly Spirits Wine Bar

Paul Cataldo (acoustic, folk, roots)

Leo Converse (jazz)

Red Room

Horizons at Grove Park Inn

Dance Lush w/ DJ Moto

Lajos Pagony (piano), 6-10pm

Red Stag Grill

Iron Horse Station

Billy Sheeran (piano)

Jenna Linbo (soul, folk)

Red Step Artworks

Jack Of The Wood Pub

Open mic

Jon Stickley Trio (bluegrass, jazz)

Rendezvous Restaurant & Bar

Lexington Ave Brewery (LAB)

Steve Whiddon (“the pianoman”) Root Bar No. 1

Stray Dog Trio (rock, blues)

Canyon Creek

Scandals Nightclub

Thu., March 24

The Admiral

Diego’s March Madness DJ Battle (finals)

Back stage: The Bronzed Chorus (instrumental) w/ Manray Lobster Trap

The Sean Smith Trio Luella’s Bar-B-Que

Bear Down Easy, 8pm

Barley’s Taproom

Mo-Daddy’s Bar & Grill

Alien Music Club

The Fleshtones (garage rock) w/ Greg Cartwright

Blue Mountain Pizza Cafe

The Get Down

O’Malley’s On Main

Taylor Martin & friends (roots, rock)

Bobby G (classic rock covers)

Blue Note Grille

Town Pump

Olive or Twist

Mac Comer (funky folk)

Live jazz or swing

BoBo Gallery

Tressa’s Downtown Jazz and Blues

Orange Peel

Barrie Howard (one-man-band) Ellen Trnka (singer-songwriter)

Pierce Edens (country, folk rock, roots) w/ The Great Unknown Craggie Brewing Company

Open mic, 6-9pm

Creatures Cafe Diana Wortham Theater

Dervish (Celtic)

Elaine’s Dueling Piano Bar

Non-stop rock’n roll sing-a-long party show, 8pm-1am Emerald Lounge

Daryl Hance (of MOFRO) Firestorm Cafe and Books

Tom Tom Magaizine Event (free lessons, panel discussion)

66 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Little Tybee (pop, indie, rock) w/ Do it to Julia & Sky Lake

A Place to Bury Strangers (psychedelic, experimental, noise-pop) w/ Hooray for Earth

Open mic

50 Broadway • Asheville, NC 236-9800

Gene Peyroux (rock, funk, soul)

French Broad Brewery Tasting Room

Angela Easterling (Americana, folk) Garage at Biltmore

Spicy Moustache and the Flavor Saviors (“funkhop,” soul, rock) w/ special guests

Peggy Ratusz & friends Vincenzo’s Bistro

Aaron LaFalce (piano) Westville Pub

Valorie Miller (Americana, folk) White Horse

Seven Sisters Cinema - Stranger With a Camera Wild Wing Cafe

Ike Stubblefield (funk, groove, jazz)

Corey Smith (country, singer/songwriter) w/ Crowfield Pack’s Tavern

WestSound (dance, R&B) Pisgah Brewing Company

Big Daddy Love (Americana) Red Room

Dance party w/ DJ D-Day

DJ Paco

Red Stag Grill

Fri., March 25

Root Bar No. 1

Athena’s Club

Chris Rhodes (singer-songwriter) Jamie Kent & the Options (rock, acoustic)

Mark Appleford (singer-songwriter, harmonica, guitar), 8-10pm DJ, 10pm-2am

Scandals Nightclub

Blue Mountain Pizza Cafe

Straightaway Cafe

Blue Note Grille

The Get Down

Patrick Fitzsimons (blues, folk, roots) Johnson’s Crossroad (acoustic, Americana, country) Boiler Room

DJ dance party, 10pm Drag show, 1am

Pat Flaherty (folk, country, blues) Hillside Bombers (folk, country) The Wine Cellar at Saluda Inn

Randall Bramblett (pop, R&B, rock)

Town Pump

French Broad Brewery Tasting Room

Tressaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Downtown Jazz and Blues

French Broad Chocolate Lounge

Orange Peel

Garage at Biltmore

Omar Rodriguez Lopez Group (rock, experimental) w/ Zechs Marquise

Blood Roots Barter (â&#x20AC;&#x153;voodoo grassâ&#x20AC;?)

Joshua Singleton & the Funky Four Corners (dance, funkabilly) Vincenzoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bistro

Peggy Ratusz (1st & 3rd Fridays) Ginny McAfee (2nd & 4th Fridays) White Horse

Turku, Nomads of the Silk Road (3000 year old rock & roll)

Peggy Ratusz (blues, soul, rock)

GalaxC Girl w/ Brad Bitt, Mr. Rogers, Ratchett & more

Pisgah Brewing Company

Sanctum Sully (Americana, bluegrass)

Allstars Sports Bar and Grill

Grove Park Inn Great Hall

Mark Appleford (singer-songwriter, harmonica, guitar), 8-10pm DJ, 10pm-2am

DJ Jason Wyatt (dance)

Grey Eagle Music Hall & Tavern

Sat., March 26 Athenaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Club

Packâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Tavern

Todd Hoke (Americana, country, folk) LAMAfest feat: Now You See Them, Uncle Mountain, Underhill Rose, The Honeycutters & more

Fine Line (classic rock)

Jazz night w/ The 42nd Street Jazz Band

Matt Getman Duo (jazz, pop, soul)

Good Stuff

Olive or Twist

One Leg Up (jazz, swing), 2-5pm Bill Covington (piano classics and standards), 5:30-7:30pm Harrahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cherokee

Purple Onion Cafe

Joseph Hasty & Centerpiece (jazz, swing) Red Room

Dance party w/ live DJ Red Stag Grill

Chris Rhodes (singer-songwriter)

Live band, 7-10pm Live DJ, 10pm-2am

Root Bar No. 1

Mark Bumgarner (Americana, bluegrass, country)

Heavenly Spirits Wine Bar

Scandals Nightclub

Blue Note Grille

Highland Brewing Company

Blue Mountain Pizza Cafe

Aaron Burdett (acoustic, roots) Club Hairspray

Sick of Sarah (pop punk) Craggie Brewing Company

Southern Exposure (old-time), 6-8pm The Critters (psychedelic, pop, rock), 8-10pm Elaineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Dueling Piano Bar

Non-stop rockâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;n roll sing-a-long party show, 8pm-1am Emerald Lounge

Agent 23 (hip-hop) w/ GFE

Leo Converse (jazz) Red June (roots)

Violin River (Grateful Dead covers) DJ dance party, 10pm Drag show, 12:30am The Get Down

Horizons at Grove Park Inn

Lajos Pagony (piano), 6-10pm

Take Your Face (death metal) w/ Hectagons & Blowtorch Circumcision

Hotel Indigo

The Wine Cellar at Saluda Inn

Sunset Sessions w/ Ben Hovey (â&#x20AC;&#x153;sonic scientistâ&#x20AC;?), 7-10pm

Frank & Friends (blues, Americana)

Iron Horse Station

Town Pump

Dana & Susan Robinson (bluegrass, folk)

Antibodies (surf, rock, psychedelic) w/ Pulse

Jack Of The Wood Pub

Tressaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Downtown Jazz and Blues

Bayou Diesel (cajun, zydeco)

Lexington Ave Brewery (LAB)

The Free Flow Band (funk, soul) Vincenzoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bistro

Fat Catâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Billiards

102.5 House Band

Back stage: Cusses (weirdo rock) w/ Zombie Queen and Treatment

Feed and Seed

Lobster Trap

Jazz night feat: Trevors Trio

Joshua Singleton (blues, soul)

Fredâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Speakeasy

Mo-Daddyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bar & Grill

Wild Wing Cafe

Dehlia Low (Americana, bluegrass) Tim Marsh Collective (â&#x20AC;&#x153;flatpickinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; to funkâ&#x20AC;?)

Paul Edelman (Americana) w/ Fustics

Marc Keller Well-Bred Bakery and Cafe

Contagious (covers, rock)

THURSDAY 3/17 RISE AND PUT ON YOUR FOLIAGE

I]Z LddY^Zh" 4-8 PM <nehn 9Vg\aZ" 8:30PM - 12:30AM FEATURING

Eg^hX^aaV =jci EVig^X` ;^ioh^bdch FRIDAY 3/18

=Zg^iV\Z

ELECTRIC ISLAND POP/REGGAE

SATURDAY 3/19

I]Z =di HZVih SIZZLINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; STRINGBAND REVIVAL

TUESDAY 3/22

SINGER SONGWRITER IN THE ROUND 7-9PM FEATURING VALORIE MILLER, JOEY K, RYAN ANDERSON & LAURA MICHAELS

FRIDAY 3/25

?dc Hi^X`aZn Ig^d BLENDING BLUEGRASS, GYPSY JAZZ, SWING & SAMBA

~ WNCâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Upscale Adult Club & Sports Lounge ~ Over 30 Beautiful Entertainers â&#x20AC;˘ Best Dance Prices in Town â&#x20AC;˘ Nightly Drink Specials Enjoy Our Awesome Smoking Deck (where you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t miss a minute of the action) Best Gentlemenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Club in WNC 2 Years Straight â&#x20AC;˘ All UFC & Boxing PPV on 6 Big Screens â&#x20AC;˘ Spinning Pole

828.298.1400 â&#x20AC;˘ 520 SWANNANOA RIVER RD, ASHEVILLE, NC 28805 â&#x20AC;˘ MON-SAT 6:30PM-2AM mountainx.com â&#x20AC;˘ MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 67

theaterlistings Friday, MARCh 18 - Thursday, MARCH 24

Due to possible last-minute scheduling changes, moviegoers may want to confirm showtimes with theaters. n Asheville Pizza &

Brewing Co. (254-1281) Please call the info line for updated showtimes.

127 Hours (R) 10:00 The Fighter (R) 7:00 Yogi Bear (PG) 1:00, 4:00 n Carmike Cinema 10

(298-4452)

Limitless (PG-13) 1:45, 4:40, 7:20, 10:05 The Lincoln Lawyer (R) 1:30, 4:15, 7:10, 9:55 Little Engine Train (NR) 1:00 Sat-Sun Lord of the Dance 3D (G) 1:00, 3:05, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50 Mars Needs Moms 3D (PG) 2:35, 4:45 Mars Needs Moms 2D (PG) 1:10, 3:50, 6:15, 8:30 (No 3:50 or 6:15 March 24) Paul (R) 1:55, 4:30, 7:05, 9:40 Rango (PG) 1:05, 1:35, 3:30, 4:05, 6:25, 7:00, 8:55, 9:35 Red Riding Hood (PG-13) 1:20, 4:25, 7:15, 9:50 The Roommate (PG-13) 6;55, 9:10 Unknown (PG-13) 1:25, 4:00, 6:45, 9:25 n Carolina Asheville

Cinema 14 (274-9500)

The Adjustment Bureau (PG-13) 11:30, 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:25 (Sofa Cinema) Battle: Los Angeles (PG-13) 11:55, 2:35, 4:55, 7:50, 10:25 Black Swan (R) 12:30, 7:30 Cedar Rapids (R) 12:20, 2:35, 4:50, 7:55, 10:10 The Fighter (R) 3:10, 9:55 Hall Pass (R) 2:50, 10:05 (Sofa Cinema) Just Go with It (PG-13) 11:40, 2:30, 5:10, 7:45, 10:20 (Sofa Cinema) The King’s Speech (R) 12:35, 3:20, 7:40, 10:15 (Sofa Cinema) Limitless (PG-13) 11:45, 2:05, 4:20, 7:15, 9:30 The Lincoln Lawyer (R) 12:15, 3:00, 7:20, 10:00 Mars Needs Moms 3D (PG) 12:00, 2:10, 4:25, 7:00, 9:20 Paul (R) 12:10, 2:45, 5:10, 7:35, 10:00 Rango (PG) 11:35, 2:15, 4:45, 7:10, 9:40 Red Riding Hood (PG-13) 11:50, 2:40, 5:05, 7:25, 9:50

True Grit (PG-13) 12:25, 2:55, 7:05, 9:35 Unknown (PG-13) 12:05, 7:35 n Cinebarre (665-7776)

The Eagles (PG-13) 1:10 (no 1:10 show Mon-Thu), 4:10, 7:10, 9:50 (no 9:50 show Mon-Thu) The Fighter (R) 1:30 (no 1:30 show Mon-Thu), 4:30, 7:15, 10:10 (no 10:0 show Mon-Thu) No Strings Attached (R) 1:20 (no 1:20 show Mon-Thu), 4:20, 7:30, 10:05 (no 10:05 shoow Mon-Thu) Tangled (PG) 1:00 (no 1:00 show Mon-Thu), 4:00, 7:00, 9:45 (no 9:45 show Mon-Thu) The Rite (PG-13) 1:15 (no 1:15 show Mon-Thu), 4:15, 7:20, 10:00 (no 10:00 show Mon-Thu) n Co-ed Cinema

Brevard (883-2200) The Adjustment Bureau (PG-13) 1:00, 7:00 Rango (PG) 4:00 n Epic of Hendersonville (6931146) n Fine Arts Theatre (232-1536)

Cedar Rapids (R) 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, Late show Fri-Sat 9:00 The King’s Speech (R) 1:20, 4:20, 7:20 n Flatrock Cinema

(697-2463)

Rabbit Hole (PG-13) 4:30, 7:00 n Regal Biltmore

Grande Stadium 15 (684-1298) n United Artists Beaucatcher (298-1234) The Adjustment Bureau (PG-13) 1:20, 3:50, 7:00, 9:50 Battle: Los Angeles (PG-13) 1:10, 4:20, 7:20, 10:05 Beastly (PG-13) 1:00, 3:10, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40 Gnomeo and Juliet (G) 1:05, 3:15, 5:25, 8:00, 10:10 Hall Pass (R) 1:40, 4:10, 7:50, 10:15 Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D Director’s Cut (G) 1:30, 7:10 Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D (G) 4:00, 9:45 Take Me Home Tonight (R) 1:50, 4:30, 7:40, 10:00

For some theaters movie listings were not available at press time. Please contact the theater or check mountainx.com for updated information.

crankyhanke

movie reviews & listings by ken hanke

JJJJJ max rating

additional reviews by justin souther contact xpressmovies@aol.com

pickoftheweek Cedar Rapids JJJJJ

Director: Miguel Arteta (Youth in Revolt) Players: Ed Helms, John C. Reilly, Anne Heche, Isiah Whitlock, Jr., Stephen Root, Alia Shawkat Comedy Rated R

The Story: Innocent insurance agent Tim Lippe gets a lesson in life at an insurance convention in Cedar Rapids.

The Lowdown: By turns raunchy and charming, this unassuming little comedy is a breath of fresh air in its sweetnatured approach to its story and characters.

The first few minutes of Cedar Rapids were cringe-inducing — and made just that much worse by being at a 9:30 a.m. press screening.

This appeared to offer nearly everything I detest about indie film, but it wasn’t long before I noticed a different tone than usual.

Something was definitely going on with this tale of naive and nebbishy Tim Lippe (Ed Helms), a sheltered insurance agent who finds himself out of his depth as the company rep at an insurance convention. And the something that was going on was the film’s generosity of spirit when it became apparent that neither Tim, nor his small town of Brown Valley, Wis., were being viewed as sources of amusement. I was dreading condescending snark and found something altogether different.

Tim is a nice guy — the film is clear on this — and he’s not a clueless boob; he simply has no understanding of the world. All he knows is Brown Valley and his idealized vision of the insurance game. He’s comfortable with himself and his position. The insurance company provides him an ersatz family, while his boss, Bill Krogstad (Stephen Root, Rango), stands in for his absent father. His personal life revolves around his finally fulfilled junior-high crush on his teacher, Macy

lookhere Don’t miss out on Cranky Hanke’s online-only weekly columns “Screening Room” and “Weekly Reeler,” plus extended reviews of special showings, the “Elitist Bastards Go to the Movies” podcast, as well as an archive of past Xpress movie reviews — all at mountainx. com/movies.

68 MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 • mountainx.com

Anne Heche and Ed Helms in Miguel Arteta’s raunchy and surprisingly sweet-tempered and generous Cedar Rapids.

Vanderhei (Sigourney Weaver), and he’s happy in this, even though it’s obvious to the viewer that he takes this a lot more seriously than she does. All this changes when the company’s star agent dies (in a kinky sex act), when it falls to Tim to take up the his role and win the coveted Two Diamond award at the annual convention in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

What happens is an eye-opening experience for Tim, which is to be expected, since he’s an innocent abroad for the first time in the wicked world. Everything is a treat to him, though he does panic rather easily.

“There’s an Afro-American man standing in my room,” he tells Macy on his cell phone before realizing this is his roommate Ronald Wilkes (Isiah Whitlock, Jr., TV’s Rubicon).

More startling still is the revelation that they have a third person sharing the room — Dean Ziegler (John C. Reilly), the one man his boss has warned him to have nothing to do with.

But all this is set-up and it’s a set-up as much for the viewer as for Tim, because almost no one in Cedar Rapids is quite what they seem or what we think. Of course, the lesson for Tim is that very few people and things are as they appear on the surface.

This could have been tedious, predictable and smarmy — and it certainly can be extremely raunchy, but it’s never even slightly mean-spirited, and it keeps veering away from the obvious. Plus, the characterizations are solid, but never heavy-handed. Much is implied, but little is stated. It suggests that Ziegler is an unhappy, nice guy playing the obnoxious party guy to cover it. It intimates that Ronald is probably a closeted gay. We get the sense that Joan Ostrowski-Fox (Anne

Heche) is unhappy in her marriage. But all of this simply has to be picked up along the way. There’s even a good-natured hooker, Bree (Aliah Shawkat, Whip It), who may have a heart of gold, but is 100-percent hooker (her offer of expressing her love for Tim is probably the funniest raunchy line in the movie).

It really is a terrific little movie full of characters who are worth meeting. Rated R for crude and sexual content, language and drug use. reviewed by Ken Hanke Starts Friday at Carolina Asheville Cinema 14 and Fine Arts Theatre

Battle: Los Angeles JJJ

Director: Jonathan Liebesman (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning) Players: Aaron Eckhart, Ramon Rodriguez, Cory Hardrict, Bridget Moynahan, Ne-Yo Sci-Fi Action Rated PG-13

The Story: A group of marines help to fight off an alien invasion in Los Angeles.

The Lowdown: A generic mish-mash of sci-fi and war film that works on that simple basis, but offers little else.

The simple thing would be to compare Battle: Los Angeles to Independence Day (1996) and Black Hawk Down (2001), being as it’s a mix of alien-invasion yarn and shaky-cam war footage. Or maybe — in its same use of handheld cameras and gritty vistas — mention how the film is a lot like District 9 (2009), but with a bigger budget and all of the intelligence stripped away. But all I can really think

about — and the one thing that lets me be a bit on the sympathetic side towards this film — is that at least Battle: Los Angeles isn’t as infinitely and infuriatingly awful as last year’s entrant into the world of evil space invaders, Skyline.

Battle: L.A. has the most in common with Skyline in the long line of alien invasion flicks, namely with its setting and its attempt to personalize a large-scale onslaught of little green men (or, in this case, big gray men in metal suits) down to the story of just a few. And while simply not sinking down to the depths of the maddening and puerile specter of Skyline isn’t a recommendation, there are comparisons to be drawn. For no matter how generic and cliched Battle: L.A. is, it never bothers attempting to be clever or cool like its predecessor. Where Skyline carries an air of haughtiness in its stupid tale of hot dudes and chicks fighting off aliens, Battle: L.A. never attempts to climb above its main goal of stuff blowing up.

And honestly, this feels like a bit of a reprieve, since even with a running time that closes in on two hours, the film moves quickly and never slows down for anything beyond the most base and obvious types of character development. This is plotting at its most cliched, as we follow a rag-tag group of ethnically diverse marines, each with a hang-up or a past. We even get the aging staff sergeant (Aaron Eckhart) who’s just about to retire. Of course, he doesn’t, because Earth is suddenly invaded by a whole bunch of aliens intent on stealing our water and laying waste to everyone and everything.

Our marines head out and do heroic things while speaking in slogans, with occasional stops for machismo and some speechifying. It’s just the usual things you expect from a movie heavy on militarism. You could make an argument that the film is simply one long recruitment video for the U.S. military, except I doubt many people are signing up to go shoot at aliens (and if they are, God bless them).

Yes, it’s a corny, silly movie that attempts to take itself seriously, but what else does anyone expect from a story that exists within one of the corniest, silliest genres around, and one that’s never been more than matinee fodder. Since the film’s sole purpose is a lot of action and explosions and — even despite the nauseainducing shaky-cam work — Battle: Los Angeles fulfills these aims, but does little more beyond this. Rated PG-13 for sustained and intense sequences of war violence and destruction, and for language. reviewed by Justin Souther Playing at Carolina Asheville Cinema 14, Epic of Hendersonville, Regal Biltmore Grande, United Artists Beaucatcher Cinema 7

startingfriday CEDAR RAPIDS

See review in “Cranky Hanke”

LIMITLESS

From Neil Burger The Illusionist — the 2006 one) comes Limitless with Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro and Abbie Cornish. There’s not much on it yet review-wise, and the two reviews that are showing up are not the most credible. However, the studio (Relativity Media) assures us this is “an actionthriller about a writer who takes an experimental drug that allows him to use 100-percent of his mind. As one man evolves into the perfect version of himself, forces more corrupt than he can imagine mark him for assassination.” Now, even if you think Relativity Media would stoop to taradiddle, can you resist a movie where Robert De Niro plays an evil business mogul named Carl Van Loon?

(PG-13)

THE LINCOLN LAWYER

Director Brad Furman made a movie back in 2007 called The Take, which got little (if any) theatrical release. He’s back with the highly touted film of Michael Connelly’s novel The Lincoln Lawyer, which stars Matthew McConaughey as a lawyer, who — as the title suggests — works out his car.

Landing the case that could make him — defending a rich playboy (Ryan Phillippe) accused of rape and attempted murder — McConaughey’s charac-

ter finds himself involved in one of those webs of duplicity that this type of crime thriller runs on.

The early reviews are mostly from dubious sources, but the trades like it well enough on a “for what it is” basis. (R)

PAUL

Superbad and Adventureland director Greg Mottola teams with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (well, they wrote the story) in this sci-fi comedy about two UFO geeks who make a pilgrimmage to Roswell, only to find themselves befriending an alien named Paul (Seth Rogen). It’s a friendship that will naturally turn into a wild road trip for the duo and their new friend. Also on board are Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader. Early reviews are pretty good. (R) Early review samples: • “With great gags, lots of clever little moments and a winning, almost-human story at the center to leaven the big action sequences, the film should please devoted fans of the genre with its savvy attention to detail. But also it should appeal to those who generally can take or the leave the genre, which it treats with cheerful disrespect.” (Ray Bennett, Hollywood Reporter) • “Broader and more accessible than either Shaun Of The Dead or Hot Fuzz, Paul is pure Pegg and Frost — clever, cheeky and very, very funny.” (Chris Hewitt, Empire Magazine)

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nowplaying The Adjustment Bureau JJJJ

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Matt Damon, Emily Blunt, Terence Stamp, Anthony Mackie, Michael Kelly Romantic Sci-Fi Thriller A politician finds himself entangled with a host of supernatural operatives, whose job it is to ensure that destiny and fate go according to plan. The rarest of things: a science fiction film about ideas, but nevertheless a movie that lives and dies on how well you can buy into its thinking and its farfetched premise. Rated PG-13

Battle: Los Angeles JJJ

Aaron Eckhart, Ramon Rodriguez, Cory Hardrict, Bridget Moynahan, Ne-Yo Sci-Fi Action A group of marines help to fight off an alien invasion in Los Angeles. A generic mish-mash of sci-fi and war film that works on that simple basis, but offers little else. Rated PG-13

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Black Swan JJJJJ

Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel, Barbara Hershey, Winona Ryder Psychological Thriller/Horror The Story A ballerina in a Lincoln Center opera company lands the lead role in a production of “Swan Lake”—and the experience threatens her sanity. A rewarding, disturbing, full-blooded essay in psychological horror of a kind we rarely see—and one of the best films of 2010. Rated R

Cedar Rapids JJJJJ

Ed Helms, John C. Reilly, Anne Heche, Isiah Whitlock, Jr., Stephen Root, Alia Shawkat Comedy Innocent insurance agent Tim Lippe gets a lesson in life at an insurance convention in Cedar Rapids. By turns raunchy and charming, this unassuming little comedy is a breath of fresh air in its sweet-natured approach to its story and characters. Rated R

The Fighter JJJJ

Mark Wahlberg, Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Melissa Leo, Mickey O’Keefe, Jack McGee Biographical Boxing Drama The Story The real-life story of boxer “Irish” Mickey Ward and his rise to fame against all odds—including the help of his family. A good, creatively made boxing biopic that never breaks through into actual greatness, despite fine work from Mark Wahlberg and Amy Adams. Rated R

Gnomeo & Juliet JJJ

(Voices) James McAvoy, Emily Blunt, Michael Caine, Maggie Smith, Jim Cummings, Jason Statham Animated Gnome Movie The Story It’s Romeo and Juliet with garden gnomes. Really, what more do you need to know? Well, it’s pretty lame, too. Rated G

Hall Pass JJ

Owen Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, Jenna Fischer, Christina Applegate, Nicky Whelan Raunchy Comedy A couple of guys are given a week off of marriage by their wives, to sleep with whomever they please. A superfluous attempt at the old gross-out comedy that’s moderately painless—though never, ever good, since it’s such a dud. Rated R

Just Go with It JJ

Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker, Nick Swardson, Nicole Kidman, Dave Matthews Rom-Com a la Adam Sandler The Story A philandering plastic surgeon uses a

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wedding ring as part of his pick-up routine—until he falls in love and has to invent a soon-to-be-ex-wife for his girlfriend’s benefit or be branded a pig. Unfunny, unromantic and flat in the extreme. All the tired Sandler schtick is there, but the star himself seems to be sleepwalking through it. Rated PG-13

The King’s Speech JJJJJ

Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, Helena Bonham Carter, Guy Pearce, Derek Jacobi, Timothy Spall, Michael Gambon Historical Drama The story of Britain’s King George VI and his attempts—with the help of an unorthodox therapist—to overcome his speech impediment to become the wartime voice of his people. An improbable subject becomes a magnificently enjoyable and moving film experience that needs to be seen. Rated R

Mars Needs Moms JJ

Seth Green, Dan Fogler, Joan Cusack, Elisabeth Harnois, Mindy Sterling Animated Kiddie Flick When his mother is kidnapped by Martians, young Milo has to rescue her. A one-note premise is interminably dragged out in this unappealing-looking motion-capture kiddie fodder. Rated PG

Rabbit Hole JJJJJ

Nicole Kidman, Aaron Eckhart, Dianne Wiest, Miles Teller, Tammy Blanchard, Sandra Oh Drama The story of a couple coping with the death of their young child in an accident. An unusual—and unusually schmaltz-free—study in grief that’s distinguished by exceptional performances and sensitive direction. Rated PG-13

Rango JJJJJ

(Voices) Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin, Ned Beatty, Alfred Molina, Bill Nighy Movie Savvy Animated Comedy A stranded pet chameleon masquerades as a Wild West hero—and then has to live up to his story. Beautifully made, perfectly cast, fast-paced, very funny animated comedy blessed with weird and wonderful invention. Rated PG

Red Riding Hood JJ

Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Billy Burke, Shiloh Fernandez, Max Irons, Virginia Madsen, Julie Christie Tween/Teen Hormonal Twilight Knockoff “Little Red Hiding Hood” in Twilight clothing. Strong contender for dumbest and most unintentionally funny movie of 2011. Rated PG-13

True Grit JJJJJ

Jeff Bridges, Hailee Steinfeld, Matt Damon, Josh Brolin, Barry Pepper Western/Drama A young girl, a drunken U.S. Marshal and a self-satisfied Texas Ranger pursue the murderer of the girl’s father into Indian Territory. A stunner of an entertaining movie from the Coen Brothers—one of their best and one of the best films of the year. Rated PG-13

Unknown JJJ

Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger, January Jones, Aidan Quinn, Bruno Ganz Thriller A botanist traveling in Germany falls into a coma after a car accident, only to awaken and find that someone has assumed his identity. An occasionally entertaining thriller with a plot that falls apart under the simplest examination and a dull performance from Liam Neeson. Rated PG-13

Mars Needs Moms JJ

Director: Simon Wells (The Time Machine) Players: Seth Green, Dan Fogler, Joan Cusack, Elisabeth Harnois, Mindy Sterling Animated Kiddie Flick Rated PG

The Story: When his mother is kidnapped by Martians, young Milo has to rescue her.

The Lowdown: A one-note premise is interminably dragged out in this unappealing-looking motion-capture kiddie fodder.

Probably the most interesting thing about Mars Needs Moms is that it supposedly stars Seth Green, but what that means is another matter. You see, because the film was made in that ghastly motion-capture animation process, Green was able to act the role of Milo before being digitally turned into cartoon Milo, but because he wasn’t able to sound like a 9-year-old, Milo’s voice was dubbed by a real kid (Seth Dursky). This perhaps redefines what starring in a movie means. Then again, I’m not convinced of the actual box office value of Green’s name — something that may be answered by the film crashing and burning on opening weekend.

What really is there to say about the movie otherwise? The plot is thinner than single-ply toilet paper. Milo (Green/Dursky) ill-advisedly hurts Mom’s (Joan Cusack) feelings by saying his life would be better without her — only to find her being kidnapped by Martians to act as the source for “nanny-bots” to raise their hatchlings. Naturally, he has to rescue her. That’s about it, though it’s painfully padded out with other characters like Gribble (Dan Fogler), an earlier Mom-rescuing attemptee who ended up stranded on Mars, and whose frame of reference extends no further than Top Gun (1986) and Reagan. There’s also a revolutionary named Ki (TV actress Elisabeth Harnois), who learned all she knows from some ersatz 1960s sitcom with hippies. This is the level of invention.

I will note that a couple of 5-year-olds in the audience found it hysterically funny. Not being 5 years old, I merely found it perfunctory, mediocre and very, very tedious. I got more laughs out of Red Riding Hood. But then I remain completely perplexed by this fixation — mostly, it seems, by producer Robert

specialscreenings Close Up JJJJJ

Fraulein JJJJ

Director: Abbas Kiarostami Players: Hossain Sabzian, Mohsen Makhmalbaf, Mehrdad Ahankhah, Mohammad Ali Barrati

Director: Andrea Staka Players: Mirjana Karanovic, Marija Skancic, Ljubica Jovic, Andrea Zogg, Pablo Aguilar

Documentary Drama Rated NR When I first viewed Close Up, I wrote, “With the possible exception of the other films of Iranian filmmaker Abbas Kiariostami (with whom I am not familiar), you’re not likely to find anything much like Close Up, his 1990 offering. Apparently Kiarostami’s movies often take this same idiosyncratic approach: They’re documentary in nature, but not in execution — or at least not wholly.

Kiarostami takes a situation and examines it in a very untraditional manner by mixing interviews, actual documentary footage and dramatic recreations of the events using the real people involved. The results are frankly like nothing I’ve ever seen.” Well, I still haven’t seen anythiing like it — and it’s still worth a look. Full review here: http://www.mountainx.com/movies/review/ closeup.php reviewed by Ken Hanke Classic World Cinema by Courtyard Gallery will present Close Up at 8 p.m. Friday, March 18, at Phil Mechanic Studios (109 Roberts St., River Arts District, upstairs in the Railroad Library). Info: 2733332, http://www.ashevillecourtyard.com

Drama Rated NR Fraulein is really three-stars worth of movie elevated to four stars by the performance of Mirjana Karanovic. This is a Swiss-made film — made by a woman, Andrea Staka, of Bosnian and Croatian heritage — about refugees from the former Yugoslavia who have ended up in Geneva. The idea is to present a cross-section of ages — the middleaged Ruza (Karanovic), the young Ana (Marija Skarcic), the elderly Mila (Ljubica Jovic) — and how they deal with their refugee status. It’s an intriguing notion and a reasonably compelling movie (helped by a brief running time), but it never really digs very far beneath the surface.

It also tends toward generic storytelling conventions. Will the youthful enthusiasm of Ana break through the icy reserve of Ruza? What do you think? Karanovic manages to at least give the illusion of a real character — mostly through her physical acting — without much help from the screenplay. A good attempt, but one that falls short of its apparent goal. reviewed by Ken Hanke The Hendersonville Film Society will show Fraulein at 2 p.m.

Sunday, March 20, in the Smoky Mountain Theater at Lake Pointe Landing Retirement Community (behind Epic Cinemas), 333 Thompson St., Hendersonville.

mountainx.com • MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 71

filmsociety The Gay Divorcee JJJJJ

Director: Mark Sandrich (Top Hat) Players: Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Alice Brady, Edward Everett Horton, Erik Rhodes, Eric Blore Musical Comedy Rated NR Oh, I won’t deny that George Stevens’ Swing Time (1936) is a better film, and I know there are plenty who find Mark Sandrich’s own estimable Top Hat (1935) superior. But there’s a giddy freshness to this first Astaire-Rogers vehicle, The Gay Divorcee (1934), that those films lack. The story is no better than it has to be. Mimi Glossop (Rogers) and Guy Holden (Astaire) meet cute when her dithery Aunt Hortense (Alice Brady) closes a bit of Mimi’s dress in a steamer trunk at dockside. Naturally, he rips the dress trying to extricate it. He’s smitten, she’s not — or she pretends she’s not. As it turns out, Mimi is in need of a divorce and Hortense fixes her up with an old flame, Egbert “Pinky” Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton), for a lawyer. Egbert, of course, just happens to be Guy’s best friend, and takes Guy along to a seaside hotel where he’s arranged for Mimi to be “discovered” with a co-respondent, Rodolfo Tonetti (Erik Rhodes). Naturally, there’s a mix-up and Mimi thinks Guy is the paid faux adulterer.

Awkward romance — but romance all the same — ensues, mostly because Guy completely seduces her by dancing with her to “Night and Day.” Sure, it’s a romance that may work out only in the movies, but it certainly works better if you’re Astaire and Rogers. In addition, you get a huge production number, “The Continental,” which lasts a whopping 17-plus minutes.

No wonder it won the first Oscar for Best Song. reviewed by Ken Hanke The Asheville Film Society will screen The Gay Divorcee Tuesday, March 22, at 8 p.m. in the Cinema Lounge of The Carolina Asheville, and will be hosted by Xpress movie critics Ken Hanke and Justin Souther. Hanke is the artistic director of the Asheville Film Society.

Santa Sangre JJJJJ

Director: Alejandro Jodorowsky (El Topo) Players: Axel Jodorowsky, Blanca Guerra, Guy Stockwell, Thelma Tixou, Sabina Dennison, Adan Jodorowsky Transgressive Art House Horror Rated NR Praised by many (including Roger Ebert) and vilified by others, Alejandro Jodorowsky’s Santa Sange sits poised uneasily between the world of art house cinema and exploitation horror. Because its slasher horror content is occasionally so extreme, it originally earned an NC-17 rating — a rating that was later surrendered by the filmmakers in order to put back footage that had been trimmed to secure any kind of rating at all. In this — and in many other respects — the film earns its polarizing nature. There are scenes that are bound to offend everyone in the audience at one point or another, which is deliberate. A weird collaboration between Jodorowsky and Claudio Argento (brother of Italian horror director Dario Argento), the film is a mix of influences, including Luis Buñuel, Tod Browning, James Whale, Hitchcock, German Expressionism, John Waters and extremely gory splatter movies. But the film ultimately manages to be pure Jodorowsky — with everything that implies, including the uncertainty as to whether the filmmaker is really as wacko as he appears, or if it’s at least partly a contrived persona. Is the man a genius, a madman or a charlatan? My guess is that he’s a bit of all three.

What’s most alarming is that Santa Sangre is probably the most accessible of his films. reviewed by Ken Hanke The Thursday Horror Picture Show will screen Santa Sangre Thursday, March 17, at 8 p.m. in the Cinema Lounge of The Carolina Asheville and will be hosted by Xpress movie critics Ken Hanke and Justin Souther.

Zemeckis — with the whole motion-capture process. It has yet to result in characters who look even remotely like living human beings.

The faces are rubbery and the eyes are glazedover and dead looking. The effect is somewhere between an embalmed corpse and a zombie. The potential charm of a skillfully animated character is completely lost in the bargain. Unfortunately, for a movie that wants to assault your tear ducts with its message of appreciating your mom, so is all sense of humanity. Rated PG for sci-fi action and peril. reviewed by Ken Hanke Playing at Carmike 10, Carolina Asheville Cinema 14, Epic of Hendersonville, Regal Biltmore Grande

Red Riding Hood JJ

Director: Catherine Hardwicke (Twilight) Players: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Billy Burke, Shiloh Fernandez, Max Irons, Virginia Madsen, Julie Christie Tween/Teen Hormonal Twilight Knockoff Rated PG-13

The Story: “Little Red Hiding Hood” in Twilight clothing.

The Lowdown: Strong contender for dumbest and most unintentionally funny movie of 2011.

Another week, another children’s story reconfigured for hormonal youth. This one — “Little Red Hiding Hood” — comes from Catherine Hardwicke brought us Twilight in 2008, making her the godmother of hormonal horror. The value of such an accolade is dubious, but since Hardwicke shows little aptitude for filmmaking, it may be the best she can aspire to. I missed her much-praised indie Thirteen (2003), but presumably this made her the go-to director for teen angst — from skateboarders to the Virgin Mary to the mopey morbid to this newest troubledteen tripe. In her favor this time, she lays off the jittery-cam till she opts to use it for eavesdropper-point-of view. In the film’s favor, the imagery sometimes looks like a Pre-Raphaelite painting — or more probably a vintage Hammer horror movie. That may be intentional. It’s also a lot funnier than Beastly, the recent teen-aimed revamp of “Beauty and the Beast.” That probably isn’t intentional.

Why anyone thought this was a good idea, I don’t know. Back in 1941 The Wolf Man noted that

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“Little Red Riding Hood” was a werewolf story, but the studio behind it wasn’t dumb enough to actually pursue the concept. Sixty years later, we’re apparently ready for it. Well, whether or not we were, we got it. But what exactly did we get? You won’t believe me, but I’ll tell you anyway.

First off, there’s no Red Riding Hood. Instead, there’s this nature child called Young Valerie (Megan Charpentier) who cavorts in the woods with Young Peter (Dj Greenburg). Together, they trap a bunny rabbit and may or may not cut the animal’s throat. We can’t tell because the film leaps forward 10 years at this point and Valerie has turned into Amanda Seyfried while Peter has turned into occasional TV actor Shiloh Fernandez.

Even though Max is apparently the inventor of styling mousse, he is but an humble woodsman, and Valerie’s mother, Suzette (Virginia Madsen), is some kind of medieval social climber who wants her daughter to marry into money. In their little village — apparently made of Lincoln Logs with sharpened ends — this means marrying Henry (Max Irons, son of Jeremy), whose family must have a nicer hovel.

While Valerie tussles over which pseudo-hunky guy to marry, the village is dealing with the local werewolf, whom they usually placate with barnyard animals chained in the town square. But when the werewolf offs Valerie’s sister, the villagers get riled up and go hunt the beast in its lair, resulting in the death of Henry’s father and the slaying of a wolf. They apparently know buggerall about werewolves, since they think their troubles are over. Enter professional werewolf hunter Father Ambrose (Gary Oldman) — complete with ethnically diverse henchman and a giant rolling metal elephant/heretic crockpot — who tries to explain werewolves to the cretinous villagers.

They decide to hold a medieval rave — complete with a pantomime version of the yarn about the Three Little Pigs and the Big Bad Wolf (I am not making this up) — and that, of course, brings on the real CGI Twilight-ized, Buick-sized werewolf and no shortage of mayhem.

It gets no better, but it does get dumber and dumber as it sinks further and further into a story that makes less and less sense as it tangles itself up in more and more inconsistent “folklore.” I can’t decide whether a werewolf that communes telepathically with Valerie is a worse idea than dressing Valerie up in some kind of cheesy armadillo mask (I guess it’s supposed to be a pig) to leave her for the werewolf. I do know both are pretty funny, but then so is Valerie’s awkward and literal roll in the hay with Peter, the “Little Red Riding Hood” dream sequence with Grandma (Julie Christie), and the amazingly bad acting.

There’s no shortage of that last, though Seyfried probably takes the prize in a performance where her every emotion is conveyed by the extent to which her mouth hangs open. Even Oldman can’t do much with the material, though. His witch/ werewolf hunter isn’t a patch on Vincent Price in Witchfinder General (1968) or Michael Gothard in The Devils (1971). But they didn’t get to say, “Lock him up — in the elephant!” Rated PG-13 for violence and creature terror, and some sensuality. reviewed by Ken Hanke Playing at Carmike 10, Carolina Asheville Cinema 10, Epic of Hendersonville, Regal Biltmore Grande

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A USER FRIENDLY WEBSITE! • Luxury homes • Eco-Green Homes • Condos • Foreclosures.

(828) 215-9064.

AshevilleNCRealty.com COUNTRY LIVING 3BR, 912 sq.ft, 1 acre. Light, airy, tile floors kitcehn/bath/dining area. Full unfinished basement. Wraparound deck. $123,000.

30min/Asheville.

MLS#465167.

(828)628-6106. ncwoman123@hotmail.com 80JohnnyMarlowRd.com.

Out-Of-Town Property $69,000 • LIVE AND WORK • MOORESBORO 2 story studio/apartment including all kitchen appliances.

3,000 sqft. 1 hour to Asheville.

Call (803) 493-8734.

Kingr@comporium.net ARIZONA LAND LIQUIDATION, $99/mo., 1 & 2 1/2-Acre ranch lots. 1 hour from Tucson Int’l Airport. NO CREDIT CHECK! Guaranteed Financing, Money Back Guarantee.

(800) 631-8164 Code 4054 www.sunsiteslandrush.com (AAN CAN) OWN 20 ACRES, Only $129/mo. $13,900 near growing El Paso, Texas (safest city in America!) Low down, no credit checks, owner financing. Free map/pictures.

866-257-4555. www.sunsetranches.com (AAN CAN)

Heating & Cooling MAYBERRY HEATING AND COOLING Oil and Gas Furnaces • Heat Pumps and AC • Sales • Service • Installation. • Visa • MC • Discover.

Call (828) 658-9145.

Kitchen & Bath ACCESSIBUILT RESIDENTIAL REMODELING Custom bath and shower/tub conversion for safety and accessibility.

• 20 years experience. • insured. Reliable. • Free inspection/estimate. • Authorized Best Bath® dealer.(828) 283-2675. accessibuilt@ bellsouth.net

(Adapted from the Sierra Club website)

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jobs

Greener homes are in the spotlight these days, but what about the other places where many of us spend huge chunks of our time — our offices?

• Be bright about light: Artificial lighting accounts for 44 percent of the electricity use in office buildings. Turn off the lights when you’re leaving any room for 15 minutes or more, use natural light when you can, and buy ENERGY-STAR-rated light bulbs and fixtures, which use at least two-thirds less energy than regular ones.

• Maximize computer efficiency, since computers waste $1 billion worth of electricity a year. Turn off your computer — and the power strip it’s plugged into — when you leave for the day. During the day, setting your computer to go to sleep automatically during short breaks can cut energy use by 70 percent.

• Print smarter: The average office worker goes through 10,000 sheets of copy paper a year. Print on both sides, and use the backside of old documents for faxes, scrap paper, or drafts.

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home

improvement

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• Rethink your travel: Make it a habit to bike, carpool, or take the bus to work whenever possible. Ask whether telecommuting might be an option.

Painting

WNC Green Building Council www.wncgbc.com

FLOORED! CUSTOM PAINTED FURNITURE Old furniture not looking so great? Family portraits, famous people, cool themes... Get it done right on a coffee table, desk, you name it! 631-793-1115. stephanie@flooredart.com www.flooredart.com

General Services HOME WATER LEAKS A Problem? Excellent leak detection! Lasting correction! Experience!

References! Call 828-273-5271.

p.79

HEATING & AIR • PAINTING • REMODELING • KITCHENS & BATHS • LAWN & GARDEN

ATTENTION HOMEOWNERS

Check it out on page 78 this week!

mountainx.com

• MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011

• ROOFING & SIDING • WATERPROOFING

COMPACT COTTAGES ^ŵĂůů ŐƌĞĞŶ ĐŽƩĂŐĞƐ ƚŽ Įƚ Ăůů ďƵĚŐĞƚƐ ĂŶĚ ƐƚLJůĞƐ͘ ^ƟĐŬ ďƵŝůƚ ĂŶĚ ĨƵůůLJ ĐƵƐƚŽŵŝnjĂďůĞ͘

$699,000 • RANKINBEARDEN HOME This Griffin Award winning, historic landmark has 5BR, 5BA, high ceilings, spacious porches, an in-law suite, and • an income-producing apartment. On 0.43 landscaped acre with mountain and city views. • Only 3 blocks to downtown.

MLS#472201. Call Gray, 279-4058.

32ElizabethPlace.com

ALTERNATIVE INNOVATIVE SOLUTIONS: Alternative Innovative Solutions is locally owned and operated!

We specialize in Commercial/Residential Remodeling, Stone/Concrete work, and rental/Condo maintenance. Please call Bobby @ 828-699-3254 or Jeff @ 828-279-0882 hayesjhh9@gmail.com

FLOORING • FENCES • ELECTRICAL •

$237,500 • GARDEN OASIS 3BR, 2BA, 1716 sqft.

• 2 private flat acres. • Adjacent to 33 undeveloped acres! • Newer Farmhouse w/hardwood floors, stone fireplace, decks and garage.

Organic gardens. Swimming hole. • Ron Armstrong, (828) 210-4920, Keller Williams Professionals. http://ashevilleandbeyond .wufoo.com/forms/iwould-like-more-info-onmid-court-dr-please/

Top Ways to Go Green at Work

Construction

Homes For Sale

$116,900 2BR/1BA • 900 sq.ft. Recently remodeled with new roof, furnace.

Fenced yard, stone fireplace, maple cabinets, refrigerator, D/W, W/D. Adjacent .34 acre lot for $15,000. Taking all offers!

Realtors welcome (828) 253-0911.

About Green Living

Home Services

73

Handy Man

Financial

APPLIANCE ZEN • The best choice for appliance repair in Asheville. With over 12 years in appliance repair.

The choice is easy. Locally owned. Fast. Friendly.

Honest. • All brands washers, dryers, refrigerator, dishwasher, and small appliances. • Licensed. Insured. Bonded.

• Sabastian, 828-505-7670. www.appliancezen.com

AFFORDABLE TAX FILING I will save you money! • Efiling • Business • Individual. • 21 years professional experience.

Call (828) 252-6500.

Muriel Smith, Accountant.

HIRE A HUSBAND Handyman Services.

31 years professional business practices.

Trustworthy, quality results, reliability. $2 million liability insurance. References available. Free estimates. Stephen Houpis, (828) 280-2254.

RELIABLE REPAIRS! Quality work! All types maintenance/repair, indoor/outdoor. • Excellent water leak detection/correction! • Wind damaged shingle/roof repair! 38 years experience!

Responsible! Honest!

Harmonious! References!

Call Brad, you’ll be Glad!

(828) 273-5271.

Services

Education/ Tutoring HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA! Graduate in just 4 weeks!!

FREE Brochure. Call now. 1800-532-6546 Ext. 97 http://www.continentalacad emy.com (AAN CAN)

Computer CHRISTOPHER’S COMPUTERS • Computer Slow? Call Christopher’s Computers at 828-6709800 and let us help you with PC and Macintosh issues: networking, virus/malware removal, tutoring, upgrades, custombuilt new computers, etc.

ChristophersComputers.com PROFESSIONAL/AFFORDA BLE WEB DESIGN Would your business benefit from a website, or web update?

Contact Creative Media Solutions Inc. Prices from $1000-$2500. 828-7076640, creativemedia01@ gmail.com.

SKILLED COMPUTER TECH - REASONABLE RATES Desktop\Laptop\Home Networks, hardware\software issues, Spy-ware\Viruses removed.

Your computer will work like new. Good rates. Call\Email Bo 828-628-5686. bderchak@gmail.com

74

Commercial/Busi ness Rentals 1 MONTH FREE WITH CONTRACT 1550 Hendersonville Road • Beautifully decorated office space. Ready to move in. • High traffic, great visibility. • Ample parking at the door. • (828) 691-0586.

Home A&B CONSTRUCTION is a leader in quality, craftsmanship and dependability for a wide range of building services here in Western North Carolina and the Upstate of South Carolina. We specialize in cost-sensitive, client oriented, residential and commercial renovation/remodeling, new construction, and repair services. Please call 828258-2000 or visit our website at www.a-b-construction.com

1419 PATTON AVE. • 2,800 sq.ft. 8 exam rooms/offices.

Large reception/showroom.

Beautifully finished. $3,500/month.

828-281-8127.

DOWNTOWN OFFICE SUITE FOR RENT 1,150 sf renovated downtown office suite in historic building.

Lots of character, windows, skylights, fireplaces, hardwood floors. Upstairs facing Pritchard Park. $1,275/month. Available March 1. Call Patti: 828-254-5853 or 828-230-3210.

Landscaping LANDSCAPE SERVICE Maintenance, installations, and clean-ups. Competitive prices. Owner operated.

Call Jon 458-1243

Caregivers COMPANION • CAREGIVER • LIVE-IN Alzheimer’s experienced. • CarePartners Hospice recommended. • Nonsmoker, with cat, seeks live-in position. • References. • Arnold, (828) 273-2922.

Commercial Listings

Businesses For Sale MOBILE DOG GROOMING BUSINESS FOR SALE Profitable, 100 clients. Fully equipped van, excellent condition. Groomer software, client records.

Owner will help with transition. $95,000.

Inquiries: respond2avl@hotmail.com

OFFICE FOR RENT • 191 E Chestnut St. Beautifully restored Victorian house with off street parking. $625/month (unfurnished), $675/month (furnished).

Shared utilities, maintenance, ambiance music, shared receptionist/ telephone service.

Handicapped accessible.

Easy access to interstate and downtown. 6 month lease. 12 month preferred.

Call 258-2112.

SPACE FOR RENT • Near Sam’s Club (off Patton Ave.) in busy shopping center.

1,150 sq.ft. Suitable for office or retail. Call 828-231-6689.

SPACIOUS PRIVATE OFFICE • Large windows, downtown location. Share with other psychotherapist offering potential for referrals. Rent includes large shared waiting room, kitchen, parking, weekly cleaning. $496/month.

828-225-9800.

Rentals

Commercial Property

Apartments For Rent

ATTRACTIVE STONE COTTAGE • Suitable for arts/craft studio and residence. Several rooms, modern kitchen and bath.

Good east location near Warren Wilson College.

Reduced. $148,500. Owner 828 337-0873

1 GREAT APARTMENT • BLACK MOUNTAIN Nicely renovated bath, kitchen, 1BR, sunroom, dining room.

9’ ceilings. • Abundance of natural light. • Hardwood floors. Short walk to downtown. • $600/month includes heat, water, Wifi. • Smoke free. 280-5449.

HENDERSONVILLE. Urban flex space on historic 7th Ave. Live, work. 9,000 sq. ft. for only $349,000. Bank owned. G/M Property Group 828-281-4024,

MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 •

1-2-BR, 1-2BA SOUTH • 90 Beale St. Central heat/AC, dishwasher. $585$675/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com

1-3BR, 1-3BA NORTH • 265 Charlotte St. Hardwood floors, central A/C. $660$1,285/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com

2BR, 1BA DOWNTOWN • 68 N. French Broad Ave. Hardwood floors, central A/C. $785/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com

1BA/STUDIO • 85 Merrimon. Spring Special!

All utilities included. $600/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com

2BR, 1BA EAST • 1746 Tunnel Rd. Dishwasher, A/C. $595/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com

NEAR HAW CREEK • 3BR, 2BA single floor apartment for rent. Nice appliances, fans, heat pump, brick sidewalks, covered porch, extensive landscaping.

Quiet, upstairs unit in Maple Springs Villas duplex community. Available April 1st, $900/month. We love cats, sorry, no dogs.

828-299 7502.

2BR, 1BA EAST • 28 Hillendale. Sunporch, coinop laundry. $625/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com

UNFURNISHED 2BR, 1.5BA WEST ASHEVILLE • Water, garbage included.

Swimming pool onsite and on bus line. $725/month.

Call 828-252-9882.

2BR, 1BA NORTH • 501 Beaverdam. W/D hookups, pets ok. $565/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com

WEST-ACTON WOODS APTS • 2BR, 2BA, 1100 sq.ft. $800/month. Includes water and garbage pickup.

Call 253-0758.

Carver Realty.

1BR, 1BA HENDERSONVILLE • 51 Choctaw. Hardwood floors, sunroom. $645/month.

828-693-8069. www.leslieandassoc.com 1BR, 1BA HENDERSONVILLE • 825 4th Ave. Hardwood floors, off-street parking. $475/month.

828-693-8069. www.leslieandassoc.com 1BR, 1BA NORTH • 12 Golf.

Hardwood floors, cats ok. $$625/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com 1BR, 1BA NORTH • 346 Montford. Hardwood floors, coin-op laundry. $585/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com 1Br, 1BA NORTH • 37 Sunset. Porch, mountain and city views. $455$595/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com 1BR, 1BA NORTH • 82 Merrimon. Hardwood floors, heat included. $605/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com 2 BR, 1BA • In 1920’s craftsman style house in quiet neighborhood (off Merrimon). Recently painted and updated basement apartment. New stove, counters, carpet, lighting.

Patio and large backyard.

Shared W/D and extra storage on premises. No pets. No smoking. $645/month. One month security deposit and references required. email robert@hayloftfarm.com or call (828) 817-5200.

2BR, 1.5BA EAST • 532 Warren Wilson. Patio, pets ok. $720/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com 2BR, 1.5BA HENDERSONVILLE • 805 Wilken. Garage, W/D connections. $595/month.

828-693-8069. www.leslieandassoc.com 2BR, 1BA CENTRAL • 15 Grindstaff. Great location, off-street parking. $595/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com

mountainx.com

2BR, 1BA NORTH • 87 Wild Cherry. Carport, W/D hookups. $635/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com 2BR, 1BA NORTH • 198 Kimberly. Patio, heat included. $750/month. www.leslieandassoc.com 2BR, 1BA NORTH • 20 Brookedale. Deck, storage unit. $595/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com 2BR, 1BA SOUTH • 1020 Hendersonville Rd. Central heat and A/C. Storage unit. $625/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com 2BR, 1BA • North, 403 Charlotte. $850. Hardwood Floors, Patio.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com 2BR, 2BA ARDEN • 216 Weston. Garage, central A/C and heat pump.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com ADJACENT TO UNCA • NORTH ASHEVILLE Fully furnished apartment, 1BR, 1BA, $700/month plus deposit. • Includes all utilities, AC, CCTV, Internet.

Private parking.

(828) 253-9697.

LIVE ON THE RIVER! • EAST 2BR, 2BA, all appliances, including WD. • Large closets, storage.

Covered parking. • Covered porch. Open deck. Great views! • Quiet and convenient. • Pets considered. $695/month.

828-779-2736.

MONTFORD • Charming furnished 1BR apt. Queen, TV, wifi, W/D, D/W, A/C, water. You pay only electric.

Deposit. References. $750/month. 828-3017707, 828-255-2483.

Condos/ Townhomes For Rent 1BR CONDO • HISTORIC KRESS BUILDING $1270/month includes water/trash. Original hardwood floors, video entry system, 15’ ceilings, workout room on rooftop, stackable Bosch washer/dryer. Please call (828)670-9772.

2BR CONDO • HISTORIC KRESS BUILDING $1700/month includes water/trash. Original hardwood floors, video entry system, 15’ ceilings, workout room on rooftop, stackable Bosch washer/dryer. Please call (828) 670-9772.

2BR, 1BA WEST ASHEVILLE • Quiet neighborhood close to parks and downtown. Vaulted ceilings, W/D, A/C window unit. Front and back porches. No pets. $795/month.

828-551-0004.

DOWNTOWN ASHEVILLE Lexington Station 1BR, secure parking, hardwoods, granite, stainless, washer/dryer, Jacuzzi tub, balcony. • Right outside: Restaurants, coffee shops, art galleries, live music, etc. $1000/month. Call (828) 273-6082.

NEAR AIRPORT • 2BR, 1.5BA. Hardwoods and carpet, heat pump.

Convenient to everything. $800/month. Call 2530758. Carver Realty.

WEST ASHEVILLE CANTERBURY HEIGHTS • 44 Beri Dr. Updated 2BR 1.5BA. Split level condo, 918 sqft. Fully applianced kitchen. Pool, fitness room. $700/month. Security Dep. Application Fee. Mike 919-624-1513.

Homes For Rent

1 GREAT HOUSE • LAKESHORE DRIVE 3BR, 2BA, North Asheville, very nice neighborhood. Newer kitchen, fireplace, Bonus Room, WD connections. • Fenced backyard, Hot tub. $1200/month. References.

Lease/deposit. • Pets considered.

(828) 216-8181.

2BR HOUSE WITH AMAZING VIEW. Large open kitchen/living area.

French doors give great views overlooking upper Herron Cove in Weaverville.

Lower level for storage or workshop. Large deck.

Quiet, rural setting yet only 15 minutes from downtown Asheville. Off of I26 exit 21.

1 1/3 acres Large deck.

Heat pump for heat and AC, Wood stove for the soul. $975/month.

828-230-9473.

2BR, 1BA • Near Biltmore Village. Renovated. W/D hookup, all appliances.

Central A/C, gas furnace.

Hardwoods and ceramic tile. Wrap-around covered porch. $835/month + security. 828-230-2157.

3 BEDROOM • 2 BATH • HIGH VISTA South of Asheville, On golf course.

Gated. Hardwoods, Bonus above garage. Amenities available. $1950/month.

(828) 776-1118. www.bassandroyster.com 3BR, 2.5BA • Split level living. 1,800 sq.ft. heated space. 2-car garage.

Fireplace with gas logs. 0.4 acre fenced lot, welllandscaped front yard. Heat pump. Quiet neighborhood.

2.8 miles from Patton Ave. $925/month.

Call 828-231-6689.

3BR, 2BA • Fletcher, 607 Woodberry, $995. Garage, Fenced Yard.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com 4BR, 3BA NORTH • 161 Chatham. Central heat and A/C, large deck. $$1,425/month.

828-253-1517. www.leslieandassoc.com ALWAYS GREAT RESPONSE “I advertise my rental properties in Mountain Xpress because of the quality and quantity of great calls it produces!” Pauline T., Asheville. • You too can find quality renters! Call 251-1333, Mountain Xpress Classified Marketplace.

BLACK MOUNTAIN • Small 1BR, 1BA cottage in good neighborhood. Excellent condition, energy efficient, hardwood floors, private yard. No smoking. $650/month. 828-298-3933 COTTAGE • MONTFORD 2BR, 1BA. Cute, small 2 story. Includes stove/fridge, washer, water. Gardens. Off street parking. Quiet neighborhood. Walk downtown/UNCA. No pets. $650/month, $650 deposit.

References. (828) 2812357.

MARSHALL FARMHOUSE Renovated farmhouse on 30 Acre Farm with creek, garden, and chicken coop.

Wood stove heat. Private setting with outdoor shower.

30 minutes to Asheville. 1 year lease. benrip@gmail.com (828) 380 0841. Email for pictures NICE FULLY FURNISHED HOME AVAILABLE • Weekly or up to 3 months.

2BR, 2BA, 30 ft. screened porch. Call 828-768-2241.

WEST 2BR, 1BA • On 10 acres, full basement, part fenced. Pets ok. $800/month. Call 2530758. Carver Realty.

Vacation Rentals A BEACH HOUSE AT FOLLY 20 minutes from historic downtown Charleston, SC. • The legendary dog-friendly Rosie’s Ocean View and Kudzu’s Cottage, across the street from the beach!Visit www.kudzurose.com or call (404) 617-1146.

APRIL/MAY SPECIAL • FOLLY BEACH! Locally owned. • Great dog friendly house across from beach.

Spacious, sunny, multiple decks and porches, fenced yard. • Special rates for April and May: • 2BR, 2BA: $200/night, $1225/week; • 5BR, 3BA: $250/night, $1575/week plus cleaning.

Reservations/Information: (828) 775-3746 or emcloughlin@cs.com BEAUTIFUL LOG CABIN Sleeps 5, handicap accessible. Near Warren Wilson College, Asheville, NC. (828) 231-4504 or 2771492. bennie14@bellsouth.net

jobs Short-Term Rentals ATTENTION EXECUTIVES â&#x20AC;˘ HOUSEHUNTERS Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t spend $90/night for a tiny hotel room! â&#x20AC;˘ $50/day = 1300 sqft completely equipped (just bring your bags) apartment. â&#x20AC;˘ 1-3 month rentals. â&#x20AC;˘ 15 minutes from downtown. â&#x20AC;˘ 1-2 nonsmoking persons. â&#x20AC;˘ See us on Facebook: Asheville Hideaway. 258-8539 or 713-3380. www.ashevillehideaway.n etfirms.com SUMMER RENTAL ASHEVILLE Available 6/168/16. Bright and sunny furnished townhouse. Price is $750/month includes internet and all bills. Dates flexible. Susan 828-7136902.

WEST ASHEVILLE URBAN FARM â&#x20AC;˘ Looking for housemates. $300$400/month + approx. $35 utilities. We are within an easy brisk walk to West Asheville center and within a 1/4 mile of I-240 exit 2.

We are looking for several housemates who are willing to commit to a year lease as well as a 6 month lease.

We have a two bedroom house and a private, smaller apartment separate from the house surrounded by a half acre lot with extensive vegetable garden space. We are excited to share our home with folks that are willing to communicate and cooperate with their housemates. If you are at all interested in vegetable gardening you are in for a special treat. We also have extensive flower gardens, and perennial fruits plantings. Sorry, no dogs but chickens, ducks and catfish will be considered.

Please contact Bill, 713 2424.

http://www.westwoodcohou sing.com

Employment

Wanted to Rent RESPONSIBLE ARTIST Moving to Asheville area.

Wants spacious rural rental home. $450-$525. 3 outdoorsy cats. Clean, quiet.

Susan: (252) 331-3980.

Roommates ALL AREAS ROOMMATES.COM. Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http://www.Roommates.co

General $$$HELP WANTED$$$ Extra Income! Assembling CD cases from Home! No Experience Necessary! Call our Live Operators Now! 1800-405-7619 EXT 2450 http://www.easyworkgreatpay.com (AAN CAN) CAB DRIVERS Needed at Blue Bird; call JT 258-8331.

Drivers needed at Yellow Cab; call Buster at 2533311.

DELIVERY DRIVER Asheville based produce company now hiring drivers to deliver in local area. Good driving record. Call 255-7630.

Mountain Food Products.

m. (AAN CAN) ROOMMATES.COM â&#x20AC;˘ Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of a mouse!

Visit http://www.roommates.com . (AAN CAN)

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES â&#x20AC;˘ Call (828) 225-6122 or visit: biltmore.com

HIRE QUALITY EMPLOYEES â&#x20AC;&#x153;Our employment advertisements with the Mountain Xpress garner far more educated and qualified applicants than any other publication we have used. The difference is visible in the phone calls, applications and resumes.â&#x20AC;?

Howard Stafford, Owner, Princess Anne Hotel. â&#x20AC;˘ Thank you, Howard. Your business can benefit by advertising for your next employee in Mountain Xpress Classifieds. Call 251-1333.

LOCAL WHOLESALE COMPANY â&#x20AC;˘ Is looking for full-time help in our shipping and receiving department. Position is mainly pulling product from the warehouse, packing it and shipping it through FedEx to fulfill customer orders. We use Quickbooks and Excel to keep track of

PAID IN ADVANCE â&#x20AC;˘ Make $1,000 a Week mailing brochures from home!

Guaranteed Income! FREE Supplies! No experience required. Start Immediately! www.homemailerprogram.n et (AAN CAN)

inventory, experience with those programs is helpful but can be taught to the computer literate. Interested parties must be self

PAID IN ADVANCE â&#x20AC;˘ Make $1,000 a Week mailing brochures from home!

Guaranteed Income! FREE Supplies! No experience required. Start Immediately! www.homemailerprogram.n et (AAN CAN) PHONE ACTRESSES FROM HOME. BEST PAY OUTS, BUSY SYSTEM, BILINGUAL/SP A+.

Weekends a must! Land Line / Good Voice 1-800403-7772. LIPSERVICE.NET (AAN CAN) RECEPTIONIST/RESERVATI ON MINISTRY ASSISTANT (PART TIME) Part time various hours/days as needed. Communicate warmth and professionalism; answer multiple phone lines; computer proficient w/ excellent organizational skills. Resumes to FBCA Attn: J. Carlton 5 Oak Street Asheville, NC 28801 or Email file to jcarlton@fbca.net.

motivated, focused, reliable and have a pleasant disposition. Good attention to detail is an absolute must, as is the ability to keep up a fast pace.

Prospective candidates must be able to lift packages up to 50 lbs. We offer competitive salary, health benefits, and paid time off days as well as friendly and comfortable

Skilled Labor/ Trades

Administrative/ Office

ENERGY SERVICES TECHNICIAN I Recruiting for a skilled and energetic Energy Services Technician I to work with our Weatherization Program to perform skilled technical work that improves the safety and energy-efficient operations of residential buildings. â&#x20AC;˘ Requirements: Some college with courses in basic carpentry, industrial work or environmental science preferred, or 2 years of work experience, preferably in heating and cooling, or other trade such as (plumber, electrician, HVAC Specialist) or related occupation. BPI Certificate Preferred; High school graduate or GED required.

Basic knowledge of computers and keyboarding skills. Ability to carry out air sealing measures including: mobile home belly repair, caulking, weather-stripping, repair/sealing ducts, installing insulation in attics, knee walls, sidewalls, water heaters, furnace ducts and water pipes. Replace thermostats and install carbon monoxide/smoke detectors and CFLs. Repairs or replaces windows as required by standards and individual unit. Ability to communicate with customers about plans and activities, energy savings measures performed on the home and how to reduce energy bill. Makes roof and incidental repairs to facilitate the installation of materials such as drywall, lumber and glass. Ability to use a variety of standard hand and electric tools including pry bar, hammer, utility knife, chisel, painters tools, tin snips, tape measure, cordless drill, circular saw, speed square, ladder etc. Also set up, use and interpret reading from blower door. â&#x20AC;˘ Must possess a valid North Carolina driverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s license; and pass drug and background checks. Salary Range: $15./hour. to $20.68/hour. â&#x20AC;˘ Send resume along with cover letter, work references and telephone numbers to: Human Resources Manager, 25 Gaston Street, Asheville, NC 28801. Selected applicants will be contacted for an interview. Open until filled. EOE and DFWP.

ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT â&#x20AC;˘ FULL-TIME Seeking a polished and experienced person to perform a variety of administrative tasks for a commercial real estate office. Must be a good communicator, have a diplomatic style, and be comfortable on the phone and with last minute requests. While the position works mostly within the office, some business and personal errands are also required. Knowledge of commercial real estate a plus. Send cover letter and salary requirements to lara@ spakerealestate.com FT COMMUNICATIONS COORDINATOR â&#x20AC;˘ Needed for large, liberal church. $15/hr plus benefits. Must demonstrate skill and experience producing print and electronic publications, web development and maintenance, graphic design. Resumes to: administration@uuasheville. org ONLYâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;no phone calls or drop ins. DEADLINE March 21.

FULL TIME PROGRAM ADMINISTRATOR â&#x20AC;˘ ChiLiving, Inc. Duties include: â&#x20AC;˘ Instructor Program and Corporate Events Administration â&#x20AC;˘ Customer Service/ Office support/ Web supportRequired Skills: â&#x20AC;˘ Previous administrative experience required, event planning experience would be a great asset â&#x20AC;˘ Meticulous attention to detail. Excellent writing and communication skills â&#x20AC;˘ Strong computer skillsPlease see our website www.chirunning.com for information about our vibrant company. View full job description and more information here: http://www.chiliving.com/ab out/chi-team/careers/

Salon/ Spa

Retail

STYLIST â&#x20AC;˘ MANICURIST NEEDED Experience preferred, in North Asheville salon. Organic color line, perms and products. â&#x20AC;˘ Less toxic environment on all levels. Call 505-3288, ask for Alissa or email resume to info@waterlilysalon.com

CUSTOMER SERVICE POSITION Available fulltime. Customer service experience necessary. Call Kelly: 253-6233. Asheville Pool and Patio.

Sales/ Marketing SENIOR SALES EXECUTIVE ASSOCIATES â&#x20AC;˘ Arrange new business meetings for top executives throughout the U.S. Fully equipped, quiet home office required.

Detailed, persistent, selfmotivated with good communication, phone, typing and dbase entry skills essential. VP, Sales or Account Management experience preferred.

Minimum BA. Starting $20/hr + commission for 15-30 hrs/wk. Send resume/bio by e-mail only to: bsmith@clientlinksales.com

Restaurant/ Food APOLLO FLAME â&#x20AC;˘ WAITSTAFF Full-time and part-time needed. â&#x20AC;˘ Fast, friendly atmosphere. â&#x20AC;˘ Apply in person between 2pm-4pm, 485 Hendersonville Road.

274-3582.

BACCHUS BISTRO IS HIRING Bacchus Bistro in downtown Marshall is hiring. We have openings for a full-time experienced Line Cook, Prep Cook, Dishwasher and Servers.

Please send resumes to scott@amg.vi or call (828) 649-0000.

SERVERS Now hiring. Apply in person: 2 Hendersonville Road, Biltmore Station, Asheville. 252-7885.

Ichiban Japanese Steak House

RECEPTIONIST/LEGAL ASSISTANT Full-time in downtown Asheville law firm. Duties include phone and lobby reception, clerical tasks and legal case management tasks. Submit resume and salary requirements to Jeff Stahl at jstahl@dunganlaw.com â&#x20AC;˘ No telephone calls please.

work environment. No phone calls, please! Please email resume to jamesm@allfungifts.com or fax to 828-236-2658

Medical/ Health Care

NOW HIRING

Earn $65k, $50k, $40k GM, Co-Manager, Assistant Manager We currently have managers making this and need more for expansion.

One year restaurant management experience required.

Fax resume to 336-431-0873

mountainx.com

CARE MANAGEMENT COORDINATOR FOR COMMUNITY CARE OF WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA This full-time position is in Asheville and will work closely with our Care Management Director in shaping and leading the Care Management team.

RN required, with at least a BSN preferred. Minimum of 5 years management experience, previous care management experience and experience with electronic charting and/or an Electronic Health Record system required.

Commercial payer experience, excellent verbal and written communication skills, and strong interpersonal skills also required. Send resume to hr@ccwnc.org or fax to 828-259-3875 EXPERIENCED LPN/RN/MEDICAL ASSISTANT Great Family Practice in Asheville seeking for full-time or part-time position. â&#x20AC;˘ Please send resume to: medofficesearch@ gmail.com

1BSU 5JNF 5IFSBQJTU +PC 0QFOJOH Four Circles Recovery Center, a wilderness substance abuse recovery program for young adults, is seeking a part time licensed Therapist to deliver clinical care to clients and families in recovery in a way that maximizes independence and family empowerment. Duties include client care and treatment planning, individual, family, and group therapy, crisis intervention, psycho-education and case management. A Masterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Degree or PhD in a behavioral health discipline and Licensure in behavioral health required. Must have strong clinical and interpersonal skills, strong organizational skills and excellent written and verbal communication skills. Wilderness experience preferred. Please send all inquiries to

KPCT!GPVSDJSDMFTSFDPWFSZ DPN â&#x20AC;˘ MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011

75

Human Services

We are seeking motivated, outgoing and dynamic people to join our teams as Sales Photographers. While experience in digital photography is a plus, it is not mandatory.

Customer Service or Retail Sales experience or aptitude is required. We provide the equipment and tools; you are in charge of your own success.

BILINGUAL THERAPIST • Families Together Inc is now hiring for a Bilingual Therapist and Qualified Professional to provide Intensive In Home Services with our Latino population in Western North Carolina. • Qualified Candidates must be provisionally licensed or licensed therapist, or have a

Interested applicants apply at www.sharpshooterimaging. com/employment Keyword Search Biltmore or 1814.

Bachelors degree and minimum of 2-4 years of experience working in mental health with children and families. www.familiestogether.net

SUPERVISORY STAFF Families Together Inc. is now hiring supervisory staff.

Qualified candidates must be a Qualified Professional and have a supervisory experience in the mental health field. Families Together provides a positive, supportive team atmosphere, with benefits and team culture. www.familiestogether.net WILDERNESS THERAPY PROGRAM • Field Staff: Following training, facilitate safety and implement treatment plan designed by group therapist for teens struggling with emotional and behavioral issues. Staff work week on/week off in the woods of North Georgia.

• Qualifications: 21 plus, CPR and First Aid certified, experience with backpacking and adolescents, willingness to commit 8 months, WFR recommended. • Benefits: Health/Dental, Bonus, Salary Increases with Level. • Training: April 8-14. • Contact: Andy or Tyson, Second Nature Blue Ridge.

(706) 212-2037. www.snwp.com

Join Our Web Team!

Mountain Xpress is on a mission to empower our community using new media.

We want to build awesome tools to make this happen. Do you have the ideas and web skills to help get us there? Know someone who does?

If so, we want to hear from you.

Skills needed: HTML, CSS, Javascript are needed, PHP and knowledge of Expression Engine would be a big bonus.

Our web team is growing. As part of this team, you will be a central player in creating new initiatives to serve the WNC community.You will be working to bring multimedia, social media and communication tools to not only Xpress journalists, but the community as a whole.

Send cover letter, resume, links to your work, references and any questions you may have to webmaster@mountainx.com

www.mountainx.com 76

MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011 •

mountainx.com

THE MEDIATION CENTER • Is seeking a dynamic leader to coordinate Changing Together, a county-wide gang violence prevention collaborative. The mission of the Mediation Center is to create opportunity from conflict. Please see job description and application instructions at www.mediatebuncombe.org /openings.

DIRECTOR OF PROVIDER RELATIONS Smoky Mountain Mental Health for MH, SA and Intellectual Developmental Disabilities LME. A progressive Regional Management Entity preparing to become a public sector managed care organization serving 15 counties in Western North Carolina is currently accepting applications for the Director of Provider Relations; the successful candidate will join a dynamic team in the development and implementation of a 1915b(c) Medicaid Waiver.

Provider Relations Director: The Provider Relations Director will manage and oversee the development and maintenance of the provider network in all disability areas to include MH/I/DD/SA Services. These services, provided over a fifteen county area, are highly varied and provided to a complex and at risk client population. The Provider Relations Director will be responsible for: establishing priorities, and the development and implementation of operational policies and procedures. • This position is responsible for assuring access to needed services, monitoring, penetration and responding to need through an active network management. • Requirements: Licensed Clinician with five years of combined experience in clinical, network operations, provider relations and management experience.

Professional experience in all areas of Mental Health, Substance Abuse and Intellectual, Developmental Disabilities is preferred. • For more information please visit the smoky mountain center LME website: www.smokymountaincenter. org • Post offer/preemployment drug testing will be conducted. Send a NC State Application and Resume to the Department of Human Resources, Smoky Mountain Center, 44 Bonnie Lane SYLVA, NC 28779. AA/EOE

AVAILABLE POSITIONS •

MAKE A DIFFERENCE NC

MERIDIAN BEHAVIORAL

Mentor is offering free

HEALTH Haywood County:

informational meetings to

Case Manager (QMHP)

those who are interested in

Recovery Education Center: Must have mental health degree and two years of experience working with adults with mental illness.

Please contact Jon Esslinger, jon.esslinger

becoming therapeutic foster parents. The meetings will be held on the 2nd Tuesday 6:30pm-7:30pm (snacks provided) and 4th Friday 12pm-1pm (lunch

@meridianbhs.org Clinician

provided). • If you are

Recovery Education

interested in making a

Center Must have Master’s

difference in a child’s life,

degree and be license-

please call Nicole at (828)

eligible. Please contact Jon

696-2667 ext 13 or e-mail

Esslinger, jon.esslinger

Nicole:

@meridianbhs.org

nicole.toto@thementornetw

Cherokee County:

ork.com. • Become a

Clinician Assertive

Therapeutic Foster Family.

Community Treatment

• Free informational

Team: Must have Master’s degree and be licenseeligible. Please contact

meeting. NC Mentor. 120C Chadwick Square Court, Hendersonville, NC 28739.

Patty Bilitzke, patricia.bilitzke

NON-PROFIT SEEKS

@meridianbhs.org

DEVELOPEMENT

Registered Nurse (RN)

DIRECTOR Homeward

Assertive Community

Bound seeks Development

Treatment Team: Must have four years of psychiatric nursing experience. Please contact Patty Bilitzke, patricia.bilitzke @meridianbhs.org

PARKWAY BEHAVIORAL HEALTH Openings for the following positions: • Full time opening for a CST Team Leader.

Eligible candidates must have a Masters Degree and be licensed or license-eligible within 2 years. Candidates should have experience working with adult MH/SA. Some management experience would be helpful. • Full time position for a licensed or provisionally licensed clinician to provide adult substance abuse individual and group services. The position requires 2 evenings per week.

Candidates should have experience providing SAIOP and other group services. Free supervision provided for licensure. • Parkway is an excellent, stable company and offers competitive salaries, excellent benefits, medical insurance, PTO, free Supervision and CEUs for Licensure/Certification and much more for full time staff. Send resume to: slayton@ parkwaybh.com

Director. Related experience

Caregivers/ Nanny NANNY • PART-TIME The ideal candidate will be detail oriented, able to

in fundraising for homeless

prioritize care of 1 toddler

or housing issues required.

while completing home

Contact brian@hbofa.org.

keeping tasks, and enjoy

www.hbofa.org

the company/responsibility

• For further information

OVER NIGHT SUPPORT •

of both children and dogs. •

and to complete an

CooperRiis has an

Please email resumes to

application, visit our website: www.meridianbhs.org

immediate need to fill an

holli@

Over Night Support position at its Asheville campus.

Position is Part-Time, approximately 27 hours per week; Thurs thru Sat nights

spakerealestate.com

Employment Services

from 10pm-7am. Applicants should be reliable, FAMILY PRESERVATION SERVICES OF ASHEVILLE is seeking an LCSW to

UNDERCOVER SHOPPERS

empathic, and generally

Get paid to shop. Retail and

interested in improving the

dining establishments need

lives of individuals suffering

undercover clients to judge

provide individual and group

from mental health

therapy to adult MH

challenges. Interested

consumers at the Recovery

individuals should submit a

Education Center. Email

resume and cover letter to

$100/day. Please call 1-

csimpson@fpscorp.com

hr@cooperriis.org

800-720-0576.

quality and customer service. Earn up to

Arts/Media DYNAMIC GRAPHIC DESIGN POSITION- FULL TIME (ASHEVILLE, NC AREA) Dynamic Graphic Design Position- Full Time (Asheville, NC Area) Our firm is seeking a highly motivated creative graphic design artist to work within a close-knit creative team.

In this role you will be responsible for creating graphic design work as well as assisting with production art needs. You should be proficient in Adobe illustrator and Photoshop.

You should have exposure to Macintosh computers.

The ideal candidate would be resourceful, enthusiastic and innovative. We are a full service creative based company working with many high profile clients.

Some exposure to licensed properties would be helpful.

Screen-printing knowledge is also a plus. 1 to 3 years of experience is preferred.

Ability to work in a fast paced environment required. Salary will be based on experience. The employment package would include a comprehensive health plan with dental and optical care. This will be a very rewarding experience with high growth potential for the right candidate. To apply please send us an email containing the following items…1. A brief note explaining why you are the perfect person to fill this position 2. Your resume. 3. A link to online samples of your work or digital portfolio. If you are the right fit you will be called in for an interview. Please contact Greg Williamson at… gwilliamson@tiltworks.com gwilliamson@tiltworks.com MEDIA MANAGEMENT/PUBLICIST Firm Nineteen Media Relations - Candidate will be writing and pitching stories that relate to the newest technology in a very fast paced environment and should have experience in journalism or communications. Send writing sample to billing@firm19.com.

Teaching/ Education MADISON COUNTY SCHOOL SYSTEM • FullTime Occupational Therapist Exceptional Children’s Program. 10-months employment. Qualifications and Requirements: Initial certification by National Board of Certification of Occupational Therapy. Must hold current license by the NC Board of Occupational Therapy. Experience in public schools preferred.

Student assessments and screenings. Direct services to students. Assist Individual Education Plan (IEP) Teams Analyze and interpret information to make recommendations regarding the need for Occupational Therapy services. Other duties as assigned by the Superintendent, EC Director, or designee. • Full-time Speech Language Therapist Exceptional Children’s Program. 10 months employment. Qualifications and Requirements: Must hold NC license as a Speech Language Pathologist. Experience in public schools preferred.

Student assessments and screenings. Direct services to students. Consultative services for EC teachers and staff. Write Individual Education Plans and attend meetings. Analyze and interpret information to make recommendations regarding the need for speech language services.

Other duties as assigned by the Superintendent, EC Director, or designee. • Interim Part-Time Homebound Teacher Exceptional Children’s Program - Hot Springs Elementary School. Salary: Based on State Salary Schedule for Teachers – Hourly Rate Qualifications and Requirements: Certification in Exceptional Children’s Area. Experience in multiple core academic subjects preferred. Ability to travel for homebound instruction. Other duties as assigned by Superintendent, EC Director, or designee.

Applications may be obtained from and submitted to: Tanya Jussila, Personnel Director 5738 US Hwy 25-70 Marshall, NC 28753 828-649-9276 ext.

232. tjussila@madison.k12.nc.us Madison County Board of Education is an equal opportunity employer and does not discriminate based upon race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or age in its programs or activities

Business Opportunities LAND FOR LEASE 40 acres of private owned property for lease. Prefer those interested in organic farming or other type of agricultural venture.

828-279-8264

Announcements PREGNANT CONSIDERING ADOPTION? • Talk with caring agency specializing in matching birthmothers with families nationwide • Living expenses paid. Call 24/7 • Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions • 1-866-4136293. (AAN CAN) PROFESSIONAL HANDSOME (NONSEXUAL) COMPANIONS Ladies can’t find any good men out there? We are a female owned agency providing male companionship for hiking, dinner, dancing, and good conversation. Quality, conscious, handsome men to spend time with.

989-9811. tantranow@hotmail.com

Mind, Body, Spirit

HENDERSONVILLE THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE CENTER Space for rent in reputable massage center.

Looking for an LMBT or other alternative healing practitioners. StaceyKeever, LMBT skeeverlmbt@yahoo.com facebook (828)606-6948 INTRODUCTION TO YIN YOGA • Gentle stretches and breathwork to release chronic held stress, progressive relaxation, and guided meditation. Sat. 3/19 10-11:30am. $10 Call to register 707-0988. tamisbliss.com 70 woodfin pl #320 MASSAGE/MLD Therapeutic Massage.

Manual Lymph Drainage.

Lymphedema Treatment. $45/hour or sliding scale for financial hardship. 17+ years experience. 828-2544110. NC License #146. www.uhealth.net

Natural Alternatives REMOTE ENERGY HEALING Repair tears in energy field, charge chakras, remove negative energy, toxins, static electrics, heavy metals. Restore Physical body frequencies. Psychic clearing.

ACamurlu@gmail.com 973.931.7137 (AAN CAN)

Bodywork Musicians’ Xchange

AUDIO/CD MASTERING • Unrivaled in WNC/Upstate. • Local • Affordable • Experienced • Professional • Expertly Equipped. Call (828) 442-6211 or (828) 724-1500. www.blantonemusic.com LAKEHOUSE MUSIC Asheville’s only non-profit Recording Studio. • Recording • Mixing • Mastering • Video Production • Management • Marketing • Rehearsal Space. (828) 242-3573. pete@lakehousemusic.org

Pets for Adoption Pet Services KITTENS LOOKING FOR A LOVING HOME - Approx. 5 months old - Both maleAre current on all vaccinations - Would love to go together, but can go individually to good homes.

ASHEVILLE PET SITTERS Dependable, loving care while you’re away.

Reasonable rates. Call Sandy Ochsenreiter, (828) 215-7232.

These little guys are extremely friendly, loving, playful and social. They are very eager to find their forever homes. If interested, please call Marylin Christian @ 684-6779.

R.E.A.C.H. Your Regional Emergency Animal Care Hospital. Open MondayFriday, 5pm-8am and 24 hours on Weekends and Holidays. • 677 Brevard Road. (828) 665-4399. www.reachvet.com

Equipment For Sale

#1 AFFORDABLE COMMUNITY CONSCIOUS MASSAGE CENTER • 1224 Hendersonville Road.

Asheville. $29/hour. • 15 Wonderful Therapists to choose from. Therapeutic Massage: • Deep Tissue • Swedish • Sports • Trigger Point. Also offering: • Acupressure • Energy Work • Reflexology. • Save money, call now! 505-7088. thecosmicgroove.com

ASHEVILLE’S WHITEWATER RECORDING Full service studio services since 1987. • Mastering • Mixing and Recording. • CD/DVD duplication at the best prices. (828) 684-8284 whitewaterrecording.com

A WOMAN’S TOUCH “We’re

all about you!”

Call 275-6291.

Vehicles For Sale DREAMSEEKERS Your

Autos

1967 BLACKFACE FENDER SUPER REVERBEXCELLENT! All original, save reverb send and return cables, slip cover. Amp has been re-tubed and recapped. EXC $2000 OBO. 4 Road Ready Touring Cases: Can sell individually or package all at reduced rate. Foam lined, hinge lid, designed to roll. Available to show or pictures upon request: embarsotti@gmail.com

Fruitpunch was rescued from a local shelter after she was found wandering the streets with her friend Lemonade. Fruitpunch is a two-year-old, loving and sweet little lady and would make a great addition to your family.She is a shy girl.

She has probably not ever had a stable, loving home but this Cattle Dog/Basset Hound Mix will so appreciate one! Stop by Animal Compassion Network’s store for rescued pets, Pet Harmony located at 803 Fairview Street, Asheville, North Carolina 28803 to shop for all your pet supplies

Local Guitarist Wanting to form or join Rock band.

Classic rock, newer rock.

Call Brian: (828) 581-0131.

Pet Xchange

Lost Pets A LOST OR FOUND PET? Free service. If you have lost or found a pet in WNC, post your listing here: www.lostpetswnc.org

BMW 2004 X3 3.0I 828-280-3175

destination for relaxation.

Automotive Services

Call for appointment:

WE’LL FIX IT AUTOMOTIVE • Honda and Acura repair.

Half price repair and service. ASE and factory certified. Located in the Weaverville area. Please call 828-275-6063 for appointment.

(828) 275-4443.

LOCAL HOT CHAT The Easy

way to meet singles in your

For Sale Local area. Try for Free and

Electronics

Musicians’ Musical Services Bulletin AMAZING DEAL! • SINGER/SONGWRITER SPECIAL Now through April 5: High quality audio recording and HD video.

Visa/MC. Call (828) 3359316 or amrmediastudio.com

Adult Services

My name is Angel Fish and at six months old, I’m a typical kitten: cute, playful, cuddly and adorable. Want to take me home? I’ll amuse you for hours! Stop

by Animal Compassion Network’s store for rescued pets, Pet Harmony located at 803 Fairview Street, Asheville, North Carolina 28803 to shop for all your pet supplies.

FREE HD FOR LIFE! Only on DISH NETWORK. Lowest Price in America! $24.99/mo. for OVER 120 CHANNELS! PLUS-$550 Bonus! Call Today, 1-888904-3558

Lawn & Garden LEYLAND CYPRESS – Fast-growing evergreen hedges. 100 trees, 8-12 inches, $88.94. 50 trees, 812 inches, $59.94. 12-18 inches, $82.94 per 50.

Includes shipping. www.auckersnursery.com 352-528-3889 (AAN CAN)

meet someone today! 1-

888-358-CHAT. 18+.

MEET HOT SINGLES! Chat

live/Meet & Greet

www.acmedating.com 18+

Call 828-333-7557.

PART TIME TEACHERS Now interviewing experienced teachers; working with ages 5 - 12 years old in a cooperative environment; pay range $9 - $11/hour. Learn more at hsclc.org Send resume to: info@hsclc.org

mountainx.com

• MARCH 16 - MARCH 22, 2011

77

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79