Issue 02
Content Notes: sexual assult
Letter to 妈妈 after you’ve been told to get married to an American dude and have an American baby and read George Orwell the 4000th time Peiyun Jiang 妈妈, How do I explain to you why I cannot lay myself beneath an American dude and let him into my body-land? Do you remember the night when I screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed your name? You and 爸爸 patted and patted and patted and patted my face wet and slimy with tears and sweat. You soothed my crying, telling me it’s just a bad dream. You never asked me what I dreamed of. And I forgot time and time and time and time again. But forgetting doesn’t mean They’re not here: Your screams. The red sun and their scorching light on sword. 爸爸’s rolling head. The red sun on top of you. Your screams. My dead brother coming to life, coming on top of you. The red sun behind him laughing laughing laughing laughing How do I explain to you why I am no longer going into English, why I refuse to have Orwell’s gaze on the red sun that he had never lived under, the scorched bones that he could care less about, but nevertheless is famous by? That the bluewhitered cannot and will not save our scorched body-land. Do you remember how I refused to talk to you after you told me never to return home? I was not mad at you, but I had to shield you from the reality of this bluewhitered world that your Yellow spirit has long been floating on while your body is still back home. Well, you don’t consider our scorched Yellow land home. Or not you would not 52
