Spring 2021
WHEN I GET LONESOME Nadia Niva MY HEAD IS TWIRLING INTO THAT LITTLE PIT INSIDE ITSELF AGAIN. SITTING IN THE PRE-RAIN HEAVY AIR, HARSH BREEZE. ALL THESE THINGS BUMBLING IN THE BRAINWAVES, COCHLEAR HALLWAYS AND VENTILATION SYSTEMS OF THE MIND. IT IS EXHAUSTING TO SIT AFTER SO MANY HOURS SPENT THINKING ABOUT DEAD AND LIVING PEOPLE WHO I CARE FOR ALL IN DIFFERENT WAYS. WHO MEAN A DIFFERENT THING TO ME. I FEEL LIKE AN UNDERWATER ANIMAL NESTLED IN SOME CURRENT. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN I GET LONESOME? WANDER BACK TO LAND? WHERE I GREW UP THERE ARE ROWS OF IDENTICAL HOUSES, SO FROM AN AERIAL VIEW YOU GET THE SENSE OF HOVERING ABOVE A BOARD GAME. I CAN ONLY REMEMBER THE FEELING OF THE ROOMS I SLEPT IN. WARM, WITH PUDDLES OF LIGHT FORMING IN THE CORNERS. I AM NOT LONELY BUT I FEEL AQUATIC AND PRESSED UP TO THE GLASS OF LIFE.
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