MPLSzine - The Humor Issue

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Humor Issue - May 29, 2013

CONTENTS COVER BY PHIL JONES LAYOUT BY BETHANY HALL & AMANDA REEDER

7 ARTWORK BY CRAIG NORDEEN 7 & 21 & 27

8 FUNNY IS MY MIDDLE FINGER

LINDSEY FREY’S SENSE OF HUMOR IS HER MIDDLE FINGER TO A WORLD WHERE WOMEN HAVE TO PROVE THEY CAN BE FUNNY.

14 HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR FIRST TIME

HUGE THEATER’S JILL BERNARD SHARES TIPS FOR TRYING IMPROV.

16 JOKES SAVE LIVES

HUMOR GOT JONATHAN GERSHBERG’S GREATGREAT-UNCLE THROUGH THE HOLOCAUST; NOW HE SEES THE HEALING POWER OF JOKES AS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN.

18 KNOCK FIRST OR I WILL PEE ON YOU

TOM REED REMINDS US OF TWO KEY BATHROOM RULES: ALWAYS KNOCK FIRST, AND WATCH OUT FOR CATS.

22 PHOTOS BY STEVEN LANG

24 SERIOUS QUESTIONS WITH ROBERT FONES

ANNIE PETERSON INTERVIEWS FONES ABOUT HIS STAND-UP COMEDY AND WHY JIMMY JOHN’S IS THE JUDAISM OF SANDWICH SHOPS.

28 IT’S OKAY TO LAUGH (MAYBE)

CAN HUMOR GO TOO FAR? DAN LINDEN STRUGGLES WITH THE RIGHT RESPONSE TO A FRIEND’S HEARTACHE.

31 COMIC BY DREW BROCKINGTON 33 MY AFTERNOON WITH SAM SPADINO CHRISTIAAN “BACON” TARBOX INTERVIEWS REDHEADED STAND-UP SAM SPADINO.

35 ARTWORK BY NOAH HARMON 36 HOW TO LOSE YOUR FRIENDS, QUICK AND EASY!

JON SAVITT WALKS US THROUGH THE DELICATE PROCESS OF DRIVING AWAY EVERYONE AROUND YOU.

38 COMIC BY AARON KING 39 COMIC BY MATTHEW JACOBS

Be part of MPLSzine!

We’re looking for interviews, reviews, reported articles, essays, humor pieces, lists, infographics, comics, photos, and illustrations related to Minneapolis. (That relation can be loose--if the only connection is that you live here, that’s cool with us.)

For now, we are not accepting fiction or poetry submissions--we know we can’t compete with the awesome literary magazines this town already has.

We want to explore overlooked places and subcultures; make new connections and observations; share your heartbreaking, guffaw-worthy, and inspirational personal stories; and champion the people who make Minneapolis what it is. But we can’t do that without creative types sending us their stuff. submit@mplszine.com To get you started, our theme for the next issues is FREEDOM Submissions due June 9 Publishing July 3 SOCIAL Submissions due June 23 Publishing July 24 If you can’t contribute right away but want to learn more, email us anyway. We’d love to have you join us.

CONTRIBUTORS Publication Director Chris Cloud

Editorial Director Colleen Powers

Layout Director Bethany Hall

Visual Director Andrew Casey

Illustration Director Kyle Coughlin

Social Outreach Director Matthew Jacobs

Editorial Intern Zoë Pizarro

Layout Intern Amanda Reeder

Cory Angen is a graphic designer originally from North Dakota, but currently residing in Minneapolis. When not designing at Sport Ngin in Northeast Minneapolis, he is preoccupied with his passion for typography, music and old stuff in general. www.angen.me

You can read more from her on Twitter @LJFrey and at cargocollective.com/LindseyFrey

Jill Bernard plays with ComedySportz and co-founded HUGE Theater. She has taught and performed improv in over 35 states plus Norway, Argentina, Australia, and Canada, plus on an episode of MTV Made. In her first improv scene she played a stupid guy in a submarine.

For more, check out http://www.hugetheater. com or follow her on Twitter: @jillybee72

Noah Harmon is a visual artist living in Minneapolis. He received a B.F.A. from St. Cloud State University. Themes explored in his work include, but are not limited to: relaxing, enjoyment, creeps, hotties, famous animals, and common phrases. The work is informed by pop culture, television, and the supernatural.

Contact him at noahharmon@gmail.com and check out more work at www.noahharmon.com

Drew Brockington is an illustrator and designer newly relocated to Minneapolis. He is currently working on a graphic novel.

Darrin Commerford is a freelance photographer who doesn’t wake up until it’s appropriate to eat brunch. When Darrin isn’t taking photos, he’s behind a bar making drinks or in front of one being belligerent. (He’s also very professional.)

Check out his work at darrinriver.com Nick Decker is an improvisor around the Twin Cities, making up action movies onstage in Last Action Movie and performing silent improv in Crab Hands presents: The Score.

Follow him on Twitter: @onanrulz Lindsey J. Frey is a modern storyteller by day and a seamstress/athlete by night (depending on the day). A native of Duluth, she grew up basing all direction on the lake and cannot tell east from west in her adult life here in Minneapolis.

She loves animals and has caught on fire twice.

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Jon Gershberg is a person, recent college graduate and stand-up comic performing mostly in Minneapolis.

Matthew Jacobs, Social Outreach Director at MPLSzine, is a PhD Candidate in the social sciences at the University of Minnesota.

During the day he studies Chinese and religion under authoritarianism. At night he runs dance parties at the Uptown VFW. Say hello sometime at Tuesday Night Music Club Phil Jones is a creative from Minneapolis.

Alongside his endless pursuit of creative feats he has mastered the art of writing self descriptions.

He married way out of his league and owns a small pony that poses as a dog. He can’t figure out what else to write so he is going to create some filler. The pandas are late on their rent so they had to ask the office fern for a small business loan because he is the only friend with a 9 to 5.

See more of his work at www.phildesignart.com Aaron King moved to Minneapolis almost two years ago after living life in various small towns. Things still generally baffle

him. See his portfolio at http://aaronmfk. wordpress.com and his other online stuff at @ aaronmfking and aaronmfking.tumblr.com Steven Lang received his B.F.A. from the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities. In 2012, he was a resident artist at Elsewhere, a living museum set in a former thrift store in downtown Greensboro, NC, and was a participant in the 4th season of CSA — Community Supported Art, sponsored by mnartists.org and springboardforthearts.org.

He has recently exhibited at Rosalux Gallery, Soo Visual Arts Center, and the Walker Art Center’s Walker Shop. His short story, “Tandem,” was included in the recent Milkweed Editions anthology Fiction on a Stick. His short-short story, “The Scarecrow,” was published in 2011 as finalist in the mnLIT series on mnartists.org Dan Linden is an improviser and podcaster who lives in Minneapolis. He has been a resident of the Twin Cities metro hlife ais entire nd will probably continue to be unless he is politely asked to leave. Follow him on Twitter at @Dan_ Linden and check out his podcast, “How Could This Show Be Bad?”, at www.howbadcast.com Craig Nordeen is a designer, illustrator and overall artist. While starting out drawing on his parent’s living room walls (when they weren’t looking), he soon learned that other mediums worked better for not getting into trouble. A graduate of the University of Minnesota-Duluth with a major in design, he’s now a designer and illustrator working in Minneapolis. He works in whatever medium makes the most sense for a project – from watercolors and ink to full blown digital artwork and animation. You can follow him @cnordeen and view his website at craignordeen.com Annie Peterson is a Minneapolis-based freelance writer who grew up “approximately” 138.2 miles due West in the picturesque town of Montevideo, home of the sustainable farmer and artists of many disciplines. When she’s not writing the next aweinspiring piece of never-before-read literature,

she enjoys live music, danceable beats, and eating popcorn...in that order. annie@annierpeterson.com Aimée Pijpers is an Illustrator/maker based in NE Minneapolis. Plays shoebox-tetris to pay rent. Doesn’t have a hometown, but likes a lot of nerdy stuff. www.ampijpers. tumblr.com | http:www.aimeepijpers.net Tom Reed is a Minneapolis actor, writer and improviser best known for creating top-selling MN Fringe Festival musical parodies (Bite Me Twilight, The Hungry Games, Parry Hotter & the Half-Drunk Twins), crooning as Lounge-asaurus Rex, goofing around in award-winning short films, and singing and acting in musicals like Avenue Q and Next to Normal. He performs regularly at ComedySportz, Huge Theater and with the Rockstar Storytellers. More info at tombreed.com Amanda Reeder is currently studying graphic design at the University of Minnesota as well as working/DJin at Radio K. She’s a converted Minnesotan (from MUHwaukee) that is most likely to be spotted biking around the city, going to punk shows, attending art crawls and drinking really delicious craft beers.

Jon Savitt is a junior attending Indiana University and has become very interested in combining his love for comedy with his passion for writing.

He has contributed to humor magazines such as Stage Time Magazine, located in New York, and has had articles featured on popular websites such as Funny or Die and College Humor. In the future, he hopes to get involved with sketch comedy and eventually make the push to television, working as a writer. Follow him on Twitter: @savittj Christiaan Tarbox, better known to the world as Bacon, is a graduate of the University of Minnesota’s journalism program, a freelance graphic designer, a film review blogger, undisputed Minneapolis karaoke champion, and a professional nerd. Follow him on Twitter: @thatbaconguy HUMOR // MPLSzine

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LETTER FROM THE EDITORIAL DIRECTOR When 30 Rock ended earlier this year, I joined friends in a “favorite quotes” session on Facebook, recalling lovable Liz Lemonisms and coldly perfect Jack Donaghy insults. But I think my favorite line from the highly quotable series remains Tracy Jordan’s response to why he can’t work with a rapper: “What about Young Jeezy?” “Forget about it. I called his pitbull a gaywad on 106 & Park!”

It’s hard to explain exactly why “I called his pitbull a gaywad on 106 & Park” is the funniest combination of words I’ve ever heard. Something about the choice of words and the way they fall together combined with the absurdity of what they mean makes me burst into giggles every time.

Humor often feels serendipitous like that. Sure, there are reliable laugh-getters we all know about: people falling down, puns so bad they’re great, Fred Willard in everything ever. But a lot of my favorite jokes from movies and TV shows and stand-up comedians feel so precisely written and delivered, so unexpected but appropriate, that it’s almost hard to wrap my brain around the fact that people came up with them. Like perfect metaphors in fiction writing or shiver-inducing musical riffs, the best and funniest humor feels like the work of creative genius.

And I think that’s why a lot of people (me included) are so fascinated by it: We’ll gobble up every interview with creators of shows like Arrested Development and Community, download podcasts of comedy nerds dissecting their own jokes, listen in fascination as improv performers describe the experience of getting into a groove and letting words and actions come out before they have time to think. A friend of mine recently said, “Comedy is the new indie rock”: More and more, it feels like comedians are cool, and it’s cool to care about them. Not everyone can make people laugh, and there’s something special and fascinating about those who can.

It’s possible to read and listen to a lot of humor and talk about humor these days. And still it was exciting to see the ways that MPLSzine contributors took this topic and made it their own, sharing their own experiences in ways that made me laugh, made me think, and provided the kind of shock to the system that a fresh, cackle-worthy joke can give. Even when the subject isn’t Humor, I’m eager to see more creativity from the people of Minneapolis, and to be as impressed and delighted by each new contribution as I am by my favorite jokes.

Sincerely, Colleen colleen@mplszine.com

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HUMOR MPLSzine Artwork by://Craig Nordeen 7

My particular brand of humor is like an old baguette: dry and a little crusty, at times completely unwanted, and – when things are hard enough – somewhat useful in a fight.

It’s a dichotomy of attention and deflection; it’s both the sword and the armor. And, when you’re funny and you’re a woman, it’s a powerful tool to unleash your snarky inner Warrior Princess in a battle we continue to fight to save our collective “funny.”

When we’re even recognized for it, women are most often credited with being humorous in only two forms: self-deprecatory – putting ourselves down or laughing at ourselves – or for humor that’s sarcastic – ironic for the sake of mocking and contempt. This leads, in part, to a general

argument over whether or not women are capable of being funny in the same way that men are.

In the Vanity Fair article “Women Aren’t Funny” (Some Asshole, January 2007), the author states (amongst other racist, misogynist, homophobic and wholly offensive glimmering turds) that men need to be funny in order to attract women but “women have no corresponding need to appeal to men this way. They already appeal to men.”

The article goes on to explain the supposed evolutionary and reproductive reasons that men are funny and women are serious.

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One such excerpt is the author’s observation that “the placenta is made up of brain cells, which migrate southward during pregnancy and take the sense of humor along with them.” You guys, he used science. How can we refute that? Remember, this article is from 2007, not 1807 (though it’s easy enough to get the millennia confused).

At least I can be funny until my brain migrates south and leaks out my uterus. Or, as Jezebel.com writer Lindy West describes this scientific phenomenon, “Every time a woman tries to tell a joke, an invisible dream-catcher telescopes out of her vagina and snatches it from the air. Science.”

Let’s look at this from a sociological perspective (a.k.a. also science). Women are raised from birth by a society that expects us to be inferior, passive without objection, appreciative of our place and – above all – attractive.

Author Suzanne Bunkers describes the significance this way. She writes, “Humor is shaped by the individual’s perception of his or her degree of power in our culture.”

This isn’t news. But it puts us into a

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group together – a clearly defined and oppressed-to-pressurized group. So, naturally, according to misogynist theories, it’s no wonder that putting pressure on ladies is gonna cook up something (1950s kitcheny housewife allusion fully intended.)

That something is self-deprecatory humor. While I entirely disagree that women are capable only of the two aforementioned types of humor, these facets do have interesting historical significance worth exploring. Self-deprecatory humor often serves a specific social function: not to demean a particular person but rather to establish common ground amongst a group by defining oneself as “lower than” or nonthreatening to others’ social positions within the group. And so, making a comment such as “my big ass would rip right through those skinny jeans – LOL!” is the equivalent of playing a game of “not it!” for a group leadership role.

Where does all this selfdeprecation leave us? Leaderless.

Sad. Wah-wah. As sociologist Paul McGee notes in Becoming Female: Perspectives on Development (1979), “Those who hold the power in a culture develop a preference for humor that

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victimizes the powerless, while the powerless develop a preference for self-victimizing humor.” The end result of all this, though, is something particularly interesting.

As women can more easily identify with one another, the sense of powerlessness actually decreases.

It is then that the use of selfdeprecatory humor acts as a force to unite us and lays the foundation for the creation of another, more powerful type of humor that has come to rise. That kind of humor, of course, is sarcasm.

Sarcasm allows us to play off female stereotypes and point out the ridiculous nature of them, such as those wasting ink in the Vanity Fair article mentioned previously.

We’re able to recognize and thus shatter these stereotypes.

We need to see. Band together.

Move beyond. Revel in our badass selves. Subvert this stupid notion, and go be fucking hilarious.

As Bunkers states, “An individual who feels that he or she is powerful is less likely to engage in self-deprecatory humor and is

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more likely to engage in assertive forms of sarcastic humor than is an individual who feels powerless.”

She continues by concluding that humor – in use by men or women – is “informed by an understanding of power, past and present, in our culture, and by an awareness of the politics of power on interacting members in a power relationship.”

Humor can expose stereotypes and thereby kick them to the curb, replaced by new, non-oppressive, powerful roles and a regained sense of social control. Humor is our middle finger. Really big. And it sends a clear message.

Women (and male friends) get out there and deploy the sarcasm. Or use whatever humor you’re best at. Just make it empowering. Use it to civilize and unite us. Use it to mock and thereby reject the roles traditionally put upon us. Show us what needs to change by making it the target of your jest. Prove that despite our lady parts weighing heavy on our brains, we can all make a good joke, elicit laughter and delight the whole damn room.

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How to Survive Your First Time Tips for Trying Improv

Jill Bernard, Education Director at HUGE Theater The first time you do improv can be very terrifying. It’s comedy without a script. What will you say? What will you do? No worries, I have coached hundreds of improvisors through their first improv scene, and I have ten tips for you:

“Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.” - Dan Rather

Absolutely anything you do will be the absolutely right thing to do.

Isn’t that comforting?

Big choices are better than small choices. Go big or go home, I say.

You can always make an emotional choice if you can’t think of anything to do. Just make a sound, it will be enough.

You can always say what it seems like your partner’s character is doing or feeling. “You seem upset,” “You really love him”--this will reinforce your partner’s move. Please don’t use this technique to be a jerk: “It seems like you lost your accent” or “You’re a stripper, take off your clothes.” Those are not generous moves, those are jerk moves.

Resist the urge to make jokes. It’s not about being funny, it’s really not, even if your buddies think it is. They don’t know what they’re talking about. Instead of jokes, just listen and react.

You belong here. You are supposed to be here, in this moment, on this stage. Please do not waste time doubting this irrefutable fact.

Everyone is nervous, so the best, most noble thing we can do is take really good care of each other and make sure everyone is having a good time. It’s not really about you, it’s about your partner.

Put a period on the ends of your sentences. The impulse to just keep talking until you say something funny is not as clever a strategy as your brain is telling you it is.

Your first time improvising will likely trigger the fear receptors in your brain which make it hard to listen and interpret information.

Please use whatever relaxation techniques you have at your disposal: deep breaths, a nice stretch, a mantra.

No one has ever died doing improv. Except that one guy, and that was a heart condition.

<-- WHATI!? THIS IS A LIST OF TEN!! Screw the rules. I have one more thing to say.

The fear receptors in your brain will make you want to defend yourself, and you might have an impulse to say NO to things. Someone will say “Hi, Grandma!” and you’ll say, “I’m not your grandma, I’m Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit and I’m here to baptize your poodle!” No matter how funny your Fred Durst/poodle idea is, it is much more important to let what your partner says be the reality. If they say you’re the grandma, you’re the grandma. If their grandma resembles Fred Durst, well, so much the better. Let everything be true, and then as a second step, build on to it by adding information and doing whatever happens next.

Don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense. You spend the other 167 hours of your week making sense--let this one hour be a place where anything can happen and anything can be true.

Almost 73 years have passed since a joke saved my greatgreat Uncle Willi from death.

Willi had the bad fortune of being a Polish Jew during the the early 1940s, and like most people who had the same poor luck, he was eventually rounded up by the SS brigades who were scouring the country for enemies of the Third Reich.

One day Willi and several other Jews were marched out into the Polish woods. A man wearing the black trench coat of an SS officer ordered them to form a line. They did, tears streaming down their cheeks. The SS officer 16 MPLSzine // HUMOR

began to shoot each one with cool-handed precision. Willi had the curse of being at the end of line and having to watch as the others were gunned down before him. One by one.

Just before the barrel of the SS officer’s pistol reached him, my Uncle Willi screamed out “Wait!” The officer paused in either confusion or rage. “Before you shoot me,” Uncle Willi said in the German he picked up from waiting tables in a cabaret in Munich, “I have a joke to tell.” The SS officer grabbed Willi by the collar and warned,

“It better be good.”

The poor English translation of the joke goes like this: Setup: Why didn’t Anne Chamberlain want to have sex with her husband after he got back from Munich in 1938?

Punchline: Because Hitler already fucked him.

Of course, this is the exact type of humor that would appeal to the sensibilities of a man who hunted human beings for a living. Evidently, Uncle Willi knew his audience. The SS officer laughed so hard, Willi would later recount in his memoirs, that he doubled over on the ground. Willi caused death to collapse before him and convulse in laughter. With nothing but a quick and cunning joke.

So a joke saved Willi. At least for that moment-he was still a captive of the Nazis, and would later endure the horrors of Auschwitz. But he would do just that: endure. My grandmother is absolutely sure that it was this joke, “The Joke,” that gave him the willpower to survive the concentration camp. When I first heard the story, I was unconvinced that the joke was the root of his salvation. I thought it had more to do with his rationing of his bread made of sawdust, or the fact that he hid in a pile of coal for three consecutive days just before being liberated by American troops.

I wasn’t convinced of this theory until I performed stand-up comedy for the first time. Only a

wee first-year in college, I traveled to Uptown Minneapolis to the then dingy-er Galactic Pizza for a stand-up open mic. I inadvertently arrived a full hour before the show was scheduled to start, so I sat in the back of the nearly empty restaurant and scribbled ideas for jokes into a tiny notebook while I tried to get used to the smell of burnt pizza crust and the feel of greasy table tops. There was only one other person in the entire restaurant: a stout, balding man who scribbled into a notebook even tinier than mine, with a rushed intensity of someone whose hand could not match the speed of their thoughts.

After jotting down one last joke, I walked up to his table and made the kind of small talk that occurs when you are the only two people in a room. I asked him what brought him to do standup comedy. “I was very depressed,” he told me “After my wife left me, I tried to kill myself. . .

After I took the gun out of my mouth, the first thing I said was a joke.” When he got up to the stage, his set left me in stitches.

I think of these stories every time I perform standup in Minneapolis. And while my position is nothing like theirs, they remind me that comedy is more than a showcase of drinking and offensive statements. Jokes are like alchemy: they turn everything that sucks into things to laugh at. All comedy, at its core, is about healing through laughter, joking to make life more liveable. See for yourself: go to an open mic or comedy club around town. Talk to comics. Ask them why they do what they do. And if you still don’t believe me, ask my Uncle Willi.

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Knock First Or I Will Pee On You (or Potty Humor) Written by Tom Reed & Artwork by Aimée Pijpers

Two of my classiest moments ever happened in the same week. One moment involved an anonymous coworker. The other involved a cat. Both happened in bathrooms.

The basement at work has two one-person-only bathrooms. Per official HR emails, these private bathrooms are for pooping. HR didn’t say “poop downstairs,” they said something HR-style with code phrases like “go to the basement” to “take your time,” but they meant “poop downstairs.”

So I was downstairs “taking my time” when I heard someone open the outer door leading to the bathroom I was using. You see, the two basement bathrooms each have their own outer door and hallway that lead to the inner lockable bathroom door. I’m not sure why each bathroom has a mini hall and two doors. Maybe the building designers expected the bathrooms to be so popular that long lines would impede outer hallway traffic flow. Or maybe the little hallways are designed as one of those random nooks in large office buildings that I assume are used to fire unstable people or breastfeed. Or to breastfeed unstable people.

In any case, standard protocol is to walk away if you see a closed inner door. No knocking needed--the inner door doesn’t automatically close. If it’s closed, it means someone has closed it to keep something secret from you. Specifically, they’re hiding “taking their time” from you.

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Apparently not everyone knows this because I heard the outside door open followed by approaching footsteps. I had a moment of panic because one time I forgot to lock the door and had to run across the bathroom, pants around ankles, and lock it just before being burst in on, pants around ankles, running toward the door. Luckily, this time I had remembered to lock the door. Phew!

BUT WAIT! Why is the door handle turning? Why is the deadbolt unbolting?! “Whoa, Whoa, WHOA!” is what I yell at moments like this (apparently). The person apologized and left just after opening the door, but before we made what would have been horrifyingly awkward eye contact. They probably didn’t see me, but they also left in such a hurry that they left the door OPEN! So again, pants around ankles, I scampered across the bathroom and locked it as hard as I’ve ever locked any door.

Afterward, I examined the lock in great detail and realized that it has a sweet spot where it will seem locked, but it’s actually not quite all the way locked, which is like having an attack dog that’s really aggressive, except toward robbers. Arguably, this “lock” doesn’t even qualify as a lock. The whole point of a lock is to keep people on the outside from bursting in on you “taking your time” and playing a video game on your phone (life’s too short not to multitask on the pot).

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Story number two – the one about peeing on a cat.

That’s the story; I peed on my cat (her name is Wallaby). I’m really sorry, but it’s totally Wallaby’s fault. I released my stream at the exact moment she jumped onto the toilet bowl, splaying herself across it, making a direct piss hit to the back of her head completely unavoidable. Even if my reflexes had been fast enough to aim elsewhere, there was no part of the toilet exposed. It was either Wallaby or the floor and I don’t love her that much.

Don’t worry, I washed her afterward. Plus, cats are really clean. If I missed any of my urine, she no doubt licked it off of herself later. Cats are also curious, which is another reason to close the door when going to the bathroom. If you don’t, you might piss on a cat, which incidentally makes a great exclamation: “Piss on a cat!” As in, “Piss on a cat, it’s hot in this sauna!” or “Piss on a cat, you almost ran me over!” or “Piss on a cat, try knocking! And close the door on your way out!”

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HUMOR MPLSzine Artwork by://Craig Nordeen 21

“The Minnesota State Fair is both fun and funny.

To me, it’s the Coachella of comedy.”

- The Artist Steven Lang

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Serious Questions With

Robert Fones Interview by Annie Peterson & Photo by Darrin Commerford

Robert Fones is a name to watch in the Twin Cities comedy scene. He has performed on stages at the Acme Comedy Company, the Joke Joint, the Comedy Corner Underground and Club Underground. I caught up with him recently to ask him some serious questions about his career in humor… Here’s what he had to say: What’s one of the most annoying things people do at your comedyshows?

The worst thing in the world – and sadly it’s just a thing that you have to accept is going to happen – is people who are convinced they are somehow “helping” the show by interacting vocally with the person on stage. I don’t know what it is about comedy in particular that makes people feel the urge to interject, but almost every major show I’ve seen has had one or two hecklers from the audience. Even when it’s not malicious or hateful, it’s just terrible to watch. Don’t ever do that.

Do you have a secret stupid trick you can share with us?

I occasionally get up on stage and tell jokes into a microphone. That’s a pretty stupid trick.

You talk about Jimmy John’s at lot in your stand-up. What’s up with that?

In the last year I’ve spent more time on the phone with Jimmy John’s than I have with any member of my immediate family. Jimmy John’s is the Judaism of sandwich shops – it’s not as popular, and some people are pretty disparaging of it, but if it works for you it’s a nice, comfortable thing to fall back on. By the logic of this metaphor, Subway is Christianity and Quizno’s is Islam. Blimpie’s and Panera are weird little cults that exist somewhere on the fringes. I have a lot of strong feelings about sandwiches.

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Which Twin City is better and why?

Minneapolis is where everything is happening, so as a stupid, arrogant 24-year-old, I spend most of my time there. The nightlife in Minneapolis, in particular the music and comedy scenes, are some of the best in the country. That being said, there’s also a lot of terrible shit sandwiched in there – bars with names that sound like rapists, 18+ clubs, pedal pubs, etc. St. Paul is where you go when you’re done with all that -- you’ve sold out your youthful idealism and you’re just ready to grow up and die in relative comfort.

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Does Minneapolis need a better sense of humor? If so, how do we get that or develop that?

Minneapolis needs less of a sense of humor.

The comedy scene here is fantastic, and I’m very lucky to be getting a chance to become a part of it. On Monday nights, Acme Comedy Company holds an open mic, and it’s one of the consistently most enjoyable shows in town in addition to being a great example of how diverse and populated the comedy landscape is here. I would say for the rest of the city, just keep supporting the arts and broadening your tastes with an open mind – the antithesis of comedy and laughter is stagnation, routine, and self-importance. We’re gonna be just fine.

When are the aliens coming back?

Maybe, and this is all I feel comfortable saying here, they never left? Think about it.

What’s worse: people who laugh at their own jokes or people who have absolutely no sense of humor at all?

Very often the second category tends to bleed into the first one.

If you had to eliminate the “F” word from your vocabulary, how hard would that be?

Pretty fucking hard.

Worst live show you’ve ever been to and why: Worst comedy show was a day after the Boston bombing – one day. Some guy I’d never seen before went up on stage and started talking shit about the victims. He was so clearly trying to

play the “guy who’s too cool to care” role, that most people seem to think comedy is about, and the audience actively turned on him and booed him right off stage. Most nights the audience is rough because they’re unengaged or nonexistent, but for this one they rose up like a single entity and destroyed this idiot. It was an important lesson in comedy -- if you’re going to try and be edgy, you should also make sure you’re fucking funny. Worst music show I’ve been to was going to see Dave Matthews Band for a pretty girl. It wasn’t worth it. It never is.

If you had to entertain Zach Galifianakis for a day in Minneapolis, what would that look like?

I’d take him outside Muddy Waters and sigh wistfully about it being really good but kind of pricey until he got the hint offered to pick up the check. Followed by any one of the wonderful comedy open mics the city has to offer on any given night. I’d probably wind up getting a little too drunk and making him drive me home while I called him an asshole for doing “The Hangover” parts 2 and 3. The final straw for him would be asking if Bradley Cooper smells like he looks and why a grown man would still keep going by the name “Bradley.”

Cool. When can we catch your next live stand up?

There are a couple upcoming shows, but honestly check out comedy.openmikes.org/calendar/MN for a list of nightly shows around town.

They’re pretty hit or miss, but it’s a great way to get a feel for the scene. I’ll see you at one of them, and I fully expect you to buy me a drink.

Can people book you for parties and events?

Bar mitzvahs only, please.

You can find more info about show dates by following @Robert_Fones on Twitter. He is also on Facebook.

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Artwork by: Craig Nordeen

When I first heard that a good friend of mine had lost his mother to illness, I had a lot of anxiety over how best to respond. We’d known each other since we were children but weren’t all that great at keeping in touch. Honestly, I hadn’t even known his mother had been severely ill.

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Title Typography by Cory Angen

The reason I was anxious about it was because he and I have always been complete jackasses around each other. Unfettered, uncensored clowns constantly trying to one-up each other in whatever ridiculous premise we had latched onto, all in the name of making each other laugh. The minute we share the same air space, the silly bits start and don’t let up until we’re both cackling and likely irritating everyone else around us (special apologies to our youth pastor). So when Real Life gets in the way, are we just supposed to turn that off? On the other hand, is it really that hard to just stop the ride for a minute to give your condolences?

This is a problem I struggle with in most human interaction. I was the youngest child in an emotionally distant family of divorce living in a neighborhood lacking kids my own age. I spent so much time being somber and serious growing up while alone and lost in my own head (I still do) that I consider time spent with people I enjoy as a special privilege, and I want it to be as fun as possible.

Which isn’t to say this is always the correct approach for any situation or even the healthiest. My nearpathological need to keep the laughs going ultimately comes from a selfish place. It’s not that I don’t want to be there for people in a more serious and emotionally intelligent way, I’m just not very good at it (or at least not very good at being comfortable with it). There’s nothing wrong with wanting to lighten the mood of the people around me, but at the same time, I’m willfully refusing to fully engage with serious issues and events out of fear for how I’ll respond to them.

Still, I’ve spent most of my life looking at the world through a comedic lens, and it’s too hardwired to change now. Even if I could change, outside of the moments of discomfort and confusion like the one described above, I’m not sure I would want to. There must be some value to this perspective, because I’m certainly not the only one who has it. There must be a reason why the most quoted response to the recent tragedy in Boston I saw was not from the president or the chief of police, but from Patton Oswalt, and why a significant percentage of the population says they get most of their news from Jon Stewart, and why The Onion feels comfortable, if not obligated, to respond to tragic events in flagrant disregard of it being “too soon.”

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The world can be a dark, horrific place, and our lizard brains can’t help but latch onto these elements and recognize potential dangers out of the instinctual need for self-preservation. But at a higher level of brain functioning—though sometimes not much higher—we are able to recognize and home in on the inherent absurdity of it all.

A professor I had once presented the idea that laughter in any form is an act of aggression. Even when we aren’t laughing out of spite (laughing at) but rather to support (laughing with), we are defiantly pushing against the struggles we all face, “baring our teeth,” as the professor put it, to the horrors of the world.

After agonizing all day over what should probably have been a simple act of friendship and kindness for most people, I went to dinner with David, a mutual friend of ours, who was in town for the week. David had known our friend for longer and had been far more involved during this difficult time. When I discussed my anxiety about the situation, David echoed my own thoughts that if our friend had wanted to talk to me about it, he would have. Point taken, but I still had to do something.

The opportunity presented itself when our friend called David soon after to see what he was doing. Upon receiving an invitation to join David and I for a drink, our friend said he would “love to see Linden right now.” I took this to mean that he would like to see me specifically because he knew that he could take a break from Real Life for a couple of hours and just be a clown, and I would be right there with him.

Am I skewing the narrative in my favor to excuse my own inability to reach out to a friend? Absolutely, yes. It is a detestable character flaw, and I’ll always feel like I failed him on some level during that time.

Even so, within minutes of joining us that night, our friend began to casually share an anecdote about him and his siblings finalizing a resting place for his mother. Likely responding to the quiet sound of the sphincters of everyone around the table tightening, he quickly put up his hand and said, “Now, hold on, this’ll get funny in a second.” I honestly don’t remember how the story ended, and I’m sure from an outsider’s perspective, it wouldn’t be particularly funny. What I do remember is that, at the time, we all thought it was hilarious.

Comedy is coping, and while it isn’t and shouldn’t be the only way to deal with the darker side of life, I firmly believe in a phrase I once uttered in response to a man I knew who was always quick to anger and never seemed to be enjoying himself:

30 MPLSzine // HUMOR

Comic by: Drew Brockington

MY AFTERNOON WITH

SAM SPADINO I sat down with the self-proclaimed “most underrated comedian in Minneapolis” and learned about his life as a comic, what it takes to get in the biz and stay there, and why he thinks he’s so goddamn funny.

Words and illustration by Christiaan “Bacon” Tarbox How’d you get your start in comedy?

Well, I started at bible college, I guess. I inadvertently performed some standup at the variety show [at Northwestern College in Roseville], and I touched on some controversial topics, such as, you know, unprotected dancing and losing your kiss-ginity. You know, boundary-pushing stuff. Eventually they cut our mics and kicked us offstage. That was probably the first step. After that, I moved on, got married, got divorced, and then decided to try my first set ever at open mic at Acme Comedy Club.

How would you define your comedic style?

Whenever somebody asks me that, I say that I just tell dick jokes. Even though that’s not really true. But I’m a huge fan of dick jokes. But if I had to narrow it down, I just say what I think is funny, whether it’s about relationships, or pizza, or celebrities. It doesn’t matter. If I think it’s funny, I’ll talk about it. I like to make people laugh as much as I like to make them feel awkward. And that’s kind of a joke in itself to me. I think once you get to the point where your audience understands what you’re doing, and they’re in on it, then they’re able to appreciate it more. I think once you know me, my comedy is immensely more funny.

What are your regular comedy stomping grounds?

The latest thing is Comedy Shots: a weekly Saturday open mic that I run at Johnny Tequila’s from 8 to 10 p.m. Comedy Corner Underground, Friday nights. Thursday nights at Galactic Pizza, which was originally my creation, happily still going strong. Pretty much any given night, I’ll try to be out there.

Is there a certain moment in your career that stands out to you?

I think for me, there’s definitely certain shows that stick out. And one that sticks out—which is an example of me biting off more than I can chew—was doing a one-man show at the Fringe Festival, and trying to fill an hour of time and not really having a solid plan for what the show was going to be, until maybe the week before. I wouldn’t say that that was a failure—you know, because not many people witnessed it—but it was definitely a good experience to really get myself out there and try something new.

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Who are some of your comedic influences?

I love British comedy. I feel like a lot of my jokes have a dry sense of humor to them sometimes. I definitely appreciate deadpan or dark humor. I’m a big fan of Louis C.K., Patrice O’Neal. I wish I was a black comic sometimes. But I’m a redhead, so I guess I’m still in the minority.

Say I was an aspiring comedian. How should I prepare myself? What tips do you have for folks who will either be a smashing success or a massive failure in comedy?

For me, there’s no better way to do it than to just get out and go to open mics, because it’s a free education. I never did the same set twice. When I first started out, I just tried different stuff every time. Do whatever it takes to get over whatever fears you have and just let it all hang out. And as long as you’re amusing yourself, hopefully you don’t suck. But if you suck, you should probably quit. That’d be another piece of advice to certain comedians: if you suck, just stop.

Tell me a joke.

My ex-girlfriend said the weirdest things to me. We’d been going out for about two years, and she said, “Sam, when I first met you, I thought you were gay.” And I was like, “Well, this is weird, ‘cuz when I first met you, I thought you were a dude.”

Tell me another one.

One of my balls thinks it’s better than the other one, which I think is a little egotesticle. …I’d like that one to get out there. Spread that one around.

If he’s not flitting between the coasts on occasion doing sets and partying hard, you can catch Sam Spadino hosting Comedy Shots at Johnny Tequila’s in downtown Minneapolis every Saturday night at 8 PM. You can also follow him on Twitter @partydino.

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Artwork by: Noah Harmon

Problem #1: Your friend Jimmy calls you saying that he has two tickets to a concert tonight, but you really hate that asshole (god, he is such a dick) and you don’t have an excuse…what do you do? I’m here to help.

Let’s face it, with the advancements in technology combined with the increase in social media usage, personal communication is a thing of the past and you do not want to be that kid caught having an actual conversation (words coming out of your mouth and going into someone else’s ear) in public.

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For many years now we, as humans, have been exponentially growing our networks of friends without taking the valuable time to weed out the annoying ones from middle school, and now Jimmy is on the other line selfishly asking you to hang out. The nerve of some people. Oh, you disagree? How many times have you had to fake an illness, say you are out of town, or tell someone that you recently lost every single one of your shirts, just so you can avoid human interaction?

“Friends are for poor people.” -Oprah

I get it. Trying to get rid of your friends is not often looked upon as the most positive thing.

Some (many) people have said that I am just an inconsiderate douche. My response to that is: “douche” or just a “friendship genius ahead of his time”--kinda like a mix between Einstein and The Beatles? You see, friendship is a complex entity and it’s important to sustain a delicate balance between: 1) the friends you use for money 2) the friends who make you look more attractive 3) hipster friends (very important) and finally 4) miscellaneous.

1) Try to use the phrase “Sunday Funday” in as many sentences as possible

I know from experience that having too many friends can result in stressful and undesirable situations, and so now, revealed to the public (the six people that will read this) for the first time ever, here is my list of how to lose your friends, quick and easy:

Disclaimer: These steps may lead to substantially less human interaction and ultimately dying alone. Enjoy.

2) Don’t text them, but when you do call them by a similar, but wrong name. e.g. “Alex” instead of “Allen” 3) Insist on going everywhere with them (bathroom, work, dentist, relatives baptism, etc.)

4) LAST RESORT ONLY: Let them know very clearly that you enjoy Kristen Stewart as an actress

Illustrations by Kyle Coughlin

Our esteemed editors expected at least one comic strip submission for the Humor issue. Finding none on the eve of their deadline, they turned to me. While I do, indeed, make comics, they’re mostly about the settlement of Iceland. My little stick-figure farmers argue over land and status in the 10th century.

I’ve never been able to be on-the-spot funny, so given the deadline, I turned to what I knew.

This comic takes place around 986 CE. After the battle of Hjörungavágr, off the coast of Norway, Thorkel’s men captured the Jomsvikings, and Thorkel himself began to execute them one by one. An 18-year-old with long, golden hair came forward to be killed, and Thorkel asked him the same thing he’d asked all the other Jomsvikings:

“Whose hands are in my hair?” was apparently a joke, and it went over so well that Thorkel released the boy and all the remaining Jomsvikings. Humor is a weird thing. It’s so subjective across time and space, but delivered at the right moment, I guess it can save lives. Somebody give that boy a hand.

(For the full story of the battle of Hjörungavágr, check out Jómsvíkinga saga.)

Comic & words by Aaron King 38 MPLSzine // HUMOR

.,, Take off that stupid hat.

Comic by Matthew Jacobs

MPLSzine summer social Save The Date: July 11th, 2013