Young at Heart: The Name Change Game

from All About Weddings 2022

Raise Your Glass

THE

CHANGE GAME

You’re getting married. Con-

gratulations! If you are a woman in an opposite-sex relationship, and if it hasn’t happened already, one or more individuals will ask, “Are you planning to change your name?”

When Roger and I were planning our wedding – 11 years ago – I recall being asked this question. I didn’t have a professional identity tied to my maiden name nor was I particularly attached to it, so I took Roger’s name. However, I must admit that while I was somewhat aware of the history of this custom, I gave little consideration to the patriarchal traditions associated with it.

The practice of a woman taking her husband’s name at marriage dates back to 11th century Norman England and the law of coverture, under which a woman’s identity was erased upon marriage. A married woman could not own property, enter into contracts, and had no legal rights. While such laws seem absurd today, it wasn’t until the 1970s that a married woman in this country could get a driver’s license and/or passport or register to vote using her maiden name – in essence, forcing a woman to take her husband’s name.

While there are no current laws that require a woman to change her name, the majority choose to do so. According to recent Google consumer surveys reported in the New York Times, around 70% of heterosexual women in the United States elect to take their husband’s name after marriage. Whereas, only around 3% of men take their wife’s name.

Weighing the Options

There are reasons why a woman may want to change her name and reasons why she may not.

For example, a woman may want to change her name because: • The tradition is important to her. • She sees it as a symbol of commitment and/or a new beginning. • She wants to share a surname with possible future children. • She doesn’t like her maiden name. • She likes her future spouse’s name.

And, she may want to keep her maiden name because: • She does not agree with the above-mentioned patriarchal traditions. • She sees it as an inherent part of her identify and/or is established professionally under her maiden name. • She likes her maiden name. • She changed her name after a previous marriage and doesn’t want to change it again. • She doesn’t feel connected to her future spouse’s surname and/or doesn’t care for it.

And, also, have you considered, what

if your husband’s surname is the same or pronounced the same as your first name – for example, Taylor Taylor or Leigh Lee? What if your initials will spell something unfortunate – like SOS or, well, use your imagination. What if his name rhymes with your first name – such as, Mary Harry or Jane Payne?

This was a gag in the 1998 movie “The Wedding Singer” – the heroine’s married name would have been Julia Gulia – and it struck me as both amusing and cringe-worthy. That being said, if Roger’s last name had been Feather, making my married name, Heather Feather that would have been amazing! Heather Weather or Heather Leather, less so.

Joking aside and apologies to anyone with a rhyming married name that they love, my point is that you have options! As previously noted, you can keep your maiden name, or your spouse can take your name. Some couples choose to hyphenate both surnames; others choose a new, unique name that is meaningful to them.

These options are becoming more popular now that all couples can marry, and as some women (and men) question why we continue to practice a custom that some see as outdated and sexist. I can only speak for myself, and I don’t regret taking Roger’s name nor do I feel that my identity was erased; however, I must acknowledge that changing my name was a lot of work.

Ultimately, deciding to change your name is a personal decision – one informed by your history, culture and beliefs – so, talk with your future spouse, consider the options and do what’s right for the two of you!

If you have decided to change your name, expect to spend around 15 hours researching how to do so, according to Brides magazine (brides.com). While brides-to-be can easily find a checklist online to help guide them through the process, these are some of the things you’ll need to update once you have copies — yes, plural — of your official marriage certificate: • Social Security card • Passport • Driver’s license and other IDs

• Tax information

• Voter registration • Bank, credit card and investment accounts

• Insurance policies • Titles and other legal documents • Utilities and other recurring payments • Direct deposits • Professional email account(s) • Social media accounts

If you are choosing another option, the process varies from state-tostate, so make sure to research what’s required.

heather brandon

Considers life to be one big anthropological field experience. She observes and reports. She enjoys travel, food and wine and adventures with her husband, Roger.