All About Women January-February 2016 by Mountain Times Publications

All About

WOMEN FREE

January - F e b ruary 2 01 6

uedding edding editio edition

Kristin Powers Obiso The perfect pe fect wedding weddin

featuring

Local Bride Brides plus tips, venues, gifts, vendors, inspiration and so much more!

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contents 10 12 14 15 16

bridal beauty countdown the wedding fashionista top 10 proposal dates DIY inspiration tips from our brides

48 50 54 56 66

wedding web etiquette in karenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s kitchen getting gown-ready boone drug - the furmans simplifying the process

68 70 72 74 76 78

contemporary vs. tradition intentions, assumptions & expectations marriage: a work in progress by the book or for worse... love says they will

Photo by Erin Kanz Photography

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VENUES

our brides

18 24 28 30 32 34 36 40 44 46

kristin obiso kelsie summers amber benďŹ eld meredith pitman elisabeth oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;connor samantha bryant karami wallace rebekah bolick charity brown katy fowler

AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

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Photo by April D Green Photography

publisher Gene Fowler

executive editor Tom Mayer

editor Sherrie Norris sherrie@aawmag.com 828.264.3612, ext. 251

writers Emily Apple Sherry Boone Sharon Carlton Bonnie Church Marion Edwards Erika Giovanetti Hollie Greene Heather Jordan Mary McKinney Sue Spirit

production & design Meleah Bryan Jennifer Canosa Marianne Koch Kristin Obiso Megan Sheppard

advertising Rick Tobin 828.773.0406

cover photo by Ellen Gwin Photographer

editor’s note

Wedding season is at hand with numerous proposals over Christmas and New Year’s adding to the celebrations that have only just begun. Most future brides recognize early on that advance planning is essential to insure they have the wedding of their dreams. Some say at least a year is needed, especially for the larger more formal ceremonies that are now estimated to cost $25,000 and up; however, others see no challenge in pulling together an impressive ceremony in a matter of weeks with very little cost. Weddings are as unique as the brides and grooms, themselves, and just like many aspects of life, what works for one might not work for another. For several years, now, we at All About Women magazine have worked hard to bring this special annual wedding issue together in an effort to help future brides with planning a wedding to remember, be it sweet and simple or elaborate and elegant. Within these pages, you will also ﬁnd inspiration from those who took their marriage vows seriously and are happy to share their story. We try to remain consistent in our publications, and while there are wedding guides available by the dozens these days, you, our readers know what to expect from us, month after month. There are usually no earthshattering surprises here, but rather, ordinary features on extraordinary women, along with advice and tips to help enrich our daily lives. We love to celebrate life’s journeys with local women and we can’t think of a better way to start a new year than with those included in this issue. We appreciate the overwhelming response we received from our call to local brides for their chance to be featured herein; we regret that we could not include each one. A special thank you to our advertising sponsors who continue to put their trust in us each month. Please take note of who they are, patronize their businesses and let them know you saw their ad within this publication. With best wishes to our brides for that “happily ever after” ending,

AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

BEAUTY

Bridal Beauty Countdown 10

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

If you are engaged, or expect to become engaged in the near future, I am sure that your head will soon be swirling with a million things that must be done on your journey to marital bliss. Below are a few time-sensitive tips to help you as your countdown begins. These simple suggestions will certainly help alleviate some of your stress and help you keep your ducks in a row.

Pick up any beauty accessories for hair adornment, etc. 2 Weeks Hair: Now’s the time to get color and

cuts. Watch your sodium intake as it causes water retention and puffiness (good thing to minimize all the time). 1 Week

6 Months Healthy skin: That beautiful dewy

bridal glow should come from within and that can only happen when the body is healthy and vibrant. Eating and drinking healthy will help ensure a better complexion and overall vibrant state of health on your big day. This is also the time to perfect your skin care routine with products that address your speciﬁc needs and deliver a pimple-free, smooth and even toned complexion. Exercise: It doesn’t have to be anything strenuous, just at a level that enhances good blood ﬂow and gives good muscle tone. If you’re not already doing so, begin taking a good multi-vitamin.

Complete all waxing and eyebrow shaping. Since brows are the frame of the face, I suggest you hire a professional to shape them. You can pluck strays, but the shape line will be in place. If you are getting a facial, give your skin a chance to ride out any redness. This is not the time to experiment with new products. 3 Days Treat yourself to a relaxing massage. 2 Days

now is the time to seek out and set up a trial run. You want to have the best artists, and the best book fast. 2 Months

1 Day

If you’re planning a tan, now is the time to do your test drive. You deﬁnitely want a good technician, because you do not want to look like an orange on your wedding day. Once you decide on a salon, you will want to do the actual tan at least three days prior to your big day. Plan at least 12 hours before you can shower or wear tight ﬁtting clothing.

Get eight-10 hours of sleep. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Be beautiful!

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Teeth whitening: If you’re doing your

own, start the process now to get the best results. If you’re having them whitened professionally, you can wait 10 days prior. Once whitened, watch coffee, wine and colas, as they will leave stains on your newly whitened teeth. Get a good whitening tooth paste.

with our exclusive High Tech Microcurrent and LED facial. Get lifted, smooth, well rested youthful looking skin.

Mani/pedi: Make this a fun time with

your bridesmaids and one in which you coordinate colors for your party. Make those colors shades of pinks and nudes, not burgundy or black. Those colors may be trending now, but you’re going to wonder what you were thinking when you look at your pictures ﬁve years forward.

Professional makeup and hair services: If you plan to hire professionals,

Look amazing on that special day…

Marion Edwards Marion Edwards is a Licensed Esthetician, Professional Makeup Artist and Certiﬁed Trainer for Motives Cosmetics. She can be contacted at 828.262.5954.

828.963.8233 www.apphomecare.com AAWMAG.COM | JAN-FEB 2016

fashion

the wedding

Fashionista The bridal fashion world has already fast-forwarded to the 2016 wedding season, especially on the runways, as “Bridal Fashion Week” just wrapped up in New York. While wedding style might not change drastically from season to season, there still are noteworthy trends, details and fun updates to consider, especially if you’re already starting to plan your own big day.

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

Who doesn’t love looking beautiful in her wedding dress? It is critical to choose your color palette, even before you start planning for your wedding. A great palette sets the tone for your entire day and helps you coordinate with the season’s preferred colors. New wedding styles are calling for exposure, so I think you’ll see the trend edging toward low and illusion backs, as well as the extreme neckline, another timeless favorite. Considering the low sensual back, it’s not a complete shocker that bridal wear is taking an adventurous plunge with jawdroppingly low necklines, too. But what goes down must go up, too, right? For a counter-effect, the bridal gown neckline is also reaching new heights with lacy and tulle-ruffled mock-turtleneck collars. Some designers have even managed to make both high and low necklines work together in one dress. Fluttery feathers are also making a bridal statement this season. For extra dimension and fun, some designers are accenting their fully-covered traditional ball-gown skirting with feathers. Vera Wang once again thought outside the box with a lionesque cascading ball-gown skirt, but paired it with a bandeau crop top and showed it in all black

for a wedding look you can definitely wear again. The princess overlay is basically the sartorial hybrid of the princess ball gown and the minimalist column. That extra layer of tulle, lace or organza gives the dress a ball gown feel, but with the slimming effect of a streamlined column or slinky slip silhouette underneath. It’s the bridal version of having your cake and eating it, too. A dress doesn’t need a lot of embellishments to truly stand out when a classic style complements the bride. Because one type of lace is never enough, this spring, designers layered Chantilly lace on top of embroidered tulle and Swiss dotted lace for texture and detail. A combination of casual and chic, there’s something unique and elegant about a bride displaying her own style on her wedding day. Keep in mind — it is her day. Each bride needs to find what works for her, individually, even if it’s not the latest to come off the runway. There are many designs from which to choose, so of it’s you who’s looking, keep an open mind and find the dress that works perfectly for you. Emily apple Emily Apple is an Appalachian State graduate with a degree in fashion design and merchandising.

Preser ve. Preser ve. Prese

Document. Document.

Capture. Ca p ture.

www.ellengwin elle n.com com

10 14

St. Valentine’s Day — The most romantic day of the year — need more be said?

Your partner’s birthday — Give him/her a birthday he/ she will never forget.

Christmas Day — Ideal time in the

New Year’s Eve — One of the most popular of the Top 10 proposal dates in the Gregorian calender. A new year, a new chapter, with ﬁreworks and cheering and positivity in the air, it is a great night to propose marriage.

Christmas Eve — Everything so peaceful

season of giving to give your partner the ultimate gift — the perfect proposal.

and still, Christmas decorations around you and a general good feeling in the air; what better day to choose to become lifelong partners.

top 10 proposal dates

The date of your ﬁrst kiss or when you ﬁrst met — Use this date to re-kindle feelings of extra love and romance.

The date of your ﬁrst date or romantic outings — use the place you went to as well as the venue for the proposal.

Saint’s Days or religious days if you’re both religious or

Bank holiday — When you have a national or regional

patriotic. Fit the proposal to what the day represents.

holiday, use the time to go away and plan something really romantic.

When you feel ready — Today. Tomorrow. Next week. If you want spontaneity and decide in May you want to propose in December, but feel the urge to propose — do it. Sometimes, needs must go with how you are truly feeling. Today just might be your proposal date. Choosing a date can be a mineﬁeld, but getting the right day can make all the difference between a marriage proposal and a perfect marriage proposal. The memory of it will be cherished forever.

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

do it yourself i n s p i r at i o n Something blue - Use pearlized craft paint to “stain” your shoes. Or, tape off the sole only, to protect your bridal shoes and just paint the sole. Or, paint the letters “I” on the left sole. And “Do” on the right-facing sole, so your guests can see your message when you are kneeling during your ceremony.

Photo props Whimsical photo props for you or your guests to try on for cute photos!

Magical lighting - Affix a wire around the rim of a mason jar and leave enough to dangle from a tree branch. Fill with sand and add a tea light or electronic candle. Line them up along the branch for a twinkling effect.

A story of love - Place framed chalkboard on your wedding table with your message, names, wedding date, etc.

Illustrations by Marianne Koch

Something old - Use antique or colored glass bottles as vases for a vintage look on your guests’ tables.

Can lanterns From just an ordinary soup can: Remove the paper wrapper. Take a hammer and nail. Pound out a shape — a heart, a key, a ﬂower, etc. Make two holes on each side. Bend wire through the holes and make a loop. Add sand at the bottom to hold a tea light or electronic candle to light up an entry or a ledge.

A tweet idea - Use a wire bird cage as a card holder. String paper or burlap triangle pieces along a piece of twine. Hand paint letters that spell out “cards” or “thanks” for a look that is too cute for words. AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

‘Don’t sweat the small stuff. At the end of the day, it is a

celebration of marriage, being surrounded by the friends and family that love you the most.’ — Kelsie Summers

‘You do not have to spend a ton of money to make your day perfect!’

— Amber Benfield

‘Your day will be perfect at

the end because you are marrying the man of your dreams and God takes care of everything.’ — Charity Brown

‘If you have a train, make

sure you practice the bustle a few times to make sure it goes smoothly the day of the wedding.’

— Kristin Obiso

‘Practice

tips from our brides ‘Don’t see the groom before you

walk down the aisle, because the moment he sees you for the first time is MAGICAL!’

— Elisabeth O’Connor

walking in your dress.’

not only overwhelming, but distracting. Take time every day to stop thinking about decorations/ itinerary and focus on the depth of what you are both about to do.’ — RebekaH Bolick

— Katy Fowler

‘Remember to soak in every moment and never second-guess allocat-

ing a large part of your budget toward your photographer and videographer. My photos and video allow me to relive our wedding day, over and over.’ — Samantha Bryant

‘Take the time to talk with everyone at the

wedding; those special moments with all my guests and their kind words are what has meant so much to us since the wedding.’ — Meredith Pitman

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

‘Planning a wedding can be

Photo by Erin Kranz Photography

10 • 19 • 2014

kristin & matthew obiso BLOWING ROCK, NC PHOTOGRAPHY BY ELLEN GWIN PHOTOGRAPER

the perfect Wedding Kristin Powers and Matthew Obiso of Deep Gap were married in an outdoor ceremony on October 19, 2014, “a gorgeous fall day, perfect for a wedding,” Kristin says. The idyllic setting of Camp Sky Ranch for their ceremony and reception was the perfect choice, Kristin says. “We liked how the venue had both the outdoor chapel and the reception hall within walking distance of each other.”

“Our wedding day was everything I had ever hoped for and the memories will last a lifetime,” Kristin adds. A highlight of the day for Kristin was watching Matt’s reaction when he saw her for the ﬁrst time as she walked down the aisle.

An early start Kristin got an early start on planning her wedding, with about 10 months between the proposal and the ceremony. It was important to her that Matt was involved in the wedding planning and a big part of the decision making, she says, but he asked very little. “He wanted me to look natural and to wear my hair down — and that we had a fire pit at the reception,” she says. “I wanted it to be ‘our day,’ not just my day. I wanted to make sure that he liked everything, too.” Kristin, her mother and future mother-in-law attended the High Country Wedding Expo together, from which the wedding vendors were chosen. To avoid added stress, the couple started booking the vendors early. Desiring a small wedding with only family and close friends in attendance, they planned for around 50 guests. “Our planning was family-oriented,” Kristin says. “Everyone wanted to be a part of making our wedding what we wanted it to be.” She wanted to have a September wedding, but it “didn’t work out,” Kristin says, and ended up getting married the same weekend as did her sister, Brittany Powers, five years earlier. She was “very excited,” Kristin recalls, that she found her wedding dress on the first day of her search, joined by her parents; she invited Matt’s mom to join them for the dress fitting. According to Kristin, “It was kind of a do-it-yourself wedding,” with many things handmade with the help of family and friends and all set up the day before the wedding. It wouldn’t have been possible without their parents, Kristin says. “They helped us on so many levels, we cannot thank them enough.” The camaraderie came easily as the couple had dated for so long that their families knew each other, liked each other

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

and got along very well. Kristin and Matt didn’t need a lengthy gift registry, she says. “As far back as I can remember, my family has bought me something each year for my hope chest,” she explains. “It’s a tradition that my parents did with both my sister and me; it’s a great idea that we will continue if we have kids.” In preparation for those special “first dances,” Matt’s parents paid for the couple to join them in dance lessons, which, Kristin says, was also very special. Pictures of the couple were taken before the ceremony with a door separating them so they couldn’t see each other. “I love those pictures,” Kristin says. Kristin walked down the aisle on the arm of her father and exited on that of her husband by music chosen from two of her favorite movies – “The Sound of Music” and “The Wedding Singer.” As the couple walked up the aisle for the first time as husband and wife, their wedding guests and bridal party threw confetti and played kazoos, a lot of fun for everyone, they recall. With the help of their minister, the couple participated in writing their ceremony and vows, which had very special meaning for them. Between the ceremony and reception, while the majority of pictures were taken, the guests were treated to hot chocolate, apple cider and s’mores. “They also filled out ‘madlibs,’ that we created, as well as postcards, which my sister mailed to us throughout our first year together,” Kristin says. Everyone had fun at the photobooth, where Matt’s brother, David Obiso, snapped fun pictures with guests using handmade props. Kristin’s brother-in-law, Paul Powers, served as DJ for the reception, playing songs with personal meaning for the bride and groom. “Our first dance song, which Matt said reminded him of me, and the father/ daughter dance song, that was from a concert my dad and I attended together, were both significant to me,” Kristin says. A crowd favorite part of the reception was the “candy” bar, featuring a wide assortment of favorite candies. Everything came together for the perfect wedding, Kristin says. “The vendors were wonderful; we could not have asked

for it to have been any better. I loved being in my wedding dress, which I have had preserved. I didn’t want the day to be over — marrying Matt was the best decision I ever made.” Sentiment played a big part of the couple’s reception, as they used the same cake cutter and server that Matt’s parents used at their wedding, which they had engraved for the younger couple. Wedding pictures of both sets of parents and grandparents occupied a place of honor on the reception hall mantle. “Our families have a long history of successful marriages,” Kristin says. “It is important to us that we keep that tradition going.” After the wedding, Kristin’s godmother, Len Cone, and Rusty Blanton, their ceremony musician, started dating and are engaged to be married in June.

The honeymoon Matt and Kristin chose an adventurous honeymoon experience, but rather than whisking off immediately after their wedding, they waited a few months for things to calm down before ﬂying to their destination of Costa Rica. “It was the best vacation ever,” Kristin describes, ﬁlled with hiking, zip lines, volcanoes, beaches, a spa, cool animals, unbelievable sunsets

and outdoor restaurants. They were “very brave,” they were told, to have rented a car and driven where “traffic was very different,” they say. They had a wonderful time, but almost missed their ﬂight back to the United States, due to the eruption of a volcano, which temporarily shut down the airport.

How it all began The couple met through mutual friends at a July 4th party in 2006, the summer before their senior year of high school. They had been in the same grade in high school, but didn’t even know each other existed. “He eventually asked one of our friends for my phone number,” Kristin says, “and we started hanging out together. He asked me to be his girlfriend on Super Bowl Sunday, Feb. 4, 2007.” Their ﬁrst date? “We ate at Dos Amigos, then went to Higher Grounds for smoothies and back to my house to play Guitar Hero,” Kristin says. A few days later, on Valentine’s Day, Kristin was “blown away,” she says, when Matt had a dozen roses (11 orange, and one red) delivered to her house – “10 days after we started dating. Talk about impressive!” AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

But, then again, she adds, “He’s always been a gentleman.” They attended senior prom together and graduated high school together a short while later. “Matt got a chocolate lab puppy a year after we started dating,” Kristin says, “He let me name him, so I’ve always thought of him as my dog, too. Kyzer is now 7 years old.”

Finding a way It was a little harder to “hang out” when Kristin was in college, she says, but they always found a way. They sometimes talked about their future together, but dated almost seven years before becoming engaged. Matt ﬁnally proposed on Christmas Eve, 2013, but not before asking Kristin’s father for his permission. Matt “tricked” Kristin into going to Howard’s Knob, she says with a smile. “We always exchanged gifts at my parent’s house before going to the home of my maternal grandparents on Christmas Eve, so it was a little strange when Matt said, ‘Let’s go see if there is snow on Howard’s Knob.'” Despite closed gates, they found an opening and were just standing there, Kristin recalls, looking at the view, “which was really nice,” when, all of sudden, Matt dropped to one knee and opened up the box that held her ring. At that very moment, the snow began to fall, something Kristin describes as “amazing — like being in a snow globe.”

Moving forward The couple wanted to stay local and have stable jobs before taking the next step in their relationship, which happened with Matt working at Appalachian State University and Kristin employed in creative services at Mountain Times Publications. They always have fun together — no matter what they do — hiking, going to the park, seeing movies, going to restaurants and concerts and playing with Kyzer. And they love to laugh. Among the secrets of their successful relationship, Kristin adds, is that they do nice things for each other. “He’s always

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

surprising me with little things,” she says. Matt is genuine, Kristin says, “the nicest guy and handsome, too.” “He treats me and his family well,” she adds, “and other people, too. He’s always there when I need him.” “We love being married,” Kristin says. “We still love to laugh and always have fun together. We are a team; he cooks, I bake, and our housework is always done together. We work opposite schedules, but we always make time for each other.” They also love being aunt and uncle to Fiona Powers, born in August to Kristin’s sister, Brittany and husband, Paul.

A self-described “picky eater,” Kristin admits that she has given in to Matt’s encouraging of her to try new foods. She has begun to eat (cooked) onions and carrots, but vows to never like asparagus. For their recent ﬁrst anniversary, they enjoyed a short weekend getaway to Robbinsville, where they hiked, drove on the Cherohala Skyway and the Tail of the Dragon. Keeping to tradition, they ate the top layer of their wedding cake, which they say, was still good.

By example While growing up, Matt and Kristin both had great examples of marriage before them. “We saw our parents and grandparents go through ups and downs, but no matter what, they always found a way to make it through — together,” says Kristin. “I think that having such strong role models has positively influenced us on what we think a marriage should be, and how to make it last. You see, many marriages today don’t last for the long haul, but our families have beaten the odds. Both sets of our parents have been married for over 30 years, and our grandparents have been married for 50-or 60-plus years. If you ask me, that’s pretty amazing.” Kristin’s parents, Allen and Teresa Powers: “Our marriage has always been a partnership and about being best friends. It’s not only sharing responsibilities and working together, but remembering to have fun and finding things that you enjoy doing together. We have always believed and taught our children that marriage is for a lifetime, getting through the good and the bad times together, and ultimately remembering to show each other love and respect every day.” Matt’s parents, Daniel and Beverly Obiso: “We contribute our happy marriage to remembering to put each other first, making sure we spend time together, and staying committed to one another. We always remember to lean on family and friends in good and tough times, to be proud of our marriage, and to always know the feeling of love and kindness is around us. Matt and Kristin, we hope we have set an example and instilled the foundation in both of you for a life full of love, honesty and kindness. Please always make time for each other and be happy.” sherrie norris Editor, All About Women

vendors

Cake: Stick Boy Bread Company Caterer: Gamekeeper Ceremony Music: Rusty Blanton Dinnerware & Linens: Miss Match Rentals Dresses: David’s Bridal Flowers: Desi’s Floral & Design Hair and makeup: R Salon Minister: Tommy Brown Photobooth Photography: Obiso Photography Rehearsal Dinner: Cafe Portofino Rings: Old World Galleries Tuxedos: South’s Specialty Clothiers Venue: Camp Sky Ranch Wedding Photography: Ellen Gwin Photographer AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

11 • 15 • 2014

kelsie & austin summers WAKE FOREST, NC PHOTOGRAPHY BY ERIN DUEL

keeping it Simple For Kelsie Summers, it was all about simplicity. Choosing a “do-it-yourself” path, Kelsie’s dream wedding was made possible with the help of Austin, “my kind husbandto-be” and three generations of family and dear friends, she says. “We all created a simple ‘mountains in the city’ wedding, complete with delicious handmade food, hand-arranged flowers, hand-done hair, and a hand-frosted cake — complete with handpainted cake toppers.” It was important, too, that the photos, taken by friend, Erin Deuel, reflect just who she and Austin really are, Kelsie says: “Humorous, sincere, and witty.” As a nonprofit employee, Kelsie was conscious to choose locations that were both beautiful and gave back to the community. “The Stone Chapel, where we were married, uses the fees it charges to fund the feeding ministry it hosts during the week,” she says. “And, the park fee for the reception space, Lake Wheeler at Wake County Parks and Recreation, helps ensure that the grounds will be enjoyable to all generations for years to come.” With the sun shining and the leaves at their peak, Kelsie describes, she was able to marry the man she loves, surrounded by 80 people who supported them both “the entire way on our two-year path to marriage.” “Being surrounded by friends and family was the most important element to this wedding that we could ever hope for,” she says. Kelsie’s dress was “second-hand,” she says. She made her own wedding cake and her family prepared the food. The flowers were purchased at Trader Joes, but arranged by her mother. Decorations belonged to Austin’s mother and music was delivered via an Ipod. Describing their romance as “definitely the cliché — he saw her from across the room and it was love at first sight — kind of story,” Kelsie says, the couple met at a local music show while students at Appalachian State University. “And we have been together ever since.” Kelsie is employed as the donor services coordinator at Samaritan’s Purse. Austin is an analyst for Credit Suisse, an investment bank.

AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

their story

Bride: Kelsie, 25, donor services coordinator at Samaritan’s Purse International Relief Groom: Austin, 27, analyst at Credit Susse How they met: “Our story is definitely the cliche ‘he saw her from across the room and it was love at first sight’ kind of story. We met at a local music show while we were both students at Appalachian State University.”

vendors

Ceremony: The Stone Chapel Photography: Erin Duel Reception: Lake Wheeler Everything Else: DIY! AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

12 • 27 • 2014

amber & dakota benfield LINVILLE FALLS, NC PHOTOGRAPHY BY J GOUGE PHOTOGRAPHY

their story

Bride: Amber, 28, sixth-grade math teacher at Cranberry Middle School Groom: Dakota, 29, works at Mountain Electric Cooperative How they met: “We met in high school at Dakota’s football game at Cloudland High School.”

vendors

Ceremony & Reception: Linville Falls Community Church Photography: J Gouge Photography Cake and Catering: B&H Catering DJ/Band: Steven Shell of Mountain Heritage Systems Hair: Talk of the Town Makeup: Karena Weaver Props: East Tennessee Rent-All Wedding Planning: Judy Young & Michelle Dearmin

5 • 30 • 2015

meredith & matt pitman MOUNTAIN CITY, TN PHOTOGRAPHY BY ELIZABETH LARGE PHOTOGRAPHY

their story

Bride: Meredith, 26, business management Groom: Matt, 27, NC State Trooper How they met: “Unbeknownst to me, Matt saw me being crowned Miss Avery County at the A&H Fair. Then, eight months later, we were set up on a blind date where we oﬃcially met.”

vendors

Cake: Hallmark Cakes Catering: The Tributary & Frugal Gourmet Catering Company Ceremony & Reception: Redtail Mountain Golf Club Dress: Did Someone Say Party Flowers: ShayBrey Florist Jewelry: Michael’s Jewelry Music: Kosmala Family Oﬃciant: Rev. Michael McKee Photography: Elizabeth Large Photography Props: Boone Rent-All Videography: Lakepoint Films Wedding Director: Brenda Church of ShayBrey Florist

5 • 30 • 2015

elisabeth & brian o’connor connor VALLE CRUCIS, NC PHOTOGRAPHY BY ERIN KRANZ PHOTOGRAPHY

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

their story

Bride: Elisabeth, 28, veterinarian at Limestone Veterinary Clinic Groom: Brian, 28, mechanical engineer with NASA How they met: “We met at a mutual friend’s Thanksgiving party.”

vendors

Accommodations: LaQuinta Inn & Suites Band: Swing Set Beverage: Peabody’s Wine & Beer Merchants Flowers: Bouquet Florist Food: Reid’s Catering Oﬃciant: Rev. Petra Wahnefried Photography: Erin Kranz Photography Rentals: Boone Rent-All Tux: South’s Specialty Clothiers Venue: Breitenstein’s Field of Dreams

7 • 11 • 2015

samantha & mitch bryant TRADE, TN

PHOTOGRAPHY BY FREEMAN & JACKSON PHOTOGRAPHY

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

their story

Bride: Samantha, 27, Tax CPA with RSM US Careers Groom: Mitch, 27, assistant oﬃce manager at B&M Marine Construction How they met: “Mitch and I first met at the annual Edge of the World snowboard party. From there, our lives always crossed paths on the ski slopes.”

vendors

Cake & Catering: Gadabouts DJ: Soundstorm DJ's Dress: Did Someone Say Party? Flowers (wedding party): Mountaineer Garden Center Flowers (table centerpieces): Shady Grove Gardens Hair: Beautiful Bride Minister: High Country Ministers Photo Booth: Shawn Mitchell Photography Photographer: Freeman & Jackson Photography Rentals: Boone Rent-All Venue: White Fence Farm Videographer: NowSay - Dominic Sansotta

AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

9 • 12 • 2015

karami & landon wallace ROAN MOUNTAIN, TN PHOTOGRAPHY BY APRIL D GREEN PHOTOGRAPHY

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

friends, family and

Forever Karami Ball and Landon Wallace, both of Boone, were married Sept 12 at Triple J Farm in Roan Mountain, Tenn. The couple had known each other forever, Karami says; their parents, Don and Beth Ball and Doug and Mitzi Wallace, have been long-time friends. The couple’s first date was February 13, 2014 for which they ordered take-out from the Come Back Shack and watched “Fried Green Tomatoes” together. They dated for 10 months and were engaged for nine. When describing their proposal, Karami says, “Landon is always in the woodpile, so he decided to cut off the end of a stick of wood and nail it back on, so it swiveled to hide my ring. He had arranged for our photographer, April Green, to be there, but out of sight, while capturing it, every step of the way. He had also requested that my best friend, Lindsay, to be there as soon as it happened. Both of our families ate dinner at the Peddler afterwards.” As soon as the couple was engaged, Karami says, she set to work getting “the big things” settled early — especially the venue and photographer. Renee and Phillip Barrier, who helped plan and direct the wedding, Karami says, “were wonderful and kept everything in order.” Also, Piper Woodring, a life-long family friend, made sure everything was decorated “just as I wanted,” Karami says. “She also kept me calm when it was hard for me to be that way.” Karami and Landon chose a dozen of their closest friends and relatives as their attendants, with their young cousins serving as flower girls and ring bearers. “They were the cutest and made it so much fun,” Karami adds. Most of their wedding vendors were chosen from their large circle of friends and customers of Wallace Propane, Landon’s family business. Adding an element of tradition to the outdoor ceremony was the presence of the Rev. Maxx Furr, who officiated at the wedding of Karami’s parents, in 1978. Karami was thrilled to discover Triple J Farm at the High Country Wedding Expo at Boone Mall, she says, and after she and Landon visited the venue, they knew it was for them and the perfect backdrop for the casual atmosphere they desired. For their honeymoon, the couple flew from Charlotte to Rome, where they stayed for three days, followed by a week-long Mediterranean cruise to Italy, France and Spain. Was it her dream” wedding? “Absolutely,” Karami says. “We have the best families and support system in the world. Everyone worked hard to make it the day of our dreams.” What would she do differently, if she had it to do over, we asked? “Not a thing,” Karami responds. Karami received a health promotion degree from App State and is employed at Blue Ridge Pediatrics; Landon has a business management degree from App State and works at Wallace Propane. AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

their story

Bride: Karami, Blue Ridge Pediatrics Groom: Landon, Wallace Propane How they met: “We’ve known each other forever.”

vendors

Venue: Triple J Farm Photographer: April D Green Photography Cake: Wanda Smith Caterer: Big Mo’s BBQ Jeweler: Mountain Jewelers Dress: Did Someone Say Party? Florists: Emily Church, Kay Melton, Shelia Melton/ Michael’s Wholesale Florist Planners: Phillip and Renee Barrier, Piper Woodring Musicians: Kelly Puckett, Chuck Mantooth, George Wilson and Forgotten Country Oﬃciates: Seth Norris and Max Furr

9 • 26 • 2015

rebekah & joshua bolick BLOWING ROCK, NC PHOTOGRAPHY BY PIXELS ON PAPER

happily Ever After Rebekah McDonald and Joshua Bolick were married Sept. 26, 2015, at St. Mary of the Hills Episcopal Church, where Rebekah had been christened and conﬁrmed as a child. “Although it had rained for 13 days before the wedding, the joy of our day was found in the sunshine of our hearts,” Rebekah says. The reception was held at the Green Park Inn, from which she had looked upon her entire whole life, she says, from her family’s home across the street on Gideon Ridge. “I had played on the green horse and crawled around in the old surrey carriage as a child,” Rebekah shares. “In her childhood, my great-grandmother took the train from Charlotte to Lenoir and road in a buckboard from there to Blowing Rock to spend her summers in the cool of the mountains at the Green Park Inn.” During those same years, Joshua’s great-grandmother was raising her family on Blowing Rock’s main street. Rebekah and Joshua met while in the sixth grade at Blowing Rock Elementary School. “We went steady for two weeks,” she recalls. “After a pause, we reconnected in college at Appalachian State University, fell in love, and hope to live our lives happily ever after.” The couple actually “reconnected” in the summer of 2008, Rebekah says. “I broke my foot and Josh heard about it through the grapevine, remembered our families’ homes were only minutes apart and showed up at my door to ask if I wanted company while I healed. We’ve been together ever since.” Rebekah and Joshua see their wedding “as the coming together of the past, present and the future,” says Rebekah, “which is wonderfully ours to experience and enjoy.” Rebekah received her bachelor’s degree in nursing at App State and is currently a registered nurse in the intensive care unit at Rex Hospital in Raleigh. Joshua completed his accounting degree from App State and is a certiﬁed public accountant with Elliot-Davis-Decosimo.

AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

their story

Bride: Rebekah, 26, Intensive Care RN at Rex Hospital Groom: Joshua, 25, CPA with Elliot-Davis-Decosimo How they met: â&#x20AC;&#x153;I broke my foot in the summer of 2008. Josh heard about it through the grapevine and remembered that our families' homes were only minutes apart. He showed up at my door to ask if I wanted company while I healed. We've been together ever since!â&#x20AC;?

vendors

Band: The Major Sevens Cake: Konfections by Kim Ceremony: St. Mary of the Hills Episcopal Church Catering & Reception: Green Park Inn Dress & Tux: Did Someone Say Party? Flowers: Rhonda Ann McDonald Hair: Haircut 101 Jewelry: Old World Galleries Makeup: Heather Murray Photography: Pixels on Paper

9 • 26 • 2015

charity & keith brown NEWLAND, NC

PHOTOGRAPHY BY MELISSA HORNEY, MIKE LACEY & JADE PARKS

their story

Bride: Charity, 27, police officer for the NC License & Theft Bureau Groom: Keith, 34, patrol officer, Town of Fletcher How they met: “We both had a training together for work. We did not talk at all, but definitely noticed each other. A month later, he had a training at my office. We remembered each other, but I played hard to get. I was undercover that week and had a fake wedding ring on. He noticed it and didn’t remember me being married a month ago. After a couple of days of saying, ‘Hey,’ and briefly talking, he finally asked me if I was married. I said, ‘For the day!’ We laughed as he figured out I was undercover. He asked for my number the next day.”

vendors

Cake: Sweet Tooth Bakery Catering: Countryside BBQ Ceremony & Reception: Linville Land Harbor Golf Club Flowers: Ingles Makeup & Hair: Kayla Buchanan of Rockin’ Locks Planning: Linda Benfield Photography: Melissa Horney, Mike Lacey & Jade Parks

10 • 10 • 2015

katy & trey fowler VALLE CRUCIS, NC PHOTOGRAPHY BY MEGAN SHEPPARD PHOTOGRAPHY

their story

Bride: Katy, 22, customer service representative at A Cleaner World Groom: Trey, 25, digital manager at Mountain Times Publications How they met: â&#x20AC;&#x153;We met at a party and made plans to go to the zoo.â&#x20AC;?

vendors

Catering: Farm to Flame Ceremony: Taylor House Inn Cupcakes: Diane Finch Flowers: Bouquet Florist Makeup & Hair: Hair Creations Photography: Megan Sheppard Photography Reception: Appalachian Mountain Brewery

highcountrycourtesies

Wedding Web Etiquette Embracing Social Media

#WeSaidIDo

The evolution of our all-connected world presents additional considerations for those planning weddings. In addition to orchestrating vows and gowns, invitations and receptions, 21st century brides and grooms-to-be must also consider how to utilize social media. The instant connectivity social media generates may suit you perfectly, or you may wish to keep your wedding more intimate and offline. By not addressing the possible options and not conveying your desires to wedding guests, you are opting to allow guests to publish photos and videos of wedding events as they choose. Consider the following guidelines in planning your future nuptials.

PLUGGED IN For an engaged couple who wishes to fully embrace online technology, a wedding website provides a central source for providing information, for sharing photos and videos of pre-wedding festivities, as well as for communicating your requests. For those who are technologically adept, there are “easy-to-use” website building programs online that offer templates, multi-media features and social buttons for linking to social sites like FaceBook and Instagram. Wedding planners may organize a website for you or suggest a program or professional website builder to use. Design your own wedding hashtag to print on every item from save-the-date notices to shower invitations to reception napkins. Create a phrase that ﬁts the two of you. You may choose a classic like #MrAndMrsJones or #BrittneeAndStephen2016, or you may choose a unique play on your names, experiences or the activities you enjoy. Hashtag generating websites may provide inspiration or a solution. Today’s engaged couples must expect guests to snap pictures with their everhandy phones. Therefore, couples should provide guidance for when to not take photos. Although most guests are naturally respectful and considerate, one enthusiastic iPhone amateur photographer can ruin the best efforts of a hired professional photographer inadvertently by standing to photograph or by holding the

phone/camera inappropriately. Event coordinator Laura Griffin suggests asking guests to refrain from using their cell phones or personal cameras during the ceremony by including a note in the wedding program. She recommended this courteous phrasing for an unplugged ceremony, “We want you to be able to relax and enjoy this day with us. We invite you to put away your devices and be present in the moment as we celebrate.” Communicate when and how to take and share photos. “The reception is a different story,” say Laura. “I love it when the couple encourages guests to post their photos under a common hashtag. A common hashtag allows the guests and wedding party to view every photo from that particular event.” Set expectations for your guests by inviting them to Instagram or post on FaceBook by placing a sign with instructions as guests enter the reception or other event. Guests should remember to allow the professional photographers do their jobs. “First dances, toasts and cake cutting are special moments that should be left to professionals,” Laura adds. To further encourage attendees to take photos using your wedding hashtag, contract a company like Vividsnaps or Instaprint to print hashtagged photos at the reception for guests. Couples may choose to use a photosharing app, like Appy Couple, WedPics or Eversnap, to create a private, invitation only virtual album for attendee’s hashtagged photos. Select an app only after making sure that the program is compatible with the type devices (Android, iPhone, tablet) most of your guests will be using.

UNPLUGGED Couples who wish to keep their wedding private and offline should plan to communicate those desires clearly utilizing several modes. Express your request for no social media sharing on your wedding website, if you are using one. At the wedding ceremony a reminder, printed in the program conveying your request, could be phrased, “Thank you for honoring our wedding day. We appreciate you not posting photos via social media.” Cards to this effect can be placed on seats to further remind guests, as well as a sign posted at both the ceremony and reception. Although you notify guests of your wishes, they may forget your request in the excitement of the wedding. Alert your wedding planner, family and attendants to gently prompt guests as verbal reinforcement. In case a photograph or two are posted, do not allow it to ruin your special day or memories of your day. As technology continues to reshape life on multiple fronts, the resulting conveniences and inconveniences abound. Incorporating the best of social media technology to make your unique wedding day wonderfully memorable requires intentional planning. By addressing the options available and clearly communicating your choices to your guests, you are one step closer to your ideal nuptial experience. May you enjoy the best social media conveniences and avoid the inconveniences. Sharon Carlton Sharon Carlton, High Country Courtesies ©2015 Sharon Carlton writes and speaks on modern etiquette and life skill topics. She conducts High Country Courtesies Dining Etiquette and Customer Service Workshops. Contact her at sharoncarlton@charter.net

AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

in Karen’s kitchen

tradition, cake and comfort food There are some women who have a natural talent in the kitchen, and Karen Critcher of Boone is a perfect example. It’s not something she keeps to herself, but rather, it’s something she loves to share with others — whether simply through a recipe she has developed, a helpful tip that she has discovered through trial and error or a favorite dish that she has prepared for someone special. For two decades, Karen simultaneously helped run her family business while cooking and baking for others. As a long-time member of the fellowship committee at Bethany Lutheran Church and a member of the Meat Camp Volunteer Fire Department auxiliary, Karen has helped organize and cook for many special events. She has also helped through the years with countless foodrelated fundraisers for various organizations. More recently, however, she has been able to expand her territory through baking and decorating cakes for birthdays, retirement parties and weddings, while working part time helping to coordinate special events at the Jones House in Boone. Karen’s three daughters, Mary Ruth, Nancy and Sara, have grown up watching their mother ﬁnd her way effortlessly around the house and have each gleaned from her skills and wisdom. Today, with families and homes of their own, they each reﬂect the same kind of hospitality they were taught as youngsters. “Mom has always made a point to make that ‘special something’ for everyone of us,” says Mary Ruth “whether it’s our favorite dish at Thanksgiving or our favorite birthday cake. She insists on mak-

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

Karen Critcher is known as a skillful cook and baker and spends a lot of her time preparing specialty items for family and friends. Photos by Sherrie Norris

ing my kids’ birthday cakes even more special by letting them choose whatever ﬂavor and theme they want. Karen also goes out of her way to make special dishes for her family, Mary Ruth adds, “For example, making two different types of dressing at Thanksgiving to include the one I like best.” Not only has Mary Ruth been on the receiving end of that special treatment, as has her entire family, but in turn, she has learned that doing the same for others brings her joy, as well. “Mom has taught me that not only does it make people happy for you to do something for them,” she says, “but now, I, too, know the joy it brings me, personally,

to cook something special for others.” Nancy never remembers a single day at home in which her mother was not stirring, baking or cooking, she says. “For every event that calls for food, every potluck dinner or whatever, my momma goes the extra mile,” she says. Those who know Nancy and her sisters know, too, that they inherited that trait from their mother and it’s something “much appreciated,” they say. A close friend of Nancy’s, who recently had surgery, can attest to that fact, as Nancy showed up at her house with casseroles and homemade Chex mix. “Mom just really gets that food nourishes more than our bodies,” Nancy says,

“She nourishes people’s souls in such thoughtful and sincere ways by knowing just what food to cook and when, like when she made us homemade chicken and dumplings when our Aunt Martha died. She just knew we needed comfort in every way possible — including food.” Karen’s youngest daughter, Sara, also looks for special opportunities to share her cooking skills with others, whether making her father-in-law’s favorite potato soup, her father’s special banana pudding or her husband’s preferred desserts. She, too, is always eager to share a meal after a friend’s new baby has arrived or whenever she sees a need. Among Sara’s dearest childhood memories is being met at the door of her family home by the aroma of something baking or cooking on the stove. Another one, she recalls, is ﬁnding snacks hidden in her suitcase at summer camp. “Even the might before we left for camp, Mom knew we were dreading the food, so she always ﬁxed us a good meal to hold us over.” Sara remembers how her mother took time to teach her and her sisters important things about home and family, especially around holidays. As an adult, Sara continues to enjoy making Christmas cookies and candies with her mother and delivering to shutins. She also looks forward to seeing her mother continue the birthday cake tradition when her infant son starts celebrating next summer. Nancy and Sara remember how, as little girls, they decided to make a meal for their mother, which came out “awful,” Sara says. “But, she ate it, anyway.”

An early start Cooking came naturally for Karen, she says, who grew up in the kitchen with her Granny Lookabill, Aunt Mary Lookabill and her mother. “They were all incredible cooks and much of what they did was on an old cookstove,” she says. Karen doesn’t recall a time when she wasn’t in the kitchen. “I even remember standing in a chair to help stir things,” she says. As she grew older, Karen helped prepare meals and learned to follow recipes,

but today admits to modifying them to suit herself and others. Based on her own experience, Karen wanted to make sure that her children, including her son, Tim, learned to cook at an early age and loved having them with her in the kitchen.

Cake baking and decorating Karen became interested in baking and decorating cakes by watching her mother. “She made cakes and encouraged me to do the same. She helped pay for me to take a cake decorating class when Mary Ruth was a baby, almost 40 years ago,” Karen says. Back then, she recalls, most wedding cakes were the same and most everything was decorated with roses made with icing. Now, while some brides still prefer traditional cakes, most want something more modern, Karen says. “Many want complicated styles, themes and various ﬂavors and most brides now prefer live ﬂowers over piped roses.” There was no such thing as fondant in those early days, Karen says, but rather most wanted butter cream icing; that’s

what she still prefers, but she will do whatever anyone wants. Among Karen’s most unique cakes, in addition to wedding cakes, includes a life-size guitar birthday cake and a replica of the old well on the UNC campus, for a graduation party. Through the years, she has made hundreds of cakes for all occasions, she says, of every shape, size and theme. “I made all of my children’s wedding cakes and look forward to doing the same for my grandchildren,” she says. “And lots of family and friend birthday cakes, too.” What does she enjoy most about cooking and baking? “Being able to see other people enjoy what I have created,” she says, “whether a special meal or cake.” What is her secret to good food and memorable cakes? “I know it’s cliché, but it’s true — I cook and bake with love.”

sherrie norris Editor, All About Women

AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

A few of Karen’s favorite old-timey family recipes:

Mary Lookabill’s ‘Big Mama’s’ Drop Cookies Sugar Cookie

Pearl Lookabill’s Silver Cake

(Karen’s maternal aunt)

(Nancy L. Winebarger, Karen’s mother)

(Karen’s maternal granny)

½ cup soft shortening 1 cup sugar 1 egg 2 cups sifted ﬂour ½ tsp. soda ½ tsp. salt ½ cup buttermilk 1 tsp. vanilla

1½ cup sour cream *1 cup lard (homemade is best) 3 cups sugar 3 eggs 1 tsp. soda 2 tsp. baking powder 1 tsp. salt 2 tsp. vanilla Plain ﬂour *Karen uses shortening

2 cups sugar 1 cup shortening 1 cup buttermilk ½ tsp. soda 3 ½ cups cake ﬂour 2 tsp. baking powder 6 egg whites 1 tsp. lemon extract

Cream together the shortening and sugar. Beat in egg. Sift together the flour, soda and salt. Ad flour mixture alternately with buttermilk and flavoring to creamed mixture. Drop by spoonfuls on greased cookie sheet and bake until edges brown in a moderate oven. Note: Mary always dusted these cookies lightly with cinnamon before baking.

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

Dissolve soda in sour cream; mix well with lard, sugar and eggs. Sift salt, baking powder and 1 cup plain ﬂour; add to creamed mixture and then add enough (additional) plain ﬂour to make dough stiff enough to roll and cut well. Sprinkle cookies with granulated sugar and bake on greased cookie sheet until edges are lightly browned.

Cream sugar; add sugar gradually. Sift ﬂour, baking powder and soda three times; then, add alternately with ﬂavoring and buttermilk to creamed mixture. Fold in stiffly beaten egg whites. Bake in a moderate oven in three layers. Use your favorite frosting. This makes a delicious coconut cake.

Kitchen Essentials 3

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SAVORYTHYMES.COM • 244 SHADOWLINE DR • BOONE, NC 28607 • (828) 263-8181

LivingWell The big day is on its way. Soon you will be walking down the aisle thronged by loved ones. All brides want to look gorgeous in their wedding gown and many start thinking about losing a few pounds as her special day draws near. With the day fast approaching it can be tempting to do something extreme. Resist the temptation. Starvation dieting — as in zero carbs or zero fat — and popping stimulant-based diet pills is not the answer. These extreme measures can slow your metabolism and cannibalize your muscle. They can also zap your energy, dull your mind and put you in a bad mood. And you won’t be more beautiful. Actually, if you lose lean muscle, you will melt your biceps. Not a very pretty picture. Worse yet, you will start yo-yoing back with the ﬁrst bite of that wedding cake. The best way to slim down and tone up is simply eat well and add exercise. Everyone from Dr. Oz to great grandma agrees on that. When you do it right, you should feel satisﬁed. Yes, you might still have cravings driven by bad habits and emotions, but you won’t be starving. Barring underlying factors, you will be less bloated and leaner with mental focus and energy so you can enjoy your journey to the altar. The more time committed, the better your results, so get started now. Don’t forget to ask the mother of the bride to partner with you. She wants to look good on your wedding day too.

Getting Gown - Ready

CLEAN AND LEAN EATING PLAN

FINE-TUNE YOUR FITNESS

Do not skip meals or snacks. Eat three main meals and two snacks a day. Eliminate grains, dairy, sugar, processed foods and sweetened drinks. Eat lean protein and vegetables at each meal. A protein and ﬁber shake a day with no sugar added is an acceptable alternative for a meal. Eyeball your dinner plate: The meal should include one-quarter lean protein and three-quarters non-starchy vegetables. You can increase these proportions slightly if you are feeling you need a bit more, but do wait 10 minutes and drink some water before your second helping to allow your brain to register your “fullness.” Limit fruit to two one-half cup servings a day, splitting the servings between snacks. Limit starchy vegetables (potatoes, pumpkin and winter squash) to two onehalf cup servings a day Split the servings into one-half cup for lunch and one-half cup for dinner. Indulge in these metabolism-stoking foods: Peppers, garlic, ginger, parsley, berries, cabbage, Brussels sprouts, cauliﬂower and broccoli; green tea, apple cider vinegar, lemon, mustard (no sugar added) and cinnamon. Use extra virgin olive oil — 2 Tbs. a day; spritz, don’t soak food. Drink at least two quarts of water a day. Unsweetened herbal teas are great as well

This is a good time to sign up for a fitness class or even to hire a personal trainer. If your schedule is tight and your funds are limited, here is a simple exercise plan. This requires no money, no equipment and can be done in 16 minutes a day. Ideally, this will be a habit for a lifetime. 15 Minutes of Burst-Walking: Burst training, aka high intensity interval training, stokes your fat-burning fires and keeps them burning for several hours. Research shows you burn more fat and calories in the 24 hours after a 15 minute burst training work-out than you do after, say, a steady-pace run. Run as fast as you can for one minute and then walk for two minutes. Repeat that three-minute interval for 15-minutes. Option: If you can’t run for one minute, walk fast as long you can. When you get out of breath, slow walk until you recover and do it again for 15 minutes. 1 Plank, three times a day: The plank is the premier overall body toner. The exercise is so-named because, when done properly, you straighten your entire body, just like a plank of wood. Lie on a level surface, belly down with your hands on the floor beside your head. Position your feet so that your toes touch the floor. Slowly and gently, lift your torso and your legs off of the floor, putting all of your weight on your toes and your forearms and elbows. Keep your body still and straight, imagining it as a rigid plank. Hold the position for as long as you can, breathing steadily throughout. When you complete the position, gently bring your torso back to the ground. If you are being treated for a medical condition, consult with your physician before making any diet and lifestyle changes.

SENSIBLE SUPPLEMENTATION A multivitamin to support efficient metabolism.

OPTIONAL BUT HELPFUL Glucomannon - a type of ﬁber that supports blood sugar balance. Good to use if you slip from lean and clean to down and dirty eating for a meal. It does some damage control and also helps you feel full.

bonnie church Certiﬁed Life and Wellness Coach Author/columnist, motivational speaker Certiﬁed Trainer for TLS Weight Loss Solution

Authentic Italian American Cuisine since 1981. A great place for private parties, rehearsal dinners & intimate ﬁreside dining in a rustic setting.

828.262.5128 AAWMAG.COM | JAN-FEB 2016

Sponsored Content

Boone Drug pharmacists embody community, family values “The Furmans put the “family” in pharmaceutical care. The two met in pharmacy school, falling in love and getting married along the way.

The Boone Drug Pharmacy chain was established in the heart of downtown Boone nearly a century ago in 1919. The families with Boone Drug, which have been involved for generations, are what keeps the hometown pharmacy chain growing into an 18 location empire. “Boone Drug has always been a family business, and by that I don’t just mean they were all related,” pharmacist Corey Furman says. “The original owner, Dr. Moose, brought in two partners and two brothers. They were a family of friends.” For the Furmans, pharmacy runs in the family. Corey and his late brother, Tom, were preceded by their father, Jim, who joined Boone Drug in the ‘60s and is now part owner of the store. Corey and his wife, Ashley, who is also a pharmacist, joined the Boone Drug business in the ‘90s. Now, Corey and Ashley are based out of the Boone Drug at 202 W. King St in Boone, which will be celebrating its 50th birthday this January. Both Corey and Ashley work as pharmacists, and Ashley also manages the gift section in the front of the store. “When you walk into Boone Drug, that’s Ashley’s personality,” Corey says. Ashley has even started her own beauty care line, Abhaya, with body lotion, soap and oil, after she herself suffered allergic reactions from other products. Corey and Ashley met in pharmacy school at Campbell University and, after

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

falling in love and getting married, they worked together while living in Greenville for a year. When Jim asked if Corey would come back to Boone to join the family business, the newlyweds were left with a tough decision. “We would have never thought we would end up in Boone,” Corey says. “But Boone is a great place to live. When it comes to raising kids, there’s no better place in North Carolina.” And raising kids is exactly what the Furmans did next. They now have a family of two sons, James, 16, and John, 15, and a chocolate lab. Corey jokes that Ashley is the “curator of large mammals.” The Furmans’ work in the community, local and global, is inspiring. Corey is a deacon at Mount Vernon Baptist Church in Boone and the family hosts Bible study in their own home weekly. Ashley is involved with the Watauga Education Foundation and is the past president of the Boone Service League. Their global work helped shape them into the family-oriented pharmacists they are today. Corey has travelled around the globe to South America, Africa and Asia on medical missions, while Ashley has been to Bolivia and Peru.

“I think (mission work) has led me to realize that pharmacy is a needed profession,” Ashley says. “You can actually affect somebody’s life long term, and it’s pretty amazing to do that.” Looking ahead to the future, the Furmans see the landscape of pharmacy changing along with the healthcare reform. As doctors become more expensive and less accessible, patients will reach out to pharmacists for common health questions and concerns. “When you come in here, the pharmacists are accessible,” Corey says. “ You have access to someone with a doctorate degree in a healthcare ﬁeld, and you can come up to us without an appointment and you can get an answer no charge.” As for the future, only time will tell, but one thing is for certain: Boone Drug will continue its tradition of down-home, family service. “That’s the legacy for Boone Drug – we want our customers to come in and feel like family,” Corey says. “It’s a catchphrase, but at Boone Drug it’s really a mentality. We’re going to do our best to give you an experience that we would want our family members to have.” For more information, visit www. boonedrug.com. Erika Giovanetti Erika Giovanetti is an ASU graduate and a reporter for the Mountain Times, Watauga Democrat and All About Women Magazine who enjoys reading, hiking and traveling to new places.

the D AT E S AV E

WEDDING EXPO

MARCH 20th, 2016

visit:

1:00 - 4:00 pm

Love

is in the air!

But, pain, stress & headaches that go along with planning a wedding may still be there. Take a “Time Out” with Hands of Light and Fire Reiki!

www.highsouthe vents.com

at Reiki Master

Charla Rae Armitage 1180 Blowing Rock Road • Boone, NC 28607 www.boonencmall.com

(336) 877-4988 • spinn@skybest.com Located in Frenchy’s Gallery of Fine Art Downtown West Jeﬀerson Corner of 2nd St. & Jeﬀerson Ave.

Complete Services For Your Special Day Highlights • Color • Perms Facial Waxing • Bridal Parties

643 GREENWAY RD K-2 | BOONE, NC

828.268.0402 AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

Appalachian Mountain Brewery

Hoppily Ever After Wedding Package.. Our wedding package features The I DO BREW, which is specialized for each couple. We also offer our Exclusive Deck Rental, Outside Bar, and Wine and AMB Cider for Open Bars. We can accommodate groups of up to 150 people, just ask us for the details! We also have our own food truck called Farm to Flame, which can travel to your wedding location. We can also provide the beer for your off site event with a complete portable draft bar and kegs from AMB beer or cider. 163 Boone Creek Dr Boone, NC 28607 828.851.1712 Danny@appalachianmountainbrewery.com

www.appalachianmountainbrewery.com

Banner Elk Winery & Villa... ...offers stunning views, elegant settings and award winning wines. It is the perfect venue for weddings and receptions of all sizes and styles, from the small and intimate to the large and opulent.

828.260.1790 www.bannerelkwinery.com

Banner Elk Winery Winer & Villa

Sorrentoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s... Rehearsal dinners, wedding parties and wedding receptions (up to 100 people)

Sushi Club

Sushi Club & Barra... Unforgettable bachelor & bachelorette parties!

828.898.1940 www.bannerelksushiclub.com

828.898.7727 www.bannerelkbarra.com

Sorrentoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

Barra

Beech Mountain ountain esort Wedding eddings Resort

the Beech Mountain difference... Breathtaking Views Multiple Venues Accommodating up to 400 people Unique 5506' Skybar Onsite Brewery Multiple Lodging Options

1007 Beech Mountain Parkway Beech Mountain, NC 28604 828.387.2011 www.beechmountainresort.com/weddings

The Blowing lowing Rocock

Weddings at The Blowing Rock Attraction... The majesty of the Blue Ridge Mountains is a perfect scenic backdrop for your wedding ceremony or rehearsal dinner at The Blowing Rock Attraction. We offer beautiful long range mountain views for your special day with the feeling of being suspended thousands of feet over the Johns River Gorge, with the splendor of Grandfather Mountain, Hawksbill, and Table Rock. You may utilize our venues to accommodate your special day in our beautiful garden or above the clouds on the observation tower. Our mountains, in all their glory, promise to make it a breathtaking event for your special day. 432 The Rock Road Blowing Rock, NC 28645 828.295.7111 www.theblowingrock.com

Planning your special day just got easier ...

The Chapman Center

The Chapman Center takes us one step closer to becoming everybody’s Y. It boasts a large central hall that’s ideal for festive gatherings. Hundreds will enjoy the Chapman Center in the years ahead — and whether they come as a wedding guest, a class participant or as a parent of a summer camper, each visit will remind us of the generosity of the Chapman family.

436 Hospital Drive Linville, NC 28646 (828) 737-5500 www.ymcaavery.org

Beautifully-designed barn for all types of events ...

Triple J Farm

Weddings • Receptions Special Events At Triple J Farm, you can create the atmosphere that you have always dreamed about. Price packages are available to ﬁt your budget.

Sweet Tooth Bakery

is available on site to consult about your dream wedding cake.

290 Heaton Creek Road Roan Mountain, TN 37687 828.260.2471 www.triplejbarn.com www.facebook.com/triplejfarm

Our all-inclusive resort...

Resort & Spa

Photos courtesy of Luster Studios | www.lusterstudios.com

Westglow

...offers wedding packages customized to create your unique event whether you choose an intimate luncheon for twenty people or an elaborate destination wedding for over one hundred, Westglow provides a property and experience like no other in the North Carolina High Country. Top Ten honors in six categories by the 2013 SpaFinderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Readers ChoiceAwards, including Best for Weddings, Best for LGBT, Best for Girlfriend & Bachelorette Getaways, Best for Romance and Best for Accommodations.

224 Westglow Circle Blowing Rock, NC 800.562.0807 www.westglow.com

Simple, rustic, creative eleganceâ&#x20AC;Ś Down on the Farm

White Fence Farm

White Fence Farm offers a quaint wedding venue and vacation rentals on 100 private acres just outside of Boone on the NC line. Rustic Barn, Farmhouse, Vintage Campers, Stage, Fully equipped Bathrooms and Kitchen in the Barn. One of the prettiest venues in the area.

350 Paul McGlamery Lane Trade, TN 37691 828.964.6767 www.whitefencefarmrentals.com

Hound Ears Ear

Established in 1964, Hound Ears Club sets the High Country standard for warm, rustic mountain charm within an atmosphere of ďŹ ne cuisine and service excellence.

Warm, rustic mountain charm... Here at Hound Ears, wedding events are our specialty, ranging from intimate bridal luncheons to memorable rehearsal dinners and grand wedding receptions. With our experienced staff, Hound Ears Club takes all the guesswork out of that special day with coordination of multiple vendors providing a single step of planning. Your vision of a once-in-a-lifetime event becomes a reality in an organized and stress-free environment. Your complete satisfaction is our highest mission.

Contact Julia Apoian, Assistant Food and Beverage Director 828.963.2115 julia@houndears.com www.houndears.com

T O G VE U R ES N TS IG H

CA TE

N R SI ECE TE P TI O

O C SI ERE TE M

PA CI CA

venues Appalachian Mountain Brewery

250

Brewery, Food Truck, 2nd site available holds 250 people

Banner Elk Winery

250

5 gorgeous locations on site: The Villa. The Enchanted Barn, Scenic Vineyard, The Villa Lawn, The Grassy Knoll, The Tasting Room. Wedding Coordinator, Winery, Overnight Accommodations

Beech Mountain Resort

200

Alpine Skiing, Snowboarding, Terrain Park, Ice Skating, Tubing, Brewery, Mountain Biking, Disc Golf, Yoga, Scenic Ski Lift Rides, Live Music, Dining, Shopping, Coffee Shop

The Blowing Rock

Observation Deck, Annex Building

Fairway Cafe

100

Golf Course

Hound Ears

200

Golf Course, Tennis Courts, Swimming Pool, Club House, Dining

(no outside catering)

250-500

Caterers Kitchen, 10 Speaker Sound System, 160â&#x20AC;? Projection Screen

Triple J Farm

250

Bridal Dressing Suite, Groom Dressing Suite, Caterers Kitchen, On Site Bakery

Westglow Resort & Spa

150+

Full Service Hair & Nail Salon, World Renown Health Spa, Valet Parking, Indoor Pool, Fitness Facility, Steam & Sauna Bath, Restaurant

Bar, Stage/Dance Floor, Outdoor Games, RV Hook Ups, Rolling Hills, Personal Hiking Trails

Hugh Chapman Center

(no outside catering)

White Fence Farm

80 facility seats

Simplifying the process

Wedding experts share helpful tips Dot Gragg and her daughter Paula Gragg Ferguson are known around their church and community as wedding experts, but you won’t ﬁnd a business name listed on a marquee or in the yellow pages. They don’t “do” weddings commercially, but since they started helping family and friends with their special events about 27 years ago, they have developed a reputation for knowing how the job gets done. “When we started, it was more about helping with the food for people we know,” says Paula. “We both have a love for cooking and I am all about the presentation. Mom would cook most of the food and I would design the tables and arrange the trays.” Over time, the duo’s talents and skills evolved to where they were helping plan weddings from start to ﬁnish — as much or as little as necessary. Today, when Dot and Paula are called upon to help, the bride knows she is in good hands — from planning and directing the wedding ceremony all the way through the reception. It is a joy to help couples plan their special day, Paula says. “It can be a fun time, but it can also be overwhelming. Our job is to help simplify the process for the couple and to make sure they enjoy their day.” The mother-daughter duo works with the bride and groom to understand their theme, offer suggestions on how to help them accomplish their vision, and ensure that their wedding day goes exactly how they planned. The best advice that Paula can give a bride, she says, is to remember that at the end of the day you will be married to the love of your life — “and no one, except a few of us, know the details of how things should go. So, no matter what happens,

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

enjoy your day and have fun.” Paula says a good wedding planner will help a bride take her vision and bring it life and make the entire experience less stressful and more enjoyable. “The funny thing about being a planner is when you are face- to-face with everyone, you are calm and everything is ﬁne,” Paula says. “As soon as no one is looking, you might take off running to take care of something that might be falling apart. A good planner never lets people feel that stress.” “As planner, it is my job to make sure everything comes together, looks and ﬂows perfectly,” she says. “I have had too many things that weren’t necessarily my job, but it had to be done to make the day perfect.” Paula’s had to help caterers set up food when they’ve shown up late, while Dot took care of getting the wedding party out of the church and to the reception.

Mother-daughter duo, Dot Gragg and Paula Ferguson, have been helping friends and families with weddings for nearly three decades. Photos by Sherrie Norris

“We were able to get everything set up and no one knew, but us,” Paula says. “I’ve had to decorate when the bride thought a family member or friend was going to take care of it, but they didn’t. I have had to take flowers from main arrangements and make corsages when the florist miscounted. A good planner is able and ready to take care of whatever is needed and think fast on her feet.” Having been involved in about 120 weddings, Paula and Dot have seen it all. When asked about some of their greatest fears, Paula says, “Having it rain on an outside wedding when the couple doesn’t want to have a backup plan.” Or, have someone not show up. “With one bride who was getting ready offsite and being driven to the ceremony site,” she recalls, “I thought the photographer was with her, but realized that wasn’t the case. We were at a location with no cell service and it was time for the wedding. I had to go ahead and start without the photographer, but thankfully, a family member taking pictures agreed to take extra shots. When the photographer showed up (they wrote down the wrong time) we went back and staged some shots from the ceremony. The photos were beautiful and no one would ever know that she was late.” There are funny stories, too, she says, most of which involve the flower girl and ring bearer. “With kids, you never know what to expect,” Paula describes. “I’ve had kids sit down on stage. One little boy who had gum in his mouth dropped it on the stage

Paula’s advice to future brides:

during the ceremony. Instead of leaving it or reaching down for it, he reached out with his shoe, got the gum and put it back in his mouth.” Most of the time, when that type of thing happens, she says, it actually takes the pressure off the bride and groom. “Touching moments, she says, have included the groom surprising the bride by singing to her or a brother walking a bride down the aisle because her father had passed away. Helping with weddings is rewarding, the women say, especially seeing a couple enjoy their day and, at the end of it, express their gratitude for the help that they received. “ I feel that God has blessed me and my mom with many talents and one of them is hospitality, which is very important in weddings,” Paula says. “We have had many great experiences with couple and their families and have enjoyed getting to know them through the process. “ The women have developed a thorough planning guide, which they share with brides when they start working together. Paula’s stepdaughter Leanna, who has helped for several years, is now using her creativity to hand letter and design signs, place cards, thank you cards, gift bags and custom signs with the couple’s new last name. Paula and her husband Matt have also become known for their joint cooking skills and with their large, state-of-the art cooker, are able to accommodate large weddings and other special events. sherrie norris Editor, All About Women

Take it one step at a time. Pick a date and base that date on the availability of what is most important to you. If it is the venue, check the available dates and then plan everything else around it. Get your main vendors scheduled ﬁrst: venue, planner, caterer, photographer, DJ/ band and baker. Tear out photos or pin ideas that you have for your wedding. The more visuals you have to show someone, the better they will understand you. Its ok to listen to others, but don’t try to please everyone. This is your day, not theirs. Make sure you are pleasing yourself and your future husband. Make sure you have a checklist from your planner or buy a planning book to help you think of all the details that will make the day special. Make sure that you discuss the details with each of your vendors. For example, does the charge from the photographer have them there for a set number of hours or will they be there until you leave. If they are only there for a certain number of hours and you want to have photos of you leaving, you need to plan to leave the wedding before that time, or take a break for photos and then return to the reception. Weddings do cost a lot of money. There are things that you can do or have a family member do. However, if you are able to, hiring others to take care of things allows you and your family to enjoy the wedding (counting on family to do the food, set it up and attend the wedding is hard). Think about your reception and how you want it to ﬂow. It is a good idea to have greeters who will direct the guests as they arrive. No one likes to wonder if they should start eating or not — or what they should be doing.

Most importantly, enjoy and have fun!

Bouquet Florist and Gifts designing gorgeous flowers for elegant and rustic ceremonies 186 Boone Heights Drive, Boone, NC

828-264-3313 www.bouquetfloristinboone.com AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

Contemporary vs. tradition:

A bride must decide Many couples today are taking the contemporary route for their wedding ceremonies and leaving traditions by the wayside. Each couple must choose what is best for them as they plan the most wonderful day of their lives. We think you will enjoy reading about a few time-honored wedding customs, how they started and what they mean. ■ The Bride’s Veil, which was yellow in ancient Greece and red in ancient Rome, usually shrouded her from head to foot and kept the groom from seeing her face during the ceremony. Not only could the groom not see in, but neither could the bride see out, requiring her father to escort her down the aisle and literally “give her away.” ■ Diamond Engagement Ring: In 860 AD, Pope Nicholas 1 decreed that an engagement ring become a required symbol of nuptial intent, insisting that engagement rings be made of gold, showing a financial sacrifice on the part of the prospective husband. Another theory is that since the diamond was the hardest and most enduring substance in nature, it symbolized that a marriage would also last forever. ■ Wedding Ring: Since gold was highly prized in ancient Rome, a gold band came to signify everlasting love and commitment. Earlier legend: husbands wrapped circles of braided grass around brides’ wrists and ankles, believing it would keep her spirits from leaving her. The bands later evolved into leather, carved stone, metal, then silver and gold, and worn just on the finger. ■ Ring Finger: Centuries ago, it was believed that the third finger on the left hand was connected by a vein running directly to the heart. ■ Bridal Showers: Many times, an unapproving father refused to provide a dowry for his daughter, so her friends “showered” her with gifts to show moral support and help her prepare for marriage. ■ Tie The Knot: Roman brides wore girdles

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

tied in many knots, and it was the groom’s “duty” to untie them following the ceremony (in private chambers, of course). ■ Wedding: In early times, some brides were kidnapped and some were “purchased.” The price for a bride could be land, social status or cash. ■ Wearing White: The color white has been a symbol of joyous celebration since early Roman times and, by the 20th century, symbolized purity. ■ Right vs. Left: Why does the bride stand to the groom’s left during a ceremony? In ancient times, when a groom “kidnapped” his bride, he positioned her at his left side to protect her, which in turn, freed his right hand to draw his sword if suddenly attacked or ambushed by the bride’s father. ■ Wedding Cake: In ancient Rome, a loaf of bread was broken over a bride’s head to symbolize hope for a fertile and fulﬁlling life. Guests ate the crumbs, which were believed to bring them good luck. In Middle Ages England, guests brought small cakes to a wedding and put them in a pile, which the bride and groom later stood over while kissing. Thus, the multi-tiered idea was born. ■ Bridal Party: In early days, the bride, her groom and their friends walked together to the church, afraid that someone — possibly a rejected suitor — would spot the happy couple and put a curse on them. The groom’s friends wore clothes almost identical to his, and the women costumed themselves like the bride; the disguises tricked evil-doers into letting the real bride and groom live happily ever after.

■ Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue: “Old” represented ties to a bride’s past; “new:” hope for the future; “borrowed” signified longlasting, dependable friendships, and “blue” represented faithfulness. ■ Garter and Bouquet Toss: In the 14th century, it was customary for the bride to toss her garter to the men, though sometimes the men became drunk at the wedding party and tried to remove it themselves. Thus, better for the groom to remove and toss the garter to unmarried males of marriageable age. The bride began tossing her flowers to unwed girls, with the one catching either thought to be the next to marry. ■ Honeymoon: In ancient times, many marriages were by capture, not choice; men often carried off an unwilling woman to a secret place where her relatives wouldn’t find them. As the moon went through all its phases (about 30 days), they hid from searchers and drank a brew made from honey. Hence, the word honeymoon. ■ Bad Luck To See His Bride? Brides were once considered property of their fathers who arranged the marriage without the daughter’s consent. The marriage of an unattractive woman was often arranged with a prospective groom from another town without either of them having seen their future spouse. In more than one instance, when the groom saw his future wife for the first time on the day of the wedding, he changed his mind and left her standing at the altar. To prevent this from happening, it became “bad luck” for the groom to see his bride on the day of the wedding, prior to the ceremony.

Remember to

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828-264-NEWS (6397)

151 Howard Street Suite A Boone, North Carolina

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marriageandFamilyCorner

Intentions, Assumptions and Expectations During a marriage counseling session, one of my favorite conversations starts when I say, “Tell me about your wedding vows.” Couples often describe repeating vows provided by the officiant, the personal vows they wrote themselves or the vows chosen from a book or the Internet — everything from the solemn, romantic, funny, brief, detailed, religious, irreverent and poetic. The vows, the process by which they are chosen, and current reﬂections on those decisions, reveal the personalities and values of the couple, as well as how they approach intentions and needs. Focusing on intentions and values may promote growth in any relationship, including for those couples looking to enhance their marriage or to address problems. With these reﬂections, the solidity of the relationship may be affirmed and may help the couple refocus on values and intentions that help make up this foundation and guide growth. Other times, the couple recognizes a need to adjust intentions and values to fuel “healthy connection,” thereby strengthening their foundation. Of course, a couple’s values and intentions may evolve, especially after many years together. Either way, consideration of this foun-

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

dation is useful in enhancing a relationship or addressing problems. I often talk about the benefit of premarital therapy and other purposeful ways to prepare for a healthy and happy marriage. I also frequently quote the title of the first chapter in David Schnarch’s “Passionate Marriage: Sex, Love, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships” in asserting, “Nobody’s ready for marriage — marriage makes you ready for marriage.” These ideas may appear to be contradictory, but, instead, they are complementary. In fact, practice and commitment to regularly evaluate if actions and choices fit intentions and values or not is the best preparation for the process that follows to get the couple “ready” for marriage. It is even more useful than knowledge and perfected skills, although they are also crucial. Schnarch describes marriage as a crucible in which the partners are made ready for intimacy (on all levels, not just sexually) by handling inevitable conflicts, misunderstandings and mismatched needs or wants. Couples tend to approach stress, change and conflict throughout their relationship in the same way that they prepare for their marriage. So, when that preparation is focused on intentions and

values, which support a healthy relationship, the couple sets a fruitful tone. It is important to consider the differences between intentions and expectations. Focus on personal intentions is about what one intends to do, how one intends to be and in what one intends to be involved. Intentions are not about what the other person will do or be, but about how one will interact with the other person, even when one feels disappointed, sad, angry or hurt about what the other is or does. Maintaining focus on intentions and values to guide actions and reactions is difficult when dealing with disagreements and differences between the needs, wants and goals of the partners. Still, it is critical for growth. Expectations often lead to assumptions. Unconﬁrmed assumptions often lead to misunderstandings, mistrust, and disconnection. That is not to say that it is damaging to discuss what one wants in a relationship and from a partner. Quite the contrary; open discussion of wants and needs is a hallmark of a healthy relationship, as long as these discussions are consistent with healthy intentions and values. Providing information about one-

self and making relevant requests of a partner, while being willing and able to explore options related to requests, typically yields growth and satisfaction, even when all requests are not met. Of course, the presence of abuse, manipulation or control by one partner over the other, blocks this growth and satisfaction and so must be addressed by decisions about boundaries and actions for one’s own safety. It is also important to note the difference between requests and demands. Respectfully asking a partner to do something requires intention toward selfcare and adjustments when the answer is no — or the answer involves negotiation and compromise. Demanding a partner to do something involves attempts to control the partner, instead of control one’s self. In the excitement of planning a wedding, couples may fail to fully appreciate that they are planning a life, not just an event. The process of planning and preparing can bring awareness of strengths of the two partners and of the relationship. It can bring awareness of needed skill improvement for communication and coping, as well as for more information from one another or from trusted people, including experts. Courageously, readily and consistently addressing these needs will help build a satisfying life together. In the short term, this practice is far more scary and difficult than waiting to see what will happen, or simply doing what you have always done, expecting your partner to match you. But, the joy of growth and connection is much more rewarding than the satisfaction of being right. Here’s to your joy in matching your intentions and values to your actions and reactions in your marriage and across all of your relationships.

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BOOTS | VESTS | MENSWEAR For more information on available services or to discuss information in this column, contact:

MARY MCKINNEY, MA, LMFT McKinney Marriage and Family Therapy 828.268.0155 For urgent matters and ﬁrst-time callers: 828.773.5463 www.mckinneymft.com mary@mckinneymft.com

WATSONATTA WESTERN WORLD 828.264.4540 | www.booneboots.com 711 WEST KING STREET • DOWNTOWN BOONE OPEN MON-SAT 9-5:30 PM, CLOSED SUN AAWMAG.COM | JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016

mom’sworld

Marriage:

a work in progress

Henry Ford once said, “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.” As Valentine's Day approaches and couples considering a summer wedding start making plans, I think these sentiments hold much truth. I remember my grandmother telling me that making a marriage work required “150 percent,” however, it never looked like hard work when I was growing up. When I was a child, it seemed that my grandparents smiled, square-danced, church-attended, family-feasted and laughed their way through their lives together. Of course, there was occasional bickering, but nothing that really appeared to represent any deep divides, arguments or anger between them. They made it look easy, but I know now that there was much work under the surface: Easy the way ducks appear to glide over the water while their feet paddle like crazy underneath. 72

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

My other grandparents reminded me of Archie Bunker and Edith – lots of wisecracks, but when it came right down to it, a lasting love and affection that was solid ground underneath all the banter. Then, I consider my own parents, married 50 years this past June. Unlike grandparents, whom we only saw on holidays or during vacation, my parents were that real-life living example. While I can recall disagreements and frustrations, these were infrequent. I have always seen and felt the love that my parents have for each other because I have seen how they choose to be with one another. They travel. They exercise. They make plans with what comes next with each other. They give commentary on those traits of the other that drive them a bit crazy – my mom's run-on stories (which, to my husband's chagrin, I inherited), as well as my dad's grouchiness if plans are not quite coming together or he is overfatigued. Just enough venting to be healthy, but

not enough to overshadow their commitment to each other in this world and the next. My parents hug each other often. They smile at each other. They make a point of showing their care and concern for one another, whether it's because my mom has some injury from being “Gracie of the Mountain,” as my dad fondly calls her for her sometimes clumsiness on their hikes, or if my dad has one of his “man colds,” and as with many men, feels worse than any other person possibly could on the planet. Their love and concern is sincere and begs replicating. When I got married, I was naive. I thought it was a situation where “all you need is love” and the ship would steer itself. Now, 21 years into it, I think Henry Ford nails it. When you make that decision to be married “til death do us part,” your commitment is not just to love, but to allow yourself to be loved; not just to embrace the good, but to work through the bad; not just to ﬁnd elation in speak-

ing your mind, but to find the right way to hear your partner's needs and desires. It is hard, fruitful work. From my experience, it is a lot about letting go, making conscious efforts to communicate your love and learning not just who you are, who your partner is, but also who you both are together — how you complement each other, as well as how you can ignite the other person's negative traits. Research shows that 40-50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. With these daunting statistics, I believe that couples would truly benefit from pre-marital counseling (religious or otherwise) and putting as much effort and energy into how they will strive to make the relationship work as the effort that goes into choosing the location (some places cost $25,000 just for the venue), food, flowers, dresses and attendees at the wedding. I have certainly been at some incredibly beautiful weddings of friends and cried tears at the loveliness and storybook niceties, but what truly impresses me now are those couples that I've seen shoulder unbelievable burdens and hardships, those couples who bring out the absolute best in each other, and those couples that have recognized the strengths in each other and worked to get past the shortcomings. While some people turn out not be meant for each other, I still feel hope in marriage as an institution. In a world where we barely want to sign a two- year phone contract or a five- year car loan, making a commitment outwardly to the world that not only do you love this person, but that you will be an active partner in the ongoings of this relationship now and forever more is an important statement. To sum up, as well put by Dave Willis, “Marriage is not 50-50. Divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn't dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got.”

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‘Come Rain or Come Shine’ by Jan Karon For fans of Jan Karon’s Mitford books, her latest novel “Come Rain or Come Shine” is a joyous occasion. The culmination of years worth of twists and turns in her 12-book series, this novel encapsulates and highlights the nuances of the community she has meticulously constructed with joy, hope, and a potluck wedding. The long-awaited marriage of Lacey Harper and Dooley Kavanagh includes weeks of planning, cleaning and organizing, despite Lacey’s hope that “It’s the least stressful thing in the world, a potluck wedding.” Karon brings in past moments of the couple’s meeting and arduous estrangement during Dooley’s time in veterinarian school through Lacey’s journal, “the Dooley book:” “He called late last night and I was so worn out and crazy — and he was too — and we just went to sleep with each other on the phone. Okay, so that was a waste of money. I do not care. Just to be doing the same thing at the same time with him was a beautiful communication. Amazing that we woke up at the same instant around two in the morning. He said, “Whoa. Hey, girl. I love you.” Similarly, Dooley shares his thoughts about Lacey: “He leaped from one bank of the chasm to the other — and she received him with a tenderness he couldn’t name. He was safe; he was home.” 74

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

Recounting small pieces of Lacey and Dooley’s difficult childhoods, alongside glimpses of the love that has lead them to this moment, readers are invited to share in Mitford’s feelings that their nuptials are more than a ceremony to mark the beginning of a life, rather as a celebration of the sacrifices and love that have garnered this moment. Likewise, tender moments are woven throughout the narrative among the betrothed, as well as their wedding planners and guests. The parents of the bride reflect on their union: “Their moderately old marriage burned with a steady flame, and that too was greatly enough.” And in a conversation admiring one another: “ ‘You are too handsome for words.’ ‘Try a word or two anyway,’ he said. ‘Disintuished.’ ‘Keep going.’ ‘Gorgeous.’ ‘You can stop there,’ he said. ‘And same to you.’” Her decision to have Lacey and Dooley marry on their farm and in such a warm, inviting manner, Karon’s Mitford comes together in a way that resonates with joy, excitement and hope for the future.

Even through the trials of neglect and abandonment, the inability to have children and hurts than cannot be reconciled, Karon ﬁnds a way to spread happiness across each troubled past. She creates a sense of retribution that feels as authentic as Lace and Dooley’s “love speak”: “ ‘After today, you’re going to be stuck with me,’ he said.’ ‘I’ve waited years to be stuck with you.’ ‘I want to sleep with you forever.’ ‘I want to sleep with you forever back. I love you. I need you, I thank God for you.’” And, when the day ﬁnally arrives, Lacey’s best friend nudges her to the barn where Dooley, her parents, and their friends wait with the advice, “Go out there and be as happy as a bird with a French fry.” The community’s worry that it will rain on this sacred day is quickly pushed aside by the couple’s ardent assertion: “It will be a great day. Come rain or come shine.” The eating, dancing and merrymaking that ensue carry the resonance of the homily given in the ceremony: “Is

cherish the same as love? And how do we cherish someone? I believe cherish to be a higher plane within the context of love, something like the upstairs level in a home. Love must come ﬁrst, for without it, it would be impossible to access the higher and perhaps even nobler realm of cherishing and holding dear. How can we cherish one another? Outdo one another in showing honor. A good marriage is a contest of generosities.” The exuberance felt throughout Karon’s latest novel gives readers an opportunity to reevaluate their individual deﬁnitions of love and allows the hope of a new beginning to stir in their hearts. Lacey and Dooley’s love story also inspires a feeling to go out, buy a new pair of shoes, and keep dancing!

Hollie Greene Hollie Greene is an English teacher who loves stories, words and the mountains of North Carolina.

About the Author

Jan Karon is the author of the bestselling series of 12 Mitford novels featuring Episcopal priest Father Timothy Kavanagh, the most recent of which, “Somewhere Safe with Somebody Good,” spent 17 weeks on the “New York Times” bestseller list. She is the author of 11 other books, including a cookbook and several works for children. Karon lives in Charlottesville, Va. For more information, visit mitfordbooks.com or facebook.com/ JanKaron.

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. . .Or for worse Twenty-six inches of snow were recorded and icy winds were blowing off Lake Erie in Ashtabula, Ohio. January 4, 1969, my wedding day, dawned with a blizzard raging. Why we had picked January to get married I will never know. Swollen glands, which I had had the previous day, turned out not to be mumps. Bob, the man I was to marry, was not a favorite of my family, nor of my friends and colleagues. He was loud, brash and opinionated, but passionately concerned about poor people in the inner city of Akron, where he and I had

JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | AAWMAG.COM

started a street ministry six months earlier. I was 31, never married; he was 45 and divorced. No one wanted me to marry the guy, including my beloved seminary professors and our three minister friends conducting the wedding ceremony. Bob and I had written our own marriage ceremony, including a slot for a youth folk choir, which was to sing some of the radical Pete Seeger-type folk songs of the era. On the altar of the church were two huge burlap banners, one turquoise and the other green, labeled with the words “PEACE” and “WE SHALL OVERCOME.”

When my very proper Aunt Cath saw them, she was horriﬁed, and wanted them taken down immediately. My matron of honor, my sister-in-law, nine months pregnant, was barely able to walk down the aisle. Our honeymoon was to be a threeweek sojourn in New York City, where Bob, still in seminary, was scheduled to do research on inner city ministries with the East Harlem Protestant Parish. What had promised to be a lark, taking the train from Ashtabula to New York, turned out to be a disaster. We spent our wedding night in a threadbare motel near the railroad tracks. My parents drove us to the train the next morning. When we pulled into Buffalo, the train could go no farther. The tracks were covered with three feet of snow. It took crews the better part of the day to clear them. After several hours’ wait in the cold train, we resumed our journey, arriving in New York City in the middle of the night. Our home for the three weeks was New York Theological Seminary, in a tiny room on the eleventh ﬂoor, furnished with

bunk beds. The ﬁrst morning, and each succeeding morning, we were awakened by the clickety-clack of a mimeograph machine across the hall. As if that weren’t the last straw, we soon discovered that a nosy painter was peeking through our transom. To make matters even worse, Charlie, one of Bob’s ushers, had decided to accompany us on our honeymoon, and trailed around after us everywhere we went. He was especially fond of feeding the pigeons at St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Shades of my mother’s and dad’s honeymoon in 1931, when my Auntie Peg insisted on chaperoning their trip to Boston, where the three of them had reserved seats for several Red Sox baseball games. Runs in the family, I guess. Our New York City entertainment consisted of trudging for miles through freezing-cold, slushy streets, going to a performance of the new musical “Hair,” with its all-naked reprise, wearing clerical collars and being the only white people at the Apollo Theater (just ﬁve months after

the big-city disturbances following the death of Martin Luther King Jr.) and eating endless blue plate specials in cheap little hole-in-the-wall restaurants. To top it all off, we had to ﬁgure out a way to get back to Ohio after our bleak and blustery January in the Big Apple. Somehow, we hit upon the idea of driving a taxi to return it to its home base in Sebring, Ohio. After a series of subway rides to a seedy neighborhood in the Bronx, schlepping all our luggage, we set out in our no-frills, stripped-down, standard-shift cab. Ten hours, two ﬂat tires and a leaky radiator later, we dragged into Sebring. The next day, back on the dreary streets of Akron’s inner city, we began our married life.

sue spirit Writes poetry and essays about nature, spirituality, writing, and travel. She has a little cabin in the mountains. degreesoffreedom@frontier.com

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Love says they will Memories are very important in my life. I

about Sam and me. We were very young when enjoy sharing them with others, we eloped and went through a especially the heartwarming, lot of hard times that I doubt happy ones. many young couples today could A memory can lay dormant endure. for years, but one little thought We were on our own and can trigger it when it is most asked for no help from our needed. families; we had three precious That’s happened to me occachildren and worked hard to give sionally since my late husband, them a loving home. Sam, passed away. Our marriage was not perfect On a stressful day, out of — I’m not sure there is such a nowhere, a thought can cross thing, but I do know that with a my mind and a memory surfaces lot of love and understanding, that has been waiting to give a happy marriage will bring joy me a chuckle or really touch my and sweet memories for the couheart and bring a tear to surface. ple as well as for their children. Not long ago, my daughter, I can remember hearing one Karen and I were driving home of our children say to a friend, from an out-of-town visit with “Our parents never argue,” to family when something hapwhich I would sweetly remind pened that left me perplexed. them of some of the “silent” occaWe were listening to the rasions when we had disagreed dio when Karen said, “Mom, one about something. Sherry and Sam Boone in their younger days — ‘like sparrows in a hurricane’. of my favorite memories of the They did remember some of Photo submitted love you and Daddy shared hapthose. pened in our car when a beautiful song began playing. I was in We were blessed with three children, six grandchildren and the back seat and saw Daddy reach over and pick up your hand. then, after Sam’s death, six great-grandchildren came along to He held it until the music ended.” help me ﬁll the void. When she asked if I remembered, I was ashamed to admit Many people didn’t think “it” would work, but we knew better that I did not. — and much like the words to that song, “Two Sparrows In A Hur“Surely, you can, Mom.” ricane,” that Karen brought back to mind, written by Mark Allen I tried so hard to being that moment to mind, but could not, Springer and made famous by Tanya Tucker: for the life of me, remember the time her daddy, while listening “Like two sparrows in a hurricane, trying to ﬁnd to a love song, reached over and held my hand until the song their way with a head full of dreams and faith that ended. We were hand-holders all through our marriage. When we can move anything . . . They’ve heard it’s all uphill, dated and held hands, Sam would squeeze my hand three times but all they know is how they feel. The world says and I knew it meant, “I love you.” I asked Karen for the name of the song so I could research it. they’ll never make it, love says they will.” I wanted to hear the words and the melody. She wasn’t sure of the title, but said it had to do with birds. sHERRY BOONE “Maybe love birds?” I asked. Local writer who shares her personal “No,” she replied. stories with others in hopes that they, As soon as I got home that night, I discovered the song’s title too, will be comforted by some of and the words — and, yes, I knew that it could have been written life’s sweet memories.

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