All About Women Magazine - September 2008

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Featuring: Sharon Carlton

One Step At A Time Power Of The Purse Behind the Scenes with POP WomenWho Make A Difference Tracy Myhalyk Room to Sqworm Jane Deavers of The Dande Lion Making the Most of Change You Go Girl! Sarah Shields Isabel Tomé of Isabel’s A Change For The Better/ Un cambrio para major

Embracing Change

Charlotte Fulp You Can’t Live in the Past Della Pruitt It’s Never Too Late

SEPTEMBER 2008

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September 2008|Contents

Embracing Change

by Corrine Loucks

10 Della Pruitt, “It’s Never Too Late”

by Sherrie Norris

14 It’s A Woman’s Job: Room To

Sqworm With Tracy Myhalyk

by Yozette “Yogi” Collins

28 Minding Her Own Business:

Jane Deavers Of The Dande Lion “Making The Most Of Change”

by Yozette “Yogi” Collins

30 One Step At A Time: Sharon

Carlton’s Journey From Corporate Wife To Widow And Single Mother Of A Teenage Son by Sherrie Norris

34 You Go Girl: Sarah Shields

by Sherrie Norris

38 Charlotte Fulp “You Can’t Live

In The Past” by Sherrie Norris

Feminine features 16 You Can Go Home Again,

by Yozette “Yogi” Collins

40 Change Is Everywhere and Nowhere, by Teri Wiggans

In every issue 9 Poem “Mountain Times”

by Lisa Bare

by Pierrette Stukes

48 Bring On The Change,

by Linda Slade

49 Ovarian Cancer Awareness

Month, by Yozette “Yogi” Collins

52 POP Go The Women...Of The

High Country, by Erin Thompson

Columns 12 Young At Heart, Dive In...The

Water’s Fine by Heather Young

Roger Weller Of New River Trading Company

18 Cooking & Entertaining,

21 Dr. Mann, by Frank Ruggiero

by Bonnie Church

32 Pet Page, Embracing Change

Through “Sunny” Days

by Genevieve Austin

36 Down To Earth, Ornamental

Grasses For A Unique Look

by Theresa Ozdemir Of Grandfather Mountain Nursery Garden Center & Landscaping

37 Entertainment Suggestions,

Watauga Reads! by Black Bear Books

Sensibility-Prepare Ye The Way

by Corrine Loucks

46 Parenting Page, I’ll Love You

Forever...I’ll Like You For Always

by Sherrie Norris

Contributing Graphic Artist Jennifer Canosa jenniferc@mountaintimes.com

Contributing writers Genevieve Austin Lisa Bare Bonnie Church Yozette “Yogi” Collins Rebecca Gummere Heather W. Jordan Corrine Loucks Theresa Ozdemir Frank Ruggiero Linda Slade Pierrette Stukes Erin Thompson Teri Wiggans Heather Young Cover photo by Mark Mitchell

47 Calendar Of Events 50 All About Crafts, Leaves Of Autumn In Polymer Clay

by Nancy Morrison

58 Your Home, High Country

4 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

Graphic Artist Marianne Koch graphics@aawmag.com

24 Healthy Lady, Genes Vs. One-A-Day

26 Soundings, by Rebecca Gummere

SALES/MARKETING MANAGER Sara Sellers Golini 828-264-3612 sales@aawmag.com

Canning In The High Country

by Sherrie Norris

22 Mom’s World, Friends Rock Steady by Heather W. Jordan

editor Sherrie Norris sherrie@aawmag.com 828-264-3612

17 He Is All About Women,

42 Exploring The Clay Of Our Selves, 44 Your Money, Cent$ and

PUBLISHER Nancy Morrison nancy.morrison@averyjournal.com 828-733-2448

Housing Market - What’s Going On? by Corrine Loucks

Photo by Sara Golini

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Photo by Sherrie Norris

DELLA PRUITT

F

It’s Never Too Late

By Sherrie Norris

or the first time ever, Della Pruitt is taking time out for the simple from their home; laundry was washed in a tub or on the scrub board things in life. Painting and fishing are among her favorite past- with lye soap her mother made from hog grease. Hoeing corn and times these days, both a far cry from a lifetime of hard work and beans, working the hay and tobacco fields, cooking, cleaning, sewing personal sacrifice that she knows all too well. and making clothes from feed sacks, quilting and feeding sugar cane

Appearing much younger than her 77 years, Della was the second stalks into the grinder during molasses making time, were just a few of of six children born into a local farm family near Boone, reared during her “extra-curricular” activities. Sitting on the porch in the evenings the Great Depression. “Times were hard and money after the chores were done, singing hymns and playing was in short supply,” she recalls. with white and red corn, were highly another hobby, checkers

The 1940 flood still flows through her mind, as Della’s ticipated opportunities. Dolls made from cornstalks, well. “I remember the water coming up around our discovered at age 74, is oranges and pieces of candy, her mother’s pies and house, forcing us to leave and walk three miles to my painting. But she does cakes are among her favorite Christmas memories. paternal grandmother’s house. The mountain behind At age 10, she made her first visit to Boone – less our house slid down, but fortunately, caused no fur- more than just paint than 10 miles away from home. “My family came to ther damage to the house. My maternal grandmoth- – she captures the heart see a movie, a western. I was so excited! There was er’s home on the New River washed away, but she and soul of her subject, only one street in the main part of town. Farm land was able to climb the mountain out back and find was all you could see on what is now Blowing Rock whether a person, animal Road, as well as the New Market area.” safety with neighbors.”

As a child, Della was up at 4 a.m. most mornings or spell-binding scenery. She was 13 when her family home was equipped to milk the cows before walking a mile to board the with electricity. “I remember the lights were the bus for school, regardless of the weather. brightest I had ever seen! Our old battery-operated

At school, she and her older sister worked in the lunch room to radio sounded so much better when it was plugged up!” help pay for their meals, as well as those of their younger siblings. After Her introduction to television was on a neighbor’s black and white school, more milking and other farm chores awaited; homework was set; the first telephone she used was that of her mother-in-law, years often completed in the oil lamp’s glow. later.

Della and her siblings carried water from the spring – 100 yards Among the most important events in her early life were accepting 10 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

Jesus as her savior, being baptized and meeting Lloyd Jones while walking to church one night.“He walked with me and stayed for the meeting.

We dated for two years and were married in York, SC. I was 19 at the time. He was working at Hillside Dairy in Boone on Depot Street and owned an old Chevrolet that he drove to SC. We set up housekeeping in a little house in Perkinsville.” Two years later, the couple purchased a large farm in Todd, which Della still owns today.

Six children were born to the union, the highlight of her life. Della was a stay-at-home mother who toiled in the fields with her children at her side. “Each summer, I took the kids and picked berries, worked in the garden, hoed the tobacco, cabbage and beans, and gathered herbs that we dried and sold to buy their school clothes in the fall.”

She took her children to church on Sundays and taught a Sunday School class, as well. “We enjoyed camping in the summer and often had picnics. We played ball and pitched horseshoes, kept a pony and always had a dog or two and plenty of cats. We had a good life up to that point, but we worked really hard.”

Della was 42 when her husband died, 18 months following a diagnosis of cancer, leaving her with their four younger children ­– all boys – to raise alone. Having never worked a public job or driven a car, she was suddenly faced with major challenges. She went to work in the kitchen at Dan’l Boone Inn and later at Appalachian State University, both jobs supplemented by part-time jobs cleaning apartments and hotels, working at a pizza parlor, and a local nursing home. An 80 – hour workweek was not unusual – and that was on the job! She eventually retired with 30 years at the Inn and 10 at ASU.

After 21 years of “managing” on her own, Della remarried in 1994 and today makes her home in Boone with husband, Dewey Pruitt, a local and state leader of the Disabled American Veterans. Together, the couple enjoy frequent trips to the coast, where they both love to fish.

Della’s other hobby, discovered at age 74, is painting. But she does

Next issue:

more than just paint – she captures the heart and soul of her subject, whether a person, animal or spell-binding scenery.

She rarely maintains ownership once a project is completed, as family members begin claiming it the minute she brings it to life – whatever “it” may be.

“I don’t mind doing these for my family. I want them to have something to hold on to when I’m gone. “

Della first did some paint-by-number sets just for fun, but soon realized she had a knack for art.

Her first free-hand drawing was of an apple that she painted and asked the art teacher at the senior center to critique. “She looked at it, gave me a few pointers and back home I went.”

Colorful butterflies and flowers soon began appearing on her easel, followed by pastoral scenes from her family’s old farmhouse and barn.

Her work quickly began to take notice around town, her skill improving with each dash of color to hit her brush.

Fast forward three short years.

She has lost count of the number of paintings she’s completed. She’s sold only one while most adorn the walls of family and friends.

Currently, she is working on her second acrylic piece, all others having been done in oil. It depicts an earlier time in her life with her father, easily identified as the man carrying a bucket, who made countless trips from the barn, surrounded by the cellar and woodshed that still stand, as well as the granary, but only in the recesses of her memory.

Della discovered what can be described only as natural talent quite by accident, but she’s quick to admit, “It’s never too late to learn something new.”

Coming full circle, Della again makes her home in the Perkinsville area with Dewey, her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren making her world complete.

Send comments/questions for Sherrie to: comments@aawmag.com.

October

“Claiming Our Victories”

Watch for the “black and gold” in October’s issue!

An up-close and personal look at some of the women behind the sucess of ASU Mountaineer football...and so much more about the lives of High Country women who are...

“Claiming Victories.” aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 11

Young At Heart| By Heather Young

Dive in…

the Water’s Fine

F

eelings of dread and foreboding cloud my thoughts, as panic wells up deep in my stomach. I wake with a start and breathe deeply, but the ill feelings and doubts linger. “Will I fit in?” I wonder. “Will they like me?” “Did I make the right decision?”

No, I am not reliving my first day of high school or having cold feet prior to a wedding. I have decided to change jobs, and I am nervous. I welcome change in most aspects of my life – I love switching over my wardrobe every season, altering my hairstyle, varying the meals I prepare each week and differing vacation spots each time I travel. Changing jobs, however, is about as welcome as a colonoscopy.

As I ponder my hesitations about beginning a new chapter in my life, I know deep down that I have made the right decision. But, that does not make leaving my former position any easier. I have always been loyal to my employer, sometimes even feeling physically sick at the thought of leaving. This deep imbedded faithfulness comes from years of working for a Taiwanese woman, Cindy, who became a second mother. I worked in her restaurant for 14 years. I ended my employment only after she sold the business. Cindy taught me many things over the years, but most importantly that to succeed you must immerse yourself in your work – you must care about doing a good job – you must dive in. She had an amazing work ethic, something that is sadly lacking in the majority of kids these days if you listen to the older generation, and she passed it on to me.

Cindy first hired me when I was 16 years old. And, because of her, during my 15 years of work history, I have had a total of five jobs (sometimes more than one at the same time). The job I just departed was at Cheap Joe’s Art Stuff, which really is the “friendliest art supply house on Earth,” as it says on their sign. I had five wonderful years at Cheap Joe’s and I made some extraordinary friends, who are actually more like family. That is not to say that the job was without frustrations from time to time but, overall, it was a valuable experience.

I believe most of my fears about my new job at the university arose because of the friends I made at Cheap Joe’s. I hated leaving them 12 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

and was unsure whether I would be as welcome at ASU – I was afraid I would end of drowning in a sea of bureaucracy with no one to throw out a life vest. At Cheap Joe’s, my co-workers really got to know me… they understood my quirky personality and morbid sense of humor. I felt at home being the only woman in the office I shared with the graphics and Web team, who just happen to all be men – they welcomed me as one of the guys (mind you, one of the guys with an amazing fashion sense and fabulous shoes). We are all a bunch of Star Wars fanatics, and we could have conversations about any topic – from which actress should dress only in leather to which Monty Python movie has the best quotes to whether it gets any sexier than Clive Owen. Nothing was taboo and, needless to say, none of us were easily offended, which is a testament to how comfortable we were with each other.

I will miss the daily banter with my boys, but I will miss the gals at Cheap Joe’s as well. Many of the ladies I worked with became adopted sisters. Unlike the boys, the girls and I all had very different interests and personalities, yet we complemented and learned from each other.

We loved to shop together, dine together, exercise together and share recipes, stories and laughter. Fortunately, as I have only changed jobs and not moved out of town, I expect to maintain my friendships with both the guys and gals.

But, now that I understand what was causing my cold sweats, sleepless nights and panic about leaving Cheap Joe’s, I can embrace the challenges of my new job at ASU. I can learn new things and meet new people who, I hope, will also become more than just co-workers in time.

So, I will take a deep breath, banish my fears, face the change and dive right in. “Change is good,” I tell myself, “It keeps life interesting!”

Three months have now passed since I began my employment at the university. I still talk to my buddies at Cheap Joe’s regularly, and meet them for lunch or at the gym. I am enjoying my position and am learning a great deal. Diving in was the right decision, and the water feels just fine.

Send questions or comments for Heather to: comments@aawmag.com.

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aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 13

It’s A Woman’s Job| By Yozette “Yogi” Collins

Room To

Sqworm With Tracy Myhalyk Photos by Mark Mitchell

D

id you know the Watauga County landfill is closed? Residents can still take trash to the landfill, true, but since there isn’t room for our trash there, it is trucked elsewhere.

According to Lisa Doty, Recycling Coordinator for Watauga County, we truck an average of 145 tons of trash a day outside of our area. At the $42.80 per ton that we pay for disposal -- $6206 per day, $43,442 per week – we’re talking a large amount of trash and money. That’s a lot of revenue leaving our tax coffers to pay for something we hardly give a thought about.

Tracy Myhalyk wants us to think about all of that trash, especially our food waste. Americans throw away 96 billion tons of food a year that, besides other repercussions, represents a significant burden on our environment.

It’s safe to say Tracy is obsessed with trash, but when you hear her excitement about whittling down her monthly trash output to shoebox size, it’s contagious. And it’s Tracy’s interest in red worms that is the perfect companion to her trash obsession. Red worms are sometimes called “God’s compost machines,” turning food waste into nutrient-rich compost that is the gold standard of soil for houseplants and gardens alike. I’m starting to think that worms make the world go ‘round.

As a kid left to her own devices, Tracy could be found outside playing with bugs and snakes. “I’ve always been a kid who played with bugs and dirt. I was that kid that was always outside in the woods.” With that in mind, it isn’t surprising Tracy earned her graduate degree from the Biology Department at ASU, where she currently works as assistant lab manager. But, worms are her true passion, which is why she started Room to Sqworm. Through Room to Sqworm,Tracy educates people on the benefits of household worm bins and vermicomposting, the process in which worms turn organic waste into high quality compost.

“People think of recycling and compost as two different things, but it’s really just recycling everything. I started talking to folks about composting their household food waste with worms in these Rubbermaid bins.” As if on cue, Tracy’s phone rings; it’s the sound of bugs and frogs on a summer night. She silences her phone and 14 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

continues, “Folks who are interested in getting into it, I get them set up with a really nice fluffy bin of nice soil and when you dig down, you see the worms. It’s not scary, it’s not smelly.”

Now, before you write off the idea of worms anywhere near your kitchen, be assured that the worms will not crawl out of their container (light actually burns their skin) and compost doesn’t smell as long as the material is aerated. Plus, the fact that Oprah discussed worm composting on her show means, if nothing else, worms have gone mainstream.

After being away from the High Country for a few years, Tracy is thrilled to be back, involved again in the area. “Love brought me back to Boone – the people here and the community. I wake up every morning excited to be here. I don’t ever want to leave. It’s a great town just the way it is, but we can be better.” And Tracy and her worms are working toward that goal.

Send questions or comments for Yogi to: comments@aawmag.com.

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You Can Go Home Again

By Yozette “Yogi” Collins

I

t was fun growing up in Boone. As a kid I spent time with my friends Mindy, Jennifer and Shana bopping around downtown, making ourselves known. We’d hit the old Midtown Restaurant to see who was there, walk up to the five-and-dime at the corner of King and Depot streets, and hang out at the bus station next to the Christian bookstore that my parents ran. We once went in to Yogi’s Sub Shop (where Wolfie’s is now) and ordered a foot-long sub. We didn’t have money – we were between seven and nine years old – but I guess we figured since my nickname is Yogi, we’d get a break.

Jennifer and Shana’s dad walked by just in time and, lucky for him, was stuck with the bill. We’d check in with our families as they worked, then go out and explore more. Boone holds great memories, but I never expected to move back once I left for college.

“Going home” worried me. I spent my teen years trying to be what I thought other people expected and, in the process, was more concerned with not disappointing people than with what I might like or want. While living and working in Boston, MA and Washington, DC after college, I slowly began learning who I am. What if I moved back to Boone and wasn’t strong enough to hold onto me once I got there? Plus, I had worked since high school pursuing my career and loved it. Working in television production was my dream and I had made a name for myself among the crème of the NBC crop and others. I was sad thinking that moving to Boone meant my career might be over.

When the September 11th terrorist attacks happened and I was almost trampled on the Metro escaping DC to my Alexandria, VA 16 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

neighborhood, smoky from the nearby Pentagon attack, I remember thinking it would be scary to bring a child into the world now. Then I got pregnant and it was scary. Even scarier, two months after our son was born, the DC snipers terrorized our metro area with their insanity. I didn’t want to leave the house with my son, Wyeth, because the sniper hadn’t yet shot a mother and a child. What if that was their next target? It was the most terrified I have ever been.

So, while we looked content on paper – a law firm attorney and a TV producer – we lived a life that included coming home and, with relieved sighs, closing the door on the rude neighbors and traffic jams of the outside world. We weren’t really living.

It took me about a year to be happy and feel settled back in Boone. Frankly, my identity was in crisis. I love staying at home with my two kids (our daughter, Sophie, was born shortly after we moved here), but I missed (and still miss) my television work. I enjoy motherhood more when I have an outlet professionally. In hindsight, which, I think, is the best way to view change – just lower your head, get through it and think about it later – I was still trying to prove myself to others rather than being myself for me.

It’s ironic, but embracing this change was really about embracing myself. Not a job or a “title,” but a phase in my life that allows me to learn what makes me me and aims to be honest with myself and the people around me…and doing that while living in my beautiful hometown of Boone…well, lucky me.

Send questions or comments for Yogi to: comments@aawmag.com.

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Photo by Mark Mitchell

aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 17

Canning in the High Country

Photo by Sherrie Norris

Cooking & Entertaining

By Sherrie Norris

W

hen we dropped by her home in late July, Mary Lee Jones had just removed the last quart jar of beans from her canner, one of many that she and her husband Ernie had preserved from goods harvested from their garden plot behind their lovely home, as well as those from the garden of her son, Bill.

Mary Lee is among those raised in the day when families had to utilize natural resources to their maximum potential. Preserving summer’s garden bounty to last through the winter was a necessity rather than a convenience.

And like many High Country women, Mary Lee still has a food pantry where she stores the goods once they are canned, a temporary point of pride where shelves are lined with jams, jellies, pickled cabbage (kraut) and cucumbers (pickles), as well as tomatoes, apples, pears, beans, beans, and more beans.

Mary Lee recalls how her mother raised huge gardens and canned “hundreds and hundreds” of jars filled with goods – meat, vegetables, fruit,“anything she could get in a can to help feed Daddy’s work hands.”

Mary Lee’s father operated a sawmill business and it was up to her mother to keep the workers well fed. Mary Lee remembers as a young teen-ager helping the hired cook during the summer while her mother was otherwise busy gardening and canning. She recalls one week in particular, when the cook was out of work. “Daddy and I did the cooking by ourselves – preparing three meals a day for 18 men.” She holds fast to the belief today that “It just makes sense to grow and can our own food as much as possible, instead of buying it.”

In canning garden goods each summer we all, just like Mary Lee Jones, are keeping a long-held tradition alive. In fact, historians tell us it all began in 1795 when Napoleon offered 12,000 francs to anyone who could come up with a way to preserve food for his army and navy.

In 1809, Nicolas Appert of France devised a way to preserve food in bottles, winning the prize by preserving food through sterilization. Just one year later, Peter Durand of England received a patent using pottery, glass and tinplated iron in canning.

A new way of life began to take shape throughout America 18 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

in 1812 when a small New York plant began manufacturing oysters, meats, fruits and vegetables in hermetically sealed containers. Six Sherrie years later,By Peter Durand Norris was back on the scene with his tinplated can and history was in the making. In 1858, the first can opener was patented, the same year that John Mason invented a practical glass jar for home canning.

Today, many pantry shelves continue to be lined with Mason jars – filled with jams, jellies, kraut and pickles, tomatoes, apples, pears, beans, beans, and more beans – just like we found at the Jones home on University Drive in Boone.

While she enjoys canning, Mary Lee admits she has to share the credit for successful outcomes with Ernie, a great cook and pie maker in his own right. “He bakes the pies and I bake the cakes.”

As if on cue, a wineberry pie appears on the kitchen counter, a delectable sample offered and savored through every last morsel.

When asked about the wineberry, Jones said he had ordered a plant years ago before he and Mary Lee were married, thinking it would grow well on the south side of his home, and that it needed sunlight to flourish. Only later did he learn, quite by accident following a frustrating season of no growth, that moving it to a dense, darker area of the yard was just what it needed to thrive and survive.

Considered a “wine raspberry” it is a typical species in the genus Rubus, which contains blackberry and raspberry, is bright red and ripens during June and July. The fruit is typically found from New England and eastern Canada south to North Carolina and west to Michigan and Tennessee. Wineberry reproduces by seeds, and through vegetative means including root buds and the sprouting of new plants from where tips touch the soil. The berries are easily scattered by various birds and animals. The Joneses say they now have plants “all over the place” and make good use of them each year, transforming them into family favorite desserts.

Catch the canning fever while you still “can”!

In 1809, Nicolas Appert of France devised a way to preserve food in bottles, winning the prize by preserving food through sterilization. Just one year later, Peter Durand of England received a patent using pottery, glass and tinplated iron in canning.

Sherrie’s Simple Salsa In A Can

8 cups tomatoes, peeled and chopped 3 cups onions, chopped fine 1 to 2 cups green peppers 1 to 2 cups jalepeno peppers (depending on how “warm” you like your salsa!)

1 cup vinegar 3½ tsp. salt

Boil 30 minutes; put into jars and heat in hot water bath for 15 minutes.

(I guarantee, you will never buy another jar at the store, unless you run out in the middle of the winter! Make plenty . . . it’s great with chips, or on baked potatoes with sour cream and cheese.)

Sherrie’s Best-Ever Homemade/ Canned Spaghetti Sauce Canned Apple Pie Filling

4 cups sugar 2 tsp. cinnamon 10 cups water 3 Tbsp. lemon juice 1cup cornstarch ¼ tsp. nutmeg

Cook first 5 ingredients until thick and bubbly.

Place cold apples in clean jars.

Pour hot syrup over apples, leaving ¼ inch headspace.

Seal 20 minutes in hot water bath or 5 minutes in cooker.

This syrup makes enough for 9 quarts of apples.

½ bushel tomatoes, peel and blend 3 pounds onions 2 green peppers 2 hot peppers

Dice and blend together all ingredients. Cook for one hour, then add:

2 tsp. basil 2 tsp. oregano 2 Tbs. parsley 8 (6 oz.) cans tomato paste 1 ½ cups sugar 6 bay leaves ½ cup salt

Cook for an additional hour, then put into jars and pressure cook for 10 minutes at 10 pounds pressure. aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 19

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Dearest Dr. Mann, I am a divorced, 40-year-old female with a positive attitude and outlook on life. However, topics always cross my mind that I know I am going to have to deal with down the road, i.e.: menopause, mid-life crisis (positive or negative, the stigma is always negative and I believe “crisis” could mean positive), the dating scene at my age and just “embracing change” no matter what is thrown my way. How would you suggest that someone in my situation deal with change?

–Happily Unmarried Dearest Happily,

Change, as anyone with two cents will tell you, can be good or bad. What matters is how you embrace it, and Dr. Mann has prepared an appropriate analogy to demonstrate. Spying a shiny quarter among the pennies in a water fountain represents change in the most literal of manners. Should you embrace change, which in this instance involves plunging your hand into questionable waters in an as-ofyet unknown fountain, you may very well soak your shirt sleeve, lose your watch and garner the disapproving glares of surrounding onlookers.

The point, dear Happily, is that sometimes you must put yourself at risk – be it inconvenience or embarrassment – for the pursuit of change. The positive outlook of which you speak works in your favor, considering very few people see crises as good things. The last good crisis Dr. Mann had the pleasure of seeing involved chimpanzees, an unlocked cage and a tardy shipment of Miller High Life. While your life may not involve chimpanzees – Dr. Mann will not presume to discount the cages and Miller High Life – it would seem there is much to be enjoyed in the future.

Now, once you’ve embraced change and are in its blissful throes, what comes next? Are you simply content to lie back,

smoke that after-change cigarette and whisper sweet nothings into your change’s ear? Or would you rather look for more change? If so, then you’re liable to keep yourself occupied and happy, rather than wallowing in a swamp of regret and Golden Girls reruns, waiting for change to come to you.

Sincerely, Dr. Mann

A Note from Dr. Mann: A letter from one of Dr. Mann’s beloved readers fell between the cracks. If you consider “cracks” and “billowing tide of paperwork crammed into a desk drawer substituting as a file cabinet” as one and the same, then you have a general idea of why this letter from Nov. 4, 2006, in response to the doctor’s November 2006 column, has not been addressed until now.

Dear Dr. Mann,

and acknowledgement of others’ kindness in their kids are handicapping them as children and later as adults.

Your response might have been more on the mark had it included suggestions for parents in the basic elements of a thank-you note, with examples appropriate to different age groups. There are books on the subject!

“Sincerity” is important, “perfect” is not. It’s the gesture that counts. I’ve known lots of macho men who know how to say “thank you” and some who even write the words. I suggest you advise your female readers who search for mates to be wary of any prospective suitor who can’t say or write “thanks.”

And, if you’re hooked on one like that, cut your losses and drop him like a hot potato. Look around for someone whose mama and daddy raised him right. Don’t waste your time fawning over a man who lacks this basic attitude and skill.

If you settle for less, you’ll regret it.

And by the way, Dr. Mann, how many thank-you notes have you written in the last year?

In a magazine for and about women, your response to the reader wanting to know why guys don’t write thank-you notes puzzled me. The tenderness of Yours truly, the male ego not withstanding, I believe there is another, more basic reason, and it’s not “just bad manners!”

Guys don’t write thank-you notes for the same reason girls don’t. They Thank you. never learned. Their mothers didn’t teach them. They did not learn to write Sincerely, a note thanking the giver for a birthday or Christmas gift, for a scholarship, for someone’s effort to help them.

Expressing appreciation is not unmanly. Gratitude is an attitude. It is also an essential social skill. Furthermore, the lack of that attitude and skill feeds into an attitude of arroDr. Mann has the gance, that the world owes him or her something and he or she is just getanswer. E-mail: ting what he/she deserves. They’re the boonedrmann@yahoo.com. ones with “chips on their shoulders.”

Parents who fail to instill gratitude

BTDT (Been There Done That) Dearest BTDT,

Dr. Mann

Do you have a question?

aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 21

Mom’s World|By Heather W. Jordan, CNM, MSN

Friends Rock Steady R

ecently, I had a long conversation with my middle son, Joseph, about friendships. Our life is truly full of change right now, and I was trying to explain to him that, when your boat is being rocked, friends will hold you steady and prevent a total capsizing. For a four-going-on-fiveyear-old, his transitions are monumental: having his best buddy moved down the hall from his original classroom, going from preschool to pre-K, and our family moving to another house just a few miles away. At first, I thought he was adjusting just fine, but then it became obvious that he truly felt his world was about to be rocked hard. Tearful, he buried his face in my chest and exclaimed that he did not want to move and that he wanted to keep his bed. It became abundantly clear that the empty house which he had seen was all he thought we would have. For him, hardwood floors held little charm if that was what he would be sleeping on for the indefinite future. It probably felt like he was going to jail.

You don’t realize how sensitive you are to your children’s growing pains until you see them trying to make sense of something like a move, or a sudden shift in attention, or a blow to their security by those whom they consider their friends. Childhood friendships represent our first efforts at relationships, but before there are really the social skills to completely see inequity or hurt feelings. Putting oneself into the other person’s proverbial pair of shoes doesn’t really happen yet. In fact, there is a tendency to assume that one’s actions have only the potential to better everyone’s life around you, provided that they are making you happy. Ever striving to enter the next realm of coolness, as kids get thrown in with children older than themselves. Immediately there is an aspiration to please and take on the role of the doting puppy dog. I watched my oldest son do so when he was around other older kids and I could tell that Joe’s friend was transitioning into his interactions with some older children as well. Much as Joe’s teacher and I tried to talk with him about the fact that his friend was just going through some changes of his own but was still his friend, I must admit that the explanation fell flat and did not remove the hurt from his heart. How frustrating it is as a parent when you desire so much to do away with your child’s pain and instead wind up giving some type of childhood development spiel that doesn’t change the fact that your child’s friend has moved on, even if only temporarily. I had to pull back from the intellectualizing of what was going on and try a different angle, emphasizing the point that he in fact represented one of the oldest in his class and by proxy was certainly someone who could help the newer children adjust to being at school. This leadership role suited him and certainly brought back some glimmer of worthiness and purpose to his preschool identity, 22 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

although I knew that the transition still loomed over him.

My talk with Joseph reminded me of my own childhood experience when I moved at the age of twelve or thirteen. It’s funny how I have no recollection whatsoever of the things that overwhelmed me about moving from that time period – packing, sorting through all your stuff, packing some more, and packing some more. I’m sure it was no more fun for my parents to pare down to the essentials six years’ worth of family belongings than it is for my husband and me to “shed our skin” as we call it. But as a kid moving, what I remember is the unsettling. I remember saying goodbye to my best, best friend, driving for what seemed like an eternity, and arriving at a hotel late at night, since the movers had not yet moved the beds into our new house. And then, I remember my first day of school, which was the very next day. Moving is emotional for adults, but the emotion is necessarily intertwined with the ongoing and never-ending physical realities that must come to pass in order to actually get from one place to another. For young children, once they understand that their “stuff” will come with them, there are not really any other concrete realities of consequence – only unsettling uncertainties. Even so, thankfully children adapt and their work (i.e. playing) necessitates perpetual recruitment of new partners in crime. This is the hope that I could pass on to Joe – that even in the face of extreme change, the certainty was that he would make new friends while keeping his old buddies. And that his trains, stuffed animals, sword, and horse blanket would be there when we did move.

As an adult facing this change, I cannot adequately express the utter relief I have felt to know that our dear, dear friends and family have made themselves so readily available and supportive. We have able and willing bodies for the heavy stuff, trucks offered for transportation, childcare offers, and the verbal reassurance that we will survive the move. But I must admit that as we prepare to sort through our compiled life once again – even if just to move down the street – I at times feel like my son, overwhelmed and anxious – like the roots that we put down are clinging desperately with the floodgates about to open. It gives me pause but then the deep breath comes in. I look around, reconsider, and envision instead that I am floating in a kayak, moon rising overhead. The waves of change become ripples and my friends my anchor, as I cast out another line.

If you have comments or questions about this article, please feel free to contact Heather Jordan, Certified Nurse-Midwife, at the office of Charles E. Baker, MD at 828-737-7711 x253 or e-mail her at landh@localnet.com.

Send comments/questions for Heather at: comments@aawmag.com.

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Healthy Lady|

By Bonnie Church, CNC, Wellness Coach

Genes vs.

One-a-Day

25 years ago many leaders in the medical community considered vitamins a recipe

for expensive urine. The reasoning went something like this, “Eat a balanced diet and you will get all the vitamins and minerals you need.” That is a reasonable conclusion, no doubt. Unfortunately fewer then 90% of Americans eat a “balanced diet.” Those who do are often eating food that has been grown in de-mineralized soil, picked before it is ripe and shipped cross country in gasinfused containers. By the time it reaches the grocery store shelves, it is often nutritionally compromised.

Consequently, that long-standing anti-vitamin policy was reversed about 5 years ago with a report in the Journal for American Medicine (JAMA) Drs. Robert Fletcher and Kathleen Fairfield of Harvard University wrote the new guidelines stating, “Scientists’ understanding of the benefits of vitamins has rapidly advanced, and it now appears that people who get enough vitamins may be able to prevent such common chronic illnesses as cancer, heart disease and osteoporosis.” The guidelines advised taking a multivitamin as a positive adjunct to supporting the health of most Americans.

Recent research now suggests that a one-size-fits-all supplement might not be enough. The next generation of supplements could be formulated based on your genetic profile..

How does that work?

Each person has the same set of genes - about 20,000 in all. The differences between individuals come from slight variations in these genes. For example, the slightest variation in genes can cause one twin to have red hair, while the other has brown hair. In like manner, slight variations in our genetic makeup can determine whether we are pre-disposed to diseases such as cancer, heart disease and diabetes.

Nicholas Marini, a UC Berkeley research scientist reported in the journal, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS), “There are many genetic differences that make people’s enzymes less efficient than normal, and simple supplementation with vitamins can often restore some of these deficient enzymes to full working order.”

There are plans to test this theory on our troops. “Our soldiers, like top athletes, operate under extreme conditions that may well be limited by their physiology…We’re now working with the Defense Department to identify variants of enzymes that are remediable, and ultimately hope to identify troops that have these variants and test whether performance can be enhanced by appropriate supplementation.”

One example of how genetic variation can be altered with supplementation is reported by SCIONA, a Colorado-based pioneer in the field of genomics.

To paraphrase – There is a gene variation that indicates a potential defect in the vitamin D receptor. This could lead to vitamin D deficiencies. This deficiency might undermine skeletal structure and the absorption of minerals. A simple solution for someone who has this variation is to make some simple adjustments.

24 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

diet: •Add Vitamin D rich foods •Add a Vitamin D supplement Lifestyle: •Expose skin to sun for 15 minutes a day.

Another gene variation (TNF alpha) indicates a potentially overactive immune system. A healthy immune system uses inflammation to fight foreign invaders and prevent tissue injury. When the body is injured or invaded by toxins, Inflammation brings proteins and white blood cells to the site of injury to engulf and consume foreign material and debris. The “inflammatory” response helps repair the injured tissue and disarm toxic invaders. When the body’s defense system (immune system) inappropriately triggers an inflammatory response, it can cause damage to its own tissues and many other maladies including arthritis and allergies.

Someone with this gene variation could possible prevent this negative cycle with foods and antioxidant supplements that are anti-inflammatory.

Another simple remedy to a lethal response in the body was reported in the British Medical Journal. Research suggest that carriers of specific genetic variants (MTHFR C677T) require up to 800 mcg folic acid in the diet to keep homocysteine at normal levels. High levels of homocysteine are a risk factor for coronary artery diseases. The folic acid DRI (daily recommended intake) for the average population is 400 mcg.This may be insufficient for those with this genetic variation. With that knowledge that individual could be steered toward increasing his supplementation to 800 mcg of folic acid, a nutrient which is easily obtainable through diet or supplements.

What does this mean for you and ME?

Perhaps in the future we will be consulting a genomics practitioner before heading to the health food store for food and vitamins. Instead of trying to unravel the confusing array of diets, lifestyle and supplement choices on our own, a simple gene test might provide the laser beam we need for making sound choices.

As Nicolas Marina sums it up, “I wouldn’t be surprised if everybody is going to require a different optimal dose of vitamins based on their genetic makeup.”

For more information on the effect of nutrition on genetic outcomes, read It’s Not Just Your Genes by Ruth Debusk PhD, RD.

For a copy of the complete Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS] report on genomics, email Bonnie Church at simplewellness@charter.net

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... with each transition requiring I let go, there is the invitation to take hold of a new beginning.

Soundings

By Rebecca Gummere

S

everal weeks ago, I was traveling back to North Carolina from Ohio. It was a warm breezy August afternoon and I took one of those nice long pit stops that involves filling up the gas tank, making use of the spartan, but much-appreciated facilities, and chowing down on a pecan chicken salad wrap from the Arby’s franchise located inside the service station.

Traveling long distances brings out some of my claustrophobic tendencies, so rather than eat inside (either building or car), I meandered to the back parking area, where the concrete curb backed up to a large field, and perched there for my little picnic.

While I sat, unwinding from the hours in the car, I was visited by a wasp that brushed one ear in a friendly hello, watched about a dozen crows hop around in the field in what looked like an avian square dance, and first heard, then saw seven Canadian geese jockeying for position high over my head, a sure sign of the seasonal changes to come. Munching on my wrap, I was pondering how fast summer seemed to have flown by when next to me I noticed a big clump of milkweed.

Seeing those long stalks always causes me to think on childhood days in Ohio when my playmates and I would find the milkweed pods ready to burst and set free the thousands of gossamer seed pods, letting them float away on the breeze. Some weeks later, more towards autumn, my friends and I would look for the pods that had already burst and dried on the stem, collect them, fill them with small pebbles or other treasures, and send them on a voyage down the icy creek that ran through the ravine behind our old farmhouse.

26 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

In my memory, autumn is a golden time of exploration and wonder. The familiar field out front where we pastured our horses became something silky and fine, the grasses gone to seed. At night, I could hear them whispering in the cool evening wind coming from the north, and it seemed as if old friends were chatting together about the changing weather. Each day, trees that I’d never really noticed, seeing only the flatness of varying shades of green, would reveal their unique shapes as they became part of a tapestry of colors – orange fading to apricot washed with yellow, gold interwoven with gleaming tan and brown, accented with bright red and garnet, paint-splattered across the landscape.

Across the road from my little country bungalow where I now live, there is a large snaking vine that changes color before any of the trees, turning a bright rose-red so that the leaves look lit from within. When that happens, I know autumn is coming, but the cooling night air lets me know that, too.

Something stirs in me when I see those first leaves turn, feel the atmosphere take on a new, clean quality as if imported rarefied air has just been express-delivered. I feel restless, feel the change coming that will sweep up all of us and bring us along to the next season.

My mother, who is 89, says she still gets that “back-to-school” feeling every September.

For just an instant she forgets the decades she’s been absent from school and has a jolt of energy, needing to buy sweaters and woolen skirts. For the record, it’s been more than 20 years since I stopped looking for Weejuns ads, but for some odd reason it comforts me to know Bass is still

making them. Going back to school, although it seems to happen earlier every year, is still one of those mile-markers, a sort of cultural rite of passage from summer into fall.

If there should be a second candidate for an official New Year’s Day, in my mind it might be “The First Day of School.”

On that first day, rich with new crayons, new lined paper, new classrooms, new teachers, new shoes – on that day, anything is possible, and everyone gets to begin again. In the midst of the constant changes that are part of our daily existence, the ebb and flow of seasons of the year, seasons of our lives, we all have a few constants we hang on to.

I’m always a little blue, thinking of the cold weather to come, the farewell to easy summer mornings and blossoms in my garden, but that grief is tempered by the sense that, with each transition requiring I let go, there is the invitation to take hold of a new beginning.

I keep a small can of Play-Doh in my work desk, which I’ve been known to pull out and open if it’s been a particularly stressful day.

I don’t really play with it, I just like to smell it, my own brand of aromatherapy. I can close my eyes and be back at Gorton Elementary School in Lake Forest, Illinois, where my lovely kindergarten teacher passed around boxes of Prang crayons and cans of Play-Doh and assured us nervous five-year olds everything was going to be just fine, we were going to be fine. Fifty years later, when I get a whiff of the pink stuff, I can still be convinced of that.

Send questions or comments for Rebecca to: comments@aawmag.com.

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Minding Her Own Business

Jane Deavers: Making the Most of Change

By Yozette “Yogi” Collins Photos by Mark Mitchell

A

After Jane Deavers and her husband Gil, now deceased, settled into first time, it’s clear the women working there are happy and also eager their life in the High Country from Naples, Florida thirteen years ago, for customers to feel both comfortable and welcome.

Jane admits she “got a little bored. I don’t play golf. So, I decided Speaking of feeling welcome, Jane stresses that any body type can I’d love to have a little retail store. I decided there was a niche for find clothing in her store. “What happens a lot is that people come in something sort of moderate. I started out in gifts and would always and say they’ve lost or gained weight. I am highly aware, when I go to carry a shoe or a fun jacket and realized I kept reordering those types market, that we are not all ‘model-perfect.’ I can find something that’s of things.” flattering and that works for a lot of body types.”

That “little retail store,” The Dande Lion in Banner Elk, isn’t so Amen and hallelujah! And, lest you worry you’ll leave the store small anymore, especially with the brand new addition named Shooz & wearing something questionable, Jane says, “We’re honest with cusShiraz celebrating its Grand Opening August 29th through September tomers. We want them to walk out the door and be a model for us.

6th. Along with beautiful shoes, the store also offers complimentary We’re known for our pants because people will say [to our customwine from 1-4 in the afternoon. Why not? It’s five o’clock some- ers], ‘How much weight have you lost?’ because they are so slimming where. and flattering. And, of course, who doesn’t want that?” Jane adds with

Though the addition to her store is a change that is easily em- a laugh. braced, Jane has had her share of unwelcome change, especially when If you would like to invite change into your life in the form of a her husband of 28 years became ill. “When I moved from Foscoe to new perfume, The Dande Lion is now carrying Shelley Kyle Parfums. this store I knew he was sick and I kept thinking, ‘I shouldn’t do it. Send questions or comments for Yogi to: comments@aawmag.com.

How am I going to take care of a sick husband and do this big store?’”

But, that change itself brought a wonderful gift -- a new friend. “I needed a manager so I could stay home with (Gil) the last three months. I put an ad in the paper and Janeen answered it and we were like sisters from the beginning.”

Janeen Sherwood, the store manager, was regrettably downsizing her own small business at the time and the change and emotional turmoil of that experience brought her to The Dande Lion. After repeatedly seeing a classified ad for the manager position, she finally emailed her resume to see what might happen. “But the nicest thing that Jane said to me [during the interview process] was, “If nothing else, maybe we can just be friends.”

Though owning such a successful business wasn’t a particular goal of Jane’s, it has provided comfort and grounding since Gil passed away almost two years ago. She feels connected to him through running the store. “My late husband was very, very supportive. He was my cheerleader. He was a businessman and he supported me.” Janeen adds,“Gil’s name comes up at the store almost weekly. There were so many different things he said that were so influential in Jane’s life that she has held onto.”

She also holds onto her staff, considering them family. The fact there is rarely any staff turnover is evidence of that. “It’s a compliment to Jane,” says Janeen. “She’s wonderful to work for. It really is a family From left, top row, Ann-Marie Sobieraj, Billie Kay Roland, Shelley Brown. Bottom here. She makes it fun and she appreciates us and does things for us row from left, Ashley Owens, Jane Deavers, Janeen Sherwood. Staff members abto let us know that, too.” Admittedly, walking into the store for the sent from the group photo are Jackie Casey, Ruth Ann Edwards and Claire Egem.

28 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 29

One Step At A Time: Sharon Carlton’s Journey From Corporate Wife to Widow and Single Mother of a Teenage Son

Photo by Mark Mitchell

By Sherrie Norris

“Life is full of surprises,” states Sharon Carlton. “Even Raymond once managed.” Sharon adds. “Life is also full of chalwhen you have a great game plan, you cannot know what simple lenges. There are never enough hours in a day to do all that I would events and choices or world, technological, and cultural develop- like to do, but I am moving forward, one step at a time.” ments may affect your lives.”

Sharon’s “game plan” for life was first derailed at 17 when she

Sharon speaks from experience, sharing these profound was paired with Raymond at her next-door neighbor’s wedding. thoughts often with her young students at both High Country Co- The tallest bridesmaid and usher eventually became a couple when tillion and High Country Courtesies.

Sharon followed Ray to ASU. After his graduation, they were mar The last seven years have included huge ried in Miami where Ray had accepted his first surprises for Sharon as she and her family re- It is amazing to look back and job in the music business as road manager for a turned to Boone from Los Angeles, CA. rock band. see how your life experiences have

While her duties as corporate wife waned prepared you for the next phase

In the mid 70s and 80s, Miami had a with her husband’s retirement as an executive and that opportunities are just thriving music community, she recalls. “Our in the entertainment industry, Sharon found stepping stones. I love sharing the social circle revolved around music. We spent herself busy helping her family adjust to their lessons I’ve learned and tools that part of our honeymoon at Ted Nugent’s Michinew community by making friends and building I have used to equip young adults gan ranch, ate dinner with the Eagles, played a support network. She became involved as a to represent themselves and to pinball with Crosby and Nash at Criteria Stuschool “mom” and community volunteer and communicate gracefully in social, dios, hosted Patrick Simmons from the Doobie launched two new businesses. Most recently, school, and work settings, preparBrothers and other musicians at our home.” she has been forced to transition from devoted ing them to be their best as they

The couple’s mutual love of travel and spouse of 32 years to widow and single mother adventure served them well, as Ray progressed grow through life and its transitions. of a teenage son. in his career as promotion and marketing I am so grateful for every day here

“During these last 15 months I have faced manager for Elektra, RCA, and Giant/Warner in our beautiful mountains. I cansome radical life changes,” she states. “When Brothers record companies. “Life with Raynot wait to see what comes next!

Raymond died of a massive heart attack in his mond was a ‘fly by the seat of your pants’ kind sleep in April of 2007, everything changed. I of lifestyle.” The only “routine” in life, Sharon feel like I have been thrust from my comfort zone, thrown from the says, was knowing that an exciting opportunity, trip, or a move was boat in a “sink or swim” mode, having to assume all the additional just around the corner. “In 32 years of marriage, we lived in Miami, tasks relative to our family – personal, business and financial – that New Orleans, Denver, Cincinnati, New York City, Connecticut and

“

“

30 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

Los Angeles while Ray rose to vice-president for RCA Records.

We traveled extensively for work and pleasure, building business and personal relationships that we continue to treasure.

“Raymond might come home and announce that we were flying on the Warner Brothers corporate jet to ski in Aspen with his boss, or that Bruce Hornsby was going to be staying at our house, or that we were covering an Anita Baker concert in Hawaii, or that we were going to play laser tag with N Sync in Chicago. There was never a dull moment.”

As Ray moved up the corporate ranks of the music business, Sharon’s responsibilities increased. During their first year in Denver, they hosted 27 sets of house guests and multiple business dinners at their home, in local restaurants and all over the five-state area of Ray’s territory, in addition to hosting guests attending concerts and social events. “When Ray began to train new promotion and marketing managers, I would coach their wives on hosting functions with their husbands, putting their guests at ease, and understanding the connections of music, records, and radio to help them support their spouses,” Sharon recalls.

“Through the years, my career positions always took second place to my commitment as a wife. I managed to pursue my interests in challenging positions where I was appreciated. Modeling and spokesperson work led to work as a production manager; trunk show work led to sales and retail management positions with Neiman Marcus, Guy Laroche, Casual Corner, and Pappagallo. Eventually I specialized in training management and sales staff, with a strong emphasis on customer service.”

In Los Angeles Sharon fulfilled a longtime desire to return to college. A year later, Sam was born, making them delighted parents after 18 years of marriage. “Our lifestyles were set by the time Sam was born, so we just brought him along on our adventures. He had visited 41 states by the time he was four, danced onstage with John Cougar Mellencamp, played his kazoo with Hootie and the Blowfish, and been kissed by Christina Aguilera.”

Although they had planned to return to Boone, their timing was expedited by 9/11 and the technological advances that precipitated the implosion of the record industry. The Carltons moved to Sugar Grove in February of 2002.

By the fall of 2006, Sharon’s plate was full of volunteer responsibilities. In addition to wife, mother, daughter, she became the area coordinator for Moms In Touch, co-president of their POA, PTSA fundraiser at Sam’s school, deacon and women’s Bible study organizer at church. “Then, Raymond announced that we were going to start a cotillion! He explained that there was no safe, fun place for Sam and his middle school friends to socialize, that there was no encouraging or enforcing of the manners that we were trying to teach, and that there was no one preparing the kids for the future by giving them a vision of the realities of the larger world. Cotillion had helped prepare each of us to represent ourselves and our businesses successfully. He was intensely excited!”

Sharon adds, “As I began my research, I began to realize how we had both been prepared for this task! My enthusiasm grew as I realized the terrific opportunity to motivate our youth to be able to represent themselves, their families, schools, and potential businesses with poise and confidence wherever they go – and to do it in an innovative, entertaining setting. I explain that good manners are just an extension of the Golden Rule‚“fleshed out” in diverse situations, while our students are having fun with their peers.”

The most challenging sidetrack from Sharon’s “game plan” began last year when Raymond passed away in his sleep from a massive heart attack. “I have lived these last 15 months one step at a time, sometimes one breath at a time.” She smiled as she said, “I miss Raymond in so many ways . . . his companionship and hugs, his humor and wit, his wisdom and advice in decision-making, and his lopsided grin.”

She adds, “The incredible support and counsel of my family and friends network has been invaluable. Friends have confirmed that it is okay to grieve . . . however I need to. That helps me to remember that Sam and I have different triggers that spark our grieving, so that I can be sensitive to his needs as well. ‘They have even given me ‘permission to whine’ for a few moments at a time . . . a release with no wallowing, just to get it out of my system.

Their consistent reminders that I cannot do everything myself has begun to take root and I have been gathering my ‘boards of advisors’: I have my ‘Sam Board,’ ‘home repair board,’ ‘business advisor board’ and ‘boards’ for car maintenance, computer, and financial questions. I have found myself surrounded by an amazing group of single moms who have inspired and encouraged me with their experiences. They are truly brave as they do it all for their families.”

She adds, “Some very important advice that has helped me cope is to focus on ‘being rather than doing.’ I tend to use my ‘busyness’ like Dora from Finding Nemo, frantically trying to stay moving so I don’t sink – just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

I need to stop and focus on ‘being’ the kind of mother, person, and worker that I want to be in the big picture, consider how I want to be remembered.

She says only because of the support of her family, friends‚ and faith, has been able to enthusiastically move ahead, in particular with High Country Cotillion. She has launched High Country Courtesies (customer service training and etiquette programs) and High Country Character (talks and educational materials to encourage good manners and character development). “It is amazing to look back and see how your life experiences have prepared you for the next phase and that opportunities are just stepping stones. I love sharing the lessons I’ve learned and tools that I have used to equip young adults to represent themselves and to communicate gracefully in social, school, and work settings, preparing them to be their best as they grow through life and its transitions. I am so grateful for every day here in our beautiful mountains. I cannot wait to see what comes next!”

Sharon may be contacted at scarlton@highcountrycotillon.com or by visiting www.highcountrycotillion.com Send comments/questions for Sherrie to: comments@aawmag.com.

Sharon and Sam during a recent visit with friends in California.

She says, “All of my friends are dealing with life transitions as we care for ailing parents, confront our own infirmities, face empty nests, or struggle with the current business climate. We don’t get to pick our challenges, but we do get to choose our attitudes as we deal with them.” aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 31

Pet Page|By Genevieve Austin

Embracing Change Through “Sunny” Days…

‘‘

Genevieve and Sunny at home, Boone, NC 1998

Photos courtesty of Genevieve Austin

Sunny days” refers to a sweet, elderly yellow Labrador Retriever named Sunny. He has taught me that there are two constants in the world: change and love. My love for Sunny enables me to embrace life from its delightful beginning to its slowing down and inevitable ending.

Wise men note that the only constant is change. I am one whose life has been filled with change. Having lived in 8 different states and having had 26 different mailing addresses by the time I moved to New York City didn’t make adjusting to change easier. Ironically, when I moved to NYC to pursue singing, I actually sought stability. I’d moved to the city that truly never sleeps, never stops and is eternally changing. Chalk up my contradictions to the fact that I was twenty-something.

Change’s uncertainty had defined my life to the extent that I did not see living in the city while striving to be a professional singer as a contradiction to an inner desire for stability. Maneuvering through change is the way I knew how to live. NYC is the epitome of transient living. Eight years of living there, constantly building a new community of friends (because the relentless nature of the city breeds a populace of constant relocation), I found myself weary. Within that time, one of my friends was murdered. a year later another friend vanished, never to be seen or heard from again.

Haunted by these losses, I began to feel insecure. Statistically, violent crimes were declining. Two years after my first friend’s murder, a series of coincidental experiences caused me to feel closer to her murder and to fear for my safety. Fear became its own entity, embracing me like a hovering shadow. One evening, that shadow became a palpable dark cloud as I realized that I was being followed. Confrontation and a witness enabled me to narrowly escape being mugged by two very big guys. As I filed a police report, a robbery was reported two blocks away. The police believed that it must have been those two big guys. Neighbors were proud of my escape but my internal fear amplified.

New York’s transient nature prompted not one, but three of my former bosses to lose their jobs within months of my being hired as the valued assistant. I was ultimately structured out. Life in New York City taxed me in every way. I sang in cabarets and with friends whenever possible but my love for the city weighed against my inner need. Stability eluded me despite dedicated effort.

Fear for my physical safety riddled me when the Upper East Side rapist began attacking on my block. New York City had been relatively kind with the exception of the loss of my two dear friends, then my near-mugging experience and now this... Not a borough – but Boone, North Carolina, for me, please.

Friends spoke of raising families, vacations, NOT working 6 to 7 days a week; I returned to Boone – a world away from Manhattan. Leaving New York City was sad. I loved the city - I abandoned my dream, mostly from mortal fear. The fact that millions of diverse individuals co-exist in relative peace still inspires me. I love New York City as much as I loathe that it can seemingly eat human beings for lunch, burp, and keep humming along. My departure aptly transpired on Halloween, a day to honor all those who haunt and are haunted.

Fear followed me to Boone.There was an immediate decompres-

32 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

sion of everything hectic and busy. Blaring car horns, soot on my face from walking to work were replaced by the sweet melody of peepers at night, the sound of babbling water in the branch and fresh, clean air felt as if it healed my every cell and soothed my soul. Starry skies became visible again. My parents were happy I returned. My sister, Laura, suggested I get a dog, saying that I’d feel and be safer with a dog. She even knew of a new litter of Labrador Retriever puppies.

She took me to see them. I picked a cutie, not the runt nor the largest of the litter. His happiness was contagious.“Sunny”- a reminder of brighter days, the lighthearted side of life - was six weeks old so I returned when he was old enough to part from his mother. My niece, Noelle, rode with me to pick him up so she could hold him on the way home.

Sunny resided with me from the first night that I moved into my new home. The fear that had begun to hover like a cloud and haunt me when I let my mind drift to a shadow or pondered my friends’ destinies transformed in a stunning manner.

Fearing countless (possible) dangers and the potential hazards of a single woman living alone were replaced with love for this adorable puppy that had needs, teething desires, balls to chase and life to live.

Whether it was love that flowed from me to him or from him to me - there was plenty to give and receive. Fear evaporated as my new responsibility became my focus. Sunny and his needs became paramount.

Sunny’s large puppy paws prompted many to remark, “Oh, he’s going to be a big dog!” So we did obedience training with the best possible dog trainer - John (and Earle) Quy of Little Horse Creek Farm. Sunny and I attended John’s class, took private lessons and then I decided to train Sunny to track. John told me that obedience train-

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828-215-2156 Sunny, Boone, NC 2005 ing is to enable the dog to understand the human culture. To learn dog culture, we should track. Sunny and I love tracking. Sunny is a member of our family. Mom thinks love made him his large self, like Clifford the Big Red Dog. Sunny became a big, big dog…

Sunny turned 10 years old June 1. Sunny taught me to embrace change, to live life beyond fear and that love does not simultaneously exist with fear.

Sunny’s my best friend, my shadow and my super hero. Sunny’s love outlasted my marriage;-). Sunny tracked a pearl from a family heirloom ring. More importantly, Sunny tracked my parents’ dog when he became disoriented from a seizure the week before he died.

Sunny has protected my son and me on numerous occasions. Sunny is also known as “my senior citizen puppy” as he does a little dance with his whole body when I hand him a dog biscuit.

Sunny’s enthusiasm for living hasn’t decreased. His spirit is willing. His body is beginning to hinder his mobility. In many ways, it seems Sunny is nearing the latter part of his life. I pray for the courage and fortitude to continue embracing change when it is time to tell Sunny goodbye. Until then, I thank God and Sunny daily for transforming darkness into light.

Send comments/questions for Genevieve to: comments@aawmag.com.

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Valid month of September 2008. aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 33

Open up your hear

Photo by Mark Mitchell

S

arah Shields is heading off to NC State University this fall in pursuit of a business management degree, joining her brother, Bradford, in his junior year, and continuing a third-generation family tradition of Wolfpack fever.

Sarah has prepared for this transition much like she has other events in her life – with boundless energy and excitement, full-speed ahead for the challenge.

A recent graduate of Watauga High School and a well-respected leader among her peers, Sarah was president of both her junior and senior classes, active in Student Council and all the events it sponsored.

She was a member of the National Honor Society and served on the Homecoming Court during both her freshman and senior years.

She played Watauga High volleyball for 3½ years, for the Appalachian Avalanche’s Junior Olympic Volleyball team for 4. “We traveled around the state to different tournaments during winter and spring and did really well under the leadership of our awesome coach, Robin Lindemuth.” She also ran track for WHS freshman through junior year and played basketball for her church league.

Involved with The Dream Team, as athletic mentor for special needs students, Sarah developed an interest in seeing that the participants achieved their highest potential and she began volunteering with Special Olympics, sharing her volleyball skills, in particular.

“I received such a blessing. It was so much fun and helped me gain an entirely new perspective on life in general.”

Last spring, her love for music and the stage began taking her in yet another new direction. She was a member of the state champion Playmakers, the high school’s elite actors group selected through auditions only. The Playmakers won the regional competition before receiving the state’s coveted title and moving on to the nationals.

Sarah had the lead role of Hedy LeRure in the school’s spring musical, “How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying,” for which she received the Sparkle Award for the character who brought the most to the play.

More than just “the girl next door,” Sarah stands out above the crowd in many ways. Her physical attractiveness aside, Sarah has an inner beauty and strength that surface in everything she does. She has a strong faith and stands up for what she believes and encourages others to do the same.

An active member of the youth group and a vocalist in the praise band at Mt.Vernon Baptist Church, she was also active in a weekly non-denominational Bible study that attracts teens from every walk 34 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

YOu Go GIRL!lds Sarah Shie

By Sherrie Norris

of life in Watauga County.

In June 2007, Sarah was chosen to represent Blue Ridge Electric Cooperative as a delegate for the Rural Electric Youth Tour in Washington, DC, traveling with others from North Carolina and meeting peers from across the United States. She was named NC delegate, awarded a $2,000 scholarship and represented her home state in Anaheim, CA at the Youth Leadership Council.

Those who know her best say she’s come a long way since intimidating her male classmates in kindergarten, but she still has a streak of independence, which most likely accounts for her success as a leader.

In addressing her audience during the Class of 2008 graduation ceremonies in May, Sarah referred to a quote by Judy Garland: “Never

be a second rate of someone else when you can be a first rate person of yourself.” She elaborates by saying, “Through high school, most ev-

eryone gives into peer pressure. At times, it’s really hard not do it, but I was determined to take a different road than others . . . to be myself, and not give in to what everybody else is doing. I don’t like to follow other people. It’s not important to me to ‘fit in’ with the crowd. I want to stand out and be a leader, not to go with the latest trend. I don’t want to do that.” Sarah concludes, “So many people look back with regrets and live every day with their mistakes.”

She adds, “I don’t have to go around telling people what I am.

I don’t cram my beliefs down someone else’s throat – I let my actions speak louder than words.”

Sarah anticipates, among her future challenges as a college student, learning to manage her time. “It’s going to be so different than it has been here in Boone. I’m always so busy here. There will be a lot of free time until I get adjusted and find the right group of friends.”

Her advice to other teens in this transitional time of their lives, “Keep going when the times get tough. In the end, it’s all worth it. Keep standing strong. Be yourself. Hold to what you say you believe.”

Before leaving town, Sarah worked at Boone Bagelry and as part-time secretary for Green Appraisal Group, enjoyed last-minute opportunities to “hang out” with friends and worked out to keep her body, as well as her mind, in good shape.

She is the daughter of Brad and Kim Shields and granddaughter of Bob and Burton Shields, all of Boone, and she has a younger sister, Meredith, who’s really going to miss both of her siblings this fall.

Send questions or comments for Sherrie to: comments@aawmag.com

aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 35

Down To Earth|By Theresa Ozdemir

Ornamental for a unique look

Grasses W

ant to change the look of your landscape from the “traditional look” to something unique? Well, think in terms of ornamental grasses; gentle breezes move the blades of these grasses and it’s a bit like watching a modern dance. They sway to and fro in the wind in random patterns, making the daintiest woosh of noise. Ornamental grasses can provide an element of distinction in the garden if properly placed, and oh how easy they are to grow!

Ornamental grasses are a whole different game from carefully maintained and manicured turf-grass lawns. They need little care and are allowed to grow to the full glory of their natural mature size.

Ornamental grasses have a long list of attributes that make them popular in the landscape. Topping the list is their range of dramatic beauty in color, form and texture. Depending on the variety, summer colors range from dusty blue to brilliant red and deep green.

A number of varieties are also available with attractive variegated foliage. The array of colors expands further in the fall and includes purple, bronze, orange and shades of red. Most ornamental grasses have attractive flowers that, like their foliage colors, vary widely. Forms and size vary from tiny tufts to flowing mounds to majestic columns.

Although beauty is important, ease of care is probably the top reason grasses are so popular. Low maintenance is a priority for almost everyone, and ornamental grasses certainly meet that requirement. They are durable, adaptable, virtually pest-free, need little fertilization and many are drought tolerant. Pruning is limited to an annual spring buzzcut a few inches above the ground.

Any variety offers an appealing contrast that accents structures, boulders and other plants.

So if you want to “change” your landscape from the more time-honored look, seek out some ornamental grasses to plant. The possibilities for ornamental grasses are limited only by your imagination and desire for change.

Send questions/comments about this article to: comments@aawmag.com.

36 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

Entertainment Suggestions

re ds!

watauga Courtesy of Black Bear Books

W

hat if all of Watauga read the same book? Watauga County Library patrons, members of local book clubs and Appalachian State University freshman all have the same book resting on their bedside tables this summer. The Glass Castle, best-selling memoir by Jeanette Walls, was chosen by a local panel earlier this year as the official selection of “Watauga Reads 2008.”

For many years, ASU has chosen a common book for incoming freshman to read prior to starting classes; in 2001, the local community elected to join in on the discussion.

The Watauga Reads 2008 program kicked off on August 25th at 7:00 p.m. with a panel discussion at the Watauga County Public Library followed on Thursday, August 28, at 7:00 p.m with the Library Book Club discussion. On Thursday, September 4, at 10:00 a.m., at the fall convocation, Holmes Convocation Center, ASU.

On Friday, September 5, at 10:30 a.m., there will be a reading and author Q&A session at Watauga County Public Library; Thursday, September 11, at 7:00 p.m., a panel discussion - Glass Castles: Repairing Shattered Dreams, will be led

by Suzanne Shault, Watauga Campus, Caldwell Community College and Technical Institute, Room 120.

The Glass Castle is a remarkable memoir of resilience and redemption, and a revelatory look into a family at once deeply dysfunctional and uniquely vibrant.

When sober, Jeannette’s brilliant and charismatic father captured his children’s imaginations, teaching them physics, geology, and how to embrace life fearlessly. But when he drank, he was dishonest and destructive. Her mother was a free spirit who abhorred the idea of domesticity and didn’t want the responsibility of raising a family.

The Walls children learned to take care of themselves.

They fed, clothed and protected one another and eventually found their way to New York. Their parents followed them, choosing to be homeless, even as their children prospered.

The Glass Castle is truly astonishing – a memoir permeated by the intense love of a peculiar but loyal family.

Jeanette Walls lives in Virginia and is a regular contributor to MSNBC. The Glass Castle has won the 2005 Elle Readers’ Prize and the 2006 American Library Association Alex Award.

The Glass Castle is available at local bookstores throughout the High Country.

(Book and author description taken from the 2005 Scribner edition.)

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You Can’t Live In The Past

By Sherrie Norris

C

harlotte Fulp moved to Boone 17 months ago to be near her daughter’s family. It was certainly not the first move of her life, but the first in many years from Davidson County, where she had been born and reared, married and reared her two children.

The cancer death of her husband eight years ago initially resulted in her relocation to an apartment, closing up the only home she had known since 1958. “My husband and I had talked about what I should do and we both knew that I didn’t need to worry about keeping up a home and be concerned about such things as putting on a new roof, etc.”

Moving to an apartment had its benefits, but after her daughter’s family (Blake, Ann and Daniel Brown) relocated to Blake’s hometown of Boone, she realized “There was no one left except a few cousins.”

Eating alone was what she disliked most about living alone. “I got to where I did not prepare the right kind of foods for myself and was not eating properly. It’s no fun cooking for just one.”

She added “Silence is another thing that’s hard to take – it’s so loud when you are alone.”

Desiring to be near family, she contemplated her options at length, finally choosing to head to the mountains rather than move closer to her son, a Charlotte gastroenterologist. “Both of my children have families and lives of their own. I didn’t want to move in with either of them. Blake’s mother was already here (Appalachian Brian Estates,) and I had visited and thought it was a nice place, so decided to look into coming here.” She made the decision, during her Thanksgiving visit to Boone in 2006, to move by the next spring. “By March 6, I was here!”

The former teacher and “stay-at-home mom” until her children were reared, was always busy – whether as a grade parent involved in school and extra-curricular activities or at church and in the community. For 35 years, she delivered meals-on-wheels and helped establish a food closet in her church that later resulted in a multi-faceted crisis ministry, today still a viable resource for countless families in her hometown.

Life for Mrs. Fulp has been good, she admits, especially prior to her husband’s illness and death following 46 years of marriage. “You can’t live in the past. You have to learn to go with the flow. Things just can’t stay the same, no matter how hard you wish they could.”

“From the first day, I felt like God had just dropped me in the middle of this place. Everybody made me feel welcome and that’s how I want to treat others.”

38 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

Moving to the Boone retirement complex offered her “the best of both worlds.” Residing in her own apartment allows independence while at the same time, she says, “I have someone to cook for me, someone to clean and always someone around who is concerned for my well-being. What else could I possibly ask for?”

She also enjoys the safety afforded her and other facility residents. “We can visit from one apartment to another and never leave the building. We know who stays up late and who doesn’t, so we can plan our visits accordingly.”

Just a few short miles from her daughter’s home, she is also able to visit with her family often and spend time with her grandson, one of three grandchildren who light up her life.

During her first day at ABE, she decided to meet as many people as possible, learn their names and on the next day, be able to put names with faces. “One day, I told my tablemates at dinner that I knew everyone there. I was told that, no, I didn’t, because someone else had just moved in. I got right up from my chair and found that new person and when I came back to my table, I said, ‘Well, now I know everybody here.’”

She adds, “From the first day, I felt like God had just dropped me in the middle of this place. Everybody made me feel welcome and that’s how I want to treat others.”

Mrs. Fulp desired to get involved in the surrounding community. She made calls to various non-profit organizations, inquiring of volunteer opportunities. She was disappointed that at least two did not return her calls. “I told God that he must not want me to do anything here. In the meantime, my cardiologist asked if I had enough to do. I told him ‘No,’ so he gave me the number for the hospital volunteer coordinator. I called her and learned about a

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training session scheduled for the next day.” Mrs. Fulp now volunteers weekly at the Seby B. Jones Cancer Center.

She also helped start the Prayer Shawl Ministry at Mount Vernon Baptist Church where she attends. She describes it as an outreach project of those who knit and crochet to make shawls for the elderly, sick and shut-in. “We meet once a month to choose recipients of the shawls and to offer a prayer of blessing upon them, but we work independently in our own homes.” Mrs. Fulp learned to knit around the age of 10 and says she is still learning through a class at the local senior center every Thursday afternoon.

She is involved in small group events at ABE and loves to play Rummikub at night. “It’s a fast moving tile game that keeps your mind alert.”

Referring to the small but popular book, “Prayer of Jabez,” Mrs. Fulp states, “It’s about enlarging your territory. I realized, for me, it was about my territory of people. I love people and want to meet and help as many as I can.”

She just returned from a 12-day road trip to Montana, travelling with a church group to serve alongside a missionary couple.

“Oh, we did a little bit of everything – crafts, games and refreshments for a vacation Bible school; we visited the senior center and a retirement home. We hosted a ladies’ tea and heard some very painful prayer concerns. One Native American lady asked us to pray that her husband would let her and her children go to church.

Can you imagine that? We also set up a table at the farmer’s market and had a prayer shawl giveaway.”

Her territory has been increased, it’s easy to tell – and embracing change? She does it quite well.

Send comments/questions for Sherrie at: comments@aawmag.com.

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Change is Everywhere and Nowhere

By Teri Wiggans

A

s a family nurse practitioner I previously gave out a written questionnaire that asked folks about all the “changes” they had gone through in the last year. The more changes, whether they were considered positive like a marriage or less positive like a death of a loved one, accumulated more points. The more points a person had, the greater the possibility for illness.

We often think of change as a life-altering event like a move to another state or the birth of a baby or even going from age 39 to 40! However, change can be as simple as looking at an idea from a new perspective, changing diapers or changing from the slow lane to the fast lane. Change occurs minute by minute.

What I would like you to consider is how to embrace change so your life flows with ease rather than with a jammed up feeling. It is all in how we look at it. That is the one constant we have… our perspective.

We can choose to become angry, worried, afraid, sad or guilty which causes our heart and mind to work out of sync rather than in harmony.

In turn, we can become ill over time if the body continues to

6 weeks from her job, her lack of experience riding in mountains, camping along the way and on and on.By MyVicki stomach had butterflies, Randolph my shoulders were tight and I was spending a lot of time and energy away from peace and joy about her trip. What good was I doing for either of us? She had made up her mind to go, no matter how I felt. When I realized it was all in my perspective, I changed how I was feeling. Instead of feeling anxious and afraid, I chose to feel love and gratitude and send it her way. Anytime I noticed my butterflies returning, I went to my heart and felt love and gratitude towards her. She went on the trip, had a wonderful adventure meeting all sorts of lovely people and seeing beautiful landscapes. I believe my choice to send her love and gratitude helped her to have a lovely, safe and blessed trip.

I began this message by saying that change is everywhere and nowhere. What do I mean by change is nowhere? Our perspective can be a non-changing constant.

How we choose to “see” a change, whether it is from a

place of worry and fear or from a place of love and gratitude, can be our constant, our saving grace for a happier and stay in those emotional states. Also, it is physically impossible to healthier life. feel love, gratitude, compassion, peace or joy at the same time we We can feel sad when a loved one dies. We often think about are in those fearful states. Love, gratitude, compassion, peace and joy are the emotions that allow the heart and mind to work in harmony and create health and happiness.

We are emotional beings and can choose at any moment how we feel. When my 22-year-old daughter, Jessica, decided to go on a 6-week bicycle trip with 3 other young ladies. Now this trip was not in the Appalachian Mountains where I told myself it would have been safer. No, she had chosen the Rocky Mountains, traveling from Arizona to Montana. I worried about her finances, taking off for 40 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

how much we will miss them. We could choose to feel love and gratitude towards that same person for having been in our life.

Our sadness does not make them return and does not allow us to share our love with those family and friends who are still with us.

How do we know we are feeling love and gratitude?

For me, there is a sense of peace and warmth. There is an absence of butterflies in the stomach and tight shoulders. When I am feeling love and gratitude, it automatically flows outward towards

others. My cup runneth over with the abundance of love. It’s rather contagious and others around me start to “see” and “feel” the moment differently. Whatever we are choosing to feel and send out, we receive back. We’re actually giving ourselves a gift.

I invite you to experiment with your own feelings and see what you notice about yourself. First recognize what emotion you are feeling and how it is affecting your body. Ask yourself if it is creating an uneasy feeling or a peaceful feeling. If it is uneasy, take some deep breaths, go to your heart and feel love and gratitude about a person, an event, a pet… whatever allows you to really feel love and gratitude and then notice how your body feels. Begin to notice how your feelings affect those around you and pass it on.

Send comments/questions for Teri at: comments@aawmag.com

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Exploring the Clay of Our Selves

By Pierrette Stukes, PhD

I

dreamt recently about surreptitiously eating a piece of someone else’s cake. Dreams offer opportunities to reflect on life from a perspective which consciousness is not quite ready to consider.

In my life, I’ve been pondering this piece about spirituality. Sleepyeyed, I thought, Oh grand, I’m supposed to impart authentic wisdom about women’s midlife spiritual transitions, and I’m still eating other people’s cake.

I was raised in the Bible Belt of North Carolina. I love North Carolina. It is my home which orients me like a pigeon psychologically and spiritually. But in the Piedmont, people did not talk about spiritual transitions. One was born into a faith and taught its precepts.

This immersion in traditional religious belief, however, did not make room for my evolving personal experience of, trust in, and reliance on Divinity at the heart of reality. It was assumed that one believed; there were no transitions.

We have become a therapeutic culture, so talking about our psychological transitions is commonplace and even fashionable. But our spiritual transitions are in a death rasp: they gasp to catch a snippet of breathable air, primarily because it is not cool or chic to talk about our relationship with the Divine.

I’ll get the conversation going. In the spiritual life, “holding on” to our lives as we have known them is part of the process. We need this waiting space before we dare to “let go” and dive into the sea of God’s mystery which calls us into deep change. For those of us raised in traditional faith systems, this letting go challenges our ideas about ourselves, God, and God’s manifestation in the world. In the spiritual transitions of midlife, we are being asked to let go of our outworn roles and personas and to sink deep into an authentic Self that has not yet emerged.

My own transformation began with a life-altering crisis, what Sue Monk Kidd calls “a holy summons to cross a threshold,” when I was thirty-five. This current round of change was marked by a vain attempt to hold on to my persona of college professor, as just one example. In 2005 at forty-five, my husband and I moved back to North Carolina and to the mountains. We honeymooned here in 1988 and spent our romantic interlude looking at real estate because we longed to be here. Our dream has come true. But it was a heart-wrenching decision to leave our well-laid out lives in Maryland.Would we be the same? Would we be able to rebuild our shared life? I would have said that I had found myself and I just needed to recreate that life. This was not to be, for midlife transformations call us out of our comfort zones of career, family, friends, and especially faith and into a zone of what the sixteenth-century mystic, St. John of the Cross, called the “dark night of the soul” when what served us no longer does.

The masculine voice of God had been the dominant spiritual voice in my life. For me, God had taken the not too nurturing manifestations of judge, jury, police officer, and lawyer. But in making the decision to come back to North Carolina, I had listened to another voice. Faintly, the feminine voice of God, called Sophia or Wisdom, had begun to resonate with me. Her voice is the one that reveals itself through intuition, dreams, synchronicities, and nature. Sophia’s gentle urging is the one that speaks just outside the periphery of our rational, logical selves; it is often accompanied by a bodily settling down into the Self or, conversely, cold chills. The trick is to trust, listen, and enable that voice to grow in strength, imparting to us both its wisdom and courage when we realize we can’t go home again.

In January, 2006, I was teaching part-time at Appalachian State.

42 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

It was my first semester, and it was going well. My teaching was satisfying, and I felt grounded. I also started Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, a twelve-week experience in exploring the false limitations and spiritual depths of one’s creative life. Beginning this course had been a pursuit of an intuitive nudge. By March, I was in a pottery class, attempting to throw pots.

I count this no mere coincidence, but a majestic synchronicity that I found myself at a potter’s wheel. Most of us are familiar with the spiritual symbolism of God as the potter; we as the clay. In Jungian psychology, additional meaning is possible. The round potter’s wheel may symbolize unity and totality, the “outcome” of transformation and the clay itself the earthy human body.

At the time, I just felt deliciously radical, leaving pottery to teach writing to freshmen. I was soothed by the way my pottery teacher, Patti Carmen talked about the clay. She taught with this nurturing trust that we had a potter in us waiting to be born. I, however, believed I was supposed to “take control of the clay,” as I proudly declared one day. “No, no,” she said, “love the clay; feel the clay; let the clay speak to you; gently guide the clay into what it is called to be.”

Shortly after that, I was walking through the halls of academia when I had this rather startling realization that I didn’t fit in that world anymore.

I left academia and have been loving the clay of my Self since then, feeling her, letting her speak, gently guiding—or being guided by—her into what she is called to be. I eventually left pottery also—it took me two years to throw a two-pound bowl! But I am still hovering over the clay of my Self and so can you.

Pierrette is the founder of Heart Directions, Inc., a post-denominational spirituality ministry. She is a spiritual companion, group facilitator, and speaker. She may be reached at pstukes@skybest.com.

Send comments/questions for Pierrette at: comments@aawmag.com

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Your Money| By Corrine Loucks

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Cent$

SensibilityPrepare Ye The Way

A

Are we headed for a recession? Some say yes, some say no. Some say it’s a consequence of an election year, which will improve once our new president is in place. Other experts believe it’s the beginning of a downhill spiral. Both can give us “facts and figures” to validate. Regardless, there is no question that our economy is in a season of transition.

The truth is, we are a spoiled generation.

Historically, every generation has faced some financial or other hardship(s). In the 30’s it was the Depression,World War II in the 40’s.

Recent generations have had it relatively easy. We’ve taken advantage of mortgage rates that seemed too good to be true. We’ve seen stocks double, split and double again. Low gas prices have enabled us to buy more and bigger vehicles. (The vehicle in which Mom drove us to soccer practice was definitely NOT a Cadillac Escalade, nor a Chevy Suburban. Picture a cramped, two door canary yellow Pontiac.

Hearing a number like $9.5 trillion in national debt, it’s hard to imagine what that possibly means to us. Nationwide, we are seeing deflating real estate prices, all-time high home foreclosures - 250,000 foreclosures last month alone - plummeting stocks (20% decline from this time last year) and the weakest U.S. dollar– down 40% in Europe from its high. So what can we do?

It’s time we retrain ourselves to save more, spend more wisely and maximize these changing times. Lots of “somebodies” out there are thriving – why not us?

44 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

Here are a few tips for doing just that: 1. Educate yourself on what is going on in the financial industry. Recession can cause one industry to slow (housing) while another flourishes (energy). Oil, gold, “food stuff” stocks are skyrocketing! Consider investing in these commodities for the time being, or temporarily moving your investments to lower-risk bonds. Of course, consult your financial planner first.

2. Pay down debt; We’ve all heard that we need a reserve of 3 - 6 months’ living expenses. Do whatever you can to make this a reality for your family. Only use credit cards for what you can pay off in full, or transfer current balances to 0-percent credit cards. And use those cash-back rewards!

People with little to no debt who stay informed are in a perfect situation to seize investment opportunities. Read articles, books, attend free seminars.

3. Create a budget and stick to it! It’s probably not the first time you’ve heard this, but it may be the first you’ve really needed to do it! This one step could save your family from financial distress.

4. Consider these money saving ideas: a. Alternative commuting – Carpool to school and work, combine trips to town.

Where possible – put your kids on the bus.

(It’s that big long yellow vehicle with lots of windows that stops at all railroad crossings!)

b. Consignment shopping – “Yuck, Mom!” On my last jaunt, I purchased a Hartmann train case for $5 (the one in my closet cost me $280!) and a Roxy book bag for $2.

With just one washing with Shout It Out, she had no clue it was pre-owned! c. Utilize discounts: Grocery coupons, online coupons, free shipping, special offers, etc. d. Cut entertainment costs: Check out the library for music and videos, swap with friends, scour the Mountain Times (free!) for free lectures, concerts, art festivals, local sporting events. Consider a less expensive family vacation – camping under the stars, swimming at the lake. Utilize special discount rates like AAA and entertainment coupon books. If you can’t pay cash, it’s probably not a good idea to go. Enjoy a refreshing beverage while you watch the sunset from your back deck – Isn’t that why we live here, after all? e. Cut food costs: Eat at home more often.

Enjoy dinner at home and go out for dessert and coffee. Have pot – luck dinners with friends. Hit the early bird specials at your favorite restaurants. Grow your own! f. Donate to charities: Cash, clothes, furniture, etc. Each $1 donated gives you a deduction equal to your marginal tax bracket percentage – i.e. if you are in the 25-precent tax bracket, a $100 contribution will save you $25 in taxes. Remember, charitable

contributions will benefit you only if your itemized deductions exceed your standard deduction, which was $10,700 for families in 2007. g. Cancel under-utilized subscriptions: Magazines (pick up freebies like AAW!), gym memberships, association memberships. Check your cable, satellite, Internet, phone bills – shop around or consolidate. h. Evaluate your insurance plans: Life, health, dental, vision – shop for better plans/prices. If your deductibles have been fulfilled this year – get free check-ups!

5. Create another income stream: You may take a second

or part-time job with the goal of paying off a credit card or a second mortgage. Stop shopping and start selling unused items online – it’s amazing what a little competitive bidding causes folks to pay for items! Hey – you’ve already got an account with them anyway! Can you sew, cook, or balance a checkbook? Good with computers?

Get paid for your creativity!

6. Get real with your kids: Teach them the true cost of

things. Helping them find a job will not only teach them responsibility, but also how to play well with others. Not old enough for a conventional job? Help them create their first source of income.

Discuss who is paying for what (you’ll pay $30 for sneakers – They want the $60 pair?) and teach them to manage their own checking accounts.

So what if we have to put off our biggest dreams for the time being? Remember that small changes can make a large impact. By carefully evaluating our current financial situation, having a vision for the future and making that vision real, we will thrive in any economy.

How to reap the biggest reward? Help someone who is in a worse situation.

Send comments/questions for Corrine to: comments@aawmag.com.

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Mr. Walker is also licensed to practice in Tennessee and has an office in Mountain City. He has been licensed to practice in Florida since 1980 and is Board Certified in Civil Law there. Ms. DiVenere is a graduate of Duke University (cum laude) and University of North Carolina School of Law (high honors).

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Parenting Page| By Sherrie Norris

I’ll Love You Forever . . .

I’ll Like You For Always “He’ll be grown before you know it.”

“Make every minute count.”

“He won’t be a little boy forever.”

I

heard those phrases more times than I could count. I had plenty of time to see my little boy grow into a man. I didn’t need to worry about it. In fact, I was certain that he would always be my little boy.

Three months ago, he walked across the stage for his high school diploma during Watauga High’s graduation ceremony, standing tall and proud, his sideburns a little too long for my taste, a broad smile upon his handsome face. Those same words were pounding in my head, or was that my heartbeat pulsating throughout every fiber of my body? That’s my little boy, I thought. No, that’s the man my little boy has become.

Even today, as I attempt to put my thoughts into some semblance of order, I get choked up. My eyes fill with tears. My heart pounds a little faster.

The realization has hit me. For the first time in 13 years, I was not among those mothers in August racing against the clock for the “before school opens” sales this year. I didn’t have to ask for his class schedule. I didn’t have to pencil in parent night on my calendar. I didn’t have to ask at least a dozen times if he had everything he needed – pens? notebooks? lunch money? “Did you pay your school fees? What about your parking permit?”

It also meant that I didn’t have to sign up for PTA or those special events that require refreshments. I won’t be expected in the front office as a volunteer this year. I also won’t have to wash those filthy uniforms . . . I won’t have to spend my money on team pictures.

I won’t have to surf the Internet for directions to the out-of-town games because he forgot to bring them home. I won’t even have to go to the games, for heaven’s sake!

I won’t have to remind him for the hundredth time to reserve his tux for the prom. I won’t have to worry about the peer pressure that seemed to weigh so heavy on his shoulders. I won’t have to wonder what he’s doing between classes or even if he’s in class.

There are many “things” that I won’t have to do anymore. I should feel relieved! So, what’s wrong with this picture?

went missing in action. But we didn’t need it. We knew it – cover to cover.

Only the day before graduation did I begin to feel as if I desperately needed to wrap my hands and heart around that book one more time. I looked everywhere in our storage building. I rummaged through boxes like a mad woman, tossing aside keepsakes that had been lovingly and carefully wrapped to last forever. Nothing mattered anymore. I was on a mission. My mission failed. I was heartbroken.

Then, an idea hit me. I had to find a new copy within 24 hours.

No, the local bookstores did not have it in stock. Back to the Internet I went. I found it for a reasonable price of $10. I had to have it. I could have it delivered overnight in time for graduation for a shipping fee of $18. There was no question about it. The next day, I waited patiently for its delivery. It finally came. I wrapped it up in a beautiful package and placed it, along with his other gifts, on his bed.

Later that afternoon, cap and gown in hand, he came out of his room smiling, and if I’m not badly mistaken, his eyes appeared misty.

Three months have passed. I saw the book on his reading table the other day. I’m convinced that he knows but, just in case, I’ll remind him once more. “I’ll love you forever, Garrett. I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”

Send comments/questions for Sherrie to: comments@aawmag.com.

For a long time, I’ve been missing the rides to school every morning when we talked over the events of the coming day – at least those we knew about. For even longer, I’ve been missing holding him on my lap, wrapping him in my arms and reading to him our favorite book. “I’ll Love You Forever, I’ll Like You For Always . . . ”

We both memorized it. We didn’t have to read it, but we did anyway - over and over again. It was a baby shower gift from my friend, Wilma Trivette, and became not only our favorite read, it became out motto. Sadly, somewhere along the way, our original copy 46 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

Photo by Sherrie Norris

I’m already missing what I couldn’t wait to get out of!

Garrett at age two

September is: •Healthy Aging Month •Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month •National Hispanic Heritage Month

September 1 Labor Day September 1-14 Backwards in High Heels - The Ginger Musical, Hayes Performing Arts Center September 5, 12, 19, 26 Concerts on the Lawn, Jones House, downtown Boone September 5-6 Blue Ridge Relay Race 208 miles through Blue Ridge and Black Mountains of VA and NC. For more info: (336) 877-8888 September 5-6 Daniel Boone Days Downtown Boone at various locations.

Celebrating Boone’s namesake with special events, music. Call (828) 2642262 for details.

September 6-7 Tweetsie RailFan Weekend - a trip back in time. Tweetsie Railroad, Hwy 321 between Boone and Blowing Rock September 6 First ASU Home Football Game vs Jacksonville (National Champions Day) Kidd Brewer Stadium 3:30 pm.

September 6 High Country Bluegrass Festival 11 am - 10 pm High Country Fairgrounds, Boone. Dailey & Vincent, Blue Highway, the Infamous Stringdusters and many more. $20 advance/$25 at gate; 12 & under free.

For more info: (828)-733-8060 September 9-13 Avery County Agriculture and Horticulture Fair 5:00 pm Tues. thru Fri., Noon Saturday. Admission: Ages 13 & up- $6.00, 6-12: $3.00, 5 & under: Free, Ride Bracelet: $15.00. Fun for the whole family! Heritage Park in Newland, NC, off Hwy 194 behind Ingles/Roses Shopping Center.

September 12 Power of the Purse Fundraising Luncheon, Broyhill Inn & Conference Center. Sponsored by High Country Women’s Fund to help with unmet needs of local women and children.

September 12 Lynyrd Skynyrd at Holmes Convocation Center, Boone.

Call (828) 262-7890 for info & tickets.

September 13 46th Annual Art in the Park 10 am - 5 pm. American Legion Grounds, Blowing Rock. Juried art & craft show featuring 100 artists.

(828) 295-7851 September 13 4th Annual Watauga Lake Triathlon. Meet at Sugar Grove Baptist Church, Butler, TN (across from Pioneer Landing) before 9 am.

For more info: (800) 852-9506 September 13 Grandfather Mountain Kidfest. Saturday, 10 am - 4 pm, Guided hikes, games, storytellers, music and fun. Included with park admission. Call (800) 468-7325 for details.

September 13-14 11th Annual Farm Heritage Day and Country Fair.

Historic Cove Creek School in Sugar Grove. Old-fashioned family fun! Call (828) 297-2200 September 14 Concert in the Park, 4 - 6:30 pm; Memorial Park, Blowing Rock. Hayes School of Music Hayes Graduate String Quartet. Free, open to the public. (828) 295-7851 September 19-20 Second City: Greatest Hits, Hayes Performing Arts Center, Blowing Rock Chicago’s famed improvisational sketch comedy troupe.

For more information: (828) 295-9627

September 20 Family Fitness Festival, 10 am - 1 pm, Blowing Rock Memorial Park. For more information: (828) 268-8961 September 20 Grandfather Mountain Girl Scout Day 10 am - 4 pm. Girl Scouts/troop leaders admitted free.

Discounts for other family members.

Free nature programs. Call (800) 4687325 for info.

September 20 Customer Appreciation Day: Watauga County Farmers’ Market 7 am – noon. Horn In The West Dr. in Boone. Vendors show appreciation for patrons’ support with live music and plenty of treats.

September 21 Linda Lavin in “Songs and Confessions of a Former Waitress.” The star of TV sitcom’s Alice recalls her roots in the theater. Hayes Performing Arts Center, Blowing Rock.

For more information (828) 295-9627 September 21 Annual Bridge-toBridge Bike Event. 9 am, from Lenoir Mall to Grandfather Mountain. For more info: (800) 468 -7325 September 26 Richmond Ballet, Hayes Performing Arts Center.

For more info: (828) 295-9627 September 27 ASU Football Game vs Presbyterian (Family Weekend/Open House/Hall of Fame Day) Kidd Brewer Stadium 7 p.m.

Do you have a special upcoming event?

Send us a note to: comments@aawmag.com and we’ll add it to that month’s calendar page!

aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 47

Photo by Mark Mitchell

Bring On The Change!

A Few Words From United Way Director Linda Slade

T

he ad on TV says, “Life comes at you fast.” That’s the only way I know to describe my situation right now. I’m still reeling from the changes and the dust hasn’t settled yet for me and my family, but what the heck, life is short! I’ll just ride out this roller coaster.

All this life-transitioning started a little over year ago when we got the itch to go ahead and build our second home in Ashe County. Husband Joe, ready for a change in career, was eligible to take early retirement after 28 years in consumer finance. So, we decided to move forward with the plan. Joe would take some time off from working fulltime to oversee construction. I would continue to work and become the primary breadwinner. Joe headed up to Ashe County; I remained in Gastonia, NC with our cat.

Let it be known that Joe and I have never built a house straight out of ground before. Sure, we’ve remodeled and updated houses, but that’s as far as it has gone. All our friends said, “You never know your spouse until you’ve built a house together.” I heard all sorts of horror stories, tales of frustrations and purported threats which include, as Arlo Guthrie said years ago in Alice’s Restaurant, “implements of destruction” – like a hammer. My Pollyanna side said this would be a wonderful experience for us, and my cynic side said, “Yeah, right, where’s the hammer.”

Men and women come from different planets when building a house, I discovered. While Joe is interested in standing seams, cable railing thickness, and the shortest point from A to B in plumbing, I’ve been poring over outdoor catalogs for deck furniture, laying out the landscape where all my daylilies are going and whether I am satisfied with all the paint colors I’ve chosen thus far.

We haven’t seen eye-to-eye on some things. But at six weeks out from our projected date of occupancy, we’re still married, I’m happy to report!

I should have figured life was a’changin’ when I didn’t host the Thanksgiving dinner last November. Daughter Lindley, son Andrew and his fianceé Amanda decided to take on the project for themselves in Asheville. What a switch from planning a menu, cooking the feast, cleaning up the mess to handing it all over to the kids!

Proudly, I didn’t get in the way or even open the oven unless directed. And the meal was delicious.

Yes, I said fiancée, as there’s a wedding rolling full steam ahead for November 1. We love our future daughter-in-law to pieces and

she so fits in with our family. No pressure! I’m the mother of the groom and all my dear friends continue to offer sage advice like, “Take a back seat and shut up.” I offer advice only when asked – if you don’t count that one testy e-mail to the caterers. Another life event, a wedding! So between choosing paint colors, cabinets and the like for the new house, I’m reviewing menus and other wedding details.

This spring, it became apparent that Joe and I really wanted to make the house in Ashe County our new permanent residence – now, not later. After 24 years in Gastonia, we thought maybe it was time to shake it up a little. Our youngest child had graduated from college and was out of the house. We decided that if either of us got an offer that would make it possible to move, we would certainly entertain it.

I got the offer. The moon and stars aligned for me and I landed in Boone as the Executive Director of the High Country United Way. What a wonderful way of using my previous United Way and Community Foundation experiences. The offer came quickly and I needed a sign that I was making the right decision. I wanted a “burning bush.”

Andrew said the fact that I had just purchased season tickets for Appalachian football was the best burning bush sign ever. Okay, let’s rock and roll with that one!

In three weeks time I gave notice to the United Way in Gaston County, sent the cat to foster care with son Andrew and headed to the High Country.

Shoot, I’m middle-aged (howdy, that sounds really old) with a child about to get married, a new job, a husband without a job, living in an apartment with a house still under construction and traveling back and forth to Gastonia tending to yet another house. But what the heck, as I said earlier, life is short.

The past couple of months have been a blur. With map in hand, I’m learning to get around Watauga and Avery counties. I’m learning what it means to live in a small town – and I like it!

I’m looking forward to building new friendships. I’m excited about helping our local United Way grow and be a catalyst for change in our community. I’m ready to root for Appalachian football.

Embracing the change – while sometimes daunting, can be exciting. I say, bring on the excitement!

Embracing the change – while sometimes daunting, can be exciting.

I say, bring on the excitement!

48 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

Send comments/questions for Linda to: comments@aawmag.com.

Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

By Yozette “Yogi” Collins

September is Ovarian

Cancer Awareness Month. My guess is, unless you or someone you care about has experienced ovarian cancer, you are probably more aware of breast cancer if, from nothing else, the public relations/pink ribbon wave that began when October was named Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The increased awareness for breast cancer has led to more of us doing self-exams, as well as supporting more fundraising efforts for studies and, hopefully, an eventual cure. Considering the statistics, it’s excellent timing for ovarian cancer to get some attention of its own.

Ovarian cancer that forms in the tissues of the ovary, accounts for about 3% of all cancers in women. While this may not sound like a lot, consider that a woman’s risk of getting ovarian cancer during her lifetime is about 1 in 71.

The statistics are startling. If ovarian cancer is found (and treated) before the cancer spreads outside the ovary, then the five-year survival rate is 92%. But, fewer than 20% of all ovarian cancers are found at this early stage, which explains why, overall, only 46% of women diagnosed with ovarian cancer survive at all. It is essential for women to know the early signs and symptoms, but often the symptoms are generic enough to be easily dismissed by doctors as general gastrointestinal or psychological issues.

There are three basic symptoms: •bloating or increased abdominal size •pelvic or abdominal pain •difficulty eating or feeling full too quickly

You’re probably thinking, “I have all of these at some point or another.” However, if any of these symptoms started within the past year and have occurred almost daily for more than a few weeks, it is recommended that you see a gynecologist.

There is promising news on the horizon. The August 1, 2008 issue of the journal Cancer reports that patients presenting with the basic symptoms may benefit from a blood test for the CA125 ovarian cancer bio-marker. With the two combined – the symptoms and the blood test – more than four out of five ovarian cancers may be caught in their early stages.

While the latest information is exciting, the only way a doctor can know for sure that ovarian cancer is present is by surgical exploration, which, of course, is quite serious and expensive.

Therefore finding a reliable non-surgical method of detecting ovarian cancer is imperative. And, for that reason, Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month is essential to draw attention to an easilyoverlooked condition.

Send questions or comments for Yogi to: comments@aawmag.com. aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 49

All About Crafts| By Nancy Morrison

Leaves of

Autumn In Polymer Clay

I

f you have never played with polymer clay, you are in for a real treat. It is even better than modeling clay—you get to keep your creation forever! This pin and earring set depicting the transition into autumn is easy to make. No special tools are needed, although any craft store will have supplies ranging from a special oven to bake the clay in to a pasta machine to roll the clay thin, and various other gadgets if you really get into polymer clay.

There are a number of brands of polymer clay: Sculpey, Fimo, Premo, and others. Each brand is slightly different but any will work for this project. Get a block each of leaf green, rust, yellow, dark brown, and beige. It is nice to have a stylus or a sharp instrument with which to cut out the leaf forms, but a toothpick will do. A rolling pin or a round bottle can be used to roll out the clay. And your own kitchen oven or a toaster oven both work fine when baking or “curing” the clay.

Polymer clay needs to be “conditioned” or kneaded for several minutes to get it to an easily workable condition. Break off a small piece, roll it between both hands until the clay is soft and doesn’t crumble. With a pasta machine, rolling pin, or bottle, roll the clay into a flat sheet about 1/16 of an inch thick. Use the leaf patterns shown below to trace around with a sharp tool or a toothpick (1). You will need 2 green, 2 rust, and 2 yellow small leaves (2) for the earrings. For the pin, you will need to make 1 green, 1 rust, and 1 yellow large leaf. You really can’t mess up here. Just ball the clay up and start over if you don’t like your first attempt! Make a stem from the dark brown clay (3) and flatten round balls of the dark brown to make caps for the acorns, which are made by rolling the beige clay into small balls (4). Everything sticks together nicely—but if something comes apart after baking, just glue it back. E-6000 glue or any good household cement works for that purpose as well as for attaching the pin (5) and earring backs (6) that can be found in any craft store.

Most polymer clays are baked at 275° F, but read the package directions for specific temperatures. Yellow and white clays have to be watched closer—they tend to discolor if baked too long. Glass and metal trays to bake in tend to leave shiny spots where the clay touches, but mat board or a manila file folder lining the tray can prevent the problem. Also, make sure you have good ventilation.

Most clays need to bake for 15 to 30 minutes. If you are combining clays that take different cooking times, take your creation out after the shorter time. You can always cook it longer, but you can’t fix overcooked, discolored clay.

Let your clay cool after baking. You can get a gloss or a satin finish glaze at any craft store to coat and protect your creation, although it is not necessary. After the glaze has dried, glue the earring backs and the pin back to the back of the leaves as shown in the picture. Then enjoy wearing your creations for years to come.

Send questions or comments to Nancy at comments@aawmag.com.

3

1 2

5 Small leaf pattern 50 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

Large leaf pattern

4

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P Go The Women...

O P Of The High Country urse) The P f O r e (Pow

By Erin Thompson

“If every American donated five hours a week, it would equal the labor of twenty million full-time volunteers.”

–Whoopi Goldberg

Photo by Mark Mitchell

“The best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

-Gandhi

52 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

Top row from left, Linda Slade, Erin Thompson, Marianne Hall, Jane Deavers, Dawn Pearson, Mary Jo Grubbs. Bottom row from left, Catherine Scantlin, Kim Kincaid, Vanessa Brumfield

F

orget Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers, the High Country has its own POP stars making waves in the community right now – the women behind the High Country Women’s Fund’s annual Power of the Purse (POP) Luncheon.

September 12th is the big day for an amazing event that no woman in the area should miss. With the success of two prior POP luncheons behind them, the planning committee for this year’s fundraiser has nothing but high hopes for the future of the High Country Women’s Fund and its major fundraiser.

Behind the scenes at the HCWF headquarters, life isn’t as chaotic as one might expect, given that over 400 attendees are expected. Women from all walks of life are represented on the planning committee; simultaneous meetings are happening every day in order to keep everyone updated on what’s going on. From jewelry design and donations to new fundraisers, every aspect of the luncheon has been discussed and rediscussed until its perfect. This isn’t a party you’ll want to miss!

The members of the High Country Women’s Fund enjoy the privilege of seeing their donation dollars at work and for many of them,their journey started at an earlier Power of the Purse Luncheon.

Mary Jo Grubbs, allocations director for the HCWF says, “I attended the first Power of the Purse Luncheon and there was so much energy in the room that I went home with a fabulous necklace and a mission for life.”

With a group of women as energetic and dedicated as the POP steering committee, it makes sense that they’ve divided up the work into their areas of expertise. Members are chairing committees dedicated to jewelry donations, sponsorship, ticket sales, registration, and marketing and advertising.

Managing the efforts of the volunteers is no minor undertaking; Catherine Scantlin, HCWF coordinator, is excited to be their biggest cheerleader. “Coordinating the efforts of these volunteers is an inspiring job. These women have such dedication, passion and energy that they tirelessly put into helping women in need. They generously share their time, talents and treasures with our community and all the while, they are so down-to-earth and fun! They keep me laughing and inspired.”

Any volunteer position has its busy moments and seeing is certainly believing! At a recent meeting, this year’s POP cochairs, Marianne Hall and Kim Kincaid, stayed glued to their chairs while they entertained a rotating cast of volunteers, bringing updates on everything from coffee mugs to brochures. Wonder Woman has nothing on the High Country’s resident superheroes.

Volunteering with the High Country Women’s Fund doesn’t always mean the intense commitment of the POP co-chairs. For some, it’s donating their time at one of HCWF’s many service projects; providing child-care services or meals for women involved in leadership classes, or helping to host the grand opening of the new Family Resource Center.

For others, it’s helping to spread the word by hosting a POP party and inviting their friends to learn about the power of women’s philanthropy. And for many, it’s donating much needed funds to the various initiatives of the High Country Women’s Fund.

Any or all of these ways of volunteering offer incredible opportunities to become a part of our vibrant and wonderful community.

The High Country Women’s Fund is working to create volunteering opportunities that are right for everyone – regardless of what one might choose to give - time, talent; or treasure.

Any one interested in attending the 2008 Power of the Purse Luncheon, or in receiving more information about the High Country Women’s Fund, may contact Catherine Scantlin, HCWF Coordinator, at (828) 264-4007 or hcwf@boone.net.

Send questions or comments for Erin to: comments@aawmag.com.

(Editor’s note: Erin Thompson, author of this story, is one of those “super heroes” who gives of her time as publicity coordinator for this year’s POP.)

aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 53

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Your Home| By Corrine Loucks

High Country Housing Market What’s Going On

A

?

midst the media scare of falling home prices, skyrocketing foreclosures, loan defaults and rejections, what is really going on in the housing and mortgage lending markets? Although Wall Street reports doom and gloom about housing, much evidence suggests otherwise. The National Association of Realtors® has now reported four straight months of rising housing prices.

According to NAR,The “median home” fell from a high of $230,200 in July 2006 to a low in February 2008 at $195,600, a drop of 15%. Since February, however, it has risen steadily every month. By May, the index had risen to $208,600, up $13,000 and a full 6.6%. Another indicator, the mean home price (aka- the average home price), has also risen – from a low of $242,000 also in February of this year to $253,100, a rise of $11,100 or 4.5%. It, too, has risen every month since February of this year.

While housing sales and starts are lower than they were this time last year, they appear to be picking up and have actually never been as low as some have scared us into believing.

David Michonski, CEO of Coldwell Banker Hunt Kennedy in New York City stated, “Everyone on the (Wall) Street is wringing their hands over housing when, in fact, the average American has been out this spring buying homes and pushing the median price higher. This has got to go down as one of Wall Street and Main Street’s biggest disconnects in history.”

Locally, we have seen things turn from a sellers’ to a buyers’ market.

This basically means that there is more supply than demand in our local market, causing prices to come down and houses to “sit” on the market longer. Good news for first time home buyers and those investors hoping to “cash in!”

We’re seeing sellers offer incentives such as plasma TV’s, cars, closing costs or even offering financing to close the deal. Why are we being 58 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

affected if statistics show home prices on the rise? For one thing, the market has been slowing since last summer and is only showing signs of picking up in the past few months. Another reason may be that the areas hit the hardest are markets that used to be the hottest – California, Arizona, South Florida and the northeast. It will probably come as no surprise to us who live here that a high percentage of our out-of-town buyers are coming up from South Florida. These buyers are now holding off, intimidated by what is happening in their home markets, which affects our market here in the High Country.

I recently heard the expression “Putting the ‘Real’ back in Real Estate,” referring to a correction in home prices in areas that have appreciated the most over the past five +/- years. An influx of investors (in the case of south FL – “gamblers”) with easy access to equity credit lines and no intention of living in the homes they purchased, artificially drove up these markets. Adding to this, low interest rates and flexible loan packages allowed new buyers to get into the market.

Many homeowners used their homes like ATMs to buy cars, boats and vacations, banking on increasing home prices and low interest rates to keep them going. What now? They’re putting their homes on the market, hoping to break even and then downsize. More inventory!

Whatever the reason, in today’s market, people have to realize that to sell their homes, they will have to lower their prices.

Will the real estate market improve with a new president?

According to a new survey conducted by Harris Interactive, commissioned by Move, Inc., 44 percent of home buyers believe it will. The survey shows a desire for home ownership. Nearly half (41 percent) of current homeowners plan to purchase a home again, and 80 percent of all renters plan to purchase a home someday – 47 percent in the next five years. And most home buyers (78 percent) are willing to sacrifice to save, and earn extra income for down payment in order to buy a home in today’s market.

The mortgage/lending industry is also changing with the times. On July 24, 2008, President Bush signed a housing stimulus bill intended to help stabilize the housing market and make homeownership more attainable for many Americans. It also should help more families refinance and avoid foreclosure. The bill will also offer a temporary tax credit for first time home buyers, all to help the housing and mortgage industries and to boost the U.S. economy.

The Federal Reserve recently adopted rules designed to protect homebuyers from the kind of loans that drove many into foreclosure.

New requirements include: • Documenting borrower’s income for all loans • Escrowing money at closing to pay taxes and insurance for risky borrowers • Limiting or banning prepayment penalties • Prohibiting lenders from making a loan without considering a borrower’s ability to repay from sources other than the home’s value • Insisting lenders credit mortgage payments to accounts on the day they are received • Forbidding brokers and others from “coercing or encouraging” an appraiser to misrepresent the value of a home.

So, is this the worst we’ll see in the housing and lending markets? There is no way to know, but the stats are encouraging.

The median home price has risen for four straight months. Improvements in lending practices and interest rates may boost consumer confidence. Average Americans are out there taking advantage of bargains in their local real estate markets. Smart investors know that the best time to buy is when no one else is, and they are out there buying. (Want to be one of them? Read “Cent$ and Sensibility” in this month’s AAW magazine.)

Send questions or comments for Corrine to: comments@aawmag.com.

Appalachian Regional Medical Associates announces the opening of Appalachian Regional Obstetrics & Gynecology, which has transitioned from Northwestern Obstetrics and Gynecology, the practice of Dr. John Marchese.

The office is located at 169 Doctors Drive, across the street from Dr. Marchese’s former office, in Boone.

Dr. Hank Gregor, the first physician in the practice, is accepting new patients for both obstetric and gynecological care.

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aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 59

Photos by Corrine Loucks

s ’ l e b a s I A Change For The Better/ Un cambrio para major

‘‘

By Corrine Loucks

I always feel confident that things will work out. Sometimes I worry just how good it will be, but I always know it will be good,” states Isabel Tomé when asked how she has approached the many changes in her life.

The eldest of five children, Isabel grew up in a small town, Galicia, in the northwest of Spain. She grew up cooking and caring her family. Those of us who have had the pleasure of eating Isabel’s comida can only speculate that the way to a professional soccer player’s heart must truly be through his stomach, as Isabel married and proceeded to travel the world with her beau. Married in Argentina, their pursuit led them to Colombia and then to the United States, when her husband was recruited to what was then the New York Cosmos.

Many more changes occurred in her life – moves to three states (Massachusetts, Alaska and California), the births of two beautiful daughters (Veronica and Vanessa) and several “fancy” restaurant jobs later.

Isabel gained much of her cooking experience in a 17-year career as private chef for a wealthy textile family in Palm Beach, FL. While entertaining on their Palm Beach estate, Isabel cooked for the likes of Sandra Day O’Conner, Lady Bird Johnson, Batista – the First Lady of Cuba, Margaret Thatcher and Ross Perot. Her cooking was held in high esteem by the “in” crowd; Isabel was cherished by her employers who brought her along for three months each year to their summer estate in Roaring Gap, NC. Their treasure grew to become our fortune!

While working summers in Roaring Gap, Isabel attended church in West Jefferson. The parishioners of her church were the first in the area to be blessed by the “experience” of Isabel’s cooking on Sundays, when she brought huge trays of South American fare such as menudo and sandwiches. Raving about her food, they often prophesied (OK, enthusiastically hoped!) that she would re-

8 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

main in the area and open a restaurant.

One summer, “on a whim,” she visited a single-wide trailer/resBy Sherrie Norris taurant up for lease on the outskirts of West Jefferson. She went back to Florida with it in the back of her mind. When she returned for the summer of 1998, the locale was once again available. Isabel believed it to be a sign from God that this was her restaurant, and so it was, for the next 10 years!

Isabel’s restaurant has become legendary in our area. Authentic international fare is hard to come by in these parts and people travel far and wide to savor the empanadas (guava and cheese, mushroom, spinach, etc.), chicken enchiladas, shrimp alfredo, pork in fiery salsa verde, skirt steak, fried fish, greens and rice and beans.

Some of the locals come for a better-than-old-fashioned angus beef burger and fries basket (never frozen and the fries are hand cut!)

Customers have been seen eating salads – though it’s hard to imagine eating anything other than the ethnic food, its savory aromas hitting you when you enter the door.

Isabel has no need to advertise, as word of mouth brings her all the business she can handle. Many a savvy business person has offered to partner with her to expand her restaurant; one even offered to build her the restaurant of her dreams! “I never wanted to be too big,” confessed Isabel. “To me it is not about how much money I can make. I just want to make a living and to make people happy.”

Recently upgraded to a diner-style restaurant in front of the auction warehouse on Hwy. 16 in Crumpler, Isabel was given three weeks notice in her former location when the owner of the new one approached her with an offer she couldn’t refuse. “You’re the only one I want in this restaurant. I wish you had come here many years ago.” Another “Godsend,” she knows, realizing His timing was perfect.

Isabel has now expanded her business and her hours, much to

our “culinary” delight!

I first heard of Isabel’s from John Quay, dog whisperer of Lansing, and have since neighbored with doctors, lawyers and Indian chiefs (yes, literally!) while eating there. It’s a favorite place for locals to bring their out-of-town guests and clients, many of whom later return to claim Isabel’s as “their” place, and begin the cycle all over again of sharing it with their own amigos.

Isabel’s has an authentic “family” feel, where patrons are never disappointed when the friendly proprietor takes time to stop by their tables to chat.

Each business day begins at dawn for Isabel and her staff, which includes her sister, Crucita, (who takes over when Isabel is away); nephew, Rodrigo, and her friend, Jonie, a valuable employee for over six years. Several other loyal employees make up the team that get to work early in preparation for what is always a busy day: slicing and dicing, cooking and creating special dishes and desserts that are quickly devoured.

The menu changes daily, the food served buffet-style, entrees all accompanied with sides of rice, beans and bunuealos (round fried fritters-one type with corn and peppers, a second made sweet with bananas, fig or pineapple).

In addition to the daily menu, there is a side table filled with complimentary homemade salsa, sour cream, fresh fruit and several homemade dessert choices from banana pudding to lemon cake to leche flan. An incredible deal for just $7.75 – more than all-you-can-eat, so plan on taking home the leftovers!

Having additional help this summer has allowed Isabel to expand her hours in the new restaurant – now open Monday through Saturday for lunch from 11 a.m. – 3 p.m.; Thursday through Saturday, open for dinner 5 p.m. – 8 p.m. Those of us “in-the-know,” however, know to get there early, as once a dish is gone, it is removed from the menú del día!

Throughout the years and all of her life experiences, Isabel has certainly remained true to her purpose of “making people happy.” It’s comforting to know that some things don’t have to change.

Send comments/questions for Corrine to: comments@aawmag.com.

Mountain Times

By Lisa Bare

When you first wake.

And glance at the day Be still - look and listen - behold the beauty on display For the sight around you will make you always want to stay.

Oh, to see the sun rising over the mountain Or hear the river running wild and free like a fountain To smell the wild flowers in bloom Laurel, rhododendron or honeysuckle what a sweet perfume.

To feel the cool mountain breeze Or watch a spotted fawn and mother graze in a field with ease All these things and more are here for you to enjoy if you please.

These mountains hold a special beauty, I think you will agree So sit for a while - let your soul be free You are now in God’s Country and it has no admission fee You may only be visiting for a time, but if you listen to your heart’s plea You will be back - This I Guarantee!

Isabel’s Latin-American Food 1992 Highway 16 North • Crumpler, NC Between Jefferson and Shatley Springs (336) 982-5255

“To dream is to write”! This is a very simple quote with a lot of meaning for Lisa, for when she writes her poetry, she’s free to see the world as she chooses, without the opinion or views of others. She lives in Jefferson with Alan, her husband of nineteen years, and her two wonderful daughters, Stacee, 14 and Kenzie, 10. Lisa enjoys reading, writing poetry, and spending time with her family and friends. Lisa has been employed with Mountain Times Publications in the accounting department since March, 2007. Lisa attended Wilkes Community College where she studied Business Administration and Early Childhood and most of her career has been spent working in the business field. Writing is just a hobby that Lisa enjoys.

aawmag.com • SEPTEMBER • 9

Nancy’s note...

Sherrie’s note...

Changing Times

To Everything – A Season

Photo by Mark Mitchell

September is a time of transition, a time to prepare for the coming months, a time to rejoice in the beginning of a new season with new opportunities and new adventures.

This month ushers in a new beginning for us at All About Women of the High Country. Our team is excited by our visions for future of the magazine and by the many possibilities that await us.

Our first big change is our name. We have added “of the High Country” to All About Women because we want to spotlight the many unique and amazing women who live, work, and play in Watauga, Avery, and Ashe counties.

Our second change is our cover, where we plan to feature one of these wonderful women each month. This month’s beautiful cover, featuring Sharon Carlton, is a combination of the photography of Mark Mitchell and the design expertise of Marianne Koch.

And that brings me to our biggest change of all—our incredible staff. Don’t get me wrong—the whole staff hasn’t changed. Our graphic artist, Marianne Koch, and our sales manager, Sara Sellers Golini, have both been on board for a while and continue to do great things for the magazine. We couldn’t do without them. The new staff members are myself and my very good friend, Sherrie Norris, who graciously consented to don the editor’s hat (after I begged, pleaded, cajoled—you get the picture—for months).

Sherrie’s agreeing to edit the magazine had everything to do with my decision to wear the publisher’s hat for All About Women of the High Country, because being the publisher/editor for The Avery Journal-Times gives me quite enough to do without adding anything else. But when Sherrie said yes, my decision was made.

The opportunity to see what Sherrie and I could do with our wonderful team and the great area authors who contribute each month was too much temptation to resist.

So here we are, hoping to make a difference in your lives and also hoping you will hop on board with your ideas and suggestions, as we embark on this very exciting journey together.

Fondly –

As nature begins its annual transformation into a new season, the staff of All About Women of the High Country is going through its own season of change.

In fact, we are in the midst of “Embracing Change,” as our theme for this month’s magazine reflects.

As the recently named editor of this publication, I am humbled by the opportunity to help bring attention to the area’s amazing women - countless ones who inspire us daily by their strength, wisdom, talents and skills. To think that I now have the chance to showcase their experiences and share their dreams is almost more than I can comprehend! This is much more than a job to me – it is a treasured gift, to be unwrapped one month at a time with each magazine we print, with each story we tell.”

I am grateful for the highly skilled, hard-working sales and graphics design team already in place (Sara Golini and Marianne Koch), as well as Nancy Morrison, publisher of the Avery Journal-Times, now in the same role with All About Women, who will be overseeing the magazine’s operation.

Within the pages of this publication, you will find stories of women – from the young to the young at heart – who have experienced, or are in the midst of, major changes in their personal and professional lives and will inspire you by their journeys to success.

Each month, our pool of talented writers will be sharing stories like these as well as covering current issues and topics of interest to women in all stages and social circles of life.

It is our hope to expand coverage into every corner of the High Country and beyond, eventually. We look forward to not only reaching women from every community, but welcoming new advertisers in the coming months.

We eagerly anticipate the future of this magazine and desire to be a voice for area women. If it’s All About Women – it’s got to be about YOU, the High Country woman.

We value your input and invite you to share your thoughts, ideas and suggestions for ways we can serve you better.

I look forward to taking this journey with each of you.

Warmly –

Nancy Morrison, Publisher

Sherrie Norris, Editor AAW staff members: front row (left to right) Marianne Koch, Nancy Morrison.

Back row (left to right) Sara Golini, Sherrie Norris.

WELCOME 6 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com

We want to hear from you. Email us at comments@AAWmag.com

One Step At A Time: Sharon Carlton’s Journey From Corporate Wife to Widow and Single Mother of a Teenage Son

Photo by Mark Mitchell

By Sherrie Norris

“Life is full of surprises,” states Sharon Carlton. “Even Raymond once managed.” Sharon adds. “Life is also full of chalwhen you have a great game plan, you cannot know what simple lenges. There are never enough hours in a day to do all that I would events and choices or world, technological, and cultural develop- like to do, but I am moving forward, one step at a time.” ments may affect your lives.”

Sharon’s “game plan” for life was first derailed at 17 when she

Sharon speaks from experience, sharing these profound was paired with Raymond at her next-door neighbor’s wedding. thoughts often with her young students at both High Country Co- The tallest bridesmaid and usher eventually became a couple when tillion and High Country Courtesies.

Sharon followed Ray to ASU. After his graduation, they were mar The last seven years have included huge ried in Miami where Ray had accepted his first surprises for Sharon as she and her family re- It is amazing to look back and job in the music business as road manager for a turned to Boone from Los Angeles, CA. rock band. see how your life experiences have

While her duties as corporate wife waned prepared you for the next phase

In the mid 70s and 80s, Miami had a with her husband’s retirement as an executive and that opportunities are just thriving music community, she recalls. “Our in the entertainment industry, Sharon found stepping stones. I love sharing the social circle revolved around music. We spent herself busy helping her family adjust to their lessons I’ve learned and tools that part of our honeymoon at Ted Nugent’s Michinew community by making friends and building I have used to equip young adults gan ranch, ate dinner with the Eagles, played a support network. She became involved as a to represent themselves and to pinball with Crosby and Nash at Criteria Stuschool “mom” and community volunteer and communicate gracefully in social, dios, hosted Patrick Simmons from the Doobie launched two new businesses. Most recently, school, and work settings, preparBrothers and other musicians at our home.” she has been forced to transition from devoted ing them to be their best as they

The couple’s mutual love of travel and spouse of 32 years to widow and single mother adventure served them well, as Ray progressed grow through life and its transitions. of a teenage son. in his career as promotion and marketing I am so grateful for every day here

“During these last 15 months I have faced manager for Elektra, RCA, and Giant/Warner in our beautiful mountains. I cansome radical life changes,” she states. “When Brothers record companies. “Life with Raynot wait to see what comes next!

Raymond died of a massive heart attack in his mond was a ‘fly by the seat of your pants’ kind sleep in April of 2007, everything changed. I of lifestyle.” The only “routine” in life, Sharon feel like I have been thrust from my comfort zone, thrown from the says, was knowing that an exciting opportunity, trip, or a move was boat in a “sink or swim” mode, having to assume all the additional just around the corner. “In 32 years of marriage, we lived in Miami, tasks relative to our family – personal, business and financial – that New Orleans, Denver, Cincinnati, New York City, Connecticut and

“

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30 • SEPTEMBER • aawmag.com