To Change or Not to Change: That is the Question

about how you’re upholding the patriarchy - there are so many opinions! But remember, like all other wedding and marriage decisions, this one is yours.

According to the National Women’s History Museum, the earliest known instance of an American woman maintaining her maiden name after marriage was notable activist Lucy Stone, who married in 1855. Years after her passing in the 1920s, the Lucy Stone League was founded by prominent feminists to help married women preserve their surname and, in part, identities in a time when wives were expected to fulfill the role of homemaker.

Despite this effort, most news outlets report 70 to 80% of women taking their husband’s last names when married. There are many reasons a woman may choose to adopt her husband’s last name after marriage, including:

• The tradition is important to her

• She views it as a symbol of commitment

• She prefers his last name over her own

• She does not have a relationship with those who share the same last name

• She wants to have the same last name as their children / future children

While the majority of heterosexual couples do make the decision to have the same surname, many people chose to maintain their own last names after marriage. Whether it is a way to denounce patriarchal traditions, maintain a professional identity associated with the name or simply avoid the stress of all the paperwork, it is each woman’s decision to change her name or not.

Though many look at someone adopting their spouse’s last name as a practice in heterosexual relationships, many queer couples choose to do the same.

While the Supreme Court ruled in 2015 that same-sex couples have the right to marry and a marriage license is typically the key element to post-wedding name changes, there can still be added difficulties for queer couples. Laws change state-to-state, and sometimes even county-to-county, so be sure to check your local regulations regarding name changes.

Though traditionally the choice has been for one spouse to take the other’s last name or not, today there are various options for couples to consider.

Hyphenating both last names is an egalitarian choice for couples who want to share the same last name but do not want to follow tradition. With this option, spouses and their children will all have the same name, though it may be a little long. The name change process may be doubled, but at least you can do it together!

Some couples even choose to come up with a new last name altogether! Though not the most popular option, creating a new name allows couples to establish a new tradition for themselves where each partner is treated equally. This process is likely to be more time intensive and complicated, as couples may have to hire an attorney to complete the process.

In heterosexual relationships, a popular choice is for women to take on two last names, their own and their husband’s, or change their middle name to their maiden name. Another alternative for straight couples is for husbands to take their wife’s name, which, according to the Family Story Project, about 3% of couples choose to do.

Ultimately, deciding to change your name is a personal decision. Despite any historical or societal context, the choice should be made for what fits best for you as a couple!

If you have decided to change your name, the process can be quite daunting. You’ll need to plan time to wait on hold and in line at the DMV, but if you have all of the documents you need, you can do it with minimal stress! Make sure to have original copies of all paperwork and multiple copies of your official marriage certificate before making changes to your:

• Social Security card

• Passport

• Driver’s license and other official IDs

• Tax information

• Voter registration

• Bank, credit card and investment accounts

• Insurance policies

• Titles and other legal documents

• Utilities and other recurring payments

• Direct deposits

• Professional email accounts

• Social media accounts