All About Women April 2014 by Mountain Times Publications

A AW M A G .C O M

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KATHEY ALDRIDGE Responding with Understanding

TERESA LEE Movement with Meaning

BONNIE AND JAMIE SCHAEFER Empowering Women in Calcutta

susan owen Working for the Good

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‘A flower’s appeal is in its contradictions — so delicate in form, yet strong in fragrance, so small in size, yet big in beauty, so short in life, yet long on effect.’ - Terri Guillemets

publisher Gene Fowler

executive editor Tom Mayer

editor Sherrie Norris sherrie@aawmag.com 828.264.3612, ext. 251

Copy editor Anna Oakes

writers Emily Apple Sherry Boone Heather Brandon Bonnie Church Yogi Collins Jeff Eason Hollie Greene Allison Haver Heather Jordan Mary McKinney Ariel Parsons Karen Sabo Heather Samudio Sue Spirit

production & design Meleah Bryan Jennifer Canosa Kristin Powers

advertising Leigh Ann Moody 828.264.6397, ext. 271

cover photo by Sherrie Norris

contents women in the news kathey aldridge living well teresa lee young at heart pregnancy and your oral health bonnie and jamie schaefer belinda marino travel with sue spirit jennifer herman breaking free making the connection momâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s world susan owen enriching our community by the book making memories mary smalling fashion recipes

jennifer herman

7 10 12 14 16 18 20 22 24 26 30 32 34 36 38 40 42 44 46 48

kathey aldridge

teresa lee

bonnie and jamie schaefer

susan owen

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editor’s note

April is here and that means the ﬁrst full month of spring has arrived. Many of us have anticipated this time of renewal for quite a while and love to see the dark damp earth literally burst forth with living things. Where would we be without new beginnings? Some of the features we’ve chosen for this issue, and regular columns, too, conﬁrm that second chances are possible, regardless of our former pathways — and that there is hope for the future. Our cover feature this month explores the life of Jennifer Herman — who knows a lot about women’s issues and fresh starts. As executive director of OASIS, the commonly known acronym for Opposing Abuse with Service, Information, and Shelter, Jennifer gives us an up-close look into the local organization that serves victims of various forms of abuse. In her role, she is working daily with a great staff, volunteer pool, and a dedicated board of directors to help change lives every day. We are thrilled to celebrate the success of a former OASIS client who found the help she needed to escape her abusive situation and move forward with renewed strength and hope. She is now serving as a volunteer at the agency and answers crisis calls like those she once personally placed. We applaud her for breaking free and agreeing to share her story. We have two features that take us a far distance from the High Country, one of which gives us a brief glimpse of women and children whose lives have been affected by human trafficking and prostitution — and how two local women are working to empower them toward freedom. The other, a frequent traveler, shares her perspective on the impoverished lifestyles of women and their families in a third-world country. There are some very powerful words written within these pages. We hope that they will bring light to your world. Wishing you new beginnings,

APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

WOMENINTHENEWS Lynne Mason Retiring from Hospitality House Lynne Mason has announced her June 30 retirement as executive director of Hospitality House after nearly 12 years with the organization. “I am proud that we are an agency that utilizes best practices of non-proﬁt management and am excited for the future of this organization as I transition out,” she says.“ The time has come for me to focus on my family and our new ventures. I feel good about the state of the agency and have the utmost conﬁdence in the staff that I am leaving behind.” Lynn’s path to Hospitality House began in 2002 when she and former Grace Lutheran Pastor Tim Smith started WeCAN, the Watauga Crisis Assistance Network. That program went from an area church crisis assistance effort to a coordinated program under the Hospitality House umbrella. Previously she worked mostly with families and children, but quickly found that working with homeless people, a misunderstood population, to be an enjoyable

and rewarding experience. In 2005 Lynne was appointed the executive director. During her time as executive director, the Hospitality House went from a small mission-minded non-proﬁt Lynne Mason to a fully functioning organization with an operating budget of $1.3 million. “Lynne’s leadership has been integral to the advances and achievements of Hospitality House,” states veteran board member and former chair Kay Borkowski. “The evolution of Hospitality House from a traditional homeless shelter to a transitional living facility that won the North Carolina

Housing Award of Excellence is a credit to Lynne’s dedication and ambition.” The organization also transitioned from three tired, worn out downtown buildings into a single 18,500-square-foot facility that better ﬁts the needs of the community. The move in March 2011, allowed for the emergency, transitional, family and permanent housing programs to be under the same roof, expanding on programs, services and jobs offered. Gifts to the Lynne Mason Tribute Fund, which will help continue her vision, can be made online at www.HospHouse. org or checks made out to Hospitality House, with “Lynne Mason” in the memo line, mailed to PO Box 309 Boone, NC 28607. For more information contact Todd Carter at 828.264.1237 ext. 107 or todd@ hosphouse.org. To learn more about Hospitality House visit online at www.HospHouse.org.

Several women were among those recognized during the Watauga County Board of Education meeting on March 10

Cadet Corporal Lily McDannold was named the ‘Outstanding Cadet of the Year’ in the Marine Corps JROTC program at Watauga High School. With her is Senior Marine Instructor Gerald Harper, Lt. Col., USMC (Ret).

Student Services Director Dr. Paul Holden presented School Social Workers Amy Michael, Jennifer Wandler, and Denise Presnell to the Board for recognition, calling them “exceptional” and “exemplary” in serving students.

Joelle Page (left) was officially appointed a student representative to the Watauga Board of Education, joining Patrick Williamson as one of two Watauga High School students in that role.

Photos submitted APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

WOMENINTHENEWS WCS 2014-15 Watauga County Teachers of the Year announced

The Watauga County Schools Teachers of the Year for 2014-15 include (from left) Janet Orr, Leslie Howser, Lauren Dotson, Kirbi Bell, Susan Suddreth, Erin Selle, Cynthia Townsend, Mary Kent Whitaker, and Melissa Miller. Photo submitted

The 2014-15 Teachers of the Year in the Watauga County Schools have been chosen and the list of those selected for the honor includes Melissa Miller of Bethel, Janet Orr of Blowing Rock, Cynthia Townsend of Cove Creek, Kirbi Bell of Green Valley, Erin Selle of Hardin Park, Lauren Dotson of Mabel, Susan Suddreth of Parkway, Leslie Howser of Valle Crucis, and Mary Kent Whitaker of Watauga High School. Teachers of the Year are chosen at each school by their professional colleagues. Teachers in all grade levels and subjects are eligible for the award and the nine Teachers of the Year are selected from a pool of close to 400 teachers in the WCS system. “Because we have so many excellent educators in this school system, it is truly an honor to be selected as a teacher of the year in the Watauga County Schools,” says Superintendent Dr. David Fonseca. “I join the board of education, our principals, our parents and students, and all of our school personnel in congratulating these nine outstanding professionals on their recognition as our Teachers of the Year for 2014-15,” he says. The exceptional quality of teachers in the Watauga County Schools is evident in

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both their credentials and in student performance on state-required tests. A significantly higher proportion of WCS teachers have graduate degrees than teachers across the state and the proportion of WCS teachers who have achieved National Board Certification has consistently ranked near the top among the 115 school districts in North Carolina. In the results of state-required testing, students in WCS outperform state averages in all tested areas in elementary and middle school grades. Students at Watauga High School achieve a graduation rate above the state average and their SAT scores exceed both the state and national averages. Fonseca noted that the strong professional qualifications and student test results for WCS teachers are impressive, but added that their value is also apparent in less measurable ways. “Our teachers are remarkable people who demonstrate excellence not just through their credentials and student test results, but by the caring and commitment they bring to their work every day. We are truly grateful for all that they do, and we respect them both for what they achieve and for who they are,” he says. Each school’s teacher of the year will

receive an award of $350 from the school system and is automatically a candidate for Watauga County Schools Teacher of the Year. The person chosen as the WCS Teacher of the Year will receive an additional $350 from the school system. Local businesses will also be given an opportunity to donate gift certiﬁcates or other prizes to help recognize Teachers of the Year. For more information about making a donation, please contact Human Resources Director Stephen Martin at (828) 264-7190. The WCS Teacher of the Year for 201415 will be announced in May after a selection process that includes interviews, unannounced teacher observations in classrooms, and a review of a written statement of teaching philosophy prepared by each candidate. The committee making the selection includes teachers, school administrators, and Watauga Board of Education member Barbara Kinsey. The current WCS Teacher of the Year is Gina Holste, a third grade teacher at Valle Crucis. Source: Staff reports Watauga Democrat

WOMENINTHENEWS Women’s Fund of the Blue Ridge unites local groups

“All for one, and one for all,” was the battle cry for the Alexander Dumas’ legendary Three Musketeers. That slogan is also applicable to the new union of organizations dedicated to bettering the lives of women and children in Western North Carolina. It was announced recently that the Appalachian Women’s Fund and the High Country Women’s Fund are in the process of merging into one uniﬁed organization. “A continued commitment to serving the needs of impoverished, disenfranchised women and girls remains the core mission of the new group now known as Women’s Fund of the Blue Ridge,” says Cathy Williamson, a spokeswoman for the Appalachian Women’s Fund. “Representatives from both groups began the merging process with the expectation that very little would change with regards to the grant funding priorities and goals. Focusing on the strength of each fund, the combining of efforts will make for a very strong presence throughout the counties being served,” she said. According to Williamson, both boards voted to unanimously approve the transition. Karen Sabo will head the newly merged organization. Previously, Sabo

was the director of the New Opportunity School for Women, based at Lees-McRae College in Banner Elk. The newly created Women’s Fund of the Blue Ridge will support nonprofit organizations benefiting women, girls and children in six or seven mountain counties, including Alleghany, Ashe, Avery and Watauga, according to Williamson. A long-standing relationship between the High Country Women’s Fund and the United Way is where one of the biggest changes will occur. An initiative of the United Way, the HCWF was formally established in May 2006. Between 2006 and 2013, the HCWF has allocated more than $500,000 to nonprofits serving women and their families in Watauga and Avery counties. “Being under the auspices and guidance of the United Way has enabled us to grow our membership each year,” says Grace Palacios-Will on behalf of the former HCWF. “Their support provided us with a strong and steady foundation for raising both money and awareness for women’s issues. “We remain very grateful for the years of support and encouragement from the United Way,” she says. Previously, the High Country Wom-

en’s Fund’s primary fundraiser was the Power of the Purse Luncheon and the Appalachian Women’s Fund’s primary fundraiser was the Women of Vision of Luncheon. Those events will be merged into one charity luncheon, scheduled for Thursday, June 26, at the Linville Ridge Country Club. The luncheon will utilize the Power of the Purse title with Women of Vision as the subtitle. According to Williamson, the two groups will have a joint meeting in the near future so that all of the members can meet and plan this summer’s fundraising luncheon and choose a speaker. For more information or to join the Women’s Fund of the Blue Ridge, go to info@womensfundoftheblueridge.org or call (828) 264-4002.

Jeff Eason The Blowing Rocket, Editor jeff.eason@mountaintimes.com

APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

Kathey Aldridge: Spelunker of Insight and Love Photos Submitted

(spelunker: one who explores to find treasures within.)

From the sparkle in her blue eyes to her quick and contagious laughter, it is easy to see why, for the past 20 years, many of Avery County’s young people have been drawn to Kathey Aldridge. Her motto “to understand and to respond with understanding” is a testimony youth carry with them well into adulthood. It also explains the permanent bond many share with a woman who is determined to meet children right where they are. In both her vocation as youth director at Crossnore Baptist Church and her position on the Avery County School Board, Kathey ambitiously pursues her “care for the whole child.” Although most of her time is spent working with and advocating for the rights of children, Kathey did not begin her career in this ﬁeld. A graduate of Bowman High School in Mitchell County, she received her cosmetology license, working during the week at Northwestern Bank

MARCH 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

and at a beauty shop on Saturdays. This was followed by employment at a local law office and, later, at a dental office. Each of these work environments enhanced Kathey’s ability to interact with a variety of people and also taught her how to respond to people who are in crisis. In the early 1980s, Kathey began dating Danny Aldridge and together they attended Crossnore First Baptist Church, where she remembers the impact of being welcomed each week by church deacon, Bruce Aldridge, and becoming involved with the Baptist Young Women group. In October of 1983, the Rev. Lander Heafner officiated over the marriage vows between Kathey and Danny. Her journey with Crossnore Baptist officially began. Actively involved with the church from the start, Kathey felt drawn to the youth group at Crossnore. After the birth of their son, Joshua, in 1986, Kathey and Danny began to chaperone youth trips and host

youth events in their home. Kathey’s heart for children and youth only grew during this time. “I loved the kids from the beginning. It is a place to serve, a privilege,” she says. “I never want to forget the feelings they have and what they share with me.” Celebrating the birth of their second son, Dylan, in 1991, Kathey and Danny continued to be involved with youth. In 1994, Kathey was asked if she would consider working as the church’s part-time youth director. Kathey accepted and worked in this capacity for two years. She remembers writing a letter of resignation in which she said, “This is not a part-time job.” She didn’t think she could effectively reach the youth at such varied levels in a part-time capacity. A search began for a full-time director. One of the young people asked, “Why would we look for someone else when we have Kathey?” at which time, she was

asked to consider the move to a full-time position. She accepted and has, as such, for 20 years. With 40-60 members during her tenure, Kathey’s attributes the success of her program to the wisdom and guidance of Crossnore’s pastor, the Rev. Lander Heafner, as well as her husband, Danny. She says, “Without Danny’s support, I couldn’t do this.” In dealing with situations that range in complexity and difficulty, Kathey holds to her belief, “I don’t have the answers — only God does.” She has also had to learn, “I can’t ﬁx things, but that doesn’t keep me from trying,” she says. During her time at Crossnore, she says that although the heart of a child hasn’t changed, many are forced to deal with more mature, complex issues with family situations and changes in the world. Regardless, she continues to believe that “kids are the best, the neatest people in the world.” This core philosophy led Kathey into the school system. Beginning as a volunteer and, later, a tutor and a substitute teacher, Kathey was better equipped to understand the academic, athletic and social components of a child’s life. She says, “If you care about the whole child, if you love a child, you can’t leave part of it out.” Within a short time, Kathey furthered her active role in the Avery County school system and was elected as a school board member. Now into her second term, she holds tightly to her principle instincts that if a child is cared for and understood, his or her future is full of possibility. The decisions she helps make in her role as board member work to ensure this is true for every child. Nominated to represent District 7 in North Carolina’s education system, Kathey’s role has extended beyond Avery County. She hopes to be “the voice of the mountains,” she says, as she travels to Raleigh to debate current issues in education. “Our area is unique,” she says, and she hopes to bring the needs of Western North Carolina’s schools into the statewide discussion. In addition to her work with youth, Kathey has also taken courses in life coaching, stress management, eating disorders and critical incident stress management. These classes have given her an even better way “to understand and

Kathey Aldridge with her sons Dylan, Josh, and husband, Danny.

respond with understanding,” she says. This is where her message to every child begins and continues. “Every day is an adventure,” Kathey says. “No two days are the same.” Through social media, she is equipped to be “on-call” for young people at any time — day or night, she says. Her job does not follow any “typical” pattern and, although that has its challenges, she says she would have it no other way. Often, when her sons were growing up, Kathey remembers asking if her job was too much, and if it took away from their family. Their response was always the same, “This is our family.” Their home was always open to others. Kathey, Danny, Josh, and Dylan created a haven for Avery’s youth, a home where children have always felt safe and loved. In her 30th year as Danny’s wife, Kathey says that being married to the love of her life is always exciting. Danny is where she comes home to, she says, describing her “perfect day” as one spent with Danny and their sons, drinking coffee, driving on the parkway — and laughing. Asked if she had one day left and how she would spend it, Kathey says, “I would throw a big party. I would invite everyone and love on them, and I would write letters for them to read later, because I like to have the last word!” In her free time, Kathey enjoys writing,

shopping and antiquing. She and her close friend, Lisa Wright, have opened a booth called “Two Friends” at Hidden Treasures in Elk Park. Kathey enjoys ﬁnding items that are “hidden” in potential. Restoring these items creates a sense of completion, she says, a way to follow the creative process and see an end result. It seems this hobby is an extension of what Kathey does best. She believes in the value of children, meets them where they are with understanding, and creates a way for them to believe in themselves. A spelunker of insight and love, Kathey Aldridge’s life’s work is to ﬁnd and embrace the invaluable treasure of children.

‘

Every day is an adventure,’ Kathey says. ‘No two days are the same.

’

Hollie Greene Hollie Greene is an English teacher who loves stories, words and the mountains of North Carolina.

MARCH 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

LivingWell

APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

The pursuit of money and things is not the path to happiness. As a matter of fact, if it becomes an obsession, it could lead to unhappiness. Scientists call this phenomenon “the hedonic treadmill.” It simply means the more we have, the more we want. Satisfaction is always just beyond the horizon. Not that making money or having nice things is bad. As author Rabbi Daniel Lapin, notes in his book “Thou Shall Prosper,” when we channel our energies into an honorable occupation, money is merely evidence that we have served well. It is when the pursuit of money and things becomes an end it itself that it becomes a drug, right up there with cocaine and alcohol. The high is ﬂeeting. You get some and you need more. When you don’t have it, you are depressed, anxious and miserable to live with, (Kasser/Ryan Knox College/ University of Rochester). As the saying goes, “Money is a wonderful servant, but a horrible master. “ If you want to be happy pursue these things:

Pursue Kindness We were designed to be kind. Being generous helps us use our strengths and talents in a meaningful way. One study followed women with multiple sclerosis who volunteered as peer supporters to other patients. They received training in compassionate listening techniques and called the patients to talk and listen for 15 minutes at a time. The study found that this act of kindness increased self-esteem and satisfaction in the volunteers. The positive impact on the volunteers was even greater than that on the patients they were helping.

Pursue healthy, close relationships People in loving relationships with friends and family are less likely to experience sadness, loneliness and low selfesteem. When we are encouraged and accountable, we are more likely to live a healthy lifestyle. When we feel ‘safe’ with our loved ones, we are more willing to take healthy risks that advance us in life. When we feel accepted and approved, we are more resilient in the face of setbacks.

Pursue healthy living In a study at Ghent University, the longer participants with a history of depres-

sion sat around doing nothing, the more their mood tended to become negative and self-judgmental. Why? Because during periods of rest, people spend more time ruminating over problems and analyzing themselves. Getting up and moving refocuses the mind. Exercise may also fend off depression by balancing the transfer of hormones between the endocrine and nervous systems. It sparks the ‘feel good’ hormones.

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Pursue the moment Have you ever been stressed and insecure all day because of something unfair that was done or said to you that morning? You are not alone. This tendency to obsess over offenses, stew in regret, or worry about the future is common. It’s called rumination and it is a joy-killer. It can lead to binge eating, high blood pressure, wasted time and depression. Yes, there is a time to deal with issues in your lives, but those ‘issues’ should not eat at you day and night. Choose to live in the moment — now. Slow down and pay attention. Learn to be fully present — now. When you eat, savor. When you work, focus. When you walk, breathe deeply and enjoy. Be here —now.

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Pursue a positive perspective Those who have suffered a traumatic accident that confined them to a wheelchair are often as happy (or happier) than they were prior to the accident. Why? They are forced to accept their changed condition and discover the good things that have resulted. It is called, reframing.” Reframing means accepting the things you cannot change and focusing on the blessings that result from your current circumstance. It is choosing to be happy, anyway. And happiness is, after all, a choice. May you choose it today. Sources: “Stumbling Upon Happiness,” by Daniel Gilbert “Happiness is a Choice,” by Frank Minirth, M.D. and Paul Meier, M.D. “The How of Happiness,” by Sonja Lyubormirsky “Thou Shall Prosper,” by Rabbi Daniel Lapin bonnie church Certified Life and Wellness Coach Author, columist, motivational speaker and certified trainer for TLS Weight Loss Solution

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Teresa Lee: Little but Fierce By Karen Sabo

In Shakespeare’s play “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,”

Photo by Greg Williams

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the petite character of Hermia makes an impression suited to one much larger of stature. Hermia’s “frenemy,” Helena, describes her by saying “Though she be but little, she is ﬁerce.” The High Country has a modern-day equivalent of Hermia who lives in Valle Crucis, teaches at Appalachian State University, and is named Teresa Lee. For 26 years, Teresa has taught in the Department of Theatre and Dance at ASU, and has cultivated ﬁerceness. In addition to teaching creativity and theatre education, she is her department’s movement specialist, instructing in stage combat, alignment techniques and physical characterization for actors. Her specialization in physical movement started even before her decades-long dedication to teaching undergraduates. Like many young girls, she studied dance, but describes being “always a little off the beat.” She, therefore, started gravitating toward other kinds of movement, such as acrobatics and mime. When she trained in the Bachelor of Fine Arts theatre program at the University of Memphis, she studied with a teacher who led her down the path to becoming a professional mime.

Lee began her teaching career while ASU production of “Romeo and Juliet” in says. “We’ll see if my body holds out.” still a student herself. 2010, and she’s glad to be working again Teresa may achieve certification “I got employment with a children’s on Shakespeare with “Kill Will,” a collecthrough sheer determination and toughtheatre company, and taught children cretion of fight scenes from Shakespeare ness. She had a broken foot during the ative drama,” she says. “That dovetailed plays. second summer she trained with Guinn, nicely with the mime work; movement is “In ‘Kill Will,’ there will be some sword so completed the vigorous training in a something I’ve always done, and since I fighting and some scenes that don’t inwalking cast boot. She is also significantly was about 19 years old, I’ve also taught it volve weapons,” she says. ‘The show is a smaller physically than other fight masto other people.” mixture of serious and comic scenes, not ters, measuring 4’ 11.’ However, audiences Lee is also a certified teacher of the all fight scenes are serious.” Teresa also will soon attest that her diminutive stature Alexander Technique, which she pursued displays her combat skills by appearing in puts no limit on her fierceness. in order to synchronize her many different the show as a cast member. See it at In/Visible Theatre kinds of movement training. Teresa says that she would like to “Alexander helps us improve our become a fight master, but says she has In/Visible Theatre is Boone’s new awareness in movement, and the benefit is come to stage combat “rather late in life.” small professional theatre. Run by five that you improve your ease, your coordi“It’s kind of a young person’s endeavcore collaborators (Tori Allen, Travis Bonation,” Lee says. or,” she says, explaining that the training swell, Derek Davidson, Teresa Lee and In 1995, she completed the lengthy to become a fight master takes approxiKaren Sabo), it produces innovative training to obtain certification to new works and plays infrequently teach the Alexander Technique, produced in Western North CaroI got employment with and explains how the alignment lina. method interwove with her other a children’s theatre “Kill Will” is In/Visible Theatre’s interests. company, and taught fourth production, and its contribu“I had a lot of different modality trainings, but I felt I needed a children creative drama,’ tion to the High Country Shakespeare Celebration. through line, and I gravitated toshe says. ‘That dovetailed The new play has been collabward Alexander Technique,” she says. “It, literally, became the spine nicely with the mime work; oratively created by the cast of eight, and is a collection of fight scenes of my different modalities. Performmovement is something from Shakespeare plays. ing is a difficult profession. It’s taxI’ve always done, and Scenes from plays such as “Macing on the body, and Alexander Beth,” “As You Like It,” and “Romeo helps performers sustain themsince I was about 19 years and Juliet” will feature hand-to-hand selves over a long haul.” old, I’ve also taught it to combat, and weapons, such as broadHer latest interest is stage comswords, axe and shield, and meat bat, which is a specialized techother people. pies. nique that creates the illusion of “Kill Will” plays at the Valborg Theatre physical fighting in plays. While Teresa mately a decade. Also, according the Socion the ASU campus in Boone. It opens on had some experience studying combat ety of American Fight Directors website, Shakespeare’s birthday, Wednesday, Apr. in college, she had not focused on it until there is currently only one female fight 23, and plays through April 26. Tickets recently. master in the United States. are $15 and can be purchased at the door, She had long been interested in atLee describes fight masters as elder at the ASU box office, or online at www. tending the annual summer training of statesman. “It’s kind of unusual for, first theschaefercenter.org/tickets. www.invisithe Society of American Fight Directors, of all, a woman, and second, a woman of bletheatrenc.org she says, but instead, found an oppora certain age, to take on the training,” she tunity to train close to home, with fight master, Mark Guinn, who did summer training with the Horn in the West cast. “I trained with him for three summers since 2010, and I’ve done workshops at other professional gatherings since then,” she says. Her intensive training led to her certification in unarmed combat, rapier and dagger, single sword, broadsword and knife. She is currently using her skills by choreographing fights for “Kill Will,” the new play by In/Visible Theatre of Boone. Her first choreographed fights were for the 336.651.8100 WWW.WILKESREGIONAL.ORG

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Technology To Heal

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youngatheart

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Bad Jeans

I love shopping — the trill of the hunt, the rush of finding an amazing deal and the elation of knowing that something looks fabulous on me, but I loathe shopping for jeans. Jeans, that quintessentially American clothing item that should fit and flatter, and that every woman must have in her wardrobe. For some reason, jeans have the power to make me feel more flabby than fabulous. If I were a super heroine, (call me Superfashionable Girl for the sake of this article, and because I don’t want to be sued by DC Comics), let’s just say that jeans would be my weakness. The thing that would be exploited by my archenemy, an evil jeanius, if you will, (pun intended), would be to drain away my fashion sense, turning me into someone who shudders at the thought of casual Friday. Defeated by denim — such a depressing end to the saga of Superfashionable Girl. Do I have jeans in my wardrobe? Yes. After all, they are a necessary evil. Do I feel good in them? Not really. And, before you ask, yes, I have tried every pair of jeans known to womankind. Okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but I have tried many different styles and brands. I’ve tried low-rise jeans that didn’t pass my sit test, showing a bit more of my derriere than I deemed ladylike. I drew the line at trying super low rise, because I can’t see how that would ever be a good idea. I’ve tried high-rise jeans that had great coverage, but looked dated. I’ve tried skinny jeans that may have caused irreparable damage to my internal organs, not to mention trouser jeans that in no way resemble any wellfitting trousers that I have owned. I’ve tried pairs that stretched and sagged after a short time, resulting in either the need to constantly pull them up or to invest in suspenders. Some pairs did nothing to hide the bit of tummy that I would like hidden; others had a back gap large enough to hold an orange or something, which is great if you need a snack for later, but not if you want to look lean rather than lumpy. Some have pockets in strange places and others, like the jeans that I am wearing as I write this, have belt loops that stick out in bizarre ways, cre-

ating the illusion of abdominal growths. Don’t get me started on jeggings — the less said about those the better. And, to add insult to injury, if by some miracle I find a pair that I feel reasonably good in, it will be immediately discontinued by the manufacturer. Do I sound neurotic? I may be slightly neurotic when it comes to jeans. So, how did I reach the point where my animosity toward denim is matched only by that toward high-heeled tennis shoes? Seriously, ladies, what are those things? But, I digress. Ah yes, jeans. I blame the media. I was clearly brainwashed by the iconic images of my youth — the Guess Jeans girls and Kate Moss in her Calvins, to name a couple — images that took jeans from high school uniform to high fashion. These images sold me on the myth that the perfect pair of jeans could turn any girl next door into an effortless beauty. My bitter disappointment grows each time I attempt to find said perfect pair of jeans. Many times, I have enthusiastically visited a store and requested to try on every style, only to reject each one for a myriad of reasons: one’s too tight, one’s too loose, one’s too short and none are just right. I’ve come close a few times, leaving the store thinking that I’ve found the pair, only to be frustrated after wearing said jeans for longer than five minutes. Does this truly spell the end for Super-fashionable Girl? Has she resigned herself to wearing shlumpy sweat pants? Never. I prefer to think of it as a temporary setback. My perfect pair of jeans is out there waiting to be discovered. And, like any super heroine worth her salt, I’ll keep fighting the good fight until I rise to the top — preferably to the top of a stack of those elusive perfect jeans that I have stockpiled in every color, you know, just in case.

heather brandon Considers life to be one big anthropological ﬁeld experience. She observes and reports. She enjoys travel, food and wine and adventures with her husband, Roger.

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Pregnancy and Your Oral Health

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Deciding to have a baby is one of the biggest decisions that you, as a woman, will make in your lifetime. You know it will become important to take extra care of your body, but don’t forget — that means extra special care of your teeth, too. Planning ahead can greatly improve your chances of keeping your oral health in top condition. Even if you are just in the planning stages, having your teeth professionally cleaned can help identify any oral health problems you may have. Try to get all recommended treatment completed prior to the beginning of the pregnancy. Having good oral hygiene habits before you conceive is the best way to lower the risk of having dental problems during pregnancy. These include brushing your teeth at least twice daily with fluoridated toothpaste, flossing between your teeth daily, and visiting your dentist regularly. During pregnancy, increased levels of pregnancy hormones can change how your body responds to bacteria. This can allow plaque to build up in your mouth and can lead to an increased chance of developing gingivitis or other dental problems, such as cavities. Gingivitis is an inflammation of the gums that make them red, tender and likely to bleed easily when brushing your teeth. Gingivitis can lead to more serious diseases, such as bone loss around your teeth. The American Dental Association also warns that research suggests there may be an association between gum disease and pre-term birth and low birth weight babies. The research also suggests that pregnant women with gum disease/gingivitis may be more likely to develop gestational diabetes. If you notice changes in your gums such as increased bleeding or gum swelling at any time during your pregnancy, talk with your dentist as soon as possible. When scheduling your appointment, always inform the dentist that you are pregnant. As a precautionary measure, treatment during the first trimester and second half of the third trimester is usually avoided. The first three months of pregnancy are critical for the baby’s development. Dental treatment should be scheduled during the fourth to six month of preg-

nancy, if possible. Elective procedures are usually postponed until after the delivery. Dental X-rays are usually avoided during pregnancy unless they are deemed essential, such as in a dental emergency. If this is the case, your dentist will use measures to safeguard you and your baby. Many new advances in technology such as digital Xrays have made them much safer than in past decades. Other factors can also affect your oral health during pregnancy. Morning sickness can result in vomiting that can coat your teeth with stomach acids, which can damage your tooth enamel and increase your risk of decay. If vomiting, do not brush your teeth immediately afterward. Rinse your mouth with plain water and follow with a fluoridated mouthwash. Wait at least one hour after vomiting to brush your teeth. If your morning sickness makes it difficult to brush your teeth, or causes retching, you may want to switch to a “bland” tasting toothpaste, as long as it contains fluoride. Or, just use plain water to brush your teeth. Try using a brush with a smaller head such as a children’s toothbrush if your tongue seems overly sensitive to touch. Listening to music, or other distractions such as watching TV, may help. Always feel free to ask your dentist for suggestions if you are having any problems with morning sickness or retching. If you get food cravings while pregnant, consider how the foods you crave will affect your oral health. Sweet cravings are common, but sugary snacks may increase your risk of tooth decay. Try to choose fresh fruits to curb these cravings and always remember to brush your teeth after eating anything sugary.

If you keep telling yourself "I really should go to the dentist" but are unsure of the first step, stop by and we can discuss how we can get you started towards a healthier, brighter smile!

Try to eat a healthy balanced diet. Your baby’s teeth will begin to develop about the third month of your pregnancy. A common myth of pregnancy is that the “baby will suck all the calcium out of your teeth.” That is not true. Your baby gets the needed calcium from your calcium intake with a healthy diet. Try to eat a diet that includes dairy products, cheese and yogurt because these foods have important minerals that are beneficial for the baby’s developing teeth and gums. If your diet is deficient in calcium, your body will take the calcium from your bones, not your teeth. If your diet is insufficient, ask your gynecologist if you need a multivitamin containing calcium. Always remember that you and your dentist are a team when it comes to your oral health. Ask questions at your appointments about what changes you may have, and for suggestions to manage the changes. Once you deliver, many of these changes will resolve as your body readjusts to its normal hormone levels. Until then, remember that your daily habits will have the greatest impact on your oral health. Always remember to brush and floss every day.

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Donor Direct Action Westglow Resort owners join Gloria Steinem on tour of Calcutta When we give to international aid organizations such as the Red Cross or UNICEF, we don’t generally get to see that aid in action. A generous Blowing Rock couple got to see their donations at work last month, and traveled halfway around the globe to do so. Jamie and Bonnie Schaefer, owners of Westglow Resort and Spa, traveled with legendary women’s rights advocate Gloria Steinem and a group of five others through Calcutta, India, in January. They were there as part of Steinem’s Donor Direct Action, a program dedicated to connecting frontline activists with frontline donors. For two days, the group walked through Calcutta, to meet with women and children whose lives have been affected by human trafficking and prostitution. The tour through Calcutta was the brainchild of Steinem, who two years ago led a team of 11 activists and leaders from the United States and Canada through the city’s poorest neighborhoods. “This is my first time here and we have come to the see the full cycle of sexual trafficking,” says Jamie Schaefer, in an interview published in The Telegraph, a newspaper based in Calcutta. “We visited Sonagachhi and some of the Apne Aap girls in Kidderpore. We sat with women in the park to hear their stories of being trafficked and imported or exported from Nepal and bordering countries. We went with the children into their villages and into their homes. It was a remarkable experience, to come here as donors and see the difference we can make with a donation.” Apne Aap Women Worldwide is a charitable trust in based in India that works to “empower girls and women to resist and end sex trafficking by organizing marginalized women and girls into small self-empowerment groups, where they work collectively to access their legal, social, economic and political rights.” “I wanted to come to India when Gloria would be here because I wanted to see India through her eyes,” says Bonnie Schaefer. During the two-day trip through Calcutta, the Schaefers met with women, adolescent girls and children whose lives have been

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marginalized by sexual trafficking. “I will never be the same,” says Bonnie Schaefer. “My job now is to work harder on women’s rights in India, whatever I can do financially or politically to help. It’s like fighting a tidal wave.” In the High Country, the Schaefers are active members of both the Appalachian Women’s Fund and the High Country Women’s Fund. Through their financial support, the Jewish Community of the High Country was able to build and open the Temple of the High Country in Boone, and Appalachian State was able to renovate Farthing Auditorium, last year renamed the Schaefer Center for the Performing Arts.

Donor Direct Action Donor Direct Action links frontline women’s rights activists around the world to money, visibility and popular support.

(left to right) Apne Aap school/education center in Calcutta, Linville Ridge resident, Judy Adler, Bonnie Schaefer, Marla Schaefer, Jamie Schaefer

Marla Schaefer (right)

Bonnie Schaefer (center) at Apne Aap school/education center in Bihar.

Donor Direct Action supports activists working on a range of issues relating to the promotion of equality for women and the global effort to end violence and discrimination against women. Those issues include sex trafficking, violence against women, access to health services and education, women and armed conﬂict and women’s rights under the law, among others. These issues represent some of the many campaigns for the advancement of women in various respects, all of which are interrelated and form part of the overarching campaign for sex equality. Donor Direct Action is currently working with frontline women’s rights activists in Afghanistan, the Democratic Republic of Congo, India, Latvia, Nepal, Palestine, Somalia and Syria. Jeff Eason The Blowing Rocket, Editor jeff.eason@mountaintimes.com

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From Cuba to Miami to the High Country

Belinda Marino greets her customers with a smile in her hair salon in Jefferson. Photo by Heather Samudio

Belinda Marino has worked hard for her success Ashe County’s Belinda Marino has come a long way since arriving in the United States in 1969. The local cosmetologist has made a name for herself among a county full of beauticians, but it hasn’t been an easy road and Marino has worked hard to get where she is today. Marino left Cuba with her family, including her dad, Francisco, mom, Joseﬁna, and sister, Iris, more than 40 years ago. The family left with no money and only the clothes they wore. They were pretty much empty-handed because that was what the government dictated. “It was hard. It was so hard,” she says. “We left a lot of family. We came with no clothes, no pictures, nothing, but it was a sacriﬁce for a better life.” Some family members, who were already living in Florida, sent money and made preparations for the family to come to the U.S. Marino says that as soon as they landed in the U.S. and got off the airplane, her dad said, ‘this is our country and we will work hard here.’ Churches and family members provided clothing for them and the support they needed to begin their life in Miami.

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Her father, Francisco, worked two jobs to provide for his family and made many sacriﬁces to ensure his family would have a better life. “He wanted us to go to college, but we couldn’t afford it,” she says. But another opportunity was available for Marino at Miami Senior High School in Miami. She could attend a program to prepare her to receive a cosmetology license. “It was $25 to attend, which was a lot of money at the time, but my dad said he would pay anything to help me be successful in the future,” she says. After graduating from high school in 1975, Marino received her license. Then, she met her future husband, Paul, in 1981. The couple had a lot in common and Paul had come to the U.S. from Cuba in 1967. They were married in 1983 and have been together for 30 years. They have two children, Bely Marino, who was born in 1985, and David Marino, who was born in 1989. Belinda says they have tried to teach their kids that “you can do anything, but you have to work for it. “We started at the bottom,” she says. “We went through a lot and I’ve been

working since I was 16 years old. I’ve been able to serve as an example for my children.” Belinda and Paul worked hard to instill their same work ethics and values in their children and were proud to see them both graduate from college and pursue their own careers. Bely is a teacher at Wilkes County School, a waitress at Boondocks Restaurant and is working on her administration licensure. Bely was named Best Waitress in this year’s Best of Ashe awards, sponsored by the Ashe Mountain Times. David has a minor in criminal justice and is a certiﬁed public accountant in Miami, Fla. He is also working on his CPA. “When I think of all my accomplishments, I think of my dad,” she says. “He passed away three years ago, but he got to see me with my own hair salon.” Belinda says her dad always wanted her to have her own place, and her parents ﬂew up to Ashe County in 2007 when she opened her salon. “It was only the third time they had traveled by plane,” she says, smiling and holding back tears. “They were so proud.” Belinda says she was nervous about moving to Ashe County, but she and Paul

believed this would be a good place to category of the Best of Ashe County for raise their family. the past two years. “I left my family in Florida, but I found The Best of Ashe County honorees are an amazing family here through work and chosen by readers of the AMT newspaper. church,” she says, mentioning Lowell Shipe and Ashley Osborne who work with her at the salon. “And I have wonderful customers.” It wasn’t easy for Belinda to open her own salon. She admits she was nervous about being accepted and she wanted to do be successful. “Paul encouraged me and said he knew I could do it,” she says. “Peggy Hoeﬂ told me about this place and she The Marino family includes, from left, David, Bely, encouraged me. I was nervous, Belinda and Paul. Photo Submitted but I had a lot of encouragement.” This year, Lowell Shipe, who works out It has been a blessing to Belinda, living of Belinda’s salon, was named the Best in Ashe County and operating her own saCosmetologist in the Best of Ashe, garnerlon. ing even more pride for the salon family. “I love to talk to and get to know Marino says her main goal is to please people, especially here,” she says. “Of all the customers and offer the best prices in my years, I have met the most beautiful town. people here. There are special people here When the weather improves, she has and this is a special place. God put us here plans to offer a customer appreciation day. for a reason.” Belinda says she always accepts new “I love this country,” Belinda says. “I’m customers as well as walk-ins. so proud and blessed to be here.” “We have coffee, cappuccino and cookShe says her husband Paul has been ies for customers to enjoy and a place very patient and supportive of her, and where they can sit down and feel like they she has an amazing church family at Faith are at home,” she says. Fellowship with a wonderful pastor, Elliott Osowitt.

‘

Of all my years, I have met the most beautiful people here. There are special people here and this is a special place. God put us here for a reason.

Belinda is also appreciative of her landlords. “They are the best,” she says. “They are awesome.” Belinda’s success in her salon and among her clients has been conﬁrmed throughout the years, and speciﬁcally, she has won second place in the Hair Salon

’

Belinda’s Hair Salon is located at 113 Main Street in Jefferson. Belinda Marino or Lowell Shipe can be contacted at (336) 8467047. Ashley Osborne also works at the salon and can be contacted at (336) 977-0763. HEATHER SAMUDIO heather@mountaintimes.com

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travel

Marcia Hickman with girls from the school’s sixth-grade class at St. Mary’s School in Zimbabwe. Photos by Sue Spirit

Travels in Zimbabwe A Country Crying Out for New Life, Part II Forty sixth-graders in blue and tan uniforms with tan head kerchiefs stood solemnly, heads bowed, in the yard of St. Mary’s School in Zimbabwe. When our Overseas Adventure Travel minibus pulled up and we piled out, they erupted in song and dance, then ran toward us and hugged us exuberantly. Their bodies felt like knobby clothespins, every bone sticking out. We soon learned that most had not had any breakfast, and some would get no lunch. In their classroom, they showed us their workbooks. There were no books. We were on the last leg of our “Ultimate Africa: Botswana, Zambia and Zimbabwe” safari, on which we saw, up close,

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elephants, zebras, lions, giraffes, Cape buffalo, wild dogs and hippos. And, we spent time with the people of each country, getting to know their culture and customs. Next, we stopped at three almost-empty stores to buy supplies. Mandla, our leader, suggested that our group collect $18. We bought orange juice, bread and biscuits (cookies) to take to the school children; we purchased washing soap, hand soap, salt, cooking oil, rice and loose tea to take to a typical Zimbabwean homestead, an extended family of 30, who lived in a cluster of mud huts with thatched roofs. Upon arrival, we were ushered into the family kitchen, the center of activity where babies are delivered, the seriously ill are

nursed, bodies are laid out and viewed, corn and millet are ground — and meals are prepared. When a woman dies, she is buried behind the kitchen. The men gather ﬁrewood and plow, while the women plant vegetables, harvest, cook, clean, and care for the family’s needs. Mandla, our jovial, caring leader, lives in a homestead, like this, when he is not leading an OAT trip group. At age 43, he is considered an elder in Zimbabwean society. Mandla gave 10 cows for his wife Stella, prior to their marriage. They have two boys, 18 and nine. Mandla has worked in tourism for 20 years, ﬁrst leading caravan camping all over southern Africa, then signing on with OAT.

(Clockwise from top left) A common hut in a Zimbabwean village . A native of Zimbabwe cooking in an open-air restaurant An example of the lovely items that can be made from the brightly waxed cotton African cloth found in Zimbabwe, now gracing the home of this story’s author.

“English is our official language. Even the birds speak English,” said Robert, one of our safari guides. Sure enough, the Cape turtle dove calls, “My mother is dead, my father is dead, all my relatives are dead,” echoing the cries of despair of the Zimbabwean people, who have endured unimaginable violence and hardship in the last 30 years. President Robert Mugabe, a leader of the free-Africa movement in the ‘60s and ‘70s, became a dictator, accused of murdering and displacing thousands of white farmers and replacing them with black Zimbabweans who knew nothing about large-scale farming. People were starving and Zimbabwean paper money was worthless. Mugabe is still in power at age 89. Despite the near-total breakdown of their society, Zimbabweans are very proud of their country. Once the most literate country of Africa, Zimbabwe is struggling to shine again. The national bird, the ﬁsh eagle, was chosen for its vision. Zimbabweans love to sing, dance, and tell stories,

a lifestyle of hope, in the face of despair. One must be able to climb up into and out of a safari jeep twice a day in order to make this trip. Most of our days were devoted to tracking wild animals through the bush. My recalcitrant knees work on a hike, but climbing to a high spot is difﬁcult, if not impossible. Before leaving the United States, I had practiced climbing ladders and thought, ‘I can do this,’ but there were no ladders. Luckily I got to ride in front with our safari guides. Mafuka, our guide in Zimbabwe, told me he had to kill an elephant 45 years ago to pass his guiding test. He’s 69, has three wives (not typical), 10 children, 17 grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren. Mafuka made me a bracelet from the ﬁber strands of a baobab tree. Our guides showed us two delicacies not to be missed in the wild. Worms, from the Mopani tree, are considered delicacies fried or baked. A milkshake is made by whipping milk with the fruit of the bao-

bab tree. In camp we were served a typical Zimbabwean meal of polenta (white cornmeal), tomato sauce, gravy, spinach and pumpkin. In Victoria Falls, beside seeing the seventh wonder of the world, we wandered through an open-air market and bought several lengths of the brightly waxed cotton African cloth worn by most women as skirts and headdresses. Our idea was to make tablecloths and place mats for friends back home. We were so fortunate to experience life in a totally different part of the world. Every moment was new. We will never forget the hugs, tastes, music, animals — and history lessons — we experienced.

sue spirit Writes poetry and essays about nature, spirituality, writing, and travel. She has a little cabin in the mountains. degreesoffreedom@frontier.com

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Jennifer has proved successful as a leader, mentor and community activist through the years, and in various capacities.

Jennifer

Herman Dedicated to ending abuse

Photo by Sherrie Norris APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

For more than two decades, Jennifer Boneno Herman has served as executive director of OASIS, Inc. (Opposing Abuse with Service, Information, and Shelter), the local agency known for its diligence in working to end the cycle of violence in the High Country, and specifically Watauga and Avery counties. With many years of experience in leading the agency, Jennifer says, “We’re not there yet, but we’re making great strides.” Jennifer has proved successful as a leader, mentor and community activist through the years, and in various capacities. Through her professional role, alone, she has helped develop and establish three new domestic violence shelters to serve victims in surrounding counties, she has been instrumental in increasing her agency’s budget from $87,000 in 1991 to more than $650,000 in 2012; she has seen her staff expand from three full-time employees and 15 volunteers to nine full-time and 65-plus trained volunteers. Long-range strategic planning, including helping create the Family Resource Center, which houses multiple nonprofit agencies and services in Watauga County, is high on her list of accomplishments. But, it’s the day-to-day impact that she, her staff and volunteers have on their community that resonates most loudly within her heart and mind — and confirms that she chose the right career path many years ago. • So begins the journey • As a 1988 graduate of Appalachian State University with a degree in business administration and marketing, Jennifer says she “never dreamed” that she would find her calling in serving victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. “My first position after college was as a customer services marketing manager for a local cable television company,” she says. “I later managed the admissions office for Lees-McRae College.” It was her husband who told her about an advertisement that he had read for the position at OASIS, Inc., a nonprofit organization looking for someone with a business background. “And so began this journey,” she says. “I truly believe I found my calling in using my business background and skills for the forces of good.” As someone who grew up in a peaceful and loving home, Jennifer says, “I have learned so much from my job about the violence and abuse that affect so many in my region and through the world.”

It’s that knowledge, and an innate desire to make a positive difference, that has kept her in the same role all these years.

• Growing (pains) with OASIS • OASIS went from serving 126 clients and children in 1990 to serving more than 650 clients and children in 2013. “At the same time, our budget has grown from $80,000 to more than $600,000,” Jennifer says, “and the number of restricted grants has grown from three to 16, a dramatic increase in the administrative burden of grant writing and grants management.” Jennifer reﬂects upon what she calls “productive and rewarding years,” with a deep sense of gratitude and accomplishment. However, she also recognized a need for a break. She requested, and received a sabbatical through the Z. Smith Reynolds Foundation in 2013, returning several months later with a renewed appreciation for her work and for life, in general. “I became keenly aware of my increasing frustration and fatigue as we dealt with diminishing resources, and an unraveling social safety net,” Jennifer says. Jennifer described her sense of hope “wavering,” as the community witnessed dramatic increases in needs for services that, not surprisingly, coincided with budget cuts, staff reductions, and program eliminations by long-standing community partners (Legal Aid of North Carolina and New River Behavioral Health Care). While preparing for her time away, her office also learned of the pending closing of the Avery Domestic Violence Shelter/Rape Crisis Center (A New Day), with a request that OASIS begin serving that community, as well. “We were very glad to be able to step in to serve that community, knowing that, without our provision of services, victims would go without critical support,” Jennifer says. However, doing so required a signiﬁcant amount of the agency’s time, she adds, in order to transfer grant contracts, network with new community partners, hire staff and all that went with the transition.

• Avoiding Burnout • In addition to working with the agency to delineate all deadlines, activities, and meetings for OASIS while she was on sabbatical, Jennifer began planning with her family for its cross-country trip, “a long-time dream of mine,” she says,

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Jennifer remains committed to maintaining better balance in her professional and personal life to be the best mother, wife, executive director and resident of Watauga County she can be. which began after the school year ended in mid June for her husband, Doug, a special education teacher at Blowing Rock Elementary school, and their sons Luke, who was in ninth grade at the time, and Rodgers, sixth grade. “Thanks to Expedia, this was made very easy for a control freak like myself,” Jennifer says. From Memphis, to the Grand Canyon, Santa Cruz, Yellow Stone and Crazy Horse, it was a trip to remember, she says, and a chance for uninterrupted quality time with her family that she will long cherish. Having avoided the burnout stage by taking the much-needed break, Jennifer says, she could not imagine being satisﬁed by any other kind of work. “I derive essential meaning from helping others by providing emergency intervention and creating opportunities for survivors of domestic and sexual violence to live free of fear and violence,” she says. “I knew that I needed to learn new ways of ﬁnding balance and peace, while engaging in this important and demanding work, as the increased stress and weariness were overshadowing the deep satisfaction.” Her sabbatical proved to be “a gift,” she says, not only for herself, but also for her family, and OASIS.

• Moving forward • Upon returning to OASIS, Jennifer continued her work serving those in our community, she says, “who are being raped and abused — and holding both perpetrators and the justice system accountable for treating victims and their children with dignity, fairness, and sensitivity.” Jennifer remains committed to maintaining better balance in her professional and personal life, she says, “ to be the best mother, wife, executive director and resident of Watauga County I can be.” She returned with conﬁdence that her renewed hope and energy will have a ripple effect, radiating through all of the ways in which she connects with people. In addition to her role with OASIS, Jen-

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nifer has always been active in various other agencies and organizations as a volunteer. She helped support the grade parents at Green Valley Elementary School from 20032007, and she chaired the Mission and Outreach committee at St. Elizabeth of the Hill Country Catholic Church, 20062012. She was a committee member of the High County United Way to implement community assessment, outcome based measures and new funding grant application (2003, 2006, 201112); she was on the High County United Way hiring committee for a new executive director in 2000, and again in 2004. Jennifer served on the Watauga County Humane Society human resources committee in 2008; as Northwestern Continuum of Care community grants coordinator 1998, 2002, 2005, 2009;with Appalachian State University collaboration to improve advocacy for victims against sexual violence 2004, and again in 2011, and she represented victims in the study of Student Life at ASU to address rape on campus in 1996. Jennifer served on the Watauga County Chamber of Commerce and Town and Gown Relations committee 2003-05; she chaired the Watauga FEMA Board 20002003, and was coordinator of the Watauga County Volunteer Summit, per request by Governor Hunt, 1997-1998. In 2010, OASIS received the Ellen

Pence Excellence Award from the North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and Jennifer was selected as the “Woman of Vision” by the Appalachian Women’s fund that same year. Jennifer loves to spend special time with her family, friends and community, as well as reading, making crafts, camping, cycling and kayaking.

• OASIS Today • Today, the Watauga Countybased OASIS, Inc., is busy yearround, providing shelter, support services, and advocacy for victims of abuse in a two county area. In April 2013, the agency began serving Avery County as well at Watauga, when the agency there, A New Day, ceased operations. In the past year, OASIS has worked with 343 adults and 342 children and responded to over 1,500 crisis and information calls. Spring is an especially busy time of year for OASIS. April is nationally recognized as “Sexual Assault Awareness Month” and May brings the agency’s annual “Midnight at the OASIS” gala event. During April, OASIS will be distributing teal ribbons around the community, encouraging people to wear a ribbon as a way to help raise awareness about sexual assault and the frequency with which these crimes occur. Last year OASIS served more than 50 survivors of sexual assault. Half of those survivors were ASU students. Awareness ribbons are a great way to

start a conversation about a topic that, for far too long, has been shrouded with secrecy and shame. National statistics indicate that one out of every ﬁve women will be victimized by sexual violence in her lifetime, with women between the ages of 1224 at particular risk. Men are at risk, too. The United States Department of Justice estimates that one out of 33 men may experience sexual violence. Now in its eighth year of funding, OASIS’s “Primary Prevention of Sexual Violence” program is a pilot project through the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The CDC has funded a number of these Primary Prevention programs nationwide. Preliminary results suggest that one aspect of the primary prevention approach, to increase bystander behavior, is showing promising results with regard to attitudes about sexual violence and bystanders’ willingness to take action. Prevention Coordinator Jessica Pittman continues her work with ASU’s Office of Student Conduct with the “Red Flag Campaign.” Red Flag is a social marketing campaign with a “Train the Trainer”

component geared toward empowering students to be active bystanders when they see a “Red Flag” of harassment or abuse, or hear language or attitudes that condone sexual violence. Thus far, Jessica, staff from the Office of Student Conduct, and trained Red Flag Educators have provided training for nearly 1,000 ASU students, news worth celebrating. And speaking of celebrating, the 11th annual “Midnight at the OASIS” is slated for Friday, May 2, at the Meadowbrook Inn in Blowing Rock. Entertainment will again be provided by the popular Ashevillebased band, Laditude. Tickets are $35. Doors open at 7 p.m. and the event will last until 11 p.m.; 100 percent of funds raised at the Midnight at the OASIS will be used to support the free, conﬁdential shelter for clients and their children. More information about OASIS, Inc., including ways to become involved with the agency’s mission, is available at the agency’s website www.oasisinc.org. “Midnight at the OASIS” tickets are available through the online donation page, or through the OASIS office. Call (828) 264-1532 for more information. Rebecca Gummere contributed to this story.

sherrie norris Editor, All About Women

• Jennifer Herman and OASIS • In the 1990’s, OASIS provided comprehensive crisis intervention services in a four-county area. The agency also fostered the development of three new, independent domestic violence shelters in the counties formerly served by OASIS by writing start-up grants and mentoring the new service providers. In 1995 and 2005, Jennifer coordinated the agency’s long-range strategic planning, which identiﬁed ways to meet the increased needs for services to address mental illness, substance abuse, and the effects of poverty on OASIS cli-

ents, as well as strategies for weathering the changes in our community, especially the dwindling resources and services. Jennifer served as a community leader in the development of the Volunteer Resource Center, the United Way community assessment model, and the regional Continuum of Care, which secured HUD and stimulus funds for our region. In 2007-08, Jennifer focused on the development of expanded community collaborations, including a partnership with two local nonproﬁts to create a

Family Resource Center of Watauga in the old Blue Ridge Pediatrics office. In this new arrangement, OASIS became a co-owner of a 9,200-square-foot facility housing the three agencies’ direct services, educational programs, support groups and administrative offices. In 2010-11, OASIS embarked on a major shelter renovation and expansion project, raising $450,000, temporarily relocating the agency’s emergency shelter, and facilitating a construction project, from August 2010 through April 2011. APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

Katie Warner, center, pictured with Kerry Gersonde, Director of Client Services at OASIS, and Jennifer Herman, the organization’s executive director, is grateful for the support that she has received from OASIS, and for the opportunity to give back as a volunteer. Photo by Sherrie Norris

Breaking Free Katie Warner is a dedicated volunteer at OASIS and one who has been on both ends of the crisis line. A former victim of domestic abuse, Katie is just one of many women who has found her way out of a dangerous situation with the help of OASIS and is now “giving back,” she says, to help others. “There are so many people living in an abusive situation and are not able to talk about it,” Katie says. “They are too embarrassed, but they should not be. We all need to look these things in the eye, talk about them and not hide behind them.” With a renewed sparkle in her bright blue eyes, Katie, a vivacious mother of two, hairdresser and community activist, says she is excited about life now and wants to make it the best she possibly can for her family. It’s because of her children, she says, that she decided that the last incidence of violence in her marriage would, indeed, be the last. “Both of my kids were in the room and witnessed the whole thing,” she says. “I feel like this is a crucial detail in my story, because so many of us are unable to make the change for ourselves — believing

APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

somehow that we deserve it, or brought it on ourselves — but, many women decide to make a change like I did, for the sake of our children.” Katie’s story began in 2002, when she moved quickly into a new “whirlwind relationship,” she says. “I was living alone in my apartment, and suddenly he was there. I was super excited — I loved him so much.” It was on “day 75 of our relationship,” she says, that her daughter was conceived. “I found out on day 90; somewhere in between, I experienced my ﬁrst incidence of physical violence.” She talked herself through it, she says, because she wanted a solid family, she says. “I wanted my daughter to grow up with both parents in one home.” Several incidences of physical, emotional abuse — “and physical violence,” soon followed,” she says. “It was not always toward me, but his violent behavior came out in many ways.” Katie moved out and came to the High Country with her children and their dog in 2009. “About a month later, he moved here

Former OASIS client now giving back with us,” she says. “A couple of months later, he left us. I let him come back again and a few months later, I married him. “ Katie was “sure” that marriage would ﬁx their problems, she says. “He said all the right things and made promises that I needed to hear. He was remorseful and I thought that was the “real him,” the one I fell in love with.” The couple had another child together and there were good times along the way, Katie says. She remembers them all, but especially, the holidays and special occasions when her joy was taken from her. Katie recalls the last incident of physical abuse clearly, “He had been waiting on a phone call that came while he was asleep on the couch,” Katie says. “I woke him up, but he went into a rage. I took the children, 3 and 6 at the time, upstairs to read books, to get us away from him. I had the door shut, but he preceded to kick at the door and was able to get it open, with me on the other side, trying to keep him out.” Injuries from that incident left Katie in bed throughout the weekend. “By Monday morning,” she says, “I decided that was it — I wasn’t going to take

it anymore. I had done everything I knew to ﬁx it.” By that time, she says, she had established “a job and a good support system” in Boone. Her husband eventually moved back to where his parents lived, and he was without a job. Custody battles began to rage. “No amount of discussion helped,” she says. “I could not reason with him on my own, so I borrowed money from my boss, went to OASIS, and hired a lawyer.” Katie was confused, she says. “I didn’t know what to do. We tried to have conversations, but his crazy patterns continued. I was confused and started to feel crazy, too. I wondered if I was doing the right thing,” she says. Her “relationship” with OASIS, she says, helped steer her in the right direction, toward protective orders, attorneys and the encouragement she needed, through a weekly support group. Money was always an issue, she says and used as a control mechanism. “When he lost his job, I thought surely, then, things would change,” she says. “His parents eventually became very supportive of me,” Katie says, “but it was not that way from the beginning.” Katie has “grown stronger,” through her journey to freedom, she says. “I have been able to keep the same job, I’m in school and have paid off my debts. I was on every public assistance program there was, but have managed to get off every one of them. I have full custodial care of my children. It’s awesome, she says — “miraculous, actually.” Katie says she needed to take responsibility for her own life, as well as those of her children, and she gives much of the credit for her success to OASIS. “I feel very strong about the work OASIS does,” she says. “They helped me learn to love myself again and not to blame myself for what happened, but it has taken me a long time to get to this point.” Katie says she learned “to process it all,” and that constantly suppressing the pain of her past, “wasn’t working.” The work she did through OASIS, she says, helped break the cycle of her “awful relationship.” “OASIS accepted me for who I was, who I am. They let me be me and helped me work through all of my anger, my fear and insecurities,” she says.

Among her greatest frustrations, Katie says, were “the red tape and the hoops I had to jump through with the judicial system.” She tried hard, she says, to maintain her composure throughout her journey, and was successful, with the help of her attorney and her court advocate provided by OASIS. “I tried to stay calm through the whole thing, but it was emotionally — and financially — taxing,” she says. “I had to take my emotions out of it and just go through the motions.” Katie says it’s not easy for a woman to leave her home and uproot her children from what she hoped would be a stable environment. It’s been three years, now, and she continues to find strength she never knew she had, with her children and a new man in her life. “He ’s absolutely wonderful, but it took me a while to trust him,” she says. When they first met, Katie referred to relationship handouts that OASIS had provided for her. “It’s the ‘love is/love isn’t’ information,” she says, “I was so scared and it was so confusing, but we kept coming up on the ‘love is’ side, so I started to think that he was OK. And, he is.” Katie is trying to make “really great memories,” for her family, she says, “so the bad ones at Christmas and birthdays don’t always stand out.” “Watauga County is a great community,” Katie says. “I think OASIS has helped move it to the place where we are all working together. OASIS provided me the support I needed to change my life and it can do the same for other women in abusive situations. OASIS provides a crisis line 24/7, support groups that really help, they can send women in the right direction for the help they need — and they make sure you don’t walk through the valley alone. They provided court advocacy so that I always had someone there with me when I had to go to court.” At Christmas, Katie remembers, “It was like Santa really came, OASIS delivered gifts to my family that people had donated — clothes, toiletries and everything my children and I needed that I couldn’t afford to buy. It was pretty magical.” The opportunity to volunteer at OASIS and “work the crisis line, is so awesome,”

Katie says. “I am so appreciative that OASIS helped me get to the point that I can now give back.” The agency has helped changed the way she lives her life, now, she says. “I ﬁnally began to realize that I am worthy and that I have something to give back, but it was so hard for me to get to that place.” Katie is quick to mention her boss, John Mena, at Haircut 101, for “always being so supportive.” After Mena saw how much OASIS had helped her, Katie says, he concentrated the charitable efforts of his business to help OASIS. “At least, that’s how it seemed to me,” she says. “It’s possible that the timing was merely a coincidence, but he believed in me and did what he could do to help me. Now, he’s helping others.” In addition to volunteering with the crisis line, Katie has become a spokesperson for OASIS and has agreed to represent the agency at various community functions and women’s group meetings, during which she shares her story. The “same old tapes” do not play in her mind over and over, anymore, she says. “If they start, I can always just change the tape. I have learned that if it’s not empowering, it’s a lie.” Kaite is currently in pursuit of her master’s degree, is involved with the Unitarian Felllowship in Boone, helps with recovery and relationship rehabilitation, and stays busy raising her children. Being a victim of domestic abuse crosses any socioeconomic group,” Katie says. “There are no boundaries. People don’t understand. It happens everywhere, every day. It’s not just on TV. I was never hit in the face. My bruises were hidden. Sometimes, the emotional pain was worse than the physical. Your body can heal itself, but your mind can’t always do that.” Katie wants to make sure that abuse victims know that help is available. “It’s not your fault, and there are people who understand and are willing to listen. And, most of all, it is possible to get out of your situation and change your life.”

sherrie norris Editor, All About Women

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Making the connection Desperation, hopelessness, shame, guilt, fear, confusion and isolation. These are a few of the emotions I’ve witnessed in victims of sexual abuse (and the people who love them) as they have invited me into their journeys. Anger, hope, and a drive to connect are a few of the emotions that I have seen fuel these same people, as they described how they survived horrible events, came to the decision to start therapy. It’s also what has driven them toward healing, growth and safer connection. Recognizing and reclaiming hope, courage, love, joy, self-determination, wisdom and safe connection are some of the meaningful points in the process of growth and healing, on which therapy and rebuilding of lives — after the destruction of sexual abuse — is built. This process is triggered by the hu-

APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

man spirit and neurobiology that is designed to move toward healing, growth and connection. Even those uncomfortable emotions — including despair, shame, guilt, fear and anger — help transition thoughts, behaviors, or patterns of interaction, to the more comfortable or pleasant. It’s really important when someone is attempting to heal and grow and to build safer and a more nourishing connection; the process requires a lot of energy and uncomfortable emotions that often produce energy. Transformation is hard work; done alone, it is nearly impossible. Perhaps the most important ingredient for transformation is safe connection, which is easily damaged by sexual abuse. When a person, or worse yet, a family system, experiences sexual abuse, connection is made around and through abuse. When that happens with a child, she (or

he) may learn that these abusive connections are normal, and may, at the least, be deprived of learning healthy and safe ways to connect. The victim of abuse may also learn that connection is scary and dangerous. Since only 14 percent of sexual abuse is committed by a perpetrator who is unknown to the victim, the family system is often involved. Sexual abuse is also usually committed in a context of interactions with the abuser that vary from scary or neutral, to even pleasant and fun. These confusing relationships may cause the child to have difficulty forming and/or maintaining healthy relationships for years after the abuse ends. In healing from sexual abuse, it is important to be aware of the distinction between the nourishing and sustaining experience of solitude — and the typically destructive experience of isolation. It can

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be confusing, especially for someone dealing with reactivity and fear from abuse. Isolation can provide the illusion of protection. Within safe connections, feedback of important information about behavior, decisions, and many other areas of life, can be received for consideration. While isolation may provide an illusion of safety, it will, at best, stunt growth and development, and, at worst, create more danger through deprivation of information and assistance — and by creating opportunity for more abuse to occur. For a person who has experienced a trauma, such as sexual abuse, sometimes distinguishing between isolation and solitude can be confusing, yet critical. Maintaining needed times of solitude, which are protective of emotional health, and also maintaining and building emotional and physical connections with people who are safe, is important.

A young adult woman I know, who experienced different types of abuse and revictimization during her early childhood, teenager years into early adulthood, has illustrated these patterns of healing, growth, and both safe and unsafe connections, through the years. Recently, she reﬂected about patterns of growth, and how her innate wisdom provided focus for connection — and how they were impacted by the trust and faith within the connections between parents and children. Her wisdom helped shape this article, as did that of others who have invited me into their journeys and shared their experiences. To see them move from being a victim — to the point of thriving and living with a voice and choice — helps me know they’ve made the connection. Mary McKinney Certiﬁed Marriage/Family Counselor

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mom’sworld

Breaking the Cycle Every April for the past several years, I have been asked to participate in the Health Fair for ninth graders at Avery County High School to speak about healthy relationships. I’m in a designated area of the cafeteria where sleepy freshmen plop themselves onto the black stools around the cafeteria tables — looking like they are happy to not be in class, but not necessarily thrilled to go through multiple sessions of education on their health. Despite my ﬁrst impression, (generally speaking) I am pleased at how attentive they seem to be when we delve into this topic. While the real life scenarios from my own clinical experiences give them more pause than the numbers or statistics, I think it is critically important for people of both sexes to understand the extent and gravity of the problem of violence against women in our culture.

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Approximately 7 million women (5.9 percent) in America reported experiencing rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner in the 12 months prior to taking the survey, according to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey of 2010 (National Center for Injury Prevention and Control and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). Alarmingly, more than one third (35.6 percent or 42.4 million) of all women have experienced such violence at some point in their lifetime. Among women who have experienced this violence, more than one in ﬁve of them experienced it for the ﬁrst time between ages 11 and 17; more than half were between ages 18 and 24. Additionally, almost half (48.4 percent) of all American women (57.6 million women) reported experiencing at least one

form of psychological aggression in their lifetime, including, for example, a partner acting angry in a way that seemed dangerous, verbal assaults or ‘put-downs,’ humiliation, or some other form of coercive control by their intimate partner. Speciﬁcally, women reported being called “ugly, fat, crazy or stupid” by their partners, as well as being “kept track of by demanding to know her whereabouts.” The statistics go on drearily, and the picture painted is a disturbing one. In my own practice as a nurse-midwife, I have had to witness the physical and emotional bruising that results. Some women have symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder; others simply cannot seem to ﬁnd their way into a healthy relationship. Women have reported to me that they have felt controlled by continuous texting

Breaking the cycle requires that men and women acknowledge the problem, look for subtle signs in our friends, daughters, mothers and co-workers, and increase access to meaningful resources, counseling, and support. or phone calls, control of day-to-day expenditure of money (to the penny), and limiting with whom they are allowed to have contact. I have seen too many teenage girls who have remained in abusive (either physical or emotional) relationships because they have limited to no support system, and their boyfriend is as good as they think they can get. For many of these young women, lack of self-esteem and overall resources results in thinking that being with an abusive boyfriend is better than being alone. Without connecting them to resources (ﬁnancial, transportation, social services, spiritual), many will remain with their abuser. As women age, these relationships can persist. I once had a woman close to me, who was subject to verbal and emotional abuse in her marriage tell me that she had been “abused for 40 years, and not a scratch on me.” Physical violence is also pervasive, but can be hidden. Recently on a women’s running group on Facebook, a woman shared with the group that her broken collarbone that she had been coping with for six weeks was the result of a violent encounter with her husband throwing her down the stairs — and she was still with him, as was her daughter. There was an outpouring of support and encouragement, as well as women who spoke up about their own painful past experiences with domestic violence, who strongly urged her to get out and how to get support to do so. In my health session, I talk to the freshmen frankly about the forms that violence can take. Then, I have them perform an activity. We have two foam core boards and the students must call out behaviors that are considered “red light,” “yellow light” and “green light” — in terms of safe relationships — and tack the small piece of paper with the behavior onto the board. Some kids will joke, but they usually do a good job.

It is interesting how the behavior “calls you on the phone often” gets mixed reviews, as do “embarrasses you” or “is annoying, at times.” The students seem to recognize that “having unequal power,” and “being overly critical” are worrisome behaviors. I’m always delighted when I hear the guys and girls that are not shy speak up loudly for equalization of power in the relationship. When I reviewed scenarios from an actual teen relationship forum that detailed incidents of some physical violence after a verbal argument, I asked if these teen peers should stay or go. The examples included: a girl who has fallen for her brother’s best friend who “plays games with me and pushes me to my breaking point,” makes and breaks plans, and keeps the relationship a secret. The girls are quick to shout out “dump him.” But words are relatively easy. From experience, I know that victims of abuse can put on a good face and say the right things, as the abusive partner continues to manipulate. The victims downplay situations and the cycle of violence continues — from tension-building, to the explosion, to the honeymoon period of abuse. The impact can be loss of work, loss of self-esteem, high anxiety, post traumatic syndrome disorder symptoms, feelings of fearfulness, physical injury and concern for safety.

Breaking the cycle requires that men and women acknowledge the problem, look for subtle signs in our friends, daughters, mothers and co-workers, and increase access to meaningful resources, counseling, and support. Reach out and reach in to help yourself, your friends, or acquaintances with awareness of unacceptable behaviors, balance of control and communication within a relationship, and making conscious choices for healthy relationships. Remind women and yourself, as Alice Walker notably stated, “the most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

For more information and complete survey ﬁndings, www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf For local resources, call OASIS at (828) 262-5035 for emergencies. Call (828) 2641532 for the office and community programs. OASIS hosts a weekly support group for victims of domestic violence.

heather jordan, CNM, MSN Comments or questions? 828.737.7711, ext. 253 landh@localnet.com

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After spending an hour with Susan Owen, garden manager for F.A.R.M. Café, among other things, I feel energized, like I could take on the world — if she would advise me from the sidelines, perhaps. Growing up in Winston-Salem, Susan moved to Boone in 1977 to attend Appalachian State University, because she’d always longed to live in the mountains. An art major, the last thing on her mind was to become a farmer. Fastforward a few years as she became a 28-year-old newly divorced woman with a new piece of property, a desire to try farming, and a need to support herself — and her infant daughter. “It was a crazy time,” she says. “I wanted to try farming, though, and because this property is shaped like a big bowl and whatever I put on the soil was going to shed into the water, I decided that I wanted to farm organically. Back then, nobody cared whether stuff was organic, and when I talked to the head of the agriculture office, at that time, he told me I couldn’t do a farm organically. I’m so glad he told me I couldn’t do it,” Susan ssys, “because that’s when I decided that I could.” And she did. Recognizing there was a market for organic medicinal herbs, Susan contacted Red Alderman at Watauga Herb Company and asked what they wanted her to grow for them. “Red gave me a Ziploc bag of echinacea seeds,” she says. “When I asked him how to grow it, he said, ‘We don’t know.’” Susan took that baggie of seeds and with a small plot of land tilled by her neighbor and a baby on her back, she planted them. “That stuff came up and it bloomed,” she says. “And the next year I divided it and the neighbor farmer plowed a little more space for me. By the third year, I was the largest echinacea grower in the Southeast because nobody was growing it. I had three acres of solid echinacea, and it was gorgeous.” From there, Susan grew and sold organic ﬂowers and vegetables at the farmer’s market in Boone. “Nobody cared that it was organic,” she says. “I could not give away organic tomato starts. I had edible ﬂowers and everybody thought I was nuts. People would actually walk around my little table because they thought I was crazy.”

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You Grow, Girl!

Crazy or not, she was ahead of her time and established a love and knowledge of growing food that she uses to benefit the community by, among other ways, managing The Garden Spot where she grows organic vegetables for the F.A.R.M. (Feed All Regardless of Means) Café, a pay-what-you-can community café, in downtown Boone. The Garden Spot is located behind Mast Store in Valle Crucis on a half acre the store donated to the project. It is a great location and a huge blessing, as are the leftover organic and heirloom seed packets the store donates each fall. “When I first saw the area,” says Susan, “it was all weeds as tall as I am. But, in that overgrown mess, there was a whole lot of milkweed. Milkweed is the only plant Monarch butterflies will lay their eggs on. The Monarch population is being devastated by all the genetically modified organisms that people have on their farms, so it’s really important that milkweed be preserved. I knew I would have to cut down some of that milkweed, so I honored it by making the garden in the shape of a butterfly profile. And now, whenever milkweed pops up, we keep it and educate people about Monarch butterflies.” So, not only is Susan feeding our community and the butterflies, she raises money for clean water initiatives by selling her handmade jewelry at Boone Healing Arts. We have to wonder where she finds enough time and energy to do it all. “The last thing I want to do is act like a 58 year old,” she says. “I’m just gonna keep running and keep doing good. I love it. I work for the good. I believe in the good. And I give back as much as I can.” Susan loves sharing her passions for real food, butterflies, and life with others. If you would like to volunteer in the garden or at the cafe, please contact her at garden@farmcafe.com.

Yozette ‘Yogi’ Collins Mom, television producer/writer, and obsessive internet researcher. Though her name suggests otherwise, she is not (yet) an actual yogi.

Susan Owen loves sharing her passions for real food, butterflies, and life with others. Photo by Yogi Collins

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Enriching Our Community 38

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Spring is such a beautiful season in the High Country, bringing with it visions of dirt, lush gardens and the bounty of fresh, local produce grown. Two groups in our area, however, envision and focus on this bounty year-round: F.A.R.M. CafĂŠ on King Street in Boone and New River Organic Growers co-op. Both groups contribute to our community immensely, and April presents two opportunities for the community to return the favor.

April 4

Real. Good. Food. and a Real. Good. Party. F.A.R.M. (Feed All Regardless of Means) Café is based on the One World Everybody Eats Foundation model, which aims to quench hunger and food insecurity around the United States by establishing pay-what-you-can/donation-based community cafés. It’s really a beautiful concept that puts the idea of taking care of your neighbor into action. In the U.S., one in six people are food insecure, meaning they are not sure from where their next meal may come. In the High Country, the rate jumps to one in four people. As extreme as those statistics are, they are hard to fully comprehend: you can’t see hunger as you walk down the street. That nicely dressed couple you just passed? Don’t assume they are food secure. Clothes don’t make the man (or woman); they also don’t ﬁll an empty stomach. “People need to eat real food,” says garden manager Susan Owen. “At the café they can do that, whether or not they have money. We’d love for people to volunteer an hour of their time to pay for the food, if possible, but even that’s not mandatory. We work completely off of donations, so when you eat a meal and pay $8-$10, we break even. But, while there’s no expectation, if you can pay more than that, you’re helping the café feed our community.” Meals are served cafeteria-style and consist of soup, a choice from at least two green salads, an entrée, two sides, dessert and a drink, all prepared fresh daily by Renee Boughman, an executive chef with more than 30 years of ﬁne dining experience. From 7 p.m. to 11 p.m on Friday, Apr. 4, F.A.R.M. Café offers a “Real. Good. Party:” an evening of fun that raises awareness of food insecurity. With local band Soul Benefactor performing, silent and live auctions, door prizes, raffle and heavy hors d’oeuvres catered by the café, it’s an evening of fun and community for a great cause. Tickets are $40 or $75 per couple and can be purchased at F.A.R.M. Café.

April 6

The High Country’s Premiere Farm-to-Table Dinner New River Organic Growers started in 1999 as a marketing tool for a handful of local farmers to ﬁgure out where to sell their organic produce. However, when the tobacco subsidies crashed, the Watauga County Extension Service and NROG joined forces to transition tobacco farmers into organic broccoli farmers, using the same equipment. The project was a huge success and since then NROG has grown, assisting more than 70 family-owned farms in N.C., Va., and Tenn. market and sell their produce, eggs, meat and dairy products to stores like Whole Foods and Earthfare, as well as area restaurants. One of the most important tools in their selling arsenal is the refrigerated truck they rely on for deliveries as far away as Asheville, but the truck’s replacement engine blew, leaving NROG in dire straits for the upcoming season.

“The fundraiser on April 6 is to help us repair our truck and provide general support to NROG,” says Sally Thiel, president of NROG and owner of Zydeco Moon Farm and Cabins. “We had a really tough year last year as farmers lost a lot of their crops due to rain. Even crops we would normally hold over and sell through the winter, such as winter squash and potatoes, were not available.” This fundraiser, The High Country’s Premiere Farm-to-Table Dinner, is a collaborative event featuring six chefs from the area’s ﬁnest restaurants working together to create six amazing courses using only ingredients grown within a 100-mile radius from NROG’s member farms. Not only is this the ﬁrst event of its kind encouraging chefs to work together — rather than compete — but the chefs themselves are thrilled to engage creatively with their talented peers for such a worthy cause. The collaboration begins at 4 p.m. April 4 at The New Public House in Blowing Rock. Tickets are $100 with all proceeds going to NROG and can be purchased online at www.newrivergrowers.com.

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‘Whimsey: A Novel’ Sprinkle a piece of southern women’s literature with a dash of pixie dust, and Kaye Wilkinson Barley’s debut novel, “Whimsey,” is the result. Equal parts spunk and elegance, cigar smoke and iced coffee, the book delivers on the name. “Whimsey” is just that: whimsical. Barley attributes her first novel to a quote by Toni Morrison: “If there’s a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” With “Whimsey,” that is exactly what she did. The results of her endeavor have been compared to novels by New York Times bestseller Sarah Addison Allen and deemed “delightful” by North Carolina author Margaret Maron. The story revolves around the Island of Whimsey, a colony of artists founded by matriarch Elizabeth Calhoun off the coast of Georgia in 1949. The community is an artist’s dream world, complete with small town camaraderie, luscious seascapes, and dark nights that promise a thousand stars. But, there is more to the island than pretty scenery or even the talents of its residents. That “certain something else” means that on Whimsey, the mildly supernatural becomes commonplace, and artists are rarely at a loss for inspiration. After following a doomed marriage to Atlanta, jewelry designer Emmaline Hamilton Foley, grandniece of Elizabeth Calhoun, has “lost her magic,” so to speak. It will take a devoted family and a few girlfriends who won’t take no for an answer to draw her back to the island home of her youth. With her Aunt Zoe planning a new upscale gallery to showcase local talent, Emma can only hope to recapture the spark in her own designs, in time for the grand opening. But first, she must confront old heartbreaks, longstanding rivalries and her own loss of confidence. “Whimsey” shifts seamlessly between reality and fantasy, enchanted glitter and everyday magic. The story is perhaps more similar to magical realism than traditional fantasy. In the insular world of its sprawling cast of characters, no one bats an eye at the occasional watchful ghost or sassy pixie. And in truth, these nods to fancy are mere seasoning. The driving force behind “Whimsey” is a more subtle magic: the love and support of family, the shared joy between friends (here, splendidly dubbed the “Wicked Women of Whimsey”), and the infectious drive of a creative community. One might even speculate that the magical quality of the Is-

APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

land of Whimsey comes to stand in for those indefinable urges that inspire passion of all kinds. Barley has created a utopia where following the desires of one’s heart is both a worthy and profitable pursuit. On Whimsey, hard work is rewarded, second chances have a chance, and no one is allowed to give up on herself. Barley’s writing is optimistic and upbeat, laced with a cheeky, good-natured humor. The story has a southern flavor that brings to mind humid summer days on the Georgia coast. Barley’s love of the landscape is clearly evident in her multi-colored descriptions, and readers may find themselves wishing that they could be transported literally as well as figuratively to a southern shoreline at sunrise. Also apparent is the author’s appreciative eye for creative work, whether jewelry, pottery, paintings, or lace-toed stockings. Barley says that if she could say anything to inspire women, she would tell them that they are never too old to spread their wings, to do the thing they always wanted. Her “Whimsey” presents the fictional story of a series of talented women willing to take that risk, and the book itself is proof of the living truth in her words. Ultimately, the novel is a celebration of creativity and self-fulfillment. For anyone who is not too grown-up to believe in the power of chasing after the things they love, or to smile at a pixie in Louboutin heels, “Whimsey” presents a fun, lighthearted read and a reminder never to stop dreaming. Ariel Parsons A graduate of Appalachian State, a quintessential English major and selfproclaimed word junkie.

About the Author

Kaye Wilkinson Barley, a retiree of Appalachian State University, lives in Watauga County with husband Don and “Wonder Corgi,” Harley Doodle Barley.

She serves on the planning committee for the High Country Festival of the Book and is a contributing writer for several blogs, including the Jungle Red Writers and Barley’s personal blog, Meanderings and Muses, which spotlights other authors worth watching. Barley’s nonﬁction has been included in two Western North Carolina anthologies, “Clothes Lines” and “Women’s Spaces Women’s Places.” Barley self-published her ﬁrst novel, “Whimsey,” in 2013, and hints that a sequel is in the works. She will be in Asheville on April 21 for a “Whimsey” reading, as part of Malaprop’s Bookstore’s self-published and small press local authors series. Keep up with book signings and other events through her website: www.kayewilkinsonbarley.com.

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APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

Making Memories

Soon we will celebrate Easter. This is such a wonderful time to count our spiritual blessings — and there are many. An Easter Sunrise Service can touch a heart in such a way that even a discouraged, sad person can be filled with hope and joy. How do you celebrate Easter? Through the years my family and I have made some great Easter memories. Of course, when the children were young, they had new clothes to wear to church and baskets filled with candy and colorful eggs. One particular Easter story in my memory helped lift the spirits of my family, including me. I was happy for the day and the reason we were celebrating, but this was the first Easter without my recently deceased husband Sam. I knew my children and grandchildren would especially miss him on that special day. I knew I would, too, and had no idea how it would

APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

go, so I tried my best to put on a happy face. After we asked the blessing over our food, my daughter Karen announced that my granddaughter Brooke had something planned for the family to do after our meal. She had been saving her money to donate to the Shriner's Hospital for Children and had devised a plan whereby we could help her. After the meal we ate, needed to be active, that's for sure. Brooke hid plastic eggs and we had to pay 25 cents each time we looked for them. Knowing that we might be feeling full and lazy, she gave us an incentive to hunt — tasty chocolate candy from her Easter basket. But, that's not all there was to this little ﬁrst-grader’s plan. She had hidden a special orange and yellow-colored egg with a crystal circle on one end. It was very pretty and the reward for ﬁnding it was greater than all the oth-

ers. Whoever found the egg was entitled to wear rabbit ears until all the eggs were discovered and hidden again. The next person who found the special egg got to take away the ears from the current wearer and got to enjoy the fun that went with them. Before she said, "Ready-get set-go", she always announced, "If any of you are struggling to find the eggs , there will be someone to help you." Of course, she was that someone. Have you ever raced around the yard with other adults wearing rabbit ears attached to a headband? Probably not. But, I'm proud to say that I have because I was the first one to find that beautiful egg. I had forgotten how much fun it is to spot eggs in a clump of grass or under steps. We were laughing like children as we raced around hunting eggs-especially the special one. Everyone wanted a turn to be

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Let Your Room Bloom the star of the day, a ﬂoppy eared bunny. "Little Miss Serious," as she was easily known, saw to it that we all played by the rules — her rules, of course. Brooke loved to play school and was always the teacher with adults in her classroom. She should’ve taught drama one day, because acting was one of her talents when she was very young. It took a little girl to help us ﬁnd joy again and to help us through what we all expected to be a difficult day. We wish for you a joyous Easter this year and encourage you to make some happy family memories.

Spring is here! It’s time to get started on some new projects to freshen up your home. We have a full line of BERNINA machines and everything you will need. Check out our new class schedule! Sign up for our kids camps in June and July!

sHERRY BOONE Local writer who shares her personal stories with others in hopes that they, too, will be comforted by some of life’s sweet memories.

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m adee too create APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

Mary Smalling

WCS Interim superintendent David Fonseca addresses students and teachers as he congratulates Smalling. Photo submitted.

named

WCS Principal of the Year Mary Smalling, principal at Hardin Park School, has been named Watauga County Schools Principal of the Year for 2014-15. Her selection was announced in a surprise visit to Hardin Park in early March by WCS interim superintendent David Fonseca, Human Resources Director Stephen Martin, and other representatives of the Watauga County Schools central ofﬁce. Several hundred students who had gathered in the gymnasium for the occasion clapped and screamed their approval

APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

as the announcement was made. According to WCS Public Information Director Marshall Ashcraft the surprise announcement is usually made in the school office but several teachers gathered their classes together to congratulate Mary. She responded to the honor by telling the assembled students and school personnel “the reason I am Principal of the Year is because of you guys. It’s the students and staff that I work with every day at Hardin Park that make this such a great school. We have a wonderful com-

munity as well, and I am truly grateful for their support.” Fonseca congratulated Smalling on her award and praised her leadership at Hardin Park. “Mary Smalling is truly an outstanding principal. She is always committed to making the school more effective and more welcoming for all its students. She brings out the the best in her personnel with her respectful and inclusive leadership, and she never wavers in her focus on what is best for the children she serves,” Fonseca says.

The Principal of the Year is chosen by a conﬁdential vote of the nine school principals in the Watauga County Schools system. Mary says she is grateful to her fellow principals for her selection as Principal of the Year. As principal of the year, she will receive an award payment of $500 from the Watauga County Schools. She also becomes a candidate for additional honors as Regional Principal of the Year in North Carolina’s Northwest Region and possibly for NC Principal of the Year. She has been principal at Hardin Park for 14 years and previously served as an assistant principal at Hardin Park and at Watauga High School. This is the second time she has been named Principal of the Year, having also received the honor in 2005-06. Her educational background includes a bachelor of science in art education and a Masters in School Administration, both from Appalachian State University. She has maintained a strong commit-

ment to professional growth during her career, winning a Fulbright Administrator Exchange Grant in 2008, and completing the Distinguished Leadership Program, a yearlong leadership development program for school principals, just last year. Mary is an advocate for bringing a global perspective to education. During her tenure at Hardin Park, she developed a Polish/American Teacher Exchange Program, worked with a Mexican/American Teacher Exchange Program, and has served on Appalachian State University’s International Outreach Committee. Along with 2013-14 Principal of the Year Toby Cone, she was part of a national contingent of principals that helped construct a school building in the Dominican Republic two years ago, and she worked with educators in Argentina in connection with her Fulbright Grant in 2008. Most recently, Mary traveled to Pakistan last year as part of an exchange program between the Watauga County Schools and schools in Taxila, Pakistan. Hardin Park participated in the American/Pakistan exchange program again

this year. She is also recognized for her commitment to serving students in the exceptional children program. Hardin Park serves the Watauga County Schools students with the most severe disabilities, and Mary has helped lead the school’s efforts to fund a more inclusive playground, a long term effort that raised nearly $100,000, so far. Hardin Park School is the largest of the eight elementary/middle schools in the WCS system, serving approximately 775 students in pre-kindergarten through eighth grade. The school met all 21 federal and 34 state targets for academic performance in 2012-13. Hardin Park students also substantially exceeded state averages in their performance on all state tests of academic proﬁciency for 2012-13.

ALLISON HAVER allison.haver@wataugademocrat.com

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Spring forward in style!

Closet Classics 46

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It’s time to take an assessment of that mountain of clothes that has been pushed to the back of your closet, and narrow it down to a fresh, updated wardrobe. Take a close look at those items that haven’t seen sunshine in the last two years. You might be surprised by what you will find buried in the pile. Consider that your wardrobe should have at least the following basic easy pieces: • Little black dress • White blouse • Neutral cardigan • Knee-length skirt • Black dress pants • Jeans • Solid color T- shirt or two • Solid color turtleneck • Jackets • Heels • Boots • Dress flats • Casual flats • Basic handbag This list is the foundation to any good wardrobe. Typically, a woman can easily mix and match these items to create outfits for any occasion — without spending a lot of money to buy new clothes. The following list includes a few things to think about when assembling your spring wardrobe: The basics colors: navy, gray, khaki, white and black offer endless possibilities to explore. An easy way to build a wardrobe is to select one to three neutral colors that you like — and look good on you — and begin assembling some fashion basics. When selecting your core (neutral) colors, keep in mind that dark fabrics recede and help you to appear thinner; light fabrics do just the opposite.

Fashion neutrals are colors that can go with anything, and they’re essentials for building any woman’s wardrobe. However, just because they can go with any other color doesn’t mean that they look good on every woman. The little black dress is still an essential for any woman’s closet — and the one that will take her practically anywhere. The same dress can be used in a variety of ways for numerous effects: Slip a skirt over it and the dress becomes a cute shirt; slip a cute blouse over the dress and it became a skirt. Choose a dress with a timeless, elegant cut and you’ll love your new look. Jewelry, especially pearls, can be casual and classy, at the same time. Pearls look great on almost everyone and they throw a flattering light to the complexion. It’s like having your own personal air brusher/ lighting crew following you around. They can cast an elegant glow. It’s important to wear pearls in a contemporary fashion that steers clear of frumpiness. Going minimalist is chic, but adding a bold necklace gives an outfit fashionable flare. Use trendy accessories. Inexpensive jewelry and shoes can effectively enhance your look, without breaking your budget. Jeans. We all have our favorite pair of jeans. You know — the ones that are “too faded” to be worn beyond the boundaries of your yard? RIT dye can breathe new life into your favorite pair. A good color combination is two parts navy dye to one part black dye. Shoes. Try keeping them sorted by category: boots with boots, tennis shoes together, flip-flops, etc. This method reminds you that you have choices and it might prevent you from splurging on something you don’t really need. Take a close look at your closet. Is it packed with the same pattern? Is every-

thing the same style, just in different colors? Separate duplicates and put them in a pile with items of which you have simply grown tired. Shop at consignment shops and/or other second hand stores for brand names. Typically, a store will start spring sales in March and have clearance in April. July is prime time for summer sales to start, running straight through Aug. in clearance mode. Fall sales will start in Sept. through Oct. Winter sales will start directly after Thanksgiving. Sales will continue through the holiday season, with clearance from the day after Christmas through Jan. Some of these stores may have frequent shopper cards to aid you in your shopping. You can also take your old clothes to the consignment shops and hopefully get money back to help you make minor updates to your existing wardrobe.

Emily apple Emily Apple is an Appalachian State graduate with a degree in fashion design and merchandising.

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Preparing for Easter

As we prepare to celebrate Easter later this month, many of us are anticipating another gathering with family and friends. It’s a great time for worship, for fellowship, and as tradition holds in many households across America, a time for feasting. Planning the menu is just half the fun. We hope to help make your day a memorable one with special treats for the young and young at heart.

Brunch Baked Eggs With Country Ham ¼ lb. country ham, sliced, or 8 slices Canadian bacon ½ lb. Swiss cheese, sliced 8 eggs 1 cup cream 1/3 cup Parmesan cheese Pre-heat oven to 450; Line a 9 x 13-inch baking dish with either the ham or bacon. Top with a layer or Swiss cheese. Break eggs onto cheese, being careful not to break the yolks. Drizzle cream over egg white until the yolk peaks through. Bake at 450 for 10 minutes. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and bake for additional 10 minutes. Cut into squares to serve.

Sunrise Salad 16 oz. sour cream 2 cups miniature-marshmallows 2 cups coconut 1 small can mandarin oranges 1 (15 oz.) can pineapple chunks, partially drained Gently mix all ingredients together and refrigerate.

Cream Of Coconut Cake 1 pkg. white cake mix 1 can sweetened condensed milk 8 oz. whipped topping 1 can or pkg. ﬂaked coconut Bake cake as directed. Poke holes in cake; pour milk over cake while still warm. Allow cooling time. Cover with whipped topping and coconut. Refrigerate until time to serve.

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Easy Easter Pie 1 (6-oz.) pkg. instant (your choice) pudding mix 2¾ cups milk 1 (9-inch) graham cracker pie shell 1 (8-oz.) container whipped topping ½ cup ﬁnely chopped pecans Combine dry pudding mix and milk in bowl; mix according to package directions. Pour into pie shell. Place plastic wrap over top of ﬁlling to seal and prevent rubbery top. Refrigerate until serving time; remove plastic wrap. Spread with whipped topping. Sprinkle with pecans. Serves 6-8. Variations: Coconut: Use coconut pudding, mixed with ½ cup shredded coconut; garnish with another ½ cup shredded coconut. Combine as directed above. Banana: Use banana pudding, mixed with ½ cup chopped banana; garnish with banana slices just before serving. Combine as directed above.

Bird’s Nests 1 (7-oz.) jar marshmallow cream ¼ cup creamy peanut butter 2 Tbsp. butter or margarine, melted 1 can (5 oz.) chow mien noodles 1 cup pastel M & M’s Powdered sugar In a mixing bowl, beat marshmallow cream, peanut butter and butter until smooth. Fold in noodles and M & M’s. On waxed paper, form mixture (by 1/3 cupsful) into 3-inch “nests.” Chill for 30 minutes. Dust with powdered sugar. Place several M & M’s in each nest. Makes about 9 servings.

Chocolate Covered Easter Eggs 2 boxes powdered sugar 2 sticks butter or margarine 1 small pkg. chopped nuts 1 sm. bottle maraschino cherries, drained and chopped 1 can crushed pineapple — well drained 1 cup coconut 1 tsp. salt 1 small can of Carnation milk 1 pkg. (12 oz.) chocolate chips 1/3 block paraffin In large bowl, mix sugar, butter, nuts, cherries, pineapple and coconut. Add salt. Add enough milk for ingredients to “stick” together, but not enough to be runny. Shape into oval “eggs” and allow to dry. Melt chocolate chips and paraffin in double boiler. Dip “eggs” into melted chocolate and set on waxed paper to dry. When chocolate is set, eggs can then be personalized and decorated as desired.

APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

Photo by Leda Winebarger

‘Life is not a dress rehearsal. Stop practicing what you’re going to do and just go do it. In one bold stroke you can transorm today.’ - Marilyn Grey, Psychologist 50

APRIL 2014 | AAWMAG.COM

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