All About Women - November 2013 by Mountain Times Publications

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sarah townsend & paige mast Persevering through the Pain AMANDA TOMLINSON JONES Serving Her Country

DECHARI MOOSE COLE Fairy Tale Ending

pearle bishop Riveter and Author

nancy bentley Surviving and Thriving

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Forever on Thanksgiving Day the heart will ďŹ nd the pathway home. â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Wilbur D. Nesbit

Photo by Sherrie Norris

publisher Gene Fowler

executive editor Tom Mayer

editor Sherrie Norris sherrie@aawmag.com 828.264.3612, ext. 251

Copy editor Anna Oakes

writers Heather Brandon Sharon Carlton Bonnie Church Yozette Yogi Collins Heather Jordan Linda Killian Ariel Parsons Heather Samudio

production & design Meleah Bryan Jennifer Canosa Kristin Powers

advertising 828.264.6397

cover photo by Sherrie Norris

contents news bits amanda tomlinson jones dechari moose cole momâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s world pearle bishop living well nancy bentley young at heart you go girl: sarah lynn eggers persevering through the pain by the book high country courtesies thanksgiving recipes home dĂŠcor & more melanie hollar we are grateful

sarah townsend & paige mast

7 10 12 14 16 18 20 22 24 26 36 38 40 44 46 48

amanda tomlinson jones

dechari moose cole

pearle bishop

nancy bentley

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

editor’s note The year 2012 was a difficult time for us in the High Country, and especially Watauga County. Within a two-month period, three major tragedies left us shaken to our core, and all happening in, or having tremendous effect upon, the Deep Gap community east of Boone. First, the death of native Doc Watson, an international musical icon left a hole of sadness in our world, as we knew it. His age and failing health offered us a bit of a warning, but his passing was painful to all who knew him, or felt as if they knew him, through his worldwide reputation as one of the greatest musicians of all times. Following closely behind was the unimaginable death of precious 4-year-old Peyton Elizabeth Townsend, caused by a tombstone that toppled over onto her little body as she played in a church cemetery. A few short weeks later, the tragic shooting death of local law enforcement officer William Mast left the community in a state of shock with many unanswered questions. Much has been contemplated, written and spoken about each situation — and each one made national headlines for different reasons. What has never been publicly shared, before now, is how Peyton’s mother has dealt with the heart-wrenching loss of one so full of life, and who brought tremendous joy to everyone in her midst; or how William’s pregnant wife was able to face her greatest nightmare while trying to protect her unborn son and eventually bringing him into the world without his daddy. In my 30-plus years of writing, I can honestly say that I’ve never been so deeply touched by the opportunity that these two young women — Sarah Townsend and

Paige Mast — have given me. To be the ﬁrst to share their stories is a tremendous honor for All About Women magazine. Prayers were spoken and tears fell as I wrote, deleted, rewrote and tried desperately to appropriately convey their thoughts and feelings to the best of my ability — and in a way that would bring honor to them, their families and most of all, to those they lost. Our cover story is divided into their two longer-than-usual features. We chose to be inclusive and to share the words and feelings of these two brave young women, just as they shared them with us. The stories are distinctly different, but the same thread of sadness, strength, perseverance and community support weaves them together in an amazing way — and coincidentally, some might say, with some of the same unsung heroes involved. There is still much to be found in the pages of this magazine surrounding our traditional Thanksgiving and Veteran’s Day themes, with two features honoring those who have served our country in unique ways, for which we are grateful. And, as we always strive to do, we honor women, in general, whose selﬂess giving impacts the lives of others. I found it interesting this month, especially, that most of our women referred to their faith as their source for getting through difficult times. I leave you with these words, from Sarah Townsend, that could easily be applied to everyone you love — “Hug your child today. Tomorrow might pass before you know it, and she will be gone.” Thankful to be a voice for women,

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

newsbits&clips Appalachian Women’s Fund distributes grants The Appalachian Women’s Fund recently distributed grants totaling $57,000 to 14 area non-profit organizations supporting women and young girls. The money was raised at the annual Woman of Vision Award Luncheon in June. “It’s no secret that non-profits have faced significant cuts in local and state funding this year,” says AWF President Jean Brooks. “Unfortunately, the cost of de-funding severely affects impoverished women and their children on every level, making the day-to-day struggle just that much harder.” Agencies serving the disenfranchised have come to rely on funding from the AWF, which has distributed more than $350,000 over six years. According to Grants Committee Chair Kathleen Kennedy-Olsen, the AWF received 14 grant requests, and all 14 applicants received the amount requested. Agencies supported by the 2013 cycle of grant funding by the Appalachian Women’s Fund include the following: $5,000 - ASHE A Safe Home for Everyone, the domestic violence shelter in Ashe County; to be used for the 24/7 hotline, financial assistance towards transportation costs, and initial cost of living for clients in their care. $5,000 - ACCESS Financial aid program at ASU; money to be used for summer school scholarships for firstgeneration college attendees in families living at or below the poverty level. $3,000 - Blue Ridge Women in Agriculture for three grants of $1,000 to local women farmers, ranchers and processors for 2014. $4,000 - The Children’s Council towards the salary and benefits of the Crisis Intervention Parent Educator for the Parents as Teachers (PAT) outreach program focused on single mothers who reside in temporary housing shelters. $4,000 - Community Care Clinic for the Women’s Health Program $4,000 - DANA (Domestic Abuse is Not Acceptable) shelter in Sparta; to be used for utility and rent deposits, and other fees associated with a new home; particularly for women who are working and therefore lose their government assistance. $2,500 - Girls on the Run of the High Country youth running/empowerment program; toward the expansion of their program into Avery and Wilkes counties for participant scholarships

$5,000 - Hospitality House toward the Women’s Emergency Shelter Program and the Women & Women with Children Transitional and Family Housing Program $4,000 - Hunger & Health Coalition toward increasing food distribution to local women age 60 and over. $4,000 - Mountain Alliance toward the Leadership Initiative for Female Teens Program (LIFT) of Mountain Alliance exclusively reaching out to young women. $4,000 - New Opportunity School for Women for the three week intensive educational immersion program providing low-income women with the tools they need to get back on their feet, ﬁnd a job, navigate higher education, etc. $5,000 - OASIS for domestic violence and sexual assault support groups for their clients in both Watauga and Avery Counties. $3,000 - WAMY going toward the Credit Building and Financial Literacy program for women for micro loans. $4,500 - Western Youth Network toward the costs of running the Girls Circle Program, a supportive/empowerment group for middle school girls. For more information on the Appalachian Women’s Fund, call 828-264-4002 or visit www.appalachianwomensfund.org.

High Country March for Babies The annual signature fundraiser

of the March of Dimes will be held Saturday, Nov. 2, at 10 a.m. at Kidd Brewer Stadium on the campus of Appalachian State University in Boone.

Shuttle service to and from ASU for participants will be available at Kmart from 8:30 a.m. until 10 a.m. and will resume following the event. NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Women in the News Mary Louise Roberts named market executive at Yadkin Bank Mary Louise Roberts was recently named Watauga and Avery County market executive at Yadkin Bank. As such, she will have responsibility for commercial business development, customer service and oversight for the commercial banking team in the market. Mary Louise has held several management positions over her 30-year banking career at Wachovia and First Citizens Bank before coming to the Yadkin franchise through legacy High Country Bank in 2000 as a commercial banker. She is active in the Boone community with Boone United Methodist Church and as a board member of the Appalachian State University Finance, Banking, and Insurance Advisory Board. She is also a past member of the Watauga Education Foundation, Watauga County Chamber of Commerce Education Committee and a former Girl Scout leader. “We are excited to announce this promotion of Mary Louise,” says David Edwards, Western regional president. “She has deep personal and professional ties to this market, and she will provide superior customer service and leadership for the Yadkin Bank commercial team in Watauga and Avery counties.” A native of Lenoir, Mary Louise holds both a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree from Appalachian State University. She lives in Boone with her husband and daughter.

Mary Williams receives 2013 Big Kid Award The Boone Optimist Club presented the fourth annual “Big Kid Award” to Mary Williams in September. The Big Kid Award is presented to a special person who has reached out to youth in the community and helped create an optimistic future for them. As an Adapted Physical Education Specialist in the Watauga County School System for the past 24 years, Mary has changed the lives of numerous children with special needs and their families. Twenty-seven years ago, she founded the “Parent to Parent” program, which helps to match a parent and child with disabilities with another parent and child with the same disabilities. More than 400 families in Watauga County now beneﬁt from this program each year. For 10 years, Mary directed the program; from 1987-1996, she wrote and had grants funded in the amount of $224,616 to help families with special needs purchases, such as wheelchair ramps and other adaptive equipment. Mary’s most recent grant awarded in January 2013 was the Lowes Toolbox Grant in the amount of $5,000 for upgrades to a “teaching kitchen program” called “Coffee Talk” at Hardin Park School; the project was completed by signiﬁcant donations of appliances and cabinets from Lowes and Whirlpool. Mary has also written grants, funded in the amount of $20,875 to support adapted physical education and to purchase items such as bikes for adapted physical education, a horse and riding equipment for Blazing Saddles Therapeutic Horse Back-riding Program, heart monitors and pedometers for exceptional children, equipment for kickboxing, lacrosse, yoga and books for adapted PE. These are just a few examples of Mary’s long arm of compassion to the High Country community.

November Medical Listings

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Daniel Boone Chapter of DAR Celebrates Constitution Day On Constitution Day, Tuesday, Sept. 17, members of the National Society Daughters of the American Revolution, Daniel Boone Chapter of Boone, and a few of their friends, gathered to ring bells for liberty. On Monday prior, the women had distributed promotional material to schools in the county as a reminder to students, faculty and staff of the importance of the constitution. “Our chapter always acknowledges Liberty Week, which this year is Sept 17-23,” said Bonnie Steelman, long time member and current historian of the local DAR chapter. Honoring their heritage — and especially their Revolutionary ancestors — is something for which the Daniel Boone Chapter has been known since it was organized on October 16, 1966 with 19 charter members under the leadership of Mrs. Hadley Wilson. Promoting historic preservation, education, and patriotism is a primary objective of the group, which today has 50-plus members and is led by Mary Moretz, current chapter regent. Chapter meetings are held at noon on the second Tuesday of the months August through December and March through June. The members also support programs for veterans, college ROTC, DAR Good Citizen, and others sponsored by the National and North Carolina Society Daughters of the American Revolution. Membership into the DAR is available

POLITICO features All About Women editor by Anna Oakes

All About Women Editor and Watauga Democrat feature writer and food columnist Sherrie Norris is the subject of an Oct. 9 essay authored by U.S. Rep. Virginia Foxx in POLITICO, which reaches between 4 and 5 million unique visitors online each month and distributes 35,000 newspapers

Members of the Daniel Boone Chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution and friends recognize Constitution Day by ringing bells for liberty at the Watauga County Courthouse in Boone. Photo by Sherrie Norris

to women who are at least 18 years of age and can prove lineal, bloodline descent from an ancestor who aided in achieving American independence. The women also participated in the rededication of the Daniel Boones Trail marker at the Watauga Courthouse, with a

large contingency of DAR national board and state regents from across the country, led by president-general Lynn Forney Young. For more information about the Daniel Boone Chapter of the NSDAR, visit www. ncdar.org/DanielBooneChapter.html.

in Washington and Manhattan. The essay, published Oct. 9, is featured in a series in which women reveal the women they most admire, part of a larger effort by POLITICO, Google and The Tory Burch Foundation exploring how women are leading change in politics, policy and their communities. "Sherrie has served as the editor of All About Women magazine in my state and has dedicated its pages to giving muchdeserved attention to women who would never seek the spotlight on their own or who mistake their duties as breadwinners,

caretakers, artists and moms as mundane or somehow un-newsworthy. In Sherrie's mind, theirs are stories that need to be told," Foxx wrote. "Sherrie Norris is a woman of principle, a woman of pragmatism, a woman of conviction, a woman who inspires. That's not a secret in Boone, but it's a delight to let a little more of the country in on it." Read the essay at www.politico.com/ story/2013/10/sherrie-norris-virginia-foxxwomens-stories-women-rule-98007.html.

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

excelling in life — from athletics to the army Fleetwood native, Amanda Tomlinson Jones, is always hard at work with the North Carolina National Guard.

Amanda Tomlinson Jones has been known as a tough girl since her years at Fleetwood Elementary School in Ashe County. Now, following years as a high school and collegiate athlete — and earning her bachelor and master’s degrees — she uses that toughness, coupled with her education, in her everyday life as part of our country’s military. Her list of accomplishments is very long — proof that she has excelled in many aspects of her life. Amanda was born at Watauga Medical Center to Virginia Tomlinson of Ashe County and Donald Blaine Tomlinson, who passed away in September 2011. Her early years were spent in the High Country and by elementary school, she was already a strong competitor, playing on the boys’ baseball team. “I started out playing T-ball and basketball when I was in elementary school,” she says. “Then I moved up to Little League baseball, playing with all the boys. I was one of the few females that played baseball. I believe this was the whole start of me being ‘tough.’” Amanda played softball at Beaver Creek High School and Ashe County High School before playing the sport for all four of her years of college at Mars Hill. She was Ashe County’s ﬁrst female to sign a softball scholarship for fast pitch

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

softball. She was a utility player, which she we all took the tests,” she says. “I scored says meant that she could play any posipretty good and they tried to recruit me in tion on the ﬁeld, and she did so throughat that time, but, I went to college ﬁrst. I out her college career, except for pitching. always thought that God would put you in “I did take a severe injury in 2005, my a situation for a reason. So, I made the best senior year,” she says. “I was up to bat and of the situation I was in and kept pressing got hit by a pitch — straight to my cheek forward.” bone. I had fractures and a concussion Once that mission was complete, she and a black eye, swollen shut. It was very says, she knew she could do something painful, but I still went to my 8 a.m. class even better. the very next morning.” Amanda said there were many reasons During her softball career, Amanda for her to join the military. “To put it simset individual ply, I wanted to do single season something that records and a was greater than career record just me alone,” she with 135 assists says. “I wanted to in 2003, most asmake a difference. sists (9) in one I wanted to have game against a positive impact West Virginia on my commuWesleyan on nity and everyone March 14, 2003, around me, and Amanda Tomlinson Jones and her husband, SSG Aaron R. and a career rethe military has Jones, pose for a photo in front of a howitzer in Louisburg cord of assists done just that — prior to her husband’s deployment to Egypt last year. (254) from 2002 and more.” to 2005. She began with the 211th Military PoAfter receiving a Bachelor of Science lice Company in Clyde and then took a degree in business administration from promotion to the National Guard AcadMars Hill, Jones decided to join the miliemy at Ft. Bragg with the HQ 139th Regitary, an option she considered earlier durment CA. ing high school. Amanda is currently with the North “The recruiters came to the school, and Carolina National Guard and serves as a

military police squad leader. She is also a military police instructor with the National Guard Academy. In addition, she is Combat Life Saver certified, a battalion career counselor and is trained for Blue Force Tracker. Amanda is attending the Honor Guard tab class to conduct military funerals and has worked with the N.C. Honor Guard every year since she enlisted. October marked her sixth year of service. In 2011, she married SSG Aaron R. Jones who is also with the National Guard, serving with the HHB 5-113th FA in Louisburg. He recently returned from a deployment to Egypt, a time that Amanda says was “very difficult,” but in the long run, strengthened their marriage even more. Amanda took the “rear detachment NCOIC position” for Aaron while he was deployed, handling his and others’ fulltime jobs, including supply, readiness, training, administration and more. She has an idea now of what it means to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. “Since I’ve been doing his full time job for the past nine months, I now have that deep understanding of what he does for a living,” Amanda says. “It has been a great opportunity that most spouses never have a chance to do.” Although difficult, she says, “It was also a blessing to deepen our understanding of each other.” Throughout her military career, Amanda has continued her education, earning a master’s degree in business administration with a concentration in leadership from Liberty University in 2011, and an executive graduate certificate in business administration with a concentration in human resources management from Strayer University, in 2012. Future plans might include a doctorate of business degree, as well. While serving in the military, Amanda has had “a lot of amazing experiences,” with the most recent occurring at the Louisburg armory. “A woman, with her 9-year-old son, came to the armory,” she says. “Her vehicle had a flat tire and she didn’t know how to change it. Since I was the only one here, I went out and helped. But, instead of just changing the tire, I taught them both how to change the tire. I even went to great lengths of showing them how to look it up in the car manual, as well as some tricks of

the trade. Even the small boy was asking questions and I answered them all.” As they were getting ready to leave, the little boy gave Amanda his Superman action ﬁgure and said he wanted a GI Joe now, “because those are the true heroes.” Among the hardest times of her life, she says, are her husband’s deployment and the death of her father, in 2011. “No matter the situation, it has always been important to have an escape from the craziness,” she says, which includes writing poetry, taking a long ride on her motorcycle, or sitting on her front porch in her rocking chair. “I would also take trips up Mount Jefferson, just to sit at the big rock, look out over the entire county and just be in awe of the amazing beauty in front of me,” she said. “Seeing the bigger picture like this puts me at ease during my hard times; it brings me peace.” Amanda challenges other women to “never give up” and credits her family, teachers, coaches and fellow soldiers with impacting her life for the better. “I’ve been able to accomplish everything I have because my dad pushed me hard while growing up, and I’ve pushed myself just as hard,” she says. “My parents raised me quite well and my two older sisters (Debbie Rickard and Lorrie Tomlinson) always helped me through school and sports.”

Amanda Tomlinson Jones sees her husband, Aaron, off from the airport in Raleigh prior to his deployment to Egypt.

Her long-term goals include earning her doctorate, having a family, traveling and “making someone smile every day.” Within the next 10 years, she would like to move back to Ashe County from Wake Forest and raise her children just as she was raised. Until then, “making a difference and always being there to help someone in need — that is the biggest thing I’m doing right now,” she says. “And I plan on doing that for my entire life; every single chance I can get.” HEATHER SAMUDIO heather@mountaintimes.com

Amanda’s Awards and Accomplishments Army Achievement Medal Global War on Terrorism Medal Army Service Ribbon National Defense Medal NCO Professional Development Ribbon National Guard Achievement Medal Army Reserve Components Achievement Medal Overseas Training Ribbon North Carolina National Guard Service Award Honor Guard Tab Golden Key Honor Society Woman of Inﬂuence for 2010 at Appalachian State University Silver Star Award in Girl Scouts NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Boone Native Leads Girls to Their

‘Fairy Tale Ending’ Watauga County native ve Dechari Moose Cole, who lives with her husband, Jason Cole, in Nashville, has led recently established a ministry called Girls Living 4 God and is the author of a ndnew book, “Finding Your Fairy Tale Endg to ing,” geared to young women seeking ing live a life dedicated to God, while waiting on his will for their lives. ays, “It was all God’s doing,” Dechari says, “and deﬁnitely unexpected.” Dechari returned to Boone in October, for a book signing at Cornerstone Christian Bookstore; she describes her book as one “primarily for teens” but appropriate for all young women, from sixth grade through college. “It is my story as a teen in search of love and all the lessons God had to teach me along the way — about boys, dating, beauty, humbleness, purity, hurt, security, worth, friendships, about God himself — and more.” Only when a young lady is captured by the beauty and majesty of Christ does she ﬁnd real joy in the center of God’s will for her life, she says. “Finding Your Fairy Tale Ending” shows teenage girls how to look beyond the make-believe messages of today’s culture. They will discover that with Jesus, “happily ever after” isn’t just for fairy tales.

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Watauga County native Dechari Moose Cole now lives in Nashville, where she has authored a book and has established a ministry for young girls.

Fond Memories o of Youth Dechari grew up in a Christian home. “Although my family had its struggles and suffered my parents’ divorce, I don’t consider myself to have a tragic past,” she says. Rather, she describes herself as “the girl next door with a fairly normal life as a teenager.” Since age 7, Dechari has had a desire to live for God. “My relationship and understanding of God grew during my teenage years, when I went through several boyfriends, had jobs, was involved in Christian organizations, watched and played sports, made amazing lifetime friends and became part of an outstanding youth group at Trinity Baptist Church in Deep Gap.” From elementary school at Hardin Park, graduating from Watauga High

School, and earning her bachelor’s degree in interpersonal communications from Appalachian State University, Dechari has fond memories of her youth. She and Jason met during their freshman year at Watauga High School. Dechari loved skiing at Appalachian Ski Mountain and spending afternoons with friends at parks and trails off of the Blue Ridge Parkway. “And, I had some great talks with God sitting on the side of an overlook viewing the span of the Appalachian Mountains,” she says.

Moving to Nashville Moving to Nashville “wasn’t because of music,” she says. After she and Jason were married and graduated from ASU together, God gave

them “an adventurous spirit,” she says. Rather than settling “where it felt comfortable,” they moved close to her brother, in Alabama. Then, to Nashville, where both pursued their “dream jobs” — Jason working with radio-controlled airplanes and helicopters, and Dechari as a wedding planner. “I had coordinated over 300 weddings at Riverwood Mansion in Nashville before God called me to leave and write my book,” she says. The couple also found their niche as part of a new church plant, The Church at Antioch, on the outskirts of Nashville. “We’ve made a great, diverse group of friends, we love date nights, drive-in movies and trying new and adventurous things, like sky diving, zip-lining, going to corn mazes at night — anything we can do together,” she says. In retrospect, Dechari says, "God molded me and created a plan for my life that I couldn’t begin to imagine.” “From the time that God revealed Jason as my future husband,” she says, “I never wanted to settle for less than what I knew was part of God’s amazing plan.”

A New Chapter Dechari believes that God is working in her life again — “and in His timing,” she says, through her story and ministry expansion. “It’s time for girls to turn from Hollywood’s lies — of happiness from wealth, sex and self-fulfillment — and turn to God’s truth of purposeful living, true love and impacting others,” she says. “It’s time for girls to start living for God — they don’t have to just settle. God has so much more for them.” It was nothing she had planned or felt qualified to do. “At first, I jotted down the title of the book, wrote a chapter or two and tucked it away, not telling a soul.” For the next three years, she was miserable. “I felt a little like Jonah, telling God what I couldn’t do, and turning the other way. I knew God was telling me to do something different with work,” she says. She left her wedding planning job and worked at a dentist’s office — increasingly unsettled. A friend helped her remember God’s earlier prompting to write her story. Realizing a greater purpose for her life, she quit her job as the economy was falling

“and started a crazy walk of faith,” she says. “I laid ﬂat on my face every morning, admitting to God that I couldn’t do this — but I knew He could, through me.” That’s when, she says, God led her to creating an online ministry and to write her story — and everything fell into place. “It’s His project, and everyone that’s watched my journey knows it’s a God thing.”

Girls Living for God Dechari’s ministry, Girls Living 4 God (www.GL4G.com), is a place for girls to be encouraged to seek God with all their heart — and not settle for what the world pushes at them, she says. “In a world that teaches short lived, instant gratiﬁcation, someone needs to stand up and say ‘No,’ and realize there are some things that are worth the wait.” In conjunction with the Oct. 1 book release, Cole hosted what she calls “a true fairy tale ball,” held at Riverwood Mansion and Gardens in Nashville, for 200 teens, ministry leaders and parents. The event featured a “Cinderella-like

carriage,” red carpet treatment, a walk through the enchanted garden, dinner, dancing, keepsake photos and more. “After I spoke to the girls, several young men in tuxedos came out to surprise them, asked them to dance to ‘Princess,’ (performed live) and presented each one with a necklace, reminding her of her true identity in Christ,” Cole says. The unique event included girls from various walks of life who will learn more about GL4G and make great connections with other girls and ministries. Dechari is moving forward “as God leads,” she says, with Girls Living 4 God’s website, a devotional, another book for college age and special related events. For more information, visit www. girlsliving4god.com.

sherrie norris Editor, All About Women

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

mom’sworld

MAKING THANKSGIVING

A DAILY GIFT Traditionally, Thanksgiving has signified families gathering together to carry out the ritual of eating large quantities of food — because we can — and in theory, taking stock of all the blessings that have been bestowed upon us. The meaning behind the holiday seems quite profound and hopefully makes us all aware not only of what we all have, but also of those who are less fortunate and go without. There are soup kitchens and church programs that distribute Thanksgiving food baskets, Turkey Trots to run for hunger and homelessness (such as the one sponsored by the Hospitality House in Boone), all of which look to bring this sense of Thanksgiving from the heart out into the community. These events help to make a personal, intimate experience into one with greater reach and impact. We are thankful, and therefore we give. I enjoy the Thanksgiving experience that this creates and have had many good times gathering to eat and revel in the company of both friends and family. However, reflecting on this sense of being thankful, I’ve been pondering the ongoing struggles as a mother who is almost continuously looking for the daily, less profound, encounters with my children that should elicit gratitude but do not. Specifically, I find that I am constantly reminding my younger children that certain fun activities and privileges are not automatic, nor are they necessarily deserved. Kids have a fine talent for making certain efforts by their parents seem not only unnoticeable, but also unacceptable, no matter what the energy that went into such plans. For instance, in a hypothetical world, some mothers might even forego sleep and rearrange their own schedules to ensure, say, that their child could go to a cub scout camping excursion much desired by said child, only to be met with complaints that the weekend went by too fast and he did not get enough “down time” before school resumed Monday morning. Or, perhaps, a mother may take a child to Boone to shop for a baseball bat, allowing him to pick out exactly the one he wanted, and then tell her a week later that the $1 bat from the second-hand store actually

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

worked better than the new one. I’m fairly certain that I am not alone when I say that, as a mother, my patience is tested daily (sometimes hourly) with how to instill in my children the ability to appreciate our parental efforts to make their life positive and fulﬁlled. This observation points to where the practice of the Thanksgiving holiday misses the boat on everyday life. Somehow, my youngest children have developed the sense that bending over backward is what parents are supposed to do for them. While I cannot argue with the fact that most parents would give — and do anything (within reason and legal) — to make their children happy, I hardly think that many of us ever expected for our children to gloss over our efforts and require such prompting to elicit any form of thanks. Truly, I’m sure that I have inadvertently contributed to this sense of entitlement in my efforts to make up for time away and on-call at the hospital. I certainly try to take them places like parks to ride their

bikes, ﬂy planes and throw footballs, which is generally appreciated but sometimes does not quite count if that is preceded or followed with the need to help clean up the living room or bathroom. “I guess we won’t get to do anything fun and will just clean all day,” proclaims my middle son, Joseph, when I mention the need to hang out the tents, put away the sleeping bags and complete the chores. Even so, he helps rinse off the tents and tarps and does work on his chores. Perhaps what bothers me the most is the need to explain a need for a “Thank you.” I want this response to come naturally and sincerely. Instead, it comes painfully, sometimes after much struggle. This year, I’m hopeful that Thanksgiving brings insight into how to make the annual celebration a daily gift. I look to my oldest son and remember when he was less appreciative and I reﬂect on how his current habitual gratitude comes unsolicited — and from the heart. I see glimmers of this behavior in my two youngest children, in the moments

when they seem to recognize my efforts and plow into me with forceful hugs and snuggling kisses. It is during these moments that I smile and gain strength for the less rewarding times, looking forward to when giving thanks is more instinctual and less concrete. I believe that the repetitive nature of our culture as it requires “please” and “thank you” does at some point result in the development of an understanding of the inner connectivity of humankind and the mandate for each and every one of us to be mindful that we may at any moment have the potential to be less fortunate. As far as my kids go, I don’t do things for them to get their thanks. I do things because I love them. But love grows with gratitude and thrives on Thanksgiving.

heather jordan, CNM, MSN Comments or questions? 828.737.7711, ext. 253 landh@localnet.com

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A young Pearle Munn who answered the call to serve in a civilian capacity during World War II.

Boone’s Own Pearle the Riveter

Pearle Munn Bishop today as an author relives her memories of a life well lived. Photo by Yogi Collins

Pearle Munn Bishop of Boone won’t tell us her age, insisting, rather, that we do the math. The problem? She won’t tell us what year she was born either, but gives us one more reason to love her. She is not only an energetic woman who loves a challenge, but she stands by her convictions. And, right now, her conviction is that she is not going to tell us her age. We do know this, however: At the beginning of World War II, when the war effort beckoned women to enter the workforce, Pearle and friend Margaret Woolard, both in their early 20s, left eastern North Carolina and headed to Baltimore to work for Glenn L. Martin, an airplane manufacturing company.

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

“When we got there, we lived on a ing short of challenging. farm,” Pearle recalls. “The women lived in “My ﬁrst job was working on the conthe farmhouse, and the men there lived in veyor belt,” says Pearle. “Then they gave converted chicken houses. The room we me a rivet gun, and from a rivet gun, I went slept in had four girls in it, but eventuto a riveter called an ally they built a ‘girl house’ where, at Airco machine. You I wanted times, six women slept in three double had to line up big beds in a room. It was tight, but some to be in the sheets of aluminum people had to sleep in hot beds — where mountains,’ and position the one got out of the bed and someone metal where the rivPearle else got in. They were doing three et was supposed to explains, shifts. Americans really came to the war go. Then, you used effort with all the effort they had.” ‘and it had your foot to press Living on her own in a new city was down on a foot exciting for Pearle, and she enjoyed to be back in pedal, and the rivet exploring Baltimore with her friends would go in and North in their off-hours. Still, the work the buckled. But, Carolina. get women performed each day was noththe people printing

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didn’t always make the correct mark, so you had to make an important decision of where to put the rivets. It wasn’t all cut and dried.” It was also a dirty, tiring job that put the operator in the path of hot aluminum fragments that burned any unprotected body part. “After a while we were given something called Martinalls, which was like coveralls, and you could button them up. Of course,” Pearle adds with a chuckle, “we women didn’t button them, so hot shavings would go down our necks. They were trying to protect us with those coveralls, but it was more important to us to unbutton a couple of buttons.” When, in early 1944, Glenn L. Martin finished the contract to build airplanes for Britain, the company opened a school in Baltimore to teach employees skills for the next contract. It was during this time that Pearle met her future husband, Lyle “Bish” Bishop, a teacher at the school. Pearle and Bish married three weeks after meeting; soon afterward, Bish was drafted. While that marked the beginning of Bish’s Air Force career, it was also the start of Pearle’s life as a military wife that would take her, Bish, and their five kids around the world — until 1979 when they settled in the High Country. “I wanted to be in the mountains,” Pearle explains, “and it had to be back in North Carolina.” Since raising her kids and working at Sugar Mountain Ski Resort alongside Bish for many years, Pearle has begun a new chapter in her life, recently releasing her first novel, “Cleo’s Oak.” Inspired by a dream Pearle had, it tells the story of a psychic midwife from the 1800s who speaks through a modern-day 16-year-old girl. Although Pearle thinks of herself more as a dreamer than a storyteller, she hopes “Cleo’s Oak” will give readers insight into their own direction in life. And, although all of the proceeds from her book go to a particular cause, Pearle won’t divulge the cause, yet another conviction (and secret) she’s keeping. But, at least with this one, she’s not making us do math.

Yozette ‘Yogi’ Collins Mom, television producer/writer, and obsessive internet researcher. Though her name suggests otherwise, she is not (yet) an actual yogi.

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The Healing Power of

Thankfulness Gratitude can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. — Melody Beattie, author of Co-dependent No More

Gratitude is an attitude that heals our bodies, our minds and our relationships. Those who cultivate gratitude: • are less prone to depression and anxiety. • have stronger immune systems. • have lower blood pressure. • sleep longer and feel more refreshed throughout the day. Bitterness is the opposite of gratitude. It traps us into seeing ourselves as a victim of our circumstances and the people who have treated us wrong. It triggers the release of heart and brain-damaging stress hormones. Bitterness destroys relationships too. It keeps us continually vexed by the unfairness of life. It makes us irritable and unpleasant to be around. Gratitude does not mean sugar-coating life or denying pain. It is an act of “reframing” our view of challenging circumstances and people. Instead of embittering ourselves with thoughts of resentment and retaliation, we enrich ourselves with gratitude for the lessons learned. We appreciate the personal qualities we’ve gained, such as wisdom, sensitivity and patience. Elie Wiesel is the author of “Night,” a memoir of the horrors he experienced during the Holocaust. Despite these dark experiences, he resisted becoming bitter. He reﬂects, “When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be deﬁned by his or her attitude toward gratitude.” Robert Emmons, the author of “Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier,” offers some ideas on how to cultivate thankfulness in our lives.

KEEP A GRATITUDE JOURNAL

Get a notebook or journal. Throughout the week take some time to write down events and people for which you are grateful; do this mindfully, savoring your thankful thoughts. This will help you develop the habit of paying attention to the good things in life. USE VISUAL REMINDERS

A picture of someone you love, or an event that gave you joy, can trigger gratitude. Emmons puts Post-It notes listing his blessings on his refrigerator, mirrors and the steering wheel of his car. Another strategy is to set a reminder on your computer or phone to signal you at random times during the day. Use the signal to pause and count your blessings. CHANGE YOUR SELF-TALK

Research has shown that we can change our mood by changing the tone of the things we say to ourselves. Listen to your inner conversations. When faced with a challenge that is causing a cascade of negative thoughts, stop, relax and reframe. Ask yourself, “What good lessons am I learning from this situation?” This will shift your thought process. It will turn you in the direction of gratitude for what is. It will clear your mind so you can focus on ﬁnding solutions for problems that need to be solved. HANG OUT WITH GRATEFUL PEOPLE

Bitterness is viral. Hanging out with bitter people makes you vulnerable to “catching” a negative attitude. Find someone who helps you stay focused on the good things in life, one who frames challenges positively. Spend time with them. Their attitude is catchy, too. bonnie church Certiﬁed Life and Wellness Coach Author/ columist, motivational speaker Certiﬁed Trainer for TLS Weight Loss Solution

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Photo by Yogi Collins

Nancy Bentley

Nancy Bentley From Surviving to Thriving When Nancy Bentley’s brother, Joe Barlow, died in 2009 following injuries sustained in the line of duty as an EMT, she and her three other siblings banded together in support for each other and their mother. Though the blow took them all by surprise, they found comfort and sustenance from each other and their faith in God. Their strength as a family turned out to be a blessing itself, since further blows were yet to come. A year and a half after Joe’s death, a tornado destroyed the home of their sister, Alice, in Johnson City,

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Tenn.; 13 months later, Nancy broke her neck in a car accident and nearly died. May 24, 2012, was a “run-of-the-mill” workday for Nancy at her job in Boone as a bank teller, she recalls. After work, however, she went home to change clothes and meet Eddie, her husband of 38 years, to attend a funeral in Mountain City. After the funeral, they offered Nancy’s brother, Roy, a ride home. They had nearly made it back to Boone when tragedy struck. Sixteen months later, Nancy still remembers nothing about the accident. Flown to the trauma center at Johnson

City Medical Center, she was treated for both a severely fractured arm, as well as a broken neck in which her three main vertebrae were broken. Spending a week in the hospital, she was allowed to leave — provided she wear a body brace stretching from her waist to the middle of her head continuously for four months. Because she wouldn’t be able to walk, talk or eat solid food, Nancy needed to be monitored by someone 24/7 for the entire time. Knowing Eddie needed to return to work to pay their mounting bills, Nancy’s

family again jumped in to help each other. Alice, who with her husband and son had finally settled I don’t into a new house know following the tornado, brought why I was Nancy into her spared and probably home. Everyone pitched in. Nancy’s never will mother helped un- know while til she broke her on this hip, yet another Earth. God challenge for this just wasn’t family to face, and finished sister-in-law Betty with my life. drove Nancy to every doctor’s appointment. “If my family hadn’t been able to take care of me, I would have been sent to a nursing home,” says Nancy, gratefully. Though the years since Joe’s death in 2009 have been difficult and filled with emotional and physical pain, the family still believes God has been, and is still present for them. They may not be able to understand why so many trials have come their way recently, but Nancy is reminded of a passage in the Bible that has always been her favorite: Ecclesiastes 3. “To everything there is a season…” “That has always been my favorite scripture because it had so much meaning,” Nancy says, with tears welling up in her eyes. “But, with what we have been through, it has more meaning. I know God has a reason for everything He does. I don’t know why I was spared and probably never will know while on this Earth. God just wasn’t finished with my life.” Then, seemingly thinking about that, Nancy added, “Life is fragile. Family is precious. God is good all the time.”

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Travel experts suggest learning to say “thank you” in the native language of wherever one will visit. I believe this to be excellent advice. Right off the top of my head, I can say “thank you” in four languages other than English – German, Spanish, French and Chinese. This does me no good, however, if I neglect to say the words. Far too often, we, myself included, get too caught up in the chaos of life to acknowledge compassion, consideration or assistance. As this is the season of giving thanks, I suggest that we take the time to express gratitude, which can go far to foster goodwill both abroad and here at home. I am reminded of two very different movies portraying acts of kindness that receive little to no thanks — “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” and “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.” Both are set in India, and both feature scenes that involve a painstakingly prepared meal that is offered to Western visitors as a sign of hospitality. In the ﬁrst, Indiana Jones chastises his female companion when she refuses to partake of the feast, insisting that she will offend by not tasting the food. In the second, Dame Maggie Smith’s character, Muriel, ﬁnds herself in an uncomfortable situation when invited into the home of her hotel’s maid for a meal. Another character explains that the maid wanted to repay Muriel’s kindness — for speaking to her, even if to criticize her work — when others barely acknowledged her presence. To which, in a moment of self-awareness, Muriel replies, “But I haven’t been kind.” I suggest that we can learn two valuable lessons from these movies — eat the food and be kind to others. When I say to eat the food, it is more about showing respect than the food itself. I haven’t always been willing to sample new foods with courtesy; it has taken time, effort and tasting many dishes, some of which were truly unfortunate, to reach this level of enlightenment. I can recall one particular incident from my childhood when I needed someone to reproach my poor manners. My family was invited to dinner at my Aunt Deborah and Uncle Darrell’s house. Deborah had spent hours preparing Eggplant Parmigiana. Unfortunately, and this is partly my mother’s fault for instill-

ing in me an irrational fear of eggplant, I greeted Deborah’s efforts with extreme displeasure. I threw a tantrum and didn’t try eggplant again until college — where I discovered the error of my ways. I am still horriﬁed by my behavior; the memory is powerful motivation to taste whatever is put in front of me with the proper show of appreciation. Being kind and helping others should be automatic, but this is not always the case. I don’t believe that we set out to be unkind, but as I mentioned above, we get busy and self-involved. And, we all have bad days that tend to affect our ability to act like sane, thoughtful people. The truth of the matter is that we should make a point to acknowledge kindness and as-

sistance, because we all need a little help from time to time. Roger and I needed just that returning from a trip on Thanksgiving Day, several years ago. Our flight arrived late in the evening; we discovered that the shuttle to our hotel was not running due to the holiday, and the expected taxis had gone home. Stranded in the Greensboro airport, tired and frustrated, we were rescued by a stranger. An airport employee, who was just finishing her shift, offered us a ride to our hotel. Astonished, Roger and I piled into her car along with our luggage. During the five-minute drive to the hotel, we must have thanked her half a dozen times. She refused our offer of gas money, and

our gratitude was all we had left to offer. A random act of kindness is even better. I beneﬁted from one this past week. It had been a challenging week, and I was feeling grumpy with a splash of surly. My day took a turn for the awesome when a colleague called to ask if I wanted a pumpkin chocolate-chip scone. Why did she offer the chocolaty deliciousness to me? No reason was offered, and I didn’t ask for one. I was too happy — and too busy thanking her in every language I could think of! heather brandon Considers life to be one big anthropological ﬁeld experience. She observes and reports. She enjoys travel, food and wine and adventures with her husband, Roger.

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Sarah Lynn Eggers Why I Want to be a Pharmacist

Sarah Lynn Eggers

Watauga County native Sarah Lynn Eggers is on her way to becoming a pharmacist at Campbell University. In late August, she was introduced at the College of Pharmacy White Coat Ceremony and had the privilege of being featured on the Campbell Pharmacy blog for an essay that she wrote, “Why I Want to be a Pharmacist.” Sarah Lynn has agreed to share her story with us: “Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be in the health care ﬁeld. I believed that most people who had a doctor’s visit, or

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

a stay in the hospital, came home feeling much better. My grandfather was a major part of my decision to enter the medical ﬁeld. My family, aside from my Papaw, thought I would become a teacher. When I “played doctor,” Papaw would let me poke and prod and dispense “play medicine.” He had the patience of Job. “A few years later, Papaw (Fred Eggers) became a very sick man. The prescribed medications helped prolong Papaw’s life, and in turn, inspired me to learn more about pharmaceuticals. I wanted to know how the medicine worked in the body and how it helped make a person feel better.

Papaw would always tell the nurses, “My princess is going to be a doctor, so tell her everything you are doing.” At that moment, I knew how proud Papaw was of my dream to become a doctor.” “In high school, I completed my internship with the pharmacy at Watauga Medical Center, working with the pharmacists and technicians. I “shadowed” in the IV room, with the general and chemotherapy IVs, learning the technique of how these were made. I learned how to load anesthesia trays for surgery and how to reﬁll medication machines for patients on hospital ﬂoors. I also was able to shadow

a pharmacist who specialized in oncology and learn what everyday pharmacy tasks were in the cancer center. This internship helped me decide that pharmacy was the ﬁeld of study I wanted to pursue. “After my internship, I began working at Boone Drugs, Inc. as a pharmacy sales associate, and later, as a certiﬁed pharmacy technician. I worked closely with patients and assisted the pharmacist in dispensing prescriptions. “Through these experiences, I realized that the pharmacist is truly among the most trusted health care profession. My passion and determination to reach my goal is strong, and the support from my Papaw’s vision for me continues as I begin my journey through pharmacy school.”

after graduation and work with an independent pharmacy, concentrating on the geriatric population,” she says. “I would like to work with senior citizens in their homes and, on a monthly basis, review their medication with them, making sure they understand why they are taking their medication and when they need to take their medication.” Sarah Lynn was around 9 years of age when the health of her “Papaw Fred” began to deteriorate. “He passed away when I was a freshman in high school,” she says. She became interested in medicine during her grandfather’s illness and was inMore about Sarah Lynn trigued during his “many Sarah Lynn Eggers plans to complete hospitalizations,” she recalls, “especially her education at Campbell University at with the intravenous fluids going into his Buies Creek in 2017. To date, she has combody.” pleted three years of undergraduate work “I decided to pursue it the spring 2009 at Campbell and started pharmacy school semester of my junior year in high school in August 2013. with encouragement (and recommendaShe will be graduating in May with tion) to do an internship with the phara bachelor’s degree in general sciences, macy at Watauga Medical Center from with a concentration in clinical research; my cousin, Regina Alford, who is also the she plans to complete her doctorate deschool’s health occupation teacher. My gree in pharmacy in May 2017, followed aunt, Treva Story, encouraged me, as well.” by her residency in community pharmacy, Sarah Lynn said she tried it “and fell in ambulatory care or geriatric pharmacy. love with pharmacy work,” staying three to Sarah Lynn is currently taking courses four hours each day in the pharmacy. in biochemistry, medical microbiology, “All the staff there was willing to help anatomy and physiology, drug informame learn and helped me to understand tion and Top 100 drugs, as well as introeverything I wanted to know,” she says. duction to pharmacy practice, pharmacy “In the summer of 2009, I started workcare skills lab, ing at Boone pharmacy in the Drug at DeerUnited States field and fell healthcare sysmore deeply in tem, and pharlove with indemaceutical calpendent retail culations. pharmacy. I’ve “I’m pledgnever looked ing Kappa Psi back since — Pharmaceutical it’s where my Fraternity, Inc., heart and pasand am also a sion lie.” Sarah and her Papaw Fred student ambasPrior to sador for the College of Pharmacy and graduating with the last class from “the Health Sciences and Undergraduate Adold Watauga High School,” she says, Sarah missions,” she says. Lynn was an active member and officer in She is still employed by Boone Drugs the HOSA club, volunteered with all the Inc. as a certified pharmacy technician. blood drives and was a regular blood do“I plan to come home to the mountains nor.

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She also participated in competitions in medical photography and placed at regional and state competition. Sarah Lynn says that God, family and friends are of utmost importance to her. She attends Theater Church of Dunn while at Campbell University. In December 2012, she participated in a church hosted mission trip to East St. Louis. “We helped with the Christian Activities Center there, working with children and also renovating the center,” she says. “I also volunteer with the Community Christmas Store at Campbell where families who can’t afford gifts for their children can come in and get those.” She loves outdoor activities and painting. She also participates in various community activities, including the Adopt-AHighway program. Sarah Lynn is the daughter of Scott and Teresa Eggers. Her brother is Jacob Eggers and her proud grandparents are the Rev. Melvin and Margaret Hodges and Flavel Eggers, all of Watauga County. “Papaw Fred” would be proud of his princess.

At that moment, I knew how proud Papaw was of my dream to become a doctor.

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sherrie norris Editor, All About Women

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Finding Strength Through the Storm

Photos by Sherrie Norris

Paige Greer and William Mast were high school sweethearts and planned to spend the rest of their lives together. The youngsters met at Bibleway Baptist Church in Boone where William, 13, attended with his mother and brother, and where Paige, 14, visited with a friend. Soon, the two talked on the phone every night and sometimes, all night long. Calling the Greer residence, William often got nervous, Paige says, and hung up if someone else answered. She will never forget May 27 that year, at 10:30 p.m., when he asked her to be his girlfriend. “We dated through high school and pretty much ﬁgured out who we were together,” she says. “With the exception of our jobs, we did everything side by side — ﬁshed, hunted and rode horses. He mowed lawns, and I went to work at a diner. We both had strong work ethics, even as teenagers, and knew that’s the kind of example we would one day instill in our kids.” Paige and William dated for seven years before they were married on Aug. 1, 2009, at Paige’s home church at Rutherwood Baptist. They “honeymooned” in Pigeon Forge and reContinued on page 28

Persevering Thr

Seeking A Deeper Meaning “If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted to the God who gives, and takes away?” Sarah Townsend says that’s one of life’s hardest questions for her right now. Sarah is a wife and mother of two children — one of whom made national headlines last year when she was killed by a tombstone that fell on her as she played in a church cemetery. Sarah is at a fragile place in time, she admits — still questioning and searching for the answers. “Can I still keep my hands lifted?” She’s pressing on, she says, believing that she will be able to that, again. It’s understandably hard. Few of us know the pain she continues to experience. “I keep pushing forward in my faith, thinking I will reach that point. I do feel that God took away everything,” she says. “I do have another daughter who is precious and who I love just the same — and a husband who is an incredible person — but sometimes it’s hard to think of those good things when I’ve lost so much.” Peyton Elizabeth Townsend was “a girlie girl,” her mother tells us. “She loved all the frilly, girlie things — makeup, ﬂowers, pink and purple,

Continued on page 29

hrough the Pain

Finding Strenth... continued from page 26

Remembering the love of her life William was “a wonderful romantic,” Paige says. Among her favorite memories was of the day she came home from work, one year after they were married, to ﬁnd her husband dressed in what she calls “my favorite things for him to wear” — his white tee shirt, boots and jeans. “He loved the outdoors, horses and everything country. He had a Clay Walker CD on and as I came in, he took me in his arms and we slow danced together. He also had supper already on the table.” William always told Paige that he loved her and that she was beautiful. “Next to God, he always put me ﬁrst,” she says.

The last photo taken of William and Paige together at the baby shower a few days before he died. Photo submitted

William always told Paige that he loved her and that she was beautiful. ‘Next to God, he always put me first,’ Paige says. turned to their little 1962 model mobile home to begin what they anticipated as a long life together. “We called it our love nest,” Paige says. “Some of our friends referred to it as our ‘tin can.’ We spent many special moments together in that quaint little place; I still miss it, sometimes.” Soon afterward, Paige’s parents offered the couple land on which to build a home of their own. “William picked out our spot,” she says. “We loved the view and knew it would be a great place to raise our family.” William entered Basic Law Enforcement Training in January 2009. “He had always wanted to be in law enforcement, and I supported him,” Paige says. “It was his passion. I couldn’t stand in the way of that.” At the same time, she admits, “It made me nervous.” Two years later, the happy couple was settled in their lovely home, expecting

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

their first child and preparing to celebrate their third wedding anniversary. Life was good. “We learned that we were pregnant on a Monday morning, Dec. 3, 2011, after our 5 a.m. daily trip to the gym,” Paige says. “I had taken the test and had laid it on the bathroom counter for him to see, and then, I got into the shower.” Paige will never forget the smile on William’s face when he jerked open the shower curtain. “We were only three weeks pregnant, and he started telling everyone.” William was “so excited about becoming a dad,” she says. “He made a list of things that he wanted them to do as a father with his son — hunting and camping — things like that.” William never lived to see his baby born. He was killed in the line of duty on July 26, “five days before our anniversary,” Paige reflects.

Faithful to believe “God was the most important thing in William’s life and his faith was very important to him,” says Paige. “Our relationship was based on our relationship with God. We tried to be at church as much as we could and agreed that’s how we would raise our family.” Although he had been raised in church and was “a good man,” Paige says, on July 1, three weeks before his death, William gave his life to the Lord. “That was a precious day,” she says. “He wouldn’t go to the front of the church without me, to shake hands, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. He thought he had been saved earlier, but he had never truly given everything to the Lord —until that day.” The couple had nightly Bible studies when William was not working and were reading Proverbs, Chapter 25 on their last night together. Referring to the hymn, “I Know My Name Is There,” Paige says, “He told the church that he really knew right then what that song meant. And that he could now be the Christian man he needed to be. He was truly changed.” Hunter’s due date, Aug. 23, was just a few weeks away and added to their excitement. “The nursery was ready, he had put Continued on page 30

Seeking... continued from page 27

Randall, Lilly Grace, Peyton and Sarah shared many happy times together. Photos submitted

tutus and jewelry. Anything like that you can think of, that was her.” Sarah remembers Peyton, too, as a cuddler — “especially with her daddy.” There was something, too, about her little pug nose, Sarah says. “She just warmed everyone’s heart. She was easy. She was a loveable little thing, so happy and she always loved to hug. She loved to draw pictures of princesses for other people.” Peyton was unselﬁsh, too, Sarah says. “She loved to share, and especially with Lilly Grace, her older sister who lacks just one week of being two years older. They were inseparable and best of friends. They truly loved being together.” Around the house, the Townsends were “divided” into teams. “It was Team Daddy (with Peyton, who saw herself as Daddy’s girl) and Team Mommy, with Lilly Grace. “Peyton called Mommy’s team ‘the crazy hairs’ because she said Lilly Grace and I had ‘crazy hair.’” Born Oct. 31, 2007, Peyton was 4 and her sister was 6 on a sunny summer evening —June 8, 2012 — when their mother dropped them off at a church for Vacation Bible School, a short distance from their home. “There were about 10 kids all together, and they went to the back of the church to play,” Sarah recalls. No sooner had Sarah returned home, she says, when someone pulled into the family’s driveway, just seven-tenths of a mile from the church, yell-

ing, “You have to come! Come quick! It’s awful!” Seeing what Sarah describes as a “1,200 pound unsecured stone” falling on her little sister, Lilly Grace ran helplessly to find an adult, and gave them her mother’s phone number, while all the other kids were screaming, “She’s dead!” “Lilly Grace still believes it’s her fault,” Sarah says. “We can’t take that from her, no matter how hard we try.” Sarah, a registered nurse, and her husband Randall, a state trooper, raced to the scene and immediately assisted with CPR on their little girl, whose life was already leaving her body. “It was the most awful thing I’ve ever seen,” Sarah says. “Not just because it was my child, but just because it was awful.” Medics arrived quickly, Sarah says, and flew Peyton to Johnson City Medical Center. “We pretty much knew from the beginning that she was already dead.” Sarah says that she will always consider those who tried to take care of Peyton as her heroes, specifically, Gary Harmon, Sam Paige

Continued on page 31

She just warmed everyone’s heart. She was easy. She was a loveable little thing, so happy and she always loved to hug. - Sarah Townsend

Finding Strenth... continued from page 28 the furniture together, and our bag for the hospital was packed,” Paige remembers. “We were ready to go.” William was “so comical” throughout her pregnancy, she says, and loved patting her stomach and saying, “He’s right there.” They knew they were having a son and had decided upon his name early on. On Sunday, July 22, William’s maternal relatives were hosting a baby shower. “He had worked the night before and was supposed to be sleeping, but he decided to come and see everybody.” The pictures taken of them together at the shower will forever be special, Paige says. They were their last.

Their final day together “That Wednesday morning, I didn’t feel like going to the gym,” Paige says. “When we woke up, we sat up and talked, like we did, a lot. I hadn’t craved much of anything through my pregnancy, but that morning, I was craving a Bo-berry biscuit. William went on to the gym and brought us breakfast from Bojangles; we sat at the table and ate breakfast together, which we rarely did on weekdays.” During a doctor’s appointment later that day, the couple heard Hunter’s heartbeat. “William was adamant that the baby was coming right then,” she says. Returning home, they began preparing William for his night shift at work. “He was all about eating right and doing the right thing, so he grilled his chicken and I boiled his eggs.” Paige ironed his uniform, he got ready, kissed her goodbye and he left — at 6:30 p.m. “He never liked for me to follow him out the door and watch him leave from the driveway, but I did it that day, standing on the porch with our dog, Diesel. He backed his car around, looked up at me and shook his head, grinning, like, ‘I told you not to watch me leave.’” The couple talked twice on the phone that night — once at 8:30 and again at 10:30. “We talked about 20 minutes,” she says. “The last thing he said to me was, ‘I gotta go, I’ll see you in the morning.’” Their last day together, Paige says, is now “a bittersweet memory.”

The Nightmare Begins

Paige has so much to tell Hunter about his daddy. Photo by Ramie Lossman, Love Lee Photography

At 3 a.m. Paige was awakened by the doorbell. “I didn’t recognize the sound. It startled me,” she says. “A little scared,” she picked up the phone to call William. “He didn’t answer, so I called his partner, Preston (Russell.) He didn’t answer either, so I called his lieutenant. Still, no answer.” Continued on page 32

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Seeking... continued from page 29 and Aaron Billings. And, she will never forget the trip to Johnson City Medical Center. “We were escorted all the way by Watauga County deputies, Preston Russell and Carolyn Gragg, (and they) had a trooper in front of them,” Sarah recalls. “At every intersection, traffic was stopped by some form of law enforcement, out of respect for us. We know that doesn’t ‘just happen,’ and it was great support for us — especially for my husband to see that his fellow officers cared about us.” Upon arrival at the medical center, the Townsends were met by a ﬂight nurse, Doug Helms, with whom they were acquainted; he led them through a rear entrance. “We had been hoping and praying that she might’ve made it, but as soon as I saw his face, I knew,” Sarah says. “They did everything they could; their efforts were continuous from the time they arrived at the church, but it wasn’t enough.” The Townsends were quickly surrounded by “a lot of people” at the hospital. “We don’t know how so many people found out so soon,” Sarah says. “There were 30 people or more in the room when our pastors were praying for us.” The evening stretched on as “state line restrictions” delayed the hospital from releasing Peyton’s body, Sarah says. “They wouldn’t unhook her until they conﬁrmed that it was an accident that caused her death — and not something we had done.” Sarah says they will be forever grateful to Carolyn Gragg, Captain Dee Dee Rominger, and Sheriff L.D. Hagaman of the Watauga County Sheriff ’s Office for helping expedite the process. “Thankfully, it helped that we were part of the law enforcement family,” she says. Peyton’s parents made a quick decision to donate her organs, but because of extended resuscitative measures, only her eyes and her pericardium were harvested. “But, even then, her little eyes helped 12 people to see,” says Sarah. “And her pericardium – the sack around her heart, was used to help create a bladder for people who have cancer, etc.”

I love looking at pictures of her — even if it’s the same ones, over and over. She brings peace to my heart. It makes me proud that I am her mother. - Sarah Townsend

Continued on page 33

Peyton saw herself as daddy’s little girl. Photo submitted NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Finding Strenth... continued from page 30 Peeking out their bathroom window, Paige saw the car of WilPaige was overwhelmed by the community support following liam’s captain, Kelly Redmond. his death and how the law enforcement family came out for one of “I immediately knew why they were there,” she says. “I saw his their brothers — “and from all over the United States.” best friend, Aaron Billings. William had always told me if anything She describes it as “almost like an out-of-body experience — ever happened to him that Aaron would be the one to come get like I was watching and thinking this is a horrible dream and not me.” my life.” She remembers screaming Aaron’s name as he came running up the porch, hugged her and told her that William had been shot. Kelly and Sheriff Len Hagaman followed him up the stairs. “I asked Kelly if William was OK. He just shook his head ‘No.’” William Hunter Mast was born 17 days following his father’s Despite the shock and hysteria that followed, Paige remembers death. The day before his birth, Paige followed through with her nearly ever thing that happened and everyone who came to her promise to be in Emily’s wedding. “She had been so good to me — I side and helped her through what she calls her “worst nightmare.” couldn’t let her down. I spent the day with her, got through the wedPaige remembers getting dressed — getting sick —and going ding, and I then, I crashed.” to the hospital, accompanied by officers, closest Mid-morning the next day, Paige’s water broke; friends and her parents. she stayed calm as her mother drove her to the hos“I heard them say that they were going to tell pital. William’s mother, and his dad,” Paige recalls. “I knew “People were praying for me,” she says. “And, that his mother was alone and that his brother was at God answered by giving me a quick labor and a the beach. Somehow, God put it in my head to have healthy baby at 6:49 p.m., Sunday, Aug. 12.” them call her pastor to be there when they told her.” Maternal love, she says, was instant and overAt the hospital, Paige learned William would whelming. never be back. “He had been shot in the face, but the “Once they placed him on my chest, I’ve never doctors said he didn’t suffer,” she says. wanted to let him go.” As details unfolded, Paige became concerned Calling it “a precious time,” William’s absence for Preston, William’s partner and close friend, who was felt, “for sure,” she said. “I had always envisioned had been with him and was also anticipating the up- William Mast will never be forgotten. him being there to hold him and be there by my side. coming birth of his second child. And, for William’s mother, who He would’ve been so proud and such a good daddy.” Her mother Paige says had been brought in, hysterical and heartbroken, “as and sister were with her “the whole time,” she says, as were other any mother would be.” family members, and many of the officers and their wives were in Thirty-six weeks pregnant and now a widow, Paige was beyond the waiting room. distraught. Fearing for her safety, as well as Hunter’s, her doctors, “My doctor (Gilmer) was very protective of me and sat with me Andrews and Womack, with whom she also works as a medical as- the entire time during labor — and she wasn’t even on call.” sistant at Harmony Center for Women, were at her side immediTwo days later, Paige came home, sat down and cried as memoately, as was her best friend, Emily Rhyne Greer, two weeks from ries — and reality — hit hard. Despite constant love and support getting married. from family and friends, “It was hard to come home without Wil“Emily stayed with me the entire weekend, the rest of that week liam,” she says. and, like my family, was by my side the whole time.” In retrospect, Paige says, “It was God — I couldn’t have gotten through any of it without him.” Calling herself “a very strong-willed woman,” Paige says, “I was Paige’s parents stayed with her until Thanksgiving, during bound and determined to walk behind my husband during the lengthy processional from the parking lot to the church entrance which time she had returned to work. “They didn’t want to leave on the day of his funeral. They let me walk part of the way, remind- me, but I told them it was time — I had to do this on my own,” she ing me that I had to consider Hunter’s wellbeing — and the fact that says. The ﬁrst night, she heard sirens and looked out the window as the church parking lot was not where I needed to have my baby.” She was “pretty uncomfortable,” she says, and was experiencing William’s patrol car, which had been reassigned, passed by. “It was God telling me that everything was going to be OK. It Braxton Hix contractions “the whole time.” Remembering “everything — almost every second,” Paige says brought me a lot of peace,” she says.

Reality strikes

Moving Forward

she was honored that her husband was remembered for the man that he was — and for what he believed in.

Continued on page 34

It was God — I couldn’t have gotten through any of it without him. - Paige Mast 32

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Seeking... continued from page 31 There was “so much shock,” Sarah remembers. “Initially, it was so emotional and scary — and I couldn’t block the awful things I’d seen.” The harsh reality began to sink in on the return ride home, Sarah says. “It was so wrong that I was leaving my child there — That’s not something a mother is supposed to do.” Sarah still dreams about it, she says — “a lot.” “Leaving my cold, lifeless baby behind and not being able to hold her — It just wasn’t right. It didn’t seem real.” “Shock and numbness” is what she recalls most about the days that followed. “I don’t remember much of what happened next,” she says. “We’ve been told by our pastor and a counselor that Randall and I both said, multiple times, that we wanted her funeral to reﬂect one central idea — that it was “well” — just like the old hymn we wanted sung at the service. It was well with us and it was well with Peyton. It had to be. We had no choice. We were angry and hurt and we didn’t get it — nothing made sense. But, is it well, really? “I’ve struggled to answer that for myself,” Sarah says. “Is it well with her sister? With her dad? With her? I don’t know if it is.” The struggles are unending. “I can’t make it better, no matter what I do,” she says. “As a parent, you tell your kids you are going to protect them and keep them safe. You don’t tell them you can’t do it.” Drawing from her inner strength, Sarah says she has to keep pressing on to follow in the faith that she has. “At the same time, I want people to know it’s OK to be peeved at God. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have faith in God, but I believe it’s OK that I’m hurt and angry at Him for taking my baby.”

Searching for Peace Sarah’s concern for Lilly Grace is deep. “She still blames herself, even though she doesn’t say it as often as she did. And, she is seeing a wonderful therapist to get through it,” Sarah says. It has become very apparent that Lilly Grace does not want to be an only child. “She doesn’t like to do things by herself; she wants someone to be with her constantly, as a distraction, we think,” Sarah says. “It’s not only at playtime, but at bedtime, too.” The girls not only shared a room together, but they did everything together and were never divided about anything. Lilly Grace chose to keep a few special things of Peyton’s — especially stuffed animals that they both loved. Most other items were passed on to nieces. “It’s OK when we see those things,” she says. “One niece looks exactly like Peyton, and when we see her with Peyton’s clothes on, or something like that, it’s not painful, but more like we’re seeing a little glimpse of our Peyton.” But, about Peyton’s shoes: “I couldn’t let them go; she loved her shoes.” Those, along with a box of special reminders, have been put away for safekeeping. Lilly Grace is in second grade; the beginning of the school year has been hard for her, her mother says. “She has reminded us that she was supposed to walk Peyton to kindergarten this year.” But, she has just started the swim team, a good outlet, Sarah says. “It’s something that will help her get rid of stress and do something independently — something that she never had before.” As for Sarah and Randall as a couple, “We both grieve in differ-

ent ways,” she says. “On our way to the hospital that day, in our tears, we agreed that we would get through this together. We reminded each other of our vows, that it was for better or worse. It’s far worse than either of us imagined, but we just keep working at it, as any other couple would do. We have a strong marriage, and our love for each other is very deep. We just keep reminding each other of the promises that we have made. It’s an ongoing thing.” Through it all, Sarah says, her family has been extremely blessed by the huge outpouring of community support. “We can’t say enough about it. We are thankful to live in a place like this and to be loved on by so many wonderful people — our families and friends, our church family at First Baptist Church Blowing Rock, our work families and even the surrounding communities and people Peyton, right, and her big sister Lilly Grace we don’t even know. shared a very special bond. Photo submitted When you feel like you can’t breathe, you’re just barely surviving, and don’t know if you can go on another day, there is always someone there to give you a hug, show up and clean the house, bring meals — things you don’t realize you can’t do, things that were once natural that just aren’t, anymore.” The support is still “very much there,” she says. “It hasn’t stopped.” Working at Blue Ridge Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine has been extremely helpful for her, Sarah says. “Being around other parents has been so good for me — who else knows what one mother is feeling except another mother?” Hopefully, she says, “They will never have to know exactly what I’m feeling, but I’m called to be there with them. It’s my passion.”

Gradual Healing Sarah says there are many mornings when she just wants to pull the covers over her head. “But, it’s not going to help me to wallow in the bed — I have to keep going. I have to make myself keep pushing forward, especially for Lilly Grace. Without her, I wouldn’t have as much motivation, but just because I lost one child, doesn’t mean that the other one has to pay the price.” The Townsend family is working hard together to have new dreams and make new memories while moving forward together. Finding it “too hard” to stay in their former home, they purchased property and are in the process of building a new home. “We were

Continued on page 35 NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Finding Strenth... continued from page 32 During their ﬁrst weekend alone, Paige and Hunter established their routine and settled in “pretty well.”

Honoring William

Paige has “many bad days,” she says. “Not a day goes by that I don’t hurt or miss my husband. Every day is a different struggle — a roller coaster. It can start out good and end horribly.” She has found solace at Perkinsville Baptist Church — “a place where I could grow and make new memories,” she says. “My faith in the Lord is all that gets us through each day. He gives us the support we need and puts all the right people in place when we need them.”

Soon, Paige began to travel with family members, friends and William’s comrades to memorial services for fallen officers. The first, in Oklahoma, was sponsored by the National Crime Enforcement Association, of which William belonged —“ a nice ceremony,” she says, that honored six officers from across the country. Next, was the statewide memorial in Fayetteville; Police Week in Washington, D.C. soon followed, which she says was “a wonIt’s not easy, she admits. “I’m just trying derful event, which I will continue to partici- ‘Hunter Mast is definitely his daddy’s child,’ says Paige. Photo by Ramie Lossman, Love Lee Photography to make life about taking care of our son and pate in every year.” spending every minute that I can with him William was remembered there as one of 120 officers killed in and making the best life possible for him. I feel like that’s what his the United States last year. daddy would want.” “Seeing your loved one’s name for the first time on that memoPaige has begun to find her strength. “I’m completely different rial wall is very emotional,” Paige says, as was the bike brigade in in that I had to learn to be self–sufficient,” she says. “I’ve had to which thousands of cyclists, including police officers from various learn to stand up for myself, too. I have to look out for the life Wilagencies, rode in honor of the fallen officers. “We had eight groups liam and I planned for our son.” riding for William. It was a great tribute, and we were there to welAnd if it weren’t for Hunter, she says, “I couldn’t get out of bed come them in.” every morning. There’s a little boy who needs me, and I have to be The most compelling event of the week, she says, was Monday’s strong for him.” Hunter is “definitely his daddy’s child,” she says candlelight vigil “at the wall,” where they read off the names of the —“strong-willed, but so sweet.” deceased officers being honored. Paige commends William’s mother, Angie Wall, for being very “I was overcome with an unbelievable feeling as I turned involved and a wonderful mother-in-law and grandmother. “I’ve around and saw people for miles out, holding candles of support been with his family for 11 and a half years, and I'm fortunate that and honor for my husband and the other officers. William would’ve they still want me to be a part of their family.” loved all the attention.” An important aspect of these events, Paige says, is the opportunity to meet other families who are there for the same reason. “I was able to meet other wives who were left behind, William’s mother “This is a horrible thing that has happened,” Paige says, “but it was able to meet other mothers, and his brother, other siblings.” Paige especially enjoyed making friends with another young happens around the world every day; 77 officers have been killed Christian widow from Kansas whose husband was killed in 2009, already this year and they all left innocent families behind.” She believes that something good will come out of it, and that leaving her also with an infant. “I met her in Oklahoma and saw her again in D.C.,” Paige says. just because you’re a Christian doesn’t mean you can’t grieve. “You “She is close to my age, and we share a lot of common ground — can have the strength of God to get through every day, but that they were also high school sweethearts whose faith was important doesn’t mean you can’t cry,” she says. “Plus, God is not going to punish me for being upset that I'm left here without my husband to them, as well.” and my best friend. My life revolved around being a wife. We did everything together, unless we were at work. God called us as Christian women to be there for our husbands, and that’s what I'm still doing.” The support that Paige and her family have received has been The “shock” began to wear off in March, she said — “When I unbelievable, she says, through countless acts of kindness, fundstarted to process that I was a 26-year-old single widowed mother. raisers and other special efforts. The void was as strong as it ever was, but I had to face reality that “The Sheriff ’s Office has really taken care of us and continues William was never coming back. He will always be in my heart — to watch over us,” she says. “They built a porch that William and and he will live on in our son.” Aaron were going to do together, so that Hunter would have room There’s so much she can’t wait to tell Hunter about his daddy. to ride around and I could sit out there and enjoy what William and I had together.”

It’s what “Daddy” would want

Turning the bad to good

Feeling the love of others

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Seeking... continued from page 33 ready for a change, earlier,” Sarah says, “but this gave us more incentive.” Passing by the church cemetery where Peyton’s life was lost was hard, Sarah admits. “Some days, I just cried as I passed; other days, I was so angry, and there were days that I just looked the other way. Every day was different — it just depended on who I was angry at at the time.” On the other hand, she says, the cemetery has brought her “a bittersweet peace.” “It’s where Peyton left — it’s the last place where she was having fun and laughing.” It was helpful, in a way, Sarah reflects, for her, Randall and Lilly Grace — with Peyton’s dog — to walk there together before they moved. “We picked random wildflowers along the way and put them on the stone where it happened,” Sarah says. “Peyton just loved wildflowers, even weeds. She saw beauty in everything. The three of us would just sit there together and talk, as a family.” Peyton was laid to rest in a cemetery in Foscoe, but that’s somewhere Sarah can’t go. “It’s too much for me right now,” she says. The pain of losing Peyton is still very real. “The worst comes from the constant visuals, the nightmares of what I saw that evening — and what I know she must have felt or went through. And, I hurt for Lilly Grace, too, and for what she had to see. I can’t imagine that for a little girl.” But, there is joy in the memories, too. “I love looking at pictures of her — even if it’s the same ones, over and over. She brings peace to my heart. It makes me proud that I am her mother.” And, sometimes, there’s a memory that makes the family laugh. “Peyton loved bananas, and she ate two every day,” Sarah says. “For the longest time, I kept buying bananas, and they kept going bad. I couldn’t figure it out. It finally dawned There is pain, but Sarah is also able to find joy in her on us — the bananas memories of Peyton. Photos submitted were for Peyton and she wasn’t there to eat them, anymore.” More than anything, Sarah says about her memories, “I can feel the beauty in what it is, and what I had. Sometimes it does make me sad, but sometimes, it warms my heart.” Sarah would like for parents to understand that although the constant calling out for “Mommy, mommy,” can get annoying and frustrating, it’s too late to respond to them when they are no longer

Sometimes there’s a funny memory that makes Peyton’s family laugh.

there. “I know it’s so cliché,” she says, “But, it’s those little things that we can’t take for granted. I’d love to hear Peyton call out for me, just one more time. I’d love one more hug.” Peyton had “an effect” on a lot of people, Sarah says. “It wasn’t because she died, but because people could look back and see how a 4-year-old embraced life — the simple, happy things that made life worthwhile.” Sarah admits that her faith “feels weak,” right now. “I just don’t know if I have the faith of the mustard seed, as the Bible talks about. I’m not sure I have enough faith to move my foot forward, forget moving the mountain, but God knows what’s in me. She refers to a quote she ﬁrst heard during a high school conference — “Doubt seeks a deeper meaning.” “It doesn’t make me a bad person; I’m just seeking a new level of faith that I’ve never had before,” Sarah says. “Someday, hopefully, I’ll be able to let this make a difference. It would be important to Peyton that her death was not in vain.” sherrie norris Editor, All About Women

I can feel the beauty in what it is, and what I had. Sometimes it does make me sad, but sometimes, it warms my heart. - Sarah Townsend NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Lives Divided Heartwarming and empowering — when it comes to literature, those words do not often occur in such close conjunction. Yet, Birgitta Gottlieb McGalliard’s “Lives Divided” deserves them both. Birgitta’s autobiographical account of her childhood in the aftermath of World War II showcases family love and feminine endurance in the face of longstanding political injustice. In “Lives Divided,” McGalliard shares her family’s experiences leading up to and following her father’s capture at the hands of Soviet forces. Her story, while distinct in its particulars, reflects the upheaval of an entire generation by the German and Soviet regimes. The young Birgitta offers a unique historical perspective: although she is too young to remember the war, her childhood is nonetheless shaped by it. In 1944, just after the birth of the author, her father, Roland Gottlieb, was serving as a German diplomat in Bulgaria when the country declared war on Germany. Members of the German Legation sought to flee across the Turkish border, but Soviets captured them en route. Roland Gottlieb’s wife and three daughters, including the newborn Birgitta, would not hear from him for six years. The memoir opens as 7-year-old Birgitta begins school in her mother’s home country of Sweden. Prompted her first day to describe her family to the class, her misuse of a Swedish word confuses fellow students, who believe her father is a common criminal rather than a prisoner of war. Her

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

classmates’ questions leave Birgitta reeling with dozens of her own. For the first time, it occurs to her that her family is “anything but ordinary.” That claim, repeated throughout the story, is justified. Yet, one of the strengths of Birgitta’s writing is her ability to juxtapose the routine of daily life with the distinctiveness of her situation. She tackles the topics of loss, war and injustice with a straightforward tone that pays credit to both her childhood curiosity and adult understanding. Over the years, her family’s spirits will be buffeted by false leads and deferred hopes as they learn secondhand of the hardships their father suffers in a labor camp in Siberia. But at the same time, Birgitta and her sisters face the ordinary joys and trials of childhood: report cards, sibling squabbles, family vacations. Following the initial misunderstanding with her classmates, Roland Gottlieb’s youngest child makes it her mission to unearth her parents’ story in its entirety. Her questions spark a tale that will be many nights — and missed bedtimes — in the telling. Each time her mother mentions a new city significant to the family, she pushes another pin into their map on the wall. Mother and daughters band together, finding hope in past pleasures and faith in misfortunes yet averted. As a reader, one has the sense of uncovering the story alongside its author, digging through the archives of memory and paper. Birgitta refers often to pick-

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ing the brains of sisters Ingrid and Karin to ﬂesh out her personal recollections. Excerpts from letters, journals and newspaper clippings further enrich the narrative, along with the black and white photographs that accompany each chapter. Birgitta set out to write “Lives Divided” as a tribute to her father after his death. Poring over her parents’ carbon copied notes and letters from that most difficult period of their lives, she desired to show her father’s strength of spirit while held captive in a Moscow prison and Siberian labor camp. Certainly, the book succeeds on that front. But it is no less the story of four women’s ﬁght to make do, left without husband, father or provider for more than a decade.

It is this sense of one family’s pushing through the day-to-day, of clinging to normalcy, that makes Birgitta’s memoir both relatable and inspiring, regardless of the era. “Lives Divided” is a tribute to faith, fortitude and good old-fashioned persistence, a testament to the love among family in spite of overwhelming odds.

e When A Trusted Nam Helping Hand. You Need That

Ariel Parsons A graduate of Appalachian State, a quintessential English major and selfproclaimed word junkie.

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About the Author Born in Austria during the Second World War, Birgitta Gottlieb McGalliard has since lived in Sweden, Germany, Canada and various cities throughout the United States. She settled, at last, in Boone with her husband, Bill, in 1980. A retired foreign language teacher, she has taught German and French at the high school and university levels and English and French at the middle school level. She also helped to develop the state foreign language program and has presented at multiple foreign language conventions. Birgitta, a member of the High Country Writers, has been asked to share her story at churches, women’s literary and community clubs, colleges and public schools. She self-published “Lives Divided,” her ﬁrst book, earlier this year. To learn more, visit her website at www.livesdivided.com.

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highcountrycourtesies

Cultivating

Attitudes Gratitude of

The holiday season typically brings an increase in opportunities for celebrations, gatherings, occasions to exchange tokens of affection with loved ones and a perfect time to reflect upon the past year. The flurry of holiday-related activities can fill already full lives to overflowing. By the end of the year, extra efforts to decorate, shop, bake, make and wrap gifts, attend holiday services and events, prepare for houseguests, entertain and travel 38

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

can result in exhaustion. Why do it, year after year? For the joy of making special memories with loved ones creating and celebrating traditions. Isn’t all the exertion worth it when friends and loved ones express their appreciation of our efforts on their behalf? Simple expressions of gratitude can be powerful medicine, revitalizing postholiday exhaustion and brightening the days of those who have expended effort for others. Our efforts to express gratitude

also communicate to our host/benefactors that we are considerate and grateful persons. Cultivating a habit of expressing our appreciation and gratitude requires disciplined focus. However, the goodwill generated by thank you notes cannot be underestimated. Showing gratitude strengthens relationships; acknowledging kindness or generosity fuels a two-way street of esteem and respect. Although the practice of writing thank

you notes may seem to have fallen by the wayside in our technology-driven society, expressing gratefulness is always in style. While a handwritten note is still the preferred, more personal standard for a thank you note, technology continues to open avenues for conveying appreciation. For example, when responding to a colleague who corresponds primarily through email, sending an email message that affirms your gratefulness is an acceptable mode of a thank you note. Although less formal than a handwritten note, email communication is fast and affordable. Phone calls and texting are even less formal, instant forms of communication that can be utilized to communicate gratitude among casual friends and family. Ideally, when expressing thanks for a substantial act of kindness or gift, a handwritten note should follow any initial call and/ or text recognitions. A printed note is accepted as more professional for a business thank you, or following a job interview. Indeed, a wellexpressed, neat thank you note can be a tool to differentiate oneself from other candidates. A thank you note can reiterate your appreciation for being considered for the position, remind them of the value you bring to the company and provide a second opportunity to mention anything you did not mention earlier. Thank you notes can be held, re-read and displayed as enduring reminders of connection and appreciation. Writing a thank you note should not be regarded as a chore, but as an opportunity to help someone else feel recognized and valued for his or her thoughtfulness on your behalf. Such communications need not be lengthy, just genuine.

Consider these five steps to assist you in your thank you note writing:

1. Greeting Using an ink pen on a fresh sheet of paper or note card, greet your benefactor.

generosity,” mentioning how you plan to spend the gift or apply it toward savings for a speciﬁc purpose.

3. Appropriateness Share what you enjoy about the gift or their kindness. Explain where or when you might use it. Even if the gift/meal/visit was not a favorite, ﬁnd something positive to mention, thanking them for their thoughtfulness and efforts extended to you.

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4. Connection Make a personal connection by commenting on their lives/activities/hobbies, and share brieﬂy any news from your life.

5. Closing Thank them again and send your best regards/love. Sign your name. Optimally, thank you notes should be sent within a week of the receipt of a gift, job interview, visit or act of kindness. Expectations are more lenient following new babies, illnesses or deaths, but should be timely. Guidelines for wedding gift acknowledgements can range up to three months (six months, at the longest). However, if you have procrastinated sending a thank you, know that late recognition is still preferable to no acknowledgement. As we move toward the end of the year — wrapping up projects and reﬂecting on what is important as we move forward — consideration of our own positive feelings when we are shown appreciation by others should motivate us to cultivate habits of responding in kind. A courteous communication of gratitude is not only the proper and polite thing to do, but it also builds our character and strengthens relationships as we honor others for their contributions to our lives. During this holiday season may all of your efforts for others be received with gratitude, and may you intentionally afﬁrm, encourage and cheer others with your words of appreciation.

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2. Gratitude Express your gratefulness, specifically naming the gift or act of kindness. For monetary gifts, rather than mention a specific dollar amount, it is more appropriate to express thanks for their “financial

Sharon Carlton Sharon Carlton, High Country Courtesies ©2013 As founder of High Country Courtesies, Sharon Carlton writes and speaks on modern etiquette and life skill topics. She is Director of High Country Cotillion, a social education program for youth and conducts High Country Courtesies customer service workshops. Contact her at sharoncarlton@charter.net.

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Keeping the Tradition Alive

November kicks off a busy time of celebration, and the fourth Thursday of the month is a special time for many of us when we gather with family and friends to give thanks for our many blessings. We hope this Thanksgiving Day will be a special one for you, and that these recipes will help make your gathering more enjoyable.

Simple Cranberry Relish 2 large cans whole berry cranberry sauce 1 small can mandarin oranges, drained 1 small can pineapple, crushed or chunks, drained Broken walnuts Mix together in a bowl; cover and refrigerate before serving.

Roasted Turkey in The Bag Turkey, 12-16 lbs. 1 cup butter or margarine, or more, if needed Flour ¼ tsp. salt ¼ tsp. pepper 2 onions 4-5 stalks of celery 2 cloves of garlic, crushed Turkey Roasting Bag Remove giblets and neck from turkey; wash and set aside. Wash turkey thoroughly inside and out; pat dry with paper towels. Preheat oven to 325F. Mix about ½ cup butter with onion and celery; stuff into turkey cavity. Place more butter and garlic under the skin of turkey. Bend turkey wing tips under body, or fasten to body with poultry pins. Brush with more butter; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Place turkey in roasting bag and tie, making a few small slits in top of bag to allow steam to escape. Place in a shallow roasting pan and bake about 4 hours, or until meat thermometer registers 185F. Remove from oven and take out of bag; place on serving tray. Take the remaining juice in bag and roasting pan; heat and mix in a saucepan with a little ﬂour until thick gravy forms. (Directions accompanying roasting bag are similar and very easy.) Continued on page 42

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Old Fashioned Stuffing 12 cups plain dry stuffing, day-old bread or cornbread, or mixture of all 3 cups chopped onion 2½ cups chopped celery ½ cup butter or margarine 1 tsp. salt 1½ tsp. poultry seasoning ¼ cup chopped parsley Sauté onion and celery in butter or margarine just until tender. Add to bread along with salt, poultry seasoning and parsley. Toss lightly until well mixed. (Add a little hot broth or water to moisten, if desired.)Place needed amount into turkey cavity, if desired, and bake remaining in buttered baking dish or pan, covered, at 325 degrees for 30 minutes. Uncover; bake 10 minutes longer. Drizzle with juices from turkey-roasting pan for additional ﬂavor and moistness.

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Holiday Mashed Potato Casserole 5 lbs. potatoes 1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese,softened 1 cup milk or half and half 3/4 cup butter 1 tsp. onion salt 1 tsp. seasoned salt 1 tsp. salt ¼ tsp. pepper Paprika, optional Peel potatoes; cook until tender and drain. Mash and beat with softened cream cheese; add milk and blend well. Add 1/2 cup butter and seasonings. Place in a 2-quart casserole; brush top with remaining butter and sprinkle with paprika if desired. Bake in oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Can be made ahead and refrigerated, then baked for 45 minutes.

Southern Sweet Potato Pie (Best using fresh sweet potatoes)

Pastry for 9-inch single crust pie 1/3 cup butter ¾ cup sugar 2 eggs, beaten 2 cups mashed sweet potatoes ¾ cup light evaporated milk 1 tsp. vanilla extract ½ tsp. ground cinnamon ¼ tsp. salt Preheat oven to 375. In large mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar together. Stir in eggs. Add sweet potatoes and mix well; stir in milk, vanilla, cinnamon and salt, making sure all ingredients are thoroughly combined. Spoon into pie shell and bake for 40 minutes, watching closely the last few minutes to prevent crust from burning.

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

homedÉcorandmore

decorating for the big day The Thanksgiving season is upon us, and it’s time to start thinking about who’s coming for dinner, who’s sleeping where and what’s on the menu. Now is the perfect time to start your “welcome” décor — making sure your friends and family will feel wanted and appreciated as they arrive at your home. A real eye-catcher is an exterior wreath that exudes a greeting of warmth and invitation. It might easily serve as your home’s ﬁrst “signature welcome” extended to your guests — before they even see you.

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

When preparing to make your wreath, consider the outside colors of your home, and then add complimentary ribbon, picks or whatever you ﬁnd to make it your own style according to the time of year you will be displaying it. I have one wreath that I use for every season and dress it up — or down — according to my chosen theme. During this glorious fall season, it gets autumn leaves, pine picks, berries and bright sunﬂowers. I also have a wonderful sign that expresses not only a “welcome” but also a “blessing”

to all who enter. As your family arrives, they can step from your decorative entrance into what you have waiting on the other side. What about your dining room and its table? It’s the perfect place to begin. Don’t just stop with the place settings, especially during this special time of Thanksgiving with family. Why not bring out the happy, personal memories from the past by displaying pictures of special gatherings from previous year in colorful frames and placing them on the table for all to see?

You will be surprised by the conversations that follow while your gang is waiting for those delicious yeast rolls to come out of the oven.

‘

It’s Thanksgiving, and once again I have my nest filled with the ones I love.

’

While planning to decorate your table, scout the yard and bring in natural elements, such as twigs and sticks, along with greenery from your shrubs. As I do, you may choose to place a small pumpkin in each plate with decorative paper leaves scattered about that can be removed before the meal is served. Right now is the time to get started, so when the chairs are ready to be pulled out for seating, and the oven has been turned off, you feast your eyes ﬁrst, on this beautiful table, and then breathe in the aroma of a job well done. Hopefully, you will be about to sit back, smile to yourself, and say with a sigh, “It’s Thanksgiving, and once again I have my nest ﬁlled with the ones I love.” If you are like the rest of us, most likely, you will have that one relative at your table that gives the “eye roll,” but then, again, we all have at least one of those. Allow your attention to quickly fall back to the “big picture,” as you look around your table, count your blessings and say a blessing. Chances are, those who have entered your home will count you as one of their greatest blessings. It’s Thanksgiving and we give thanks.

Weekly HOIDAY GIVEAWAYS and giﬅs with purchase From DOCTORS to DANCERS, CHEFWEAR to SHOES we’ve got you covered! Located at 1180 Blowing Rock Road ~ Boone, NC ~ in the Boone Mall

Linda Killian Cabin Design Interior Decorating Killiancabin@aol.com

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Lights of Hope, including several from the High Country, send a powerful message in front of the U.S. Capitol in Washington.

Lighting the Way Melanie Hollar Lobbies in D.C. for Cancer Legislation

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

Melanie Hollar, a longtime advocate for cancer patients, was among 600-plus volunteers from across the country converging upon Washington, D.C., in September to train and lobby through the American Cancer Society’s Cancer Action Network during Leadership Summit and Lobby Day. “It’s a movement that unites and empowers cancer patients, survivors, caregivers and their families by giving them the training and tools needed to make their voices heard in the halls of government,” she says. Melanie and her constituents met with their congressional representatives with a request to make cancer a national priority. Not only were they heard, but the volunteers also provided visual reminders of those touched by cancer through 14,000plus luminary bags — Lights of Hope that were sold back home — and lining the U.S. Capitol reﬂecting pool on the evening of Sept. 10. It was a silent, but very powerful statement, Melanie says, that proved they and their hometowns are serious about ﬁghting cancer. Her role in advocacy has evolved tre-

mendously through the years since caring for her late husband, Greg Edmisten, who lost his battle with colon cancer. She has been involved on many levels, ﬁrst as captain for her family’s Relay for Life team and most recently through an appointment to serve as the Fifth Congressional District’s ACT! LEAD Volunteer — an ambassador, a trained volunteer and voice for ACS CAN who recruits and organizes other volunteers in district. “Each registered voter is a voice, and one voice can make a difference. It is my duty to lead my team into action,” she says, “and to make sure their cancer-related stories are heard, by elected officials — whether as a survivor, caregiver, family member, friend or co-worker of someone who has had cancer.” Speaking up reminds lawmakers that cancer matters to their constituents, she adds. “Whether it’s funding life-saving research or ensuring coverage of lifesaving screening tests and treatments, government plays a critical role in defeating cancer.” Having become an Oncology Certiﬁed Nurse following Greg’s death, Melanie is passionate about advocacy and works as a

professional and as a volunteer to heighten awareness. In the coming months, she plans to attend community events and set up displays to encourage voters to sign up for membership in the ACS CAN for a minimum donation of $10. “With this donation, members will be made aware of any legislation that involves cancer — and can even share their story with lawmakers, if they so desire,” Melanie says. “I’d love to put Watauga County back at the top again for selling the most luminaries for next year’s Lobby Day. I plan to be there again next September.” She has a goal to sell at least 1,000 luminaries in the coming year. “Most people think they can’t make a difference,” Melanie says, “but one voice

can make a difference, and every story is important. Congressional leaders want to hear your stories and to know how cancer has affected your life and your family. This encourages them to keep funding cancer research.” To learn more about ACS CAN, visit www.acscan.org and ﬁnd ACS CAN on Facebook. To learn more about becoming an ACS CAN volunteer or to purchase a Lights of Hope luminary bag in honor or in memory of a loved one, email Melanie at robeholl@aol.com.

sherrie norris Editor, All About Women

2082 Blowing Rock Rd • Boone, NC 28607 828-264-4660 www.cfarestaurant.com/boone/home

Holiday Traditions begin when you Gather at the Table

Barn Wood Tables & Furniture plus Rustic Wedding Rentals Visit our woodshop by appointment Watauga County’s Melanie Hollar, far left, makes her voice heard on Capitol Hill in early September as part of the American Cancer Society’s Cancer Action Network, a movement, she describes, that unites and empowers cancer patients, survivors, caregivers and their families. Photos submitted

www.facebook.com/upper.barn 828-964-2492 • mervinmtn@gmail.com NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

WE ARE GRATEFUL

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

It’s easy in our ﬁrst-world lives to take many things for granted, but the fact remains that no one on this earth escapes hardship, need or sadness to some degree. So, in an effort to encourage each other as we enter the holiday season, let’s explore some of the things for which we are grateful. “Making gratitude part of daily living leads to a contented heart. I have to be very intentional about being grateful, so I started a gratitude journal to note intangible things that I am grateful for such as kindness from a stranger, a day of sunshine after days of rain, early morning stillness, nudges from God, choices, forgiveness from someone you’ve wronged and the gift of an ordinary day. Writing these down helps me look for the many things I should be grateful for, and it helps put ‘material things’ into perspective.” Carolyn Hines, self-described “student of life”

“To me, gratitude is recognizing something wonderful that is bestowed upon me that I could never reciprocate, while appreciation is recognizing something bestowed upon me at a particular time when I could not do for myself. As I reﬂect on the [upcoming] Christmas season, I believe Jesus is the Reason for the Season. I have gratitude that God chose to come into this world as a little baby to show us that the God of Everything wants us to know Him just as we are and to grow with Him.” Jennifer Mecho, mom and grandmother

“Gratitude is being very grateful that God gave me a second chance to live. This life is not easy, but I have been, and am, so blessed by God’s goodness. Today, though I am in chronic pain and still under the care of many doctors [from a life-threatening car accident], I am a walking miracle.” Nancy Bentley, survivor

“If appreciation means being fully aware, I’d say that grateful means being thankful for what is unexpectedly delightful. Grateful is realizing just how good something or someone has been. Grateful feels like a sigh of security, assured-ness and absolute thankfulness. We took our boys to see Yellowstone and the Grand Teton Mountains this past year. Wonder, awe and surprise are just a few words to describe the natural beauty we witnessed. Grateful comes to mind to God for the intricate and creative details of this big wide world that we can hardly fathom in one take.” Jaylynn Byassee, Director of Missions, Western NC Conference of the UMC, pastor’s wife, mother of three lively boys

“I feel gratitude toward the acts of kindness that I may think I don’t deserve. I turn it around in the studio by helping people who are falling behind because I know how difﬁcult it is to not know how to work certain machines or what it’s like to be stuck without an idea.” Anna Ziolkowski, illustrator and ASU student

“Gratitude, to me, can often be found and felt in the inbetween ‘spaces’ of life. Those are the places where I can feel, smell, touch, see and hear the ‘voice of truth.’ Sometimes, it feels free and light in the soul, but sometimes it aches with sadness and a heavy heart. It is here that my heart, body and mind can become open and alive again with the graciousness of all events.” Kathie Billing, RN, yoga practitioner, cancer survivor and mom/wife

Yozette ‘Yogi’ Collins Mom, television producer/writer, and obsessive internet researcher. Though her name suggests otherwise, she is not (yet) an actual yogi.

NOVEMBER 2013 | AAWMAG.COM

You gain strength, courage and conﬁdence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ – Eleanor Roosevelt Photo by Sherrie Norris

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