A GUIDE FOR HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS

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THE MAKING WAVES SERIES: BOOK 1

A GUIDE FOR HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS LEARNING TO FORM SOCIAL CONNECTIONS


ACHIEVE YOUR DREAM Published in Aisa in 2017 by Sandu Publishing Co., Ltd. 20 Kaki Bukit View, Kaki Bukit Techpark II, Singapore 415956 Tel: (65) 6742 2088 Fax: (65) 6744 2088 enquiries@pageonegroup.com www.pageonegroup.com

Sponsored by Temasek Polytechnic Edited and produced by Temasek Polytechnic School of Design – Communication Design Chief Editor: Muhammad Diroy Bin Noordin 1206710d@student.tp.edu.sg www.tp.edu.sg Text used in this book obtained from Essential Life Skills.Net www.essentiallifeskills.net ISBN 978-981-4394-90-1 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. For information, contact Page One Publishing Pte Ltd. Printed and bound in Singapore


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/////CONTENTS Introduction

XXI

Human Relationship

01

Critical Thinking

02

Good Communication Skills

07

How to Live In the Moment

14

Forgiveness & Letting Go

21

Successful Relationships

28

Relationship Reality Check

37

Control Your Life

42

The End

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INTRODUCTION Making waves in the face of adversity. The theme and motif of the wave in the ocean is highly symbolic and meaningful. In itself, it can be interpreted as eternity as its movements that never cease; or it can also be seen to be temperamental as sometimes it surges with powerful force or at other times gently laps the shore. Because waves in the oceans symbolise the power of nature at work, humans have seen in them the potential of humans to mimic its strength or conversely they can be seen as symbols of adversity humans hope to overcome. As such, wave patterns and crest formation can be used to signify human behavior and emotions. For people who are handicapped in some way, whether physically, intellectually or emotionally, waves take on significant meanings. These series of books aims to provide advice on essential life skills to people with such disabilities so that they can lead a fulfilling life.


THE FIRST STEP IN OUT OF AN ABUS RELATIONSHIP IS THAT YOU HAVE TO BE TREATED W AND NOT BE PHY OR EMOTIONALL BY ANOTHER PER


N GETTING SIVE TO REALIZE THE RIGHT WITH RESPECT YSICALLY LY HARMED RSON.


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CRITICAL THINKING


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Critical Thinking or To Reason Critical thinking is the mental process of ana-

Why do we need to think critically?

lyzing or evaluating information. ‘To reason’

In order to assess our role in, and the con-

is the capacity for rational thought, or to think logically.

sequences of any actions we take, we must be able to evaluate and determine what is taking

Once you have established a solid founda-

place in a given situation.

tion or a healthy self-concept, it is important

This requires us to organize our thinking, in-

to be able to think critically, or to reason. Everyone thinks; however, much of our

tegrate the information at hand, distinguish between what is fact and what is opinion, and

thinking is reactive, biased, uninformed and

then weigh potential outcomes.

often prejudiced. More often than not, it is

By thinking critically, instead of reacting emotion-

also haphazard and undisciplined.

ally to a problem, we employ strategies which: • Help us learn from an experience

“MANY PEOPLE WOULD DIE SOONER THAN THINK; IN FACT, THEY DO.” — Bertrand Russell

• Help prevent it from occurring again • Result in a reasonable, effective solution


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The quality of life we experience is in direct pro-

For the most part, critical thinking does not come

portion to the quality of our thinking.

naturally. It takes effort, training and practice.

Critical thinking is self-disciplined, self-mon-

As A. E. Mander wrote in his book Logic For

itored and problem solving thinking. It promotes

the Millions: “Thinking is skilled work. It is not

open-mindedness, putting things in perspective,

true that we are naturally endowed with the

and a positive attitude.

ability to think clearly and logically - without

When we don’t reason, or think critically, we

learning how, or without practicing. People

subject ourselves to fleeting, erratic or unpredict-

with untrained minds should no more expect to

able emotions. Of course, this does not mean

think clearly and logically than people who have

we should deny or suppress our emotions, for

never learned and never practiced can expect to

indeed, they are a vital and significant element

find themselves good carpenters, golfers, bridge

of who we are. Instead, we must learn how to

players, or pianists.”

make them work for us, not against us. Critical thinking helps us balance our emotions, which in turn leads to good judgment and making informed, good decisions.


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Tips On Improving Critical Thinking • Play strategy games, sudoku and solve crossword puzzles. • Read more. Reading improves focus, imagination and vocabulary which results in heightened thinking skills. • Engage in healthy debates in class or with your friends. Argue both sides of an argument. • As Edward De Bono, the lateral thinking psychologist suggests, use the GBI technique, in which you list the good, bad and interesting points of a position. • Look at a problem from as many viewpoints as possible.

“WE CAN’T SOLVE PROBLEMS BY USING THE SAME KIND OF THINKING THAT CREATED THEM.” — Albert Einstein


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THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO NEVER STOP QUESTIONING. — Albert Einstein


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GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS


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Good Communication Skills — Key to Any Success Good communication skills are key to success in life, work and relationships. Without effective communication, a message can turn into error, misunderstanding, frustration, or even disaster by being misinterpreted or poorly delivered. Communication is the process by which we exgood communication skillschange information between individuals or groups of people. It is a process where we try as clearly and accurately as we can, to convey our thoughts, intentions and objectives.

Communication is successful only when both the sender and the receiver understand the same information. In today’s highly informational and technological environment it has become increasingly important to have good communication skills. While many individuals still continue to struggle, the inability to communicate effectively will hold them back not only in their careers, but in social and personal relationships.

“THE SINGLE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN COMMUNICATION IS THE ILLUSION THAT IT HAS TAKEN PLACE.” — George Bernard Shaw


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THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN COMMUNICATION IS HEARING WHAT ISN’T SAID. — Peter Drucker


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The steps for acquiring good communication skills: 01/ Know what you want to say and why. Understand clearly the purpose and intent of your message. Know to whom you are communicating and why. Consider any barriers you may encounter such as cultural differences or situational circumstances (gender, age, or economic biases). Ask yourself what outcome you want to achieve and the impression you want to leave.

02/ How will you say it? We’re all aware by now, that it’s not always what you say, but how you say it that counts. Begin by making eye contact. You inspire trust and confidence when you look a person in the eyes when you speak. Second, be aware of your body language since it can say as much, or more, than your words. By standing with arms easily at your side you tell others that you are approachable and open to hearing what they have to say. If instead, your arms are crossed and shoulders hunched, it suggests disinterest or unwillingness to communicate. Good posture and an approachable stance help make even difficult communication flow more smoothly. Make sure you speak in a cooperative, non-adversarial tone. Be nonjudgmental.


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03/ Listen. Communication is a two way street. After you’ve said what you have to say, stop, listen, and look for feedback and clues of comprehension. While the person is responding avoid any impulses to cut them off or listen only for the end of the sentence so that you can blurt out more ideas or thoughts that come to your mind. Respectfully give them your full attention. When they are finished, to ensure that your message has been clearly and correctly understood, ask open questions and encourage discussion. Fine-tune your message if necessary.

04/ Reach understanding, agreement or consensus. Once you have had to opportunity to discuss your message and the feedback to it, re-visit the purpose of the interchange. Have you reached common ground, solved a problem, or clarified your position? If the purpose was to teach or instruct, have you accomplished your goal? To communicate well is to understand and be understood. Make sure that your message has been received as intended and that any questions or concerns have been alleviated. You can even agree to disagree. There are no guarantees that your communication efforts will be meet with total compliance and agreement. As long as you understand each other, are cordial and respectful, you can still have a successful exchange.


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More Tips for Developing Good Communication Skills • To obtain a better command of the English language (or any other language), expand your vocabulary by reading and writing more. Look up words you’re not familiar with. The better you are able to express yourself, the better your ability to communicate.

• Avoid trying to communicate when in an

• Practice your listening skills. Be considerate of other speakers by waiting until they are done before stating your views. Process what has being said before responding.

of communication skills as well as allowing

• Learn to understand and appreciate opposing points of view by being open-minded and making an effort to see things from another’s perspective. It will in turn, gain you more cooperation and understanding.

emotional state. You lose objectivity and may say something inappropriate or regrettable. Take time to think your position through before speaking. • Join an organization such as Toastmasters that encourages you to develop a variety you the opportunity to meet new and interesting people.


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When you take the time to acquire and hone good communication skills you open yourself up to better relationships, more career opportunities, and increased self-confidence. Moreover, you reach higher levels of mutual understanding and cooperation while successfully attaining your goals. All new skills take time to refine, however, with effort and practice you can develop good, even exceptional, communication skills.


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HOW TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT


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Live In The Moment To live in the moment, or now, means being conscious, aware and in the present with all of your senses. It means not dwelling on the past, nor being anxious or worrying about the future.

For instance, if we have set a goal to exercise

When we concentrate our attention on the present we focus on the task at hand. We give our full attention to what we are doing and we let go of outcomes.

When we train ourselves to live in each moment,

Seizing each moment in life allows us to prolong its value and make it more meaningful.

derstand and employ this kind of focus very well.

each day, we would carry on with it while enjoying the actual process, or moment, of exercising (or at least be in the moment of it). we immerse ourselves in it and begin to discover its beauty and wonder. We learn focus and how to manage our energy. Professional athletes unThey know that accomplishment and success are

Rather than seeking quantity of time, when we live in the moment we enjoy and savor every minute. We don’t sacrifice quality for quantity.

a result of the skillful management and balan-

Of course, this doesn’t mean we don’t need to plan, set goals or prepare for the future. We can do all of these things and still enjoy each moment as it unfolds.

it. Everything we do and every person we come

cing of energy. To make every moment count we must embrace in contact with deserves our full attention. Even when resting we should savor the moment. It gives us the opportunity to recharge, renew and gain clarity.


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Quite often we put huge expectations on ourselves and our lives. We rush to do this, hurry up with that, without actually enjoying the process. What’s the rush? Where do we think we’re going? If we don’t stop and think about where we’re at, we’re probably missing the point. Instead, when we appreciate each moment and garner the lessons from it, we live consciously, purposefully and responsibly. Likewise, when we live in the past and don’t let go of painful experiences, perceived wrongs, or difficult times, we condemn ourselves to a present and future of the same. We cannot change the past. We can, however, come to terms with it, know that it’s over, and move on.

Living in the moment means letting go of the past and trusting in the future. When we are positive and optimistic in the present, we open the possibility of a positive and promising future. We owe it to ourselves to make every moment count — now!

“THE SECRET OF HEALTH FOR BOTH MIND AND BODY IS NOT TO MOURN FOR THE PAST, WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE, OR ANTICIPATE TROUBLES, BUT TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT WISELY AND EARNESTLY.” — Buddah


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“Live in the moment and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering!�


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Tips for Living in The Moment • Train your mind to focus on the current activity. • Engage in, and feel what you are doing. Enjoy the process. • Learn relaxation techniques in order to be present in each moment. • Take notice of your surroundings – sights, sounds, smells, ambiance. • Listen attentively to the conversation of others, music, even silence. • Savor your food and drink. Taste each morsel.


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Benefits of Living in The Moment » You become more connected with your thoughts and feelings » Are more connected to others » Feel more gratitude and enjoyment of life » If you live in the moment, it won’t pass you by » Feel more focused, peaceful and alive » Feel less anxious and fearful


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FORGIVENESS & LETTING GO


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Forgiveness and Letting Go — How To Achieve It The ability to achieve forgiveness and let go of past hurts is one of the most critical challenges many of us face on the road to attaining personal peace and happiness.

He writes: “People, upon rationally determining that they have been unfairly treated, forgive when they willfully abandon resentment and related

While it certainly isn’t easy, it is absolutely necessary for long-term mental and emotional heath.

responses (to which they have a right) and

Forgiveness can be defined as the decision to let go of resentment, anger, and thoughts of revenge as a result of a real, or perceived offense, hurt, or wrongdoing against you.

on the moral principle of beneficence, which

Forgiving someone does not mean denying a person’s responsibility for hurting you, nor does it mean minimizing, or justifying the act. It does mean willing to forgive someone without condoning or excusing what they did, and then letting it go.

or acts, has no right.)”

According to Dr. Robert Enright, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin and a pioneer in the scientific study of forgiveness - forgiveness is a choice. It is the process of uncovering and letting go of anger, while restoring hope and moving on with life.

endeavor to respond to the wrong doer based may include compassion, unconditional worth, generosity and moral love (to which the wrong doer by nature of the hurtful act In other words, while there is no question that we have the right to feel resentment and the desire to respond accordingly, we have the ability to make the choice not to. When we do, we refuse to play the role of the victim and we let go of the control and power that the offending person, or situation, has over us. We choose to not allow grudges, hurt or wrongdoings to define our lives.


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How can we attain forgiveness and letting go? » Begin by acknowledging what hurt or offended you. While denying the hurtful offence may be the first thing you may want to do, it is best to admit that it happened. Reflect upon it; take note how you reacted, and what it has done to your health and well-being. Be able to articulate what was unacceptable about the situation.

If you happen to know the hurtful act was de-

» Look for a broader perspective on what took place. Make the attempt to understand the other person. Was the offense deliberate, or merely mindless and insensitive? Perhaps the person had no idea they hurt you, or was suffering from something themselves. Did they do it out of selfishness, recklessness, or were there other unknown circumstances at play? Sometimes going through the process of trying to understand the situation sheds new light on the matter and may lessen the hurtful response. It is also possible that you may have been oversensitive at the time. Hurt feelings are invariably subjective. Perhaps you were having a bad day; perhaps they were.

ers thinking it will alleviate their own pain and

liberate, vicious and intended to harm you, then you may have to ‘reframe’ the situation. Reframing is a technique whereby you change the conceptual or emotional viewpoint from which you experience an event and put it in a different context or frame of reference. For instance, there are those who do harm to othdistress. They lash out regardless of whom they are hurting, or how. Your ability to sort through a hurtful occurrence and put it into a different “framework” will prepare you to begin the process of forgiveness and letting it go. » Work through the emotions. As well as acknowledging the event, acknowledge the anger, frustration and myriad emotions, but do not get stuck in them. Practice stress management techniques such as exercise, yoga, deep breathing, guided meditations, or anything else you find soothing and relaxing. Using cognitive strategies like writing in a journal, or talking to a wise friend or coun-


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selor, is also very beneficial. In recent studies

letting go, you can more easily move forward

done on forgiveness coping strategies, it was

with your life. Letting go can be defined as: “A

found that men responded positively when it

combination of accepting, but not denying; liv-

was presented as a challenge to them, and

ing in the present and looking forward to the

negatively when it involved emotion-focused

future without regret for the past, and a willing-

coping. For women, however, it was found to

ness to move on and beyond.”

be positively associated with emotion-focused

Researchers and scientists have been discover-

coping and acceptance, and negatively associated with avoidance. Thus, based on these findings, if you’re a man, it is more helpful to approach forgiveness as a challenge, or goal to accomplish. If you’re a woman working on acceptance, understanding, and compassion

ing the health benefits of attaining forgiveness. Their studies have shown that serious mental, emotional and physical consequences can result from holding on to grudges and bitterness. Consequences such as depression, anxiety and the feeling that your life lacks meaning and

may lead you there more successfully.

purpose, as well as the loss of valuable connec-

» Commit towards letting go and moving

tedness with family and friends become high

on. Remember first that the act of forgiving is

prices to pay for holding on to resentment.

more for your own benefit than anyone else’s.

» Get Professional Help If You Need It. If you

Secondly, forgiveness and letting go take time,

find it too difficult to forgive and let go on your

so be patient with yourself. Certainly, it can be

own, especially if the offending acts have been

difficult to separate what you feel emotionally

traumatic, or are ongoing, then consider work-

with what makes sense to do logically. How-

ing through your feelings and deeper issues

ever, if you commit to putting your energies

with a good therapist. It would be more than

on focusing on the benefits of forgiveness and

worth your while to gain the peace of mind you seek and to move forward with your life.


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The Benefits of Forgiveness and Letting Go • Increased happiness and health with improved functioning of cardiovascular and nervous systems and less overall illnesses

Ultimately, the act of forgiveness releases us

• Restored positive thoughts, feelings, behaviors and promotes overall psychological well being

oneself to the control of others and allow the

• Increased compassion, and healing

understanding

• Reduced stress, anxiety, depression and chronic pain • Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse • Ability to function better in career, education, work place • Increases hope and optimism for the future

from past hurts, memories and enslavement. Alternatively, to not forgive is to surrender present to be consumed by the past. If we choose not to forgive, we subject ourselves to the possibility of carrying anger, bitterness and resentment into future situations and relationships, as well as deprive ourselves of the peace of mind, health and happiness we deserve.


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IN THE END, THE BEST REVENGE IS A LIFE WELL LIVED!


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SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS


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Anatomy of a Successful Relationship What does it take to have a successful relationship? As I mention in the article Relationship Reality Check, quite often couples drift apart and lose connection with each other before they realize what has happened. In some cases one of the partners has moved on by themselves, or with someone else, leaving the other devastated. Not only is this sad and unfortunate because so much is lost, but if the couple had been more aware of what it takes to have a successful relationship, it could have been prevented. As with most things in life, a successful relationship does not come about by luck, is a fluke, or happens just because you wish it. It is the result of knowing what you want, working at it, and being flexible. While a healthy, successful relationship can improve your life in virtually every aspect, an unhealthy one can drain and demoralize you when it’s not working. Relationships are like an investment. The more you put into them, the more you get back. They take commitment, cooperation, and mutual respect.


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Tips for Building a Successful Relationship What does it take to have a successful relationship?

» Have a solid friendship. Nothing contributes

» Know what you want in a relationship. As with any goal you strive for in life, you must know what you want and why. Do you want a relationship because you fear being lonely? Do you need someone to help pay the bills? Do you just want someone to take your frustrations out on every now and then? If this is the case for any of these situations, you are in it for the wrong reasons.

more to successful relationships than being best

» A successful relationship is not unlike a good partnership. In fact, it is a partnership - a partnership in which both people are fully invested, respect each other as equals and want the same things from it. A successful relationship is one in which friendship, intimacy, and shared goals and values abound. Understandably, if two people do not share similar life goals such as wanting children, living a particular lifestyle, or similar cultural values, discord ensues and the relationship crumbles.

one partner may be going through a hard time

friends with your partner. After all, with whom else do you share the most; have the most in common, or have chosen to share a life? To have your partner as a great friend, be a great friend. Be a friend who shares trust, honesty, respect and dependability. » Be willing to give as well as take. Life has its ups and downs as do relationships. Sometimes with a career, health issue, or other challenges. In such situations everyone needs support, encouragement and understanding, especially from a loving partner. If a couple is not willing to be there for each other in difficult times as well as in good times, a relationship cannot strengthen and evolve. Weathering the good and the bad together builds intimacy, character and resilience in a relationship.


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» Don’t take each other for granted. A sure

or work problems. It’s about asking each other

relationship damper is to take one another for

how the day has gone and listening to the an-

granted. As stated earlier, relationships take

swer. Be sure also, to take time to discuss any

work and maintenance. This includes paying

issues that may need resolving between the two

attention to, and being aware of, each other’s

of you. One of the worst things that can come

needs, feelings and states of mind. It’s very easy

between you is built-up resentment or hurt feel-

to get caught up in the routines of daily chores

ings that haven’t been expressed. Be willing to

such as bill paying, grocery shopping and

admit when you’re wrong or when you’ve been

cleaning and in the process neglect your part-

neglectful – or even when you feel neglected.

ner. To avoid getting into such a rut, set aside

Expressing feelings not only increases intimacy,

20-30 minutes each day to talk to your partner

it allows a couple to know each other better.

about something other than chores, work, or pet peeves. Talk about vacation plans, funny things that may have happened during the day, or interesting items you may have read about.

» Be flexible and open to change. Change is inevitable in life. Relationships are no different. In order for relationships to flourish it is necessary to be able to adapt to the changes.

» Communicate regularly. Good communic-

In a successful relationship two people grow

ation is essential to a successful relationship.

together through the good, the bad, and less

When people stop communicating well, they

eventful times.

stop interacting and connecting with each other. As mentioned above, communication is not merely talking about paying bills, chores,


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Here are some Successful Relationship Quick—Tips: • Stay connected

• Don’t sweat the small stuff

• Have a genuine friendship

• Have self–love, self–respect

• Maintain good communication

• Enjoy shared goals and lifestyle

• Let go of ego, or the need to be ‘right’

• Ensure there is chemistry

• Deal with stress, frustration and anger productively; don’t take it out on your partner

• Take interest in each other

• Share humor

“IT IS NOT A LACK OF LOVE, BUT A LACK OF FRIENDSHIP THAT MAKES UNHAPPY MARRIAGES.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

• Make time for each other–build intimacy


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YOU CAN’T JUST GIVE UP ON SOMEONE BECAUSE THE SITUATION’S NOTIDEAL. GREAT RELATIONSHIPS AREN’T GREAT BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO PROBLEMS. THEY’RE GREAT BECAUSE BOTH PEOPLE CARE ENOUGH ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT WORK.


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5 Surprising Relationship Myths 01/ Successful relationships don’t take any work. According to Lisa Blum, a clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy, “The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work.” She believes that our culture, parenting styles and educational systems don’t prepare us for the fact that even successful relationships take effort. 02/ Arguing ruins relationships. Quite the contrary! What really ruins relationships is not resolving your issues. Blum declares that, “Fights can be really healthy and an important form of communication and clearing the air.” Of course the type of arguments couples have make a big difference. If they are nasty, condescending or unfair, they don’t resolve anything and leave the couple angry and resentful. Productive conflicts, on the other hand, help the couple understand each other and lead to reaching agreement.

03/ In order to have a successful relationship you have to change the other person. Unfortunately, you cannot change anyone else, you can only change yourself. In fact, we sometimes play the blame game and believe that someone else needs to change. Rather than fall into that trap, figure out how you can be a better partner and do your best to improve a situation. If you want things to change, you have to change. 04/ If it’s true love, passion will never fade. Romanticism and Hollywood movies aside, eventually passion does fade. Daily life, growing responsibilities, and sometimes a dull routine can quickly dampen passion. The good news is that passion doesn’t have to disappear. Some planning, forethought and sense of fun can sustain intimacy, adventure and passion. It just takes willingness and imagination.


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05/ Jealousy shows true love and caring. Sadly, jealousy is more a demonstration of insecurity and a lack of confidence in oneself and the relationship than a demonstration of love and caring. In such cases the partner must work on his/her own insecurity issues. While you can be supportive and encouraging, a jealous partner must deal with the root cause and reasons for their jealousy, especially when it’s unfounded. Conversely, if you are trying to make your partner jealous, this too leads to problems. More often, than not, it can backfire and cause different complications. Ultimately a successful relationship consists of mutual respect, consideration and sensitivity. Attention and working at it result in a happy, healthy well-adjusted couple.


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RELATIONSHIP REALITY CHECK


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Relationship Reality Check Every now and then your primary relationship (with your spouse, partner, lover) needs a reality check to make sure you are both on the same page and in touch with each other.

They begin to take each other for granted,

I’ve been reading many articles lately about men and women whose spouses/partners have left them unexpectedly leaving them both surprised and devastated.

It happens more often than anyone would care

Most of them had no inkling that the relationship was anything but good. They saw no signs of trouble, unusual behavior, or what was to come crashing down on them.

make sure you and your partner are in sync

How does this happen? Unfortunately it does happen, and it happens to couples that allow themselves to fall into an unconscious routine.

lose connection with each other’s thoughts and feelings and generally forget to do the small, considerate things they used to do in the past. to admit. Before the situation deteriorates to the point of no return, there are some things you can do to and working together.

“DON’T SMOTHER EACH OTHER. NO ONE CAN GROW IN THE SHADE.” — Leo Buscaglia


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THE WORLD IS LOST FOR WANT OF SWEETNESS AND KINDNESS. DO NOT FORGET THAT WE NEED EACH OTHER.


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Tips For Maintaining A Good Relationship: • Respect each other. Try to understand each other’s feelings and points of view. Don’t try to change one another now that you’re in the relationships. You were initially attracted to each other for a reason. Remember what it was and continue to appreciate it. • Communicate. Never underestimate the importance of good communication. If something is going on inside of you, share it. Don’t keep your feelings, good or bad, to yourself. If you have a problem let your partner in on it. Work on a solution together. It will create intimacy and bring you closer together. When something good happens to you at work or you’ve achieved a goal, share that as well. All sharing and exchanging of information brings people closer to each other. Practice communicating with each other.

• Do the little things. Be considerate and thoughtful. If you’re getting yourself a coffee, apple or snack from the kitchen ask your partner if he/she wants one too. When your spouse is tired and sore give him/her a back rub or massage. Be aware of each others needs. • Don’t get caught up in the rat race. People get too wrapped up in getting ahead and the mechanics of everyday living. They rush around doing, getting, and not taking time to live in the moment. By not paying attention to each other you can become disconnected with yourself and your partner. • Maintain a Sense of Humor. Laugh together. Don’t take things too seriously. Barring a tragedy, nothing is so serious that you can’t step back and look at the humorous side. Laughter is contagious and creates intimacy.


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• Take care of and respect yourself. As mentioned in Love Yourself in order function fully, strive for balance. If you don’t take care of yourself, everything around you will fall apart including your relationship. • Have a Life. Everyone needs a life of his/her own. If you don’t have one, you not only tend to invade someone else’s space, you probably become too dependent and therefore less interesting. One of the most important things you can bring to a relationship is your unique set of qualities and a different perspective. Contrary to what you may think, maintaining your individuality and having a life of your own strengthens a relationship and keeps it fresh and interesting.

So before things start sliding or become stagnant in your relationship, start developing some good maintenance habits. Communicate, laugh, be independent, take care of yourself and your relationship will not only survive, it will flourish.


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CONTROL YOUR LIFE


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Take Control of Your Life or Personal Leadership Each day you have the ability to make the

An interesting concept that I came across in my

choice to take control of your life, or to let it

readings recently, and as it relates to personal

control you. You can either be proactive, or you

leadership, is to see yourself as the CEO of your

can let circumstances call the shots.

own life. If you were to apply it to yourself, how

To take control of your life or exercise personal leadership is to take responsibility for yourself and for every area of your life. It means being connected with your values, your vision and to set meaningful goals for yourself. When you do, you become more productive, more optim-

would run your life? What kind of strategic planning would you do and how would you envision your future? I would guess that in seeing yourself as the CEO of your life, you would be inspired to think in a more effective, results oriented manner.

istic, able to solve problems more easily and

As your own CEO, here are some ways in

ultimately have less stress in your life.

which you can take control of your life and ex-

No doubt, with all the chaos and uncertainty

ercise personal leadership:

that is going in the world these days it may be

Determine your values and what’s important

difficult to feel like you are in charge of your life,

to you. As I wrote in Have A Personal Value

and while there are some things you have no

System, knowing what your values are gives

control over, there is much that you do. Under-

you structure and purpose, which in turn directs

stand that you are the principal architect and

you on how to focus your time and efforts. It

creator of your life and that you are where you

would be similar to the ‘mission statement’ a

are at, because of the choices and decisions

company would hold. As you probably know, a

you have made thus far.

mission statement typically spells out the overall


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goals and drives the actions of an organization. It likewise provides a roadmap and guides the decision-making processes for management.

achieving them. Nothing happens by itself; so

In your life your mission statement could be something like: “My purpose is to live life to the fullest by taking the care of my health, relationships, finances and overall happiness to the best of my abilities.”

what you want or engaging in wishful thinking,

When you state your objective so succinctly, you can’t help but be focused and take the right actions for where you need to be. This also helps keep you from being aimless and scattered, not to mention avoiding hit and miss thus situations. Plan, be organized and set goals. Think of the big picture of what you want in your life and then break it down to manageable parts. For everything that you want to accomplish, you need a strategy or action plan. One way is to set goals appropriate to your mission statement and then devise a plan on how to go about

taking charge of your life entails taking the bull by the horns. Rather than daydreaming about you set the wheels in motion for success. In fact, the planning stages can actually be fun and challenging! Not only will you achieve your objectives, you will sharpen your critical thinking and problem solving skills in the process. The most successful CEOs in the world are those who set realistic, achievable goals for their companies, plan the best strategies and then execute them accordingly. They also set their priorities, organize their tasks and duties and make sure all the different departments are running smoothly and efficiently. There is a famous quote that states, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Maintain a positive attitude. Sometimes one of the hardest things to do is remain positive when your best efforts to take control of your life don’t


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go according to plan. As any CEO will tell you, there are always obstacles and roadblocks that get in the way of any launch or rollout. In another similar example, ask any athlete, inventor or composer. Would you think that everything comes together for them smoothly and without any glitches? Definitely not!

Have fun. While taking control of your life involves a lot of planning, strategy and executing, it could weigh you down if you forget to take time to have some fun. Living a full, productive life requires maintaining balance between work, relaxation and recreation. Too much structure makes Jack or Jill a dull person.

The quality or character trait that separates those who succeed and those that do not, is a positive attitude and an unshakable belief in themselves. They do not let negative thoughts or obstacles get in the way of ultimate achievement. Of course, that does not mean that it is easy; it means that persistence and focus are necessary. Those who cannot maintain control of their lives quite often want to give up at first sign of trouble or difficulty. When that happens, all else seems to unravel as well, and they mistakenly feel they have no control of anything at all in their lives. This type of mindset is both counterproductive and detrimental to progress.

To take control of your life try an experiment by envisioning yourself as the CEO of your personal company - your own life. The concept alone will make you feel more in control. Then make the types of plans, choices and decisions that you would expect a successful CEO would make and you will be surprised at how much more in control of your life you will feel. It may take some practice and role playing, but the outcome will be - YOU in control of your life.

Maintaining a positive attitude is absolutely essential for taking control of your life.


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“IN ESSENCE, IF WE WANT TO DIRECT OUR LIVES,

Health

WE MUST TAKE CONTROL OF OUR CONSISTENT ACTIONS. IT’S NOT WHAT WE DO ONCE

Relationships

Finances

Take Control Of Your Life

IN A WHILE THAT SHAPES OUR LIVES, BUT WHAT WE DO CONSISTENTLY.” — Leo Buscaglia

Happiness Career


64

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, Y CONTROL OF YOUR O YOU ARE THE REASO YOU’RE SAD, AND YO THE REASON WHY YO SO DON’T WAIT FOR GO OUT AND FIND IT


YOU ARE IN OWN LIFE. ON WHY OU’RE YOU’RE HAPPY. R HAPPINESS. T. RIGHT NOW.

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THE END


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ISBN 9789814394901

9 789814 394901

90000 >


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