Funeral Service Times April 2012

F

S

ervice times

uneral

The independent voice of the funeral profession

Established 2006

ISSN 2046-7273

APRIL 2012

www.funeralservicetimes.co.uk

Pearls of wisdom Barry Albin-Dyer talks business

Looking to the future Why offer pre-paid plans?

Good presentation A choice selection of presentation bag designs suitable for urns, caskets and personal items

Sudden endings

How to support those who have been bereaved by suicide, through a complex and traumatic grief process

This month

April

2012

C o n te n t s

Dispatches

6

Comment

12

Looking to the future

14

Products

18

Directing the business

20

Collectors of life

22

To softly tread a different path

24

Bereavement

26

It’s all in the presentation

30

Emotional support

32

Over to you

34

Solid foundations

40

Advancing knowledge

42

Support for the non-religious

44

Your story

50

The latest news from the profession Gus Nichols reports back from a special ceremony, in which the work of a key organisation was honoured, and looks ahead to the gathering of the clans at Tanexpo

Why is it important to offer pre-paid funeral plans in 2012?

And which companies are available to partner with? Louise Hoffman hears from five potential candidates New products and services from the trade

F A Albin & Sons chairman Barry Albin-Dyer shares a little of the business knowledge and wisdom that he has built up over the course of his 45 years with the family business

Keeping the memories of loved ones alive can help to alleviate the pain of loss, and Peter Wyllie chooses a selection of poems that cover this very theme

Tara Christopher finds out more about natural and green burial, and the meaning that it can hold for the bereaved, or for those planning their own funeral Families and friends bereaved by suicide can face an especially traumatic and confusing grief process, as Rev George Callander explains

A selection of attractive bags designed to hold urns, caskets and personal items, for presentation to your clients

The needs of the bereaved are of course a constant focus, but what about those of the funeral director? Psychotherapist Phillip Hodson discusses stress management Letters and updates from Funeral Service Times readers Shaw & Sons’ marketing manager Kelly Young updates us on the latest developments and future plans for the Tutill Remembrance Items brand

Editor’s letter

A

s I write this month’s letter, the office is bathed in some very welcome sunshine – especially fitting considering we have now officially entered the spring season.

After the cold and grey months of winter, there’s nothing quite like blue skies and a bit of vitamin D to revitalise mind and body, and to restore motivation and positivity for the future.

Indeed, the team at Funeral Service Times have been pushing ahead over the past month, and thanks to the efforts of our Online Editor Michael Northcott, I am delighted to announce the launch of our brand new website!

Through the site, we are now able to deliver daily news updates, details on the latest products and services, and an enhanced virtual edition of the most recent magazine – please do pay it a visit at www.funeralservicetimes.co.uk and see what you think!

Going forward we hope to make this website a central online resource for the profession, so any comments or suggestions will be gratefully received and given due consideration.

In fact I must say I have been delighted by the growing number of individuals and organisations that are sending their press releases and letters to me on a regular basis. It’s wonderful to be able to develop the magazine into an interactive community, especially considering the tremendously important role that ‘community’ plays within the profession.

I see the new website as an excellent way of building upon this, allowing us to cover even more of your news, and potentially opening up new interactive opportunities further down the line.

Keep the emails and letters coming!

Epilepsy Research UK discusses the support it provides to those engaged in medical research, working tirelessly to increase our understanding of epilepsy

The British Humanist Association outlines its celebrants’ approach to creating funeral ceremonies, and the benefits of choosing a humanist service Pippa Wilcox, freelance humanist funeral celebrant, London and the Home Counties

Louise Hoffman

louise@funeralservicetimes.co.uk

5

6

Dispatches

Funeral Service The independent voice of the funeral profession

Faster Pastor beats world record

times

Established 2006

Funeral Service Times is published monthly by: Image courtesy of Colin Liddell

Mulberry Publications Ltd, Wellington House, Butt Road, Colchester CO3 3DA Tel: 01206 767 797 Fax: 01206 767 532 www.funeralservicetimes.co.uk Editor Louise Hoffman louise@funeralservicetimes.co.uk Editorial Assistant Naida Ally naida@funeralservicetimes.co.uk Design/Deputy Production Editor Lewis Bowes copy@funeralservicetimes.co.uk Online Editor Michael Northcott michael@funeralservicetimes.co.uk Group Advertisement Manager Kelly Smith kelly@funeralservicetimes.co.uk Deputy Group Advertisement Manager Julie-Ann Kwok julie@funeralservicetimes.co.uk Advertising Sales Adam Bennett adam@funeralservicetimes.co.uk Accounts Maureen Scrivener accounts@funeralservicetimes.co.uk Customer Services 01206 767 797 customers@mulberrypublications.co.uk Contributing writers: Barry Albin-Dyer, Gus Nichols, Peter Wyllie, Phillip Hodson, Rev George Callander & Tara Christopher Cover image: Jon Dyer, Barry Albin-Dyer and Simon Dyer of F A Albin & Sons ISSN 2046-7273 The editor and publishers do not guarantee the accuracy of statements made by contributors or advertisers, or accept responsibility for any statement that they express in this publication.

The opinion of the contributors may not necessarily be the opinion of the publishers.

Articles are considered for publication on the basis that they are the author’s original work.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise, without the permission of the publishers.

On 13 March ‘the Faster Pastor’ Paul Sinclair set a new world record for the fastest motorcycle hearse, on a Suzuki Hayabusa hearse.

The goal was to put a regularly used stock hearse on track to test its high speed stability, and during practice a new world record was set. A motor-tricycle with a concertina rear to hold coffins had previously clocked 114.1mph over two miles, while Paul’s Hayabusa motorcycle hit 115.2mph in one mile, followed by 117.6mph over two miles.

Straightliners ensured the tests were correctly scrutinised and tested to FIM standards, while Colin Liddell DipFD FICF served as an independent witness from the funeral profession.

Straightliners’ proofs of the new world record for the fastest motorcycle hearse are currently going through the Guinness system.

Originally setting the first world record on his Triumph Speed Triple hearse at the Bulldog Bash in 2002, Paul then beat this record with Fast Bikes magazine at Bruntingthorpe on his first Suzuki Hayabusa hearse in 2004. Both were on straight quarter miles. This most recent world record is in a new category over two miles at Elvington near York.

Darlington FD achieves top accolade A Darlington funeral director has recently had its hard work recognised by becoming listed in The Good Funeral Guide, which makes independent assessments of the businesses it lists and doesn’t accept applications for membership.

Charles Cowling, author of The Good Funeral Guide, said: “To almost anyone charged with the task of arranging a funeral, choosing a funeral director can be very difficult because they all look pretty much the same. But they’re not.

Some, a precious few, are truly outstanding, and Saint and Forster is one of them.

“The Good Funeral Guide recommends only those funeral directors who meet the most stringent criteria. People want to do their very best for their loved ones when they die, and they deserve the very best funeral director.”

Keith Munt, director of Saint and Forster (and pictured with partner Jenny Uzzell), said: “This is a real accolade for our business and the standard of service we provide.”

green fuse achieves OCN recognition green fuse funeral training has achieved Recognised Learning Centre status with the Open College Network (OCN).

Commenting on the news, green fuse co-founder Jane Morrell (pictured) said: “We are delighted to have achieved this recognition by OCN, which confirms the high quality of our courses and teaching methods. Our funeral celebrant training programme is a Level 3 accredited course, and we are in the process of seeking accreditation for our funeral directors’ training, Best Practice in Modern Funeral Directing.”

“This training for funeral directors, run in association with Stephen Nimmo of Chester Pearce Associates, comes as a result of our funeral work with families in Devon, and the learning gained through the Foundation Degree in Funeral Services which Steve and I completed in 2011,” added fellow co-founder Simon Smith (pictured). green fuse has been providing training to the UK funeral sector since 2007. It has trained more than 100 independent funeral celebrants, 60 Methodist ministers and chaplains on individualising funerals, and approximately 40 funeral arrangers.

For more information please visit www.greenfuse.co.uk

Dispatches

7

‘Obesity epidemic’ poses growing And briefly problem for funeral sector New funeral home for Swanley The Independent newspaper recently reported that the UK’s ‘obesity epidemic’ may soon have a significant effect on funeral processions.

In the article, Sue Saville of the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) said: “You cannot put very, very heavy people into a coffin. You end up burying somebody in a wardrobe. That is essentially what it looks like. It cannot fit into a hearse, or possibly even a van. Once you talk to people about flatbeds or JCBs, they hold their hands up in horror, but you cannot do these things any other way.”

Increasing body sizes are not only affecting coffins and transportation. The newspaper reported that Mortlake Crematorium in west London is installing three new ovens that will take caskets up to 42 inches wide, rather than the 28-inch maximum of a standard machine.

Natasha Bradshaw, deputy president of the Institute of Cemetery and Crematorium Management, said: “In some instances, a cremation cannot take place and they’d have to have a burial because there wouldn’t be a cremator in the country that’s wide enough. I was recently told of a case in the city of London where they had to have a chap craned into a grave.”

Bishop opens Wyre Forest Crematorium On Friday 24 February, the Bishop of Worcester, the Right Reverend Dr John Inge, and the chairman of Wyre Forest District Council, Cllr Stephen Clee, officially opened the new Wyre Forest Crematorium and Cemetery, situated between Kidderminster and Stourport-On-Severn.

After unveiling a plaque, a number of white doves were released from their carrier to soar into the air, before twice circling the crematorium.

In the summer, members of the public will be invited to an open day where they will be able to view the crematorium grounds and facilities. Staff will be available at this event to answer any questions that visitors have about the cremation process or the services that the crematorium and cemetery will provide.

Commenting on the facility, Stephen Clee said: “It is truly an inspirational design, and during construction attention has been given to the finest detail using locally sourced materials and labour. I am sure the local community will appreciate the graceful atmosphere and the quiet spaces for reflection that are around the site.”

The crematorium will be managed by Dignity, in partnership with Wyre Forest District Council.

Kilpatricks Funeral Service re-opens Kilpatricks Funeral Service recently re-located from Union Road in Littlebrough, near Rochdale, to open a larger funeral home in a more central location on Halifax Road.

The funeral home invited local residents to take a tour of the premises where staff answered questions about the role of a funeral director, and new funeral vehicles were put on show.

The day before, an official re-opening was performed by Cllr Peter Evans, and Rev Sharon Jones led a dedication of the building. Clergy from the Catholic, Church of England and Methodist faiths took part in the dedication service and all three councillors from the Smallbridge, Littlebrough and Smithbride areas were present.

Manager Iain Woodhead said: “We have a beautiful new funeral home which will help us to provide a high quality service to our local families and the surrounding communities. I do hope that people will come to meet our staff and that we can break down some of the traditional barriers that exist.”

The Co-operative Funeralcare opened a new funeral home in Swanley on 6 February. Three members of staff will be based at the premises on London Road, which has an arranging room, viewing rooms, a service chapel and a reception area. The new home features warm, pastel colours and eye-catching interior design in a bid to make the funeral home more welcoming and less intimidating. Manager Janet Thorndycraft said: “While this is a new venture for us in Swanley, our funeral staff bring with them a great deal of experience in the local area helping bereaved families.

We also have a beautiful new funeral home which will help us to provide a high quality service to local people and the surrounding communities.”

Funeral home goes digital A funeral director and owner in Greenwich Village, New York, has “embraced technology” by installing a live-stream memorial service and funeral system.

Greenwich Village Funeral Home Inc allows up to 3,000 of the deceased’s friends and family to watch the service on the funeral home’s website if they are unable to attend in person. “The technology is available, so why not appreciate what can be done?” said Peter DeLuca, funeral director and owner. “We choose to not be complacent; to not make funerals the way they’ve always been.” The service will cost $250 (£158) for the first few months as the funeral home looks to introduce the option to its customers.

Funeral cost sparks warning Rising funeral costs have prompted a Gloucestershire charity to consult with elderly residents in the county, reported This is Gloucestershire. Age UK Gloucestershire has begun consultations to raise awareness of planning for funeral costs. Giles Canning from the charity said: “In the year 2000, the average cost of a funeral was £1,375. If you had put that amount in the building society then by 2010 it would have been worth £1,531. However, by 2010 the average cost of a funeral had risen to £2,857.”

Wm Dodgson supports Book Day Staff from Leeds funeral home Wm Dodgson & Son participated in a ‘Readathon’ at a local primary school as part of its World Book Day celebration.

Martin Dodgson MBE, Keith Barber (community relations) and David Calder (funeral director) from the funeral home in the village of Kippax, spent 1 March reading short stories to schoolchildren. The effort was part of a fundraising event to support the children’s charities CLIC Sergeant and the Roald Dahl Foundation. After the event, headteacher Vicky Ford was presented with book tokens worth £25

by Colin Muhl, operations manager (Yorkshire) for Funeral Partners Ltd. He said: “We are very lucky here at Wm Dodgson & Son in Kippax to have a very good community around us and it makes us extremely proud and happy to be accepted as part of that community and to be able to help in this way.”

Co-op donates to Canterbury community centre A community centre in Canterbury has received a £200 cash boost from the Co-operative Funeralcare.

The funeral home in Sturry Road, Canterbury, has given the funding to Northgate Ward Community Centre on Military Road. The money raised will be used to purchase much-needed equipment for the community centre, which is used as a learning resource and meeting place for community groups.

8

Dispatches

And briefly Dignity reports higher profits Dignity, which has 600 funeral locations including 35 crematoria, has reported an increase of pre-arranged funeral plans on its books from 238,000 in 2010 to 265,000 in 2011. The group’s crematoria division also saw operating profits increase by seven per cent to £21.3 million as it conducted 47,600 cremations, compared with 45,200 the previous year. In addition, it completed the construction of two crematoria in Somerset and Worcestershire in the period, while work continues on a new crematorium in Essex. Mike McCollum, chief executive of Dignity, said: “While 2012 has started more quietly than 2011, the board remains confident in the group’s prospects and its expectations for 2012 remain positive and unchanged.”

Chatburn FD passes away Brian Price, co-proprietor of a second-generation family business in Chatburn, has passed away aged 78 after having been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

Brian gained his first experience of funeral directing while working for Edward Read, of Grindleton, after moving from local company Gregory Constructions.

After moving to E R Veevers as a joiner aged 23, he eventually bought the firm, built up a team of joiners and ran the workshop, before concentrating on building his reputation as one of the area’s most trusted funeral directors. Brian and his wife Jean grew their business over the years, with their daughter Carol joining in 1965, and their son Carl in 1968. Carl became Brian’s partner in 1998, at Brian Price and Son Funeral Directors. In recent years, Brian and Jean had taken a back seat in the day-to-day running of the business.

New distributor for Omega Holland-based Michel Meijer has been announced as the new distributor for Omega Supplies in the Netherlands. Richard Arnold, managing director of Omega Supplies, said: “We are proud to have Michel working as our distributor. He is also looking to expand his distribution into Belgium, and his wealth of knowledge will be a great help in a new and emerging market in Europe. This is something that Omega Supplies UK is proud to be a part of.”

Independent funeral director promotes Buy Local Campaign An independent funeral care service in Scunthorpe is supporting This is Scunthorpe’s Buy Local campaign by offering discounts. Ashby Funeral Care, which opened in October last year, is offering a 15 per cent discount off the funeral director’s fee to anyone with a Buy Local loyalty card. Manager Sue Maclean said: “Buy Local helps promote independent businesses, and it is crucial that we show support to small local traders. Supporting independent businesses is in our best interests for the future, because they provide such a personal service.”

CUNA Partners with Golden Charter CUNA Mutual Group has announced a new partnership with Golden Charter, one of the largest UK providers of funeral plans with a network of over 2,700 funeral directors. As a specialist in low-cost and accessible insurance policies, CUNA Mutual has been selected to ensure that prospective customers can benefit from affordable, index-linked protection for a funeral. The cover CUNA Mutual has developed for Golden Charter allows for the indexation of the policy in line with rising funeral costs, ensuring that all funeral director costs are guaranteed, regardless of the effect of future inflation. This new programme encourages consumers to consider funding funeral costs in advance and on a low-cost monthly basis.

Exam board unveils diploma for funeral celebrants An examinations board has unveiled a new Ofqual-approved diploma especially for funeral celebrants.

OCN North East Region has worked closely with Civil Ceremonies Ltd to devise and develop the national, Ofqual-approved Level 3 Diploma in Funeral Celebrancy (QCF), which is a vocational qualification covering all aspects of funeral celebrancy, from understanding the UK funeral industry to delivering a funeral ceremony.

Managing director of Civil Ceremonies Ltd, Anne Barber, said: “This new qualification marks the first national training standard for funeral celebrancy. It comes at a time when we are seeing an increase in applications from people who want to train as funeral celebrants, so it is vitally important to ensure there is a benchmark that the industry can rely on, and this qualification provides such a benchmark. When a funeral director is approached by a new celebrant, knowing that he or she has this high quality, nationally recognised qualification, it provides exactly the assurance they need, as well as confirming the celebrant’s occupational competence.”

For further information contact Helen Smith on 0191 518 6550 or helen.smith@ocnner.org.uk

Paisley FD receives Long Service Award A senior funeral director from Paisley has been given a Long Service Award for serving his local community for 20 years.

Robert Morgan, 44, from J & W Goudie, part of the Fairways Partnership, entered the funeral profession as a trainee funeral director in 1992. In 1996 he passed his Diploma in Funeral Directing, after which he was promoted to senior funeral director. In 2004 Robert advanced to become a workplace assessor, assessing driver/bearers, funeral arrangers and funeral directors. He became a member of the British Institute of Embalmers in 2009.

Robert said: “My 20 years’ service is an important milestone and the award means everything to me. I am very grateful for the excellent training from J & W Goudie over the years, which has helped me to focus on the outstanding service we provide to all our bereaved families.”

Image: Senior funeral director Robert Morgan (left) is presented with his Long Service Award by manager Gordon McGown.

Souvenir for the Royal British Legion A reminder of a fantastic day out has been presented to the Royal British Legion at Waltham.

Last September, staff from Kettle Funeral Directors and Monumental Masons, based on Granville Street in Grimsby, took around 25 Royal British Legion members and their friends or partners to RAF Scampton for a Christmas party. The group enjoyed lunch, a tour of the hangar, gifts, a choir of local schoolchildren and a display by the Red Arrows.

Now, the funeral home has presented those who attended the party with a framed photograph as a keepsake.

Funeral director Malcolm Angel (pictured at the back of the group) said: “We wanted to present them with the photograph of the entire group who visited RAF Scampton as a reminder of a fantastic day out. The photo will take pride of place on the wall in the Waltham Royal British Legion.”

10

Dispatches

Three minute interview

Mark Morris MCIM, sales and marketing manager, J C Atkinson Describe yourself in three words

Tall, impulsive, loyal.

What is your earliest memory?

Riding a toy tractor with a red seat across my garden when I was just a small boy.

When you were at school, what did you want to be and why?

Besides being an international playboy and spy, I wanted to be a soldier like my dad. I guess a lot of lads want to follow their dad’s career path.

Scotmid supports its communities As part of the Hogmanay and Christmas season of good will, Scotmid Co-operative’s funerals division donated £800 to four different charities.

The charities in receipt of donations were Maggie’s Cancer Caring Centre in Edinburgh, a drop-in centre which aims to help anyone who has been affected by cancer; Clovenstone Amateur Boxing Club, which is raising money for a small refit of the community centre where it is based; the Prince’s Trust, which is Scotmid’s charity of the year; and the Lanarkshire Association for Mental Health based in Hamilton.

Head of funerals James Blackburn said: “We operate at the heart of Scottish communities and each Christmas and Hogmanay we like to give something back to these communities.”

Dates for your diary...

www.bioe.co.uk

www.nafd.org.uk

19 – 21 April

2 – 4 July

OGR Annual Conference and Supplier Showcase Renaissance Arlington Capital View Hotel Washington, DC United States www.ogr.org

Cremation & Burial Conference & Exhibition 2012 The Hilton Newcastle Gateshead Newcastle Upon Tyne www.cbce.org.uk

Provisional deaths in Scotland by month of registration, 2011 Source: General Register Office for Scotland

Now 8! Now that was a great album with loads of great songs from 1986 (I also had a thing for the singer from Swing out Sister; their song Breakout was on the album.)

Oct-11 4,415

Nov-11 4,223

Dec-11 4,899

Provisional deaths in Northern Ireland by month of registration, 2011/12

If you could have dinner with one person, who would you choose and why?

John Wayne. He has always been my hero; it would be great to listen to him wax lyrical about his life and his movies.

My dad once told me: “It’s not easy being a fan of Aston Villa, but it is character building!” I guess his underlying message was that things can be difficult, but stick with it and don’t give up.

NAFD Devon Area Federation general meeting TBA

British Institute of Embalmers AGM The Heathrow/Windsor Marriott Hotel Berkshire

What was the first album you bought?

What is the best advice you’ve been given?

1 May

18 – 20 April

Source: Northern Ireland Statistics and Research Agency Nov-11 1,134

Dec-11 1,176

Jan-12 1,433

Monthly provisional figures on deaths registered by area of usual residence, 2011/12 Source: ONS

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you choose and why?

England and Wales

Nov-11

Dec-11

Jan-12

Difficult choice – I would love to visit the Grand Canyon or the Great Pyramid of Giza, but my ultimate destination would have to be the moon; looking back at the earth just hanging in space must be really awesome.

TOTAL REGISTRATIONS

40,629

43,570

46,902

ENGLAND AND WALES

40,548

43,482

46,809

ENGLAND North East North West Yorkshire and the Humber East Midlands West Midlands East London South East South West

38,025 2,163 5,555 4,063 3,442 4,161 4,249 3,890 6,163 4,339

40,752 2,346 6,115 4,408 3,651 4,372 4,580 4,228 6,516 4,536

43,887 2,471 6,330 4,827 3,855 4,721 4,862 4,604 7,280 4,937

WALES

2,523

2,730

2,922

Non-residents of England & Wales

81

88

93

What is your favourite quote or saying?

“Life moves pretty fast; if you don’t stop and take a look once in a while, you could miss it!” A great line from a fantastic movie, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. What is the most important thing your job has taught you?

Not having grown up in or had any dealings with the sector prior to joining JC Atkinson, I guess I have learned that the funeral trade is nothing like I thought it was going to be. I suppose I had a view that the trade would be a bit dour and depressing, but that’s not the case at all. So I have learned never to judge anything until you know a bit about it!

12

Comment

Recognition and new beginnings Gus Nichols reports back from a special ceremony, in

which the work of a key organisation was honoured, and looks ahead to the gathering of the clans at Tanexpo

O

n 8 March I was invited to attend a very special ceremony in London.

The armed forces were acknowledging the work of Albins of Bermondsey over the last eight years in two theatres of war – Iraq and Afghanistan.

The highly symbolic and dignified manner in which soldiers are returned home having been killed in action has been well documented here and elsewhere. The ceremony, held in the Norwegian Church and lead

by Parish Priest Fr Holt, was a moving and fitting tribute to those who had given their lives and also a means by which to thank and acknowledge the staff of Albins who had been deployed on numerous occasions to assist with the repatriation of the deceased. Some 14 members of staff were presented with military medals for work carried out both in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Adding to the sense of occasion and poignancy was the terrible news of six soldiers losing their lives some days previously, and that behind the scenes, Albins was making preparations for two members of staff to travel to Afghanistan the very next morning.

Albins chose this opportunity to award other staff in the company for their work in assisting the bereaved families of the soldiers. None more so than Mr David Spalding MBIE and the embalming team at Bermondsey, for his and their exceptional restorative work, which has allowed numerous families to view the deceased back at home. This intensely skilled and compassionate work elevates funeral service to a whole new level, and on behalf of FIAT-IFTA I congratulate and thank David for what he and the company have been able to provide for families.

The ceremony was attended by Air Commodore Chris Bray OBE; Cllr Lorraine Lauder, Mayor of Southward; Cllr Ian Wingfield; Cllr Anood Al-Samerai; Colonel Scott Adam OBE; Lt Colonel J M Vernon; Major Marcus Elliott-Square; Garrison Sergeant Major William Mott OBE; and Mr Simon Hughes MP, who delivered a moving reflection at the end of the service.

Following the medal ceremony, all were invited to the official

opening of the George Alfred Dyer House, a short distance from the church and Albins head office. This new building was designed to hold the office of Albin International, the UK-based repatriation agency, and named after Barry Albin’s late father who passed away in 2010.

It was a pleasure to renew old friendships that I had made when spending some time working with Kenyon Air Transportation in the early 1990s, in particular Mr Michael Gill, and to meet the multilingual staff – not least managing director Mr Emerson de Luca.

I had the pleasure of speaking to those assembled in the new building (which also provides a viewing chapel option) and congratulated Barry, Simon, Jonathan, Emerson and all involved with the project. In my last article I made reference to the excellent work carried out by repatriation companies and the work they do; this new development in London is to be welcomed.

The following morning I was able to attend the famous Albins breakfast – that’s one entry on my bucket list ticked off! May I take this opportunity to thank Barry and his team for the very warm welcome and hospitality.

I congratulate and endorse all domestic and international events that promote and improve what we do Being asked to attend functions such as this is a great privilege and certainly one of the benefits of holding this office. Shortly I will travel to Bologna to attend the bi-annual Tanexpo international funeral and cemetery exhibition. It is, I believe, the largest gathering in Europe of our sector and I am looking forward to seeing the ‘Italian’ approach to funerals first-hand.

Gatherings of funeral professionals, such as Tanexpo, are an essential means of education and communication – I congratulate and endorse all domestic and international events that promote and improve what we do and I hope that our Dublin Convention in June meets the same level of success.

Gus Nichols

For more information about FIAT-IFTA, please visit www.thanos.org

14

Funeral Plans

Looking to the future

Why is it important to offer pre-paid funeral plans in 2012? And which companies are available to partner with?

Louise Hoffman hears from five potential candidates

N

ot only has the increase in costs associated with life been frequently hitting the headlines of late – not least with the announcement of this year’s Budget – but so has the increase in costs associated with death. In fact, Perfect Choice Funeral Plans, which is operated by the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), says that “the average cost of a funeral rose by more than 45 per cent between 2005 and 2010.” (Source: Mintel Research 2010.)

Not only are most members of the population concerned by their finances to some degree, they are also very aware of changes in the economy, thanks to media coverage and easily accessible online resources. And with purse strings tightened, and prices appearing never to be at a stand still, spreading costs and catering for any future financial issues in advance are quite understandably attractive prospects.

Enter the pre-paid funeral plan; a product which has seen a surge in interest over the past couple of years.

“Better targeted advertising and marketing regionally and nationally have both informed and educated the UK populace as to the funeral plan product, and they responded by purchasing 112,714 plans in 2011,” affirms Barry Floyd, operations and marketing director at Golden Leaves.

Indeed, Barry sees this sector as pivotal to the funeral director’s business going forward: “Independent funeral directors need to ensure that they too are gaining their fair share of the future market in their areas by selling these products, otherwise a competitor will do so, and this is future business and families lost.”

He continues: “As the corporates, funeral planning companies and larger insurance organisations are reaching further into localised communities to awaken interest in consumers who would not otherwise have been communicated with concerning the product, it is more essential now than ever that independent funeral directors

Funeral Plans

“Independent funeral directors need to ensure that they are gaining their fair share of the future market in their areas by selling these products”

“Our customers tell us that the biggest benefit is an emotional one – knowing that everything is settled”

strategise (either on their own or in partnership with a funeral planning company) and market to their communities more effectively, to acquire future market share and protect their businesses.

He also reminds funeral directors to choose a partner that they trust, himself advising that “independents should choose an FPA-registered funeral planning company that is going to aid them in their endeavour with industry-leading support, marketing and financials. It is equally as important to ensure that they retain their freedom of choice, and that they are not bound in ‘commercial handcuffs’ that will prevent them from or hinder them in making their own choices in the future.”

Golden Leaves has already reported plan sales growth of almost 30 per cent compared to this time last year. “This is largely due to the fact that independent funeral directors are moving to partner with us,” says Barry, “as they desire our support but also fiercely want to protect and retain their freedom of choice and independence as business people, without being handcuffed into partnerships that they can never get out of due to the financial penalties levied on previouslysold plans.

“As an organisation we provide a partnership that is not only forward thinking and thoroughly modern, but is also extremely proud to have old fashioned values,” he continues. “We believe that we offer unrivalled leading partnership packages of financials, marketing and field support, along with the first nationwide ‘green plan’ sold in the marketplace today.

“In 2012, if you want to escape to a real partnership and grow your business, you should talk to us here at Golden Leaves.”

Michael Corish, commercial director of Golden Charter, points out that, whilst the concept of saving for the future is appealing, this particular financial product can sometimes fall foul of the so-called ‘death taboo’, which continues to exist in modern-day society: “It is hardly surprising that most people put off planning ahead for their funeral,” he says. “It is, after all, human nature to be optimistic and concentrate on the nicer things; but we all know there are only two certainties in life: death and taxes!

“Those in the industry understand – they deal with it every day – but the general public only gradually come to terms with the stresses and realities of dealing with the practical side of bereavement as they experience it through the loss of parents, partners and siblings. Given that only one person usually handles the arrangements – often the eldest child – it is perfectly normal for people of 60 never to have helped to organise a funeral. And with increasing longevity, that age will rise, meaning that most people making arrangements will be of pensionable age, and potentially less able to fund their requirements from everyday income,” he says.

Michael also makes reference to the difficulties that changes to State provision have posed: “Our parents didn’t worry about saving for their own pensions or private healthcare in retirement – that was all part of the welfare state. Now, if you want perfect teeth, you get a dental plan; if you want new glasses, you will have to provide for yourself; employers and even the State now tell you that if you want a decent pension, it’s up to you; and if you want to ensure you don’t end up with large care fees in old age, plan ahead with a good lawyer. The bottom line is that we all now feel responsible for ourselves.”

In regard to the question of whether funeral plans are, therefore, the optimum method of endof-life provision, Michael answers in the affirmative: “Our customers tell us that the biggest benefit is an emotional one – knowing that everything is settled and that they have spared their families as much anguish as possible.”

If the decision is made to begin offering funeral pre-payment plans, how can you ensure that you get the best return from them? Graham Williams, managing director of Funeral Planning Services Limited, offers the following four-point action plan: 1. Set a reasonable price for the plan – most clients expect to pay slightly more than they would for the same funeral today (including the administration costs). Do not feel obliged to sell plans too cheaply because it will affect the eventual payment.

2. Limit the amount spent on plan administration. The client is only concerned about the total plan price so, the more that is taken by the plan provider, the less there is left for you. Compare the charges of different plan providers and ask what they are doing to earn their fee. The Funeral Planning Services charge is £85 per plan.

3. Ensure that your pre-payment funds are invested wisely. Every funeral plan company has a different investment policy and it is up to you to check that you are happy with the level of risk involved. Funeral Planning Trust holds a minimum of 85 per cent in UK government index-linked bonds. Unfortunately some funeral plan providers do not publish their annual trust fund accounts, which prompts the question: “If not, why not?”

4. Following the death of the client who purchased the funeral plan, proper handling of the

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16

Funeral Plans

arrangement interview can make a crucial difference to the satisfaction of the family and your income from the funeral.

It might be tempting to think that no discussion is necessary because everything has been pre-arranged, but this would be a serious mistake. Some pre-arrangements are more detailed than others, but every detail should be checked to ensure that it meets the needs of the family. In this area, as in so many others, thorough staff training is essential.

“We are here to help independent funeral directors get the best from pre-payment plans,” says Graham. “We can provide a range of attractively-designed brochures and leaflets over-printed with the funeral directors’ details, or they can choose to produce their own brochures. We provide an efficient and personal service to each of our business partners, while keeping our administration charge very competitive.

“Funeral Planning Services has 17 years’ experience of helping funeral directors to succeed in the pre-paid market,” he adds, “so we understand that our business partners have individual needs and our service can be tailored to suit each business. If any of your readers have further questions we would be delighted to hear from them.”

The aforementioned Perfect Choice Funeral Plans is available only to NAFD-accredited members, and it lists a fast and personal service; a comprehensive suite of high quality literature, available free of charge; the option for clients to pay either as a lump sum or by instalments; pricing flexibility; and a choice of introducer fees among the benefits of its partnership. The full prepayment amount is also held securely in a specially tailored whole-of-life assurance policy, and plan values are not eroded by the withdrawal of operating costs.

“For over 20 years we have been helping families and funeral directors make sound pre-need decisions,” says Perfect Choice. “Today we enjoy an excellent relationship with our funeral directors based on a solid understanding of their business, and a prompt and flexible approach to their unique needs. Whether you are a new or established funeral directing firm, we are dedicated to providing you with the comprehensive support necessary to expand your pre-need business and continue to develop a highly regarded reputation within your community.”

Finally, founded 20 years ago to provide unique and affordable funeral plans, Avalon has now supplied well over 25,000 plans to customers across the UK and Europe, and it has reported that in the past year alone, sales of plans have nearly doubled.

“The Avalon team is dedicated to offering value for money, and in the current financial climate we think it’s vital that we’re flexible in terms of payment,” says managing director Mike Cooper. “We’re committed to ensuring that customers are aware of our extensive range of funeral plans and the varied financial schemes that accompany them.”

Avalon offers four varieties of plans in the UK: Balmoral, Highgrove, Paradise and Windsor Way. “All funerals can be fully planned with a funeral director, allowing each customer to have complete control over the ceremony. Of course, what’s included in the plan depends on the amount paid. A basic package typically includes arrangement of the funeral; provision of a funeral director’s services; a coffin; and a hearse,” Mike explains.

“Avalon also caters for expatriates who have retired overseas, while certain plans include dual certification for those who are of fixed residence in two countries. This allows the funeral to take place in either country and ensures that medical, minister and crematorium fees are covered and the administration is fully dealt with.”

Avalon also offers the Compendium Plan, which enables funeral directors to offer their own funeral plan service. “As our latest offering, this plan allows funeral directors to sell secure, bespoke plans with complete peace of mind about financial reimbursement,” says Mike. “It’s perfect for smaller companies that have never sold a plan before, or for those who are worried about guaranteeing prices in the future.”

“Some pre-arrangements are more detailed than others, but every detail should be checked to ensure that it meets the needs of the family”

“All funerals can be fully planned with a funeral director, allowing each customer to have complete control over the ceremony”

Supplier listing Avalon Funeral Plans: 0161 486 2025 or www.avalonfuneralplans.com Funeral Planning Services: 01508 532 632 or www.funeralplans.co.uk Golden Charter: 0800 111 4514 or www.goldencharter.co.uk Golden Leaves: 0800 854 448 or www.goldenleaves.com Perfect Choice Funeral Plans: 0800 633 5626 or www.perfectchoicefunerals.com

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Products

Bio-Diamonds

UK company Bio-Diamonds has launched a new range of laboratory-grown diamonds, created with carbon extracted from cremated ashes, to form “a truly personal memorial gemstone.” Bio-Diamonds are created using the HPHT (high pressure high temperature) synthesis process, and are identical in their physical properties to natural diamonds. Each gemstone is independently certified and can be purchased as a loose diamond or set into a jewellery piece. “As unique as each individual, Bio-Diamond is a magnificent way to preserve and pass down to family generations cherished memories of loved ones. Providing for both private clients and business partnerships, Bio-Diamonds delivers a truly unique memorial product,” the company adds.

Information: 0845 643 0563, info@bio-diamonds.co.uk or www.biodiamonds.co.uk

Friends and Relations

Friends and Relations is a provider of bespoke, online memorial books that enable the lives of those who have died to be celebrated in pictures and words, recording precious memories for future generations, and with the option to raise money for charity with direct, online donations.

Information: 01872 226 800 or julie@friendsandrelations.com

Wells Caskets

Wells Caskets is now offering “one of the most economical NVF and stillborn cribs on the market.” All of its ‘soft feel’ cribs are covered with 100 per cent white cotton needle cord and come plastic lined with fixing pins supplied. Cribs are individually wrapped for storage and are ideal for NHS contracts. They come in four sizes: 8 inches, 12 inches, 18 inches and 25 inches. Free seven-day delivery is offered on all orders over £400 plus VAT. Please contact the company to discuss your individual requirements.

Information: 01371 851 481, hopkiln@hotmail.co.uk or www.wellscaskets.co.uk

Batesville Interactive UK

Batesville Interactive UK has announced the launch of its WebLink platform, “the only website design and hosting service developed specifically for funeral directors in the UK.” WebLink offers a simple process for building and maintaining a funeral home website that avoids the complications, time and expense typically attributed to having a presence on the internet. “Having an online presence is more important than ever in today’s funeral industry,” says Troy Brake, vice president and general manager of Batesville Interactive. “WebLink solves the needs of a wide spectrum of funeral professionals, from those who have not yet developed or deployed a website, to those who may be looking to update and improve their current online offering.”

Information: 01332 856 372 or geoff.bowles@batesville.com

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Advice

Directing the business F A Albin & Sons chairman Barry Albin-Dyer shares a little of the business knowledge and wisdom that he has built up over the course of his 45 years with the family business

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ubconsciously, we as funeral directors are often blamed for death – if there were no funeral directors there would be no death.

But of course it’s the other way round; we fill a very vital role. We undertake to complete with dignity and respect the tasks that are often too difficult or delicate for families to undertake themselves. In doing so, we can become the filling in between the two slices of bread in a sandwich – we bridge the gap or, as I often say, rock the cradle, with one golden rule of bereavement: ‘It’s bad enough – let’s not make it any worse’.

We funeral directors sometimes complain about upfront disbursements; mortuary opening hours; the late signing of doctors’ papers; ministers not being contactable etc etc. Yet to undertake these responsibilities and stresses on behalf of families is clearly our duty, and to remove any of this would be to diminish the need for a funeral director. In truth, the work of the modern day funeral director is ever growing in task and responsibility; so of course is the need to understand your business completely. We now not only have to be very good at our job, but also good with business.

Now, if you are just starting up, I would give you the following advice: if you are becoming a funeral director for profit alone, then stop now! You’d be better off opting for a business that doesn’t require you to work on Christmas Day or be out at 2am on a removal, and

which allows you to make a much, much higher profit!

Now don’t get me wrong, I did not enter the profession to be a failure, but rather a success. We would all like a nice car, suits, family home and holidays, but there is much more to success than just the material trappings. I have always maintained that to be truly successful you must first fall in love with the business. Just like romantic relationships, you will have your ups and downs; good and bad days; trying situations; very demanding families; very needy families; and difficult financial situations. To come through all of this you must be in love or it will break you.

A fool knows the price of everything and the value of nothing!

Psychologically the last thing we as human beings want to pay for is, quite understandably, a funeral; and as funeral directors we can be our own worst enemy, trying to be cheaper than a colleague along the road; under-cutting; and on occasion giving the impression it can always be done cheaper. But is cheaper always better? No, of course not; funerals today are huge value for money with long hours, large

Advice

outlays and overheads. To be frank, in my view a funeral is ‘cheap at the price’.

John Raven (‘The Godfather’, as people referred to him), who was a wonderful stonemason and great friend of my late father George, always said to me: “People will gladly pay a fortune for a three piece suite that they will maybe only have for five years or more, yet a memorial stone which is quarried from the ground, polished with very expensive tools, worked and inscribed by a craftsman, transported, personalised, placed on a grave and could be there for 100 years or more, at a comparable price is often thought to be expensive. It is obvious, when you compare the longevity of the two, which has the greater value overall.”

It is important, I believe, to worry more about what you as a company are doing every day, than to worry about your competitors What is the average cost of a funeral in comparison to the average weekly wage? About six times the average weekly wage, would you say? Back in 1920 from an account of that time in our museum, the same funeral would cost about 12 times the average weekly wage.

So, in real terms, funerals were much more expensive – or rather, realistically priced – than they are now.

Funerals throughout the rest of Europe are generally more expensive than ours in the UK, and I have to commend you all on the level of service that you as professionals give! I am of the firm belief that whilst funerals in the rest of Europe are more expensive,

the service we offer in the UK is superior overall and provides much better value for money. But please remember we can still be better – at the end of each day ask yourself: ‘Could I have done more?’ The bar must always be lifted; we can always do better.

It is important, I believe, to worry more about what you as a company are doing every day, than to worry about your competitors.

If any independent funeral director was to run a multi-national, he or she would face all of the same trials and tribulations, and may end up in the same boat, paddling up the same stream, against the flow.

Big is not necessarily better. Likewise, being independent does not give you the monopoly of care. There are many excellent funeral directors working for groups, and many good funerals completed daily by them, with a lot of satisfied customers. As funeral directors we must pull together – it doesn’t matter what team we play for, as long as we are all on the same side. And quality is remembered long after the cost, while bad service creates mistrust and poor value for money.

Now I could go on and on for much longer, and if you want to know what makes a dynamic leader; how to create team spirit; and the best way to make your company stand out from the rest, then you may be interested in my book, Square Pegs in Round Holes.

Enjoy, and remember that you are the fourth emergency service – not the AA!

Barry Albin-Dyer is chairman of F A Albin & Sons, a 200-year-old family business based in Bermondsey, London, and with branches in Deptford, Mottingham, Barking, Sidcup and Welling. His book, Square Pegs in Round Holes, is available from www.albins.co.uk and is priced at £8 plus postage and packaging.

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Hearse and verse

Collectors of life This month Peter Wyllie presents a selection of poetry which encourages the bereaved to hold on to fond memories of their loved ones

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conducted a service in March for a gentleman who had been a bit of a collector. He had a lovely collection of old Dinky toys, and some old clocks and watches, as well as books about collecting.

I dedicated this short poem to his most special collection – his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. They were the inheritors of the real collection of his life. I asked them all to become collectors too; to collect the memories of this muchloved man to treasure and share with future generations. In the poem, I have replaced the name with ‘his’, ‘he’ or ‘him’.

The collection of his life has been completed, each piece restored with tender loving care; every item will bring out a special memory Of the happy times you all, together, share.

The toys he left, forever will remind you Of the days of long ago and him, the boy, Ticking clocks will measure out the passing minutes Every hour of your memories filled with joy.

He left you all with such a great collection, But that was not his greatest gift to you For the collection that has got the greatest value Is the one that’s hidden in each one of you.

This is not measured by the things he bought you, These items fade with time and can be lost But the lessons learned from life that he has taught you Are the ones that you all know have cost the most.

So be sure to store them safely till they’re needed and let his values be your guiding light For you know that everything in this collection Has the power to make your future turn out right. © Peter Wyllie 2012

At another funeral for a lady who had died at her own hand, the family chose Catch a Falling Star as the final piece of music. I said that the light of her life would always burn brightly in their hearts when they catch a star of memory and hold it close.

Using a similar theme of ‘collecting’, I wrote this short poem: In the darkest sky you’ll see The shining stars of memory.

Each one twinkling clear and bright To show their presence in the night.

And though they may seem far away they’re close enough to catch each day.

You can be sure they won’t depart but stay forever in your heart. © Peter Wyllie 2012 I am indebted to a fellow celebrant, Philip Spicksley from Lincolnshire, for bringing this lovely poem to my attention: The Book Go to that place we loved, our secret place, Close your eyes and you’ll see my face.

Play that tune, the tune we loved to hear, Close your eyes and you’ll see me clear.

Walk on the beach or climb to the top of a hill, Close your eyes and you’ll see me still.

Take a sip of wine, of dark red wine, Close your eyes and you’ll see me fine.

At night go out and look at the brightest star, Close your eyes and you’ll see me far.

On a day when the sky is blue and cold and clear Close your eyes and you’ll see me near.

Take down a book that would have been my choice, Open the book, close your eyes. You’ll hear my voice.

Paul Meadows When one mother lost her 25-year-old son, she wrote this moving poem:

Hearse and verse

A Picture of You I only have a picture now, a frozen piece of time, To remind me of how it was, when you were here, and mine.

I see your smiling eyes, each morning when I wake, I talk to you, and place a kiss, upon your lovely face.

How much I miss you being here, I really cannot say, The ache is deep inside my heart, and never goes away.

I hear it mentioned often, that time will heal the pain, But if I’m being honest, I hope it will remain.

I need to feel you constantly, to get me through the day, I loved you so very much, why did you go away?

The angels came and took you, that really wasn’t fair, They took my one and only Son, my future life; my heir.

If only they had asked me if I would take your place, I would have done so willingly, leaving you this world to grace.

You should have had so many years, to watch your life unfold, And in the mist of this, watch me, your mum grow old!

I hope you’re watching from above, at the daily tasks I do, And let there be no doubt at all, I really do love you.

There’ll be a day we meet again, of this I am quite sure Mum and her son, together, we’ll be apart no more. © Deborah Robinson

If you have found a poem that is particularly appropriate to a certain situation we would love to hear from you. Send your contributions to poetry@silverdove.org.uk Peter Wyllie is an independent funeral celebrant and president of the AOIC. For more information please visit www.silverdove.org.uk or www.independentcelebrants.com

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Discussion

To softly tread a different path Independent funeral celebrant Tara Christopher gains an understanding of the meaning that a natural or green burial can hold for a bereaved family

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atural and green burials are certainly not a new concept. It was nearly 20 years ago now – in 1993 – that Carlisle City Council opened the first natural burial ground in an innovative move to offer something different for the local area.

Since that time the concept of a natural or green burial has been fully embraced by many and there are now over 260 natural and green burial sites across the UK. Just over half of these are run by local authorities; the remainder being run by land owners such as farmers, charitable trusts and nonprofit organisations.

Sites can differ immensely, from a green area of a municipal cemetery, to a dedicated meadow or grassland, and many other variations that offer families a multitude of choices when it comes to how and where they lay their loved one to rest.

As a funeral celebrant I have recently come into contact with families who have chosen natural burial grounds as the final resting place for their loved ones. It seems that the peace and tranquillity of the surrounding area and the thought of the site being a haven for wildlife and animals were really very appealing. There was a sense for them of ‘going back to nature’, and perhaps most importantly of all, having more input into the funeral ceremony itself. The usual constraints of time and social norms feel somewhat removed from this type of ceremony – perhaps even unimportant – leaving families empowered to craft goodbyes to their loved ones that are truly unique and fitting.

Georgina Pugh, a funeral celebrant who has conducted a number of natural burials, said: “In my experience I would say simply that the quiet presence of nature has a healing quality and that a funeral ceremony gently conducted in natural surroundings gives a real sense of laying someone to rest in the earth.”

The appeal of the presence of nature when laying someone to rest is a view shared by the owners of the Willows Natural Burial Ground (pictured, top), which is close to my location in Leicestershire. Owners Jenny and Chris Scroby said: “The vision for our family-run site is to become an area of natural beauty which, over the years, will develop into a fitting natural final resting place – a place where people can come and reflect and remember loved ones. The Willows is managed and maintained with a strong sense of countryside and conservation.”

The themes of nature, wildlife and conservation, and a sense of completing the cycle of life by returning loved ones to rest in a natural burial ground, are understood and appreciated by many associated with the industry. Perhaps it is this presence of nature, coupled with the ability of a family to join together to craft a unique ceremony, that makes a natural burial such an increasingly popular choice.

With thanks to Katie Deverell, ceremony designer and celebrant; Georgina Pugh, funeral celebrant; the Association of Natural Burial Grounds; and the Willows Natural Burial Ground.

Image: Katie Deverell

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Tara Christopher is an independent funeral celebrant working in the Midlands area. For more information please call 07535 142 401 or visit www.tarachristopher.co.uk

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Sudden endings

Families and friends bereaved by suicide can face an especially traumatic and confusing grief process, as Rev George Callander explains

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t was with great sadness that I heard the news of the tragic death of PC David Rathband, the police officer who was shot and wounded in Newcastle in 2010 by the gunman Raoul Moat. PC Rathband’s physical injuries were so severe that he lost both of his eyes and was disfigured as a result of the incident. Moat subsequently turned his gun on himself at the end of a widespread police hunt for him.

After spending a considerable amount of time in hospital, PC Rathband recovered well from the physical injuries. In his many national and local public appearances he seemed to be coping well with the profound psychological injuries associated with the incident. However, as is generally the case, when we the public look in on a situation, we only see what a person wishes us to see.

Clearly David Rathband was not coping as well as it seemed. After a holiday in Australia visiting his twin brother and family, he returned to the UK. Concerns about his safety were raised and, on investigation, PC David Rathband was found hanged at his home. He had taken his own life. The sudden and tragic end to David Rathband’s life was a very public reminder of the stark reality that people can and do, for whatever reason, choose to end their own lives.

Sadly, in the last six months I have conducted five funeral services for people

who have taken their own lives. Four of these men and women were under 35 years of age.

The circumstances surrounding the deaths were all completely different, but what was common to them all was the bewilderment, shock and pain felt by family and friends It is my belief that there are two categories, albeit with blurred edges (as distinct from multifarious methods), of people who take their own lives. Firstly, there are those whose suffering – physical, emotional or both – becomes so intolerable that they see the only option is to put an end to it. This category might be described as ‘self deliverance’. The second category is those who almost on the spur of the moment resolve to end their lives.

Whatever category those we deal with come into we must always remember that they have not ‘committed’ suicide. Before the passing in August 1961 of the Suicide Act, it was a criminal offence to take, or attempt to take one’s own life. Anyone who survived was liable to prosecution and imprisonment.

Likewise, the Christian church (generally – but with exceptions) considered it a grave sin to take one’s own life. Indeed, those who died at their own hands were denied the right to be buried in consecrated ground or to full funeral rites.

Following the passing of the Suicide Act, despite it no longer being a criminal offence, suicide was still considered one of

Surviving families often feel shame, anger and guilt, blaming themselves for what happened or for not picking up clues

bereavement

the greatest taboos to talk about. Even today, more than half a century later, many people feel unable to talk openly and honestly about the issue or the circumstances of a death by suicide, instead using euphemism and even untruths. This may be because they believe there is a need to ‘protect’ the reputation of the deceased, or they want to protect themselves from perceived shame, scandal or rejection by others.

For those bereaved by suicide there are often more questions raised than answers found. Families may never know why their loved one chose to end his or her own life.

Not everyone leaves a note or previously displayed suicidal tendencies or obvious suicidal ideation. Surviving families often feel shame, anger and guilt, blaming themselves for what happened or for not picking up clues, and can also be subjected to the blame and criticism of others. People bereaved by suicide can feel marginalised, but feel unable to open up because of the perceived stigma associated with suicide.

When working with people bereaved by suicide we must always proceed gently and with great sensitivity. We should try, for example, not to use the term ‘commit suicide’, because it is no longer an offence to take one’s own life and so they are

‘committing’ nothing. It is better to use terms such as ‘take their own life’ to help reduce the feeling in those left behind that suicide is in some way wrong or shameful.

As bereavement practitioners we must always leave our own feelings out of the equation when supporting people bereaved by suicide. It is not our place to judge the actions of the deceased or the opinions of the bereaved, nor to take sides in any family discord. In addition, the breadth of emotions expressed by bereaved people can be more powerful in those bereaved by suicide, and may generate atypical grief responses. There can be profound anger of the ‘how could s/he do this to us’ type – a deep anger at and rejection of the person who has died.

Frequently in our clients we encounter ‘unfinished business’ in such cases. Families and friends may feel they have been deprived, not only of a loved one but also of the opportunity to tie-up loose ends, settle differences, make amends and generally have the best possible farewell that we all hope to have. The very nature of suicide generally deprives us of the opportunity to gather around the bed of a dying loved one. The exception to this is, of course, legally assisted suicide. In some other societies, in Europe and elsewhere, loved ones can be present as

a terminally ill relative or friend is helped to end their life, surrounded by familiar faces and voices.

In many cases – but by no means all – the mechanism of death by suicide can make it impossible for families to see the body of their loved one, therefore they may feel deprived of that final farewell. However, we as bereavement practitioners can only advise, guide and support in this respect, as ultimately a body does not belong to us.

Sadly, despite more enlightened cultural and sociological attitudes to suicide, people so bereaved are among the most marginalised and vulnerable bereaved people. Unsure of their own feelings about suicide and the reaction they may receive from others, they may not know to whom they can turn for support and guidance. We should always be prepared to listen with impartiality to their fears and concerns and guide them to appropriate support agencies, and using our compassion, professionalism and skill we, as bereavement practitioners, should all work towards reducing (and who knows, eventually eradicating) the perceived stigma attached to suicide.

I dedicate this column to the memory of PC David Rathband and salute his courage and his dignity. May he rest in peace.

Rev George Callander is a minister of the Liberal Christian UK Open Free Church, and a bereavement specialist practitioner, speaker and trainer.

Please visit www.gscallander.com for more information.

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Presentation Bags

It’s all in the presentation A selection of attractive bags designed to hold urns, caskets and personal items

Tutill Remembrance Items by Shaw’s, a leading UK supplier of commemorative items and specialist practical products for funeral directors, is delighted to announce considerable reductions to the prices of its cremation urn bags.

Available in burgundy and navy, from stock, these elegant drawstring bags can be used to add a special touch to the presentation of an urn to bereaved families. Prices for this item have almost halved since Shaw’s acquired the Tutill brand last year, as part of the company’s continuing quest to improve services and prices to customers.

Complementary products are also available, including jewellery bags and pouches and canvas property bags.

Information: 01322 621 114 or www.shaws.co.uk

Leslie R Tipping Limited manufactures and supplies a high quality range of velvet presentation bags for ashes caskets, urns and Polytainers. “This premier range is the ideal way to present the ash remains of a loved one to the family in a tasteful and discrete manner,” the company explains. With a choice of colour options including navy, burgundy, purple and bottle green, each bag is finished with a gold or colour-matched drawstring cord to keep the contains secure. Leslie R Tipping can also provide a personalisation service, enabling the funeral director to have a company name, logo or message embroidered onto each bag.

A range of smaller velvet and velour bags for the presentation of jewellery/trinkets is also available.

Information: 0161 480 7629, sales@lrtipping.co.uk or www.lrtipping.co.uk

Tributes Ltd offers a range of presentation carrier bags to fit its ashes caskets and Scatter Tubes, available in environmentally friendly, natural, recycled Kraft paper, featuring cotton cord handles; or in burgundy with black cord handles. The company also supplies drawstring ashes bags in unbleached cotton calico or black satin, which can be used as protective bags for keepsakes and smaller caskets. The products are available direct from Tributes to groups and Co-ops, and to independent FDs via trading partner Allsops CTF. Tributes can also offer a full design-to-production bespoke packaging service for funeral directors who would like their own exclusive presentation bag design.

Information: 0845 388 8742 or www.tributes.ltd.uk

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32

Wellbeing

Emotional support Working with the bereaved on a daily basis can take its toll on personal wellbeing, and so psychotherapist Phillip Hodson issues a reminder about the importance of stress management

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here are some lines of work that impose exceptional psychological pressures, and funeral directing, I would argue, is one such career.

The fact is that dealing with death is different from dealing with home insurance, groceries or cars. When you sell a funeral service to members of the public you raise your exposure to high levels of raw feeling.

Emotional disturbance is contagious, and your system will react whether you like it or not by increasing the stress chemicals in your own bloodstream, including cortisol and adrenaline. This pressure needs to be managed if you are to remain well.

Not only is it a genuine burden to be unremittingly reminded of your own mortality; it’s an equal burden to have to bottle up and contain your own reactions because the needs of the bereaved family must come before your own. You are the ‘counsellor on the spot’, so to speak, compelled to hold and absorb thoughts and

Maintaining a ‘professional silence’ and never speaking about the pressures of our work is a recipe for depression feelings of depression that your customers may decide to impart.

I know exactly how this feels because my clients do the same thing with me when they bring their despair to the counselling room.

But psychotherapists and counsellors have a professional solution in place; we call it supervision – which is compulsory – and all supervisors are supervised. These monthly interview sessions allow us to download the job’s downside with someone perhaps more experienced but not immediately involved in the knottier cases, and who can separate the wood from the trees and remind us why life is still worth living – however demanding or depressing our clients may be. They can also discreetly check our social health: do we get enough time off? Are we developing an alcohol or drug dependency? Or starting to cut corners in the consulting room? The supervisor is often the first to notice.

So my question is: who helps you to manage this pressure? Where do you take these feelings when they fill you up? After all, there are only two main ways of coping alone with the oppressive and endless needs of others, and both are emotionally pricey. The

first is to insulate yourself from the reality of it all and retreat into denial, or act as if you don’t have feelings while perhaps overdoing the internal gallows humour. This has often been the course adopted by medical practitioners, and I suspect it has sometimes been the path of funeral directors too. The second option is to remain over-exposed to every wave of grief coming through the door.

I wonder if something similar to our supervision structure might be useful for the funeral profession? Either way, emotions need to be used optimally, and when we have a difficult feeling, we need to express it soon afterwards to be ready for the next onslaught that life may bring.

One of the best ways of discharging emotion is in the form of a narrative, where we make sense of our life in words. Telling stories, recalling events, and describing what we have experienced – whether in the pub, with the family, or to a supervisor or counsellor – is the human way to keep a handle on both reality and sanity; while maintaining a ‘professional silence’ and never speaking about the pressures of our work is a recipe for depression.

Phillip Hodson is a Fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy www.philliphodson.co.uk. To discover more about counselling, or to find a therapist where you live, go to www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk

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Over To you

A year of community work Jim Gilbey, Dignity business manager for north west London, gives

an overview of the fundraising activities that he and his dedicated team carried out in north west London over the course of 2011

W

e kicked off the year with a very simple poster being placed in our funeral homes’ windows offering to relieve members of the public (and staff) of any unwanted Christmas presents they had received – come on, be honest, we all get at least one of those!

In March we purchased over 100 daffodils and tied these into bunches of 12 using yellow ribbon. Each of my funeral homes delivered some to their local church to be placed on the altar in honour of Mothering Sunday.

Leading on from this I felt it only right to acknowledge Father’s Day, and so families whose fathers’ funerals we had the privilege of carrying out during the previous year were invited to come into the funeral home and place a photograph and/or a poem on boards in memory of their loved one.

Getting back to the daffodils, March is the month dedicated to Marie Curie, and two of my branches – J H Kenyon’s at Pond Street, Hampstead, and James Crook at Willesden – decided to support the charity.

Tracy Parker at Pond Street donned the famous Marie Curie Mad Hatter’s hat and joined a number of tin shakers outside one of Hampstead’s busiest tube station. Not to be beaten, Martin Tullet from James Crook at Willesden hosted a 1930s-style tea party, and as the picture shows, he and I also got a chance to wear the hat!

Easter was fast approaching and, for the third year, one of my favourite charities – Noah’s Ark Children’s Hospice – would be hosting its annual Easter egg hunt.

Again, a simple poster in the window of my branches along with some letters to local shops and businesses resulted in our best year ever, and we delivered to

Over To You

Noah’s Ark approximately 500 Easter eggs.

The month of June marks the start of the Breast Cancer Care campaigns, and we decided to really go for this one. Bingo Lingo boards were drawn up; letters were sent to companies for tombola prizes; party games were devised, such as a hula hoop competition (which area manager John Laker proved to be (almost) quite good at) and ‘guess how many sweets in the jar’ (always a favourite); bric a brac was requested; and – wait for it – the Dignity organ was booked for the day. The venue was outside our funeral home H Phillips at Mill Hill.

Another of my funeral homes – W Nodes in Barnet – also hosted a Strawberry Tea, and although we didn’t have the Dignity organ in attendance, we did have some local ‘Dignitaries’ in the form of five local ministers.

Onwards into September, and time to support another great charity – Macmillan Cancer Support.

Two of my branches stepped up to the plate – J H Kenyon at Woodhouse Road and once again J H Kenyon at Pond Street, Hampstead, each hosted the ‘world’s biggest coffee morning/afternoon’. Cakes were baked, coffee was brewed and tins were shook.

Funeral director Pam Wise and funeral service arranger Tracy Parker did a sterling job with the raffle at Pond Street, and a good time was also had at Woodhouse Road, where there was an abundance of cake, and plants for our plant tombola. There was good attendance from the local clergy and from this has stemmed one of my 2012 projects – Homeless Action in Barnet, which a number of the local churches support.

Next on our agenda was the British Legion Poppy Appeal, supported by all of our branches, some creating wonderful window displays, which I’m sure helped to boost the amount raised – in excess of £500.

Coming towards the end of the year, we had a Christmas ‘tour’ with the Dignity organ; firstly in Ruislip for the ‘Light-up Ruislip Christmas Fun Day’. Along with funeral service arranger Sue Clarke’s powers of persuasion in getting members of the public to buy raffle tickets, over £200 was raised for Children’s Hospice UK. Out in Barnet for the Christmas market, £99.98 was raised for Support Our Soldiers – a charity which sends parcels to the serving troops in Afghanistan.

Memorial services were held in December, in which the names of our clients’ loved ones were read aloud and candles lit in their memory. After each service we provided refreshments for the families, and there was a chance for some informal chatting. It was very rewarding to hear their positive views on what we were able to do for them at what can only be described as a terrible time.

I have a great team of people who work for me and with me, and whilst I have outlined our most high profile charity events in this article, there has been much more fundraising going on. Indeed, 2011 was quite a year for me. In March I was ordained as the president of the LAFD (London Association of Funeral Directors) western division, and after 27 years in the funeral profession, I am very proud to have achieved this status.

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36

Over To You

Dear Editor, We are sure you are all aware by now, that some major, and in som e respects welcome changes have proposed, as the whole question of been funeral sector education has been revi ewe d.

Orig inal ly the NAF D and BIFD agreed to work together for thes e important and necessary changes to take place. The original intentio all existing tutors to obtain a nati n was for onally recognised qualification in adult education (CTTLS), along with being trained to become NAFD-a new tutors pproved tutors. Sadly the majority of the existing tutors did not find of re-training appropriate and som the method e lost heart as a result. Followin g lengthy discussions it was decided NAFD and BIFD were unable to cont that the inue working jointly on this vent ure.

The BIFD Education Committee subs equently met with the board of dire ctors and was given full support obtain recognised formal qualifica to tions for those tutors who wish to remain BIFD-registered tutors thro Institute of Learning, and also to ugh the create a series of qualifications suita ble for anyone wishing to develop knowledge and obtain a national their ly recognised qualification in fune ral service – one that will be indu stry-wide and embrace all codes of practice, not simply one!

The BIFD Education Committee, wor king with the assistance of a high ly qualified educationalist, Dr Pau Armstrong, has over the past few l months worked hard to produce a tutors’ manual; gain the means accreditation for all existing BIFD for the tutors to the highest available nati onal standard; and produce a seri nationally recognised qualification es of s for funeral service staff. We have produced the BIFD textbook in fune service, which will be used by all ral students wishing to obtain any of the new qualifications we are now A number of experienced funeral offering. directors have agreed to train to be registered examiners. Similarl y we are training new tutors to achieve the required standard, and a number of BIFD-registered tutors have alre engaged students on their courses. ady

The qualifications we are now offer ing are available to everyone wor king in the funeral sector. It will matter whether their employer is not a member of the NAFD, SAIF or inde ed has no affil iatio n wha tsoe ver! is to educate all who have a desire Our aim to learn and who wish to advance their professional career and pers development. Holders of the Cert onal FP award of the Independent Fun eral Directors’ College at Level 3 will be eligible to apply for membership of the Inst itute. IFD College students holding part awards up to Level 2 will be to apply for associate membership, eligible with the Institute working with them to advance their membership to licen member status using CPD as a tool. sed

We are pleased to be able to offer a range of five qualifications – the Introduction to the Funeral Professio Foundation Certificate in Funeral n; the Service; the BIFD Diploma in Fun eral Service; the Higher Diploma in Funeral Service; and the Diploma in Funeral Management. Full details of thes e awards can be found on the BIFD and the prospectus can be downloa website ded as a PDF file. Further informa tion can also be sourced from your BIFD-registered tutor. local

British Institute of Funeral Director s (BIFD)

38

Over To you

Dear Editor, My newspaper today tells me that the UK’s largest investor, Standar d Life, has announced reduced retu half of its 1.5 million with profits rns for customers. That’s a lot of people whose investments and pensions are going to pay out less in future than they were expecting.

This is no isolated move – investm ent returns were on the slide thou gh 2011 and if the financial tipst right, we are heading into a low ers are inflation economy for the coming years. There are even forecasters suggesting that bank base rate will not chan ge from its negligible current histo ric low of 0.5 per cent for a furt her four years. Think what that will mean to investment returns. The FTSE 100 has, in value terms, hardly grown at all in 15 years as any of you watching the value of your pension pot will know. Where am I going with this? ambling in the direction of asking Well I’m a harsh question: if investment grow th continues to fail to meet the rise of the average funeral, how are in costs we all going to fund the growing pre-need market?

This question is troublesome for both insurance-backed schemes and for those who invest in Trust-backe schemes, as it is the rise in investm d ent values or the relative lack of them that is at the heart of the prob lem.

We all appreciate why funeral pric e inflation tends to outstrip RPI and – let’s be truthful – we, in the plan companies, have repeated this as ning a way of persuading the public to buy our plans. Any personal serv ice that is so labour intensive and subject to incr easing H&S legislation is likely to increase at a faster rate than aver When, as in our own industry, we age costs. can’t outsource the human input to cheaper economies nor rely on to reduce administrative costs beca the internet use of the personal relationships required, we have a problem that solve. Put bluntly, parts of our mod we need to el don’t work in these conditions.

Some planning companies guarante e to provide inflation-matching retu rns – an excellent idea, but not tena going forward. Unless money can ble be found to fill the widening gap, pre-need values are going to lag behind at-need rates of income. further

It’s against my nature to be gloomy, but think on about the likely effec ts of the following:

People are living longer – plans will be longer coming to maturit y, increasing risk;

Medical advances exaggerate the above effect;

People are buying plans at younger ages, again lengthening the period of a plan;

Competition is intensifying;

The death rate will rise but ther e are more funeral directors open ing; As financial services giants become more involved they will squeeze returns.

All the above are forces working against us. The only positive facto r I have identified is that as the funds grow we get improved effic values in iency and relatively smaller inve stment charges, but that doesn’t apply to the smaller companies of course.

None of this answers my basic ques tion. It simply lists the problems that we have to find solutions to. industry is enjoying a stable peri The od but now is the time when we need to step back, have a good look decide which direction we need to around and move in to continue to thrive for the future.

Ronnie Wayte, managing director , Golden Charter

Over To you

Dear Editor, In the 1980s I trained at the Roya l London Hospital and qualified as an RDSA. I have for the last five years been employed by the funeral professio n and I am studying for my Dip have spent some time at two crem FD. I atoriums to complete one of my mod ules and the last question pertains to improvements I could suggest.

Mercury emissions and combating the damage these do to the atmosph ere definitely increases the cost of cremation financially. The Governm a ent, following the European guid elines, has requested that the crem do everything they can to reduce ator ium s these emissions by 50 per cent by the end of 2012. Mercury emission systems have to be fitted into ever s abat eme nt y crematorium at huge cost, whic h would have to be passed onto the understand these systems protect clien ts.

I do the environment from the release of other gases as well as mercury .

As a dental nurse I know that ther e are other substances that can be used to fill a tooth instead of ama know in some countries such as Swe lgam. I den amalgam would never be used , and I know there is some evidence amalgam can precipitate Alzheime that r’s. The argument that amalgam is the substance most like the enam therefore being able to expand and el it fills, contract when submitted to hot and cold at the same level that enam believe is quite a weak argument el does ,I when you consider the negative prob lems associated with the use of mer the mouth. cury in More often that not, the elderly of today die without teeth. The prob lem is going to get a lot worse whe generation (born in the 60s) pass n my away, as we often have our teeth and well filled.

A cremation cannot go ahead if the deceased has a pacemaker, or rad ioactive device or intramedullary system – these have to be removed nailing . Could we not consider removing teeth filled with amalgam during mortem or embalming, knowing a post as we do the damage caused to the environment as a result of leaving place? It is a consideration that I them in think the public should be made aware of and I would value your thoughts.

Louise Robinson RDSA

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40

Interview

Solid foundations Shaw & Sons’ marketing manager Kelly Young

provides Louise Hoffman with an update on the latest developments and future plans for the company’s Tutill Remembrance Items brand

Firstly, can you tell us the history of your company?

Shaw & Sons Limited is a well-established organisation that has been supplying a wide range of products and services to the legal and local government sectors since 1750. On 1 August 2011, Shaw’s extended its activities by becoming the new owner of Tutill Remembrance Items, following the retirement of its managing director, Susan Tutill. In its 14 years under Sue’s directorship, Tutill Remembrance Items earned a reputation as a niche supplier to the funeral trade of high quality objects for the bereaved, together with practical products for funeral professionals.

Shaw’s – which is based in Crayford, Kent – is marketing the products under the Tutill Remembrance Items brand and is delighted to continue this specialised service to the funeral industry. Shaw’s already had links to the sector through its supply of burial and grave registers and condolence books to local authorities, and as the former publisher of Davies’ Law of Burial, Cremation and Exhumation and Reusing Old Graves. However, the acquisition of the Tutill Remembrance Items brand means that Shaw’s has now become a major supplier to the funeral industry.

Tell us about your remembrance items…

The Tutill collection includes items of remembrance that can make coping with bereavement just a little more bearable for families.

Foremost is a range of unique cremation urns in a variety of materials and styles, from the traditional to the ultra-modern.

Most of these exquisite items are handmade by craftsmen and all pass stringent quality

tests to ensure they are among the finest urns available anywhere. Keepsake versions of many of the urns, as well as several additional styles of keepsake, are available for use where ashes are to be retained by more than one relative or friend of the deceased.

For the eco-conscious, our range includes 100 per cent biodegradable ‘disappearing urns’. Produced using sustainable materials, they are suitable for use anywhere: crematorium grounds, private grounds, woodland burial, sea, river or lake. Once brought into contact with water or moisture, these urns biodegrade within three months in the ground or dissolve within three days in water.

The ash keepsake jewellery collection includes beautiful handcrafted pendants and bracelets, which are easily filled and sealed and can hold a loved one’s cremated remains, a lock of hair or dried ceremonial flowers.

Most are available in sterling silver, gold plate vermeil or 14 carat yellow or white gold.

Finally, there is a series of memorial books in a choice of styles, to record tributes to the deceased. These looseleaf-format books are available with a choice of page styles: either sensitively worded text in ornate type, lined or completely plain paper.

For our brochure we have selected a range of popular remembrance items which we will continually stock ready for immediate dispatch to our customers in order to ease the pressure on families at a difficult time.

As such, we offer from stock 62 cremation urn styles, of which 45 are of adult size and 17 of a miniature keepsake size, as well as nine designs of books of condolence.

Our website, www.tutillremembrance.co.uk, is more comprehensive and contains all of the products on offer.

And what about your range of products for funeral directors themselves?

The Tutill range also extends to practical products for funeral directors, from reserved seat markers and laminated obituary cards, to signs for travelling and parking, and jewellery pouches. All of these products are designed to help make the service they offer

their customers smoother and more efficient.

Do you offer any extra or bespoke services?

In terms of the products for funeral professionals, our jewellery pouches (for returning jewellery and smaller items of personal property to families), funeral car flags and reserved seat markers can be branded with the name of the organisation. We also offer wildflower paper hearts and butterflies cards, which include a detachable adornment that can be removed and planted to grow and blossom into beautiful wildflowers – creating a perpetual tribute to a loved one. These cards – which can be personalised with company details or a message – represent a thoughtful gift for the funeral director to offer bereaved families and their friends.

For our remembrance items, some of the urns can be supplied with additional engraved plaques, and we offer standard engraving on the reverse side of some of our stunning ash keepsake jewellery pendants.

Two very special services can also be provided on this line: diamond engraving of an image or text upon a pendant, and designs that incorporate a micro-lens to enlarge an image of a loved one that is incorporated in the pendant itself.

What does the future hold for Tutill Remembrance Items?

Shaw’s is intent on becoming the UK’s leading supplier of remembrance products, in particular our unique and eyecatching urns that will take pride of place in any home setting.

We will continue to source the highest quality items from around the world and will remain innovative in our product range. In addition to this, we are committed to reducing prices where this will not impact on quality.

42

Charity Spotlight

Advancing knowledge

Epilepsy Research UK discusses the support it

provides to those engaged in medical research, working tirelessly to increase our understanding of epilepsy

E

pilepsy Research UK was formed by the merger of the Epilepsy Research Foundation and the Fund for Epilepsy in April 2007. It is the only national charity exclusively dedicated to funding independent research into epilepsy. We support the work of scientists and clinicians working across the UK, investigating every aspect of epilepsy in both adults and children. Our researchers are looking at what causes epilepsy, who gets it, what goes on in the brain during a seizure, and safer drugs and better surgical techniques to treat it.

Developments in drug therapy and medical scanning, along with major breakthroughs in the study of the human genome, mean that great progress has been made in understanding the causes of epilepsy in recent years. Epilepsy Research UK is proud to be supporting some of the key researchers in the UK who are pushing forward our knowledge of the condition.

Help us help more We depend very much on the generosity of people like you to fund our vital research; people who care about others and share our vision of a future where all types of epilepsy can be controlled. Medical research is very expensive but even the smallest gift can make a difference. We have an excellent track record in identifying promising research at an early stage. In recent years every pound of our funding has led to a further two pounds being allocated to epilepsy research from other sources.

One way that people can support our work is to establish a memorial fund in memory of a loved one. Many of our supporters have found that setting up a memorial fund can be a very positive way of remembering their loved one, keeping their memory alive while also funding research that will ultimately help other people with epilepsy.

Annette Heden and Martin Hannon describe how they set up a memorial fund for their daughter, Sophie: “Our lovely daughter Sophie died tragically aged only

23 years old in an epilepsy-related accident in July 2010, following three days in intensive care at the Royal Free Hospital in London. Sophie was diagnosed with epilepsy when she was 10 years old and it was reasonably managed with maybe one or two seizures in a year.

“Sophie was a bright, vivacious, kind and fun-loving girl with great compassion for her fellow human beings. She would never just ‘walk by’ and could always spare a few pounds even though she earned little money and supported several charities on a regular basis. Sophie was also an organ donor and it makes us immensely proud and gives us some comfort in our grief knowing that her ultimate gift of life has helped save the lives of four people.

“The loss of Sophie has left an enormous hole in our family that can never be filled, and life will never be the same again without her here, but we take comfort from the fact that she touched more people and crammed more fun into her 23 years than some people achieve in a lifetime. She was an adored

big sister to her brothers and sisters, Tom, Emma, Naomi and Henry.

“We have set up her memorial fund to try and help find a cure for this terrible and unpredictable affliction that can take our loved ones from us with little or no warning, no matter how carefully they live their lives.

There is still a lot to learn about epilepsy and we hope that [others] will donate to this very worthwhile cause that can potentially affect all of us directly or indirectly.“ Once a memorial fund like Sophie’s has been established, all donations received in that person’s memory are allocated to their fund. At the end of each financial year we pool all of the money held in the memorial funds and allocate it to a specific research project selected by our Scientific Advisory Committee. We are then able to keep everyone who has contributed to the funds updated on the progress of the project. In this way we hope to give our memorial fund supporters the sense of making a real contribution to advancing epilepsy knowledge.

For more information about setting up a memorial fund, please call Shona Scott on 0208 995 4781 or email shona@eruk.org.uk

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charity spotlight

Support for the non-religious

Registered charity the British Humanist Association can also offer funeral celebrancy services. Here the organisation outlines its approach to creating ceremonies, and the benefits of choosing a humanist service

P

roviding for the needs of bereaved families is a very important part of the charitable purpose of the British Humanist Association. It is to that end that each year our 270 funeral celebrants conduct over 7,000 non-religious funerals around the country.

Humanists hold the principle that we have only one life: this one.

So it’s important to make the best of it by seeking others’ happiness and by taking responsibility for our actions.

Our celebrants, being humanist, have a very high level of empathy with those wanting a non-religious funeral. This shows through in the authenticity and sincerity of our relationship with the bereaved, which we feel is so important to the grieving process. Our ceremonies are individually designed to meet the needs of families and friends.

We are committed to making every funeral a special celebration of life and to give the bereaved the best experience they can have.

“It was lovely to have a service that was genuinely about the person we’d lost rather than about religion. Patsy really took the time to understand the person he was.

Having a service like this was a real comfort at a very difficult time” Our humanist celebrant will visit and consult the bereaved to listen to their needs, to offer sensitive support, and to prepare a full, fitting, and personal tribute, entirely written from scratch. Whether a cremation or burial is chosen, friends and family are encouraged to choose readings and music representing the deceased’s life and to participate in the ceremony as they wish.

The celebrant then scripts and conducts a specially-tailored ceremony and the bereaved are given a presentation script of the ceremony afterwards so that they can read it again and share it with those unable to attend.

“Val was a very great comfort to the family. [The way that she conducted] the funeral service was lovely; very kind and considerate.

It was very thoughtful to receive the printed narrative of the service, which we will treasure” Our ceremonies are non-religious, but it is central to humanist thinking that all people should be allowed to follow whatever their beliefs may be, whether religious or non-religious. Our celebrants are trained and highly experienced in understanding how to manage complex family situations, and are more than capable of ensuring that people of all beliefs are able to take part in our ceremonies. So although our ceremonies are non-religious in nature, we frequently hear from religious people that they are the best ceremonies they have ever attended.

For more information about British Humanist Association ceremonies, please call 0207 079 3580 or visit www.humanism.org.uk/ceremonies

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50

Your story

your story Pippa Wilcox, freelance humanist funeral

celebrant, London and the Home Counties What made you decide to become a humanist celebrant?

Whilst arranging my own wedding I discovered that the British Humanist Association trains people to conduct not only wedding ceremonies, but also funerals.

Without wanting to sound too New Age, I experienced something akin to a calling.

I had a gut feeling that becoming a funeral celebrant might enable me to combine my skills and interests to support bereaved people in my community in a way that would be more stimulating, fulfilling, challenging and rewarding than anything else I had done before. Now, having conducted nearly 300 funeral ceremonies, I am delighted to confirm that my instinct was right!

“It is important to me that any funeral I lead feels welcoming and comfortable for everyone, whatever their beliefs” How does a humanist ceremony differ from a traditional one? And how is it similar?

People are reassured and sometimes surprised to learn that a humanist funeral (if done well!) offers the ritual, structure and sense of ceremony of a more traditional service – while marking the death and honouring the life of the deceased in a way that is arguably richer and more personalised than many people associate with a traditional funeral.

The most common feedback I receive is amazement at the degree to which the

ceremonies I create have captured the true essence of the deceased’s life and character, and that this was achieved without me ever having met them. Mourners often comment on how “inclusive” the ceremony was – it is important to me that any funeral I lead feels welcoming and comfortable for everyone, whatever their beliefs. Looking back through the thank you messages I’ve received from families, some of the words most often used to describe the funerals I’ve led are: genuine, fitting, personal, relevant, beautiful, lifeenhancing, positive, memorable, uplifting, warm, sensitive, dignified, respectful, and comforting. My own experience of traditional funerals is that they can feel somewhat generic by comparison.

What kinds of requests do people make?

Humanist funerals tend to be less ‘wacky’ than people might imagine. More often than not they take place in crematoria and cemeteries, and if you poked your head around the door you may not be able to distinguish between this and a more traditional ceremony. However, some families do want something out of the ordinary in order to have a ceremony that feels authentic and fitting. I do what I can to facilitate these requests, without judgement or prejudice, no matter how surprising they may seem to me. I’ve led funerals incorporating open coffins; mourners being offered a glass of the deceased’s favourite red wine on entering the chapel; and I recall one particular ceremony throughout which some mourners knocked back cans of Special Brew in honour of the deceased.

What’s the biggest challenge you face in your job?

One of the wonderful things about my job is that no two days are the same. Every family I

meet and every life I have the privilege of celebrating is unique and brings its own joys and difficulties for me. I am fortunate that my career path, together with my experience as a qualified therapist, has equipped me with the practical, organisational and emotional skills needed to do this job. But this doesn’t mean it’s always pain free; no amount of training can prepare you for the impact of sitting with a family whose loved one has thrown him or herself under a train or been brutally murdered, and it doesn’t matter how many ceremonies you’ve led, leading the funeral of an infant or young person never gets easier.

The day I stop making the effort to tune into each bereaved family is the day I should start looking for another job; but finding strategies to avoid becoming burned out and overwhelmed by the grief and sadness I witness at close quarters on a daily basis is, for me, one of the ongoing challenges of being a funeral celebrant.

What advice do you have for anyone starting out in the industry?

Helping people mark the end of a loved one’s life in a manner that they feel is appropriate and authentic is a privilege – and there’s nothing I’d rather do. However, it can take its toll. So do make sure you have the right support mechanisms in place to help you hold on to your equilibrium. Also, this work is unlikely to make you your first million!

On the face of it, celebrants’ fees may seem generous but if you take into consideration all the time that goes into putting together a high quality funeral, the resultant hourly rate is certainly not something to write home about. So you’ll need to make your peace with that; and you’ll almost certainly need another income stream, a working (and understanding!) partner, or a frugal lifestyle!

If you would like to appear on this page, please send an introductory email to Naida Ally at naida@funeralservicetimes.co.uk