The Importance of Playing With Your Child Wendy Corfe is a counselling psychologist in private practice in Hilton. Here she explores the importance of playing with your children.
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ow often have you just arrived home after a long day, feeling exhausted, mentally listing all the chores you have to complete before you can finally put your feet up, when your little one asks, “When can you play with me?”. This can sometimes cause you to groan inwardly and to guiltily wonder why your child can’t just play alone. So, what is it that children get from playing with a parent which makes them crave this experience so much? Firstly, playing with your child and giving them your undivided attention tells them that they are so important to you that you choose to spend time with them. This is a strong, affirmative message to a young child that helps to build self-esteem. Secondly, children have an innate need to be witnessed. Think of your child building a Lego tower or doing a handstand.
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“Mummy, Daddy, look at me!” Look what I can do!” Your attending to their achievements, however small, helps them feel seen and validated which is necessary for their mental well-being. Shared play also provides an opportunity for you to model coping skills and to help your child develop emotional regulation. For example, if your little one has painstakingly built a tall tower and it collapses causing them to throw the tower across the room and burst into tears, you can help them label their feelings. “I see you are feeling really disappointed and frustrated right now but it’s not okay to throw toys across the room.” This also gives an opportunity to help them learn coping, “What would help you feel better?” “Would it help if we rebuilt it together or shall we go outside and swing for a bit?” Scaffolding coping like
this gives your child options to draw on in the future when engaged in independent play or in play with peers. Research shows that child behaviour problems decrease when parents play with their children regularly. Shared play also helps your child learn to problem solve. Finally, studies show that the hormone oxytocin (the bonding hormone) is released in both children and their parents during happy playtimes. This hormone causes a sense of relaxation and well-being in both parties, in other words playing with your child has physiological benefits for both of you. In addition to this, it deepens the bond between you, which is a wonderful platform from which to guide your child’s behaviour when you need to. Studies show that mums and dads play differently with their children. Dads tend to play in a more physical way, for example they engage in boisterous or sporting activities while mums tend to be more verbal. Both forms of play are valuable and are necessary for children to have a healthy balance.
