Don’t Skip This COVID Christmas

by Jean Eisenmann| photo courtesy of Jean Eisenmann

I, for one, refuse to let a pandemic cheat me out of celebrating Christmas. I want to dash through the snow and have Jack Frost nip at my nose (oh, yeah, we’re in Texas). Okay, then I’m going to jingle all the way…as soon as I find out what that means, and if it’s legal. In other (lyric-free) words, I want the full holiday deal.

Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle at the ribbon, and with a circle-backslash symbol thought of letting your heart be light in the displayed prominently on the front. Let midst of COVID-19. The calendar says ‘tis ‘em smooch on their own thresholds. the season, and we need more than ever We decided to skip having a sit-down to be merry and bright. Right this very dinner this year. Dishes have to be minute. Whether we have a little or a lot, passed around the table, each piece Christmas is cause for celebration. collecting germ-ridden This year, my husband Van and I are inviting I’M GOING TO fingerprints until the plates’ patterns are friends over, but you’d JINGLE ALL THE unrecognizable. My better not pout, and I’m thought was to place telling you why. Because WAY…AS SOON colorful gloves in we’ll be paying strict attention to complying AS I FIND OUT Christmas patterns at each place setting with COVID-19 WHAT THAT under the guise of safety measures. party favors, and This will not be a tree- MEANS, AND IF then emphasize that trimming party. It wouldn’t be sanitary for IT’S LEGAL. everyone needs to wear them throughout everyone to touch the ornaments. Can dinner, as it adds you imagine how difficult it would be to the festivities. Van pointed out the to wash tinsel before packing it away? awkwardness of maneuvering plastic Mistletoe will be hung by the front door utensils while wearing woolen gloves. because it’s traditional and festive. But no Says a man who’s tried it never. Hey, I said puckering and blending of saliva particles. gloves, not mittens, bless his heart. Solution: the bough will be encased in a Instead, we’re going with “box dinners.” clear plastic bag tied with a cheery red You know, like box lunches, but…dinner. In a box. Now the search is on for holiday condiment packets.

In lieu of glove party favors I’ve chosen mini Christmas stockings, each one stuffed with a pocket-sized hand sanitizer bottle in a popular holiday scent. Nothing says Christmas like the lingering smell of eggnog on your hands.

This is the first Christmas ever that we’ll be serving fruitcake. It was made five years ago, well before COVID-19, and therefore should be safe for human consumption. If guests grimace at the sight it’ll become a door prize, and the lucky recipient’s new doorstop or their kid’s science experiment.

Our final plan is to roast chestnuts on an open fire. Not for the taste, nor the tradition, but to sterilize them before eating.

All in all, it can be a holly jolly – though uncommon – Christmas. Whatever you make of it, remember that through good times and bad, it’s a wonderful life we live in this great country. And it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Whether you’ve been naughty or nice, just don’t be a humbug during the holidays. Make this a December to remember, not for the pandemic, but for the good tidings, comfort and joy we bring to each other. Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas, y’all.