SUZY LEINSTER

Stolen Stories from Stolen Lives

Ageing begins when growing ends.

My daughter, you play in fields Of bone-white lilies and bloodstreaked tulips.

Your chubby legs are like pirates’ pegs, begging to Be knocked down by the world’s wizened bowling balls.

Pale yellow butter clings to tangerine cheese sandwiches, littering the blanket sleeping beneath me. I stare at you, gazing at the motion of your auburn hair As it bounces with the weight of your Pudgy body. The dragonflies’ whirl around you, Their lead-thin bodies landing like walnuts falling softly to the ground.

My tissue paper hand, with blue pathways leading towards

The pump of my still-beating heart traces the softness

Of the screaming orange sky. Creamsicles and melting Sugar fade like utterances on the edge of my tongue.

I attempt to trace your yellow dress, the cotton strands Getting caught in the wind, the sails tangled in a free gale.

Speeding onwards, my joints creak, in need of the tin man’s oil

And behind gold-rimmed glasses, I watch you. As you put lilies in my hair, weaving them into the sprouting grey, I attempt to understand you.

I was old when you were young and I dreamt of marigolds while you strung The beads of my measured sand together.

While they trickled down a pathway of yellow-gold, Funnelling down into rhythmic glass jars

That demands their toll.

What is a modern-day love story?

Being a hopeless romantic today feels more like a guilty pleasure than a lifestyle. Sure, rom-coms and dreamy novels are everywhere, but as soon as the credits roll or the pages close, reality hits. You’re left with your roommate getting ghosted by their cute classmate, your phone vibrating at 2AM only to read, “yo”. Friends with benefits, crippling fears of commitment, and the poisonous talking stage — that seems to be the order of the day. A modern-day love story seems nothing short of fictitious.

I thought I’d found a story to beat the skeptics: move across the world, cross paths with an adorable stranger, then live happily ever after. I felt like I had known J forever. Sydney felt smaller with him, the hours we spent together sailed by. First kisses under the Harbour Bridge and glitzy nights on the town. It was all a little too perfect, except for the fact that our homes were oceans apart. As we cozied into a doomed romance, this truth began to loom — but I avoided shaking its hand. I wanted to feel it all and bask in what we had. But we could only avoid ‘the talk’ for so long. Putting off the decision of what we meant to each other was true procrastination, until the panic of being undefined finally forced our hands.

And there it was: arm’s length. His plan was to tread lightly and avoid the inevitable pain of me moving back to Canada. He admitted to keeping me at “arm’s length” — a distance wide enough to avoid attachment, but close enough to spend all hours together. I suddenly missed the inertia created by the evasion that existed before “arm’s length”. I wanted to continue on without a forced degree of separation. I didn’t want to lose him.

This plan may not always be revealed by a partner, but it is typically easy to sense when you want a step forward and they want a step back. When I agreed to “arm’s length”, I dodged vulnerability and strayed away from how I wanted our story to play out.

Not every relationship is forever, and there is certainly a time and place for the light and casual. The dating norms of today teach us that the power lies with the party who wants it less; the one who is satisfied with informality and ambiguity. But it is unnatural to waltz away from your feelings and leap into a certain type of relationship while you are secretly longing for another. Shouldn’t power be reserved for the brave and the bold? For those who wear their hearts on their sleeves, bearing the risk of rejection?

So, what is a modern-day love story? Is it a lucky ‘meet-cute’, a cinematic ocean-side kiss, or is it something more? If you ask me, the best way to beat the skeptics of modern love is to write your own story. Take the time to figure out your desired story line, and get to know your own feelings. Have the tricky conversations, and if it doesn’t work out, then you can always turn the page. Don’t keep your own wants and needs at “arm’s length” — fearlessly embrace love.