Spinal Chords by Musikkforlagene

S A LLY BEAM I S H Spinal Chords (2011) Text:: Melanie Reid for actor (female) and 13 solo Baroque strings: 8 violins 2 violas 2 celli double bass

N.M.O. 13154A

This work is published in the following editions: N.M.O. 13154A Score (ISMN 979-0-065-12453-7) N.M.O. 13154B Instrumental parts (ISMN 979-0-065-12454-4) - on hire Published by: Norsk Musikforlag A/S Postboks 1499 Vika N-0116 Oslo Norway TEL 00-47-23 00 20 10 FAX 00-47-22 42 44 35 E-mail: order@musikforlaget.no Copyright © 2011 by Norsk Musikforlag A/S, Oslo.

Music engraving: Sally Beamish/Andrew Bayly Cover design/calligraphy: Christopher Haanes Printed by: Oslo Sats, Repro & Montasje A/S, Oslo.

PROGRAMME NOTE Spinal Chords 2011 Music: Sally Beamish Text: Melanie Reid I have known Melanie Reid, and enjoyed her writing, ever since I moved to the Stirlingshire village where we both live, in 1996. When she had her devastating riding accident in 2010, and began writing ‘Spinal Column’ in the Times, I followed it every week. The idea of working with her came to me when the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment asked me for suggestions for a PRS for Music Foundation New Music 20x12 Cultural Olympiad commission. To my delight, she agreed, and I received the text for ‘Spinal Chords’ (her title) in May 2011. It was hard to know how I could best serve the words, which I found deeply moving; but Melanie’s title gave me a good starting point: the idea of the chord as the backbone of the music. ‘Cords’ (without an ‘h’) also suggest strings, threads, linking and joining. I realised the role of the music should be as a backdrop for a very slow drama – that of Melanie’s ‘spinal journey’. The decision to use an actor, rather than a singer, was to preserve the directness of the text, and of Melanie’s own voice. I started with twelve chords, which are stated, very slowly, three times; each time in a different key. The chords themselves are closely linked to each other : each builds on the one before. The string orchestra is treated as a large chamber group, with 13 solo lines, and the chords are stated at first by broken-up groups of players, gradually consolidating into larger groups, and then with the addition of ornamentation, and later, scales. The music reflects the agonising slowness of recovery, and the gradual re-connecting as the body finds ways to heal. The piece uses the distinctive techniques of Baroque string playing: expressive bowstrokes, with a minimum of vibrato. I also draw on the similarities between Scottish traditional ornamentation, and that of Baroque music. Spinal Chords was commissioned by the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment, with funding from New Music 20x12 – a UK-wide commissioning programme initiated by Jillian Barker and David Cohen, and delivered by PRS for Music Foundation in partnership with the BBC, LOCOG, NMC Recordings and Sound and Music. It was first performed by the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment, directed by Matthew Truscott, at Turner Sims, Southampton, and the Queen Elizabeth Hall, London, in February 2012. Sally Beamish

PERFORMANCE NOTES Spinal Chords The text should be delivered by an actor (female) using a PA system. (head mic preferable) The boxed text should start where indicated and then be read at a natural pace. The musicians will hold a pause until the text is finished. Text that isn’t boxed should be read where indicated, and a pause is allowed wherever it might be needed.

The string parts should be performed in a ‘Baroque’ style, using mezza di voce on single down bows, and a minimum of vibrato. The piece may be directed from the first violin and double bass, who have ‘ directors’’ parts.

Spinal Chords Melanie Reid

Sally Beamish

Adagio q = 72

/ 44

Narrator

Violin I (a)

° 4 &4



Violin I (b)

& 44



Violin I (c)

& 44



Violin I (d)

4 ¢& 4



° 4 &4



Violin II (b)

4 &4



Violin II (c)

4 &4



Œ Ó



 Œ #˙ ™

 Ó #˙

˙™

 Œ œ w

Violin II (a)

Violin II (d)

Viola I

4 ¢& 4

° 4 #w B4

4 Viola II B 4 ¢ Violoncello I

Violoncello II

Double Bass

°? 4 4

 

 #˙



# ˙



? 44



°? 4 ¢ 4



 Ó #˙

 Œ #˙ ™ 

#w



N.M.O. 13154A

œ w Œ





w 



 Ó #˙ 

# œ w Ó

# ˙



 Œ œ

 w



° Vn. II (c) & 9

Vn. II (d)

Va. I



¢& w

° w B

Vc. II

? Ó

 œ

Va. II B w ¢

°? Vc. I

 w  Œ #œ

 #˙

# œ



 Œ #˙ ™

 #˙



# ˙



w 



 œ



[in silence, after last held cello note]

14 Narr.

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

° &

How to pin down those life changing seconds,

 

¢& w

¢B w

°? Vc. I

Vc. II

? ¢ Ó

Œ Ó

° Va. I B w Va. II





w w



U 



U 



U 

  #˙

 #˙ ™



 w

Ó w

# œ

U  

U 

[wait for music to start after silence]

the seconds i will gnaw regretfully over for years to come? One moment i am cantering my horse towards a cross country jump, relishing the unity with my great powerful chestnut Champion the Wonder Horse, high on the hill and the thrill and the freedom and the wind in my face, the little girl inside me crying out "Look at me, look at me!" - the next moment i am pinned to the ground with a broken neck and fractured lower back. I'm conscious throughout; i know it's catastrophic. I experience a blinding red flash and feel my whole body suffused with a most beautiful, intense feeling of warmth; my own internal nuclear explosion; my own terrible mushroom cloud. In those seconds i am already aware that my life as i know it has ended. The little girl is dead. Her dreams are atomised.

A 19

Narr.

Vn. II (a)

° &



 #w



¢&



Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

#˙

 w

 ˙



 #w

 #˙



 #w

 #˙

° #w Va. I B

#˙



 w Va. II B ¢

 ˙



 °? # w Vc. I

# ˙



 #˙



Vc. II

? #w

(..Her dreams are atomised.)

Narr.

Vn. I (a)

° &



w

U w

# ˙ ™

U w

# ˙ ™

U w

# ˙ ™

U w



¢&



 #w



 #w



 #w



U 



U 

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)



# ˙ ™

° ˙ Vn. II (a) &

 Œ #˙ ™

& ˙

 Œ ˙™

Vn. II (c)

& ˙

 Œ #˙ ™

Vn. II (d)

¢& ˙

Vn. II (b)

 #˙ ™

w w

#w

 ˙™ p

 Œ #˙ ™

U w U w

° #w Va. I B

œ Œ Ó

™ Œ #˙



U 

 B w ¢

œ Œ Ó

 Œ #˙ ™



U 

 °? # w Vc. I

Œ Ó

# ˙ ™



U 

? #w

œ Œ Ó

 ˙™



U 

# ˙ ™



U 

Va. II

Vc. II

°? Db. ¢



o o o o o o

[wait for music to start after silence]

[in silence, after last chord fades]

B 37

Narr.

Vn. I (a)

° &

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

¢&

Vn. II (a)

° &

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

¢&

Va. I

°B

How to pin down the moment when your body deserts you?

Face-down, I can taste soil; nothing moves but my right arm. I reach down and touch my leg the hand feels the leg, feels the texture of the riding breeches; the leg doesn't feel the hand. Doesn't feel it at all.

U 



U 



U 



U 



U 



U 



U 



U 

 #w

ppp

U 



U 

#w

°? Vc. I

U 

# w

Va. II

Vc. II

°? Db. ¢

U  U 

ppp

w

ppp

# w

ppp

(...Doesn't feel it at all.)

Narr.

° Vn. I (a) &



Vn. I (b)



¢&



 #˙



 #˙

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)



ppp

Va. I



° Vn. II (a) &

Vn. II (d)



Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)



¢& w ° B

w Va. II B ¢



#˙

ppp



 #˙

ppp



# w pp

w

#w

U 

 #w



U  U 



U 



U 



U 

 



U 

# w

U 

 w

U 

Vc. I

°? w



U 

Vc. II

? w



U 

°? w Db. ¢



U 

8 [wait for music to start after silence]

C 45

Narr.

Vn. II (a)

Twelve hours later, in hospital, in the dark, lying on my back this time, i try again. The right hand, fast becoming numb, fumbles down past layers of exhausting obstacles, past sheets and tubes and swaddling gowns to reach the bare skin of my hip. The skin feels warm, fleecy, beautiful, alien, devastating. But it doesn't belong to me; it's like reaching down and touching your lover's body in the night. How peculiar, i think to myself. My body has divorced me.

q = 72

° &



Vn. II (b)

 Ó

 

#œ p

 & #w

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II

Vc. I

Vc. II

¢& °B ¢B °? ¢

w 



Œ Œ



œ w



 #w



 #w



 #œ w



 #˙ 

 #˙



 #w



#˙ p



#˙



 

 #w 

(...My body has divorced me.)

Narr.

Vn. I (a)

° &



 #w



 #w

¢&



° &



Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)



& &

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II

Vc. I

Vc. II

¢& ° B ¢



°? Db. ¢



 #˙



 #w

U w



 #w

U w

 #˙







 #w



o 

#˙



 w

U w



 #w

U w

#˙



 #w

 w

# w mp





  w



U 

#˙



U 

w 



w 



°? w ?

Vn. II (b)



 

U  U  U 

U 

#w

U w

# w

U w

[over double bass solo]

59 Narr.

Vn. I (a)

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

i do all that i can do, which is stare at the ceiling. My name is melanie and i am a doubly-incontinent tetraplegic. Where do i go from here, given the doctor says Dignitas is out of the question?

 # ˙

° &

U 

#˙

U 

 #˙

¢&

˙

U 

 #˙

U 

 #˙

U 

 #˙

¢&

°? Db. ¢

U #w

solo

p espr.

j #œfi

U #w

j #œfi

U #w

fi #œ#œ

U #w mp

U w



# ˙ ˙

#˙

 #˙

Vn. II (d)

 #˙

 Ó

U 

Vn. II (c)

° Vn. II (a) &

Vn. II (b)



[after three loud chords, over solo cello note]

Narr.

° Vn. I (a) & &

Vn. I (b)

 w

 Ó



# ˙

˙

Sometimes the odds against you are stacked so high that there is nothing left to do but ignore them and fight.



#˙

w ¢&

#˙



° Vn. II (a) & w

 #˙



Vn. II (b)

& w

 #˙



Vn. II (c)

& w

 #˙



Vn. II (d)

¢& w

 #˙



Œ Ó



Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vc. I

Vc. II

Db.

°? ¢

 #˙ p

 #w p

 #w

#w

12 [wait for viola 2 solo melody]

Against all the medical evidence, perhaps out of sheer stubbornness, I decided i was going to reclaim myself ; i was going to do it for those who loved me; i was going to do it because it was my body and nobody was bloody well going to take it away from me. i really had no idea how damaged i was, or how near death. It was weeks, weeks in which i was trussed in collars and body braces, before the head of the bed could be raised high enough for me to see my own legs - shocking, puffy, rag-doll limbs strewn across the bed at silly angles. I could feel nothing, move nothing below my armpits. Sitting up was impossible. Arms moved but were largely numb. Left hand flopped like a bunch of fat stone bananas. Power lay only in my right thumb and forefinger which had a small modicum of grip.

E 70



° &



Vn. II (b)



Vn. II (c)



Vn. II (d)

¢&



Narr.

Vn. II (a)

Va. I

° w B

Va. II

¢B

°? Vc. I

Vc. II

  

˙™

Œ ˙™

Ó #˙



#œ ˙ œœ J ‰ J

Œ œ w

Ó Œ

#˙



Œ œ w



Ó #˙

 w

œ w

#˙ 

œ œ ™ œJ œ #œ ™ œ Ó Ó Œ J Œ p

#˙

13 78 Narr.

Vn. II (a)

° & & Ó

Vn. II (b)

& w

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)



œ #œ œ J

¢& w

° w Va. I B Va. II

Vc. I

Vc. II

? Ó

w 

°? ¢



#˙

#œ pp



w Ó

Œ ˙™ œ

œ #œ ™ p

#˙

 w



#˙

œ™ œ # œ # œ ™ J J

#˙

œ œ J Œ



#˙

œ p

84 Narr.

Vn. II (a)

° &



Vn. II (b)

& w

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II

¢&



¢B

? w

 Œ

° w B

°? # œ ™ Vc. I

Vc. II



 œ J Œ

Œ 

œ™

 Ó

‰ œ J p

œ #œJ ˙ ™ 3

w 

œ J Ó

œ #œ œ œ œ J



 



14 88 Narr.

° Vn. I (a) &

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II

#œ ˙ œ œ J ‰ J



& ¢&



° w &

° B ¢B

Ó ˙™

œ#œ œ œ œ w J

™ ‰ œ œ #œJ ˙ J 3



#˙

˙™

#˙



˙ pp

¢&



 w

#˙



œ p

15 (...a small modicum of grip.)

93 Narr.

Vn. I (a)

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

° w &



& Ó

¢&

° &

& ¢&

¢B

 # œ- œ- ™ ˙ J f

- ˙ œ- œ™ J

#œ- œ- ™ ˙ J

Œ œ p



œ- œ- ™ ˙ J

- ˙ #œ- œ™ J

#w p



& w

° Va. I B

Va. II



 

œ- œ™ J

#œ- œ- ™ J

# œ- œ- ™ J

#œ- œ™ J 

> #w

> w

> w f



œ- œ- ™ J



> #w > w



# œJ

- ˙ œ™

œJ

- ˙ œ™

#œJ

- ˙ œ™

# œJ

- ˙ œ™

œJ

>˙

#>˙

>˙

Ó Ó



 

#œ J

œ- ™ ˙

œ™ ˙



[after four loud pairs of violin chords] [after fifth pair of violin chords, in silence]

99 Narr.

° Vn. I (a) & Ó

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

& Ó & Ó Ó ¢&

° Vn. II (a) & Ó

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

& & ¢&

° Va. I B

Va. II

¢B

˙ ˙ ˙



# œ- -œ ™ J

œ- -œ™ J

# œ- -œ™ J

œ- -œ ™ J

#œ- -œ™ J

To experience such dislocation of one's self is indeed to suffer

a compound fracture of the soul.

# -œ -œ ™ J

U 

-œ -œ™ J

U 

# -œ -œ™ J

-œ -œ ™ J

#-œ -œ™ J

U  U 

U 



U 



U 



U 

 

U  U 

[wait for music to start after silence]

G 103

Narr.

Vn. II (a)

° &



¢&



Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

there is an inner and outer world of tetraplegia. Both physically and psychologically, it is a form of torture; an imprisonment; a bereavement from which there seems no closure, which eats from within. Physical spinal shock lasts for six weeks, during which the body shuts down at the edges as it repairs its core.

° w B

Va. II

¢B

°? Vc. I

#w pp

Vc. II

Db.

? #w

°? ¢



#w pp

w pp

#˙



21 (...as it repairs its core.)

109

Narr.

Vn. II (a)

° w &

#˙

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

& w

Vn. II (d)

¢& w

#˙

Va. I

Va. II

°B ¢B



œ #œ #œ # œ # ˙ °? J ‰ Vc. I 3

Vc. II

Db.

°? ¢

œ #œ #œ # ˙ ‰ J p

w pp



œ ‰ J #œ #œ #œ œ œ



œ #œ mp

˙™

#œ

[begin after double bass entry]

Mentally, spinal shock lasts a lifetime. For me, a year spent in hospital, in a spinal injuries unit, reliant on gallows humour to withstand the loneliness and the frustration, is really just the beginning. A year redolent with the smell of faeces, yours and your neighbours' , with urine bags and hoists and helplessness, with no private place to cry, fighting your demons in private just as you are forced to listen as others fight theirs in public. Bonding with the alcoholics tipped over by whisky, the pensioners tripped by their slippers, the teenagers who took a lift in the wrong car on the wrong day, the sportsmen, cyclists, motorbikers, soldiers and those who were stabbed in the mean streets. With those who took drugs and those whose surgery went wrong. Every one of us with our own bitter misinterpretation of risk to reflect on. Everyone of us subject to the tyranny of the long, dark silent spinal night, when no limbs stir. When no sheets rustle. You have no idea how eerily morgue-like bodies are in bed when they cannot move. But if our bodies are quiet, our minds are forever churning the random nature of the accidents, the screaming bad luck which allowed us entry to the exclusive spinal cord club

113

Narr.

H w

° Vn. I (a) &



¢&



Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)

° Œ #˙ ™ & ˙™ & Œ

Vn. II (b)

& Œ ˙™

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II

¢& Œ #˙ ™ °B w ¢



w 



Œ Ó 

Œ Œ

#˙ ™ ˙™

Œ ˙™ Œ #˙ ™ pp

˙™

#˙ ™

#˙ ™ p

Œ #˙ ™ p



Œ #˙ ™

#˙ ™

Œ ˙™



Œ Ó

Œ Œ

œ Œ Ó Ó

Vc. II

œ Œ Ó

? w ¢ °? ˙ Db. ¢

B w

°? Vc. I

w w w



w w w

˙ ˙ ˙

20 121

Narr.

° Vn. I (a) &



Vn. I (b)



Vn. I (c)



Vn. I (d)

¢&



° Vn. II (a) &



Vn. II (b)



Vn. II (c)



#˙



#˙



#˙



Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II

Vc. I

¢& # w ° B ¢



Db.

#w-

˙-

B w



°? #w



Vc. II

? w p

°? #w ¢ p

21 129

Narr.

° &



Vn. I (b)



Vn. I (c)



Vn. I (d)

¢&



° &



Vn. I (a)

Vn. II (a)

Vn. II (b)

Va. I

° B #w

Vc. I

Vc. II

Db.

B Ó

°?

Œ œ -

-˙

 



Ó Ó

˙ 



°? ¢



# -œ

¢& w

Va. II

& œ Œ Œ œ

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

#w-



w 



#˙

#˙  



25 (...which allowed us entry to the exclusive spinal cord club)

136

Narr.

Vn. I (a)

° & &

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)

¢&

 #w



w 



U 



U 



U 



U w

° &



Vn. II (b)



Vn. II (c)



Vn. II (d)

¢&



Va. I

° B

mp Va. II

°? #w

w w



Ó Ó

°? #w Db. ¢

Vc. I

Vc. II

#˙ #˙ ˙ #˙

 w w w w



U 



U 



U 

 ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙

Ó Ó

U w

#˙

U w

#˙

23 [in silence, after last chord fades]

and damned us to suffer the stillness

° &

U 

Ó #˙

° &

U 

& &

Narr.

Vn. I (a)

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)

¢&

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

¢&

° Va. I B Va. II

¢B

°? Vc. I Vc. II

Db.

143

°? ¢



Ó #˙

U 

Ó #˙

U 

Ó #˙

U 



U 



#˙

U 

#˙



Ó Ó

#˙ ˙

Ó #˙ ff

 

˙™ ææ˙™ æ ˙˙ ™™ ææ

w wæ ææ

#w w ææ f

U 



U 



U 



Œ Œ

˙™ ææ æ

#w ææ æ f

#w ææ æ

˙™ ææ æ



Œ 

#w wæ ææ

w wæ ææ

#w ææ æ

w ææ æ

#w w ææ

w w ææ

#w ææ æ

w ææ æ 



[wait for double bass, then cello 2]

149 Narr.

° &



So i begin rehabilitation. I began to ride this ghastly non-compliant new horse,which bucks and throws me contemptuously, time and time and time again. I learn a new definition of slowness. Tomorrow and tomorrow creeps on this stinking petty pace from day to day.



U 



U 



U 



U 

° w &



U 

Vn. II (b)

& w



U 

Vn. II (c)

& w



U 

Vn. II (d)

¢& w



U 



Vn. I (a)

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

¢&

Vn. II (a)

Va. I

w w

° B Ó

#˙ æ˙ æ

#˙˙ ¢ æ æ #˙ °? Ó æ ææ Vc. I

Va. II

B Ó

#˙ æ ? Ó Vc. II æ ¢ Db.

°? ¢



˙ ææ˙ æ

˙˙ æ æ ˙ ææ æ ˙ æ æ w

Ó Ó

 #w p



#˙

˙™ w

 ˙

U 

U œ UU Œ Ó

w Œ

U w



U 



U 

[wait for violin 1 solo to start]

J 157

I remember the milestones. The first time i push myself myself back to the ward from the gym in my wheelchair - 50 feet for some, a marathon for me. the first time i sit myself up in the gym from a lying position. The first time i transfer from my chair without a hoist. I remember the bathos of my punctured arrogance - doesn't anyone realise there's been some mistake - i am the mistress of my universe - i shouldn't be here. The ever present black humour - how those of us with high neck injuries congregate for hand therapy in the manner of elderly tortoises, nodding and muttering to mid-air as we cannot turn our heads to make eye contact.

° Vn. I (a) &



¢&



Narr.

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)

° & &

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II



Vn. II (c)

¢&

°B w ¢B

°? Ó Vc. I Vc. II

œ œ™ œ#œ œ ˙™

 ˙ pp



œ œ # œfij œ ˙ pp 3



œ ‰ #œ œ J J

 ‰



Œ œ w



 

 #˙

#œ œ#œ œ # œ œ # œ # œ œ 3



œ œ œ #œ œ œ ™ œ



#œ

œ#œfij œ œfij œ œfij œ ˙



˙™



œ œ™ œ œ

Ó w

26 162

Narr.

Vn. I (a)

° Ó &

#œ #œ œ mf

œ & J

Vn. I (b)

œ™



œ Vn. I (d) & J ¢

Vn. II (a)

#œ #œ œ

& Ó

Vn. I (c)

œfij

œ™

° &

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

¢& Œ

œ B J

°? Vc. I

Vc. II

? ¢ Ó

œ J



 

#œ# œJ # œ œ # œ œ#œ œ œ #œ œ#œ œ 3

#œ ™



ææ wæ

ææ ˙æ

ææ wæ

Ó ˙



w ææ æ pp

ææ wæ

ææ ˙æ™

œ™

j œfi

° w Va. I B

Va. II



œ ‰ œ J



& œ™

Vn. II (b)

œ # œfij œ œfij œ

ææ œæ

ææ wæ

œ#œ#œ œ œ œ œ œ#œ

#˙

27 165

Narr.

Vn. I (a)

° &



œ œ œ œ œ œ œ#œ#œ

œ#œ#œ œ p



¢&



° Œ &



Œ œ#œ#œ œ Ó



 œ #œ œ#˙

 # œ œ#œ œ ˙ ™



Vn. II (b)

#œ

Vn. I (c)

Vn. II (a)

& Œ

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (d)

œ#œ#œ œ

Œ 

œ#œ œ # w



Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

¢&

° Va. I B

ææ wæ

°? Ó

w Œ œ#œ#œ œ Œ œ

˙ ˙™

æ æ B Va. II ¢ w

Vc. I



3 œ# œ œ ‰ œ #œ œ#œ#œ#œ

Vc. II

? w



31 (...we cannot turn our heads to make eye contact)

168

Narr.

° &



U 

Vn. I (b)



U 

Vn. I (c)



U 

Vn. I (d)

¢&



° &



Vn. II (b)



Vn. II (c)

Vn. I (a)

Vn. II (a)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II



¢& w °B Ó B ¢ Ó

°? œ ™ Vc. I

Db.

°? ¢

˙-

U 

 Ó

U  U 



U 



U 

œ œ œfij œ w J ‰ J

˙ Œ



‰ œ #œ #œ œ œ J œ Ó

U 



U w U 

Vc. II

œ #œ

˙™

#œ

U 

[wait till double bass starts pizzicato solo ]

Laugh at the real world, with its trivial preoccupations. Fashion, weight loss, hair removal, celebrities, job promotions, new kitchens, flash cars, social status, sex, wet weather. I vow to start my own satirical woman's magazine when i get out. Lose three stone in six months! Get your man to pay you more attention overnight! Grow long, luscious finger nails! Banish bingo wings for ever! Get a figure like pippa middleton! Slim down those chunky runners' calves! Forget colonic irrigation - try paralysis! Yes girls it's that simple. 173 All you have to do is break your neck.

4 /4 ° 4 Vn. I (a) & 4

ææ wæ ppp 4 ææ Vn. I (b) & 4 æ w ppp 4 æ Vn. I (c) & 4 æ w ppp 4 ææ Vn. I (d) & 4 æ w ¢

Narr.

ææ wæ ppp 4 ææ Vn. II (b) & 4 æ w ppp 4 æ Vn. II (c) & 4 æ w ppp 4 ææ Vn. II (d) & 4 æ w ¢ ° 4 &4

ppp

° 4 Va. I B 4

ppp

Vn. II (a)

Va. II



4w ¢B 4 æ æ

°? 4 Vc. I 4

ppp

w æ æ

ppp

w æ 4 ? Vc. II ¢ 4 ææ

ppp solo pizz

Db.

°? 4 œ ¢ 4 #œ#œ Œ Ó 3

U w æ æ U w X æ æ U w X æ æ U w X æ ææ U w X æ æ U w X æ ææ U w X æ ææ U w X æ ææ U w æ X æ X

p espress.

#U w æ æ

ppp

U w æ æ U w æ X æ æ U w æ X æ æ X



Œ #œ#œ ‰ Ó 3



‰#œ#œ œ#œ#œ œ Œ 3

‰#œ#œ œ#œ#œ Œ ‰ œ œ 3



Narr.

° &

U w ææ

Vn. I (b)

U w ææ æ

Vn. I (c)

U w ææ

¢&

U w ææ

° Vn. II (a) &

U w ææ

Vn. II (b)

U w ææ æ

Vn. II (c)

U > #w æ æ

¢&

U > #w ææ

Vn. I (a)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (d)

U > #w ææ æ U > #w æ æ

° # wææ Va. I B

U w ææ

°? Vc. I

U w ææ æ

Va. II

Vc. II

°? œ#œ#œ ‰ œ œ œ œ ‰Œ Db. ¢ 3

œ# œ Œ œ#œ#œ œ Œ 3

#œ Œ Œ Œ ‰ #œ 3

3 #œ#œ œ #œ œ œ Œ ‰‰ #œ#œ ‰ Œ #œ#œ ‰ ‰ œ J 3

(...All you have to do is break your neck.)

Narr.

Vn. I (a)

° &

U w ææ

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

¢&

U > #w ææ #U w ææ æ

Vn. II (b)

#U w ææ æ

Vn. II (c)

U #w ææ æ

Vn. II (d)

¢&

U #w ææ æ

° B

#U w ææ æ

U w ææ æ

°? Vc. I

U w ææ

U w æ æ

Va. II

Vc. II

U > #w æ æ

U > #w ææ æ

° Vn. II (a) &

Va. I

U > #w ææ æ

œ#œ#œ œ œ#œ œ °? œŒ Db. ¢ ‰ 3

3 3 3 ‰ œ#œ ‰ œ œ ‰ œ œ œ#œ#œ ‰ œ œ ‰ œ œ#œ œ Œ #œ 3

#œ Œ œ Œ p



[wait for music to start after short silence (double bass solo)]

4 /4

175 Narr.



So recovery starts. When I buckle or fall, physically or mentally, there is someone there to pick me up. The therapy staff, over and again, inspire me to turn tears into laughter. My family comfort me with courage far greater than my own. Friends and readers sustain me with love, music, letters, books. One gift is a snippet of poetry which lodges in my head. "i have seen flowers come in stony places and kind things done by men with ugly faces and the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races so i trust too."

° 4 Vn. I (a) & 4



4 &4



4 &4



4 ¢& 4



° 4 &4



4 &4



4 &4



4 ¢& 4



Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II

Vc. I

Vc. II

° 4 B4 Ó B4 Ó ¢ 4 °? 4 4Ó ?4 ¢ 4Ó

°? 4 Db. ¢ 4Ó

w pp

#˙

pp arco

solo j œfi

fij #œ œ œ œJ# œ œ™ œ œ œ 3

œ™

j j j œ œ œ™ # œfi œ œfi œ œfi œ J J

(...so I trust too.)

181

Narr.

° w Vn. I (a) & &

Vn. I (b)

˙™

U ˙

˙™

U ˙

Ó Ó

Œ ˙™

U ˙

w ¢&

#˙

Œ #˙ ™

U ˙

° w &

Œ ˙™

U ˙

U Ó

Vn. II (b)

& w

Œ ˙™

U ˙

U Ó

Vn. II (c)

& w

Œ ˙™

U ˙

U Ó

U ˙

U Ó

œ Œ Ó

U #U Œ ˙™

œ Œ Ó

U U Œ ˙™

œ Œ Ó

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)

Vn. II (d)

¢&

° Va. I B Va. II

˙ ˙ #˙

w w w



°? Vc. I



Vc. II

°? ˙ Db. ¢

#w w

#˙ ™



Œ Ó



U™ U ˙ Œ U U ˙™ Œ ˙™ U #U Œ

[wait for violin pizzicatos to start]

So i trust. And i fight. Nobody ever fought harder. I have no choice. now I can do sport, and wheel myself most places, and travel, and face the world. The inner and outer world of the tetraplegic have united within me in a ferocious refusal to give in. I will never stop hoping. And i am improving. My injury, against those early odds, has turned out to be one which allows some recovery. I can now stand, and walk on parallel bars, and even teeter a few steps on a zimmer. My legs are still numb; i move them visually, my eyes telling them where to go. It's not easy. My hands remain stubbornly clawed and I don't know where my spinal journey will end. But inside i remain fiercely alive.

L 188 Narr.

° ‰ œ #œ #œ #œ œ Œ & J pizz

Vn. I (a)



Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)



Vn. I (b)

¢&



° Vn. II (a) &

 

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

& ‰ œj #œ# œ #œ œ Œ pizz p pizz

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II

j Œ ¢& ‰ œ #œ# œ #œ œ ° w B ¢

B w

°? Vc. I

? w

¢ °? w Db. ¢

Vc. II

Ó w pp

œ#œ #œ œ Œ œ ‰ j œ ‰ Œ œ œ J w Œ

arco

Ó Ó

˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙

#˙ ™

˙™

#˙ ™ p

˙™

Œ #˙ ™

j œ ‰ œ‰ Ó Œ œ œ œ#œ# œ œ J

#œ œ #œ #œ œ #œ œ œ œ œ

œ ‰ œj œ ‰ Ó Œ œ œ#œ# œ œ J Ó Ó

Œ #œ œ #œ #œ œ# œ œ œ œ œ œ#œ œ œ pizz œ œ œ œ œœ ‰J ‰J J‰  Œ p #œ œ œ pizz œ œ œ œ œœœ ‰J ‰J J‰  Œ œ œ œ œ œ œ # œ œJ œ œ ‰J J‰ Œ ‰ p

pizz

œ œ œœ Œ œ ‰ œJ J ‰ œ p



#œ œ œ ‰J 

  

35 193

Narr.

° Œ Vn. I (a) &

œ J

‰

& Ó

Vn. I (b)

& Œ

Vn. I (c)

Ó Vn. I (d) & ¢ ° Ó Vn. II (a) & &

Vn. II (b)

¢&

œ J

‰ ‰

œ #œ œ œ#œ œ # œ # œ œœ œ œ #œ œ

#œ œ ˙ Ó

#œ

B w

˙™

Va. II

arco

#˙ æ æ

˙ ææ æ

˙ æ˙ æ

˙ æ æ

‰ #œJ

‰ #œ J

˙ ææ æ

˙ æ˙ æ

ææ # ˙æ

ææ ˙æ

? w

arco

°? # w Db. ¢

˙™ ˙™ ˙™

pizz p

˙ ˙

œ #œ œ ‰ #œJ œ œ #œ œ œ ‰ j œ #œ œ œ Œ Œ

Ó Œ

#˙

#œ œ#œœœ#œ œ # œ # œ œ

solo

‰

°? w Vc. I

Vc. II



˙™

arco

œ mp

œ J

#œ ™ ˙

#œ œ œœ #œ

#œ œ™

#œ œ œ arco #œ œ œœ #œ œ J œ ‰ œ ‰

arco

° #w Va. I B

arco

œ #œ œ

p arco

œ #œ ‰

#œ

#œ œ #œ œ œ œ # œ # œ œ œ

œ#œœœ œ œ ‰ œ œ #œ

& Ó

Vn. II (c)

œ #œ ‰

pizz

solo

Vn. II (d)

œ #œ ‰

pizz

#˙ pp



196

Narr.

#œ œ œ ° #œ œ œ Vn. I (a) & &

Vn. I (b)

Vn. II (a)

œ#œ

¢& œJ ‰

arco

° Va. I B Va. II

Vc. I

Vc. II

B w

#œ

#œ œ œ #œ # œ œ œ#œ

#œ œ œ # œ # œ œ œ œ #œ mf

pizz °? œ œ #œ #œ Db. ¢ p

#œ œ œ # œ

œ œ#œ



œ™



œ œ œ #œ œ # œ # œ œ œ

œ œ œ#œ#œ

#œ #œ œ œ™ w



™ œ#œ œ œ

˙™



˙™

#œ w



œ œ #œ #œ

pizz

Œ œ œ œ J

#œ J

‰

œ œ œ J

#œ J

‰

œ œ #œ

Ó Œ



œ œ #œ ff

#œ w

arco

‰

#˙

°? w ? œ œ #œ #œ



pizz

arco

Vn. II (d) & Ó ¢

arco

w w

& w &



#w w

œ œ #œ #œ ˙

° œ œ #œ & #œ œ œ #œ

Vn. II (c)

#œ

#œ œ #œ œ œ#œ œ œ # œ œ œ#œ

œ œ #œ #œ ˙

& œJ ‰

Vn. II (b)

#œ

#œ #œ œ

œ œ#œ œ œ # œ # œ œ œ

arco

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

#œ œ œ # œ œ

#œ#œ ˙

(...But inside i remain fiercely alive.)

200

Narr.

° Vn. I (a) &



œ #œ œ œ œ ‰ Œ



& #œ œ œ ‰ œ œÓ

Vn. I (b)

#œ œ œ œ œ ‰ Œ Œ

& œ#œ œ ‰ œ œ Ó

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)

Vc. II



Ó #˙



œ#œ œ ‰ œ œ Œ



Ó #˙



#œ œ œ ‰ #œ œŒ

‰ œ œŒ



œ #œ œ ‰ œ#œ Œ

‰ œœŒ

° Va. I B

Vc. I

#œ œ œ ‰ œ œŒ

° &

Vn. II (d) & Ó ¢

Va. II



Vn. II (c)

°? Db. ¢

 

w Ó



‰ œ#œ Œ Ó



˙ 

Ó 

#œ œ œ p

œ #œ œ p

#œ w

#˙ #˙ #˙ #˙ 

#w Œ

‰#œ œŒ Ó

arco

°? ¢



¢&

Vn. II (b)

Ó #˙

arco pp



arco

[over held chord (whole orchestra)]

And the daydreams, well, amazingly, they're starting to come back too.

205

Narr.

° Vn. I (a) & &

Vn. I (b)

Vn. II (a)

U w

¢&

U w

° & &

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

U w

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

U w

¢& °B

U w U w

°? Db. ¢

U w

°? Vc. I Vc. II

U w

Va. II

U w U w

° Vn. I (a) &



Vn. I (b)



Vn. I (c)

& Ó

Ó Vn. I (d) & ¢

206

‰

œ #œ #œ ˙

#œ œ œ #˙ ™ 3

#œ #œ œ œ #œ #œ œ œ œ # œ œ #œ 3

#œ # œJ # œ œ # œ # œ œ œ œ #œ œ #œ œ 3

Vc. I

Vc. II

Db.

‰

°? ‰ ¢

#œ ™

#œ œ œ ˙™ p

#œ œ

˙™

? w

°? ¢

œ #œ œ #œ

Vn. II (d) & Ó ¢

¢B

Va. II

œ #œ œ œ™

& ‰

° Va. I B

œ #œ œ #œ œ œ

& Œ

Vn. II (c)

° Ó Vn. II (a) & Vn. II (b)



#œ ™

207 #œ 3 3 ° œ #œ #œ J # œ # œ œ œ Vn. I (a) & œ #œ œ #œ œ 3

Vn. I (b)

œfij

3 3 ° œ & œ #œ #œ œ

#œ

ææ & #wæ p

#œ # œ # œ œ # œ #œ œ œ #œ œ #œ œ œ

¢& œ

Vn. II (b)

#œ

#œ # œ # œ œ # œ œ & #œ

Vn. I (c)

Vn. II (a)

#œ ™

#œ #œ #œ J œ # œ # œ œ œ & œ #œ œ #œ œ 3

Vn. I (d)

œ #œ #œ œ œ #œ #œ œ

œ œ œ œ

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (d)

Va. I

Va. II

¢& ° B ¢

ææ # wæ p

#œ J f

œ #œ

#œ

ææ ˙æ™

°? #w ææ æ p ææ ? Vc. II wæ ¢ p

°? ¢

ææ #wæ

Vc. I

Db.

#œ ™

w æ æ

œ #œ œ #œ œ œ p

° Vn. I (a) & 208

Vn. I (b)

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

¢&

œ™

# œj

#œ J

˙ # œfij

#œ

œj

# œfij

#œ

œj

œfij

œ™

œ J

#œ ™

#œ

Vn. II (d)

° Va. I B #œ

Db.

°? ¢

#œ

ææ wæ w æ æ

#œ

# œ ˙™ #œ #œ œ œ #œ

°? œ Vc. I ?

#œ

Vc. II

f 3

œ ˙ œ #œ œ #œ œ

¢& œ

æ & œææ

#œ œ #œ œ #œ œ œ

Va. II

ææ & ˙æ

Vn. II (c)

Vn. II (b)

#œ ° J Vn. II (a) &

˙™ # œfij

Bœ p

#œ œ # œ œ 3

 

° Ó & 210

Vn. I (a)

& Ó

Vn. I (b)

& Ó

Vn. I (c)

Vn. I (d)

Vn. II (a)

Ó ¢&

fff

˙ fff

#˙

fff

Ó ¢&

#˙

°B Ó

#˙

w w

fff

°? ¢ Ó

#˙

? Ó

& Ó

#˙

°? Ó Vc. I

Db.

U w

#˙

U w

#˙

U w

#˙

U w

#˙

U w

fff

#˙

Vc. II

fff

B Ó

Va. II

Vn. II (c)

Va. I

° Ó &

Vn. II (b)

Vn. II (d)

fff

#˙

U w

#˙

U w

Ó Ó Ó