Int. You

It tricks us into thinking we’ll never fail. They can’t, so we can’t. It makes our inevitable struggles harder to cope with because then we feel like we let ourselves down. ”

He goes on to talk about how cinema also affects our perception of “being perfect” and how the techniques that are used often are internalized more than we know:

“Sure, we’ll see characters struggle, but we very very rarely see them fail. And deep down we know they won’t fail. Their relationships always seem to work out. It puts incredible pressure on the rest of us to have to reconcile with that: that the characters we look up to never fail - and therefore neither should we.”

And he’s right: we don’t ever see them fail, we just see them push themselves until they no longer are at a healthy level of being. They still manage to get the leading role in the ballet production or are made into the supposed best version of themselves. They lose themselves sometimes, deal with eating disorders such as Nina or develop mental health issues such as psychosis, a mental disorder characterized by losing touch with reality and is often accompanied by hallucinations, or much worse. Though, while we watch these play out on the silver screen or read these paragraphs curling on the pages of our most current novel, we have a tendency to ignore those aspects of perfectionism and instead remark on how the protagonist has made it to the finish line, how they are seemingly happy or successful or have achieved their goal.

So we internalize that. We lie in our beds at night and glance at a blank ceiling and tell ourselves that we can be the most perfect, beautiful, and unblemished version of ourselves if we just push ourselves hard enough, which is often to the extreme.

“Humans rely on a level of perfection for survival. We naturally want to fit into a certain metaphorical box because our brains are hardwired to need companionship for survival. Displays of perfectionism in the media give human society a model of fitting in, although I do think that in the past 5-10 years, this model has been disrupted by the body positivity movement and the increasing acceptance of all people regardless of appearance,” Brooks continues to say which is an illuminating statement that doesn’t always occur to us before, during, or after consuming a form of media.

Maybe we are attempting to be perfect like these characters or strap ourselves to them like a piece of wood in the sea as a form of survival. If we’re good enough then we can’t be replaced or criticized or hurt

While it’s easy to get caught up in a dark spiral of being the best and constantly at peak performance, it’s exhausting and hard to navigate. So what can we do to work at this gnawing feeling in the pit of our stomachs? How can we change, improve in the right ways? These are answers we don’t have. Everyone is different and that means the ways that they pick themselves apart and stitch themselves together are too. The only option we really have collectively is to take a step back and understand that we only have ourselves in the end. The kindness that you show yourself keeps you healthy and in good form and affects the voice in your head you end up spending your life with. The negative aspect of doing the opposite is shown at the end of Nina’s story, leaving her depleted.

\We can never be perfect in anyone’s eyes. We might always have someone better than us or better off than us or something else entirely. That doesn’t erase our impact or our talent. There is still room for us. There is still room for you. Different trees root themselves inside of the dark dirt of the forest. They still grow, they still have a little piece of sunlight for themselves.

T.

YOU

Natalie Portman as Nina Sayers in Black Swan