MY THOUGHTS SO FAR
M Weirich
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these pages contain a collection from age 18-25; thoughts written in a sketchbook, scribbled on the back of a receipt, or typed into a .txt file
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CONTENTS letting go.........................6 becoming whole............24 slowing down................64
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letting go
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last night i fell the realization quaked my body i laid there waited closed my eyes allowing sleep to carry me away from the incredible shock
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even though it is much safer to prepare for disappointment i am hoping for the best
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good taste this taste of foolishness on my tongue it is a good taste to learn to hate you think it’s nothing and i did not see nor sense, but i did taste open mouth tongue out
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i wish you could see my heart the way i see your’s how little you see of me when i see all of you
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i can feel the start of my down fall
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when there are no words no glances or stares what is there? to grab for a hand that is out of reach gazing into a vast vessel of mystery what is there if we no longer feel is this a stretch of the truth this awkward tension of attraction or love this is poison i am in your reach dusty on the shelf
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you unplugged me without hesitation took me to the field and left me for my own i’ve been searching the pages for ways of respiration your shadow fading as i lick my wounds and mourn
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good job for finally breaking through good job for showing me the proof good job for thinking you have won
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an unlikely pair curious & mysterious
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it feels as if we have struck gold soft kisses and a tight hold i want you quesadilla pecks on my lips
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subtle pressure crushing my spine unclear thoughts with legs intertwined western winds whisper my name in constant rhythm
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little adventures and stupid movies
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walking down these city streets cheeks pricked by the air cold and crisp just for a moment you are walking next to me biking down these city streets gripped knuckles against the wind strong and brisk just for a moment you are riding next to me driving down these city streets singing along with the radio reminded of the things i miss just for a moment you are sitting next to me
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i miss your hands
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some days are hard because i love you so much this cannot be it for me
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it is possible to have tremendous feelings for another and comprehend that it is not eternal i have witnessed it myself lived it such an unfortunate circumstance it is the difficulty of walking away is a matter that much be challenged and eventually conquered he; so sweet.. so gentle.. and altruistic by the simplest practice i will be in his possession through recollections and ache
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becoming whole
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it’s not about being the best it’s not about finding yourself it’s not about forming yourself to please others it’s about staying true it’s accepting that every day you will grow and you need to nurture what you believe in improvement is key happiness is what it’s all about
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with patience, this will surely pass
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music heals
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i saw someone biking today and for a moment i thought it was you reality hit and all it offered was a bench, a hazy gaze, and myself
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the pain is incredible absolutely incredible cement filled lungs lead to unattainable satisfaction
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i have become engulfed strictly by glances and subtle gestures if i am not to melt into a touch or get lost in a simple smile will i be able to regain my strength should i accept that this is yet another cheap thrill the act of being engulfed transitions into exhaustion
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my childish mind is a ball and chain
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starting point a realization that once ago a notion that could never have been approached a starting point that has been under the radar waiting to be found it is funny how our minds can evolve and find the truth
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take notice acknowledge easy living form to be your own
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decide what is important for me; a good kitchen within a home a kitchen so comfortable it will lullaby me to sleep so unique so equipt milk and cookies fresh baked bread sour dough warm potatoes popcorn and chocolate
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these bones are settled and darkness has muffled the night encountering moments of pure terror trudging through spoiled lies and vomit and absolute shit to conclude with no more or less a shred of victory being eaten alive by uncertain thoughts and handmade soap keep on
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a pair of kind eyes allowing my anxieties to subside i do not want to give in
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you are not the first person to tell me i will “figure it out� i understand but when?
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i believe we are tested the universe puts into circumstances that determine out character and exposes our weaknesses to stand strong in the face of fate is enough to define one as a hero take a moment to be direct and tread slow while exploring freely in the end you will feel shame if you fail the test
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what if when we die we turn into trees? slowly growing reflecting upon our past life i would like that to be a tree maybe then i wouldn’t talk so much
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if i was in the circus i would want to be a trapeze artist i would use my hands my arms my muscles my heart to throw myself into the air i would fly people all around would know me as a bird i would know this is a lie
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the internet tells me that smoking makes you cool i don’t want to be cool
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i am lost i am lost again been wandering for miles i am lost again so far away from you i am lost blank eyes empty smile dirty mouth
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i am no passive aggressive just passive
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when i am alone the simplest interaction with a familiar face can fill my heart with warmth pumping my blood i so desperately need only to return home alone i lay down on my bed with my head draped off the side blood rushes from my heart to my brain maybe it will explode this time
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our present was an unforgiving nightmare our past is a strange dream that cannot quite be remembered
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sometimes i hope for you to come back to me to test if i have the courage to turn you away
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within structure we find sophistication but if we dare to discover a place without structure we may find freedom
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leftovers and inactive ingredients the recipe of life WW
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be proud of yourself do not allow expectations to get the best of you they will eat you for dinner and come back hungry for seconds
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i truly believe there is a difference between quitting and survival i quit running because i hate to run i survive without you because i was left with no other choice
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i have given myself up laid down under a stranger closed my eyes - numbing pressure confused this action with healing healing is building myself up above - not under away from others for me not for anyone else
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if a tree can grow strong from the sun i can too
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some days i move through the motions to stay sane feed cat make coffee shower dress drive to work sanity is boring
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you ask me if it feels good i whisper yes is this what you want? what if i would say no how real would that be
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a moment in time of temporary relief is the biggest lie you can ever tell yourself
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it is in nature i feel most alive powerful full to the brim whole there is gratitude and warmth within me that allows my soul to burst today there is strength today there is growth today there is happiness the blue could swallow me whole and i would survive
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night of drinking morning soup brain
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i have felt a great shift exploring an unfamiliar place in the rain today felt different bold grand larger than what once was
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you pulled me out of a black hole desperate rescue
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she is naive and becoming more agitated with age her soft voice turning into a harsh wind but her hands hold the evidence of her selfless life
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pictures hang on the wall in my mother’s house they tell as story of a different time lost memories only there they stay i hate looking at those pictures memories of pain lost hope uncertainty fear but they do not define me they do not make me weak i am strong because these pictures are just pictures
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slowing down
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let today take you somewhere let it glow
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as we journey from day to day show love, support, and kindness do this and hope for nothing in return expectations ruin the thrill
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music you are my sanctuary, veracity, and strength
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do not eat little red berries they might be poisonous do not sleep with strangers they might be poisonous too
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what if i started walking and didn’t stop just kept going until i hit the pacific would they worry?
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simply trying to keep body and soul together
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father of doubt please guide me t
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we are told countless lies this can be perceived as negative i find stregth in lies everyone lies i am rich i am happy i love you it is what we choose to do with the lies embrace them! look them in the face and say “i do not believe you and now i must go� the lie cannot exist if we choose not to believe it
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my happiness is simple and uncomplicated i gain reward in showing gentleness of heart and loving others t
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push to do what is right do not stop
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the sweet smell of peaches in the morning solitude
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camping can be solo lonely cold good for building up and breaking down
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what would happen if we stopped thinking and started feeling
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i am a chameleon i will rise with your smile i will grit with your anger i will cry with your tears i morph to present comfort but i leave exhausted tired only to start all over again tomorrow
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be a nice person
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the sun is my mother my mother is the sun
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march 5th for the first time i truly in my bones understand what it means to have no expectations not a shred of hope not a spark of wonder
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help each other
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looking forward to flying home embracing it feeling calm resting my wild mind
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love does not own a calendar or a clock
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if i am a chair you are a chair - a designer’s love story
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looking into your eyes is returning home from a arduous journey i am blistered i am sore i am weak i am broken welcoming of your blue solitude will be my revival
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it’s simple: 1. live free 2. repeat 1 3. eat ice cream 89
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