AUSTRALIA’s BEST PREGNANCY, BABY & PARENTING MAGAZINE ISSUE 36
* SEPTEMBER 2014
Budgeting for baby Save $$$
201 instant SHOPPING IDEAS
AFRAID OF THE
DARK? How to reassure your little ones
Father’s Day special Stay-at-home fathers Great gift guide Tips for new dads
Blokes
& birth
IS YOUR PARTNER YOUR BEST BET?
THE TRUTH ABOUT
TIME-OUT
POSTNATAL YOGA // EASE YOUR NEW MUM WORRIES // healthy dips
growing babies organically. Made with love for your baby, the nature baby range always respects the best ethical and environmental practices. With a fresh modern take on all the essentials you will need for your baby, our range includes 100% certified organic cotton and merino wool baby clothing, sleepwear and bedding. A luxurious botanical skincare range for mothers and babies and unique toys to inspire the imagination.
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Editor’s column
W
LISE TAYLOR
ell, with Father’s Day around the corner it’s time to celebrate everything dad – and my hubby Brian is up with the best of them! He’s always been as equally involved as I am with parenting Duncan and, in fact, as I’ve run my business he has, in a sense, been a part-time stayat-home dad! After my emergency Caesarean, he was over the moon because he got to bond so much with Duncan, and his dedication to our son has just gone on from there! Turn to page 38 to find out what drives men to be stay-athomers and how it works for them. We’re also running a great gift guide for dads (page 32), a story on what dads can expect during your pregnancy (page 102), an article on whether or not fathers should be at the birth of their babies (page 11) – you may be surprised at the range of views – along with top 10 tips for new fathers (page 128). Wishing you all a wonderful day celebrating all the men in your life!
loves Over 30 million parents have used a BabyBjorn carrier – and my husband and I were two of them. Find out more about the new Baby Carrier We, $149.95, at babybjorn.com.au.
september 2014 | mychild
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contents COVER STORIES 10 32 38 82 108 112 128 134 138 142 152
201 instant shopping ideas Great gift guide For Father’s Day Stay-at-home fathers Three dads on life, kids, work and juggling it all Healthy dips For bubs and kids Budgeting for baby Save $$$ Blokes & birth Is your partner really your best bet for your birth? Tips for new dads An amusing account about the realities of new fatherhood! Postnatal yoga When to start Ease your new mum worries The truth about time-out Toddler advice Afraid of the dark? How to reassure your little ones at night-time
win! 16 86
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Readers’ letters Win a Pikapu Newbies nappy pack worth over $300 Subscribe for free! Win one of four Fox & Finch Baby packs worth $250 each
mychild | september 2014
ideas 10 12 20 22 24 28
Editor’s picks Bits & bobs News & reviews What we love about... Anarkid My 5 favourites Sally Dunn from Annabel Trends reveals her best buys Talking design Meet Gillian Rose from interiors company Danish by Design My business Lisa Vitale from Li’l Zippers talks rompers and more
style 52 56 60 64 68 72 78 82
One fine day Feminine fashion to flatter any baby bump Play mate Bubs go bright and bold Fresh take Girls go wild mixing gelato mints with golden hues Interiors report Modern kids’ rooms Interiors my space Neutral nursery ideas Party A butterfly-themed Christening Shopping compare Baby bath washes Cooking Delicious dips for children
september 2014 | mychild
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contents PREGNANCY & BIRTH 92 94 96
100 102 108 112
News Mum’s health & wellbeing News Fighting whooping cough, vaping vs smoking & DIY doppler update Shopping How to choose a… maternity bra Becoming a dad What to expect Budgeting for baby Cut your outgoings Blokes & birth Is your man really the best birth partner for you?
BABY & TODDLER 118 News Car seat confusion, what’s wrong
122 126 128 134 138 142 6
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with junior milks & how to treat burns Shopping How to choose a… pram Top 10 tips for new dads Yoga after baby When to start back Do it your way Parenting ideas Tackling time-out
mychild | september 2014
preschooler & big kids 146 News Books with feelings, wonder
148 150 152 154
time & curbing internet access Shopping How to choose a… bicycle Never fear Scared of the dark? Chain reactions Helping kids to learn
family 32 38 44 48
Father’s Day gift guide Dad in charge Stay-at-home fathers My Life Life lessons
ON THE COVER Styling Sarah Blakeway Photography
AUSTRALIA’S BEST PREGNANCY, BABY & PARENTING MAGAZINE ISSUE 36
* SEPTEMBER 2014
Budgeting for baby Save $$$
201 instant SHOPPING IDEAS
AFRAID OF THE
DARK?
How to reassure your little ones
FATHER’S DAy SpEcIAl Stay-at-home fathers Great gift guide Tips for new dads
Michelle Young Model Harrison wears tee, Blokes
$29, by Little Frenchy. See littlefrenchy.com.au.
birth&
IS YOUR PARTNER YOUR BEST BET?
THE TRUTH ABOUT
TIME-OUT
POSTNATAL YOGA // EASE YOUR NEW MUM WORRIES // HEALTHY DIPS
®Trade Mark Johnson & Johnson 1465/13
Bath, massage, quiet time and I’m out like a light, mum.
I need twice as much sleep as you do, mum. So I love how we do this JOHNSON’S® baby bedtime routine every night. With NATURALCALM® essences, it’s proven to help me fall asleep faster. Thanks mum, you’ve got the magic touch. september 2014 | mychild
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PUBLISHER & EDITOR LISE TAYLOR DEPUTY EDITOR & online editor CASSANDRA HOLLAND ART DIRECTOR & STYLIST SAMANTHA CAMPBELL features editor NICOLA CONVILLE NEWS editor JO HEGERTY NEWSLETTER EDITOR & WRITER EMILY JAY sub-editor
CASSANDRA HOLLAND
social media manager SELENA THURBON @ SOCIAL MEDIA MINDS EDITORIAL ENQUIRIES editorial@poppetgroup.com.au CONTRIBUTING EXPERTS Dr Christine Durham, Dr Christopher Green, Louise Mackie, Lois Wattis, Dr Koa Whittingham
STOCK PHOTOGRAPHY iStock ADVERTISING DIRECTOR LISE TAYLOR m 0410 660 578 e lise@poppetgroup.com.au
CONTACT 61 2 4981 8876 mychildmagazine.com.au PO Box 174 Stockton NSW 2295 Australia
MANAGING DIRECTOR LISE TAYLOR
GENERAL MANAGER BRIAN TAYLOR MY CHILD IS PRODUCED & PUBLISHED BY POPPET GROUP PTY LTD ABN 93 120 831 021 My Child magazine and mychildmagazine.com.au are wholly owned by Poppet Group Pty Ltd (ABN 93 120 831 021). No other parties or individuals have any financial interest in the company or in My Child or mychildmagazine.com.au. My Child contains general information only and does not purport to be a substitute for health and parenting advice. Readers are advised to seek a doctor for all medical and health matters. The publisher and authors do not accept any liability whatsoever in respect of an action taken by readers in reliance on the recommendations set out in this magazine. Reproduction of any material without written permission by the publisher is strictly forbidden. We cannot accept responsibility for material lost or damaged in the post or for any unsolicited manuscripts and photographs. All reasonable efforts have been made to trace copyright holders.
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ideas
editor’s picks ALL KINDS OF PRODUCTS CROSS lise’s DESK EACH DAY. HERE ARE a few of her favourites
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Can you guess what these are? Baby toothbrushes! Who would have thought? Made by Nic-nac, these silicone Gummie Brushes are $9.95 for a three-pack at nic-nac.com.au. Priced at only $99, this Kalencom messenger buckle nappy bag is packed with handy accessories. Get yours at bubbabags.com.au. US brand Hatley has the coolest baby gear. How about this Sea Turtles infant one piece, $24.95, in sizes 3M to 24M? See beanstork.com.au. For super bright and fun fashion Hootkid always gets it right! This Mini Me Frill Top in Jade, $29.95 in sizes 1-8, is from hootkid.com. The new Indie all-terrain jogging stroller by Bumbleride, $699.95, weighs only 9kg and is super slim. Go to danishbydesign.com.au for stockists. We adore crochet and this soft Baby Skeins double crochet baby blanket, $58, can even be made to order via etsy.com/shop/BabySkeins. For a little French flair pick up this fun linen Liberty Bicycle Cushion by La Cerise Sur Le Gateau. Available for $75 at talointeriors.com.au.
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Inspiring life
“A beautiful appearance and great functionality are the essence of objects used every day. Aesthetic design radiates quality of life, appealing to our senses and acting as a source of pleasure day after day� - Stig Leander, founder & designer
september 2014 | mychild
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ideas
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Spit the dummy
PRODUCT
OF THE MONTH
These adorable Australian-made Goolie Goolie products are a soother and comforter in one. Consisting of a dummy and soft plush animal, they’re designed to be kept close to baby with the use of cords or clips. Suitable from birth to six months of age, they are priced at $24.95 each. Get yours at gooliegoolie.com.au.
september 2014 | mychild
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ideas
BITS&BOBS MC Loves
With an emphasis on teaching young children form and shape skills, Moover Toys’ construction puzzles are made from 6mm linden plywood with non-toxic glues and varnishes, and are cut using a jigsaw so that each piece fits perfectly to the image. Priced at $34.95, for stockists head to danishbydesign.com.au.
DAD’S survival guide
Designed in the form of a children’s book with gorgeous illustrations, Babies Don’t Suck by award-winning picture-book author Aaron Blabey (Macmillan, $19.99) is an A to Z guide to new fatherhood. It’s also funny, tackling the trials and tribulations of parenting a new baby, including “boob deprivation” and “Daddy’s special medicine”. At only 498 words it’s quick-and-easy read and makes a fantastic gift for any new father.
APP HAPPY
The Baby Diaries App, $2.49 on the App Store, keeps track of your baby’s sleep, feed and change times plus milestone achievements and photos on your iPhone, iPad or iPod. Now an even smarter version has just been released that allows you to sync your little one’s information to their carer to keep track when you’re out and sync it back when you return – so you’ll never miss a precious moment. See thebabydiaries.com.au for details or visit the App store to download straightaway.
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The reality of parenting
ABC’s Crash Test Mummies and Daddies is a six-part documentary series that follows the lives of five Australian first-time couples as they face the messiness and magic of parenting. The television show covers the first four months after the parents bring their babies home, and deals with a myriad of issues and demands that in turn take a toll on their relationships. You can have a peek into the reality of new parenthood through the program’s mothers’ and fathers’ group sessions, where the couples candidly discuss topics such as breastmilk, body image, sex after birth, self-esteem and loads more! Watch out for the series, which is set to air in September on ABC 2.
september 2014 | mychild
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ideas | bits & bobs
Get reading
Written by Australian TV producer and journalist Ryan Heffernan, Superdad Speedbible (Jane Curry Publishing, $24.95) is an honest source of information for dads on topics surrounding day-to-day parenting, such as child health and safety, diet and nutrition, entertainment, sleeping, milestones and loads more! The book caters to fathers of newborns to six-year-olds and includes advice from Australia’s The Biggest Loser’s Shannan Ponton as well as the Black Dog Institute. See superdadspeedbible.com for more information.
STAR LETTER
letter to the editor
PREGNANCY
1sw1orthe yoingsu wyoouuld
never do (but do anyway) BLY ROLLED YOUR YOU PREGNANT, YOU PROBA PRIOR TO FALLING ÉD THINGS OTHER WOMEN DID. THEN EYES AT THE CLICHDOING THE EXACT SAME THINGS, SAYSR FOUND YOURSELF ELLY WEBSITE CREATOR KELLY WINDE DOULA AND BELLYB ed pregnancy, efore you have experienc and roll your eyes it is all too easy to tut you think, have at those women who, all, better of them. After let pregnancy get the y foretell what pregnanc possibly you can how how you will react to will truly be like, and growing another person. imagined probably you Before the pregnancy, , jogging through your pregnant heavily yourself at an organic cafe to local park then stopping In for the stroll home. grab a green smoothie nearest you get to jogging reality, however, the -my-bladder” fastis your “there’s-a-baby-on . paced walk to the bathroom you isn’t anything like In fact, the pregnant
B
Here are 11 things many what you imagined. they will never do during mothers-to-be swear do anyway. their pregnancy… but g Prior to your Worry about everythin on with a mix of pregnancy, you looked as your pregnant friends disbelief and horror nights spent worrying wept about sleepless g baby. These women about their developin for disaster, alert constant on be seemed to g to come crashing down waiting for everythin at you who lies awake around them. Now it’s to find reassurance that 3am, searching forums obsessive that least At OK. be your baby will your unborn child. > worrying won’t harm
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Oh, my goodness! I enjoyed your August issue so much, especially the story “11 things you swore you would never do (but do anyway)” about what women think about mothers-to-be prior to falling pregnant themselves. I could relate to almost everything that was listed. Now that I’m 30 weeks along, I can totally identify with the exploitation, the comfy clothing, the bad habits, the crying and especially the pregnancy brain – all I can say is: guility as charged! Ruth Saunders, via email
mychild | august 2014
WRITE TO US FOR YOUR CHANCE TO
WIN
PIKAPU NEWBIES NAPPY PACK WORTH OVER $300
One star letter published in our October issue will receive a Pikapu Newbies Nappy pack valued at $325.25. The pack includes 12 newborn all-in-one nappies, six absorbency boosters and a travel wetbag. The Newbies range is designed for babies from birth to around four months, or 2-6kg, and features a simple design, no pins or plastic covers required. Pikapu’s newborn all-in-one nappy has many of the great features of the original Pikapu nappy bundled into a miniature version. It’s made with fleece lining, an absorbent inner core, a water resistant outer barrier and velcro tabs for easy changing – no need for pesky pins or plastic covers. For more information, visit pikapu.com. For full terms and conditions, check out mychildmagazine.com.au. You are welcome to email your letters to editorial@poppetgroup. com.au. These may be edited for length and clarity.
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facebook update QUOTE>UNQUOTE We asked our Facebook mums if their partner ever tasted their breastmilk. Here are some of their enlightening responses on the subject… • Yeah, because he had no milk for his coffee. • I felt it was only right to squirt him in the face with it at least once... • Everyone’s partner has and those who say they haven’t are liars. • We both have… it’s absolutely awful! • I think he did by accident. I did too. I tested the temperature and sucked it off my finger without thinking. • No, but he’s welcome to next time. • We joked about it but never did. • Yes, and so have I. Probably won’t worry about it next time around though.
september 2014 | mychild
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my child promotion
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out & about babybjorn.com.au gear4baby.com.au haggusandstookles.com.au hugglebabycarriers.com.au bumbo.com.au tooshcoosh.com.au fridge-to-go.net.au hugabub.com limetreekids.com.au bambooty.com.au
toys/parties/gifts thebabyshowershop.com.au misskikiofcherryblossomlane.com happylittlehippos.com.au brightstarkids.com.au babyvegas.com.au zimmerjee.com.au tinypolkadots.com.au donnerandblitzen.com.au papereskimo.com.au novelgifts.com.au
sweet dreams snugglebum.com.au louandolly.com bambinipronto.com.au sleepywings.com.au babyo.com.au babydonkie.com.au merinokids.com.au marquise.com.au ergopouch.com.au alfredandmaize.com.au
TES
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Gifts/fun/learning solvejswings.com donnerandblitzen.com.au maxandella.com.au brainychild.com.au littlebeba.com.au thebabyshowershop.com.au uberkate.com.au vtechkids.com.au urbanbaby.com.au moowoo.com.au
nutrition/feeding qubies.com.au fridge-to-go.net.au wholekids.com.au philips.com.au/avent raffertysgarden.com onlyorganic.com.au waterbuddies.com.au boobiebikkies.com.au cheeki.net.au losebabyweight.com.au
Children’s fashion koolamandesigns.com.au platypusaustralia.com nestling.com.au babydonkie.com.au designchild.com.au purely4kids.com.au eternalcreation.com eenimeeni.com tinytribe.com.au naturebaby.com.au
GO NATURAL bambooty.com.au littleinnoscents.com.au motherscorn.com.au mambinoorganics.com.au ittybittygreenie.com.au merinokids.com.au kidsecostyle.com.au littleeconest.com.au naturebaby.com.au aromababy.com.au
smart interiors leafydreamsnurserydecals. com.au speckledhouse.com.au siroccohome.com.au petit.com.au myfirstroom.com.au thelittlekidzcloset.com.au stuckupkids.com.au danishbydesign.com.au 41orchard.com.au
june 2014 | mychild
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IDEAS
fashion & interiors label ANARKID
B
orn out of a passion for design, Kelli Milne drew on her previous 20 years of graphic design experience to found Anarkid. The label is based in Melbourne and offers a range of organic baby wear in genderneutral tones that bring colour and structure to your child’s outfit. The garments are made with GOTS certified-organic cotton and printed
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with organic vegetable dyes, making them gentle enough for allergy sufferers to wear. The interiors side of the label encompasses a selection of limited-edition A4- and A3-size wall art that’s printed on quality uncoated 300gsm recycled stock so it stays true to the eco-friendly label. * Visit anarkid.com.au for more information.
PHOTOGRAPHY SIMPLY BLOOM PHOTOGRAPHY LLC
What we love about…
The only calming device that delivers soothing white noise directly to baby, at the safe 75 decibel level as recommended by The Children Hearing Institute in New York.
Tested to EN71 Standards Worldwide patent protected product
Another innovative safer sleep product from the makers of the Ideal for: breastfeeding, parent/child bonding, reducing parental/child anxiety and to relax baby by mimicking familiar sounds from the womb
www.gro.co.uk september 2014 | mychild
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IDEAS
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My favourites Sally Dunn, director of homewares and gift company Annabel Trends, shares some of her best-loved products 22
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Lululemon This gym gear company is super supportive of their local community wherever they may be. I love their philosophy towards achieving life balance, and their gym pants are the best – they last forever! Head to lululemon.com.au.
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Sketchers Go Walk shoes These are my favourite, comfiest shoes to wear for walking around trade shows for days on end. There are so many wonderful colours and they’re just like wearing slippers. Visit sketchers.com.au.
Miffy We have just introduced some fabulous Miffy moneyboxes, toothbrushes, keyrings and photo holders! I adore this classic little bunny, which is so timeless in its design. Check them all out at annabeltrends.com.
My iPad How I ever lived without this device I’ll never know. With all the travel I have to do, the compact size of the iPad has eliminated the need for bulky laptops, which I am very grateful for! However I do have to learn to switch it off occasionally.
Orlando the Marmalade Cat by Kathleen Hale (Penguin, $14.99) I simply adore this cute series of illustrated children’s books. As a child, I loved my mother reading these to me. The illustrations are just beautiful and the stories so much fun!
THIS PAGE: fat cow money boxes from $9.95 by Annabel Trends annabeltrends.com
september 2014 | mychild
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IDEAS
BAMBOO BOUNCER $299.95 by Bombol
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Talking design the Founder of Scandinavian nursery furniture and infant product distribution company Danish By Design, Gillian Rose, describes the features that make the brands she markets a popular choice
september 2014 | mychild
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ideas | talking design
INDIE PRAM $699.95 by Bumbleride
L
ike many new mothers, Gillian Rose was looking for a way to combine work and motherhood by starting a new business. Then, with the help of her husband, she launched Danish By Design more than 10 years ago and now counts Nicole Kidman and Princess Mary among her many clients.
tell us about your design philosophy? In terms of decorating, I believe that as long as you love the piece, whatever it may be, then it will fit in with the rest of your style. If it comes from your heart then there will always be a link. In other words, don’t be scared to mix old with new, dark with light or bold with neutral. However, what is important to me is that less is more. If every item in a room demands your
attention, the calm and elegance is lost to a busy and overwhelming environment. My Danish background has had a strong influence on me. In the country where I grew up, people had designer lamps and beautiful furniture. Expensive, yes, but people buy them for life. My mother purchased a series of Poul Henningsen lamps before I was born and she still has them today. I’ve learned to appreciate timeless design and good quality, which is what we look for in our product ranges.
What are the benefits of good design? Longevity and high quality are very important factors. Longevity means that you are buying for long-term use, such as a highchair that grows with the child through to adulthood, or a multi-functional product such as a cot that converts to a junior bed. High quality
Visit danishbydesign.com.au
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ensures that the item will be able to perform its task for as long as you want it to do so. It is a waste to buy an item that breaks or looks terrible after two years. Another important aspect is that the design of any item must be functional as well as beautiful. If all of these factors are present then you are guaranteed to have made a super investment that will give you years of joy.
What are the key features? When we are choosing a new product for distribution we are always looking for unique features. With our Bombol Bamboo Bouncer, for example, the child can change position by shifting their body weight – as well as moving their arms and legs – which gives them an opportunity to develop muscle strength and tone. In other bouncers the baby can only move their arms and legs, thereby restricting movement and development. We believe good design offers something extra, something that makes the investment one of good value, even if the price point is higher. So whether you are buying a pram or a toy, we urge you to research the options and check that the products are functional, beautiful, long lasting and high quality to avoid disappointment. *
COT & BED $1,699 by Leander
september 2014 | mychild
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IDEAS
My business Mum-of-one Lisa Vitale is the owner of zip romper design business Li’l Zippers
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nspired by her now three-year-old son, Jacob, Lisa determined to start a romper design business in 2011 and launched Li’l Zippers in early 2013. Describing her collection of baby zip rompers as bright, funky, stylish yet practical, she has now expanded her range to include baby clothing.
WHAT INSPIRED YOUR DESIGNS? It was a 3am nappy change that did it for me! Jacob just wouldn’t stay still when it came time to changing him so I was inspired to create a zippered romper for time-poor mums who don’t want to have to fuss with buttons. My focus was on helping parents make change time easier. Today our rompers have a patent-pending zip opening, making it much quicker to get baby in and out of them. They’re also designed for parents who want quality without spending a fortune. The styling and colours are bright and funky, too, so they can be worn as outer wear and not just in the home, plus our soft and stretchy cotton-blend fabrics won’t lose their shape or colour.
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TELL US ABOUT YOUR ROLE As the owner of the business, I pretty much do everything from designing the garments to overseeing all of the production, shipping and marketing. I enjoy the creative side the most. In fact, I love it and when I see little babies wearing our products, I do get a little chuffed. My team consists of my wonderful partner, and people who share my passion and vision for the business. I seek advice from my partner, and work closely with others to achieve what I want done. I also believe in the right person for the right job so I am always happy to outsource to experts.
WHAT HAS BEEN THE MOST CHALLENGING ASPECT? Juggling a work/home/family balance – you need to be super organised! And if there was any advice I wished I’d received in the early days, it would be to follow your heart and your gut, and that if you truly believe in your product then others will too. My advice for other mums who are keen to set up their own business is >
GIRLS’ TEE $17.95, SKORT $16.95, BOYS’ TEE $17.95 & SHORTS $16.95
mychildmagazine september 2014 | mychild
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ideas | my business to do your research and ask yourself why you want to be in business. If it’s a strong enough reason then it will help to carry you through the ups and downs.
ARE THERE ANY ADVANTAGES TO WORKING FOR YOURSELF? Having no mean bosses to answer to! Seriously though, getting to choose the hours I want to work is one of the best advantages as it allows me to spend more time with my little boy. It also means I have control over the designs to ensure that they’re practical and funky.
WHAT MAKES YOUR BRAND SPECIAL? Our clothing has been designed with parents in mind. Everything that is produced is based on my experiences as a mother and not just as a business owner. Being a relatively young business means my products and service are fresh and unique too.
TELL US ABOUT YOUR PLANS FOR THE FUTURE We always listen to what our customers tell us and incorporate this into our upcoming ranges, while still maintaining our unique identity. I believe by keeping our customers happy, Li’l Zippers will grow up big and strong! This is also why we have created a new baby clothing collection. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than hearing positive customer feedback and knowing we’re making life easier for parents, one nappy-change at a time.
WHERE CAN CUSTOMERS PURCHASE YOUR PRODUCTS? We sell our products in sizes newborn to 24 months online via lilzippers.com.au and also through a growing list of stockists. *
ROMPER $32.95
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GIFT GUIDE
THIS PAGE: trott pyjama set $125 S-L by Elk elkaccessories.com.au
NEXT page: gus bracelet $240 by Koolaman Designs koolaman.com.au
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Father’s daY
gift guide
from innovative gadgetry and interior’s items to cool accessories, try our top ideas to treat dad on his special day. and, remember, socks and jocks are a must!
september 2014 | mychild
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gift guide
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1| paddleboard $1,175 by Adventure Paddleboarding
2| work bag $255 by Elk
elkaccessories.com.au
surfindustries.com.au
3| belt $15.81 by ASOS
4| coffee cup $9 by CuppaCoffeeCup
5| winelights $89 each by Jette Scheib
asos.com.au
thedesigngiftshop.com
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ezibuy.com.au
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6| BOOKshelf $1,870 by Satara
7| watch $117 by Woodie Specs
downthatlittlelane.com.au
satara.com.au
8| Boutique brewery $99.95 by Mad Millie
9| notebooks $25 each by St Barts
10| villain chair ÂŁ4,500 by Suck UK
suck.uk.com
madmillie.com
st-barts.com.au
september 2014 | mychild
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gift guide
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11| wallet $89.99 by Mary + Marie
maryandmarieshop.com
12| laptop table $19 by Smash Enterprises
13| office chair $179 by Milan Direct
milandirect.com.au
bigw.com.au
14| Hammock $225 by The Toucan Shop
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FAMILY
Dad in charge Nicola Conville chats with three stay-at-home fathers to discover their perspectives on life, kids, work and keeping all the plates spinning
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o celebrate Father’s Day, I thought it would be nice to pay special tribute to those stay-at-home dads who know all too well about school drop-offs, play dates and dinner preparation. Here three such dads take us through their day-to-day lives.
THE SINGLE DAD Darren Mattock is a single father to Charlie, aged six. He is the founder of Becoming Dad (becomingdad.com.au), an organisation that helps educate and support new and expectant dads. How long have you been a stay-at-home dad? I have been a stay-at-home single father since October 2012 and have a very harmonious coparenting relationship with Charlie’s mum. We share care of Charlie (Cha) fifty-fifty. What are your care arrangements with your son’s mum? Charlie is with me every Monday, Tuesday and every second weekend. When
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school is in session, changeovers all happen at school. During school holidays, we organise them in a way that is balanced and fair to both of us. Cha’s two homes are about 40km apart, so we either take turns at doing the full trip or agree on a midpoint. It’s ultra-consistent and easy, which is great for all of us, especially Cha. Describe a typical day in your household On a Charlie day, I wake up around 6am, make coffee, spend some time with Charlie, make breakfast, pack Cha’s school lunch and head out the door. I drop Charlie off at school and move into my work day. By the time I arrive home to start work it is 9.30am and I have until about 2.45pm before I have to head back for school pick-up. We usually come home and spend some time hanging out together before Charlie has a play with friends. That is usually my time to clean up and get dinner going. After dinner we spend some time playing >
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family before bed. Cha likes to watch an episode of a show in bed with me as a pre-sleep ritual. Often he monkeys about in bed before crashing. We laugh a lot and bedtime is usually easy, fun, close and peaceful. I’m often pretty beat by the time he crashes, so I do the essentials and find my way to bed to wind down after clearing what’s burning in my head. How do you balance work and parenting? I thought that when Charlie started school this year, there would be all of this extra time. I do school drop-offs and pick-ups every day, as well as spend some time with his kindergarten class reading once a week. It hasn’t given me as many extra hours as I anticipated. In those times when I need to work for financial reasons, it is definitely a challenge. But given the choice between working more and being able to play this role if money wasn’t an issue, I would choose being a father every time! Doing both part-time is a great mix for Charlie and I. I work 10- to 12-hour days on my Charliefree days just to cram in what I can’t do when
“At times that was isolating… If I was feeling a bit courageous I wouldn’t mind rocking up to a place full of mothers” he is with me. If I didn’t love what I do, I don’t think I would manage as well as I do! What surprised you most about staying at home? I didn’t really have any expectations. For the most part, I have loved it and consider the decision to be a stay-at-home dad to be one of the best I have ever made. In fact, I aspire to do it for all of Charlie’s school life. I see so many benefits to me being around so much. Finding the balance is hard (finances, work time and “me” time) and it is a complete trade-off for those things, but it feels like a solid investment in him. I’m also being the dad that I really want to be too.
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Do you ever feel isolated or lonely? Definitely! Cha has gone through phases of only wanting to be with me and not wanting to socialise much. These have been some of the most challenging moments of being a stay-at-home dad that I have navigated. But we have also had times of having regular places to go and people to see, like Dads and Kids playgroup. That was great because he would get to play and I would get to chat with other dads. What’s the hardest thing about being a stayat-home dad? Building community around my role as a stay-at-home dad. Besides the Dads and Kids playgroup, there wasn’t anything else I could find that was really just for fathers. At times that was isolating. If I was feeling a bit courageous, I wouldn’t mind rocking up at a place full of mothers. But there were times, especially post-separation, where I wasn’t in that place and would have been much more comfortable being able to turn up somewhere to something just for dads and kids. What’s the best thing? Just being there as much as I have been is the best thing for me – for the little fragments that make up every day. Bonding doesn’t really happen in the big special moments – the real glue is in the shared day-to-day interactions and experiences. I love what I have with Charlie. We are incredibly close and have an awesome relationship. I truly feel that what we have will carry us through this life as father and son. I feel proud of that and grateful beyond measure.
THE STUDENT Ben Mathewson is married with seven kids, Sophie, 10, Faith, nine, Elijah, eight, Lilliane, six, Isaac, five, Xavier, three and Marcella, 13 months. He is studying landscape design and runs a blog at adaddyblogger.blogspot.com.au. How long have you been a stay-at-home dad? I have been a stay-at-home dad on and off for a good deal of my children’s lives. At various stages I have worked as a full-time receptionist, a full-time horticulture student
and a full-time gardener’s assistant, before feeling the need to stay home due to chronic stomach problems, which affected my ability to work full-time. What does your wife do? An awful lot, actually. She homeschools our kids, has a professional blog site, cooks most of the meals and cleans the house – actually we all have specific jobs (children included) in cleaning the house. Describe a typical day in your household. My days are like snowflakes – no two are the same – but I might get up at 7am to feed a crying baby her bottle then start writing on my blog or an associated writing task until 9am, at which point my older children should be finishing the breakfasts they make themselves. From 9 to 11am we all clean up the house together. Then I might study landscape design homework until 3pm, especially if I’m behind, sometimes playing with the children or making odd alterations to my blog or working on some other creative project. At 4pm I read and prep dinner and at 6pm we usually eat, then I bathe the children or harass them until they get their pyjamas on. One of the older children is responsible by roster for putting an audiobook on so the others can listen to it while getting ready to sleep, and getting water for them so that they have something to drink before they sleep too. Lights out hopefully at 8pm. Sometimes one of my older children is allowed to stay up late to help me get the youngest children (Marcella and Xavier) to sleep. I usually watch TV or play a computer game until I go to bed at 11pm. Then I do it all again the next day! Has staying at home been different from what you expected? Being someone who has been at home on and off for a fair bit of my children’s lives, I would say that I had no expectation. I enjoy it most of the time. There are constant interruptions though – children fighting, or needing to be bottle-fed or have nappies changed. Being a hands-on dad, I’ve dealt with it well over the years, but I do like
the strange concept of getting something done without something else in the house competing for my attention. Do you miss working? Yes, as I miss the money, the feeling of contributing to society and the camaraderie. But I feel like my kids feel more secure with me at home and even while I still feel sick, I’m not sick and exhausted like I was when I was in full-time work. Do you ever feel isolated or lonely? Yes, I do. Doing studies by distance, you don’t get to see many people. I am only on campus at TAFE for a three-hour block every fortnight. I suppose I
“I miss the money, the feeling of contributing to society and the camaraderie. But I feel like my kids feel more secure with me at home” have learned to live with that aspect of it and don’t know anything different now. What’s the hardest thing about being a stayat-home dad? Not feeling like you are making any money. I do have a home business, but it is not yet as profitable as me working full-time. What’s the best thing? I see my children every day, and they get a reasonable amount of energy and attention from me, even though I am often at the computer, writing. Do you ever have disagreements with your partner about how things should be done around the home? From time to time. My definition of something being “clean” and her’s are usually different, and I am particular about how something should be done. I also usually do it the hardest way possible – pointing out to the kids and her that it is in fact the easiest way. Yep, still haven’t won that argument yet! Would you like to go back to work? Definitely part-time. I love being a gardener’s assistant and when I finish my landscape design course, I would like to work on designing small garden solutions for others too. >
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family
THE AUTHOR George Ivanoff is married with two daughters, Nykita, 11 and Lexi, five. He runs the household and fits in his writing around school hours and in the evenings. George also has a website at georgeivanoff.com.au. How long have you been a stay-at-home dad? Before having children I divided my time between consulting in web development and writing for children. After our first daughter was born, my wife and I decided to tag-team things, with both of us going part-time and sharing the parenting duties. After about a year of this, it became obvious it would be better all round if I became the stayat-home parent and my wife worked full-time. There were a few reasons for this – my wife earned more money than me, it meant I could stop consulting and concentrate on building up my career as a children’s author, and I turned out to be the more domestic of the two of us. As an author I can work after hours when the kids have gone to bed, or on weekends, or while they are at school/kindergarten. And it’s worked. I have built up my writing career, and now that both the kids are in school and I have more writing time, I’m earning a living from it. I juggle this around school drop-offs and pickups, cooking, shopping and cleaning. And the kids are a great inspiration for stories. What does your wife do? My wife Kerri is a graphic designer. She runs her business from a home office on an 8.30am to 5.30pm basis. When she’s in her office, she’s at work and, unless it is an emergency, I deal with the kids and household. Describe a typical day in your household I start the day by preparing school lunches and snacks, then getting breakfast for Lexi. Kerri lays out the school uniforms, then she and I have breakfast. I then get Nykita’s bike out of the shed and she rides to school on her own, while I walk with Lexi. As soon as I leave, Kerri starts work. When I get home it’s time for coffee and then I hit the
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computer to do some writing. I make lunch for Kerri and then go to the supermarket before heading home to squeeze in a little more writing before collecting Lexi from school. When I get home, it’s then into cleaning and dinner prep. Twice a week this is juggled with taking Nykita to her swimming squad and Girl Guides. I’ll then supervise Lexi’s teeth brushing, after which we do reading. Then while Kerri is tucking her into bed, I’ll go and spend half an hour or so reading to Nykita. After both kids are in bed I’ll usually do a bit more writing and then Kerri and I get to have a cup of tea before collapsing into an exhausted heap. How is staying at home different to what you expected? It’s a lot harder than most people think, especially if you are also trying to juggle a career with the parenting duties. Finding the time to fit it all in is difficult and often results in late nights – although there are less of these now that both kids are at school. Do you miss working with other people? No. I’ve always been a fairly solitary person. And I don’t miss working in an office. I never really liked the office environment and I’m happy for it to be a thing of the past. I have also interacted with people through various playgroup, kinder and school activities. What’s the hardest thing about being a stayat-home dad? Finding the time to do everything that needs to be done. What’s the best thing? Getting to see my daughters growing up. I think you can miss so much if you are going off to work every day. I have been there for so many of the precious little things – from first steps to first words to choir performances at school assemblies. Do you disagree with your partner about things like housework? Well, we are forever arguing about how the dishwasher should be stacked. I have a very particular system and she often stuffs it up. But seriously, no major disagreements. We always discuss things, so there are no surprises about the way things are handled. *
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my life
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Protector
For Simone Milne, a short-listed entrant in our My Child/Parenting Express writing competition, worry will forever be a part of her life as a mother
T
he first time she turns red, your husband blurts forcefully, ‘Get in the car.’ You whisper, ‘Oh God, oh God,’ through half sobs as you race her to hospital. The second time she turns red you run with her in your arms to the GP clinic next door. They treat her urgently and slowly little specks of white skin start to appear through the raging redness enveloping her. You are exhausted afterwards, there is a sore feeling in your head and chest, and you feel bewildered at the not knowing. You are finally sitting in the specialist’s rooms after months of the not knowing and he tells you of her poisons, all six of them. He tells you how to save her life, he shows you how to puncture her little thigh and infuse the magical antidote to help her breathe again. On the drive home, specks of understanding start to appear in your muddled mind… the weeping open skin, the explosions of red and the raking of her fingernails across her face. Mother’s milk tainted with tiny traces of her poisons, eaten unknowingly, innocuous to most, but rejected violently by her little body. You feel relief that you can help your baby
now. You instantly cease eating her poisons; throw them out of the house. The frequent peaks of panic cease. Her tiny being is safe with you, safe in your house. You wrap her in your protective arms and hold her close in a cool bubble. But others want to hold her, others with poison on their hands. Someone pops a biscuit in her mouth at a party, she turns red, and your head and chest thump. There is a realisation that every occasion, every milestone, every phase of her life means stepping out of the bubble, momentarily. You tell everyone you can about her vulnerability; ask them all to wash their hands, their mouths, remove the poisons from her reach. You tell everyone, even the strangers at the park. You tell the world because it feels safer for her if everyone knows. She gleefully opens her little beak for her first solids; an opening in her bubble demanding habitual vigilance. You are the gatekeeper. She thrives beautifully and her world expands. You leave her at kindy, so excited on her first day. She slides down the fireman’s pole and asks the teacher, ‘When are you going to teach >
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my life me something?!’ You look up to the sky as you walk away, blinking through tears just like the other mums, but your head is screaming thoughts about whether you have taught the teachers enough, explained enough, showed them how to give her emergency dose, have
“She is on the bed, writhing. Her tummy is sore. You catch a litre of vomit, her little body expelling the poison…” they practised… enough? How can anyone be as vigilant as me? you torture yourself. The “what ifs” circle above you in the clouds. You make mistakes; the phone call from your husband. She has eaten the wrong muffin. Two batches, one for her and one for her brother, left hastily beside each other on the bench, and you hadn’t explained to her they were different, hadn’t put them out of reach like usual, hadn’t told your husband. You speed home. She is on the bed, writhing. Her tummy is sore. You catch a litre of vomit, her little body expelling the poison. You make mistakes; the two milk drinks. You swear you put the right milk in hers. She drinks it and instantly says, ‘My throat stings.’ Her red lips swell. You call the ambulance, and watch her, watch her, so closely… you sleep in her room that night. You become expert at educating others about her needs, at providing safe food, at giving your spiel to her teachers, at training them. You make mistakes but learn from each one. How to better protect her, and anticipate and intercept a potentially disastrous chain
READ ON…
Look out for more great stories in future issues, head to mychildmagazine.com.au or check out the Parenting Express website at parentingexpress.com.au.
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of events before it unfolds. The raging fire of anxiety when you leave her fades to a candle now. You place it in a dark room and quietly shut the door. Her kind Sunday school teacher hosts a party and she is able to eat every food served, so carefully chosen. Her beautiful eyes twinkle, amazed, for once not needing her own separate treats, for once not wandering off nonchalantly at cake time. The white specialist’s walls surround you each year as you are told she has not outgrown her allergies. She may never. You watch her with wonder as she never complains, simply accepts what is. You watch her in awe as she slowly starts to become her own protector, taking caution and care that are beyond her years. She is stepping further out of your bubble with each wonderful day, and you hope that fear will never hold her back. You know there will be school camps, backpacking excitement across Europe, awkward teenage boyfriends and wild parties. You know she will eventually be responsible, that you won’t always be there, watching, close by. You know it can take just 30 seconds for
“You watch her in awe as she slowly starts to become her own protector, taking caution and care beyond her years” her to stop breathing. You can only hope that you have taught her well. But forever branded into your heart is the fierce desire to keep her safe, to protect her, and so you hold her close while you still can. The little flame of worry will always flicker somewhere in a back room of your brain, but it’s also a flame for her, for her young life, for the exciting adventures she will have, the journeys she will take and the joy she will feel as she chases wonderful floating bubbles, galloping along her life’s glorious path. *
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LIFE LESSONS
‘We don’t live in a perfect world’ Lois Wattis, midwife, registered nurse and international board-certified lactation consultant, explains how she tackled parenting three kids from the age of 20 Tell us about yourself I began my working career as a secretary in Victoria. Married at 18 years of age, my first baby Joe was born in 1975 when I was 20 years old. Babies two and three, Amy and Sam, were born in 1976 and then 1979 so needless to say mothering became my priority job from then onwards, although I worked part-time then full-time in executive secretarial roles with BHP until the late 1980s. My marriage ended there, and another began shortly afterwards when I started a new life with my now husband of 26 years, John, and we moved my kids and everything we owned (including two cats and two horses) to Western Australia. There are too many life lessons in that period of my life to recount here! There I had the opportunity to fulfil my life’s dream of working as a veterinary nurse, which I loved but also found heartbreaking. Thanks to John’s coaching in maths, science and physics I sat higher education entrance exams and was
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offered places in both veterinary and human nursing. I entered Edith Cowan University, WA, to complete a Bachelor of Nursing the year I turned 40. I graduated with high distinctions and then studied midwifery at Curtin University while working as a registered nurse. When the new millennium rolled over, I was employed as a midwife in the hospital maternity system then a year later I was contracted to work with the Community Midwifery Program to provide continuous primary care to women who had the choice of homebirth or birth in hospital if necessary. I gained accreditation as an Independently Practising Midwife with the Australian College of Midwives and practised as a community midwife for over four years. During this time I was also involved in the formation of the Peel Pregnancy Resources & Midwifery Support Group and the development of the document Implementing the National Maternity Action Plan, which laid the foundation for the midwifery care reforms that parents >
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life lessons and midwives across Australia now enjoy a decade later. I was awarded a Fellowship of the Australian College of Midwives for my contribution to midwifery at the International Confederation of Midwives Congress in 2004. By 2005 my kids had grown up and drifted back to Melbourne so John and I moved east (with three cats and two horses), settling on Queensland’s Sunshine Coast where I worked as a midwife at Nambour Selangor Private Hospital. In 2007 I began working in my current role as a specialist lactation consultant at Nambour General Hospital, and I have also continued my private practice, Babymoon Home Visits, which offers professional inhome services to women and their partners as they make their transition to parenthood. My life’s work guiding families culminated in writing my recently released e-book New Baby 101: A Midwife’s Guide for New Parents.
What about your childhood? I was born in the 1950s and growing up on the Mornington Peninsula in Victoria was fun and uncomplicated compared to children’s lives these days. As part of a family of five kids, we roamed our neighbourhood freely, playing in bushland and walking unaccompanied to the town swimming pool in summer. All we had
“I learned to be physically and financially independent at quite an early age, but my parents were always there when I needed them too” to worry about was not stepping on snakes, and where we’d left our shoes and towel. My younger sister and I adored horses and we had ponies to ride throughout our teens. We didn’t have fancy gear and only had one saddle so someone always rode bareback, but we rode for miles on weekends and the only rule was to be home by dark.
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We were the youngest of a big family and looking back I am amazed at how much of our daily lives were unsupervised. We walked over 3km to school and back unaccompanied and were sent to the shops to run errands. As teens we both worked part-time jobs on weekends, mainly to pay for our horses’ needs. I learned to be physically and financially independent at quite an early age, but my parents were always there when I needed them too.
What have you learned from your parents? My parents were hardworking, honest people and they did not get to enjoy their senior years. They both died early, younger than I am now. Loving unconditionally and accepting one another’s strengths and weaknesses was what my parents taught me, and I’ve endeavoured to demonstrate this as my own kids grew up. Life is full of ups and downs, challenges, mistakes and victories, providing a kaleidoscope of experiences. I would never claim to have been the perfect parent but my children grew up knowing I would always be their unwavering advocate throughout tough times. I know my kids say I am a great mum and I am thankful to have the opportunity to try to be an even better grandmother.
tell us What you admire most in people and how you try to instil this in your children? Honesty and forgiveness are two qualities I admire and always try to demonstrate. I know my children also appreciate and replicate these values in their daily lives. Reflecting on my parenting style, which now spans almost 40 years, the constant thread has been to make sure I always keep communication channels open no matter what problems arise. My children are now having their own kids, and they are tender and loving, consistently positive, and selfless in the way they care for their little ones. When I see what wonderful
parents my children are to my grandchildren, I can’t help but believe that this is surely the greatest achievement of my lifetime.
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how have EXPECTATIONS OF PARENTS CHANGED? Having babies in the 1970s was very different to how it is now. Family planning was quite a new concept. Babies just came along and parents adapted their lives the best they could to meet their needs. Mothers had little control over the labour and birth they experienced, epidurals were only available in the biggest hospitals and the sex of a newborn baby was always a surprise. Parents these days can plan when they will have a baby, where and how baby will be born, see baby’s images throughout the pregnancy, know their baby’s sex, and any problems baby may have can also be identified. Parents can have great control over their experience and they usually expect perfection. Sadly, we don’t live in a perfect world and even with the best plans and expert care, outcomes are not always perfect. Parents’ expectations about how baby will “fit into” their lives can sometimes be quite unrealistic and adapting to life with a baby can really rock even the most stable relationships. It can be extremely challenging for today’s parents to accept unexpected changes to their plans.
any words of wisdom? The basic human needs of security, warmth, food and love are the constants of life from birth to death. Couples must learn to respect and support each other through life’s ups and downs, and strive to provide secure, constant and unconditional love as the core of their parenting journey. The most valuable gift you can give your child is yourself. * Lois Wattis’ e-book, New Baby 101: A Midwife’s Guide for New Parents, is available for $19 at newbaby101.com.au.
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INTERIORS REPORT
Make a mint accent soft grey tones with sharp turquoise shades for a modern take on a classic colour base for kids’ rooms
THIS PAGE: LATTICE QUILT COVER FROM $149 by Aura Home aurahome.com.au
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Shop online for the most beautiful range of nursery and kids wall art designed and made in Australia.
Wall Art for little people
www.41orchard.com.au
CANVAS ART
WALL STICKERS
TREE DECALS
WALL PAPER
MAP MURALS
PERSONALISED
HIGHT CHARTS
NURSERY ART
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interiors | report
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GET TH LOOK 1
zig zag blanket $69.9
by Little Bonbon littlebon
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
snoop art toy $69.95
by Lucky Boy Sunday litt
coussin smiley â‚Ź45
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by MUUSA muusa.fr
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woodland doe cush
by In-Spaces in-spaces.c
themis prism mobile $5
by Artecnica stateofgree
hot springs designer
by Xavier & Me xavieran
indiana breakfast cu
by Bambury bambury.co
scrapwood wallpap
by Pierrot et Coco pierro
sleeping giants print
by Ella Leach Designs ind
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dorm $187
by Ferm Living fermliv
feather headdress
by May and Belle may
owl money box ÂŁ12
by KG Design scoutan
forest folk wall
by Love Mae lovemae
dipped side table & s
by Linea lifestylehome
kura reversible be by Ikea ikea.com.au
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HE
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nbon.com.au
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tlepiestreet.com.au
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hion ÂŁ37
com
$59.95
en.com.au
r rug $1,360
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ndme.com
ushion $24.95
om.au
per ÂŁ139
otetcoco.com
t $180
12
die.com.au
ving.com.au
s print $32
yandbelle.com.au
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ndcokids.com
ll stickers $79.95
e.com.au
stool from $280
eandliving.com.au
ed $299
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Interiors MY SPACE
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Neutral territory Expectant mother Amy Collins-Walker knew she didn’t want a traditional room for her little boy so she went for a neutral look with an edge
T
hanks to her job as a stylist, Amy Collins-Walker had a very clear idea about how she wanted her baby’s new nursery to look. What’s surprising is how she achieved such a stylish space on a tiny budget!
What was your inspiration? I wanted the nursery to be neutral as I’m not a fan of obvious choices like blue for boys. I also liked the idea of the room having a bit of a rock edge – hence the Led Zeppelin cushion and black-and-white colour palette. Like many other expectant mothers, I trawled Pinterest for inspiration – it reliably turns up the goods. I also hit up apartmenttherapy.com because they feature some fabulous real-life nurseries.
How would you describe the room? While obviously a little edgy for a nursery, the room is filled with animals and neutral tones that make it calming overall – I also included some jute and hessian for an earthy touch. In addition, it’s been proven that black and white, rather than pastels, are ideal for newborn bubs as they stimulate brain growth and faster visual development – a nice bonus. >
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interiors | my space
What about timing & budget? I had a fairly clear design brief and the whole thing came together very easily. Unlike my daughter’s room, this room was pulled together on a shoestring. The cot and bookshelf are both from IKEA and the set of drawers are a handme-down from my sister. I am considering painting them but I’m running out of time. The lamp was a $29 bargain from Target and most of the soft toys and ornaments were in my home already. The picture frames were from Officeworks and were super cheap.
Do you have a design mantra? I’d like to say “less is more” but it never seems to turn out that way! I like to see something unexpected in a space – a splash of metallic in a bathroom or black in a baby’s room, for example. I also believe that when in doubt, go bigger. That especially stands for artwork as people often get that wrong. Also, don’t feel you have to make “safe” choices – life is too short not to make a statement.
What’s next? We may actually put both our children in one room so the neutral palette should be fairly
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easy to alter. I have found with my daughter that her room has changed as her personality has expressed itself. Who knows what our new baby will bring to the house?
where do you like to shop? I’m a massive fan of New Zealand homewares label Citta Design (cittadesign.com) – the cheeky and ultra-plush fox is from them – and I found the black triangle wall decals at vividwalldecals. com.au in Australia. Their shipping is prompt.
What is your favourite piece in the room? I love the oversized giraffe – my best friend brought it all the way from Zimbabwe in her hand luggage!
Any tips for parents-to-be on decorating a nursery? “Shop” your home as that way the pieces that you fill the nursery with will have much more meaning and sentimental value – it also creates a more authentic space. * Amy Collins-Walker is a freelance writer, stylist and interior design obsessive. Visit her website at amycollinswalker.com.
• The cot and bookshelf are both from IKEA
• The picture frames were from Officeworks and were super cheap • I found the black triangle wall decals at Vivid Wall Decals
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PARTY
The butterfly effect A soft and feminine butterfly-themed party was the perfect choice for Rihanna rabbah’s christening celebration
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party
• Sugar butterflies atop delicious cupcakes
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or eight-month-old Rihanna Rabbah’s Christening day, her mother Josiane enlisted the help of Sarah and Bec from Ribbon Whirls Boutique Event Styling to create the perfect party.
What inspired the theme? We, along with Rihanna’s mum Josiane, loved the idea of sweet little butterflies adorning the dessert table and floral arrangements. We were keen on a soft-toned theme to complement the venue, which had breathtaking beach views.
What time of year was it? The Christening was held in autumn so we wanted something bright and pretty. The butterfly theme reminded us of springtime!
How did you select the colours? Josiane had seen some of our previous work and loved the softness of peach and white colour schemes. The venue was quite neutral
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• A hint of yellow for a pop of colour
so we added a hint of yellow into the dessert buffet to give a pop of extra colour.
How did you go about organising the party? We generally ask our clients to complete a questionnaire regarding their event and ask them to include details such as the colour scheme and theme, the number of guests and what services they are interested in, such as dessert buffets, invitations, and coordinating stationery and floral arrangements. We then set up a consultation to discuss the services available and the style they want to achieve, and work from there to achieve a gorgeous event to wow our clients and their guests!
did it take long to organise? Many hours of sourcing items, preparation and assembly as well as baking all of the tasty goodies to make the event perfectly cohesive and detailed. About 60 guests attended. >
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party
• The lolly buffet and (right) the favour boxes
What did the guests love most? The dessert buffet was definitely the muchtalked-about centrepiece. The fabulous cake, which was adorned with sugar butterflies by 2 Nice 2 Slice, complemented the table setting beautifully. The floral arrangements with little paper butterfly embellishments were a special detail and the personalised thank-you tags on the favour boxes and place cards tied the theme together beautifully.
What was Rihanna’s reaction? Rihanna, her parents Charlie and Josiane, and all her guests were wowed by the beautiful room and attention to detail. * To contact Sarah and Bec from Ribbon Whirls visit ribbonwhirls.com.au, call 0403 745 009 or email info@ribbonwhirls.com.au. The cake was from 2 Nice 2 Slice on 0438 599 200, the paperie from Green Beansie Ink at etsy.com/shop/GreenBeansieInk and the photo of Rihanna was by rizkphotography.com.
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• Rihanna on her special day
“The floral arrangements with little paper butterfly embellishments were a gorgeous detail and the personalised thank-you tags on the favour boxes and place cards tied the theme together beautifully”
Sarah and Bec’s PARTY TIP
To ensure your event is a success, plan well and focus on the details. Start organising it months ahead and contact suppliers early on to ease the stress leading up to the day so you can relax and enjoy it.
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SHOPPING COMPARE
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come clean have fun in the tub bathing your little bub with our selection of specially formulated bath washes
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shopping compare | bath wash
ECO STORE Sleepytime Bath $8.99 ecostore.com.au
JOHNSON’S BABY Top-to-Toe Bath $8.59 johnsonsbaby.com.au
MOOGOO Bubbly Wash $17.50 moogoo.com.au
SEBAMED Baby Wash $9.95 sebamed.com.au
CHIRON Shampoo & Body Wash $4.95 chironorganic.com.au
CUSSONS MUM & ME Baby Bath $9.99 mumandme.com
LITTLE INNOSCENTS Hair & Body Wash $12.99 littleinnoscents.com.au
MILK & CO Bath Time Wash $12.95 milkandco.com.au
AVEENO BABY Creamy Wash $10.99 aveeno.com.au
GAIA SKIN NATURALS Hair & Body Wash $17.95 gaiaskinnaturals.com
ALPHA KERI Clear Wash $13.95 alphakeri.com.au
MATER Baby Wash $13.99 matermothers.org.au
ORGANIC BABIES Baby Wash $15.95 green-people.com.au
PURITY Shampoo & Bodywash $7.99 naturesorganics.com.au
NATURAL INSTINCT Baby Bath Wash $7.95 naturalinstinct.com.au
AROMABABY Baby Bath Gel $12.95 aromababy.com
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DID YOU KNOW? 90% of baby shampoos have foaming agents in them. The common components used in their formulation can cause eye irritation, eczema and other conditions that dry out the skin. The Little Innoscents Hair & Body Wash is naturally low suds and sulphate free.
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COOKING
Take a dip These delicious dips by Stacey Deutscher at A Healthy Mum are lunchbox safe and ideal for little ones new to solids
NUTRITIONAL TIP
Chickpeas are a great way to sneak protein into your child’s diet; not only do they taste great but they “thicken” this dip to make it perfect on a cracker or served with a spoon.
PUMPKIN & CHICKPEA MOROCCAN DIP PREP TIME 5 minutes
COOKING TIME 20 minutes
INGREDIENTS 500g pumpkin, peeled and cut into 2cm pieces 2 tbsp olive oil 1 cup chickpeas, rinsed 1 tsp ground coriander 1 tsp ground cumin salt and pepper, for seasoning
TO SERVE • Serve with seed crackers or vegetable sticks.
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MAKES 1 cup
METHOD • Preheat your oven to 200°C and line a baking tray with a sheet of non-stick paper. • Add the chopped pumpkin to the oven tray and sprinkle with olive oil before baking until soft, approximately 20 minutes. • Add the rinsed chickpeas to a blender and pulse until they’re broken, then add all the remaining ingredients, again pulsing until all of the items are combined and the dip is a consistency you like.
NUTRITIONAL TIP
Ricotta is made using the whey of the milk. This part actually has the majority of the milk’s digestive enzymes and nutrients in it, which makes it ideal for babies to enjoy as one of their first foods.
BEETROOT, RICOTTA & MINT DIP PREP TIME 5 minutes
COOKING TIME 20 minutes
INGREDIENTS 250g beetroots, peeled and cut into 2cm pieces 2 tbsp olive oil 1 small handful mint leaves, shredded ½ cup full-fat ricotta cheese salt and pepper, for seasoning extra olive oil, optional
TO SERVE • Serve with seed crackers or vegetable sticks.
MAKES 1½ cups
METHOD • Preheat your oven to 200°C and line a baking tray with a sheet of non-stick paper. • Add the chopped beetroot to the oven tray and sprinkle with olive oil before baking until soft, approximately 20 minutes. • Once cooked, pulse the beetroot and mint in a food processor until it forms tiny chunks, and then add the ricotta and season. Pulse until the dip comes together. If the mixture is dry, add olive oil or water and continue pulsing until all items are combined and the dip is a consistency you like. >
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cooking
NUTRITIONAL TIP
Avocados are a fantastic food for a growing baby. They’re full of good fats to help with brain function, as well as fibre and protein to assist with cell development.
AVOCADO SALSA PREP TIME 5 minutes
COOKING TIME 2 minutes
INGREDIENTS 1 large avocado, mashed ½ medium tomato, finely cubed 1 small handful coriander leaves, shredded 1 tbsp lime juice salt and pepper, for seasoning
MAKES 1 cup
METHOD • In a bowl, mash the avocado and then fold in all the other ingredients. Stir until the dip is a consistency you like. TO SERVE • Serve with seed crackers or vegetable sticks.
Stacey is a mum of one who is dedicated to developing and sharing healthy and easy-to-make recipes that the whole family can enjoy. She is currently studying to be a health coach with a major emphasis on nutrition for mothers and children. To find out more go to ahealthymum.com, email stace@ahealthymum.com or head to facebook.com/ahealthymumpage.
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my child promotion
SUBSCRIBE FOR FREE! For your chance to win one of four Fox & Finch Baby clothing packs worth $250 each Receive My Child magazine direct to your inbox every month! Our digital format allows you to interact with informative articles, scroll through for great shopping and fashion trends, read and share inspiring stories, party ideas and more – all with just the click of a button. Better still, by signing up to our free digital magazine you have the chance to win one of four $250 Fox & Finch Baby clothing packs! The brand breaks with the traditional and often
conservative style marketed to young mums, with the design team putting together a collection from their favourite influences to create distinctive clothing that will work with any wardrobe. Fox & Finch Baby is now established as a label with a unique mix of contemporary graphics, on trend detailing, and a fun twist to give a great point of difference from other babywear labels on the market. Available in sizes 00000 to 2. To view the range head to minihaha.com.au.
CLICK HERE to SIGN UP
• ENJOY Australia’s best parenting mag • DELIVERY straight to your inbox
• SHARE with family & friends • NEVER miss out on a great read!
Terms & conditions Prizes will be sent by post approximately six weeks after this offer closes on 19 September 2014. In the instance where a prize company forecloses or is unable to fulfil a prize commitment, My Child will not be held liable for reimbursements in the form of cash or subsidiary prizes. These circumstances fall outside the bounds of My Child’s responsibility as the giveaway promoter. If your details are not provided for prize fulfilment within five working days of notification of win, your prize will be forfeited.
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MY CHILD PROMOTION
Register now!
~ 2015 ~ Excellence Awards 2012
Calling all businesses! Register now to be in the running for our Excellence Awards 2015
EXCELLENCE AWARDS
We are excited to announce that we are calling for entries for our My Child Excellence Awards 2015. Now in their fourth year, these reader-voted awards recognise marketleading products, fashion labels and stores in the pregnancy, baby and children’s categories. Celebrating Australian and New Zealand businesses, they offer a fantastic opportunity for companies – no matter whether big brands or small businesses – to showcase their achievements. VOTING Readers will be offered the opportunity to vote on the entries by way of a “New Baby Shopping Guide” that will run in the March 2015 issue of My Child. The shopping guide will also be promoted via the My Child site, newsletters and social media pages.
ELIGIBILITY For companies to be eligible to enter, their products must be available in Australia and/ or New Zealand at September 23 2014 and for the duration of the Awards. Please note that only manufacturers and distributors may register products – not retailers.
WINNERS Gold, Silver and Bronze winners for each category, along with the overall winner, will be decided by the highest number of votes and will be announced in My Child’s June 2015 issue. Winners will also receive an awards badge and the right to display this on their marketing material.
INFORMATION PACK Prior to registration, it is essential that you read the My Child Excellence Awards 2015 Information Pack. This includes information on categories and eligibility along with full terms and conditions. It can be downloaded via the My Child Excellence Awards banner on the home page at mychildmagazine.com.au.
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Categories OUT & ABOUT Favourite Pram Favourite Stroller Favourite Baby Carrier Favourite Portable Chair/Booster Seat Favourite Baby Travel Product Favourite Baby Travel Cot Favourite Children’s Travel Product NURSERY Favourite Cot Favourite Change Table Favourite Nursery Decor Product BREASTFEEDING Favourite Breast Pump Favourite Breastfeeding Product FEEDING Favourite Highchair Favourite Baby Bottle Favourite Baby Feeding Product Favourite Baby Feeding Utensil Favourite Baby Cup Favourite Baby Food Storage Product BABY CARE Favourite Teething Product Favourite Baby Haircare Product Favourite Baby Skincare Product Favourite Baby Bath Wash
Favourite Baby Bath Product Favourite Baby Wipes Favourite Nappy Brand Favourite Nappy Rash Product Favourite Toilet-Training Product Favourite Baby Safety Product Favourite Health Product Favourite Baby Thermometer Favourite Baby Care Product SLEEP Favourite Swaddle/Wrap Favourite Sleeping Bag Favourite Baby Sleep Aid MUMS Favourite Nappy Bag Favourite Mum’s Product TOYS Favourite Baby Toy (0-18 months) Favourite Children’s Toy (18-36 months) Favourite Educational Product FASHION Favourite Baby Fashion Label Favourite Children’s Fashion Label ONLINE STORES Favourite Mixed-brands Online Store Favourite Own-brand Online Store Favourite Fashion Online Store
TO ENTER Entries must be registered by means of the online entry form available on the My Child site at mychildmagazine.com.au. Simply click on the My Child Excellence Awards banner on the home page and then follow the instructions. Registration costs $40 for each individual entry and must be paid by credit card or Paypal at registration. Registration closes at midnight AEST on Friday December 19 2014.
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MY CHILD PROMOTION
WHAT’S IN STORE
Clothes candy Handmade in Perth, this Ava pinafore by Pure Tots, $40, is made from 100 percent organic fair-trade cotton. It does up at the back with press studs and is available in sizes 0000 to 2. See the full range of toys, accessories and clothing at puretots.com.au.
Carry all The Reversible Nappy Change Bag by Lyn’s Label, $198.50, converts to a change mat. Made of antibacterial faux leather that is waterproof, stain-free and odour free, it comes with a custom key chain and Petite Traveller pouch. Visit lynslabel.com.au.
buckle up
sleep easy This fitted Bamboo Cot Sheet by Pea Pods, $24.95, has a waterproof under layer and fits cots of all sizes. Grab your bub a Bamboo Cot Sheet before September 15 and receive a second sheet free – what a bargain! It comes in light blue with spots at peapods.com.au.
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Stokke’s MyCarrier Cool, $269, now comes in black! Ergonomically designed to support you and your bub, it’s made from wind- and water-resistant mesh material. Suitable for newborns up to three years, the carrier is breathable and offers two-way front or back carrying. Go to stokke.com.
toddle & waddle
Decorate with Speckled House’s Tee Pee wall decal, $42.95. This removable vinyl wall sticker can be applied to almost any surface including painted walls, wallpaper, counter tops, windows, mirrors and tiles. Pick up a three-pack at speckledhouse.com.
Encourage your little walker’s development with the Kid O Tree Push Along from Tiger Tribe, $44.95. This push toy is designed to help your bub engage their gross motor skills, while they gently push the handle and the leaves spin around the tree trunk. It is suitable for children from age one on and measures 18 x 18 x 34cm. Grab one from tigertribe.com.au.
Bub bolster
buggy about
Support yourself with the Bellybean Maternity Pillow, $89, made from organic cotton. Bellybean has changed their covers to reduce chemical dying and processing. Available in the colours dusky pink, green tea, natural and latte, go to bellybean. com.au.
Venture outdoors with Chicco’s Activ3 Jogger Stroller, $799, which is designed for diverse terrain. It features full layback position, a sun hood, ventilated sports interior seat and puncture-free wheels. You can also conveniently attach Chicco’s KeyFit Plus car seat, $449. See chicco.com.au for more information or to purchase.
Stick to it
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NEWS
MUM’S WELLBEING
Raw foods a treat
Next time you’re hanging out for a sweet treat, think natural. Raw Cacao Fruit Nut bars by Go Natural are a wholefood alternative that give you a chocolatey hit plus all the goodness of raw ingredients and activated Australian almonds. Available in Macadamia Chia or Almond Raspberry, the 40g bars are $1.99 and available in the health food section of all major supermarkets.
For super mums
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Naturopath Alisha Lynch describes how to get this fabulous daily routine right: ‘Use a quality, natural bristle, dry skin brush and just before it’s time to jump in the shower or bath, brush your body all over in long sweeping strokes towards the heart. Start on the soles of your feet, sweep up the legs and torso, and up your hands and arms towards the chest then brush down from your neck towards your heart. Pay particular attention to your lymph nodes – behind your knees, your groin (bikini line) and under your armpits – to clear toxins out of your body. As you wash away all those dead cells, feel your body tingle and your chakra wheels spin!’ For more natural health tips visit naughtynaturopathmum.com.au.
written By jo hegerty
Busy mothers need to stay in top health to deal with bugs, exhaustion and the physical demands of parenting. Natural Immune Support, $68.50 for 250g, new from The Healthy Chef, provides 10 times the recommended amount of vitamin C to protect your body from the effects of stress, plantderived vitamin D for bone strength, and a host of other immunity-building and antiinflammatory plant extracts and herbs. Add it to your morning smoothie. Get it from thehealthychef.com.
How to… brush your skin clean
Run for River
Next time you challenge yourself to a fun-run or walk, consider raising money for River’s Gift. This charity was founded by the devastated parents of River Waddell who died from SIDS at just over four months of age. River’s Gift raises money to fund research into the condition and, ultimately, find a cure. To find out how you can contribute, visit riversgift.com.
PND more likely after four years
Researchers at Murdoch Children’s Research Institute, Vic, have discovered higher rates of depression among mothers of four-year-olds than mothers of babies aged up to 18 months. Interestingly, mothers of only one child were more likely to be depressed. These findings call into question the current focus of postnatal depression prevention in the first 12 months and researchers say mothers need more support, for longer. For help, visit beyondblue.com.au.
ECOLOGICAL FUR PRODUCTS FOR ALL AGES
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NEWS
PREGNANCY&BIRTH
Did you know...?
The period between your baby’s birth and the delivery of the placenta is known as the third stage of labour. In most hospitals in Australia, women
are injected with oxytocin to speed things up and reduce the risk of post-partum haemorrhage. If you don’t want this stage of labour managed this way, speak to your midwives well before your due date and add it to your birth plan.
Vaping beats smoking Mums-to-be who can’t quit smoking with the recommended treatments could try switching to electronic cigarettes to reduce the impact on their baby. Tobacco treatment specialist Dr Colin Mendelsohn says women who are still smoking are usually more nicotine-dependent and have greater difficulty quitting. In terms of risk reduction, Dr Mendelsohn says a move from smoking to “vaping” would be considered a successful outcome if a pregnant smoker was unable to quit smoking. He explains, ‘E-cigarettes contain nicotine, propylene glycol, glycerine and small amounts of other toxic ingredients. Nicotine is toxic to the foetus, affecting birth weight as well as brain
and lung development, but cigarettes contain thousands of other toxic ingredients. E-cigarettes are likely to be substantially less dangerous than cigarettes but there have been no longterm studies on the effects of vaping on mother or baby.’ If you have tried to quit smoking but can’t, talk to your healthcare provider to discuss the pros and cons of vaping.
Don’t DIY Doppler
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written By jo hegerty
The Royal College of Midwives, UK, has issued a statement advising mums-to-be not to use foetal Doppler machines, the handheld ultrasound devices used to listen to baby’s heartbeat in utero. Without training, it can be difficult to locate the heartbeat, causing mums undue stress, which can be harmful to baby’s development. If you have concerns, mothers are advised to contact their doctor or midwife rather than attempting to self-diagnose.
AUSTRALIAN DESIGN • AUSTRALIAN MADE ORGANIC COTTON COVERS
best to fight whooping cough in the womb
Queensland women who are in their third trimester of pregnancy will now be offered a free vaccine for whooping cough. Pertussis is Australia’s most common vaccine-preventable disease, with babies under the age of six months most at risk and one in 200 cases resulting in death. Until they have had at least two vaccinations, babies are reliant on mum’s immunity against whooping cough. Australian babies are currently vaccinated against whooping cough at six weeks, four months and six months of age, however researchers are now suggesting maternal vaccination during the third trimester of pregnancy may be a more effective way to fight off the disease. Trials are underway in the United Kingdom and Melbourne, Vic. In the meantime, booster shots are recommended for men and women planning a pregnancy in the near future or immediately after their child’s birth, and for grandparents, close friends and other carers.
• Offers back & belly support • No need to swap bulky pillows side to side • Minimises partners disturbance and overheating • Available in four beautiful colours • Can be used for breast feeding
www.bellybean.com.au LIKE US ON FACEBOOK TO RECEIVE A
10%
DISCOUNT * 95 september 2014 | mychild
shopping
PREGNANCY&BIRTH watch out! Keep a close eye on your baby from any room in the house with the VTech BM3500 Safe and Sound baby monitor, $189, which includes pan and tilt video and audio. You can hear every sound your baby makes and watch every step they take from up to 300m away. Rest easy knowing that your little one is sleeping safe and sound without having to disturb them. Visit vtech.com to view the full range.
on the move
pretty please
Retailing at $399, Chicco’s new Lullaby Magic LX portacot features a micro-fibre mattress and lightweight frame, which is packed away with a one-push button mechanism. It also has an electronic centre with a night-light, music, nature sounds and a soft vibration to help your baby sleep. See chicco.com.au.
Breastmates’ beautiful Jara Frills Cami, $64.90, and The Weekender Pants, $99, both come in sizes XS-XL. The cami is made from a viscose/linen blend and the pants from linen. Head to breastmates.com.au.
comfort keeper
carried away
Help comfort your baby with Minimink’s ecofriendly Snuggly, $9.95, made from soft faux fur. The Snuggly measures 25cm square and comes in a variety of colours including chocolate, honey, milk, pink ice, cherry red and silvery grey. Grab one for your bub today at minimink.com.au.
Ergobaby’s new Ventus Carrier, $209, is ideal for babywearing in summer. Featuring a moisturewicking 3D-mesh panel for breathability, it is durable yet lightweight and breathable, and can hold up to 20kg. Go to ergobaby.com.au.
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directory
An organic range of health and beauty products that won’t cost the earth or your health. Spend $150 or more on your initial Contact Lindsay on order to get 20% off this and all future orders. 0434 644 353 www.naturalbeauty.miessence.com
SIT WITH EASE PROTECTED ON A HYGIENIC BARRIER • RECYCLED PAPER • BIODEGRADABLE AT WOOlWORTHS & INDEPENDENT SuPERmARkETS, TOIlET PAPER AISlE www.bluelinehygienics.com
SAVE $1000’s per child • EnVironmEntAlly Friendly EASy to Use • BAmBoo Absorber Included
onE SiZE with adjustable leg elastic!
www.peapods.com.au
100% bamboo liners
• Flushable • Antibacterial • 100% Biodegradable
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shopping | pregnancy & birth
snug as a bug in a rug This Lou & Olly vintage-style cot blanket from louandolly.com is made from merino wool. The vintage pattern features a high-quality weave and gives the blanket a homespun feeling. Priced at $255, it measures 125cm square, making it ideal for cots of all sizes. It’s perfect for comforting your child as they transition from their cot into their first single bed.
grab & go
barely there
Zara Darcy’s Valentina Tote, $398, is made from quilted soft nappa leather and accessorised with gold hardware. It comes in black and ivory and features internal metal clips to keep keys within easy reach along with loads of pockets, an easy-wipe waterproof changing mat and an insulated waterproof bottle holder with velcro straps. Get yours at zaradarcy.com.au.
An ideal t-shirt bra made with a silky nude or black microfibre with a fun dot print lining, this Forever Yours nursing bra from Hotmilk is available at hotmilklingerie. com. With easy-to-use drop-down, one-handed, cups for breastfeeding, it can also be worn with a crossover strap at the back and is made with flexible wire. Priced at $59.57, it’s available in sizes 10 to 16 and cups A to E.
buddy system
rock on
Retailing from $29.95, Craftholic’s Cuddle Buddies, created by the Japanese artist Ikuko Yamamoto, come in a variety of cute characters including Korat the cat, Loris the monkey, Sloth the bear and Rab the rabbit. They are available in sizes to suit all ages – mini, junior, large or mega. Which Craftholic will be your child’s favourite? For more details head to craftholic.com.au.
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PREGNANCY & BIRTH
How to choose a … maternity brA The right bra should provide support and comfort. Here’s how to choose the best one for you. By Nicola Conville
A
s your pregnancy progresses, so do your boobs! The right maternity bra helps ensure you’ll feel comfortable throughout your pregnancy and while nursing.
WHY DO I NEED A MATERNITY BRA? During pregnancy, your breast size and shape may alter substantially. The right bra will help support your breasts and reduce the stretching of tissues that could result in sagging – not to mention the fact that it will help you feel more comfy at a time when comfort is essential!
WHEN SHOULD I GET FITTED? This will vary but generally speaking around the four-month mark is a good time. Go to a department store to get fitted professionally and stock up on at least three bras – one to wash, one to wear and one to have ready.
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WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR? There are three important factors to consider – comfort, practicality and ease of access! A good maternity or nursing bra will feel like a second skin and give plenty of support, will be easy to wash, and should allow fast, easy access to bub if you choose to breastfeed. A bra with at least four rows of hooks will allow you to adjust the size as your body changes, and it’s always wise to choose natural, breathable fabrics such as cotton.
WHAT ABOUT BREASTFEEDING? When trying on different bras, open and close the cups a few times to check how quickly and easily you can do it. With some nursing bras, a section of the cup will open while in others the entire cup folds away. Test drive a few to find the one that suits you best! *
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PREGNANCY
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Becoming a dad So you’re a first-time father-to-be? Here the experts at the Raising Children Network explain just what to expect with your partner’s pregnancy
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hen you hear the news that your partner is pregnant, you may have all sorts of different – and even mixed – emotions. You might not be able to stop grinning or smiling. If you haven’t told others the news, people around you might be wondering what’s making you so happy. On the other hand, the pregnancy might have come as a surprise if you weren’t trying to have a baby or your partner fell pregnant more quickly than you expected. For some men, the news that their partner is pregnant makes for a mix of feelings – some positive, some not so positive. You could feel panic, shock or numbness at first. It’s not wrong to feel this way – there might be reasons for these reactions, or you might just need time to adjust. If you’re feeling numb or in shock, it might take a while for the pregnancy to feel real to you. It can seem like your partner is ahead of you on the pregnancy road. Most men get into it eventually but birth could be the real kick-off – when you can actually get involved and start being a dad. Or you may be waiting to make it past the
first trimester tests that check whether your baby is OK before you let yourself get into the pregnancy. Many people “go public” with the news of the pregnancy at this point. Others wait until the 20-week scan. If you’re waiting to clear these checks before you allow your excitement to show, it might look like you’re not interested in the pregnancy. In this case, you could reassure your partner by telling her that you’re “keen but cautious”. In some situations a baby is conceived but the relationship has broken down, or there is no relationship at all. This is one of the more complicated ways to become a parent, but it’s still very possible to be an involved, loving and responsible father. It may be a good idea to chat with someone you can trust, such as a friend or your GP, or call a MensLine counsellor on 1300 789 978 to talk about your concerns or situation. It’s a free, confidential service.
SHARING THE NEWS If you’ve just learned about the pregnancy, you might feel like shouting it from the rooftops. But many expectant mums and dads wait to >
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pregnancy “go public” with the news until about 12 weeks. This is when the risk of miscarriage is much less, and you’ve had first trimester tests that check whether your baby is OK. Others share the news sooner. It’s a good idea to have a chat and agree with your partner about who you’ll tell – and when. You’re both likely to have strong feelings about sharing the news, so having a “plan” could avoid hurt feelings, disagreements and the chance that excited family and friends spread the news for you! You might decide to tell your family before you tell people at work. Be prepared for mixed reactions from people you work with, or people asking for more details than you want to share. For example, your employer might be happy for you, but also be thinking about your leave arrangements and how you plan to balance work commitments with family commitments. Or workmates might ask you whether you’re still going for “that promotion”.
A TIME FOR LEARNING & ADJUSTING Pregnancy is your chance to get used to the idea of becoming a father and to think about what it means for you. Perhaps the pregnancy means you need to have new and different conversations with your parents or parentsin-law – for example, about their involvement with the new baby – or maybe you will have to negotiate with your partner or your employer about how you can balance your work with supporting your partner. Flexibility and patience are key parenting skills. In getting through new and sometimes difficult moments in pregnancy, you’re likely to come out stronger and better able to handle challenges after the birth.
THE SECOND TRIMESTER For most couples, things settle down in the second trimester. There’s much less risk of losing the pregnancy in these middle months. Morning sickness usually settles by about 14
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to 16 weeks. Your partner’s mood and energy are likely to lift, and body and hormone changes might mean changes in her desire for sex. Now’s the time to think about big topics like becoming a dad, finances, wills and building your relationship. If there are changes in your relationship that are worrying you, bringing them up with your partner could help ease your mind. Open communication during this time can help set you up for a supportive and positive relationship for when you’re parenting. You might also find yourself thinking about what becoming a dad means to you. Perhaps you are already planning what activities you would like to do with your child, and looking forward to being their guide and teacher. Mood changes in your partner are likely to settle in the middle months too. But if you notice your partner’s mood and behaviour – or yours – are changing in a big way, you might need to find out about depression. This is different from the hormonal changes that affect your partner’s mood or energy levels, or just the occasional day when you might feel flat or irritable. Everybody has days like this. The difference is when you or your partner has mood or emotional changes that last longer than two weeks and that get in the way of your daily lives.
WHAT HAPPENs IN LATE PREGNANCY The final months and weeks of pregnancy can feel like a countdown to match day. Finally you will get to run onto the ground and be in the game as a dad. Becoming a dad might feel very real now – or still not real yet. During these months, there are more checkups on mum’s and baby’s health. It’s great if you can get to these appointments. Hearing the sound of your baby’s heartbeat through the foetal Doppler transducer can be an exciting and reassuring experience. As you get closer to the birth, your doctor or midwife will check the position of the baby to see whether baby is in the head-down position, ready for birth. If >
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pregnancy
THINGS YOU CAN DO • Take time to get clear about your feelings. You could talk about what’s going through your mind with your partner, a friend or a family member. If you know another dadto-be, you could bring up your thoughts about the pregnancy and birth the next time you catch up or you could check out the Raising Children Network online forum for expectant dads. • Decide with your partner if and when you would like to share the news with others. • Bring up any relationship changes you’re noticing in your relationship with your partner. Be understanding and open with each other about the mix of feelings that you might both be experiencing. • Talk with your partner about finances, expectations about household tasks – for example, who does what and anything else that’s on your mind. • Do you have a will? Is it up to date? Do you have life insurance? Now’s a good time to get these serious issues sorted. • If you or your partner have emotional or mood changes that last for more than two weeks and get in the way of your daily lives, get some professional help. • Attend birth classes. Ask the men in your classes what they’re doing to prepare for their babies’ births. Are they reading books, watching births on the internet, learning relaxation and breathing techniques, helping write a birth plan? • If possible, book a tour of where your partner will give birth. • If you want to know more or you’re unsure about specific things to do with the birth or the health of your baby, ask your doctor or midwife. • Check to see how flexible your work will be about time off for birth and after. • Look into dad and partner pay.
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baby is in some other position, your doctor or midwife will talk about your options. Your partner will feel more uncomfortable as the baby grows and moves more. This could affect how keen you both are to have sex. Your share of the bed might also seem to get smaller as she uses pillows and looks for ways to sleep comfortably. As soon as she’s asleep, she might wake up needing to go to the toilet because the baby is pressing on her bladder. Think of it as early training for those sleepless nights when baby wakes often to feed. Your partner might complain of a sore back, fatigue, heartburn, restlessness or lack of sleep. But this probably won’t stop her from “nesting” – maybe cleaning, organising your home and getting equipment ready for baby.
PREPARATION FOR BIRTH The third trimester is the time to start preparing for your birth support role and the first hours after the birth. It’s also a good idea to think and read about how to make a great start to being a father in the first weeks and months after baby arrives. Lots of parents focus all their thinking on the birth and forget about what happens afterwards. Some good ways to prepare include: • going to birth classes • talking to other men who are expecting or who have just become dads • taking a tour of where your baby will be born. Late pregnancy is also a good time to think about your work and any changes you want to make – for example, negotiating parental leave and looking at your work-life balance. If you can, have a chat with your employer about which arrangements would work best for you. But try to be flexible in your planning, because your situation or feelings might change. * This information is sourced from the Raising Children Network. Supported by the Australian Government, this is a resource for parents of babies to teenagers. Visit raisingchildren.net.au or connect on facebook. com/RaisingChildrenNetwork, twitter.com/RCN_ AUS and plus.google.com/+raisingchildren.
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PREGNANCY
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Budgeting for baby Having a baby can be expensive, but there are ways to minimise your outgoings. Here are our top tips for stretching your dollar further. By Nicola Conville
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hile having a baby is an exciting time in your life, it can bring big financial challenges. The good news is, there are plenty of ways you can prepare financially for your new baby and the smarter you are about your budget, the more time you will have at home with your precious bundle.
Instead, look for ways to make big cuts to your outgoings. Can you go from two cars to one? Do you really need the bells-and-whistles cable TV package? Could you downsize your home or move to a cheaper suburb? These are the things that will really free up extra cash and save you big money in the long term.
TRY ONE-INCOME LIVING
SLASH YOUR DEBT
If you and your partner are both employed, use your pregnancy as a nine-month trial period to see how you’ll cope once you’re down to living on one income. Start tracking your income and expenses, and you will soon see where you are overspending and where you can potentially cut back a bit. While many financial experts advocate that you should make small cuts like quitting your daily coffee, these little expenses don’t add up to much over the course of a week – and a little indulgence is good for the soul!
If you have any extra debt, such as credit card debt, now is the time to get rid of it. Work out a plan and sock any extra money you get into cutting down and paying off debts. Aiming for a clean slate once baby arrives will give you fantastic peace of mind.
GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER Before baby arrives, get your financial records in order and do your tax returns. This will mean you’ll be ready to apply for family tax benefits and any other forms of family assistance >
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pregnancy you are entitled to. Also ensure your will is up to date. If you baulk at the cost of engaging a solicitor, do-it-yourself will kits are available from post offices and newsagents. Consider who you would like to be the guardian of your child if you and your partner should die, and name this person in your will.
WORK OUT YOUR ENTITLEMENTS
such as cots, strollers and change tables. If you must buy something new, check out the sales. Major stores like Big W and Target often offer fantastic discounts on baby and toddler gear. Online stores also offer excellent value, and don’t forget to Google promo codes for your favourite online baby stores before checking out.
There are several payments that you may be entitled to when having a new baby, and you can actually start the claim process up to three months before your baby’s due date. These include parental leave pay, the baby bonus, and the newborn upfront payment and newborn supplement. In addition to those, your family may also be entitled to dad and partner pay, family tax benefit and parenting payment. Visit humanservices.gov.au for more information.
SAVE ON BABY CLOTHES
START STOCKING UP
need to consider are how comfortable they are for bub to wear, how easy they are to clean, and how easy they are to pop on and off. Opt for neutral basics in natural fibres such as cotton and you can’t go far wrong.
If you plan to use disposable nappies, get in the habit of flinging a pack into your trolley long before baby is born – particularly when specials are available. Other basic grocery items such as canned vegetables, pet food, tea, coffee, pasta, pantry items, laundry powder and toilet rolls are also handy to have on hand.
DECIDE WHAT YOU REALLY NEED The big ticket must-haves for baby include a child restraint for your car, a stroller and a cot. While it’s easy to get sucked into thinking you need a $1,000 nursing chair or a deluxe padded highchair, they are unnecessary luxuries and often aren’t worth the cash. Ask friends and family for their product recommendations and borrow or try before you buy whenever you can.
BUY SECOND-HAND WHERE POSSIBLE Pre-loved items can be just as good as brandspanking-new gear and your baby is not going to notice the difference! If friends and family offer pre-loved items, say yes! Also trawl Ebay, Gumtree and Freecycle for big-ticket items
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While that flouncy Kenzo baby outfit might look super cute, trust us when we say that when it comes to baby clothes, the main factors you
“Ask your friends and family for their product recommendations and borrow or try before you buy whenever you can”
CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE During the first year of baby’s life you may find your outgoings are surprisingly minimal. Look at it this way – if you’ve made the switch from full-time work to full-time motherhood, you will be saving big on commuting costs, lunches and work clothes. When your baby comes along, you’ll most likely spend a lot of time in jeans or trackies, a coffee and slice of cake will become a serious indulgence, and you will be amazed at how much fun a simple trip to playgroup or the library can be. Meet friends for a walk or picnic in the park, invite friends over for a barbeque and visit museums and art galleries on the weekends with your little family. Embrace your time at home with your baby and enjoy the simple – and cheap! – pleasures in life. *
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Special offer Simply register your interest in ASG and we will send you a copy of our exclusive Member e-guide Planning counts. This free, practical guide provides step-by-step tips, tools and information for Australian families on topics such as budgeting, planning for future goals, navigating government benefits, solutions for financial problems, investing, and many more. Simply visit asg.com.au/mychild For the past 40 years, the Australian Scholarships Group (ASG) has helped Australian and New Zealand families offset the cost of education. Now, we’re also about collaborating with you for the entire education journey. That’s why we are creating an ever-expanding suite of online tools, resources and guides to help your child reach their full potential and live their dreams. So who is ASG? We are a member-driven not-for-profit organisation, which means all profits go to our Members. To date more than 500,000 children in Australia and New Zealand have been supported to reach their full potential. Now it’s your child’s turn.
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BIRTH
Blokes & birth Is your life partner the best birth partner for you or should you be making other plans, just in case? Christina Greenlees reports
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y husband gave very little thought to the role he would play in our child’s birth. He saw birth as part of a woman’s mystery, and says he would have been quite happy to stay in the waiting room and pace frantically. He doesn’t really “do” hospitals; never mind pain, blood and bodily fluids. But the truth is, neither of us had a clue what his role would be, despite having attended antenatal classes together. We simply assumed he would be supporting me as I laboured, with the real work being done by the experienced midwives and doctors. The reality, however, was quite different. We were mostly alone in the birthing suite, with a revolving door of midwives checking in on us but offering little advice, especially to my husband. Along the way, he had to make decisions and take part in procedures that were way out of his comfort zone. And, overall, the experience of birth was quite traumatic for him. As we discovered, many fathers today find
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they are called upon to play more of a starring role in birth, and they are totally unprepared for their part. And it is this change – from men as passive observers to active partners in the childbirth process – that has led to calls for men to return to the waiting room.
The problem with men In an article published in the Daily Mail, UK, which was provocatively titled A Top Obstetrician on Why Men Should Never be at the Birth of Their Child, Dr Michel Odent, a French natural birth pioneer, argues forcefully for the exclusion of partners from the birth of their child. Dr Odent, an influential figure in the fields of childbirth and health research, is best known for having introduced the concept of the waterbirth to the world. After almost half a century of practice, observing couples in a variety of birth settings, he asserts that: • Men can actually hinder labour by talking too much, which engages a woman’s rational >
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birth brain – just when she needs to let go of her “thinking brain” and go to the primal zone of natural hormone-driven labour. • Men often bring anxiety and adrenaline into the birthing environment, which can inhibit their partner’s production of oxytocin – a key hormone in labour. • Some men are not emotionally suited to the birthing domain and can be so overwhelmed by the experience that it proves difficult for them to transition into parenthood. • Witnessing birth can have a negative impact on sexual attraction and intimacy between partners post birth. These observations have led Dr Odent to conclude that the impact of fathers on the progression of labour is profound, mainly due to the role played by hormones in a normal birth. Birth is driven by a powerful cocktail of hormones, the most important being oxytocin. This hormone, dubbed by Dr Odent as “the love hormone”, is crucial to sex, birth and bonding. But it is also a shy hormone, says Dr Odent. It does not come out when the mother is stressed or surrounded by people and technology. As Dr Odent observed, we are programmed like all mammals (think of your pet cat giving birth quietly in the dark) to seek out a safe, warm place to produce the hormones necessary for labour. If this place is disturbed, it is safer for labour to stop, meaning a rush of adrenaline cancels out oxytocin and inhibits labour. If your partner feels alienated or anxious about hospitals or pain, they can transfer that anxiety, that adrenaline, to you. This is why, Dr Odent says, labour so often stalls in clinical settings, which leads to additional medical intervention. Therefore, he concludes, it is men who are a hindrance to an easy labour and the cause of more Caesarean sections.
A man ahead of his time? In principal, most childbirth experts agree with Dr Odent. Lucy Perry, an experienced doula and author of Cheers to Childbirth: A Dad’s Guide
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to Childbirth Support (Pure Publishing, $29.95) calls Dr Odent: ‘A man ahead of his time,’ and gives a lot of credence to his views. Like most birth attendants, midwives and doctors, Perry has seen the effect “chatty” men have on women during childbirth. She agrees with Dr Odent, explaining, ‘Engaging in too much language will effectively interfere with a woman’s instinct and slow down her labour.’ Women often feel pressured to pay attention to their partner and his needs during labour, and this means they cannot focus – with their primitive brain – on themselves. This is why she advises men to stay positive in what they say and learn how to “zip it”! Perry has also seen the impact an anxious birth partner can have on labour. She says that adrenaline not only stalls labour, it blocks what she calls “the good hormones”, or endorphins, which help manage pain. So Perry, who also runs a successful course for men called Beer & Bubs, cautions men to remember the effect their behaviour can have on their partner’s hormones. She explains, ‘You are the specialist in your partner and her emotions, and you can make this faster and easier or slower and harder. She stops short, however, at banning men from the birthing suite, preferring instead to tap into their strengths. ‘I tell them, “It is your job to keep her safe, warm and protected”.’
Fear of the unknown David Vernon – the author of Men at Birth: Real Stories from Australian Men about the Birth of their Children (Finch Publishing, $33.95), a chronicle of the birth experiences of hundreds of men – agrees with Dr Odent that in some cases men can be ‘a blocker to a good birth’ however, like Perry, he is confident about the future role of men at births. He feels our current generation of fathers are forging a new relationship with the birth of the child. He sees the problem of fear and adrenaline as a simple case of fear of the unknown. He points out that birth is still a relatively new
arena for men and one which can be quite scary. Men have very little understanding of birth and he believes that by providing stories of survival – such as those in his book – as models for men, we can start to counteract this uncertainty. However, he agrees with Dr Odent when he tells men that they need to keep their anxieties in check, or take their adrenaline out of the room.
Emotional impact But what of Dr Odent’s other contentions? Are some men unable to cope emotionally with the nature of birth or with the impact it has on their sex life? In his research Vernon found that men are often emotionally unprepared for birth. Given that men, in general, don’t like to talk about birth, this should come as no surprise. He advises men to talk to other males, and learn as much as they can about birth. As there are now a spate of books like Vernon’s and Perry’s and many courses available to attend, there is the opportunity for your partner to at least be aware of what his emotional response might be and prepare for it. Vernon, who also runs a parenting course for men, has seen fathers emotionally affected >
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The effects of good support Good birth support can reduce the need for: • syntocinon (a synthetic hormone used to stimulate labour) by up to 40 percent • epidurals by up to 60 percent • narcotics by up to 30 percent • Caesareans by up to 50 percent • assisted births by up to 40 percent. These statistics are taken from the report Australia’s Mothers And Babies 2007 by The Australian Government. Go to aihw.gov.au for more information.
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birth by birth and even traumatised by what they perceive to be their failures, particularly if their partner ends up having a Caesarean. However, rather than telling men they’re not up to the job he counsels them to look at the positive role they can play. When a woman has a Caesarean, it is the father who will often be the one to first hold the baby – as this bonding is crucial for newborns, it can be a great relief to mothers in recovery to know their partners are there. Also, according to Perry, in highly medicalised settings emotion can be a plus. Dr Odent’s key point about emotion is that it can have a negative impact on men after birth, and he cites numerous cases of men so overcome by the experience that they become ill. On the other hand, there is just as much evidence to suggest that the emotions unleashed during childbirth actually help couples connect with each other in a euphoric feeling of victory. And this, according to Perry, ‘Starts couples off parenting in a positive mode.’
Sex & intimacy As far as sex and intimacy are concerned, like so many issues, this will probably be unique to you as a couple. Certainly there are men who feel strongly about how birth will affect their sex lives – men like chef Gordon Ramsay. The infamously straight-talking Scotsman is on record as saying he was relieved when his wife didn’t want him there: ‘We have a very active sex life and we both contemplated over a bottle of wine that it wasn’t good for our sexual relationship for me to be at the birth. Seeing that level of mess – it’s like sending 25 vegans into a kitchen with meat in the blender.’ And according to Dr Odent, there are a lot more couples like the Ramsays out there. In his 2008 article, Dr Odent candidly reflects on his own birth experiences, and admits that he was glad not to be at the birth of his own children because, ‘The key to eroticism is mystery.’ He believes many men are put off by their involvement in birth, leading to emotional
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breakdowns and ruined marriages. This may appear extreme, however it is certainly one possible outcome of pressuring men into taking part in an emotional and physical marathon they have no training for.
A get-out clause? Hannah Dahlen, an associate professor of midwifery at the University of Western Sydney, NSW, believes, ‘We need a get-out clause for men. They shouldn’t be forced to be involved in childbirth if they don’t want to be.’ In her experience, she has also found that a woman’s partner can be a great asset to her in labour, but only if he can control his anxiety and fears. She stresses, ‘A small number of men – perhaps more than we know because men don’t like to talk about it – are terrified of being present at the birth of their baby and desperately don’t want to be there.’ And even Vernon – an enthusiastic advocate of men in the birthing suite – does not believe it should be compulsory, especially if the man is not wholly committed to the idea. Although he emphasises the benefits that can come from early bonding, he nevertheless feels that men can find other ways to be involved. Just being at home and getting ready for life as a family, he advises, can mean partners are able to feel useful and engaged.
Support for your partner If your man is wholly committed to being there with you, and has some idea of what will be required, you still might want to consider talking about extra support. Kelly Winder, a doula and founder of the BellyBelly website, says, ‘Many women want more birth support but don’t know how to explain this to their partner.’ Plus a surprising number of men don’t want a doula or birth attendant with them at all. It is only afterwards, according to Winder, that they realise what a big difference it would have made to have extra support there, not just for their partner but for themselves as well.
She suggests, knowing there is someone else there – just so your partner can move the car, or take a food or toilet break – can make all the difference. And as Winder points out to dadsto-be, it is common for a woman to want a trusted, experienced woman by her side – not to replace her man, but in addition to him. So having support for your support person may sound ridiculous, but having a birth team rather than a single person, such as your partner, mother or sister, has been linked to better outcomes – especially if that person is inexperienced or too emotionally involved. For Vernon, knowing the birth team and having continuity of care allows men to relax and see themselves as just another care giver – and a relaxed man is obviously going to be able to avoid the traps outlined by Dr Odent. Vernon describes his experience with the birth of his two sons as transformational, and yet he had to leave the room during the birth of his second child. ‘It may have been my hospital anxiety kicking in,’ he recounts. As he had previously negotiated an “escape clause” with his birth team, he was able to leave without losing face and returned to be an effective support for his partner.
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To be there or not? So should your man be there or not? Well, of course, that is up to you to decide. I’m certainly glad my husband was there to gaze with me into our newborn son’s eyes, so we could bond with our baby together and, despite everything, he is glad too. But we definitely could have benefited from some more support. If you want your life partner there, then evidence suggests he will do a better job if he is prepared for his role. However, if he is fearful or resistant, it may be difficult for both of you. However, if he knows how to help (and how to escape if it gets too much), then you can both have a positive birth experience and happily move onto your next, much more important role as new parents. *
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NEWS
BABY&TODDLER Rumble off to sleep
slice it up!
‘One of the best ways to get kids interested in healthy eating is to involve them in the kitchen,’ says dietitian Kate Wengier. The mum of four has created this BPA-free, dishwasher-safe First Knife, $9.95, which will cut food but not little fingers and is suitable from age two. For recipes and tips on healthy eating visit foost.com.au.
Junior milks play on mums’ fears
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Triple P for babies
The world-renowned Positive Parenting Program, which was created by the University of Queensland (UQ), will soon be available for parents of babies. The new version of the program, Baby Triple P, is currently being trialled and evaluated at UQ’s Parenting and Family Support Centre. It was developed after research found that 85 percent of parents with three-month-old babies were lacking confidence in their abilities. The current Triple P program is designed to prevent and treat emotional and behavioural problems in children up to 12 years of age and is delivered in 25 countries worldwide.
written By jo hegerty
Australia’s consumer watchdog Choice says junior milks, also known as follow-on formulas, are expensive, unnecessary and make meaningless health claims. So why do we spend $113 million on these tins of powdered milk a year? According to Choice, clever marketing confuses parents and plays on their concerns that their children aren’t receiving the nutrients they need. The Infant Feeding Guidelines of the National Health and Medical Research Council state that toddler milks are not required for healthy children and that all of a child’s nutritional needs should be supplied by a diet of healthy solid foods.
Not every child likes fluffy bears and dreamy sailboats to transition them from wide awake to sleepy. Some little people want big, noisy trucks! Sleep Tight, Digger Dan! (New Black Press, $16.95) is a multilayered, beautifully illustrated story about junior construction vehicles and their busy day on the worksite. Author Dorte Horn was inspired by her two-year-old son’s endless love for diggers – especially at bedtime. It’s available at selected bookstores and as an e-book. For more details visit sleeptightdiggerdan.com.au.
5 NEW COLOURS
Cut the confusion
Two out of three car seats are used incorrectly according to Transport for New South Wales, leaving children seven times more likely to sustain life-threatening injuries. To ensure you are getting it right visit childcarseats.com.au and watch the video clips of real mothers buckling up. This great resource also tackles car-seat confusion by providing all the current regulations, handy tips on when to move your child from one seat to another, and rates and compares leading car seats for their safety and ease of use.
Birth
~ 12 months*
~ 4 years*
*Ages stated are used as a guide only
Miracle baby
In a bittersweet turn of events a baby in Alaska, US, has been born 23 weeks after her mother died from cardiac arrest. While her mother was on life support, Faith continued to grow and develop until she was born by Caesarean at 35 weeks. The miracle baby is healthy and well, and in the care of her grandparents.
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news | baby & toddler
How to‌ treat burns More than 75 percent of burns to babies and children happen in the home, with scalding the most common type of burn injury from birth to five years. The Julian Burton Burns Trust Club advises the following treatment: Remove all jewellery and clothing from around the burn area unless stuck to the skin. Cool the burn under cool running water for 20 minutes to stop the burning process.
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Cover the burn loosely with cling wrap or a clean, damp, lint-free cloth. This will help to reduce the chance of infection. Seek immediate medical advice if your child’s burn is larger than a 20c coin; positioned on their face, hands, groin or feet; infected or quite deep; or has been caused by chemicals, electricity or inhalation. In an emergency, phone 000. For more information head to burnstrust.com.au.
Baby boys born during the winter months are more likely to be left-handed, according to a University of Vienna study 120
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allergy alert
With hayfever season around the corner, itchy eyes, sneezing, runny noses and headaches are due to start – if they haven’t already. So what can you do to ease the symptoms and reduce the frequency? One of the best ways is to reduce the triggers: • Keep windows and doors closed at home and in the car in the mornings and evenings when the pollen count is higher • Encourage your child to wear wraparound sunglasses to protect their eyes • Smear Vaseline inside their nose to assist in reducing pollen inhalation • Wash their hair and skin when they come in from outside as pollen sticks on hair and skin. You can also try non-sedating antihistamines and nasal sprays, or for serious cases see your GP about specific allergen immunotherapy.
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shopping
BABY&TODDLER
double design Tommee Tippee’s Miomee bottles and cup tops are now interchangeable with their Discovera cups. Priced from $10.95, the Miommee bottle is available in three sizes and features an ergonomic shape, wide neck and anti-leak screw ring. The Discovera cup, $12.95, has easy-hold handles and a sipping spout. Go to tommeetippee.com.au.
all in order
tummy time?
An ideal solution for storing your child’s toys neatly away is Mor-stor’s nylon Charlie Canvas storage basket. The prints include dinosaur, butterflies and alphabet styles for girls and boys. Holding up to 10kg, it’s priced at $49.95. See mor-stor.com.au.
Designed for baby’s tummy time, the Tumzee, $64.95, allows bub to spend more time on their stomach to develop their neck, back and arm muscles. It positions your baby on an incline and the “T” support prevents them from sliding out. See tumzee.com.
peel & press
it’s a wrap!
Give some instant charm to your child’s room with Cocoon Couture’s Enchanted removable wallpaper, $224.95. Available in blue or pink at thewallstickercompany.com.au, it’s made from self-adhesive wall sticker fabric and measures 130 x 250cm and is split into two panels.
Support the fight against AIDS with Aden and Anais’ special-edition cotton muslin swaddles. Buy a pack of four for $49.95 and 10 percent will support the Global Fund to fight AIDS and its critical work to reduce the number of bubs born with HIV. Go to adenandanais.com.au.
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keep ’em clean These Lela Small Bibs by Lassig feature Lela the friendly fawn and come in a set of three priced at $25. Made with cotton and polyester, the bibs have a laminated waterproof layer and a velcro fastener. You can pick up a set in spotted blue or pink for your baby at lassig.com.au.
night friend Help your tot sleep without fearing the dark with Giimö’s Rose the Cat night-light. It has a tap-on, tap-off function and the light alternates between all the colours of the rainbow. Characters include Indigo the Hedgehog and Bebe the Penguin, plus you can select from blue, green or pink options. They are priced at $49.95 at zanui.com.au.
catch the mess This Bandana bib by Silly Billyz, $10.95, comes in a range of colours and patterns including plum, red, dinosaur lime, orange, camouflage olive, melon navy and this pretty pansy cerise. It has a handy snap closure and the waterproof backing helps keep them clean. Visit bpmchildcare. com.au to purchase.
Hand-illustrated furniture for your child. Designs inspired by you to create magical spaces for your child!
pinkcoyote.com.au facebook.com/pinkcoyote.com.au
M 0414 260 110
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shopping | baby & toddler
take a bow
jelly jewel
With the desire to create edgy streetwear for children, Hootkid designed the Zip Me Up hairclip, $4.95, which is available in neon pink or neon green. Hootkid’s collection also includes the Little Lady Headband, $9.95, the Traditional hairclip, $4.95, and the Get Happy headband, $9.95 in a range of bright colours and patterns. See more of this range at hootkid.com.
Jellystone Designs’ Organic Bangle, $15, is a baby-safe jewellery item for mums. Made of non-toxic silicone and BPA-free, it is smooth and durable for teething babies. To see more of this range, go to jellystone designs.com.
best blender
listen up!
Featuring a large 1.1L capacity bowl, the Babycook Solo by Béaba, $249, is available in white with either plum or baby blue accents. The Babycook steams vegetables, fruit, meat and fish at the ideal temperature to preserve the vitamin content and flavour. It also features a function that allows you to blend food to your desired consistency. For details head to thestorknest.com.au.
Keep bub safe with the VTech BM200 Safe & Sound Audio Baby Monitor, $69. With DECT technology for connection and clear sound without interference, the unit has a five-level sound indicator, temperature sensor and a night-light. For stockists and to find out more visit vtech.com.
shake it, baby
learn & grow
Your baby will love this handcrafted soft frog ring rattle, priced at $22.99. From eco-brand Dandelion, it is 10cm in diameter and made of corn-fibre filling and crocheted with bamboo thread. Even better, the rattle is machine washable! Dandelion creates baby products in a range of designs including, bee, cat, dog, frog, ladybug, owl and panda. You can find them all online at avidiva.com.au.
Let your baby discover the many activities of the Forest Gym by Oops. Priced at $99.95, it has a soft cushion to support your baby’s neck and four detachable padded forest animal toys. Designed to help build your bub’s strength, the gym features a waterproof base. See cnpbrands. com.au.
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Pure Tots
Beautiful handmade crochet toys, clothes & accessories
Designed for newborns to 12 years, with a focus on using 100% organic fair-trade cotton, Pure Tots offers beautiful handmade, eco-friendly crochet toys, accessories and clothes – all created in Western Australia. Our range brings you old-world charm with a modern twist.
puretots.com.au
More than just nappies!
Old fashioned service with expert advice
Natural skincare ranges Chemical-free cleaning products Chemical-free baby products
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BABY
How to choose a… pram Buying a pram is one of the most expensive and important purchases you’ll make when shopping for bub. Here’s how to choose the right set of wheels. BY Nicola Conville Buying a pram is a bit like buying a car – some of the most important factors include safety, comfort and durability. It also has to suit your lifestyle. Are you planning on bringing baby for long walks? Do you need a pram that’s easy to fold so you can pop it in your car boot or take it on public transport? Do you plan to add to your family? If so, a pram that takes a second seat or “skateboard” attachment could be a good investment.
SAFETY FIRST First up, you need to choose a pram that will keep your precious cargo safe. All prams and strollers sold in Australia need to adhere to standards set out by the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC). For safety tips and key guidelines see productsafety.gov.au.
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TAKE A TEST DRIVE Head to your local baby store and roll the pram back and forth, turn it around corners and check how long it takes to set up and fold down. See if the handle can be adjusted so it is comfortable for both you and your partner. And measure it to ensure it will fit in your car.
OTHER CONSIDERATIONS Check whether the pram can be adjusted so your baby can face you or face forward. Does the hood offer enough shade or will you need to buy a parasol? Can the pram be reclined if your baby falls asleep? Will it take your baby from the newborn stage to toddlerhood and beyond? Lastly, consider how heavy the pram is – pushing a newborn is a lot different to pushing a 15kg toddler. Happy travels! *
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Top 10 tips for new dads Forget the prenatal hospital classes, these are the things you really need to know if you’re a new father, says author Bunny Banyai
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ou’re carrying a bit of extra blubber round the mid section. You’re tired in a way that suggests death is imminent. And you miss your friends. But you’re also in love with a small fleshy ball of your own DNA. Hey, dad. Happy Father’s Day. You probably have some questions about new fatherhood such as, ‘Why must it be the vagina that the baby comes out of?’ and ‘How can I make these first months of parenthood as smooth as possible for me and my partner?’ Well, you can drink a nice bottle of German beer. You can be as kind to your partner as a girl guide might be to an injured kitten. And you can be kind to yourself – you are both injured kittens. Loved up, sleepy kittens with neck abscesses. Finally, you can slavishly adhere to these tips from your author, who has made a father of more than one man. Really, I have.
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Get to know the baby aisle in your local supermarket Some people will tell you that the needs of a newborn are basic. Others will tell you that you need an obscene array of gadgetry to sustain this new life. The truth lies in the baby aisle of your supermarket. What you will need in vast quantities are breast pads, maternity pads, nappies, wipes, a good thick barrier cream and cornstarch powder. Make it your job to keep the house stocked with these items at all times, and repeat the following mantra to yourself: ‘Our home is a large commercial childcare centre and all of the babies have gastroenteritis. There’s a beautiful miniature dairy cow in the lounge room, and her udders are leaking. There’s also a teenage girl having a very, very heavy first period in the bathroom.’ Think about the requirements for all these situations, and then head out and shop accordingly. >
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Pretend you are a teenager (previrginity loss) As a new dad, you’ll be reliving your teen years of explosive lust, lonely erections and damp sheets. As you’re doubtless well aware, your partner can’t be an instrument of love until six weeks after the birth. Even after that, it’s pretty hit and miss. Some ladies can’t wait to get started back on a regime of robust shagging. Others find that breastfeeding pours
“Your partner loves you and the baby. She just wants you to go away. Far away. At least far enough for her to wash her hair, read the newspaper, eat a croissant, and nap for an hour” a big bucket of ice-cold water over their sex drive. And some just need a little longer than six weeks. The solution is you! Treat yourself to regular long, hot showers. Light a candle for yourself. No man in the history of mankind has ever successfully concealed an act of self-love from his partner in a shared bed, so the shower is where it’s at. She doesn’t care that you’re doing it. She just doesn’t want to feed the baby on sheets that look like they’ve been lifted from a boys’ school dormitory.
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Complain about work to anyone but your partner Your partner might be struggling with post-birth complications or nursing and feelings of isolation and boredom. She craves adult conversation, breaks from the monotony of the new routine, and the comfort of the old ones. When she thinks of you at work, this is what will be going through her head: • you don’t need to exploit your breasts to get ahead in your job • you have a café on the ground floor of your workplace with the best coffee around • you are permitted the luxury of urinating
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when the urge first strikes, not when you can de-clamp a mouth from around your nipple. The reality, of course, is that you might be tired, overwhelmed and missing your baby. But you can’t say that to your partner, because she will hate you for even intimating that your work is harder than her’s. She will hate you so much that you will feel strange electrical currents surging through your body when she looks at you. Ring your mum instead.
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You are not a (insert your current job), you are a chef And by this, I mean: do the cooking. You might already do so. You may have a system where you alternate nights of cooking. Forget about that. This stage of your life is not about equality. It’s about doing more than you would ideally like to be doing. It’s a phase, and equality will poke her perky little head around the corner again at some point. When you cook, make it in double the quantities you normally would and freeze it. There will be nights when you would rather graze on clothes dryer lint than prepare dinner, and on those nights, you’ll be glad for the six litres of frozen minestrone prepared four weeks earlier. Buy a cheap, small second freezer in which to store it all. Your main freezer will be filled with creepy little baggies of breastmilk, like a serial killer’s fridge.
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You are not a (insert your current job), you are a professional home organiser Do you currently have a little table in your lounge room where you keep assorted pastries, magazines, the remote control, cream for cracked nipples and OxyContin? Probably not, because you are neither geriatric nor a rabid pervert. But now that you have a baby, you’ll need to act like one. You might worship your lady’s breasts, but you’ve probably never spent nine hours a day suckling on them. Your baby will. It’s impossible to achieve anything – standing up, walking – when you have a baby gnawing away at your
chest. Set up a table next to the couch with anything and everything a postnatal mum may need. Naturally, this will vary from woman to woman, but reading material, plentiful snacks and a fully charged phone are essential.
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Li’L Zippers BaBy Zip rompers
Don’t go to mothers’ group This one might cause a few furrowed brows among men who rightfully want to be hands-on all the way. Men, we love you so much, but at mothers’ group we are going to talk about stuff that will make you feel weird. And if it doesn’t make you feel weird, you are weird. I personally have never had any problem talking about my most intimate body parts and irksome psychological quirks in front of men but you can’t assume all women feel this way. Mothers’ group can be a lifeline for many struggling new mothers, and dads, wonderful though you may be, we don’t want to talk about perineal stitches with you, unless of course you were, in a roundabout way, responsible for them.
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Walk the earth Look around your local shopping strip at 7am on a weekend. There are only two groups of people out at this hour. Terminally haunted souls looking for a place to rest their weary heads, seemingly carrying the weight of the world on their stooped shoulders, bedraggled and dazed. And that’s just the dads. One of your KPIs as a father is how often
“You’re the same person you were before, and your partner knows this, because she is too, albeit covered in vomit and filling out a double D cup” and for how long you take the baby for a walk. Remember the film Paris, Texas, in which Harry Dean Stanton starts walking and never stops? He should be your inspiration. Your partner loves you and the baby. She just wants you to go away. Far away. At least far enough for >
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N O FUSSING W ITH STUD S OR B U T T ONS D E SIGNE D FOR TIME -POOR MU MS MAKE S CH ANGE TIME E ASI ER UN IQUE STYL ISH AND P RACT I C AL BE AUTIFUL SOFT AND ST RET C HY COTTON BL E ND FABRICS - W ON’T L OSE THE IR SHAPE OR COLOU R - BRIGHT AND FUNKY D E SI G NS - SIZ E S FROM NB TO 24MONT HS
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baby her to wash her hair, read the newspaper, eat a croissant and nap for an hour. And she’ll be disappointed when you come home, no matter how long you have been gone. But don’t take it personally. She’ll warm to you again soon.
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Do not ask: ‘So what are you doing today?’ We’re changing nappies, often nine or 10 a day. We’re feeding the baby every three hours. We’re burping them, which is like removing shards of popcorn from an eyeball. Then we’re giving them tummy time, which generally causes distress for both the victim and the perpetrator. We’re walking around the house in circles, jerking around like an arthritic pensioner at a disco, because that seems to settle the baby. We are going to the shops to buy a couple of carrots and a zucchini, which we’ll then stare at forlornly for 15 minutes at around 5pm, before deciding avocado on toast will do for dinner. We feel deeply demoralised when you ask what we’re doing today, because we don’t get much freedom of choice in the first few months. Just say, ‘Have a great day, lover. Can’t wait to see you tonight. Godspeed!’
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Colic is for Christmas, not for life Colic is a blanket term used to describe unsettled behaviour. It basically translates as “your baby doesn’t have a very good personality right now”. It’s almost impossible, when you have a colicky baby, to imagine that some day you will find them sweeter than agave syrup (and that shit is sweet, brother). A person I’m acquainted with (myself) actually spent many an anguished evening Googling “signs of mental illness in newborns”, so utterly abject and relentless were her baby’s cries. And now that same baby makes Shirley Temple look like Myra Hindley. It’s a terribly tough time for both of you, and it will seem like the minutes are hours and the hours are decades. And then it just disappears. One day they stop screaming at every sneeze,
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bath and nappy change. They begin to smile an awful lot. Then they start giggling. And that’s when you know the door has been slammed shut on the colic monster, and he’s preparing to go visit the nice pregnant lady at number 6. Until then, you need to think carefully about how you phrase things with your partner, as she will be more sensitive than a perforated ulcer. Save any “big talks” for later. Don’t invite friends over for drinks on Friday night, because she will be catatonic with anxiety about how to hold a conversation with the shredding wails of your baby in the foreground. And remember: it’s going to be over very, very soon.
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Do something you enjoy when time permits Good news. You’re the same person you were before, and your partner knows this, because she is too, albeit covered in vomit and filling out a double D cup. If you loved playing basketball on Saturday arvos pre-baby, stick with it. If you’re putting in the work to make your partner feel parenting is a shared, mutually supportive endeavour, she’s not going to baulk at you escaping for a few hours every week (realistically, every three weeks). Don’t feel all of a sudden that you are at the bottom of the list of priorities. That’s a lousy mental health strategy. You’re allowed to take time for yourself – if you don’t, you are likely to become a highly strung ball of neurosis and resentment. It’s OK to feel wistful for the pre-baby days. Think of your pre-baby life as a dearly loved and freshly deceased old friend. Raise a glass to it, and try not to will this time away. Your baby thinks you are a golden god, and he/she will continue to feel this way for a good 13 years before you become the worst person in the world. Enjoy it while it lasts. * Bunny Banyai is co-author of Sh*t On My Hands: A Down and Dirty Companion to Early Parenthood (Arcade Publishing, $20). Visit shitonmyhands.tumblr.com.
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Yoga after baby Ever wondered how soon you can resume your yoga practice after giving birth to your baby? Yoga teacher Louise Mackie has the answers
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fter giving birth we have to remember that our bodies have been through a major transformation. A huge change has taken place from a life directed by our own wants and interests, to one of selfless giving day and night. This can be pretty exhausting! You now need to nurture yourself more than ever and yoga can definitely help.
start slowly The key is being mindful – being aware of your body and how it feels. If you practised yoga during your pregnancy, remained physically active and had a complication-free vaginal birth there is no reason why you can’t do some easy stretching and gentle physical asanas within a week of giving birth – however always check with your health practitioner first. If you have never practised yoga and were not so active during your pregnancy, wait at least one month before doing anything too physical – even if you had a complication-free birth. Remember breathing exercises, gentle stretching and meditation can all be done from a resting position – your bed!
Build up your practice Six weeks after a complication-free birth you can start to slowly build up your yoga regime,
gradually adding more physically challenging postures and strength work. The physical complications that arise from labour – such as a Caesarean birth or delivery issues – can cause the body trauma. Rest and healing are essential at this time, so anything physical is out of the question. Again, breathing exercises, positive visualisation and meditation are powerful tools to help relax and rejuvenate the body and mind during this time. Whenever your doctor gives you the all-clear you can slowly start to introduce some gentle stretching, breathing and simple postures. Remember, slow and steady wins the race.
Pace yourself In my experience, I have never seen anyone injured by participating in postnatal yoga. The only dangers involved would be if the mother was pushing herself too hard, in other words, not being mindful and respectful of her own body, resulting in excess strain. Remember you need to take responsibility for yourself and seek out the appropriate advice and guidance from a certified yoga teacher. Any specific injuries you have – whether issues relating to your birthing experience or old ones – should be taken into consideration by your teacher and the proper support provided. >
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baby
The benefits of yoga Yoga allows you to have some time to relax and just breathe. The benefits of mum enjoying a little time out to reconnect with her body – either with baby at a “mums and bubs” class or alone – are huge. Postnatal yoga not only assists the physical body in terms of stretching, toning and strengthening, but can also help balance emotions after giving birth. Learning to breathe properly and to be able to let go and simply “be” sounds simple enough but how often does a new mum get to do this throughout her busy day? Yoga can also help to realign the body after pregnancy. It is typical that a woman’s posture is altered due to the weight of carrying a baby. An experienced, qualified yoga teacher can help correct your posture and give you specific exercises to help strengthen areas weakened by pregnancy. This applies to the core, pelvis,
spine and your pelvic floor in particular. Releasing areas of tension within the body, especially the shoulders and upper back from baby carrying and breastfeeding, is another great benefit of postnatal yoga. By improving your posture, particularly through the chest, shoulders and upper back, and practising breathing techniques, you can improve your physical appearance by standing taller and breathing deeper, which will make you feel amazing, both physically and emotionally. A mum who practises yoga is more relaxed, feels physically stronger and has more energy, which is definitely a benefit that spreads throughout the family. * Louise Mackie is a yoga teacher, doula and holistic birth enthusiast. She is passionate about supporting and inspiring women through conception, pregnancy, birth and beyond. Visit her at yogitreewellbeing.com or facebook.com/yogitreewellbeing.
Great yoga poses to try Balasana (Child’s Pose) From a kneeling position, bring the big toes to touch and spread the knees out wide. Slide your hands forward and place your forehead on the floor. Press your palms down and drop your hips to your heels and enjoy the stretch. This posture releases tension, lengthens and stretches the spine and alleviates fatigue.
Marjariasana (Cat Spine Flow) From a table-top (all fours) position bring your spine into a neutral position, keeping wrists under shoulders and knees under hips. Inhale and drop your belly to the ground, lift your chin and flare your sitting bones back behind you. Push the ground away with your hands. As you exhale, drop the crown of your head down to the mat, push your hips and pelvis forward and arch your back. Working
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with your breath, continue to flow between these two postures. This wakes up the body, relieves fatigue and helps with cramping.
Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Facing Dog) Start on all fours with knees under hips and hands under shoulders. Ground your palms on the mat and spread your fingers. Pull your stomach in and melt your chest towards the floor. Tuck your toes under, lift your knees, lengthen your spine backwards and lift your tailbone upwards as you straighten your legs. Push the top of your thighs back and stretch your heels to the floor. From the shoulders to the back, release the neck and extend your heart towards the thighs. Hold for five inhales and exhales, then rest in child’s pose. This pose increases blood flow and reduces anxiety.
AVAILABLE IN
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Do it your way Finding parenting challenging? Psychologist Dr Koa Whittingham shares her top tips for discovering and implementing a parenting style that works for you.
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olding your newborn in your arms for the first time and realising you are responsible for this perfect little human can be both joyous and scary – and as your baby begins to grow, so can the self-doubt. Each time we start to feel we have parenting figured out, a new challenge – sleeping issues, temper tantrums, beginning school – can throw us once again into uncertainty and fear. And it doesn’t help that we are often bombarded with judgement, criticism and contradictory advice. Like most parents, you would probably love to have the confidence to let go of self-doubt and parent in your own way. But that can also be daunting. You may not even be certain at times what “your way” is. Here’s how to cut through all the confusion, criticism and doubt.
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Find confidence in your values Discover what really matters to you as a parent – what gives you that deep sense of joy and satisfaction? What do you really want your life to be about? Values can’t be right or wrong and don’t come from the head: they come from the heart. It is when we live these values that we feel good about ourselves. This is where true confidence begins.
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Work out what is important Pause for a moment and imagine you could travel into the future and view your child as an adult. Imagine them grown up with adult friends, a
job, in a relationship and perhaps even with children of their own. Now imagine that your child is reflecting on their childhood and on your parenting, perhaps talking about you to their partner or friends. What would you hope to hear them say? Of course, we would all love our children to say we were good parents, but push past that to the specifics about the kind of parent you were. Imagine your child completing one of these sentences: ‘What’s special about my mum is...’ or ‘I’ll always be grateful to my dad for…’ or ‘I’m lucky I had the parents I had because…’. What popped into your head? Was it, ‘The thing that’s really special about my mum is she was always there for me’ or ‘I will always be grateful to my father for spending so much time just playing with me’ or ‘I’m so lucky I had my parents because they were always so loving and affectionate’? Or was it something quite different?
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Live the joy You can be certain that you’ve identified one of your parenting values if following it feels right and brings you joy. For example, a parent who values being loving and affectionate will genuinely enjoy physical affection. This doesn’t mean that being affectionate is always easy though. When kids are sick they may require so many cuddles that even the most loving parent could begin to regret the loss of sleep or the inability to >
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baby get any chores done. However, if you truly value being a loving parent, then being affectionate will feel good to you. Once you’ve identified your parenting values, you have a guide to what your parenting style truly is. Confidence and having faith in yourself is really about trusting your own parenting values. As you learn to trust your own values, and to act in accordance with them, you will develop stronger confidence in your day-to-day parenting decisions.
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Learn to live with self-doubt What about self-doubt? Will it disappear if you know your parenting values? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Everyone experiences selfdoubt from time to time. It might seem like the way to confidence is to eliminate self-doubt, but in fact by attacking our own doubts we are only attacking ourselves. You cannot bully yourself into confidence, so waging a war on self-doubt will only lower your confidence further. Instead of trying to eliminate doubt, we need to learn how to live with it. Even though negative thoughts will surface from time to time, you don’t need to take your inner critic too seriously. Even if that voice in your head keeps telling you that you are a lousy parent, you don’t need to prove it wrong, nor do you need to become the poor parent that your inner critic says you are. Simply acknowledge that this is just the sort of negative thing that inner critics say, and then turn your focus back to living your values as best you can. Try treating your critical voice like a radio station playing in the background of your life. Just because the radio is on doesn’t mean you need to give it your full attention. Focus on doing what you value, rather than on listening to “inner critic radio”. This will allow you to cultivate the kind of confidence that comes from being true to yourself – by slowly but surely moving towards what matters most to you in your life.
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Be flexible The final step to developing confidence is developing flexibility – the ability to adjust your parenting so that you are doing what works for you, your child and the circumstances in which you find yourself. As we all know, parenting doesn’t always happen according to our plans. Yet we often become too attached to very specific goals: ‘My child will sleep through the night by six months’, ‘I will breastfeed for one year’ or ‘My child will be academically gifted.’ And if, as often happens, that goal is not achieved, it can be a huge blow to our confidence. Rather than focusing on plans and goals, your confidence as a parent will build if you focus instead on the best way of living your parenting values. What matters most to you? What brings you joy? Then decide how you can live your values in the situation that you find yourself, even if it is sometimes unexpected. For example, not many parents expect to give birth long before their due date, let alone plan for parenting a premature baby in the neonatal intensive care unit of the hospital. But if you are clear on what your values are – be a loving mum, be there for your baby, spend time with your baby – you can adjust and discover how to live them even in difficult and unexpected circumstances such as preterm birth. Truly confident parenting starts by knowing what is in your own heart. Your confidence in your own judgements will continue to develop if you focus on noticing what works with your child, in the context of what matters most to you as a parent, and adjust your parenting accordingly. It won’t always be easy, and you’ll still experience self-doubt from time to time. But as you do so, you’ll discover the confidence that comes from being true to yourself. * Dr Koa Whittingham is a University of Queensland parenting researcher, a clinical and developmental psychologist, a mum, and the author of Becoming Mum (Pivotal, $24.99 plus GST) available from becomingmum.com.au. Check out her blog Parenting from the Heart at koawhittingham.com/blog/.
PHOTOGRAPHY BY Nicole Proy of Mockingbird Photography
The
T H IN K ING WOM AN’S website
For Conception, Pregnancy, Birth and Baby
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TODDLER
Tackling time-out At the end of your tether? Paediatrician and parenting author Dr Christopher Green shares his top tips for implementing the time-out technique with your child
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hen all your best efforts are getting you nowhere, when you have tried diversion and other tricks, and your back is against the wall, it’s time for time-out. This technique quickly brings an escalating situation to an end. It is a safety valve, gives rapid results and calms everything down.
Where does Time-Out come from? The term comes from the sporting arena and refers to a brief break in play that allows the competitors to catch their breaths, collect their thoughts and regroup. In the family arena, the basic method is to remove the child from a deteriorating or stalemate situation and place them, for a short time, in another room. This takes the child from their position on centre stage to a less prominent place, where their antics pass unnoticed. They have time to cool off and the parents can calm down too. This is an important aspect of time-out – it is designed for both child and parent to get some space. There may be times when it seems the parent benefits more than the toddler!
What does Time-Out achieve? The main purpose of time-out is not to punish the child but to separate the warring parties.
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This technique is not the same as the old, ‘Go to your room!’, which was punishment for bad behaviour. Time-out is about peace. Big bangs start with little triggers, and it is much easier to use a method like this to help to defuse the situation in its infancy than wait so long that you have to mop up after an incident of international proportions. Time-out is probably most effective with two- to 10-year-olds, but it can still be helpful in those who are very much younger. I know there are children who never need time-out, and their parents should be aware of how blessed they are, but the reality is that many parents have moments when they feel they will explode. When you are rapidly losing control and your little one knows it, don’t snap, use timeout. Don’t forget: real parents with difficult children do have their breaking points, and it is never smart to see how close you can get to such a dangerous situation. It is better to salvage the situation before the game is lost.
Have realistic expectations Many parents expect the child to walk out of time-out with their head bowed, stand before them and say, ‘Dear Mother and Father, I >
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toddler have done wrong and will behave perfectly for the rest of the week.’ The purpose of time-out is to allow both of the parties to cool off and thus prevent major fights. Time-out is often said to have failed when, in fact, it is the parents who have simply failed to realise what they are trying to achieve. Five minutes in a bedroom does not guarantee angelic behaviour for the rest of the day. No method I know of, other than possibly a straitjacket, could ever produce such an outcome. The child does not have to apologise. The only expectation is that he should come out of time-out in a calmer frame of mind. Unrealistic expectations maintain a high level of tension that is guaranteed to destroy everyone’s ongoing happiness.
Other parents claim that time-out does not work because the child repeats the original behaviour. If he walks straight out of time-out and immediately, defiantly reoffends, then he must be put straight back into time-out. However, when parents complain that their child repeats the same behaviour they usually mean that it recurred an hour later. Time-out is a technique that defuses a rapidly escalating situation at one particular time. Once this has passed and peace is regained, the method has shown itself to be effective. * This is an edited extract from the new edition of Toddler Taming: The Classic Guide to your Child’s Behaviour from 1 to 4 by Dr Christopher Green (Random House, $34.99).
The time-out technique use this when your child has reached a pitch of aggravation or limit-testing that can no longer be discouraged, ignored or diverted • Clearly tell the child that he is going into time-out and why, even if he’s too young to fully understand. Communicate clearly, use your tone of voice and make eye contact, getting down to the toddler’s level to let him know you mean business. • Calmly take him by the hand or carry him, then decisively put him into the time-out room. This is the point where you might want to give up, particularly if he’s throwing an award-winning tantrum, but be firm or the toddler will think he’s on a winner. • Be gentle. There is no need for harshness or roughness. At the same time leave him in no doubt that you are going to see this through. • Once inside, state positively in your best “this-is-the-way-it’s-going-to-be” voice that he’ll stay there until he has calmed down –
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don’t get drawn into debates or arguments. • Shut the door and move quickly away from the scene: don’t hover. • Leave the child in time-out for a length of time that is appropriate to his age. This is one minute for every year of their age, for example, a three-year-old child stays in time-out for three minutes. For children over the age of three, a kitchen timer may be useful to show the child how long they are to remain in the room. • As important as how you put the child into time-out is how you bring them out. You don’t want to undo your good work, so don’t hold grudges, threaten with repeat sessions or assume that it will be called for again in five minutes. Get on with life and get back to having fun with your toddler.
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NEWS
PRESCHOOLER&BIG K
Melbourne mum and author Nicole Kelly is bringing back the tradition of oral storytelling with a new site, Wonderbility, which provides free recordings of popular and traditional tales. ‘Listening to stories allows children to use their imaginations to create the textures, sounds and smells – there’s no limit to what they can create in their minds,’ says Kelly. ‘I want to inspire kids to wonder and to encourage families to enjoy downtime together.’ Visit wonderbility.com.
Curb while roaming
A clever new app allows parents to limit and monitor their children’s internet access beyond the home. Developed in Western Australia, Curbi can be customised to fit your family’s rules and works across all networks including roaming internet. The app costs $50 per year or $5 for a monthly subscription and can be applied to five devices. Visit curbi.com for more details and to purchase.
Do feed the animals
A new Sydney-based delivery service takes the stress and planning out of healthy school lunches. From $13 per meal, Animal Box will provide a nutritious, balanced lunch packed in a recyclable paper bag. Lunches include one main meal, such as wraps, noodles, meatballs or pasta, two snacks, a Nudie juice and a piece of fruit. The menus change with the seasons because all of the food is farm fresh – nothing is frozen or kept in cold storage. Vegetarian and gluten-free options are also available. Visit animalbox.com.au to order.
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written By jo hegerty SOURCES GROWING UP iN AUSTRALIA & australian institute of family studies
Wonder Time
KIDS Books with feelings
Cat is angry and frustrated; her friends just aren’t doing it right! Find out how she overcomes her feelings in Cat’s Not-so-perfect Sandcastle (Plushy Feely Corp, $29.95), the latest from the Kimochis storybook range. The Kimochis are a bunch of characters with distinct personalities to help kids learn about relationships and how people make you feel. The books are fun and educational without being preachy. Visit kimochis.com.au.
Tea ceremony
Mums aren’t the only ones who need to sit down with a cuppa. Sharing the experience with your little person makes them feel special and gives you an opportunity to connect during a busy day. The new Tea for Kids range by Biofoods Australia, $4.35 for 12 teabags, is certified organic, caffeine free and designed to support kids as they grow. There’s one for mums too – Mother’s Little Helper tea contains antioxidant-rich with cinnamon and ginger to boost vitality. Visit koalatea.com.au.
Mother tongue essential learning
To help bilingual kids excel in English, work with them to improve their native language skills first, suggests language and literacy expert Dr Misty Adoniou. The senior lecturer from the University of Canberra, ACT, says the school system “kills” the languages kids bring with them to kindergarten and doesn’t make use of the natural advantages of bilingual kids. Dr Adoniou also says children who speak more than one language at home have increased brain function and memory capacity, and studies have shown they learn English more effectively when they continue to learn their mother tongue.
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shopping
Preschooler&big k Rise & shine Get your kids to school on time with Salt & Pepper’s Zone Bell Alarm Clock. Priced at $16.95 for 9cm and $49.95 for the 25cm, the retro-inspired clock is available in black, magenta, white, red, yellow, blue, green, orange and metallic silver. Go to saltandpepper.com.au for more details or to purchase.
Ice-cream out
Cozy-Cans by Beatrix New York are designed to look like the cans of soda that kids desire but instead can be filled with milk or juices for a healthier option. Priced at $22.50, they hold up to 280ml. See beatrixny. com to find out more.
Your kids will have heaps of fun playing with this ice-cream sandwich children’s bean bag by Woouf, £82.50. Speckled with hundreds and thousands, the bean bag is made with waterrepellent canvas on the outer cover. It’s also removable and machine washable. Find out more at cuckooland.com.
Available in sizes 0 to 7, this cotton basketball-print tee and stripe pyjama pant set by Ouch, $29.95, is ideal for spring. Ouch’s designs are trendy and charming, and their collection suits newborns to 12-year-olds. To view their entire range visit ouchclothing.com.au.
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These Multiboxes by Green Lullaby, $29.95, come in a set of three and can be used as storage boxes, stools or to learn and play. They are made from 60 percent recycled pulp. Head to green lullaby.com.au.
Fun & healthy
Sleep in style
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ABC 123
Snazzy sandals Look after your child’s feet with Clarks’ Holly Sandal, $79.95, available in sizes 28 to 38. Made from smooth, comfy leather, the sandals are designed with durable and supportive straps. Available in black or brown, pick up a pair of these cute shoes at clarks.com.au or check out their range of runners, boots and ballet flats.
kids “Bearly” there
Monster mouth
Keep that kiddie clutter out of sight with this Happy Bedroom Chocolat au Lait three-piece system by Oops. Retailing at $179.95, the frame stores three cotton drawers, with the top drawer adorned with a threedimensional plush bear face. Available in green or cream, check out cnpbrands.com.au.
The Hootkid Watch Out Cap, $24.95, is a trucker-style hat with a wide brim, adjustable tabs at the back and an open brim mouth. Made of a cotton blend and available in navy and red, it’s a fun way for your child to be sun-safe. Visit hootkid.com to see more funky items such as the fedora-style hat priced at $24.95.
Make a mess
Big rig
Made of durable BPA-free PVC, which can easily be wiped clean, this Bobble Art circus art smock is priced at $37.95. The long sleeves feature elastic cuffs that will keep children’s clothes clean and it’s suitable for kids aged three to nine. Head over to bobbleart.com.au.
Let your child have fun driving and steering this Dump Truck by Moover Toys, $139.95, while developing their motor skills. Made with rubber tyres and from veneer plywood, it is available in natural with red or red with yellow. The truck comes flat packed and requires no tools to assemble it. Order at danishbydesign.com.au.
Snack away
Floor Time
Check out the new range of Rafferty’s Garden fruit and veggie oaty bars, $3.89. Made to help your child have their serving of two fruits and five vegetables each day, they come in two varieties and contain wholegrains and oats. You can see the range at raffertys garden.com.
Designed in France with handmade details from Nepal traditions, this $140 Lumbini Rug by Mushkane measures 80cm. Available also in 120cm, $225, it comes in ruby rose, fluro orange and pollen. Made of natural felt wool, it’s safe for allergy sufferers to play on. Head to talointeriors.com.au.
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PRESCHOOLer
How to choose a … BICYclE Learning to ride is an exciting milestone in a child’s development. Here’s how to select the right type and ensure your child stays safe. By Nicola Conville When is my child ready? Children can start riding balance bikes from the age of two, however International Bicycle Fund experts say most kids are ready for a twowheeler with training wheels from around the age of three. Between the ages of four and eight children will have developed the necessary skills to start learning to ride a bicycle.
DECIDING ON the right bike Having the right size bike is vital for comfort and safety. According to the Better Health Channel, your child should be able to rest both feet on the ground when they are standing over the bicycle. For medium or lightweight bikes, there should be at least 2cm between the crotch and crossbar, and for BMX and mountain bikes, there should be at least 5cm between the crotch
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and crossbar. The controls should be easy to use and comfortable, and within easy reach for your child.
What about safety? Wearing a helmet is compulsory for all riders and should carry the Standards Australia mark. The helmet should fit comfortably and not be too tight or too loose. Children aged under five should stick to riding on footpaths or bicycle tracks with adult supervision, kids aged from five to nine can ride to parks, playgrounds and school – again with adult supervision – and older children need to be made aware of road laws, be given plenty of supervised practise riding in traffic and should always wear bright colours so they can be seen easily on the road by drivers. *
www.bumbo.com.au
Bumbo Floor Seat
Bumbo Floor Seat & Tray
Bumbo Booster Seat
Bumbo Toilet Trainer
Bumbo Step Stool
To get them through the day Fantastic range of drink bottles and lunch boxes to keep food cold and fresh
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preschooler
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Never fear While being alone in the dark or hearing odd noises is not usually an issue for adults, for your child it’s very real and can cause anxiety, stress and other problems. Nicola Conville reports
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ccording to the Better Health Channel (betterhealthvic.gov.au), kids – especially toddlers and preschoolers – are afraid of things they don’t understand or can’t control. Couple this with an overactive imagination and you have the perfect recipe for irrational fears.
What can I do? Talk to your child and ask them to explain what it is they are afraid of. Reassure your child that they are safe and tell them that there is no such thing as monsters. Ask them if there is anything that would help them to feel more secure such as a nightlight or a special toy. Go to the library or bookshop together to find books which help allay childhood fears. You could also try using a sticker chart and rewarding them when they stay the night in their own bed.
What not to do Don’t dismiss your child’s fears as silly or force them to confront their fears by insisting they sleep with the light off or by closing the door, for example. Don’t belittle them or make fun of their fears as this will only exacerbate things. And don’t bring the subject up in front of other people. Also monitor their television
time to make sure they’re not seeing anything upsetting – such as scary news programs or movies – as this can add fuel to the fire. According to the Cleveland Clinic website, you should also avoid supporting your child’s belief in imaginative creatures (for example, by checking in the cupboard for monsters). Even if you explain you’re going to chase the monster away, for example, it just confirms to your child that they do exist.
Dealing with “real” fears Aside from monsters and a fear of the dark, children can also be afraid of more real issues such as a parent getting ill or dying, or their parents separating. Fear of the dark can also stem from a worry that an intruder can enter the house. Talk gently with your child about these very real, specific fears and do your best to reassure them.
What about professional help? If your child’s fears are ongoing and starting to affect their everyday life, speak to your GP, psychologist or other healthcare professional, or try helplines such as Parentline (13 22 89) or Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800). * september 2014 | mychild
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big kids
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Chain reactions Children learn about the world through asking questions. Teacher Dr Christine Durham explains the importance of helping kids to learn to think for themselves and offers ideas on how to go about it
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t’s vital to help children to think well for themselves because how we think about things has an enormous effect on our life and how we live it. The dictionary defines a “thinker” as a person with a skilled or powerful mind. It’s essential that kids become thinkers. In every area of their lives it is crucial that children can think, make informed opinions, be able to consider carefully and produce original ideas. Children are always trying to understand about the world by questioning, by putting names to things, by seeking to find out more, by making links and connections, and by discovering differences. Our children need to think to learn and learn to think. We need to value their thinking and questioning and celebrate their efforts to understand.
Building on knowledge Children need to be able to open up the “computer file” in their heads and collect any relevant information gathered in the past. They need to be able to bring back and brainstorm knowledge or experiences to apply these ideas to a new example or situation. Yesterday’s knowledge and experience is not finished with
and forgotten. It can be reinvented, recycled and enriched to build a better idea today. When children are confronted with a problem or something they have to do, they can work out the right strategy by reflecting on past experiences. They can work out a plan, talk to themselves and say, ‘I don’t really need to do this to do that, I could do this instead’, ‘Gee, I’d better slow down’ or ‘I’ll never do it this way again.’ When you chase ideas with children, talk about where you got your ideas and questions from. Also discuss how you arrived at your answer, the alternatives that ran through your mind and why you chose a specific answer. Be aware of the links and connections you made. Next time you have a similar problem or issue to solve, you will have some strategies to help to tackle it, to make decisions and to plan a course of action.
thinking out loud Adults are constantly thinking out loud and chasing ideas. When we’re confronted with a task or problem, we work out strategies and reflect on our plans. We talk to ourselves as we go along, saying things like, ‘This isn’t >
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big kids working!’, ‘I should have…’, ‘I’ll never do that again!’ or ‘Next time I’ll…’ When we do this, we are being aware of thinking. In a similar way, when we talk to family and friends, we are chasing ideas and thinking out loud – bringing our ideas out into the light of day so we can examine them more carefully. This reflective approach gives children the opportunity to see into your mind when you think aloud. It is good to wonder: ‘What if…?’, ‘How do I think differently about…?’, ‘What should I do next? Why?’ and ‘Why did I think that…?’ By asking yourself questions you will understand how you reach conclusions.
Step by step Recognise the steps and strategies that you use to solve problems or accomplish tasks. For example, if your child asks you, ‘How did you cook dinner?’, rather than saying, ‘I just did it!’, you could reflect back on the steps you took: ‘I planned to have roast lamb for dinner tonight. When I was shopping, I bought the meat and vegetables. This afternoon I covered the joint in garlic and rosemary, added salt and pepper, then put the roast in the oven while I prepared the vegies.’ There are many different steps and ways of arriving at an answer.
Thinking outside the box Finding far-fetched connections provides another way to help you reflect and find out what made you think of a certain idea or the steps that helped you reach your conclusion. If you try to find connections or relationships between things that at first glance do not seem to have any similarities, you focus intently on the characteristics or qualities of the thing. If you are forced to “invent” connections, creative and critical thinking is enhanced, especially when you have to explain your invention. For example, ask your child, ‘Why are you like a pencil?’ They may reply, ‘I’m like a pencil because I’m tall and thin, I’m colourful, I’m useful, I go on and on, I take note of things,
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I can break, I can get lost, I’m helpful, I run out.’ Your child has thought of the characteristics of a pencil – it’s shape, what it does, what can happen to it – and linked these to themselves.
Questions without a real answer Ask children, ‘Are you a sun or moon person?’ They will be intrigued because this sounds like a question without an answer. How can you answer a question that appears silly? They can think about the characteristics of the sun and the moon – the sun is hot and powerful, the moon is romantic and beautiful – then try to figure out which one they are more like. When your children have answered this “question without a proper answer”, get them to try to work out the step-by-step strategies they used. Reflect on these strategies. Discuss
“If you are forced to “invent” connections, creative and critical thinking is enhanced, especially when you have to explain your invention” how your children worked out what to say. What did they say to themselves? What was their self-talk?
Choose your words To chase ideas effectively, both you and others need to understand what you’re saying. Try to choose your words carefully. Avoid being vague or ambiguous and say, ‘You know, kind of like…’ or ‘You know what I mean!’ Help your children to be more specific when they are expressing an idea. Other tools for creating ideas include using humour, thinking things through, utilising all your senses and being persistent. * This is an edited extract from the second edition of Chasing Ideas, by Dr Christine Durham (Finch, $24.99 paperback or $9.99 ebook).
FINALLY, A DIFFERENT WAY OF PARENTING!
in
If you feel uncomfortable with the traditional authoritarian parenting style then Raising Competent Children is a “must-have”. It is full of inspiration on how to raise competent children and how to develop relationships based on equal dignity, integrity and authenticity, and how to support your children developing self-responsibility – both personal and social. Raising Competent Children is easy to read and draws on examples from everyday life. The author, Jesper Juul, is the founder of FamilyLab and a renowned authority on the family. He has written a number of best-sellers and must-have books.
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“Jesper Juul is one of the twelve leading enlighteners, thinkers and visionaries.” Die ZEIT Germany’s largest weekly newspaper
Visit “familylab anz” on facebook and try before you buy. Read 10 pages and receive free postage. Use the secure cart on Facebook. FamilyLab ANZ www.familylab.com.au info@familylab.com.au PO Box 354 Summer Hill NSW 2130 02 9799 2424
A new way of de veloping relationships wi th children
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When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21,
I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. Mark Twain
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