CNSTC: February 1, 2023

A legacy of love

Around Town

Five Acres Animal Shelter marks 50 years of rescuing animals in St. Charles County with special events

By Brett Auten

The ever-evolving Five Acres Animal Shelter now has a half-a-century’s worth of helping animals in the St. Charles and St. Louis area under its belt.

The organization, located at 1099 Pralle Lane in St. Charles, started as the St. Charles Humane Society with a core of individuals interested in helping cats and dogs in the area. In 2011, the name was changed to Five Acres Animal Shelter and today, it stands on nearly five acres of land, houses three buildings, employs 20 individuals, who along with

hundreds of volunteers help thousands of animals each year.

This year, Five Acres will not only be celebrating its past, but looking forward and building itself into a community resource for both humans and pets.

“Last summer, when we started thinking about (its 50th birthday), we wanted to do something more than using it for support and fundraising,” Madeline Klene, Development Director said. “We also wanted to use the time to look back and also share our new position.”

Five Acres will be celebrating all year long but in particular, two events are worthy of note. On July 29, those who currently have or have ever experienced the love of a cat or dog, are invited to the Golden Paw Gala at the Ameristar Casino. At this event, Five Acres will celebrate its past impact on people and their animals and share plans to support the local community and their pets. In addition to its pet food pantry and shop for pet supplies, Five Acres is looking to offer additional

See ‘LOVE’ page 2

St. Charles County Assessor mails 2023 personal property assessment forms . Pg. 4

Features

Recipe, Movie & Sudoku. Pg. F-1

CLA SSIFIEDS AND HOME & GARDEN. Pg. F-2 /F-3 Moore On Life, Lifestyle & Crossword. Pg. F-4

Weather

FRIDAY Sunny 33/24

SATURDAY Cloudy 46/34

SUNDAY Partly Cloudy 48/27

READ US ONLINE!

St. Charles Historical Society receives research grant. Pg. 3

St. Charles County Recorder of Deeds offering fully online marriage license process. Pg. 3

Submitted photos

Five Acres Animal Shelter will celebrate its 50th year of helping animals in the St. Charles and St. Louis area. Five Acres Animal Shelter stands on nearly five acres of land, houses three buildings, and employs 20 individuals along with hundreds of volunteers.

Around Town

from cover

low-cost services to the community which will include vaccinations, microchipping, training and education.

In the fall, on Sept. 16, it will celebrate its birthday with a Street Paw-ty with the entire community on Main Street. All are welcome; adopters, volunteers, fosters, donors, and anyone who is interested in learning about or supporting the mission.

Five Acres Animal Shelter is a no-kill animal shelter that does not euthanize its animals to make room for new ones and is proud of its 98.6% animal save rate. It only euthanizes when a situation arises that an animal can no longer live a high quality of life, according to one of its trusted veterinarians, based on the animal’s medical state or in the rare case of extreme aggression.

Five Acres relies on private donations, corporate support, events and grants. The majority of its animals come from private citizens who are unable to keep their pets for one reason or another. It also works with local animal control facilities and other overcrowded shelters in Missouri and other parts of the country to transfer animals to Five Acres that face euthanasia.

Most of the animals it accepts are healthy; however, Five Acres does take some animals in bad shape who require extensive veterinary care. These pets need help the most, but the care can be very costly, even with local veterinarians assisting us in keeping costs down. This is why it created its special needs program, Shadow’s Fund. This program al-

lows Five Acres to care for special needs animals that need a chance. It is coming off a transformational year.

In 2022, Five Acres adopted 1,604 animals (427 dogs, 1,151 cats), placed 1,158 animals in foster homes, which meant that 60-percent of its animals were able to spend time in a home rather than a shelter. Volunteers put in over 2,500 hours, which

is equal to 10 fulltime employees, and $615,292 in donated time. It spayed or neutered 1,043 animals and served over 700 families through Animeals Food Pantry. Other highlights include an installed synthetic turf play yard so the dogs will always get playtime, no matter the weather, it reached 1,000 cat adoptions for the second year in a row, and returned 293 lost

animals to their owners. The role of animal shelters in the state and across the nation is changing, as there is a sharp increase in surrendered, stray, and abandoned pets in need. While bringing in and adopting out animals helps place animals into homes, looking ahead, Five Acres wants to be a part of a broader solution to overcrowding of shelters and homeless and abandoned animals.

“As we grow, we want to be more than just a shelter,” Klene said. “We want to be the No.1 resource for all things animals and pet owners who need our help. We want to get to the reasons why pets are homeless in the first place. Owner surrenders come every day and are growing in numbers.”

Submitted photos

The motto for Five Acres Animal Shelter, located at 1099 Pralle Lane in St. Charles, is to end pet homelessness, promote responsible pet ownership, and advocate for animal welfare.

St. Charles County Recorder of Deeds offering fully

online marriage license process

The St. Charles County Recorder of Deeds office now is one of two offices in the State of Missouri beta testing a new system that enables thea processing of electronic marriage license applications without the need for either applicant to appear at the office in person.

To be eligible to complete the marriage license application electronically, both applicants must be at least 18 years of age and at least one of the applicants must be a resident of St. Charles County. Couples can find a link to the secure application and a list of qualifications and required documentation at sccmo.org/MarriageLicense.

After completing the standard online application, both applicants must each provide an electronic signature and upload a copy of their passport, driver license or

other state-issued identification. Once identification documents are verified with security questions and the application is processed, the marriage license can either be picked up at the office by an applicant or delivered by mail. Applications for marriage licenses must be completed within 30 days prior to the ceremony. If applicants are having the license delivered, the recorder office recommends completing the process more than 48 hours prior to the ceremony to ensure it will arrive in time.

Marriage licenses must be paid for at the time of application. There is an initial cost of $58, plus a $5 verification fee for the electronic process, and an added service fee if paying with credit card. Additional, varying charges apply to have the license delivered via FedEx. Applicants do have the op-

tion to pay for and pick up licenses at the County’s Administrative Building, 201 North Second Street in St. Charles.

A self-addressed, stamped envelope also is provided for the officiant to mail the license back to the Recorder of Deeds within 15 days of the ceremony. Once returned, staff records the license and mails a certified copy and keepsake version to the couple.

“I am excited and proud for our office to be one of the first in Missouri to navigate this fully online process for issuing marriage licenses,” Dempsey says. “This is just one piece of our strategy to make the services we provide more efficient and more convenient for our constituents.”

For more information, email recorder@sccmo.org, or call 636949-7505.

St. Charles Historical Society receives research grant

The Missouri Humanities Council (MHC) has awarded a grant of $300 to the St. Charles County Historical Society in support of the project “Doing Your German Research.” The MHC is the only statewide agency in Missouri devoted exclusively to humanities education for citizens of

all ages. It has served as a state affiliate of the National Endowment for the Humanities since 1971.

For more information about the grants program of the Missouri Humanities Council, call 314-781-9660 or 1-800-357-0909 or write to the MHC, 415 S. 18th Street, Suite 100, St. Louis, MO

PJ’s Coffee of New Orleans celebrates grand opening

PJ’s Coffee of New Orleans celebrated their grand opening on Jan. 12. To commemorate the opening, the company held a ribbon-cutting ceremony with the Cottleville Weldon Spring and O’Fallon Chambers of Commerce.

Members of both chambers, Mayor Bill Hennesey, and other community leaders were in attendance.

“Our community showed up for us today and we could not be more grateful.”, said owners John and Jennifer Whitehead.

Free coffee and pastry samples, including their famous beignets, along with giveaways and a spin wheel were offered to all guests.

Whether you are looking for a caffeine fix, breakfast sandwich, or freshly baked pastry, PJ’s Coffee in O’Fallon is guaranteed to have what you need to get your day going. Conveniently located in O’Fallon at 2426 State Hwy K, PJ’s offers a portfolio of hot drinks, organic tea and also iced or frozen beverages made with our original cold brew. Their famous iced coffees are brewed daily using a special cold-drip process to protect the flavor and strength pioneered by founder, Phyllis Jordan, over 40 years ago.

63103-2269.

For more information about the “Doing Your German Research” program, which will be held on April 15, contact the St. Charles County Historical Society at 636946-9828 or write to the society at 101 S. Main Street, St. Charles, MO 63301.

St. Charles County Assessor mails 2023 personal property assessment forms

The St. Charles County Assessor mailed approximately 181,000 personal property assessment forms for 2023 by Jan. 26. Completed assessment forms are due to the assessor by March 1.

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, taxpayers are strongly encouraged to file personal property using contactless methods: online, by mail, or in the drive-up drop outside the County Administration Building at 201 N. Second Street in St. Charles.

WAYS TO FILE

• Online – Individual personal property owners have the option to file online after receiving the assessment form in the mail. The e-filing website, account number, and unique secure access code for the individual personal property owner are printed in a blue box on the top third of the form. The e-filing website also will be available through the Assessor’s website, sccmo. org/Assessor. Those who filed online in previous years should note that the unique access code changes each year. E-filing also

allows personal property owners to save and print their completed 2023 assessment for their records after it’s submitted.

• Mail – Complete the form and send to: St. Charles County Assessor, 201 N. Second Street, Room 141, St. Charles, MO 63301.

• Drop Box – Completed assessment forms must be submitted in the "County" drive-up drop box outside the County Administration Building. The drop box is located on Monroe Street near the corner of N. Second Street.

• In Person – Again, taxpayers are strongly encouraged to file personal property through contactless methods due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Those who wish to file in person can do so from 8 a.m.-5 p.m., Monday-Friday, excluding holidays, at the Assessor’s service windows at the County Administration Building, 201 N. Second Street in St. Charles. Forms also

may be submitted in the indoor drop box located on the first floor of the Administration Building. Visitors will need to register for the Assessor’s queue through the QLess kiosk in the lobby, through the QLess app on their mobile device, or through the QLess link available at sccmo.org/Assessor or sccmo.org/ QLess. Monitors in the lobby and a text notification on a mobile device will update those in the queue, and visitors will be alerted visually and audibly through the monitor or their mobile device when it is their turn to approach the windows. Staff at the security desk in the lobby are available to assist with QLess registration.

Additional personal property assessment information

By state law, the assessor is charged with placing a fair market value on real and personal property, as property tax in Missouri is based on property value. Personal property assessments must be filed annually by those who own personal property and live in St. Charles County as of Jan. 1. Examples

of personal property include vehicles, motorcycles, campers, boats and farm equipment. Those who fail to complete their personal property assessment may be charged a late-filing penalty up to $105. Additionally, failing to file a personal property assessment form may delay the ability to renew or register license plates for a vehicle.

“The tax rate for everyone in the county is impacted by those who do not declare their personal property,” says Shipman. “A fair and equitable distribution of taxes is assured when everyone submits the form by the deadline.”

Residents can visit https://lookups. sccmo.org/assessor/form to verify the assessor has received their completed assessment. Verification of assessment receipt is posted within two business days for online filing and as soon as possible for mail and drop box submissions after the assessment is received and processed. For questions about assessments, or if you are a new resident in the county and need to be added to the assessor’s records, call the Personal Property office at 636-949-7420. For information about assessments and taxes, visit sccmo.org/Assessor.

Take Notice . . .

The events listed in this section are the latest updates as of press time, please check with individual sites for the most up to date cancellations and reschedule info.

EVENTS

Feb. 4: Quilt social bingo event

Quilt Social Bingo Event takes place at Sts. Joachim and Ann School Cafeteria at 4110 McClay Road in St. Charles.

Doors open at 9:30 a.m., games start at 11 a.m. The quilt raffle includes a St. Louis CITY SC handmade quilt. Food and drink available for purchase. Must be aged 16+ to enter. Contact Laura at 314369-7631 or LauraLFree@att. net for more information.

Feb. 4: Trivia night

Mary Martha Thrift Shop

Trivia Night takes place at Immaculate Conception Catholic Church at 7701 Dardenne Town Square Ave. (Highway N) in Dardenne Prairie.

Doors open and silent auction at 6 p.m., trivia starts at 7 p.m. Cost is $25/person, table of eight/$160. Beer, soda, water, and popcorn provided. Contact Mary Crook at 314-5049095 or mecrook47@gmail. com for more information.

Feb 5: Concert and art show

At St. John UCC at 405 South Fifth Street in St. Charles at 3 p.m., “Sounds of St. John” a staff concert plus art show featuring Autumn Kruckeberg.

Feb. 10: Trivia night

Join the Kiwanis Clubs of Cottleville-Weldon Spring and O’Fallon for an evening of trivia and fun to raise funds that support Youth Leadership Programs in our local schools. Doors open at 6 p.m. at Harvester Lion’s Club at 4835 Central School Road in St. Charles. Cost is $25/person, $200/table. Beer and light snacks provided. Register online at https://k05443.site.kiwanis.org/trivia-night-2023/.

For more information, email kiwanised@gmail.com or call 636-357-3060.

March 11: Trivia night

Saint Charles Daughters of the American Revolution and Fernando de Leyba Sons of the American Revolution are hosting a trivia night at St. Peter’s Catholic Church Parish Center at 221 First Capitol Drive in St. Charles. Doors open at 6 p.m. The event starts at 7 p.m. A table of eight is $160. Contact Jan Radcliff at 314-578-4242 or Bernadette Hall at bhall63376@gmail. com to reserve your table or for more information.

March 25: Trivia night

Hop on over to the Pezold Banquet Center at 5701 Highway N in Cottleville to support United Services for Children at their annual trivia night. Teams of eight are $200 per table. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. and the action starts at 7 p.m. This is a 21 and older event. Register at www.usfctrivia.org.

May 24: Theater auditions

Registration is open now for auditions for St. John UCC summer show for Performing Arts Camp, “Matilda the Musical Jr!” for grades sixthrough-12. Call Anna DiVesta at 636-946-0961 or visit stjohnucc.org/PAC-audition.

ONGOING EVENTS

Mondays: Optimist Club meetings

The Wentzville/Lake St. Louis Optimist Club meets on the second and fourth Monday of each month at 6:30 p.m. at the Wentzville IHOP, 10 Layla Lane, Wentzville, MO.. For more information contact Ed

SUDOKU answers from page F-1

Jurotich at 314-560-1868.

Mondays: Take off Pounds Sensibly TOPS meet every Monday at Holy Cross Lutheran Church at 8945 Veterans Memorial Hwy in O’Fallon. Meetings at 9:30 a.m. with weigh in beginning at 8:30 a.m. For more information please call Leogene Weber. 636-399-3124.

Mondays: Parent support group

Because I Love You, (BILY), Gateway parent support group meets every Monday at 7:30 p.m. at First United Methodist Church at 801 First Capitol Dr. in St. Charles. For information and directions, please contact the helpline at 314-993-7550 or email gateway_parent_help@yahoo. com. BILY is a program of self-help for parents of troubled children (all ages). We are not professionals, but parents helping each other. The meetings are free to attend.

Mondays: NAMI St. Louis Connection Recovery Support Group

If you have mental health concerns and need support, please come on Mondays at 6:30 p.m. at Friedens United Church of Christ at 1703 Old Highway 94 South in St. Charles.

Mondays: Alcoholics Anonymous

If you want to drink, that’s your business. If you want to stop, we can help. Call Alcoholics Anonymous at 636970-0013.

Mondays: Kiwanis Club meeting

Cottleville-Weldon Spring Kiwanis Club meets the first Monday of the month at noon at Bandana’s at 3446 Pheasant Meadows Dr. in O’Fallon. Contact Mary Vaughan at 314-581-0497 or Karen Grant at 773-914-4900 for more information.

CROSSWORD answers from page F-4

Mondays: Seasoned eye carvers meeting

Meetings are held from 9 to 11 a.m. at the St. Charles Se-

nior Citizens Center at 1455 Fairgrounds (near the Bass Pro Shop). Visitors are always welcome. For more in-

formation visit http://www. stcharlesareawoodcarvers. com/ or contact Charles Sapp at cwsapp@charter.net.

Sports you see with Gary B . . .

Baseball Hoots hire graduates from Mizzou and Webster

The O’Fallon Hoots, proud members of the Prospect League, announced the hiring of Cam Woodin as the team’s new Director of Food and Beverage and Arianna Arias new Director of Promotions and Social Media.

“This past summer, Cam showed enthusiasm and was able to execute any task handed to him,” Hoots General Manager David Schmoll said. “He brings a great energy to our staff and will be an asset both on the operations side and in his food and beverage role this 2023 summer season.”

Woodin came to the Hoots in May of 2022 to complete a summer stadium operations internship. The native of Pawling, New York graduated from Trinity-Pawling School and received a bachelor of science degree in parks, recreation and sport with an emphasis in sport management from the University of Missouri in 2022, where he served as President of Sigma Nu.

The 2023 summer schedule is available now. Single game tickets and promotional announcements will come at a later date. For up-to-the-minute information about the Hoots, visit ofallonhoots.com or follow the team on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Arias a graduate from Webster University graduate joins the Hoots front office staff following fall internship program

“Ari has a knack for graphic design and content creation,” Hoots General Manager David Schmoll said. “She’s personable and ready to engage fans in creative ways through our social media channels as well as on game day through our on- and off-field promotions. I look forward to seeing her grow into her role as we inch closer to the 2023 summer season.”

Arias came to the Hoots in September of 2022 to complete a fall marketing and promotions internship. Upon completion, she was hired full-time to oversee the Hoots promotions and social media de-

partment. The native of Pomona, California received a Bachelor of Arts degree in Sport Communications from Webster University, graduating in December of 2022. Arias was a member of Webster’s varsity softball squad where she earned First Team All-Conference honors her senior year. She looks to apply her college athletics experience and background in social media and public relations to her new role with the Hoots.

~~~Welcome to the team

Lindenwood divers pick up honors

David Molina-Fregenal and Elle Christie of the Lindenwood swimming and diving squad have been named the Men’s and Women’s Divers of the week, respectively. This is the third nod for Molina-Fregenal this season and the fourth honor for Christie on the year.

Molina-Fregenal set a personal best score in the three-meter dive, recording a 332.25. The sophomore won the competition by nearly 47 points. A native of Madrid, Spain, Molina-Fregenal also did well in the one-meter dive, finishing in second place, earning a score of 308.00.

Christie continues to rack up the accolades adding this honor for the fourth time this season. The native of Ballwin swept both boards against SIU/ UALR. In the one-meter dive, she compiled a score of 285.15 which was more than 48 points above the second-place finisher. The senior wasn’t done, however, setting a personal best in the three-meter competition, earning a 311.15. The score also broke her own school record of 308.25, which she set last week.

~~~Super accomplishments

Gary Baute, aka Gary B, a St. Louis native, maybe educated in business but he lives and breathes sports. As a fan and an athlete, Gary is all sports all the time. He hosted a radio sports program on KFNS, emceed the River City Rascals’ inaugural season and broadcasted for several indoor football teams since 1999.

Recipe: A family favorite in just five minutes

Running short on time from a busy schedule shouldn’t mean skipping out on your favorite desserts. In fact, it should be all the more reason to enjoy a sweet treat as a reward for all that hard work.

When you’re due for a bite into dark chocolate goodness, all it takes is a few minutes out of your day to make 5-Minute Dark Chocolate Cereal Bars. This quick and simple dessert makes it easy to celebrate the day’s accomplishments without added stress.

As a fun way for little ones to help in the kitchen, you can cook together the butter, marshmallows, peanut butter and cereal then let the kiddos drizzle the key ingredient: melted chocolate. All that’s left to do is cut and serve or pack a few off to school and work for an afternoon treat.

5-MINUTE DARK CHOCOLATE CEREAL BARS

Ingredients:

4 tablespoons butter

10 ounces marshmallows

1/2 cup peanut butter

6 cups cereal

4 ounces milk chocolate, melted

4 ounces dark chocolate, melted

Directions:

Heat saucepan over low heat. Add butter, marshmallows and peanut butter; stir to combine. Add cereal; mix until coated. Line 9-by-13-inch pan with parchment paper. Add cereal mixture to pan.

In bowl, mix milk chocolate and dark chocolate. Drizzle chocolate over cereal mixture; spread evenly then allow to cool.

Cut into bars and serve.

Recipe adapted from ScrummyLane.com

FindmoreseasonaldessertrecipesatCulinary.net

Movie:

By Steve Bryan

Born and raised in South St. Louis, Steve Bryan is now based in Anaheim, California, and has been allowed access to movie and television sets to see actors and directors at work. Though his writing has taken him far from St. Louis, Steve is, at heart, still the same wide-eyed kid who spent countless hours watching classic movies at neighborhood theaters.

Alsoknown as Jonathan Ke Quan, actor Ke Huy Quan played Short Round in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom,” the 1984 follow-up to “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” In 1985, the actor was part of a youthful ensemble in Richard Donner’s adventure/ comedy “The Goonies.”

A few years later, Quan played an honor student in ABC’s academic comedy “Head of the Class.” In 2022, he returned to acting in “Everything Everywhere All at Once,” a science-fiction comedy about a couple who owned a laundromat and had troubles with the multiverse. Critics loved Ke Huy Quan’s performance and he was honored with a Golden Globe. He also earned an Academy Award nomination for “Best Supporting Actor” for the film.

It took 20 years for Ke Huy Quan’s “second act,” but what about other child actors? If you watch “My Three Sons” on MeTV, for instance, you might catch a glimpse of a young Jodie Foster playing Priscilla Hobson, one of Dodie’s friends, on the show.

In the 1970’s, Foster appeared in “Tom Sawyer” and “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.” Foster’s character, a streetwise kid name Audrey, always talked about drinking Ripple. Jodie Foster received a Best Supporting Actress nomination for her work in Martin Scorsese’s “Taxi Driver.” In later years, Foster won the Best Actress Oscar for both

1988’s “The Accused” and 1991’s “Silence of the Lambs.”

In 1989, a fresh-faced Neil Patrick Harris played the lead role in ABC’s “Doogie Howser, M.D.” Harris’ character was a child prodigy who, at the age of 14, became the youngest licensed doctor in the country, but he didn’t get a driver’s license until the first episode. In 2005, a grown-up Harris played the womanizing Barney Stinson on the sitcom “How I

Met Your Mother.” In 2021’s “The Matrix Resurrections,” Harris played “The Analyst,” a character who had wrested control of the Matrix from “The Architect” for his own purposes.

After appearing in “Rocket Gibraltar” and the hilarious “Uncle Buck,” McCauley Culkin played Kevin McCallister in the 1990 hit “Home Alone.” Culkin followed up those films with “Home Alone 2,” “My Girl” and played the title role in the big screen adaptation of “Richie Rich.” A few years later, Culkin had a featured role in the Jena Malone/Mandy Moore comedy “Saved!” Culkin played the paraplegic brother of Moore’s character, Hillary Faye Stockard. In a 2018 commercial for Google Assistant, an adult Culkin was once again home alone during the holidays, but he had his bag of tricks handy to ward off burglars. The voice of Joe Pesci, who played would-be thief Harry Lyme, can be heard over the closing moments of the ad.

When it comes to child stars and second acts, Mayim Bialik wins the award. Bialik had a featured role in “Beaches,” a drama in which she played the young version of Bette Midler’s adult character, singer Cecilia Carol “C.C.” Bloom. In the 1990’s, Mayim Bialik played the title role in “Blossom” and later went on to receive a doctorate in neuroscience. Her medical background definitely came in handy when she took the role of Amy Farrah Fowler on “The Big Bang Theory.”

Fill in the blank squares in the grid, making sure that every row, column and 3-by-3 box includes all the digits 1 through 9.

(Top) ‘The Goonies’ photo courtesy Warner Bros.

(Bottom) ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once’ photo courtesy A24.

Former child stars who earned their ‘second act’

‘Yeggs’ is a comic series about Robert and Bill, two rabbits who have opened their own egg franchise in the Midwest (St. Louis area). We follow their day to day lives, watching as they go about the hectic task of preparing for their one big day every year. Along the way they have adventures filled with fun, comic doings and pathos.

Moore on Life

Theegg debacle is worsening by the day.

Last week, I was making a batch of cookies and reached for an egg only to have it bobble in my hands. I tried to save it as it juggled back and forth to no avail. It plainly had a death wish and plunged earthwards to where it splattered its insides all over my tile floor.

By Cindy Moore

Egg-idemic

At any other time, I would have just muttered a few unladylike words then called for the cats to come lick it up, but this time my heart sank as I calculated the cost of that single chicken by-product – 65 cents! I moaned and groaned then reached down to salvage it from off the floor, but I was too late. The cats beat me to it.

Now I’ve heard that people are even smuggling these valuable bird droppings across the Mexican border. Down there eggs are going for a paltry… or should I say, poultry (see what I did there) two dollars a dozen while the price here is climbing towards eight bucks a dozen.

With soaring prices, soon the cartels will ditch their usual illegal contraband to smuggle in truckloads of chicken eggs realizing the profits are much better. Yikes, if this keeps up, we’ll be painting potatoes instead for Easter.

Eggs have become so lucrative that you can even rent chickens. Yes, some wise farmer saw the need and the dollars signs and came up with a rent-a-chicken business.

Here’s how it works:

For the period of six months, the farmer rents out: two egg-laying hens, a coop and the food. He does not include a rent-a-dog to chase off predators such as, foxes, raccoons or hawks and this does not include warming lights and the price of electricity for those chilly winter nights.

Which, if all totaled…let’s add column A to column B, include the price of taxes, shipping and handling and the cost of electricity, then carry the two over and round up for good measure and it adds up to approximately $600 or $100 dollars a month.

With the price of eggs rising each week that’s a bargain. Looks like I’m gonna become a poultry farmer.

E-I-E-I-O!

Cindy Moore is the mother of three superlative kids, servant of two self-indulgent felines and wife to one nifty husband. Her ficticious occupation? Archeological Humorist: someone who unearths absurdity and hilarity in strange and unusual places including public restrooms, the lint filter, and church meetings. Most recently, she excavated a find in her neighbor’s bird feeder.

The opinions expressed in this column are Cindy Moore’s alone and do not reflect the opinion of the owners or staff of Community News.

CROSSWORD: THE GRAMMYS

ACROSS

1. Spencer of Hollywood’s Golden Age

6. Eyeball, e.g.

9. “Tosca” song, e.g.

13. Theater passage

14. Bovine call

15. “____ came a spider...”

16. *Univision’s ____

Grammy Awards

17. Barley bristle

18. Turning token taker

19. *President with a Grammy

21. Diabolical

23. Sold at the pump

24. Russian monarch

25. Back of a boat

28. *”Shallow,” 2018 recipient from “A ____ Is Born” movie

30. *Camila Cabello and Ed Sheeran’s nominated song

35. College dwelling

37. Footnote note

39. Shade of violet

40. Huron’s neighbor

41. Head of the abbey

43. Done in a pot

44. City in Bolivia

46. Not manual

47. Mend, healthwise

48. Eye cover

50. Egghead

52. Four quarters

53. Dog in yoga

55. Triple ____

57. *____.com Arena

60. *”Vegas” and “Woman” nominee (2 words)

64. Unit of electrical energy

65. Hoover’s agency, acr.

67. Discompose

68. Shade of yellow

69. I in T.G.I.F.

70. Small, olive-gray bird

71. “Cheers” regular

72. Inquire

73. Open up

DOWN

1. Bath powder

2. Iranian coin

3. ____ Spumante

4. Be needy

5. Gossipy ones

6. Arabian Peninsula country

7. Column’s counterpart

8. Holiday surprise for employee

9. Palo ____, CA

10. Agitate

11. Inwardly

12. *1970 two-time winner

“The ____ of Aquarius”

15. Hindu retreat

20. Ancient Rome’s neighbor

22. Nail a criminal

24. Popular newspaper name

25. *”30” performer

26. Pillage

27. Beef ___, dim sum choice

29. *”Don’t Shut Me Down” group

31. Alan Alda’s classic TV show

32. Type of hawk

33. Type of flu

34. Multi-colored dog coat

36. One of three square ones

38. Shower with affection

42. Human trunk

45. Sliding fastener

49. Part of “i”

51. Past-life experience? (2 words)

54. Capital of Bulgaria

56. Airbnb option

57. Chanel of fashion

58. German industrial valley

59. Big Bang’s original matter

60. Disc, alt. sp.

61. Popular dieter’s foe

62. Between ports

63. Chris Hemsworth’s superhero

64. *Award-winning Bon

Jovi’s lead singer

66. *Coldplay’s collaborators

John Hanna Yeggs