CNSTC: April 5, 2023

Be bear aware

Around

Town

Black bear sightings rise in the spring and the Missouri Department of Conservation offers tips on how to stay safe around our fuzzy neighbors

Me State has to offer. You can live in a condo in St. Peters, but find yourself camping in Rolla, and the rules are a little different.

That is the word that the Missouri Department of Conservation is wanting to get out as temperatures start to warm.

Intentional or unintentional, it doesn’t matter. Feeding bears is dangerous because it makes them cozier around humans. It can also lead bears to cause damage to property while searching for a meal.

There are roughly 900 black bears in the state, granted most of them reside in the southern region. But they are always on the move, and so are we, hiking, camping, and exploring all the wonderful nature the Show-

As these magnificent mammals leave their winter dens in search of food, the population is expanding, both in total numbers and range. As the population grows and expands, bears are showing up in areas further north. Additionally, late spring/ early summer is prime time for bears to be on the move. Young bears begin to wander seeking food and an area to settle and adult males begin moving large distances in search of females.

Missouri Department of Conservation biologist Nate Bowersock has his black belt in being “bear aware.”

He said, whether home or away, it is im-

portant that people remove or secure bear attractants from their property, such as bird feeders, trash, barbeque grills, pet food and food waste.

“As black bears become active in spring, they are on the search for food,” Bowersock said. “Keeping areas free of attractants to allow bears to find natural foods on their own is in everyone’s best interest. If you see a bear, leave the animal alone and enjoy the sighting, but be sure to not offer it any food.”

Food is usually a bear’s main motivator, but that also means it can be a main source of conflict. It takes a lot of calories to fuel an animal that typically weighs several hundred

See ’AWARE’ page 2

Delmar Gardens recognized as one of America’s Best Nursing Homes for 2023. Pg. 4

Features

Recipe, Movie & Sudoku. Pg. F-1

Weather

FRIDAY Partly Cloudy 65/42

SATURDAY Partly Cloudy 70/48

SUNDAY Partly Cloudy 75/52

READ US ONLINE!

The St. Charles Branch AAUW celebrates Annual STEM Awards. Pg. 3

Photo provided by Missouri Department of Conservation

While a natural and exciting part of Missouri’s woods, black bears do not make good dinner guests. The Missouri Department of Conservation recommends taking steps to avoid tempting them with human food, especially in areas where bears have been sighted.

Around Town

BCI to host open house on April 12

Boone Center, Inc. (BCI) – a nonprofit that improves the lives of adults with disabilities through employment opportunities – will host an open house on April 12 from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. The event will be held at BCI’s St. Charles County facility located at 200 Trade Center Drive in St. Peters.

“Touring this plant is such a positive experience and, in many cases, an eye-opener,” said BCI CEO Troy Compardo. “You’ll meet an incredible team of very abled individuals performing contract packaging and light manu-

facturing work for global brands at a 99.3% quality rating. It truly is impressive!”

In addition to the guided tour, open house guests will enjoy a welcome reception and light refreshments. Representatives from BCI’s competitive employment program will also be available to answer questions about services that support individuals who want to work in the community. Finally, optional tours of the nearby BCI Skills Center will be offered every 30 minutes beginning at 9:30 a.m.

With contract packaging facilities in St. Charles and Lincoln counties employing 235, along with its continuum of other programs and services, BCI is one of Missouri’s top agencies for connecting individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities to work.

“If someone wants that pride and purpose that comes from having a job, we’re here to help – even if they have no experience or don’t know where or how to begin,” said Compardo. “At the same time, we’re doing our best to in-

crease inclusive hiring throughout the region. There is potential everywhere, and open house is a great introduction for anyone who wants to engage with our mission.”

While open house is free to attend, advance registration is requested at https://www.betterunite.com/BCI-stpetersspringopenhouse2023. For more information, contact Dee Gerstenkorn at 636-875-5245.

A fall open house at BCI’s Moscow Mills facility in Lincoln County is planned for Sept. 13.

BEAR WITH THEM:

How to avoid issues if a bear has been sighted in your neck of the woods

• If you feed pets outside, be sure to bring food in at night.

• Keep all outdoor garbage receptacles closed tightly and locked up if possible.

• Secure large, outdoor trash bins so they cannot be turned over.

• Try to keep trash containers inside at night and put garbage outside only on the day of pickup.

• Empty large, outdoor trash bins at least once a week and wash with disinfectant.

*Provided Missouri Department of Conservation

pounds and they can be attracted to a variety of food sources this time of year.

You need to think of bears as giant raccoons. They are attracted to the same things. Food can make the difference between peacefully sharing Missouri’s landscape with bears and problematic conflicts. Food, or rather the lack of it, is key to avoiding conflicts.

“When bears lose their fear of humans, they could approach people in search of food or become defensive around food sources or territory they associate with people, which can make them dangerous,” Bowersock

said. “When this happens, the bear cannot be relocated and has to be destroyed.”

When camping, Bowersock offered this tip.

“Have one area where you eat and store food and one area where you sleep,” he said. “You do not want those two overlapping each other.

And when on the trail and you happen to stumble upon a bear in the wild, try to keep your cool.

“Running is a real bad idea,” Bowersock said. “Just slowly back up and give it space. It will more than likely just keep on moving.”

BE A GOOD GUEST

While spending the night in bear country:

• Never deliberately offer a bear food.

• Keep your campsite clean and free of food odor.

• Wash cookware and remove garbage daily.

• Do not leave garbage in the camp overnight.

• Pack food items in closed, airtight containers and place them in your car or other secure place. Keep in mind coolers are not airtight, and bears often associate them with food.

• Treat nonfood items such as gum, soap, toothpaste or deodorant as food. They are attractive to a bear’s acute sense of smell.

*Provided Missouri Department of Conservation

Photo provided by Missouri Department of Conservation

‘AWARE’ from cover

The St. Charles Branch AAUW celebrates 29th Annual STEM Awards

The St. Charles Branch AAUW (American Association of University Women) recently honored 14 senior girls from seven area high schools who excel in math or science.

Students, parents, and teachers attended the 29th Annual STEM Awards and Dessert Night. STEM Awards in math and science have been presented by AAUW since 1994.

The acronym STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) was used generally around the early 1990’s and was adopted by the National Science Foundation in 2001.

In the two previous years, COVID prevented meeting in-person, so certificates were hand-delivered to each high school.

Recipients were selected by their teachers. Each student honoree presented a short speech. Numerous honorees credited their teachers for inspiring them to excel in

school as well as in their life experiences. Several honorees discussed giving extra time to organize food bank collections, mentoring fellow

students, or serving as student liaison to the school board resulting in positive suggestions for change, to name a few experiences.

Timberland High School Theatre presents ‘The Little Mermaid’

The Timberland High School Theatre Department is presenting “The Little Mermaid” based on the book by Doug Wright on April 13, 14, and 15.

Based on the classic Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale, and the wildly popular Disney film, this musical staging of “The Little Mermaid” features a funny and fanciful book by Doug Wright, with the beloved score by Alan Menken, Howard Ashman and Glenn Slater in expanded but completely faithful form, featuring the rambunctious and persuasive “Under the Sea,” the romantic expectation of “Kiss the Girl,” and that anthem to longing

and belonging “Part of Your World.”

Cast members include Khalil Shaw-Ensor, Theodore Hanson, Raelynn McCallister, Will Edwards, Tabitha Schacht, Danny Wilson, Jaden Duree, Kaela Singla Shanika, Emma Curry, Tatum Smith, Ava Panhorst, Leila Wallace, Nora Champagne, Madeleine Kimball, Anna Kimball, Maddie Meyer, Brayden Thomas, Bella Volkman, Riley Reynolds, Addie Taylor, Emma Fitch, Kenzie Gillham, Ceci Madden, Molly Morff, Isaac Patton, Noah King, Summer Williams, Tula Kruse, Olivia Lazalier, Reagan Musgrave, and Ayiana Baynes. The musical is under the stage manage-

ment of Brooke Williams, assistant Amanda Chrissos, and technical director Sophie Kottmann. Disney’s “The Little Mermaid” is presented through special arrangement with Music Theatre International (MTI). All authorized performance materials are also supplied by MTI. www.mtishows. com.

The show will be performed in the Carle E. Reininger Theatre at 7 p.m. on April 13, 14 and 15. There will be a matinee at 2 p.m. on April 15. Tickets are $8 for adults, $6 for students and $4 for children ages five and under. Purchase tickets online.

Submitted photo

St. Charles Branch AAUW Science Honorees are (front row, from left) Georgia Kohr- St. Charles High; Claire Mascia- St. Charles West; Katelin Dunagan- Lutheran High; Reese Elizabeth Disko- Orchard Farm; Emma Shuler- Francis Howell and Kathryn Miller- Francis Howell North. St. Charles Branch AAUW Math Honorees are (back row, from left) Adriana Bradley-St. Charles High; Maya Southard- St. Charles West; Paige Larkin- Lutheran; Hannah C.Wolberg- Orchard Farm; Alyssa Corbett- Francis Howell High and Marissa Grix- Francis Howell Central.

HOMEBANK to build new facility in Lake Saint Louis

HOMEBANK, Member FDIC, broke ground for a 4,500-square-foot facility at 3000 E Pitman Avenue in Lake Saint Louis on March 15. Trustee Byron Webb, Chief Executive Officer Joe Thomas and Community Bank President Tej Ghosh turned dirt during the ceremony at the construction site. Cissell Mueller Construction from St. Peters has been selected as the project contractor. Construction is expected to be completed before the end of 2023.

HOMEBANK currently operates a full-service bank at 2183 W Terra Lane in O’Fallon.

“Lake Saint Louis is a ‘planned community,’ meaning it was carefully developed by its founding fathers to make living there as convenient and enjoyable as possible. This new branch is a ‘planned’ bank, designed to make banking convenient and enjoyable,” said Thomas.

In addition to user-friendly online banking services and mobile app, HOMEBANK will offer an Interactive Teller Machine outside the building that will accept deposits and loan payments, disperse cash in specific bill denominations, and put customers in contact with live tellers during extended business hours. In the vestibule of the building, Smart Exchange digital lockers will allow customers to securely pick up documents after normal banking hours using a digital passcode. Inside, customers will get to speak with bankers from other HOMEBANK branches who are experts in a certain area of banking using the Maestro teleconference system.

“In this age of working parents and busy schedules,

we are trying to find creative ways to better serve our customers,” said Thomas. “Banking when customers need it, how they need it.

“That said,” he continued, “we also believe that great customer service often needs to be delivered face-toface, thus our investment in a new physical location. It’s difficult to trust your partner if you’ve never met them in person, sat in their office, and learned a little about them as a person. In all our communities, HOMEBANK branches and our employees are highly competent, friendly and welcoming to help reduce the anxiety that sometimes comes with big financial decisions.”

Historic Main Street St. Charles designated ‘Great Steet’

Historic Main Street in St. Charles was recently recognized as a “Great Street” by the Missouri Chapter of the American Planning Association through their Great Places in Missouri program.

The Great Places in Missouri program recognizes neighborhoods, streets and public places that demonstrate exceptional character, quality and planning attributes that enrich communities, facilitate economic growth, and inspire res-

idents and visitors alike.

Main Street St. Charles with its origin in the 18th century is noted as being the beating heart the city and county of St. Charles, holding a special place in the region, and is inseparable from the rich history of the state of Missouri and the westward expansion of the United States.

“Main Street is a gem of the city and this recognition emphasizes the importance of this area to

our community, and the state as a whole,” said St. Charles Mayor Dan Borgmeyer. “We are pleased and thankful for this honor, as we know Main Street will continue to be a destination for many years to come.”

The designation was recognized by Missouri House of Representatives Resolution No. 632, offered by Representative Travis Wilson, and adopted Feb. 23.

Delmar Gardens recognized as one of America’s Best Nursing Homes for 2023

Newsweek announced the country’s Best Nursing Homes for 2023. In Missouri, two Delmar Gardens Skilled Nursing and Rehabilitation Centers were recognized: Delmar Gardens Meramec Valley, located at #1 Arbor Terrace in Fenton and Delmar Gardens of O’Fallon, located at 7068 South Outer 40 Road in O’Fallon.

The rankings are based on performance data, peer recommendations and handling COVID-19, relative to in-state competition. Results were compiled by Statista using Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) data

to determine the performance of nursing homes.

For peer recommendations, Statista invited over 10,000 medical experts (registered nurses, nursing home managers and administrators, licensed practical nurses / licensed vocational nurses, nursing assistants, therapists and physicians) to an online survey. The survey data was collected from July to August 2022.

Statista and Newsweek calculated a COVID-19 score for each facility, using CMS and other official data, to identify nursing homes which have had the best possible response

and protocols during the pandemic. The overall rating is the weighted average of the performance data score, the reputation score and the COVID-19 score.

Family-owned and operated since 1965, the Delmar Gardens family serves over 4,000 seniors in Missouri, Kansas, Georgia, Nebraska, Nevada and Illinois; featuring skilled nursing, rehabilitation, retirement/assisted living, memory care, home health, private duty, medical equipment and respiratory services, hospice/palliative care, wound care and pharmacy services.

Submitted photo

HOMEBANK broke ground for a 4,500-square-foot facility at 3000 E Pitman Avenue in Lake Saint Louis on March 15. Trustee Byron Webb, Chief Executive Officer Joe Thomas and Community Bank President Tej Ghosh turned dirt during the ceremony at the construction site.

Take Notice . . .

The events listed in this section are the latest updates as of press time, please check with individual sites for the most up to date cancellations and reschedule info.

EVENTS

April 15: Youth orchestra open house

The St. Charles County Youth Orchestra Open House invites music students of all levels of string, wind, brass, and percussion to join the orchestra during a rehearsal at Grace Baptist Church Fellowship Hall in St. Charles. Sit beside the SCCYO orchestra members and play along or just observe. Music will be emailed ahead of time. Meet the conductor and other staff members. Light refreshments will be served after the rehearsal. Sign up at www.sccyo.org.

April 22 and 23: Choral

Art Singers celebrating 50th Anniversary!

Choral Arts Singers announce our spring concert, “Let Heaven and Nature Spring” featuring folk song Bright Morning Stars, jazzy Blue Skies, and uplifting Song of Creation. Our group is celebrating over 50 years as a choir with performances Saturday April 22, 7pm, at Wentzville United Methodist Church, 725 Wall St, Wentzville, MO and Sunday April 23, 3pm, at Assumption Parish Chapel, 403 N Main St, O’Fallon, MO. Concerts are free, donations are appreciated. Visit our website, www.concertarts.org, and Facebook (Choral Arts Singers) for more concert details and to learn more about our choir.

April 29: Writers’ meeting

Saturday Writers April Meeting takes place from 11 a.m. - 1 p.m. at Spencer Road Library, Room 240. Writers encouraging writers. Special guest speaker George Sirois.

For more information, visit www.saturdaywriters.org. $5 for visitors, free to members.

April 30: Bunco Bash

The KC Ladies Auxiliary, Council 7198, is sponsoring a Bunco Bash fundraiser. Doors open at 1 p.m., bar opens at 1:30 p.m., dice roll at 2 p.m. Cost is $25 per person and includes snacks, appetizers, desserts, soda and tea plus two complimentary adult drink tickets. Donations made to Mary Queen of Angels and Our Lady’s Inn. To reserve a seat or for more information, email ladiesauxbunco@gmail. com.

May 24: Theater auditions

Registration is open now for auditions for St. John UCC summer show for Performing Arts Camp, “Matilda the Musical Jr!” for grades sixthrough-12. Call Anna DiVesta at 636-946-0961 or visit stjohnucc.org/PAC-audition.

ONGOING EVENTS

Mondays: Optimist Club meetings

The Wentzville/Lake St. Louis Optimist Club meets on the second and fourth Monday of each month at 6:30 p.m. at the Wentzville IHOP, 10 Layla Lane, Wentzville, MO.. For more information contact Ed Jurotich at 314-560-1868.

Mondays: Take off Pounds

Sensibly

TOPS meet every Monday at Holy Cross Lutheran Church at 8945 Veterans Memorial Hwy in O’Fallon. Meetings at 9:30 a.m. with weigh in beginning at 8:30 a.m. For more information please call Leogene Weber. 636-399-3124.

Mondays: NAMI St. Louis Connection Recovery Support Group

If you have mental health concerns and need support, please come on Mondays at 6:30 p.m. at Friedens United Church of Christ at 1703 Old Highway 94 South in St. Charles.

Mondays: Alcoholics

Anonymous

If you want to drink, that’s your business. If you want to stop, we can help. Call Alcoholics Anonymous at 636970-0013.

Mondays: Parent support group

Because I Love You, (BILY), Gateway parent support group meets every Monday at 7:30 p.m. at First United Methodist Church at 801 First Capitol Dr. in St. Charles. For information and directions, please contact the helpline at 314-993-7550 or email gateway_parent_help@yahoo. com. BILY is a program of self-help for parents of troubled children (all ages). We are not professionals, but parents helping each other. The meetings are free to attend.

Mondays: Kiwanis Club meeting

Cottleville-Weldon Spring Kiwanis Club meets the first Monday of the month at noon at Bandana’s at 3446 Pheasant Meadows Dr. in O’Fallon. Contact Mary Vaughan at 314-581-0497 or Karen Grant at 773-914-4900 for more information.

Mondays: Seasoned eye carvers meeting Meetings are held from 9 to 11 a.m. at the St. Charles Senior Citizens Center at 1455 Fairgrounds (near the Bass Pro Shop). Visitors are always welcome. For more information visit http://www. stcharlesareawoodcarvers. com/ or contact Charles Sapp at cwsapp@charter.net.

Mondays: St. Peters Rotary Club Noon at St. Peters City Hall, One St. Peters Centre Blvd. www.stpetersrotary.org.

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays: Fitness First Exercise Class 9:30-10:30 a.m., American Legion Hall, 504 Luetkenhaus Blvd., Wentzville. 314-3696521.

Mondays: Choral Arts Singers practice

Choral Arts Singers practice on Mondays, from 7-9 p.m. at Connection ChristianChurch, 1332 Feise Road in Dardenne Prairie. New singers (high school and older) are welcome. Auditions are not required. See www.concertarts. org.

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays: Fitness First Exercise Class 9:30-10:30 a.m., American Legion Hall, 504 Luetkenhaus Blvd., Wentzville. 314-3696521.

Mondays: St. Charles County Council of the Blind meetings

Business meetings are held on the first Monday of each month unless otherwise specified. Currently, during the COVID pandemic, meetings are held via conference call, starting at 6:45 pm. For more information, contact Beverly Kaskadden at 636-561-6947.

Mondays: American Legion Post 388 Meets

Meets the fourth Monday of the month at 6:30 p.m. at American Legion Hall, 607 Westridge Dr., O’Fallon, 636219-0553

Mondays: Measurement

Mondays: 10 a.m. - 12 noon at the ST. Charles Health Deparment in the Upper Level Conference room. Measurement

Mondays is a family-friendly breastfeeding support group. We are open to all moms and moms-to-be who are breastfeeding or interested in breastfeeding. The group is supported by the St Charles County WIC program so there will be information about the program available at

each meeting. Each meeting will be a little different than the last. There will be baby weigh-ins, introductions, games, interactive education, group conversation, and even snacks.

“ BEST OF ” St.

Weekly voting begins March

and ends April

Recipe: A seasonal spring surprise

INGREDIENTS:

5 cups water

1 pound asparagus

ice water

2 teaspoons vegetable oil

1/4 teaspoon salt, plus additional, to taste, divided

1/4 teaspoon pepper, plus additional, to taste, divided

flour, for dusting

1 sheet frozen puff pastry, thawed

1 cup grated fontina cheese

1 cup grated gruyere cheese

1 tablespoon shallot, minced

2 egg yolks

3 tablespoons milk

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1 lemon, zest only

Cheesy Asparagus Tart

DIRECTIONS: Heat oven to 400 F.

In large skillet, add water and asparagus. Cook 5-8 minutes until asparagus is bright green.

Drain asparagus and soak in ice water.

In large bowl, mix drained asparagus, vegetable oil, salt and pepper until combined.

Flour surface area. Using rolling pin, roll out pastry to 10-by-16-inch rectangle. Transfer pastry to

parchment-lined baking sheet. Prick pastry with fork. Bake about 12 minutes, or until golden brown. Cool slightly on baking sheet.

In large bowl, mix fontina cheese, gruyere cheese, shallot, egg yolks, milk, nutmeg and salt and pepper, to taste, until combined. Spread cheese over pastry, leaving 1 inch around edges. Lay asparagus over cheese mixture.

Bake 5 minutes, or until cheese has melted.

Movies featuring artificial intelligence

Movie:

By Steve Bryan

Born and raised in South St. Louis, Steve Bryan is now based in Anaheim, California, and has been allowed access to movie and television sets to see actors and directors at work. Though his writing has taken him far from St. Louis, Steve is, at heart, still the same wide-eyed kid who spent countless hours watching classic movies at neighborhood theaters.

Jack Williamson’s 1947 science fiction novella “With Folded Hands” featured a group of sophisticated robots that presented themselves to humans free of charge. These mechanical creatures had one Prime Directive: “To serve and obey and guard men from harm.” That sounded positive at first, but over time, humans with jobs were replaced by robots and were later referred to as “Humanoids.” They also assumed benevolent control of humanity and, as the title of the novella indicated, humanity was left with nothing to do but sit with folded hands.

Williamson’s novella raised interesting questions about artificial intelligence that have become quite relevant today. ChatGPT, a “natural language processing tool driven by AI,” has been making headlines. It was created by research lab OpenAI and, according to Wikipedia, this chatbot delivered “detailed responses and articulate answers” when questioned. For writers, however, this technology may pose some problems. Online freelance writing sites such as “Constant Content” have already posted guidelines to writers about the use of chatbots.

Could artificial intelligence become a serious problem for humanity in the future? In 1999’s “The Matrix,” humans were used as living power sources for a robotic artificial intelligence. Keanu Reeves starred as Thomas

Anderson, a computer programmer searching for the meaning behind the phrase “The Matrix.” Anderson, who preferred his hacker name “Neo,” met Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) who then directed him to seek out Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne), the man with answers to Neo’s questions.

The fate of humanity rested in the mechanical hands of Pixar’s “Wall-E.” The title referred to Earth’s last remaining trash compacting robot. Wall-E (voice of Ben Burtt) was originally one of many robots programmed to clean up the mess left by humans. Wall-E continued to work until he was the last one left. Over time, however, he developed a unique personality, hung out with Hal, his cockroach friend, and repeatedly watched a tape of “Hello, Dolly!” When a probe named EVE (voice of Elissa Knight) landed on Earth in search of viable plants,

Wall-E hitched a ride to the Axiom, the spaceship holding the remaining humans.

Artificial intelligence played a big role in Spike Jonze’s 2013 film “Her.” Joaquin Phoenix played Theodore Twombly, a professional writer who wrote personal letters for people who couldn’t write their own correspondence. At home, Theodore installed a new computer operating system that came with artificial intelligence that could evolve and grow. Twombly named his new electronic AI friend Samantha (voice of Scarlett Johansson). She surprised Theodore with her ability to learn and grow and he even took her on vacation.

Steven Spielberg directed 2001’s “A.I. Artificial Intelligence,” a science fiction film based on the 1969 short story “Supertoys Last All Summer Long.” In the 22nd century, rising seas levels destroyed coastal cities, reduced the population and led to the creation of humanoid robots. Henry Swinton (Sam Robards) and his wife Monica (Frances O’Connor) had an ill child that was in suspended animation waiting for a cure to his disease. The Swintons then received a mechanical child named David (Haley Joel Osment) with the capacity to love, but after their son was cured, things changed.

Will ChatGPT be the electronic genie that escapes its bottle? Only time will tell.

Fill in the blank squares in the grid, making sure that every row, column and 3-by-3 box includes all the digits 1 through 9.

Paramount Pictures

FindmorespringrecipesanddiningideasatCulinary.net.

“Wall-E” photo courtesy Pixar Animation Studios

HELP WANTED

HELP

NOVENA

PRAYER TO ST. JUDE May the Sacred Heart of Jesus be adored, glorified, loved and preserved throughout the world, now and forever. Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us. St. Jude, Worker of Miracles, Pray for us. St. Jude, Helper of the Hopeless, Pray for us.

Say this prayer 9 times a day for 9 days, then publish. Your prayers will be answered. It has never been known to fail.

Thank you, St. Jude. L.M.

LEGAL NOTICE

‘

series about Robert and Bill, two rabbits who have opened their own egg franchise in the Midwest (St. Louis area). We follow their day to day lives, watching as they go about the hectic task of preparing for their one big day every year. Along the way they have adventures filled with fun, comic doings and pathos.

Moore on Life

Last week my husband got in all sorts of trouble for being a man and thinking man thoughts. This week he gets to tell his side of the story:

Him: So, we went to one of those big box stores, you know the ones where you have to buy mayonnaise in 55-gallon steel drum and not just one, but two at a time because, of course, they’re latched together with Kevlar rope.

She vs. he

I don’t know why we go there since it’s just the two of us. I mean, how are we ever going to finish off a package of 800 fish sticks? I guess she figures by the time the grandkids are grown she’ll pass the bag on to them. There should still be 200 left.

So, we entered the store and right there in front of us were five humongous television screens. I’ve never had such an amazing experience since I accidentally got locked in the hardware store overnight; tools, so many glorious tools.

Anyway, I searched for someone who worked there because I needed a measuring tape. I couldn’t believe it. Those things had to be 80 inches wide or more. I commented on the size, but she was irritated and thought I should have paid more attention to what was being shown on the screen – a dumb demonstration of someone making soup.

I told her if I wanted soup I could get a double can of it – in a 55-gallon steel drum on aisle five. I was put in verbal timeout for the next 20 minutes.

I didn’t feel like talking anyways. There wasn’t much to do but look around. That’s when I spot-

CROSSWORD: C O L O R S

By Cindy Moore

ted an extremely attractive lady and I mean…man, if I was 20 – okay 30! – years younger. She passed by and I sucked in my dad-gut, you know, first impressions and all.

Just then, I felt an elbow in my side. I guess that was to inform me that my timeout had expired.

“Did you see that cutie?” she asked.

“Did I ever,” I said, surprised she would notice. “She was one foxy babe!”

“I meant the cute little boy in her shopping cart, dirty old man!”

“There was a little boy?” I asked.

I received two sharp jabs to the ribs which meant double verbal timeout. I don’t think we’ll be shopping together anytime soon.

Cindy Moore is the mother of three superlative kids, servant of two self-indulgent felines and wife to one nifty husband. Her ficticious occupation? Archeological Humorist: someone who unearths absurdity and hilarity in strange and unusual places including public restrooms, the lint fil-

ACROSS

1. Partner of pains

6. “Raiders of the Lost

9. Opposite of flows

13. Flesh of fish

14. Grazing area

15. Soft palate hanger

16. Boatload

17. Wood-shaping tool

18. Old episode

19. *Alice of “Color Purple” fame

21. *Fruit and color

23. Long reef dweller

24. Sound of pain

25. Math class total

28. Excessively abundant

30. *”Royal” color

35. Arrival times, acr.

37. *Color quality

39. Shininess

40. White House “sub”

41. Spritelike

43. Cupid’s counterpart

44. Serengeti grazer

46. *Feeling blue

47. Hokkaido native

48. *Color wheel inventor

50. Walk with a hitch

52. “Malcolm X” (1992) movie director

53. Stare open-mouthed

55. Napoleon of “Animal Farm,” e.g.

57. *Between blue and

violet

60. *____phobia, intense fear of colors

63. Opposite of cathode

64. North American country

66. Run ____ of the law

68. Geography class book

69. Local area network

70. It’s firma

71. Has divine power

72. Banned insecticide, acr.

73. German surrealist Max DOWN

1. “General Hospital” network

2. Crop of a bird

3. Zeus’ sister and wife

4. Two under par on a golf hole

5. Meat-cooking contraption

6. Winglike

7. *Predominant color of Mars

8. Type of membranophone

9. Like never-losing Steven

10. Town

11. *Primary color

12. ___ Juan, Puerto Rico

15. 7th planet from the

sun

20. Chosen few

22. Nicki Minaj’s genre

24. Not womenfolk

25. *Number of colors in a rainbow

26. Of service

27. Colorful parrot

29. *The Lumière brothers’ colorful creation

31. “Cheers” actress Perlman

32. Jeopardy

33. Sergio of Spaghetti Westerns fame

34. Follow as a consequence

36. Email folder

38. Cone-shaped quarters

42. Naiad or maenad

45. Motherless calves

49. Old horse

51. Long John Silver, e.g.

54. Modified “will”

56. Bottom-ranking employee

57. Opposite of “out of”

58. Hall of Fame Steelers’ coach

59. June 6, 1944

60. “____ Buy Me Love”

61. Between dawn and noon

62. Yours and mine

63. Expression of pleasure

65. Melancholy

67. Latissimus dorsi, for short

ter, and church meetings. Most recently, she excavated a find in her neighbor’s bird feeder.

The opinions expressed in this column are Cindy Moore’s alone and do not reflect the opinion of the owners or staff of Community News.

Yeggs’ is a comic

John Hanna Yeggs