CrossRoads: September 2023

HEALING BODY AND MIND

Mathew DeKinder

Robert Huneke

PRODUCTION

Rebecca Brockmann

Melissa Nordmann

CONTRIBUTORS

Avalanche

David Finkelstein

Cindy Moore

STAFF WRITER

Brett Auten

BY AVALANCHE

Avalanche is a functional illiterate who left the St. Louis area three decades ago in search of adventure. He enjoys motorcycling and all things outdoors. He lives with his wife and dogs.

BY CINDY MOORE

Cindy Moore is the mother of three superlative kids, servant of two self-indulgent felines and wife to one nifty husband. Her ficticious occupation? Archeological Humorist: someone who unearths absurdity and hilarity in strange and unusual places including public restrooms, the lint filter, and church meetings. Most recently, she excavated a find in her neighbor’s bird feeder.

BY DAVID FINKELSTEIN

David Finkelstein is a Master/ Skilled Automotive Service Technician and retired shop owner. He's invented garage service tools for mechanics, served on both nation and local automotive trade industry boards, has done years of consulting with various auto manufactures plus test drives new vehicles weekly. David has pioneered "Car Talk Radio" over 35 years ago, as his new show "Automotive Insight" can be heard on Saturdays, on the Real Talk Radio Network.

BY STEVE BRYAN

Born and raised in South St. Louis, Steve Bryan is now based in Anaheim, California, and has been allowed access to movie and television sets to see actors and directors at work. Though his writing has taken him far from St. Louis, Steve is, at heart, still the same wide-eyed kid who spent countless hours watching classic movies at neighborhood theaters.

AUTOMOBILE ALLEY – PG. 14

Around Town Local news and events

Community Calendar: September

Feature Story

HEALING BODY AND MIND

The St. Charles County Ambulance District’s Substance Use Recovery Response Team battles the ongoing mental health crises and opiate epidemic

Always an Adventure Of dogs and squirrels and people

Moore on Life

Past the point of no return

Automobile Alley

The 2023 Jeep Compass checks all of the right boxes

Entertainment

Remembering opening credits from classic TV shows

For the Love of Food Bring on dessert with better-for-you sweets

Photo from Bigstock

The art of the game

ART COMES IN MANY FORMS, shapes and sizes. Currently, the summer exhibition at the Foundry Art Centre is checking a lot of those boxes along with scratching that nostalgia itch.

“Art of the Arcade” showcases the history and artistry of arcades and home gaming systems, transforming the galleries into an arcade. From Atari to Xbox, visitors are invited to explore the complex world of gaming through play.

Jessica Mannisi, Director of Art & Exhibitions for the Foundry, said the response has been nothing like anything she has seen in 20 years.

“On opening night, we had people waiting in line, which is a first,” Mannisi said. “We are having record numbers. It's pretty surreal. This is very much a cross-generation

exhibit.”

Mannisi said whether it's the cabinets or console designs or the characters in the games themselves, stunning artwork, and often iconic creations (who doesn't know who Pac-Man is?) can be found.

“There is a rich history of gaming and the art behind it,” she said. “This is another way to introduce people to art and show that it's just not this static thing. Art is everywhere.”

With help from Robert Schowengerdt and his popular St. Charles establishment, Two Plumbers Brewery & Arcade, a variety of cabinet games, pinball machines, interactive wall projections, home gaming systems, gaming memorabilia, and artwork inspired by the love of the arcade will all be on exhibit, and many of the games will be on open play.

By Brett Auten

Visitors are invited to play cabinet games, pinball, home gaming consoles, or even bring their own portable games and just take in the ambiance of the gallery arcade.

Special highlights include weekly featured game competitions for fun prizes and a special, custom-built pinball painter for visitors to create one-of-a-kind artworks with a pinball machine. This exhibition is sponsored in part by the generous support of the National Endowment for the Arts and Soundwave Comic Xpo.

“This pinball machine is the only one we know of in existence,” Mannisi said. “The paddles, everything, has been modified so that you can create a painting and we can hang it in the gallery.”

‘Art of the Arcade’ showcases the history and artistry of arcades and home gaming systems at the Foundry Art Centre

Cottleville Weldon Spring Kiwanis to hold inaugural Baseball Classic

Kiwanis Club of Cottleville Weldon Spring is sponsoring the First Annual Baseball Classic on Sept. 9 at Weldon Spring Park at 5401 Independence Road in Weldon Spring for ages seven-to-14 from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.

This free event will give kids an opportunity to showcase their baseball and softball skills. Learn from local experts and compete in a scrimmage competition. Enjoy hotdogs, chances to win prizes and get a close-up look at local first-responder vehicles.

There are many ways to participate. You can register your child by going to https://www.eventbrite.com/e/cws-kiwanis-club-playball-classic-2023-tickets-681647715667 to get them on the roster. Provide your name, child’s name, contact information and t-shirt size. A parent or guardian is required for check-in and waiver signature.

Volunteer to make this event a great success. Are you a coach, ref-

Continued from page 4

“Art of the Arcade” will be on view in the main galleries until Sept. 23.

“We have been averaging about 250 visitors a day,” Mannisi said. “It has been causing some excitement for kids and adults who want to relive those childhood memories."

The Foundry Art Centre, located at 520 North Main Center in St. Charles, raises awareness and appreciation of the arts throughout the region. For more information, please visit foundryartcentre.org or email Mannisi, Director of Art & Exhibitions, at jmannisi@foundryartcentre.org.

eree, trainer, or advanced player? Come help with the mini clinic. Hotdog grillers, runners, setter-uppers, checker-inners, and announcers are also needed. Or, if just want to help make it a fun day for the kids.

Sponsorships are still available. Show your support for kids in our community while highlighting your business. Levels are $100, $250, $1000. Receive logos on t-shirts and additional benefits. Go to https://k19287.site.kiwanis.org/ for information.

Kiwanis is a global organization of volunteers dedicated to changing the world one child and one community at a time. Locally, we provide Youth Leadership Programs for students, elementary through high school ages – K Kids, Builders Club and Key Club. For more information or to donate and/or sponsor, contact Brian Mack at 479-459-0483 or email cwskiwanisclub@gmail.com.

SUBMITTED PHOTOS: “Art of the Arcade” with Two Plumbers Brewery & Arcade showcases the history and artistry of arcades and home gaming systems, transforming the galleries into an arcade.

“Art of the Arcade” will be on display at the Foundry Art Center, located at 520 North Main Center in St. Charles, until Sept. 23.

PAGE 4 PHOTO: Visitors gather around a custom-built pinball painter for visitors to create one-of-a-kind artworks with a pinball machine.

CREC Trust Board awards $65,000 in scholarships

From in-state college institutions to those across the country, 65 local students will be benefiting from scholarships provided through the Operation Round Up program.

This year, students from Cuivre River Electric Cooperative’s five-county service area are receiving scholarships totaling $65,000. A total of 169 applications were submitted. This was the first year the scholarship program was moved online, eliminating paper applications and streamlining the application process.

Since 2020, the Cuivre River Electric Community Trust Board has awarded $304,000 in scholarship money and more than $1.5 million has been distributed since 1997.

This year’s scholarship recipients are:

Lincoln County: Leah Crawmer, Kaitllin Tapley, Landon Niederer, Jay Hasekamp, Kacey Williams, Alex Harrison, Elaina Miller, Kyle Daniel, Emily Moellman, Gavin Reller, Kelsey Finnern, Carter Johnston, Evann Rothermich, Olivia Kinsler, Delaney Siebert, Haley Motley, Isabel Holland, Collin Twellman, Steven

Schormann and Abigail Schaffer.

Pike County: Mia Nation, Victoria Mudd, Alex Miller, Anthony Grote, Madelyn Brune and Camden Fisher.

St. Charles County: Lily Boschert, Elyse Davis, Zachary Endres, Sierra Haddock, Molly Hunn, Adam Key, Thomas Kramer, Ellie Kraus, Andrew Long, Elektra Lowe, Kendall Martin, Aubrey Maschmidt, Caleb Mertz, Molly Nation, Allison Newport, Mia Palazzola, Jason Paro, Lana Peitzman, Stephen Rhoades, Lucas Rottmann, Melia Salas, Brennon Schulz, Amar Selmanovic, Lance Tow, Elizabeth Tucker, Samantha Wainscott, Leah Wheeler, Trinity Young, Megan Zablonski, Andrew Schulz and Luke Morgan. Warren County: Chloe Atkins, Tanner Hargis, Benjamin Toebben, Kelsey Miller, Andrea Gentry, Erin Surls, Gwenyth Hammond and Katie Smith.

To be eligible for consideration, students must live in the Cuivre River Electric Cooperative service area and maintain a minimum

GPA of 2.5 while attending undergraduate courses at an accredited university or technical school. Applicants are also asked to provide an official transcript and two letters of recommendation, write a narrative to highlight their academic achievements and state their career goals, and demonstrate a financial need. The scholarship may also be used for adult continuing education courses in their career fields.

Scholarships are awarded each June. The next application period opens in January 2024.

Scholarship funds are donated by Cuivre River Electric members who participate in Operation Round Up by rounding up their electric bill payments each month to the next highest dollar. The funds, administered by the seven-member volunteer Trust Board, are available to help individuals, families and organizations. For more information on Operation Round Up, call 636-695-4837 or email tschmidt@cuivre.com.

St. Vincent Greenway expansion in Wellston connects area to community resources

Community members joined Great Rivers Greenway (GRG) and its project partners Aug. 6, to celebrate the new half-mile expansion of the St. Vincent Greenway from Trojan Park at Etzel Ave to Robert L. Powell Place in Wellston.

The afternoon kicked off with a parade held along the newly completed section from the Wellston Transit Center to Trojan Park. Then GRG, the Mysun Charitable Foundation and Wellston Mayor Nathanial Griffin took part in a ribbon cutting ceremony at Trojan Park. The celebration concluded with a free concert from local band Dirty Muggs.

The greenway now extends from Trojan Park along Stephen Jones Avenue and west to the intersection of Plymouth and Suter avenues. Community members can walk, run, push a stroller, ride a bike or use a wheelchair along the paved, accessible path that connects them to Trojan Park, Yadier Molina Field, the Wellston MetroLink Station, Metropolitan Education and Training (MET) Center, STL Partnership Business Center, and the new MetroBus stop on Stephen Jones Ave.

“This greenway builds on our long-successful partnership with Wellston for Trojan Park,” said Susan Trautman, CEO of Great Rivers Greenway. "Even in a small section, we were able to make critical connections to transit and destinations for job training, plus create a lovely new community space along the way.”

Thanks to the support of the Mysun Charitable Foundation along with Great Rivers Greenway funds, a small “pocket” park was added at Plymouth and Stephen Jones Avenues, featuring a new deck with a seating area.

The landing overlooks a recently cleared area of Engelholm Creek and provides a view of a new rain garden with native plantings. This not only provides habitat for pollinators and welcomes visitors, but also offers a place for the water to overflow during rainstorms. Built to flood, this rain garden filters rainwater and reduces pressure on storm drains.

The park also includes solar lighting, a bike rack, a water fountain with water bottle and dog bowl features, and an emergency blue light tower.

Additionally, the development contributed new LED lights along Plymouth Ave., a new parking lot with permeable pavers at the corner of Stephen Jones and Etzel avenues, and a MetroBus stop with improved seating along Plymouth Ave.

“Our community is very excited to have even more of the St. Vincent Greenway to use every day,” said Griffin. "We’re proud of our partnership with Great Rivers Greenway and we love being a regional destination for our parks and greenways.”

Community members can also travel along the existing stretch of the St. Vincent Greenway, which connects them to destinations such as Ruth Porter Mall Park, the West End and DeBaliviere Place neighborhoods, businesses along DeBaliviere Ave., the Forest Park-DeBaliviere MetroLink station, and Forest Park at the Missouri History Museum.

A future path through Pagedale to St. Charles Rock Road that will connect the St. Vincent Greenway from Forest Park to the University of Missouri-St. Louis will be completed in 2024-2025

West Community Credit Union partners with St. Louis Youth Soccer Association

West Community Credit Union is excited to be named the exclusive banking partner and presenting partner of the St. Louis Youth Soccer Association (SLYSA).

Founded in 1975, SLYSA operates competitive soccer leagues for boys and girls ages six to nine with over 15,000 players representing over 1,000 teams. The organization owns its own soccer complex location at 3901 Huster Rd. in St. Charles County.

“We are excited to support SLYSA through this key partnership opportunity. With both organizations being not-for-profit, we certainly share the same values in our commitment to our communities, making this a great fit”, stated Jason Peach, West Community CEO.

“SLYSA is excited to form a partnership with West Community Credit Union. To have the opportunity to work alongside of a local community focused institution is very meaningful to us," said SLYSA Executive Director Johann Arnason. "We look forward to forming a lasting relationship with such a great company that truly exemplifies the meaning of doing what's right for their customers and putting service at the forefront. This is a perfect partnership for

both organizations."

SLYSA is completely self-funded and only receives revenue from league fees, advertising fees and donations.

Lilly’s Snow Cones opened its new location at 8621 Hwy N in Lake St. Louis. To commemorate the opening, the company held a ribboncutting ceremony on Aug. 3.

Members of the Cottleville Weldon-Spring Chamber of Commerce and other community leaders were in attendance.

Lilly's Snow Cones employs kids with and without disabilities. They provide a fun and welcoming environment to learn job skills and earn a meaningful wage. By bringing your family and friends to Lilly's you are supporting inclusion in our community and advocating for the acceptance of all people regardless of their abilities.

For additional information on Lilly’s Snow Cones, follow them at http://www.lillyssnowcones.com.

Lilly’s Snow Cones celebrates the grand opening of their new location with ribbon cutting

SUBMITTED PHOTO

Library stays golden

St. Charles City-County Library celebrates it’s 50th anniversary of serving county residents

By Brett Auten

Last month marked the golden anniversary of learning, growing and exploring.

Aug. 1 was the official 50th anniversary of the St. Charles City-County Library. Since 1973, the library has put forth the mission to inspire, inform, and serve residents throughout St. Charles County by offering reading materials, classes and events, business and educator resources, community gathering spaces, early literacy computers, and more.

“The library is constantly evolving and responding to customer needs,” Lori Beth Crawford, Chief Communications & Engagement Officer of the St. Charles CityCounty Library, said. “Providing access to technology including Wi-Fi, hotspots, computers, digital materials, and more would be the most significant way the library has changed in the past 50 years.”

In 1964, the St. Charles Public Library at 572 Jefferson was renamed Kathryn Linnemann Library in honor of the woman who started the first public library in St. Charles. In 1973, the St. Charles City-County Library was formed when the Kathryn Linnemann Library joined forces with the Wentzville and

O’Fallon Plaza branches. The past 50 years have seen many changes; the library’s card catalog migrated to the digital world and their collection of VHS and vinyl records gave way to new technology. Take a trip down memory lane by viewing historic photographs and videos on the library’s website, stchlibrary.org/togetherfor50.

The first library on wheels hit the road in 1976 and its newest vehicle, The Library to You bookmobile, made its debut in 2022.

Storytimes still provide young readers with opportunities to grow, laugh, and learn through early literacy skillbuilding. Teens still find a place to create, read, and belong through fandom clubs, art events, and “teen advisory board” classes. Adults still use library resources to help with job hunting, health and wellness, learning new skills, connecting with others, and so much more. Famous authors continue to visit from across the country and the world to share their stories with local audiences.

“Libraries are now places where people gather to learn, play and share,” Crawford said. “We still provide quiet spaces, but you're more likely to see people learning a new craft, participating in story time, and checking out our Library of Things which ranges from cake pans to telescopes.”

SUBMITTED PHOTOS: Last month marked the 50th anniversary of the St. Charles City-County Library. The St. Charles City-County Library features 11 branches and the Library to You Bookmobile, lending over two million items a year.

New principal named for Mike Clemens Center

A familiar face steps into the role of Principal this August at Fort Zumwalt School District’s Mike Clemens Center for Adaptive Learning.

Beth Sutton has served the past three school years as the school’s administrative intern and, before that, she taught at Forest Park Elementary and Twin Chimneys Elementary.

She started her career as a special education teacher at South High School. Sutton is looking forward to a “back-to-basics” approach with her team of about 20 staff who serve almost 30 students grades K - 12. The center is a place to help students find

success when the special education services at their home school might not meet all of their needs. It allows many families to keep their students in Fort Zumwalt, rather than having to travel longer distances for the services they need.

“The staff at Clemens Center is amazing and they do great things with these students,” Sutton says. “I really want to celebrate that.”

Her hope for students this year is that they can find joy at school.

“For some, that’s been lost,” Sutton says. “I hope that we can help them be happy at school. Everything else will come if we can

Retired superintendent named Pioneer in Education

The Missouri Department of Elementary and Secondary Education has named longtime Fort Zumwalt School District Superintendent Dr. Bernard DuBray as a 2023 Pioneer in Education. He was honored July 31 at the annual Cooperative Conference for School Administrators.

DuBray, who retired at the end of June, was the superintendent for Fort Zumwalt School District for 38 years, the longest serving superintendent in state history.

During that time, he shepherded the school district through unprecedented growth. At times, Fort Zumwalt was home to the state’s largest high school and was, for many years in the late 1990s and early 2000s, the fastest growing school district in the state. He was instrumental in passing bond issues and tax levies throughout his career that were needed to help meet the demands of the school district’s growing population. Since 1985, the community has approved $500 million in no-tax increase bonds, which translates to numerous improved opportunities for students, three high schools, two middle schools, nine elementary schools, an Early Childhood Center, and the Mike Clemens Center for Adaptive Learning.

Under DuBray’s leadership and with strong community support, Fort Zumwalt was able to construct schools that provided a safe, welcoming environment for all students while keeping pace with the needs of

students and families and evolving curriculum through the decades.

He is joined in this year’s class of Pioneers by Maxine Clark, St. Louis, founder of Build-A-Bear Workshop and an advocate for public education in Missouri, Shirley Cummins, Neosho, who established and co-authored the first Career Ladder Plan for the Neosho School District and she was awarded a state grant to establish the first computer writing lab in southwest Missouri and introduced the first Caring Communities Initiative to Neosho and co-founded an incentive program for students and teachers and Dr. Roger Dorson, Salisbury, who served as a school administrator at several Missouri districts before serving at DESE as Director of School Finance and Coordinator of School Governance and Deputy Commissioner of Financial and Administrative Services.

State education officials have presented the Pioneer in Education awards for 48

do that.”

She is excited about bringing the common language and the power of building strong habits to the families at the Clemens Center through The Leader in Me. Staff will be sharing more about the Seven Habits of Happy Kids as the start of school gets closer.

Sutton and her husband met as teachers at South High and raised three children in Fort Zumwalt, all of whom are in their early 20s now. When she’s not at school, family game nights are a favorite way to pass the time. She also enjoys listening to music.

“I’m an 80s girl!” she says.

years, which honor teachers, school administrators, citizens and lawmakers for their distinguished careers and contributions to public education in Missouri.

“These individuals are champions for public education in Missouri, striving for excellence and advocating for students throughout their careers,” said Commissioner of Education Margie Vandeven. “DESE is honored to recognize the hard work and dedication of these Pioneers in Education.”

PHOTO COURTESY FORT ZUMWALT SCHOOL DISTRICT: Charles Shields, President of the State Board of Education and (right) Commissioner or Education Dr. Margie Vandeven, present longtime Fort Zumwalt Superintendent Dr. Bernard DuBray with the Pioneer in Education Award.

HEALING BODY AND MIND

The St. Charles County Ambulance District’s Substance Use Recovery Response Team battles the ongoing mental health crises and opiate epidemic

By Brett Auten

The St. Charles County Ambulance District received a substantial boost to its arsenal to combat ongoing mental health crises and the opiate epidemic.

In August, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration awarded numerous grants to agencies to expand access to substance use disorder treatments.

Among the initiatives funded was St. Charles County Ambulance District’s Mobile Integrated Healthcare network for Substance Use Disorder and Behavioral Health, which was fully funded in the amount of $1.5 million.

Since the onset of the opiate epidemic, the district has taken an innovative approach to patient care – paired with prevention and harm reduction strategies, its Substance Use Recovery Response Team garnered significant attention and was named 2017 Community Impact Program of the Year by the American Ambulance Association. It has since become a model utilized by numerous EMS agencies throughout the United States and Canada.

“The primary goal of this initiative is

to save lives and improve referrals to appropriate treatment and recovery supports for high-risk individuals,” SCCAD Assistant Chief David Lewis, said. “This is a way to address the evergrowing volume of calls and to utilize resources in the best way.”

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration funding, which will be awarded over a four-year period, will enable the district to expand the SURRT program. Chief among the enhancements to the program is a dedicated, 24-hour-aday/seven-day-a-week position available to immediately initiate treatment with the provision of field administration of buprenorphine – an FDAapproved medication used to stabilize patients and treat opioid addiction. In the event of a suspected opioid overdose call, a member of the Mobile Integrated Healthcare team will be dispatched along with the ambulance. Working with the patient, the team member may offer to initiate medication-assisted treatment, refer to program partners for inpatient or outpatient treatment, and address

other critical needs.

“It is what we like to call, wrap-around services,” Lewis said. “We are excited about the prospects. This is going to be tremendously beneficial. Patients will be able to get service immediately instead of waiting for a follow-up.”

The newly dedicated position will enable the district to partner with area hospitals to offer Substance Use Disorder Mobile Integrated Healthcare IH services to individuals who self-present at the emergency department. Residents also may contact the district if they find themselves or a family member in need of assistance.

“Our vision for the program is that it becomes self-sustaining through our normal reimbursement pathways after the four-year grant period ends,”

Lewis said.

In addition to substance use disorder services, the district’s Mobile Integrated Healthcare network will work to address health inequities and social determinants of health.

Program partners include Preferred Family Healthcare, Compass Health, St. Charles County Department of Health, and the St. Charles City Fire Department, among others. The program will focus primarily on serving individuals under 200-percent of the federal poverty level, but no patient will be turned away.

The ambulance district received more than 50,000 calls in 2022, which was a record for the nearly 50-yearold ambulance district. It marked a 5.9% increase over 2021.

SUBMITTED PHOTO: The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration awarded numerous grants to agencies to expand access to substance use disorder treatments. Among the initiatives funded was St. Charles County Ambulance District’s Mobile Integrated Healthcare network for substance use disorder and behavioral health, which was fully funded in the amount of $1.5 million.

Among the most notable enhancements to the program are a dedicated, 24/7 position available to immediately initiate treatment with the provision of field administration of buprenorphine – an FDA-approved medication used to stabilize patients and treat opioid addiction.

"The primary goal of this initiative is to save lives and improve referrals to appropriate treatment and recovery supports for high-risk individuals"

- SCCAD Assistant Chief David Lewis

OFDOGS ANDSQUIRRELS ANDPEOPLE

BY AVALANCHE

I RECENTLY SQUANDERED A FEW PLEASANT MINUTES watching some squirrel videos on the intertubes. Mark Rober (the “Glitter Bomb” guy) was tired of marauding squirrels cleaning out his bird feeders, so he spent a couple months engineering and building a spectacular squirrel-oriented obstacle course, complete with jumps, climbs, tunnels, pneumatically activated trap-doors, spinning obstacles and more, all monitored by 24-hour day and night vision cameras.

Mark is pretty creative, doesn’t do anything halfway, and his videos are always worth watching. Of course, as anyone who has ever tried to keep squirrels out of their feeders knows, the tree-borne rodents are quite persistent and resourceful, and within a few days, had conquered all of Mark’s genius-level obstacles placed in front of them, and got to chow down on the prized nuts at the end. It turns out, our dogs are dumber than squirrels.

Cato is getting a little gimpy these days, can’t jump in bed with us, and it’s becoming harder for her to get in the truck. (The problem is arthritis; not severe, but somewhat limiting.) So, we bought a big long ramp, to make negotiating inclines easier.

Both dogs have used a ramp to get down from the porch into the yard since they were puppies; but they always use the stairs to come back up onto the porch. I placed the new, big ramp next to the smaller old one, with both ramps covering over the front porch stairs, so they can come and go only via ramp.

No way. Neither dog will walk up the new ramp, only down. After a few hours of whining in the front yard, Clouseau reluctantly made it up the big ramp, and that took several slices of bacon strategically placed along the incline. He wouldn’t go back down after that, but rather continued whining because Cato was not inside with him.

Cato wouldn’t set foot on either of the ramps, she just stayed in the yard and barked, until I was worried that she would get heat stroke, or the neighbors (or I) would kill her to get her to be quiet. I didn’t even bother putting the ramp on the truck tailgate, since the lower grade of the porch was a non-starter.

Staci tried various methods of persuasion to coax the Newfys to use the ramp, including raising the lower end, and putting the top on the first step down from the top of the

porch to make the grade easier. Staci is nicer and more charming than I am, and is much more generous with the dog treats - all to no avail. The mutts just aren’t going use the new ramp, no matter how much food and love are applied.

Now we’re looking at a big set of folding dog stairs instead, so they can make it into the back of the F-250, which sits up considerably higher than our previous trucks. (The stairs’ sales brochure lists them as being suitable for Newfoundlands). Of course, there’s the possibility that we will need the big stairs for them to get into the truck, and the big ramp to get them back down. These dogs are high maintenance.

Since we enjoy sleeping with our giant fuzzy companions, and they can’t/won’t jump into bed anymore, we decided to put a couple of camping mattresses down on the floor so we can all get a good night’s sleep together. In other words, our dogs have manipulated us into sleeping on the floor with them.

So, if our dogs are dumber than squirrels, yet smart enough to convince us to sleep on the floor, where does that put us on the intelligence continuum of the animal kingdom? The answer seems to be less than flattering!

PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN

– BY CINDY MOORE –

IT’S A NIGHTMARE trying to make a return online. Here’s how mine went.

It was a dark and stormy night. I was in a haunted house being chased by a horribly disfigured madman with a sharp, bloody instrument. Finally, the demented creature caught me and cackled, “Aha! Now I’ve got you! Any last requests?!”

“Yes, I need to make a return online.”

The fiend trembled and whimpered, “That’s so cruel and mean. Are you trying to scare me to death?”

He then dropped his weapon and ran off shrieking into the night. I tried to get a refund from a book seller last week. First, I attempted to call.

“Ha, boomer! Companies don’t talk to you anymore. That’s so 1960’s. They rarely even use phones manned by robots. Now it’s all done online so you can’t have the satisfaction of yelling at a human.”

Thanks for that vital info strange-interrupting-voice-person.

So, using my phone, I went ahead and perused their website for a few days until I found a tiny box buried under layers of ads and click bait and other useless garbage.

It was tucked under a little banner that read: “Don’t read this.”

I read it.

It said: “In the rare event you should need to make a return please click here.”

I clicked.

It said: “We told you not to read this! Because you have not followed our instructions, we have determined you may need additional help. Please hold while we connect you with a representative in Jalalabamania.”

After 45 minutes of waiting and listening to some on-hold music which sounded like the screeching of a cat in heat, someone with an unusual accent answered.

“Alo, may I assist you?”

“Yes, I’d like to return an item.”

“Certainly. Do you have the secret code listed beneath the little hidden box inside the square on page 14 which instructed you not to read it?”

“No, I didn’t notice a code. I barely noticed the little hidden box.”

“Right. So, I will pass this on to corporate that our little hidden box has been discovered. This is not good news. Thank you for contacting Easy Sleazy Book Buys. Would you like to make a purchase?”

“No! I want to return something!”

Click.

The choice is down to being chased by a psychopath or trying to make a return online. Either way it’s murder.

BY DAVID FINKELSTEIN

JEEP COMPASS

checks all of the right boxes

It's no secret, the formula to attracting new vehicle buyers is generally defined by styling, performance, comfort, safety and, frequently, best in class standards within a number of categories.

That said, the five-passenger, 2023 Jeep Compass has all of these notable attributes and more! It now comes with an enhanced exterior design that combines premium craftsmanship, coupled with the iconic and unmistakable Jeep styling.

The new Compass lineup for '23 consists of five models. It's sold in the Sport version, Latitude, Latitude LUX, Limited and the Trailhawk rendition, each manufactured with its own unique styling cues. Compass also receives an updated wheel lineup with attractive and distinctive designs and up to 19-inch tire and wheel combinations.

Now, available for the first time, is an advanced 2.0-liter direct injection turbocharged inline four-cylinder high output engine. It produces some 200 horsepower and 221 lb.ft. of torque. These impressive performance numbers represent the top of its competitive category with horsepower and torque specifications. In part, it gets notable fuel economy,

low tail pipe exhaust emissions, and is set up with the factory's engine stop/start fuel savings technology.

Additionally, this turbo delivers exceptional responsiveness and enhanced drivability and is developed to run on regular grade octane fuel. The powertrain is matched with a highefficient eight-speed automatic transmission. To help govern inherited engine vibrations, this powerplant is mounted on Hydraulicfilled engine mounts, thus absorbing nuisance vibrations.

With the Compass’ reengineered signature components, it results in both on-road sophistication as well as off-road capabilities. The Active Drive 4x4 system is now standard on all models. It also includes their SelecTerrain system. It provides up to four drive modes for the best four-wheel-drive performance, in just about any weather situation, including settings such as: Auto, Snow, Mud and Sand modes. The Trailhawk trim also includes an exclusive Rock mode, for enhanced off-roading capabilities. The standard fourwheel drive set up is fully automatic and delivers seamless operation at any speed. Furthermore, this is the most technological-

ly advanced Jeep Compass ever introduced. More precisely, this includes a lengthy list of over 80 advanced safety and security features. Most are standard, while some are optional.

With this model having been redesigned for the 2022 model year, the 2023 Compass interior showcases a modern technologically advanced cabin. Plenty of welcomed storage space is included. Comfortable seating and attention to craftsmanship is evident the moment you glance inside. The modern and sophisticated environment features trademark Jeep design elements, high-end materials and state-of-the-art technology.

The version I tested was the Trailhawk model. It had a number of additional factory options as the sticker pricing came out to be $46,290. This also included shipping and destination charges of $1,595. Fuel economy numbers reflected 24-miles per gallon city/32-MPG with highway driving. The base warranty is for 36-months/36,000 miles and the powertrain coverage is for 60-months, or 60,000 miles. It generally competes with the Volkswagen Taos, Chevy Trailblazer and the Mazda CX-30, all in the small crossover/SUV category.

THE 2024

Remembering opening credits from classic TV shows

BY STEVE BRYAN

AAfter spending too much money on cable television, I cut the cord for good and purchased two inexpensive antennas that allowed me to receive regular broadcast stations as well as classic TV channels such as MeTV.

I noticed that shows from the 1960’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s had clever opening sequences designed to grab the viewer’s attention. “The Bob Newhart Show,” for instance, showed Newhart walking to his office in Chicago, taking the train home and, along the way, interacting with other commuters. Lorenzo Music, who was a writer, producer and musician for the show, wrote the title theme with his wife Henrietta.

“The Bob Newhart Show” was a classic sitcom that made me want to explore other classic shows. Over 10 seasons, “Friends” examined the lives of six young New Your City residents. The opening credits featured the main cast splashing around in an ornate outdoor fountain.

Throughout the series, the audience learned more about the main charac-

ters. Jennifer Aniston’s Rachel Green, for instance, ran away from her wedding day and moved in with chef Monica Geller (Courtney Cox). Guest stars such as Tom Selleck, who played dentist Richard Burke, made appearances on the show. After its initial primetime run, “Friends” found a comfortable home in syndication.

On March 18, 1981, “The Greatest American Hero” arrived on the small screen.

William Kat starred as Ralph Hinkley, a dedicated teacher who attracted the attention of benevolent aliens. They gave Ralph a powerful suit with incredible abilities, but he lost the instruction book more than once. Opening credits for the series showed Ralph flying (and crashing) multiple times, but he gained control of his powers over time. After the world accidentally learned of his abilities, the aliens wanted him to pass the suit on to another worthy person. A pilot episode of “The Greatest American Heroine” did not, unfortunately, lead to an ongoing series.

With its catchy opening montage, “Blossom” was a true 1990’s sitcom. Mayim

Bialik, who had a memorable role in the 1988 film “Beaches,” played Blossom Russo, a teenager who lived with her father (Ted Waas) and her two brothers, Joey (Joey Lawrence) and Tony (Michael Stoyanov). The opening credits featured Bialik dancing to the show’s theme song and, over time, the rest of the main cast joined her in the montage as well. “Blossom” was a fun show and, as a fan of “The Big Bang Theory,” having Mayim Bialik play Amy Farrah Fowler was a rather intelligent move.

The opening credits for the sitcom “Head of the Class” showed history teacher Charlie Moore (Howard Hessman) navigating his way through New York to make it to his classroom of geniuses on time. In the early seasons, Moore taught his students much more than what was shown in books. Hesseman left the series in 1990 and Billy Connoly took over the class as teacher Billy MacGregor for what became the final season. Connolly’s character later appeared in the spin-off series “Billy” but it only lasted a half-season.

“The Bob Newhart Show” photo courtesy MTM Enterprises. “Friends” photo courtesy Bright/Kauffman/Crane Productions. “Blossom” photo courtesy Impact Zone Productions. “The Greatest American Hero” photo courtesy Stephen J. Cannell Productions. “The Greatest American Hero” photo courtesy Eustis Elias Productions.

BRING ON DESSERT with better-for-you sweets

If healthier eating holds a prominent spot on your list of goals, you may feel it’s necessary to eliminate some of your sweetest favorites. However, committing to a nutritionally friendly way of life doesn’t have to leave desserts by the wayside. Instead, rethinking nighttime treats with better-for-you ingredients like California Prunes as a quick substitution can make healthier eating easy. As a versatile ingredient that can replace added sugar, fats and eggs in all kinds of recipes, prunes can also add nutrients important for bone and gut health. Plus, the copper in prunes inhibits bone breakdown, while boron plays a role in calcium metabolism and polyphenols can help decrease bone breakdown through their antioxidant power. As a fruit that’s high in vitamin K, which helps improve calcium balance and promotes bone mineralization, prunes are also a “good gut food,” meaning a single serving (roughly 4-6

CHOCOLATE COVERED PRUNE FUDGE CAKE

prunes) can help support a healthy microbiome. They’re easy to use in recipes that can become favorites in your household such as these Chocolate Energy Balls. Enjoyed as an easy, on-the-go snack, they’re a perfect way to refuel for an adventure, recharge after a workout or to simply savor as a healthy snack.

Chocolate lovers rejoice: This rich, delicious, gluten-free, grain-free Chocolate Covered Prune Fudge Cake is naturally sweetened using prunes instead of added sugar. If brownies are more your style, prunes can also take the place of eggs in these Vegan Brownies for a family-friendly treat that won’t wreck your eating plan.

To find more better-for-you desserts, visit californiaprunes.org.

RECIPIES CONTINUED PAGE 18

INGREDIENTS:

PRUNE PUREE:

16 ounces pitted California prunes

1/2 cup hot water

BROWNIES: nonstick cooking spray

6 ounces unsweetened chocolate

1/2 cup California extra-virgin olive oil

2 cups light brown

CHOCOLATE COVERED

PRUNE FUDGE CAKE

(FROM PAGE 17)

PREP TIME: 15 MINUTES

COOK TIME: 55 MINUTES

YIELD: 1 CAKE (8 INCHES)

INGREDIENTS:

CAKE:

Coconut oil spray

14 tablespoons butter, chopped

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

3/4 cup cocoa powder

10 soft, pitted prunes, chopped small

1/3 cup maple syrup

6 eggs

1/2 cup coconut sugar

1 cup almond meal

GANACHE:

1 cup full-fat coconut milk

1 1/3 cups dark chocolate morsels

VEGAN BROWNIES

PREP TIME: 10 MINUTES | COOK TIME: 25 MINUTES | SERVINGS: 9

DIRECTIONS:

sugar

10 ounces

California prune puree

1 1/2 cups allpurpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/4 cup cocoa powder

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

flaky sea salt, for garnish

TO MAKE PRUNE PUREE: In blender, combine prunes and water. Pulse to combine then blend until smooth, pourable consistency forms, scraping sides, if necessary.

Store puree in airtight container in fridge up to 4 weeks.

TO MAKE BROWNIES: Preheat oven to 350 F. Line 9-by-9-inch baking pan with parchment paper then lightly grease with nonstick cooking spray.

Using double boiler, melt chocolate and olive oil. Whisk in sugar

and prune puree; mix until dissolved.

Into large bowl, sift flour, baking powder and cocoa powder. Gently fold in chocolate and prune mixture then add vanilla. Spread batter in prepared pan, sprinkle with flaky sea salt and bake 20-25 minutes, or until top starts to look dry and brownies are just beginning to pull away from sides of pan.

Cool in pan. Remove then cut brownies into 3-inch squares.

DIRECTIONS:

TO MAKE CAKE: Preheat oven to 300 F. Lightly spray bottom and sides of 8-inch springform pan with coconut oil spray. Place round piece of parchment paper in bottom of pan and lightly spray with coconut oil spray.

In small saucepan over low heat, place butter and vanilla. Use sieve to sift cocoa into saucepan. Stir with spatula until completely smooth. Remove from heat and set aside.

In bowl of food processor fitted with “S” blade, place prunes and syrup. Top with cooled butter mixture then process until smooth. Transfer to large mixing bowl, scraping all chocolate mixture from food processor with spatula.

In bowl of stand mixer fitted with whisk attachment, whip eggs and coconut sugar on high speed 7 minutes, or until tripled in volume.

Add one-third of egg mixture to bowl with chocolate mixture. Using spatula, gently fold together until completely combined. Add almond meal and remaining egg mixture to bowl and gently fold to combine.

Pour batter into prepared pan and bake 55 minutes, or until set. Once cooked through, transfer cake to cooling rack and cool completely in pan.

TO MAKE GANACHE: In top of double boiler, melt coconut milk and dark chocolate until completely smooth. Pour prepared ganache over cake. Serve immediately for molten fudge effect or allow to completely set.

CHOCOLATE ENERGY BALLS

RECIPE COURTESY OF MEG VAN DER KRUIK ON BEHALF OF CALIFORNIA PRUNES

PREP TIME: 10 MINUTES | COOK TIME: 30 MINUTES | YIELD: 24 PIECES

INGREDIENTS:

PRUNE PUREE:

16 ounces pitted California prunes

1/2 cup hot water

ENERGY BALLS:

1 cup old-fashioned or gluten-free oats

2/3 cup toasted, unsweetened

DIRECTIONS:

shredded coconut

1/2 cup creamy natural nut butter (peanut or almond)

1/2 cup pecan meal

1/2 cup prune puree

1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

TO MAKE PRUNE PUREE: In blender, combine prunes and water. Pulse to combine then blend until smooth, pourable consistency forms, scraping sides, if necessary.

Store puree in airtight container in fridge up to 4 weeks.

TO MAKE ENERGY BALLS: In mixing bowl, stir oats, coconut, nut butter, pecan meal, prune puree, cocoa powder and vanilla until completely combined.