l l a t o n s It
Do om & G l o om
M e Cli v MyStoryUK “everybody has a story to tell”
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon Hello Clive, very nice that you have come to have an interview with us here at the New Hanbury Project. I was wondering if you might like to tell us a bit about your past? Clive Yeah, I don’t mind. I was born in Down Patrick in County Down Northern Ireland. Simon Yeah, I know Down Patrick. Clive Its a small town about 30 miles outside of Belfast. I was adopted from an early age, from the age of 3 I was legally adopted. At the height of the troubles my adopted parents moved from Derry, Londonderry, up to Larn Co-Antrim where I was to go to school. I had two brothers and one sister, they were adopted the same as myself. I started first Primary School at the age of 5. I enjoyed going to school, you know, in the early days. Um you know, people made fun of me at school. I got my first pair of glasses when I was about 5 years of age and people started calling me “Speckie, Four Eyes” you know and “Joe Ninety” and all that . . . . . . . But uh, I got used to that but uh . . . after awhile. I didn’t like it at first. I didn’t like getting involved in fights at school or anything, so I used to come across as a friendly person. 2
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
People took advantage of that, you know. You know I enjoyed the longer school holidays and Christmas time with the family . . . when the family were together. Simon Can I ask? Was it a good family ‘unit’? Did everyone get on? Clive Yeah, up until about the age of 7. I was told, I was first told that I was adopted . . . . my mother told me and I . . . . I didn’t think much of it. My mother showed me more love than my father did. When I was 10 years old my mother and father decided to move house. When they moved, it was a big change ‘cos I had to make . . . . start a new school. I was a bit nervous starting this new school ‘cos I had to make new friends, a new Primary School. And that’s when problems really started to happen in the family. My father, he worked for ICI, electrician. My mother, she sold Avon perfume. My father started spending more time away from home once we had moved house. There was a new member to the family, a baby girl. Her name is Jane. She would be . . . she would be about 38 now, 37 to 38. More arguments started in the house. My father was seeing another woman, spending more time away from home. My brother, who’s a year younger than me, he started thieving money out of the house and this money that was going missing, I got blamed in the wrong. I got some terrible hidings from my father for this money going missing. I left Primary School at the age of 11 and started a new Secondary School. My brother was continually taking money out of the house and I was getting blamed and wronged. 3
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
And I had a terrible habit from early childhood, I had a nervous condition. I wet the bed at night. And for things like that my father threw me in baths of cold water. My mother and father divorced when I was 10. My father, he got the custody of myself, my 2 brothers and my 2 sisters. And things got worse since the divorce. This new woman that had come into his life, she was married, she had kids of her own. She’d try to play the mother role but I didn’t like her. I hated her. My brother and I started getting involved in bad company, raiding apple orchards and getting into trouble with the Police. I started collecting money under false pretenses, making cards out saying that we were collecting for some charity. Then we started ‘mittchin’ school, I was ‘mittchin’ school. Simon ‘Mittchin’ means like ‘skiving’, ‘bunking off’ school? Clive Yes. And um, the Police got to find out, and the Social Services got involved. I ended up . . . no one would take the blame so I ended up taking the blame. I wanted to get away from my father because he was . . . . . now physical abuse was happening on a regular basis, being thrown into baths of cold water for bed wetting. It ended up I ran away from home. I was caught be the Police and I was taken back to my father. At the age of 13 I ended up in Juvenile Court because of this ‘mittchin’ school and collecting money under false pretenses. My father said that if I got my brother involved he would break every bone in my body, if I mentioned my brother I was in trouble. So I ended up . . . . . . . 4
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
I was sent to Junior Borstal for 3 years. I was sent to Rathgale Training School in Bangor County Down in Northern Ireland.
At Rathgale School you had to go to school within the grounds, you had to wear their uniform. If you ran away, you know I’ve seen people abscond. If you ran away, they were always caught by the police and taken back. They’d end up having to wear a pair of corduroy shorts and baseball boots with no laces. And they would be made to go to bed earlier than everyone else. Bed time was 9 to 9.30 but these ones who had absconded, they had to go to bed about 6.30 to 7.30 in the evening. You were in like, a dormitory, you were sort of isolated. I spent the first year up until age about 14 and then I was given more freedom. I was taken back up to court and placed under this children’s home in Belfast. Simon Sorry - did you ever try . . . did you run away from the Borstal? 5
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Clive No, no. I was too scared to run away! I didn’t want to end up made to wear shorts and baseball boots with no laces. I was given more freedom in this children’s home in Belfast called, “Balmore Boys Home.” This boys’ home was a Protestant boys home right in the middle, on the outskirts, of a Catholic Estate. I was bullied in this boys’ home, I was bullied by the other boys. Belfast men thought they were hard men in those days, and me coming from Larn, with a bit of a country accent, I was picked on. So I ran away from the children’s home on many occasions. I started drinking at the age of 14. Because I ran away once to often, I was taken back to “Rathgale Training School” and I had to do another year there, up until the age of 16. Then my adopted mother, I hadn’t seen her since the divorce from father, 6 years later she came back on the scene. She was contacted and I was asked if I wanted to go live with her. She was living in a flat in Larn County Antrim. And I said, “Yes, I’d love to go and live with her.” So I got weekend leave from the training school “Bortsal.” Yeah. Eventually you know, my care order finished when I was 16. Then I got a job - first of all I had to claim benefits, sign on as unemployed every 2 weeks. Then I got a job working in a home bakery, it was in the summertime. My job was cleaning the pastry off the trays and making up the mock cream for the pastries and cakes. That job only lasted for 2 weeks. Cos the guy I was working with, his uncle owned the shop, he was trying to bully me. I just packed that job in. Then I got a job shortly after that working for “Sunblest” as a 6
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
driver’s mate. I enjoyed that job. It was a part time job, even though I was earning a pound less than if I was unemployed. Simon You said that you started to drink, was it, when you were 15 or 16? Clive 15 Yer. Yeah. Simon Did that steadily carry on or were you able to take it or leave it at that or . . . . ? Clive Yes, I was able to take it or leave it at that time. I started to go into the pubs more at the weekends, Friday and Saturday nights, socialising in pubs. I liked going into, you know . . . on a Friday evening I liked going into the pub. I always went to a pub called the “Big Digger”. I enjoyed it and would listen to the jukebox, play pool, you know, some of the songs, the 80s and all that. I used to get emotional listening to these songs, ‘cos the words of the songs, sort of . . . . . . . . made me reminisce about the past you know and er . . . . . then . . . yeah . . . . . I . . . . . you know . . . . that. And remembering the 12th of July, the bonfire nights. Used to go around the bonfires and that was an excuse to drink more, going out around the bonfires. Simon What was the connection with the day? Clive The Orange Men’s Parades and all that. I used to go round the town . . . through . . . and come back maybe 3 to 4 o’clock in the 7
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
morning when it was bonfire night. And I enjoyed it, you know, going round and . . . I’d be drinking this Strongbow Cider and I’d be drinking . . . . er . . . . cans of Tenants “Charger”. Simon Ha, ha. Yeah. Clive Yeah, around that time. Simon That’s bonfire fuel isn’t it really? Clive Yeah, yeah . . . . then . . . . yeah. It was good, you know! And I used to go fishing as well. I enjoyed fishing. Yeah, done a bit of fishing. Simon When would you say that the drink became a sort of problem? Clive Well the drink . . . . I first found out . . . . I started getting an urge to want to find out about my natural mother. I wanted to trace her. And I started drinking a bit more, you know, going into pubs more, and it affected my job, ‘cos I was turning up late in the mornings and not . . . . It ended up because of my drinking, drinking more. I lost the job with Sunblest and I had to go on signing on. I was unemployed. Then eventually I found out. I ended up on a probation order at the age of 18 because I told the Social Security I never got my Giro, and I did. And I cashed 2 Giros in the Post Office in the one week, so I got . . . . I was found out and I 8
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
got a 1 year probation at the age of 18. My Probation Officer, he found her . . . . he told me . . . . he helped me trace my natural mother, um. He called me into the office one afternoon and he told me that my natural mother had been in a psychiatric hospital over the years. She had a twin sister and they both suffered from schizophrenia. And I wanted to go meet her but eh . . . he wouldn’t tell me. He said that she doesn’t want to meet me. But I said . . . . then I found out the hospital that she’d been in. So I found out through ringing up the hospital, I found her address. So I went to visit my natural mother and I stayed with her for a week. I was nervous at meeting her and I was planning in my head, you know, what I was going to ask her. And I stayed with her for a week with her in the flat, and her twin sister. I took them both out for a meal and bought them both a drink. And then after a week of me living with her, she told me to get out of her life. She didn’t want to know me. And I felt totally re . . . rejected. Simon That was your . . . . Clive My natural mother, who I hadn’t seen since early childhood. Oh, it was the first time I’d seen her. Simon ‘Cos you had been adopted, was it when you were 4? Clive When I was 3. 9
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon So had you seen your natural mother in between or previous? Clive That was the first time I’d seen her, yeah. And when she told me, her and her twin sister told me to get out of their lives, that I was getting on her nerves. But I felt total rejection - and I refused to leave. So they got their Social Worker in from the hospital, that was looking after their care, and he said that if I don’t leave he’d have to call the police. So I said, “Well, can you leave me for 5 to 10 minutes to think over this?” And I’d noticed, while I’d been in the flat that she had been on tranquilizers, anti-depressants for schizophrenia. So I . . . . I lifted the bottle of these tablets and stuck them in my pocket. Half way down the road, I swallowed all these tablets, intend . . . . intending to kill myself. To overdose. About 20 minutes later, after taking those tablets, I was sick. I brought them all back up, I puked them all back up. Then I went and got ‘drunk’ for the first time in my life. And that feeling of getting drunk, it blocked everything out, blocked the past out. Simon When you say, “The first time in your life,” was that the first time when you made the “decision” to actually go out and get pissed. Clive Yeah. Rather than just going to have a drink! 10
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon Okay. I got yer. Clive Yeah, it was the first time in my life to get drunk. Then when I started sobering up I felt on a right downer. I felt depressed ‘cos I remembered what had happened. So then I started self-harming, cutting my wrists, you know. And I had my first admission to psychiatric hospital during that time in Holywell Psychiatric Hospital in Antrim . . . . then I was in hospital for about 3-4 weeks. The Doctors, the Psychiatrists, said to me I have a problem with drink, but I didn’t acknowledge that . . . I went to an AA meeting then, you know, that was a one off. I thought I’d be too young to have a problem with drink. Simon So how old were you then, about 18? Clive About 18 to 18 and a half. Yes. Simon And you were drinking quite a lot at the time? Clive Yeah. Simon And was that after having visited your real mother, sort of brought everything up? 11
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Clive Yeah, and I think maybe the spell in the hospital at that time was like a bit of relief. Then I went back to live with my adopted mother again after I came out of hospital. Things . . . . she said that I’d have to try and get a flat. Have to try and make a life for myself. Yeah . . . . so eventually . . . . . I got a . . . . I was offered a flat when I was about 19 to 19 and a half. But er, I started letting friends into my flat, friends that I knew from school. And they started bringing drink up at the weekends. And I got used to them bringing drink up and I was drinking more. I wasn’t able to pay the bills, my rent was being paid direct, but I wasn’t paying the bills and I didn’t get much food. Then I ended up I lost the flat so . . . . I ended up having to . . . . I thought, “There’s no life over here (Ireland),” and I thought I’d try going over to England and I went to Manchester . . . . I stayed in a Salvation Army Hostel there and I wasn’t drinking much, I’d cut down the drink. And then I tried to join the Army ‘cos a couple of friends of mine from Larn, they’d joined up in the Army and they went over to Germany. You know, if you’re from Northern Ireland and you’re living in England and you try to join the Army, they don’t send you back to Northern Ireland ‘cos you’re well known. They send you abroad. So I wanted to join the Royal Corps of Transport. I was sent to this Selection Centre for 3 years . . . I mean, not 3 years, I was sent for 3 days to this Selection Centre. And the first day I got there I was given all my kit and in the evening, 12
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
I got drunk. I went to bed that night and I was awakened the next morning at 5 o’clock in the morning. ‘Cos they get you up early, 5 o’clock in the morning. The Corporal done us. He hit the roof! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
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I wanted to join the Royal Corps of Transport. I wanted to learn to drive, you know. And none of this happened ‘cos I had pissed the bed and had been sick all over myself. And er . . . . I didn’t . . . . that stopped me from getting in the thing . . . humiliated, I felt ashamed.
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Then I left Sutton Coal Field, making my way back to Manchester and er, I bumped into this geezer from Scotland and him and I got talking and went to have a drink. He said he was hitching his way up to Blackpool. He said if . . . you can get a job for the summer season, and it was near summer, early summertime. So, him and I hitched a lift all the way from Manchester to Blackpool. We got to Blackpool in the early hours of the morning, overnight . . . went round to a Pleasure Beach that morning and got a job for the summer season. Yeah, I spoke to someone and the job I got was an amusement ride attendant, collecting the money and giving out change. 13
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
I enjoyed that job, you know, working 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. In that job you leant how to ‘fiddle’ so you were getting a bit of extra money on the side. After we finished work at night we went out to the pubs and clubs ‘til about 2 or 3 in the morning. Yeah, I really enjoyed that. Simon How old were you then - in your 20s? Clive In my 20s, yeah. Simon Can you tell us a bit more about the time you worked at the Pleasure Beach Blackpool and onwards? Clive Well that was only a job up until, well, the summer season, then it finishes. Then I was out of a job and I had to start signing on, claiming benefits again. Then went back to Northern Ireland and back to my mother’s and things didn’t work out. Since then I’d been travelling round from one town to another, one city to another, ending up in psychiatric hospitals, detoxs, getting detoxed from the drink. ‘Cos the drinking got worse over the years. Mainly have been living in Hostels and Bed & Breakfasts you know, wherever, whatever town I’ve been to, and I’ve been to a lot of towns and cities. Yeah, its been more or less my life over the years. I remember 1988 and 89, I was in Sheffield, South Yorkshire. I was drinking a lot then kept on getting into trouble with the police. But now I feel . . . . . a lot . . . . more confident now because I’m off the drink, sober. 14
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Still going to the meetings and still coming here to the New Hanbury and doing my gardening and trying to learn computers. Its a slow process, learning computers, But I’m trying.
Simon What brought you to London, had you been here before? Clive I’d been to London before. I remember years ago when people were sleeping rough down at the Embankment. I remember the old Simon Community in London. They had a night shelter down the back of King’s Cross. I stayed in that night shelter and that doesn’t exist anymore, that’s all knocked down. Simon When was that roughly, do you know? Clive Oh, when? Must be going back a good . . . maybe 25 - 30 year ago. Simon From London then you went to other towns and cities in the UK. 15
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Clive Yeah, I’ve been to Blackpool, been to Doncaster, Sheffield, Leeds. Simon Out of all of them, which one was your favourite? Clive Been to Ilfracombe in North Devon, right by the sea. But its cold in the winter time, yeah. Simon How long were you there? Clive Maybe about 8 months. Simon So, I’d imagine moving around, you get to know all the local haunts and places to hang out. Clive Ah, definitely. And many times ended up on the streets. Happened a lot in many places. Simon How was that to live on the streets? Clive Its not pleasant!! You know, its because of my drinking. I ended up on the streets ‘cos I get aggressive through the drink. Looking in my past, you know all, I’d go back to my childhood. Yeah that’s . . . turns out a disaster living in the past, and childhood. 16
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
A lot of anger. I still get angry . . . I’m not ang . . . I can deal with it now that I’m sober. I’ve a lot more friends now than I had when I was drinking. Simon Could you tell us a bit about how it is to live on the streets? What would a typical day have been? Clive A typical day would have been, ah, drinking and going into betting shops, trying to win money on the horses. Drinking and gambling go hand in hand big time. Simon And did you have all the kit - sleeping bags and all that sort of thing for when it was time to go and have a kip? Did you have spots where you’d go or . . . . ? Clive I always carried a hold-all about with me with clothes in it, radio, CD player, CDs and tapes. Simon So you’d bed down wherever you ended up? Clive Yeah, and its pretty scary living on the streets. Many times I would have ended up in A&E because I got depressed, you know, self-harming through the drink. The drink gave me the dutch courage to do things I normally wouldn’t do when I’m sober.
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MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon Sounds like, correct me if I’m wrong, that drinking had escalated from late teens. I wonder when did you really sort of sense that you had to do something about your life and make a change. What brought you here, when was the turning point?
Clive Well the turning kind of point was last year (2009). I was living in a hostel near Euston and its full of people. Its a mixed hostel, male and female, and its full of people drinking and taking drugs 24/7. I was drinking and you know . . . . . I was drinking about 12-14 cans a day of cider and I kept ending up in hospital, A&E, in trouble with the police and all that. And I had a chance - I was linked up with the Cambden Alcoholic Advisory Service whilst living in the hostel. They were trying to get me into de-tox and re-hab but then I . . . . . I’d been in re-hab before. I’ve been in so many de-toxs and re-habs, and I thought to myself, “I’m sick of going into de-tox / re-hab,” ‘cos I’d only last 13 weeks in the re-hab, then I’d end up back in the same situation, having to come back to London after the re-hab. 18
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
That was down in Western-Super-Mare. And all that coming back to London and ending up in the ‘wet’ hostels, again. Simon Same viscous circle. Clive Same viscous circle, nothing seemed to be changing, so I thought. The last year on the 30th of September, I started to reduce the amount of drink I was drinking. ‘Cos many doctors would tell you not to stop drinking completely or you might take a fit or whatever. I got it down . . . so . . . . I started . . . . . My last drink was on the 30th of September last year (2009), 2 cans of Strongbow Cider. And for the first day or two, I was a wee bit shaky. I got over that, started drinking water and fruit juice, and started eating more. ‘Cos when drinking, I hardly ever ate. I went back to AA meetings ‘cos I’d been in and out of AA over the years. Because I was doing well, I then thought I’ll have to find something to do through the day. So someone in the AA meeting in Shoreditch here on the Thursday night suggested . . . they told me about the New Hanbury. So I decided to come up here in the daytime and um . . . I met Carey, who was in charge then at the New Hanbury. I had an assessment with Carey, she asked me about myself, then I got a start doing woodwork, furniture restoration last year, and doing gardening. Simon Yes, I remember when you started, first started to come.
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MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Clive And I enjoyed that ‘cos I find the gardening to be very therapeutic. I enjoy meeting people who are sober - being with sober people and I like the company. And then you’ve got Choices4U here on a Friday night which I enjoy. So . . . . ever since then, I’ve been coming here. And um . . . eventually, ‘cos I was doing so well. I was moved out of the ‘wet’ hostel into a ‘dry’ supported hostel in Archway. Simon That’s where you are now? Clive Yes, Chester Road Hostel. I still go to my AA meetings and I still come here to the New Hanbury and I’m getting more involved. I’m not as depressed as I was. And I don’t get into trouble with the police or I don’t end up in A&E anymore. ‘Cos when I was drinking I had numerous visits to A&E, collapsing in the street. Simon What, hurting yourself if you fell over? Clive Yeah, hurting myself or self-harming and ending up in psychiatric hospitals after a visit to A&E. Ending up - I get aggressive when I’m drunk. I’m my own worst enemy - I get angry. I still get angry but I can deal with it, you know.
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MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
And I don’t miss the drink. I feel people said to me that I’ve come a long way and they have seen the changes in me. And I can feel it in myself. Simon How does it feel to sit down and tell your story? I know we haven’t had the time to cover it all, but I wonder how its been? Clive Yeah, I feel good about it. I hope its going to help someone else who’s got a problem with drink or drugs! I’ve never taken drugs. I’ve been offered heroin years ago, I’m glad I declined. The drink was my worst enemy. And then when I was drinking I used to gamble a lot, backing horses, backing dogs and getting losers. And that stirred anger up in me and I can see gambling and drinking go hand in hand big time. But I would suggest if anyone is in recovery trying to stay off the drink to . . . . . ‘cos its a trigger for me. Its one of my biggest triggers. It has been back in 2007 when I was in an ARP house. I was off the drink for just over 8 months then, doing ever so well. I’d done a Drama Course and then the Drama Course finished. Boredom crept in so I started going into a betting shop. Backing horses - losing! Backing dogs - losing! So I set myself up for a relapse and back on the drink. I’m aware of that and this time around I went . . . I heard about this Gambling Clinic in Soho which er . . . I went to for 8 weeks. They do aftercare after you’ve done the 8 weeks. Its done me the world of good. 21
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon You know its probably a safer . . . excuse the pun . . . but its probably a safer bet that you come and do what you do here. You enjoy being here which is great. Is there anything you would like to say through your life experience and where you are now? Clive I’d like to say, “Thanks.” Its been a great help for me, when I first started here at the New Hanbury. and at the end of this month I will be 11 months sober. Simon Yeah, and that’s great. Clive And it will be a year on the 1st of October. Simon When you look back now, where you are at the moment, do you reminisce about the past at all? Are there any areas of what you did and what happened that you enjoyed? Any moments that stick out? Clive Yeah. I enjoyed going on holidays, trips out. I like fishing, I like swimming and I like cycling. I like playing pool, I like beating people at pool. Sometimes I get beaten myself! Simon I’m not very good at pool, not my best game. Yes, its good to have hobbies, things to keep you going, keep you busy. Clive It certainly is. You need to have . . . you need to have some enjoyment ‘cos being sober is not all doom and gloom. 22
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon Its not easy, but as you say, “Its not all doom and gloom.” How do you fill your time? I know you come here. Clive I go to my meetings and I keep myself busy. I go to Holy Cross Church in Cromer Street in Kings Cross. I go to the Haven Club on a Monday night and I play pool there, its a social club for people in recovery. Simon OK. Clive Drug and alcohol free. And I come to Choices4U here on a Friday night. Simon So you’ve got a busy week then, a lot going on. How often do you come to the Hanbury? Clive I come on Tuesday and Thursday . . . oh, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Simon And what do you do on a Tuesday? Clive I do gardening on a Tuesday. 23
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon How’s that going at the moment? Clive Its going good. I like gardening. Simon You’re leaf raking at the moment or has that not really started yet? Everything is a bit late this year. Clive Yeah, this time of year there are a lot of leaves to rake. Its nice to see the end result of what I plant. Simon Have you seen that then? Clive I planted an almond tree last year and the almonds have grown on that. Simon Nice. Whereabouts is that? Clive Round the back of what used to be the old Mortuary, round the back of the gardening shed. Simon Oh, where the Mural is? Clive Yeah. 24
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon I’ll have to go and have a look. See if I can find that. Clive Its fenced all around. Simon Nice. Then what do you do on the Wednesday here? Clive I’ve started Arts & Crafts. I used to do cookery last term but then I thought I’d give Arts & Crafts a go. Simon Are you enjoying that? Clive Yeah, its different. But I miss the cookery ‘cos I come in on a Wednesday and I can smell what they’re cooking and I regret . . . 25
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon Its good also, to learn to cook so you can cook for yourself. Are you a good cook? Clive Yeah. I can cook to my own satisfaction. Simon That’s good . . . . . . and then on Thursdays you come in and do computers, computers in the morning. And how’s that going? Clive Going good, its slow though. I’m a slow learner when it comes to . . .
Simon Well - slow and thorough, take it all in. Have you got a computer? Clive No. Simon Thank you for sharing with us part of your life story. Clive Well, if someone gets anything out of it, that would be good. Simon That’s one of the important things about it. I mean, I’m sure you’ll get something out of it, by actually having voiced it. But I think also that if somebody else reads it, it might be a benefit to them, and that’s a wonderful thing to be able to offer. Something for 26
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
someone else to read, so that they can think, “Well, maybe I’m not so alone.” It might help to realise many things. Clive Yeah, I don’t know if I mentioned when I was drinking, when I was on the streets, I was begging as well. Simon You were begging? Clive Yeah, yeah. It goes hand in hand. Simon What’s that like to sit there and ask people for money? Clive Its not nice. Simon I suppose you get different reactions as well? Have you any memories of any reactions . . . or any situations, good ones, bad ones. Maybe you don’t really want to talk about it. Clive No. Years ago in London I was badly beat up and had a collapsed lung. Ended up in University College Hospital, I had a collapsed lung. Simon After they’d beat you up? Clive Yeah, smashed my glasses. Many times when I’ve been drunk I’ve been beat up . . . and had my money taken off me . . . . yeah. 27
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon That must be tough. I mean, where do you go? Who do you go to? Okay, you can go to the hospital or whatever but at times like that I expect one could do with a real friend or two. Did you have anybody around or was it tough? Clive No. It was tough. Simon How is it out there, out there on the streets living in . . . Clive Like a Hell. Simon I’m sure each day there’s probably a certain amount of fear. Clive There certainly is. Simon Then you drown out the fear with the drink. Well, for the people who have done it and the people who haven’t done it, its an eye-opener to talk about it. Now you have your own accommodation? Clive Yeah. 28
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon So its all turned around now? Clive Its all turned around, living in a supported ‘dry hostel’. No drink or drugs or anything. Simon And how’s that. You making some friends there? Clive Yeah, its a big turn around from living in the ‘wet hostel’. Simon When you say a ‘wet hostel’ that’s where people still drink? Clive Where people drink and take drugs. Simon That would be tough if you’re trying to stop. But then, if you’re trying to stop you wouldn’t be in a ‘wet hostel’. I don’t know. Well, thanks a lot Clive. I’ll let you get back to your computers. That’s what you’re doing now, yeah? Clive Yeah. Simon We need to get a few photographs. Clive Get photographs with my teeth in!!! 29
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Simon With your teeth in? Clive I’ll have to bring my teeth in. Simon OK. Well, come next week with your teeth in and er . . . . ain’t you got them on you? Clive No I haven’t got them on me.
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Simon! !
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Clive
Published by MyStoryUK interview by Simon B August 26 2010 (Hanbury) design and photos Simon B & Rod B the Spitalfields Crypt Trust www.sct.org.uk and the New Hanbury Project 020 7613 5636 3 Calvert Avenue London E2 7JP paper May 2011 online ISSUU October 2012 RecoveryChannelUK@gmail.com There are lots of short films on YouTube RecoveryChannelUK and more online books at ISSUU MyStoryUK 30
MyStoryUK CliveM “Its not all Doom & Gloom”
Feel free to share this heartwarming story with your family and friends. For paper copies please contact Spitalfields Crypt Trust Janice Taylor 020 7613 5677 janice.taylor@sct.org.uk 116 - 118 Shoreditch High Street London E1 6JN.
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