A day in life in Belmarsh
GaryT MyStoryUK “everybody has a story to tell”
YouTube RecoveryChannelUK
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
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Listening A day in life in Belmarsh Bottle I go to a meeting Sight My Life Platform My Angel My Darling Life Better Acorn House
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
Listening
I put my arm around your shoulder, and tried to tell you, how I was feeling,
and you listened to me, and when I was finished, you put your arm around my shoulder, and gave me some really good advice. But me being me, I just did not listen, as usual, but thank you for the advice.
But now I keep hearing people say, “You can change, I know you can change. You will feel better in yourself.”
I keep going back to the same old me, but I wished I had listened to you, because if I did, I would not be in the mess I am now.
But just keep on listening, and we will do it together. 3
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
to have a shower and get on the phone, but even that does not happen sometimes.
A day in life in Belmarsh I get up at 7.30 am each morning, sitting around my cell waiting to be opened up to go to work.
So that means I am banged up all day. This could happen 2–3 times a week.
But sometimes they don’t come, so I just sit in my cell until lunchtime. Get lunch, back to my cell, watch a bit of TV until 2 pm, await officers to come and unlock me for work again.
But all I say is, “I will be free one day to run my life without waiting for anyone to let me out of my cell.
But most times, they don’t come and that leaves me with a lot of anger.
I know I am here because of what I have done.” So it is not a good-morning. I done the crime, so now I must do the time.
So I still sit in my cell, await for association time 4
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh�
Bottle My mind and body are like a bottle. Because just like a bottle, my body is empty. And then I drink, and my body is full.
And everything is like going around in circles. My mind has been like a time bomb.
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MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
I go to a meeting I go to a meeting. I sit there listening to people getting up and talking about their past, and as time goes by, I get to thinking, “I can do that. I can tell people about my past if they want to listen to me.” So I speak to someone who says, “That would be good. To hear what you have to say as you have been sitting there listening to us. So we think it is only right that we hear from you. We could learn something.” That is how the world goes. So I for one, am glad I listen. I have learned a lot. Look at me now, I am writing things I never thought I would.
A person says something, we learn, and someone says something else. If people did not speak, we would not know anything. We would not know about how to do things like work, prison life, the outside world . . etc.
So I am glad I am doing this class. It has brought me out of myself. 6
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
Sight My eyes are a shutter on a camera. It opens and shuts. And when it is open, I can see the light. And I can see many people and things around me.
I just think what it must be like for a blind man or woman, because they have no idea what it is to see.
And some things really surprise me, like people running across the road nearly getting run down, cars just looming past.
So how do they get on? I would not like to be like this, not be able to go across the road Or do anything. At least with my eyes, I can see for miles and miles. I can see what I am buying or eating.
I see the trees and birds are singing, air planes going over, the noise they make is loud. But if I was not born, I wouldn’t know all this.
But they cannot, can they? 7
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh�
So it ended up with us rowing all the time. In the end, they asked me to leave.
My Life I had a very good childhood.
I lost my job and ended up on the streets.
I went to school, doing things in the house to help my mum and dad while they were at work. I left school at 16, got a job, which was OK. It gave me training so that was alright. I left that job, got another one in a factory and started to drink every night after work. I thought that was alright, no problem. Until I was 25 years old, it started getting more and more, staying out until 11 or 12 at night. Then at 26 years old, I got my own place to live, which was OK.
My mum and dad were getting fed up with me not letting them know if I would be at home for my tea, which they had cooked for me.
I got another job and carried on drinking, which I thought I had under control. I did this for years, with the drinking getting worse. 8
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
I ended up back on the streets, kept on drinking, got in trouble with the police, went to prison, got a place to live again, carried on drinking the same amount.
2006, and that is where I have been on and off. Since I have been in prison, I have been getting help for my drink problem. I hope the people in here can find me a place to live when I get out on March the 19th 2007.
I got into trouble again, went to prison again, lost my flat again, came out of prison. I started to live on the streets, drinking more.
If not I will be back on the streets, which I don’t want, as I am going to carry on getting help for my drink problem.
In the end I was drinking 8 litres a day. I kept getting into trouble with the police and ended up in and out of prison.
I do not want to die yet as I am still young and I think I have got a lot to give other people. Things like talking to people, to stop them making the same mistakes that I made.
In 2005, my ulcer bust. I was rushed to hospital, had an operation in which I died on the operating table and they brought me back to life.
And I will keep going to AA as it is helping me here, so it will help me out there.
Now they have told me if I don’t give up the drink, I will be dead in 5 – 6 months.
I think it will anyway.
So after I came out of hospital, I was back on the streets until I came to prison in February 9
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
And the next thing I know, the train is pulling into the station. And it stops, and there are people getting on and off the train, the doors are banging and the train is pulling away from the station. And I look around. I can still see the train in the distance. But also I can still hear everybody going about their business.
Platform
And then it all goes silent, and there is no one around, everyone has disappeared. So I am alone on the platform. I am saying to myself, “Is there something wrong, or am I just dreaming?”
I am standing on the platform waiting for a train to come. And I can hear people whispering and traffic and cars, and lorries hooting their horns. I can also hear the birds singing in the trees. I can hear the porter saying, “The train will be coming soon.”
I hope not. 10
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
My Darling
My darling, you are like a rock to me.
Because whenever I am down, you are always there for me.
And that is why I love you so much, my sweet.
My Angel
You are like an angel. You fly in and out of my heart,
Every time you are near me my heart pounds like mad.
But every time you are away from me, my heart is dead. 11
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh�
Life
So now I think, it is time to change and start to think of other people.
All through my life I have not worried about anything, apart from what I wanted to do.
Because so far, it has always been me, me, me, and no-one else.
And now I think that was very selfish of me. 12
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
Better In my eyes nobody is better than anybody else. Working class, middle class or high class, we are all the same. Except some people have money, some have not. But at the end of the day, no matter what class you are, we still have two legs, two arms, one head. So where do some people get off thinking they are better than everybody else? A poor man can be of working class but end up earning money and become middle class. Even in the end, he could end up being high class. And the same goes for a high class or a middle class person. They could become poor.
all these people are the same as us. They think, because they have keys and power, they are better, but they ain’t. Take away their uniforms, keys, and power. All they are is the same as us, because we could do what they do.
So what is all the class thing about? Nobody is better than anybody else. Some people just think they are. Same goes for the police, prison officers, judges.
So what is it that makes them better? I will tell you. Nothing.
If you think about it, 13
MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh�
Since I have been in here, all the staff and residents in the house have welcomed me and made me feel at home. The programme is simple to follow if you really want to stay off the drink. This is the best place to be, as the group therapy is very good and it was explained to us with great skill by the key-workers, so that we can understand it,. AA meetings are also a great help. What with all this and the rest of the things that Acorn House has in place to help me keep my sobriety. Acorn help you back into the community with things like day trips, etc. If you treat the staff with respect then that is the way they will treat you.
Acorn House October 2007 I was sleeping on the streets.
If you have any personal problems, then Acorn will get you a counsellor, which is also very good.
And then I got an interview with Acorn House and they said I would have to wait about two weeks for a bed, which I did. So I moved into Acorn House on the 21st of January 2008, which was good.
What with this and more, Acorn is the best place to be and I am glad to be here until I move on.
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MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
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MyStoryUK GaryT “Belmarsh”
Feel free to share these heartwarming poems with your family and friends. For paper copies please contact Spitalfields Crypt Trust Janice Taylor 020 7613 5677 janice.taylor@sct.org.uk 116 - 118 Shoreditch High Street London E1 6JN.
More productions by MyStoryUK “Nathan” “I FEEL GREAT!”
Published by MyStoryUK poems by Gary T (Acorn House, Downham Lodge) drawings by Anne, Michael, Nigel, Arthur & Simon (Hanbury) design and photo RodB the Spitalfields Crypt Trust www.sct.org.uk and the New Hanbury Project 020 7613 5636 3 Calvert Avenue London E2 7JP paper February 2009 online ISSUU August 2012 RecoveryChannelUK@gmail.com
AlfieH
“I just want to be happy now and plan for the future. No-one knows what’s going to happen tomorrow – you have to live today, but I’ve got a huge amount invested in not drinking.”
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AlfieH “This Is My Street”
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