FAMILY STORIES

healthy kids Michigan. Accounts of the deepest trauma also prove formative: Knowing how their great-grandparents survived the Holocaust gave young adults a sense of gratitude, pride, courage and a greater religious commitment, a University of Pennsylvania study found.

“Family stories help children feel safe, secure and grounded,” says psychology professor Robyn Fivush, Ph.D., director of what other people wish they could have done differently helps to offer children a broader perspective to current experiences,” says Carrie Krawiec, a family therapist

Stories unfold easily at holiday dinners and during long car rides; even during an ordinary dinner, some kind of story—“Guess what happened today at the store?”—occurs about every five minutes, Fivush’s research shows. But summer vacation or days spent together inside a house provide a special opportunity for kids to dive deeper into their family background. For example, they can write an essay about a grandparent or aunt, write and direct a play with siblings, make a scrapbook, read FAMILY STORIES history or novels to study events that took place during a specific time period, write a song or story from the ancestor’s point of view, research and draw a family tree or Help Kids Cope During Tough Times create a mini-documentary based on an interview with an older relative. I n these challenging times as our children struggle to cope with a swiftly changing world, one of the best things by Ronica O’Hara and fewer behavior problems. After 9/11, children that tested high in measures of family narratives proved to be more resil

This is the quiz used in family narrative research, but Fivush cautions that the 20 questions are only a starting point, and many more can be created. Nor does getting the facts exactly right matter—those we can do is simply to let them know what ient and less stressed. can easily be in dispute among family strong stuff they come from. Decades of research show that children that know their family’s stories—especially how their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and other forebears overcame adversity—have the ability to handle societal and personal

Family stories can be of loss—“Once we had it all”—or of triumph—“We came up from nowhere”—but the most powerful stories are those that show both the peaks and the valleys, the hilarious escapades and deep losses. “Even simply hearing members. “It is the telling, the sharing and the listening that is more important than the story itself,” she says.

Do you know how your parents met? trauma better.

the Family Narratives Lab at Emory Uniat Birmingham Maple Clinic, in Troy, grew up? versity, in Atlanta. “The stories provide a sense that they belong to something larger than themselves.” In the midst of unsettling Getting Started with Family Narratives events, she says it’s especially important for Read more about family narratives at Robyn Fivush’s children to know that the family has been Psychology Today blog: through hard times before and persevered.

Emory research shows that children, teens and young adults that know more of their family’s narratives have a greater PsychologyToday.com/intl/blog/the-stories-our-lives

Do you know where your mother grew up? Do you know where your father

Ideas for writing and craft projects: Tinyurl.com/

CreatingAFamilyNarrative sense of control over their lives, more Questions kids can ask family grownups:Tinyurl. self-esteem, better grades, higher social com/ClassroomRoots competence, less anxiety and depression,

Do you know where some of your grandparents grew up? Do you know where some of your grandparents met? Do you know where your parents were married? Do you know what went on when you were being born? Do you know the source of your name? Do you know some things about what happened when your brothers or sisters were being born? Do you know which person in your family you look most like? Do you know which person in the family you act most like? Do you know some of the illnesses and injuries that your parents experienced when they were younger? Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences? Do you know some things that happened to your mom or dad when they were in school? Do you know the national or ethnic background of your family? Do you know some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young? Do you know some awards that your parents received when they were young? Do you know the names of the schools that your mom went to? Do you know the names of the schools that your dad went to? Do you know about a relative whose face “froze” in a grumpy position because he or she did not smile enough?

Ronica A. O’Hara is a Denver-based health writer. Connect at OHaraRonica@gmail.com.

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The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. ~Lao Tzu

Staying On Track

by Isabella Dussias

Idon’t know about you, but I find it hard to stay on track these days. In addition to the stress of this current public health crisis, adapting to new schedules and a new way of living is also trying. While there is less time spent commuting, my days are still filled with online studies, working on college applications, doing household chores, and communicating with my friends.

Normally, the busier I am the more I get done. Now, though, even with a lot of self-directed goals, I have more time on hand. The extra time is good, but it is also a little daunting. I feel the youth of my generation are used to always being scheduled, sometimes over-scheduled. My parents have told me that when they were kids, they were outside all day, rode their bicycles everywhere, and had some, but not many organized activities. This is very different in comparison to my childhood which has consisted of scheduled play dates and various lessons and activities that I had been shuttled from, to and fro.

So now my regimented self is thrown into the water, no paddle, no flippers, just myself. That might sound melodramatic, but I am learning to adapt, to be self-directed and to use my time wisely. I’m learning not to waste countless, mindless hours on social media and to not drown in indecision about what to do next. I am learning to be more of a self-starter and not depend on where I will be slotted in for the next activity.

Trying to stay on track and stay focused in times of uncertainty and crisis is difficult. For the teens of today, we are learning to adapt like those before us throughout history. Hopefully, we come through this stronger and more resilient. Stay safe and be well. Isabella Dussias is a 17-year-old singersongwriter/composer from New Jersey. She enjoys writing about issues that are important to today’s youth, and she believes music is an important outlet to connect people and share messages through the creativity of lyric and melody. For more information, please visit IsabellaDussias.com.

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Is Stress Harming Your Relationships?

by Rhoda Ondov T he response to the coronavirus pandemic means coping with big adjustments, and many people are having a hard time. Losing a job is traumatic even in normal times but this is much more than that. It means financial crisis for many as well as the fear of catching a deadly disease. The lockdowns have forced many to stay at home with a partner or family. Even those able to keep their jobs and work from home may be suffering from too much togetherness as stress and anxiety can derail even good relationships. For a couple with difficulties, being together 24/7 is not ideal, to say the least. Irritability and frustration are easily set off when we are stressed, yet it is possible to learn to get along without hard feelings or arguments.

Truly, communication is the key—the ability to really listen and to be really heard. It is natural to want to blame personal upset or disagreement on the other person, however, this is not going to work out well. When the other person is blamed, or even feels blame, it puts the conversation on a wrong track. When someone feels blamed or attacked, they shift their focus to selfprotection, often by explaining why the accusation is wrong or defending whatever was said or done. Alternatively, there is the counter-offense, with “what about” or “but it’s your fault.” For some, the reaction is to simply withdraw from the conversation— leave, dismiss the concern, or just “check out.” Sometimes, we don’t care what started the argument, only who wins!

However, there is another way—avoid this reaction and instead resolve the issue. First, make sure what was said was interpreted correctly. Assumptions and misunderstandings often start arguments. Or restate a complaint as a request, so it is less accusatory. But ultimately, we have to take responsibility for our own feelings. Talk about what feelings were triggered besides anger. Anger is not a standalone emotion—it always comes with some negative feeling that felt hurtful. Go beyond the anger—why does it hurt? There are many negative feelings we all have but don’t wish to admit to, for example, feeling worthless, incompetent, irrelevant, unlovable, stupid—the list goes on. These negative “truths” are ones we all experience yet can’t banish, so don’t even try. Work around it just like any other obstacle by acknowledging it and getting past it.

Learning to communicate peacefully is especially important now when we are in such close quarters with others. The benefits of engaged listening are easy to see as every relationship—friends, family, colleagues—begins to improve, however, it is not always easy to start and takes practice. Consider using the services of a professional counselor for guidance and support as these new skills are being learned and practiced.

Rhoda Ondov, MS, LMFT, CPC, is a Certified Professional Coach, with a background in Marriage and Family Therapy and advanced training in couples counseling. She has been helping couples and families to repair and strengthen their relationships for more than 10 years. She is an authorized leader of the Weiner-Davis’ divorce-busting program Keeping Love Alive.

For more information, call 908-642-6256 or visit Ondov RelationshipCoaching.com.

ALLERGIES IN PETS Part One: Background

An allergic reaction is fairly simple. It them, confusing “common” with consists of two parts. In step one, the im“normal”. Respiratory and skin mune system mistakes a normal compoallergies have exploded in the last nent of the environment, such as pollen, thirty years, independent of dander, protein, etc., for an invader—more better testing and idention why this happens later. The immune fication. Most pet health system produces antibodies (specifically insurance companies immunoglobulin E, or IgE) that will reclisted “allergies” as the ognize the invader (termed the antigen) in most common reason the future. The antibodies circulate in the dogs were seen by body, in conjunction with other types of a veterinarian in immune cells, on the lookout for any sign 2019. This dramatic of that specific antigen. increase in allergic

by Laura Weis I n the popular press, the role of the When the antigen, perhaps spring polmammalian immune system in prolen from a tree, is encountered, the primed tecting us from disease is often cast in IgE binds to the antigen, identifying it for simplistic terms of good and evil. Pathodestruction. Other immune cells, such as gens—bacteria, viruses, parasites, and mast cells and basophils, attack the invader, fungi—are poised, ready to attack when releasing chemicals that cause tissue swellour guard is lowered. It is a naïve model ing and fluid leakage. The affected animal that perpetuates the notion of single, or person may experience inflamed, watery external cause of disease, with solutions to eyes, sneezing, coughing, red skin, ear be found in pharmaceuticals and vaccines shaking or itchy skin. If the allergen is in that rescue us when our own defenses are food, it could also cause diarrhea and vominadequate. But what happens when our iting. In severe allergy cases, blood pressure immune system overreacts? When normal may drop, the tissues of the respiratory tract aspects of our environment elicit biologicould swell and the ensuing anaphylactic cal havoc that harms the very body the reaction could be catastrophic. immune system is designed to protect, the Allergies are so common in people stage is set for a lifetime of allergic disease. and in pets that we tend to dismiss

The Hygiene Hypothesis

The “hygiene hypothesis” was put forth in the 1980s and suggests that our uber-clean modern environment fails to educate our immune system as to what is “normal” and what is “dangerous”. Frequent bathing of our pets removes normal organisms on the outside, and antibiotics and other oral medications decimate the internal biome of the gastrointestinal tract. Better hygiene undoubtedly contributed to decreases in some disease, but more of a good thing is not necessarily better. Especially in young animals, normal exposure to the outdoors, dirt, various foods and other animals is all a part of the training of the immune system.

Additional Factors

As with most medical conditions, unraveling the knot of causation is not as simple as finding a single causative factor or theory. Excessive hygiene is partly to blame, but there is also a genetic contribution. In dogs, certain breeds are known to be more allergy-prone, and in people, having two parents with allergies results in an eighty percent chance that their children will also have allergies. The surge in pet allergies is also being linked to highly processed food ingestion, rising rates of obesity and inadequate exercise, all of which contribute to a state of whole-body inflammation that causes immune dysregulation. Over-vaccination of our pets is also a contributing factor, leading to a state of immune system hyper-alertness.

Food Allergies

Although true food allergies (as opposed

to food sensitivities) are rare, they are also on the rise in dogs and cats. In people, the old advice to avoid highly allergenic foods in potentially sensitive children has been found to be completely wrong. In children with a high likelihood of peanut allergies, for example, exposure to peanuts at a very young age lessens the likelihood of developing peanut allergies.

We have faced the same problem in our dog and cat populations. The old and unfortunately still prevalent advice, to feed only one type of food, contributes to the development of food allergies. It does so in two ways. First, repeated exposure to the same antigens (typically proteins) every day for months or years, can cause immune system sensitization. Second, feeding such a mono-diet fails to develop a healthy gut microbiome, often leading to the absence of certain crucial bacterial species. It has now been found in people that Clostridia bacteria help to prevent food allergies by causing immune cells to release a protein that makes the gut less permeable; in other words, these bacteria decrease leaky gut syndrome.

The complex allergy causation puzzle of environmental and genetic inputs is only partly understood, at best. Allergies develop in our companion animals despite healthy exposure to a diverse outdoor environment, feeding a complex and nourishing diet, and minimizing antibiotics and vaccinations. The next segment of this article will examine a range of non-pharmaceutical options for addressing allergy symptoms.

Dr. Laura Weis and her husband, Dr. Ransome Weis, own and operate Doylestown Veterinary Hospital & Holistic Pet Care, and Holiday House Pet Resort & Training Center, in Doylestown. She focuses on homeopathy and nutrition counseling for her clients within the full-service veterinary practice. Call 215-345-6000 to request an appointment. See ad, this page.

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