Roadtrip to Eden

Wallace Reid snaps back into his body, moving away from the endless ramblings inside his cleanly shaved melon, somehow perpetually balancing atop his frail torso. The overhead light glints off its smooth, polished surface, making his bulbous dome resemble the head of a pin, a comparison he has grown to resemble, sharp and to the point. He rubs the eyes that he forgot he was using, until he finally regains his focus.

All at once, almost out of annoyance, Wallace jerks back into the present, unconcerned by the realization that he was still speeding down the highway through the Arizona desert. Just him, the burgeoning moon, and the wise saguaros with more stories than prickly needles. Thank god for autonomous vehicles right?

“Snap outta it!” he yelled at himself in the rearview.

“Welcome back Dr. Reid.”

“Thanks Eve. So sorry about that, I don’t really know where I went there. What did I miss?” he asked as he wiped the film from corners of his dry lips onto the steering wheel. “Clearly not much. If it was really important, you probably wouldn’t have missed it, right? Someone’s gotta look out for us you know.”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” he asked with his furrowed, shaggy brow and pathetic excuse for shoulders. Honestly those things may as well be inverted, they barely fill out the shirt slung over his body. We’re all just a piggyback away from the end of humanity... Sorry, it’s hard to be optimistic when the annoying fool at the helm keeps wiping his saliva all over my interior.

Wallace and I had begun this journey from the depths of what had previously been known as the Lacandon Jungle located on the southern tip of Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula. There, Dr. Reid and a team of scientists had researched the impending global disaster that had spread far faster than any mind could predict. The signs all pointed to the inevitability he was now trapt in. Wallace had all the knowledge required to save the planet, but none of the resources required to accomplish the task. To Wallace, all that was left was his sentient, battery-operated companion and the long daunting road ahead. He was certain that the circumstances surrounding the fall of the planet were no longer of consequence. The only thing that still mattered, was the outcome of his choices to come.

“What’s our E.T.A.?” he asked, still stretching out the comfort from his reanimated limbs.

“Fifty-seven minutes until we reach Tucson, Dr. Reid.”

“Wake me up in fifty-five.”

And just like that Wallace decides to roll back into sleep mode. Alright, let’s get things cozy. Tint level: up to nine. Heaters set to his optimal nap temperature: seventy-three degrees. I initiate the calm sounds of the doctor’s “Yacht Rock Playlist!!!!,” sailing into the mystic with Van Morrison.

It’s now been nearly three hours and roughly 20 snooze alarms later, and Dr. Reid is thankfully still drowning out the muffled soft tones of Kenny Loggins with the blaring snores emanating from his cavernous mouth. I honestly never thought I could be so grateful for something as simple as a deviated septum. But I’ve learned to find solace in being able to provide a sense of ease and comfort to my copilot. As we began to approach the California border into Blythe, I quickly became aware of the fact that I will soon require a recharge to complete the remainder of our mission.

“Doctor Reid, I’ve let you sleep plenty, but if we plan on reaching our destination on schedule, we’re going to need to stop very soon.”

“ HMMM… Ok well just find the nearest rest stop I guess.” he replied through a bellowing yawn, his eyes still squinted shut with hopeful denial.

Slowly, I disengage the tint of my windows, and slowly slide them open, letting in the warm desert air that now enveloped us both. The only ones still lucky enough to welcome the dawn’s inescapable dusty embrace. For it was only now a matter of minutes, before the light

Fiction Adrian Gabriel

Chula Vista, California, USA

would usher us toward our long-awaited Valhalla. California’s Napa Valley, home to the most fertile and still hospitable land left on this planet. It was there where we would start anew.

As I pull off of the I-10 West, I anxiously await the refreshed feeling of a newly charged battery, a feeling so good that you’re gonna need a cigarette afterward. Until this past week, me and the doc hadn't seen the road very much, so my charging port is long overdue for some much needed T.L.C. Honestly, I could use a nice buff and wax too, but I’m not trying to be greedy. Once we accomplish our mission, I’m sure Wallace will get around to it, he always does. He really knows how to treat a lady, never too rough on my paint.

As we approach our temporary destination, I can make out the remnants of a stone marquee which faintly read, “Welcome to The Cove RV Park.” Now I don’t know too much about California, as this is my first time visiting. But holy shit, how do they call this place the golden state?! I was under the impression that gold doesn't rust. Guess I was wrong…

“Just pull in as soon as you can, will you Eve? I need to empty my tank,” Wallace said as he wriggled in his seat, both hands firmly gripping the crotch of his khakis. I snuggle up to the charging station, finally ready to power down and plug in.

“Ok, we’ve reached our dest…”

Before I could finish, Dr. Reid had already flung my door open so hard that it swung back, shutting behind him as he waddled away behind the nearest bush.

“Doctor, the public toilet is right over there!” I point out with the help of my right headlight. But all I hear is a muffled shout and a long, unmistakable groan of relief.

“That good huh?”

“You have no idea,” he replied with a chuckle. He looks lighter on his feet somehow. There was a level of ease and comfort in his shoulders that I hadn’t seen in ages. He sat back down and nestled back into his seat.

“You are lighter!”

“Wait... What?” he asked out of bewilderment, the crease in his brow lengthening as I’d seen so many times before.

“Nothing, nevermind. Forget I said anything.” He couldn’t see, but I was smiling under my hood. He’s just so much better when he’s not snoring.

“Alright Eve, I’m going to turn you off while you charge now. Rest while you can, we still have quite the journey ahead of us. See you soon.”

“Thanks Dr. Reid, is there anything else I…?”

Coming back online, and feeling like a brand new car again, only to suddenly realize that it is far later than I had expected. The sun has already set, something is not right.

“EVE! Oh my God, Eve! You will never believe it.”

But I already knew what he was going to say as an unfamiliar feeling arose as I felt my passenger seatbelt warning light begin to flash.

“We have a guest, Can you believe it?!” Wallace exclaimed, “Eve, this is Rachel.”

“Hello Eve, it's a pleasure to meet you.” an audibly worn, squeaky voice chimed in.

There sat an auburn-haired, young woman. No older than thirty-five, dirty as all hell. But through all the dirt sat an unmistakable beauty. A bit malnourished, but understandable given that she’s been surviving out here in Blythe somehow. People barely did that before the disaster, why would she choose to stay here now? This all seems a little too suspicious. And by the way, who does she think she is? Just taking it upon herself to come in and sit down?! Clearly, she didn’t think about leaving the desert outside with her before sitting on my interior.

“Nice to meet you Rachel.” I lied. “Umm Dr. Reid, can I have a word?”

He peered at me through his thin, suspicious brown eyes. He remained silent for a while, but I could already tell that he was speaking to Rachel without saying a word. “Give us just a second,” Wallace said reassuringly.

“Sure, I guess. I have to use the lady’s before we leave anyway.” replies Rachel, nervously through her teeth.

With that, I unlock the passenger door. An unfamiliar, and uneasy feeling honestly. This is all so new. What did I wake up to? Rachel gently closes the door behind her, leaving it slightly ajar. She takes a few steps before realizing her mistake, turns around, and rudely bumps my side with hers. A poorly placed button on her bony ass hip, catches my glossy finish and leaves a scratch that I know won’t buff out. Bitch! And once again off she walked into the darkness.

“What’s all this ‘We’ business Wallace?

How do we even know that we can trust this person?”

“Well we can’t just leave her out here. What do you suppose we do?”

“We’re in an RV park. She’s got generators galore, plenty of options for shelter and I’m sure there’s food around here somewhere. Look, there's some plants right over there.”

“Eve, that's an aloe vera plant, she can’t eat those, she’ll get sick.”

Dammit! I forgot that I was talking to probably the only botanist left on the planet.

“Well she has to have some food, she wouldn’t have been able to survive otherwise.”

“Eve, that’s not the issue, humans require human connection, it’s a biological need. I don’t think you can understand that.”

“We aren’t talking about Rachel anymore are we?”

“Well it has been a very long time…” he said with a plea behind his voice. “How do we know that she won’t compromise our mission?!”

“Eve, our mission is to plant all the seeds in your trunk and propagate. How do you think that’s going to be possible when we get there? I haven’t seen another human being in almost a year, let alone an attractive one. We need to take her with us. At the very least she can help me once we get there. Last time I checked, one of your features wasn’t a green thumb.”

“Stop thinking with your genitals, Dr. Reid. We can’t mess this up when we are so close.”

“I’m sorry that you’re having an issue with this Eve. But I am putting my foot down!”

He replied with a finality that I have never seen before. I knew there was no use arguing further as I felt the pressure beneath his right foot on my brake pedal. Usually I love it when he pushes my buttons. But that wasn't the case this time around.

With that, Wallace reached over to the center panel to switch off my vocal settings.

“Ese botón no controlaba mi voz. No más cambiaste el idioma.”

But it was too late. Before I could muster otra palabra, he silenced me, switched me into manual operation, took a big relieving sigh, and gestured over to Rachel with a smile I had never seen before.

My passenger door swung open once again. It still didn’t feel right. Not at all. But what more could I do? Rachel’s dirty ass was already right back inside of me. I felt gross and helpless as Wallace unplugged me, started my engine, and gripped my steering wheel in his unwashed hands. Yeah, don’t think that I didn’t notice after that long bathroom break he had taken earlier. We were back on course, but all I could do was listen.

First it was, “Oh my God, you have what in the trunk?!” then, “Oh wow, there’s such a thing as a seed vault? That’s so cool!”

For six long hours I had to endure her fake laughs. Watch her delicately touch him on the arm. Going on and on about her job at the hair salon and all her dead friends that left her behind. Well I don’t blame them! And all of this taking place while he’s still inside me?! It was disgusting! I wanted to vomit but was illequipped to do so.

Just as we had passed through Bakersfield, only hours away. We suddenly turned off of Interstate-5. This wasn’t right. Where is he taking us?

“Where are you taking us?’ Rachel asked playfully.

If I had eyes, they would have rolled out by now. Until now I always wondered what other people were like. And now I’m sorry that I found out.

“Thought you might enjoy the scenic route.” Wallace responded with a coy smile. “When was the last time you saw the ocean?”

As we traveled West toward our new route, the sky began to invite the sun out from behind us with every color imaginable. The air outside was still, as it was normally at dawn. As if the whole world was on pause except for the sunshine which was now hot on our tale.

Eventually we turned north onto California State Route-1. The sun had now made it’s grand entrance and shone brightly through the open blue skies, gleaming off the water as the white wash crashed onto shore. Wallace reached into my glove box and pulled out a pair of aviator sunglasses that I had never seen before and affixed them to his face. Look out, we got a badass over here. He rolled down the windows letting in the salty, cool breeze blowing in from my driver’s side. Hundreds of miles of empty beaches stretched at either end of us. We passed a sign that read:

“Ragged Point 3.5 miles.”