How to take a picture for your new license

*or really, any ID

If you actually want a nice picture: - Get a good skincare routine. I was never formally taught what makes a good skin care routine, but what I do and what I can tell you is this: cleanser, toner, moisturizer, and sunscreen/SPF. AT THE VERY LEAST, and in that order. I know there ’ s people who do exfoliators, serums, and other things that make me wonder if our skin care routines are what truly differentiate us from our neanderthal ancestors and if that is truly anything to celebrate. But yes. At the very least, cleanser, toner, moisturizer, and sunscreen. It’ s done me wonders. - Don ’t argue with anyone the night before. Especially your dad. Your dad has a way of getting underneath your skin as his hard headed daughter that no one else has, and much to your dismay, your stubbornness and confidence in your beliefs, whatever your stance in the argument may be, will not be enough to stop you from crying. There is one thing you have to learn and it is this: you cannot change or fix other people. You can only appeal to logic and empathy, but at the end of the day, you cannot change others, and you cannot take on the responsibility of doing such. - Drink water! Another important component of skincare but inner beauty = outer beauty. And also hydration means wrinkles later instead of sooner! So more attractive license pictures and for longer.

To cheat the system (Chaperone recommended**): - Get drunk or high (Or cry. Cry alot!) before taking your picture. Any one you choose (or combine! You adventurous son of a bitch.) will yield an unbecoming picture that you will inevitably deny looks like you. I regret to inform you that it will, in fact, look like you, but at least you have a fun story about the time you were at the DMV drunk/high/both. Crying is not as much of a fun story, but at least you know that you ’ re not as ugly as your license will try to claim. - This works in a couple ways: - (1) If you ever need to present your ID when you are worse for wear (e.g. you ’ re trying to get into a club but you ’ ve already pre-gamed a little too hard or any other circumstance where your ID and faking/ imitating sobriety is involved), voilà! Your ID has your “ everyday ” face on it. And if anyone wants to say, “This is what you usually look like?” , well, the asshole is clear in that situation. - That being said, drink responsibly! While I support fun, I do not endorse drunk driving or any other version of endangering others! - (2) You have a great “before ” picture, for whatever the “ after ” may be. Maybe having a reminder of it may not be the best idea for you, personally, but having that “before ” picture yields a very illuminating conversation when people show their true colors about how they felt about your looks before your transformation. Or maybe you ’ re wearing something that was fashionable for the time and now you can get a good laugh. Maybe this is just a personal note for me, but before I

How to take a picture for your new license* Inspired by “ renew ”

am a sensitive snowflake who would prefer to not know the unsavory part of peoples ’ thoughts, I am one nosy ass bitch. I want to know all the details. Get me my whiteboard. We ’ re gonna timeline this. I got my notebook on the side for extra notes, and a pad of sticky notes for the facts that we won ’t get until later but we ’ll have to fit into the notebook somehow. Keep talking about how your mom ’ s ex-boyfriend’ s ex is a bitch but now dating your dad. And how your cousin gave you the inside scoop on the drama in her girlfriend’ s family. I want to know it all. Give me the map of the drama, then give me your thoughts. I eavesdrop. I don ’t do anything with the information, rest assured, but I am curious. They say curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. I am said cat. If an unflattering ID picture yields conversation where I can learn what people really think, sign me the fuck up.

**Chaperone required only if drugs are involved, but if you ’ ve cried so much that you would need emotional support, call your homies up! We ’ re not suffering in silence in 2022, bitches, bros, and non-binary hoes! Get the support you need!

Author ’ s note:

The Wordle that inspired this piece was “ renew ” , and my first thought was my experience renewing my driver ’ s license picture when I turned 21. The original intention of this piece was to be a satirical take on steps to renewing your license. However, upon completion of this piece, I definitely see it as a not- very- successful experiment in humor, satire, and form.

While I know that this is far from the best thing that I have written, I still wanted to include it in this anthology for a few reasons. Firstly, as an exercise in confronting my perfectionist tendencies. I often hold myself to the impossible standard of perfection in what I write and how I write, which often leads me to not write at all, or not share what I write. For someone who wants to be a writer, I understand how ironic this is and how it really only creates a hindrance in my ability not only to grow, but to fulfill that goal. Secondly, I wanted to share this piece more or less publicly (as public as a capstone project could be) as proof (to myself) of my effort, and as a reminder to myself that, in Yoda ’ s words, “Do or do not, there is no try. ” While this piece may be a flop in many regards, I am hoping that it will serve as a step towards potentially doing something that is more successful (humor, satire, or form- wise) in the future.