Unseen Magazine

UNSEEN A SECRET AGENT MAGAZINE

SEPTEMBER 2016 $16.99

A & Q T N E G A

O D A R N CO LATEST TECH:

ROBOT SPY DOGS & CATS

1 8 67492 3993

SECRET HIDEOUTS:

TIPS ON FINDING YOURS!

THE TRUTH REVEALED

AGENT AMANDA DOUBLE AGENT

10

YEARS OF INVESTIGATION COLD CASE SOLVED!

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Table of Contents Photo by elnavegante (Adobe

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TOP AGENT

• Agent Co nrado • Q&A

6

STRESS: MID

8 MISS

IONS

10

12

OF THE MON

LIFE CRISIS IS

• Missing »» James Bo nd »» Nessie »» Ogopogo • Wanted »»NSESS »»PLETNSE SS

LATEST TECH

• Spy Dogs & Cats • Futtons

SECRET HIDE

OUTS

14 HORO

SCOPES

TH

A SCAM

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T N E

H G T N A O P M

Vectorized by Agent Chung

E H O T OF T

No agent shall show their face.

By Agent Chung

A

gent Conrado.

Born and raised in XX, XX, XX, Earth. Started as an agent at the age of 3. Of course, who would suspect a 3 year being a spy?

No one, that’s who. At a young age, people think it’s funny, a toddler pretending to be James Bond; they think it’s “cute”. A perfect agent for his first mission. Well, not nearly as perfect. Natalya started when she was way younger than Conrado and she is pretty young, so she will not be retiring soon. I mean she did win top agent of the month three times in a row. I guess I can say that they are both young prodigies in the spy field. Whoops, enough about her; it’s Agent Conrado’s spotlight this month. At a young age Conrado watched all the Star Wars and Men in Black movies. It was his dream to become a Jedi spy. Of course, there was no such thing as a Jedi spy. But he decided to try to become one anyway.

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TODDLER’S FIRST MISSION The agency didn’t take him seriously. To them, he was dead weight, so they decided to use him as bait for the aliens out in space.

Back then people thought that aliens didn’t have the same diet as earthlings. They thought that they were carnivores. In other words, Conrado was dead meat. But, boy did he prove them wrong. As soon as baby Conrado was set in the rocket alone he knew something was wrong. Something was very suspicious about it. When he landed on XX planet he decided to construct a contraption out of the inside parts of the spaceship. He then roamed around the planet, exploring it, finding the best spot. When the aliens heard the spaceship land, they went toward the noise

while baby Conrado was out. They followed the dust trails that Conrado made. As soon as they caught up to him, he was just sitting there patiently, with his back to the wall. His acting skills were phenomenal. He became an innocent carefree child, just like any toddler would at his age. Curiously, the aliens moved closer to the toddler and each step they took, Conrado felt like he has already won. About half a metre in, he turned on the device and crawled into the crevice behind him.

Seconds after the explosion, he called HQ. They were astonished to hear or babble in Conrado’s case, that he created an alien-proof net to catch the aliens of XX planet. And that my friends, was how Agent Conrado started his career.

In other words, Conrado was dead meat.

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Q&A HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE TOP AGENT OF THE MONTH? I’ve worked hard for this. My kill rate is awesome and my silent death move is my secret weapon. I thought Natalya was going to win for the third straight month but luckily I made it. It feels great and I want to stay on top.

WHAT MADE YOU SO SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR LAST MISSION? We adopted a new micro suit that lets you shrink to the size of a germ but move as fast as light. The lab really pulled out all the stops so I have to thank them. I think the combination of spies I worked with was what made it a success. We each took charge of our areas and went in for the kill!

ARE YOU WILLING TO TELL US ABOUT YOUR LAST MISSION? OR IS IT HIGHLY CLASSIFIED? If I told you about my last mission I would have to delete your memory.

You can download teasers on Vimeo and Youtube, but the actual mission is something only the agents can know.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU PASS ON TO OUR NEXT GENERATION OF SPIES? 1. Never give up. There will always be challenges and that is a part of life. Falling is a part of it. Falling is not failing.

2. Work as a team. You’re only as strong as your weakest link. Once you work together your team will be unstoppable!

3. Always keep your phone on vibrate. I have been caught in so many sticky situations because my cellphone had a loud ring. It cost me a lot of failed sneak attacks!

I HEAR THAT YOU PLAN ON RETIRING SOON. WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO AFTER YOUR SPY DAYS ARE OVER? I’ve been in this field for over 30 years now. I started when I was 3 so it’s been a long ride. I’m planning on moving to Ohio. I hear the sun always shines there. I love working on the farm so I hope to put up my own barn and raise some cows and chickens. Maybe if I’m lucky I can train them to become my very own farm spies.

Photography by Ivan Di

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STRESS

MIDLIFE CRISIS IS A SCAM By: Yong Mu Ming

Suffering through the pain of not knowing what to do when you do not get the exciting missions anymore.

Personality is what enables you.

An agent overlooking the Pacific Ocean during her mission in Vancouver

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S

earching for a solution to midlife crisis and bring your life to the next level of fulfillment?

Good for you, because what you are about to discover is a proven system to get you out of it easily. Have you caught yourself using phrases like ‘Monday-blues, Work life balance and Thank God its Friday’? Chances are, this is not your fault. Our culture is so used to tapping into entertainment as a solution to our stress. What would it be like if you are living with fulfillment in every aspect of your life anytime and anywhere, starting from today? What would it be like if you’re paid for who you are and what you love? What would it be like if your family members are inspired by the contribution they know they’re making every single day? When your four “P’s” of life are in alignment, miracles happen.

They are your Personality, Passion, Purpose and Practices.

PERSONALITY Personality is what enables you. Have you fully utilised your true strengths and preferences? I’ve facilitated in a class and met a lady manager whom suppressed her true energetic self just to portray herself as the ‘right’ relational image as a human resource manager. She could be an HR manager who gives bright ideas to move the department to the next level. She could also use bright ideas and her energy to build relationship as people want to experience the joy around cheerful people like her!

PASSION Passion is what excites you. We’re going to work for more than 50% of our life anyway. Why not choose to be paid for passion and live an exciting life? It is very sad how our culture has over glorified professions like lawyers, doctors, accountants and dentists. I have a doctor friend who feels that he is born a craftsman yet it is a struggle for him to switch out of it. Imagine yourself actually doing the things » Continued on page 11

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THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

1. I often visit _____because…

2. I am more of a doer/ thinker/ relationship builder/ communicator, that’s why I tend to…

3. In a team of 5-10 people, the 3 contributions I think only I can make are…

4. Before I die, I want to…

5. The 3 things that I’m always amazed about are…

6. If I have 3 arts/works that can support me for a lifetime, they will be…

7. I strongly believe that…

8. The 3 things that frustrates me most in life are…

9. The 3 reasons why people should give a ‘crap’ about my ‘crap’ are…

10. When my personality, passion and purpose are in alignment, my life practices will be something like….

Photography by Chris Lawton

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MISSIONS JAMES BOND Top Secret Dangerous Location: unknown

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Info: What the world doesn’t know is that our Jamie is immortal and has gone into hiding since the world thinks he’s dead. He an extremely valuable agent. We lost all contact with him on YEAR. His last mission was in Europe trying to track down an enemy. No further details will be provided at this time.

Please see your Superior Agent for more details.

PS. All agents who have attempted this quest has never been seen again. You HAVE BEEN WARNED.

NESSIE Classified Semi Dangerous Location: Loch Ness, Scotland, UK (presumably) Info: Our underwater spy friend was lost during the 1930s. She’s in high risk of being found before the enemies get to her and make her spill our secrets. The enemies did well on making her a tourist attraction so we can’t get close to her... if an innocent tourist finds her first, the enemies will swoop in and kidnap her then we’re all screwed. Must be found at all costs. Last seen in Loch Ness, Scotland, UK. Drawn by Agent Natalya

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OGOPOGO Classified Semi Dangerous Location: Okanagon, BC Canada Info: Freshwater sea serpent might be alive after being used during our Pangaea Times. Our only way of travel in the waters was lost when the earth split into continents. How he breathes salt water then into fresh, I do not know. Again, enemies have made him a tourist attraction, not as big as Nessie though. A treasured friend that must be found. Last seen in Okanagon, BC.

WANTE

D

NSESS

PLETNSESS

Not so classified Not so dangerous Wanted for: being stupid

A little more classified A little more dangerous Wanted for: stupidity

Info: The Not so Evil Secret Society is known for doing annoying pranks that irritate our citizens. They whoopie cushion every single seat they can find. And kazoo everyone’s movements. Nicky nicky nine doors at least once every two weeks. Not that worried about catching them at the moment. Only agents with free time on their hands may do this one.

Info: The Pfft, Little Eviler than Not so Evil Secret Society are a bunch of kids who do even more annoying pranks to the citizens. They glue revolving doors so they become inaccessible. They’ve somehow managed to glue office furniture to the ceiling. They somehow hacked into everyone’s wifi and changed the wifi names. They may be kids, but they definitely know how to piss everyone off.

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LATEST TECH/GEAR ROBOT ANIMALS Brought to you by Spy Friends In year 20XX, Spy Dogs & Cats will finally be available to all agents.

Technology has come a long way to make personalized animal friends which are hypoallergenic, unless you’re allergic to metal...

The lab worked their butts off to make this dream become a reality.

Pre-order now and get $50 off.

Prices starting at $500, but hurry as these prices won’t last long!

FUTTONS Brought to you by Mini Devices All the gadgets you need in a couple of small buttons. Each one has at least two different functions with a personalized saying to activate them. People might think that you’re into anime, but it’s just a disguise for what they actually are for.

September Edition Futtons Calcifer

Creates fire wherever you go; also works underwater.

Summons a fire demon at your bidding.

Doubles a protection barrier.

Track your loved ones, if lost.

Megaphone

Use as a megaphone.

Use as a listening device.

Victorian

Victorian expansion pack for time travelers going to the Victorian era.

Victorian style robots/personal helpers.

Pokeball

Infinity storage.

Mutated monster summoner; similar to a pokemon, but not cute

Green Mushroom

Green smoke bomb; 5 second delay.

Deadly poison.

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Lemons

Just for fun; AKA your personality; does nothing special.

Pre-order only. Prices range from $1 to $1,500. Please check futtonsMD.com for exact prices and updates.

Photography by: Dog - Tanner Vines, Cat - Freddie Marriage & Buttons - Agent Natalya

Twin Umbrellas

SEPT 2016 / UNSEEN » you love and get paid by it, that must be one of the best experiences you can have in life! Fortunately, with the help of technology, we can learn anything, anytime and anywhere. What do you want to improve on to achieve better results for your passion? Ask Google, period :)

PURPOSE Purpose is what empowers us. While dreams and passion are said to give life to our works everyday, I believe that it only kick starts what we really want to do in life. I believe that purpose is the inner core of what keeps us going. On top of having a dream, great leaders like Martin Luther King, Steve Jobs and Nelson Mandela have a strong vision and purpose to do what they do in life. They want to fight for mankind, peace and something worthy.

PRACTICE Practice is what expresses you. It all makes sense only when we put our strengths, desires and beliefs into practice.

Fortunately, the world has changed, and now is time for us to change the world. Take a video, upload to YouTube and you’ve just setup a TV channel. Record an audio, upload to iTunes, you’ve just setup your Radio Station. Find a blog, choose a theme and you’ve just setup a business and a movement.

For Example: I tend to think and share ideas with people about life. I love to create blueprints to keep myself aligned towards my goals and think of new ideas to improve quality of life.

I feel for people who are unfulfilled in their life because my early education experience does not affirm me for what I can do, while guiding me into a places where I don’t wish to go. That’s why I started the Brakefree community with a simple road map for like-minders who want to live fulfilling lives to come together, share issues and ideas to overcome and grow as a community.

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SECRET HIDEOUTS

By Agent Chung

Agent XX’s secret hideout in XX

What goes into finding a secret hideout?

LOCATION. LOCATION. LOCATION. Location is everything for a secret hideout. Do you want it high into the clouds? Or perhaps underground where no one can found you. Or just in plain slight where no one will suspect a thing.

UNDERGROUND

HIGH ABOVE GROUND Perhaps a castle in the sky will be better suited. That way you can control your air space. You might want a moat with alligators at the bottom of the base and hidden lasers that won’t just set off the alarm, but also burn your enemies. It will also be best if you explore your underground dungeons (if there are any) and plan out where to put your gadgets and to put a lot of defensive elements in your blind spot.

Les Baux-de-Provence, France

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Photography by: Cove - Sarah Crutchfield & Castle - Anthony DELANOIX

Underground may be one of the most cliche hideouts that agents like to choose. You can have a cave for your underwater transports and have a nice view of the sea. Or to make it even more harder for enemies, you can have an underwater cave instead. Underground hideouts are probably the hardest ones to find, if it isn’t already occupied, because you have to rely on nature. Of course, we do have the technology to explode a few rocks here and there, but what’s the fun in that?

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PLAIN SIGHT This might be the most stupidest or intelligent thing you’ve ever heard. Hiding in plain sight might be the best option of all three because enemies will never think that an agent is amongst ordinary citizens. While your enemies are lurking about underground, trying to find you, you just sit in your “ordinary home” drinking a nice hot cup of cocoa.

SECRET ROOMS AND TUNNELS

“By George, there’s a secret room behind the bookcase! Martha, I can explain.”

Photography by Dave Taylor

A good hideout will have escape rooms, trap doors and secret passages to protect you and fool enemies who lurk about. You should know everything about your hideout like the back of your hand. Never keep maps lying around; you never know when an enemy will use it to their advantage. Also remember where all the buttons and knobs are. I’ve been in trouble so many times when fiddling with things that aren’t even part of the actual door. Always have more than one exit in each room.

Make sure you are the only person who knows where they are in case of an emergency. Having a secret room and/or panic room will also be great in your private home too. Your enemies could track you down and hunt your family, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.

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