True manhood

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Defining True Manhood

By Natalie Cherie Campbell Church Magazines

With the voices of the world shouting different definitions of manhood, it can be difficult to know how to “rise up and be men.”

As a little girl, I remember wondering why kids at school made fun of boys who cried. My daddy was big and strong, and he cried all the time. As I grew older, one of my friends was a boy who took more time than I did choosing outfits. When I got married, I quickly realized that my husband was a better cook than I was.

While I loved that my dad was emotional, my friend fashion savvy, and my husband domestically talented, I noticed moments when they didn’t seem to quite fit the “manhood mold.” It was obvious that there was a gap between society’s expectation of masculinity and the manhood of my father, husband, and friends.

Perhaps more damaging than the gap between good men and the world’s arbitrary ideals and low expectations is the gap between the way Heavenly Father views His children and the way we view each other.

Society portrays men as noncommittal and shouts confusing messages such as “men have to be tough,” “men have it easy with gender privilege,” and “men can’t control themselves.” With the pervasiveness of messages that contradict Heavenly Father’s expectations, it can be extraordinarily difficult to decipher the basis of true manhood.

Men will find clear direction as they remember the Lord’s expectations, strive for the bar that He has set, and recognize that true manhood is inextricably connected to true womanhood.

God’s High Expectations

Knowing the Lord’s expectations of men is the first step toward striving for true manhood. Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles put it simply when he said, “Our Heavenly Father is a God of high expectations.” The Lord 1

desires for us to be righteous and to wisely exercise our agency. He expects us to strive for perfection and to fulfill our roles in the family. Such expectations can be daunting, 2

but we can rely on Christ and His Atonement to succeed.

Unfortunately, most of us get stuck in neutral at some time or another. For example, when men lose sight of the Lord’s expectations for them, it can be easy to focus on the

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world’s low expectations and feel justified in saying, “Well at least I’m not stuck in prison, trapped in pornography, or addicted to videogames.” To such an attitude Elder Christofferson said, “How’s that for ambition? . . . We have work to do (see Moroni 9:6).

We must arise from the dust of self-indulgence and be men! It is a wonderful aspiration for a boy to become a man—strong and capable; someone who can build and create things, run things; someone who makes a difference in the world.”

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That is the bar; it has always been set.

Upholding the Lord’s Bar

Once they understand the Lord’s expectations of them, men must then work to achieve His standard. Men cannot lower their expectations of themselves to match the world’s expectations and still expect to achieve true manhood.

For example, the world has fluctuated between different definitions of masculinity and femininity. Femininity has at times included a certain refinement but at other times hysterics and flightiness. Masculinity has at times meant bravery but at other times aggression and a lack of commitment.

The Savior taught, “What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am” (3 Nephi 27:27). Therefore, the goal is not to become perfectly “masculine” with its virtues and vices, but rather to strive for the higher bar and attain all virtues— whether typically masculine or feminine—that are Christlike.

Margaret D. Nadauld, former Young Women general president, once taught something to the women of the Church that can be equally helpful for men. She said, “The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”

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The Lord needs men who are tender, kind, refined, faithful, good, virtuous, and pure just as much as He needs women who are so (see D&C 121:41–42). These qualities are Christlike qualities, and we should each strive for them regardless of the connected masculine and feminine connotations. No one need say, “I can’t help it, I’m a man.”

Instead each may say, “I can become like God because I am His son.”

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Independent Value and Interdependent Potential

As men strive to achieve the Lord’s expectations and uphold true manhood, they will begin to notice that true manhood is inseparably linked with true womanhood.

Paul taught, “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

Both men and women are of the utmost importance to God. And though the world may have trouble showing a person’s value without contrasting it with another’s weakness, the Lord does not. The Lord loves us regardless of how we compare to others.

The Lord helps us feel our worth individually and in relation to each other by giving us integral roles in His work, specifically within the family. Though men and women have different family roles—predetermined by the Lord—our roles each have individual and irreplaceable value. True manhood becomes clearer as men focus on 5

their roles within the family and their relationships to women.

Centered on the Family Fatherhood has not always been deemed by society to be as important as motherhood or important at all. But as President Ezra Taft Benson (1899–1994) taught, “A father’s calling is eternal, and its importance transcends time. It is a calling for both time and eternity.” Men who dedicate time and effort to preparing for, nurturing, and 6

caring for their families will find their valued contributions reflected in the happiness of themselves, their spouse, and their children.

For men who center their lives on their families, filling every worldly quota to be “a real man” will become much less important than achieving salvation with our families.

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This shift in focus naturally centers men on the importance of having “integrity [in] honoring [their] commitments and covenants,” giving them direction and assurance 8

about who they are supposed to be as husbands and fathers.

There is no better way to exercise true manhood than by upholding covenants within the family.

Respectful of Womanhood Because true manhood is striving to meet God’s expectations and be like Him, true men will hold precious what God holds dear, and, as President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) said, “His daughters [are] precious to Him, loved by Him, and very

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important to Him. During His ministry, Jesus Christ spent time talking with and 9

listening to women. He honored them in word and deed. Thus, with Christ as the example and with the understanding gained from President Hinckley, true men will recognize and utilize the gifts and abilities of the women around them. As they respect women, men will find themselves becoming closer to the Spirit, more Christlike, and better able to administer in the priesthood. As Elder Christofferson has said, “In large measure, true manhood is defined in our relationship to women.”

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Striving for True Manhood

Trying to “be a man” can be confusing and unnatural if the requirements and expectations are shallow and flawed. True manhood does not necessitate rippling muscles, a lack of emotions, or lazy entitlement. In fact, true manhood is entirely different. The Lord has set His expectations and determined the way: men are to be like Christ. They should center their lives on providing for their families and being good fathers and husbands. Along with women, men should develop their talents, care for their families, and live the gospel.

The Lord wants His sons to succeed, so remember that you are a son of God and that pursuing true manhood in His way will bring the ultimate reward.

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D. Todd Christofferson, “As Many as I Love, I Rebuke and Chasten,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2011, 97.

Matthew 5:48; “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 129.

D. Todd Christofferson, “Let Us Be Men,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2006, 46.

Margaret D. Nadauld, “The Joy of Womanhood,” Ensign, Nov. 2000, 15; Liahona, Jan. 2001, 18.

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 129.

Ezra Taft Benson, “To the Fathers in Israel,” Ensign, Nov. 1987, 48.

Linda K. Burton, “We’ll Ascend Together,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2015, 30.

“Let Us Be Men,” 47.

Gordon B. Hinckley, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, Nov. 1991, 97.

“Let Us Be Men,” 46.

Behold the Man! “When we consider the admonition to be men, we must think of Jesus Christ. When Pilate brought Jesus forth wearing a crown of thorns, he declared, ‘Behold the man!’ (see John 19:4–5). Pilate may not have fully understood the significance of his own words, but the Lord indeed stood before the people then as He stands today—the highest ideal of manhood. Behold the man!”

Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Let Us Be Men,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2006, 48.