ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP TOOLKIT

by Diana Daffner

What’s in YOUR Romance Toolkit?

The dictionary and delight them by defines romance using theirs. as “a quality of Do they yearn mystery, excitement for “words of afand remoteness from firmation”? Be sure everyday life”. This to pick a meaningful is the quality that Valentine’s Day card, Valentine’s Day is or, better yet, write meant to celebrate, as an original. Is an “act couples hope to focus of service” the best and ignite the fire of gift they can receive? their attraction. There How about a coupon are many resources book with offers of for couples committed what might be done to intimacy. So, what for them around the “tools” are we using house or on their this year? pet project? If their We can start by learning our partner’s Richard & Diana Daffner language is “physical touch”, that coupon preferred “love language”. Gary Chapman’s book might include some deliciously book, The Five Love Languages, has helped different offerings. And if their preferred millions bring themselves into harmony love language is indeed “gifts”, we would be with their partners. Knowing that our wise indeed to remember that this month. own preferred love language may not be A counselor, coach, therapist or the same as our partner’s, we can honor other mentor can help us develop our communication abilities. This includes the importance of using “I” language, taking responsibility for how we think and feel in emotional situations. A relationship is enhanced when we issue more compliments than complaints. A recommended ratio is five positive comments to one negative, even including that slippery slope of “constructive criticism”. Do we know how it feels to be really heard, and to truly listen to our partner?

Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication can teach us a sense of how to communicate OFNR, by clearly sharing what we Observe, how we Feel, what we Need and what we want to Request from our partner. Practicing such forms of communication can deepen our bond with our partner.

Another avenue for deepening this bond is to explore Tantra or sexual practices. Tantra is an ancient spiritual teaching that encourages the mindful embrace of all life. A couple can gain much from experimenting with the joy of sacred loving and shared ecstatic intimacy. Maybe we have already read about or reviewed different ideas of sexual turn-ons and pleasure with our partner.

The most important question is: Are we remembering to use whatever tools are in our toolkit? How do we hold each other accountable for their use? Do we strive to be conscientious and conscious about applying what we’ve learned?

Don’t let these tools get rusty. We should take an inventory of what’s in our toolkit, and use them wisely and often. Valentine’s Day comes only once a year. Romance is a lifelong endeavor.

Diana and Richard Daffner authored Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day. The Daffners have led workshops for over 20 years to help couples discover meaningful joy. They now offer their entire workshop on video. Connect at 941-3496804, Diana@IntimacyRetreats.com or IntimacyRetreats.com.

NOTE: Natural Awakenings readers can use code NA20 to receive a 20 percent discount on the video program.