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Romantic Relationship Toolkit by Diana Daffner
What’s in YOUR Romance Toolkit?
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and delight them by he dictionary using theirs. defines romance Do they yearn as “a quality of for “words of afmystery, excitement firmation”? Be sure and remoteness from to pick a meaningful everyday life”. This Valentine’s Day card, is the quality that or, better yet, write Valentine’s Day is an original. Is an “act meant to celebrate, as of service” the best couples hope to focus gift they can receive? and ignite the fire of How about a coupon their attraction. There book with offers of are many resources what might be done for couples committed for them around the to intimacy. So, what house or on their “tools” are we using pet project? If their this year? language is “physical We can start by Richard & Diana Daffner touch”, that coupon learning our partner’s preferred “love language”. Gary Chapman’s book might include some deliciously book, The Five Love Languages, has helped different offerings. And if their preferred love language is indeed “gifts”, we would be millions bring themselves into harmony wise indeed to remember that this month. with their partners. Knowing that our A counselor, coach, therapist or own preferred love language may not be other mentor can help us develop our the same as our partner’s, we can honor
communication abilities. This includes the importance of using “I” language, taking responsibility for how we think and feel in emotional situations. A relationship is enhanced when we issue more compliments than complaints. A recommended ratio is five positive comments to one negative, even including that slippery slope of “constructive criticism”. Do we know how it feels to be really heard, and to truly listen to our partner? Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication can teach us a sense of how to communicate OFNR, by clearly sharing what we Observe, how we Feel, what we Need and what we want to Request from our partner. Practicing such forms of communication can deepen our bond with our partner. Another avenue for deepening this bond is to explore Tantra or sexual practices. Tantra is an ancient spiritual teaching that encourages the mindful embrace of all life. A couple can gain much from experimenting with the joy of sacred loving and shared ecstatic intimacy. Maybe we have already read about or reviewed different ideas of sexual turn-ons and pleasure with our partner. The most important question is: Are we remembering to use whatever tools are in our toolkit? How do we hold each other accountable for their use? Do we strive to be conscientious and conscious about applying what we’ve learned? Don’t let these tools get rusty. We should take an inventory of what’s in our toolkit, and use them wisely and often. Valentine’s Day comes only once a year. Romance is a lifelong endeavor. Diana and Richard Daffner authored Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day. The Daffners have led workshops for over 20 years to help couples discover meaningful joy. They now offer their entire workshop on video. Connect at 941-3496804, Diana@IntimacyRetreats.com or IntimacyRetreats.com. NOTE: Natural Awakenings readers can use code NA20 to receive a 20 percent discount on the video program. February 2021 21
