Talking to Children About Racism

For many adults, the murder of George Floyd is like an open wound into which salt and vinegar have been poured. With images of protests over racism and police brutality all over the media, many children may experience similar emotions as adults, including sadness, anger, confusion, and (in some cases) guilt. It is normal to feel these emotions when our well-being seems threatened, and when we feel unstable, uncertain, or helpless. Children are curious and yearn for knowledge. Unfortunately, many adults are uncomfortable discussing difficult topics with children. Racism and violence are subjects that must not be ignored, and it is more important than ever to talk to children about these topics.

Tips for talking with children about racism and violence:

1. Acknowledge. Children may want to talk about racism and violence. Denial can create more confusion. Your response or lack of response can make a world of difference.

2. Actively observe and listen. Check in with your child and engage by asking for their opinion. (What do you think about the riots? How do you feel? What do you think would help?) Pay attention to changes in behavior and allow space when needed. Giving children space to process their emotions helps to shape and build autonomy while providing reassurance that you are available. Validate their feelings by letting them know that it is normal to feel

worried right now and that you are worried, too. By empathizing with them, they may not feel so alone.

3. Educate without suggestions. Ask them what they already know about racism and violence and build on that. It also is im- portant to discuss the history of racism in the United States. Racism and violence cannot be a one-time only conversation – ongoing dialogues and learning are needed.

4. Avoid disruption of relationships. Be careful to not disrupt already formed and healthy relationships. Allow kids to be kids. They need normalcy. For teens, discourage posting racist thoughts on Snapchat, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, or other social media. This is a form of violence and can be very damaging. Remember, racism is a learned behavior. No one is born a racist.

5. Address the whys. “Why are the protests/riots happening?” Be honest and open. Let them know that people are exercising their First Amendment right to free speech by telling the world they are not being treated equally. If you don’t have an answer, it is okay to say you don’t know and commit to helping them find the answers. Do not try to rationalize or justify violence or racist behavior. Discuss the difference between protest and riot. Peaceful protest is okay. Rioting involves destruction of property, and it is a form of disorderly conduct. It is not okay.

6. Talk to biracial children. Parents of biracial children can find themselves at a loss when it comes to answering questions. Biracial children may feel rejected. They may experience anxiety and guilt, and internalize events. Remind the child that it is not their fault and that they are not responsible. Parents are encouraged to focus on justice rather than taking a side.

7. Support yourself. To help children process their emotions, parents must first get their own emotions under control without concealing or avoiding them. Reach out to your support system.

8. Support children. After giving the child space to sort through their emotions, you may want to reach out to professionals to minimize the number of people they must speak to in order to process their emotions. To help reduce their stress, start a journal if the child is of age, pretend play-practicing being in a safe place, encourage self-expression through art, and encourage mindfulness practice. All can help teach the child to pause. Parental modeling of emotional regulation also is important.

For a list of children’s books that support conversations on race, racism, and resistance, visit www.embracerace.org/ resources/26-childrens-books-to-support-conversations-on-raceracism-resistance.

PHARA L. MORAME, LCSW, MCAP, holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology, a master’s degree in social work, and is a Certified Master’s Level Addiction Professional. She is part of Healthcare Network’s integrated behavioral and mental health team and is fluent in Haitian Creole, French, and English. For information about Healthcare Network, visit healthcareswfl.org.