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Choosing a Mentor
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BY ART WASKEY
Ihave had the honor of mentoring several highly talented executives, all of whom share certain characteristics. They tend to be open to teaching, have a passion for learning and ask a lot of good questions. Their other attributes include humility and a willingness to make sacrifices in order to succeed. Those characteristics enable a good coach to do his job.
Likewise, the mentee must also look for characteristics in an advisor that fits his or her personality and outlook. When choosing your mentor, be sure to seek someone that suits your needs.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR
Here are some qualities I suggest you look for in a mentor.
Chemistry
The first consideration when looking for a mentor is personality fit. Do you have shared interests with this person? Is he or she suited to your approach to learning? Are your values and passions in alignment? Do you look forward to being in the presence of this person? What attributes does he or she have that will help you meet your goals?
A person with a very dominant attitude recently sought my help as a mentor. I almost had to get hostile, something I do not like to do, in order for my point heard. I realized a mentor relationship with this individual would be too emotionally draining for me. I kindly suggested that he find someone who was more of a polemist and could engage with him in a manner more suited to his personality.
You want a mentor who has the kind of chemistry that encourages and challenges you to make changes in areas that often are difficult to navigate.
Competency
Choose mentors who are the most competent people you can find, and invite them to pour their knowledge into you. Don’t worry about finding everything you need in one person. Successful people tend to have multiple mentors who offer different competencies. Currently, I have mentors for four areas of my life — professional, educational, spiritual and physical.
For example, my professional guide is a senior statesman in our common industry. We meet weekly to discuss the strategic changes the business, where we have both enjoyed long careers. My spiritual mentor is a doctor of divinity. He guided me through a Master of Ministry degree in my 60s. An excellent counselor and teacher, this advisor stimulates my passion for religious study, which has propelled growth in my spiritual life.
Humility
Choose a coach who is humble and willing to share his or her failures. Vulnerabilities provide valuable lessons and illustrate how new paths can be forged. The right mentor will want you to learn from his or her failures.
A good mentor can help you avoid mistakes you may not be aware you are making. For example, I recently learned that a former colleague was hurt by prejudice I did not know I harbored. I was put in touch with this individual through my outreach efforts on LinkedIn. He is a successful executive today but expressed surprise that I would contact him. He related that I never offered him an opportunity to succeed when we worked together 20 years ago and that I had acted with prejudice towards him as a minority. I had no idea that I had offended this gentleman. I apologized and asked him to forgive me.
A humble advisor is consistently learning from his failures and will care enough to share his life stories.
Discernment
Look for specific characteristics when choosing a mentor. In the book
A good advisor understands that confidentiality is paramount in his or her role as a teacher and coach.
Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter), author Liz Wiseman offers several insights on the makings of a discerning leader. “The right counselor is considered to possess wisdom and be of good judgement; especially so with regard to subject matter often overlooked by others,” she said. “The right coach will extend a clear and concrete challenge. He will ask the hard questions that need to be answered to achieve the challenge and require the pupil to give the answers.”
Asking the right questions is important. When a young engineer approached me with his career doubts despite his rapid advancement in a major aerospace company, I listened carefully. He said he felt the promotions were taking him further away from the type of work he really enjoyed. From our discussion, it was obvious that he had a congenial personality and needed a career that put him more in touch with people. His excitement was palpable when I suggested he pursue technical sales. In fact, he knew right away the product that he wanted to sell.
A discerning mentor will help you make difficult decisions that set you on the right path.
Trust
The right mentor will be a confidant, willing to listen and able to be trusted with what they hear. A good advisor understands that confidentiality is paramount in his or her role as a teacher and coach. You will want to share both your ups and downs with your mentor. You should have confidence that in sharing your deepest emotions with this person, the information will stay between the two of you.
Mutual Benefit
Seeing someone prosper from my life’s experiences has been incredibly rewarding like helping others brings unexpected mutual benefits, like joy and motivation. The late author and motivator Zig Ziglar said it well, “You can get anything out of life if you just help enough others get what they want out of life.” Mentoring requires putting someone else’s well-being, growth and happiness on par with your own.
Both the mentor and mentee should grow and benefit from their relationship. Through my mentoring, I have enjoyed many unexpected, pleasant surprises. For example, when I was advising the director of group strategy for one of the best hotel and resort companies in the world, I told him I was going to be staying in one of his company’s properties. He contacted the property manager and upgraded my lodging — a welcome surprise.
Availability
Be flexible with your time. Work within your mentor’s schedule, not yours. Be clear on what you would like to see as the final outcome from the mentor experience. Know the direction you hope to take, including your goals for the next 12 months. When you meet, be prepared with your questions.
When someone asks me if I would be willing to be their mentor, the first thing I do is suggest that he or she contact me with a time to meet. If they follow through with a request, I ask for five questions he or she would like to ask.
The most successful people are always looking for someone who can make them even better. When considering a mentor look for someone who is enthusiastic, a good personality fit, considerate of others and a respected expert in their field. Follow my tips above and find a good mentor. It’s a relationship that can make the arduous task of finding the right career and path for you much easier.
Art Waskey travels across the country consulting and giving seminars on business skills and has published three books of sales skills stories. He holds a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering, a Master of Ministry in leadership development and is currently pursuing a Doctor of Ministry. For services, contact Waskey at 720-341-9405.
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Great Mentoring Relationships
Behind some of the most successful people in history, there’s a mentor who has helped along the way. From Top 25 Mentoring Relationships in History by Jennifer Merrill, here are few great examples: • Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg: Steve Jobs often met with Zuckerberg to discuss the best business and management practices for Facebook. When Jobs passed away in 2011, Zuckerberg posted on his Facebook page, “Steve, thank you for being a mentor and a friend. Thanks for showing that what you build can change the world. I will miss you.” • Microsoft Co-founder Bill Gates: Gates first met American business magnate Warren Buffett at a dinner organized by Gates’ mother. There he began a discussion with Buffett about business and philanthropy that has lasted for years. Gates has said he has
turned to Buffett for advice on various subjects and often refers to him as “one of a kind.” • Pepsi CEO Indra Nooyi: “If I hadn’t had mentors, I wouldn’t be here today. I’m a product of great mentoring, great coaching. Coaches or mentors are very important,” Nooyi said.
Actor and director Clint Eastwood: Now in his 90s and still directing, Eastwood was mentored by many, including his grandmother who encouraged the Dirty Harry star to always work hard and pursue his dreams. “I’ve had many mentors in my life… my grandmother was always encouraging. She always thought I was going to be something when nobody else, including myself, thought I was going to amount to anything,” Eastwood said.
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