Happyandhealthymarriage

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

Nora Femenia

1.- Is passive aggression the hidden hurt in your relationship?

Some households are not as happy as they could be. There is con ict on various emotional, verbal, perhaps physical levels. What behavior is causing these con icts? Perhaps you think of yourself as the normal one, but your partner often complains about you, and you often think about her as overly dramatic and emotional.

It’s understandable that these fights put you off. You may sit and listen but in your head you are wondering how much longer this ght will take, and you may ask yourself, "Why am I still letting myself stay in this situation, where I'm not wanted?"

What if there's more here than meets the eye? What if it's not that she doesn't want you, but that she's trying to make you understand something important, something that may either save or break the marriage? Is she worth staying and finding out for?

The common law of physics is that every action has an equal and opposition reaction. The same is true of relationships. Your wife’s reaction to you has been caused by an action that you did somewhere along the line to her, and the other way around is also true.

Do you usually say to yourself “What I am doing here” when things get bad?

If your wife becomes loud and de ant or demands apologies from you, do you feel that she has no right to speak to you that way?

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE Are you often impatient to get the conversation over with so that you can do what you think is best for both of you? Does your wife often say that you don’t understand her, that you don’t care about her feelings?

All of these things contribute to the widening gap between you and your wife. The days when the two of you could have a relaxing, enjoyable time at home together are fading.

How about answering this: what is really causing this gap between the two of you? Why are you drifting further apart? What is at stake?

Listen:

"For a long time, I was avoiding confrontation with my wife. She was so aggressive in telling me everything I did wrong that it made me feel like I’m not good enough for anything. Who wants to listen to that? Every ght we were in made me feel more isolated, more unwanted, more of a disappointment to her.

I found myself wishing she wouldn’t get so angry. I wished she could lovingly tell me that I hurt her, that she would know for sure that I didn’t mean any harm. I wished that she could show me that I hurt her in a way that made me want to change my behavior. Instead, she said it in a way that made me rationalize my behavior & protect myself from her vocal disappointment.

It’s different now.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE One night I was by myself, going over our ght in my head, and I did a search on “passive aggressive.” This is what she was always calling me, and it was driving me crazy! I found this site, and instead of explaining to me why I should believe my wife, this little test was there to say: “Find out by yourself.”

I was amazed at how everything changed after that. Suddenly, a personalized solution for us as a couple was in our hands. For years, I’ve been silently struggling to nd a way of living that makes us both feel safe and secure in the relationship; not in danger of losing each other, as I used to feel.

I’m learning now how to react di erently to her needs, and home feels safer and happier because of it."

2.- Human Needs Frustration At The Root of Passive Aggression Let’s recover a bit of human needs theory: We all human beings have vital needs that demand the cooperation of others to satisfy. Without the help of others we cannot survive, develop and grow into independent adults.

Through the vehicle of necessary interpersonal relationships, these human needs are expressed and satis ed. Of course, sex and love are important part of those needs. In this graphic you can see the needs and how they build up on each other…

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE Humans at birth have a family, so we can at the same time survive helplessness in childhood and feel important and loved by parents and relatives. This is the basic attachment necessary to grow up feeling loved and connected with others later.

We know that attachments are important because the connection between attachment and actual behavior is backed by solid psychological research.

Why the connection with others, including future sexual companions, is important? because growth as an adult person needs the interchange of actions and messages between other people in our lives to cover all the basic needs.

In this way, consensual sex is an agreement by which both sides cooperate in getting their connection needs solved, and marriage becomes an alliance between two people who agree to support each other in the ful llment of these basic needs, so they can develop completely into adulthood.

Human Needs Chart In other words, we can understand di erent levels of human needs describing different human situations like the following ones: 1. We need many social connections, (variety) some of which are closer than others. We need to matter to others, be approved by and be held in high esteem by others.

2. We need one signi cant, permanent and loving partner. If we do not nd one, we will have a deep craving and sense of something missing – even if we banish these feelings from our consciousness and refuse to acknowledge them – until we find such a partner.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE For many people, some bonding needs are going unmet for long durations. This state of chronically unmet bonding needs can feel “normal.” or an acceptable fact of life... He or she may rationalize it as an aversion to sex, ineptitude at or disinterest in relationships. In other words, he or she experiences relationship pain but accepting somehow the responsibility for this frustration.

Looking at the basic frustration of connection skills that some men su er, this is a skill that needs to be learned along life. All boys need both to learn how to connect with other men, the world of male companionship, and the very di erent sphere of learning how to connect with women, using relational skills to feel valued and appreciated.

In short, when this process is not done, he ends up seeing himself as rejected and isolated in a world where everybody else is connected...Passive aggression is the way of telling others that this person su ers due to the inability to connect, and the way of compensating is getting even with the people assumed to be isolating him.

Isolated and frustrated young men are not new; what is new is the connection with deep wishes of “retribution” against their perceived isolation....we live in such an interconnected world that deprivation of basic human needs (as sexual needs) are felt as a global attack against oneself. The power of unmet human needs is real here.

What can be done to prevent this kind of retaliatory behavior?

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE We need to be sure that we build emotional connections; that we care for each other in such a way we teach young people not only how to man a computer game but also how to express and share basic human needs language. We need to avoid bullying and all other ways of rejecting and ostracizing young people.

That hungers of the heart for love and connection are to be acknowledged and solved in everyday life; that we can’t ignore some kids’ starvation from connection because it will a ect others that are not directly responsible for this starvation.

In a sense, we all have to take care of teaching our youngsters how to connect and relate to each other in an appreciative way, in such a way we nurture each other sense of self.

3.- Why Men Don’t Get Their Needs Met Looking at how can a man mature inside a long term relationship, we got curious about a situation you might recognize: Why is it that now so many older women are leaving their marriage past mid-life?

Or why is the job of women to perform the couple's emotional management and when they get fed up, ask for a divorce?

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE Looking at the basic misunderstandings between both sides of a couple, the real divide called usually the "battle of the sexes..." is easy to see marriage as a deal where male and female can identify and try to get satisfaction to their human needs, counting with help from his/her partner.

Yes in theory, but in life there is always a difference:

We found that men are much more prone to ignore their own needs, thus getting more inclined to hidden frustrations and resentment when men don't get their needs met and later perhaps developing passive aggressive behaviors as the only way out.

The situation gets worse because this di erence is completely ignored by women, and men give up fast trying to make her understand his needs and so he resigns himself to a life of being not recognized, ignored and disrespected.

How do we get to this situation?

Among the steps that boys must pass through in their development into men there are two important lessons they must learn. The rst of these is how to be aware of their mothers’ needs. This awareness is essential for him to be able to depend on her for the satisfaction of his needs. The second step is learning how to be upset about this dependency so to prepare for his future independence.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE This permanent ambivalence between dependence and independence will cause the little boy oscillate between learning to be macho and be by himself (not “needing anyone”) and trying to learn how to connect with women. A man’s adult relationships revive the ambivalence he learned at his mother’s side: he is at ease with men, but needs somehow to manage the women in his life to feel completed.

This, then, is one of a man’s permanent developmental tasks: learning how to connect with other men, the world of male companionship, and the very di erent sphere of learning how to connect with women, traversing the interpersonal desert with his few skills to feel again respected and appreciated.

Here, the risk of not having the skills to connect is clear: the risk of inhabiting the unpleasant spaces of criticism, devaluation, rejection, and, finally, isolation.

This ambivalence, generated by growing up as a male in the hands of his mother (a self-managing female, with perhaps a weak partner), produces anxiety and insecurity.

The man is trained to depend on the next female in his life, his wife, to manage this insecurity. But he can’t reveal a word of this quandary: How can a man admit his insecurity, when he has to project utter selfconfidence to woo her?

How is he to share his basic anxiety if his prospective mate will be scared to death in the light of such revelations?

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE Thus, he has to carry on and feel like an impostor, ready to be discovered as a fake, and soon. Insecure, unacknowledged and emotionally torn. What is the worst part of this situation? That the wife doesn’t know a thing about this male predicament. She ignores how and when she is stressing him by making him feel "not good enough" over and over again....

Meanwhile, she has her own agenda. Instead of carefully listening to what her husband says, doesn’t say, or tries to say in a cryptic way, in her desperation for answers to marital con icts, she listens to relationship experts who tell her "the characteristics of a bad husband and how to change him."

For the man this is just more of the same message he receives, “You aren’t good enough!”

Do you feel gradually disrespected in public and at home?

Are you interested in getting more respect to your personal needs?

Would you like to know how to reposition yourself and recover the power and respect you want to have? Please, keep reading!

4.- Do you have a fed up wife at home?

"I left my husband after 25 years of marriage due to him being PA. His behavior had escalated out of all control until eventually the last 12 weeks of living together became almost unbearable for both me and our two teenage children. I did sit him down and explain how his behavior was having a very bad impact on all family members and told him that I would be leaving within a few days. His answer to that was 'do as you want'!

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE I just could not stand the constant silent treatment, the stonewalling when I tried to express my worries and concerns, the Jekyll and Hide mood swings, the withholding of love and a ection and what appeared to be outright rebelliousness like that of a 16 year old juvenile delinquent. He avoids confrontation with just about every human being he comes across.

Work, family, friends, the lot. He avoids phone calls, he avoids any form of communication at all and when friends and family have visited he would sit in front of the tv and turn the volume up to max in order to drown their voices out. They would leave eventually feeling rejected, disappointed and completely disrespected and I would be left feeling really embarrassed for his behaviour. Our children were mortified at some of the things he did.

When I did leave, after making him quite aware of my intentions he had a nervous breakdown. He begged for forgiveness and told me how he was considering taking his own life because of me abandoning him. He convinced me that we should go to marriage guidance, which we did but even there he avoided any conversations. I didn't realize how good he really was at evading things, changing the subject and railroading any conversation so that we ended up discussing anything else but the topic we had started talking about.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE He is now desperate for me and the kids to return home but I can't and won't because I don't see that much of a change in him. I will give him his dues, he brings me owers every week, he sends me text messages full of romance and protestations of love but is it enough? I don't think so. When I have tried to speak to him recently about my feelings he is still shutting down and closing himself o using sentences like 'My heart tells me to let you go and nd someone that can treat you the way you deserve to be treated but my heart won’t allow me to do that because it would break in two if I ever thought you loved someone else'! and 'I don't know I am doing the things you say I am doing'!

'Do we really need to talk about my behavior and how it makes you feel, if you have a problem with me then keep it to yourself and don’t burden me with it'!

My question is how do I get him to actually sit and listen? How do I get him to see that his PA behavior and the way he is unable to manage it is a ecting his everyday life, relationships at work and with his immediate family? He has lost one job already because his answer to a demanding bosses request is to ring in sick just when the boss is expecting him to give his all during a busy period then tells the boss he is under so much stress at home it made him ill. He avoids taking any responsibility for his elderly mother and tells his whole family it’s because I keep him far too busy and don't approve of him visiting his own family. He actually uses me to cover for his inadequacies.

Since I left he is now in a nancial bind. He has not managed his money well at all and has resorted to gambling and excessive tv watching to avoid dealing with the problems he has. He blames me leaving for the situation he is in.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE Is there anything I can do at all for this man. I am starting individual therapy this week and hope this is going to help me personally. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated."

Our reply: So sorry to hear about your family's situation! Even when you are coming out of sheer misery and pain, you still have a long way to go....

My new ebook proposes a new understanding of the deep psychology of passive aggression... what I've found is that for some men, having experienced some childhood abuse or molestation is enough to keep them in the "Wounded Inner Child" situation for life.

You don't say anything about your husband's past, but it looks to me as if he doesn't really understand what is required of him to function as a grown up man. As much as you claim, demand, require and chastise him, the less he can deliver.....

He is now a cornered child, failing at marriage and work, and even worst, making bad nancial decisions....because the part of his brain in charge of rational decision making is not working. Like the emotional empathy side also.

Whatever trauma happened to him, he probably either doesn't remember (it has become a part of his unconscious mind) or he can't talk about that experience. Is this experience what shaped his mindset into one of mistrust and reactive defense against intimacy and trusting other person like you.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE All this explanation is not enough for you nding a magical solution....I'm sorry to say that there is not one magical trick available.

The point is: He needs to acknowledge that he doesn't have the foggiest idea what being a mature husband is; he needs to reconcile with the idea that he is not understanding the depth of your frustration (getting married to a man and nding a rebellious teen?)

He needs to feel your pain caused by the isolation he condemned you to.

He was only believing that he could catch up with owers and gifts, but really his Wounded Inner Child needs healing before anything else. As now, he is resentful, but lost.

And, he needs to start a plan for growing up. Perhaps it will not happen in time to prevent this divorce, but it should happen so he can have a better life. As it is now, frustrating everybody around because he feels a failure inside is no joke!

Please, get your own copy of the movie "BIG" with Tom Hanks, and realize that he was as he is now from way before you met him. He needs serious help to start healing; he could start by taking the Passive Aggression Test and knowing the degree of his resistance to a more intimate and healthier relationship.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE While he continues blaming you for the divorce and ignoring his side, he will not be ready to use outside help to change. And he really needs to get some evaluation and plan for change now, before he continues destroying his own world. Sending you all my best.

5.- Your next step is in your own hands, now!

Still thinking about your next step? Up until today, you have done everything right: you began learning about the issue of passive aggression; you then took the test; you received your results and have been thinking about them since then; and you keep asking yourself: what should I do now?

Now, you need to move into decision mood!

Does it happen to you that you feel trapped by the same repetitive situations in life? Constant ghting with your wife is one of the most common, not a lot of fun, but it happens almost automatically, and when you least expect it‌ As the worst kind of action in life is inaction, there are no more options left. If you are experiencing a long-term confrontation in your marriage, and it’s taking its toll, the time for action is now.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE I work primarily with men who are at a crossroads in their marriage. For them, communication with their spouse has faltered. At the same time, his wife is pressing him about an issue that she feels needs resolution. She pressures and prods him to accept and change his passive aggression, only to cause him to feel accused, shut down and shut her out. Behavior on both sides keeps escalating into rejection and contempt, and the union is slowly dying.

You can hear often that: "You can only in uence other person's behavior if you change the way you treat her." If he accepts this axiom as true, then he could try to change his mindset and his approach to her, so her response to him becomes more appreciative and respectful.

After much research and sifting through the myriad of sketchy programs in the market, my client discovers that we o er the only comprehensive solution to her frustration with married life.

“The 4 Steps to Free your Marriage from Passive Aggression” is our signature four-step program. In it, we teach you how to nd and change behaviors produced by an approach that simply isn’t working. After applying our proven program you will know how to best approach your wife, how to solve di erences between you, and how to express your needs so they are heard and acted on as part of the marriage deal.

5.- How Our Four-Step Program Will Help You

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE Our system is easy to use, simple to understand, and proceeds in a methodical way where we can help you anywhere you live. We work with people nationwide, by phone, so there is no travel time and geography is not an issue (so, your best friend in Virginia is as much a prospect as someone down the street.)

If there is a need to include the help of your wife in the process, we can do that using phone or Skype online. And its powerful content will walk you through the origins of passive aggressive behaviors, provide information about how to detach from those attachments, and how to learn to behave in a new way. You will even learn the communication skills necessary to express yourself without risk of misunderstandings.

What Are The Four Steps?

It begins with a con dential and simple test done at your leisure. The test helps you nd whether you have common passive aggressive traits. By understanding what these traits are – and if you use them or not – you’ll understand the reason they are part of your personality, and correct them.

Perhaps you are already familiar with it , so it's OK. Next, we introduce a user-friendly book, "The Silent Marriage Solution: How stopping passive aggression improves your relationship, and makes your marriage stronger" It features a detailed framework to better understand passive aggressive traits, why they manifest, and how to correct them. This is the core of our program. It has practical applications of each concept and are easy to read and understand. No psychology classes or dictionaries required!

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE To complement the learning, we’ve included a helpful workbook, “The Essential Workbook to The Silent Marriage Solution: How stopping passive aggression improves your relationship, and makes your marriage stronger.” This powerful tool reinforces key concepts at the end of each chapter and applies what you’ve learned to your own everyday situations. For certain exercises, you will even be personally guided by your coach.

Finally, we’ll work directly with you, one-on-one in a personalized coaching session. Here we illuminate the core concepts of the program, apply them to your own history and personal situations, and produce a plan that will change your life and relationship forever.

6.- What Can You Do Now? Remember, the peace of your marriage awaits. The sooner you start this proven program, “The 4 Steps to Free your Marriage from Passive Aggression,” the sooner you put real marital misery in the past.

Don’t let passive aggression stop you and your partner from having the marriage and home life you’ve always dreamed of having: peaceful and respectful for you, and emotionally satisfying for your wife. Take this rst step now!

P.S. I understand that it might be scary for you to take the rst step by clicking on our link – because it means you admit you want more from your marriage. As in more communication, more understanding, more JOY! I hear you. And by clicking on the link you can put yourself on a path to a happier marriage and more joyful life. And who doesn’t deserve that?!

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE Perhaps you feel that more information is necessary to make a good decision? Here is a short version of the model for transforming passive aggression into a loving, responsive partnership. First, we need to share with you this basic proposition: There is a strong connection between personal history and present behavior, more precisely how the old attachment to the rst love gure (aka "mother") is shaping our love connections now; In short: being unable to communicate in a positive way with his wife, happens not due to bad intentions now, but it happens when men use an outdated protective system that developed to defend against excessive parental control or interference in their childhood.

7.- Steps To Passive Aggressive Men’s Transformation: Men need to cover the following tasks: -Identify when and with whom they developed in their childhood this “communication shield” expressed as interpersonal passive aggression.

-Locate the feelings attached to that control childhood situation, and release them; -Separate the way he regards his wife from the way he regarded his mother/caretaker in the past. Learning how to separate the two is crucial.

-Re-learn to frame interactions with his wife in a new, appreciative, positive way.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE -Learn and use a new repertoire of connection phrases (delivered by us) to foster interaction in a positive leader way;

CASE EXAMPLE: (Managing a very personal "PA SHIELD") George's Personal Milestones: (05/26/15) 1.- Taking personal responsibility for the hurtful impact of doing some reactive behaviors on the relationship; 2.- Searching for and identi cation of past old anger, and discovering how he created the "passive aggressive shield" as a defense against parent's control; 3.- Learn to separate anger and resistance against parents, (which produced the shield) from emotions generated here and now in the marriage;

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE 4. Understand how his use of the "PA shield" now produces counterproductive results with his wife; 5. Grasp the connection between protecting his own isolation (needed to be able to work) with generating feelings of abandonment in his wife, which then reacts with her own controlling behavior; 6. George experiences demands for company from his wife as su ocating control, and reacts by isolating himself more, (as in the “PA shield”) 7. The solution for control is not more isolation, but the opposite: open up the "PA shield", trust the relationship and learn to share time and projects.

8. Now, his wife's request for company will be framed as a legitimate search for love and connection (not control) and solved doing shared activities/projects.

9. Both need to be able to negotiate better their reciprocal needs: (George's need for space to create, and his wife's need for company) and to confront each other using Fair Fighting techniques; 10. Keep a routine of maintenance of connection: schedule conversations about home issues, schedule dates and have a clear idea of the amount of time they need to share together.

What Can Go Wrong When Following This Process?

Here is an outline of all the typical roadblocks and barriers that men have to overcome on their way to achieving such transformation process.

FIRST ROADBLOCK: Activating the long-term denial of the behavior done to others, because using the “passive aggression shield” feels “normal.”

(He can say: "I'm not passive, it's the way I was brought up)" (the Passive Aggressive Test helps here)

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE SECOND ROADBLOCK: Display resistance to accept his own responsibility for the hurt he does to others (He does PA behavior because it is the only response he knows from his past. He should stop blaming the wife and accepting it’s not true that "she provokes him") THIRD ROADBLOCK: Refusing to accept hidden, past anger and to deal with the baggage of negative emotions linked to the origin of “passive aggression shield” back in childhood.

FOURTH ROADBLOCK: Resistance to learn and adopt softer interactive behaviors (e.g. Re ective listening as not being “behavior manly enough”); or not learning the skills to do them; FIFTH ROADBLOCK: Wanting to use good communication skills but sheer ignorance of how to do, what to say, and how to confront with love. (We provide a list of phrases to use, with our program) Do you want our help?

The first step is to take the Free Passive Aggression Test, here:

8.- HERE IS THE TESTIMONIAL BY JIM, A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE HUSBAND When I rst spoke with Coach Nora, I was near bottom... I had tried my heart out to please my wife, at least I thought I had. It seemed as though our natural position was that of confrontation. All I wanted was peace & quiet. It shouldn't be this hard, I thought. If my wife would only lighten up & try a little harder to just get along, everything would be OK.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE Coach Nora refused to be whitewashed by my smooth deliveries. She saw through me. Nora refused to go along with the 'poor little old me' facade that I had lived with & executed to perfection forever.

Slowly but e ectively, Coach Nora was able to show me in a way that I understood & wanted to incorporate in my relationship with my wife that my passive aggressive behavior had done a great deal of damage.

I needed to accept responsibility for my 50% of the problem. [Even after starting down this new path, at times, I couldn't help but fall back on old patterns.] More than just recognizing my part, I needed to apologize for how I conducted myself & then lo & behold if Nora didn't show me that I had repair work to do after that. I had never considered that repair work was in my pile... whenever I hurt my wife, it was never intentional. I always thought that if it wasn't intentional, it wasn't really my fault & that, in fact, it was no big deal & that my wife should just let it go as easily as I was willing to.

Now that I am armed with a much better understanding, I recognize that when my wife hurts, I'm disappointed that how I've conducted myself has caused her harm. Sometimes I need a little time to get past my denial & come to terms with my mistake but even before that, if I can't put it together, I can still apologize for the hurt I've caused.

Doing something that validates my apology [the repair part] is now so much easier. I am convinced myself so I am far more convincing to my wife.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE Coach Nora told me how it's not possible to change anybody else.... but it is possible to change how I treat that somebody else. When I change how I treat that someone, it is impossible for them to continue to treat me the same as they used to.

Thank you, Nora... so much... you have given me a chance to make a different life... a happy one... inside of a loving relationship with my wife!

THIS IS THE SPONTANEOUS TESTIMONIAL OF JIM'S WIFE....

It is with a grateful heart that I am happy to send a round of applause to you and your persistent, consistent methods of steering my husband in a direction that is leading to new growth in our relationship.

From my point of view, there are few PA men that are genuinely ready to embark on the di cult journey of self awareness and mend their ways. For those brave men who reach that point, there is almost no tangible help available to them. What is available is all the negative frustration we as partners are venting in an e ort to stay sane enough to perhaps hold on for one more week, day or sometimes hour!

I was very skeptical when my husband actually began to exhibit sharing behavior because it was short-lived initially (as the pattern had been for years). I had to take a step back, too tired to go another round of hope followed by crushing disappointment.

The di erence this time was he had a backup plan – you! With a coach willing to hold him accountable, even though there were (and sometimes still are) lapses, my husband has made signi cant progress. That has encouraged me to once again step up my end of the deal to be a loving, giving and, in the future, trusting wife.

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE As we all know there is no answer that continues to work if we don’t work at it; but if you own the tools it’s possible to do the necessary repairs yourself.

We have more solutions, support and ways to have a happier marriage in our site.

We are waiting for you!

Learn more

HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE