4. Basics of Neuro Linguistic Programming

Subject title Basics of neuro linguistic programming

Purpose of the activity To introduce participants to neurolinguistic programming and provide with some of its tools to help to build more effectively a comfortable relationship with themselves as well as with the others.

Duration 2–3 hours.

Location and tools The presentation requires a projector, writing board, paper and writing tools for participants as well as tables and chairs.

Number of participants 15-20 participants.

Acquaintance/ team building methods Participants are invited to divide into pairs in random order and get to know each other in five minutes, discovering three things in common. Once the task is completed, each group is invited to present these things. The leader asks to explain why they chose each other, what led to that choice.

At the end of the presentation, participants may be invited to stay seated next to their chosen pairs and pay attention to the theoretical information they have heard and, once heard, remember the experience they have just had and then try to relate it to their choice.

Note to the leader: participants will instinctively choose as a couple either a person they know very well and with whom they have the closest connection, or someone they know little but have similar interests, or, if it is a complete stranger, they will choose a person who is the most similar to themselves externally.

Practical tasks

Task “Active Listening“

The whole group is divided into two equal groups. Representatives of one group are asked to leave the room and wait outside whereas the other group remains in the training room. The task of the group which stays in the training room remains unchanged – each participant has to tell some important story of his/her life to the interlocutor of the other group, each of whom will come through the door individually, and has to do so as sincerely as possible.

Representatives of the group who left the room are given four different tasks four times: 1. pretend to listen to the interlocutor, but think about your personal things during the conversation;

2. not listen manifestly and to ignore what the interlocutor is saying;

3. constantly interrupt the interlocutor;

4. to listen carefully to the interlocutor and show him/her respect and attention when creating a rapport, pacing and leading

The leader assigns each of these four tasks to the group behind the door in turn, i.e. not all four options at once. Initially, he/she gives only the first task, asks the participants to come to the training room, invites them to find an interlocutor and complete the task, then asks the group participants to come together again and present the second task, and so on.

Practical tasks

End of session reflection methods Each of the four options is given five minutes of conversation between participants in the first and second groups. After completing the task, the whole group of participants is invited to a reflection, during which the representatives of both the first and second groups explore their emotions, feelings, observations, recognize the aspects mentioned in the theoretical part that they have noticed happening when performing the task.

At the end of the session, it is important to highlight to the participants that one of the main conditions of NLP is its use in accordance with the principles of environmental friendliness, i.e. without harming others or using manipulation. It is important to give space and time for participants to discuss and express their opinions about what they learned during the session, what life situations they had a chance to remember when the above aspects served the purpose.

Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) is based on a pseudoscientific approach to interpersonal communication, personal development, and psychotherapy. NLP theory was developed in 1970–1980, and it was based on the intersection between the sciences of psychology, linguistics and neurology, by discovering and structuring the links between the reasons and consequences of certain human psychological structures.

Thus, neurolinguistic programming – effective methods selected over the last fifty years, based exclusively on classical psychology. The scientific team of researchers analysed the works of well-known scientists – Friedrich Salomon Perls, Virginia Satir, Eric Erikson and many others – and turned them into application models.

THEORETICAL INFORMATION

According to Robert Dilts, one of the main proponents and followers of NLP, “neurolinguistic programming is theoretically rooted in neurology, psychophysiology, linguistics, cybernetics and communication theory, and at the same time it can be said to be an applied discipline.” Sociologists and anthropologists refer to NLP as an integral part of the New Age generation movement, when personal development and the revelation of inner potential become one of the main goals of life. There are many different opinions about neurolinguistic programming. Some of them are positive, based on facts about how this discipline enhances personality’s communication. Others are drastically negative, emphasizing the manipulative levers of NLP in the psychological aspects of communication. Be that as it may, one fact remains indisputable – NLP contributes to a better understanding of a number of patterns of human behaviour and of elements of more effective communicatio.

THE BASIS OF NLP – PRESUPPOSITIONS

Presuppositions are a set of assumptions, as if it were a kind of philosophy, on which it is based neurolinguistic programming theory. These presuppositions are presented as suggested beliefs which everyone should rely on for maximum personal effectiveness. Below we introduce some of the assumptions: “The map is not the territory.” This presupposition points out that each person has his/her own personal map of world perception based on an individual’s experiences, upbringing, believes, and etc. So the map of another person’s perception of the world is not identical to our own territory and our own map of world perception that we rely on in life.

“There is no failure, only feedback.” The main idea of this presupposition is again based on the first one, which states that “the map is not the territory”. This means that each individual’s assessment of certain situations is based on his/her personal subjective opinion. Opinion and evaluation can vary radically depending on time, circumstances, the personal experiences of the people evaluating, and etc.

“Behind every behaviour there is a positive intention.” This means that, no matter how we subjectively evaluate one situation or another in which, as it may seem to us, a particular individual has acted improperly, immorally, we must understand that in performing any action, every individual has a purpose, i.e. seeks a positive result on his/her world map. Such a pattern of thinking frees us from pride over others, obliges us to look neutrally at other people’s behaviour and not to give them the power to influence our emotions.

“The meaning of your communication is the response you get.” This presupposition means that everyone begins communicating when having certain needs. In addition to formal needs to address work or personal matters, everyone has deep internal needs that can vary, but often may as well recur: to be understood, accepted, loved, recognized, and etc. So the more we are able to respond to those real, deep, individual’s needs, the more effective communication is.

CIRCLE OF COMPETENCES

By exploring how an individual learns and gets used to a new experience, NLP provides a model of the learning process: 1. Unconscious incompetence – when there is a certain skill or information that an individual does not have or know, but they do not realize that and deliberately do not think about it (for example, an individual does not have a driver’s license, but does not think about it).

2. Conscious incompetence – it is the stage of learning when an individual consciously acknowledges the existence of a missing skill (for example, an individual does not have a driving license but admits that he/she wants to learn to drive and get a license).

3. Conscious competence – when the driver already knows to drive but still feels stressed and is consciously concentrated on performing his new daily function (for example, a driver who has just obtained a driving license and is driving very carefully and cautiously).

4. Unconscious competence – this is the last stage of learning, when the new skill becomes self-evident and easy to perform as well as no longer requires more effort (for example, the driver has already had so much practice with driving, that without much tension, he/she is able to perform other actions such as talking on the phone, listening to music, etc.).

EMOTIONAL PROGRAMMING

This field of NLP explores certain connections between the human experience, the physical reactions that have developed throughout the existence of mankind to one or another stimuli, which have emerged unconsciously, and the impact of all these factors on different types of communication. Here are some examples:

EYEBALL

When communicating, a person has the ability to involuntarily move the eyeballs of his/her eye and direct his/her eyes and gaze in a certain direction. NLP provides an “eyeball expression vocabulary” which can help us understand better how the interlocutor feels and what they are thinking. In some cases, it can help to identify a lie, excitement, disorder, to get to know certain human characteristics, aptitudes, and the like.

CALIBRATION

It is the ability to read facial expressions of an individual and to connect the details of these expressions with his/her inner experiences and thoughts during the conversation. People are not always inclined to say how they really feel and what they think, and many are also able to control most of their facial expressions well enough without revealing their true emotions. However, facial expressions remain one of the main means of communication that have developed over many thousands of years.

There are eight basic emotions which our subconscious identifies just by looking at the interlocutor: disgust, joy, sadness, anger, fear, surprise. It is the primary and oldest emotional legacy of us as the human race. With the active development and enrichment of people’s social life, many different nuances of feelings and emotions emerged that may be observed in conscious and unconscious facial expressions. It is the calibration that helps us to get to know this area. RAPPORT

The rapport is based on an individual’s innate unconscious tendency to “synchronize” with an individual who is close to him/her and whom he/she likes. In this way, people naturally choose the right people to communicate with based on appearance, speaking pace, manners, style, education and many other factors. The rapport creates a space of security and trust between two or more people to communicate easily and be together.

The rapport is being established at several different levels: physical expressions, when individuals look, gesture, breathe and move alike; linguistic expressions when individuals speak at the same pace, repeating each other’s word combinations and sentence structures as well as meanings; emotional expressions when individuals unite and empathetically experience the same emotions, feelings, and inner experiences with respect to each other. With regard to the rapport, it is also important to emphasize that when communicating with a particular interlocutor or group of interlocutors, we always play a certain role in the interrelationship model, which is of three types: of a child, an adult or a caregiver. When choosing the role of a child, the interlocutors are seen

as authorities, when choosing the role of an adult – an equivalent relationship is being built, whereas, when choosing the role of a caregiver, – an image of senior authority and expert is created for the interlocutor or group of interlocutors (this does not refer to age, as in some cases a senior authority may be a younger person). Having one or another communication goal, it is important to pay attention to what position you take in a particular situation and adjust that position depending on the goals. This is also important in moving to the next stage of pacing and leading. PACING AND LEADING

It is a continuing effect of a successful rapport when, having reached the emotional level, one of the communication participants acquires the status of an ongoing communication leader and acquires the power to lead and regulate the prevailing communication atmosphere and its results. This process, like the rapport, is natural, constantly ongoing in various life situations, with emotional leaders successfully creating a rapport with other communication participants and developing emotional pacing and leading, but it can also take place by regulating it consciously. During the process of pacing and leading, one participant of the communication can convey his/her emotional state to another, thus creating space for further actions and decisions. It is during the pacing and leading process when conflicts are created and controlled, when inspiration is conveyed to implement ideas, make one or another decision, or follow a certain style, philosophy of life, and the like.

ANCHORING

The anchoring process is based on Pavlov’s reflex research. These are researches during which a bell was ringed each time before feeding the dog, so over time the dog has developed a reflex to produce saliva when hearing the bell ringing even before he had seen the food. Thus, the anchor is the connection between a stimulus and the emotional state caused by that stimulus. Anchors are visual, aural and kinaesthetic, as well as static or time planes (i.e. related to the time regime and the natural ability of the body to adapt to time when biological level is reached).

HIGH QUALITY FEEDBACK

One of the main presuppositions of NLP that was mentioned earlier is the following – “There is no failure, only feedback.”. Neurolinguistic programming pays a lot of attention to and explores various forms of feedback and makes suggestions on what feedback is considered the most effective. In this case, it is strongly not recommended to provide feedback starting from harsh criticism or denial, because it usually stimulates the interlocutor’s psychological self-defence processes. Below there is a list of actions that will help to build feedback that creates an atmosphere of security and trust when communicating. 1. We create feedback for ourselves;

2. We create a rapport;

3. We ask for feedback;

4. We say three things that were good;

5. We say one thing that can be improved;

6. We say one thing that didn’t exist, but which could be included.

For notes, ideas, observations

Subject title

Purpose of the activity

Duration

Location and tools

Number of participants

Acquaintance/ team building methods

End of session reflection methods

Practical tasks

THEORETICAL INFORMATION